WEBVTT - Sex education 🌼 how to increase libido & orgasm

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<v Speaker 1>So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know about this person, but I think it

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out

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<v Speaker 1>of out of kind of her scope.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello and welcome back to the Rise and Conker Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>It is your host, Georgie Stephenson. As some of you

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<v Speaker 2>may know, I am currently on maternity leave, so Tim

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<v Speaker 2>and I are soaking up the newborn bubble and new

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<v Speaker 2>parent life with our little baby girl. But I did

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<v Speaker 2>not want to leave my ron C fan with nothing,

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<v Speaker 2>so we are bringing back the best bits of the

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<v Speaker 2>Rise and Conqer podcast. We have nearly over two hundred episodes,

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<v Speaker 2>so I thought it would be a cool idea to

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<v Speaker 2>bring you snippets from the most listened to, the most

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<v Speaker 2>talked about episodes and just give you the best bits

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<v Speaker 2>in a mini episode. So be prepared to get straight

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<v Speaker 2>into juicy topics, to feel inspired, to feel motivated, empowered,

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<v Speaker 2>and of course informed. These episodes are shorter, but they're

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<v Speaker 2>just full of the best bits. If you did like

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<v Speaker 2>this mini app, make sure you go to the show

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<v Speaker 2>notes where we have linked the full episode. And I

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<v Speaker 2>just want to say I really appreciate you guys still

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<v Speaker 2>supporting the show while I'm taking some time off to

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<v Speaker 2>enjoy Baby Girl, and I just can't wait to be

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<v Speaker 2>back in your ears with fresh episodes.

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<v Speaker 1>In the new year.

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<v Speaker 2>We have been planning the next season and there are

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<v Speaker 2>so so exciting guests and surprises coming up, so I

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<v Speaker 2>really hope you enjoy this mini episode. Let's get straight

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<v Speaker 2>into the show.

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<v Speaker 3>So what I did is I have a private Facebook

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<v Speaker 3>community Paige for this podcast, and I put a little

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<v Speaker 3>question thing in there and just said, hey, guys, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>getting you know a psycho sexologist on the show. Do

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<v Speaker 3>you have any questions for hair? And we had so

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<v Speaker 3>many questions, so I'm really excited to get into those

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<v Speaker 3>with you. So I guess the most common one that

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<v Speaker 3>came up was about libido and sex drive. And the

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<v Speaker 3>question that did come up a lot is what affects

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<v Speaker 3>libido and how can we improve it or I've got

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<v Speaker 3>inverted commas fix it. I know a lot of people

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<v Speaker 3>have certain medical conditions like a pill or any depressants

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<v Speaker 3>or a stress can affect too, but if you can

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<v Speaker 3>just go into that a bit more.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, I mean, libido can be affected by anything

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<v Speaker 1>and I think we actually have to talk a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit more about desire as well. Desire is owning the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that you want something. It's like waking up in

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<v Speaker 1>the morning and going, I know that I really want

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<v Speaker 1>an almond melt cappuccina. Obviously that's such intel choice, but

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<v Speaker 1>I get excited about it when I wake up. I

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<v Speaker 1>know that I'm going to order it and it's going

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<v Speaker 1>to be bougie. It's going to arrive at my house

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<v Speaker 1>via Uber eats for a thing, and I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>get a large one. So I know that it's coming.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited for it. I'm already in a essential sensory

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<v Speaker 1>experience of something that hasn't even been put in my

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<v Speaker 1>hands or I haven't even taken a sip of yet.

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<v Speaker 1>That is what desire is. It's owning the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>I want to have that experience, that I'm excited about

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<v Speaker 1>that experience, and that I can get into a sensory

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<v Speaker 1>experience with something that isn't even there yet. That is

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<v Speaker 1>what desire is about. And when we lose our desire

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<v Speaker 1>for life, for sex, for anything, then we lose our

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<v Speaker 1>imagination and that can be a real crisis in life.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think that with libido. It is really tough

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<v Speaker 1>because we have so many things that can affect libido,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it be antidepressants, whether it be hormones, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it be life stress. And you know, we've got

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<v Speaker 1>to admit we've got a lot of stress going on

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<v Speaker 1>at the moment. There's so many things that can really

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<v Speaker 1>affect it. Now, in terms of a formula to fix it,

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<v Speaker 1>I can't give you one. That's what my whole, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>career is based off. It's based off me looking at

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<v Speaker 1>you as an individual and giving you the tools you

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<v Speaker 1>need to fix what's going on in your individual circumstances.

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<v Speaker 1>So when I'm in session with someone, I'm very delicately

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<v Speaker 1>picking apart what's going on for them as an individual,

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<v Speaker 1>whether that be medical so that I can get them

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<v Speaker 1>checked out from a medical point of view, or whether

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<v Speaker 1>that be psychological or so biological or relational. We need

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<v Speaker 1>to look at them from a biological, psychological, sociocultural point

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<v Speaker 1>of view, and also interpersonal what's going on within their

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<v Speaker 1>intimate personal lives so that I can fix their lack

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<v Speaker 1>of libido and raise it to a point where they

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<v Speaker 1>feel healthy enough to keep going. I also think that

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<v Speaker 1>we have to remember that sex is not spontaneous. After

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<v Speaker 1>a period of time, you know, when we get into

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<v Speaker 1>a new sexual relationship, we have these beautiful endorphins that

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<v Speaker 1>rush around our body and that make us feel really alive,

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<v Speaker 1>and they last for about eighteen months, and then we

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<v Speaker 1>have to actually start making a real effort and look

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<v Speaker 1>into responsive desire. That means, mainly for women, we need

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<v Speaker 1>to be touched. We need to be able to get

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<v Speaker 1>aroused before we start feeling that desire, and that means

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<v Speaker 1>that we just need to put a little bit of

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<v Speaker 1>body work in before we're able to jump into the

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<v Speaker 1>zone and go, yes, I'm accepting, I'm willing to take

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<v Speaker 1>this essentially. I think also for a lot of males

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<v Speaker 1>as well these days, they need to be free of

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<v Speaker 1>performance anxiety as well, which means I don't know if

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be able to do the right thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know whether I'm going to my body's going

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<v Speaker 1>to react in the way that I want, and it

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<v Speaker 1>starts building tension and stress inside the body. Stress does

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<v Speaker 1>not equal sex. And it's my job to be a

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<v Speaker 1>team with you to help you figure out how to

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<v Speaker 1>be able to manage your stress and your sexuality and

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<v Speaker 1>move forward in the healthiest way. Emily Nagowski, who's another sexologist,

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<v Speaker 1>has a really great book called Come as You Are,

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<v Speaker 1>and in that book she talks about how we need

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<v Speaker 1>to view our body almost like it is a car.

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<v Speaker 1>You have accelerators towards sexuality. That means that you're putting

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<v Speaker 1>your foot on the gas pedal and moving forward. And

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<v Speaker 1>you have breaks on your sexuality, and that means anything

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<v Speaker 1>that potentially impair your feeling of wanting to have sex.

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<v Speaker 1>Both the gas and the break are on a low

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<v Speaker 1>level all the time. And what we need to do

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<v Speaker 1>is turn off a lot of those well, turn off

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<v Speaker 1>the turnoffs essentially, so that your foot is able to

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<v Speaker 1>be on the accelerator a little bit more and you're

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<v Speaker 1>able to move forward rather than keep stagnant or move backwards. Right, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>one hundred yeah. So some accelerators could be, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>feeling good within yourself, having a healthy diet, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>really enjoying your work, really enjoying your partner, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>feeling sexy and strong in your body. Some breaks could

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<v Speaker 1>be feeling lethargic, having a lot of stress on grief,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, not enjoying your relationship, not enjoying yourself, and

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<v Speaker 1>what we want to do is reduce the amount of

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<v Speaker 1>those breaks and really pick up and highlight those.

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<v Speaker 3>Excel Yes, so would you recommend people almost being a

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<v Speaker 3>bit more in tune about you know, what turns them

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<v Speaker 3>off and what turns them off? And also, I guess

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<v Speaker 3>I wanted to ask, is it quite normal for people

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<v Speaker 3>to have, you know, a low libido, because that's kind

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<v Speaker 3>of the common thread in the group I saw of

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<v Speaker 3>women asking, you know, is it normal that I don't

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<v Speaker 3>want to have sex all the time?

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's normal for libido to fluctuate, but it

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<v Speaker 1>is something that we have to actively work on. So

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<v Speaker 1>it depends on the stage of that person. It depends

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<v Speaker 1>on what's going on in their lives. If anyone is

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<v Speaker 1>really worried about it, then book a consultation, let me

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<v Speaker 1>help you out. You don't need to figure that out

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<v Speaker 1>by yourself. At the end of the day, it's normal

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<v Speaker 1>for me for you to have fluctuations in our sexuality,

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<v Speaker 1>in our desire, and also to have sexual problems. At

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<v Speaker 1>some point, everyone will or their partner will. And when

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<v Speaker 1>we have a partner with sexual problem and becomes our

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<v Speaker 1>sexual problem.

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<v Speaker 3>I guess that's also super comforting to know that it's

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<v Speaker 3>not that, Like you said, like it's completely normal. Everyone

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<v Speaker 3>goes through it. So I want to switch gears and

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<v Speaker 3>let's check orgasms. One listener asked, how can I achieve

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<v Speaker 3>an orgasm through penetration? I feel so defeated when this

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<v Speaker 3>doesn't happen.

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<v Speaker 1>So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know about this person, but I think it

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out

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<v Speaker 1>of out of kind of her scope, you know. I

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<v Speaker 1>think it's completely normal for women to not be able

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<v Speaker 1>to orgasm through penetration, and that's because what we need

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<v Speaker 1>is to have clitteral stimulation in order to orgasm. The

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<v Speaker 1>clitteris is full of eight thousand nerve endings externally, we

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<v Speaker 1>should design purely for pleasure. For women who can orgasm

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<v Speaker 1>through penetration, usually it's with them on top on a

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<v Speaker 1>forty five degree angle and they're rubbing up and down

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<v Speaker 1>and the penis that they're on top of, or the

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<v Speaker 1>vibrator or the dildo is rubbing against the internal literal

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<v Speaker 1>nerves inside of vagina, and that takes a lot of work.

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<v Speaker 1>I encourage this person if she wants to give it

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<v Speaker 1>a try, if she is having sex with someone with

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<v Speaker 1>a penis, to sit on top of them, face them,

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<v Speaker 1>and lean down towards them and move up and down

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<v Speaker 1>very steadily, but actually get into her breathing. So I

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<v Speaker 1>want her to start breathing through her nose and then

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<v Speaker 1>you're gonna laugh at me, but feel like she's breathing

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<v Speaker 1>that air out through her vulva, out through her vagina,

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<v Speaker 1>because we want to bring her awareness to the sensation

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<v Speaker 1>that is happening down in that area. If she keeps

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<v Speaker 1>doing that at a steady pace, and maybe she can

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<v Speaker 1>have some music going so she's able to keep in

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<v Speaker 1>time with the tempo, then maybe after a period of

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<v Speaker 1>time she will begin to feel an orgasmic experience building

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<v Speaker 1>It does take a lot of practice, and it also

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<v Speaker 1>isn't feasible for some people, so please don't put pressure

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<v Speaker 1>on yourself. If you can't get there, then you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>You've got two fingers, Or you might have a clitteral

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<v Speaker 1>vibrator that you can just hold on top of your

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<v Speaker 1>glitterists and use that to feel the pleasure as well.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know what, I think we learn a lot

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<v Speaker 1>about sexuality from porn, which is not meant to be educational,

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<v Speaker 1>it's meant to be entertaining, and porn shows us all

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<v Speaker 1>these women having orgasms to penetration, which is just isn't

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<v Speaker 1>the case.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm laughing. That's so true, isn't it. Yeah, well, thank

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<v Speaker 3>you so much for shedding light on that, and that's satistic.

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<v Speaker 3>Definitely surprises me.

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<v Speaker 1>Actually, I think, you know, it's super common. There's also

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<v Speaker 1>about you know, fifteen percent of women who can't orgasm

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<v Speaker 1>at all. I have a lot of people coming in

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<v Speaker 1>and saying I can't orgasm, and then I go, well,

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<v Speaker 1>what about if you're a self pleasuring and they go, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I can orgasm them just not with a partner, And

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<v Speaker 1>that just shows me that they need a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>help in navigating how to do it with a partner.

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<v Speaker 1>They probably need a really good clitteral vibrator as well,

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<v Speaker 1>that we'll be able to bring different types of sensations

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<v Speaker 1>and fingers and mouths and hands and penises cannot do.

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<v Speaker 1>We just need a little bit of extra help sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>and probably a lot more work around body awareness and

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<v Speaker 1>sensation awareness. So that's something that I can definitely help with.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you are struggling, then just book a session

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<v Speaker 1>and I would be happy to get you on the

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<v Speaker 1>right track.

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<v Speaker 3>Amazing. Thank you for listening for another R and C episode.

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<v Speaker 3>I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me,

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<v Speaker 3>and also for taking the time for yourself. If you

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<v Speaker 3>found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if

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<v Speaker 3>you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or

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<v Speaker 3>simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family

0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:03.400
<v Speaker 3>member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent

0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 3>podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so

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<v Speaker 3>it would mean the world to us if you left

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<v Speaker 3>a review on the Apple podcast app. Also, if you're

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<v Speaker 3>vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting about and

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<v Speaker 3>your craving community, please come and join us over at

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<v Speaker 3>the RNC podcast community Facebook group. Just search Rise and

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<v Speaker 3>Conquer podcast community on Facebook and I will be in

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<v Speaker 3>there to chat to you until next time.