Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the
Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo
Speaker 1: Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present
Speaker 1: and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 1: Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,
Speaker 1: and this is the Rise and Conquer podcast. This is
Speaker 1: the podcast where we ch have mindset, self development and
Speaker 1: becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs,
Speaker 1: plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses
Speaker 1: and being among Think of us as the perfect combo
Speaker 1: of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No
Speaker 1: matter where you are in your journey, We're here to
Speaker 1: help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical
Speaker 1: self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's
Speaker 1: seat of your own life, stop letting life pass you by,
Speaker 1: then you're in the right place. Hello everybody, and welcome
Speaker 1: back to the potty. Today we have an episode with
Speaker 1: Cooper and we are chatting about different ways to regulate
Speaker 1: your nervous system. This is something that me and Cooper
Speaker 1: have both been working on since last year because we
Speaker 1: just noticed how much our like subconscious beliefs. We're running
Speaker 1: our nervous system and we were feeling like burnt out.
Speaker 1: We're feeling triggered, you know, highly emotional, and it's been
Speaker 1: a whole journey for us. So you know, if you're
Speaker 1: someone who's super busy, maybe you're already feeling burnt out
Speaker 1: and maybe you just like notice sometimes your nervous system
Speaker 1: is just like shot, or you're just like you're not
Speaker 1: feeling good, You're feeling anxious, and you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I just I need to get out of this cycle.
Speaker 1: You're gonna love this episode. So, guys, just a really
Speaker 1: quick announcement. We are having our first Rise app community
Speaker 1: event on the twenty third of March. There are limited spaces.
Speaker 1: There's only fifty spots available, so I won't give too
Speaker 1: much more away because all information is going to be
Speaker 1: on socials. Oh my god, I'm so excited. The like
Speaker 1: the run sheet for the event. It's going to be
Speaker 1: so magical and I just cannot wait to be there
Speaker 1: with you guys and do this morning. The whole reason
Speaker 1: when you started the app is because I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: craving that community connection. So this is going to be
Speaker 1: like one step deeper and it's going to be incredible.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited, can't wait to meet everyone.
Speaker 1: A tear quickly before we get into the episode Weekly Recommendations.
Speaker 2: Just back here with another wrong com tell us more.
Speaker 2: It's called Anyone But You and it has Sydney Sweeney
Speaker 2: and Glenn Powell and I adore that man ob set.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful, the fucking best movie ever.
Speaker 2: It is such a great movie. It's based on like
Speaker 2: an old Shakespeare thing too, so if you're a bit
Speaker 2: of a.
Speaker 3: Nerd, you'll really like it.
Speaker 1: What's your.
Speaker 2: She's currently scrolling through her kidney lab.
Speaker 1: So I'm back with a book wreck, but it's not
Speaker 1: a fiction. We're doing nonfiction today. Oh I know, I'm
Speaker 1: shocked myself, me too. So the book is called The
Speaker 1: Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller and is the psychology of spirituality.
Speaker 1: That sounds really interesting. So I love books that give
Speaker 1: either like a science backing or just some sort of
Speaker 1: basis for things that you like, you can't quantify. Almost
Speaker 1: like I've read a book ones that all is all
Speaker 1: about like the science of manifesting, where I know manifesting works.
Speaker 1: I preach it and practice it in my life, but
Speaker 1: like to have a book being like scientifically manifesting works.
Speaker 1: It just like again, it's like great evidence for your
Speaker 1: brain that it's like, yes, I'm you know, my beliefs
Speaker 1: are on point, if that makes sense. So the whole
Speaker 1: book is just basically about, well a captivating look at
Speaker 1: what happens when you're connected to something greater than yourself.
Speaker 1: So it's all about like the science and psychology behind
Speaker 1: spirituality and how it's so connected to so much more
Speaker 1: than we think. And so if you're an RNC Galley,
Speaker 1: you will love this book.
Speaker 2: I'm that's definitely going on the list.
Speaker 1: I'll read that soon. My list is getting really low.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get into the episode. So Coop, I
Speaker 1: thought we could start the episode with just explaining even
Speaker 1: like what regulating your nervous system is and why we
Speaker 1: need to do it for ourselves. So when we say
Speaker 1: regulating your nervous system, we are just talking about you know,
Speaker 1: back in the day, back in the held days, the tribe,
Speaker 1: the good old days and tried days. You know, we
Speaker 1: would see a tiger and we would get that response
Speaker 1: of like fight or flight, and our body would have
Speaker 1: a physical reaction. So we could either like play dead
Speaker 1: or we could run faster. So you have an actual
Speaker 1: physical response, and that's good, we need that. But what
Speaker 1: has happened is in modern life, you know, stresses like
Speaker 1: trying to meet a deadline at work or getting triggered
Speaker 1: by your parents or your partner bring on this physical
Speaker 1: response of your body that puts you into being disregulated.
Speaker 1: And when you're disregulated, your digestive system doesn't work. You
Speaker 1: can't use like your full mental capacity and like all
Speaker 1: these respons from your body. So when you regulate your
Speaker 1: nervous system, you're actually able to even to the point
Speaker 1: of the reason why I had to start looking into
Speaker 1: regulating my nervous system is because I had a thyroid
Speaker 1: disease and my doctor was like, you need to be
Speaker 1: in a healing state where your body feels safe enough
Speaker 1: to heal. So if you're constantly in this state or
Speaker 1: fight or flight, you don't digest food, your body doesn't
Speaker 1: heal itself. There's all these like physioresponsors.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's attacking. Like that stuff attacks your body in
Speaker 3: numerous ways, and like your skin might be the first one,
Speaker 3: but then it comes out deep organs and who knows,
Speaker 3: like it can be anything.
Speaker 1: And especially if it's a long chronic time, if you're
Speaker 1: constantly in a state of stress, if you constantly feel overstimulated,
Speaker 1: if you're constantly disregulated, your body gets to a point
Speaker 1: where it thinks that's normal and that's safety, and it's
Speaker 1: so hard to heal from that place, to be your
Speaker 1: best self, to just feel good, to feel safe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like to go in more like with holding on trauma.
Speaker 3: It stores those files. So we all have files and
Speaker 3: we store them for our protection and our survival and
Speaker 3: having them stored in a bad way and keeping them
Speaker 3: in a bad way when things come up and you
Speaker 3: get triggered, which you don't understand why you get triggered,
Speaker 3: and it's usually something completely different, But when that happens,
Speaker 3: your body is like I can't deal with this sort
Speaker 3: of thing, so I'm going to put it out on
Speaker 3: your body. I'm going to angle instead of knowing that trauma,
Speaker 3: it's going to bring it out in your body and
Speaker 3: it's going to come up in a different way, and
Speaker 3: that's that you're going to focus on. And an example
Speaker 3: is for myself that I had headaches my whole life
Speaker 3: life and like, oh, my whole life since I was
Speaker 3: maybe around twelve, I think that I had headaches all
Speaker 3: the time and they controlled my life and I couldn't
Speaker 3: do this and I always had nerve and panandole and
Speaker 3: and there was.
Speaker 1: Those that was like the whole childhood was Goop having legit.
Speaker 1: Like it's all I mem would be shopping and Mom's like,
Speaker 1: we have to go home because Goop's got a headache.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking Cooper.
Speaker 3: Honestly, sorry, guys, I was just getting triggered.
Speaker 1: Probably because the day was about me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just like when you think about it, when
Speaker 3: I think about it in my head, like your mind
Speaker 3: controls everything for your survival in this place, and we
Speaker 3: have evolved and we're in a different environment, so it's
Speaker 3: definitely a lot more stress actually, but that's kind of
Speaker 3: like where it stems from and what happens.
Speaker 1: And so even like from my obviously this episode, mean
Speaker 1: are not health professionals. We're just really talking about our
Speaker 1: own experience. And so from my experience, I actually lived
Speaker 1: majority of I would say, from like my late teenage
Speaker 1: years to my early twenties in a disregulated place. It
Speaker 1: was this place of I have to do more, I
Speaker 1: have to strive more, I have to keep on fighting.
Speaker 1: It felt like this like constant state of like more
Speaker 1: and I have to be a certain way in order
Speaker 1: to feel a certain way, and it was like this
Speaker 1: overwhelming pressure on my chest and shoulders, and I would
Speaker 1: often like now, looking back, I had so a lot,
Speaker 1: so many like physical representations of stress in my life,
Speaker 1: and it made sense because I was doing a law degree,
Speaker 1: or I was working full time while doing my law degree,
Speaker 1: or I was starting a business, and it all made
Speaker 1: sense sense. So I was like so fine with it almost,
Speaker 1: and it would just felt normal to me to live
Speaker 1: in this constant state of being disregulated. But then since
Speaker 1: doing a lot of internal work and really focus on
Speaker 1: like what is actually going to regulate my nervous system
Speaker 1: right now and what is actually going to make me
Speaker 1: feel safe. What has happened is I just feel so
Speaker 1: much more comfortable to be in the present moment, Like
Speaker 1: I can just be in the present moment, Like I
Speaker 1: can be at home and let's say I've done my
Speaker 1: to do list or whatnot, and I can be like
Speaker 1: this actually happened the other day. Cooper and I had
Speaker 1: finished what I wanted to do that day for work,
Speaker 1: Ivy and Tim were out and I had this moment
Speaker 1: where I was like, I really want to read my
Speaker 1: book because I'm really into fantasy books right now, whole
Speaker 1: random of me. And but then I had that a
Speaker 1: first initial thought of like oh, or I should do
Speaker 1: more work or I should be productive. But because I've
Speaker 1: been really focusing on regulating my nervous system, I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I get to actually just read my book and be
Speaker 1: in this moment and like seek out the pleasure, which
Speaker 1: is my word for the year. And so I read
Speaker 1: my book and then you know, Tim and Ivy came
Speaker 1: home and we did our normal afternoon routine. But there
Speaker 1: was a moment there when I reflected and I spoke
Speaker 1: to Tim after and I was like, previous Georgie, because
Speaker 1: she was so disregulated all the time, would not have
Speaker 1: the awareness to actually just be present and enjoy that moment.
Speaker 1: She would have done the productive thing. She would have
Speaker 1: been like, oh, I can't just like relish in this moment.
Speaker 1: So that's what regulating my nervous system has done, is
Speaker 1: I'm actually able to just be.
Speaker 3: It's so nice, that's powerful, that's really cool. But like,
Speaker 3: don't beat yourself up for what you have done and
Speaker 3: where you like the things that have triggered you and
Speaker 3: that sort of thing, because they're there to benefit us.
Speaker 3: Everything we do in our life is to benefit us.
Speaker 3: At that point in time in your life that you
Speaker 3: were opposite to what you said, like it was there
Speaker 3: to benefit you, and it's the same for everyone, Like.
Speaker 1: And it did. It hugely benefited me massively.
Speaker 3: But now you're on a different journey and it's not
Speaker 3: benefiting you, and so it doesn't feel right. So like
Speaker 3: it's all good from where you have gone and it's
Speaker 3: you've got those lessons and you've got you've learned so
Speaker 3: much from it. But yet now now's the time you
Speaker 3: can start taking some small steps of regulating your nervous system.
Speaker 1: And it is funny because even now, even though I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I get to be in this season of like feeling
Speaker 1: really peaceful and being I do still have moments like
Speaker 1: when we did the Sydney event for our friend merce
Speaker 1: with n H. It was absolutely like a whirlwind because
Speaker 1: we like we did a Terry White meaning and that
Speaker 1: I had a podcast and then we had the event
Speaker 1: and we had the influences there and I definitely did
Speaker 1: feel a little bit dysregulated. But again it was like
Speaker 1: that moment of being like, it's okay. For this moment,
Speaker 1: I can actually lean into just fucking being a bit
Speaker 1: all over the place, but still feeling okay because like
Speaker 1: you said, it's probably served me and it's like the
Speaker 1: zone I needed to be in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely it benefited you. But also you've learned a
Speaker 3: massive lesson from that that you're not going to do
Speaker 3: something so crazy, because I remember before that happened, you
Speaker 3: just said I don't want to do it. This isn't
Speaker 3: like I just I really don't want to do it.
Speaker 3: I'm getting bad feelings, I'm getting guilt, and it doesn't
Speaker 3: And I remember talking to you saying, look, you've said this,
Speaker 3: you've done. You've got to stick to your word, and
Speaker 3: you're going to learn a valuable lesson of what not
Speaker 3: to do. You need to go and do it. Otherwise
Speaker 3: you're not going to have that lesson.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not gonna know. And also it's also like
Speaker 1: what's good about this is like you need to go
Speaker 1: and see what your boundaries are. You need to almost
Speaker 1: push the limits to be like, oh there's the.
Speaker 3: Spot, don't go too far, but oh look definitely, Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then you'd be like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that,
Speaker 3: but that's all learning, and it's okay, all.
Speaker 1: Right, well let's chat about like, first of all, let's
Speaker 1: talk about some signs that you're disregulated.
Speaker 3: My first one that jumps to my head that is
Speaker 3: a great awareness, and I used to be this person,
Speaker 3: and it's in a conversation you this person can just
Speaker 3: talk about themselves. So in a conversation for me, there
Speaker 3: is like someone talk and then the other one listens
Speaker 3: and let that person talk until they're finished, and then
Speaker 3: the other person talks and you ask each other questions
Speaker 3: and it's just back and forth, back and forth, and
Speaker 3: it's even it's like you're equal. But when you're with
Speaker 3: someone and they talk about themselves a lot, which happens
Speaker 3: a lot, and I used to be very much like that,
Speaker 3: and that to me is usually when there's just too
Speaker 3: much in that person's head that they don't have enough
Speaker 3: space to give to the other person. And in that note,
Speaker 3: like when you are with someone that talks about themselves
Speaker 3: a lot, it's they need it, and I just usually
Speaker 3: sit there and ask them more questions and try and
Speaker 3: help them out because they need it at that time.
Speaker 3: So it's still nice that you are a helper. But
Speaker 3: that's been a big thing for me lately that it's
Speaker 3: not that nice to be around someone that talks about
Speaker 3: themselves too much and challenge him.
Speaker 1: Why are you talking about yourself so much?
Speaker 3: I challenge the other day he did. Yeah, I said,
Speaker 3: I'm like, why do you talk? And he's like, actually,
Speaker 3: I have noticed that, and I am trying to fix
Speaker 3: that at the moment. And Yeah, for me to say
Speaker 3: that to him, he's going to be way more aware
Speaker 3: of it and it's going to help him. It's going
Speaker 3: to benefit him. So that's Yeah, when you're stuck in
Speaker 3: your head, that's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you're not like when you can't, when you
Speaker 1: don't have capacity for other people, Yeah, you're.
Speaker 3: Just scraping by it in your head.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's honestly, like, if I think back to
Speaker 1: those periods when I was just regulated, that's what it
Speaker 1: felt like. I felt like I did not have any
Speaker 1: capacity for anyone else or anything else. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: good one. I think I was going to say, like
Speaker 1: more from like a physical response, Like in my physical body,
Speaker 1: it can feel like anxiety and stress and this like
Speaker 1: overwhelming just feeling of pressure. That's how I know I'm
Speaker 1: just regulated because I'm just like, oh, I just can't
Speaker 1: even see pass this issue or whatever, and I'm having
Speaker 1: like a physiological effect and just stuck.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just can't get out. The next one is
Speaker 3: for me is being a victim.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good one.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Is in a conversation where they're like poor me,
Speaker 3: poor this, like I'm struggling and it's this victim mode,
Speaker 3: and yeah, that's that's a huge one that you kind
Speaker 3: of know that you're kind of stuck and if you
Speaker 3: notice that you're doing it, that's the first step being
Speaker 3: aware and with the talking thing as well, like being aware,
Speaker 3: oh man, I am talking too much? Yeah, and how
Speaker 3: are you going to do? Some steps to go from
Speaker 3: here and noticing and then excelling into the next steps.
Speaker 1: So when you're like in your ego of like poor me,
Speaker 1: life's happening to me. It's their fault, it's their problem.
Speaker 1: All these things always happen to me.
Speaker 3: Blame in everyone else, Yeah, but yourself, And that's just
Speaker 3: it's just acting victim. Huge yep.
Speaker 1: Another good one when I know I'm just regulated is
Speaker 1: when I have like a really short attention span or
Speaker 1: I'm like wanting to go on my phone a lot,
Speaker 1: like I'm needing that the validation they're like, oh, let
Speaker 1: me just see if someone message me, or that feeling
Speaker 1: of like I don't know, you just you need something,
Speaker 1: you need stimulation, like you actually can't be in your body.
Speaker 1: You need to escape.
Speaker 3: Well on that note to me, that expand like that
Speaker 3: you need to numb yourself. Yes, and that's when like
Speaker 3: alcohol comes in or food, foods huge.
Speaker 1: It's not alcoholpithic, it's me.
Speaker 3: Or other substances like they're the numbing things that yeah,
Speaker 3: you just you have to escape. Yeah. I did that
Speaker 3: a lot, and it benefited me at the time because
Speaker 3: I had so much pain. It's really good done.
Speaker 1: Nuts are really good.
Speaker 3: The next one is sleep. I was finding myself for
Speaker 3: doing a lot of work on myself that I could
Speaker 3: never go to sleep, and I struggled to go to sleep,
Speaker 3: and I was always taking tablets to help me. I
Speaker 3: was drinking to help me go to sleep weirdly as well,
Speaker 3: and then I would wake up early. I was just thinking,
Speaker 3: why can't I just bloody sleep? But they had too
Speaker 3: much in my head. Yeah, no space. It was just
Speaker 3: everything was going in my head and I knew it
Speaker 3: at the time, but that's that would have been a
Speaker 3: huge indicator for me to be in like you need
Speaker 3: to sort your sleep there because we need our sleep.
Speaker 1: So true. I think one more for me is when
Speaker 1: I'm overly sensitive. So if like you know, Tim says
Speaker 1: something or something happens and I just have this like
Speaker 1: overwhelming emotion where I know it's probably not appropriate reaction,
Speaker 1: but it's like I just feel it in my soul.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: I've come to work and be like, oh, Tim, he's
Speaker 1: really fucking me off today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would happen. Or Georgia back in the day
Speaker 3: would make me cry because I would trigger her and
Speaker 3: she would just go and fight mode. Would I am
Speaker 3: light mode and I would just be like then I
Speaker 3: would end I'm crying pretty much, and then you'd be like,
Speaker 3: why you cry and fight me? It's just some raw
Speaker 3: rather with the love.
Speaker 1: Actually that's a true story, but it's really true because
Speaker 1: you are your like your and that's even let's talk
Speaker 1: about that. So your response when you were dysregulated, Cooper
Speaker 1: does go like inward, it's very like he can't.
Speaker 3: Just shut off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he shuts go quiet.
Speaker 3: I'm like, come out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where I am like fight, I like erupt, I unleashed.
Speaker 3: You haven't done it for a long time. I know,
Speaker 3: because I remember I started to do work on myself
Speaker 3: and you, I had so much more awareness and I
Speaker 3: was sorting all these things out inside of myself. And
Speaker 3: there was those cases of when you were in fight
Speaker 3: mode and you, yeah, wouldn't attack me in words, and
Speaker 3: I would be like, I would use my knowledge of
Speaker 3: like switching it around and putting it back on you,
Speaker 3: and I'd be like, why do you reckon You're like
Speaker 3: that little secret, And in the end, Georgia would and
Speaker 3: I'm crying about itself. But it was just there was
Speaker 3: something deep that you got triggered and you had to
Speaker 3: let it out. But it come up in a way
Speaker 3: that isn't who you are, but it just had to
Speaker 3: get it out. And like, because you are the most
Speaker 3: loving person, one of the most loving persons I know,
Speaker 3: and I knew it was there, but this rage come out.
Speaker 3: But that's the pain, that's the triggers, and that's what
Speaker 3: we hold.
Speaker 1: I go into defense. As soon as I triggered, It's
Speaker 1: like it feels like betrayal, like I'm so and that's
Speaker 1: how I know I'm just regulated because I go straight too.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm trying to defend myself.
Speaker 3: Here, so nasty.
Speaker 1: Ah, guys, I have like a venomous tongue. That's what
Speaker 1: i'ld go aways off, like I go, something happens, I
Speaker 1: go straight in for the kill, don't it?
Speaker 3: And I like say, then that doesn't happen. You're like
Speaker 3: this most beautiful, nicest person and happening.
Speaker 1: I know, get it. I actually was thinking, I literally
Speaker 1: had a thought the other day of how much just
Speaker 1: how we good we are in business, since like doing
Speaker 1: all this work on ourselves, and like how regulated we
Speaker 1: both are so we can just like handle things so
Speaker 1: easily compared to previous we would have these fights and yeah,
Speaker 1: you would cry and I'd have to apologize, and it.
Speaker 3: Was like this whole It wasn't all the time, so
Speaker 3: everyone wasn't all the time all the time. It was
Speaker 3: a time.
Speaker 1: Drama.
Speaker 3: Definitely.
Speaker 1: That's how you know, you just regulate. You got like
Speaker 1: drama in your life, so now you kind of get
Speaker 1: the vibe what does it feel like? And you might
Speaker 1: been bethinking like, shit, guys, that's actually just my normal life.
Speaker 1: Like I feel that all the time.
Speaker 3: And my personality.
Speaker 1: It's just now, look I thought that too, But you
Speaker 1: absolutely can get to a place because think of it
Speaker 1: this way. When you're regulating your nervous system and someone
Speaker 1: like annoys the fuck out of you or triggers you,
Speaker 1: you have more space to step back and have awareness.
Speaker 1: Rather if you're already dysregulated, you're going to go straight
Speaker 1: to like defense mode, fight or flight. So all regulating
Speaker 1: yourself is doing is like it's giving you those extra
Speaker 1: moments to not feed into the cycle, not feed into
Speaker 1: the patterns.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just to give you a nervous system to
Speaker 3: stay on track. Like whenever we get triggered, we to
Speaker 3: go and it just you have to send this massive
Speaker 3: spike and then you've got to come down to where
Speaker 3: you're regulated and where you're normal. And it's to get
Speaker 3: to a point where you always have triggers and even
Speaker 3: the people that have done enormous amount of work on themselves,
Speaker 3: they still get them. But it's to regulate back down
Speaker 3: to the center part of your nervous system.
Speaker 1: So it doesn't derail your whole day.
Speaker 3: Yeah, beact that must happen here weeks who knows, but yeah,
Speaker 3: it's just come back to center.
Speaker 1: So here are some tools to regulate your nervous system.
Speaker 1: I would say the first one is she says that
Speaker 1: she's had a coffee today. Limit your caffeine. One is
Speaker 1: my limit, and I know my limit.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 1: But I do notice sometimes if I have a second
Speaker 1: coffee because I'm tired or whatever, I'm always like, fuck,
Speaker 1: why did I do that? Because I'm so much more anxious.
Speaker 1: And again it's just like it's pushed. Let's say from
Speaker 1: a scale one to ten, I usually have like one
Speaker 1: to ten space for triggers, and then I have a
Speaker 1: coffee and I'm like at a five. So it's like
Speaker 1: something happens and it pushes me to an eight, whereas
Speaker 1: before it would have just pushed me to three or four.
Speaker 1: In saying that, I'm all about you don't have to
Speaker 1: be all or nothing. So that's why I'm like, I
Speaker 1: do allow myself one. I have to not do it
Speaker 1: on an empty stomach, so I have to like have eaten,
Speaker 1: and you need to justify. I'm just justifying because I
Speaker 1: know you don't have caffeine and you're judging me I
Speaker 1: don't have coffee.
Speaker 3: I'm I was like, I didn't say anything yes, Like,
Speaker 3: but you just listen to your body, like you just said,
Speaker 3: just when you get to that second one, it's no good.
Speaker 3: So just have one like it's all right that you
Speaker 3: do it like because you enjoy it, like that you
Speaker 3: get it benefits you. My biggest one is breath. So
Speaker 3: when I get triggered, I in the moment it can happen,
Speaker 3: like just do it in front of the person or
Speaker 3: yourself or whatever and you're like, no, take three. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's such a good practice because breath is everything, Like
Speaker 3: it can regulate and calm you down so fast, And
Speaker 3: just take three deep in hoals and ex hous the
Speaker 3: same in hell and then exil the same and that'll
Speaker 3: just complete, not completely, but that'll help you regulate your
Speaker 3: nervous system. And that's what I do. Like if you've
Speaker 3: got to close your eyes, just do it and you
Speaker 3: kind of get a bit of a zen and then
Speaker 3: your heart will be not as elevated as well. And
Speaker 3: that's what I do. That's the first thing for me.
Speaker 1: Love. Yeah, Well, off the back of that, I notice
Speaker 1: the biggest difference in my day, just the whole day,
Speaker 1: if I've done a meditation or not, if I've taken
Speaker 1: that time, and it's like it's being instead of it's
Speaker 1: being instead of being reactive, it's being proactive. And it's
Speaker 1: like before even I know I'm going to get triggered today,
Speaker 1: one of the first things I do is take some
Speaker 1: time to center myself, connecting with myself and to connect
Speaker 1: with my breath. I do notice such a difference. Then
Speaker 1: the whole day is to do that meditation and then
Speaker 1: rather way time trigger to be like I'm going to
Speaker 1: go do the meditation in the car, it's like just
Speaker 1: doing it in the morning anyway. Yeah, Like do you
Speaker 1: meditate every day?
Speaker 3: I'm such a huge believer in meditation and to meditate
Speaker 3: every day because like look at the evidence, Like look
Speaker 3: at all the bigger plans. No, they're evidence of all
Speaker 3: the the high level people that do talks and they're talking,
Speaker 3: like the people that do seminars and all that, and
Speaker 3: massive business owners. They all meditate. It's not it's not
Speaker 3: just the fluke like it's for reason and I do
Speaker 3: always think of that, but I yeah, I don't do
Speaker 3: it every day. I do it every couple of days,
Speaker 3: but I just forget and there's something that I'm going
Speaker 3: to try a lot more harder this year, good because
Speaker 3: I know it can help me and I yeah, I
Speaker 3: do believe that. That's massive to start the day for me.
Speaker 3: I look into my biggest values and my top two
Speaker 3: is my wife and my kids. And if I haven't
Speaker 3: got time with them and they're not, that value hasn't
Speaker 3: been met, that bucket hasn't been met. Like that, I
Speaker 3: don't feel right. And to regulate that if I need
Speaker 3: to check in on that, how am I gonna book
Speaker 3: in something with them or regulate that? Because once I
Speaker 3: have that connection with them and it's where I want
Speaker 3: it to be, then my nervous system is so much better.
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that. I actually have an example of
Speaker 1: that this morning. So you know how you went to
Speaker 1: yoga this morning and I was supposed to come, but
Speaker 1: we had this recording. Well, I've recorded previous episodes I,
Speaker 1: so I wanted to come to yoga, but I worked
Speaker 1: out in my head if I went to yoga, I
Speaker 1: would be able to make the recording, but I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have any time with Ivy in the morning. So that's
Speaker 1: why I'm made the decision. I wouldn't go to yoga,
Speaker 1: I'd do a walk instead so I could finish my
Speaker 1: walk and have an hour with her before I get ready,
Speaker 1: because I was like, that's really important to get that
Speaker 1: in before I head into a really important day of recording.
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, checking in with like those values
Speaker 1: and priorities and like what do I need to tick
Speaker 1: off first to then overflow into my other things?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Love that. Another way I regulate myself is with movement,
Speaker 1: like any sort of physical movement. I know, idiot, it's
Speaker 1: mine now, but I'll see I'll go with slow movement
Speaker 1: because that's my vibe right now. Is like, because I
Speaker 1: was doing weight training last year and I would like
Speaker 1: wake up at the Cracker dawn, go straight into weight training,
Speaker 1: and at weight training there was like full on, like
Speaker 1: club music playing. The atmosphere is like so full on,
Speaker 1: I'm just like smacked work out because it was a
Speaker 1: hard workout, and I just realized how much that wasn't
Speaker 1: regulating my nervous system. I'd feel like hyped up, but
Speaker 1: then the whole day I would be like, let's fuck
Speaker 1: I go, which I completely served me sometimes, but because
Speaker 1: I was healing my dayness system, I was like, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, I probably should start my day with a
Speaker 1: bit more slowness. And so I for a while now
Speaker 1: have been like doing pilates or yoga or just going
Speaker 1: for a walk, you know, with beautiful music or like
Speaker 1: a podcast and really easing into the day that day
Speaker 1: rather than this like hectic energy. That's been helpful for me.
Speaker 3: I did think of another one that I very much
Speaker 3: loved to learn. And if I'm not got my mind
Speaker 3: on something like a business or like I've always had
Speaker 3: a business, but if you're not fully into it or
Speaker 3: learning something or evolving and gaining knowledge, I'm not good.
Speaker 3: I always tend to I used to tend to like
Speaker 3: TV a lot and just get stuck there because i'mthingking,
Speaker 3: I just got nothing to do. I'm just gonna vetch
Speaker 3: out and and then then get to the end of
Speaker 3: the day or the end of a couple of hours
Speaker 3: on TV and think, why did I do that? Feel good?
Speaker 3: Like I don't.
Speaker 1: It's an escape, Yeah.
Speaker 3: It could have been, Yeah, definitely. And yeah for me
Speaker 3: to always be learning and challenging myself, that regulates me
Speaker 3: a lot, and I feel way more aligned and on
Speaker 3: path and yeah, way more satisfied.
Speaker 1: Oh I love that. That is a good one of
Speaker 1: like knowing when to challenge yourself.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: Well to add to that too, not really to add
Speaker 1: to that, but.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go for a long time.
Speaker 1: My niche of regulation exercise is reading fantasy. It's not niche.
Speaker 1: The whole book talks on it, but no. But what
Speaker 1: I love about reading right now and I like really
Speaker 1: needed it at the end of last year because I
Speaker 1: was feeling a little bit burnt out. Was like having
Speaker 1: these moments where I can just go into another world
Speaker 1: and feel like do something for myself that's not productive,
Speaker 1: like just be and be in the present moment and
Speaker 1: be like I can just sit and relish.
Speaker 3: In this What are you escaping from?
Speaker 1: I was waiting for that. No, absolutely, I was talking
Speaker 1: to m from work and I was like, I honestly
Speaker 1: think us reading fantasy means something about us, but I'm
Speaker 1: not willing to look at it yet.
Speaker 3: Challenging.
Speaker 1: Look, it could be an escapism, but it's better than alcohol,
Speaker 1: so we it's better than alcohol drugs, so it's fine.
Speaker 1: But it has been really good because it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I get to just like shut off for a bit
Speaker 1: b in this moment, and I think why it's good
Speaker 1: for me is because I'm an overly high performing person
Speaker 1: where every moment I had I would want to do
Speaker 1: something productive. So for me to do something that's quote
Speaker 1: unquote unproductive and enjoy it is really big for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd say it's productive, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, some other little ones that we can tag
Speaker 1: on is like having phone free time. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: what's been so good with the reading. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I've never not been on my phone as much since
Speaker 1: I got into the fantasy books. Because it turns Ivy
Speaker 1: goes to sleep and I'm like, see it, Tim, I'm
Speaker 1: upstairs reading my book. Don't touch my phone. Don't touch
Speaker 1: it in the morning.
Speaker 3: Don't talk to me, don't even look at me. Get away.
Speaker 3: I wonder why you're reading that book.
Speaker 1: No, it's the fantasy books have been amazing for our relationship.
Speaker 3: I don't need.
Speaker 4: I do need him, Honestly, the fantasy books have been
Speaker 4: an elite for the relationship because I'm feeling very frisky
Speaker 4: all the time, freaking me out.
Speaker 1: Now, I told you this, I told you now. I
Speaker 1: told you actually should read the books.
Speaker 3: Because that Ashley, she doesn't need to anyway.
Speaker 1: Singing and dancing I put down, Like my favorite thing
Speaker 1: to do is I get home from work and I'm
Speaker 1: feeling a bit funky, and I put the TV on
Speaker 1: with music videos and me and Ivy dance in the
Speaker 1: living room.
Speaker 3: It's really cool that you can do that, because I
Speaker 3: would find that I used to not be able to
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 1: Why not.
Speaker 3: I remember that Ash would listen to a song with
Speaker 3: the kids and she'd be dancing with Bodes and and
Speaker 3: that'll be dancing and they'd be like, come on, Coop,
Speaker 3: like come up, and I'd be like, nah, I'm not gonna.
Speaker 3: I don't want to dance. And that's like with my family,
Speaker 3: and I didn't want to.
Speaker 1: But since like you felt embarrassed, yeah, or like you
Speaker 1: couldn't dance or something, yeah, I'll probably.
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably I just felt uncomfortable. Okay, I didn't feel comfortable,
Speaker 3: which is really strange, and that's probably a good indicator
Speaker 3: that something's not right as well. And yeah, and so
Speaker 3: since doing the work on myself and being more there,
Speaker 3: like I started dancing with my kids and Ash and singing,
Speaker 3: and we had so much fun. But then I stepped
Speaker 3: into that and Body stopped dancing and he was embarrassed.
Speaker 3: So I talked to him and I helped him regulate
Speaker 3: his nervous system and ask him why he didn't want to,
Speaker 3: and we got to the bottom of it and I
Speaker 3: had a really good conversation. He's eight, so he would
Speaker 3: have been six or seven, and like a few days
Speaker 3: a week after that, he started dancing again, Like I
Speaker 3: helped him get to that center again because something was
Speaker 3: not right in him. So it was really a good one.
Speaker 3: Dancing so good. That was huge. It's a good indicator
Speaker 3: because you do that in the car, like I sing
Speaker 3: ye crazy in the car by myself.
Speaker 1: Well do you know too? So like singing or even
Speaker 1: doing things like you know in yoga, how you'd they.
Speaker 3: Go, oh oh, I reminded me of breath work and
Speaker 3: you did it.
Speaker 1: I was like, do you know how to?
Speaker 3: It was like the weirdest center I could saying, and
Speaker 3: you're like ah ah.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's um, it's very judgmental, funny. Me
Speaker 1: and Gooble also did both work together, and he goes,
Speaker 1: your noises sound very sexual and it was very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: We were next to each other, guys. I was like, no,
Speaker 3: they didn't, and then I mimicked it and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but in the moment it didn't. It was just
Speaker 1: a natural noise.
Speaker 3: But I was like, that's good, Like I felt that's
Speaker 3: good to get it out like it was.
Speaker 4: It was really good, get that ship out of your body.
Speaker 1: No, So did you know the actual like vocalizing that's
Speaker 1: actually something that helps regulate your nervous system. That's why
Speaker 1: in yoga, the olms and all that sort of thing.
Speaker 1: It's not just for fun. It helps, Yeah, like regular
Speaker 1: your nervous system.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a cool breath work that I always listened
Speaker 3: to when I don't want to do it in my
Speaker 3: head and I need a bit of help, and it's
Speaker 3: to say, ah, like very similar sounds.
Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So anything that like vibrates in your body, that's what
Speaker 1: it is. It's like, you know, you can also use
Speaker 1: those sorts of things to like realign your chakras.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm singing that, yeah, shakra.
Speaker 1: I love the words. Shut. My biggest thing that I've
Speaker 1: always helped me regulate myself is journaling. So when the
Speaker 1: thoughts are all crazy in my head and they don't
Speaker 1: make sense, I journal and I write it down and
Speaker 1: then I look at the words and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: like they're just words, They're just thoughts, they're just feelings
Speaker 1: and it's it's just taking that moment to have reflection,
Speaker 1: to have a step of awareness, or again you're not
Speaker 1: in the reactivity, you have that space to be like,
Speaker 1: how do I want to act in this moment, rather
Speaker 1: than just reacting.
Speaker 3: On that as well. I also like to journal, and
Speaker 3: it's very good to get the words out. But what
Speaker 3: I found at night time, when even though after I've
Speaker 3: done all this work, I still have nights here and
Speaker 3: there that just something's not right. But it's usually when
Speaker 3: something's going on, something BIG's happening. It's to get at
Speaker 3: your journal. Sometimes I don't have it, and I get
Speaker 3: my phone and mind dump, so I put all of
Speaker 3: what's on my mind in my phone or whatever, and
Speaker 3: then once I do that, I go to sleep so easy,
Speaker 3: like I've just offloaded everything and it's not in my
Speaker 3: mind and I can go regulate my nervous system and
Speaker 3: go to sleep. So if you get stuck, that's like
Speaker 3: that's a huge tool y.
Speaker 1: I also find just getting out into nature and sunshine,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's good. Like if I'm not feeling one
Speaker 1: hundred percent, if I'm feeling a bit depressed, if I'm
Speaker 1: just feeling anxio, if I have a weekend of full nature.
Speaker 1: I'm off my phone really like putting bare feet into
Speaker 1: the soil and like going for a swim the ocean,
Speaker 1: those sorts of things. Oh my god, that helps me
Speaker 1: so much. So that's kind of that's all mine. That's
Speaker 1: a lot lots to do there, But Coop, I thought
Speaker 1: to end this episode, I wanted to ask you, Let's
Speaker 1: say Ashley is super disregulated and she comes to you,
Speaker 1: what's the kind of like step by step process that
Speaker 1: you would do of like what you could do. So
Speaker 1: it's going to be really helpful for like someone who
Speaker 1: deals with disregulated people or if they can do that
Speaker 1: to themselves.
Speaker 3: Also, yeah, the partners and all everyone around you. The
Speaker 3: thing is first is take a few deep breaths, like
Speaker 3: I've said. Then if you're the person that is trying
Speaker 3: to help the other person, the best thing for you
Speaker 3: to do is give them safe space to talk and
Speaker 3: be vulnerable and don't like it's all about them, like
Speaker 3: don't bring it on yourself and be like, oh yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what happened to me, And then you go into
Speaker 3: yourself like in that moment, it's their hold, hold space
Speaker 3: and give it to them and keep asking them questions
Speaker 3: like go deeper and deeper and if they say, oh,
Speaker 3: I didn't like this, or and you say why didn't
Speaker 3: you like this? How come? How come is a lot
Speaker 3: nicer than why, but if you say why, and they'll
Speaker 3: feel more safe when you do that, And that's something
Speaker 3: I've learned an LP like it's the meta model of
Speaker 3: getting deeper, getting more connection, and by doing that, they'll
Speaker 3: be full vulnerable by the end of it, and they
Speaker 3: would have released everything consciously in that omen and they
Speaker 3: would feel safe. And that's that's the end result that
Speaker 3: you want to get to because I.
Speaker 1: Think also it's making them feel seen and heard. So
Speaker 1: it's like doing whatever you need to do.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, because it is like when a us
Speaker 3: are quite a person says this to a person that's
Speaker 3: more dominant and they just want to fix them. And
Speaker 3: this usually happens with a male and a female, and
Speaker 3: a male's my experience.
Speaker 1: Wants to fix solution orientated, just like.
Speaker 3: Let's thought this out. Yeah, we just want to fix it.
Speaker 3: And this happens vice versta Like it's like push it
Speaker 3: down and be happy.
Speaker 1: It's all good. There's actually something me and Tim have
Speaker 1: like has been really big for our communication is like
Speaker 1: when he's you know, just regulated or he's like triggered
Speaker 1: or whatever, and he'll say to me, I'll say to him,
Speaker 1: do you want a solution or do you just need
Speaker 1: me to listen? Yeah, communication having that in the conversation,
Speaker 1: So he's like, no, like I just want to rant.
Speaker 1: Just fucking listen to me, because otherwise I am very
Speaker 1: much like my father, and I'm quite masculine in the
Speaker 1: way of like I want to find a solution for
Speaker 1: him because I want to help him, but he just
Speaker 1: needs me to listen. He just needs me to hold space.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you've got to be team the other person
Speaker 3: one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: You need to seen and heard and validated to become
Speaker 1: more regulated and then you could make a better decision.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Just support, Like I always say this to our
Speaker 3: parents as well and to myself and my wife, Like
Speaker 3: all you need is love and support. Like that's such
Speaker 3: a big thing in a conversation in life as well.
Speaker 1: But yeah, all right, guys, Well, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Come and
Speaker 1: up in our Facebook group because that's where we chat
Speaker 1: about all these interesting topics. Thank you, Thank you. So
Speaker 1: much for listening to another episode of the Rise and
Speaker 1: Concer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more, come
Speaker 1: connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer dot podcast and
Speaker 1: join our Facebook discussion group, a Rise and Concer podcast community.
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