1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,080
Speaker 1: Being at rock bottom is a solid foundation from which

2
00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:06,240
Speaker 1: to change, from which to transform to build something new.

3
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,280
Speaker 1: And it's those rock bottoms which actually give us the

4
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,320
Speaker 1: motivation to do something about what's not working.

5
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:34,600
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome back to the Rise and Conker podcast.

6
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:39,720
Speaker 2: It is your host, Georgie Stephenson. As some of you

7
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,879
Speaker 2: may know, I'm currently on maternity leave, so Tim and

8
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:49,720
Speaker 2: I are soaking up the newborn bubble and new parent

9
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,040
Speaker 2: life with our little baby girl. But I did not

10
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,520
Speaker 2: want to leave my ron C fan with nothing, so

11
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,400
Speaker 2: we are bringing back the best bits of the Rise

12
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:04,319
Speaker 2: and Conquer podcasts. We have nearly over two hundred episodes,

13
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,720
Speaker 2: so I thought it would be a cool idea to

14
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:11,480
Speaker 2: bring you snippets from the most listened to, the most

15
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:16,160
Speaker 2: talked about episodes and just give you the best bits

16
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,959
Speaker 2: in a mini episode. So be prepared to get straight

17
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 2: into juicy topics, to feel inspired, to feel motivated, empowered

18
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:30,000
Speaker 2: and of course informed. These episodes are shorter, but they're

19
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,280
Speaker 2: just full of the best bits. If you did like

20
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,319
Speaker 2: this mini app, make sure you go to the show

21
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,800
Speaker 2: notes where we have linked the full episode. And I

22
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,560
Speaker 2: just want to say I really appreciate you guys. Still

23
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,800
Speaker 2: supporting the show while I'm taking some time off to

24
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,280
Speaker 2: enjoy Baby Girl, and I just can't wait to be

25
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,640
Speaker 2: back in your ears with fresh episodes in the new year.

26
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,320
Speaker 2: We have been planning the next season and there are

27
00:01:56,600 --> 00:02:01,640
Speaker 2: so many exciting guests and surprises, So I really hope

28
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,960
Speaker 2: you enjoy this mini episode. Let's get straight into the show.

29
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm a huge fan of rock bottoms.

30
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,400
Speaker 1: Anyone who's listening, if you're in a rock bottom like

31
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,400
Speaker 1: this is a really good thing. Being at rock bottom

32
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,280
Speaker 1: is a solid foundation from which to change, from which

33
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:21,040
Speaker 1: to transform, to build something new. And it's those rock

34
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,359
Speaker 1: bottoms which actually give us the motivation to do something

35
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,200
Speaker 1: about what's not working. When you're kind of just cruising

36
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,200
Speaker 1: through life and things are all right, that's a dangerous

37
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,040
Speaker 1: place to be in because you're not going to have

38
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,799
Speaker 1: the motivation to change and you're not going to have

39
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:39,160
Speaker 1: the motivation to go after the things that you want. Because, like,

40
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,720
Speaker 1: my soul was dehydrated, so you know, I had to

41
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,200
Speaker 1: do something at that point.

42
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,200
Speaker 3: And I'm so grateful for all of the.

43
00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,040
Speaker 1: Challenges and things that I've been through in the trauma

44
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,600
Speaker 1: and stuff, because it's been the game changer for me.

45
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,680
Speaker 1: It's what helped me change and it's what helped me

46
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:55,960
Speaker 1: have the life that I have now.

47
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,320
Speaker 2: And I love that you've sort of taken a native

48
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:04,960
Speaker 2: taking those really low times and now realize that you

49
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,920
Speaker 2: sort of that needed to happen, Like everything happens for

50
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,079
Speaker 2: a reason, and that's what's got to the place where

51
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,920
Speaker 2: you're at now. And obviously you are like thriving, so

52
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:14,680
Speaker 2: that's amazing.

53
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,080
Speaker 3: Aw thank you.

54
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,560
Speaker 2: Can you talk to us like define what is confidence?

55
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,800
Speaker 3: Confidence is many things, but essentially it's an energy. So

56
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:26,560
Speaker 3: what most of us.

57
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:31,440
Speaker 1: Think confidence is is being extroverted or being bold, or

58
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,200
Speaker 1: taking loads of selfies or something like that. But what

59
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,880
Speaker 1: confidence is is it's an inner energy. It's really important

60
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,600
Speaker 1: to say that it's not being extroverted, because there are

61
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,040
Speaker 1: a lot of people who are very introverted who feel

62
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 1: really bad about themselves because they're never going to be

63
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:51,680
Speaker 1: that extroverted, bold in your face person because that will

64
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:56,200
Speaker 1: physically drain them. Confidence is an inner knowing and inner energy,

65
00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:00,480
Speaker 1: and it's essentially a relationship of trust with your so

66
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,600
Speaker 1: trusting that you will show up for yourself, trusting that

67
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,440
Speaker 1: you will be in integrity with the person that you

68
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:12,360
Speaker 1: want to become. What confidence is is being an integrity

69
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,560
Speaker 1: with our values. So if I say that I want

70
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,040
Speaker 1: to be a kind and authentic person, if I'm there

71
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,840
Speaker 1: being a people pleaser, I'm not creating that trusting relationship

72
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:26,839
Speaker 1: with myself. So if you imagine a relationship with a

73
00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,760
Speaker 1: friend or a partner, if they said that they were

74
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,560
Speaker 1: going to do a bunch of things and then they

75
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,720
Speaker 1: did a bunch of other things, they wouldn't be very

76
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,600
Speaker 1: good trust there. They wouldn't be reliability. You wouldn't believe

77
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,560
Speaker 1: in that person to be who they said they were

78
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 1: going to be.

79
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,240
Speaker 3: And it's the same with ourselves. So confidence is this energy.

80
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,119
Speaker 1: That we embody on the inside, and it's the energy

81
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,960
Speaker 1: of trust and a trusting relationship with who we are.

82
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,800
Speaker 2: That's so interesting, Like, I love how you explained that,

83
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,040
Speaker 2: but I've never heard it explain that way, But it

84
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,760
Speaker 2: makes so much sense. I love that, and we're going

85
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,279
Speaker 2: to get so much more into that. But you did

86
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:10,719
Speaker 2: touch on experiencing that comparison with each other, and I

87
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:15,400
Speaker 2: do find, especially in women, we do definitely tend to

88
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:20,720
Speaker 2: compare ourself to other people, and especially other women in

89
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:24,840
Speaker 2: so many circumstances why do you think it's like second

90
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,560
Speaker 2: nature to us as women to compare ourselves to others

91
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,480
Speaker 2: around us.

92
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is such a big problem. So

93
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,320
Speaker 1: all I do a lot of talks. I'm a speaker

94
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,119
Speaker 1: as well, and the comparison thing is always the question

95
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,359
Speaker 1: that gets asked. It's the thing that comes up with

96
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:47,000
Speaker 1: my coaching clients. It's rife. So comparison. Let's just start

97
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,320
Speaker 1: from the beginning. So when we're born, sometimes that starts

98
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,000
Speaker 1: to come into the equation because we have lots of

99
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,400
Speaker 1: siblings and we're being compared to them academically, or if

100
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,880
Speaker 1: you're maybe a slightly more I don't want to say

101
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,000
Speaker 1: naughty but self express child, you can say, why can't

102
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:04,360
Speaker 1: you be.

103
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,359
Speaker 3: More like your sister? That's something that might be said.

104
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:11,520
Speaker 1: And these little, seemingly innocent things start to imprint on

105
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,080
Speaker 1: our growing brain. When we're young, we don't have that

106
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,200
Speaker 1: logical brain fully formed yet, we have our limbic brain,

107
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,000
Speaker 1: which is our emotional brain, and this is where the

108
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:25,159
Speaker 1: confidence stuff starts to come out of. So then we

109
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:30,400
Speaker 1: go into schools, and schools are basically a comparison machine, right,

110
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:35,800
Speaker 1: So we're put into different grades and subsets and marks

111
00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,640
Speaker 1: are compared against each other, and we're put into an

112
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:43,280
Speaker 1: array of subjects that potentially we're not amazing at every

113
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,679
Speaker 1: single one of them. And then we're taught to focus

114
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,800
Speaker 1: on the subject or the grade that isn't as good

115
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,919
Speaker 1: as the others, rather than focus on our strengths. So

116
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,040
Speaker 1: we're kind of conditioned and brought up in a culture

117
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,400
Speaker 1: that teaches us to focus on what's wrong and to

118
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,280
Speaker 1: look around it how other people are doing it, and

119
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:03,760
Speaker 1: in doing that.

120
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,640
Speaker 3: We negate all of our strengths.

121
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,000
Speaker 1: We turn a blind eye to all of the things

122
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,280
Speaker 1: that we're good at. And you know, there's a great

123
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:17,160
Speaker 1: quote that says comparison is the art of appreciating someone

124
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,800
Speaker 1: else's gifts and not your own, And I think that

125
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,160
Speaker 1: that's just the perfect summary of it, because when our

126
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,760
Speaker 1: focus is turned outwards, it's not turned inwards. So when

127
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,320
Speaker 1: we compare ourselves, we don't give ourselves an opportunity to

128
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,760
Speaker 1: lean into our strengths or to even potentially make those

129
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:39,040
Speaker 1: strengths better or develop them, because we're so obsessed with

130
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,720
Speaker 1: creating I guess equality in these areas that we're not

131
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,160
Speaker 1: as good in with the people who are amazing in

132
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 1: those areas. It's really unfair. It's an unfair gain to

133
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:55,040
Speaker 1: put ourselves into. Biologically, this exists because you know, in

134
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,920
Speaker 1: an ancient culture where we belong to communities, if you

135
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:04,080
Speaker 1: were allegated or outcasts from a community, you wouldn't survive

136
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:08,040
Speaker 1: the night. So in order to assimilate, in order to

137
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,680
Speaker 1: be like the tribe or like the community, we would

138
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,360
Speaker 1: focus on what the community's like, and we'd look to

139
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,280
Speaker 1: the adults as babies to figure out how we should

140
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,240
Speaker 1: behave and what the what the norm was. Essentially, so

141
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,920
Speaker 1: this is programmed really really deeply into us. But the

142
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,040
Speaker 1: thing is it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work in

143
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: a modern context.

144
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:33,160
Speaker 2: That is so interesting and I really resonated with when

145
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 2: you were talking about how we focus on other people's strengths.

146
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,840
Speaker 2: You know, we try and equal up to them instead

147
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,000
Speaker 2: of focusing on what we're good at and trying to

148
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:52,559
Speaker 2: lean in and better that. R and Sea fam, are

149
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:56,280
Speaker 2: you currently trying to grow your hair, get glowing skin

150
00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,200
Speaker 2: and nails, or help your gut health, Well, look no

151
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:04,680
Speaker 2: further because Naked Harvest's collagen powder is here to change

152
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:08,080
Speaker 2: it all. Did you know that age twenty five, our

153
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:12,240
Speaker 2: body starts producing as much collagen itself, and then that

154
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:16,400
Speaker 2: amount decreases every single year. So this is important to

155
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:20,120
Speaker 2: know because our skin, which is our biggest organ is

156
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,360
Speaker 2: made up of seventy five percent collagen, and guys, collagen

157
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,400
Speaker 2: is just a protein, so it does make sense why

158
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:31,120
Speaker 2: we start seeing signs of aging around this time. And

159
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,559
Speaker 2: this is why we called our collagen the beauty Alixa,

160
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,640
Speaker 2: because it really is a beauty supplement that is going

161
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:41,080
Speaker 2: to help you glow from the inside out. So even

162
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:46,040
Speaker 2: though this supplement has amazing esthetic results, you've probably seen

163
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,560
Speaker 2: my before and after hair photos and my nail snaps

164
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,400
Speaker 2: on my stories. But more than that, collagen is such

165
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,360
Speaker 2: an important building block to so many parts of our body.

166
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,680
Speaker 2: So not only is your skin going to glow, your

167
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,120
Speaker 2: hair and nails grow, but it's also going to help

168
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,920
Speaker 2: with your gut health and we all know how important

169
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,800
Speaker 2: that is. So there's two options with the Naked Harvest

170
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,720
Speaker 2: Collagen Alixa. There is a pure option, which I love

171
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,240
Speaker 2: to add to smoothies and my coffees, or a pine

172
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:24,280
Speaker 2: coconut option, which is so fresh and so delicious. I

173
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,240
Speaker 2: love having that at morning tea or in the afternoon

174
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,000
Speaker 2: so iron c Fam Glow from the inside out with

175
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,720
Speaker 2: Naked Harvest's beauty Collagen Alixa today and feel free to

176
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,720
Speaker 2: use the iron c FAM's code, which is Ris and

177
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,720
Speaker 2: Concher podcasts all spelled out and you can get a

178
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:47,079
Speaker 2: sneaky saving at checkout. Okay, now let's get back into

179
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:52,520
Speaker 2: today's episode. Do you have any tools that we can

180
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,120
Speaker 2: use if, like, you know, when we get in that

181
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,880
Speaker 2: mindset where we are constantly comparing ourselves.

182
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,920
Speaker 1: Definitely, so you've got to focus on your strengths. So

183
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,560
Speaker 1: something that is super simple that you can do. I

184
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,920
Speaker 1: have all my clients and the women in my academy

185
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,640
Speaker 1: do this is to write a full page, not in

186
00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:14,360
Speaker 1: your phone, in a journal with a pen, old school

187
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,240
Speaker 1: way and write a full page, which I call owning

188
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,160
Speaker 1: your sparkle. So to own your sparkle is to write

189
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,760
Speaker 1: down everything that is unique, special and amazing about you.

190
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,360
Speaker 3: And the reason that I say do it by hand

191
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,120
Speaker 3: is because you're going to call on that mind map.

192
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,360
Speaker 1: You're going to call on that piece of paper when

193
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,320
Speaker 1: you're having a really bad day, when you're having doubt

194
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 1: before you're going into the boardroom, or when you're having

195
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,760
Speaker 1: doubt when you're in your relationship or in your friendship,

196
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,000
Speaker 1: or with what you want to do in your life,

197
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,040
Speaker 1: and you're going to get that page out and see

198
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,840
Speaker 1: it in your own handwriting and see a full page

199
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,080
Speaker 1: of things that are great about you.

200
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,720
Speaker 3: This is super powerful because.

201
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,640
Speaker 1: What we do normally when we want to feel confident

202
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,760
Speaker 1: is we might listen to somebody on Instagram talking about

203
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,360
Speaker 1: it or a podcast and they say, you know, just

204
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,040
Speaker 1: just honor you and just think about the great things

205
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,080
Speaker 1: about you. But in the same way that if I

206
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,760
Speaker 1: want to go get fit, I can't just think about

207
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,920
Speaker 1: going to the gym. I have to have a practice.

208
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 1: I have to take an action. So when we take

209
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,240
Speaker 1: in action to feel the way we want to feel,

210
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,720
Speaker 1: we actually help our brain to re ingrain that new belief.

211
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:26,080
Speaker 1: So we re ingrain that new process around what do

212
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,960
Speaker 1: I do physically when I feel self doubt? And that

213
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,480
Speaker 1: is to go and honor your strength. So having this

214
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,360
Speaker 1: map is a really easy one because you can put

215
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,800
Speaker 1: it on your bathroom mirror and look at it every day.

216
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,720
Speaker 1: You can have it under your pillow when you're you know,

217
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,560
Speaker 1: having a cry after work or whatever the situation is.

218
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:46,480
Speaker 1: So this is a real game changer. The other thing

219
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,280
Speaker 1: that I would recommend is when you're comparing yourself to somebody,

220
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,520
Speaker 1: ask yourself, is what I am comparing in that person

221
00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:57,240
Speaker 1: something that I would really like to cultivate in me?

222
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:02,600
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about booties and you know the

223
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:07,120
Speaker 1: way someone's makeup looks. I'm talking about things that are

224
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:11,800
Speaker 1: tied to your desires, or your values, or potentially a

225
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,200
Speaker 1: career that you want to go into, or your purpose.

226
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,120
Speaker 1: You know this kind of big stuff, right, And when

227
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,000
Speaker 1: you see someone doing that and you feel that comparison,

228
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,240
Speaker 1: ask yourself, do I want to do that? And am

229
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:28,000
Speaker 1: I inspired by that? And that can just really change

230
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:32,560
Speaker 1: the whole energy around the comparison, because instead of it

231
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:37,200
Speaker 1: becoming this unattainable thing, it becomes an aspiration. And what

232
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,440
Speaker 1: you may even like to do is reach out to

233
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,640
Speaker 1: that person and tell them that you really admire that

234
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,959
Speaker 1: in them. That will lift a lot of the shame

235
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,280
Speaker 1: that you're experiencing, and also you might create a closeness

236
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,600
Speaker 1: with that person. They may give you some tips that

237
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,880
Speaker 1: can help you in your aspiration to cultivate whatever that is.

238
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,480
Speaker 1: And this is a tool that I use all the

239
00:13:56,559 --> 00:14:00,600
Speaker 1: time in business because I'm surrounded by amazing women who

240
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,920
Speaker 1: you know, are internationally acclaimed coaches and speakers and authors,

241
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:09,240
Speaker 1: And I always, always, always compliment them on the thing

242
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:13,840
Speaker 1: that I'm potentially comparing myself to in them, because I

243
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,440
Speaker 1: admire it, and I know that that comparison feeling is

244
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,200
Speaker 1: usually inspiration and admiration for them.

245
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,160
Speaker 2: So I want to search gears again, and I want

246
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:28,200
Speaker 2: to talk to you about how you deal with confidence

247
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,200
Speaker 2: after taking, you know, quite a big life event, whether

248
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:37,480
Speaker 2: it is a loss or a breakup or something big

249
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,520
Speaker 2: like that that really shapes you. So what do you

250
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,520
Speaker 2: usually tell your clients when they.

251
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,800
Speaker 3: Come to you with a problem like this?

252
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,160
Speaker 2: And how can someone build themselves back up after something

253
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:48,560
Speaker 2: like this.

254
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,360
Speaker 1: So these are the two things that tend to inspire

255
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,040
Speaker 1: people to come and see me. I deal with a

256
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,560
Speaker 1: lot of breakups and then also, really sadly, a lot

257
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,680
Speaker 1: of women who come to me after they've lost a

258
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:05,960
Speaker 1: loved one or a parent, and these things are really

259
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,760
Speaker 1: really confidence breaking. Often they bring to the surface a

260
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,320
Speaker 1: lot of underlying issues. So these things can be really traumatizing,

261
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,400
Speaker 1: and they bring up a lot of old wounds in

262
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:22,480
Speaker 1: the existing wound. So what I usually tell clients is

263
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:28,600
Speaker 1: to start focusing on their values. So what we normally

264
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,000
Speaker 1: do is we focus on what we need in our

265
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:35,080
Speaker 1: lives to validate us. And when we lose someone that

266
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,000
Speaker 1: is important to us, a lot of alarm bells go

267
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 1: off because we feel abandoned, we feel lost, we feel stuck.

268
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,920
Speaker 1: And the values can be a really good way of

269
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,120
Speaker 1: helping you to get back into motion and to feel

270
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:52,240
Speaker 1: good about who you are. So self kindness is always

271
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,080
Speaker 1: going to have to come first. So when we're having

272
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,200
Speaker 1: a breakup, or we're having a really hard time, or

273
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 1: we're grieving, self kindness is the foundation that we need

274
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 1: to begin with, and that means having a self kindness practice.

275
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 1: So writing a gratitude list, but writing a gratitude list

276
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 1: about who you are, focusing on the things that you're

277
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 1: doing well in the day. So even if you've had

278
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 1: the most horrific day, writing down what your three wins

279
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 1: were for the day, even if it was I didn't

280
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,960
Speaker 1: have a meltdown in the boardroom or I didn't yell

281
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,800
Speaker 1: at so and so when I wanted to, and you know,

282
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:35,400
Speaker 1: finding those little glimmers of positivity in a time that's

283
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: really hard for you is going to be so important

284
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,760
Speaker 1: to getting your self esteem and your resilience back on track.

285
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:46,640
Speaker 1: When it comes to the values themselves, I encourage people

286
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,280
Speaker 1: to write a list of their values. This is really

287
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,680
Speaker 1: quite a weird one for a lot of people when

288
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 1: I asked, because they say, I don't know what my

289
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 1: values are, and we need to get really really clear

290
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 1: on what what our values are. Who do we want

291
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 1: to become because life is happening right now, and sometimes

292
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,680
Speaker 1: when we lose someone, that really brings that up, that

293
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 1: realization that our life is happening right now and we're

294
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,160
Speaker 1: running out of time and we're not becoming the people

295
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 1: that we want to become.

296
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,040
Speaker 3: So when we focus on.

297
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,760
Speaker 1: These values over being validated by our job or our boyfriend,

298
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,919
Speaker 1: or our clothes or how much money we have, and

299
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,879
Speaker 1: we focus on the fact that maybe we'll want to

300
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,399
Speaker 1: be a kind person and we want to be an

301
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,800
Speaker 1: authentic person, and we want to make a difference to

302
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 1: people's lives, we can start to shift our life and

303
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,080
Speaker 1: shift our actions and our behaviors to match those values.

304
00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,199
Speaker 1: And that's when the real magic, the real healing, and

305
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 1: the self esteem after a loss can really start to

306
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:48,920
Speaker 1: show up.

307
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,320
Speaker 2: I was just thinking, like it's so amazing that you

308
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 2: were helping women with these things, because sometimes they can

309
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,159
Speaker 2: be like simple things that we need to do and

310
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 2: mindset changes, but we need the guidance and the tools

311
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:10,200
Speaker 2: to make those changes and you know, transform our lives.

312
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 2: So it is really amazing that you're doing this sort

313
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 2: of work.

314
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:13,680
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you.

315
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,359
Speaker 1: I mean, my whole story started with a breakup that

316
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,920
Speaker 1: was the real kind of breaking point that.

317
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 3: Led to the downward spirals.

318
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,919
Speaker 1: So I come from a place of a lot of

319
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:29,439
Speaker 1: compassion for anyone who's going through this, and these are

320
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,840
Speaker 1: the tools that I use. But I just was making

321
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: it up at the time and using journals and then

322
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,439
Speaker 1: seeing coaches, you know, and I try and tell people

323
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 1: now what I wish I had have known back then,

324
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 1: and it was just always always start with your values

325
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 1: and start with a person that you want to become.

326
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 1: Because we can ever control life. We can't control whether

327
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 1: someone's going to break up with us, we can't control

328
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 1: whether someone's going to die. We can't control if we're

329
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 1: going to keep or lose our job, or keep or

330
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 1: lose our house. But we can always, always, always control

331
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 1: who we are being in every moment and how we're

332
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:02,640
Speaker 1: showing up.

333
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,920
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening for another rn C episode. I

334
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 2: really appreciate taking the time to be here with me,

335
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 2: and also for taking the time for yourself. If you

336
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,479
Speaker 2: found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if

337
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,240
Speaker 2: you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or

338
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 2: simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family

339
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:27,000
Speaker 2: member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent

340
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 2: podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so

341
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,880
Speaker 2: it would mean the world to us if you left

342
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 2: a review on the Apple podcast app. Also, if you're

343
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,119
Speaker 2: vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting about, and

344
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 2: your craving community, please come and join us over at

345
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 2: the rn C podcast community Facebook group. Just search Rise

346
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 2: and Conquer podcast community on Facebook and I will be

347
00:19:52,760 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 2: in there to chat to you until next time. Don't