Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Cut. It is Thursday. Thursday is the day before Friday,
Speaker 1: but Thursday is also Ask Uncut Day. It is our short, sharp,
Speaker 1: down and dirty, sexy and somewhat questionable Ask Uncut session.
Speaker 1: You guys write in your questions and we try our
Speaker 1: best to answer them.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. And that was probably the
Speaker 2: best fucking intro you have ever done. I like that
Speaker 2: every week we commend each other on our intros, and
Speaker 2: that one was really spicy. I am here for it,
Speaker 2: thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you, please come again.
Speaker 1: To be fair, like, we don't prepare these ever. We
Speaker 1: just come in and steamroll them out whatever comes off
Speaker 1: the tongue. But in like literally we just press record.
Speaker 1: We're like, let's go, look goes, you better make this good.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay.
Speaker 2: To be fair, though, we have been doing the exact
Speaker 2: same thing for two years now, so you would think
Speaker 2: that we were slightly more experienced at it, but apparently not. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I know that we have a couple of things to
Speaker 2: talk about before we get into answering all your deep,
Speaker 2: dark and dirty questions.
Speaker 1: What have you been reading? What have you been thinking?
Speaker 1: I just think this is so funny. Now you had to.
Speaker 1: I know you've read it because we've chatted about it.
Speaker 1: You guys. I hope a lot of you are across it.
Speaker 1: But if you aren't, you may or may not have
Speaker 1: heard of Craig Kelly. Now, Craig Kelly is one of
Speaker 1: our very questionable politicians. He's a member of the United
Speaker 1: Australians Party and Craig Kelly has been doing us dirty. Now,
Speaker 1: Craig Kelly thought it was a brilliant idea. I don't
Speaker 1: know where he got this from, but he thought it
Speaker 1: was a brilliant idea to send mass spam text messages
Speaker 1: to millions of Australians preaching misinformation about COVID. Now eight
Speaker 1: thousand people already have put complaints into the Spam Act Board.
Speaker 1: Now I didn't even know there was a Spam Act Board.
Speaker 1: But it's amazing what you can find out when you
Speaker 1: do some googling.
Speaker 2: Usually we get these sort of messages from retailers or
Speaker 2: companies that we've shot with before. And there's and I
Speaker 2: know this because we do DMS with Tony May Like,
Speaker 2: there's legislation around what you can email the frequency, how
Speaker 2: you can actually get someone's data and then contact them
Speaker 2: so that you're not spamming someone to purchase a product.
Speaker 2: But interestingly, politicians are completely exempt from the Spam Act
Speaker 2: and so some of you guys might have even received
Speaker 2: this text message. But this is what a lot of
Speaker 2: Australians woke up to one day. You can never trust
Speaker 2: the Liberals, Labor or Greens again. Authorized by Craig Kelly,
Speaker 2: United Australian Party. Click on this link and then it's
Speaker 2: got a link to whatever they're inside is okay. He's
Speaker 2: like the u uptext from the guy that just won't
Speaker 2: leave you alone. That's the last message you want to
Speaker 2: receive when you wake up in the morning, and it's
Speaker 2: just the most annoying thing.
Speaker 1: Is usually like you to said Laura. If you get
Speaker 1: a text message or an email or someone from a
Speaker 1: company that's just hassling you, there's always a big fat
Speaker 1: unsubscribed button at the bottom. You cannot unsubscribe from Craig Kelly. Now,
Speaker 1: something brilliant has happened in response, and this has got
Speaker 1: to be the best response I have ever seen in
Speaker 1: the history of responses. There is a party that has
Speaker 1: come out and they're very absolutely named cock block Craig Kelly.
Speaker 1: Now say that ten times fast. I d cock block
Speaker 1: Craig Kelly. Now this party has decided. They've put a
Speaker 1: GoFundMe out, They've put a call out. They're like, guys,
Speaker 1: you can donate to this party because in response to
Speaker 1: Craig Kelly, we decided to raise fifteen thousand dollars so
Speaker 1: that we can send him to his place of residence
Speaker 1: one thousand dicks, like literally a thousand dicks. They are
Speaker 1: fundraising to have a thousand dicks, and I mean dix
Speaker 1: is in like their dildos, their little dildos, they're big dildos,
Speaker 1: the different sizes, and they wanted to deliver them to
Speaker 1: his door. And I was like, this is the best
Speaker 1: thing that has happened this year. This is literally the
Speaker 1: call to action of the website. If we can't stop
Speaker 1: the UAP from texting us with dangerous misinformation, then we reckon.
Speaker 1: The next best thing is to deliver Craig a message
Speaker 1: he can't ignore, a very big bag of dicks. Politician
Speaker 1: parties are exempt from anti spammres. Craig Kelly is.
Speaker 2: Using this loophole to spread health and miss information that
Speaker 2: puts everyone at risk.
Speaker 1: The funniest part of this, though, and it does get funnier,
Speaker 1: is that somehow someone has released Craig Kelly's number to
Speaker 1: the population, so people start to spam him back with messages.
Speaker 1: So he changed his number. Obviously, that's what you're going
Speaker 1: to do, because you can't have a whole nation spamming you.
Speaker 1: He changed his number, and there are company is that
Speaker 1: keep finding out his number and they keep releasing it
Speaker 1: so he can't escape. He's being bombarded daily with text
Speaker 1: messages back, and some of them there are websites with him.
Speaker 1: Some of the text messages back are so fucking funny.
Speaker 1: But look as funny as it is to laugh at
Speaker 1: the fact that we are bombarding him with text messages
Speaker 1: and we're asking you to donate. This party's asking you
Speaker 1: to donate money so that they can send a bag
Speaker 1: of dicks. Something good actually is coming out of this,
Speaker 1: because Cockblock Craig Kelly will actually donate seven dollars to
Speaker 1: a charity immunizing people against coronavirus in developing countries. So
Speaker 1: for every single donation you do, they're going to donate
Speaker 1: seven dollars to immunizing people. So basically the pro of
Speaker 1: this is Craig gets sent a bunch of dicks, we
Speaker 1: stop him from sturming misinformation and developing countries and getting immunization.
Speaker 1: So I feel like this is a win win situation.
Speaker 2: I think it's wild though, because like Craig has actually
Speaker 2: doubled I like, though we took calling him first name,
Speaker 2: like Craig, he's just our mate now. So Craigy, Craigy boy,
Speaker 2: Craigie boy, has doubled down.
Speaker 1: He has doubled down.
Speaker 2: He's like, I'm not doing anything illegal, so therefore I'm
Speaker 2: not going to apologize for spamming the Australian nation. And
Speaker 2: it's like, no, you're not doing anything illegal. You are
Speaker 2: pursuing a loophole that exists in the Spam Act, and.
Speaker 1: You're fucking annoying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's annoying, Like even if you are somebody
Speaker 2: who is a supporter of UAP, you're entitled to have
Speaker 2: your own political parties, you didn't opt in to receive
Speaker 2: text messages, and it's just so intrusive. I think the
Speaker 2: big question that everyone has is how did the UAP
Speaker 2: go about acquiring these phone numbers in the first place,
Speaker 2: and was how they acquired those phone numbers legal? And
Speaker 2: I'm going to say that most of us consent to
Speaker 2: our information being used almost daily without realizing. Like often
Speaker 2: when we all visit a website, we'll just tick like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: except cookies. Accept this, except that because we want to
Speaker 2: be able to go and visit the website. Like it's
Speaker 2: almost a subconscious thing that sometimes we opt into without realizing.
Speaker 1: But it just goes to.
Speaker 2: Show how our information can be used by things that
Speaker 2: we have absolutely never engaged in and have no interest
Speaker 2: in receiving.
Speaker 1: They actually make it that now that you've talked about cookies,
Speaker 1: they make it so hard on any website, Like no,
Speaker 1: I feel likes History Dairy, it's so great. I have
Speaker 1: the article up in front of me right now about
Speaker 1: Craig Kelly, and at the bottom of it, I'm looking
Speaker 1: at it. We use cookies to ensure that we give
Speaker 1: you the best experience. I'm like, is this Craig Kelly?
Speaker 1: I was like, is this is this? Employ if you
Speaker 1: try to suck me in? But if they make it
Speaker 1: so hard, and sometimes they give you the option, they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: you can also customize your cookies. If you want. They
Speaker 1: make it so hard to customize a cookie that you
Speaker 1: just don't do it. You're like, just let me into
Speaker 1: the side, Just take all my money, take my information,
Speaker 1: take my pass codes, just let me read the news article.
Speaker 2: And you're like, I'm sorry, you're not using You're not
Speaker 2: using these cookies to optimize my experience. You're using these
Speaker 2: cookies to fucking seldom me.
Speaker 1: I am not an idiot. I run a podcast.
Speaker 2: I know what I'm talking about, goddamn it, and steal
Speaker 2: steal my identity. Do you know what happened to me once?
Speaker 2: Speaking of sending someone a bag of dicks? Though after
Speaker 2: The Bachelor finished and I was living in Rushcatas Bay,
Speaker 2: I got sent a bag like I'm talking like a
Speaker 2: kilo of confetti?
Speaker 1: Dis what from who?
Speaker 2: Yeah, still don't knowe who?
Speaker 1: Like you don't know who? Said to me?
Speaker 2: No, So I received I received a parcel in the mail,
Speaker 2: a kilo parcel in the mail, and it was a
Speaker 2: box and basically like the way that you opened it,
Speaker 2: the box disintegrated and a fucking kilo of glitter confetti
Speaker 2: dix exploded out of this box all.
Speaker 1: Over my apartment.
Speaker 2: And I have no idea who.
Speaker 1: Sent it to me at all.
Speaker 2: There was no information, there was no note, nobody came
Speaker 2: to claim it on social media afterwards. No one was like,
Speaker 2: ha haha, those dicks are from me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was still picking dicks out of like the crease
Speaker 2: in the floorboard for about six months before I moved out.
Speaker 1: This is so weird because I mean, I wonder what
Speaker 1: the means behind this was. Was this someone that was
Speaker 1: like happy for you and was a celebration like you
Speaker 1: won the dick? Or was it someone was there someone
Speaker 1: that's like, you, guys are the biggest fucking dick, so
Speaker 1: he's a bag of dicks? Like what was that? I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is a positive or a negative.
Speaker 1: I think it.
Speaker 2: Has to be a negative. I think the connotations of
Speaker 2: sending someone a kilo glitter dick is definitely not positive,
Speaker 2: Like there's nothing about that, even though it does feel
Speaker 2: very celebratory and I quite enjoy a dick let alone,
Speaker 2: probably about three million of them. Yeah, it was really
Speaker 2: really inconvenient trying to vacuum off a kilo of glitter
Speaker 2: dicks off the floor and out of the carpet.
Speaker 1: Okay, so it was probably the least she came runner
Speaker 1: up to She No, but how do you get I
Speaker 1: don't know, like, how did they even get your address?
Speaker 1: The how much effort they went to to do that?
Speaker 1: Did they cut throughout themselves? Do you is there a
Speaker 1: website you can go and order a pre made bag
Speaker 1: of confetti dicks? I don't know. There are so many
Speaker 1: questions I have in this story. It would really bother me.
Speaker 1: And I would actually be a bit weirted out if
Speaker 1: that got sent to me, if someone said if I
Speaker 1: didn't know as well, like I was like, how do
Speaker 1: you know where I am? And how do you know
Speaker 1: that I love dicks? Like, but you'd be weirded out
Speaker 1: because someone's found your dress nothing more festive than a
Speaker 1: kilo of glitter dis Yeah, look, I mean we can
Speaker 1: unpack all of like the more sordid side of these.
Speaker 2: Nothing happened, like, nothing came of it. I didn't feel
Speaker 2: threatened that somebody found my address. It arrived in daylight. Yeah, look,
Speaker 2: I've I've kind of moved past it. The most annoying
Speaker 2: thing was just that there were dicks everywhere. It was
Speaker 2: like Mardi Gras, but in my bedroom.
Speaker 1: And you never got anything else again.
Speaker 2: No, that was it one box of dicks, done and
Speaker 2: dust and well played anonymous human.
Speaker 1: Well played. Anyways, I feel like that is enough.
Speaker 2: Let's get into the questions that we have picked out.
Speaker 2: Britt hit me with question number one.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number one, all right, this is a really
Speaker 1: big one, so I want your full attention. Please, Laura help.
Speaker 1: I'm in a really shitty situation with my parents and
Speaker 1: I don't know how to deal with it. Quick backstory.
Speaker 1: I had a great childhood. My parents always provided for us.
Speaker 1: I thought the world of them. I consider them to
Speaker 1: be really good, respectful people. Space until now space. I
Speaker 1: wanted to put the space in for dramatic effects because
Speaker 1: she separated this by paragraphs. I am thirty, I have
Speaker 1: a partner, a two year old and another baby on
Speaker 1: the way. My partner and I have very similar values
Speaker 1: and ideas on how we want to raise our kids.
Speaker 1: Over the past couple of years, I have come to
Speaker 1: realize that my parents are actually very, very racist. And
Speaker 1: I don't mean casually or unconsciously. They are just flat
Speaker 1: out racist. This does not sit well with me at all.
Speaker 1: I have zero tolerance for it, and I have brought
Speaker 1: it up with them multiple times at gatherings they just
Speaker 1: don't seem to care about my opinion, and it always
Speaker 1: becomes a me problem. I'm a fully grown adult, capable
Speaker 1: of making my own decisions and can choose to block
Speaker 1: out the things they say. But my concern is that
Speaker 1: they say these things around my two year old son,
Speaker 1: who is now confidently speaking and learning about the world.
Speaker 1: I don't want their opinions to influence him in any way.
Speaker 1: They only see him once a week, but it's still
Speaker 1: enough to have me pretty worried. To put it into perspective,
Speaker 1: if they were my friends, I would have won hundred
Speaker 1: percent cut them off by now. But because their family,
Speaker 1: I feel like I make a lot of exceptions for them.
Speaker 1: I want my kids to have a relationship with them,
Speaker 1: for sure, but not if they become such a bad influence.
Speaker 1: Now my question is it fair for me to start
Speaker 1: distancing myself from them over something like this. I'm fully
Speaker 1: prepared to not have them in my life as I
Speaker 1: don't provide anything positive to it, and more often than not,
Speaker 1: my interactions with them are negative and it's taking a
Speaker 1: toll on my mental health. I really worry about the
Speaker 1: impacts of my children too. A similar thing happened when
Speaker 1: I confronted them about smoking around my child. It didn't
Speaker 1: end well, and I was the one made out to
Speaker 1: be a horrible, selfish person. What do I do? Am
Speaker 1: I allowed to cut them off? Do I stay? Do
Speaker 1: I talk about it? Or I just do I just
Speaker 1: ignore it?
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm fike sad for you. That's such a shitty
Speaker 2: situation to be in, you know, I think it's interesting.
Speaker 2: I think as we get older, our parents can either
Speaker 2: impress us or we can become really disillusioned with who
Speaker 2: we thought they were or what totally their outlook is
Speaker 2: on the world, you know, as we kind of form
Speaker 2: more independent ideas and as we show up to the
Speaker 2: world as the world currently is. I think that you
Speaker 2: know a lot of parents, and I think I don't
Speaker 2: think that this woman would be alone. I think that
Speaker 2: there's a lot of people who would see their parents
Speaker 2: or their grandparents as being racist and it being partly
Speaker 2: a condition of the world that they grew up in.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't make that an excuse and nor does
Speaker 2: that make that acceptable. And I think if you're feeling
Speaker 2: this strongly about it, then you absolutely I mean, firstly,
Speaker 2: you don't need us to tell you that you can
Speaker 2: make whatever decisions you see fit for your own children
Speaker 2: like that, if you need to protect your children and
Speaker 2: do what's right for your children, you don't need us
Speaker 2: to tell you that that's an acceptable thing as a
Speaker 2: parent to do. Is there ways that you can work
Speaker 2: around this? Maybe, but I think it comes down to
Speaker 2: having a really honest conversation with your parents about what
Speaker 2: it is that upsets you. And if they don't want
Speaker 2: to accept that, or if they gas at you, or
Speaker 2: if they say that there's no issue or that their
Speaker 2: views are not problematic, then that leaves you with a
Speaker 2: pretty hard choice to make. And if I was in
Speaker 2: your position, I would be putting my children first, because
Speaker 2: I would expect that after I had at least explained
Speaker 2: to my parents why it upset me so much the
Speaker 2: way that they were behaving in the things that they said,
Speaker 2: I would expect them to at least take that on
Speaker 2: board and try and implement some changes.
Speaker 1: I agree with everything you just said, and ultimately you're
Speaker 1: going to do what's best for your children. But it
Speaker 1: makes me sad to think you've said that you want
Speaker 1: your children to have a relationship with your parents, but
Speaker 1: you said you're just also easy to cut them off.
Speaker 1: I do think there is a way, and this is
Speaker 1: we can only go off what you've told us. Obviously,
Speaker 1: we don't know what other stresses you have in your
Speaker 1: relationship and what you guys have been through, but from
Speaker 1: what you've said, there are definitely ways that you can
Speaker 1: keep them having a relationship your parents and your children
Speaker 1: and also monitor what's happening. And maybe that just means
Speaker 1: that I think to start with, you definitely have the conversation.
Speaker 1: Like Lauri said, you say like I'm not happy with this,
Speaker 1: I really appreciate If you don't do this while they're around,
Speaker 1: it means a lot. If they're going to ignore you,
Speaker 1: then there's not much you can do other than take
Speaker 1: control of the situation and either take your kids away
Speaker 1: from it or be there with them. What I would
Speaker 1: suggest you try to do is after you've had the conversation,
Speaker 1: maybe if you're saying that they're only seeing them once
Speaker 1: a week as it is, maybe you all just hang
Speaker 1: out together instead of dropping the kids off for a
Speaker 1: day and letting them have their alone time. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: just there with them and you all hang out, so
Speaker 1: you're watching what's happening and they're still developing this situation
Speaker 1: with their grandparents, but you're aware and you're overseeing what's happening.
Speaker 1: I know that I didn't really have a relationship with
Speaker 1: my grandparents growing up. I didn't have grandfathers on either side,
Speaker 1: and my both grandmothers they lived six hours seven hour
Speaker 1: drive away, so we didn't have a close relationship. And
Speaker 1: I remember always wishing I did. I wish that I
Speaker 1: was like all my other friends, I had this really
Speaker 1: close bond. So I think there is a part of
Speaker 1: it that's pretty important if you can maintain that bond,
Speaker 1: but only if you can do it in a way
Speaker 1: that you're happy with. Ultimately, you're in charge of bringing
Speaker 1: your children up the way that you see fit totally.
Speaker 2: Have you ever had to end a friendship or distance
Speaker 2: yourself from someone who's a family member because their views
Speaker 2: or their racism came a real point of contention in
Speaker 2: your relationship.
Speaker 1: I actually haven't. I've had some heated conversations before with
Speaker 1: family members where we've we've highly disagreed on something, but
Speaker 1: we always listen to each other speak, and we try
Speaker 1: to listen to why we have that reason, and we
Speaker 1: try to educate each other. I'm really lucky that The
Speaker 1: way that my family works is if we're proven wrong
Speaker 1: or we take something on board that someone else has
Speaker 1: said with a lot of research and a lot of heart, like,
Speaker 1: we will listen to that. But we've definitely had arguments
Speaker 1: about it with extended family. But I'm lucky that I've
Speaker 1: never had anything where I've like, I have to cut
Speaker 1: you off. It's never been that extreme.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess like I've never ever had to cut
Speaker 2: someone off either. My grandparents, who were so fundamentally in
Speaker 2: raising me, like I honestly, my grandma and my grandfather
Speaker 2: were parental figures in my life. They had some pretty
Speaker 2: problematic views, and when I was younger, I didn't really
Speaker 2: realize that their views were problems, but as I became older,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, backing Pauline Hanson, and I know
Speaker 2: that for my grandfather. So just a bit of context
Speaker 2: for this. My grandfather was born in Italy. He immigrated
Speaker 2: here when he.
Speaker 1: Was a child.
Speaker 2: He was severely bullied when he was a child and
Speaker 2: was made to assimilate, so he completely just forgot about
Speaker 2: his Italian heritage. He never went back to Italy, he
Speaker 2: refused to speak Italian. He never taught any of his
Speaker 2: children Italian. We never learned Italian, and he would say
Speaker 2: he was a blue collar worker Australian. And I think
Speaker 2: that his level of racism came from this idea of like, well,
Speaker 2: I assimilated, so I expect other people to assimilate. And
Speaker 2: it was very problematic for me. We would have quite
Speaker 2: a few debates because he saw the world very differently
Speaker 2: to me. Now in saying that my grandfather passed away
Speaker 2: in his nineties last year. We were still incredibly close,
Speaker 2: but there were some things that we just couldn't speak
Speaker 2: about because we wouldn't see eye to eye on them,
Speaker 2: and it would upset him that I saw things so differently.
Speaker 2: It would upset him that I was like, stop fucking
Speaker 2: voting for Pauline Hanson, and it would upset me because
Speaker 2: I don't see the world in that way and we're
Speaker 2: very very different people when it comes to that. But
Speaker 2: I think that that is probably my experience with my
Speaker 2: grandparents is probably something that is shared by a lot
Speaker 2: of people, and I think that just because that experience
Speaker 2: is probably common doesn't mean that it's okay. But in
Speaker 2: the same instance, I wasn't going to cut my grandparents out,
Speaker 2: who raise me and who I have this incredible bond with.
Speaker 2: The difference in this situation is the fact that you're
Speaker 2: saying you don't get anything positive from the relationship and
Speaker 2: that their views and the way that they behave is
Speaker 2: so much of an issue that you're worried about it
Speaker 2: having an impact or affecting the mental health.
Speaker 1: Of your child.
Speaker 2: If that's truly a deep concern of yours, and if
Speaker 2: you are walking away from these interactions with your parents
Speaker 2: feeling like they provide nothing positive, then I absolutely think
Speaker 2: that you have to make an executive decision and create
Speaker 2: a safe space for your children, a space where they're
Speaker 2: not being raised thinking that those viewpoints are acceptable. And so,
Speaker 2: like you said, Britt, you know, when your children are
Speaker 2: seeing their grandparents, you could be there, and that way
Speaker 2: you have a better understanding of what the conversations are
Speaker 2: and you have a better understanding of what impact their
Speaker 2: views are having on your children. Secondly to that is
Speaker 2: that you can also have these conversations with your children
Speaker 2: as your kids get a bit older and as they
Speaker 2: start to see the world and they start to interpret
Speaker 2: what's going on around them, explaining to them that the
Speaker 2: things that their grandparents are saying is not correct and
Speaker 2: calling out their grandparents whenever they do say this stuff
Speaker 2: in front of you. So it really sets a precedent
Speaker 2: for your children that these are not views that we share,
Speaker 2: and these are not views that we accept by challenging
Speaker 2: them outwardly, I mean, you know you've said that you
Speaker 2: can accept that when they say it or like it
Speaker 2: doesn't affect you and you can ignore it. Maybe it's
Speaker 2: more a case of not ignoring it and anytime that
Speaker 2: they do say something, challenging them on it, and if
Speaker 2: they're not accepting or they're not okay with your challenging
Speaker 2: on it, then making a point that these conversations or
Speaker 2: racist comments are completely off the table in front of
Speaker 2: your children. Ultimately, the hardest part here in the reason
Speaker 2: why this is such a difficult question to answer, is
Speaker 2: because it's not just your friends. It's not someone who
Speaker 2: you can easily cut out of your life. And I
Speaker 2: think you know there is an expectation that if your
Speaker 2: friends are casually racist, that you call them out on it,
Speaker 2: and that if they don't change their behavior, if they're
Speaker 2: flippant about that, that you know, in order to be
Speaker 2: an ally to minorities, in order to be able to
Speaker 2: stamp out racism and the way that it presents itself
Speaker 2: in modern society. Then you do have to make very
Speaker 2: hard decisions to say I don't want to associate with
Speaker 2: people who are okay with that sort of language and
Speaker 2: are okay with those principles. It is incredibly hard to
Speaker 2: do that when it is your own parents. So I
Speaker 2: think the very first thing you do is outline what
Speaker 2: isn't isn't okay for you. If you can't change their mind,
Speaker 2: at least telling them how fundamentally it goes against what
Speaker 2: you believe in and how you want your child to
Speaker 2: be raised. And if they gaslight you, if they choose
Speaker 2: not to accept this, if they think it's not a
Speaker 2: problem at all, and then you decide that you don't
Speaker 2: want your children to have a relationship. That's not your fault.
Speaker 2: More than anything, As a parent, your absolute number one
Speaker 2: priority is to take care of your children and to
Speaker 2: provide an upbringing for them that you know is setting
Speaker 2: them up to be the best person that they can be.
Speaker 1: Very well, said Laura. I actually don't know what else
Speaker 1: I would add to that, other than you know, the
Speaker 1: way to break this mold and to break what's happening
Speaker 1: in society is with the next generation, that is with
Speaker 1: our children. So it's so important to be instilling those
Speaker 1: values now. So if that's something you really believe in,
Speaker 1: don't be scared to drive that point home and don't
Speaker 1: be scared to make the hard decisions that you need
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Alrighty, I feel like we've answered that one, So let's
Speaker 2: go to question at number two.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number two. Hey, ladies, I have a question,
Speaker 1: and I'm a little embarrassed to ask it, as I
Speaker 1: feel like this shouldn't bother me as an adult, but
Speaker 1: I feel really left out at work. There's a big
Speaker 1: group of people that always seem to be hanging out together.
Speaker 1: I see them post dinners and picnics on the weekends.
Speaker 1: They often have drinks after work, but I'm never invited.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is because they don't like me.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've done something in the past.
Speaker 1: How can I approach this as I would love to
Speaker 1: be more included. I would love to make some friends
Speaker 1: at work. What do you think about that? This is
Speaker 1: a tough one because anything to do with friendships as
Speaker 1: an adult is really hard. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I also think, like we've spoken about this so much
Speaker 2: on the podcast. It's so hard to make friends as
Speaker 2: an adult, especially because people are already so set in
Speaker 2: their friendship groups. People don't want to open themselves up
Speaker 2: to new people because there's only so many hours in
Speaker 2: the day that people have for their friends as it is,
Speaker 2: especially when you get to a certain age, and more
Speaker 2: than likely they I don't think when you've said, like,
Speaker 2: have I done something wrong? Or how do I approach this,
Speaker 2: I don't think you've done anything wrong. I think they
Speaker 2: probably haven't even noticed that that's what they're doing.
Speaker 1: I agree, and I think I think this is a
Speaker 1: pretty easy one. Ultimately, what you can do, if you
Speaker 1: want to be a bit more included is invite them
Speaker 1: to your own dinner, invite them to your own coffee
Speaker 1: on the weekend, invite them for a walk, even if
Speaker 1: that's just one or two girls or one or two colleagues,
Speaker 1: and build it from there. But that way, you're going
Speaker 1: to show them an interest that hey, like, I'm here
Speaker 1: and I actually do want to hang out, because they
Speaker 1: might not think you even want to hang out with
Speaker 1: them like. This could work both ways. They could be like, oh,
Speaker 1: Holly never wants to hang out with us. So we
Speaker 1: just won't invite it. You don't know which way it goes.
Speaker 1: Another thing that I think you can do, and I
Speaker 1: was just thinking about this. I don't seem to be
Speaker 1: any different. If you matched with a guy online, right,
Speaker 1: and you're like, you really liked him, you really wanted
Speaker 1: to hang out with him, what would you do. You
Speaker 1: would probably go on his Instagram, You'd probably have a stalk.
Speaker 1: You'd see what he's into, and you'd probably try and
Speaker 1: drop that in the conversation. So you'd be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you surf and love bort A colleagues as well.
Speaker 1: This is so manipulative, britt No.
Speaker 2: But it's true.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh you surf as well. I love that.
Speaker 1: I also love rock climbing, Like, let's totally do that.
Speaker 1: There's actually no reason you can't do that. If you
Speaker 1: go onto your friend's page and you know they're all
Speaker 1: rock climbers, why can't you say, Hey, guys, I'd love
Speaker 1: to go rock climbing with you. I've been meaning to
Speaker 1: get into it for a while. You've got to have
Speaker 1: some commonalities, you've got to have things similar for you
Speaker 1: guys to bond over, because there's no point going in
Speaker 1: and hanging out with a group of people when none
Speaker 1: of you like the same stuff, you've got nothing to
Speaker 1: talk about. So as much as you laugh about Laura
Speaker 1: as if that is not what everyone does online when
Speaker 1: you're trying to match someone, you trying to go on
Speaker 1: a date with someone, I don't think it has to
Speaker 1: be any different with a friendship.
Speaker 2: But I okay, no, I agree. It doesn't tell them
Speaker 2: you did it.
Speaker 1: Don't tell them.
Speaker 2: Just slide into their DMS at two in the morning
Speaker 2: with a U up text message.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 2: Look, I think, like I said, I don't think that
Speaker 2: it's necessarily an intentional thing that they're doing, but it
Speaker 2: very well might be. Like it may be that you
Speaker 2: work with a whole lot of bitches who don't want
Speaker 2: to open up their friendship group, in which case, if
Speaker 2: you do put in some effort, and you do try
Speaker 2: and kind of create space for them to come do
Speaker 2: something with you on the weekend, invite them out for
Speaker 2: drinks or go for dinner, whatever it is. If they
Speaker 2: then don't come to the party, or if they don't
Speaker 2: invite you back, I do think there comes a point
Speaker 2: where you don't have to keep on putting in this
Speaker 2: energy and like I almost want to say, like, don't
Speaker 2: compare or don't feel disheartened because they have a friendship
Speaker 2: and you're not a part of it. If they don't
Speaker 2: invite you in, that's not a reflection of you. It's
Speaker 2: more a reflection of them. And unfortunately, it's not always
Speaker 2: going to be a case that in every environment that
Speaker 2: we're in, we're going to make friends with the people
Speaker 2: that we work with, or we're going you know, because
Speaker 2: you've been thrust together. It's like you didn't pick these
Speaker 2: people that you're working with. You've all been put together
Speaker 2: and they're just naturally gonna Sometimes you're actually going to
Speaker 2: click with someone more than somebody else. So maybe the
Speaker 2: girls who work at this office have been working there longer,
Speaker 2: maybe they are really close friends and it's a very
Speaker 2: hard friendship group to penetrate. But I just don't want
Speaker 2: you to feel that your self worth is rocked by
Speaker 2: their lack of interest or their lack of friendship.
Speaker 1: A good way to infiltrate the squad is to pick
Speaker 1: one off when they're alone, Get them because they're more weak.
Speaker 1: So when you're see an outline, when you see one
Speaker 1: that's not with the group, go be like, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: just go and grab a coffee. D want me to
Speaker 1: grab you one and just like worm you weighing, because
Speaker 1: once you're in with one, I feel like you're in
Speaker 1: with all of them. So that's what you've got to do.
Speaker 1: Pick the weakest link, buy them for coffee, make them
Speaker 1: love you, and they'll bring you into their inner circle.
Speaker 2: Normally, for all of our questions, we say just go
Speaker 2: communicate conversation. I think in this instance, the last thing
Speaker 2: that you want to do is like sit them down
Speaker 2: and make an issue about it, Like you don't want
Speaker 2: to sit down and be like, hey, I actually noticed
Speaker 2: that you guys haven't been inviting me into things, and
Speaker 2: i'd really appreciate it if you included me, Like, do
Speaker 2: not do that.
Speaker 1: It's social suicide. Please please never ever do that. That
Speaker 1: is I mean, we're all for communication, except in this instance.
Speaker 2: You don't want to be invited and get a pity invite.
Speaker 2: That's not why you want to be invited. You want
Speaker 2: to be invited because they're stoked to hang out with
Speaker 2: you and be friends with you. So I think the
Speaker 2: best thing you can do is, obviously, like brit said,
Speaker 2: you know, invite them. Try and create or create an event,
Speaker 2: do something you know, whether it's just something easy like
Speaker 2: going out for dinner or drinks or something together or
Speaker 2: having a picnic on the weekend. If you're the one
Speaker 2: that creates the event and then they all come, that
Speaker 2: allows you to kind of, you know, build that friendship.
Speaker 2: But if you've created the space and they haven't come
Speaker 2: to the party, unfortunately, there's not a lot more that
Speaker 2: you can do.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I feel like we've wrapped that one up. Make
Speaker 1: sure you're not lazy. Pick the weakest link. Buire a coffee,
Speaker 1: maybe even cooks muffins and bring them to work and
Speaker 1: win them over with food.
Speaker 2: Just don't guilt them into inviting you Question number three.
Speaker 2: I'm in a happy relationship of almost three years. I
Speaker 2: have plenty of guy friends and we are all good
Speaker 2: in the trust department. Our relationship is amazing. However, I
Speaker 2: recently worked with this guy and we hit it off.
Speaker 2: He started messaging me and we have now been talking
Speaker 2: for a week straight. Nothing inappropriate but just general chat
Speaker 2: in long paragraph messages. I really like talking to people
Speaker 2: and making new friends, but I'm starting to get concerned
Speaker 2: that he may feel this is going somewhere else. So
Speaker 2: my question is, how do I say I have a
Speaker 2: boyfriend without it coming out like I'm assuming that he's
Speaker 2: hitting on me. Should I have brought this up sooner?
Speaker 2: And if this is inappropriate on my behalf side? Note,
Speaker 2: my boyfriend knows that we've been chatting because I've told him,
Speaker 2: maybe he doesn't know the extent, though I have absolutely
Speaker 2: no inappropriate feelings towards this new fella, and I know
Speaker 2: I probably should have somehow mentioned the boyfriend thing a
Speaker 2: little sooner.
Speaker 1: I feel like straight away, yes, you probably should have
Speaker 1: mentioned the boyfriend sooner. Absolutely, And my number one training
Speaker 1: to thought in these situations is if you have to
Speaker 1: ask if you're doing the wrong thing, and if you
Speaker 1: feel like you might be doing the wrong thing, and
Speaker 1: if you feel like you need to tell someone you
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend, then chances are it's highly likely you
Speaker 1: should have told him you had a boyfriend, and you
Speaker 1: are doing the wrong thing. I find this quite strange.
Speaker 1: I and I mean strange in the sense of I
Speaker 1: think it's so fine to have friends of the opposite sex.
Speaker 1: I think it's fine to meet new people. But if
Speaker 1: you've started to text a guy and you are that
Speaker 1: good at friends with him to the point that you
Speaker 1: want to have that communication. For sure, it's unusual that
Speaker 1: the fact that you don't have a boyfriend hasn't come
Speaker 1: up yet, because I think like, if you form a
Speaker 1: friendship with someone, you should that's like the base knowledge,
Speaker 1: that's like the foundation of Hey, my name is Brittany.
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend called Jordan. I live in Bondo Beach. Like,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's how you get to know someone.
Speaker 1: It's it's the biggest part of your life, so it's
Speaker 1: what you're going to be talking about. I wonder why
Speaker 1: it hasn't come up yet. I wonder if you've been
Speaker 1: joy that that level of attention and flirtiness and excitement
Speaker 1: or speaking to someone new, which is so fine. We
Speaker 1: all have those cravings. But to answer your question, it
Speaker 1: definitely needs to come up. And I don't think it
Speaker 1: has to be that big of a deal. I don't
Speaker 1: think you have to be like, look, I can tell
Speaker 1: you're flirting with me. I just need to tell you
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend. I think it just has to
Speaker 1: be like, what do you get doing on the weekend.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, I'm going camp, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's actually taking me to dinner. We're celebrating this.
Speaker 1: It is that such an easy drop to say that
Speaker 1: I'm doing this with my boyfriend on the weekend. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be awkward, It doesn't have to make him.
Speaker 1: You don't have to sit him down and be like
Speaker 1: we need to talk, just throw it out there.
Speaker 2: Like, I one hundred percent agree. I think the more
Speaker 2: that like, the weirder that you're making it, the more
Speaker 2: of a problem. It seems like this is like, you know,
Speaker 2: would you have a problem telling a girl that you
Speaker 2: like as in like, oh, I'm doing this with my
Speaker 2: boyfriend on the weekend. Whatever it is, Like, I think,
Speaker 2: because it's become such an issue, it makes me think
Speaker 2: not that I'm saying that you're doing anything wrong or
Speaker 2: that like you have feelings there. You've made it pertinently
Speaker 2: clear that you don't. But who cares if he assumes
Speaker 2: that you think that he likes you? Like, why do
Speaker 2: you care if he thinks that?
Speaker 1: Anyway?
Speaker 2: I think you could attack this either way, Britt, I'm
Speaker 2: one hundred percent with the way that you said it.
Speaker 2: I do think that it can be literally a nonchalant
Speaker 2: thing or like I'm doing this with my boyfriend on
Speaker 2: the weekend, or alternatively, if you do think maybe he's interested,
Speaker 2: you can just send him a text message and say, hey,
Speaker 2: I really felt like I should let you know, just
Speaker 2: in case you are getting the wrong impression about this,
Speaker 2: that I have a boyfriend. Either of those things are
Speaker 2: completely fine, because I mean, what's gonna happen. The only
Speaker 2: thing that's going to happen is that the longer he
Speaker 2: assumes you don't have a boyfriend, and then if he
Speaker 2: actually starts hitting on you, he's gonna feel embarrassed that
Speaker 2: you didn't tell him sooner, or you're gonna be in
Speaker 2: a situation where you've led him astray, which I think
Speaker 2: you don't want that to arise, So just fucking tell him.
Speaker 1: It's not a big deal. Like, both options the fine,
Speaker 1: but definitely do option one. It's not a big thing.
Speaker 1: But the fact that you feel a little bit inside
Speaker 1: you like, oh is this the wrong thing? Am I
Speaker 1: doing it?
Speaker 2: Thing?
Speaker 1: Then you probably are like the reason we get those feelings.
Speaker 1: We are humans, but we have these feelings inside because
Speaker 1: they're trying to tell us something, and I think all
Speaker 1: too often we choose to ignore those because we want
Speaker 1: to write our own narrative. We want to believe something
Speaker 1: else is happening. We don't want to believe the truth.
Speaker 1: But you have those gut instincts and those feelings for
Speaker 1: a reason.
Speaker 2: And also, I mean, I'm all for the fact that
Speaker 2: you can be friends with a guy one hundred percent,
Speaker 2: but very few guys out of nowhere will invest that
Speaker 2: much time into texting back and forth with someone who
Speaker 2: they don't know, like, unless that friendship.
Speaker 1: Isout wanting to bang them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, unless that friendship has been built on a different foundation,
Speaker 2: as in like friends of friends. I feel like if
Speaker 2: he thinks you're single, this level of investment is not
Speaker 2: because he just wants to be friends with you. I
Speaker 2: think he probably already has his own friends, or he
Speaker 2: would have made it known that he's not interested in you,
Speaker 2: because I don't think he would want that to be
Speaker 2: If he's not interested in you, he wouldn't want that
Speaker 2: to be ambiguous either. If you are starting to feel
Speaker 2: that that's where the text messages are going, then I
Speaker 2: would say trust her intuition.
Speaker 1: That is probably the case.
Speaker 2: And you just don't want to be in a situation
Speaker 2: where you're doing the wrong thing by your partner or
Speaker 2: in a situation where you feel guilty so as much
Speaker 2: as yeah, maybe it should have come up a bit sooner, probably,
Speaker 2: But I think we've all been in this situation before,
Speaker 2: where we've been texting with a guy who's our friend
Speaker 2: and then started to think, oh, or a girl, like
Speaker 2: I mean, it doesn't it's gender is irrelevant, but like
Speaker 2: started to think, oh, I feel like these maybe they've
Speaker 2: got the wrong impression, or maybe this is heading somewhere
Speaker 2: where I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 1: I'll always say this, but I think it's really important
Speaker 1: to put yourself in your partner shoes. How would you
Speaker 1: feel if he was texting another girl he said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm texting I. She's a friend from work, but you
Speaker 1: found out that I was texting way more than he
Speaker 1: ever told you, to the fact that he had never
Speaker 1: told her he had a girlfriend, you would be like,
Speaker 1: why the fuck haven't you told her about me? Why
Speaker 1: don't if she's just your friend, why don't you exist?
Speaker 1: I just feel like it's a recipe for disaster. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't like it if Jordan was doing that. Actually, I'd
Speaker 1: probably be like, why why the hell are you doing that?
Speaker 1: I was awful you're having friends, that's fine, but there
Speaker 1: comes a point in life where you just don't do that.
Speaker 1: You just don't do that in a relationship to your partner.
Speaker 2: Guys, I feel like that is it from us. Another
Speaker 2: ask on cut, done dusted, and if you have any
Speaker 2: questions for next week, slide on into our DMS at
Speaker 2: Life Uncut podcast and we will shuck it up on
Speaker 2: the top of the.
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