Speaker 1: Hi guys, and we'll welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 1: Black Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and it is therapy. There's day.
Speaker 1: It is our very first ask guncut back here off
Speaker 1: the ranks, ready to roll, answering all your deep, dark
Speaker 1: and burning questions.
Speaker 3: And we do have a couple of cracker questions where
Speaker 3: you're coming up later in the episode. But Laura wants
Speaker 3: to bring a bit of an article to kickstart.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is like the most low brow article
Speaker 1: that we're ever going to get. Sometimes we unpack really
Speaker 1: important things and sometimes they're really unimportant. Well, she's been
Speaker 1: sitting here giggling for the best part of half an hour,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, are you're going to tell me? You're
Speaker 1: going to preface what this is so I actually can
Speaker 1: get my head around it, and she refuses to please
Speaker 1: please share with me. So there is there's an article
Speaker 1: that's come out and it's around Leonardo DiCaprio.
Speaker 2: But I just want to give you.
Speaker 1: I want to give you the quote first, because that's
Speaker 1: kind of like where this awe stemmed from. It's got
Speaker 1: to be about him dating like a twenty year old
Speaker 1: supermodel breaking news. Leonardo DiCaprio's ex girlfriend, Camilla Moron details
Speaker 1: the worst date of my life with the actor. He
Speaker 1: rented out a whole cinema and maybe watch every single
Speaker 1: Star Wars movie while he ran around with his lightsaber
Speaker 1: pretending to fight bad guys.
Speaker 3: What, hang on, how is this breaking news? And hang on,
Speaker 3: hang on, how is this breaking news? And me, I'm
Speaker 3: pretty sure that Camilla Morone.
Speaker 2: Is his current girlfriend, not his ex girlfriend.
Speaker 1: So apparently this was originally posted by a satire Instagram
Speaker 1: page called I'm going to butcher this because I can't
Speaker 1: speak French, but I think it's Les sign Files. If
Speaker 1: it's not sure that, then don't come for me in
Speaker 1: the reviews. But it was posted by a satire Instagram
Speaker 1: and a whole lot of very reputable news sources actually
Speaker 1: picked up this post from like retweets and everything else
Speaker 1: and ran news articles around it saying that Leonardo has
Speaker 1: actually rented out this cinema, forced his girlfriend to watch
Speaker 1: him run around with a lightsaber, and people are reporting
Speaker 1: on this that it's a fact. People yes, to the
Speaker 1: point where Leonardo DiCaprio has had to come out and
Speaker 1: say that he never did that.
Speaker 2: It's all fake news.
Speaker 1: Imagine having to put a statement out saying I didn't
Speaker 1: make my girlfriend run around in a private cinema with
Speaker 1: a lightsaber.
Speaker 2: You know what, this actually reminds me. This is actually funny.
Speaker 1: And this is probably the reason that that satire story
Speaker 1: had legs because Joniah Hill, who is a friend of his,
Speaker 1: they've just done a movie together.
Speaker 2: Don't look up, I think it is. I only got
Speaker 2: through half of it. I couldn't do it. I've only
Speaker 2: started it too. Leo don'nut me was confused by the
Speaker 2: whole thing.
Speaker 3: But Joni Hill had put out a statement as well.
Speaker 3: Obviously I don't know if he was taking a piss too,
Speaker 3: but he said that Leo made him like get really
Speaker 3: involved in the Mandolin franchise and like have lightsabers and
Speaker 3: stuff as well. So there's obviously like a Star Wars
Speaker 3: lightsaber trend going on.
Speaker 2: So now people just think Leo it's crazy.
Speaker 1: But also I feel like actors are a bit kookie.
Speaker 1: So if you read that, you believe it, you believe
Speaker 1: it like it's fine. And also if Leonardo DiCaprio wanted
Speaker 1: to take me on a date and force me to
Speaker 1: watch eight hours of Star Wars, I'd fucking do it.
Speaker 3: Yes, if I had to wield a lightsaber as well
Speaker 3: with Leo in a private cinema, Sign me up, where's
Speaker 3: the ticket?
Speaker 1: I think it's the last part of it. While he
Speaker 1: ran around with his lightsaber pretending to fight bad guys.
Speaker 2: That was the sound of its sexy? Doesn't it too?
Speaker 2: We've got a privaccenma and he's training around with his lightsaber. Oh,
Speaker 2: I don't think it does. But okay, do you know what.
Speaker 1: I really wanted to throw this out because I was like,
Speaker 1: we've all experienced bad dates, and I know that we're
Speaker 1: here to answer your questions, but before we get into that,
Speaker 1: I chucked the thing up on my Instagram after reading this,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I just want to know. I
Speaker 1: want a couple of stories. I thought, there's going to
Speaker 1: be a few of you who have had dates that
Speaker 1: are actually real dates, not satire dates that are probably
Speaker 1: just as bad as this one. Anyone that hasn't had
Speaker 1: a bad date, you are not living. You need to
Speaker 1: go out there and get yourself a bad date.
Speaker 2: I mean, we've heard mine. Over the last years, I've
Speaker 2: had some hectic dates. I feel like it's the.
Speaker 1: Only way that you appreciate the good ones, and let
Speaker 1: me tell you, there was some fucking crackers that came through. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna read a couple of these out to you,
Speaker 1: but I actually think I received hundreds and hundreds, if
Speaker 1: not thousands, of messages. So I'm going to spend my
Speaker 1: day today going through them, and I think we actually
Speaker 1: need to do a bonus episode of all of these.
Speaker 1: We definitely need to do a bonus episode of these.
Speaker 3: Maybe we need to do one every two months or
Speaker 3: one a quarter, like one bad Date episode a quarter.
Speaker 2: Because they never stopped.
Speaker 1: Okay, so here are a couple that had me chuckling
Speaker 1: on the couch last night. I went on a double
Speaker 1: date to see a movie. It was all going pretty
Speaker 1: smooth until halfway through. He just ghosted me, like literally
Speaker 1: in person. It was not experienced watching the last half
Speaker 1: of the movie in silence and then leaving the cinema
Speaker 1: by myself. He went to the toilet and just never
Speaker 1: came back. Oh oh my god, Well did anyone check
Speaker 1: on him?
Speaker 2: Maybe he passed out in the bathroom. We just left.
Speaker 1: Okay. A guy peeked me up to go on an
Speaker 1: adventure which involved actually just going to the police station
Speaker 1: to pick up his lost phone. We waited for three
Speaker 1: hours at the police station. Did I mention that this
Speaker 1: was the first date? Also, by the time we got
Speaker 1: his phone back, we then went to go get Messina
Speaker 1: and it had closed. So literally just spent three hours
Speaker 1: sitting at a police station and then never heard from
Speaker 1: him again.
Speaker 2: He just wanted a ride to the copp shop so bad.
Speaker 1: Also, I feel like these give you a little bit
Speaker 1: of sense of like comfort. You're like, fuck, somebody else
Speaker 1: is doing it worse than I am.
Speaker 3: I literally had a friend come over here two days ago,
Speaker 3: sat right where you're seeing Laura, and she had just
Speaker 3: been on a date.
Speaker 1: She's like, I fuck, I need to tell you how
Speaker 1: bad this date was.
Speaker 2: She's been talking to this.
Speaker 3: Guy for a while online and they finally decided to
Speaker 3: meet up because he was pretty boring as fuck and
Speaker 3: he never wanted to do anything. She's like, fucking just
Speaker 3: finally meet me. So they finally met up. They went
Speaker 3: on a ferry ride.
Speaker 2: That's what my did. Random. They went on a ferry ride.
Speaker 2: Then they got back. He was really really boring. He
Speaker 2: was really really rude.
Speaker 3: They get back and he's like, I guess we could
Speaker 3: have a drink, and she's like, this is nighttime in
Speaker 3: the city in Sydney, and she's like, oh okay, Like,
Speaker 3: I guess whatever if I have to, She's like, well,
Speaker 3: how about we go somewhere a bit closer to like
Speaker 3: my home. And he's like, oh no, that's really convenient
Speaker 3: for me. Let's just go somewhere close to my home.
Speaker 3: She was like okay, and I was like.
Speaker 2: Why are you agreeing to this?
Speaker 1: So they find this random bar in the city.
Speaker 3: They walk in and he sits down and says to her, uh,
Speaker 3: just get me whatever you get. So first of all,
Speaker 3: he makes her get the drinks, so she goes and
Speaker 3: gets the drinks, brings them back, sits down. He goes,
Speaker 3: I'll have to So she got him two drinks, so
Speaker 3: she only got one. He's smashed the two drinks. She's
Speaker 3: only halfway through one nighttime in the city. He gets
Speaker 3: an alert on his phone that says the last train
Speaker 3: from Winyard is leaving in five minutes. He skulls the
Speaker 3: rest of his drink, goes, you'll be fine to get
Speaker 3: yourself home, want you and left and walked out, left
Speaker 3: her alone in the city with her drink that she
Speaker 3: had just bought him, that's it.
Speaker 2: I was like, what the who does this? Who does this?
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
Speaker 1: I think that we all need to have a little
Speaker 1: bit more confidence in saying no, and if you're on
Speaker 1: a terrible date. Sometimes I think we are scared about
Speaker 1: hurting someone's feelings, so we sit through a bad date
Speaker 1: or we sit through an uncomfortable encounter because we don't
Speaker 1: want to offend someone.
Speaker 2: You don't know them, if you don't like them.
Speaker 1: I think that there needs to be a little bit
Speaker 1: more of it being okay to like momentarily offend someone
Speaker 1: if they're making you uncomfortable, if someone's being rude, if
Speaker 1: you don't feel safe, if you don't like it, if
Speaker 1: you don't like them, if you know that there's absolutely
Speaker 1: no vibe just being upfront and saying, hey, do you
Speaker 1: know what?
Speaker 2: This isn't really what I expected. I don't think that
Speaker 2: this is going to.
Speaker 1: Be anything, and lee, I'll go to the toilet and
Speaker 1: don't come back. Yeah, I mean, like, maybe address it,
Speaker 1: but just leave. Don't stay at a first date longer
Speaker 1: than you need to if you're absolutely not interested in it.
Speaker 1: I just can't believe what gets me is and like
Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm so shook because I've been
Speaker 1: on these dates. I have been on these dates, but
Speaker 1: I'm so shook that a man would leave a woman
Speaker 1: alone in the city at night by herself instead of
Speaker 1: just all he had to say is, Hey, the train's
Speaker 1: gonna leave. I'll just make sure you get back to
Speaker 1: the station. I'll make sure you get on the train.
Speaker 1: I mean they say.
Speaker 2: Chivalry is dead, sometimes it actually is dead. It is
Speaker 2: dried up and dead.
Speaker 1: I have two more that I want to share with
Speaker 1: you before we actually do a full episode. Laura, I've
Speaker 1: had a few really strange dates, but this one takes
Speaker 1: the cake. It was my first date with a guy,
Speaker 1: and I went back to his place to watch a movie,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: And while we were watching it and Mat.
Speaker 1: Well that's what you would think, but anyway, she was
Speaker 1: in for a surprise. She hears the microwave go off, ping.
Speaker 1: The guy gets up, then emerges with a bowl of
Speaker 1: steaming hot water. Then he reaches for a tea towel
Speaker 1: and performs a steam bath to cleanse his sinuses.
Speaker 2: Then he collects his nasal.
Speaker 1: Irrigation device and cleaned out his sinuses in front of me.
Speaker 1: On the couch. Finally, as he sits down again with
Speaker 1: me in absolute horror, a cockroach flies out of his
Speaker 1: blinds and onto his ship. If there's anything that's going
Speaker 1: to put your panties back on, and he's cleansing your
Speaker 1: sinuses and a cockroach, So she gets up and leaves. Okay,
Speaker 1: and last one went to dinner with the guy, and
Speaker 1: he flirted with the waitress straight off the back. Made
Speaker 1: me feel really guilty about how much the dinner cost,
Speaker 1: even though he chose the place and I offered to
Speaker 1: split the bill. We then went for a drink afterwards.
Speaker 1: Why I don't know, he asked me, and I just
Speaker 1: said yes, to be polite. Once again, stop being polite,
Speaker 1: And while we were drinking our beer, he leans in
Speaker 1: really close to my face, inspecting it and then says,
Speaker 1: have you ever broken your nose? I haven't, hot dick. Okay,
Speaker 1: enough of that, let's get into the more important part
Speaker 1: of this episode.
Speaker 2: Let's get into askun cards. All right, ask on a cut.
Speaker 2: I'm going to come in hot with number one.
Speaker 3: I'm engaged and my bridesmaids have recently started planning my
Speaker 3: hens and asked me who I want to invite? I
Speaker 3: know that typically people invite their close friend groups. However,
Speaker 3: there are one or two girls in this group who
Speaker 3: I'm no longer close to and one that I really
Speaker 3: don't get along with anymore and I don't like to
Speaker 3: be around.
Speaker 2: Should I invite the whole group.
Speaker 3: For the sake of not making things awkward for the group,
Speaker 3: or should I only invite the people I really want
Speaker 3: to and really like, even if it could make things
Speaker 3: super awkward.
Speaker 2: This is so awkward, especially if it's one person. It's
Speaker 2: like one particular person. Okay, what do you think.
Speaker 1: It's really awkward if there's only one person in your
Speaker 1: whole frame? Okay, I'm like, I have two opinions, and
Speaker 1: two pretty strong opinions. I really think for hen's engagement parties,
Speaker 1: weddings everything to do with your really big special day.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should have to have people there
Speaker 1: for the sake of other people's feelings and the sake
Speaker 1: of keeping peace. I think it's your special day. If
Speaker 1: you end up inviting people that you don't like, it's
Speaker 1: going to affect you in one way or the other.
Speaker 1: And ultimately, at the end of the day, for a wedding,
Speaker 1: you're paying for it. You're paying person per head. This
Speaker 1: is the Hen's party, so I feel like it's a
Speaker 1: little bit different. And you haven't said if this person
Speaker 1: will be going to the wedding or if this issue
Speaker 1: is the same for the wedding and the hens. Are
Speaker 1: you trying to decide if you invite them to the
Speaker 1: wedding as well? If it's just one person in the
Speaker 1: whole group for the Hens, I'd probably lean towards that
Speaker 1: you should probably just invite them and if there's enough
Speaker 1: people there, you might not notice it. But I don't
Speaker 1: have the same sentiment with the wedding. I think people
Speaker 1: can come to your hens that don't come to your wedding.
Speaker 1: I'm a big believer in that. I look at a
Speaker 1: HENS as like a big party.
Speaker 3: I don't think everybody has to go to the wedding,
Speaker 3: and I know people will disagree with that, but in
Speaker 3: this situation, imagine how much more awkward it's going to
Speaker 3: be when you invite nineteen of your twenty friends and
Speaker 3: that one girl, Like, what are you even going to
Speaker 3: say to us? I have to be honest, I'm sure
Speaker 3: that you think.
Speaker 1: That you could invite people to your HENS party and
Speaker 1: they'll not invite them to your wedding.
Speaker 2: Absolutely weird?
Speaker 1: Is that weird to be like, Hey, come to my party,
Speaker 1: but I don't like you enough to come to my wedding.
Speaker 1: Not in this day and age, because there are a
Speaker 1: lot of caps on weddings and things like that.
Speaker 2: True, So I feel like it's like, hey.
Speaker 3: I'm going to have thirty people at my wedding, but
Speaker 3: I'd love you to come and celebrate and like send
Speaker 3: me off into the married life and let's all get
Speaker 3: drunken party.
Speaker 1: Like that's what I think. I think now you can
Speaker 1: differentiate the two. I've always found it weird when people
Speaker 1: invite you to their engagement party but don't invite you
Speaker 1: to their wedding. That's a bit more weird because liens
Speaker 1: is like, let's just party because I'm like, okay, so
Speaker 1: you want me to come to your engagement party and
Speaker 1: believe you for a present, but you don't like me
Speaker 1: enough to invite me into your wedding. Okay, cool. Nowhere
Speaker 1: I stand in the ranking of our friendships.
Speaker 2: I guess. The only thing with this that I think
Speaker 2: is a bit difficult.
Speaker 1: I would understand if you had had a fight, if
Speaker 1: there's been like a reason that you've had a falling out,
Speaker 1: or if there's like something that she does, maybe she
Speaker 1: gets super drunk and is really inappropriate and it's just
Speaker 1: a total liability, in which case totally understand why you
Speaker 1: wouldn't want her there. If it's just someone in your
Speaker 1: friendship group who you don't like as much as the
Speaker 1: rest of your friends, and like it's a tight friendship group.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about like you know, you've got a big,
Speaker 1: open acquaintance kind of group. You've got like a tight
Speaker 1: knit group of girls, and there's one person who you
Speaker 1: just don't mesh with as much as the others. I
Speaker 1: would personally still invite them, only because for me, the
Speaker 1: drama of not inviting them what that would cause would
Speaker 1: be way more stressful than just like having them there
Speaker 1: on the day. So I think that's the thing you
Speaker 1: got to weigh up, right, Like, what's going to be
Speaker 1: the bigger issue the drama that could follow on or
Speaker 1: could be the byproduct of not inviting them to the
Speaker 1: hens versus having them there in the first place. That's it,
Speaker 1: And it's different if there were like five or six
Speaker 1: or seven people that weren't invited and you were just
Speaker 1: saying look, I've just got a cap numbers. You know,
Speaker 1: I love you, but I have to have a smaller group.
Speaker 2: But it's just one.
Speaker 3: There's one or two, and I feel like it's just
Speaker 3: it's going to create way more trouble than it's probably
Speaker 3: worth because she doesn't.
Speaker 2: Know you don't like it, and you're gonna have to
Speaker 2: give her a reason. Yeah, that's like a really that's
Speaker 2: a statement.
Speaker 1: That's the line in the sand. That's you saying I
Speaker 1: don't like you. Like that's not really something that you
Speaker 1: can come back from. So if you want to make
Speaker 1: a really clear, definitive line in the sand as to
Speaker 1: where your friendship stands, which is we don't.
Speaker 2: Have one, yeah, this is your perfect opportunity. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I know that not everybody's going
Speaker 1: to agree with this, because I do agree with what
Speaker 1: you said, Britt. I do think that when it comes
Speaker 1: to weddings and engagement parties and everything else, you can
Speaker 1: be a little bit selfish. I just worry that sometimes
Speaker 1: we use those big events and they can create more issues.
Speaker 1: They can create more stress, which actually means that on
Speaker 1: the day it's not as enjoyable because you've been so
Speaker 1: stressed out and so upset about all your family and
Speaker 1: all your friendships and connections that maybe those issues could
Speaker 1: have been avoided a little bit.
Speaker 2: Let us know what you do. I'm uncomfortable, Britt.
Speaker 1: Like, when Britt gets uncomfortable, she doesn't know where to
Speaker 1: put her hands. I don't She's like just sitting here
Speaker 1: with her hands in the air. Because I really involve
Speaker 1: myself in the situation.
Speaker 2: She masturbates. I I transport. But that was so random random.
Speaker 1: I was trying to think of something you could do
Speaker 1: with your hands.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's a multitude of things I could do
Speaker 3: other than masturbate over someone's asking cut about a wedding.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, do you know what?
Speaker 1: Though this is a total sidestep, we received a message recently.
Speaker 1: It was a confessional, and I'm just gonna slide it
Speaker 1: in here. One of our listeners sent us a confessional
Speaker 1: saying that they masturbated in their car listening to the
Speaker 1: episode on Kinks and I forgot about it.
Speaker 2: I'm so just reminded me. I'm so here for it.
Speaker 2: I love that you did that. I love that you
Speaker 2: told us you did that. Well done. You're living your
Speaker 2: best bloody life. Still shocked. Though, I'm still pretty shook
Speaker 2: by the whole Thing's not gonna lie anyway. As an update,
Speaker 2: I feel very uncomfortable for you.
Speaker 1: I think, not the masturbating girl, No girl's getting married, for.
Speaker 2: Both, for all people involved.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think going to the question number two.
Speaker 2: All right, question number two. This is also a friendship
Speaker 2: related question.
Speaker 1: And there were honestly so many friendship questions that came
Speaker 1: in across the DMS over the Christmas break, over New Year,
Speaker 1: and still now. And I think it's because January December
Speaker 1: it's a very transformative time. I think it's a time
Speaker 1: of a lot of self reflection where we kind of
Speaker 1: look at different parts of our lives that aren't necessarily
Speaker 1: making us happy. And that definitely goes for this one.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I have been going through a bit of a falling
Speaker 1: out with a group of childhood friends. There are three
Speaker 1: of them, and I've known them since primary school. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty three, hustling and working full time, and I often
Speaker 1: do make time to meet up with my friends. However,
Speaker 1: I've noticed that I have not been enjoying the last
Speaker 1: few times we've hung out. I feel as though they
Speaker 1: do not respect me.
Speaker 2: Anymore.
Speaker 1: For example, they would shame me if I do not
Speaker 1: have time to meet up, as I do prefer some
Speaker 1: downtime and being alone after a long day of work.
Speaker 1: They sometimes talk about my salary in a degrading manner.
Speaker 1: The way they talk about my boyfriend of three years,
Speaker 1: mind you, is super disrespectful, like they forget his name,
Speaker 1: they judge his looks. I'm also seen as the quiet
Speaker 1: and clumsy one in the group. My other group of
Speaker 1: friends make me feel so happy and content, but I'm
Speaker 1: fed up with this bunch and have made excuses about
Speaker 1: to avoid hanging out with them recently. What should I do.
Speaker 2: Thank you next?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Oh, no, Laura, what two minds is that? I'm sorry
Speaker 2: if your friends.
Speaker 3: Are making you feel shit, if your friends don't remember
Speaker 3: your partner's name of three years, if your friends are
Speaker 3: bringing you down because of your salary.
Speaker 2: That you're earning in your.
Speaker 3: Job that you work bloody hard for, they are not
Speaker 3: your friends. Spoiler, they're not your friends.
Speaker 1: Preach.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're not in the fence anymore.
Speaker 1: I no, Okay, what I'm on the fence about is
Speaker 1: just dumping a twenty something year friendship. What I mean
Speaker 1: is is like No, they're not being friends. They are
Speaker 1: absolutely not living up to the standard, and you're not
Speaker 1: being treated the way that you deserve. However, is it
Speaker 1: warranting of a conversation? Can you sit down with them
Speaker 1: and tell them how they're making you feel? Tell them
Speaker 1: that you feel like I feel like when you constantly
Speaker 1: make jokes about me being the clumsy one, or about
Speaker 1: being this, or about being quiet, like it makes me
Speaker 1: feel inferior, makes me feel just a bit shit about
Speaker 1: myself and like you're always picking on me. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like you know you have understanding around my work,
Speaker 1: or that you have respect for my work. And maybe
Speaker 1: by explaining those things to them a little bit, they
Speaker 1: might surprise you.
Speaker 2: That's all I mean.
Speaker 1: I mean, instead of avoiding it and being scared of
Speaker 1: having those conversations, giving them the opportunity to prove you wrong,
Speaker 1: and if they don't, then kicking.
Speaker 2: To the curves.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: See, I totally get what you're saying. But I think
Speaker 3: there comes and I think this comes as you get
Speaker 3: older as well. I think there comes a point in
Speaker 3: your life where you shouldn't have to sit your friends down,
Speaker 3: especially if they've been twenty years.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have to sit them down and say, hey.
Speaker 2: Just so you know, you're disrespecting me.
Speaker 1: Everything you say makes me feel like shit, Like it's
Speaker 1: the fact, like literally, like you shouldn't have to have it.
Speaker 1: The fact of the matter is, and it's a part
Speaker 1: of life.
Speaker 2: It's a part of human nature. It's a part of growth.
Speaker 2: We grow and change.
Speaker 3: Throughout life and the friends we've had, Like, I'm very
Speaker 3: lucky that my ultimate best friend of my whole life
Speaker 3: I have been best friends with for nearly thirty years.
Speaker 3: We're five years old, and we have never had a fight.
Speaker 3: We just have the most beautiful her name Shannon. I
Speaker 3: know you listen, so shout out to Shannon. And we're
Speaker 3: in such different points of life. She's married with two kids.
Speaker 3: You don't get to speak all the time. She's in
Speaker 3: another state. But we will never, ever, ever have any
Speaker 3: disrespect for each other or anything but love. And I'm lucky.
Speaker 3: But there's a lot of other friends that I would
Speaker 3: still be acquaintances with and you still like them as people.
Speaker 3: But you grow when you change, like the people you
Speaker 3: are at five years old, ten years old, fifteen, twenty,
Speaker 3: twenty five, thirty, you change, and it's very rare that
Speaker 3: you all change in the same direction. Sometimes this is
Speaker 3: really hard to understand that some people come into your
Speaker 3: life for a period of time and a point of time,
Speaker 3: and I think we feel inside a bit sentimental about that,
Speaker 3: like we need to really hold on to something because
Speaker 3: it has been twenty years or it has been ten years.
Speaker 3: But that doesn't mean you have to keep going in
Speaker 3: that direction and you have to keep that friends group
Speaker 3: because you've shared some memories.
Speaker 2: You can keep those memories.
Speaker 1: And think, fuck, we had such an amazing teenage years
Speaker 1: into our early twenties, and now we're in different places.
Speaker 2: You've obviously met this.
Speaker 1: New group of friends who you really gel with and
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable with and they feel like they support you.
Speaker 1: I think it's okay to do a soft fade from
Speaker 1: your friendship. You can still be in contact with them
Speaker 1: and catch up with them and hang out with them.
Speaker 1: But if you're trying to force something just because you
Speaker 1: have a history but they make you feel shit every day,
Speaker 1: I think you just need to have a little bit
Speaker 1: of self reflection and understand that life changes, Life has
Speaker 1: ebbs and flows, and it might be time to take
Speaker 1: a new direction. Yeah, it's that whole saying of like
Speaker 1: a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When it comes
Speaker 1: to friends, that's what they come into your life for
Speaker 1: a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Speaker 2: But I totally get it.
Speaker 1: I get why it can be so hard to walk
Speaker 1: away from the friends that you have in your life
Speaker 1: that know your history. Ultimately, they know so much about you,
Speaker 1: they know where you've been, they know who you are,
Speaker 1: and that can have its pros and its cons. I
Speaker 1: guess the cons that can come with that is that
Speaker 1: sometimes that they can put you in a little box
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, well, you're that person that you've
Speaker 1: always been. And sometimes we want to be viewed differently.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be viewed as the quiet girl.
Speaker 1: And we do change as we get older. And I
Speaker 1: guess you're like.
Speaker 2: I'm fucking cool now.
Speaker 1: I have fallen over like four weeks. But the biggest
Speaker 1: thing here is respect, and I think you nailed it,
Speaker 1: Britt Like, regardless of where you are in your friendships
Speaker 1: and how long you've been friends with someone, you were
Speaker 1: always ultimately deserving of respect. However, the issue is, and
Speaker 1: it's the same thing that happens in romantic relationships. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we take the things that are closest to us. For granted,
Speaker 1: sometimes they can be the people that we treat the
Speaker 1: worst because we think they're always going to be around.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know a lot of people listening to
Speaker 1: this will have been guilty of doing it in their
Speaker 1: romantic relationships. Sometimes you might be having a shitty day.
Speaker 1: You'll take it out in your partner. You'll speak to
Speaker 1: them badly, you won't treat them necessarily with the love
Speaker 1: and respect that they deserve to be treated in because
Speaker 1: you're like, well, fuck, they're.
Speaker 2: Always there, It's fine.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they think we treat it just clumsy Sally, It's okay, totally, it's.
Speaker 2: Just Maddy Jay.
Speaker 1: But like sometimes I think it happens for our friendships
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: And that's what I mean.
Speaker 1: If it is a relationship that you want to salvage,
Speaker 1: it is warranting of a conversation. You would give a conversation.
Speaker 1: You would have a conversation with a romantic relationship. You
Speaker 1: would sit down and say, hey, I don't feel like
Speaker 1: you're respecting me. I feel like you're not treating me
Speaker 1: the way that I want to be treated. I love you,
Speaker 1: that this is not working for me right now. You
Speaker 1: can do the same thing with your friends. You shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to know, but you can see what I would do,
Speaker 1: is I agree, Like, of course you can have that conversation.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying you dump the friend group and
Speaker 1: you move on and you kick them to the curb.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying you're putting yourself the same thing with dating, Laura,
Speaker 1: Like you go on some dates whatever, you're in a
Speaker 1: situation you don't like, they make you feel shit, You're
Speaker 1: remove yourself from a situation.
Speaker 2: Maybe you're still text them sometimes.
Speaker 3: I think with a friendship group like this is you
Speaker 3: don't dump thirty as a friendship unless they're being I mean,
Speaker 3: unless they are making you feel so so so horrible
Speaker 3: and they're so toxic. I think you just soft feed them.
Speaker 3: You don't and you said that you're already making excuses,
Speaker 3: so I think you don't dump them. You don't have
Speaker 3: to have a big fight, but you just start to
Speaker 3: fill your life with other things, your work that makes
Speaker 3: you happy, the new friends, groups, hobbies that make you happy.
Speaker 3: You can still catch up with them, for sure, totally.
Speaker 3: If the times that you're catching up with them as
Speaker 3: a group, if you haven't seen them in a while,
Speaker 3: you go and catch up with them and they.
Speaker 1: Still make you feel like shit, then you don't need
Speaker 1: to catch up with them anymore. You don't even really
Speaker 1: need an explanation, Like you can just soft fade. You're
Speaker 1: run into the street, you're gonna say, hey, how are you?
Speaker 1: That's fine, But I think don't put so much pressure
Speaker 1: on yourself. Ultimately we get this one little life. If
Speaker 1: you're filling your days with people that are bringing you down,
Speaker 1: like you are a product of the five people closest
Speaker 1: to you. So if these are the people closest to
Speaker 1: you and they're making you feel like that, you're going
Speaker 1: to take that energy into your life every day. So
Speaker 1: you surround yourself with people and things that make you
Speaker 1: feel good at the end of the day. That's life totally,
Speaker 1: and like that, like it's very passionate, but.
Speaker 2: I'm so hepho.
Speaker 1: I fully agree with everything you're saying, and like the
Speaker 1: whole concept of like we don't have that much time,
Speaker 1: like you're saying that you're hustling. Everybody works hard, like
Speaker 1: every like what not everybody, but a lot of people.
Speaker 1: Time is really something that's so valuable. So don't especish
Speaker 1: on people that make you feel crappy about yourself. That's like,
Speaker 1: ultimately the big take home. Should we go on to
Speaker 1: question number three? Yeah, h but let's do it okay.
Speaker 1: Question at number three, This one's a little bit saucier.
Speaker 2: I love my partner.
Speaker 1: Here's my everything. I'm twenty two and we've been together
Speaker 1: for two years now. I know I'm young, but trust
Speaker 1: me when I say that I know he's my person.
Speaker 1: The only and I mean literally, only thing that isn't
Speaker 1: perfect in our relationship is the sex. Although I have
Speaker 1: dated a lot of different men, I haven't explored sexuality
Speaker 1: and sex in the way that I want to now.
Speaker 1: Finding my forever person at twenty surely wasn't my plan.
Speaker 1: In the past two years since being with him, I've
Speaker 1: been exposed to so much more sex positivity and I
Speaker 1: want to try and explore different things.
Speaker 2: I'd love to go to sex parties.
Speaker 1: I'd love to try a threesome and scratch this by
Speaker 1: curious itch I have. I have hinted to my boyfriend
Speaker 1: at perhaps having a threesome with another girl, but he
Speaker 1: is very certain on monogamy in our relationship.
Speaker 2: I love him and the.
Speaker 1: Sex is still pretty good, but I feel like if
Speaker 1: this is really what the rest of my life is
Speaker 1: going to Is this going to be a problem?
Speaker 3: Probably, Yes, this is an interesting one and I do
Speaker 3: have some feels about this.
Speaker 2: Stoked.
Speaker 1: If you've met your penguin, that's fucking so fantastic, Like
Speaker 1: I love love, I love penguins, and anyone that meets
Speaker 1: their penguin is that's amazing. Sex is not the be
Speaker 1: all and end all, no, but I do think it
Speaker 1: is very important in a relationship.
Speaker 2: I think that you need to be.
Speaker 1: On the same wavelength or you need to be really
Speaker 1: happy and content that.
Speaker 2: You're not on the same wavelength.
Speaker 3: So you're either on the wavelength or you're okay with
Speaker 3: the fact that you're never going to meet in the middle.
Speaker 3: For you, and I know from experience in my thirties,
Speaker 3: there are so many chapters of growth and the way
Speaker 3: you evolve within yourself, within your sexuality, within your thoughts
Speaker 3: on life and relationships, that is going to change. So
Speaker 3: you're entering the next stage where you are more curious.
Speaker 3: You said you have a bi cury it you want
Speaker 3: to scratch. The question that you need to ask yourself
Speaker 3: is are you going to be okay to never ever
Speaker 3: scratch that itch? Because your partner has said it is
Speaker 3: not absolutely not in the cards for you, for him,
Speaker 3: for them, for your relationship. Are you going to be
Speaker 3: okay to live the rest of your life without exploring
Speaker 3: that and without knowing and without wondering, or is it
Speaker 3: going to drive you to a place where one day
Speaker 3: you're in a situation where you do the wrong thing
Speaker 3: in your relationship because you're like, fuck it, I'm out now,
Speaker 3: this girl's interested, this guy's interested.
Speaker 1: I'm going to try it, and then you're going to
Speaker 1: regret that later.
Speaker 3: You need to decide within yourself if you're happy to
Speaker 3: just have that as a fantasy and never actually know
Speaker 3: and stay in your relationship, or if you're going to
Speaker 3: want to scratch those itches. If you think you're going
Speaker 3: to want to scratch those itches, you need to have
Speaker 3: a really I mean, it's going to be a really
Speaker 3: hard conversation with your partner, but you need to say,
Speaker 3: this is something I think about all the time, it's
Speaker 3: definitely something I want to try. How can we as
Speaker 3: a couple work it out, or how can we try
Speaker 3: these things together or explore some new sexuality together, because
Speaker 3: there are plan any ways you can do that as
Speaker 3: a couple, you don't have to to say so over,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go and be with other people.
Speaker 2: You can do that as a couple.
Speaker 3: Maybe if he understands more about your relationship and about
Speaker 3: what you want to explore, he might be more open
Speaker 3: to it. But going to him straight away and saying
Speaker 3: let's go into a sex club and have a threesome
Speaker 3: that's zero to one hundred, that is really really overwhelming
Speaker 3: for him.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: When I read that, I was like, Okay, Like, I
Speaker 1: get it, I get the wanting to explore. I was like,
Speaker 1: that's probably a lot for your partner to process, going
Speaker 1: from being like happily monogamous to being like, I want
Speaker 1: to clubs a sex week, which I get it, like
Speaker 1: fucking go for goal, like there's no judgment, like, and
Speaker 1: if he was open to that and receptive to it,
Speaker 1: then that would have been best case scenario. But I
Speaker 1: understand why he has hesitations towards this. I totally agree
Speaker 1: with you, Brier. I think you know what, if you're
Speaker 1: by curious, if you're not sure about your sexuality, and
Speaker 1: you are at the moment in one very specific lane
Speaker 1: and you don't have the opportunity or the option to
Speaker 1: go and explore something that feels innately true to your identity.
Speaker 1: There's a chance that you're gonna end up you know,
Speaker 1: And I hate like this whole stereotype of like people
Speaker 1: who are bisexual cheat because I don't think that that's it.
Speaker 1: But you may end up cheating if you haven't had
Speaker 1: the opportunity to explore something that feels really overwhelming for you,
Speaker 1: like really powerful for you. So I think those very
Speaker 1: honest conversations need to be had. And maybe instead of
Speaker 1: just like being like it has to be all or nothing,
Speaker 1: maybe you can talk to your partner about just spicing
Speaker 1: the relationship up in a way. Maybe it's watching porn,
Speaker 1: girl and girl porn porn totally. Maybe it's getting sex toys.
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe it's a bit more exhibition ast sex.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is that you feel like might bring a
Speaker 1: bit more excitement to your relationship, but also isn't done
Speaker 1: in a way that's going to fully not just scare
Speaker 1: your partner but also make your partner feel a little
Speaker 1: bit like intimidated and inferior in your relationship. There are
Speaker 1: things that you can do to ease into those things too,
Speaker 1: And so recently, for example, lubrication.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, ease on in. Slide on it.
Speaker 3: There are things you can do, like recently, we spoke
Speaker 3: to Sally Hepworth, an amazing author, and she spoke about
Speaker 3: how she was doing some research for a book. If
Speaker 3: you haven't listened to that episode a few weeks ago,
Speaker 3: go back and have a listen.
Speaker 1: She was doing some research for this book. She was
Speaker 1: in a monogamous relationship with her husband, but it was
Speaker 1: like a.
Speaker 2: Very sexy book. So she decided to go to a
Speaker 2: sex party with her husband.
Speaker 3: Now they went and they were never going to engage
Speaker 3: in sex. Because you can go to these parties where
Speaker 3: you were just you're participating in terms of you can
Speaker 3: speak to them, you can have conversations, you can watch
Speaker 3: what's going on, you learn what's going on. It's like
Speaker 3: a real eacher. It's an introduction. It's a real easy
Speaker 3: and there are things like that. You can go to
Speaker 3: sex clubs. We've spoken to people like Shantel Otton before.
Speaker 3: You can go to sex clubs where again you don't
Speaker 3: have sex.
Speaker 2: You can go to clubs.
Speaker 1: This sounds hectic, but you can go to sex clubs
Speaker 1: where you can be almost in a private room and
Speaker 1: you are watching on you are watching another couple have sex.
Speaker 1: Now the other couple know that you're there. It's very consensual.
Speaker 1: They're exhibitionists, they like it. You don't want them to
Speaker 1: know who you are. There are so many things that
Speaker 1: you can do together as a couple to ease into that.
Speaker 1: So maybe you just need to have those conversations. Maybe
Speaker 1: he was just overwhelmed at.
Speaker 3: The start, but there are so many things as a
Speaker 3: couple before you have to end a relationship that you
Speaker 3: can try first. If you bring these things up, like
Speaker 3: Laura said, you can start from smaller things the pawn
Speaker 3: and exhibitionism or anything else.
Speaker 2: Ororism like BRIT's talking about.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's so many little things you can try, Like,
Speaker 3: there's a whole spectrum of things. So I think have
Speaker 3: those conversations first, really convey that these are things that
Speaker 3: are important to you and that you do want to try,
Speaker 3: and you do want to try it with your partner.
Speaker 1: You don't want to up and leave. You want to
Speaker 1: make this work at the end of the day. If
Speaker 1: they're that important, and he's adamant that it's not part
Speaker 1: of his life, unfortunately, you have a really hard decision
Speaker 1: you have to make totally and I agree, Like, I
Speaker 1: think sex is such an important part of a relationship.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean when I say sex is important, I
Speaker 1: don't mean you have to be having sex. But you've
Speaker 1: got to be on the same page when it comes
Speaker 1: to sex, and right now you're not on the same page.
Speaker 1: So I think the more that you talk about it,
Speaker 1: the more that you can work towards getting on that
Speaker 1: same page, will mean that the relationship will work out.
Speaker 1: But right now, if you're feeling like this, and you're
Speaker 1: feeling like this is just such a huge void in
Speaker 1: your relationship, I don't know. I think it's really something
Speaker 1: that you guys have to work on. It's really something
Speaker 1: that I think first it's communication around it and then
Speaker 1: it's actually actioning some of this stuff.
Speaker 3: Wow, I also want to hear what happens in this, Like,
Speaker 3: we really love getting updates from you guys on these questions.
Speaker 1: We love following through and seeing what happens and what
Speaker 1: the end result is. Well, we've been trying to do
Speaker 1: a follow up episode on some of the ask on cuts,
Speaker 1: but y'all don't tell us. You take the advice and run,
Speaker 1: So we'd love it if you came back and told
Speaker 1: us just how everything worked out, whether it was a
Speaker 1: positive outcome a negative outcome, whether you.
Speaker 2: Implemented the advice, I don't know. We're here just.
Speaker 1: Being your big sisters, living through all the life experience
Speaker 1: we have.
Speaker 2: I want to live through your sex comm sperience. That
Speaker 2: is it from us today. We hope you liked the episode.
Speaker 2: If you did, please leave a review.
Speaker 3: If you have not subscribed, subscribe hit five stars.
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