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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now.

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Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson. It's Friday. Love Fridays

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Speaker 2: because we get to talk about I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: This is the segment on the podcast where we focus

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Speaker 2: on what went well or what didn't over the past

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Speaker 2: week and try to figure out how we can do

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Speaker 2: things better. And in the.

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Speaker 1: Background, why you like Fridays.

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Speaker 2: Why do I like Fridays Because we get to be together. Okay, So,

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Speaker 2: for those of you who have missed the news, Kylie

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Speaker 2: and the kids are on the coasts. We're moving there.

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Speaker 2: I'm still in Brisbane trying to pack up the house,

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Speaker 2: get the trades people to come through and get it

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Speaker 2: all ready for sale. We're almost on the market, finally.

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Speaker 2: It's been such a long process, but we're nearly there.

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Speaker 2: About a week or so to go now, Thank goodness, Kylie.

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Speaker 2: Because it's old do better tomorrow. I think that it's

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Speaker 2: time for us to have a conversation about what we've

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Speaker 2: learnt this week about parenting, what we did well, what

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Speaker 2: we didn't do so well. It's a moment of truth. Perhaps,

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Speaker 2: do you want to go first or should I.

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Speaker 1: Oh, look, there's been so many ups and downs. I've

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Speaker 1: actually really struggled to make a decision on what I

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Speaker 1: should share with you today. But I'm going to go

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Speaker 1: a little bit sciency on you.

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Speaker 2: I think, wow, a reverse in the way we normally

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Speaker 2: do things. But that's fine, let's hear it.

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Speaker 1: Well. We talk a lot about gratitude on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and especially the benefits of gratitude. But the other day

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Speaker 1: I was reading Brene Brown's latest book, Atlas of the Heart,

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Speaker 1: and it's just this amazing book that kind of really

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Speaker 1: gets to the nitty gritty of what each emotion is

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Speaker 1: and how it manifests in us. And she wrote about

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Speaker 1: gratitude and she actually included a quote by Robert Emmons.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard of him, but he's.

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Speaker 2: The world Bob Emmons is the world's most renowned gratitude researcher.

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Speaker 2: I've got two of his books on my shelf right

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Speaker 2: behind me.

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Speaker 1: Well, I might just have to read them because I

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Speaker 1: really appreciated what he said. He said, research on emotion

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Speaker 1: shows that positive emotions were off quickly. Our emotional systems

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Speaker 1: like newness, They like novelty, they like change. We adapt

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Speaker 1: to positive life circumstances, so that before too long, the

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Speaker 1: new car, the new spouse, the new house, they don't

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Speaker 1: feel so new and exciting anymore. I found that fascinating,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to talk about that soon. But it

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Speaker 1: goes on to say, but gratitude makes us appreciate the

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Speaker 1: value of something, and when we appreciate the value of something,

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Speaker 1: we extract more benefits from it. We're less likely to

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Speaker 1: take it for granted. In effect, I think gratitude allows

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Speaker 1: us to participate more in life. We notice the positives

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Speaker 1: more and that magnifies the pleasures you get from life.

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Speaker 1: Instead of adapting to goodness, we celebrate goodness. We spend

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Speaker 1: so much time watching things movies, computers, screens, sports, but

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Speaker 1: with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as

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Speaker 1: opposed to spectators. And as I was reading that, like

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Speaker 1: I said, I was really blown away with this idea

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Speaker 1: that positive emotions wear off so quickly, because I think

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Speaker 1: about when I'm angry, for instance, and I can be

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Speaker 1: angry for a really long time, as you can, it

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Speaker 1: just doesn't seem to disappear. But liking acknowledges, you get

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Speaker 1: a new dress or whatever, and the feeling of that

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Speaker 1: wears off really quickly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel every time I get a new dress,

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Speaker 2: the feeling of excitement wears off very quickly. Indeed, I

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Speaker 2: can tell you now.

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Speaker 1: So the reason I was sharing that was I number one,

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Speaker 1: just I guess for me a mental note that those

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Speaker 1: positive emotions do actually disappear quite quickly, and that gratitude

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Speaker 1: gives us an opportunity to almost relive those positive emotions,

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Speaker 1: and we extract more benefits from life by expressing gratitude

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Speaker 1: because of that capacity for us to relive. And so

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Speaker 1: I had an experience with the kids this week that

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Speaker 1: just really highlighted that for me. One of our daughters

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Speaker 1: having a bit of a rough time at the moment,

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Speaker 1: and she just did not want to get up for

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Speaker 1: school no matter what I asked of her, it just

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Speaker 1: wasn't going anywhere. And so I just decided to kind of,

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Speaker 1: you give her a bit of space and just acknowledge

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Speaker 1: that she wasn't going to make it to school on time,

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Speaker 1: but that if I played my cards right, that hopefully

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Speaker 1: she would actually go to school in her own time.

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Speaker 1: And she eventually got up. She had a big, big

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Speaker 1: sleep and she got up and I made her some

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Speaker 1: breakfast and we just had a really nice, calm morning.

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Speaker 1: I didn't badger her, We were just able to have

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Speaker 1: a conversation and she shared some of you know, the

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Speaker 1: experiences she's having at her new school, and without me

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Speaker 1: even asking her, she kind of finished the conversation and

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Speaker 1: she said, Mom, I think I might go to school now,

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Speaker 1: And so she went and got herself ready. But it

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Speaker 1: wasn't until that night when we sat around the dinner

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Speaker 1: table and I asked each of the girls to express

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Speaker 1: what they were grateful for that she was able to

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Speaker 1: share with me just how important that moment was, because

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Speaker 1: so often, because our lives are busy, there's not a

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Speaker 1: lot of time for us to just sit and be

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Speaker 1: still and for her to not have to share me,

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Speaker 1: and she was just so grateful that while it meant

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Speaker 1: she got to school light, that she was able to

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Speaker 1: have asleep and she really really felt like her body

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Speaker 1: just needed that right now, and then she was able

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Speaker 1: to just have some still time with me, and that

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Speaker 1: meant so much to her in my mind, you know,

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Speaker 1: I was doing everything I could to just stay calm

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Speaker 1: and just you know, help her work through it. But

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Speaker 1: for her, it was such an important moment, and I

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Speaker 1: would have missed it if I had just been so

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Speaker 1: caught up in the agenda. But the expression of gratitude

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Speaker 1: meant that I actually got to relive that moment in

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Speaker 1: a totally different way because of this perspective she brought

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Speaker 1: to the table. And so I just wanted to share

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Speaker 1: that because I found it really powerful in marrying up

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Speaker 1: what I had read this week and the aha moments

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Speaker 1: that I had had myself in there, and then kind

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Speaker 1: of seeing it come to fruition as my children were

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Speaker 1: able to share their express of gratitude.

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Speaker 2: So I'm extracting a number of take home messages from this.

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Speaker 2: Number one read Brene Brown Outlets of the Heart. I

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Speaker 2: think that's probably the the ultimate take home no.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: Number one really is let the kids sleep in even

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Speaker 2: if they're going to be late for school. Sorry, I'll get.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many parents will like.

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Speaker 2: That take home message. So what is from your point

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Speaker 2: of view? I mean, there are actually a number of

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Speaker 2: things that we can extract from this, But what's your

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Speaker 2: ultimate take home here? Is it be grateful? Is it

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Speaker 2: slow down and just be with the kids. Is it

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Speaker 2: a combination of reliving and savoring the good moments and

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Speaker 2: the other two things. Where do you land on this

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Speaker 2: all of them?

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Speaker 1: For me, it was just, you know, kind of letting

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Speaker 1: go of the agenda and giving my child the space

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Speaker 1: that they needed in that moment, but then having those

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Speaker 1: beautiful moments of gratitude and expression of gratitude that allowed

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Speaker 1: us to relive that moment with greater perspective and understanding.

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Speaker 2: Up next, the way that we completely destroyed our last

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Speaker 2: weekend and what that did to help us to make

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Speaker 2: life better, to make sure that we could do better tomorrow,

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Speaker 2: plus perhaps the most heartwarming moment I've had with my

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Speaker 2: kids in weeks. It's their Happy Families.

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Speaker 1: Podcast for a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership,

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Speaker 1: because a.

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Speaker 2: Happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot au.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers now. And today we're

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Speaker 1: sharing our insights and reflections from the week that was.

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Speaker 2: So we're only supposed to share one, but I'm going

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Speaker 2: to share two. A couple of nights ago, you gave

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Speaker 2: me a quick call and said I'm losing it. I'm

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Speaker 2: not doing well at all, and we've got a child

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Speaker 2: who is not happy. I could hear the screaming in

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Speaker 2: the background from our seven year old Emily, who was

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Speaker 2: just over it right. I mean, this is a really

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Speaker 2: hard time where our family is relocating. I'm only with

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Speaker 2: you guys, two or three nights a week at the moment,

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Speaker 2: a brand new school, not in any permanent address yet,

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Speaker 2: while we're still trying to get our household so we

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Speaker 2: can buy a new place or run a new place

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Speaker 2: on the coast. Everything's kind of not where it belongs,

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Speaker 2: and our children are lacking the rhythm and routine of

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Speaker 2: regular life. So you gave me a buzz and said,

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Speaker 2: and this is the great thing to take our message.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to share it. Before I even share the story.

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Speaker 2: When you're in the middle of the firefight, it's really

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Speaker 2: hard to get the perspective you need. Sometimes you need

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Speaker 2: to step back. You've got to create a new perspective,

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Speaker 2: create some distance so that you can figure things out.

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Speaker 2: And you knew that you couldn't because you were juggling

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Speaker 2: irritable children, a couple of them and one who was

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Speaker 2: absolutely losing the plot. So you gave me a call

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Speaker 2: and said, you talk to Emily. So Emily came to

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Speaker 2: the phone reluctantly and still hollering. And I don't know

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Speaker 2: where it came from. I don't know why it popped

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Speaker 2: into my head, but I said to her, you sound

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Speaker 2: so upset. Would it be helpful if I sing you

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Speaker 2: a song? So normally we've got a nighttime routine where

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Speaker 2: whatever not, I'm putting the kids to bed after I've

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Speaker 2: read stories and given them hugs and said prayers. I'll

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Speaker 2: sing songs to them until they fall asleep or until

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Speaker 2: they can't take it anymore. And she said, if you

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Speaker 2: want to, which I couldn't believe. I thought she was

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Speaker 2: going to shut me down straight away, because when she's

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Speaker 2: in that mood, she does not want me to sing.

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Speaker 2: So I sang her one of our favorite special lullaby songs,

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Speaker 2: and she was quiet. She was engaged, and so I said,

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Speaker 2: would you like me to sing another one? So I

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Speaker 2: sang our second most favorite one, and then I asked

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Speaker 2: to fucking sing one more, my favorite, which I did,

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Speaker 2: as I have loved you. It was just this beautiful moment,

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Speaker 2: and by the end of that she was quiet. She

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Speaker 2: told me that she loved me. She hung up the phone.

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Speaker 2: You sent me a text message ten minutes later, and

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Speaker 2: the two of you were lying in bed, cuddling and

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Speaker 2: hugging and smiling, and I just thought, Ah, nailed it.

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Speaker 2: It's about perspective, it's about distance and really connecting with

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Speaker 2: our kids, and it just really really hit me. So

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Speaker 2: I wanted to share that as a short I'll do

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow, just to highlight to anyone who's going through it.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes just pulling in the reserves, pulling in somebody who's

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Speaker 2: not in this situation, who doesn't have the emotional baggage

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Speaker 2: that we're carrying in the middle of the firefight, it

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Speaker 2: can be the circuit breaker and make all the difference.

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Speaker 1: You're a great circuit breaker.

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Speaker 2: All right now. The real one that I wanted to share, though,

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Speaker 2: is this one. On the weekend, we had an experience

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Speaker 2: that could have been disastrous, and I shared it on

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Speaker 2: social media. It kind of went a bit banonkas on

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Speaker 2: social media. We ended up with something like two hundred

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Speaker 2: and fifty comments and like thousands and thousands and thousands

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Speaker 2: of views and shares and all that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 2: And here's what I wrote. I write quality family time.

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Speaker 2: It requires intention and a commitment to do things together

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Speaker 2: even when the inertia of sitting on the couch is strong.

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Speaker 2: In fact, can I just jump in here, Kylie? You

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Speaker 2: know I really don't like getting off the couch on

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Speaker 2: a Saturday, or getting out of bed on a Saturday

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Speaker 2: and doing stuff that requires effort, like going for a

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Speaker 2: bushwalk or a bike ride. I know we do it

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Speaker 2: all the time, but I don't want to do it.

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Speaker 2: I want to sit in a cafe and have somebody

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Speaker 2: give me food and drink. I want to hang around

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Speaker 2: with you and talk about adult stuff and not drag

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Speaker 2: the kids through the humidity somewhere that they don't want

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Speaker 2: to be and I don't want to be. Do you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like, it's hard to do Super Saturday.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I can't believe you've just said that. Do you

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Speaker 2: ever feel like it would be nicer to not go

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Speaker 2: to the effort and just watch a movie? Like? I

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Speaker 2: think that's normal as a pairent, And that's how I

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Speaker 2: was feeling anyway. On Saturday. We decided for our Super

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Speaker 2: Saturday because I'd seen something on Instagram about a really

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Speaker 2: great place about an hour and a half away from

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Speaker 2: where we're living now, and it just looked beautiful. I

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Speaker 2: saw these people swimming in these swimming holes in the hinterland,

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Speaker 2: and I said, let's go there. Let's do it. We

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Speaker 2: woke up early on Saturday morning. We drove to the

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Speaker 2: stunning freshwater swimming hole in the Sunshine Coast Inland. We

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Speaker 2: jumped off the rocks, we saw goannas, We had a

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Speaker 2: really delicious morning tea. We skimmed stones across the water.

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Speaker 2: It was just a perfect super Saturday. Except that's not

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Speaker 2: really what happened. But on social media, I shared this

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Speaker 2: beautiful blurb about what we did, and I showed the

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Speaker 2: video of the kids swimming in this crystal clear swimming

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Speaker 2: hole and it looked so gorgeous. But then I actually

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Speaker 2: told the true story and here's what really happened. Because

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Speaker 2: Facebook and Instagram usually only give you the highlights, the

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Speaker 2: good stuff. We left late. It was an eighty minute drive.

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Speaker 2: I didn't research the place, and when we got there,

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Speaker 2: we discovered that you can't get a regular car in

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Speaker 2: You need a four wheel drive to cross a couple

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Speaker 2: of river crossings, so we had to park at the

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Speaker 2: first river crossing on the side of this dirt road

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Speaker 2: and hike about one and a half k's into where

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Speaker 2: the first water hole was, and the kids didn't bring shoes,

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Speaker 2: and it was rocky, and it.

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Speaker 1: Was hot, and it was dusty because as the cars

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Speaker 1: drove past us, if they weren't trying to splash us

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Speaker 1: in the water, they were kicking up dust and stones

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Speaker 1: as they drove past.

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Speaker 2: We ate so much dust, and we had we had

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Speaker 2: two kids that had tantrums because it was hot and

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Speaker 2: it was dusty and it was uncomfortable, and they didn't

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Speaker 2: have shoes, and we didn't plan and we didn't know

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Speaker 2: where we were going. And then when we went past

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Speaker 2: waterhole number one, we got to waterhole number two, but

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Speaker 2: we actually didn't make it way because we saw people

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Speaker 2: driving in and then driving back out. We were the

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Speaker 2: only people walking. And finally I stopped one of the

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Speaker 2: four drives and said, how come everyone's driving down and

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Speaker 2: driving back? And they said the place is full, like

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Speaker 2: there are so many people. All of the water holes

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Speaker 2: were chokers. But one person said, go back to number one.

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Speaker 2: It's probably the second best one and it's usually pretty quiet.

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Speaker 2: So we finally went back to waterhole number one, and

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Speaker 2: you know what, it was actually beautiful, but I was

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Speaker 2: so terrified.

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Speaker 1: That it wasn't because when we first got there, we

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Speaker 1: landed in front of the part of the creek where

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Speaker 1: it was literally ankle deep trickling. There was dead tree

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Speaker 1: branches all over the place, and the girls and I

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Speaker 1: looked at each other and kind of went, this is

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Speaker 1: not what you showed us in the video.

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Speaker 2: Have we just gone.

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Speaker 1: Through all of that for this? And they were so

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Speaker 1: over it. They literally stripped down to their togs and

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Speaker 1: they were ready to swim in that ankle deep water

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Speaker 1: before you said, let me just walk down the stream

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Speaker 1: a little bit and see if there's anything else swift

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Speaker 1: looking at.

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Speaker 2: So I walked around the corner about fifty meters. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: I did find a swimming hole. It wasn't the one

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Speaker 2: that was in the video. It wasn't the big, beautiful one,

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Speaker 2: but it was still Actually it was really nice, and

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Speaker 2: I got some great footage to make it look like

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Speaker 2: that had been the highlight. But then I also knew

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Speaker 2: that we were going to have to walk back another

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Speaker 2: k and a half along a hot, dusty, rocky road

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Speaker 2: with kids with those shoes, And now it's the middle

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Speaker 2: of the day and it was going to be far worse,

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Speaker 2: and so I managed to grab a ride with some

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Speaker 2: people who showed up. They literally arrived. They spent twenty

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Speaker 2: minutes there and then they were heading off and I

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Speaker 2: just said, do you reckon. We could fit in the

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Speaker 2: back of your car. So they threw us in the

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Speaker 2: back of the ranger, the forward ranger, and they drove

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Speaker 2: us back to the car, and I guess that was

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Speaker 2: a happy ending, but the kids were a bit disappointed

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Speaker 2: because once we were there, they really were enjoying it.

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Speaker 2: So the takeo message to all of this is number one,

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Speaker 2: do your planning. Number two, make sure you've got a

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Speaker 2: full ward drive if you're going somewhere that forward drives

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Speaker 2: are necessary. But more than anything, it can actually end

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Speaker 2: up being really great if you've got a great attitude

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Speaker 2: but maybe low expectations. And also, you remember last week

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Speaker 2: and I'll do it bit it tomorrow. I said that

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Speaker 2: ending's bad. I talked about colonoscope Who could.

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Speaker 1: Forget that, my honey, And so what I think you

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Speaker 1: could bring colonoscopies up into parenting and have it related.

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Speaker 2: But I was remembering that podcast while I was organizing

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Speaker 2: this ride in the back of the car with these people.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking this has started dreadfully right now we're

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Speaker 2: actually having a really good time. But if we have

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Speaker 2: to drag the kids back along that dirty, dusty road

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Speaker 2: to the car, it's going to end badly. I think

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Speaker 2: that I can make a happy ending for everyone if

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Speaker 2: we get this ride and it worked out. They were

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Speaker 2: happy to give us the ride. The kids enjoyed the

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Speaker 2: opportunity to sit in the back of a car and

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Speaker 2: zoom along the road and go through the riverbeds and

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Speaker 2: all that sort of thing. They thought that was great,

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Speaker 2: and we ended up having a good time in spite

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Speaker 2: of it all. But so many take home lessons there

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Speaker 2: about getting those family activities right. And you know, I

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Speaker 2: got to say it was worth it. I could have

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Speaker 2: sat on the couch. The couch could have grown arms

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Speaker 2: and held me down, but I'm so glad we went

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Speaker 2: and did it.

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Speaker 1: If you have the adventure mindset, then everything is an adventure. Well,

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Speaker 1: and it just adds to the story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it does. We really hope that today's I'll

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Speaker 2: Do Better Tomorrow version of the Happy Families podcast has

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Speaker 2: inspired you to gratitude and intention with kids. Maybe some

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Speaker 2: psychological distance and circuit breakers where needed. And hopefully a

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Speaker 2: sense of adventure for what you might be able to

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Speaker 2: plan fully engage in tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Waterer towlsand shoes, honey water shoes.

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Speaker 2: With your Oh that's right, I forgot to mention. We

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Speaker 2: didn't carry any water with us either. We've done this.

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Speaker 1: This is a car were we left it in the car?

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Speaker 2: All right? Enjoy your super Saturday tomorrow. We hope that

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Speaker 2: it's inspired something for you. The Happy Families podcast is

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Speaker 2: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is

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Speaker 2: our executive producer and if you'd like more info about

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Speaker 2: how your family can be happier, you'll find everything you

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Speaker 2: need at happy families dot com dot au. A quick

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Speaker 2: mention as well on Monday, an important discussion that we're

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Speaker 2: going to be having about homework, whether we should be

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Speaker 2: doing it with the kids, whether they should be doing

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Speaker 2: it at all, and talking as well about some of

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Speaker 2: the big changes that Ossie's schools are considering.