Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: and Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. Laura, What a
Speaker 1: time to be a live It was Easter last week.
Speaker 1: We ate our body weight and chocolate.
Speaker 2: I didn't do anything for East. I am a terrible mother,
Speaker 2: but I'm also taking solace in the fact that Molly
Speaker 2: is not even one yet. She will not remember this.
Speaker 2: We are pretending like twenty twenty never happened.
Speaker 1: Well, twenty twenty didn't happen. Also, I think it's totally
Speaker 1: okay to not give Marley May chocolate because she's one.
Speaker 1: I think that's fair. We don't need to encourage this,
Speaker 1: not yet.
Speaker 2: So we didn't do anything for Easter. It was actually
Speaker 2: just felt like another day. We went for a walk
Speaker 2: that we got our one hour of exercise. Ain't nothing
Speaker 2: going to stop us.
Speaker 1: It's groundhog Day, isn't it. I don't know what day
Speaker 1: it is, I don't know what week it is. I
Speaker 1: don't even know what time it is. I don't even
Speaker 1: have a clock. I don't look because I gotta where
Speaker 1: to be. Who are you? What are you doing? Whore?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 2: Every week I have been saying that we're going to
Speaker 2: get some at home recording studio equipment so that we
Speaker 2: can bring you this podcast from the safety of our bedroom.
Speaker 2: And I have finally done it. We are recording this remotely,
Speaker 2: so if the sound quality is weird at all, please
Speaker 2: forgive us. We never know what we're doing even when
Speaker 2: we're doing it in a studio, let alone trying to
Speaker 2: do it from home, and we have no help. I'm
Speaker 2: currently sitting on my bed, which is where the magic happens.
Speaker 2: And by the magic, I mean this is where I sleep.
Speaker 1: And I'm also on my bed where the magic doesn't happen,
Speaker 1: but where one day it will.
Speaker 2: Also I feel like I'm sixteen again, like I'm calling
Speaker 2: my girlfriend and being like, hey, babe, except actually this
Speaker 2: is going to go out to thousands of people, right And.
Speaker 1: Can I just say we pimped out our equipment. We
Speaker 1: got the best well, I don't know if it's the
Speaker 1: best way. We got pretty best stuff that we don't
Speaker 1: know how to use. It has so many colorful, shiny
Speaker 1: buttons that we will figure out, but for now, we're
Speaker 1: going to stick to the basics. And I mean, this
Speaker 1: is my favorite question right now, what chipping up to?
Speaker 2: I have something for today's question of what have I
Speaker 2: been up to? This is also a really really highly
Speaker 2: recommended recommendation.
Speaker 1: Funny that your alliteration is on point.
Speaker 2: When Matt was living in the UK, he became really
Speaker 2: good friends with a guy named Fergus. And Fergus is.
Speaker 1: His name really Fergus? Yeah, it's Fergus. Great, great name, Fergus,
Speaker 1: love that beer.
Speaker 2: Fergus is a magician and not just like a daggy
Speaker 2: like can do a little card trick magician. He performs
Speaker 2: at Edinburgh Fringe Festival. So he had all these massive
Speaker 2: gigs lined up and then obviously Corona hit and everyone
Speaker 2: lost all of their especially people who work in like
Speaker 2: the arts industry, and especially magicians.
Speaker 1: All of them. They're all out of work guys, because
Speaker 1: no one wants to actually touch your deck of cards.
Speaker 1: Let someone think of the magician.
Speaker 2: So what he's doing is fantastic. He's doing these personalized
Speaker 2: zoom magic shows. The other night we signed out, he
Speaker 2: popped up in our lund room. I was swilling my
Speaker 2: little ward having a panot, of course you were, and
Speaker 2: he did a full magic show and it was I
Speaker 2: tell you, like I would have said to you, that
Speaker 2: magic is super daggy, but it was so fantastic. It
Speaker 2: was like one of the best nights so that we
Speaker 2: have had. Like what sort of things was he doing?
Speaker 2: Like card tricks still and you would just like virtually
Speaker 2: pick them? Yeah, virtual card tricks, like illusion tricks.
Speaker 1: How does he take you? Watch your fearist. I crack
Speaker 1: myself up sometimes I'm like, where are my pants for?
Speaker 2: This is awkward? No, but it was actually I was
Speaker 2: so impressed. I loved it so much. And so, guys,
Speaker 2: if you are thinking of something to do on a
Speaker 2: Saturday night, or maybe you want to catch up with
Speaker 2: your family, but you want to do something that's not
Speaker 2: just sitting there going can you hear me over zoom?
Speaker 2: What you can do is you can jump onto Fergus magician.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna check that because I'm not sure if it's correct. Oh,
Speaker 2: it was definitely not correct. It's magic Fergus. You can
Speaker 2: jump onto Magic Fergus. Love that, jump onto his Instagram
Speaker 2: page and book yourself a live magic show. And this
Speaker 2: is not just because it's Matt's friend. I was blown away.
Speaker 2: So's hot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he says cute. It would be you were just
Speaker 1: paying out his name before Britt, But That's why I reckon,
Speaker 1: he's hot. I reckon, You've many people can pull off fergus.
Speaker 2: I reckon, you've been in isolation so long, sexy, I'll
Speaker 2: take anything right now, guilty. Well, what's been happening in
Speaker 2: your Well, great recommendation for you, I mean great recommendation
Speaker 2: from you. I tried something new last week was cooking,
Speaker 2: made the noki three ingredients killed it. This week I
Speaker 2: did my first TikTok.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're getting damn with the kiddies. It was so hot.
Speaker 1: It took me like three hours to even learn how
Speaker 1: to do a TikTok. I don't know what the kids
Speaker 1: are doing these days. Anyway, I can I just jump in.
Speaker 2: If it took you three hours to record a TikTok video,
Speaker 2: then I'm gonna just guess that me.
Speaker 1: You're too old for TikTok. Oh Oh, without doubt, that's
Speaker 1: not even a question. But I really wanted to do that.
Speaker 1: My my instagram is filled with that flipper switch, A
Speaker 1: flipper switch. You did it, You guys did it. So
Speaker 1: I wanted to do it. Didn't have a boyfriend, so
Speaker 1: I just made it up and I put some clothes
Speaker 1: on a hangar, I thought it would be funny, and
Speaker 1: it took me three hours, but that was just the
Speaker 1: sign up. The actual TikTok dancing took me like twenty seconds.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I just felt like I really accomplished something
Speaker 1: this week, and I feel like I'm in with the
Speaker 1: cool kids.
Speaker 2: Now, truly living your ISO dreams.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, speaking of ISO dreams or just dreams
Speaker 1: in general, I have big news. Channing Tatum back on
Speaker 1: the market. This post that Britt is talking about. This
Speaker 1: TikTok post.
Speaker 2: She posted it on Life Uncuts Instagram, so if you
Speaker 2: go to at Life Uncut podcast you'll see this silly
Speaker 2: TikTok dance she did.
Speaker 1: She also sorry silly. She also tagged Channing Tatum because
Speaker 1: she's trying to thirst trap him from isolation. Desperate times, Guys,
Speaker 1: Desperate Times. I also thought it was funny because Channing
Speaker 1: Tatum has been the theme for me throughout the podcast
Speaker 1: since we started, and any of you og listeners know
Speaker 1: that I have a little crush on him, so I
Speaker 1: thought it would be funny to tag him in the
Speaker 1: hopes that in the twenty five million tags he gets,
Speaker 1: maybe he'll see it. It is on my Instagram guys,
Speaker 1: Brittany Underscore hockey if you need. But it's also on
Speaker 1: Life on Cut, so you can go and check it out.
Speaker 1: It's definitely not a first trap. It's not sexy, but
Speaker 1: it's interesting. Look, do you know what I want to say?
Speaker 1: Though I'm usually so quick to hate on social media,
Speaker 1: like I think that there's a lot of shit that
Speaker 1: comes out of like, for choice of better word, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of shit that's on social media. But I
Speaker 1: really feel like during this time of isolation, it has
Speaker 1: forced people to be a hell of a lot more
Speaker 1: creative and a hell of a lot more fun with
Speaker 1: their content. And I know, like I put something up
Speaker 1: just recently and I was saying that Gwyneth Paltrow had
Speaker 1: come out saying that you should use this time in
Speaker 1: isolation to find a new hobby or learn a new language,
Speaker 1: or be superproductive. And there is that conversation going on
Speaker 1: on Instagram at the moment, But there is also the
Speaker 1: antithesis of that and the total flip side of that,
Speaker 1: which is people saying, you know what, it's actually totally
Speaker 1: okay if you don't achieve anything during this pandemic and
Speaker 1: you just actually survive and get through so I think
Speaker 1: you kind of have to pick the type of social
Speaker 1: media that is best attuned to how you're going to
Speaker 1: live your ISO life. But I love that there seems
Speaker 1: to be less narcissism on there at the moment. There
Speaker 1: seems to be less thirst trapping. There seems to be
Speaker 1: less posing with a product. There seems to be less
Speaker 1: just posing in general. And I really feel like the
Speaker 1: ethos at the moment has shifted a little bit and
Speaker 1: the content is fun and funny and relatable. So I
Speaker 1: am loving Instagram right now. It's definitely a lot more
Speaker 1: amusing as soon as I open my Instagram up, because
Speaker 1: I'm not actually believing or not. I'm not usually a
Speaker 1: swiper on Instagram. I use it for my I have
Speaker 1: certain people that I will literally type into look, but
Speaker 1: I'm not someone that spends hours and gets deep in there. Mate.
Speaker 2: I looked at my screen time the other day and
Speaker 2: I had spent nine hours, nine hours, twenty four hours
Speaker 2: on Instagram, not Instagram, just on my screen, Lura, hours
Speaker 2: on a screen?
Speaker 1: What are you doing or the child? How did I
Speaker 1: do that? Your porn Hub must be through the roof.
Speaker 1: You need to cancel that subscription.
Speaker 2: We've spoken about that were Honestly, we've got to cut
Speaker 2: corners and save money somewhere, but.
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I'm still getting the meritith Scoach cheese,
Speaker 1: but the pornhub has to go.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I was like, this can't be correct, This actually
Speaker 2: can't be right.
Speaker 1: It would be great. I love that for me. I
Speaker 1: don't even want to know. I don't even want to look.
Speaker 1: But besides that, I'm not gonna lie. I haven't done
Speaker 1: a lot this week. That's totally relatable. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's going to speak to the masses. You know what
Speaker 1: I do? You know what I did do I hope
Speaker 1: you're proud of me. I cleared our inbox for Instagram Again, guys,
Speaker 1: we perpetually have one hundred messages at all times, and
Speaker 1: I set myself a challenge to clear it to zero
Speaker 1: and I did it, and I'm sure when I look
Speaker 1: in an hour, it's going to be back to one hundred.
Speaker 2: But also just on what we have achieved this week,
Speaker 2: and I really want to point you, guys in the
Speaker 2: direction of about Facebook page, which is Life Uncut podcast.
Speaker 2: We have well and truly got the Facebook page up
Speaker 2: and running. Now we are doing everything we can to
Speaker 2: build that little community online. But we have this great
Speaker 2: intention for the Facebook page to really be a place
Speaker 2: where just say you haven't asked on clut question that
Speaker 2: you feel confident and okay with sharing with other people
Speaker 2: you know, you can post that question to the Facebook group.
Speaker 1: There are some.
Speaker 2: Really clever, sassy, intelligence switched on amazing women and men
Speaker 2: in that group.
Speaker 1: Apart from me, you guys are all on there as well.
Speaker 2: Who can answer your questions. And if we can't get
Speaker 2: to your question in ask Uncut, then there is a
Speaker 2: wealth of a community out there who can help to
Speaker 2: kind of give you advice. It's also just a great
Speaker 2: place if you guys want to get on there and
Speaker 2: share your crappy dating stories, the worst thing guys ever
Speaker 2: said to you during sex, you've got any good like
Speaker 2: dating and isolation stories like the episode we last talked about,
Speaker 2: get on there and share them as well, guys, because
Speaker 2: it's there for some good support, but it's also just
Speaker 2: there for a good laugh.
Speaker 1: There are some rules, and the rules are that there
Speaker 1: is no judgment. Judgment free. You can speak about anything,
Speaker 1: and when you're giving advice to other people, we just
Speaker 1: we want you to give your honest feedback, but just
Speaker 1: always maintain a level of respect. If you don't, we're
Speaker 1: going to be booting yours out. I have something else
Speaker 1: I want to say. Last week, we sort of put
Speaker 1: some feelers out and ask you guys to tell us
Speaker 1: some cute dating stories because we did a segment on
Speaker 1: online dating and how dating has changed in ISO. We
Speaker 1: got some really cute responses, but there was one that
Speaker 1: just like gave me goose bumps. I sent it to Laura,
Speaker 1: gave her goose bumps, all the feels. And there was
Speaker 1: this girl rode in and she sent us the video
Speaker 1: in and it was her birthday. So she jumped on
Speaker 1: these like huge house party zoom call type thing and
Speaker 1: there were like twenty people maybe all in their little boxes,
Speaker 1: and she would just chain away and everyone's like happy birthday,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. And then on zoom her
Speaker 1: boyfriend proposed to her. The cutest thing ever. It was
Speaker 1: so cute because she had no idea and it was
Speaker 1: all caught in front of all of their friends because
Speaker 1: he had plans to do it, and he was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not gonna let Io stop me.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to try and find that video again,
Speaker 1: and I'll post it on a page because I think
Speaker 1: good things are coming from ISO.
Speaker 2: We also said in that episode the BRIT's referring to
Speaker 2: if you guys have been doing any cute social distancing dates,
Speaker 2: then send us your date ideas. And one person had
Speaker 2: actually written in and they said that they had met
Speaker 2: a guy on Hinge and one of their first dates
Speaker 2: that they had, which was Zoom, they decided that they
Speaker 2: were going to have a bottle of wine and they
Speaker 2: were going to draw each other and draw each other's portraits.
Speaker 1: Did you guys do that on The Bachelor? Yeah, we did,
Speaker 1: but which is also why I loved it. But I
Speaker 1: think it's such a cute date. I think it's so cute.
Speaker 2: It's such a nice way of breaking the ice with someone.
Speaker 2: They said by the end of it, they were just
Speaker 2: pissing themselves laughing, which you would like. I'm sure that
Speaker 2: neither of them were Picasso, but but it was just
Speaker 2: a nice way for them to meet each other properly
Speaker 2: and do it in a way that also makes it
Speaker 2: not quite so stifled and awkward.
Speaker 1: I think that's I think that's brilliant. I love hearing
Speaker 1: that those ideas. We had another girl writing and just
Speaker 1: say they've been doing trivia with her partner long distance.
Speaker 1: And I think that's really fun too, because it's it's
Speaker 1: lighthearted and it's it's easy and it's engaging. And so
Speaker 1: they were two really cute ideas that came in this week.
Speaker 1: So I'm chuffed with that.
Speaker 2: But guys, if you have any more ideas, then you
Speaker 2: can send them on to us or get on the
Speaker 2: bloody Facebook page and rite them up there.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, it is time for Accidentally Unfiltered.
Speaker 2: Basically, this is just where we share all of your
Speaker 2: most embarrassing stories anonymously of course, that you have written
Speaker 2: into us.
Speaker 1: Have you picked one, I picked one. Have you got
Speaker 1: one I've got I've got a really sweet, very g
Speaker 1: rated one. This week, after all the sex and all
Speaker 1: the first trapping, I was like, okay, it's time for
Speaker 1: just something that's a little bit nana friendly. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I'll keep mine unnana friendly. Okay, perfect, We'll just kick
Speaker 1: this off. My partner and I were quite kinky in
Speaker 1: the bedroom now, I'm talking vibrators, butt plugs, strap on
Speaker 1: the works. We were coming to the time where we
Speaker 1: were due to vacate our rental property and we had
Speaker 1: to agree for an open inspection time with our landlord. Initially,
Speaker 1: we agreed on a date and a time, but due
Speaker 1: to work commitments, I had to reschedule, so I emailed
Speaker 1: the real estate to reschedule a new time. Unfortunately, the
Speaker 1: real estate did not check her emailing time and she
Speaker 1: proceeded with the original open inspection time. Everything that we
Speaker 1: used in the bedroom was on display. I'm talking the
Speaker 1: butt plugged, the lubricant that was in the bathroom. We
Speaker 1: had vibrators on the bed, we had dirty undies, you
Speaker 1: name it. It was there. Now, what makes this scenario
Speaker 1: even worse is that I worked for a really well
Speaker 1: known company and one of my work uniforms with my
Speaker 1: name tag was on display and everyone would have seen it.
Speaker 1: The next day, I received a very apologetic email from
Speaker 1: the real estate that asked if I could possibly have
Speaker 1: another open inspection with my unit slightly tidied up.
Speaker 2: You don't want a house is like devalued because someone's
Speaker 2: been murdered in it. I feel like this is similar,
Speaker 2: Like I'm sorry, Can I get a rent deduction or
Speaker 2: a price deduction on this because there's a butt plug
Speaker 2: on the bed.
Speaker 1: I feel like there'd be some people that are like,
Speaker 1: I will pay extra to keep the butt plug.
Speaker 2: Don't wash it, it's fine, just wash your hands. We've
Speaker 2: had so many of these where it's been like a
Speaker 2: vibrator accidentally left out.
Speaker 1: But it's never been the whole kink collateral. It's been
Speaker 1: all of the above. All right, give me your okay,
Speaker 1: So I have one.
Speaker 2: So so this one, in comparison, is very g rated.
Speaker 2: But I actually love this, and when I read it,
Speaker 2: I laughed out loud. So my dad and I were
Speaker 2: swimming in the public pool doing laps. We were doing
Speaker 2: the lengths when I spotted him taking a breather at
Speaker 2: the edge of the pool. So I swam up behind him,
Speaker 2: put both my hands on his bald head, and dunked
Speaker 2: him under the water.
Speaker 1: I was holding him there, ignoring his flailing arms, and
Speaker 1: then I saw my dad actually swim past me. Ha ha,
Speaker 1: Oh my God, passed me the panelole. Now ha panelole.
Speaker 1: That's my new addition. Everybody aboard the Lolla coaster. Oh
Speaker 1: that is so funny. Could you imagine? I read this
Speaker 1: and I lost it. And I was walking with Matt
Speaker 1: at the time, and then I read it to him
Speaker 1: and he also started crying, so I was like, this
Speaker 1: is a good one. It's actually so funny. It's like
Speaker 1: when you're a little kid and you in the supermarket
Speaker 1: and you go up and hunk your parents, and you
Speaker 1: know that moment you look up and it's not your parents'
Speaker 1: lengths and you're like, oh my god, my light flashed
Speaker 1: before my eyes, like who is this stranger? I had
Speaker 1: do that to me actually, not so long ago.
Speaker 2: I was we were at the checkout in Woolies and
Speaker 2: this little boy just held my hand and I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is weird, but okay, he just held my hand
Speaker 2: and then he looked up and you could just see
Speaker 2: the pure fear in his face.
Speaker 1: I was like, Palette's okay, I'm sorry. I feel awkward
Speaker 1: as well when you're right in these when you send
Speaker 1: them in to us yet, either on the Facebook page
Speaker 1: now or at Life on Cut podcast, when you do
Speaker 1: send them in, they don't always have to be like
Speaker 1: really dirty or sin saalacious. I mean, we love those ones,
Speaker 1: but they can just be super innocent and cute too,
Speaker 1: because we do thrive on those also. All right, keep
Speaker 1: those ones coming in, but for now, I think it's
Speaker 1: time to jump into the episode. So, guys, we do
Speaker 1: have a different kind of episode for you today. And
Speaker 1: you may remember about two months ago, we actually couldn't
Speaker 1: get an episode to you one week and we had
Speaker 1: to take a break, and we we did sort of
Speaker 1: tell you that life happened. Sometimes life happens, and that
Speaker 1: was one of those weeks. You guys were so understanding,
Speaker 1: which was amazing, and we felt really bad that we
Speaker 1: couldn't deliver you an episode, but we did have a
Speaker 1: very very good reason, and I'm going to pass it
Speaker 1: over to Laura today to talk about that reason, and
Speaker 1: I hope you guys really get something out of this.
Speaker 1: And I just want to start by saying I'm just
Speaker 1: really proud to put out this episode with you today, Laura.
Speaker 2: Today's episode is a bit of a different one, and
Speaker 2: it's something that is very very personal for myself and
Speaker 2: it's something that touches a lot of women, and that
Speaker 2: topic is miscarriage. I have spoken pretty openly in the past,
Speaker 2: and for anybody who has followed my pregnancy journey with Marley,
Speaker 2: then you might already know that Matt Night, we did
Speaker 2: have a miscarriage before we actually had Marley and I've
Speaker 2: spoken about it because I really do feel that there's
Speaker 2: still this stigma that's surrounding miscarriage. And I remember when
Speaker 2: I first had a miscarriage how I felt just so
Speaker 2: incredibly alone. I didn't feel that there was a community
Speaker 2: of people who I could go to. I felt a
Speaker 2: lot of guilt, and I felt like there must be
Speaker 2: something wrong with me. And the reason why this has
Speaker 2: come up again, and this topic has been something that
Speaker 2: we wanted to have in our channels and share with
Speaker 2: you guys, is because more recently, just two months ago,
Speaker 2: Matt and I went through our second miscarriage. And that
Speaker 2: still feels raw and very very bizarre to even guess
Speaker 2: say out loud, because it's not something that I have
Speaker 2: really spoken about. It's not something that I've talked to
Speaker 2: many people about. But I feel very, very passionately that
Speaker 2: miscarriage is a conversation that needs to be had in
Speaker 2: an open forum. I just really want to put it
Speaker 2: out there before we get into this episode that this
Speaker 2: conversation is not at all for sympathy. It's not for attention,
Speaker 2: and I know that you know that, and I just
Speaker 2: really really believe that it's an inextricable part of some
Speaker 2: people's pregnancy journey, and it is painful and it is lonely,
Speaker 2: but it doesn't need to be quite so lonely. And
Speaker 2: the more that we talk about it, and the more
Speaker 2: that we destigmatize it, then I feel that other women
Speaker 2: who are going through the same thing may feel more supported.
Speaker 2: The lack of conversation around this topic is really what
Speaker 2: creates this oppressive silence, and that silence really adds to
Speaker 2: the feeling of what's wrong with me. So this is
Speaker 2: what we're talking about today, and I think this episode
Speaker 2: does need to come with a bit of a trigger warning,
Speaker 2: going to go into some depths about it. And I
Speaker 2: think that maybe if you're pregnant, or if this is
Speaker 2: too close to home for some people, then then maybe
Speaker 2: this isn't the episode for you, and maybe you'll come
Speaker 2: back to it another time. That's totally fine. Although my
Speaker 2: first thought was that, you know, it may not be
Speaker 2: relevant to women who don't want to have babies or
Speaker 2: two men, I then realized, actually, it's really relevant to everyone,
Speaker 2: because even if you are never in a position where
Speaker 2: you experience a miscarriage yourself, you may be in the
Speaker 2: position where someone you love goes through a miscarriage. Maybe
Speaker 2: it's a sister, maybe it's a best friend. And so
Speaker 2: I think it's also really important to be equipped to
Speaker 2: how to respond to someone when they tell you that
Speaker 2: they are experienced in miscarriage, because I think that there
Speaker 2: can often be unhelpful conversation that happens from very well
Speaker 2: meaning to people when they give their love or their
Speaker 2: advice or their feedback when you tell them that you've
Speaker 2: had a miscarriage. So we're going to get into that
Speaker 2: as well later in the episode.
Speaker 1: It is really a really tricky conversation to have. And Laura,
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that you have decided to share this
Speaker 1: because I do think it will help a lot of people,
Speaker 1: and like you said, it will help people even like
Speaker 1: myself who haven't experienced it, but you, my friend, went
Speaker 1: through it. And the fact that I can ask you
Speaker 1: now a few months on the track, how should I
Speaker 1: have responded? Did I respond? Okay? Is that the sort
Speaker 1: of thing you would want to hear from a friend?
Speaker 1: Because I think that these are things that could help
Speaker 1: a lot of people going forward. So I guess we
Speaker 1: should start at the start. You that's always a good
Speaker 1: place to start. Yeah, you you before Miley May, your
Speaker 1: first miscarriage. I guess, what were the feelings like then,
Speaker 1: and how can you compare them to what you felt
Speaker 1: the second time around?
Speaker 2: Oh okay, so I guess with when I'll kind of
Speaker 2: like tell the story.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's like for anyone who doesn't know.
Speaker 2: So when Matt and I first found out that I
Speaker 2: was pregnant, we weren't trying. It was a surprise. It
Speaker 2: was a very very happy surprise. But I found out
Speaker 2: I was pregnant. We were both so excited, and we
Speaker 2: were booked in for our scans and our dating scans,
Speaker 2: and we'd had those and then I'm miscarried at around
Speaker 2: the nine week mark. And the thing that I really
Speaker 2: struggled with in that pregnancy was the fact that I
Speaker 2: almost felt like I wasn't allowed to be so upset
Speaker 2: because it wasn't planned. Felt like it was unreasonable for
Speaker 2: me to feel that much pain about something and that
Speaker 2: much loss that I hadn't planned, and so I didn't
Speaker 2: really think that my friends would understand, and so I
Speaker 2: didn't tell a lot of people about it. I also
Speaker 2: felt incredibly alone. I didn't know anybody who had a miscarriage.
Speaker 2: My first thought was, there's something wrong with me, even
Speaker 2: though the doctors had said there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 2: And statistically most people go on to have really healthy
Speaker 2: babies after a pregnancy after a miscarriage. So I knew
Speaker 2: logically that everything was okay, but there was a massive
Speaker 2: part of me that was like, well, you don't know
Speaker 2: for sure. And so Matt and I had we had
Speaker 2: gotten so excited about the prospect that we were going
Speaker 2: to have a baby, and we had started to envisage
Speaker 2: what our life was going to be like, and we
Speaker 2: had started to get excited about that, and then that
Speaker 2: was taken away from us, and so that really shifted
Speaker 2: our perspective on what we wanted in life. And then
Speaker 2: that's what made us go, Okay, well, all bets are off. Now,
Speaker 2: let's just keep trying and see what happens. And we
Speaker 2: were so incredibly lucky to then have Maley. May Part
Speaker 2: of that, though, was that my entire pregnancy with Maley
Speaker 2: was really overshadowed by the fact that I had had
Speaker 2: that miscarriage, and I really felt like I wasn't able
Speaker 2: to enjoy being pregnant in the same way that I
Speaker 2: think I would have had enjoyed it. If I hadn't
Speaker 2: miscarried the first time, and you.
Speaker 1: Felt pregnant with Marley quite soon after your miscarriage, is
Speaker 1: that that's right, isn't it. Yeah, So we were really lucky,
Speaker 1: like and we have always been quite lucky with falling pregnant.
Speaker 1: I guess for us it's the staying pregnant part that's
Speaker 1: been a bit of a struggle.
Speaker 2: So I felt pregnant about two months after I'd had
Speaker 2: my miscarriage. The problem with my pregnancy with Marley was
Speaker 2: that I bled throughout my whole pregnancy. So it happens
Speaker 2: to some people and they can still go on to
Speaker 2: have really healthy pregnancies. But it was this constant looming
Speaker 2: fear that I had. And I remember being at remember
Speaker 2: being at Melbourne Cup two years ago and I was
Speaker 2: pregnant and we hadn't come out yet and said that
Speaker 2: we were pregnant, and I started bleeding at Melbourne Cup
Speaker 2: and I just was filled with so much sadness because
Speaker 2: I thought it's happening again, Like how do I stop this?
Speaker 2: It's happening again. And we ended up leaving and coming
Speaker 2: back home to Sydney, and I was just so so
Speaker 2: sad because I kept feeling like, this is everything is
Speaker 2: happening again. We were really lucky, like I did bleed
Speaker 2: through my whole pregnancy, but you know, we went on
Speaker 2: to have an incredibly healthy, beautiful baby. But I do
Speaker 2: feel like that pregnancy was fully shadowed by the fact
Speaker 2: that we had already had a miscarriage.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I guess the fact is, of course you're
Speaker 1: so lucky to fall pregnant again so quickly, because that
Speaker 1: often doesn't happen. But the fact of the matter is
Speaker 1: it was it was so soon after you just went
Speaker 1: through this traumatic experience that of course you're going to
Speaker 1: have that fear and stress because it's literally just happened. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you didn't really have the time to I guess
Speaker 1: I don't know did you mourn properly or was it
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, it's happening again so quickly.
Speaker 2: But I also think I don't think it really changes.
Speaker 2: I think that if you've had a miscarriage once, then
Speaker 2: that's always going to taint your ability to enjoy your
Speaker 2: second pregnancy. There's always going to be some fear attached
Speaker 2: to it. I was saying to you earlier, Britt, when
Speaker 2: we were talking about this episode. I didn't really have
Speaker 2: the understanding of what it was to have a miscarriage.
Speaker 2: I didn't really have the level of empathy. I was
Speaker 2: kind of I kind of thought like, how can you
Speaker 2: be so sad about something that only existed for eight
Speaker 2: ten weeks? You know, I didn't quite it didn't quite click.
Speaker 2: And then what happened to me, I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I get this now. It really allowed me to have
Speaker 2: a total different understanding and perspective on what miscarriage is
Speaker 2: and the loss that goes along with that feeling.
Speaker 1: Well, I imagine, I guess for me, I haven't experienced it,
Speaker 1: so for me to try and put myself in that position,
Speaker 1: I guess it's like when you have a breakup, even
Speaker 1: if that's not even if you haven't moved with that
Speaker 1: person for long, sometimes you mourn the loss of what
Speaker 1: could have been and the idea of the life you
Speaker 1: had and what you had planned, what you had thought about,
Speaker 1: and what you had imagined. So I imagine it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: Sure it was eight weeks, but you had your whole
Speaker 1: life had just changed, and your whole thought process had
Speaker 1: included now this amazing little human.
Speaker 2: The other part of it as well, and I guess
Speaker 2: like the part that I really wanted to have a
Speaker 2: conversation about is that there is this secrecy that surrounds
Speaker 2: the first three months of pregnancy. You know, we're really
Speaker 2: told don't tell anyone because you might have a miscarriage.
Speaker 2: And then the issue with that is that if you
Speaker 2: haven't had a conversation with your family or your friends
Speaker 2: about the fact that you're pregnant, then when a miscarriage happens,
Speaker 2: it means that you're not able to have a conversation
Speaker 2: about the miscarriage, which which I found really difficult because
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't go to work, I can't
Speaker 2: go and do things with my friends because it's so
Speaker 2: visceral and physical, which we will get into because I
Speaker 2: think it's really important to talk about in detail what
Speaker 2: it feels like and you know what it is. But
Speaker 2: I felt like, Okay, this huge thing has happened to me,
Speaker 2: and I can't talk about it now because nobody even
Speaker 2: knew I was pregnant in the first place. There was
Speaker 2: this feeling of like invalidation that kind of went with
Speaker 2: it as well.
Speaker 1: I guess it's a bit of a catch twenty two
Speaker 1: isn't it. Because the reason they tell you not to
Speaker 1: go and tell the world about it until twelve weeks
Speaker 1: is because you have the highest risk of miscarrying in
Speaker 1: that first twelve weeks. But then, like you said, you
Speaker 1: don't tell anyone, and you go through it, and then
Speaker 1: you don't feel like you can tell anyone, So that's
Speaker 1: a bit of a catch. Twenty two. I imagine it's
Speaker 1: important to tell a few close people to you, and
Speaker 1: I think most people would probably do that so that
Speaker 1: if this ever does happen, you do have somebody to
Speaker 1: sort of lean on. It really cuts me deeply when
Speaker 1: you say you felt so alone, which is mind blowing
Speaker 1: because miscarriage is so common.
Speaker 2: The statistics at the moments to say that one in
Speaker 2: five women who are pregnant will.
Speaker 1: Have a miscarriage.
Speaker 2: But it doesn't feel like that, Like when it's happening
Speaker 2: to you, it really feels like, well, where are the
Speaker 2: frigg are these other women? Like, like, holy hell, I
Speaker 2: haven't met them yet. But like I said, as soon
Speaker 2: as it had happened to me and I kind of
Speaker 2: joined this club, as you would say, like I felt
Speaker 2: like people were so much more open to talk about
Speaker 2: their experiences. And then I found out that friends and
Speaker 2: family members and people who I never knew had had
Speaker 2: a miscarriage would talk to me about it. I guess
Speaker 2: like that whole story kind of brings us to two
Speaker 2: months ago, and what happened was is that and I've
Speaker 2: been trying. It's a pretty non unique story in that
Speaker 2: it happens to a lot of women. But basically, I
Speaker 2: found out I was pregnant and I told you, and sorry, Matt,
Speaker 2: I did know before you. I tolt bred and I
Speaker 2: told Paul Matt, and once again like we had gotten
Speaker 2: really excited about it, and we had booked out dating
Speaker 2: scans and everything, and then and then a week later,
Speaker 2: I felt different and I knew something was wrong and
Speaker 2: I knew what was happening. Again, I guess I never
Speaker 2: thought I would be someone who would have one miscarriage,
Speaker 2: let alone did I think I would be someone who
Speaker 2: would have two miscarriages. To me, it's been really important
Speaker 2: to talk about miscarriage because it's been an inextricable part
Speaker 2: of my pregnancy journey. And I do also think that
Speaker 2: it does a disservice to just be like, hey, I've
Speaker 2: got a beautiful, healthy baby, because maybe there's another woman
Speaker 2: out there who's struggling to have children. And you see
Speaker 2: pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement on Instagram, and it seems
Speaker 2: like everybody has it's so easy, and so I think
Speaker 2: it's really important to talk about the dark side and
Speaker 2: the difficult side because they go hand in hand, they
Speaker 2: really do.
Speaker 1: And we do have a lot of people actually write
Speaker 1: in to us saying how to deal with that. A
Speaker 1: lot of people, a lot of women are writing in saying,
Speaker 1: I really want a baby. All I'm seeing are my
Speaker 1: friends falling pregnant. All I'm seeing everywhere I look on
Speaker 1: social media are babies. So I think this is really
Speaker 1: nice to know that, sure you do have Miley May
Speaker 1: and she's incredible, but you have had two huge losses. Also,
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for everyone listening and seeing
Speaker 1: that and feeling like it's suffocating them that not everything
Speaker 1: is what it seems, and you it's just really important
Speaker 1: to focus on your own little journey. I remember when
Speaker 1: you told me you were pregnant, and it had been
Speaker 1: such a tough week. You had been going through a
Speaker 1: lot of other things as well. Your pop was really
Speaker 1: ill at the time, and you had a lot of
Speaker 1: stresses and Laura and I don't know if I was
Speaker 1: like this because of you. You know when you hang
Speaker 1: around someone a lot and you cry because they cry.
Speaker 1: Laura was crying.
Speaker 2: I was putting, dumping all of my emotional energy onto you.
Speaker 1: And we would walk into a podcast room and Laura
Speaker 1: be really upset, and then I would just cry as well,
Speaker 1: like I don't know why we were so emotional. And
Speaker 1: then she gets in the car one day and she
Speaker 1: looks at me, she goes, I know I've been crying,
Speaker 1: like why and You're like, I'm pregnant, And I was like,
Speaker 1: what about the podcast? But no, I do, I do
Speaker 1: remember that, And then I guess it wasn't that long
Speaker 1: after a few weeks after and then obviously your whole
Speaker 1: world was turned upside down again. I guess my question
Speaker 1: right now is is the feeling the second time around?
Speaker 1: How did it differ from the first time? In everything?
Speaker 1: I want to know how it differed physically, Like did
Speaker 1: you feel the same things? Did it take the same
Speaker 1: amount of time? Emotionally? Was it the same thing? So
Speaker 1: I guess it's just like I'm asking from a point
Speaker 1: of I have no idea I'm going to ask as
Speaker 1: if I'm the general public that hasn't been through it,
Speaker 1: and I'm genuinely interested in what happened. You know, what
Speaker 1: you felt and what you went through.
Speaker 2: So I think, like, firstly, it is a huge emotional whiplash.
Speaker 2: You for one day feel so excited and happy, and
Speaker 2: then the next day you're like, oh, okay, that's gone.
Speaker 2: But the thing that was different the second time around
Speaker 2: to the first time around is that I almost hadn't
Speaker 2: allowed myself to get excited yet, Like I had really
Speaker 2: just compartmentalized the fact that I was pregnant and put
Speaker 2: it into a bit of a box in the side
Speaker 2: of my brain and being like, cool, well, we'll only
Speaker 2: check into that and allow my I'll only open that
Speaker 2: box once I know that everything is okay.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. I remember you actually saying, I said,
Speaker 1: how are you going to tell Matt? Are you going
Speaker 1: to tell him tonight? And I remember saying, Oh, I
Speaker 1: might just hold off a little while. I'm not ready
Speaker 1: to get in there yet, like I've got so much
Speaker 1: work to do. You were sort of like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put it aside because I know once I tell him
Speaker 1: it's on. He was going to be yeah on like
Speaker 1: Donkey Kong.
Speaker 2: And I think that like the first time, the first
Speaker 2: time that I was pregnant, the first time I told Matt,
Speaker 2: I was so excited and I was so happy, and
Speaker 2: the thought of a miscarriage never even entered my brain space.
Speaker 2: I was like, what that happens to you know other people?
Speaker 1: That happened to me? What is that?
Speaker 2: And then I guess this time around, I was like, oh, actually,
Speaker 2: do you know what, I'm not going to get excited
Speaker 2: about it and I will just kind of ride this
Speaker 2: out and see what happens. And that that affected me
Speaker 2: in a lot of ways because I did tell Matt
Speaker 2: that I was pregnant, but it affected the way that
Speaker 2: I told Matt that I was pregnant. Had I allowed
Speaker 2: myself to get it excited, I would have gone and
Speaker 2: like gotten cute booties and like done a cute little
Speaker 2: like a baby reveal.
Speaker 1: We're having a baby.
Speaker 2: Instead, we were sitting on the couch this one night
Speaker 2: and we just ordered pizza pepperoni pepperoni pizza from memory
Speaker 2: from gelber Since down the road, and it was really spicy,
Speaker 2: and it because I was pregnant, it tasted a bit weird,
Speaker 2: and so I had a mouthful and it tasted really strange,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, this, this pizza tastes like soap.
Speaker 2: And Matt was like, no, the pizza tastes fine. And
Speaker 2: I was like, well, no, the pizza tastes like soap.
Speaker 2: And he was like, Laura, the pizza tastes great. And
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I'm pregnant, so it tastes like soap.
Speaker 1: Okayeah.
Speaker 2: Like that was how I told him, But it was
Speaker 2: me being defensive because I was so in my mind
Speaker 2: so fearful of the thought that maybe I was going
Speaker 2: to have another miscarriage. So I was like, well, no,
Speaker 2: if I can't be excited about it, no one's going
Speaker 2: to be excited about it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I guess, like there's different thoughts on everything. Maybe I
Speaker 2: manifested it, if if you want to go down that
Speaker 2: train of thought. But I felt the exact same way
Speaker 2: with Marley, Like I didn't allow myself to get excited,
Speaker 2: properly excited about Marley until she was like six months
Speaker 2: in my belly. I guess this time, it's taken the
Speaker 2: shine off it. It's taken the shine of pregnancy, it's
Speaker 2: taken the excitement of pregnancy, and that's that's sad.
Speaker 1: Really. I want to just touch on something you just said,
Speaker 1: and I know you didn't really mean it, but when
Speaker 1: you said maybe you manifested it because you didn't want
Speaker 1: to get excited, you absolutely did not manifest it. You
Speaker 1: were just you were just reacting to a situation you
Speaker 1: had been through before, and that's that's how we live
Speaker 1: and learn in our life. So you had adapted to
Speaker 1: a situation and not to do it, but you do
Speaker 1: not manifest things like that.
Speaker 2: And the sensible part of me knows that. But isn't
Speaker 2: it funny? Like I would never in my normal life
Speaker 2: think that, think this, Like I would never think and
Speaker 2: put guilt on something like that. But even by saying
Speaker 2: I manifested it or there was even trying to use
Speaker 2: that as an excuse, I'm still harboring some guilt for it.
Speaker 1: Which is one way I feel. I know I can tell,
Speaker 1: And that's why I want to point that out that
Speaker 1: I can't imagine the feeling a lot of women must feel.
Speaker 1: Is that, like, what's wrong with me? And why couldn't
Speaker 1: I provide a home for this baby? And why couldn't
Speaker 1: I carry it? And what could I have done differently?
Speaker 2: You kind of start racking your brain and you go, oh,
Speaker 2: my god, was it those few glasses of wine I
Speaker 2: had before I found out I was pregnant, Or was
Speaker 2: it the fact that I did a like a hit class,
Speaker 2: or you start thinking all these things that are totally
Speaker 2: irrational and which research says none of it actually would
Speaker 2: make a difference, but you still kind of want something
Speaker 2: to blame from a physical conversation about what it feels like.
Speaker 2: When I went to the doctor, they talked about it.
Speaker 2: They explained to me what had happened, and they gave
Speaker 2: me my option as to whether I wanted to be
Speaker 2: medically induced or whether I wanted to go through the
Speaker 2: process of passing me myself, or they could give you
Speaker 2: medication to speed up the process. I decided that I
Speaker 2: would just wait, and they didn't prepare me for how
Speaker 2: physically painful and taxing it is. And so not only
Speaker 2: are you going through like the sadness side of things
Speaker 2: it is. I know that everyone is different, and so
Speaker 2: I can only speak for my own experience, but it
Speaker 2: is such a painful full body experience in that you
Speaker 2: feel like you're having contractions, you pass really big clots
Speaker 2: like they can range anywhere between like the size of
Speaker 2: a fifty cent piece up to the size of an orange.
Speaker 1: Like there's such a spectrum. So forgive me for my ignorance,
Speaker 1: but I'm just gonna say things as it happens. When
Speaker 1: you're saying like you're passing the clots, what, let's start
Speaker 1: at the start. What what's the first thing that happened
Speaker 1: that you said, Okay, something's not right. Was it bleeding?
Speaker 1: Was it pain? Was it soire?
Speaker 2: For me, I had a sharp pain in my left
Speaker 2: side that wouldn't go away, just kind of like a stitch,
Speaker 2: like days for a few hours. Oh, okay, for a
Speaker 2: few hours. And this is, like I said, this is
Speaker 2: totally different for every single person. Some people get spotted first,
Speaker 2: and then there's people who have spotting and that's totally normal.
Speaker 2: But so I had this pain and it wouldn't go away.
Speaker 2: And then I started getting a bit more cramping in
Speaker 2: my lull back and I was like, this feels very
Speaker 2: very reminiscent of like period pain.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what is this? And then I
Speaker 1: started getting spotting and that's when I knew, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel right.
Speaker 2: Something's really wrong. So then over the course of the
Speaker 2: next twenty four hours, like the pain increased and the
Speaker 2: bleeding increased, and it kind of increased to a point
Speaker 2: where I was like, well, it's undeniable, what's happening? And
Speaker 2: I called my doctor and had a conversation. And what
Speaker 2: does that involve calling the doctor?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like what, like what do they eat?
Speaker 2: I guess it depends like some people will go to emergency,
Speaker 2: some people will write it out at home, like there
Speaker 2: is such a spectrum. I didn't go to emergency because
Speaker 2: my doctor had explained to me that there really is
Speaker 2: nothing that they can do if you are miscarrying. So
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I will wait this out and
Speaker 2: see what happens. And and it was like it was undeniable.
Speaker 2: I knew what was happening. And then then you start
Speaker 2: having the contraction waves like this really intense, like buckled
Speaker 2: over pain, and then it kind of subsides a little
Speaker 2: bit and you'll have a gush of blood and then
Speaker 2: it will happen again. But I still continue to bleed
Speaker 2: for like three weeks after that, which it's just this
Speaker 2: constant reminder. It's this constant reminder of what is happening.
Speaker 2: So not only do you feel sad and shit, but
Speaker 2: you physically feel so sad and shit. And I just
Speaker 2: felt like I was so poorly prepared for the physical
Speaker 2: side of what it entails. And I mean, in both
Speaker 2: of my miscarriagters, I was early, like I was definitely
Speaker 2: first trimester. I was relatively early trimester. It was still
Speaker 2: so physically intensive that I can only imagine what it's
Speaker 2: like for women who miscarry later on in life, So
Speaker 2: that's kind of from a physical perspective. I must admit
Speaker 2: that I didn't know how long it went on for
Speaker 2: because I remember two three weeks down the track and
Speaker 2: you'd say, I'm still bleeding, I'm still having to wear
Speaker 2: a pad, And I was really shocked because I guess
Speaker 2: I've never really spoken about it with other people either,
Speaker 2: and I didn't know.
Speaker 1: I knew that you passed a lot of clothes, and
Speaker 1: I knew you blared a lot, but I didn't think
Speaker 1: it went on for so long. And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people probably don't know that.
Speaker 2: And maybe for some people it doesn't. And sorry for
Speaker 2: like being so super graphic guys, like, but I guess
Speaker 2: I know that for me, there just wasn't any information
Speaker 2: on this, Like I would get onto forums and I
Speaker 2: would read what other people had kind of written about it,
Speaker 2: but from like a girlfriend to girlfriend conversation, there just
Speaker 2: wasn't any of this sort of information out there. And
Speaker 2: I think had I had that information at hand or
Speaker 2: had heard someone say it before it started happening to me,
Speaker 2: I would have felt a little bit more emotionally equipped
Speaker 2: for it. So in saying that, the second time around,
Speaker 2: I felt more emotionally equipped for the physical side of
Speaker 2: actually having a miscarriage because I knew what I was
Speaker 2: in for and I knew what to expect. So that's
Speaker 2: what was different about this one versus the first one.
Speaker 1: I mean, you only told a few people you were pregnant,
Speaker 1: but I remember when you told me that you had miscarried.
Speaker 1: You it as in like, hey, I'm gonna be a
Speaker 1: bit late. I'm going through a miscarriage, but like, don't
Speaker 1: even worry about it. I'll be there soon. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I was like, ah, what. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: you're late because you're miscarrying, and You're like yeah, but
Speaker 1: it's totally fine. And I remember just being like Laura,
Speaker 1: like it's not fine, and you can sit in this
Speaker 1: and let's talk about this. But you were like, no, like,
Speaker 1: I'll deal with it later, there's nothing we can do,
Speaker 1: and you just wanted to get on with it because
Speaker 1: I think you knew this time around. I guess that
Speaker 1: there is nothing you can do right now, and it's
Speaker 1: going to go on for a while.
Speaker 2: And I'm a real coper, like, I'm not someone who
Speaker 2: sits in my sadness. And it also takes me a
Speaker 2: little while to really process how I feel about things.
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's some I'm sure there's some people who
Speaker 2: can relate to this, but when something bad happens, it
Speaker 2: takes me a while for my brain to go, oh,
Speaker 2: you're sad, or oh, this is how you actually feel.
Speaker 2: I don't really feel my feelings instantly, and so it
Speaker 2: kind of took me a couple of days to process
Speaker 2: how I actually felt about what was happening. And that
Speaker 2: also ties into the fact that I hadn't really allowed
Speaker 2: myself to be happy about it in.
Speaker 1: The first place.
Speaker 2: The more that people talk about it, the more that
Speaker 2: we normalize it, the more conversation that there is, then
Speaker 2: the less stigma that's attached to it. And there is
Speaker 2: this like real therapeutic healing that comes from having a
Speaker 2: conversation about something and talking through an experience and seeing
Speaker 2: other people and meeting other people who have had that
Speaker 2: same loss, because it makes you realize, oh, there's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with me, like that's happened to them as well.
Speaker 2: And I remember reading Michelle Obama had had a miscarriage,
Speaker 2: and I remembered reading about it in great detail, and
Speaker 2: she really explained how she felt and how far along
Speaker 2: she was, and she was quite far along in her pregnancy,
Speaker 2: and I was like, Wow, she is someone I wish
Speaker 2: with such huge influence in the world, and she is
Speaker 2: someone who I think is REALI she's incredible. And I
Speaker 2: was like, she's talking about this, and she's having a
Speaker 2: conversation about this publicly, with no judgment, with no girl,
Speaker 2: with no stigma attached. And I was like, this is
Speaker 2: what we need to be doing, because it's the only
Speaker 2: way for people to feel like they're supported and seen
Speaker 2: in this.
Speaker 1: How I guess did it affect Matt and yours and
Speaker 1: Matt's relationship because I just wonder how often the husband
Speaker 1: or boyfriend or fiance is not left out of it.
Speaker 1: But I guess it's hard for them they probably don't
Speaker 1: feel the attachment to the level because it's not inside
Speaker 1: of them, but they would have a loss as well.
Speaker 1: They would imagine their life with a child, and I
Speaker 1: wonder if sometimes we forget about them.
Speaker 2: That is so incredible, Like he has always been so
Speaker 2: so supportive of me. He was the one that was
Speaker 2: really supportive of me talking about it publicly. He was like,
Speaker 2: you have these conversations because it gives purpose.
Speaker 1: To the fact that it happened.
Speaker 2: That we have been through this now twice, It's really
Speaker 2: galvanized our relationship. It's really made us go through the
Speaker 2: amazing times together and also work through some of the
Speaker 2: really shitty times as well, but also makes us realize
Speaker 2: that we want to have more kids. You know, every
Speaker 2: time that it has happened to us, we're like, no,
Speaker 2: this is really what we want because because we wanted it, Yeah,
Speaker 2: because we were so sad by it not happening. So
Speaker 2: it really reinforces the choices and the fact that this
Speaker 2: is this is exactly what we want.
Speaker 1: So moving into another direction, you and I were just
Speaker 1: like going through what we were going to talk about today,
Speaker 1: and it sort of came up how sometimes your friends
Speaker 1: or people in your life can have so much like
Speaker 1: goodwill and have great intentions when they want to come
Speaker 1: and support you, but it doesn't quite hit the mark.
Speaker 1: I guess what's your advice If there is someone out
Speaker 1: there that's friend is going through this, what are some
Speaker 1: things that you found? And if I did something, you
Speaker 1: can tell me now what this is?
Speaker 2: This is exactly it we were kind of talking about,
Speaker 2: like all the different facets of what we could talk
Speaker 2: about in and around miscarriage. And obviously there's going to
Speaker 2: be so many people who never experience it themselves, but
Speaker 2: they will be in a situation where someone they love
Speaker 2: it experience is it? And I know from being in
Speaker 2: the situation myself that there there are not many things
Speaker 2: that you can say that will make the situation better,
Speaker 2: but there are a lot of things that you can
Speaker 2: say that will make the situation worse.
Speaker 1: All right, So let's hope I wasn't in this category.
Speaker 2: I what I really kind of wanted to say. People
Speaker 2: very well meaning will say it to you like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: you know it just wasn't meant to be, or maybe
Speaker 2: this isn't the right time for you, And like I
Speaker 2: get that they're trying to be supportive and they're trying
Speaker 2: to be constructive, But when you are going through miscarriage,
Speaker 2: being told that now is not the right time, it
Speaker 2: feels very dismissive of what is happening, and it feels
Speaker 2: very much like, well, actually, not now is the right time.
Speaker 1: I wanted this. I was excited and happy about this.
Speaker 2: So telling me that that now is not the right time,
Speaker 2: or that you know, obviously something's wrong and that's why
Speaker 2: it didn't happen, it doesn't actually take away the feeling
Speaker 2: of hurt and sadness. Another one that I think is
Speaker 2: really common, which I heard in my second pregnancy, and
Speaker 2: I only heard it from a couple of people because
Speaker 2: I really only spoke about my miscarriage to a couple
Speaker 2: of people. But it seems really common when you have
Speaker 2: one child to be told, oh, well, like you're just
Speaker 2: you're lucky that you have Mali, and you're lucky that
Speaker 2: you have a baby. And I am lucky that I
Speaker 2: have a baby. I know that, and I know there
Speaker 2: are many women out there who don't have that. But
Speaker 2: just because you have a child doesn't diminish your right
Speaker 2: to feel grief over something that you lost.
Speaker 1: Just because you have one doesn't take away the fact
Speaker 1: that you have lost something else.
Speaker 2: And I think the only honestly, if you know someone
Speaker 2: who's having a miscarriage and they come and they talk
Speaker 2: to you about it, the only thing that you can
Speaker 2: say that is going to be good in this situation
Speaker 2: is like, that fucking sucks.
Speaker 1: And I'm really that was literally quote what I said
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that fucking sucks, and I'm really sorry, and I
Speaker 2: hope you're okay. How are you Can I do anything
Speaker 2: for you? Do you need me to cook something? Do
Speaker 2: you need a hug? Maybe all right now social distancing,
Speaker 2: but do you need anything? And I think that that's enough.
Speaker 2: I don't think you need to explain or try and
Speaker 2: you know, I don't think you need to explain or
Speaker 2: try and tell people like, oh, like you'll get pregnant again,
Speaker 2: this happened.
Speaker 1: To my friend.
Speaker 2: Like, none of that really matters in that moment. The
Speaker 2: only thing that matters is to say, are you okay?
Speaker 2: And is there anything I can do?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think it's important not to try to justify to
Speaker 1: your friend why something happened, which is I think anyone
Speaker 1: in your life that he's talking to you like that
Speaker 1: and they mean so well, and they do it from
Speaker 1: love and saying that like it's not your time, it
Speaker 1: will come. That's from a good place, but it's not
Speaker 1: helping you in your situation totally.
Speaker 2: And I say this out of love, like I say
Speaker 2: this because I used to do this, Like I was
Speaker 2: that person, and I would have that conversation thinking that
Speaker 2: I was doing the right thing. And then when I
Speaker 2: was in the situation myself, I was like, I realized
Speaker 2: how tone depth that was. But it took me, being
Speaker 2: in the position of someone who's experiencing it, to go, oh,
Speaker 2: my god, please stop lecturing me on how or why
Speaker 2: this has happened to my like just shut up and say,
Speaker 2: I hope you're okay. But I know it comes from
Speaker 2: the most well meaning place. But I think that sometimes,
Speaker 2: you know, people react weird when they're put in an
Speaker 2: uncomfortable position and it's an uncomfortable conversation and we don't
Speaker 2: really know how to deal with other people's grief when
Speaker 2: it makes us uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Well, it's that idea again, isn't it. It's the idea
Speaker 1: of that you can't change that situation now, like you can't.
Speaker 1: Nothing anyone can say or do is going to change
Speaker 1: what has happened. So it's really I remember just saying
Speaker 1: to you that fucking sucks, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: and I am so sorry, and I am here any
Speaker 1: time of the day or night. Call me. And then
Speaker 1: that's all you can do, because you can't nothing else
Speaker 1: that you can do. All you can do is be
Speaker 1: there for your friend. Nothing you say is going to
Speaker 1: change the fact that it's happened. So I think it's
Speaker 1: really important just to be there and genuinely be there.
Speaker 2: I really feel like I have covered everything that I
Speaker 2: set out to talk about in this episode regards to
Speaker 2: my own personal experience and my own experiences with pregnancy
Speaker 2: and with loss, and I just really I can't I
Speaker 2: can't stress this enough really that I don't think that
Speaker 2: my story is unique. I think that there are so
Speaker 2: many women who have been through something very very similar,
Speaker 2: and there is power in conversation and there is power
Speaker 2: in talking about that shared experience. If just one person
Speaker 2: who has gone through something similar feels more supported and
Speaker 2: they feel seen, and they feel like their feelings and
Speaker 2: their sadness is validated and they feel supported in this,
Speaker 2: then there is purpose to sharing this. And I'm okay
Speaker 2: with being exposed and putting my small story out there
Speaker 2: in the world.
Speaker 1: I just am really proud of you. That's all I
Speaker 1: want to say. You're such an incredible woman, and I
Speaker 1: mean seeing you go through it, seeing everything else that
Speaker 1: you went through at the same time, and you, guys,
Speaker 1: I mean I saw it firsthand. And there's so much
Speaker 1: that Laura went through in that time that you guys
Speaker 1: don't know about. And God, I just like, I just
Speaker 1: take my I just can't say enough about you right now,
Speaker 1: and I take my hat off to you for being
Speaker 1: brave enough to tell your story on such a public platform.
Speaker 1: And I know there'll be so many women out there
Speaker 1: that will be grateful, and so many women that would
Speaker 1: have just learned so much and taken something from this
Speaker 1: and they won't feel alone. And for that, I just
Speaker 1: love you. I think you're amazing. Thank you. How what
Speaker 1: do we do with that? Okay, it's so cute. I
Speaker 1: was like, where do we go now? I can't even hug.
Speaker 2: A jeez, life guys, throw some fucking spanners at you.
Speaker 1: I guess whilst we are having the conversation about it,
Speaker 1: we just thought, if we're going to get onto this
Speaker 1: really personal level and Laura is going to share the
Speaker 1: situation and the feelings and the experiences that she went
Speaker 1: through personally, that maybe we should just touch on a
Speaker 1: few things from a medical point of view as well,
Speaker 1: because I feel like the miscarriage is such a huge,
Speaker 1: huge topic and I don't think we'll ever be fully
Speaker 1: revisiting it, hopefully for all of our sake, So we
Speaker 1: just thought we would talk about I guess some reasons
Speaker 1: maybe miscarriage happen just so people don't feel like it's
Speaker 1: just their body. So there are a few different things
Speaker 1: and a few different reasons that they can happen. And again, guys,
Speaker 1: we are not doctors. We have just done a little
Speaker 1: bit of research ourselves and that's all we can do.
Speaker 1: If anything, if you are experiencing anything, or you do
Speaker 1: you have any worries, of course, go to the doctor
Speaker 1: and of course speak to someone. I guess first and foremost,
Speaker 1: like we said, miscarriage is really common and most of
Speaker 1: the time it's a chromosomal abnormality.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so, like I said earlier, like one in five
Speaker 2: seems to be the statistic, and it was mostly early
Speaker 2: pregnancy that that happens in But from what I understand
Speaker 2: and from what I know about it is that majority
Speaker 2: of miscarriages that happen are completely unpreventable. It's not that
Speaker 2: you did something, it's not that you ate something. It's
Speaker 2: nothing that you have done lifestyle wise that's caused this.
Speaker 2: There has been there's so many things that have to
Speaker 2: go right along the way for a pregnancy to be
Speaker 2: viable and for a healthy child to be born, that
Speaker 2: just something has gone wrong along that line. And the
Speaker 2: really disheartening thing is that often they can't tell you why.
Speaker 2: They can't actually give you a reason. They just say
Speaker 2: like it's one of those things. And that's what they've
Speaker 2: done for me for the last three times. They can't
Speaker 2: tell me why it's happened. Maybe there is like some
Speaker 2: sort of compromise in your cerbex or your uterus. That's
Speaker 2: also something, but that's a very physical thing that they
Speaker 2: can internally check and actually validate and give you a
Speaker 2: reason for. But majority of times you will come out
Speaker 2: of this experience and have absolutely no idea why it
Speaker 2: happened in the first place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the doctors will actually say that it's just genetically
Speaker 1: abnormal embryos. It's out of your control, like absolutely out
Speaker 1: of your control. And something that I did read Laura
Speaker 1: that I had no idea about, and I don't know
Speaker 1: if you had any idea about it, but I actually
Speaker 1: found it fascinating is that it's not just like as
Speaker 1: women age. We all know that every doctor says that
Speaker 1: as you age as a woman, it increases your chance
Speaker 1: of things going wrong in pregnancy. And I feel like
Speaker 1: it's always been put on the women. Your eggs are aging,
Speaker 1: and you better get a riggle on and all these
Speaker 1: sort of things that just put so much pressure on you. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I read that it's also men that age and their
Speaker 1: sperm as their sperm ages that can also increase your
Speaker 1: risk of miscarrying. So a men, they say from like
Speaker 1: forty five on their sperm can start to have issues
Speaker 1: and that can also increase your risk. So I actually
Speaker 1: had no idea that that was even a thing.
Speaker 2: Isn't it funny that we put so much I guess
Speaker 2: there's so much conversation around women and our biological clocks,
Speaker 2: but no one ever talks about men and men's biological clocks.
Speaker 2: We just kind of I just thought sperm had a
Speaker 2: great shelf life.
Speaker 1: You see all these men though, that are like fifties,
Speaker 1: sixty seventies, father and children, and so you always feel
Speaker 1: like it's all the pressure and all the fault and
Speaker 1: all the blame is on the women. But I just
Speaker 1: found that was a really interesting fact. And then there
Speaker 1: was one other thing that I wanted to touch on too,
Speaker 1: And I guess you will know about this as well
Speaker 1: from a personal level. But a lot of the questions
Speaker 1: that people writing women, they're asking how soon is too
Speaker 1: soon just to try again? When do you try again?
Speaker 1: How long do you wait? And from what I have read,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what the doctor's told you, but I
Speaker 1: read that one to two periods at least is like
Speaker 1: should be your minimal. But also it's more of an
Speaker 1: emotional and a physical thing, isn't it. It's like when
Speaker 1: you emotionally recover and feel like you're in a good place.
Speaker 2: No one actually told me that, Like, I didn't know
Speaker 2: that I was supposed to wait a period cycle and
Speaker 2: my period never returned to normal after my first miss carriage,
Speaker 2: so I never got a period. I got pregnant within
Speaker 2: two months of my first miscarriage with it, but my
Speaker 2: period had never come back. See that's interesting, and so
Speaker 2: I didn't know I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know you could do that.
Speaker 2: Well, there you go, you can't. So I didn't know
Speaker 2: I was pregnant. It wasn't until I was quite far
Speaker 2: along with Maley that I then found out I was
Speaker 2: pregnant because I still hadn't gotten my period back and
Speaker 2: I thought it was just my body taking a really
Speaker 2: long time to get back to normal and correct itself.
Speaker 2: But really I was pregnant again. Guys, I know that
Speaker 2: this has been like quite a heavy episode and quite
Speaker 2: a different episode to what we normally do, but it
Speaker 2: is something that's so important and it's something that hugely
Speaker 2: affects relationships. It's something that hugely affects women, and it
Speaker 2: is something that we just don't talk about enough.
Speaker 1: And we have started the conversation, and I hope now
Speaker 1: you all, if you're feeling like you need an out,
Speaker 1: you can talk on the Facebook group. But hopefully this
Speaker 1: has helped some of you and you can just reach
Speaker 1: out to your friends. And again, Laura, I I could
Speaker 1: say it a thousand times, but I can't say thank
Speaker 1: you enough. And I know there's a lot of women
Speaker 1: out there that will be so eternally grateful for you.
Speaker 1: Sharing what you just shared, because it is I can't
Speaker 1: imagine how exposing it is, and you must feel so vulnerable.
Speaker 1: But no, thank you for letting me hijack this episode.
Speaker 1: Oh it's all yours, baby, It is all yours.
Speaker 2: All right, guys, So we never finished an episode without
Speaker 2: our suck and our suite and our suck and our
Speaker 2: suite is basically just the highlights and the low lights
Speaker 2: of every week. Brittany, what is your suck?
Speaker 1: Okay? So my suck? I mean it didn't really affect
Speaker 1: me directly, but I guess I was. I was quite
Speaker 1: offended by it. I'm not surey, I don't remember if
Speaker 1: I were.
Speaker 2: You're gonna take my suck right now. I feel like
Speaker 2: you're taking my suck and using it as your own suck.
Speaker 1: I don't remember. You can get sucked? Did I or
Speaker 1: do I not tell you about Bennett Street Dairy Cookies. No,
Speaker 1: my sister told me about it, all of it. I
Speaker 1: couldn't remember, because guys, I've had this obsession for a
Speaker 1: long time. Bennet Street Dairy cookies. They're these incredible cookies
Speaker 1: from a cafe close to us, and they are like
Speaker 1: out of control. Good. Laura also has had the obsession
Speaker 1: since Io. They have started to sell the dough cookie dough,
Speaker 1: so it's like cookie dough crack. It has been our
Speaker 1: sweets for a long time. It's also very expensive, lack.
Speaker 1: It's so expensive. So Laura bought like four logs the
Speaker 1: other day we were coming home. She bought four logs.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna buy some too. Anyway, she
Speaker 1: bought them. All that's Brits suck. Then I knowed her
Speaker 1: and I was like, there were no bloody logs left.
Speaker 1: And she's like, oh, I got four, come down and
Speaker 1: I'll give you one. And I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna take your log. I don't want it that much.
Speaker 1: I was just wanting to wing. Anyway. I see later
Speaker 1: that night on her story that she burnt her cookies black.
Speaker 1: This is this expensive, very rare cookie dough. Oh you
Speaker 1: did it. You took my suck because it was my
Speaker 1: suck to you, and you gave me the suck first.
Speaker 1: So my suck was my heart breaking at the log
Speaker 1: that could have been Wow, I did it, you really
Speaker 1: did it. Yeah, I did it.
Speaker 2: Look it wasn't my best moment in life. I'm a
Speaker 2: freaking terrible cook. I just don't know why. I don't
Speaker 2: know what's wrong with me. I purchased cookie dough pre made.
Speaker 2: All I had to do was put it onto a
Speaker 2: baking tray, put it in the oven for seven minutes
Speaker 2: on one hundred and eighty degrees. I'd put it in
Speaker 2: the oven, and then within two minutes of being in
Speaker 2: the oven, Molly had hit her head and was having
Speaker 2: a tantrum. So I took her into the bedroom to
Speaker 2: give her a bottle and a cuddle, and then I
Speaker 2: came out like maybe twenty five minutes later.
Speaker 1: They take six minutes.
Speaker 2: Matt was sitting on the couch. He could smell that
Speaker 2: the house was on fire, and he was still sitting
Speaker 2: on his couch. On the couch on Instagram, how are
Speaker 2: you doing?
Speaker 1: The house is bending down. We're homeless and have no
Speaker 1: freaking cookies. Guys, if you had a taste of these cookies,
Speaker 1: you would know that. I know this suck sounds ridiculous,
Speaker 1: but it was heartbreaking. But anyways, what's your sweet? My
Speaker 1: sweet is? I guess now doing this podcast with you
Speaker 1: and seeing you tell your story and just seeing even
Speaker 1: you over the last few months since it's happened, and
Speaker 1: how amazing you've been, how cradly you've been, and seeing
Speaker 1: you on this journey to get to this point though,
Speaker 1: to get to this point it's not easy, and seeing
Speaker 1: you just get it all off your chest and knowing
Speaker 1: that you're only doing it because you want to help
Speaker 1: someone else. It's my sweet. Oh I don't, I'm not
Speaker 1: worriedy the compliments make me feel weird.
Speaker 2: All right, well, year, just get into your suite then, okay,
Speaker 2: So my my suck I suck for the week was
Speaker 2: the cookies was the cookies.
Speaker 1: But maybe I can come up with another suck. No,
Speaker 1: I think it's still the cookies.
Speaker 2: And then my sweet for the week, I mean, apart
Speaker 2: from the Magician Show, which was really freaking good, I
Speaker 2: also think this is my sweet. I can't believe we
Speaker 2: had the same suck and same sweet. There's got to
Speaker 2: be a rule against that.
Speaker 1: We're spending too much time because it is terrible. We're
Speaker 1: not this is awful, what a disaster.
Speaker 2: I've said it a few times throughout this episode, like
Speaker 2: it's I think it's therapeutic for me to be able
Speaker 2: to talk about it. It also is probably going to
Speaker 2: be something that even comes to a surprise to some
Speaker 2: of my friends who I still haven't had a conversation about,
Speaker 2: who I still haven't told. So it's kind of therapeutic
Speaker 2: to be able to be like, this happened and it's
Speaker 2: now out there in the world, and it means it's
Speaker 2: okay for me to talk about it, and so to
Speaker 2: be able to talk about it and to hope that
Speaker 2: it helps somebody else, then that gives purpose. There's purpose
Speaker 2: in the pain, and I really really have a lot
Speaker 2: of appreciation for that.
Speaker 1: And guys, if you got something from this episode, leave
Speaker 1: us some love. Go and give Laura a bunch of
Speaker 1: little love hearts on it. Flood herd dms don't know.
Speaker 1: Flood her dms with love hearts colored love hearts.
Speaker 2: If you have enjoyed this episode, you know the drill
Speaker 2: jump on, leave us a review with Apple. We love them,
Speaker 2: we read them more. We greatly appreciate every single person
Speaker 2: who does that. Also, if you have a question for
Speaker 2: Ask on Cut, please slide into our DMS or send
Speaker 2: it through to us on the Facebook page and we
Speaker 2: will add it to the list for this coming Thursday's
Speaker 2: episode of Ask Uncut.
Speaker 1: Also, if you have any accidentally unfiltered you know where
Speaker 1: to send them, Shoot them through to our dms at
Speaker 1: Life Uncut Podcasts, or you can throw them up on
Speaker 1: the Facebook page now. And I want you guys to
Speaker 1: help each other out, give each other some advice, give
Speaker 1: each other some love.
Speaker 3: And share them all because we love that
Speaker 1: The ba Baman were bam daabaaa