1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,080 Speaker 1: So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: I don't know about this person, but I think it 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,319 Speaker 1: sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out 4 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 1: of out of kind of her scope. 5 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 2: Hello and welcome back to the Rise and Conker Podcast. 6 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 2: It is your host, Georgie Stephenson. As some of you 7 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 2: may know, I am currently on maternity leave, so Tim 8 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,520 Speaker 2: and I are soaking up the newborn bubble and new 9 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 2: parent life with our little baby girl. But I did 10 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 2: not want to leave my ron C fan with nothing, 11 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,279 Speaker 2: so we are bringing back the best bits of the 12 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 2: Rise and Conqer podcast. We have nearly over two hundred episodes, 13 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 2: so I thought it would be a cool idea to 14 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 2: bring you snippets from the most listened to, the most 15 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 2: talked about episodes and just give you the best bits 16 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:23,199 Speaker 2: in a mini episode. So be prepared to get straight 17 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 2: into juicy topics, to feel inspired, to feel motivated, empowered, 18 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 2: and of course informed. These episodes are shorter, but they're 19 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: just full of the best bits. If you did like 20 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 2: this mini app, make sure you go to the show 21 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 2: notes where we have linked the full episode. And I 22 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 2: just want to say I really appreciate you guys still 23 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 2: supporting the show while I'm taking some time off to 24 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 2: enjoy Baby Girl, and I just can't wait to be 25 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 2: back in your ears with fresh episodes. 26 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: In the new year. 27 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 2: We have been planning the next season and there are 28 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 2: so so exciting guests and surprises coming up, so I 29 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 2: really hope you enjoy this mini episode. Let's get straight 30 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 2: into the show. 31 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 3: So what I did is I have a private Facebook 32 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,959 Speaker 3: community Paige for this podcast, and I put a little 33 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 3: question thing in there and just said, hey, guys, I'm 34 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 3: getting you know a psycho sexologist on the show. Do 35 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 3: you have any questions for hair? And we had so 36 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 3: many questions, so I'm really excited to get into those 37 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 3: with you. So I guess the most common one that 38 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 3: came up was about libido and sex drive. And the 39 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,239 Speaker 3: question that did come up a lot is what affects 40 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 3: libido and how can we improve it or I've got 41 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 3: inverted commas fix it. I know a lot of people 42 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 3: have certain medical conditions like a pill or any depressants 43 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 3: or a stress can affect too, but if you can 44 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 3: just go into that a bit more. 45 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: Of course, I mean, libido can be affected by anything 46 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 1: and I think we actually have to talk a little 47 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: bit more about desire as well. Desire is owning the 48 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: fact that you want something. It's like waking up in 49 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: the morning and going, I know that I really want 50 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: an almond melt cappuccina. Obviously that's such intel choice, but 51 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: I get excited about it when I wake up. I 52 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: know that I'm going to order it and it's going 53 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 1: to be bougie. It's going to arrive at my house 54 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: via Uber eats for a thing, and I'm going to 55 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 1: get a large one. So I know that it's coming. 56 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: I'm excited for it. I'm already in a essential sensory 57 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: experience of something that hasn't even been put in my 58 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: hands or I haven't even taken a sip of yet. 59 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: That is what desire is. It's owning the fact that 60 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: I want to have that experience, that I'm excited about 61 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: that experience, and that I can get into a sensory 62 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: experience with something that isn't even there yet. That is 63 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: what desire is about. And when we lose our desire 64 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 1: for life, for sex, for anything, then we lose our 65 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 1: imagination and that can be a real crisis in life. 66 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 1: And I think that with libido. It is really tough 67 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: because we have so many things that can affect libido, 68 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 1: whether it be antidepressants, whether it be hormones, you know, 69 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: whether it be life stress. And you know, we've got 70 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: to admit we've got a lot of stress going on 71 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: at the moment. There's so many things that can really 72 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 1: affect it. Now, in terms of a formula to fix it, 73 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,280 Speaker 1: I can't give you one. That's what my whole, you know, 74 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: career is based off. It's based off me looking at 75 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: you as an individual and giving you the tools you 76 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: need to fix what's going on in your individual circumstances. 77 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 1: So when I'm in session with someone, I'm very delicately 78 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: picking apart what's going on for them as an individual, 79 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: whether that be medical so that I can get them 80 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,279 Speaker 1: checked out from a medical point of view, or whether 81 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: that be psychological or so biological or relational. We need 82 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: to look at them from a biological, psychological, sociocultural point 83 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 1: of view, and also interpersonal what's going on within their 84 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: intimate personal lives so that I can fix their lack 85 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: of libido and raise it to a point where they 86 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: feel healthy enough to keep going. I also think that 87 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,719 Speaker 1: we have to remember that sex is not spontaneous. After 88 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 1: a period of time, you know, when we get into 89 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 1: a new sexual relationship, we have these beautiful endorphins that 90 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: rush around our body and that make us feel really alive, 91 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: and they last for about eighteen months, and then we 92 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 1: have to actually start making a real effort and look 93 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: into responsive desire. That means, mainly for women, we need 94 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 1: to be touched. We need to be able to get 95 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:55,239 Speaker 1: aroused before we start feeling that desire, and that means 96 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: that we just need to put a little bit of 97 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: body work in before we're able to jump into the 98 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: zone and go, yes, I'm accepting, I'm willing to take 99 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: this essentially. I think also for a lot of males 100 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 1: as well these days, they need to be free of 101 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: performance anxiety as well, which means I don't know if 102 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to be able to do the right thing. 103 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: I don't know whether I'm going to my body's going 104 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: to react in the way that I want, and it 105 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 1: starts building tension and stress inside the body. Stress does 106 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,479 Speaker 1: not equal sex. And it's my job to be a 107 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:32,279 Speaker 1: team with you to help you figure out how to 108 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,840 Speaker 1: be able to manage your stress and your sexuality and 109 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:40,479 Speaker 1: move forward in the healthiest way. Emily Nagowski, who's another sexologist, 110 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 1: has a really great book called Come as You Are, 111 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: and in that book she talks about how we need 112 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: to view our body almost like it is a car. 113 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 1: You have accelerators towards sexuality. That means that you're putting 114 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: your foot on the gas pedal and moving forward. And 115 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: you have breaks on your sexuality, and that means anything 116 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:04,159 Speaker 1: that potentially impair your feeling of wanting to have sex. 117 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: Both the gas and the break are on a low 118 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 1: level all the time. And what we need to do 119 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: is turn off a lot of those well, turn off 120 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: the turnoffs essentially, so that your foot is able to 121 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 1: be on the accelerator a little bit more and you're 122 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: able to move forward rather than keep stagnant or move backwards. Right, yes, 123 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: one hundred yeah. So some accelerators could be, you know, 124 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: feeling good within yourself, having a healthy diet, you know, 125 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: really enjoying your work, really enjoying your partner, you know, 126 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 1: feeling sexy and strong in your body. Some breaks could 127 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: be feeling lethargic, having a lot of stress on grief, 128 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,440 Speaker 1: you know, not enjoying your relationship, not enjoying yourself, and 129 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: what we want to do is reduce the amount of 130 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: those breaks and really pick up and highlight those. 131 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 3: Excel Yes, so would you recommend people almost being a 132 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 3: bit more in tune about you know, what turns them 133 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 3: off and what turns them off? And also, I guess 134 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 3: I wanted to ask, is it quite normal for people 135 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 3: to have, you know, a low libido, because that's kind 136 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 3: of the common thread in the group I saw of 137 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 3: women asking, you know, is it normal that I don't 138 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 3: want to have sex all the time? 139 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: I think it's normal for libido to fluctuate, but it 140 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: is something that we have to actively work on. So 141 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: it depends on the stage of that person. It depends 142 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: on what's going on in their lives. If anyone is 143 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: really worried about it, then book a consultation, let me 144 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: help you out. You don't need to figure that out 145 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: by yourself. At the end of the day, it's normal 146 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:51,559 Speaker 1: for me for you to have fluctuations in our sexuality, 147 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:55,319 Speaker 1: in our desire, and also to have sexual problems. At 148 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 1: some point, everyone will or their partner will. And when 149 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: we have a partner with sexual problem and becomes our 150 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: sexual problem. 151 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 3: I guess that's also super comforting to know that it's 152 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 3: not that, Like you said, like it's completely normal. Everyone 153 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 3: goes through it. So I want to switch gears and 154 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 3: let's check orgasms. One listener asked, how can I achieve 155 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 3: an orgasm through penetration? I feel so defeated when this 156 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 3: doesn't happen. 157 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,319 Speaker 1: So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So 158 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 1: I don't know about this person, but I think it 159 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out 160 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,680 Speaker 1: of out of kind of her scope, you know. I 161 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,559 Speaker 1: think it's completely normal for women to not be able 162 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 1: to orgasm through penetration, and that's because what we need 163 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: is to have clitteral stimulation in order to orgasm. The 164 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: clitteris is full of eight thousand nerve endings externally, we 165 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: should design purely for pleasure. For women who can orgasm 166 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 1: through penetration, usually it's with them on top on a 167 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: forty five degree angle and they're rubbing up and down 168 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: and the penis that they're on top of, or the 169 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: vibrator or the dildo is rubbing against the internal literal 170 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 1: nerves inside of vagina, and that takes a lot of work. 171 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 1: I encourage this person if she wants to give it 172 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: a try, if she is having sex with someone with 173 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: a penis, to sit on top of them, face them, 174 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,880 Speaker 1: and lean down towards them and move up and down 175 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 1: very steadily, but actually get into her breathing. So I 176 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 1: want her to start breathing through her nose and then 177 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,439 Speaker 1: you're gonna laugh at me, but feel like she's breathing 178 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 1: that air out through her vulva, out through her vagina, 179 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: because we want to bring her awareness to the sensation 180 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: that is happening down in that area. If she keeps 181 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: doing that at a steady pace, and maybe she can 182 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: have some music going so she's able to keep in 183 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:05,240 Speaker 1: time with the tempo, then maybe after a period of 184 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: time she will begin to feel an orgasmic experience building 185 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,959 Speaker 1: It does take a lot of practice, and it also 186 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 1: isn't feasible for some people, so please don't put pressure 187 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 1: on yourself. If you can't get there, then you know what, 188 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 1: You've got two fingers, Or you might have a clitteral 189 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,839 Speaker 1: vibrator that you can just hold on top of your 190 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: glitterists and use that to feel the pleasure as well. 191 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: But you know what, I think we learn a lot 192 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,119 Speaker 1: about sexuality from porn, which is not meant to be educational, 193 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,840 Speaker 1: it's meant to be entertaining, and porn shows us all 194 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: these women having orgasms to penetration, which is just isn't 195 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: the case. 196 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 3: I'm laughing. That's so true, isn't it. Yeah, well, thank 197 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 3: you so much for shedding light on that, and that's satistic. 198 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 3: Definitely surprises me. 199 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: Actually, I think, you know, it's super common. There's also 200 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: about you know, fifteen percent of women who can't orgasm 201 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: at all. I have a lot of people coming in 202 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: and saying I can't orgasm, and then I go, well, 203 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 1: what about if you're a self pleasuring and they go, oh, 204 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: I can orgasm them just not with a partner, And 205 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 1: that just shows me that they need a bit of 206 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: help in navigating how to do it with a partner. 207 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 1: They probably need a really good clitteral vibrator as well, 208 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: that we'll be able to bring different types of sensations 209 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 1: and fingers and mouths and hands and penises cannot do. 210 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 1: We just need a little bit of extra help sometimes 211 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 1: and probably a lot more work around body awareness and 212 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 1: sensation awareness. So that's something that I can definitely help with. 213 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 1: And if you are struggling, then just book a session 214 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 1: and I would be happy to get you on the 215 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: right track. 216 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,079 Speaker 3: Amazing. Thank you for listening for another R and C episode. 217 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 3: I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me, 218 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,959 Speaker 3: and also for taking the time for yourself. If you 219 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 3: found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if 220 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 3: you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or 221 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 3: simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family 222 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 3: member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent 223 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,000 Speaker 3: podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so 224 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 3: it would mean the world to us if you left 225 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:13,000 Speaker 3: a review on the Apple podcast app. Also, if you're 226 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 3: vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting about and 227 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 3: your craving community, please come and join us over at 228 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 3: the RNC podcast community Facebook group. Just search Rise and 229 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 3: Conquer podcast community on Facebook and I will be in 230 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 3: there to chat to you until next time.