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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers. Now.

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Speaker 2: I love the Helen Keller quote. Life is a daring

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Speaker 2: adventure or it is nothing.

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Speaker 3: And it has certainly been a daring adventure ever since

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Speaker 3: you came into my life.

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Speaker 4: Let's make it an adventure.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 4: Gooday.

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Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of a lot

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Speaker 2: of books about raising happy families. So I'm here with Kylie,

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Speaker 2: my wife and mum to our six daughters. It's been

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Speaker 2: quite a week, Kylie.

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Speaker 4: It has.

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Speaker 3: It's our first week, solid week where we are actually

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Speaker 3: living in separate houses. You've done a lot of traveling

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Speaker 3: over the years, so we have spent a lot of

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Speaker 3: nights on our own, but this is the first time

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Speaker 3: we've actually.

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Speaker 4: Lived separately in separate houses. Yeah. Yeah, So you've got

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Speaker 4: the kids. You're on the coast.

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Speaker 2: I'm at home in bris Vegas getting the house ready

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Speaker 2: to pack up and sell up, and the trades are

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Speaker 2: coming in and tidying up and all that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 2: And it's been a week in fact, between me doing

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Speaker 2: all that and you, I mean, your week's been pretty

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Speaker 2: fall on, right, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Looking for a house. We don't even really know the coach,

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Speaker 3: so I don't know suburbs, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: What the schools a lot the Google maps.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know anything. We don't know

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Speaker 3: anyone here really, so I'm pretty much on my own.

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Speaker 3: And while I'm doing that, you're down here working, navigating tradees,

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Speaker 3: writing a book.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and the list goes on. So we wanted to

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Speaker 4: share with you a little bit.

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Speaker 2: So every Friday, I'll Do Better Tomorrow as an episode

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Speaker 2: where we take you into our lives, our reflections as

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Speaker 2: we try to make that incremental, continual, gradual improvement to

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Speaker 2: make our family function better, or.

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Speaker 3: Just recognize the growth that has taken place, as as

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Speaker 3: we've wrestled and struggled with choices and decisions.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what can we do better tomorrow to make our

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Speaker 2: family happier? And this week has been interesting because we've

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Speaker 2: been a part. You've had the kids. I've been on

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Speaker 2: my own, so I really can't talk much about what

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Speaker 2: I could do to be a better dad when I'm

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Speaker 2: not with the kids, and I won't be for another

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Speaker 2: few weeks except for on the weekends.

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Speaker 4: When we catch up.

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Speaker 2: I'm very much looking forward tonight when I get to

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Speaker 2: hang out with you and the kids again.

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Speaker 3: But well, yes and no, because I think that sometimes

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Speaker 3: we think that our parenting happens in the moment we're

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Speaker 3: with our children, but who we are as a parent

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Speaker 3: also happens in our private moments as well. The person

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Speaker 3: we want to be with our children actually starts in private.

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Speaker 3: So what you're going through this week and what you're

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Speaker 3: trying and striving for to be a better parent while

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Speaker 3: you haven't had the kids in your care impacts our

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Speaker 3: family in enormous ways.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I've certainly done a lot of thinking about

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Speaker 2: parenting this week, that's for sure, and missing the kids

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Speaker 2: as well.

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Speaker 3: So refereeing over the phone.

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Speaker 4: Like I said, I'm.

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Speaker 2: Looking forward to being with you guys later tonight. The

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Speaker 2: reason that we're doing today's podcast and the topic that

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Speaker 2: we've got is because we thought we'd take you behind

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Speaker 2: the scenes. What is it that makes a family pack

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Speaker 2: up a move? How do you make that decision, especially

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Speaker 2: when you make it fairly quickly like we have, So we.

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Speaker 4: Thought we'd give you a bit of a sneak peek and.

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Speaker 2: Share the story about why we're leaving Brisbane and heading

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Speaker 2: to the coast.

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Speaker 3: So on Monday, we gave you a little bit of

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Speaker 3: an insight into the last six months of my headspace

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Speaker 3: and my challenges, which while it was me having to

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Speaker 3: kind of do the heavy lifting in relation to the

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Speaker 3: thought processes, it had a huge impact on our whole family.

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Speaker 2: It's been pretty rough six months as you've been psychologically low,

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Speaker 2: to say the very least. The kids have felt it.

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Speaker 2: I've felt it. I mean, it reverberates out, but obviously

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Speaker 2: you're feeling it the most because you're the one that's

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Speaker 2: going through it and you can see the impact that

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Speaker 2: it's having on everyone. But it's still you feel even

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Speaker 2: worse about feeling bad because you can see what's happening

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Speaker 2: there so well.

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Speaker 3: The reality is I literally I got to a point

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Speaker 3: where I thought the only way that I could see through.

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Speaker 4: This was I had to walk. I actually had to

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Speaker 4: walk out the door.

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Speaker 3: Leave everything behind, and find myself a little cabin in

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Speaker 3: the woods and disappear. That's what it felt like. It

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Speaker 3: was so overwhelming, and all I could see was I

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Speaker 3: was disappointing and letting everyone that I loved down because

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Speaker 3: I wasn't able to do all of the things that

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Speaker 3: I wanted to do, and I thought that everyone would

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Speaker 3: just be better off without me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's a horrible, horrible hard place to be.

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Speaker 2: But as you went through that thought process over a

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Speaker 2: number of months, what you identified is that even though

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Speaker 2: there's a lot to like about where we've.

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Speaker 4: Been in Brisbane.

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Speaker 2: We've got beautiful neighbors and there were a whole lot

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Speaker 2: of things that we could tick boxes on and say, look,

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Speaker 2: this is great, and this is great and this is great,

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Speaker 2: there was more missing than there was present, and the

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Speaker 2: good that we had was not enough to say we

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Speaker 2: want to keep living this way. We were in that

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Speaker 2: hard place. We've identified these things that are missing and

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Speaker 2: the real catalyst, I think every couple goes through this

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Speaker 2: every time you go on a holiday to the coast,

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Speaker 2: you start looking in the real estate windows, or you

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Speaker 2: start having that conversation, Chi, wouldn't it be nice to

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Speaker 2: live here or to have this experience?

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Speaker 4: Wouldn't it be nice to be closer to the beach.

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Speaker 2: Wouldn't it be nice to be able to walk along the

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Speaker 2: sand a couple of times a week instead of once

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Speaker 2: every couple of months. And as we've talked to people

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Speaker 2: about the decision we've made. That's the thing that everyone says.

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Speaker 2: They're like, ah, yeah, every time we go to the coast,

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Speaker 2: we're like, Oh, wouldn't it be good to live here.

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Speaker 3: I wonder if it's like Emily though, she came in

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Speaker 3: the other morning and she said, when I grow up,

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Speaker 3: I want a limo filled with Lolly's.

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Speaker 4: That's right, it's just this dream, this wish.

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Speaker 3: I wonder if I wonder if holidaying on the coast

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Speaker 3: and living on the coast are different.

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Speaker 2: Well, I guess I don't think it is, because we've

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Speaker 2: done it so many times throughout our lives. We've lived

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Speaker 2: on the coast a lot, and we know that that's

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Speaker 2: what we want. We know that's what we miss.

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Speaker 4: We love that.

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Speaker 2: So we talked about that, and I remember as we

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Speaker 2: drove home from the coast, I looked at you and said,

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Speaker 2: I not that I'm preempting anything here at all, but

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Speaker 2: if I found out that I only had a year

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Speaker 2: to live, or a month to live or whatever, the

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Speaker 2: first thing that I would do is I would pack

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Speaker 2: up the house and sell and move to the coast.

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Speaker 2: That's where I get my energy from. I mean I

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Speaker 2: just live for being on the beach. And after I

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Speaker 2: said that, I remember, we sort of sat in silence

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Speaker 2: for a moment, and then I.

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Speaker 4: Said to you, you did not I said it. I said,

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Speaker 4: what on earth are we doing? You reckon? You said that?

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Speaker 4: I said that, what are we doing? You said you really? Yes, No,

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Speaker 4: it was me. I'm sure it was all hilarious, as.

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Speaker 2: One of us said to the other, why on earth

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Speaker 2: are we doing this? If this is where we want

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Speaker 2: to be, why are we not here? And we've identified

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Speaker 2: maybe it's a really privileged position, but we've all got choice.

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Speaker 2: If we move to the coast, we can't possibly live

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Speaker 2: in quite as nice a home, we can't have quite

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Speaker 2: as much land, we can't have a lot of the

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Speaker 2: things that we've got in Brisbane because the cost of

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Speaker 2: living in Brisbane, the cost of real estate in Brisbane

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Speaker 2: is a lot lower than it is on the coast.

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Speaker 2: But there's those things on the coast that matter to us,

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Speaker 2: and so we're willing to pay the price to do that.

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Speaker 2: And that was that was a couple of weeks ago,

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Speaker 2: and now you're on the coast, just like that. I

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Speaker 2: love the hell and Keller quote. Life is a daring

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Speaker 2: adventure or it is nothing.

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Speaker 3: And it has certainly been a daring adventure ever since

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Speaker 3: you came into my life.

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Speaker 4: Let's make it an adventure after the break.

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Speaker 2: A couple of other ideas about making these kinds of

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Speaker 2: changes with your family.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 5: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, betweens, teens and Screens

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Speaker 5: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.

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Speaker 5: Bye today at happy families dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast, The podcast for the time

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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, I'll do better tomorrow. What's working, what's not? How

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Speaker 2: can we be better? We've decided that we can be

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Speaker 2: better if we live near the beach. We can have

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Speaker 2: a little bit more lifestyle, even if we've got to

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Speaker 2: drive ten to fifteen minutes to get there. We're looking

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Speaker 2: forward to a sea change like so many other people,

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Speaker 2: as a result of what covid has done, the awareness

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Speaker 2: that things can change and that we've perhaps got more

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Speaker 2: options than we thought.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting we have been oscillating on this decision about

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Speaker 3: whether or not we stay.

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Speaker 4: Where we are.

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Speaker 3: We have a beautiful home, and we've got beautiful neighbors,

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Speaker 3: and we've really really loved our personal space. It's hard,

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Speaker 3: it's really hard, and as such, the idea of moving

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Speaker 3: away and leaving those things behind has been really hard.

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Speaker 3: And for the last two or three years now, we've

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Speaker 3: kind of talked about the fact that we miss the

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Speaker 3: lifestyle that living near the beach afforded our family. We

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Speaker 3: used to take the kids down to the beach before

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Speaker 3: we before school. In the morning, they'd show up with

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Speaker 3: wet hair because they they'd be swimming, or you know,

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Speaker 3: in late afternoon, we'd go down for a walk along

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Speaker 3: the beach with the dog, or you and I would

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Speaker 3: do the harbor walk at night time once the kids

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Speaker 3: were all asleep. Like, we miss that, the just the

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Speaker 3: relaxing you.

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Speaker 4: Need to stop. Everyone's going to move the coasts and

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Speaker 4: there's not gonna be any space for us.

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Speaker 3: It's just it's just it's such a different way of life,

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Speaker 3: it is, and so we've missed that, and we've talked

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Speaker 3: about it for years, but we've always felt like we're

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Speaker 3: just we've we're here, We've made a decision to be here.

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Speaker 3: We've got lots of commitments here, and it just didn't

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Speaker 3: feel like we actually really could make that choice. But

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Speaker 3: over the last few weeks, as we've kind of, I guess,

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Speaker 3: had this epiphany if we were going to end, if

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Speaker 3: life was going to end, we weren't going to be sick.

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Speaker 3: We just if life was going to end in the

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Speaker 3: next few years, what would we change. And this is

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Speaker 3: the one thing that we not only have control over,

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Speaker 3: but would change in a heartbeat.

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Speaker 4: So how's the house hunting going. I've looked at lots

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Speaker 4: of houses. Do you know you are around the coast?

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Speaker 4: Yet I'm getting there slowly.

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Speaker 2: So what we've actually done is we've gone and high

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Speaker 2: an airbnb for a couple of weeks, just so that

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Speaker 2: we can get ourselves oriented. And we're probably going to

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Speaker 2: end up renting for a while.

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Speaker 3: So the reason this has kind of happened so fast,

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Speaker 3: so the kids have got to start school, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we haven't have done it so quickly otherwise No.

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Speaker 3: And so it was either we wait a whole year

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Speaker 3: and let our daughter who's in year twelve, finish, or

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Speaker 3: we relocate now because we have a daughter starting year seven,

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Speaker 3: so she's studying a brand new school as well. And

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Speaker 3: the reality is we actually want to be there, so

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Speaker 3: let's go. We've literally in about seventy two hours.

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Speaker 2: We were literally driving home from the coast and we said,

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Speaker 2: let's do this. And within two weeks you'd moved. It

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Speaker 2: was literally that fast. And that's what I love about it.

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Speaker 2: You've got one last idea to probably share, to maybe

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Speaker 2: inspire or give.

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Speaker 4: Some ideas well.

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Speaker 3: I found a couple of quotes, and this one I

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Speaker 3: found a little while ago while I was still in

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Speaker 3: some pretty deep mess, and it just said, even though

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Speaker 3: it doesn't feel like it right now, you're going to

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Speaker 3: end up exactly where you need to be, with the

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Speaker 3: people who love you the most, doing what you were

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Speaker 3: created to do. Until then, just keep going. And I

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Speaker 3: just loved the vision that it provided for me that

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Speaker 3: there was hope, there is something out there that is

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Speaker 3: going to fill our lives with the things that we want,

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Speaker 3: and the beach is definitely one of those things. And

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Speaker 3: just that notion of just keep going, because while ever

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Speaker 3: you keep going, you're moving forward, even if it's just

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Speaker 3: a tiny little shuffle, we're making progress. But then after

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Speaker 3: we'd made the decision, and granted there's a few people

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Speaker 3: who think we're completely nuts, because I saw this, it

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Speaker 3: came up on my feet and I just loved it.

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Speaker 3: It said, even if you go for it and it

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Speaker 3: doesn't work out, you still win. You still have the

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Speaker 3: guts enough to head straight into something that frightened you.

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Speaker 3: That type of bravery will take you places. And as

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Speaker 3: I read that to you, you were kind of like, Oh,

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Speaker 3: I think there is something that there's so much energy

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Speaker 3: around making a decision that feels right for you, even

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Speaker 3: if it doesn't make sense to anyone else. And the

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Speaker 3: reality is, it doesn't make sense to anyone else but us.

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Speaker 3: And I don't know what school the kids are going

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Speaker 3: to go to yet, we don't have a permanent residence yet,

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Speaker 3: or we don't have friends. But this decision has just

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Speaker 3: felt right from the moment we made it. And I

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Speaker 3: have more clarity and more presence in this decision than

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Speaker 3: I have had for a long time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Johann Wolfgng von gertze Gerze is what Gutu is best

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Speaker 2: known as, says this great thing. He says, whatever you

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Speaker 2: can do or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius,

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Speaker 2: power and magic in it. Actually I'm not sure if

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Speaker 2: it was good, but that's who it's usually attributed to anyway,

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Speaker 2: we feel like we're doing something little bit bold. We

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Speaker 2: wanted to share that with you. Hopefully it's inspiring, Hopefully

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Speaker 2: it's not too indulgent. Thank you for letting us share

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Speaker 2: this part of our story with you, and we look

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Speaker 2: forward to keeping you updated on how we go in

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Speaker 2: the house hunting, in the school searching, and the move,

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Speaker 2: which is a little bit challenging being separated like this.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media.

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Speaker 4: Craig Bruce is our executive producer.

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Speaker 2: If you'd like more and fo about making your family happier,

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Speaker 2: you can contact a real estate agent on the coast perhaps,

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Speaker 2: or for something a bit more practical, Happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot a u