WEBVTT - How To Turn The Tables On A Gaslighter ⛽💡 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:03.840 The Flex and Rooms Daily Podcast. 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:08.280 Hello un Flex and Frooms, coming to you from our 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:13.080 little set. 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:12.720 Our windowless dungeon. 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:15.640 Flex is wearing like meal things that are made out 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:19.160 of Teddy Bear. She's wearing wide legged jeans and a 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:22.400 skivvy style top with lots of earrings and necklaces that 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.600 I believe are going to soon go on sale at 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:27.360 the flex Wab shop is at flexmummy dot com dot 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:29.320 a shopflexmummy dot com. 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:30.000 Stunning. 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.680 I'm wearing crocs with little light up things I've got 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:39.559 with a pair of Pangaea trackies and a Misfit Minds I. 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:42.160 Love this hoodiety supremacy always. 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:46.360 And a cap from a camp Cove Swim, a great 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.760 Sydney brand. We're talking about gas lighting, but kind of 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:51.479 in a fun way, but then it gets a bit serious. 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:54.600 I'm going to tell you how to not avoid being 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:57.480 gas lit, but throw the gas lighting back onto the 0:00:57.480 --> 0:00:59.800 gas lighter. Then I'm going to share a personal story. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:01.200 I'm going to add a trigger warning. 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.400 We talk about eating disorders ever so slightly. 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:06.800 Yeah, nothing too triggering, but the youth of the word fatty, 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.040 Yeah that's true, all right? 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:14.040 For what said twice, maybe even three times let's get 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:14.399 to it. 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:16.200 Flex and Frooms. 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.120 FLEXI, we are talking about Heartbreak High. This week. 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.520 We are on our Heartbreak High set. We've got desks, 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:22.199 we got pens. 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:25.320 We talked about the high school. No heartbreak though missed up. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:26.760 Oh true Heartbreak High. 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.399 My heart wasn't really broken in school, so yeah, I 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:31.560 couldn't speak to that, but I haven't a made the 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:33.800 Arshalt's one of our favorite segments here on the Flex 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.800 and Froom Show. I'm just going to speak it out. 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:38.000 Am I the asshole for auditioning for the role in 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:39.760 the school play that my bestI wants? 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:41.959 Whoa brutal. 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:44.760 This one's from Hannah, my brist friend. Laura and I 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:47.560 are really into drama and performing. Our school has just 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:49.800 announced a new school play and the lead role gets 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.160 awarded a scholarship to a short course at a really 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:53.680 prestigious performing art school. 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:54.600 Holy hell. 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:57.440 Laura has said that the role is basically already hers 0:01:57.480 --> 0:01:59.360 and will be mad if anyone tries to go up 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:01.320 against her for I don't want to fight with her 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:03.760 for it, so I told her I'm auditioning for another role. 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:06.040 I can't help but feel like she's being selfish, so 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:09.040 I secretly auditioned for it without her knowing, and we 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:12.160 find out the results next week. Am I the asshole 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:13.680 for hiding this from her? 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:18.400 Not buss babe, energy babe, go off quine, Yeah, I mean, 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:21.239 do what you want. I love I love a subtle 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:22.600 grass cut, but also. 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:25.400 Playing the fire hunt. 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:28.200 Off the jump. I think it's tricky to dib something 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:31.400 that is not subject to your control. Literally, so like 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.200 the friend that DIBs it just might not be good 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:36.720 enough to get the role anyway, And then, you know, 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:38.560 wouldn't you want it to go to your friend if 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:41.840 it's not you? I get that for sure. I think, though, 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:44.960 if the friend who has dibbsed it this is like 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:48.280 her thing, like she's an actress and she's always liked it, 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:50.680 then it seems fair that you just let her have 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:52.680 this win. I don't believe in the mentality that there 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:55.200 can only be one, but in this instance, like how 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:57.480 badly do you want it? And is it worth sacrificing 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:00.880 the friendship? I'm competitive, but I'm competitive with myself. I 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.079 often don't like to create environments where it's me against 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:07.840 somebody else, unless it's for gags and giggles. In real life, 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.840 I think that if it's not ultimately mine, then it's 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.200 somebody else's. And if I'm putting a weird environment where 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:15.160 it's like, oh it could be yours, it could be there, 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:17.120 you just go ahead to head. It's cool, they can 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:17.400 have it. 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:21.000 You're not gonna stal your records. I think she should 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:22.840 go for it. I think there's no friends in the 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:23.520 drama game. 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:25.000 I applied for. 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:26.280 These ten show business. 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.400 I applied for the Year ten play almost like I 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:30.800 remember getting to the door and me like, I've got 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:32.600 to turn around. This is too embarrassing. I can't do it. 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:35.320 Ended up doing it, got into it. Love drama to 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.640 drama all through school, and it led me to where 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:38.200 I am now. 0:03:38.360 --> 0:03:39.320 It just plain did. 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:41.280 If I didn't go to the Year ten play, I 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.280 might not be here where I am right now in 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:47.000 this heartbreak high set celebrating the show, directed by Graciotto, 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:48.680 with some incredible cast members. 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:49.160 They're great. 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:51.680 But I think I'm correct in this time of the arsehole. 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:53.400 But will let Hannah decide what she wants to do? 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:54.000 Oh yeah? 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:55.680 All I think is that go back to what my 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.160 mum would say, do whatever you want. But if it 0:03:58.200 --> 0:03:58.720 was done to. 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:01.880 You, what would you like, Wow, that's beautiful, It's okay. 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.320 Cool, Maybe don't go for the role. But look, I 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.200 don't know what I want badly enough that my friend 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:09.000 also couldn't play, especially if it's fair game you're auditioning. 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.280 Yeah, that's why she should pull her finger out and 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:12.520 just let her friend go for it. 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:13.800 Flex and frooms. 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:16.360 Look, I'm a big fan of wikiHow dot com. You 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:19.440 Are is a website that provides advice on how to 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:24.040 do very rudimentary things such as kiss, hug, be more confident, 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:27.800 and it's accompanied by illustrations that are definitely very terrifying. 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:29.800 I have found this wiki how, which I think could 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:33.400 be quite interesting for me when I'm communicating with you. 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:35.120 A known gas lighter? 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:37.720 Is it gas light? If you just forget you know 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:40.360 what I'm saying, Like, maybe I remembered it differently. 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:45.120 It's giving manipulative good. Anyway, here is what to do. 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.200 Number one, ignore their tactics. 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.480 We've got to start with what a gas lighter. 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.440 Is, though I'm not sure do you want to find. 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:58.080 A gas lighter is? A gas Lighting is a manipulation 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:02.120 tactic people can use make you question the credibility of 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:05.000 your own reality, so that might be. They could lie 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:07.440 to you consistently, and then you might not believe your 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:11.320 own truth. Or they could make you feel insane about 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:15.120 things that are quite obvious, Like right now, FRUMI is 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.760 wearing a green top. I could say it's more gray. 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:21.320 Don't you think it's actually more all of more gray? Anyway? 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.680 Please tell me how can we flip the tactics back? 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:27.480 Number one, Let a gas lighter's lies go in one 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.919 ear and out the other and out smart them. Also 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:32.840 consider deleting or block in the number so they. 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:33.240 Can't reach you. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:34.560 That's a very strong one. 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:37.239 Step one, okay, shrug walk away. 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:38.240 Number two. 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:41.480 Establish boundaries with them. Draw a line with the gas 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.320 ladder that they can't cross it without consequences. For example, 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:50.400 you may set a boundary that if the gas slatter 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.520 tells you you're too sensitive one more time, you'll end 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:53.280 the relationship. 0:05:54.160 --> 0:06:00.000 Wow goo, threats and ultimatums. Personally, I won't go into it. 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:05.240 I was going, I'm ready to hear it. You're safe here, babe. 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:05.640 Not yet. 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:08.479 Three Collect proof of their behavior. Store some receipts in 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:12.120 a pass code locked file. I use one password the software. 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:12.520 Yeah. 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:15.720 Four, Keep track of the lies they tell in a journal. Again, 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:18.520 a lock journal would be ideal. Five ask them about 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.279 to explain their reasoning, which I don't think that's a 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:23.320 good tactic because there are already one step ahead of you. 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.880 Point out their lives, catch them lying again. You've got 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.280 to be quite strong to do that one. Hide your 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:32.359 emotions now, this one really does interest me. Try not 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:34.720 to focus on who's right and wrong. Instead, concentrate on 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.480 what you felt like when you were being gas lit 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:39.600 and mask that so they can't. 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:43.320 Tell emotional suppression. My therapist would disagree. 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:47.000 Use a calm and even tone when communicating. Now, definitely, 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:50.159 I'll go more shrill and feeling backed into a corner. 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:53.520 I want six octaves up if we're fighting, let's fight. 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:58.240 Get the yeat vibration, avoid falling for their love bombing tactics. 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:01.159 Apparently that's a big thing. Gather ust system and stay 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:02.120 true to yourself. 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.400 Are those steps or just options like are we doing 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:10.520 an insequential order or just considerations how to approach it? 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:10.840 Yeah? 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:14.760 The final two leave the relationship and talk to a therapist, 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.560 which I think is great. Have I been gas lit 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:18.320 in my life? 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:20.880 Yes? Every time I come to work and face with 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:24.080 you as as a setup. 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:26.680 I'm going to think of an example that doesn't incriminate 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:27.440 me or the person that. 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:28.119 I'm talking about. 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.880 But oh, okay, there was a time in my life 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.680 where I was going through some changes coming out of 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:41.400 neat disorder, and I was gaining weight and someone that 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:45.080 I knew would jokingly call me fatty. Like I remember 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:47.080 it was like Christmas time at home, and like I 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:51.840 went to the to the fridge to get more food 0:07:52.040 --> 0:07:54.240 because I eat a lot. Yeah, okay, I'm coming out 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:55.680 of something I'm consuming. 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:57.400 But also you're the kind of person needs food to 0:07:57.480 --> 0:08:01.120 function like most people. But we often talk about how 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:04.280 I often associate food with relaxing. So I'll power through 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.880 the day, stomach ignoring at me and my Baby's not 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.960 time we can relax is seven point thirty, so we'll 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.280 have our big meal. But you need the food to 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:14.800 keep powering on. It's what's fueling you, which is smart 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:15.400 and healthy. 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:17.960 Yeah, I do. I eat at regular intervals. 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:19.640 That's also something you learn when you go through eating 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.240 disorder treatment. You have to well, I have to eat 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:25.120 every three hours. So if someone's like, let's I have 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:28.360 got a lunch at like two pm, too bad? I've 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.880 got to eat before then and then come not hungry. 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:32.800 You know, I'm doing it by the book, and I 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:35.600 quite like that. Anyway, this person would jokingly call me fatty. 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:36.320 It happened once. 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:40.920 Then it happened in another scenario. Again they're completely not 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:42.840 like they know what I've gone through, but they obviously 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:44.040 don't think it's serious. 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:47.240 They don't think what you've been through is serious, but 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:49.880 they've decided this is the perfect time to refer to 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:54.640 you as fatty. Please stop it, please, I want to 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:56.480 go home, so home. 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:58.560 The first time I happened, I had a tourst chat 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:01.280 like an hour later being like, look, you said this thing. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.360 I know it's a joke and I'm going through this thing. 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:04.000 It's not on. 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:04.960 You really can't do it. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:05.880 Don't joke around me. 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.600 And at the time, like I had real bad body dysmorphia, 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.880 so I fully thought that I was in quotation marks 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.000 fat little do you need no. 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:14.680 I was underweight. 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:18.560 Yeah, so the batter was doing brain tricks. And then yeah, 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:20.400 they did it again, and unfortunately I had to end 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:23.440 a relationship. Yeah, a friendship had to go down the. 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:27.120 Toilet, because realistically, it's really frustrating when you have to 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:31.520 be extra emotional for someone to take you seriously, just 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.320 hear it for what it is. Let's just take it 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:37.040 for what it is. I don't have this conversation. You 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.199 don't want to hear it, so let's act accordingly. 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:44.080 Literally, let's throw it out. But yeah, I think definitely 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:44.920 when it comes today. 0:09:45.040 --> 0:09:48.240 When you address it the second time, were they kind 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:50.079 of like, oh, come on, now, you know it's a 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:53.600 joke or oh, what do you mean, like, relax, it's 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:55.520 a bit of fun. How are they approaching it? 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:56.040 Well? 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:57.040 It got quite upset. 0:09:58.120 --> 0:09:59.720 I kind of was like, this is a priority. We 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:01.920 need to sit down at the cafe and explain this 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:05.000 to you. And I had to get more emotional to 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:06.800 try and get them to understand, Like I kind of 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:10.080 went more into detail about how this, how this has 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:12.520 come to be in my reality, why it makes me 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.160 feel this certain way, because I think, especially in disorders, 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:19.200 are so misunders understood, particularly when it's like restriction based 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:22.080 and coming out of that, it's like everybody's gaslighting you 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:24.800 because it's like, oh, look, you're like eating this, you 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.920 must be fine, or da da day, why are you 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:27.319 doing that? 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:28.319 You're eating junk food? 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.800 Like the deal so bitch, I was eating with Donalds 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.000 the whole time. Yeah, shut it, shut up. 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.200 So, yes, I've been gasled in that way. It's kind 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.160 of hard as well when I don't think people necessarily 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:42.520 gaslight in a manipulative or a male adaptive, malicious. 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:42.960 Way all the time. 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.319 Like sometimes I think it's subtle and they don't realize 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:45.959 they're doing the. 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:46.400 Power of it. 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.840 Though. Yeah it's a subtleties, it's. 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:52.319 A subtlety is But yeah, I have gotten over that. 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:55.720 I I have reignited a relationship with that person where friends. 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:59.120 Again very very civil, but unfortunately I had to cut 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:00.840 the tire because I just not in the space to 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:03.440 be able to hold space that person where I was. 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:06.080 Sometimes civil is all you can give though, But to 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:08.480 your point, I think, yeah, sometimes it needs to be 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:11.960 a distinction between when somebody is actively gas lighting you 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.600 and just so happening to be like passively gaslighting you. 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.400 But my thing is the outcome and the impact is 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:22.479 still the same. So unfortunately must painted with broad brushstrokes. 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.559 You've got to go, You've got to goo. So that's 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:29.520 a little lesson. Never call somebody fatty, even if it's 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:29.880 a joke. 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:33.319 Yeah, I had a friend in high school. Her nickname, 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:36.440 her family would call her that, and it was like 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.520 something that she wasn't fat, she was very thin, but 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:41.800 it was very normal in the context of her family structures. 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:43.679 And we all came over as friends. We were like, oh, 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:46.360 this is really odd, and now we notice you have 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:49.640 a really weird relationship with food and eating and hunger. 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.239 Do you not think it's connected? And she's very paranoid 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.840 or not. She's very defensive about it, naturally, because you don't 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:58.800 want to be called out your name for anything in particular, 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.320 but this was layered. It was like, you know, being 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.280 the middle child, you know, wanting to bear the brunt 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.880 of being bullied, essentially because she already felt like an outsider, 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:11.199 et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:15.280 was like, Okay, at this point, it's your email. It's 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:17.640 one thing to just cop it, and it's one thing 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.920 to make it your identity. Okay, you brought it outside 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:24.440 the home and now we're concerned, Oh. 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:25.160 It's too real. 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:29.199 We bucome what we are saying at Sometimes if we 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:30.360 don't call it out one. 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.280 Hundred percent, nip it in the bud. I say, and 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:36.319 that means sometimes you're having the same conversation over and 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.880 over again. But I try not to assume it's gas 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.679 lighting if it's just that someone hasn't come to my understanding. 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.200 When I've understood it, I think I know what you mean. 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.000 So for example, like let's say I'm telling a friend, oh, like, 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.439 you're not really agreeable. Every time I want to do 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:54.280 something fun, you never want to come, but I'm always 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.000 joining you and you want to do fun things. And 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:58.000 she's like, oh, well, you never ask me, And I'm like, yeah, 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.480 because you never want to say yes. Are you gaslighting me? 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:03.839 Or do you just not notice? It's tricky now we 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.120 pay attention. You air it out, You air it out, 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:07.120 get over it. 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.320 This is flex and frooms on KEDA. 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.400 A couple years ago, maybe closer to two years, I 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:18.360 swore off giving advice to people online because sometimes the 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.720 stakes aren't as high as I realized, or they're too high, 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:25.520 and I've overinvested or underinvested, and it's just a lot 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.800 of literal emotional labor for me to carry. I'm just 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.120 one woman. I can't do it on my umble woman. 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:33.599 But if you catch me at the right time and 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.320 the request isn't too demanding. 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:35.920 I just might. 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:39.920 Literally seconds ago somebody sent me a DM which I 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:43.000 just happened to open, and it's more so for through me, 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:46.920 so I'm happy to pass on that labor. They've said, flex, 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.480 I have a topic you need to discuss with frooms. 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:52.960 I've reached out and asked for advice on my stories 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:56.679 because I never seem to properly portion dry pasta, so 0:13:56.800 --> 0:13:59.040 when I cook, I always end up cooking the whole 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:02.559 bag and having so much left over. I'm there with you, 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:05.959 So anyway about twenty people or message me saying do 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:10.040 the whole bag and move on. Oh and my issue 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:11.959 with the whole bag is that I don't eat pasta 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.439 for three days. Then I posted to my stories. I 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:16.880 hope all the whole bag people out there don't have 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:19.960 the same chaotic energy in their lives, and a lot 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:23.240 of people said yes. Now I need to know if 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.160 a personality type is related to how we measure pasta 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:28.680 or is it just a lack of skill so a 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:32.680 whole bag is easier. Please let me know, because now 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:36.880 I'm bothered by how many whole bag people are out 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:38.040 there through me? 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.000 What do you think? Wow? 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:42.640 In the previous life, I would have said use the 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.120 portion that is said on the packet. So if it's 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.520 like a thing of spaghetti, it says serve six, get 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:51.800 sixth amount. But I don't actually believe in portion sizes. 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:53.360 I think sometimes you have to go with your gut 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:56.080 and your emotional feeling. If that is eating half about 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.680 half a bag of pasta. I'm gonna eat half a 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:01.160 bag of pasta. That means putting the whole thing in. 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:03.160 I'm probably gonna eat every single pasta. 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:04.440 Sometimes we need to do that. 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:06.920 But I agree, if you're going to make a sauce 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.280 that's like serve six people, then use the whole pasta. Personally, 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:13.440 I don't mind eating pasta all week. It's very cost efficient. 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:15.640 But if she wants to use the whole portion thing, 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:17.520 I do know a trick, and that is to use 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.600 the colander that you use you get like past out 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:21.680 with and you put it in the middle. 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:23.720 Can't remember how that works? 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:24.880 Yeah, what's the trick? 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.320 That's like the right the pasta colander, that's like how 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:30.520 much past you should use. 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.280 But I think if you're questioning, just go with your gut. Hunh. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:38.960 I personally do not believe in cooking. But number two, 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.040 I have never in my time of cooking pasta been 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.240 a whole bagger because I too don't want to eat 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.000 leftovers or three days worth of a meal. I just 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:48.880 don't know what I'll feel like the next day, and 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.000 then you have did you know? 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:52.520 Also part of it it's not time for you. 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:53.840 It's not time for you. 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.000 It is a really important fact, okay, go The amount 0:15:57.000 --> 0:16:00.280 of leftovers that Australia makes every year could fit in 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:02.640 the MCG ten times over. So it's good that you're 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:04.240 not having leftovers and throwing them out. 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:08.280 Its sustainable, Queen. I do also struggle with the portion thing, 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.080 because I always think you need less pasta than your 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:14.560 eyes tell you. Probly, so your eyes tell you, oh 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.000 you like fiell the little pot up till it's about halfway, 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:19.760 and then you have too much, of course, So what 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:23.080 I would then do is say I'm allowed to cook 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.280 more sauce than I need because that'll last. Okay, I 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:27.960 can go back to that in a week's time. But 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:32.040 the raw pasta, that's not keeping a night. So I 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.920 do a handful or two, and then what I have 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:36.880 is what I have, And if I'm desperate, I'll make 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:39.240 some more. But the reason why people are whole baggers 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.400 because they don't have the skill to be portion people, 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.640 the skill, all the tools, and that's no shade. 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:46.960 That's really sad. I'm glad we gave her to optionally sad. 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:48.360 She can choose what she wants. 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:49.960 That's a pleasure, women of the people. 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:51.720 This is flex and frooms. 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.400 We're currently trialing what it feels like to have non 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:56.520 monotone voices. 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.000 I believe when you become a woman things are expected 0:16:59.040 --> 0:16:59.280 of it. 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:02.040 Monotony and cackling. 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:03.320 You have a lobotomy. 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:08.800 Okay, I got this message just ten minutes ago. This 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:10.320 person says, I don't know if this is something you 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:12.680 may have covered before, but can I please ask this 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:16.200 favor of you? Hected to receive. I was probably gonna 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.440 screen it, but it was fairly easy for me to 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:22.320 help out. Then they said, embarrassing early send sorry because 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:25.920