1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,160
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

3
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,240
Speaker 2: Now, sometimes as a parent, you can do the very

4
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,160
Speaker 2: best you can and it just doesn't quite work. It

5
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,680
Speaker 2: doesn't quite get you where you want to go.

6
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,200
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

7
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:22,720
Speaker 1: and dad.

8
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,400
Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson. I'm the founder of

9
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,880
Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com dot au and the author of

10
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 2: all those books about how to make your family happy.

11
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,040
Speaker 2: I'm here with Kylie, my wife and mum to our

12
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:35,159
Speaker 2: six kids. Well, when I say I'm here with Kylie,

13
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,560
Speaker 2: the saga continues. Kylie. I had a conversation with somebody

14
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,360
Speaker 2: the other day unexpectedly, and it kind of was a

15
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,920
Speaker 2: little bit disconcerting. They said, hey, Justin, it's nice to

16
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,519
Speaker 2: meet you. They recognized me, and I was having a

17
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,599
Speaker 2: short chat with them and I said, oh, how do

18
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,040
Speaker 2: you know me? And they said, oh, I followed you

19
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,760
Speaker 2: on Facebook and Bendy webinars and I love I love

20
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:59,320
Speaker 2: your podcasts. I said, oh, that's great, and then she said,

21
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,760
Speaker 2: so how's the move going. I was like, sometimes I

22
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,160
Speaker 2: think we might say a little bit too much on

23
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,560
Speaker 2: this podcast. I'm lonely, and you're still there, and I'm

24
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,720
Speaker 2: still here, and the house is still for sale. Well

25
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,160
Speaker 2: it's only been for sale for a week, so let's

26
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,000
Speaker 2: not get too carried away here. But there you are.

27
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,560
Speaker 2: You're on the coast, and today's Friday, end of the week,

28
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,319
Speaker 2: which means we do get to hang out for the weekend,

29
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,120
Speaker 2: hanging for that. He's surviving.

30
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,959
Speaker 3: I am just taking it one day at a.

31
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,640
Speaker 2: Time, yeah, one hour at a time, one minute of

32
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,840
Speaker 2: time now and again. It's really, really, really rough. Anyway,

33
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,000
Speaker 2: This is not a pity party for us, and I'd

34
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 2: rather be in our situation than the situation. I read

35
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,160
Speaker 2: something about Ukraine the other day on one of the

36
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:44,040
Speaker 2: ABC news sites and it just hit me so hard.

37
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,600
Speaker 2: Somebody was saying that the whole world is with us,

38
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,960
Speaker 2: but nobody is beside us, and I thought, my goodness,

39
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,200
Speaker 2: it must be so hard for them. So I'll take

40
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:59,240
Speaker 2: our I'll take our move and our minor separation as

41
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,240
Speaker 2: something that's pretty easy to deal with compared to what

42
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,560
Speaker 2: some people in other parts of the world are going through.

43
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,520
Speaker 3: I have that thought. Most days. I am blown away

44
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:12,840
Speaker 3: with just the struggles and difficulties that are everywhere.

45
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:18,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so much speaking of struggles and difficulties. Every Friday,

46
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,960
Speaker 2: we get to share a little bit about either the

47
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,079
Speaker 2: ones that we overcome or the ones that we didn't

48
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,359
Speaker 2: do so well with. Every Friday, the conversation on the

49
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,160
Speaker 2: podcast is called I'll Do Better Tomorrow. Our main game here.

50
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:34,680
Speaker 2: The focus is recognizing that sometimes family life is tricky

51
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,160
Speaker 2: and we sometimes need a little bit of guidance to

52
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,280
Speaker 2: get through things. So I'll Do Better Tomorrow is where

53
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,120
Speaker 2: we look at what happened over the past week and

54
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:46,000
Speaker 2: work out how we can do things better tomorrow. Kylie,

55
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,760
Speaker 2: what has really struck you in terms of your parenting

56
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,920
Speaker 2: and you're involvement with our kids this week? As you

57
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,720
Speaker 2: consider what it is to do better tomorrow, how would

58
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,639
Speaker 2: you like things to be better over the weekend or

59
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,000
Speaker 2: next week based on where you've learned this week.

60
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,040
Speaker 3: The girls started a new school at the beginning of

61
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:07,160
Speaker 3: term and Miss seven is still you know, she's having

62
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,119
Speaker 3: good days and she's having bad days as she navigates

63
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:15,280
Speaker 3: this whole new process of new friends and new teachers

64
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,880
Speaker 3: and new structures and routines, and she's.

65
00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 2: Doing it all while she's living in a place that's

66
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,239
Speaker 2: not ours. In fact, We've had to move airbnbs a

67
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,799
Speaker 2: couple of times because of other people that have booked things,

68
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,040
Speaker 2: and we didn't expect to be in this situation so long.

69
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so she's been doing great, but she definitely

70
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,280
Speaker 3: every couple of days we have a little bit of

71
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,000
Speaker 3: a meltdown and we don't want to go to school

72
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,000
Speaker 3: and we don't feel like we've got any friends, and

73
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,200
Speaker 3: getting out the door on time in the mornings can

74
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:46,880
Speaker 3: be really, really tricky, and over the last few weeks,

75
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 3: I've just decided to take the pressure off completely, and

76
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,320
Speaker 3: so often I just explained to her that she doesn't

77
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,400
Speaker 3: have to go to school right now. There is an

78
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,840
Speaker 3: acknowledgment that she will go to school or that she

79
00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,880
Speaker 3: owned it's just she doesn't have to do it right now,

80
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,480
Speaker 3: but that we have to actually get her big sister

81
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,720
Speaker 3: to school on time. So she could just get into

82
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,400
Speaker 3: the car in her pajamas, that's fine, and we drive

83
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,520
Speaker 3: off to school. Well, I put her uniform in her bag,

84
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,200
Speaker 3: and more times than not, I'll just put some music

85
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,440
Speaker 3: on and she start singing along with us, and the

86
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,040
Speaker 3: next thing I know, she's getting dressed all by herself.

87
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:23,040
Speaker 3: And I found that that has just made my morning

88
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,520
Speaker 3: so much better by just kind of allowing her to

89
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,920
Speaker 3: have her little meltdown and acknowledging that what she wants

90
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,919
Speaker 3: is to not go to school. She doesn't have to

91
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,559
Speaker 3: go right now, but we've just got to get Lily

92
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,280
Speaker 3: to school. But the other day I thought I had

93
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:41,560
Speaker 3: it in the bag. She wanted to join the chess club. Right,

94
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,320
Speaker 3: she's seven, let's just put this in perspective seven. But

95
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,640
Speaker 3: she wanted to join the chess club. And so I

96
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,080
Speaker 3: had so much weight with this chess club that on

97
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,599
Speaker 3: Tuesday night, I said to her, if you don't go

98
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,640
Speaker 3: to sleep, you're going to wake up really tired and

99
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,520
Speaker 3: cranky because you've got to be to school early for chess.

100
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,760
Speaker 3: She was so exc literally I think her head hit

101
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,159
Speaker 3: the pillow and she was out in about two minutes flat.

102
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,440
Speaker 3: And I thought, I've got this. I was so excited. Well,

103
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:12,440
Speaker 3: the next morning, she woke up an absolute refusal. Did

104
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,359
Speaker 3: not want to go to school, did not want to

105
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,800
Speaker 3: go to chess club, did not want to do anything.

106
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,240
Speaker 3: How did I get it so wrong?

107
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:20,720
Speaker 2: What was the deal?

108
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:26,480
Speaker 3: I think that she was scared. She didn't obviously acknowledge that,

109
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,520
Speaker 3: but I think that she was scared about this new situation,

110
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,720
Speaker 3: so did she go? Well, I took the pressure off again.

111
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,279
Speaker 3: I said, it's okay, we don't have to go to

112
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,840
Speaker 3: chess club, but let's get dressed for school, which she did,

113
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,240
Speaker 3: and we got to school late. So chess club starts

114
00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:42,200
Speaker 3: at seven forty five in the morning. I didn't get

115
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,000
Speaker 3: to school till quarter past eight. But because there was

116
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,760
Speaker 3: a few minutes before the school, boll was going to go.

117
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,640
Speaker 3: I said, we're here a little bit early. Do you

118
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,480
Speaker 3: want to go and just check out chess club? Mom

119
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,400
Speaker 3: will come with you, And she kind of looked at

120
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,400
Speaker 3: me and she said okay. So we walked in very late.

121
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,640
Speaker 3: She was one of eight children and she was the

122
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,880
Speaker 3: youngest by far. And we sat down and she's listening

123
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,080
Speaker 3: to all of these rules. My head is boggling as

124
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,760
Speaker 3: I'm trying to follow all of these different rules for

125
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,679
Speaker 3: all of these different pieces on the board.

126
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a checkers player, aren't you.

127
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:19,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, nice colors is way okay. But by the end

128
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,480
Speaker 3: of the five or so minutes that we sat there

129
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,440
Speaker 3: with instruction, the teacher at the front of the room said,

130
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,720
Speaker 3: all right, we're going to play a game. Now. We're

131
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,440
Speaker 3: going to start our competition, and Emily was right in

132
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,240
Speaker 3: there and I said, well, I might see you this

133
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,640
Speaker 3: afternoon and she said, all right, mom, see you later.

134
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:33,120
Speaker 1: Wow.

135
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,840
Speaker 3: It was just I think that sometimes we kind of

136
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,360
Speaker 3: think that we have to do things a certain way,

137
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,520
Speaker 3: and for whatever reason, Emily was feeling a little bit

138
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,520
Speaker 3: of anxiety around going to chess, and I just kind

139
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,279
Speaker 3: of took the pressure off. Didn't really matter if we

140
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,360
Speaker 3: got there on time or not. Yes, I'm paying for it,

141
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,920
Speaker 3: and yes it would be better if she was there

142
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,480
Speaker 3: at the beginning of the class. But for something so

143
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,599
Speaker 3: new and for someone so young, giving her just the

144
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,520
Speaker 3: space to do it at a pace that works for

145
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,880
Speaker 3: her meant that I didn't actually end up having to

146
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:05,000
Speaker 3: have any stress with her. We just did it a

147
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:05,520
Speaker 3: bit later.

148
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

149
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,000
Speaker 2: Fascinating now. Now, of course, this is some great advice

150
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,240
Speaker 2: for parents who have got the flexibility to be able

151
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,360
Speaker 2: to be a little bit late or to not have

152
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,520
Speaker 2: to rush off to work or anything like that. But

153
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,680
Speaker 2: the take home message that I'm hearing, regardless of your circumstances,

154
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,560
Speaker 2: really is that if you take the pressure off and

155
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,080
Speaker 2: just get them to do the next thing and have

156
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,880
Speaker 2: that flexibility, like let's just jump in the car and

157
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,280
Speaker 2: we'll sing some songs and see how you're feeling as

158
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,160
Speaker 2: we're driving along. And you've got the uniform there, you

159
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,600
Speaker 2: can get changed in the car park. I mean the

160
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,480
Speaker 2: little kids, right, so nobody really cares if they're getting

161
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,520
Speaker 2: changed in the car park before they run into school.

162
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,360
Speaker 2: It takes, as you said, the pressure off and you

163
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:44,520
Speaker 2: get to keep things moving forward. Up next in I'll

164
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,000
Speaker 2: Do Better Tomorrow, The latest insight for the parenting expert

165
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,520
Speaker 2: who may or may not be nailing it just now.

166
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,160
Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families Podcasts.

167
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,600
Speaker 4: Are Screens Creating tension at home betweens, teens and Screens

168
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:03,280
Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide family to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.

169
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,040
Speaker 4: Bye today at happy families dot com dot are you

170
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,280
Speaker 4: slash shop?

171
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,360
Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

172
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,600
Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers. Now I'm wondering, did

173
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,240
Speaker 3: you nail it?

174
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,120
Speaker 2: No? No, it was a complete failure, total and failure.

175
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 2: In fact, this is the sort of thing that's been

176
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,800
Speaker 2: building for a little while. And there's a fair bit

177
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,520
Speaker 2: of disclosure here, and I want to be very very

178
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,840
Speaker 2: sensitive because it doesn't just involve me, it involves one

179
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,040
Speaker 2: of our kids. But I want to share this purely

180
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,880
Speaker 2: because every parent will go through it one way or

181
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,640
Speaker 2: another at some point, and for me, I'm going through

182
00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:36,800
Speaker 2: it with one of the kids at the moment, and

183
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,520
Speaker 2: it's painful. And even when you're an expert, and even

184
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,440
Speaker 2: when you've done all this stuff, written the books, gotten

185
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,079
Speaker 2: the PhD, raised the kids, the whole lot, sometimes your

186
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,440
Speaker 2: relationships are tricky no matter what. And we've got one

187
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,719
Speaker 2: child at the moment, she's living with me while while

188
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,240
Speaker 2: she works. She's an adult now, she's nineteen years old,

189
00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:01,040
Speaker 2: and it just seems that I can't put right. I

190
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:05,040
Speaker 2: cannot say the right thing, I can't ask any questions.

191
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,280
Speaker 2: I literally everything that I do is wrong. Everything that

192
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,560
Speaker 2: I do is a mistake. I'm right now the adult

193
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,720
Speaker 2: that knows nothing, while the nineteen year old knows everything.

194
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,440
Speaker 2: And I know that it's actually not really about me.

195
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,560
Speaker 2: I know that it's actually about her and she needs

196
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,680
Speaker 2: to do a bit more growing and a bit more developing,

197
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,439
Speaker 2: a bit more maturing. But I'll tell you what, as

198
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,120
Speaker 2: a parent, as you watch your relationship with a child

199
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:33,480
Speaker 2: that you absolutely love slowly but surely implode like a

200
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:38,480
Speaker 2: slow motion grenade going off. It's just so devastating. It

201
00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:40,760
Speaker 2: so hard, especially when you know what to do, and

202
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,040
Speaker 2: yet no matter what you try to do, to do

203
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,800
Speaker 2: the stuff that you know you should do, it doesn't work.

204
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,360
Speaker 2: So I'm trying to spend time trying to build connection,

205
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:53,680
Speaker 2: trying to ask good questions, try to be present, and

206
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,080
Speaker 2: all that stuff. It's not working. But whenever I start

207
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:01,360
Speaker 2: to intervene or make a suggestion, worst dad ever, worst

208
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,480
Speaker 2: dad in the world. And I'm not saying this to

209
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,240
Speaker 2: demonize her, because this is just where she is right now.

210
00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:10,720
Speaker 2: But I think what it really illustrates is that sometimes

211
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,160
Speaker 2: as a parent, you can do the very best you

212
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:17,240
Speaker 2: can and it just doesn't quite work. It doesn't quite

213
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,480
Speaker 2: get you where you want to go. Anyway, the other day,

214
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,320
Speaker 2: she was on her way back from the shops, So

215
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,920
Speaker 2: bear in mind, nineteen should be responsible, should be independent,

216
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,480
Speaker 2: should be able to take care of things on our own. Needa,

217
00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:33,559
Speaker 2: some toilet paper was cranky because I hadn't bought any

218
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,720
Speaker 2: toilet paper at the shops. Like I'm at the moment

219
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,959
Speaker 2: I'm writing you, remember that conversation we had Kylie a

220
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,320
Speaker 2: couple of weeks ago about I'm writing like four books

221
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:45,560
Speaker 2: at the moment that conversation. Yeah, so I'm in the office.

222
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,480
Speaker 2: I've given up cycling, I'm not surfing, I'm not doing

223
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,640
Speaker 2: anything for me. I'm in the office.

224
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,079
Speaker 3: Clearly, you've given up to doing a grocery shop as well.

225
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,880
Speaker 2: I have given up grocery shopping. I'm in the office

226
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,080
Speaker 2: between five and five fifteen every morning, and I'm working

227
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,280
Speaker 2: until I don't know, six o'clock most nights, seven o'clock

228
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,160
Speaker 2: some nights, and if i'm doing webinars or Q and

229
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,600
Speaker 2: as for our Happy Families membership, I'm in the office

230
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,439
Speaker 2: until late thirty nine o'clock at night. I mean, I'm

231
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,480
Speaker 2: just working overtime. And she was cranky because I hadn't

232
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,599
Speaker 2: gone done the shop. But when she went to the

233
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,000
Speaker 2: shops to buy the toilet paper, she didn't buy anything else.

234
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,360
Speaker 2: I mean, nineteen, she's got a brain, didn't buy anything else.

235
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,920
Speaker 2: And I've had this frosty fruit craving for the last

236
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,440
Speaker 2: few weeks. I've been eating far too many frosty fruits,

237
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,559
Speaker 2: as you know, hashtag not sponsored by the way, I've

238
00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,160
Speaker 2: just got a thing at the moment, I like the

239
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:36,319
Speaker 2: I'm into the frosty fruits. And I called her as

240
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,720
Speaker 2: I took a quick break from work and said, Hey,

241
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,120
Speaker 2: while you're at the shops, could you grab me a

242
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,640
Speaker 2: packet of frosty fruits please? And I got in trouble

243
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,960
Speaker 2: because she was actually three minutes out of the shops.

244
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,520
Speaker 2: She was on her way home, and that meant she

245
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:49,560
Speaker 2: had to turn around and go back and get frosty fruits.

246
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,520
Speaker 2: And I hadn't paid it for the toilet paper, and

247
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:52,960
Speaker 2: am I going to pay it for the frosty fruits?

248
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:57,000
Speaker 2: Like it was a really big deal, oh, Kylie. And

249
00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,640
Speaker 2: I didn't respond well. I didn't risk well at all,

250
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,840
Speaker 2: Like I'm still cooking her meals even though I'm working

251
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,080
Speaker 2: forty three hours a day kind of thing, like I'm

252
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,720
Speaker 2: still cooking her meals and all that sort of stuff,

253
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,920
Speaker 2: and I don't want to turn this into a winge. Anyway,

254
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,520
Speaker 2: it didn't go well, and then Kylie I did something.

255
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,640
Speaker 2: When she got home. I walked over to her and

256
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:23,320
Speaker 2: I apologized for not being more thoughtful and for not

257
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,440
Speaker 2: being more patient and for all the things that I

258
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,560
Speaker 2: do wrong as a dad, and I let her know

259
00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:31,600
Speaker 2: that I love her and that even though I'm clumsy,

260
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,160
Speaker 2: and even though I make mistakes, and even though I

261
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:36,160
Speaker 2: get it wrong in her eyes, I'm absolutely committed to

262
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,599
Speaker 2: doing the very best that I can for her, and

263
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,880
Speaker 2: that she'll never know the depths of my love for

264
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,920
Speaker 2: her what she means to me. And just for a minute,

265
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,199
Speaker 2: I saw this little girl again, you know, that little

266
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,120
Speaker 2: cute kid that we used to look at and completely

267
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,040
Speaker 2: fall in love with, the little girl who held our

268
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:58,360
Speaker 2: heart in her hands. And I just saw this kid,

269
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,040
Speaker 2: just this little lost girl, and realized she might be nineteen,

270
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,400
Speaker 2: but her world's been turned upside down. She had some

271
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,559
Speaker 2: big plans for this year, and now she's questioning those

272
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:12,600
Speaker 2: plans in significant ways. She's got a family who's moving away,

273
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,280
Speaker 2: she's got a job that's gone from permanent to casual,

274
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,880
Speaker 2: and she's not quite sure what she wants to do

275
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,200
Speaker 2: with her future. Now everything's up in the air. And

276
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,080
Speaker 2: now she's got a dad who's giving her a hard

277
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,200
Speaker 2: time because she's into him for a couple of bucks

278
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,400
Speaker 2: for some toilet paper. And as I looked at her,

279
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,680
Speaker 2: and as I told her what she meant to me,

280
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,600
Speaker 2: I just realized that there's some stuff that matters and

281
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,319
Speaker 2: some stuff that doesn't, and paying for toilet paper. Worrying

282
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,280
Speaker 2: about cooking a meal or groceries not that big a

283
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:45,480
Speaker 2: deal compared to getting this relationship right. So my I'll

284
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,200
Speaker 2: do better tomorrow is actually a confession. I'm a parenting

285
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,200
Speaker 2: expert who's got a relationship that's falling apart, or at

286
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,120
Speaker 2: least when I say that, it's not where I want

287
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,000
Speaker 2: it to be. It's not strong like it used to be,

288
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,600
Speaker 2: and I've got some homework. I've got some real makeup

289
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,640
Speaker 2: work to do to get it back where it needs

290
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:01,840
Speaker 2: to be.

291
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,679
Speaker 3: I had my own trip down memory lane just yesterday

292
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,079
Speaker 3: with this same daughter and just remembering her doing her

293
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,520
Speaker 3: cross country run as a lengthy seven year old who

294
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:18,360
Speaker 3: was all legs, and just feeling exactly the same things,

295
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,080
Speaker 3: remembering what it was like to be, you know, eighteen nineteen,

296
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,400
Speaker 3: and knowing that I'm now an adult, but I really

297
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,200
Speaker 3: still have no idea what it means to be an

298
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,600
Speaker 3: adult and what I want to do with my life,

299
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,440
Speaker 3: and you know where I want to be and how

300
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:37,080
Speaker 3: I want to do life. And it just filled me

301
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:40,200
Speaker 3: with all of the same feelings that you have shared here.

302
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,280
Speaker 2: We just struggle, like we know what we want to do,

303
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 2: we know how we want the relationship to be, but

304
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,160
Speaker 2: we also get caught up in that whole you should

305
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,000
Speaker 2: know better and I've taught you better, and why aren't

306
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,240
Speaker 2: you self sufficient? And why can't you do this? We

307
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,520
Speaker 2: get caught up in that, and I don't know, Kylie, I.

308
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 3: Think that part of it too is that we have feelings.

309
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,640
Speaker 2: Well with that's true, we do.

310
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:04,880
Speaker 3: You know, our feeling matter and with our kids inexperience

311
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,400
Speaker 3: and immaturity. So often some of the things that they

312
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,320
Speaker 3: do and say are painful. They really really hurt us,

313
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 3: and it takes so much effort for us, as the

314
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,320
Speaker 3: bigger person in the relationship to take a step back

315
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,840
Speaker 3: and be able to take the perspective of them and

316
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:28,000
Speaker 3: recognize that they're learning.

317
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 2: Well, they've still got their old plates on, even if

318
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 2: they're grown up in nineteen. I'll take our message today

319
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,640
Speaker 2: really for you, Kylie, is to give the kids some

320
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 2: space and some breathing room and take them to school

321
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,640
Speaker 2: and their armies. They can get changed in the car park.

322
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,480
Speaker 2: For me, it's really about taking a step back and

323
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,680
Speaker 2: seeing them as people who are trying to figure life

324
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,720
Speaker 2: out at whatever age, and having that little extra bit

325
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,520
Speaker 2: of compassion, that little extra bit of patience, that little

326
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 2: extra bit of perspective to help them. We really hope

327
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 2: that today's podcast has been helpful for you in whatever

328
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,200
Speaker 2: challenges you're facing as a family. The Happy Families podcast

329
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media and Craig

330
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 2: Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd like more info

331
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,000
Speaker 2: about making your family happy up, especially if you're raising

332
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,760
Speaker 2: boys and wants to know how in the world to

333
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 2: navigate the progress from boyhood to manhood, we have got

334
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 2: the ultimate ultimate boys summit, Bringing Up Boys. All the

335
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 2: details are at happy families dot com dot au. Details

336
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,160
Speaker 2: available right now.

337
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 1: Be quick