1
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:02,840
Speaker 1: Well, hello, it's Amanda here. You might have heard that

2
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,120
Speaker 1: I have a podcast called Double a Chattery. This is

3
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,760
Speaker 1: a podcast I do with my best friend Anita. Every

4
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:11,039
Speaker 1: week we have a conversation while we're sculling down cups

5
00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,880
Speaker 1: of tea and we talk about things that matter to us,

6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,239
Speaker 1: big things, small things, stupid things, important things, anything that

7
00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:20,240
Speaker 1: seems to pique our interest. This week on the podcast,

8
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,400
Speaker 1: we're talking about death. Sounds like a barrel of laughs,

9
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,960
Speaker 1: but actually it can be a barrel of laughs. Are

10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:30,160
Speaker 1: people approaching death, funerals obituaries in a very different way?

11
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,040
Speaker 1: So much to discuss. He's a snippet of what you'll hear.

12
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,360
Speaker 1: Eulogies are interesting too, aren't they? And last words, all

13
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:46,560
Speaker 1: the imagery is around saying these beautiful things. My brother

14
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,519
Speaker 1: knows someone and he's given me permission to tell this story.

15
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,239
Speaker 1: Whose mother in law was passing away and they're all

16
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,960
Speaker 1: at the hospital and he was the guy had a

17
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,840
Speaker 1: terrible relationship with his mother in law, but he was

18
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,080
Speaker 1: at the hospital to support his wife was her mum,

19
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,399
Speaker 1: and things were really drawing to a close, and the

20
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,080
Speaker 1: wife came out of the room and said, mum wants

21
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,480
Speaker 1: to see you. And he said, I don't think so,

22
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,200
Speaker 1: and she said, no, Mum really wants to see you.

23
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,920
Speaker 1: So he went in, these are pretty much this woman's

24
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 1: final words. She grabbed his hand, the hand of his

25
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 1: sign more. She looked at him and she said, you

26
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:23,480
Speaker 1: are the rudest man I've ever met. And that was

27
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,080
Speaker 1: pretty much the final words. And apparently he tried not

28
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,480
Speaker 1: to laugh, and he went, yet, fair enough, you think

29
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,199
Speaker 1: that these final things, if you're about to head off,

30
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,040
Speaker 1: why should it be any different to every other day

31
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,600
Speaker 1: of your life. Why do we have to be polite

32
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,480
Speaker 1: and loving on the way out when that's not the

33
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,080
Speaker 1: truth of it.

34
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,000
Speaker 2: I want my last words to be like, oh shit,

35
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:49,720
Speaker 2: or well that's the thing.

36
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 1: How do you imagine it's going to go.

37
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,240
Speaker 2: I have not created a script for that moment.

38
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:58,120
Speaker 1: No, neither have I, and I don't think it's a

39
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,440
Speaker 1: healthy thing to do because I think there's ego involved

40
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,520
Speaker 1: in that too. And yes, if you are facing death,

41
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,640
Speaker 1: that's one thing. But I can't be bothered thinking it's

42
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,840
Speaker 1: so important that I need to curate the moment now.

43
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,000
Speaker 2: No, there's that piece of it. And on the flip

44
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,799
Speaker 2: side of that is the expectation that people are going

45
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,720
Speaker 2: to say incredibly lovely things about you.

46
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,520
Speaker 1: Obviously, Anita, I'd like you to submit yours now and

47
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,639
Speaker 1: i'll correct it for you. I've often been asked in interviews,

48
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,679
Speaker 1: what do you want your tombstone to say?

49
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:26,600
Speaker 2: Or strange?

50
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,960
Speaker 1: Or what's your what's the word ep apatow? Thank you?

51
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,160
Speaker 1: What's your elephant?

52
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:31,800
Speaker 3: You know?

53
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 1: What are your last words? And you know it's not

54
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,800
Speaker 1: my place to say. Despite what you might think, I

55
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,720
Speaker 1: don't have the ego of here's how I want to

56
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,840
Speaker 1: be reb I just hope I'm remembered as a nice person.

57
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:47,000
Speaker 1: But I don't want to curate that memory either. That's

58
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:47,720
Speaker 1: not my job.

59
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,799
Speaker 2: So I have an old friend. I met her when

60
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,919
Speaker 2: I was in junior high and she was the loveliest

61
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:01,440
Speaker 2: person with a very difficult past. And sounds good, yes,

62
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:05,679
Speaker 2: but she she led a difficult life, let's say. And

63
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,639
Speaker 2: she I found out several months ago that she had passed.

64
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,440
Speaker 2: And I want to read the first paragraph of her

65
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,280
Speaker 2: eulogy that was written by a friend that she met

66
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,040
Speaker 2: a little bit later in her life. It says she

67
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 2: bloody hated Christmas and was the consummate drama queen fag

68
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,959
Speaker 2: hag hiss head and heavy smoker, so.

69
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,400
Speaker 1: Well what she cremated.

70
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:35,840
Speaker 2: So her sudden death and unexpected departure, as the fates

71
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,480
Speaker 2: bore her off on Christmas week should have come as

72
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,400
Speaker 2: a surprise to no one, but her untimely passing in

73
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,440
Speaker 2: her sleep from a massive heart attack at the age

74
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 2: of sixty two most certainly did surprise, shock and devastate

75
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:52,800
Speaker 2: us all. And I thought, what an interesting way of

76
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,160
Speaker 2: saying goodbye to a woman.

77
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,400
Speaker 1: Who had a very cold been a character, A character.

78
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,440
Speaker 1: That's how I stopped laughing when you said she was too.

79
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,000
Speaker 1: It was funny until.

80
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,800
Speaker 2: Then, and suddenly it got Suddenly it's a tragedy.

81
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:11,120
Speaker 1: Yes, I saw this great video of these two girls,

82
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,520
Speaker 1: and I thought it was so funny and refreshing. Their

83
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,560
Speaker 1: mom has passed away, and the two of them are

84
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,479
Speaker 1: saying the things to their mother that has happened since

85
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,200
Speaker 1: her passing. And rather than the imagery you'd imagine is

86
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,960
Speaker 1: you sit down and you're looking over a beach and

87
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,880
Speaker 1: there's a sunset and you say, Mom, we miss you,

88
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,280
Speaker 1: et cetera, these two girls are so refreshing. They are

89
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,599
Speaker 1: pissing themselves, laughing and talking about things as strange as

90
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,280
Speaker 1: they didn't get their tax in and they didn't know

91
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,719
Speaker 1: they had to register their mothers can't have a listen.

92
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,400
Speaker 3: So our mom died a little over a year ago,

93
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,560
Speaker 3: and these are some of the things that we'd like

94
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,240
Speaker 3: to confess to her that have happened since she died. Okay,

95
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,359
Speaker 3: number one, we didn't know that we had to file

96
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:53,440
Speaker 3: your tax at nor.

97
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,440
Speaker 1: I didn't know that I needed.

98
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,920
Speaker 3: To get my own insurance.

99
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,400
Speaker 1: She drew open.

100
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,960
Speaker 3: Not an unregistered and I insured car from insured car

101
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,240
Speaker 3: for seven months, and then suspended your license flee.

102
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,720
Speaker 1: And I why didn't I couldn't drive either car with

103
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:18,840
Speaker 1: either license plate.

104
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:23,000
Speaker 3: I got the stomach virus so bad I'm missing power

105
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,280
Speaker 3: it alone. Mega was a good sports though, sorry about that.

106
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:34,159
Speaker 3: I tried to do a Cherity walk for cancer. I

107
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:39,920
Speaker 3: couldn't vision. I think I broke my back. I don't

108
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,680
Speaker 3: wait to think. I didn't cry at your funeral because

109
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,600
Speaker 3: I didn't care. It's because I'm so pregnant that if

110
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,560
Speaker 3: I cried.

111
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:50,719
Speaker 1: I would have thrown up. Isn't it great? I'm sorry

112
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,080
Speaker 1: I didn't cry your funeral, but I thought I was

113
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,080
Speaker 1: going to throw up. And laughter laughter, why shouldn't they

114
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:59,840
Speaker 1: be laughter? Love, grief and laughter. They're not all separate things.

115
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,320
Speaker 2: And I'm glad that people are starting to embrace the

116
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:09,159
Speaker 2: fullness of grief because there's going to be terribly sad times,

117
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,359
Speaker 2: and there's going to be times where you remember somebody

118
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,160
Speaker 2: and just laugh your house off because of something that

119
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,120
Speaker 2: they said. Did you know that you did together? I

120
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,560
Speaker 2: think that that's the fullness of this process.

121
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,520
Speaker 1: And in our culture, maybe we need to learn to

122
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,799
Speaker 1: embrace all of it. And Anita, if I do pass

123
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,840
Speaker 1: away before you, I've got plans for tapping the other

124
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:30,560
Speaker 1: way around, but I'll tell you about that later. See

125
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,880
Speaker 1: that red dot on your forehead from the sniper across

126
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,960
Speaker 1: the road. I want you to strut down the red

127
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,080
Speaker 1: carpet like a crazy influencer who's had a Brazilian butt

128
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:47,200
Speaker 1: left my friend. I would do that you see Say okay,

129
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:52,599
Speaker 1: Pinky promise if you'd like to hear more, we have

130
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,480
Speaker 1: new episodes dropping every single week, so go to your

131
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,000
Speaker 1: search bar and type in double A Chattery, or click

132
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,280
Speaker 1: the link in the description and join us us for

133
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:00,920
Speaker 1: a cup of tea