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Speaker 1: As the kids head back to school, parents, here's a question,

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Speaker 1: are you all ready.

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Speaker 2: To boost your little ones reading skills?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, as that sounds like it's in the

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Speaker 3: too hard basket.

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Speaker 1: Check it out now and make this school year their

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Speaker 1: best one yet.

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Speaker 1: Fantastic news, Matt, The summer holidays are coming to an

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Speaker 1: end very soon finally, and before we know it, we'll

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Speaker 1: be back packing lunches and dropping those kids.

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Speaker 4: Off bye for some sweet relief. As they returned to

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Speaker 4: the classroom.

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Speaker 3: I've got to pack lunches for two little ones. I've

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Speaker 3: got Marley and Lola.

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Speaker 4: I've been doing that all last year.

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Speaker 3: You got to bring her lunch.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I've got to pack her lunch.

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Speaker 3: You're an idiot for booking a daycare that you have

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Speaker 3: to bring their lunch. That's your first mistake, dude.

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Speaker 2: It's like free. It's a free daycare.

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Speaker 3: Okay, what's a competition.

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Speaker 4: Well, and this year she goes three days, so that's

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Speaker 4: three lunches.

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Speaker 3: Little Lola. We're not going to have daddy daughter days

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Speaker 3: on Thursdays anymore. She is about to start KINDI for

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Speaker 3: the first time, and she is full of emotions. She's

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Speaker 3: a little bit nervous, as she's told me, she's very

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Speaker 3: excited at the same time because she's now going to

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Speaker 3: be a big kid. But it's really tricky as parent

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Speaker 3: to know how we can best navigate through this journey

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Speaker 3: to this big transition for them.

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Speaker 1: Good news is we bought our favorite parenting educator, Jen

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Speaker 1: Muer the Oracle.

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Speaker 3: The Oracle.

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Speaker 1: She's back back to give us some tips and how

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Speaker 1: to give our kids the best start to the year

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Speaker 1: and what not to do.

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Speaker 2: When things go pear shaped.

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Speaker 3: Plus, she has some amazing hacks that'll keep you laughing

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Speaker 3: with your kids all the way to the gate, including

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Speaker 3: the magic word that can turn any frown upside down.

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Speaker 2: Yes, the I Wonder trick, and I wondered if it worked.

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Speaker 4: I've used it.

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Speaker 3: I wonder if you'll enjoy this episode. Have a listen.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.

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Speaker 3: She's returned.

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Speaker 5: But my name is Mattie Jay.

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Speaker 3: It is great to have you back.

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Speaker 5: I'm excited to be here and I just.

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Speaker 2: Say thank you, yes from both of these, thank you,

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Speaker 2: very thank you.

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Speaker 3: And we are of course doing a back to school special,

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Speaker 3: which for me is very important because my little Lolla,

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Speaker 3: my little Lola is starting school. I'm nervous.

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Speaker 5: Is there a mix of emotions?

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Speaker 3: Yeah. When we talked about a little while ago, she

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Speaker 3: had a graduation from daycare, and I didn't think second

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Speaker 3: time round I would get as emotional as I did

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Speaker 3: with Marley. But just as much. Yeah, Yeah, I can't

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Speaker 3: believe it. And I think the reason why I'm more

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Speaker 3: nervous about Lola is because we were very safe, cautious

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Speaker 3: with Marley. We were held her back for another year.

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Speaker 3: So she was pretty old by the time she started school,

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Speaker 3: and so it was just it was a breeze for her.

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Speaker 3: The orientation days we have those little sessions, we hand

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Speaker 3: them over. She was like, can you not I can

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Speaker 3: hold my hand?

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Speaker 4: Remember that? Actually?

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Speaker 3: Yea, You're like you can leave now? And I was.

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Speaker 3: I was there trying to make it as an easy

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Speaker 3: transition as possible.

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Speaker 5: And she was just like, I got here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she was good.

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Speaker 4: You were like trying to make it easy for you.

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Speaker 3: I was there crying in the car and she was

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Speaker 3: just like, I can hear.

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Speaker 5: For Lola.

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Speaker 3: We had that real question of yeah, should we send

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Speaker 3: her or should we hold her back for another year?

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Speaker 3: And then we've decided, and then you.

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Speaker 5: Had a third baby and you're like, they're.

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Speaker 4: All going together. They make the right age.

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Speaker 3: And my dog as well as like, what am I

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Speaker 3: doing here? I would love to know from your perspective,

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Speaker 3: how can I make this transition for Lola as easy

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Speaker 3: and as seamless as possible.

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Speaker 5: So there's a few things we can definitely do in

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Speaker 5: the lead up, but also in those early weeks. One

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Speaker 5: of the biggest things is practicing the basics and talking

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Speaker 5: as much as possible about the real practicalities of it,

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Speaker 5: and what I mean by practice The basics is make

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Speaker 5: sure that she can open and close her lunchbox. Like

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Speaker 5: that sounds so simple, but if you are a little

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Speaker 5: four or five year old and you're in this enormous

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Speaker 5: playground adjusting to a million things, regulating emotions, learning all

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Speaker 5: the new rules, and where the toilets are, and you

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Speaker 5: can't open your lunchbox.

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Speaker 4: Pull them up.

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Speaker 3: But you know, you think about a couple of tupperwork

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Speaker 3: containers and I'm like, even I can't open that one.

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Speaker 5: But you know, if you're going to send a packet

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Speaker 5: of rice wheels, can I open them? Can I use

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Speaker 5: their drink bottle? Can they get a jumper off? Right? So,

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Speaker 5: actually those basics are really important. And then the second

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Speaker 5: thing is have you done any orientation sessions at the

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Speaker 5: school or any ofthing?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and we've had it's been a real mixed bag.

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Speaker 3: The first one she was super excited and she was

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Speaker 3: really pumped. And then the last one that we had,

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Speaker 3: I don't know what happened. She just in the morning

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Speaker 3: she had really big emotions. She got really upset over

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Speaker 3: her porridge. She didn't have a school jumper that she

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Speaker 3: was flipped out about, and so I was kind of like,

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Speaker 3: knowing what you told us previously, I was like, it's

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Speaker 3: not about the porrood, It's not about the jumper. She's

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Speaker 3: just using these little moments to express her emotions. And

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Speaker 3: then when I handed her over to her buddy and

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Speaker 3: then for that orientation parents leave, we'd come back in

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Speaker 3: a couple of hours. She was locked onto my leg

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Speaker 3: and she was like, Daddy, I want you to stay

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Speaker 3: you like, and I was like, no, it's going to

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Speaker 3: be fine, You're going to enjoy this. And I was like,

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Speaker 3: how much do I need to say you're going to

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Speaker 3: be fine and be a bit firm, and how much

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Speaker 3: do I need to like give her that one more

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Speaker 3: big hug? She was struggling.

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Speaker 5: It's the ultimate question, isn't it. Like I think there

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Speaker 5: is a line with that. So for parents going through this,

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Speaker 5: and it sort of weaves into separation, anxiety, and lots

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Speaker 5: and lots of kids once they start KINDI often they

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Speaker 5: skip in on the first day. They are pumped, and

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Speaker 5: we often make that mistake of like, it's going to

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Speaker 5: be amazing, you have the best time. We basically describe,

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Speaker 5: you know, Luna Parkise you promise from the world and

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Speaker 5: hand them out and then they get lined up and

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Speaker 5: sat down and taught to read, and they're like, that's.

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Speaker 4: Sack one line.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, where's the roller coaster.

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Speaker 5: So again, in terms of those pre tips, don't promise

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Speaker 5: it's going to be amazing. You go, there'll be some.

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Speaker 4: I feel so bad now.

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Speaker 5: So we step it back and we go, school's going

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Speaker 5: to be great, and you're going to make new friends.

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Speaker 5: And also you'll do some work, and there'll be some

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Speaker 5: bits that are boring and some bits that are interesting,

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Speaker 5: and some bits will be noisy in the playground. And

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Speaker 5: you know, I think if we make space for like,

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Speaker 5: however our kid experience is that that can help in

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Speaker 5: terms of that separation. You know, you're describing something I'm

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Speaker 5: so familiar with. I have a child that is, you know,

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Speaker 5: sometimes struggles to let go or to do something that

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Speaker 5: might require a bit of bravery. And the biggest thing

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Speaker 5: I'd say is there is a whole space for preparation

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Speaker 5: in advance. So when I say that, I'm talking four

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Speaker 5: pm the day before an orientation or a school day

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Speaker 5: or a thing that's happening for anyone listening. We want

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Speaker 5: to start talking then, So tomorrow is a school day,

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Speaker 5: and I know that sometimes when I drop you off

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Speaker 5: at the gate, it's really hard to say goodbye. And

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Speaker 5: I want you to know that makes sense because I

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Speaker 5: get that you don't want to say goodbye. She's four,

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Speaker 5: she's five. It is hard to say goodbye to her

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Speaker 5: safe face, you know, one of her primary caregivers. She's

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Speaker 5: meant to show that. Not all kids do, and that's

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Speaker 5: okay too, But her showing that is so healthy and

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Speaker 5: so normal. But how do we help her with it

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Speaker 5: or ease it in the moment. The prep I think

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Speaker 5: we do all the naming emotions is always in advance,

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Speaker 5: and I love the day before because our kids get

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Speaker 5: a chance to practice the emotion of it's really hard

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Speaker 5: to say goodbye to my dad or my mum at

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Speaker 5: the gate. That feels really hard, But we're practicing it

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Speaker 5: outside of the moment. Now, outside of the moment, her

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Speaker 5: thinking brain's online, so she actually here your tips and

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Speaker 5: you're kind of bet these will be the good bits

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Speaker 5: and all of that. And what we can do in

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Speaker 5: that kind of practice is we can be really practical.

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Speaker 5: What can we do to make it a little bit

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Speaker 5: easier when we say goodbye tomorrow. So with my youngest son,

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Speaker 5: when he started KINDI, he was exactly that. I had

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Speaker 5: a great first day, and then we had two weeks

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Speaker 5: of like clinging to the dry cleaning Is it the

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Speaker 5: a dry cleaning handle?

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Speaker 2: And yeah, it's the brace yourself through.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I was as shurmed it was the dress hanging handle.

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Speaker 5: But anyway, he's clinging to that like an octopus, you know,

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Speaker 5: like you're pulling him out of the car. Everybody watching

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Speaker 5: going don't share. The parent educator doesn't very well, and

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Speaker 5: he was really struggling and I had to hand him

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Speaker 5: kicking and screaming to educators a few times, and I

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Speaker 5: did my own advice. So I took him home. I

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Speaker 5: got out a little whiteboard and I actually drew you know,

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Speaker 5: sad face when I drop you at school. It makes

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Speaker 5: you feel really sad. It's really hard to say goodbye

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Speaker 5: to mum. And my child had a bit of a

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Speaker 5: language delay, so the drawing really helped with that. And

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Speaker 5: then I said, I wonder. I love the concept of

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Speaker 5: wonder because it's really opens kids up without pressure to like,

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Speaker 5: instead of just be different, we're wondering, what could we

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Speaker 5: do to make a little bit easier tomorrow. And he said,

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Speaker 5: if we could bring along my favorite Sonic toy you

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Speaker 5: love Sonic, the Hedgehog, and I will hold it all

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Speaker 5: the way to the gate and then I will hand

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Speaker 5: it to you. And he was very specific, you need

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Speaker 5: to go and put it in my bed and then

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Speaker 5: when I come home it will be waiting for me

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Speaker 5: in my bed. And kids love these little things because

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Speaker 5: it's that's my safe thing. And then giving you the

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Speaker 5: job of going putting it in bed, I kind of

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Speaker 5: know I'm coming back to that. You know, it doesn't

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Speaker 5: have to make sense. And for other kids that might

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Speaker 5: be we could draw a little heart on my wrist

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Speaker 5: and heart on your wrist and or press my heart

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Speaker 5: when we're apart and think of you. Or for other

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Speaker 5: kids it might be we could have a secret handshake

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Speaker 5: at the gate and even when you're struggling, we do

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Speaker 5: our secret handshake and you will know you've got all

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Speaker 5: of you know, Dad's going to be with you while

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Speaker 5: you're there. So we're trying to create connection or create

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Speaker 5: an object or a transition kind of support.

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Speaker 3: And Laura, it was pretty good. Laura with Marley gave

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Speaker 3: her a necklace and she loves that. Mum made the necklace.

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Speaker 3: And Laura said, whenever you've missed me, you can hold

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Speaker 3: the little pendant and it will remind you of me.

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Speaker 5: It's like an invisible string that kind of keeps our

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Speaker 5: kids connected to us. And it's that little bit of

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Speaker 5: confidence or that bit of mum or dad to take

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Speaker 5: into that big new world. So it's super powerful.

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Speaker 3: She lost it after a week, but by then she

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Speaker 3: was fine.

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Speaker 5: I made My eldest son was in Kinney. My mum

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Speaker 5: actually made this, but he was struggling and she made

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Speaker 5: a little felt heart and she put it in his pocket.

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Speaker 5: And he's a bit of a sensory kid, and so

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Speaker 5: if he was having a hard time in the playground,

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Speaker 5: he'd put his hand in his pocket and just feel

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Speaker 5: through his felt heart. It was so beautiful. They don't

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Speaker 5: need it forever often these things. So my son with

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Speaker 5: the Sonic, he only needed it for about two weeks.

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Speaker 5: And I mean there's photos of me cruising around the

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Speaker 5: neighborhood with Sonic because I was like, I will do

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Speaker 5: anything because the drop offs are going so well. And

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Speaker 5: within two weeks he was good and he has not

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Speaker 5: looked back. But like I said, I'm so sort of

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Speaker 5: passionate about it, but I think your question and I've

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Speaker 5: gone a bit, but it was really also, at what

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Speaker 5: point do we say, see, yah, you've got this. And

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Speaker 5: there is a real big space for that too. If

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Speaker 5: we've done all that beautiful prayer and we've allowed our

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Speaker 5: child to know we get it, and we've given them

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Speaker 5: a transition object or we've supported the idea of how

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Speaker 5: can we make it easier, I think there is a

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Speaker 5: role for us as parents to also believe in our

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Speaker 5: kids when they can't. If they're going, I can't do this,

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Speaker 5: you can't leave, and we're like, oh, well, then I

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Speaker 5: better not leave because I don't believe in you. Somehow

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Speaker 5: that can make it harder. And so I think there

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Speaker 5: is a role for us as parents to also go

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Speaker 5: and we knew this would be hard, and I know

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Speaker 5: you've got this, and I can't wait to see you

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Speaker 5: after school. I will be right there by that tree.

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Speaker 5: Bye bye now, and you do go. I'm not saying

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Speaker 5: you tear off, but you go with this sense of

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Speaker 5: I know you've got this, and we all know that,

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Speaker 5: and we know that. Often educators will say they settled

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Speaker 5: right away, but I think what we're actually imparting on

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Speaker 5: our kids is a confidence that I believe in you.

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Speaker 5: I know this is scary, and we have to kind

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Speaker 5: of continue to do it. Says they grow.

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Speaker 3: One thing that I've always been told, Yeah, it's just

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Speaker 3: kind of being one of those rules that I've just heard.

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Speaker 3: Always once they start school for that first term, doing

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Speaker 3: anything additional sport, you know, swimming lessons for example. I've

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Speaker 3: always had the idea of, like, I will stop that

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Speaker 3: for first term because I don't want to overload them.

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Speaker 3: Is there anything else first? Is that correct? And is

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Speaker 3: there anything else you can do to better support them

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Speaker 3: once they have started and they have kind of settled in.

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Speaker 5: I think that's really good advice. There are some kids

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Speaker 5: that start school they're like ducks to water, and that

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Speaker 5: kid can start organized sports and everything from the get go,

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Speaker 5: and they can keep up with their swimming. And there

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Speaker 5: are certainly sometimes some high energy boys that you need

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Speaker 5: to keep running or otherwise they run havoc in the classroom.

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Speaker 5: So there are exceptions always, But I got given that

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Speaker 5: advice when my elder started school by the principal, and

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Speaker 5: it was just such good advice. Kids get so tired

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Speaker 5: and I think if you think of it, it's like

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Speaker 5: they're moving to a new country and learning a new

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Speaker 5: language all at once. In that they're learning not just

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Speaker 5: the academics, but the rules and the social nuances and

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Speaker 5: the kind of the bigger kids and the apartners from

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Speaker 5: mom and dad for longer hours or their parents for

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Speaker 5: longer hours, all at once. And it is a lot.

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Speaker 5: And if we can just take some of that stuff out,

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Speaker 5: and what you allow then is more downtime, and you're

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Speaker 5: kind of creating space for some after school meltdowns to

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Speaker 5: happen sooner rather than later. They and those meltdowns play

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Speaker 5: a role because they're getting all this stuff out of hey,

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Speaker 5: all it together all day long and miss yucky stuff

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Speaker 5: just has to come out. And if we can create

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Speaker 5: the space for it, Yeah, I've always.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I've picked up Marley and she's amazing, and then

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Speaker 3: we get home and then she just flips out and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, what are you doing? You just five minutes

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Speaker 3: ago you were skipping out.

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Speaker 4: The school, you were seeing it in the car or sweet.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but don't we do that as grown ups as well,

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Speaker 5: Like you know, we're sort of on in public and

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Speaker 5: we get home and we're.

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Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I cry all the way home.

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Speaker 1: For me, I mean, my youngest is a year away

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Speaker 1: from where Matt is. She's much small. I could not

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Speaker 1: imagine makes you going to school. She's not there obviously,

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Speaker 1: But with my eldest, who's same with Marley, this is

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Speaker 1: the end of his first year and he goes to

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Speaker 1: the same primary school that I went to as a kid,

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Speaker 1: and him going there has brought up a lot for me.

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Speaker 1: And I recall going back to school after a long

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Speaker 1: break and the anxiety for me as a child, it

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Speaker 1: would really show through. I would cry all the way

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Speaker 1: to school. I would cry all day for that period

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Speaker 1: of time. And at the moment, and I'm deviating from

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Speaker 1: the question I was actually going to ask you because

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Speaker 1: this has just hit me in the between the eyes,

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Speaker 1: is that now as an adult, I'm anxious fit Oscar

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Speaker 1: going back after such a long break, even though he

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Speaker 1: is like a duck to what He's loved it so much,

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Speaker 1: And it's more me now when I see him run

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Speaker 1: off down the track to school, I'm the one.

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Speaker 4: I miss him already.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm worried that he's going.

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Speaker 3: To feel the anxiety that I felt.

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Speaker 2: And now I'm anxious about it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And I think as parents is the hardest thing.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 5: Sometimes our kids are struggling with friendships, or they're struggling

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Speaker 5: with separation or you know, whatever it is, and it

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Speaker 5: can bring up stuff for us. And it's something I

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Speaker 5: said to you last time we chatted. But actually one

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Speaker 5: of the biggest things he can do for yourself is say, yeah,

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Speaker 5: that makes sense that I'm feeling that anxiety because I

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Speaker 5: shoun that really hard. And then once we acknowledge that

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Speaker 5: it often, you know, we name it to tame it

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Speaker 5: for ourselves, and then we're able to sort of say, well,

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Speaker 5: what's the kid in front of me neating right now?

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Speaker 5: And sometimes they're not needing anything. Sometimes you'll find that

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Speaker 5: if we can sort of check our own stuff and

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Speaker 5: name that, and we don't want to, you know, for ourselves,

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Speaker 5: you know, just say anxiety comes knocking at the door,

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Speaker 5: as it often does, and what we want to do

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Speaker 5: is hid behind the bed and not let it in. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: but actually if we can sort of open the door

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Speaker 5: and go, okay, you're here, that makes sense. Because my

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Speaker 5: story is that I found that really hard. But this

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Speaker 5: is a different kid in front of me. And he's

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Speaker 5: looking okay, So I'm going to kind of wait till

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Speaker 5: he shows me if he needs something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to shoot on my mum here, but

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Speaker 1: she obviously coming from that parenting style that they had,

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Speaker 1: it was get on with it, you're fine. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I have previously been like that with him with some

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Speaker 1: school stuff and the things that he's nervous about. But

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Speaker 1: for me, I'm really anxious that I wanted.

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Speaker 3: I want him to be able to overcome the situation.

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Speaker 4: I want to be able to validate him and go

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Speaker 4: it's so normal.

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Speaker 5: You don't want him to feel alone with that emotion.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like I did. Yeah, Yeah, and I felt like

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Speaker 4: it was.

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Speaker 2: It was really prominent for me, and then me remembering

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Speaker 2: it now, it's like.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't want to imagine if someone had said

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Speaker 5: to you, yeah, it's really hard going back after a

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Speaker 5: long summer, and that makes sense. And while it wouldn't

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Speaker 5: have changed the anxiety, you wouldn't have been alone with it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I did looking back, I did feel alone

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Speaker 2: with it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, And that's the biggest thing we can do

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Speaker 5: for our kids, right.

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Speaker 3: I remember being at an athletics carnival and I was

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Speaker 3: so incredibly nervous. I must have been about seven or eight,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't want to do the race, and my

400
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Speaker 3: mom was like, you're fucking doing the race, Like shut

401
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Speaker 3: up and line up. There was no question whether or

402
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Speaker 3: I was or wasn't and ended up doing it and

403
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Speaker 3: I was fine and it was it was all right.

404
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Speaker 3: I had that same mentality when with Marley, where there's

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Speaker 3: situations that I'm like, I know you're going to be fine.

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Speaker 3: I know you've got to probably enjoy it even but

407
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Speaker 3: then she pushes back, like dance lessons as an example,

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Speaker 3: somedays she's like, I don't want to do it, and

409
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Speaker 3: I'm like, but you love it and you're going to

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Speaker 3: enjoy it when you're there.

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Speaker 5: But don't we all like our kids say I don't

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Speaker 5: want to go to school or preschool and we go,

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Speaker 5: but you love it at pre school and Johnny's going

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Speaker 5: to be there and a finger painting day and it's

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Speaker 5: going to be amazing.

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Speaker 2: He's going I want to die.

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Speaker 5: And like the biggest lesson I learned, you know, in

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Speaker 5: all of my parenting, and I've said it over and

419
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Speaker 5: over like the magic bullet, and parenting is just letting

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Speaker 5: kids know that we hear them, and I've got the

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Speaker 5: best at it with my youngest, and he'd do all

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Speaker 5: of this, and I'd open the van door and yeah,

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Speaker 5: because I'd drive my bus and I get to eye

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Speaker 5: with him, and I'd open my palms, because if you

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Speaker 5: can open your palms, that is more powerful than anything

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Speaker 5: you can say. And soften your face, right, because your

427
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Speaker 5: body language often betrays you, even when you're saying I

428
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Speaker 5: know it's.

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Speaker 2: Really hard, but am I look at it in the

430
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Speaker 2: mirror like I.

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Speaker 5: Know you haven't a hard time, but your whole body

432
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Speaker 5: is going like so much I do it. If we

433
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Speaker 5: can just stop fighting just for a second, open your

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Speaker 5: arms and go it's really hard to go to school.

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Speaker 5: Some days I get it, and you just pause for

436
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Speaker 5: a second. Nothing happens after that except your child takes

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Speaker 5: a bit of time to process, and then we've got

438
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Speaker 5: a kid that's not alone with that emotion. Now I

439
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 5: am such a fan of then saying it's time to

440
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Speaker 5: go in. Am I holding your hand or do you

441
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 5: want me to carry you? And I will always, I

442
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 5: will always believe in my child. That's how I do it,

443
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 5: as hard as that can be sometimes. But what I

444
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 5: can tell you is whenever I do that or have

445
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 5: done that, the next bit, like I'm not saying, they

446
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 5: skip in and go, oh, thanks for validating my emotions.

447
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 5: To skip in at school, they're still sad, but they're

448
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 5: not as sad because they're not alone with that emotion.

449
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 5: I think it's one of the most powerful things we

450
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:28,920
Speaker 5: can do.

451
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I felt that back back then. I

452
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,159
Speaker 2: was alone in the emotion.

453
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 1: And you know, when I think about me now, I'm fine,

454
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,800
Speaker 1: but thinking about them.

455
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's sad to think you were alone. And if

456
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,719
Speaker 5: we can be with our kids and their feelings just

457
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,919
Speaker 5: thirty percent of the time, we make a huge difference

458
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 5: to them. We don't need to do it all the time.

459
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 5: So that's the other thing I'd say is there are

460
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 5: times where we don't validate. We just get on with it.

461
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,720
Speaker 5: Like your mum said you're going to do the race,

462
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 5: and she didn't validate in that moment because it just

463
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 5: fell right. She knew you could do it. Maybe, And

464
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 5: it's remembering that if just thirty percent of the time

465
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 5: we're able to really be with our kids and their feelings,

466
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 5: we're teaching them that they can come to us when

467
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 5: they're happy and when they're sad and when they're scared,

468
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,399
Speaker 5: and that's the gift if we can do that thirty

469
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 5: percent of the time.

470
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 3: The two fears that I have as a parent when

471
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 3: I think of school is my child not being able

472
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 3: to keep up academically, and that's kind of a bit

473
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,920
Speaker 3: out of my control. But then the second one is bullying.

474
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 3: And Marley was pretty good. She had a couple of

475
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 3: situations where there was two other girls and there was

476
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,119
Speaker 3: the three of them, that there was always one person

477
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 3: on the outer and some days she was in the

478
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 3: mix and she was a favorite. Other times she was

479
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 3: completely pushed out. And I was trying to tell her

480
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 3: that when she was in, don't try and push that

481
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 3: other person out. But I'm sure I felt good for

482
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 3: her in that moment where she was finally being accepted.

483
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 3: But then I still don't really know how to handle

484
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 3: those situations of when she's being bullied, how I should

485
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 3: tell her to react.

486
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, you're going to think I'm a broken record,

487
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 5: but I think one of the most powerful things we

488
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 5: can say when our kids say I got left out

489
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 5: of the group today, which how amazing that she's telling you.

490
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 5: But if we want to say, tell me their names,

491
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:24,479
Speaker 5: I am calling their mothers. Yes, we want to say okay,

492
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 5: well I'm contacting the teacher because that is not okay.

493
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 5: Or we sometimes want to give advice, like you know,

494
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 5: if you you know, just play with other people, You're amazing,

495
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 5: don't even worry about it. You know, you're a great kid.

496
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 5: If we can just pause and go that sounds really tricky,

497
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 5: I would have hated to be the one left out

498
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 5: of the group. And actually, nine times out of ten,

499
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 5: that's all our kids need. Actually, because our kids are

500
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 5: incredible and they've got the solutions to these problems within them.

501
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 5: Often and we say that sounds so hard, and what

502
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 5: we've got is a kid, then that's oh not alone.

503
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 5: You can even add I know what that's like. I

504
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,919
Speaker 5: got left out once, or I got left out today,

505
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 5: Like I know what that's like, And then they know,

506
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 5: you know, and imagine how cool is that. And then

507
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,359
Speaker 5: if they're still struggling, and I've had so many times

508
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 5: this with my kids, then we can say, I wonder

509
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 5: what you think you could do if that happened again tomorrow.

510
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 5: And I know I'm using the word wonder again. It

511
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,439
Speaker 5: is so powerful for our kids, this word because it

512
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 5: opens their creativity and their solutions, and kids actually innately

513
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 5: often have the answers within themselves. The things my kids

514
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 5: have said in those moments, like well I could just

515
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 5: play with someone else. You're like, cool, you great solutions.

516
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 2: You figured it out on their own, right, you know?

517
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 5: So I do think that's ya one of the ways

518
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 5: to do it.

519
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,919
Speaker 3: Jen, We did put the call out to listeners and

520
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,880
Speaker 3: they have come back with a couple of questions. I've

521
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 3: got one here from carin Yep, and I would love

522
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 3: to get your thoughts on it. She says, How can

523
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 3: I best prepare my son who's had an excellent first

524
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 3: year in kindergarten, but now he's about to move house,

525
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 3: move suburbs, move. Any tips on avoiding breaking his little

526
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 3: heart would be much appreciated.

527
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 5: First thing I'd say is it's funny how we're so

528
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 5: worried about our kids' experience in struggle, and I want

529
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 5: to reframe even the breaking his little heart? You know?

530
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 3: Is she projecting too much made No?

531
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:23,360
Speaker 5: I just think she's really wanting to avoid hard stuff, struggle, change,

532
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 5: These things are hard, and yet what a wonderful opportunity

533
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 5: to build resilience. So I'm not going the hard opportunity

534
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 5: of your kids are tough, just you know, send him

535
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 5: out to the mind. What I'm saying is, sometimes, you

536
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 5: know the process of a child adjusting to change, new house,

537
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 5: new school, new sibling, whatever it is. Yes, there will

538
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 5: be hard bits. And yet as we gently sit with

539
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 5: our child alongside them as they do that, we are

540
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 5: preparing them for heartbreak at sixteen and things that happen

541
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 5: in life. Because every time they do that and we

542
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 5: do it with them, they're learning skills. So what I'd

543
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,400
Speaker 5: say is, first of or sometimes hard things will happen

544
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 5: to our kids. And as they continue to grow, you

545
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 5: know that hard things continue to happen. And if we

546
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 5: continue to be able to say, and this is our

547
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 5: opportunity to practice feeling frustrated or mad at our sibling

548
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 5: or left out, this is actually a cool thing, then

549
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 5: I think we can reframe and it's not a bad

550
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 5: thing that your child's about to go through lots of change,

551
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 5: and then from their heaps a prep so little hack

552
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 5: with sort of limited time, go to chat ChiPT, tell

553
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 5: it your child's name, the school they're going to, the

554
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 5: things that are going to change, and say, write me

555
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 5: a social story on how to prepare my son that

556
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 5: I can read at bedtime and read it to a

557
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 5: bedtime and read the story over and over of all

558
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 5: the things that are going to change, and how he'll

559
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 5: make new friends and there might be some hard aspects

560
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 5: of that, but Mummy will always love him and be

561
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 5: with him.

562
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 3: And does it help that child not to be really dumb?

563
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 3: Here for that child to have that reference point of oh,

564
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 3: that's right, Timmy in the story, whether you're the same

565
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 3: thing and you.

566
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,479
Speaker 5: Put your your own child's name in the story, oh

567
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 5: really yeah, because he's going to do all these things.

568
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 5: A social story is our child's story. And I love

569
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 5: the chuch apt and I'll do this whereas once you

570
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 5: had to go to an ote to do it. So

571
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 5: we can just create that really easily, or show him

572
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 5: lots of photos of the new house, take him to

573
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 5: the school. This is where you're going to go. And

574
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 5: what we're trying to do is just sit in that

575
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 5: unknown space. If there will be aspects of this where

576
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 5: you will miss your friends, and that makes sense, and

577
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 5: there will be wonderful new things too, and that will

578
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 5: be great. And here is how we will stay connected

579
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 5: to our old friends. So I would continue to make

580
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 5: some playdates with the old friends, create some playdates with

581
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 5: the new friends, and just you know, you don't know

582
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 5: how he's going to go. But I wouldn't set out

583
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,680
Speaker 5: to assume he's going to have his little heart broken.

584
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 5: I'd say there will be struggle, and struggle is not

585
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 5: necessarily a bad thing.

586
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 3: I feel like I need to write a story for Lola.

587
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, you could do that.

588
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 3: I need to do that.

589
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're very good writer too. By the way, can

590
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 2: you do it on your own? You don't need computers?

591
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 3: Ash, Yes, How did you go with Oscar when it

592
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 3: came time to teaching him how to read? I feel

593
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 3: like you would have been an expert.

594
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:10,239
Speaker 1: Right, Never assume, Matt, because, as we all know, I

595
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 1: have been diagnosed with eddie HD. So sitting down trying

596
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: to concentrate on reading a book myself is hard enough,

597
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: let alone trying to teach young Oscar, who's got a

598
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: sponge brain, learn how to read.

599
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 3: Well, answer this question, how many attempts at teaching him

600
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 3: to read? Was it before you gave up?

601
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 4: Multiple attempts?

602
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: I heavily leaned on April for Oscar's reading ability. However,

603
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: we're a little bit time.

604
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 2: Poor good thing.

605
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: We've stumbled across something which is absolutely amazing, Matthew, which

606
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 1: is ABC reading Eggs.

607
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 3: I look back at the time that I've tried to

608
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 3: do it myself, and I don't know if you could

609
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 3: do the same. But they don't listen to a thing

610
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 3: that I say, so me trying to teach my kids

611
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 3: is just a nightmare. When they found reading Eggs, I

612
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 3: was like, this is the number one parenting hack to

613
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,919
Speaker 3: make learning fun for kids.

614
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 2: It's amazing what they can do in such a short time.

615
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: His reading ability has gone from being able to read

616
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 1: one or two words too.

617
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 4: He can pretty much read a novel.

618
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 3: I reckon ye. Marley's reading it is phenomenal right now.

619
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: And parents are like, how did she do it? And

620
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's all me. I spent hours slaving away

621
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,439
Speaker 3: at the kitchen table with a book in hand, forcing

622
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 3: her how to read, and she's, you know, she's finally

623
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,159
Speaker 3: she's turned a corner. And they're like, does she use

624
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 3: reading Eggs And I'm like, yes.

625
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 1: I've got to be really careful with having my phone

626
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: around Oscar now because he can read my text messages.

627
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 3: I do have one complaint about reading eggs.

628
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:31,400
Speaker 1: Yep.

629
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,680
Speaker 3: Whenever I speak to Laura and I'm like, hey, do

630
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 3: you want an ic B lak Marley's like an ice block. Yeah,

631
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 3: I'd love one. Now chocolate, what are you going to get?

632
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 3: And I'm like, damn you reading.

633
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 1: Eggs, I'm going to learn another language. And Matt with

634
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: the school year about to start again, thank good, nurse.

635
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: You can check out ABC Reading Eggs Today. You head

636
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: to reading Eggs dot com dot au Forward slash two

637
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: d D where we have a thirty day free trial

638
00:28:59,240 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: just for you.

639
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 3: That's right. You can delight you're toddler with fun games

640
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: and activities that build alphabet knowledge and ready to read skills.

641
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 3: It is unbeatable.

642
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 4: I've got one from Johanna.

643
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: She asked, how can I best support my son's emotional

644
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: journey into school? And what questions do we ask to

645
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: get him to tell us about his day at school

646
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: that doesn't lead to one word answers.

647
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, because as a mum for four boys, I can

648
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 5: tell you that what does not work is how is

649
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 5: your day? Who did you play with? What did you

650
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 5: read for lunch?

651
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 4: Sorry, that's just that's me every day. So this applies

652
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 4: to me too.

653
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 5: And you get no one, nothing, fine nothing.

654
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 3: Did you ever go to school?

655
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 4: And I was like, don't you have a memory.

656
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 5: So my tip would be I have a little game

657
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 5: that I play with my kids or an idea that

658
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 5: people can use it. It's called Hi Low Buffalo. So

659
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 5: first of all, when your kid gets in the car,

660
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 5: don't say anything other than good to see you. Shut

661
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 5: up for a bit, Mom and dad number two, feed

662
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 5: your child to hand them a snack. Kids are angry

663
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 5: when they walk out of the school gates and they

664
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 5: need to kind of eat before they can answer. And

665
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 5: then after that you might say, you know, I'm thinking

666
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 5: of you know, is there something that was funny that

667
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 5: happened today? What was the most boring part of today?

668
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 5: I bet there were some boring bits. Kids love telling

669
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 5: you what was boring in their day or what was funny.

670
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 5: Or you can play high low.

671
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: Buffalo, run me through Buffalo.

672
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, highlight Buffalo. So it's the high of your day,

673
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 5: the low of your day, and something you want others

674
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 5: to know. And yet the cards that I designed, there's

675
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 5: seventy five. There's twenty five high cards that actually foster's

676
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 5: gratitude and compassion in kids because actually sometimes we want

677
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 5: to harness what are the things that are going well

678
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 5: at school and the standard? What was good? You won't

679
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 5: get an answer.

680
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 3: Can I pull out one of the kids, let's do it.

681
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can do a high card, you can do

682
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 5: a low card, and I'll do a buffalo.

683
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, go What was the most boring part of

684
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 3: your day today?

685
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 2: Sorry about this podcast?

686
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. Actually, do you know what I said? One

687
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 3: of the most boring parts is one of the most essential.

688
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 3: I had to unpack the dishwasher and then re stack it.

689
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 3: That's when I wake up. That's one of the.

690
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 5: First jobs that I hate the dishwasher.

691
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: It sucks. I mean, it's very important.

692
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think of the dishwasher's feelings match it. Hi,

693
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 1: I had a moment today where I dropped Oscar off

694
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: for school.

695
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, yes? What is sorry? I failed the game?

696
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 4: What is something that made you smile today?

697
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: I had a moment today where I dropped Oscar off

698
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: the same thing that happens every day when I drop

699
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: him off, a hug and then he sort of ran

700
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: off down the school track with excitement and it did

701
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 1: make me smile.

702
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 5: So that is so nice. I love that is If

703
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 5: you were a grown up in this house. What's the

704
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 5: first rule you'd change? Which I love for kids. Obviously

705
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 5: this is designed to sort of connect with kids, but

706
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 5: I love this question because the things they come up with.

707
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 3: Can you remember any answers that you've had from your boys?

708
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 5: I mean often about screens. There'd be no screen rules.

709
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 5: We'd have phones in our bedrooms and we'd be able

710
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 5: to play Nintendo twenty four hours greens everywhere. We would

711
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,719
Speaker 5: never go to school and we would just play video games.

712
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 2: I'm going to play this with my kids.

713
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 3: And how do your boys react to that? Do they

714
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 3: like the actual act of getting a card or are

715
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: you just using it for yourself to prompt the question.

716
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 5: Look, it's both, Like I think the idea can be

717
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 5: used in that you can just sit at the dinner table.

718
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 5: And we sort of went away recently with friends and

719
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 5: we started playing it, and the next thing other people

720
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 5: turned up, and then strangers turned on.

721
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 3: It was a drinking game.

722
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 5: What are you doing? But it's what I love about

723
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 5: it is that anyone any It's such a great action.

724
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 5: My husband got it at a is It all started

725
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 5: at a like a corporate team bonding exercise, and then

726
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 5: he said I think this would be good with the boys.

727
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 5: And we've got you know, one child in particular, is

728
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 5: really slow to warmarn't really quiet. He does not get

729
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 5: a word in like it's a house of extravs and

730
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 5: this child is just like but this allows him to

731
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 5: sometimes he finds it hard, and he's allowed to skip

732
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 5: if he just doesn't feel I don't have a high

733
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 5: or you know, he's allowed to skip. That's fine. But

734
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 5: it allows space for our quieter kids to speak up

735
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 5: as well. And then I think also it just can

736
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 5: just prompt us as parents. I think often we do

737
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 5: we know something's up with our child and we don't

738
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 5: know how to sort of get them going. And I've

739
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 5: just found we do this and the most interesting answers

740
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 5: come out.

741
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 3: There have been situations because my niece and nephew go

742
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 3: to the same school as Marley. And then I'll be like, Marley,

743
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 3: how was school. She goes, yeah, it was good, Okay, great,

744
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 3: And then I speak to my niece and she's like,

745
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 3: I saw Marley. She was crying on the buddy chair,

746
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 3: which is where you start. And I'm like, Marley, did

747
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 3: you did you sit on the buddy chair? Did you

748
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 3: have a little cry today, and she goes, yeah, I did,

749
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 3: and I.

750
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 5: Was like, come on, come on, so try a low

751
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 5: card and see what comes out. But also I think

752
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,839
Speaker 5: kids live in the moment and sometimes like I had

753
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 5: a minute of crying and then I went on the

754
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 5: monkey bus.

755
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I found that because I was only getting

756
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 1: one one word answers like that because Oscar's obviously he's

757
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 1: like a kelpie and he's always talking about sport, and

758
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 1: I just thought, I'm going to ask him what sport

759
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: I did today? And I got just not much more,

760
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: but I got the oh, we played soccer and I

761
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 1: scored three or four goals, and I'm like, okay, well

762
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: I got something from you. But I think this is

763
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: really good, because yeah, I want more than just that.

764
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 2: I'm not getting enough.

765
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 5: Oh, we want more. As parents, my other tip is

766
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 5: if you've got a kid that's the kelpie, go in

767
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 5: with their favorite topic. I like to ease one of

768
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 5: my kids in with just like, which pokemon do you

769
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:56,280
Speaker 5: think has the best powers? Right? And he will talk.

770
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 4: At the moment we were just like, who's you fine driver?

771
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 4: And then you can't shut him up?

772
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:06,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then you just like you just double punch

773
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 5: that much what was the hardest thing that happened?

774
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 3: We will put in the show notes where you can

775
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 3: pick up these cards. I think they're great. I have

776
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 3: one last question here from Sophie, and she wants to

777
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:22,240
Speaker 3: know what do you do for the less extroverted kids

778
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 3: when they don't get put in the same class with

779
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 3: their friends? Yeah, so, what are some strategies for bonding

780
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 3: with other kids when they don't have the confidence like

781
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 3: others have.

782
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think one of the best things we

783
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 5: can do is support them by letting their teacher know

784
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 5: a bit more about them. Like I think sometimes we

785
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,879
Speaker 5: don't want to be the squeaky will but actually saying, look,

786
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 5: this is how my child works a little bit slow

787
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,240
Speaker 5: to warm up. So if you could place some next

788
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 5: to another like minded soul or you know that kind

789
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 5: of thing. So letting the school know and then you

790
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 5: know a bit of advocacy, I think he's great for

791
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 5: our kids. And then also go to your child and

792
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 5: say I want you to go to school today and

793
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 5: the new class and be a friend. Detective. Don't try

794
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 5: and make any friends. Just put your detective hat on

795
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 5: and have a look at who smiles at you when

796
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 5: you smile at them and who looks friendly and who

797
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 5: looks like someone you want to get to know and

798
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 5: come home like a detective and tell me who it

799
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 5: is and we might arrange a playdate there.

800
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 1: It is detective and they're going to love that too.

801
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,359
Speaker 3: It's a game because otherwise you're like, go and make

802
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:25,760
Speaker 3: a friend.

803
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like when my son went to start a

804
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: school with there was there was a group of four

805
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 1: of them and that's my friends. We all had kids

806
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 1: at the same time, so they're really clicky and the

807
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: school did a really good job at separating them in

808
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: a way that helped them grow a little bit. But

809
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,879
Speaker 1: then also Oscar would come back and talk about kids

810
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 1: that he'd just spoken to.

811
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 5: And because sometimes and you've got to trust I mean,

812
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 5: we've had high years and low years and separations with

813
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 5: my boys, and there have been years where you think, oh,

814
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 5: that would have been good if it went different, and

815
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 5: years where you think it won't be good that your

816
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 5: child gets separated, and actually you look back and go,

817
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 5: best sen it happened to them.

818
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like Oscar's met this kid that's literally Oscar and

819
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 1: it's like same interest and then you know, and he

820
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: talks about him all the time, and you're like, yeah,

821
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: that's really cool because he's sort of separated from the

822
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 1: original clique.

823
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, and sometimes they really do meet their little light

824
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 5: minded people. Yes, it's kind of cool.

825
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 3: Gen you are the parenting oracle. If I could, yeah,

826
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 3: shuckle you and keep you downstairs in the basement, would.

827
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: You'd have to share a room with Nana.

828
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 3: It is always a pleasure. Thank you so much. Thank you.

829
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 5: I appreciate I appreciate you having me back on.

830
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: Expect a couple of phone calls from me being like,

831
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, doing this.

832
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,879
Speaker 4: And come back, come back.

833
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 5: We'll just get me back here.

834
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 4: We'll do more if you ever want to come back,

835
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:43,280
Speaker 4: you on more.

836
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 5: Than what I got. I love to guys. I've been

837
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 5: waiting for the.

838
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,479
Speaker 4: Thank you Jack J Matt.

839
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: It's say to say that I cannot wait to drop

840
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: my children off at the front gate of that school.

841
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 3: And when's basic starting next year?

842
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 2: She'll be next year? Yeah, right now, good question.

843
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 3: Carry the one.

844
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 4: She's four at the moment, right, five at the end

845
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 4: of the.

846
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 1: Year, So she'll go next year, and she'll still be

847
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 1: quite young to go because she's got a late birthday

848
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 1: in the year.

849
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 2: I don't want to hold it back another year, even

850
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 2: though she could barely talk.

851
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 3: And Dayca did say to me, They're like, the greatest

852
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 3: gift you can give a child is give them the

853
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:25,720
Speaker 3: next year of daycare.

854
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,879
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'll think about it, and they're

855
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: just like, fill my pockets with money. Please, if you've

856
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please leave a review. Send it to

857
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 1: I don't know, a parent, their kid's about to start

858
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: school for the first time or return to school.

859
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 3: Here's an idea, just a parent, send it. I mean

860
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,800
Speaker 3: it might you might enjoy it. It's so simple.

861
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 4: I wonder what it would be like if you send

862
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 4: it to another parent.

863
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 3: Do you know what we love more than anything for

864
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 3: that is our two gotting Dad's community growing just that

865
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 3: little bit bigger each week, every every day. And the

866
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 3: best way to do that is for you. You're listening

867
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 3: right now, Yeah, yeah, that's right you. If you can

868
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 3: share it with a friend, that is what helps us

869
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,879
Speaker 3: keep going week in, week out.

870
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 1: Or you can join us on social media with two

871
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 1: Downing Dads Instagram, TikTok, the Facebook, and of course.

872
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 3: YouTube for those weekly episodes.

873
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 4: Until then, goodbye bye.

874
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 3: If like me, you've got a little one heading towards

875
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 3: school and you're thinking, I just want to give them

876
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 3: a bit of a head start, and this is one

877
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,959
Speaker 3: of those things that will actually help.

878
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: Yes, ABC Reading Eggs has been huge for us. It's

879
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: turned reading into games, keeps them motivated, and you're not

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Speaker 1: forcing flash cards at the kitchen table.

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00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 3: And it works. After just a few weeks, ninety one

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00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 3: percent of parents notice a real improvement in their kids reading.

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00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 4: That is huge.

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00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 2: That is massive.

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Speaker 1: Fifteen minutes a day, positives, screen time, built Biossi educated,

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00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: It's simple, effective and the kids actually enjoy it.

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00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 3: If you want something that genuinely supports their reading before school.

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00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 1: Head to Reading Eggs dot com dot au forward slash

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00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,720
Speaker 1: two d D for your thirty day free trial.

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Speaker 3: Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

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Speaker 3: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

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Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

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00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

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Speaker 1: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land