1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,160 Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,600 Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo 3 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:10,560 Speaker 1: Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,320 Speaker 1: and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, 6 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:30,240 Speaker 1: and this is the Rise and Conquer podcast. This is 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,199 Speaker 1: the podcast where we ch have mindset, self development and 8 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,199 Speaker 1: becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, 9 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses 10 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: and being among Think of us as the perfect combo 11 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No 12 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: matter where you are in your journey, We're here to 13 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's 15 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: seat of your own life, stop letting life pass you by, 16 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 1: then you're in the right place. Hello everybody, and welcome 17 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: back to the potty. Today we have an episode with 18 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 1: Cooper and we are chatting about different ways to regulate 19 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: your nervous system. This is something that me and Cooper 20 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: have both been working on since last year because we 21 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: just noticed how much our like subconscious beliefs. We're running 22 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: our nervous system and we were feeling like burnt out. 23 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: We're feeling triggered, you know, highly emotional, and it's been 24 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: a whole journey for us. So you know, if you're 25 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: someone who's super busy, maybe you're already feeling burnt out 26 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: and maybe you just like notice sometimes your nervous system 27 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: is just like shot, or you're just like you're not 28 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: feeling good, You're feeling anxious, and you're like, oh my god, 29 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: I just I need to get out of this cycle. 30 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: You're gonna love this episode. So, guys, just a really 31 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: quick announcement. We are having our first Rise app community 32 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: event on the twenty third of March. There are limited spaces. 33 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 1: There's only fifty spots available, so I won't give too 34 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,080 Speaker 1: much more away because all information is going to be 35 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 1: on socials. Oh my god, I'm so excited. The like 36 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: the run sheet for the event. It's going to be 37 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: so magical and I just cannot wait to be there 38 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,639 Speaker 1: with you guys and do this morning. The whole reason 39 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,079 Speaker 1: when you started the app is because I'm just I'm 40 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: craving that community connection. So this is going to be 41 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: like one step deeper and it's going to be incredible. 42 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 2: I'm so excited, can't wait to meet everyone. 43 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: A tear quickly before we get into the episode Weekly Recommendations. 44 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 2: Just back here with another wrong com tell us more. 45 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,679 Speaker 2: It's called Anyone But You and it has Sydney Sweeney 46 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 2: and Glenn Powell and I adore that man ob set. 47 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: It's beautiful, the fucking best movie ever. 48 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: It is such a great movie. It's based on like 49 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 2: an old Shakespeare thing too, so if you're a bit 50 00:02:59,560 --> 00:02:59,799 Speaker 2: of a. 51 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 3: Nerd, you'll really like it. 52 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: What's your. 53 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: She's currently scrolling through her kidney lab. 54 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: So I'm back with a book wreck, but it's not 55 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: a fiction. We're doing nonfiction today. Oh I know, I'm 56 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 1: shocked myself, me too. So the book is called The 57 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 1: Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller and is the psychology of spirituality. 58 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 1: That sounds really interesting. So I love books that give 59 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: either like a science backing or just some sort of 60 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: basis for things that you like, you can't quantify. Almost 61 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: like I've read a book ones that all is all 62 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: about like the science of manifesting, where I know manifesting works. 63 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: I preach it and practice it in my life, but 64 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: like to have a book being like scientifically manifesting works. 65 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: It just like again, it's like great evidence for your 66 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: brain that it's like, yes, I'm you know, my beliefs 67 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: are on point, if that makes sense. So the whole 68 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: book is just basically about, well a captivating look at 69 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: what happens when you're connected to something greater than yourself. 70 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: So it's all about like the science and psychology behind 71 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 1: spirituality and how it's so connected to so much more 72 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: than we think. And so if you're an RNC Galley, 73 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,479 Speaker 1: you will love this book. 74 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 2: I'm that's definitely going on the list. 75 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: I'll read that soon. My list is getting really low. 76 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 1: All right, let's get into the episode. So Coop, I 77 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 1: thought we could start the episode with just explaining even 78 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: like what regulating your nervous system is and why we 79 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:51,040 Speaker 1: need to do it for ourselves. So when we say 80 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: regulating your nervous system, we are just talking about you know, 81 00:04:55,800 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: back in the day, back in the held days, the tribe, 82 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: the good old days and tried days. You know, we 83 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: would see a tiger and we would get that response 84 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: of like fight or flight, and our body would have 85 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 1: a physical reaction. So we could either like play dead 86 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: or we could run faster. So you have an actual 87 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: physical response, and that's good, we need that. But what 88 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: has happened is in modern life, you know, stresses like 89 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: trying to meet a deadline at work or getting triggered 90 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: by your parents or your partner bring on this physical 91 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 1: response of your body that puts you into being disregulated. 92 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: And when you're disregulated, your digestive system doesn't work. You 93 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: can't use like your full mental capacity and like all 94 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: these respons from your body. So when you regulate your 95 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 1: nervous system, you're actually able to even to the point 96 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: of the reason why I had to start looking into 97 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: regulating my nervous system is because I had a thyroid 98 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: disease and my doctor was like, you need to be 99 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:22,799 Speaker 1: in a healing state where your body feels safe enough 100 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: to heal. So if you're constantly in this state or 101 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: fight or flight, you don't digest food, your body doesn't 102 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: heal itself. There's all these like physioresponsors. 103 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's attacking. Like that stuff attacks your body in 104 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,280 Speaker 3: numerous ways, and like your skin might be the first one, 105 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 3: but then it comes out deep organs and who knows, 106 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 3: like it can be anything. 107 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: And especially if it's a long chronic time, if you're 108 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: constantly in a state of stress, if you constantly feel overstimulated, 109 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,799 Speaker 1: if you're constantly disregulated, your body gets to a point 110 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: where it thinks that's normal and that's safety, and it's 111 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: so hard to heal from that place, to be your 112 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: best self, to just feel good, to feel safe. 113 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, like to go in more like with holding on trauma. 114 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 3: It stores those files. So we all have files and 115 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 3: we store them for our protection and our survival and 116 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 3: having them stored in a bad way and keeping them 117 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 3: in a bad way when things come up and you 118 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 3: get triggered, which you don't understand why you get triggered, 119 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 3: and it's usually something completely different, But when that happens, 120 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 3: your body is like I can't deal with this sort 121 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 3: of thing, so I'm going to put it out on 122 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 3: your body. I'm going to angle instead of knowing that trauma, 123 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 3: it's going to bring it out in your body and 124 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 3: it's going to come up in a different way, and 125 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 3: that's that you're going to focus on. And an example 126 00:07:56,120 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 3: is for myself that I had headaches my whole life 127 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 3: life and like, oh, my whole life since I was 128 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 3: maybe around twelve, I think that I had headaches all 129 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 3: the time and they controlled my life and I couldn't 130 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 3: do this and I always had nerve and panandole and 131 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 3: and there was. 132 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 1: Those that was like the whole childhood was Goop having legit. 133 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 1: Like it's all I mem would be shopping and Mom's like, 134 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: we have to go home because Goop's got a headache. 135 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking Cooper. 136 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 3: Honestly, sorry, guys, I was just getting triggered. 137 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: Probably because the day was about me. 138 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just like when you think about it, when 139 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 3: I think about it in my head, like your mind 140 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 3: controls everything for your survival in this place, and we 141 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,719 Speaker 3: have evolved and we're in a different environment, so it's 142 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 3: definitely a lot more stress actually, but that's kind of 143 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 3: like where it stems from and what happens. 144 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: And so even like from my obviously this episode, mean 145 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: are not health professionals. We're just really talking about our 146 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 1: own experience. And so from my experience, I actually lived 147 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: majority of I would say, from like my late teenage 148 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: years to my early twenties in a disregulated place. It 149 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 1: was this place of I have to do more, I 150 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 1: have to strive more, I have to keep on fighting. 151 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: It felt like this like constant state of like more 152 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 1: and I have to be a certain way in order 153 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,199 Speaker 1: to feel a certain way, and it was like this 154 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: overwhelming pressure on my chest and shoulders, and I would 155 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: often like now, looking back, I had so a lot, 156 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,959 Speaker 1: so many like physical representations of stress in my life, 157 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: and it made sense because I was doing a law degree, 158 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 1: or I was working full time while doing my law degree, 159 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 1: or I was starting a business, and it all made 160 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: sense sense. So I was like so fine with it almost, 161 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: and it would just felt normal to me to live 162 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:11,959 Speaker 1: in this constant state of being disregulated. But then since 163 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 1: doing a lot of internal work and really focus on 164 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 1: like what is actually going to regulate my nervous system 165 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: right now and what is actually going to make me 166 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: feel safe. What has happened is I just feel so 167 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,880 Speaker 1: much more comfortable to be in the present moment, Like 168 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: I can just be in the present moment, Like I 169 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: can be at home and let's say I've done my 170 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: to do list or whatnot, and I can be like 171 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 1: this actually happened the other day. Cooper and I had 172 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: finished what I wanted to do that day for work, 173 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,079 Speaker 1: Ivy and Tim were out and I had this moment 174 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: where I was like, I really want to read my 175 00:10:55,679 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: book because I'm really into fantasy books right now, whole 176 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 1: random of me. And but then I had that a 177 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 1: first initial thought of like oh, or I should do 178 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,199 Speaker 1: more work or I should be productive. But because I've 179 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: been really focusing on regulating my nervous system, I was like, no, 180 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,839 Speaker 1: I get to actually just read my book and be 181 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: in this moment and like seek out the pleasure, which 182 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: is my word for the year. And so I read 183 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: my book and then you know, Tim and Ivy came 184 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: home and we did our normal afternoon routine. But there 185 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: was a moment there when I reflected and I spoke 186 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 1: to Tim after and I was like, previous Georgie, because 187 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: she was so disregulated all the time, would not have 188 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: the awareness to actually just be present and enjoy that moment. 189 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: She would have done the productive thing. She would have 190 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: been like, oh, I can't just like relish in this moment. 191 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 1: So that's what regulating my nervous system has done, is 192 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 1: I'm actually able to just be. 193 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 3: It's so nice, that's powerful, that's really cool. But like, 194 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 3: don't beat yourself up for what you have done and 195 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 3: where you like the things that have triggered you and 196 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 3: that sort of thing, because they're there to benefit us. 197 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 3: Everything we do in our life is to benefit us. 198 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,560 Speaker 3: At that point in time in your life that you 199 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 3: were opposite to what you said, like it was there 200 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 3: to benefit you, and it's the same for everyone, Like. 201 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: And it did. It hugely benefited me massively. 202 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 3: But now you're on a different journey and it's not 203 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 3: benefiting you, and so it doesn't feel right. So like 204 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 3: it's all good from where you have gone and it's 205 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 3: you've got those lessons and you've got you've learned so 206 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 3: much from it. But yet now now's the time you 207 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 3: can start taking some small steps of regulating your nervous system. 208 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: And it is funny because even now, even though I'm like, no, 209 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: I get to be in this season of like feeling 210 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: really peaceful and being I do still have moments like 211 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: when we did the Sydney event for our friend merce 212 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: with n H. It was absolutely like a whirlwind because 213 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,559 Speaker 1: we like we did a Terry White meaning and that 214 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 1: I had a podcast and then we had the event 215 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: and we had the influences there and I definitely did 216 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: feel a little bit dysregulated. But again it was like 217 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: that moment of being like, it's okay. For this moment, 218 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: I can actually lean into just fucking being a bit 219 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 1: all over the place, but still feeling okay because like 220 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: you said, it's probably served me and it's like the 221 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: zone I needed to be in. 222 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely it benefited you. But also you've learned a 223 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 3: massive lesson from that that you're not going to do 224 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 3: something so crazy, because I remember before that happened, you 225 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 3: just said I don't want to do it. This isn't 226 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 3: like I just I really don't want to do it. 227 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 3: I'm getting bad feelings, I'm getting guilt, and it doesn't 228 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 3: And I remember talking to you saying, look, you've said this, 229 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 3: you've done. You've got to stick to your word, and 230 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 3: you're going to learn a valuable lesson of what not 231 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,559 Speaker 3: to do. You need to go and do it. Otherwise 232 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 3: you're not going to have that lesson. 233 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not gonna know. And also it's also like 234 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,959 Speaker 1: what's good about this is like you need to go 235 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 1: and see what your boundaries are. You need to almost 236 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 1: push the limits to be like, oh there's the. 237 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:18,479 Speaker 3: Spot, don't go too far, but oh look definitely, Yeah, 238 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 3: and then you'd be like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that, 239 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 3: but that's all learning, and it's okay, all. 240 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: Right, well let's chat about like, first of all, let's 241 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: talk about some signs that you're disregulated. 242 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 3: My first one that jumps to my head that is 243 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:45,280 Speaker 3: a great awareness, and I used to be this person, 244 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 3: and it's in a conversation you this person can just 245 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 3: talk about themselves. So in a conversation for me, there 246 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 3: is like someone talk and then the other one listens 247 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 3: and let that person talk until they're finished, and then 248 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,480 Speaker 3: the other person talks and you ask each other questions 249 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 3: and it's just back and forth, back and forth, and 250 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 3: it's even it's like you're equal. But when you're with 251 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 3: someone and they talk about themselves a lot, which happens 252 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 3: a lot, and I used to be very much like that, 253 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 3: and that to me is usually when there's just too 254 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 3: much in that person's head that they don't have enough 255 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 3: space to give to the other person. And in that note, 256 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 3: like when you are with someone that talks about themselves 257 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 3: a lot, it's they need it, and I just usually 258 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 3: sit there and ask them more questions and try and 259 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 3: help them out because they need it at that time. 260 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 3: So it's still nice that you are a helper. But 261 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 3: that's been a big thing for me lately that it's 262 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 3: not that nice to be around someone that talks about 263 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 3: themselves too much and challenge him. 264 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: Why are you talking about yourself so much? 265 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 3: I challenge the other day he did. Yeah, I said, 266 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 3: I'm like, why do you talk? And he's like, actually, 267 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 3: I have noticed that, and I am trying to fix 268 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 3: that at the moment. And Yeah, for me to say 269 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 3: that to him, he's going to be way more aware 270 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 3: of it and it's going to help him. It's going 271 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 3: to benefit him. So that's Yeah, when you're stuck in 272 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 3: your head, that's. 273 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, when you're not like when you can't, when you 274 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 1: don't have capacity for other people, Yeah, you're. 275 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,200 Speaker 3: Just scraping by it in your head. 276 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's honestly, like, if I think back to 277 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: those periods when I was just regulated, that's what it 278 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 1: felt like. I felt like I did not have any 279 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: capacity for anyone else or anything else. Yeah, that's a 280 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: good one. I think I was going to say, like 281 00:16:54,880 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 1: more from like a physical response, Like in my physical body, 282 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 1: it can feel like anxiety and stress and this like 283 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: overwhelming just feeling of pressure. That's how I know I'm 284 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 1: just regulated because I'm just like, oh, I just can't 285 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: even see pass this issue or whatever, and I'm having 286 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 1: like a physiological effect and just stuck. 287 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, I just can't get out. The next one is 288 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 3: for me is being a victim. 289 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: Oh that's a good one. 290 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 3: Yeah. Is in a conversation where they're like poor me, 291 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:38,200 Speaker 3: poor this, like I'm struggling and it's this victim mode, 292 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 3: and yeah, that's that's a huge one that you kind 293 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 3: of know that you're kind of stuck and if you 294 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 3: notice that you're doing it, that's the first step being 295 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 3: aware and with the talking thing as well, like being aware, 296 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 3: oh man, I am talking too much? Yeah, and how 297 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 3: are you going to do? Some steps to go from 298 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 3: here and noticing and then excelling into the next steps. 299 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 1: So when you're like in your ego of like poor me, 300 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: life's happening to me. It's their fault, it's their problem. 301 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 1: All these things always happen to me. 302 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 3: Blame in everyone else, Yeah, but yourself, And that's just 303 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,400 Speaker 3: it's just acting victim. Huge yep. 304 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: Another good one when I know I'm just regulated is 305 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 1: when I have like a really short attention span or 306 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 1: I'm like wanting to go on my phone a lot, 307 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,440 Speaker 1: like I'm needing that the validation they're like, oh, let 308 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 1: me just see if someone message me, or that feeling 309 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: of like I don't know, you just you need something, 310 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,199 Speaker 1: you need stimulation, like you actually can't be in your body. 311 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 1: You need to escape. 312 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 3: Well on that note to me, that expand like that 313 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 3: you need to numb yourself. Yes, and that's when like 314 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 3: alcohol comes in or food, foods huge. 315 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: It's not alcoholpithic, it's me. 316 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 3: Or other substances like they're the numbing things that yeah, 317 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 3: you just you have to escape. Yeah. I did that 318 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 3: a lot, and it benefited me at the time because 319 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 3: I had so much pain. It's really good done. 320 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 1: Nuts are really good. 321 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:28,560 Speaker 3: The next one is sleep. I was finding myself for 322 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 3: doing a lot of work on myself that I could 323 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 3: never go to sleep, and I struggled to go to sleep, 324 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,199 Speaker 3: and I was always taking tablets to help me. I 325 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 3: was drinking to help me go to sleep weirdly as well, 326 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 3: and then I would wake up early. I was just thinking, 327 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 3: why can't I just bloody sleep? But they had too 328 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,520 Speaker 3: much in my head. Yeah, no space. It was just 329 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,919 Speaker 3: everything was going in my head and I knew it 330 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 3: at the time, but that's that would have been a 331 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 3: huge indicator for me to be in like you need 332 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 3: to sort your sleep there because we need our sleep. 333 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:08,440 Speaker 1: So true. I think one more for me is when 334 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 1: I'm overly sensitive. So if like you know, Tim says 335 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,439 Speaker 1: something or something happens and I just have this like 336 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 1: overwhelming emotion where I know it's probably not appropriate reaction, 337 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: but it's like I just feel it in my soul. 338 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 3: I know. 339 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: I've come to work and be like, oh, Tim, he's 340 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,320 Speaker 1: really fucking me off today. 341 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, that would happen. Or Georgia back in the day 342 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:46,640 Speaker 3: would make me cry because I would trigger her and 343 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 3: she would just go and fight mode. Would I am 344 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 3: light mode and I would just be like then I 345 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 3: would end I'm crying pretty much, and then you'd be like, 346 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 3: why you cry and fight me? It's just some raw 347 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 3: rather with the love. 348 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 1: Actually that's a true story, but it's really true because 349 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 1: you are your like your and that's even let's talk 350 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,359 Speaker 1: about that. So your response when you were dysregulated, Cooper 351 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 1: does go like inward, it's very like he can't. 352 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 3: Just shut off. 353 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, he shuts go quiet. 354 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:21,640 Speaker 3: I'm like, come out. 355 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, where I am like fight, I like erupt, I unleashed. 356 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 3: You haven't done it for a long time. I know, 357 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 3: because I remember I started to do work on myself 358 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 3: and you, I had so much more awareness and I 359 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:44,040 Speaker 3: was sorting all these things out inside of myself. And 360 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 3: there was those cases of when you were in fight 361 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 3: mode and you, yeah, wouldn't attack me in words, and 362 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 3: I would be like, I would use my knowledge of 363 00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 3: like switching it around and putting it back on you, 364 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,480 Speaker 3: and I'd be like, why do you reckon You're like 365 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 3: that little secret, And in the end, Georgia would and 366 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 3: I'm crying about itself. But it was just there was 367 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 3: something deep that you got triggered and you had to 368 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 3: let it out. But it come up in a way 369 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 3: that isn't who you are, but it just had to 370 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 3: get it out. And like, because you are the most 371 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 3: loving person, one of the most loving persons I know, 372 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 3: and I knew it was there, but this rage come out. 373 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,360 Speaker 3: But that's the pain, that's the triggers, and that's what 374 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 3: we hold. 375 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,480 Speaker 1: I go into defense. As soon as I triggered, It's 376 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 1: like it feels like betrayal, like I'm so and that's 377 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,639 Speaker 1: how I know I'm just regulated because I go straight too. 378 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm trying to defend myself. 379 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 3: Here, so nasty. 380 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,679 Speaker 1: Ah, guys, I have like a venomous tongue. That's what 381 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,239 Speaker 1: i'ld go aways off, like I go, something happens, I 382 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 1: go straight in for the kill, don't it? 383 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 3: And I like say, then that doesn't happen. You're like 384 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:13,560 Speaker 3: this most beautiful, nicest person and happening. 385 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 1: I know, get it. I actually was thinking, I literally 386 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 1: had a thought the other day of how much just 387 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: how we good we are in business, since like doing 388 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 1: all this work on ourselves, and like how regulated we 389 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 1: both are so we can just like handle things so 390 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: easily compared to previous we would have these fights and yeah, 391 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,119 Speaker 1: you would cry and I'd have to apologize, and it. 392 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 3: Was like this whole It wasn't all the time, so 393 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,879 Speaker 3: everyone wasn't all the time all the time. It was 394 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 3: a time. 395 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:45,959 Speaker 1: Drama. 396 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 3: Definitely. 397 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: That's how you know, you just regulate. You got like 398 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: drama in your life, so now you kind of get 399 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,880 Speaker 1: the vibe what does it feel like? And you might 400 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: been bethinking like, shit, guys, that's actually just my normal life. 401 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 1: Like I feel that all the time. 402 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 3: And my personality. 403 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: It's just now, look I thought that too, But you 404 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 1: absolutely can get to a place because think of it 405 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: this way. When you're regulating your nervous system and someone 406 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: like annoys the fuck out of you or triggers you, 407 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 1: you have more space to step back and have awareness. 408 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 1: Rather if you're already dysregulated, you're going to go straight 409 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: to like defense mode, fight or flight. So all regulating 410 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,479 Speaker 1: yourself is doing is like it's giving you those extra 411 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:33,400 Speaker 1: moments to not feed into the cycle, not feed into 412 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:34,159 Speaker 1: the patterns. 413 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just to give you a nervous system to 414 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 3: stay on track. Like whenever we get triggered, we to 415 00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 3: go and it just you have to send this massive 416 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 3: spike and then you've got to come down to where 417 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 3: you're regulated and where you're normal. And it's to get 418 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,880 Speaker 3: to a point where you always have triggers and even 419 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 3: the people that have done enormous amount of work on themselves, 420 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,680 Speaker 3: they still get them. But it's to regulate back down 421 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 3: to the center part of your nervous system. 422 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 1: So it doesn't derail your whole day. 423 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, beact that must happen here weeks who knows, but yeah, 424 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:12,960 Speaker 3: it's just come back to center. 425 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: So here are some tools to regulate your nervous system. 426 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: I would say the first one is she says that 427 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 1: she's had a coffee today. Limit your caffeine. One is 428 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,720 Speaker 1: my limit, and I know my limit. 429 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:28,480 Speaker 3: That's good. 430 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: But I do notice sometimes if I have a second 431 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,639 Speaker 1: coffee because I'm tired or whatever, I'm always like, fuck, 432 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 1: why did I do that? Because I'm so much more anxious. 433 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,360 Speaker 1: And again it's just like it's pushed. Let's say from 434 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,400 Speaker 1: a scale one to ten, I usually have like one 435 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,520 Speaker 1: to ten space for triggers, and then I have a 436 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,879 Speaker 1: coffee and I'm like at a five. So it's like 437 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: something happens and it pushes me to an eight, whereas 438 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 1: before it would have just pushed me to three or four. 439 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 1: In saying that, I'm all about you don't have to 440 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 1: be all or nothing. So that's why I'm like, I 441 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 1: do allow myself one. I have to not do it 442 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: on an empty stomach, so I have to like have eaten, 443 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:08,119 Speaker 1: and you need to justify. I'm just justifying because I 444 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: know you don't have caffeine and you're judging me I 445 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:11,360 Speaker 1: don't have coffee. 446 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 3: I'm I was like, I didn't say anything yes, Like, 447 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 3: but you just listen to your body, like you just said, 448 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,160 Speaker 3: just when you get to that second one, it's no good. 449 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,840 Speaker 3: So just have one like it's all right that you 450 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 3: do it like because you enjoy it, like that you 451 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 3: get it benefits you. My biggest one is breath. So 452 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 3: when I get triggered, I in the moment it can happen, 453 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,400 Speaker 3: like just do it in front of the person or 454 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 3: yourself or whatever and you're like, no, take three. Yeah, 455 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,359 Speaker 3: it's such a good practice because breath is everything, Like 456 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 3: it can regulate and calm you down so fast, And 457 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 3: just take three deep in hoals and ex hous the 458 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 3: same in hell and then exil the same and that'll 459 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,479 Speaker 3: just complete, not completely, but that'll help you regulate your 460 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 3: nervous system. And that's what I do. Like if you've 461 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 3: got to close your eyes, just do it and you 462 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 3: kind of get a bit of a zen and then 463 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,880 Speaker 3: your heart will be not as elevated as well. And 464 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,480 Speaker 3: that's what I do. That's the first thing for me. 465 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:27,920 Speaker 1: Love. Yeah, Well, off the back of that, I notice 466 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,920 Speaker 1: the biggest difference in my day, just the whole day, 467 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 1: if I've done a meditation or not, if I've taken 468 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: that time, and it's like it's being instead of it's 469 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:43,400 Speaker 1: being instead of being reactive, it's being proactive. And it's 470 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,360 Speaker 1: like before even I know I'm going to get triggered today, 471 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: one of the first things I do is take some 472 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:53,000 Speaker 1: time to center myself, connecting with myself and to connect 473 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,640 Speaker 1: with my breath. I do notice such a difference. Then 474 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 1: the whole day is to do that meditation and then 475 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,359 Speaker 1: rather way time trigger to be like I'm going to 476 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 1: go do the meditation in the car, it's like just 477 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: doing it in the morning anyway. Yeah, Like do you 478 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: meditate every day? 479 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 3: I'm such a huge believer in meditation and to meditate 480 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 3: every day because like look at the evidence, Like look 481 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 3: at all the bigger plans. No, they're evidence of all 482 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 3: the the high level people that do talks and they're talking, 483 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,880 Speaker 3: like the people that do seminars and all that, and 484 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,120 Speaker 3: massive business owners. They all meditate. It's not it's not 485 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 3: just the fluke like it's for reason and I do 486 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 3: always think of that, but I yeah, I don't do 487 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 3: it every day. I do it every couple of days, 488 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 3: but I just forget and there's something that I'm going 489 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 3: to try a lot more harder this year, good because 490 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 3: I know it can help me and I yeah, I 491 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 3: do believe that. That's massive to start the day for me. 492 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 3: I look into my biggest values and my top two 493 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 3: is my wife and my kids. And if I haven't 494 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 3: got time with them and they're not, that value hasn't 495 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 3: been met, that bucket hasn't been met. Like that, I 496 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 3: don't feel right. And to regulate that if I need 497 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 3: to check in on that, how am I gonna book 498 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,920 Speaker 3: in something with them or regulate that? Because once I 499 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 3: have that connection with them and it's where I want 500 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 3: it to be, then my nervous system is so much better. 501 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: Oh, I love that. I actually have an example of 502 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,920 Speaker 1: that this morning. So you know how you went to 503 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 1: yoga this morning and I was supposed to come, but 504 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 1: we had this recording. Well, I've recorded previous episodes I, 505 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: so I wanted to come to yoga, but I worked 506 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 1: out in my head if I went to yoga, I 507 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,760 Speaker 1: would be able to make the recording, but I wouldn't 508 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 1: have any time with Ivy in the morning. So that's 509 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,720 Speaker 1: why I'm made the decision. I wouldn't go to yoga, 510 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: I'd do a walk instead so I could finish my 511 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: walk and have an hour with her before I get ready, 512 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,480 Speaker 1: because I was like, that's really important to get that 513 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 1: in before I head into a really important day of recording. 514 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,920 Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, checking in with like those values 515 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,360 Speaker 1: and priorities and like what do I need to tick 516 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: off first to then overflow into my other things? 517 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 3: Yeah? 518 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,000 Speaker 1: Love that. Another way I regulate myself is with movement, 519 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: like any sort of physical movement. I know, idiot, it's 520 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,040 Speaker 1: mine now, but I'll see I'll go with slow movement 521 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,880 Speaker 1: because that's my vibe right now. Is like, because I 522 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 1: was doing weight training last year and I would like 523 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: wake up at the Cracker dawn, go straight into weight training, 524 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,080 Speaker 1: and at weight training there was like full on, like 525 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: club music playing. The atmosphere is like so full on, 526 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,200 Speaker 1: I'm just like smacked work out because it was a 527 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 1: hard workout, and I just realized how much that wasn't 528 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 1: regulating my nervous system. I'd feel like hyped up, but 529 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 1: then the whole day I would be like, let's fuck 530 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:17,080 Speaker 1: I go, which I completely served me sometimes, but because 531 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: I was healing my dayness system, I was like, wait 532 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,160 Speaker 1: a minute, I probably should start my day with a 533 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: bit more slowness. And so I for a while now 534 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 1: have been like doing pilates or yoga or just going 535 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: for a walk, you know, with beautiful music or like 536 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: a podcast and really easing into the day that day 537 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 1: rather than this like hectic energy. That's been helpful for me. 538 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 3: I did think of another one that I very much 539 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 3: loved to learn. And if I'm not got my mind 540 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,959 Speaker 3: on something like a business or like I've always had 541 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,440 Speaker 3: a business, but if you're not fully into it or 542 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 3: learning something or evolving and gaining knowledge, I'm not good. 543 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 3: I always tend to I used to tend to like 544 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,800 Speaker 3: TV a lot and just get stuck there because i'mthingking, 545 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 3: I just got nothing to do. I'm just gonna vetch 546 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 3: out and and then then get to the end of 547 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,000 Speaker 3: the day or the end of a couple of hours 548 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 3: on TV and think, why did I do that? Feel good? 549 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 3: Like I don't. 550 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 1: It's an escape, Yeah. 551 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 3: It could have been, Yeah, definitely. And yeah for me 552 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:40,360 Speaker 3: to always be learning and challenging myself, that regulates me 553 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 3: a lot, and I feel way more aligned and on 554 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:47,040 Speaker 3: path and yeah, way more satisfied. 555 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 1: Oh I love that. That is a good one of 556 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 1: like knowing when to challenge yourself. 557 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 3: Yep. 558 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,000 Speaker 1: Well to add to that too, not really to add 559 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 1: to that, but. 560 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 3: I'm going to go for a long time. 561 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: My niche of regulation exercise is reading fantasy. It's not niche. 562 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 1: The whole book talks on it, but no. But what 563 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,560 Speaker 1: I love about reading right now and I like really 564 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: needed it at the end of last year because I 565 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,320 Speaker 1: was feeling a little bit burnt out. Was like having 566 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 1: these moments where I can just go into another world 567 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: and feel like do something for myself that's not productive, 568 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,960 Speaker 1: like just be and be in the present moment and 569 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 1: be like I can just sit and relish. 570 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,360 Speaker 3: In this What are you escaping from? 571 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: I was waiting for that. No, absolutely, I was talking 572 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,720 Speaker 1: to m from work and I was like, I honestly 573 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 1: think us reading fantasy means something about us, but I'm 574 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 1: not willing to look at it yet. 575 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 3: Challenging. 576 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 1: Look, it could be an escapism, but it's better than alcohol, 577 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: so we it's better than alcohol drugs, so it's fine. 578 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,920 Speaker 1: But it has been really good because it's like, oh, 579 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 1: I get to just like shut off for a bit 580 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,359 Speaker 1: b in this moment, and I think why it's good 581 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 1: for me is because I'm an overly high performing person 582 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,840 Speaker 1: where every moment I had I would want to do 583 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,759 Speaker 1: something productive. So for me to do something that's quote 584 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 1: unquote unproductive and enjoy it is really big for me. 585 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd say it's productive, but. 586 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, some other little ones that we can tag 587 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 1: on is like having phone free time. Oh, this is 588 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: what's been so good with the reading. Oh my god, 589 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:38,439 Speaker 1: I've never not been on my phone as much since 590 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,560 Speaker 1: I got into the fantasy books. Because it turns Ivy 591 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:44,000 Speaker 1: goes to sleep and I'm like, see it, Tim, I'm 592 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: upstairs reading my book. Don't touch my phone. Don't touch 593 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 1: it in the morning. 594 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,160 Speaker 3: Don't talk to me, don't even look at me. Get away. 595 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 3: I wonder why you're reading that book. 596 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 1: No, it's the fantasy books have been amazing for our relationship. 597 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,080 Speaker 3: I don't need. 598 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 4: I do need him, Honestly, the fantasy books have been 599 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 4: an elite for the relationship because I'm feeling very frisky 600 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,759 Speaker 4: all the time, freaking me out. 601 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 1: Now, I told you this, I told you now. I 602 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,400 Speaker 1: told you actually should read the books. 603 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:31,480 Speaker 3: Because that Ashley, she doesn't need to anyway. 604 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,759 Speaker 1: Singing and dancing I put down, Like my favorite thing 605 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: to do is I get home from work and I'm 606 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 1: feeling a bit funky, and I put the TV on 607 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,680 Speaker 1: with music videos and me and Ivy dance in the 608 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 1: living room. 609 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 3: It's really cool that you can do that, because I 610 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,279 Speaker 3: would find that I used to not be able to 611 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 3: do that. 612 00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:51,360 Speaker 1: Why not. 613 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,920 Speaker 3: I remember that Ash would listen to a song with 614 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,400 Speaker 3: the kids and she'd be dancing with Bodes and and 615 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,799 Speaker 3: that'll be dancing and they'd be like, come on, Coop, 616 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,360 Speaker 3: like come up, and I'd be like, nah, I'm not gonna. 617 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,120 Speaker 3: I don't want to dance. And that's like with my family, 618 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:08,399 Speaker 3: and I didn't want to. 619 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,279 Speaker 1: But since like you felt embarrassed, yeah, or like you 620 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: couldn't dance or something, yeah, I'll probably. 621 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, probably I just felt uncomfortable. Okay, I didn't feel comfortable, 622 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 3: which is really strange, and that's probably a good indicator 623 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 3: that something's not right as well. And yeah, and so 624 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:33,239 Speaker 3: since doing the work on myself and being more there, 625 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:39,040 Speaker 3: like I started dancing with my kids and Ash and singing, 626 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,280 Speaker 3: and we had so much fun. But then I stepped 627 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 3: into that and Body stopped dancing and he was embarrassed. 628 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 3: So I talked to him and I helped him regulate 629 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,400 Speaker 3: his nervous system and ask him why he didn't want to, 630 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 3: and we got to the bottom of it and I 631 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,960 Speaker 3: had a really good conversation. He's eight, so he would 632 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:07,240 Speaker 3: have been six or seven, and like a few days 633 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 3: a week after that, he started dancing again, Like I 634 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,520 Speaker 3: helped him get to that center again because something was 635 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,279 Speaker 3: not right in him. So it was really a good one. 636 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 3: Dancing so good. That was huge. It's a good indicator 637 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,920 Speaker 3: because you do that in the car, like I sing 638 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,720 Speaker 3: ye crazy in the car by myself. 639 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:30,560 Speaker 1: Well do you know too? So like singing or even 640 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,720 Speaker 1: doing things like you know in yoga, how you'd they. 641 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:40,040 Speaker 3: Go, oh oh, I reminded me of breath work and 642 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:40,759 Speaker 3: you did it. 643 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: I was like, do you know how to? 644 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,960 Speaker 3: It was like the weirdest center I could saying, and 645 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:53,040 Speaker 3: you're like ah ah. 646 00:37:55,480 --> 00:38:05,360 Speaker 1: I was like, it's um, it's very judgmental, funny. Me 647 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:09,160 Speaker 1: and Gooble also did both work together, and he goes, 648 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,239 Speaker 1: your noises sound very sexual and it was very uncomfortable. 649 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,560 Speaker 3: We were next to each other, guys. I was like, no, 650 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 3: they didn't, and then I mimicked it and. 651 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, but in the moment it didn't. It was just 652 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:24,680 Speaker 1: a natural noise. 653 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,719 Speaker 3: But I was like, that's good, Like I felt that's 654 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 3: good to get it out like it was. 655 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:34,280 Speaker 4: It was really good, get that ship out of your body. 656 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: No, So did you know the actual like vocalizing that's 657 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:44,480 Speaker 1: actually something that helps regulate your nervous system. That's why 658 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,719 Speaker 1: in yoga, the olms and all that sort of thing. 659 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,800 Speaker 1: It's not just for fun. It helps, Yeah, like regular 660 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:52,800 Speaker 1: your nervous system. 661 00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a cool breath work that I always listened 662 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,640 Speaker 3: to when I don't want to do it in my 663 00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,640 Speaker 3: head and I need a bit of help, and it's 664 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:04,920 Speaker 3: to say, ah, like very similar sounds. 665 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,800 Speaker 1: Ah. 666 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 3: Yeah. 667 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,920 Speaker 1: So anything that like vibrates in your body, that's what 668 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,120 Speaker 1: it is. It's like, you know, you can also use 669 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: those sorts of things to like realign your chakras. 670 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm singing that, yeah, shakra. 671 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,760 Speaker 1: I love the words. Shut. My biggest thing that I've 672 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:29,680 Speaker 1: always helped me regulate myself is journaling. So when the 673 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,959 Speaker 1: thoughts are all crazy in my head and they don't 674 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,000 Speaker 1: make sense, I journal and I write it down and 675 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 1: then I look at the words and I'm like, oh, 676 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,480 Speaker 1: like they're just words, They're just thoughts, they're just feelings 677 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:45,000 Speaker 1: and it's it's just taking that moment to have reflection, 678 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: to have a step of awareness, or again you're not 679 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: in the reactivity, you have that space to be like, 680 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:57,080 Speaker 1: how do I want to act in this moment, rather 681 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:58,920 Speaker 1: than just reacting. 682 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,440 Speaker 3: On that as well. I also like to journal, and 683 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,759 Speaker 3: it's very good to get the words out. But what 684 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:10,399 Speaker 3: I found at night time, when even though after I've 685 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,960 Speaker 3: done all this work, I still have nights here and 686 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,520 Speaker 3: there that just something's not right. But it's usually when 687 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 3: something's going on, something BIG's happening. It's to get at 688 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,879 Speaker 3: your journal. Sometimes I don't have it, and I get 689 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:27,319 Speaker 3: my phone and mind dump, so I put all of 690 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 3: what's on my mind in my phone or whatever, and 691 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,080 Speaker 3: then once I do that, I go to sleep so easy, 692 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,120 Speaker 3: like I've just offloaded everything and it's not in my 693 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:42,440 Speaker 3: mind and I can go regulate my nervous system and 694 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,560 Speaker 3: go to sleep. So if you get stuck, that's like 695 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,040 Speaker 3: that's a huge tool y. 696 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,560 Speaker 1: I also find just getting out into nature and sunshine, 697 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:57,120 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's good. Like if I'm not feeling one 698 00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 1: hundred percent, if I'm feeling a bit depressed, if I'm 699 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:03,480 Speaker 1: just feeling anxio, if I have a weekend of full nature. 700 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,839 Speaker 1: I'm off my phone really like putting bare feet into 701 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,800 Speaker 1: the soil and like going for a swim the ocean, 702 00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:13,200 Speaker 1: those sorts of things. Oh my god, that helps me 703 00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,839 Speaker 1: so much. So that's kind of that's all mine. That's 704 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,080 Speaker 1: a lot lots to do there, But Coop, I thought 705 00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:23,880 Speaker 1: to end this episode, I wanted to ask you, Let's 706 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:28,560 Speaker 1: say Ashley is super disregulated and she comes to you, 707 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,600 Speaker 1: what's the kind of like step by step process that 708 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,000 Speaker 1: you would do of like what you could do. So 709 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,399 Speaker 1: it's going to be really helpful for like someone who 710 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,520 Speaker 1: deals with disregulated people or if they can do that 711 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,040 Speaker 1: to themselves. 712 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:45,840 Speaker 3: Also, yeah, the partners and all everyone around you. The 713 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,000 Speaker 3: thing is first is take a few deep breaths, like 714 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:54,719 Speaker 3: I've said. Then if you're the person that is trying 715 00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,759 Speaker 3: to help the other person, the best thing for you 716 00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:01,880 Speaker 3: to do is give them safe space to talk and 717 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:08,719 Speaker 3: be vulnerable and don't like it's all about them, like 718 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,200 Speaker 3: don't bring it on yourself and be like, oh yeah, 719 00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,520 Speaker 3: that's what happened to me, And then you go into 720 00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:18,640 Speaker 3: yourself like in that moment, it's their hold, hold space 721 00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 3: and give it to them and keep asking them questions 722 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,000 Speaker 3: like go deeper and deeper and if they say, oh, 723 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,120 Speaker 3: I didn't like this, or and you say why didn't 724 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 3: you like this? How come? How come is a lot 725 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:39,360 Speaker 3: nicer than why, but if you say why, and they'll 726 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:43,000 Speaker 3: feel more safe when you do that, And that's something 727 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,959 Speaker 3: I've learned an LP like it's the meta model of 728 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 3: getting deeper, getting more connection, and by doing that, they'll 729 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,040 Speaker 3: be full vulnerable by the end of it, and they 730 00:42:55,040 --> 00:43:00,719 Speaker 3: would have released everything consciously in that omen and they 731 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 3: would feel safe. And that's that's the end result that 732 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:07,839 Speaker 3: you want to get to because I. 733 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:13,640 Speaker 1: Think also it's making them feel seen and heard. So 734 00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:15,279 Speaker 1: it's like doing whatever you need to do. 735 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:19,719 Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, because it is like when a us 736 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,560 Speaker 3: are quite a person says this to a person that's 737 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:28,759 Speaker 3: more dominant and they just want to fix them. And 738 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:33,279 Speaker 3: this usually happens with a male and a female, and 739 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:37,200 Speaker 3: a male's my experience. 740 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,319 Speaker 1: Wants to fix solution orientated, just like. 741 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,640 Speaker 3: Let's thought this out. Yeah, we just want to fix it. 742 00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:46,279 Speaker 3: And this happens vice versta Like it's like push it 743 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,400 Speaker 3: down and be happy. 744 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,000 Speaker 1: It's all good. There's actually something me and Tim have 745 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,239 Speaker 1: like has been really big for our communication is like 746 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,720 Speaker 1: when he's you know, just regulated or he's like triggered 747 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,640 Speaker 1: or whatever, and he'll say to me, I'll say to him, 748 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,320 Speaker 1: do you want a solution or do you just need 749 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,719 Speaker 1: me to listen? Yeah, communication having that in the conversation, 750 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,399 Speaker 1: So he's like, no, like I just want to rant. 751 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,319 Speaker 1: Just fucking listen to me, because otherwise I am very 752 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,600 Speaker 1: much like my father, and I'm quite masculine in the 753 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:19,160 Speaker 1: way of like I want to find a solution for 754 00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,359 Speaker 1: him because I want to help him, but he just 755 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,960 Speaker 1: needs me to listen. He just needs me to hold space. 756 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, so you've got to be team the other person 757 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,120 Speaker 3: one hundred percent. 758 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:33,680 Speaker 1: You need to seen and heard and validated to become 759 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,680 Speaker 1: more regulated and then you could make a better decision. 760 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,839 Speaker 3: Yeah. Just support, Like I always say this to our 761 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:44,120 Speaker 3: parents as well and to myself and my wife, Like 762 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 3: all you need is love and support. Like that's such 763 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:54,160 Speaker 3: a big thing in a conversation in life as well. 764 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:57,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, all right, guys, Well, thank you so much 765 00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,840 Speaker 1: for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Come and 766 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,160 Speaker 1: up in our Facebook group because that's where we chat 767 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:11,319 Speaker 1: about all these interesting topics. Thank you, Thank you. So 768 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,520 Speaker 1: much for listening to another episode of the Rise and 769 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:18,000 Speaker 1: Concer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more, come 770 00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:23,239 Speaker 1: connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer dot podcast and 771 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 1: join our Facebook discussion group, a Rise and Concer podcast community. 772 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,760 Speaker 1: We're an independent podcast and we have a small team, 773 00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,840 Speaker 1: so we do appreciate your time and support. If you 774 00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,440 Speaker 1: have a spare moment, a follow or subscribe on whatever 775 00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:41,760 Speaker 1: platform you listen to would be so amazing, and look, 776 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:45,440 Speaker 1: if you're feeling extra kind, a review on Apple Podcasts 777 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:46,400 Speaker 1: would be great.