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Speaker 1: This is a podcast about failure with me. Lola Berry, author, nutritionist,

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Speaker 1: and yoga teacher, join me as we get to know

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Speaker 1: these guests and learn about how their failures have ultimately

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Speaker 1: shaped their dreams. Welcome to Fearlessly Failing with Lola Berry. Hello.

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Speaker 1: Today on the pod we have author Jordana Levine. She's

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Speaker 1: got two books out ones called Make It Happen, which

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Speaker 1: is all about manifestation. It's become a bestseller, and her

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Speaker 1: most recent book, Higher Love, is what we kind of

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Speaker 1: really dive into in this episode. It's a really really

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Speaker 1: interesting chat. We talk about dating apps, we talk about

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Speaker 1: the dating game in today's day and age, and she

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Speaker 1: even talks about the effect that Hollywood rom coms have

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Speaker 1: had on our perception of dating. Really fascinating, really interesting.

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Speaker 1: I hope you loved Geordanah Levine, Georgianah Levine, take to

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Speaker 1: my friend?

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Speaker 2: Are we are we talking about the fact that it's

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Speaker 2: a take too?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, let's call it out. So we recorded this

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Speaker 1: lovely chat about two months.

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Speaker 2: Ago, now, a while ago, and what happened to it?

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Speaker 1: Lama, Wow, I'm going to throw the boss under the

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Speaker 1: under the bus. Yeah yeah, yeah, he came in I

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Speaker 1: was working in his studio and he goes, he tapped

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Speaker 1: me on the show, and he goes, I've never done

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Speaker 1: this year before, and how many episodes? One hundred and

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Speaker 1: eleven episodes. It's like this has never happened. I've just

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Speaker 1: lost George Diana's files. And I said, I go, you

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Speaker 1: wipe the zoom recorded, isn't you? Right before? I think

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Speaker 1: I was going to Brisbane for a pod and he's like, yeap,

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Speaker 1: I wiped it.

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Speaker 2: I got to say though, like, if you were going

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Speaker 2: to wipe anyone's interview, it was lucky it was mine.

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Speaker 1: Because we live so close, so close, ten minutes up

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Speaker 1: the road.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and also super understanding. I can't tell you how

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Speaker 2: many I can't tell you how many four interviews I've

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Speaker 2: recorded where I didn't press oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Now double triple checking.

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Speaker 2: And then you get to the end and you're like, fuck,

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Speaker 2: how well do I know this person? Or how comfortable

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Speaker 2: am I telling them that we're going to have to

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Speaker 2: sit down again?

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Speaker 1: Oh? I have a fear of it all. I have

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Speaker 1: a fear like and you'll see me do this today,

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Speaker 1: but like, as soon as we finish, I listened to

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Speaker 1: the start, back to triple just to make check.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I think we're good to go though.

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Speaker 1: And the good thing about this is last time I

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Speaker 1: had kind of bing dread make it happen, your first

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Speaker 1: best selling, incredible book. Yeah, but i'd got halfway through

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Speaker 1: High Love and kind of done it quickly because I

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Speaker 1: think I had three pods back to back. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I felt like, well, maybe this is a gift. And

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Speaker 1: look at all my like post it no post it notes,

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Speaker 1: And I am actually obsessed with this book now. I

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Speaker 1: started it a few days ago again from the beginning,

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Speaker 1: and I finished it this morning. Rip a book, my friend.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm really proud of that book.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you should be. Yeah. And I listened to a

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Speaker 1: really cool pod you did with this American girl, Oh

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Speaker 1: Samantha Something.

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Speaker 2: Or rather Oh Samantha Daily.

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Speaker 1: That was unreal. Yeah. I was like, you two like

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Speaker 1: could have a pod together. Yeah, she was.

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Speaker 2: She was great. You know, it's so funny. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm sitting here on a pod as we talk about this.

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Speaker 2: But you'll know this. When you do primo for a book,

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Speaker 2: you do a lot of podcasts. Yeah, and there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of questions that are the same. You know that

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Speaker 2: you just kind of repeat over and over again. And

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Speaker 2: it's really nice when you get to an interview and

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Speaker 2: people are asking you different things, and I think sam

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Speaker 2: really did that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you could tell us fully drink and the cool

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Speaker 1: later this book and I love and that's what I

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Speaker 1: like to do as a host as well, because I

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Speaker 1: want to soak it up and understand like the essence

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Speaker 1: of you. So before we get into Higher Love, I

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Speaker 1: do want to talk about Make It Happen, because you

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Speaker 1: do touch on it at the start of this book.

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Speaker 1: And I actually learned off that podcast Samantha the Daily

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Speaker 1: Did you say, Yeah, I'll put a link to it

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Speaker 1: in the show notes because it's a really cool listen.

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Speaker 1: But I learned that the reason why Higher Love exists

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Speaker 1: is because when you wrote Make It Happen, the kind

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Speaker 1: of like love chunk people asking you so much about

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Speaker 1: Is that right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So there was a there was a big chapter

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Speaker 2: in Make It Happen about manifesting love and look, yeah,

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Speaker 2: a lot of people really resonated with the chapter. But

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Speaker 2: I also realized as I was writing it that there

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Speaker 2: was so much more to say that I couldn't really

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Speaker 2: fit into one chapter of a book. So yeah, that

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Speaker 2: was the impetus for sitting down to write Higher Love.

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Speaker 1: How good. I love it as well. And there's actually

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Speaker 1: a bit in the Higher Love and it's and I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to talk to you about it where you

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Speaker 1: write about narcissism and narcissism You're like, I could do

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Speaker 1: a whole book on this, and I'm like, please please

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Speaker 1: do Yeah, but can you just because although today we're

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Speaker 1: going to focus on Higher Love, I do want to

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Speaker 1: talk about make It Happen because I love your manifestation

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Speaker 1: equation and I think it's just really cool if people

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Speaker 1: want to. It's so easy to start implementing in your

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Speaker 1: life to day. Can you share a bit about it? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: So I've always been really interested in manifestation, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like all the sort of teachings around it are

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Speaker 2: very spiritual and very wi wi and although I can

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Speaker 2: be all of those things, I'm also much like you,

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Speaker 2: very practical, very rational, very logical. And so when I

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Speaker 2: really started to in my own practice break down what

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Speaker 2: manifestation was, I realized that there was actually a lot

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Speaker 2: more to it that these teachings were missing out. And

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Speaker 2: that's how the manifestation equation came to be so for

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Speaker 2: everyone listening. The manifestation equation goes like this, Thoughts plus

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Speaker 2: feelings plus actions plus faith equal successful manifestation, and the

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Speaker 2: key to it is implementing all full parts of that

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Speaker 2: equation together. So a lot of the teachings have been

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Speaker 2: you know, think positive thoughts, you know, feel the good feels,

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Speaker 2: and that's all great. But unless you're aligning your thoughts

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Speaker 2: with your intention, aligning your feelings with your intention, taking action,

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Speaker 2: which nobody does in those teachings, and really having faith

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Speaker 2: in yourself and something greater than you, then manifestation will escape.

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Speaker 2: You kind of have to do all of that together.

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Speaker 1: I love it, and I feel like you can apply

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Speaker 1: it to every single element of your life. Really like

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Speaker 1: about real success. Can we quickly talk about your past

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Speaker 1: career before being a phenomenal because you and I both

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Speaker 1: have a similar background. Yeah, right, so you were food right.

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Speaker 2: I was well trained to be a journalist, and I

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Speaker 2: somehow ended up in food publishing. I mean, it wasn't

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Speaker 2: weird because I was always a bit of a foodie,

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Speaker 2: but it was never the path I thought i'd go on.

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Speaker 2: But I started working for one food magazine and then

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Speaker 2: it kind of snowballed from there, and part of that

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Speaker 2: was a massive part of it was recipe development. So

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Speaker 2: I went and got my commercial cookery training while I

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Speaker 2: was working, and so yeah, I did a lot of

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Speaker 2: recipe development for a lot of big cookbooks.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, there's another bit in that book though,

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Speaker 1: So I'm going back over my I've got two sets.

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Speaker 1: I said this before, I've got two sets of notes here.

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Speaker 1: One's kind of like our original interview and then I'm

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Speaker 1: like deep diving new stuff. But there's a bit that

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Speaker 1: I love in Make It Happen, where you talk talk

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Speaker 1: about standing up for yourself when you share an experience

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Speaker 1: of a working environment where you were like, oh God,

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Speaker 1: like how long do I kind of want to leave

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Speaker 1: my have myself in this scenario? For can you share

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Speaker 1: a little bit about like, yes, your experience about standing

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Speaker 1: up for yourself but kind of that importance of it.

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Speaker 1: We were just talking about it even before this pod,

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Speaker 1: and I think as a female sometimes it can be

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Speaker 1: really scary to stand up for yourself, especially the other

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Speaker 1: seemingly more successful people at that stage of your career.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I had a string all through my career in publishing,

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Speaker 2: which was about ten years, I had a string of

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Speaker 2: female bosses. It happens in publishing. It's especially in women's magazines.

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Speaker 2: It's a female heavy industry. And all the women I

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Speaker 2: worked for, I mean not diagnosed self diagnosed by me.

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Speaker 2: There were a bunch of narcissists all of them, which

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Speaker 2: was fine. It was big learning curve for me. But

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Speaker 2: it also is hard when you're an up and comer

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Speaker 2: or a newbie in an industry to stand up for yourself.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like my string of jobs were lessons

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Speaker 2: for me in order to be able to do that,

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Speaker 2: so that one day when I was running my own

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Speaker 2: business and running my own books, I had the confidence

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Speaker 2: to not only stand up for myself, but to have

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Speaker 2: like serious boundaries in place. And I do feel like,

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Speaker 2: and this is what I talk about in the book,

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Speaker 2: that things happen for you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And a lot of the time we think that everything's

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Speaker 2: happening to us, but sometimes things are put in your

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Speaker 2: path in order for you to grow. And yeah, rise, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love the bit you wrote about boundaries in the

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Speaker 1: book because I'm one of those people that's like, I

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Speaker 1: get guilty when I say no, I get guilty. I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: but if I don't do that, and then what are

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Speaker 1: they going to think of me? And then like all

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Speaker 1: the self doubt just creeps on in. Absolutely we just

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Speaker 1: want to rate well, no, you are, because like even

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Speaker 1: when I've ever since I met you, ever since I've

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Speaker 1: got to know you, you're You're so true to yourself

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Speaker 1: that you're like, yeah, I can do that. No, I

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Speaker 1: can't do that, Like, and I'm like, oh, I need that,

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Speaker 1: I need that in my life. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's I think there's this like societal expectation that if

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Speaker 2: a woman is going to be assertive, it means she's

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Speaker 2: being a bitch, correct, right, And it took me a

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Speaker 2: lot to work through that and realize that you can

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Speaker 2: assert boundaries in a really kind way, and when you

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Speaker 2: do assert boundaries, it gives the other person permission to

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Speaker 2: set boundaries as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the term that really helped me

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Speaker 2: is no thank you. Yeah, you know, simply by putting

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Speaker 2: thank you on the end, as long as you don't

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Speaker 2: say it in a really kind of condescending way, no

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Speaker 2: thank you, but just like oh, no thank you. It's

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Speaker 2: just kind of giving yourself permission to step away from

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Speaker 2: something that's not in your highest interest, but also with

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Speaker 2: a nicety and a kindness behind it.

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Speaker 1: And this is where I am excited to move into

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Speaker 1: Higher Love, Like you give examples of how to end

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Speaker 1: something when you're like, Okay, this isn't really serving me anyhow,

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Speaker 1: But can I can I rewind a little bit to

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Speaker 1: the start of High Love because I want to talk

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Speaker 1: personal vibration. I think if people can get a hold

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Speaker 1: of this, it's a bit of a game changer as well. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So Higher Love is ultimately a book about dating.

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Speaker 1: And relationship, sex and the city vibes.

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Speaker 2: It's very sex in the city vibes. Thank you so

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Speaker 2: much for saying that. But the first part of the

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Speaker 2: book is actually just about you getting to know you,

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Speaker 2: because I think it's a huge part of being in relationship,

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Speaker 2: walking in as a whole person. So the way I

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Speaker 2: start the book is really bringing people back to what

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Speaker 2: I call your personal vibration and working out what your

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Speaker 2: personal vibration looks like and feels like when it's strong

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Speaker 2: compared to how it looks and feels when it's weak.

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Speaker 2: And that personal vibration, the way I get people to

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Speaker 2: tap into it is to think about, you know, those

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Speaker 2: moments when you feel most like you, You feel confident

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Speaker 2: in yourself, conversation flows easily, your posture feels good, you're happy,

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Speaker 2: you know, all those things. And for a lot of people,

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Speaker 2: it's when they're at home with their family or around

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Speaker 2: certain friends, or for some people it's when they're home alone,

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Speaker 2: you know, or out in nature or whatever. It might be.

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Speaker 2: Tuning into when you feel most like you and then

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Speaker 2: working out what are the things in your life that

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Speaker 2: help strengthen that feeling and what are the things in

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Speaker 2: your life that weaken it. And so for me, in

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Speaker 2: those jobs that we were talking about, being in toxic

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Speaker 2: work environments was really weakening my vibration. So I had

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Speaker 2: to get to a point where I asked myself, is

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Speaker 2: this worth constantly being in a low vibration when I'm

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Speaker 2: finding it hard to find things to strengthen it? And

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Speaker 2: what would happen if I changed my career or change

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Speaker 2: the way that I work and deal with these people

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Speaker 2: and started to prioritize the things that will strengthen it.

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Speaker 1: Ah, And I feel like that isn't just going to

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Speaker 1: have an impact on your love life. That's going to

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Speaker 1: affect every element of your life well anything and.

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Speaker 2: That's what we're talking about. In the beginning of the book,

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Speaker 2: we don't even talk about love, But if you think

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Speaker 2: about walking into a relationship with a strong vibration, how

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Speaker 2: different that relationship can turn out than if you're in

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Speaker 2: this low vibration where you don't really know who you

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Speaker 2: are and you're not really your authentic self, so you'll

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Speaker 2: just kind of morph into ever to whatever they need

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Speaker 2: you to be, you know, And this is how people

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Speaker 2: get stuck in toxicity.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think you know, when you go on

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Speaker 1: a date with someone and they're just so confident within

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Speaker 1: who they are as a person, their self awareness feels

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Speaker 1: like it's on tuned right up to high volume, and

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Speaker 1: it's so attractive. And I think you talk about it

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Speaker 1: later in the book where you say going into that

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Speaker 1: first date, you know, really clear on your personal vibration

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Speaker 1: and kind of going in I don't want to say

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Speaker 1: like a one, but like feeling like, hey, I know

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Speaker 1: who I am, I know what my values are, I

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Speaker 1: feel good.

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Speaker 2: I know what I want, I know how I want

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Speaker 2: to feel. And I think, look, if you're listening and

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Speaker 2: you're not an overly confident person, you're a bit of

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Speaker 2: an introvert, that's okay too. It's about going in as

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Speaker 2: your most authentic self and knowing that you can hold

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Speaker 2: that feeling when you're in space, you know, because I

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Speaker 2: think sometimes we go into and this isn't just dating,

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Speaker 2: this is any kind of situation where there's other people

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Speaker 2: where we go in and we're like, I'm finding it

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Speaker 2: really hard to just hold my own here and be myself. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and that's not what you want when you when you're

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Speaker 2: trying to find a partner.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And this is a thing that I think I

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Speaker 1: did when I wasn't clear on my personal vibration. I

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Speaker 1: would go in and I'd ignore all these red flags

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Speaker 1: at the beginning and be like, oh no, they're just

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Speaker 1: id at polish that bottle of wine off by themselves.

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Speaker 1: And then it happens on the second day and you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, they don't have an alcohol problem at all.

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Speaker 1: Like and then it gets like then you too deep

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Speaker 1: in and you share real like I have to ask

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Speaker 1: because there's a part of the book where you're basically

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Speaker 1: putting yourself like you're a guinea pig, and you're like, right,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to go on dating apps. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: just go on dates with people that I usually wouldn't

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Speaker 1: swipe right for Did you tell these people? Yo, come on,

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Speaker 1: be honest.

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Speaker 2: It was I've got to say. So. This was two

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Speaker 2: thousand and nineteen. It was fucking messy, Like it was.

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Speaker 2: It was such a hard time. Yes, I was dating

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Speaker 2: a lot. Yeah, and I talk about it in the

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Speaker 2: beginning of the book. I'd just come out of a

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Speaker 2: really great relationship and I had to just throw myself

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Speaker 2: into dating. So yeah, some of the guys I told.

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Speaker 2: Some of the guys didn't ask anything about what I

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Speaker 2: was writing, so I didn't tell them, and a lot

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Speaker 2: of them ended up in the book. So joke's on you, guys.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, it made a lot of them uncomfortable. Understandably,

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Speaker 2: if I'd gone out on a date and a guy

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Speaker 2: was like, hey, I'm writing a book about dating and

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Speaker 2: you'll likely be featured, I wouldn't go out on another day.

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Speaker 2: I didn't say it like that, obviously, but yeah, I

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Speaker 2: would be open with them. I think it's the only

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Speaker 2: it's the only way to do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to. I just had to ask. I

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Speaker 1: was reading, going, oh my godness, this is so There

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Speaker 1: are so many moments where I'm reading it and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, that was me because Boss and I

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Speaker 1: met on Bumble a day app. We were each other's

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Speaker 1: first date in as i'd been on it in America,

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Speaker 1: which is very different in America. Is it you want

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Speaker 1: a many? I think it's spools a bit larger, and

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Speaker 1: I think I think here like if you're going on

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Speaker 1: a date with someone, you're going on a date with

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Speaker 1: that person where he's in America, You're going on a

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Speaker 1: date with that person from six to seven, and they

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Speaker 1: might have someone else lined up from eight to nine. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I learned that quickly in America, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh okay, and then I changed my mindset when I

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Speaker 1: was in America. I was like, this is more networking

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Speaker 1: and getting to know people. I really didn't make it

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Speaker 1: about dating at all, and then it became so much

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Speaker 1: fun because I had no expectations of it. Yeah. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: Boss and I were each other's first date. And so

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Speaker 1: I love that you shared so many online dating stories

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Speaker 1: or like app dating stories, because it it just normalizes

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Speaker 1: something that is the norm now, and it's it's really

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Speaker 1: if you want to get out there, it's the quickest way.

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Speaker 1: It's a way to and I think you describe it

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Speaker 1: as a vetting pro. It's a way to kind of

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Speaker 1: like get runs on the board. And I remember as well,

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Speaker 1: and I think you talk about this fair bit in

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Speaker 1: the book, but like you're kind of like, hey, this

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Speaker 1: person isn't for me, but I liked they were funny

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Speaker 1: and witty that made me happy. And you're almost learning

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Speaker 1: these traits and qualities that match up with your I

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Speaker 1: was sure they're not going to be necessarily everything there

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Speaker 1: you like? But did you find that when you put

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Speaker 1: yourself through that?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely?

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Speaker 1: I learned.

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Speaker 2: You learn so much more about yourself when you're out

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Speaker 2: there dating than you possibly could sitting down to write

349
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Speaker 2: a list of what you think is the ideal man.

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Speaker 2: I actually went out on a date not that long

351
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Speaker 2: ago where he was perfect on paper, amazing job, really

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Speaker 2: confident in himself, wanted the same things out of life

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Speaker 2: as I did. You know, everything was aligned, but there

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Speaker 2: was zero. I had no chemistry with him whatsoever. And

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Speaker 2: I had to I dated him for a little bit

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Speaker 2: because I really had to think about how important like

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Speaker 2: what I had to prioritize here, Yeah, like was the

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Speaker 2: fact that he was kind and generous and had a

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Speaker 2: great job, and all those things more important than the

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Speaker 2: fact that we had zero chemistry, and so I really

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Speaker 2: forced it for a bit. But unfortunately you do need

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Speaker 2: chemistry as well. Yeah, you know, but it is you

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Speaker 2: work out what's important love.

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Speaker 1: There's so many things I want to say that I

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Speaker 1: learned from the books. First of all, am I saying

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Speaker 1: this right? Kismet?

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Speaker 2: Kismet?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Can you say what that is? Because I didn't

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Speaker 1: know until this.

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Speaker 2: Is what's the best word, right, So kismet is basically

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00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:38,399
Speaker 2: means destiny, fate, and so like a kismet encounter is

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Speaker 2: like a fateful encounter, like serendipity, Like Serendipity, the movie,

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Speaker 2: which I'm obsessed with.

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Speaker 1: Speaking of the movies, I really want to talk about

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Speaker 1: the Hollywood movies. I was like, Oh my goodness, this

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Speaker 1: is so interesting. So can you share what you write

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Speaker 1: about how Hollywood rom coms kind of like warp our

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Speaker 1: sense of what we think reality is.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely so, we're all running a love story that we've

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Speaker 2: written for ourselves, whether we're conscious of it or not.

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Speaker 2: And this love story could be this isn't mine, but

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Speaker 2: this could just be yours. You know, you say things

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Speaker 2: all the time like, oh, all the men in Sydney

384
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Speaker 2: are taken or gay, you know, like that is a

385
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:20,120
Speaker 2: common line that people say. Or oh, you know, men

386
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Speaker 2: just want to men just want to play around and

387
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Speaker 2: they're really not interested in settling. Or everyone in Bondai

388
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Speaker 2: is a Peter Pan, or you know, all these things.

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Speaker 1: We run a pan that's a good one.

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Speaker 2: That's one side of it, and then the other side

391
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Speaker 2: of it is Ah, you know, I can just really

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Speaker 2: see myself like meeting a guy in a really organic way.

393
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 2: You know, we just kind of run into each other

394
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 2: in the corner store and we have a conversation and

395
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 2: he likes my shoes and I like his glasses, and

396
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 2: we talk about, you know, a funny story, and then

397
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 2: we fall in love. You know, these fantasies that we

398
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 2: kind of run and we don't even realize we're doing

399
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 2: it until we're in a situation where someone great comes

400
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Speaker 2: along and they haven't sort of fitted into this idea

401
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:05,399
Speaker 2: of love for us. So what I get people to

402
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 2: do in the book is work out what current love

403
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 2: story they're writing. They're running and writing new one, and

404
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 2: the things that sort of frame that love story that

405
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,440
Speaker 2: you're already running are things like the love you witnessed

406
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 2: growing up, so through your parents or the adults around you,

407
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 2: past relationships obviously start to craft how we view love.

408
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:31,160
Speaker 2: But a massive one is Hollywood and rom coms, and

409
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 2: you know, romantic books like The Notebook and all those

410
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 2: Nicholas Sparks books, and I am obsessed with rom coms,

411
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 2: love them, and I didn't like consciously, I didn't think

412
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Speaker 2: that I was comparing my love life to rom coms.

413
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 2: But I absolutely.

414
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Speaker 1: Don Gimconnie all the way, all the way.

415
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Speaker 2: I mean, they don't make rom coms like they used to.

416
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 2: I don't know why they stopped, but god, there was

417
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 2: some good ones in the early two thousands.

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Speaker 1: Oh you list like half of them all? Well, but

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Speaker 1: it's as one thing that I think is really cool.

420
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Speaker 1: As I was reading that, I didn't realize that I

421
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 1: was probably heavily, heavily influenced and being like, oh, I'm

422
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,679
Speaker 1: going to have I'm going to run into him at

423
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: the organic Farmer's Mark and we're both just gonna love

424
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: Brussels sprouts like what you know. And I think it

425
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 1: is that you think you're going to have that Hollywood

426
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 1: or the other classic one is like the Night in

427
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 1: shining armor comes and saves me, you know, and that's all.

428
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 2: I mean. That goes back to Disney, right right.

429
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 1: Yes, and you talk about Disney as well.

430
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, and this and this is it, like this is

431
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 2: why we're all screwed because we've been these stories have

432
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 2: been embedded in our little brain since we were very,

433
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 2: very young. I think I talk about in the book

434
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 2: the first rom com I remember watching.

435
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: Was Lady in the Trains And you maybe want to

436
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 1: watch Lady in the Tramp all over again. Yeah, of

437
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: course I could talk to you all day. We could

438
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 1: do a whole podcast just on rom coms and our

439
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: faith and Disney as well. I will say, because of

440
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: acting school, I've studied like the cute, like the psychology

441
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: behind why all of these Like there's a real like

442
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: you would know this being a writer and such a

443
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,400
Speaker 1: natural born writer, but like there's this thing, like there's

444
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: the story arc, the hero's journey, and we get addicted

445
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 1: to that because we associate the whole reason we go

446
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 1: to the movie is we can see ourselves in that. Yeah,

447
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 1: and it's a safe way to see absolutely well.

448
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 2: There's a key part of screenplay, narrative, but also novel

449
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 2: narrative when it comes to rom coms called the meat cute.

450
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 2: So there's always the meat cute, right, and the meat

451
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 2: cute basically is the way that these people meet. Yeah,

452
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 2: and I've got a friend who met her long term

453
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 2: partner now on an app. But it took her forever

454
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 2: to be okay with that because her whole life she'd

455
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 2: had this idea of her meat cute being organic and

456
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 2: she didn't want it to be.

457
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 1: Yes stage at all. Oh same with me. I totally

458
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: was like, dating apps aren't for me. And I will

459
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,400
Speaker 1: say you wrote about a beautiful organic meat cute though

460
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: where I think her name was Felicia, And she goes

461
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,199
Speaker 1: to the music vessel, doesn't want to go with her

462
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 1: mates that just finds them too along with the crowds. Yeah,

463
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: can you share that? Yeah, he's a cute meat.

464
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 2: So the names have been changed, but basically one of

465
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,679
Speaker 2: the girls I interviewed she was dragged to a music

466
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,360
Speaker 2: festival by her friend. She really didn't want to go,

467
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 2: and that morning she was trying to come up with

468
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,719
Speaker 2: every excuse under the sun to not go, but her

469
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 2: friend wouldn't have a bar of it. Went to the

470
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 2: music festival. Her friend just like disappeared into the crowd

471
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,959
Speaker 2: and she's like, fuck this. And she lined up for

472
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 2: like ever to get a drink and she got to

473
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 2: the front of the line and they gave her the

474
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 2: wrong order. Fuck And so she sat herself down under

475
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 2: a tree and started drinking. I think she wanted a

476
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 2: bruiser or something. Yeah, and she got a beer, damn it.

477
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 2: And this guy had sat down with her. I think

478
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 2: this story's rise as right. And he ended up having

479
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 2: a vodka cruser and she had the beer and they

480
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 2: swapped drinks and they ended up chatting for the rest

481
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 2: of the night and they've been together.

482
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 1: Ever seen househol is that? I mean, that's a very

483
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: sweet meat.

484
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 2: It's a very sweet meat cute.

485
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 1: So they do exist. But I think as well, it's

486
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: not attaching yourself for your story to need to look

487
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: like that, Like I'm the last person I never thought

488
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: i'd meet my life.

489
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 2: I mean, I think your story is a meat cute.

490
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,880
Speaker 2: It happened to have an app in the middle of it,

491
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 2: but it's still a cute story.

492
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 1: One thing that I loved reading about in your book

493
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:38,679
Speaker 1: that reminded me of my dating early dates with Matt

494
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: is two things you write about embarrassing yourself accidentally when

495
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: you had like a booker hanging out. Oh yeah that

496
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: on our second day, I remember I was eating tempura

497
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 1: and I put it in my mouth with chopsticks with a

498
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 1: Japanese restaurant. It just fell straight out and it's laughing.

499
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 1: I think you knew then and there that I was

500
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: a grub. But I also told him because you talk

501
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 1: about sharing, like what's important to do in your values

502
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: pretty early on, and I said to him, Oh, I'd

503
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 1: like you to know that I have a therapist. And

504
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,439
Speaker 1: that's because I'd been on a date with someone that

505
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 1: wasn't okay with therapy beforehand, like you know, a few

506
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: months before, and he kind of judged me for that,

507
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: and I thought, I'm going to rip this band it

508
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 1: off straight away. Did on the second date, Matt looked

509
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: me like dead pain in the eye, and he was like,

510
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 1: I find that so attractive. Yeah, I have one too,

511
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: and so can you share a little bit about the

512
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: importance of sharing kind of like your principles and your values. Yeah.

513
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 2: Look, I think it comes back to that authenticity piece.

514
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 2: I think that if you are looking for a relationship,

515
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 2: you're not just going out on dates to hook up

516
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,680
Speaker 2: with people. If you're looking for a relationship and you're

517
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,399
Speaker 2: looking for a higher love, then I think it's really

518
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,640
Speaker 2: important to be transparent about why you're there. And look,

519
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 2: I think age definitely comes into it, Like if you're

520
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 2: twenty one, maybe that stuff's not as important in those

521
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 2: early stages of dating, but you know, we're in our

522
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: mid thirties and it is important.

523
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

524
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 2: And for me, the conversations that I have quite early

525
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 2: on in the piece are about children because kids are

526
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 2: important to me. And I find that most of the

527
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 2: guys I'm dating, a lot of them are older than me.

528
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 2: It's important to them too. Yeah, so they want to

529
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: bring it up. They usually bring it up to be honest,

530
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 2: like do you want to have Do you want to

531
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 2: have kids? Because they don't want to sit on a

532
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 2: date with a woman who's not going to give them

533
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 2: kids if that's something they want.

534
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

535
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 2: So, I mean kids is one example, but you know

536
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 2: there's a multitude of things. I think therapy is an

537
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 2: important one.

538
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,479
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it can be career stuff too. Think I

539
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: told Boss early on, I was like, I see myself

540
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: Harper being in America halfing in Australia. He was like whoa,

541
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: And we actually had do a lot of work. I

542
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: had to do a lot of it with my therapist

543
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: when we first met around dropping expectations of my partner,

544
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 1: and the moment we did that, it completely changed our

545
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: relationship because I was just but I think we've Matt's

546
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 1: I was just saying before, he's the catch, like he's

547
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 1: super calm, super like all heart and very sensitive but

548
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: very understanding. And it was me that kind of had

549
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 1: to do the work of not needing to put my

550
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: own expectations onto him and I think that Hollywood narrative

551
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and really letting them go. And it really

552
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,719
Speaker 1: shifted our whole relationship to now that everything feels like

553
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: a dream. Yeah, like we'd never have a fight, only

554
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 1: ever about like if I fart on him, which do

555
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? He we like that is

556
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 1: gross and I'm.

557
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 2: Like, no, it's funny.

558
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to talk about this. I love this part.

559
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: I've heard you talk about this a little bit on

560
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: pods before, so I apologize it feels like a bit

561
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,919
Speaker 1: of repeating, but I think it is a really great

562
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: tool about writing a letter. Yeah, and then yeah, can

563
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: you like healing words? Kind of thing. Do you talk

564
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 1: about this? Yeah? So I think this is in.

565
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 2: The context of dealing with heartbreak.

566
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 1: Is it? Yes? It is, so you can write.

567
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 2: Healing love wounds.

568
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

569
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 2: So the idea is, Look, I mean, I think most

570
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 2: of us who've been in relationships that have ended can relate.

571
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 2: There's some wounds, there's some triggers that we have left over,

572
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 2: and a lot of the time, unfortunately, we put them

573
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 2: in a sweet leather suitcase and cut them to the

574
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 2: next relationship.

575
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

576
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 2: So, I think although a lot of the time we

577
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 2: don't find closure with a partner, and that's all we

578
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 2: desperately need is closure. I think what can be quite

579
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: cathartic is writing a letter to them and not sending

580
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 2: the letter is a really important caveat. Do not send

581
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 2: the fucking letter. But we're allowed to swear on this

582
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 2: podcast doing it a lot, but just writing it and

583
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 2: writing it to them, so dear Lola, and then writing

584
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: everything that you would want to say as if they

585
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 2: were standing in front of you, or as if they

586
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 2: were reading the letter, but not actually sending it. Just

587
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 2: getting it out of your head and out of your

588
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 2: heart and onto a piece of paper can be really

589
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: really cathartic. And then what you'd do with that is

590
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 2: up to you. I don't recommend keeping it and rereading

591
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 2: it every single day and driving yourself mental. I think

592
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 2: you should burn it.

593
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: I love your tips, and I love your mom's tip.

594
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 2: Yeah so my mom. My mom's a bit of a hippie.

595
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 2: So we've been burning in inverted commas shit for a

596
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 2: really long time. But when I was a kid, she

597
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,719
Speaker 2: didn't want me to burn things, so we'd put them

598
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 2: in the freezer.

599
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I used to have to put spell I

600
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 1: used to do spells when I was like twelve years old,

601
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: and either was one.

602
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 2: I had a.

603
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 1: Crush on a schoolboy like in the other class, and

604
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: I put his name on a piece of paper, I

605
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: put honey on it, tied it up in red ribbon

606
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 1: in a type wake a day to put in the freezer.

607
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 1: It didn't work.

608
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,479
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, is this the answer?

609
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: It's a love but it I was reading and I

610
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 1: was like, that is so fuckers. But and then the

611
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 1: other one was potentially burying there it right.

612
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, bury it. And what could be a really

613
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 2: nice idea is like to bury it in the earth

614
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 2: and put some seeds on top of it and then

615
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 2: water it every day and something beautiful can grow from

616
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 2: that heartbreak.

617
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: Ah. And honestly, if we look back at heartbreak, you'd

618
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 1: probably say, hey, I actually learned this about myself. Every

619
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: single one everyone I've never have regretted, and I've made

620
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 1: some dumb, dumb dating decisions in my twenties, and every

621
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: single one I'm like, oh, but actually I learned this

622
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: great thing. I learned that I shouldn't compromise this, or

623
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: I learned that I shouldn't do that.

624
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 2: And it's also this idea like if a relationship and

625
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 2: it's hard in the time when you're in the midst

626
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 2: of heartbreak, but if a relationship isn't working for whatever reason,

627
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 2: they don't want to be in it. You don't want

628
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 2: to be in it. You guys are toxic together. You

629
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 2: bring out the worst in each other, whatever it might be.

630
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 2: You can't force that to ever be right. Yeah, And

631
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 2: so the only good, the only goal that will come

632
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: from it is processing it, finding the lesson and moving

633
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 2: on totally.

634
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. Million percent. Can we just talk narcissists a little

635
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: bit because you articulate it so beautifully in the book,

636
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 1: and you make it happen, because I feel like you

637
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 1: probably worked with a few from reading Make It.

638
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 2: Happen, worked for a few, dated a few, right.

639
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: But can we just talk about the character traits? I

640
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: know I've definitely had my fair share of experiences, and

641
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: you got me after we lasted our other podcasts that

642
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 1: you missing out and you got me to read Taming

643
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 1: Toxic People by David Gillespie. So I just would love

644
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 1: to hear for listeners because I think it is a

645
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 1: word that is thrown around, like you break up something like, ah,

646
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: he was a narcissist, Like it is a bit of

647
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 1: a bandied word. But can you share a little bit

648
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,959
Speaker 1: about what an experience of dating nastis, like, what some

649
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: of the red flags might be. Yeah.

650
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 2: Well, the reason I brought narcissus up in the book

651
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 2: was because I used to say to myself, why do

652
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 2: I always attract the same kind of guy?

653
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:12,239
Speaker 1: Like?

654
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: Why are narcissist always attracted to me? Like this is ridiculous,

655
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 2: I don't understand it. What am I doing wrong?

656
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: You know? Poor me?

657
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 2: And then I realized that I wasn't attracting them, I

658
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 2: was attracted to them. So if you are thinking to yourself,

659
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 2: why do I always attracted this type of person. I

660
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 2: have to think about what it is about that type

661
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 2: of person that draws you to them for narcissus. For me,

662
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: it was they're confident, they're charismatic.

663
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 1: Charming, They're charming.

664
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 2: As all hell. And in the beginning stages when they're

665
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 2: trying to get you, which is how narcissists work, is

666
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 2: they will put out all stops for you. You know,

667
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: they glamor you're if you're into vampires, that's what they're doing.

668
00:32:55,480 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 2: They're glamoring you. And then once they have you, then

669
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 2: it's all about them because that's all that's all a

670
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 2: narcissist cares about. Really, they're very eye centric, so it's

671
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 2: very much about about what's important to them. Now, I'm

672
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 2: not an expert on narcissist at all, but the reason

673
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 2: that they're like this is because they actually lack the

674
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 2: ability to be empathetic.

675
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: Correct.

676
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,959
Speaker 2: So the problem with this in relationships is it's not

677
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 2: like other issues that you might have when you start

678
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 2: dating someone and you're like, hey, you know what, this

679
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 2: is actually a red flag for me? Do you realize

680
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 2: you do this? And then they're like, oh my god,

681
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 2: I didn't realize I did that. I'm so sorry. I'll

682
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 2: work on that. Fine. Narcissists can't work on the empathy

683
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 2: thing because they actually have an inability to be empathetic.

684
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 2: So it's very hard to change that person.

685
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 1: Queak to David, you can't. You can't, like run away

686
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: is kind He's like going back away. Yeah. I interviewed

687
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: him recently for the part and I was like, so,

688
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: what's the advice? Is like leave?

689
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 2: And I think what David's saying in that book, right,

690
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:09,320
Speaker 2: is that narcissists and psychopaths or is it sociopaths?

691
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 1: So a psychopath will naturally be a narcissist, and narsist

692
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 1: can be a narcist without being a psychopath. But he's like,

693
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: usually narsis sociopath. Psychopath generally will there's a high chance

694
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: they can lean into the psychopathy side of things, which

695
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 1: is dangerous from it, not like criminal wise, more dangerous

696
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:35,319
Speaker 1: because there is that lack of empathy and so your

697
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: feelings really don't matter, yes, And if you're in a

698
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:42,279
Speaker 1: relationship with that, then it's a very fast tracked way

699
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: to a lot of heartbreak and probably a lot of

700
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: you're probably going to have to go through a lot

701
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 1: of lessons and pain until you get out of that. Said,

702
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: I've definitely dated my fair share and there's been awesome lessons.

703
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: When I look back and you and I are both

704
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 1: having a little laugh at this before the podlet, I've

705
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 1: been dumped via text message and in the moment it

706
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 1: is hot rip big, but boy oh boy, And when

707
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: you get perspective, you you never inevitably learned such a

708
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: great lesson on self value, self worth, right, Yeah.

709
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 2: And also I think you know, as you get deeper

710
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 2: and deeper into dating and relationships and you know all

711
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 2: the lessons that come from it, you realize that most

712
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 2: of the time, and not to take the onus off you,

713
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,240
Speaker 2: but it's so about them, yeah, And it's not about you.

714
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:38,280
Speaker 2: So if someone's ghosting you, or you've just been broken

715
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,720
Speaker 2: up tech broken up with via text message.

716
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: And yours was before Valentine's Day.

717
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 2: Day before Valentine's Day this year, guys, nice and fresh you,

718
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 2: it is absolutely about them, because what kind of a

719
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 2: person does that? An insecure person, Yeah, somebody who's afraid

720
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 2: of confrontation, somebody who doesn't want to own up to

721
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:05,760
Speaker 2: their own shit. Not the person who's who's being dumped

722
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 2: by a text message. I actually posted on Instagram the

723
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 2: day after that happened, or maybe it was the day

724
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 2: it happened, I don't know. I was feeling. I was

725
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,439
Speaker 2: feeling fresh and vulnerable, but I likened it to sex

726
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 2: and the City when Berger broke up with Carrie via

727
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 2: post it Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's that same

728
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 2: ridiculousness because it's like, you've just invested so much time

729
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 2: in this person. And I wasn't just talking a few

730
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 2: dates guys, like we've been seeing each other, We've been

731
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 2: sleeping together, yeah, you know, like very intimate, and for

732
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 2: it to all boil down to a paragraph in a text,

733
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 2: it is just so insulting.

734
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, do you know? I was in the exact

735
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: same scenarios. And it wasn't until after the dust at

736
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 1: or that I learned that he had bipolar. But up

737
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 1: until I learned that, I was like, it's all me.

738
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 1: I've done the wrong thing. I'm not pretty enough, I'm

739
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: not skinning enough, blah blah blahself. And then when I

740
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 1: understood the full picture, I was like, oh, like I

741
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:08,879
Speaker 1: actually had empathy, and I started to go, I feel

742
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: sorry for this person. And it ended up being a

743
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 1: wonderful lesson. Thank you for sharing that, because I just

744
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 1: think I'm sure we're not the only two girls that

745
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: have been dumb via text.

746
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely not.

747
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: I have to share this quote from the book that

748
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: I burst into laughter. I read this bit on the

749
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,439
Speaker 1: plane last night, and I was like, oh my god,

750
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 1: So you interviewed a bunch of people about what, like,

751
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: what do you like on a dating app? And what

752
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: don't you like on a dating app? And this is

753
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 1: like a full quote, page one hundred and seventy five

754
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 1: from the book. So this is from a female talking

755
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: about a male's profile. Okay, stop posting pics of your car, truck,

756
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: motorcycle that you're not in. Are you a transformer?

757
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 2: Yeah? It's so true though, isn't it.

758
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 1: Yes. I just love that. Though there are so many

759
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: things like that. I was like, oh my god, I

760
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: feel like I'm out of there the kind of like

761
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 1: online dating game because I've been boss on nearly three

762
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 1: years now. But like, I didn't know that you had

763
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: to post like full body picks I had, well, I

764
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,959
Speaker 1: mean I didn't either, like and I when I wrote

765
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: that chapter, I had to go back into my profile

766
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: and change a bunch of stuff because I'd never asked anyone.

767
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 2: What they wanted. And look, the full body picks is

768
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 2: a funny one because I think I even say it

769
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 2: in the book. I've got super defensive when people say

770
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 2: about you see. I was like, why, that's very judgy,

771
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,439
Speaker 2: But you know, the fact of the matter is you're

772
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 2: rocking up to meet this person in the flesh. That's

773
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 2: usually the goal of being on a dating app, and

774
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 2: eventually they're going to see more than just your head.

775
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 2: So you really need to give a representation of you.

776
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 2: And it's not about being a certain size or you

777
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: don't have to be in your active wear. It's just

778
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 2: about getting a picture of who they're rocking up to me.

779
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 1: And is it true that you've gone up to meet

780
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 1: someone on it and you've kind of a match with them.

781
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 1: You've been chatting and you thought you were meeting the

782
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 1: friend in the photos?

783
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 2: He had three folk on his profile. I mean this

784
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 2: was this was rookie joor days. I would double check before,

785
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,840
Speaker 2: but he had three photos. First one was a group

786
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 2: photo who knows, second one was him and a mate,

787
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 2: and then the third one was also him and a mate,

788
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,439
Speaker 2: same mate, same mate. So I was like, I don't

789
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:19,839
Speaker 2: know why.

790
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: I don't know why.

791
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 2: It was my own assumption. Stupid.

792
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 1: Oh the other dude was there, what did it we decide?

793
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 2: He was actually no, No, he was actually really nice.

794
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 2: But I was just throwing it first because I just

795
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 2: wasn't expecting it. Oh yeah, that's crazy but funny.

796
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 1: And I'm sure you're not the only person that's happened too.

797
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,839
Speaker 2: But the other thing is, you know, I think I

798
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,440
Speaker 2: think we have this idea that women are posting photos

799
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 2: that are like five years old or heavily filtered or whatever.

800
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,280
Speaker 2: But I can't tell you how many guys I've gone

801
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,320
Speaker 2: to meet whose photos must have been like five years old. Yeah,

802
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 2: and I'm like, mate, you have age since that photo.

803
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And the filter thing as well, Like I

804
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: definitely put filter photos up on Mark when I had

805
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 1: a dating app, for sure.

806
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, and selfies and all of that. It's fine. But

807
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 2: if you can have photos of you in your natural environment,

808
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 2: keep it real, keep it real.

809
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. I want to talk to you about a book

810
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 1: that I read in my twenties. Went through heartbreak and

811
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to buy a book to

812
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 1: get me through this heartbreak. And at the time, the

813
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 1: male equivalent was out and going and selling. So there

814
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: was a male book called The Game, and then I

815
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: picked up the female book called The Rules, and you

816
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 1: talk about this in the book, and I was like,

817
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,839
Speaker 1: the rules are in like so basically it's play hard

818
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: to get like in a nutshell right. Don't go out

819
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: on a date with him if he invites you on

820
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 1: Wednesday for Saturday.

821
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 2: Day, like, I mean, archaic. They were so restrictive as well.

822
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 2: Can you read some of the ones that are I

823
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 2: don't even remember what they are now.

824
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 1: So the start of this paragraph, Jordias are in Rules

825
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 1: schmools so and I was like, oh my gosh, she's

826
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 1: talking about the book I was obsessed with and I

827
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: had forgotten about it. Yeah, but it's really it's so.

828
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 1: Don't talk to a man first, don't call him and

829
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 1: really return his calls. Don't accept a date for a

830
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 1: Saturday night after Wednesday, heaven forbid. Don't don't stop dating

831
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: him if he doesn't buy your romantic gift.

832
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 2: That one is ridiculous.

833
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,720
Speaker 1: Don't see him more than once or twice a week.

834
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 1: Don't open up too fast, be easy to live with.

835
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 2: Be easy to live with. I know they're ridiculous.

836
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 3: Don't break the rules mental but I did buy that,

837
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 3: and I was like, well, because we're desperate, right, yeah,

838
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 3: I mean we have been in stages of desperation.

839
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 2: What am I doing wrong? You know it must be me. Oh,

840
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 2: I haven't followed the rules totally.

841
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: And also I think like society is expectation that by it,

842
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 1: Like I don't know about you. When I was a teenager,

843
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:04,800
Speaker 1: I was like, by twenty seven, I'm gonna have a

844
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 1: white picket fans and two kids and be a Cape

845
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:11,240
Speaker 1: Blanchetta movie star, Like, yeah, we have this really weird warps.

846
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 1: And again it comes down to the Hollywood kind of

847
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:18,240
Speaker 1: like perception because what we're seeing out there is totally

848
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 1: not the truth. Yeah. I could talk to you all day,

849
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: but I do want to end on like You've got

850
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: so many especially towards the back of the book, so

851
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 1: many tools for kind of like I guess it comes

852
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: back to like setting a really good personal vibration. And

853
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 1: I was reading these and I was like, oh, this

854
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 1: is just a good hack for feeling good in life.

855
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: Forget the love for a second, like put that aside.

856
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 1: But you're like, do more of the things you love,

857
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 1: And this is like other ways to meet people organically, right, volunteer.

858
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,439
Speaker 1: I love this one, like borrow a puppy and take

859
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 1: it to the pub. Crazy?

860
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 2: What works have you ever done that I do?

861
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: I'm that person that runs at the party when I

862
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 1: see you want But what advice would you have for

863
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 1: people that are like, all right, I'm single, I'm ready

864
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 1: to mingle, but I want to do it wholeheartedly, and

865
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: I want to do it real. Cut the bullshit, cut

866
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 1: the fake staff. I know these rules, like you've spoken

867
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 1: beautifully in the in the book, But for people listening going,

868
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: what are a couple of things I can do to

869
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: just kind of like make sure that that next love

870
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:30,359
Speaker 1: is a higher love?

871
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 2: Well, I think definitely prioritizing yourself. So make that the

872
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 2: first thing you do is just working on yourself, working

873
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 2: out what parts of you you feel like are missing

874
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,359
Speaker 2: and need to be filled by someone else, and work

875
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 2: workout ways to fill them yourself. So that's the first thing.

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00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 2: The second thing is, if you have been out of

877
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 2: the dating game for a while and you want to

878
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 2: go on a date, hop on an app. Yeah, you

879
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 2: can hook up a date for the next night if

880
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: you want. If you're a bit scared and you just

881
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 2: want to start chatting to some people hop on an app. Yeah,

882
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 2: so the best way to do it if you want

883
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 2: to try things a little bit more organically. You don't

884
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 2: have to sit at a bar by yourself, waiting for

885
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 2: someone to come and hit on you, because it's likely

886
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 2: not going to happen. As I talk about in the book,

887
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 2: men just don't want to do it anymore.

888
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: They're sick of it.

889
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 2: So I would just be out there being yourself, doing

890
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 2: the things that you love. Make sure you're outside amongst people.

891
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 2: They're not going to walk into your lounge room. But

892
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: saying yes to invitations from friends to dinners or barbecues

893
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 2: or whatever it might be, saying yes to networking events,

894
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 2: saying yes to any kind of social gathering where you

895
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 2: have the opportunity to meet people. But in doing that,

896
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 2: go there just to be yourself and enjoy yourself and

897
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 2: have fun, not with this desperate energy of needing to

898
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 2: find a partner. Because I think when we take the

899
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 2: energy of desperation out, there's a lot more room for

900
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 2: just stuff to flow on in.

901
00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:00,839
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, love it. Yeah, love the book. I'm

902
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 1: going to have it in the show notes. We're going

903
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 1: to give a copy away with this eptuo so it

904
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: be fun. Watch out for the gram for that one. Georgana,

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00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: you are wonderful. Thank you so much for jumping on

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00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 1: the pod.

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00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 2: Thank you big love.

908
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always,

909
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 1: thank you to our guests and let's continue the conversation

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00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'm at Yamo Lola Berry. This potty my

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00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:34,439
Speaker 1: word for podcast is available on all streaming platforms. I'd

912
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: love it if you could subscribe, rate and comment and

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00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,359
Speaker 1: of course spread the love.