Speaker 1: Is it just me or do you get the absolute
Speaker 1: sudden urge to call everyone boss whenever you go overseas?
Speaker 2: No nod. I don't know if you remember calling me
Speaker 2: last night, and I could just hear it being like
Speaker 2: thanks boss, thanks boss us. Welcome back to two doting dads.
Speaker 3: I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Baliash.
Speaker 2: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
Speaker 2: the good, it is the.
Speaker 3: Bad, and the relatable.
Speaker 2: And this won't come as any surprise to anyone unless
Speaker 2: you're a new listener. But on this episode, all episodes,
Speaker 2: we will not be giving any type of advice whatsoever.
Speaker 1: Well, let me hold you there. Today might be a
Speaker 1: little bit different, Matt. I might have some advice. Matthew,
Speaker 1: I have traveled to Balley. I am currently out of
Speaker 1: the country, and one gribe I've got is trying to
Speaker 1: find a decent froth because there's only one local beer
Speaker 1: here which will go unnamed, that I do not like.
Speaker 1: And there's only one mother's milk or nectar, and that is,
Speaker 1: of course Stonewood.
Speaker 2: That's right, the one and only stone on Wood. And
Speaker 2: this morning, Ash, it doesn't feel quite right the fact
Speaker 2: that I'm drinking one and you're not physically in front
Speaker 2: of me like I feel. I feel like I'm having
Speaker 2: toast with vegimite and no butter. Still that, Yeah, of
Speaker 2: course you would. I don't know if this is going
Speaker 2: to make your mouth water, but here it is, Ash,
Speaker 2: this is the hinterland, hazy pale ale.
Speaker 3: Just hold it up so I can see it.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to crack it here.
Speaker 3: Can you please, please please please?
Speaker 1: Oh oh, can you please have a couple for me?
Speaker 3: That would be amazing, please, Ash.
Speaker 2: On the weekend just gone, I was down the South coast.
Speaker 2: I was working on the house. I was on the
Speaker 2: tools all day and it was a very hot day. Ash,
Speaker 2: I feel like spring is just come. The temperature is
Speaker 2: just it's hot, it's thick.
Speaker 1: Didn't you realize the sentence you just said, Then it's
Speaker 1: come and it's hot, it's thick.
Speaker 2: Those words. That's sexually a new window. It just happens
Speaker 2: naturally when I talk about stone and wood. But after
Speaker 2: being on the tools all day, it doesn't happen often.
Speaker 2: I I'm normally exhausted from writing emails nine to five,
Speaker 2: but after having a shovel in hand and then putting
Speaker 2: the shovel down grasping a can of stone and wood
Speaker 2: and having that sweet, sweet sip that nectar. It is
Speaker 2: absolutely delicious.
Speaker 3: And Laura doesn't mind the old hazy as well, didn't she?
Speaker 2: Laura spect she was on the tools also, I did see,
Speaker 2: and both of us were sitting there afterwards, being like,
Speaker 2: nothing better after a hard day's work than a stone
Speaker 2: and wood.
Speaker 1: I'm very jealous because it's very hot here and I
Speaker 1: would love nothing them more.
Speaker 2: And for those of you who are not in Bali
Speaker 2: and here in Australia, the Stonywood Hinterland Hazy Pallel is
Speaker 2: available at any good bottle shop and pouring on tap
Speaker 2: and any good or delicious bar and restaurant. If you're
Speaker 2: struggling to find it or sample it, just jump on
Speaker 2: the stony Wood website and order a carton to your door. Ash.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they delivered to Bali.
Speaker 3: They should just go to Stonywood dot com dot au.
Speaker 2: Of course, yes, you're in Bali. Where do we start?
Speaker 2: Where do we start?
Speaker 3: With Bali? Let's begin.
Speaker 1: As all parents know, traveling with your children is a nightmare. Look,
Speaker 1: there is twelve parents, twelve kids right now.
Speaker 2: That is fucking crazy. By the way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a logistical nightmare.
Speaker 1: But April is, as you know, an executive assistant. She
Speaker 1: has done an amazing job organizing this, so let's just
Speaker 1: start with that. I usually shit on my wife.
Speaker 3: I'll give a.
Speaker 1: Kudos on this one because everyone is having a really
Speaker 1: good time.
Speaker 2: Is she the ringleader? Is she in charge? Who's like
Speaker 2: top dog?
Speaker 3: You look at him, bro, you're looking at him.
Speaker 2: I don't believe it.
Speaker 3: Nah, I'm I'm the bottom.
Speaker 2: Bet you're the epitome of rocking up. Being like, so,
Speaker 2: what time's boarding are we will fly to?
Speaker 3: It is exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1: I had had in my head that we were flying
Speaker 1: at like eleven am, so ape and I had the
Speaker 1: night before.
Speaker 3: She was like, Okay, well we've got to leave at
Speaker 3: six and I'm like, fuck, you.
Speaker 1: Want to leave so early for She's like, we've got
Speaker 1: to get the kids in the car, got to pack
Speaker 1: everything in the car, blah blah blah blah blahlah, and
Speaker 1: you got to get there a couple of hours before.
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, not five hours before? What are you
Speaker 3: my dad?
Speaker 1: And then she was like no, no, no, dickhead, We're
Speaker 1: flying at ten. I've told you this five hundred times.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, all right, alright, right, forgive me. I
Speaker 1: did the classic dad move, which is to put all
Speaker 1: the bags in the car the night before of an
Speaker 1: early start, which I think that's brilliant, good until April goes,
Speaker 1: I need something out of the big I'm talking. It's
Speaker 1: under surfboards, it's under prams, it's under kids' bags.
Speaker 2: You've brought your surfboard, that's right. I forget that you
Speaker 2: like to bring your surfboard to BALI. I'm trying to
Speaker 2: wrap my head around that. It's hard enough going with
Speaker 2: two kids plus prem plus bags, plus then throw a
Speaker 2: surfboard on top. How are you doing this?
Speaker 1: I actually had two surfboards, so I'm a warhorse. And
Speaker 1: so April needed something out of the big bag, which
Speaker 1: is the anchor bag. And I got everything out of
Speaker 1: the car at six am in the morning, only for
Speaker 1: her to realize that she hadn't put the toiletry bag
Speaker 1: in the big bag anyway. Ah, it was sitting on
Speaker 1: the kitchen bench waiting to be packed. So of course
Speaker 1: I'm a peak annoyed about this. I've stacked the car
Speaker 1: back up I've got the kids in that've traveled really
Speaker 1: really well to the airport.
Speaker 3: No dramas.
Speaker 2: Can I just ask you something and not to hone
Speaker 2: in and focus too much on the flight. I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm very flight focused right now. I'm like a
Speaker 2: moth and the flame is the flight. I'm just saying,
Speaker 2: let me in. I want some where. Did you guys sit?
Speaker 2: What was your configuration? Because you've got four of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it was a two four to two and
Speaker 1: we were in the four packed flight, full to the brand,
Speaker 1: very full fight. Yeah, kids everywhere, and like I said,
Speaker 1: they traveled really well to get there. But then the
Speaker 1: dumb thing is when you travel with other families, is
Speaker 1: the excitement of kids getting to an airport because I
Speaker 1: don't understand that you've got to wait, you stand in line,
Speaker 1: you've got to go through security. They're going absolutely fucking
Speaker 1: mental in the airport terminal, like trying to round, like
Speaker 1: trying to herd cattle. Ah, so far, that was the
Speaker 1: worst part, I would say, because they're also excited. But
Speaker 1: also the good thing was we weren't all sitting together
Speaker 1: on the plane, which I think is a top tip
Speaker 1: from me.
Speaker 3: Why they can't see their friends, so they're not like
Speaker 3: like loo.
Speaker 1: So for the first couple, I was on the plane
Speaker 1: four two four, perfect, put the kids in the middle,
Speaker 1: parent on the outside. Those kids sat really well for
Speaker 1: about two hours.
Speaker 3: The flights so long? What is it six and a
Speaker 3: half hours?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you feel like it's longer. On the way there.
Speaker 3: Did we take a detour or something quick? Stop off
Speaker 3: in Darwin?
Speaker 2: Yeah? The Captain's like, do we say Tokyo or Baralik? Fuck?
Speaker 3: Two hours? They traveled really well. Then they started to
Speaker 3: get a bit restless, as they do, and that's fair.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to sit here and every parent out
Speaker 1: there that travels with toddler's nose, you can't expect them
Speaker 1: to sit there for six and a half hours and
Speaker 1: not make a peep.
Speaker 3: So of course they want to get up.
Speaker 1: And walking up up and down the aisles, go and
Speaker 1: see their friend. You know, that's an hour or so
Speaker 1: up and down.
Speaker 3: But it was kind of nice.
Speaker 1: Because all of my kids went saw their friends, and
Speaker 1: April and I just had four seats vessels for about
Speaker 1: an hour.
Speaker 3: It was great.
Speaker 2: But what you just let them lose on the plane.
Speaker 1: Every now and then one kid would walk past, give
Speaker 1: away kicking, but also also kept for getting where we sat.
Speaker 3: So he's like at the front of the plane in
Speaker 3: business class.
Speaker 2: He's flying the plane.
Speaker 1: I even was like, maybe I can upgrade me to business.
Speaker 2: Did you look at prices?
Speaker 3: I was in the check in line and I was like,
Speaker 3: just double check.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine April if you're like, hey, I guess
Speaker 2: he got an upgrade, mate.
Speaker 1: I think that's instant divorce, isn't it. I think that's
Speaker 1: one of the worst things you could do to your
Speaker 1: significant other.
Speaker 3: But yeah, they traveled really well.
Speaker 1: We got here at a good time. We got here
Speaker 1: it like mid afternoon, but of course it takes forever
Speaker 1: to get from the airport to wherever you're staying because
Speaker 1: the traffic's so bad. Logistically getting kids everything into a car.
Speaker 2: I've seen videos and it barly looks absolutely turbo these days.
Speaker 3: It's so so busy.
Speaker 2: It's always been busy because the roads are small and
Speaker 2: there's just there's you know, there's like scooters, there's cars.
Speaker 2: Cars are a nightmare getting around as well. It's just
Speaker 2: like bumping a bump.
Speaker 1: But everywhere you add like as much to your trip
Speaker 1: with a car, for sure.
Speaker 2: I would almost say triple.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Just to manage expectations of anyone who's going to Bali,
Speaker 2: it's triple triple.
Speaker 3: In a car, it's triple. Yeah, it's triple.
Speaker 1: It is school holidays too, quadruple it. Yeah, just chuck
Speaker 1: an extra time. It is very busy. Everything's really packed.
Speaker 1: We got in Middavo, got the kids. They hadn't slept
Speaker 1: the whole time, haven't rest the whole time. They were
Speaker 1: wide up, they were delirious. They were running a mark
Speaker 1: in the hallway. One of the girls hit one of
Speaker 1: the young girls, she's three. She was so worked up
Speaker 1: she then fell asleep sitting up and then had a
Speaker 1: night terror while sitting there, like so you.
Speaker 3: Can imagine her sitting there and then all of a
Speaker 3: sudden going.
Speaker 1: Honestly, the poor thing she was, she was traumatized by it,
Speaker 1: but it was fucking hilarious for me.
Speaker 3: If it's my kid, I'm like, oh, you're good. But
Speaker 3: I was just like hysterically laughing.
Speaker 2: Bless and Yeah.
Speaker 3: The next day woke up beautiful day Bali.
Speaker 1: And of course our family trip is all the about family,
Speaker 1: all about the kids.
Speaker 3: I condone that for most of the part.
Speaker 1: We spent the day by the pool and it just
Speaker 1: happened to be my NURL Grand final day. Yes, we
Speaker 1: as a group collectively thought what we'll do. We'll spend
Speaker 1: the day at the pool. Let the kids have a
Speaker 1: good rest in the middle of the day so that
Speaker 1: they can stay up late. We could go watch the game,
Speaker 1: we can have dinner, we can do something for the adults,
Speaker 1: but the kids can come along later, so we're not
Speaker 1: completely ditching them with babysitterzen sex on night one and.
Speaker 3: I think that's fair.
Speaker 1: Barley's not very kid appropriate at pubs anyway, but they're
Speaker 1: a bit more accommodating these days because more families are
Speaker 1: coming here, right, and we make the short five hundred
Speaker 1: meters walk, which five hundred meter walk in Barley for
Speaker 1: a bunch of kids is like walking across the Sahara.
Speaker 2: Desert quadrivele it.
Speaker 1: That was a nightmare to get there. And they're at capacity. Sorry,
Speaker 1: we can't let anyone else in. We're full at capacity.
Speaker 1: This is bang on kickoff, by the way, no contingency plan,
Speaker 1: of course. I forgot that Bali is pretty much a
Speaker 1: state of Australia.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard, it's hard to call it. I remember
Speaker 2: going to the state of origin. Over in BALI watching
Speaker 2: it at a pub and there was like no one
Speaker 2: was really that into it. There was like a few people, Yeah,
Speaker 2: could be a bit hit on miss.
Speaker 3: And we think what do we do next?
Speaker 1: And instead of being able to do something for us adults,
Speaker 1: we unfortunately the only place that we could fit in
Speaker 1: was and I'm not sure if you're familiar with a
Speaker 1: franchise in Austrait called Cheeky Monkeys. No, it's an indoor
Speaker 1: play center. So picture this me bit upset. I can't
Speaker 1: get to the pub to watch the ground final, then
Speaker 1: being dragged by a bunch of because they kids spotted it.
Speaker 1: They spotted the monkey, and it's a big monkey out
Speaker 1: the front of this place.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, look, let's go in. Maybe
Speaker 3: they've got a TV. Went in.
Speaker 1: They've got no air con, they've got no TV, they've
Speaker 1: got no beers, and they've got a playground that looks
Speaker 1: like a prison yard.
Speaker 3: But the kids are frothing.
Speaker 2: That's a fucking night man.
Speaker 1: At this point, I'm human fucking spent the day chasing
Speaker 1: kids so that we could do this. It's too hot
Speaker 1: for them to be fully closed, so they're all running
Speaker 1: around pretty much naked, and.
Speaker 3: Then the girl behind the buses, I've got no beers.
Speaker 2: What do you have?
Speaker 3: Like what she's like, But you can go and get
Speaker 3: beers and bring them in.
Speaker 1: So I went bought like twenty beers and I'm like,
Speaker 1: drag these beers in. By the time I got back,
Speaker 1: the guys out there watching the footage on.
Speaker 3: A three and a half inch iPhone on.
Speaker 1: Delay, who were thirty five minutes behind Heaven, first thought
Speaker 1: was like, oh thank god, it was noisy as fuck
Speaker 1: because of the the echoing through this playground. Well, the
Speaker 1: prison yard is I like to call it the sums
Speaker 1: up traveling with or even just parenting right, because you're like,
Speaker 1: have this goal and idea in your mind where you're like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do everything right so that we can do
Speaker 1: something as parents and the kids can still come along,
Speaker 1: and it ends up.
Speaker 3: Just being all about the kids.
Speaker 1: Like I'm sitting there in a stinking hot kids playground,
Speaker 1: staring at a three and a half inch phone, drinking
Speaker 1: a warm beer from the servo three blocks over.
Speaker 2: It's living.
Speaker 1: The game finishes, the kids have eaten, We're like, you
Speaker 1: know what, there's a rooftop.
Speaker 3: Bar back at our hotel, so let's go back there.
Speaker 1: Just the kids are wide up. It's like nine o'clock
Speaker 1: at night now they're charging.
Speaker 2: Hang on, doesn't that mean that it's eleven o'clock like
Speaker 2: Sydney time on night one? Fuck, these kids must be
Speaker 2: off their.
Speaker 3: Head, off their head.
Speaker 1: We went up to this rooftop bar and one of
Speaker 1: the dads had checked it out and said, look, it's
Speaker 1: there's no fences. Really, there's seats up against the edge
Speaker 1: and you can literally you'll fall off under the roof
Speaker 1: and roll down the roof and.
Speaker 3: The on the road.
Speaker 2: So we are perfect.
Speaker 3: Let's just go up and have a look at the
Speaker 3: twenty four of it.
Speaker 1: The look on the bartender's face when we walked in
Speaker 1: with twenty four people. They nearly fucking jumped off the roof.
Speaker 1: And the kids were at this point really hopped up on.
Speaker 1: They've been at a playground all day. They're all sunburnt,
Speaker 1: they're all on eating lollies, eating whatever they can get
Speaker 1: their hands on. I've completely taken over the dance floor
Speaker 1: of this rooftop bar.
Speaker 3: We've cleared the place out. People have left.
Speaker 1: The best thing about was we all had free cocktail vouchers,
Speaker 1: so the whole thing.
Speaker 3: Was completely free.
Speaker 2: I just call that.
Speaker 1: Apparently this place every day you get too free cocktail delicious.
Speaker 1: So we're all up there at this point where the
Speaker 1: kids are flying high, we're all we're all pretty tanked.
Speaker 1: And then we go all right, well, let's go back
Speaker 1: to bath time and.
Speaker 3: All the can can?
Speaker 2: I ask you? Are you going to tell me your
Speaker 2: entire trip from start to finish our by hour?
Speaker 3: No? Sorry, let me oh, I just wanted to paint
Speaker 3: the picture. The picture is painted, okay, yeah, cool, So
Speaker 3: we went back. We did you know what I'm like?
Speaker 3: Once I get on a tangent, we get back to bedtime.
Speaker 2: We woke up. I had cereal for breakfast, alongside two
Speaker 2: eggs which were scrambled. I sat at seat number forty two,
Speaker 2: which is the back left hand corner of the restaurant.
Speaker 2: Following that, I had a coffee.
Speaker 3: I think the listeners appreciate my detail.
Speaker 2: It feels like we're there in BALI with you every
Speaker 2: step of the way.
Speaker 3: Anyway, let me finish, we get.
Speaker 2: Because also I want to get I want to get
Speaker 2: to your accident as well. We've got to leave time
Speaker 2: for the accident.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the dad's got the green light to kick on
Speaker 1: after the kids went to bed, right.
Speaker 2: Did they get the green light or was there? Was
Speaker 2: there never like an option for there to be any
Speaker 2: other light color but green.
Speaker 3: No other options.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we we we kick on to what we
Speaker 1: assumed was a little sports bar after that that turned
Speaker 1: out to be a nightclub.
Speaker 3: So you can imagine six old heads in there.
Speaker 1: It felt like I was at schoolies, so I was
Speaker 1: essentially at schoolies anyway, So it was all well and good,
Speaker 1: and then we left pretty late, like two o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning. One of the guys that were with got
Speaker 1: lost and then attempted to be abducted. He also got
Speaker 1: offered a really shaky hand job down the back alley
Speaker 1: of some bar, but of course he was just trying
Speaker 1: to get home, spewed up in the lift and then
Speaker 1: got alcohol poisoning.
Speaker 3: That's not one, that was just one.
Speaker 1: One of the other guys I was with also got lost,
Speaker 1: but he got lost in the hotel and at two
Speaker 1: thirty in the morning, he knocked on every single door
Speaker 1: of the hotel to find his room. Every and I'm
Speaker 1: talking four or five stories, twenty five rooms a story,
Speaker 1: and thankfully he got halfway through to a friend's room
Speaker 1: on my level because he's on the top level. He
Speaker 1: got halfway through and my mate opened the door and
Speaker 1: was like, the fuck the fuck are you doing. He
Speaker 1: was like, I'm trying to find my room, and he
Speaker 1: was like, I know where your room is. So by
Speaker 1: this stage he'd knocked on like thirty forty rooms.
Speaker 2: I mean, I like his logic. He's like, do you
Speaker 2: know what, I'm just kinda I'm going to knuckle down.
Speaker 2: I'm going to get it done.
Speaker 3: You have no shoes on it.
Speaker 1: So it was a rough night because we woke up
Speaker 1: the next day. I've gone down for breakfast at about
Speaker 1: eight o'clock. You know, me ice stick on the beers.
Speaker 1: I'm a big guy.
Speaker 3: I think I had one Margie and then so I
Speaker 3: was a bit dusty. I was a bit rough. And
Speaker 3: then I got downstairs and one of the wise goes.
Speaker 1: Oh, we've had to we've had to order the doctors
Speaker 1: in because one of the boys got ethanol poisoned.
Speaker 3: So we're all sitting around.
Speaker 2: No, is it one of those things where people just
Speaker 2: get People just get really like hungover, and I was poisoned.
Speaker 2: I was I had my drink spiked it like, no,
Speaker 2: you just had like eighty four cocktails and fourteen beers
Speaker 2: and you haven't slept.
Speaker 3: He was to be fair, he was smashing the Long
Speaker 3: Island ice teas and so we're all day one and.
Speaker 1: Like it leads me to the question, Matt of day one.
Speaker 3: Everyone always has a blowout on day one of a holiday, right, Huh?
Speaker 3: Is that is that fair? Tosday? Well? How my questions?
Speaker 3: I want to know what your what your what you
Speaker 3: would do?
Speaker 1: How would you make it up to your significant other
Speaker 1: if you were to have a massive blowout not show
Speaker 1: face the next day because you've drank too much, You've
Speaker 1: had to call the er nurse in to essentially hook
Speaker 1: you be line you up to a drip to stop
Speaker 1: you from profusely vomiting petrol all over a hotel room.
Speaker 3: How do you make up for that?
Speaker 2: I would take her out to the nicest Barlinese rooftop
Speaker 2: sports bar without a fence possible, and treat herd of
Speaker 2: one of the Long Island ized tea's. I don't know,
Speaker 2: I don't know if we've got time ash for your
Speaker 2: accidents story?
Speaker 3: Oh no, sorry, let's.
Speaker 2: Tell the story, because I have been worried, sick, since
Speaker 2: you've been gone, Because you know, Barli is a place
Speaker 2: where accidents happen. We all know that you know, and
Speaker 2: not to say that I don't have all faith in
Speaker 2: your abilities as an adult to look after yourself. I
Speaker 2: just know that sometimes you can be a little bit
Speaker 2: accident prone. All I was thinking to myself, he's with April.
Speaker 2: He's going to be okay because April will look after him.
Speaker 2: But you sent me a voice message last night which
Speaker 2: it made me very nervous. I don't don't know if
Speaker 2: you remember saying these things, but have a listen to this.
Speaker 1: I tried to do a double backflip off the Mississippi
Speaker 1: diving board and got halfway through the second flip, and I.
Speaker 3: Think, I think, I think I need to go to
Speaker 3: the hospital. But I'll wait.
Speaker 1: I will wait until the inflammation goes down before I
Speaker 1: decide whether.
Speaker 3: To go to the hospital end or not.
Speaker 2: Have you have you gone to hospital or not? Have
Speaker 2: you seek professional medical attention?
Speaker 3: I walked it off, as they say.
Speaker 2: There's nothing there's nothing better than walking off a spinal injuries.
Speaker 3: I just slapped really hard.
Speaker 2: What did you do?
Speaker 1: We went to a day a day club by the
Speaker 1: name of Mississippi.
Speaker 3: Those of you have seen it online. It's quite it's
Speaker 3: quite photogenic. That's how I say.
Speaker 1: It's in Bali, and it's got a diving platform.
Speaker 3: It's got three a very big.
Speaker 1: A one, a two meter and a five meter I believe,
Speaker 1: I believe it's five meters, which you might not think
Speaker 1: is very high, but your ceilings only like two meters
Speaker 1: two and a half minut's double that which I am
Speaker 1: quite well known for bridge jumping as a child and
Speaker 1: as a teenager. That's all we did in twet because
Speaker 1: there's nothing else to do that and get pregnant, and
Speaker 1: of course I have had to do a signature backflip
Speaker 1: of mine, which is just a single backflip, legs straight,
Speaker 1: perfect narrative.
Speaker 2: It went down well because sometimes you know, there's when
Speaker 2: there's a diving platform in the background. At these types
Speaker 2: of places, a lot of people around. You can't help
Speaker 2: but be drawn to an individual who's up there, especially
Speaker 2: when people know that like, well, he's facing the other way,
Speaker 2: he's about to do some type of a flip. Here
Speaker 2: did like did you come out up out of the
Speaker 2: water and to rounds of applause, what was it like?
Speaker 3: Look, there was a kid there doing like triple backflips
Speaker 3: and stuff. So mine wasn't.
Speaker 2: I fucking hate that, I fucking.
Speaker 3: I know, really show.
Speaker 1: But my excuse was I was like, bro, I have
Speaker 1: ninety five kilo dad.
Speaker 3: Two kids. A single backflip is fucking impressive.
Speaker 2: Okay, Hey, I love, I love. Just you told me
Speaker 2: last night that April said she'd give you a blowjob
Speaker 2: if you did it. Have a backflip.
Speaker 3: Blowjob. Unreceived.
Speaker 1: And of course, then of course my mates as you,
Speaker 1: as good mates to encourage you. Other than you, Matt,
Speaker 1: You're the only one who'd be like, don't do it, bro.
Speaker 2: I'm all for the flips. I'm all for the flips.
Speaker 2: I've got plenty of Yeah, big flip guy.
Speaker 3: You're big clip guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Let me show you exactly how that went down, Matthew.
Speaker 3: I think what you will notice in that video.
Speaker 1: One form, my form is outstanding. But second of all
Speaker 1: is the sound of a thud hitting the water, the
Speaker 1: surface of the water, followed by a collective groan of
Speaker 1: the whole day club going.
Speaker 2: Fuck, that was good. That was good. That was that
Speaker 2: was a grade backslap material. I'm just glad you're okay.
Speaker 1: When I was midway through that flip, my thought process
Speaker 1: went to Matt's gonna love this. I was like, and
Speaker 1: then I put on the bravest phase because in that
Speaker 1: video the two people at the front of my two
Speaker 1: mates who have egged me on to do it, and
Speaker 1: they've watched the whole thing unfolded front row seeds and
Speaker 1: they're like, you're all right, Brian. I was like, and
Speaker 1: I remember putting myself back underwater, going had some painkillers,
Speaker 1: slept it off, and now I've got the mother of
Speaker 1: all bruises because that all of the blood cells have
Speaker 1: come to the surface of the skin.
Speaker 3: And I walked downstairs with my shirt on, and one
Speaker 3: of the boys.
Speaker 1: Was like, did you get stung by a jellyfish?
Speaker 3: But I lived. I lived to tell another, to tell
Speaker 3: another tale.
Speaker 2: You make me blooding over sash in weeks sincerely apologized
Speaker 2: for making you worried.
Speaker 3: Dad.
Speaker 2: I'm going to message April and be like, keep them
Speaker 2: on a tight leash. For God's sakes.
Speaker 3: It's the dad instinct of you to worry about me,
Speaker 3: and I appreciate that because no one else fucking cares anyway.
Speaker 1: Matt, let me let me steguay into you because you
Speaker 1: worried about me this whole time.
Speaker 2: Oh no, let's wrap it up, Ash.
Speaker 3: No, sorry, sorry, that's very selfish of me.
Speaker 2: A little insight into what you'd be like as a lover.
Speaker 3: Very good.
Speaker 2: A quick update on the Runda, because Ash, I know that.
Speaker 2: I'm sure that's been at your the forefront of your
Speaker 2: mind for the last few days.
Speaker 3: I'm really enjoying the content coming out of it. The
Speaker 3: girls look like they love it. They do like it.
Speaker 2: They do like it. We were down there recently, had
Speaker 2: a little weekend trip down there. The drive down it's
Speaker 2: a bit of a long drive. It's three hours from
Speaker 2: Sydney down to Aladalla. We left in the afternoon, Ash,
Speaker 2: and normally it's pretty painless. We left late, so we
Speaker 2: didn't get in until like nine o'clock in the evening,
Speaker 2: so pretty late. The girls already sleep in the back
Speaker 2: of the car. You know, I was pretty exhausted. Not
Speaker 2: to sound like a hero, but I did that drive myself,
Speaker 2: start to finish a little stopover midway through.
Speaker 3: That's pretty good, Thank you.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that. We get to our accommodation. Girls are asleep.
Speaker 2: Nana is also asleep in the back of the car.
Speaker 2: As well. Laura's almost there. We get the girls inside
Speaker 2: to two bedroom little place, so Nana's got one room,
Speaker 2: Laura and I have the other room with the girls.
Speaker 2: We're all like in the one bed. We get Marley
Speaker 2: and Lola. They're not in the pajamas at this stage.
Speaker 2: We just put them inside on the bed. We go
Speaker 2: back to the car to get the suitcase and the
Speaker 2: pajamas and nappy. Lola's in a nappy. We come back in.
Speaker 2: Lola's half awake and Thella looks at us and goes,
Speaker 2: I just had a little accident, and we're like, We're like, okay,
Speaker 2: that's it's annoying. It's annoying because she's very good. She
Speaker 2: rarely has accidents. We kind of pull back the sheet
Speaker 2: and she's done the biggest piss imaginable. She's just it's
Speaker 2: like someone's got a two lead carton and just like
Speaker 2: poured it out on the bed and she's there going
Speaker 2: starry phipsy.
Speaker 3: It's now a woman bed.
Speaker 2: And you don't want to get annoyed. Obviously it's an accident,
Speaker 2: you know, that's fine. At the same time, you don't
Speaker 2: want to make it into a big because I just
Speaker 2: want to I just want to get you dressed and
Speaker 2: put you down back to sleep, and then you know,
Speaker 2: get a bit of rest myself. So we're like, that's okay,
Speaker 2: we get her ready. The thing was ash, which worked
Speaker 2: in my favor. I'm always on the left side. If
Speaker 2: you're like looking at the bed, at the bed head,
Speaker 2: I'm on the left side. Lola pissed on the right side.
Speaker 3: Oh beautiful.
Speaker 2: I was like, sorry, babe, we can. We can swamp
Speaker 2: if you want.
Speaker 3: With a full intention that you don't want to.
Speaker 2: Laura had to sleep and piss so night one, I
Speaker 2: was like, oh god.
Speaker 1: That is a real I know it's an accident and
Speaker 1: you can't. You can't get up before it.
Speaker 3: You want to. You're like, god damn it. But you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: what a way to start a trip.
Speaker 1: Haven't slept in the bed at all, and she's already
Speaker 1: pissed in it.
Speaker 2: It's a fucking nightmare. But then I'm popped into min
Speaker 2: to ten and I got myself some steel cap boots
Speaker 2: and then they gave me like a Minor ten trade
Speaker 2: trade shirt and I rocked up on site. All the
Speaker 2: guys I'd like a brand new shovel, like still had
Speaker 2: the sticker on. It had these brand new boots, like
Speaker 2: not a mark on them, and they're all like, oh
Speaker 2: you are You're looking pretty squeaky clean. And I was like, hello, fellas,
Speaker 2: my fellow tradesman.
Speaker 3: Surely you shucked on the trading boys. Oh gosh.
Speaker 2: All they did was just take one look at me.
Speaker 1: I'm with Mike, who is an actual trading and you
Speaker 1: were putting stuff on your story and I was like,
Speaker 1: look look at young Matthew here apprentice, first year apprentice,
Speaker 1: clean shovel.
Speaker 3: Mike was like, fucking, it looks pretty good.
Speaker 1: It looks the part you did you rub some dirt
Speaker 1: on yourself or something before you.
Speaker 2: Got Yeah, I literally went into like I kind of
Speaker 2: like where the tat was and the soil underneath the taps.
Speaker 2: It was a bit muddy, and I like rubbed the
Speaker 2: bit of wall paint, rubbed it all over myself. And
Speaker 2: then I kind of just I changed, you know, after
Speaker 2: a few hours of being on the tools, it just
Speaker 2: I felt like another tradesman came on side. He was
Speaker 2: dropping something off, and I just I felt accepted. And
Speaker 2: then and then we went and got Laura. Laura and
Speaker 2: I got lunch, because you know, I was like, had
Speaker 2: this mud rubbed all over me and these big steelcup boots,
Speaker 2: and Laura was like, oh, do you want to just
Speaker 2: get changed quickly for lunch? And I was like, nah, nah,
Speaker 2: I'll go down like this. And so I'm walking around
Speaker 2: ala dalla looking for other trades to be like, here
Speaker 2: you going. I didn't take off that outfit and the
Speaker 2: boots for the whole weekend start to finish.
Speaker 3: That is exactly what I expected from you.
Speaker 2: Too, dude. I woke up the next morning and my
Speaker 2: poor hands that normally they're only having to endure like
Speaker 2: twenty emails written a day, and all of a sudden
Speaker 2: they're like lifting pits of wood and moving bricks from
Speaker 2: like A to b and they were so sore. Dude,
Speaker 2: it felt like my hands been on over by a
Speaker 2: car achy And also because steel boot caps are so heavy,
Speaker 2: my little ankles. The next day, I was so sore.
Speaker 1: If a real trade is shooting into this chat now, pathetic.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you can see the scratches.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh look at that.
Speaker 2: You look at that. I had this high pressure cleaner.
Speaker 2: There's like four parts to it. It's like you've got
Speaker 2: the hose, you've got the like the like the gun
Speaker 2: handle at the end, and then you got the unit.
Speaker 2: The instruction manual is like, we're not going to give
Speaker 2: you the instructions for how to connect it because it's
Speaker 2: literally just like one goes into two, two goes into three,
Speaker 2: three goes into four.
Speaker 3: You're good, it's obvious. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I couldn't. I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure
Speaker 2: it out. And Laura was like, Hey, let's let's hurry
Speaker 2: up and let's gurnie this area here because we want
Speaker 2: to get back to the kids because Nana had the kids. Ye,
Speaker 2: hurry up and get it done. And I was trying
Speaker 2: to figure out how to do it.
Speaker 1: GURNI is the final trading test when you finish your
Speaker 1: four year apprenticeship.
Speaker 3: They're like, all right, now put this together.
Speaker 2: You're I couldn't do it, and she goes, just ask
Speaker 2: one of the boys for help, and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: not fucking asking one of the guys here for help,
Speaker 2: Like I can do this. She gave me about twenty
Speaker 2: minutes and then was like and I was like, can
Speaker 2: you go ask him for help? I had to like
Speaker 2: hide behind a bush as Laura had to get the
Speaker 2: guys that helps it up the gurney. But then as
Speaker 2: we're about to leave, this is the last day, we
Speaker 2: had to go back on site just check one last thing.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you saw ash on Laura's socials,
Speaker 2: but we now have a new pet down in Ala Dallah.
Speaker 3: What is it?
Speaker 2: So as we're leaving in the branches above the house,
Speaker 2: this is in the front courtyard. There's a two meter
Speaker 2: diamond python.
Speaker 3: It's fucking massive, it's big.
Speaker 2: Laura was going, we need to get it, get it
Speaker 2: out of here, and I was like, no, Like it's
Speaker 2: in a tree. It's just chilling, and I don't want
Speaker 2: to like disturb it. And I go, they kill the road,
Speaker 2: and so yeah, that's what everyone says.
Speaker 3: And the and.
Speaker 2: Yet young children apparently they love cats. So Raspberry can't
Speaker 2: come down. But Laura's screaming. As I'm inside, She's like, mad,
Speaker 2: come here. I run outside and she's like, get it.
Speaker 2: And it was then like just about to pop over
Speaker 2: into the gutter the corner of the roof, and I
Speaker 2: was like, fuck, I'm not too worried about it, because
Speaker 2: I'm like, you get you get snakes and roofs all
Speaker 2: the time. But at the same time, it's it's half
Speaker 2: finished and there's lots of like nooks and crannies for
Speaker 2: it to be in. I'm trying to get it with
Speaker 2: a shovel, but I also it's a fucking snake, dude.
Speaker 2: I don't want to like attack the snake. The snake
Speaker 2: is now inside the roof, so the tail is just
Speaker 2: hanging out the gutter. I like try and grab the tail,
Speaker 2: but I can't reach it. Snake's inside, and we end
Speaker 2: up calling a snake catcher and he's like, yeah, you guys,
Speaker 2: that's like there's no way. You can't really set like
Speaker 2: a trap. You can't bait snakes. It's just going to
Speaker 2: come out by its own free will. And we sit
Speaker 2: in the video and we're like, it looks like it's
Speaker 2: eating something. So I'm guessing it has a bit of
Speaker 2: a bulge and it's belly, and he goes, no, that's because
Speaker 2: the bulge is so far back towards the tail. That's
Speaker 2: that's a pregnant snake. That's its babies. So he reckons
Speaker 2: that coming into someone this is when they give births.
Speaker 2: So the snake is now in our roof. It's now
Speaker 2: going to lay its eggs in the roof most likely,
Speaker 2: and raise it's young in the house.
Speaker 3: Dope, you charging rent.
Speaker 2: I'm not worried.
Speaker 3: I don't like no what I will say.
Speaker 1: And I've got experience in this field, believe it or not.
Speaker 3: I used to be a snake handler. No, no, you didn't.
Speaker 3: No no.
Speaker 1: We used to have a diamond python in the roof
Speaker 1: of my parents' house as a child, and it lived
Speaker 1: there for years and.
Speaker 3: It kept all the roadents away. Brilliant, not a problem.
Speaker 1: And then one night Dad was going to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: and he went to the bathroom and he came back
Speaker 1: and he thought what was on the banister was a
Speaker 1: towel to wipe his hand dry.
Speaker 3: His hands turned out to be a snake.
Speaker 1: So he's gone to grab the snake, and the things
Speaker 1: like lunched at him in the middle of the.
Speaker 2: How the fuck did he get a talent a snake
Speaker 2: mixed up?
Speaker 1: It was dark and it was wrapped, it was like
Speaker 1: over that it was sitting that looked like it was
Speaker 1: just draped over there. Cheeky bugger. And then I get this.
Speaker 1: I wasn't living there at the time because I'd moved out.
Speaker 1: I got this video of Dad at two o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning, butt naked because dad.
Speaker 3: Loves to sleep naked.
Speaker 1: It for some fucking reason with a dog cage trying
Speaker 1: to lure this snaked and apparently it's the only time
Speaker 1: it ever came in the house.
Speaker 3: And it's because one of the windows was left open.
Speaker 2: That's what I am about.
Speaker 1: They'll keep the roads, but I think a family of
Speaker 1: snakes might be a bit march. Yeah, but Matt, let's
Speaker 1: treat our listeners to one of their favorite segments, which
Speaker 1: is parenting b Tell Me Loud, Tell Me love.
Speaker 2: Ash. We got this video submitted from one of our
Speaker 2: lovely listeners, Jess, who are sent it in so I'll
Speaker 2: get to watch this one right now.
Speaker 3: Could I have some of your watermelon?
Speaker 1: No, my water mamm a bit spify, so you're going
Speaker 1: to eat.
Speaker 3: It is not spicy? Oh my god.
Speaker 2: They're onto it when they start using our weapons.
Speaker 1: Against us, because it means we need to up our game.
Speaker 2: Minke keeps using a li on me at the moment
Speaker 2: where literally I asked her not to do something, she
Speaker 2: does it and then she's like, oh, sorry, I thought
Speaker 2: you said eat the chocolate and I'm like, no, you didn't,
Speaker 2: and she's like, I just I got confused. I couldn't
Speaker 2: quite hear what you said. And I'm like, Marley, you
Speaker 2: fucking heard me. And she's like, yeah, no, just fine.
Speaker 2: So it doesn't the.
Speaker 3: Other thing, but he's like, I'm like, did you just
Speaker 3: lie to me?
Speaker 1: He's like, what's that? Like, you're a fucking idiot. Very
Speaker 1: also very clever, Like if you don't, he's probably under
Speaker 1: the assumption if he doesn't know what it is, know
Speaker 1: what a lie is, then he can't get in trouble.
Speaker 2: How could it be guilty?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got one for you, Matt that I used personally.
Speaker 1: Sorry to make this all about me again, please, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to share this one with you because I
Speaker 1: thought it had a little I'd nearly got caught out,
Speaker 1: but I built on the lie and got away with it.
Speaker 1: So just paint you a quick picture. We've traveled all
Speaker 1: day to Bali. We've got here, it's five o'clock. Kids
Speaker 1: haven't rested, and we get here and the kids see
Speaker 1: the pool straight away full of kids, full of people
Speaker 1: and Oscar's and look, we're exhausted.
Speaker 3: We traveled all day.
Speaker 1: If it was midday whatever, fine, but it's five o'clock
Speaker 1: in the afternoon, and I've said to Oscar, I've said,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, buddy, the pools closed. I know you can
Speaker 1: see people in there, but they're just not accepting any
Speaker 1: new swimmers in the pool.
Speaker 3: Very good, very good, very bummed out.
Speaker 1: He was very bummed out. You can see all these
Speaker 1: kids having a really, really good time. I also noticed
Speaker 1: that they were setting up a projector screen at the
Speaker 1: pool for a dusk movie. Okay, And I've come up.
Speaker 3: To the room.
Speaker 1: Our room overlooks the slide in the pool, like legit
Speaker 1: right there. And Oscar's like.
Speaker 3: There's all kids having fun.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I've shut the curtains and I've said we're gonna
Speaker 1: have some dinner.
Speaker 3: The pools closed. I told you that.
Speaker 1: And as I've put them started to put them to sleep,
Speaker 1: the movie kicks off.
Speaker 3: And it surfs up. The movie.
Speaker 1: Oh great films, great film. The screen is right outside
Speaker 1: my door. They've got two speakers the size of people
Speaker 1: on top of these two sticks, projecting directly into my room.
Speaker 1: And Oscar was like, I can hear. I can hear
Speaker 1: a movie. And I was like, oh yeah, Bud, you
Speaker 1: had to buy tickets for that.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 1: I cranked up the white noise and shut the curtain.
Speaker 3: And the pork. Yeah, and the pork. He went to sleep,
Speaker 3: missed out surfs up.
Speaker 2: I reckon, You've you've got one more year of being
Speaker 2: able to bend the truth that much. He's going to
Speaker 2: start catching on.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, And honestly, I was just thinking on
Speaker 1: my feet, and that's what good parenting is, thinking on
Speaker 1: your phone to adapt.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: Hey, Normally at this point of the episode, we would
Speaker 2: do listen to questions. However, on this particular episode because
Speaker 2: it's so special, the fact that one of us is
Speaker 2: overseas and BALI must be very nice Ashton Wicks, we're
Speaker 2: going to rest questions. We're going to do them next week.
Speaker 3: I know people going to be really upset, but that's
Speaker 3: my fault.
Speaker 1: I take responsibility for wasting all of our time.
Speaker 2: Actually, next week, ash you are going to enjoy your
Speaker 2: holiday to its fullest. We're going to do an episode
Speaker 2: with Laura Burns. She will be the ash Wicks Oohm.
Speaker 3: Is there an opportunity for me to dial in at
Speaker 3: some point?
Speaker 2: Yes, as long as you're not enjoying the fine drinks
Speaker 2: of the long holand iced teas of BALI, I don't
Speaker 2: know if we have time for that one hour in
Speaker 2: and you're like, and then we had dinner. The hard
Speaker 2: thing about dinner, there's twenty four of us.
Speaker 3: What's the deal with dinner?
Speaker 2: Hey, just quickly ash before we go. I had a
Speaker 2: lovely interaction driving back. We stopped in at Little RSL
Speaker 2: in Wollongong and a lady was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: it's you. And we don't often get this in public.
Speaker 2: It rarely happens, so it's very flattering when it does happen.
Speaker 2: Stacy said, I was just telling my husband about the
Speaker 2: podcast and she always it's helped me so much because
Speaker 2: I just got out of hospital and I was like,
Speaker 2: oh no, she's currently going through chemo, and she said,
Speaker 2: I just want to say thanks so much for giving
Speaker 2: me just a little bit of fun and laughter at
Speaker 2: the time of my life where I've been feeling pretty low.
Speaker 2: So Stacy, I'm going to assume you listening to this episode,
Speaker 2: but we're thinking of you know, you got a huge
Speaker 2: battle on your hands. We're stoked that we can offer
Speaker 2: you just a little bit of help. So all of
Speaker 2: us here, two dating dads, we're thinking of.
Speaker 1: Your Yeah, Stacy all the best with treatment and hopefully
Speaker 1: you bounce back quickly and hopefully maybe one day we
Speaker 1: can come down for a beer at that RSL, Matt,
Speaker 1: and it's a great RSL.
Speaker 2: The fig Tree, great, great establishment, and Ash. We are
Speaker 2: where you're itching towards one hundred episodes. I think we're
Speaker 2: at ninety three, maybe ninety four, maybe ninety six, I've
Speaker 2: lost count, but we are in the nineties. We will
Speaker 2: do something very special for hundreds. We're planning it at
Speaker 2: the moment, So just stay tuned, keep an eye out
Speaker 2: on our socials and also to the episodes because the
Speaker 2: announcement is coming soon, something very special.
Speaker 1: Listeners very excited. And I love it when you bring
Speaker 1: me news like that.
Speaker 3: Love it. I love it, love it, love it.
Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode, please jump on leave us
Speaker 1: a review.
Speaker 3: Five stars would be great if you could.
Speaker 1: Do that, Write us a little message, write us a
Speaker 1: little message.
Speaker 3: We love that.
Speaker 1: And if you want to get in touch of course, Matt,
Speaker 1: where do they do that?
Speaker 2: Oh? I was like, they can't do it on an
Speaker 2: email Hello at two Doting Dands dot com or on
Speaker 2: Instagram two Doting Dads. There's TikTok on the website Two
Speaker 2: Doating Dads dot Com, Facebook and Facebook group.
Speaker 3: I'm going to jump on today just so you know,
Speaker 3: and jump on today. Give a little life update for me.
Speaker 1: Maybe picture the kids having a good time and see
Speaker 1: if anyone's got any cool Barley recommendations.
Speaker 2: While I'm please be safe the love of God, just
Speaker 2: come back home in one piece.
Speaker 3: Ash. Yeah, look, I promise from here on out, I'll
Speaker 3: do my best.
Speaker 2: You're making me nervous. Enjoy your holiday, mate, We'll chat
Speaker 2: to you soon, all right.
Speaker 3: See guys bye? Do you know what it reminds me
Speaker 3: of that movie The Castle and His Dad? I dug
Speaker 3: a hole.
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all.
Speaker 3: Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded
Speaker 3: on Gadagle Land