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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers. Now I'm doctor Justin

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Speaker 1: Coulson and again today I'm joined by Luken Suzi, husband

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Speaker 1: and wife radio team with three young boys. And today

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Speaker 1: because of all the questions, and we have been getting

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Speaker 1: a lot, We've been getting a lot of questions about

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Speaker 1: dealing with so many COVID related challenges. I know some

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Speaker 1: people are like, you know, my ears are bleeding every

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Speaker 1: time we talk about COVID. But we've decided that this

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Speaker 1: is the reality, this is what we're dealing with. So

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Speaker 1: we're doing a rapid fire Q and A.

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Speaker 2: Let's get into our quick fire question time justin we'll

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Speaker 2: get through as many of these as we can. Natasha

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Speaker 2: has asked how to keep teenagers engaged in family stuff

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Speaker 2: when they just want to hide in their rooms. I

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Speaker 2: have two teenage girls age thirteen and fifteen, and they

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Speaker 2: can be mean to the younger brothers who are ten

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Speaker 2: and eleven. What are your thoughts?

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Speaker 1: I think Natasha's asking two questions. Number one, how do

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Speaker 1: I stop the big kids being mean to the little kids?

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Speaker 1: And number two, how do I get the big kids

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Speaker 1: to come a part of our family. So let's talk

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Speaker 1: about big kids being part of the family. First. We

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Speaker 1: are rapid fire, so I'm going to go real quick

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Speaker 1: on this. Our children are caught up, especially our older children,

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Speaker 1: they're really caught up in school, and school is draining.

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Speaker 1: While ever we're doing it via Zoom or you know,

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Speaker 1: Microsoft teams or Google hangouts or whatever the you know,

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Speaker 1: Google class, whatever the tech is. It's just exhausting and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't have that wonderful flow of a typical school

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Speaker 1: day where you show up, you see your friends, you

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Speaker 1: engage with the teacher, you hear some content, and you're

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Speaker 1: going to do some work, and then you know, there's

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Speaker 1: the back and forth. When it's all online, it's draining.

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Speaker 1: It's exhausting, and you want to be in a place

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Speaker 1: where it's at least quiet enough that you're not going

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Speaker 1: to be distracted and disfocused. Once it's all done, though,

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Speaker 1: it can be really hard to want to go and

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Speaker 1: sit down with the parents and you're never getting any space.

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Speaker 1: I think that what's really going on is teenagers are saying,

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Speaker 1: we just want our own space, we just want a

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Speaker 1: little bit of downtime, and as parents, we've got to

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Speaker 1: find ways that we can facilitate their downtime while also

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Speaker 1: having them engaged in family time. The very short version

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Speaker 1: is that I would dive into a brief conversation around

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Speaker 1: those three ease of effective discipline that I talk about

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Speaker 1: all the time. Explore, Explain, Empower, Explore, have noticed that

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Speaker 1: you're really struggling to spend time with the family. What's

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Speaker 1: going on? You're really hanging out in your room a lot? Explain,

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Speaker 1: we miss you, We'd love to have you near us

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Speaker 1: from time to time. Empower What times do you think

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Speaker 1: would be good for you to be with us? And

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Speaker 1: what times do you think you really need to just

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Speaker 1: have your own space?

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Speaker 2: Beautiful? Awesome?

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Speaker 3: All right, let's get the big girls to be kinder

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Speaker 3: to the little boys. What are your thoughts?

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Speaker 1: I think that that's a really tough game. But again,

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Speaker 1: what we're trying to do is we want our big

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Speaker 1: kids to have empathy for our little kids and vice versa.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the reality is sometimes the little kids can

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Speaker 1: be just so frustrating. My sense, though, is if we

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Speaker 1: say to the big kids, have you noticed how your

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Speaker 1: little siblings react when this happens? How do you think

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Speaker 1: you'd feel if somebody that you looked up to was

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Speaker 1: doing that to you? What would be a better way

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Speaker 1: to respond? We want to build some empathy into the conversation.

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Speaker 1: Don't do it in the moment because they're going to

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Speaker 1: be really defensive, But a little later, maybe during the evening,

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Speaker 1: still in the edge of the bed, and say, I've

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Speaker 1: noticed that your brother was crying today and when I

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Speaker 1: asked why, he felt like you'd been mean to him. Now,

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Speaker 1: the big kid's going to say, you know, that's because

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. And you can say, I know,

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Speaker 1: it's really frustrating having the little kids around so much,

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Speaker 1: isn't it? Yeah? It is, Well, what do you think

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Speaker 1: we can do too? And then really empower them and

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Speaker 1: work on solutions together. Ultimately, as the parent, you're not

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Speaker 1: there to be the fixer. You're there to be the facilitator.

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Speaker 1: And if you can ask good questions and help them

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Speaker 1: to come up with good solutions themselves, your work is

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Speaker 1: halved because they've actually got good answers inside themselves.

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Speaker 2: I love it, all right, quickfire, So we're going to

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Speaker 2: get to the next couple of questions. Justin Melanie, do

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Speaker 2: you think everyone will continue family walks and bike rides

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Speaker 2: after COVID nineteen or will we all get too busy

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Speaker 2: to do it again?

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Speaker 1: Let me gaze into my crystal ball. It's been really

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Speaker 1: nice walking around my neighborhood and seeing so many people

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Speaker 1: out and about with their families on bike rides and

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Speaker 1: on walks. I hope it continues. Everyone I talk to,

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Speaker 1: not everyone. Most people that I talk to are saying,

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Speaker 1: we really hope that we don't have to go to

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Speaker 1: the office every day from now on. We've been able

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Speaker 1: to demonstrate that we can actually work from home from

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Speaker 1: time to time. The most common response that I've had

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Speaker 1: on my Facebook page from parents when I've said what's

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Speaker 1: the biggest learning you've had from this is it's so

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Speaker 1: nice to slow down. So I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: can give a definitive answer, but I can share my

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Speaker 1: hope that families will take that learning and take the

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Speaker 1: good that the pandemic has created in our families and

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Speaker 1: slow down and have that family time. Because I get

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Speaker 1: a sense from Melanie that she kind of likes it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we all kind of like it, and I think

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Speaker 2: it's something that we'd like to think we stick with.

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Speaker 2: Chances are we're probably a bit more cynical about human nature. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: as to how we get busy and get back into it.

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Speaker 2: But let's just hope it. Stuff of this sticks around,

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Speaker 2: all right?

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Speaker 3: Our last Strafford fire question for you. You've done amazingly well.

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Speaker 3: Can I just say justink? But this last one, I

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Speaker 3: wish you the very best of luck. Why is it

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Speaker 3: kids can down a happy meal in five minutes flat

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Speaker 3: but take an hour to eat a proper dinner.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's easy. They like the happy meal.

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Speaker 3: I think there might be more of the question, our

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Speaker 3: children to eat their proper meal?

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Speaker 1: You want the Yeah? Okay, So I actually wrote a book,

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Speaker 1: a little ebook, a couple of years ago. It's available

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Speaker 1: on my website. I promise this hasn't been staged. But

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Speaker 1: it's called Eat Right Without a Fight. It's essentially to

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Speaker 1: help us with younger kids and to help them to

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Speaker 1: make what I would call healthy, consistently healthy food choices.

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Speaker 1: It's a really tough one, but in a nutshell, what

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Speaker 1: I'd be recommending is give the kids some buy in.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes getting them to help prepare the meal is fine,

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Speaker 1: although that doesn't always work. Make sure that there's always

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Speaker 1: a few things on the plate that they will eat,

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Speaker 1: and introduce them to new foods, let them know that

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Speaker 1: they've just got to eat two or three bites. They

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Speaker 1: don't have to eat the whole meal. There's no pressure.

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Speaker 1: What happens is we become familiar with certain things, we

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Speaker 1: really like certain things, and kids learn very quickly that

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Speaker 1: if they kick up enough of a fuss that they

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Speaker 1: don't actually have to eat the meal that's in front

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Speaker 1: of the mum or dad, we'll get up and go

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Speaker 1: to the fridge and pull something else and say, here,

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Speaker 1: eat this, stop your inging. You know, we're in charge

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Speaker 1: of what our kids eat. We are the I call

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Speaker 1: it the there's something or other of the pantry. We

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Speaker 1: are that thing of the pantry where the keeper of

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Speaker 1: the keys to the pantry. There we go. I know,

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Speaker 1: I get there eventually. And what we're trying to do

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Speaker 1: with our children is make sure that they've got healthy

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Speaker 1: food alternatives. When they're hungry, they will eat. We'll always

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Speaker 1: gravitate to the sugary stuff or the fatty stuff, whether

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Speaker 1: we're two or fifty two. That stuff just kind of

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Speaker 1: it's more appealing to our taste buds because that's how

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Speaker 1: we're designed. But if we can make sure that on

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Speaker 1: their plate. There's a couple of things that they will

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Speaker 1: eat that are suitable food choices, and there's a couple

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Speaker 1: of things that they're probably going to be a little

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Speaker 1: bit tentative around eating. And then we just put the

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Speaker 1: food on the plate and that's what they eat. If

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Speaker 1: they're hungry, they can always come back and eat a

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Speaker 1: little bit more later on. I mean, I've got six kids.

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Speaker 1: We've been going through this. It's hell. With our last

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Speaker 1: two kids, they complain about everything we put on the

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Speaker 1: dining and I know I'm supposed to be doing this quickly,

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Speaker 1: but this is a bit of therapy for me as well.

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Speaker 3: We'll help you can.

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Speaker 1: Offer, yeah, Well, what we found is we just we

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Speaker 1: serve up the food and if they complain, we say, ah,

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Speaker 1: it's so frustrating when we give you food that you

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Speaker 1: don't like and we don't try to fix it. We

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Speaker 1: just let them know that we get that it's frustrating.

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Speaker 1: Like literally, that's what we say. Don't you just wish

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Speaker 1: that we could give you hot chips every night? And

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Speaker 1: they say yes, And we say I know that would

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Speaker 1: be awesome, wouldn't it And they say yes, and we say, hmm,

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Speaker 1: this spinach is good and they hate it. But what

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Speaker 1: happens is we say, just you know, you can have

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Speaker 1: a couple of bites, so you can have none. It's

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Speaker 1: up to you. But this is what we're having for

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Speaker 1: dinner tonight. And that's that's kind of it. Now, we're

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Speaker 1: not abusing our children. We're not neglecting our children. Our

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Speaker 1: children have loads and loads of food options. If they

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Speaker 1: choose not to eat them, that's okay. They'll be hungry

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Speaker 1: tomorrow morning, and that's when they can have a healthy breakfast.

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Speaker 1: And if they don't want to have their healthy breakfast,

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Speaker 1: that's okay. They'll be hungry for lunch. And usually what

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Speaker 1: you find is that after two or three days of

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Speaker 1: them being fussy, they're no longer fussy. They'll eat pretty

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Speaker 1: much whatever you put in front of them. I'm not

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Speaker 1: suggesting you starve your kids for three days. What I'm

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Speaker 1: suggesting is put stuff on every single plate that they

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Speaker 1: will eat, and then encourage them to try new things.

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Speaker 1: Because the more they try those new things, the more

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Speaker 1: comfortable they become with those flavors, and over time they

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Speaker 1: actually start to eat food that they didn't. But this

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Speaker 1: can be a month's long process, and we just need

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Speaker 1: to be patient.

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Speaker 2: Wonderful advice. He's always full of the wonderful answers, even

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Speaker 2: if he's not full of the keeper of the keys

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Speaker 2: to the entry statements a bit didn't. I yeah, great

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Speaker 2: when you take your time, you are great when we're

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Speaker 2: rapid fire. Thank you so much for answering the questions.

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Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed the podcast or found it helpful, please

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Speaker 1: dive into the Apple Podcasts app and leave a rating

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Speaker 1: and a review. The ratings are great. That helps people

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Speaker 1: to see the podcast, but it's the reviews that really

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Speaker 1: help people to understand how helpful the podcast can be.

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Speaker 1: Pink book Love said it's a great podcast by doctor

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Speaker 1: Justin Course and I highly recommend it for anyone reassessing

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Speaker 1: the way they parent their children and looking for guidance

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Speaker 1: and genuinely good ideas to help. Thank you so much,

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Speaker 1: pickbook Love. I really appreciate you doing that. If you'd

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Speaker 1: like more info on how I can help, please visit

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Speaker 1: happyfamilies dot com dot au or head over to my

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Speaker 1: Facebook page, where there's all sorts of offers and a

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Speaker 1: whole lot of other bits and pieces to help make

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Speaker 1: your family happier. That's doctor Justin Coulson's happy famis