1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,560 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. Year twelve 2 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 1: exam season kicks off this week in New South Wales 3 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 1: and around the country over the next few weeks. In 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,480 Speaker 1: today's podcast, we're going to be short, sharp and focused. 5 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: If your kids are in year twelve or they've got 6 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: exams coming up, even if they're not in year twelve, 7 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,439 Speaker 1: what matters? What doesn't? How do you get it right? 8 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,119 Speaker 1: What do you do as a parent, how do the 9 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: kids navigate it? We're going to answer that and more 10 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 1: in just a moment. Stay with us. Hello and welcome 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: to the Happy Families Podcast. Real Paring Solutions every Day. 12 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin 13 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: and Kylie Colson. Kylie, today we're stepping into short and 14 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: sharp conversations about how to help kids to succeed as 15 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: they do their year twelve exams or any exams at all. 16 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: You've got three things that you've been thinking about. I've 17 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,599 Speaker 1: got three things that I've jotted down and we are 18 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: going to kick that off right now. Let's do it 19 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: this way. I'm going to do one, then you can 20 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: do one, and then we'll sort of wrap it all up. 21 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to go first. My first one is as follows, 22 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: you are not your atar. In two years, no one 23 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: is going to care about your atar. I know it 24 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: feels like it's big. I know it's big. I know 25 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: everybody's been telling you that this is the most important 26 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 1: time of your life. But it's just it's going to 27 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: be okay. You're not your atar, and you can be 28 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: successful in life even if you completely flunk year twelve. 29 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: It really just comes down to finding the thing that 30 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 1: you want to do and focusing on that. I think 31 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: that the year twelve exams are massively overrated. I think 32 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: that they're very much about This is going to sound awful, 33 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: but I think they're about a marketing ploy for schools 34 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: to say, look, how what our students did, so that 35 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: they can extract more money from families who want to 36 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:42,199 Speaker 1: pay for their children to do just as well because 37 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: they really think that it matters. But in two years time, 38 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 1: no one's going to care and you are not your atar. 39 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,559 Speaker 1: I also fundamentally believe that the overwhelming majority of people 40 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: should not go straight to the university out of high school. 41 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,480 Speaker 1: You need at least a gap, you maybe two or 42 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: three years to grow up, have a think of a 43 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: little bit about what you want, and then maybe go 44 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: back if you want to go to UNI down the track. Controversial, provocative, 45 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: but that's my number one. Don't sweat it because it's 46 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 1: not that big a deal. Oh and I scored in 47 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: the bottom fifteenth cent of the state. I know so 48 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: many people who are like literally doctors or have PhDs 49 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: who completely failed high school or didn't even finish high school. 50 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: You can still have a successful life without doing well 51 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,959 Speaker 1: at school. Not that I'm saying that education doesn't matter. 52 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,919 Speaker 1: It matters a lot, but your performance on these exams 53 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: is not the be all and end all. That's my 54 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: number one. Any reaction, any response, or do you want 55 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: to do your first one? Straight up? 56 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 2: Well, my number one actually marries beautifully with that. I 57 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 2: would say that it's so important for you to just 58 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 2: maintain a healthy diet, good sleep, and some form of exercise, 59 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 2: some form of outlet. Not because the exams matter so much, 60 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 2: but generally speaking, when we're stressed out, when we're not coping, 61 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 2: when we feel overwhelmed, they're actually the first three things 62 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 2: that go in order for us to live happy, healthy lives. 63 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 2: We need to tap into those three things. So there 64 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:05,799 Speaker 2: is nothing so important that we should forego any. 65 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: Of those Yeah, yeah, yeah. 66 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 2: And if that's the case, then it's just so important. 67 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: So you're not going to do well in your exams 68 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: if you're stressed, if you're sleep deprived, if you stayed 69 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: up or not the night before cramming. You might actually 70 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: hold onto it in short term memory sort of until 71 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: the next day ish. That's not really technically short term memory, 72 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: but it'll drop out again pretty soon. You're not going 73 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,240 Speaker 1: to have learned it. You will have memorized it, but 74 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 1: you're not going to do that well with it. That 75 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: actually ties in I've kind of gone on attention from 76 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: what you were saying, but that ties you with my 77 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: second one, which is that let's work on the assumption 78 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: that these exams do have some value for some people, 79 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: like they will be important for some people in spite 80 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: of everything that I said in my first point. If 81 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: you want to do well, remembering requires forgetting. Remembering requires forgetting, 82 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: So slow down, lay yourself to forget stuff, and then 83 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 1: relearn it, because the second time you learn it, or 84 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: the third time you learn it, you're going to hang 85 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: onto it way better than the first time. Like you 86 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: just encode process in bed. The material in your brain 87 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: so much better when you learn it and then forget 88 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: it and then relearn it, and then forget it and 89 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: then relearn it. That's the way to do great learning. 90 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 1: So then my first two your first one. After the break, 91 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: we'll go through three more short, sharp, friendly, hopefully helpful 92 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:21,160 Speaker 1: tips that will guide your children to success during this 93 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: year twelve or a term four exam period. Welcome back 94 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: to this is the Happy Family's podcast. I'm justin Colson. 95 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: I'm here with my wife, Kylie. Kylie, what is your 96 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: second one? If we want our kids to do well 97 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: on these exams or to get through this exam period 98 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: that everyone says is the most stressful and important period of 99 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: their lives. 100 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,919 Speaker 2: Well, often we talk about this word balance. It doesn't exist, 101 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,239 Speaker 2: so I don't like using it. But we've talked about 102 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 2: eating healthy, getting adequate sleep, and some form of exercise, 103 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 2: moving your body for well being to actually optimize just 104 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 2: our wellbeing. But my second one kind of taps into 105 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 2: that a little bit. It's about taking time out some 106 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 2: form of recreation. We call it recreation, but it is 107 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 2: actually about recreating ourselves, finding an outlet to feel rejuvenated 108 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,720 Speaker 2: and the best way we can do that, generally speaking, 109 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 2: is connecting with people we love. 110 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny. I mean, if you do want 111 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 1: to do well in these exams, you get anxious about it. 112 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 1: You don't do well because you're anxious, right, high motions, echos, 113 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 1: low intelligence. 114 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 2: We also think though, that in order to show people 115 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 2: that we're committed, we lock ourselves in our room for 116 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 2: days on end, you know, we don't go to bed, 117 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 2: all of those crazy things that stop us from doing 118 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 2: the things that will actually help. 119 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, just just adding on to that social media, like, 120 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 1: minimize your social media time. It's going to fray your brain. 121 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: Brain rot, hello, brain rot. Right there. My last one, Kylie, 122 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,040 Speaker 1: is the gap years. A good gap year is a 123 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 1: good which again that we can take the pressure off. 124 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: We've been painstakingly explicit with our kids about how we 125 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: don't expect them to go straight on to further schooling 126 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 1: after high school. They've just done thirteen years, they've burnt 127 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 1: out there over it, they haven't enjoyed it for the 128 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 1: most part, and then they're going to buckle in for 129 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: another four years and just get through that so they 130 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: can get a degree and then go and work and 131 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,119 Speaker 1: we've said, no, no, that's not what we're all about. 132 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 1: We would prefer that you get some range and depth. 133 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 1: I've got one of my favorite books on my bookshelf 134 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 1: is called Range by David Epstein, and he's looked at 135 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: a whole lot of research that shows that you can 136 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: leap ahead of the pack in your twenties and even 137 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,679 Speaker 1: your thirties, but by the time your forties arrive, people 138 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,839 Speaker 1: who have much broader range and depth. Of the ones 139 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 1: who start to I guess win the quote unquote race. 140 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 1: Life is not a race. Once you're out of high school. 141 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: There's no more finish lines. You just go and do 142 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: your thing. And I think Gap Years is just so good. 143 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 1: I've been writing about gap years in the boys book 144 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: that I've put together that is currently with the publisher, 145 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: and I'm just waiting on the final edit's come through. 146 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 1: And I wrote so much about gap years because they're 147 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: so valuable. Check this out. I want to read something 148 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: to you. This is the intro to the chapter about 149 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: gap years in the book. In one of my favorite 150 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: blog posts ever, Brett McKay, founder of the website and 151 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 1: podcast The Art of manlind this describes famous men of 152 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: previous generations. He points out the following. Before Steve McQueen's 153 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: eighteenth birthday, he'd worked on a farm, joined a circus, 154 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: salt pens at a traveling carnival, hitchhiked across the USA, 155 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: worked as a lumberjack, labor on a chain gang, served 156 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: illegally in the Merchant Marine under age, and joined the 157 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: Marine Corps. One more time for emphasis, he did it 158 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: all before the age of eighteen. Sean Connery served in 159 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: the Royal Navy as a teenager, worked as a milkman, lifeguard, 160 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: truck driver, and once took on six gang members, single 161 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: handedly fighting them and earning their respect. Writers like Jack London, 162 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: and tramped around the country by rail, sailed the Pacificate 163 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: board of seal hunting schooner, and ventured into Western Canada's 164 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: Klondike region seeking gold, all before the age of twenty two. 165 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: Of course, yes, there's some selection bias, but the stories 166 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: are compelling in a stark contrast to today's young men. Moreover, 167 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: these weren't cherry pick celebrities with exceptional backgrounds. Most young 168 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: men of previous generations accumulated rich, varied experiences, often physically demanding, 169 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: occasionally dangerous that built their capacity and character. They discovered 170 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 1: their capabilities by testing boundaries and real world contexts. Their 171 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: histories document purpose, satisfaction, and happiness. Today's boys encounter a 172 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: different landscape. Regulatory constraints, safety concerns, parental anxiety, supervised schedules, 173 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: and the need to win. The rat rays have crowded 174 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,720 Speaker 1: out the space for autonomous and healthy exploration and risk taking. 175 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: As McKay notes, contemporary youth follow predictable, sanitized paths with 176 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 1: few opportunities for consequential choices and real world testing. Perhaps 177 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 1: he suggests our youth today are the least interesting generation. 178 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: And then I go on to look at what the 179 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: research evidence says about how gap years are beneficial. There's 180 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: a University of Sas Sydney study nine hundred first year 181 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: students taking a year off between high school and university 182 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: had positive effect on student motivation, translated to a real 183 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,719 Speaker 1: boost and performance in the first semesters at UNI when 184 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,439 Speaker 1: they went back. And there's a whole bunch of other 185 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 1: studies that show that gap years people do actually go 186 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: back to school and they do better and they feel 187 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 1: better about life. That's my last one. I know, that's 188 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 1: sort of a long long spill from me. But my 189 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: third thing is gap years. Take the pressure off your 190 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,600 Speaker 1: twelve do well enough, but have a couple of years 191 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: off and then go back to school if that's what 192 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: you wish to do, or build a business, or go 193 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 1: and earn a trade. Those kinds of things will round 194 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: you out and give you a much richer, fuller life 195 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: than just racing from one school experience to the next 196 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 1: school experience. Former university lecturer, speaking from first hand experience. 197 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 2: I remember when you decided to go back to school 198 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 2: and you started off at Tafe because you had done 199 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 2: so poorly in high school. You actually needed to do 200 00:09:55,640 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 2: a bridging course, and your teachers just love you because 201 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 2: you were, you know, four or five years along in life. 202 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 2: You had a wife, children, I. 203 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,679 Speaker 1: Think I was twenty seven. I think I was twenty seven, 204 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: twenty six or twenty seven, so I had almost a 205 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: decade out of high school with children and a wife 206 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: at a mortgage. 207 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 2: And you stood out because you were up against seventeen 208 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 2: eighteen year old school leaders who had no idea why 209 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 2: they were there. 210 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 1: And who were completely. 211 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 2: Burnt out, hated the process, and the teachers just lapped 212 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 2: you up because you had something to say. And then 213 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 2: you went to UNI, and I think it was probably 214 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 2: one of the hardest years of our marriage because you 215 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 2: had spent your whole education life up till that point 216 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 2: believing you were an idiot. You were absolutely dumb. 217 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: I truly believed that. I still don't believe that. Well 218 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: now I don't believe that such a thing is smart 219 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: or dumb, because I was dumb. And then I blitzed UNI. 220 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 2: And then you got into your first year of UNI 221 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: and it was like there's a brain explosion took place, 222 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 2: and you didn't want to come home, like you just 223 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 2: were gobbling up everything that you could, like just soaking 224 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 2: it up like a sponge. And I'm watching the same 225 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 2: thing happen with our twenty five year old daughter, who's 226 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 2: had this big gap and she's gone back to UNI 227 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 2: this year, and I get a phone call nearly every 228 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 2: day to tell me about something that she learned in class, 229 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 2: something she's observed in an appointment. 230 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,559 Speaker 1: I don't want to cut you off, but you're almost 231 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 1: in tears saying this, and I just want to provide 232 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: the contrast. She's ringing you to say, guess what I 233 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 1: learned about at school today? Like how many teenagers come 234 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: home and say, guess what I learned at school today? 235 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:35,839 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? 236 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 2: Like, this is this twenty two year old, she's gone back, 237 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 2: she's had a couple of years off. She wants to 238 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 2: sit at the table and tell us all the names 239 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 2: of the bones in her hand. 240 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: She wants to play cahoot so that we can learn 241 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: anatomy because she's loving anatomy so much. And she's like, 242 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: let's play Let's have Friday night cahot and go through 243 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,439 Speaker 1: my anatomy textbook. How fun would that be? And we're 244 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: all like, we don't know, and she's like, yeah, but 245 00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 1: then I'll win. But this is my point. We make this. 246 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I've labored this far too long. This is 247 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 1: might be really quick, so I'll wrap this. We labor 248 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 1: the importance of school. You've got to get this education. 249 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:10,559 Speaker 1: You've got to do well in your year twelve exams, 250 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 1: You've got to get a high etar. I just don't 251 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 1: believe it. I fundamentally don't believe it. 252 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 2: You talk about this generation being one of the most 253 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,199 Speaker 2: boring generations. 254 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, the least interesting generation. 255 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's because we're all going in a straight line. 256 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,479 Speaker 1: Yes, I love that that was a great metaphor. 257 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 2: We're all going in a straight line. You look at 258 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 2: all of those other examples you shared and all of 259 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 2: the things. I love talking to old people and asking 260 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 2: them what their first job was and then kind of 261 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 2: just having that conversation and seeing where the twists and 262 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 2: turns of life took them, because it was no there 263 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,080 Speaker 2: was no straight line. 264 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,360 Speaker 1: I had a conversation just recently with a fellow who'd 265 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 1: be in his eighties. It was an impromptu, unexpected conversation. 266 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: We were having a chat. I asked him where he lived, 267 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: and he told me he's got He lives on a 268 00:12:56,080 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: huge parcel of land overlooking the ocean at ali Andra 269 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 1: Headland on the Sunshine Coast. And I asked him how 270 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 1: long he's been there and I said, I don't even 271 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: I can't even picture where it is, and I know 272 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,079 Speaker 1: the area really well, and it's no, it's very hidden. 273 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,679 Speaker 1: And told me a bit more about it. I said that, 274 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: I mean, that must be worth a fortune. It's got 275 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: incredible views. It's a huge blog. And he said to me, well, 276 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: we think we've done reasonably well. I said, how did 277 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: you get there? Like, how did you end up? What 278 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: did you do for work. He was so funny, he 279 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: cracked up. He said, I'm still doing a little bit 280 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: of it. I can't let go. I just love what 281 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 1: I do so much. But then he told me this convoluted, 282 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: bizarre story about how he was doing X and Y 283 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,000 Speaker 1: and Z and he ended up in Japan, and they 284 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: ended up over in Taiwan. And now even now he's 285 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: still working on importing Asian car parts into the country 286 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 1: for people who are car enthusiasts. And it's just that 287 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: that has been what it took for him to end 288 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 1: up having this wonderful life that he's lived and have 289 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: this property with these beautiful views and all that sort 290 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: of thing. And again, you don't you don't have to 291 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: do well at school to do so many things, so 292 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: many things. You just need to find the thing that 293 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,679 Speaker 1: you're willing to stick with and give it a really 294 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: good crack. Say yes to experiments, say yes to experiments, 295 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: and say no to commitments until you're at least thirty. 296 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: And then once you sort of get into your thirties, 297 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: you start to zero went on what you want to do. 298 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: You've had the range, so now you start saying no 299 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 1: to experiments and yes to commitments because you know what 300 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 1: you want to commit to. But gap years, gap years, 301 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: gap years. I've labored the point for too long. What's 302 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: your last one? 303 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 2: It's perspectives everything right, We've been talking about it. 304 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 1: It's not the b end, the be all and end all. 305 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 2: It isn't. So just take a deep breath, do the 306 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 2: best you can, and remember that in two years time, 307 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 2: it's not even going to matter. 308 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. A quick personal anecdote. I don't know if it's 309 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 1: appropriate that I share this or not, but I'm plopping 310 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: in on the pot anyway or see what happens and 311 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 1: hopefully won't get in too much trouble. Our daughter who's 312 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,720 Speaker 1: finishing year twelve right now, she's about to start all 313 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 1: of her exams as well. She's getting an atar because 314 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 1: she personally wants to do well. She just wants to 315 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 1: have the experience of doing well in year twelve. She's 316 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: conscientious like that. But she's already told us she's going 317 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: to have two to three gap years. She's going to 318 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: follow the example of her big sisters who are all 319 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 1: doing the same thing and have then subsequently gone back 320 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: to school because they know what they want to do 321 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 1: and why they're doing it, or at least they're willing 322 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: to give it a go. And it's been really nice 323 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 1: to see how low and light the pressure has been 324 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: because she knows that in two years time, her atar 325 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: doesn't mean squat. I don't know if that's impressive. I 326 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: don't know if that's distressing. I'm not sure how that 327 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: lands for you. But they're are bits and pieces of 328 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 1: advice as we headed into the year twelve exam season. 329 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: Don't cancel us. The Happy Families podcast is produced by 330 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides research, admin 331 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: and additional support. If you'd like more information about the 332 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: things we've talked about, I've got a whole chapter about 333 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: it in my upcoming Boys book. You can register your 334 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: interest at Happy Families dot com dot IU and visit 335 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: happy Families dot com dot au for more info about 336 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: making your family thrive. H