1 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,479 Speaker 1: It's their Happy Family's podcast. 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,319 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 2: once answers. 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: Now, two quick points before we dive into today's podcast, Kylie. 5 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: The first one is, I don't know if I've mentioned 6 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 1: this on the podcast before. I've got two sets of 7 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,479 Speaker 1: twin sisters. So there's me, then twin sisters, then my 8 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: little brother, then twin sisters again, and my twin sisters 9 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: A Lisa and Kreen are having their birthday today. So 10 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 1: happy birthday Alisa and Korean friends and loved One's God 11 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: and raise your basson. You're looking at me smiling. Are 12 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: you going to say happy birthdays? 13 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,160 Speaker 2: Well, no, I'm actually I'm just laughing because I've been 14 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 2: preparing for a talk that I'm doing in a couple 15 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 2: of days, and I had acknowledged that before we had 16 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 2: our first baby, I had always had this romanticized notion 17 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 2: that twins would be amazing, Twins in the family wouldn't 18 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: be great, And I figured that because you had twins 19 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 2: is that this might actually be a reality for us. 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 2: And then we had baby. 21 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: Number one, so glad we didn't have twins. I'm so clever. 22 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: Any twin momths, my goodness, don't how you do it. 23 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,479 Speaker 1: But what's point number two? Can you imagine my mum 24 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: having two sets of twin sisters. 25 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 2: Well, I reckon by the time she got to. 26 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: The two sets of twin girls, You know what I mean, 27 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 1: I reckon. 28 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,040 Speaker 2: By the time she got to the second set, she 29 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 2: kind of had a down pad. 30 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: No, no, I can assure you nothing was down pad 31 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: in our house. Second announcement, Abby, our second daughter, after 32 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: being away for eighteen months doing volunteer service work missionary 33 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: work over in the UK, has come home. We picked 34 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: her up last week. Oh my goodness, how awesome is 35 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 1: it to have our baby girl home? 36 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 2: You know, family life is this constant shift. There's ebbs 37 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,319 Speaker 2: and flows, there's constant changing, and there's constant learning and 38 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 2: growth through that process. And I feel like over the 39 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 2: last few months we've kind of been making some changes 40 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 2: to our home so that it will function better for us. 41 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 2: And we had literally just got to a point where 42 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 2: three babies in our house was per effects. 43 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: Everything was working well. Well, we'll get to how well 44 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 1: it was working shortly, but yeah, yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 2: And then and then baby number four. 46 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: Was sorry number two, But I know what you mean, 47 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: A fourth child, really. 48 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 2: Fourth child re enters, and I guess there is a 49 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 2: level of anxiety that goes with change for everyone. Right, 50 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter who the change is about, it doesn't 51 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 2: matter how the change will affect you. There is a 52 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 2: level of anxiety that comes because there are so many 53 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 2: unknowns and so abby coming home. Was anxious about what 54 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 2: it would look like to come back into a family 55 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:38,239 Speaker 2: situation after having lived predominantly independently. 56 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: And overseas for eighteen months. 57 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 2: And we're sitting there going, how do we work a 58 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,640 Speaker 2: big person into our little family. We've still got very 59 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,639 Speaker 2: dependent children at home, and now we've got this big 60 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 2: person who's lived her independent life coming back into the equation. 61 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 2: What does that look like? How does that work? But 62 00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 2: what has been amazing. I have just loved watching the 63 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:07,279 Speaker 2: joy that has filled our home with this beautiful reunion 64 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 2: and all of that anx went out the window, literally 65 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,679 Speaker 2: in a heartbeat. 66 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: She went away a teenage girl. Really, I mean she 67 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: was in the late teens, early twenties. But she's come 68 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: back as a woman, and every time she talks, I'm like, 69 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,239 Speaker 1: who is this person? Yeah? 70 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 2: She looks the same, she sounds the same. But everything 71 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 2: that's coming out of her mouth is just enlightened. 72 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: Pretty great. She were pretty wonderful as a parent. And 73 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: she doesn't complain about the food. She eats everything that's 74 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 1: on a plate. We're dishing up some dinner the other night, 75 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: she said, what would you like? She said, I'll just 76 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: pop on the plate. That'll be fine. I'm like, what's 77 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,040 Speaker 1: going on here? And she's volunteering to help. I'll look 78 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: after the kitchen. Can I help with dinner? Trying to 79 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: take the kids. It's like, what's happened here? 80 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 2: She actually said to me last night at the dinner table, mum, 81 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 2: but if you just give me a list of the 82 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 2: things that you need me to do while you're out tomorrow, 83 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 2: she says, I'll have it done by the time you 84 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:57,119 Speaker 2: get home. 85 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. Who is this kid? Yeah yeah, yeah. So if 86 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 1: you're a parent who is tearing your hair out because 87 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: children don't listen to children, don't help the children to 88 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: just being kids, we are here to wave the flag 89 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: and say there is hope. There is hope. And we 90 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: didn't do it because she was gone. She wasn't in 91 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: the house for rating months, nineteen months. So it's been yeah, 92 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: just wonderful. Anyway, that's our two anouncements. Happy birthday, Lester 93 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,919 Speaker 1: in Trena. Welcome home, Abby. It's just been a joy. 94 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: It's been such a delight to have a home. We 95 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 1: still have one daughter who is in Canada. She won't 96 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: be back for another twelve months. I don't know where 97 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 1: she's going to live. I don't know how that's going 98 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: to work, but I'm really excited for her to come home. 99 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,159 Speaker 1: Based on what we've just been through. Oh boy, Okay, 100 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: today's I'll be better Tomorrow. For those of you who 101 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: have not caught up with how this works, first of all, 102 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: we'd encourage you to catch up and go back and 103 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 1: listen to all one thousand, one hundred podcasts that we've done. 104 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 2: Just add that to you to do list. 105 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, so every Friday we talk about what's gone well, 106 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: what hasn't gone well, how we can do better tomorrow, 107 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: how we can be better parents, how we can be 108 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: more intentional about parenting. I'm going to go first because 109 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: mine's a bit of a I don't know, this is 110 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: one of those ones or I just don't know. I 111 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: do this presentation about resilience. It's one of the most 112 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: popular presentations that I deliver, Kylie, and I mean I reckon. 113 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,280 Speaker 1: I've presented at thirty times in the last term. It's 114 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,359 Speaker 1: been so so popular, so so busy with this, And 115 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: one of the conversation points that regularly comes up is 116 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: how do I help my kids to be resilient when 117 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: they want to quit when they don't want to do 118 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: the thing that they're supposed to be doing. They sign 119 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: up for soccer or netball or whatever, and they get 120 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: three or four weeks in, or they sign up for 121 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: piano and we go out and buy some musical instruments, violin, 122 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 1: whatever it is, and the kids want to quit. And 123 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 1: it's always a bit of a rest So it's a 124 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: tough one to answer because the correct answer is I 125 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 1: don't know. It just depends on so many things. Our 126 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 1: ten year old Emily hates going to swimming lessons, just 127 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: hates it. And the great irony is she's a beautiful 128 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: swimmer and she loves swimming. She loves swimming, and we're 129 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: fortunate enough to have a pool at our house and 130 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: we live near the beach, and we've always said swimming 131 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 1: is compulsory, like this is one of those things where 132 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: you don't get to say. But she's also seen all 133 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: of her big sisters as they move into their adolescent years, 134 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 1: stop swim and squad and so on, and so she's 135 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 1: just decided that she hates swimming. And on Tuesday I 136 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 1: had to take it to swimming lessons and she was 137 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: happy enough to get in the car. And I made 138 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: this terrible mistake of saying do you want me to 139 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: take you or do you want Abby to take you? 140 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,000 Speaker 1: And she said, oh, can Abby take me? I'd love 141 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 1: Abby to see me swim. She was in a really 142 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 1: good mood about it. And Abby said, yeah, I'll go. 143 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: And about a minute later the phone rang. It was 144 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 1: our eldest daughter, Chanel saying, Hey, I'm heading down to 145 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 1: the beach for a walk with Jared and Indy the 146 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 1: baby Abby. Do you want to come along? And they 147 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: just invited Abby to the beach and Abby looked at 148 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: me and said, I'd really like to spend some time 149 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: with my sister. I've only been home a few days. 150 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: This is going to be great. And I said, yeah, 151 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,479 Speaker 1: go for it. I'll take Emilie the swimming and I 152 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 1: said to Emily, I'm going to take you to swing 153 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: instead of Abby, and she lost it. She melted down 154 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: all of a sudden it was like, I hate swing, 155 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 1: I can't go swimming. Swimming is the worst. I don't 156 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,479 Speaker 1: want to go swimming. And I was like, but a 157 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: minute ago, you were really happy to go because Abby 158 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: was taking You said, but I want Abby to take me, 159 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: And this kid just had this massive emotional meltdown. I'd 160 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: tried to do all the right things, and I know 161 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,480 Speaker 1: how to do the right things. I teach people how 162 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 1: to do the right things, and none of the right 163 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 1: things work. I was like, I when you're doing the 164 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 1: right stuff and the child is so emotionally flooded that 165 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: you're not making any progress, and this is the thing. 166 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 1: Right emotions like trains going into a tunnel, they'll come out. 167 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: But I didn't have time for the train to come 168 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 1: out of the tunnel. I only had fifteen minutes to 169 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 1: get it to swimming, and it's an eleven minute drive. 170 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: So we got to the car and she really didn't 171 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: want to be there. And when we got to swimming, 172 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: she had to borrow my goggles because she forgot her goggles. 173 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: And as I went to help her take her top off, 174 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: I noticed that she didn't have her swimmers on and 175 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 1: she had been I don't know if she was so 176 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: emotional that she forgot her swimmers, or if she had 177 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: intentionally decided not to bring her swimmers so she wouldn't 178 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: have to swim, but she didn't bring the swimmers. And 179 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: at this point, I've kind of gone from I'm really calm, 180 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: I'm doing it all, doing it right, I'm being the 181 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: parenting expert. I'm just nailing it even though she's upset 182 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: to I just looked at her and I was like, 183 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: did you do this on purpose? And she said, no, 184 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: I did it, and I'm like, I bet you did. 185 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: And I said a couple of things that I shouldn't 186 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: have said, like accused tree, just saying you have done 187 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: this on purpose, you didn't want to go swimming, and 188 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,680 Speaker 1: you are. I mean, I didn't say you're ruining in 189 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: my life, but that's essentially what the thing was, when 190 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: you're ruining my life. And so we walked back to 191 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: the car because I wasn't going I'm not going to 192 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: go and buy a new swimwear way too expensive. And 193 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: as we're driving home, she's sobbing and I'm cranky, so 194 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: I'm just not talking at all. I wasn't silent treatment, 195 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: but it was if that makes sense like we just 196 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: weren't talking. And as we got home, I just said, 197 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: all right, you've got a decision to make, because we 198 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,719 Speaker 1: have got time to get back to the pool. If 199 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: you can run and get your swimmers, or we can 200 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: just stay home. And I'm going to be really cranky 201 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: for the night because I'm not happy about what just happened. 202 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: And she was quiet as we drove into the street, 203 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: and I said I need an answer, and she stayed 204 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: quiet until we drove into the driveway and I said 205 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 1: I need an answer, and she said, I'll get up 206 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 1: my swimmers and she sprained inside, sprint it back out, 207 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: got in the car. I took her back to swimming, 208 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: and she had a half an hour because it's a 209 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: forty five minute lesson. She had half an hour in 210 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: the pool. She swam beautifully, she did job, and at 211 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 1: the end of it, I just thought, oh my goodness, 212 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:06,439 Speaker 1: like the emotions were so huge and she actually hates swimming, 213 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: and are we doing the right thing? Should we continue 214 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: with the swimming lessons? And it's just this, I guess 215 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: what I'm sharing is as a parent, sometimes there's no 216 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 1: right answer or wrong answer. Sometimes you're just doing the 217 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,199 Speaker 1: best that you can, and you're taking your kids to 218 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 1: swimming lessons because you know that they need to swim 219 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: and you know how important it is, and you think 220 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: that they just have to swim. And I still don't know, 221 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: Like I'm the parenting expert sitting here right now, and 222 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: I don't know if we should persist. I don't know 223 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: if I should make her continue to go to swimming lessons. 224 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: I think I should because from a safety point of view, 225 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,839 Speaker 1: it matters. But I tell you what, there's a lot 226 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: of emotion around it. And I mean, I'm consistently second guessing, 227 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 1: wondering am I doing the right thing? Am I not? 228 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: This is the dilemma, this is the challenge. I really 229 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: don't know. 230 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 2: Well. As it stands, Emily and I have a commitment. 231 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 2: Emily will continue for swimming lesson. She has to get 232 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 2: through one more level for her to be able to 233 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 2: tick off everything before she hits squad. Okay, A squad 234 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 2: is where you actually build your strength, right, Yeah, that's 235 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 2: where all of that learning, all of that foundational work 236 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 2: that we've done in the Learned to Swim process comes 237 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 2: into action as she now utilizes those skills to strengthen 238 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 2: her ability. What she chooses to do at that point 239 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 2: is now going to be up to her. But this 240 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 2: is the reality. We're going to have these kind of 241 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 2: questions about all kinds of things in family life, and 242 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 2: there isn't a right or wrong. 243 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: And that's essentially my older better Tomorrow. I don't know 244 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: that we can always have an answer. Sometimes it's tricky. 245 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: Sometimes we just don't really know, and we fumble and 246 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: bumble and mumble our way through, and we try not 247 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: to damage our kids too much in the process, because 248 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 1: we know that if they can stick with certain things, 249 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: it's going to be to their benefit, and just trying 250 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: to get that right is the great challenge. Anyway, that's 251 00:10:51,400 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 1: my older better Tomorrow. What about you, missus had families? 252 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:01,960 Speaker 1: Where are you landing this week? 253 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 2: Mine's actually a bit more personal as opposed to parenting 254 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 2: as such. I've been having a little bit of a 255 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 2: meltdown lately. We've been living in the fast lane for 256 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 2: a very long time, and this year specifically has been 257 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 2: probably one of our busiest years. 258 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: And just when you say fast lane, in case anyone 259 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 1: thinks that we're out partying, we're talking about the overwhelmed 260 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:29,599 Speaker 1: lane and not the living life large lane. We're just homeschooling, 261 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: me traveling, and all the additional commitments we have in 262 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,680 Speaker 1: our lives with all the kids and blah blah blah. 263 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: It's been a lot. 264 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 2: And last week you took me down to the beach 265 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 2: and you said, let's just chat, let's reconnect, And I 266 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 2: just said, is it all worth it? Like I am, 267 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 2: literally I'm done. I am so physically, emotionally and mentally drained. 268 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: I think you actually asked me to quit. It's quit 269 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 1: my job. Just go and get a regular job like 270 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: normal people who don't run their own businesses, and get 271 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: a salary and just quick. 272 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 2: Come home every night and help me cook the dinner. 273 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 1: And yeah, and I said, oh, there is that mortgage. 274 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 1: It's just a lot. 275 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 2: And funnily enough, about twelve months ago, I had a 276 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 2: conversation with a beautiful woman, Emma Tabacaro, who runs Pip 277 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 2: and Girl. 278 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: Great, great publication. If you haven't come across Pip and 279 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: Girl and you're raising girls who are anywhere between let's 280 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: say eight and eighteen, just check it out. We'll lenk 281 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 1: to it in the show notes. But Pip and Girl 282 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 1: brilliant stuff, just sublime. 283 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 2: She does some publications for girls going through early puberty 284 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 2: and throughout just they are so nourishing to the heart 285 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 2: and soul and really informative. And when I was speaking 286 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 2: with her, she suggested that one of the things they 287 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 2: like to do at the beginning is they actually write 288 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 2: a letter to mums. And she asked whether or not 289 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,239 Speaker 2: I would be willing to be in the next publication 290 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,839 Speaker 2: to write, Well, it just landed on my doorstep. It's 291 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 2: fully published now and what I wrote back then I 292 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 2: needed right now. And it was just it was so 293 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 2: powerful to sit in that space and go, oh, I 294 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 2: know this stuff. 295 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,559 Speaker 1: What was it? 296 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 2: It was all about self care. We think about self 297 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 2: care as you know, going and having a massage or 298 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 2: you know, spending the day at the day spa, and 299 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 2: wouldn't it be great if we could do that every week? 300 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 2: But the reality is, for most of us it's not 301 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 2: in our wheelhouse on a weekly basis, nor is it 302 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 2: usually on a yearly basis. 303 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not affordable, and who's got time? And if 304 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 1: you try to do it that off and you end 305 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: up laying on the massage therapy bed and think about 306 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,920 Speaker 1: all the things that you should be doing other than 307 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: laying on the bed, which means it is not relaxing 308 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:39,600 Speaker 1: at all. 309 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, And so as I wrote, I just talked about 310 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,959 Speaker 2: how busy life is, and how you know, before you've 311 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 2: even got out the door for the school run, you're 312 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 2: already exhausted with all of the decisions that you've had 313 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 2: to make and the challenges that you've had working with 314 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 2: kids to you know, find school bags and school shoes 315 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 2: and all the stuff that comes with family life. And 316 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 2: then I just talked about all all of the little 317 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 2: things that we can do on a day to day 318 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 2: basis to just give ourselves a moment to breathe. And 319 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 2: I've forgotten that I've been so busy, running so fast 320 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 2: to keep up with everything that's needed to be done 321 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: around the house, that I have let go of all 322 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,680 Speaker 2: of those beautiful little moments sitting in the sun and 323 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 2: reading my book for five or ten minutes. It's not 324 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 2: a huge thing, and if I do that one day 325 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 2: out of three hundred and sixty five, it's going to 326 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 2: make no difference to my life. But if I do 327 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 2: that every day for five or ten minutes, that is 328 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 2: just going to give me a little breathing space to 329 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 2: recognize and see the beauty that my life is. I 330 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 2: have so much to be grateful for. 331 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: And so much more rewarding than scrolling Instagram. Like there's 332 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: a different feeling when you just stop and sit in 333 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: the backyard for five minutes versus when you stop and 334 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: scroll for five minutes. Yeah, total one is rejuvenating and 335 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 1: the other one is genuinely depleting. You don't feel like 336 00:14:59,440 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: you've switched. 337 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 2: Maybe you go for a walk in the suburbs. But 338 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 2: if you took a five minute drive, you'd end up 339 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 2: down at the beach or in a beautiful nature strip. 340 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 2: Take that extra five minutes to go and do what 341 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 2: you would normally do on a day to day basis, 342 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 2: just in a more beautiful spot. Maybe it's literally saying, Okay, 343 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 2: this morning, I'm going to wake up five minutes early 344 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 2: so I can snuggle with my partner or my children. 345 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 1: That's the best bit. 346 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 2: Maybe, whatever it is, everyone's going to have a different 347 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 2: thing that brings them joy and fills their cup. But 348 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 2: it's actually just finding that moment that brings them joy 349 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 2: and reintroducing it into their lives. If people let it 350 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 2: go and taking the time to just nourish your heart 351 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 2: and soul, that makes all the difference. So my I'll 352 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 2: do better tomorrow is we know this stuff, we know it, 353 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 2: but we get so caught up in the day to 354 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 2: day running of life that sometimes we let it go. 355 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 2: And mums especially, we're the worst at it. So my 356 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,440 Speaker 2: I'd do better tomorrow is that today I'm going to 357 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: take my own words into action, put them into act, 358 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 2: and I'm going to go find a nice spot in 359 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 2: the sun where I can just sit and relax for 360 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 2: literally five minutes and just recognize the immense beauty I 361 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 2: have in my life and the beautiful joy points that 362 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 2: is mine to enjoy. 363 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: And then somewhere in the middle of that five minutes, 364 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,720 Speaker 1: one of the kids is going to say, Mom, Mom, 365 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: she's hitting me. I need food and it's going to 366 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: be horrible. And you're going to say, ah, maybe put 367 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: some headphones in those noise cancellen. You know what. I 368 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 1: was reading my book the other night with my headphones. 369 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 2: You were right. 370 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 1: Anything it was so good. The Happy Family podcast is 371 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. If you'd like 372 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: more information about making your family happier, check out Felt. 373 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: Felt is part of the Happy Families membership activities that 374 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: you can do for your kids and with your kids 375 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: to help them become more resilient. I think you'll love it, 376 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: felt at happy families dot com dot au. Have a 377 00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:05,200 Speaker 1: great weekend. We'll talk to you on Monday.