Speaker 1: So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So
Speaker 1: I don't know about this person, but I think it
Speaker 1: sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out
Speaker 1: of out of kind of her scope.
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome back to the Rise and Conker Podcast.
Speaker 2: It is your host, Georgie Stephenson. As some of you
Speaker 2: may know, I am currently on maternity leave, so Tim
Speaker 2: and I are soaking up the newborn bubble and new
Speaker 2: parent life with our little baby girl. But I did
Speaker 2: not want to leave my ron C fan with nothing,
Speaker 2: so we are bringing back the best bits of the
Speaker 2: Rise and Conqer podcast. We have nearly over two hundred episodes,
Speaker 2: so I thought it would be a cool idea to
Speaker 2: bring you snippets from the most listened to, the most
Speaker 2: talked about episodes and just give you the best bits
Speaker 2: in a mini episode. So be prepared to get straight
Speaker 2: into juicy topics, to feel inspired, to feel motivated, empowered,
Speaker 2: and of course informed. These episodes are shorter, but they're
Speaker 2: just full of the best bits. If you did like
Speaker 2: this mini app, make sure you go to the show
Speaker 2: notes where we have linked the full episode. And I
Speaker 2: just want to say I really appreciate you guys still
Speaker 2: supporting the show while I'm taking some time off to
Speaker 2: enjoy Baby Girl, and I just can't wait to be
Speaker 2: back in your ears with fresh episodes.
Speaker 1: In the new year.
Speaker 2: We have been planning the next season and there are
Speaker 2: so so exciting guests and surprises coming up, so I
Speaker 2: really hope you enjoy this mini episode. Let's get straight
Speaker 2: into the show.
Speaker 3: So what I did is I have a private Facebook
Speaker 3: community Paige for this podcast, and I put a little
Speaker 3: question thing in there and just said, hey, guys, I'm
Speaker 3: getting you know a psycho sexologist on the show. Do
Speaker 3: you have any questions for hair? And we had so
Speaker 3: many questions, so I'm really excited to get into those
Speaker 3: with you. So I guess the most common one that
Speaker 3: came up was about libido and sex drive. And the
Speaker 3: question that did come up a lot is what affects
Speaker 3: libido and how can we improve it or I've got
Speaker 3: inverted commas fix it. I know a lot of people
Speaker 3: have certain medical conditions like a pill or any depressants
Speaker 3: or a stress can affect too, but if you can
Speaker 3: just go into that a bit more.
Speaker 1: Of course, I mean, libido can be affected by anything
Speaker 1: and I think we actually have to talk a little
Speaker 1: bit more about desire as well. Desire is owning the
Speaker 1: fact that you want something. It's like waking up in
Speaker 1: the morning and going, I know that I really want
Speaker 1: an almond melt cappuccina. Obviously that's such intel choice, but
Speaker 1: I get excited about it when I wake up. I
Speaker 1: know that I'm going to order it and it's going
Speaker 1: to be bougie. It's going to arrive at my house
Speaker 1: via Uber eats for a thing, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: get a large one. So I know that it's coming.
Speaker 1: I'm excited for it. I'm already in a essential sensory
Speaker 1: experience of something that hasn't even been put in my
Speaker 1: hands or I haven't even taken a sip of yet.
Speaker 1: That is what desire is. It's owning the fact that
Speaker 1: I want to have that experience, that I'm excited about
Speaker 1: that experience, and that I can get into a sensory
Speaker 1: experience with something that isn't even there yet. That is
Speaker 1: what desire is about. And when we lose our desire
Speaker 1: for life, for sex, for anything, then we lose our
Speaker 1: imagination and that can be a real crisis in life.
Speaker 1: And I think that with libido. It is really tough
Speaker 1: because we have so many things that can affect libido,
Speaker 1: whether it be antidepressants, whether it be hormones, you know,
Speaker 1: whether it be life stress. And you know, we've got
Speaker 1: to admit we've got a lot of stress going on
Speaker 1: at the moment. There's so many things that can really
Speaker 1: affect it. Now, in terms of a formula to fix it,
Speaker 1: I can't give you one. That's what my whole, you know,
Speaker 1: career is based off. It's based off me looking at
Speaker 1: you as an individual and giving you the tools you
Speaker 1: need to fix what's going on in your individual circumstances.
Speaker 1: So when I'm in session with someone, I'm very delicately
Speaker 1: picking apart what's going on for them as an individual,
Speaker 1: whether that be medical so that I can get them
Speaker 1: checked out from a medical point of view, or whether
Speaker 1: that be psychological or so biological or relational. We need
Speaker 1: to look at them from a biological, psychological, sociocultural point
Speaker 1: of view, and also interpersonal what's going on within their
Speaker 1: intimate personal lives so that I can fix their lack
Speaker 1: of libido and raise it to a point where they
Speaker 1: feel healthy enough to keep going. I also think that
Speaker 1: we have to remember that sex is not spontaneous. After
Speaker 1: a period of time, you know, when we get into
Speaker 1: a new sexual relationship, we have these beautiful endorphins that
Speaker 1: rush around our body and that make us feel really alive,
Speaker 1: and they last for about eighteen months, and then we
Speaker 1: have to actually start making a real effort and look
Speaker 1: into responsive desire. That means, mainly for women, we need
Speaker 1: to be touched. We need to be able to get
Speaker 1: aroused before we start feeling that desire, and that means
Speaker 1: that we just need to put a little bit of
Speaker 1: body work in before we're able to jump into the
Speaker 1: zone and go, yes, I'm accepting, I'm willing to take
Speaker 1: this essentially. I think also for a lot of males
Speaker 1: as well these days, they need to be free of
Speaker 1: performance anxiety as well, which means I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm going to be able to do the right thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether I'm going to my body's going
Speaker 1: to react in the way that I want, and it
Speaker 1: starts building tension and stress inside the body. Stress does
Speaker 1: not equal sex. And it's my job to be a
Speaker 1: team with you to help you figure out how to
Speaker 1: be able to manage your stress and your sexuality and
Speaker 1: move forward in the healthiest way. Emily Nagowski, who's another sexologist,
Speaker 1: has a really great book called Come as You Are,
Speaker 1: and in that book she talks about how we need
Speaker 1: to view our body almost like it is a car.
Speaker 1: You have accelerators towards sexuality. That means that you're putting
Speaker 1: your foot on the gas pedal and moving forward. And
Speaker 1: you have breaks on your sexuality, and that means anything
Speaker 1: that potentially impair your feeling of wanting to have sex.
Speaker 1: Both the gas and the break are on a low
Speaker 1: level all the time. And what we need to do
Speaker 1: is turn off a lot of those well, turn off
Speaker 1: the turnoffs essentially, so that your foot is able to
Speaker 1: be on the accelerator a little bit more and you're
Speaker 1: able to move forward rather than keep stagnant or move backwards. Right, yes,
Speaker 1: one hundred yeah. So some accelerators could be, you know,
Speaker 1: feeling good within yourself, having a healthy diet, you know,
Speaker 1: really enjoying your work, really enjoying your partner, you know,
Speaker 1: feeling sexy and strong in your body. Some breaks could
Speaker 1: be feeling lethargic, having a lot of stress on grief,
Speaker 1: you know, not enjoying your relationship, not enjoying yourself, and
Speaker 1: what we want to do is reduce the amount of
Speaker 1: those breaks and really pick up and highlight those.
Speaker 3: Excel Yes, so would you recommend people almost being a
Speaker 3: bit more in tune about you know, what turns them
Speaker 3: off and what turns them off? And also, I guess
Speaker 3: I wanted to ask, is it quite normal for people
Speaker 3: to have, you know, a low libido, because that's kind
Speaker 3: of the common thread in the group I saw of
Speaker 3: women asking, you know, is it normal that I don't
Speaker 3: want to have sex all the time?
Speaker 1: I think it's normal for libido to fluctuate, but it
Speaker 1: is something that we have to actively work on. So
Speaker 1: it depends on the stage of that person. It depends
Speaker 1: on what's going on in their lives. If anyone is
Speaker 1: really worried about it, then book a consultation, let me
Speaker 1: help you out. You don't need to figure that out
Speaker 1: by yourself. At the end of the day, it's normal
Speaker 1: for me for you to have fluctuations in our sexuality,
Speaker 1: in our desire, and also to have sexual problems. At
Speaker 1: some point, everyone will or their partner will. And when
Speaker 1: we have a partner with sexual problem and becomes our
Speaker 1: sexual problem.
Speaker 3: I guess that's also super comforting to know that it's
Speaker 3: not that, Like you said, like it's completely normal. Everyone
Speaker 3: goes through it. So I want to switch gears and
Speaker 3: let's check orgasms. One listener asked, how can I achieve
Speaker 3: an orgasm through penetration? I feel so defeated when this
Speaker 3: doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So
Speaker 1: I don't know about this person, but I think it
Speaker 1: sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out
Speaker 1: of out of kind of her scope, you know. I
Speaker 1: think it's completely normal for women to not be able
Speaker 1: to orgasm through penetration, and that's because what we need
Speaker 1: is to have clitteral stimulation in order to orgasm. The
Speaker 1: clitteris is full of eight thousand nerve endings externally, we
Speaker 1: should design purely for pleasure. For women who can orgasm
Speaker 1: through penetration, usually it's with them on top on a
Speaker 1: forty five degree angle and they're rubbing up and down
Speaker 1: and the penis that they're on top of, or the
Speaker 1: vibrator or the dildo is rubbing against the internal literal
Speaker 1: nerves inside of vagina, and that takes a lot of work.
Speaker 1: I encourage this person if she wants to give it
Speaker 1: a try, if she is having sex with someone with
Speaker 1: a penis, to sit on top of them, face them,
Speaker 1: and lean down towards them and move up and down
Speaker 1: very steadily, but actually get into her breathing. So I
Speaker 1: want her to start breathing through her nose and then
Speaker 1: you're gonna laugh at me, but feel like she's breathing
Speaker 1: that air out through her vulva, out through her vagina,
Speaker 1: because we want to bring her awareness to the sensation
Speaker 1: that is happening down in that area. If she keeps
Speaker 1: doing that at a steady pace, and maybe she can
Speaker 1: have some music going so she's able to keep in
Speaker 1: time with the tempo, then maybe after a period of
Speaker 1: time she will begin to feel an orgasmic experience building
Speaker 1: It does take a lot of practice, and it also
Speaker 1: isn't feasible for some people, so please don't put pressure
Speaker 1: on yourself. If you can't get there, then you know what,
Speaker 1: You've got two fingers, Or you might have a clitteral
Speaker 1: vibrator that you can just hold on top of your
Speaker 1: glitterists and use that to feel the pleasure as well.
Speaker 1: But you know what, I think we learn a lot
Speaker 1: about sexuality from porn, which is not meant to be educational,
Speaker 1: it's meant to be entertaining, and porn shows us all
Speaker 1: these women having orgasms to penetration, which is just isn't
Speaker 1: the case.
Speaker 3: I'm laughing. That's so true, isn't it. Yeah, well, thank
Speaker 3: you so much for shedding light on that, and that's satistic.
Speaker 3: Definitely surprises me.
Speaker 1: Actually, I think, you know, it's super common. There's also
Speaker 1: about you know, fifteen percent of women who can't orgasm
Speaker 1: at all. I have a lot of people coming in
Speaker 1: and saying I can't orgasm, and then I go, well,
Speaker 1: what about if you're a self pleasuring and they go, oh,
Speaker 1: I can orgasm them just not with a partner, And
Speaker 1: that just shows me that they need a bit of
Speaker 1: help in navigating how to do it with a partner.
Speaker 1: They probably need a really good clitteral vibrator as well,
Speaker 1: that we'll be able to bring different types of sensations
Speaker 1: and fingers and mouths and hands and penises cannot do.
Speaker 1: We just need a little bit of extra help sometimes
Speaker 1: and probably a lot more work around body awareness and
Speaker 1: sensation awareness. So that's something that I can definitely help with.
Speaker 1: And if you are struggling, then just book a session
Speaker 1: and I would be happy to get you on the
Speaker 1: right track.
Speaker 3: Amazing. Thank you for listening for another R and C episode.
Speaker 3: I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me,
Speaker 3: and also for taking the time for yourself. If you
Speaker 3: found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if
Speaker 3: you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or
Speaker 3: simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family
Speaker 3: member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent
Speaker 3: podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so
Speaker 3: it would mean the world to us if you left
Speaker 3: a review on the Apple podcast app. Also, if you're
Speaker 3: vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting about and
Speaker 3: your craving community, please come and join us over at
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Speaker 3: Conquer podcast community on Facebook and I will be in
Speaker 3: there to chat to you until next time.