Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I saw today before we got
Speaker 2: started on this episode?
Speaker 1: What I could I only imagine. I saw a meme,
Speaker 1: A memy. I love a memey.
Speaker 2: So the meme said the kids these days when we
Speaker 2: talk about the nineties, it's like when we were kids
Speaker 2: and people would talk about the sixties.
Speaker 1: And that makes me feel physically real.
Speaker 2: And then it reminded me that I've got back pain
Speaker 2: and everything sucks.
Speaker 1: Wait, do you want to know something funny? Jordan was
Speaker 1: born in nineteen ninety four. Fucking now, that makes me
Speaker 1: feel squeamish. Okay, So for anyone who's listening, you guys
Speaker 1: can kind of decide where you sit on the scale
Speaker 1: of years. I'm eighty six, what are you bred? Eighty five?
Speaker 1: Whoayoven eighty seven? Other way? Oh my goodness, excuse me,
Speaker 1: don't you age me. It was just a real eye
Speaker 1: open ert. You know, every so often I see these things.
Speaker 1: I'm like all those little whipper snappers out there talking
Speaker 1: about us with our skinny leg jeans. I used to
Speaker 1: go into the waiting room when I'm working in the
Speaker 1: hospital to call patient out, and you're always walking out.
Speaker 1: We're looking at the referral as you're going to get
Speaker 1: the patient. You're looking at the name, you look at
Speaker 1: the date of birth. And I always used to be like,
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety, they're going to be a kid. And I
Speaker 1: would look around for the child, and then a thirty
Speaker 1: year older stand up and I was like whoa. I
Speaker 1: was like whoa, It's like, how old am I? Kids?
Speaker 2: These days, we've got really great diets. Actually, speaking of that,
Speaker 2: my child does not have a great diet. I hope
Speaker 2: that everybody who has children survive Easter and the sugar
Speaker 2: cracked in That was those three days that we just
Speaker 2: got through.
Speaker 1: Did your kids go crazy?
Speaker 2: Well, not Lola, I mean she wasn't thrik chocolate milkshakes
Speaker 2: or anything. But we did a chocolate Easter egg hunt
Speaker 2: for Mali. The kid is still off her kids wild.
Speaker 1: I live alone. I didn't do an East Ring hunt
Speaker 1: for myself.
Speaker 2: I just say the chocolate and can we just like say,
Speaker 2: Brittany is still recovering. I know if you guys listen
Speaker 2: to las week's episode, like brit has been so sick
Speaker 2: and she's only.
Speaker 1: Just on the way up. Now. I know that I've
Speaker 1: been doing stories and stuff on the grand because I'm
Speaker 1: so bored. I've been in isolation for about two weeks.
Speaker 1: But I sound better and I probably look a lot better,
Speaker 1: but inside and my soul is still crush. Like my
Speaker 1: soul is still recovering. There's been a long couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: But I never I never know what day to eat
Speaker 1: chocolate on over East, So like there's this four day
Speaker 1: long weekend and I never know which is Yes, I do,
Speaker 1: so I just start, like to be fair and to
Speaker 1: make sure I've got it covered, I start on the
Speaker 1: Friday and I finish on the Monday.
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's for as long as there's double
Speaker 2: demerit points. So whenever the double demerits points are going,
Speaker 2: that's when you eat chocolate. I like that, right, I
Speaker 2: think that means it ends on Tuesday. It's fine, let's
Speaker 2: stick with that.
Speaker 1: Well, guys, because I have been so sick, I cannot
Speaker 1: tell you how much Netflix, Amazon, Stan Binge, I like,
Speaker 1: I have memberships for everything. Now is it a membership
Speaker 1: I have, pawn, I have subscribing fans. I'm coming at
Speaker 1: you with a recommendation to there's this really great video
Speaker 1: I watch. It's called two Girls, One Cup, and I
Speaker 1: am coming to you with the recommendation, but it is
Speaker 1: not from porn Hub or red Tips. Sorry to disappoint you, Laura.
Speaker 2: Isn't that just what you do when you're sick, Just
Speaker 2: stay home masturbate all day.
Speaker 1: I did not have energy to masturbate. I had. I
Speaker 1: didn't have the energy to roll over. The other thing
Speaker 1: with my sickness was I had chronic fatigue. I have
Speaker 1: been asleep longer than I have been awake. I would
Speaker 1: wake up for twenty minutes and I'll be like, well,
Speaker 1: time for my nap, and not go back to bed.
Speaker 1: I have discovered and this is a big call. I
Speaker 1: have discovered the best series I have ever watched in
Speaker 1: my existence. And I shook to the call that it's
Speaker 1: taken me this long because it's not a new series.
Speaker 2: This is a really big call. And I don't know
Speaker 2: what you're gonna say. And if you say Bridgitton, no, okay.
Speaker 1: In relation to this series, Bridgeton's a five, this is
Speaker 1: a twelve. Wow you. I cannot suggest this more to you, guys.
Speaker 1: It's on Amazon Prime, so I think that's why I've
Speaker 1: never seen it. I've never had Amazon. I was like,
Speaker 1: what even is that? Now?
Speaker 2: Amazon Prime has got some good shows basically not sponsored either.
Speaker 2: Guys like, we're not getting a plug from Amazon for
Speaker 2: this if.
Speaker 1: They want, Yeah, yeah, okay. The series is called This
Speaker 1: is Us Now. I don't know if i'd never even
Speaker 1: heard of him. Sherry has been telling me to watch
Speaker 1: this for about probably about the best part of six months.
Speaker 1: Her and Jay started watching it and we always like
Speaker 1: the same stuff. She came to me, She's like, you
Speaker 1: have to start watching this immediately. It's the best thing
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. And I was like, for some reason,
Speaker 1: I just kept putting on the back burner. It is
Speaker 1: the most emotive, well written, best storyline out of any
Speaker 1: show on any channel that I have ever watched. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you, like.
Speaker 2: You have to watch a bit of an explanation about
Speaker 2: what it actually is.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to describe, and when you describe it,
Speaker 1: it's the best thing that's ever happened. But I can't
Speaker 1: tell you no because watch it. I remember when Sherry
Speaker 1: explained it to me. It's hard. It doesn't sell it,
Speaker 1: it doesn't do it justice. I think the thing that
Speaker 1: sort of had me a little bit disinterested was when
Speaker 1: I found out that the lead actress is Mandy Moore,
Speaker 1: because the way that I think of Mandy Moore was
Speaker 1: brilliant singer that tried to transition into acting quite early,
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like she nailed it.
Speaker 2: Do you not remember A Walk to Remember? Yes, that's
Speaker 2: exactly I freaking love that movie. I've had plenty of
Speaker 2: time for ma anymore.
Speaker 1: But she has nailed it. Her acting is brilliant. Every
Speaker 1: single actor and actress in this show is brilliant. But
Speaker 1: just to try and tell you what the show is,
Speaker 1: Mandy Morrill and her husband Jack. They are a couple
Speaker 1: that fall in love and they have children, They have triplets,
Speaker 1: and the whole show is set between flashing back to
Speaker 1: their childhood, the kid's childhood and growing up and all
Speaker 1: the problems that they have raising the kids, and flashing
Speaker 1: forward to the present day when they're older. And the
Speaker 1: storyline that they have written has you on the edge
Speaker 1: of your seat and has your full attention from the
Speaker 1: opening scene of the first episode and forever. It's like
Speaker 1: six seasons. And this is the brilliant part because there
Speaker 1: are so many seasons. It is the most emotive show
Speaker 1: I've ever watched. Every episode, I'm crying, I'm laughing. I
Speaker 1: feel like they're my family. And I think any show
Speaker 1: that makes you feel like you never want that show
Speaker 1: to end is worth watching. And I don't give you
Speaker 1: these recommendations lightly, but please do yourself a favor and
Speaker 1: start to watch this is because it is like life
Speaker 1: changing and the best part about it, I'm obsessed with
Speaker 1: the father Jack. He is what every husband and father
Speaker 1: should be. He's actually sort of ruined it for me
Speaker 1: forever because if I don't find my Jack, I'm like,
Speaker 1: well what am I doing in my life? Because I
Speaker 1: need this person in my life. He's the character that
Speaker 1: you just are obsessed with. But anyway, not a genre
Speaker 1: is this like is it a drama? Is more a drama? Okay?
Speaker 1: One hundred percent? You will cry like I can't fault
Speaker 1: the series. And also one of the kids when he
Speaker 1: grows up, he's so fucking hot. Well actually both of them,
Speaker 1: they're really fucking hot. But that's it. That's my recommendation.
Speaker 1: Please do yourself a favor and start it.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to come with you with a recommendation,
Speaker 2: which this was not planned but since you are so
Speaker 2: passionate about what was the name of it again, I've.
Speaker 1: Totally this is us. This is us.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna watch it and then I'll come back
Speaker 2: and I'll tell you how I feel. Yea one hundredercent
Speaker 2: I have one for you. Okay, can you go and
Speaker 2: watch Sea Spiracy? Definitely no drama. You'll probably cry.
Speaker 1: I can't watch it because I'm too scared to stop
Speaker 1: eating fish. I'm too scared of stop eating fish, and
Speaker 1: I know what it will do to me, but I
Speaker 1: really love my fish.
Speaker 2: I think that there is a big conversation. Maybe we
Speaker 2: can do an episode on this. Actually there's a lot
Speaker 2: of information there. It's a lot to digest, and it's
Speaker 2: obviously like a bit of a sea spiracy conspiracy if
Speaker 2: you haven't seen it yet, it's of that sort of vein,
Speaker 2: and it's talking about all the damage that we're doing
Speaker 2: to our oceans, but also the damage that's caused by
Speaker 2: the fishing industry and by by cat It's just got
Speaker 2: some really crazy startling statistics.
Speaker 1: And so Matt and I watched it the other night.
Speaker 2: And I can't say that I love the narrator. I
Speaker 2: feel like the guy who was doing the journalism, like
Speaker 2: the main character of the whole documentary. I'm not sure
Speaker 2: if I really loved like his presentation of it, but
Speaker 2: the information in it is really really interesting and it
Speaker 2: does make you question whether or not you'd eat fish. However,
Speaker 2: it was easter and I ate some fish. Are you
Speaker 2: not going to eat fish now?
Speaker 1: Ugh? You know what, I'm not there yet.
Speaker 2: Look, we have meat, lots of meat free days, and
Speaker 2: we also have fish free days in our household as well.
Speaker 2: But it really brings to the forefront these issues around
Speaker 2: sustainability and it makes you, it does definitely make you
Speaker 2: question where things come from.
Speaker 1: Make better choices about what you're purchasing. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: the problem, that's the thing. Right.
Speaker 2: So there's this whole section on there about dolphins safe
Speaker 2: and how dolphin safe isn't actually dolphin safe. They can't
Speaker 2: guarantee it, and it's just the fishing company's paying off
Speaker 2: the organization and the regulatory bodies. And it goes into
Speaker 2: how corrupt the fishing industry is, but also how corrupt
Speaker 2: where we purchase some fish from, so like nothing is
Speaker 2: guaranteed as being safe and the damage that's doing to
Speaker 2: the oceans is crazy, and how much of the pollution
Speaker 2: and plastics that are going to the ocean are not
Speaker 2: actually from us consuming but it's from the fishing industry.
Speaker 2: That's what it unpacks.
Speaker 1: And it's us eating fish that's creating this deficit and
Speaker 1: creating this issue. And it makes me think, like, what
Speaker 1: do we eat If we can't eat meat, we can't
Speaker 1: eat fish? Do we just eat vegetables? Like? Do we
Speaker 1: Does the whole world turn vegan? Yes? I think that
Speaker 1: that's the solution. Do you think that's what David addenbros. Says?
Speaker 1: Don't have any more than two children eat vegan? I
Speaker 1: mean I could probably do the children part, but in
Speaker 1: all honesty, I reckon I would eat I'm actually really
Speaker 1: good with meat. I eat meat maybe twice a month,
Speaker 1: big call, but I don't eat a lot of it.
Speaker 1: Most of my food is vegetarian and pescatarian. I will
Speaker 1: admit I eat fe but I always try and buy
Speaker 1: good fresh fish that I think has been sourced in
Speaker 1: an ethical way.
Speaker 2: Okay, you need to watch c Spiritcy then, because that's
Speaker 2: that's probably point way, is that you don't know what's
Speaker 2: been so And I love salmon, but I think that
Speaker 2: the take home message from all of these is like,
Speaker 2: just reduce where you can. You don't have to stop
Speaker 2: and eliminate something completely. If you want to do that,
Speaker 2: and you can do that, then that's amazing. But if
Speaker 2: you can just make better choices, as in like you know,
Speaker 2: have meat free nights, have fish free nights, all that
Speaker 2: is helpful. I don't think it's necessarily about changing every
Speaker 2: single aspect of your life overnight and going cold Turkey.
Speaker 2: But if you can make some better and more sustainable choices,
Speaker 2: then that's kind of the ethos I took from the
Speaker 2: Docku series. But it's on Netflix. It's really really interesting,
Speaker 2: and there have been a few things that have come
Speaker 2: out that have kind of defunct some statistics around it.
Speaker 2: So I'm not going to go into like the nitty
Speaker 2: gritty of it, but I got a lot out of
Speaker 2: the show, and I think that, like, that's my recommendation
Speaker 2: for today. Anyway, something else that I have read which
Speaker 2: I wanted to touch on before we got into like
Speaker 2: the main core of this episode. Now, the main core
Speaker 2: part of this episode is actually pretty lighthearted. We're going
Speaker 2: to talking about dating terminology in twenty twenty. Oh my
Speaker 2: God and I've we're twenty twenty two, twenty twenty one,
Speaker 2: twenty twenty one, I forgot what you I don't even know.
Speaker 1: What, twenty to twenty twenty two, I am sold to you.
Speaker 1: Like in twenty twenty five, this is our dating technolo,
Speaker 1: you don't even know where. We're talking about dating terminology
Speaker 1: today in twenty twenty one, and this is a lot
Speaker 1: of terminology that I had never heard of. But it's
Speaker 1: a lot of things that you know and you can
Speaker 1: explain and you talk about with your friends. You talk
Speaker 1: about these situations that happened, but they never had a label.
Speaker 1: So we're going to go through some of those main ones.
Speaker 2: So before we get into that, we do want to
Speaker 2: touch on something that's really important. It has just come
Speaker 2: out of Victoria. Now this is really really huge, and
Speaker 2: when I read this article in ABC News, I was like,
Speaker 2: I really want to discuss this in the podcast because
Speaker 2: it's consent is something that we have spoken about in
Speaker 2: a couple of past episodes, especially the one that we
Speaker 2: did with Ebony Saunders going back a few months ago.
Speaker 1: She was the woman that was harassed by the Tinder
Speaker 1: guy in BONDI just for a little reference, for you guys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we did a massive conversation in that around
Speaker 2: consent and how consent is fluid. Now, this conversation that
Speaker 2: we're about to have comes with a bit of a
Speaker 2: trigger warning because it does touch on sexual assault and
Speaker 2: it does touch on sexual harassment. But Victoria has just
Speaker 2: passed legislation where they're going to be making conversations around
Speaker 2: consent part of the school curriculum for public schools.
Speaker 1: And this is such a huge thing.
Speaker 2: The fact that this hasn't happened in schools earlier, or
Speaker 2: the fact that it's not compulsory in every school in
Speaker 2: every state is something that I think we should really
Speaker 2: be having conversation about. But this change in legislation came
Speaker 2: about because of a petition that was started by a
Speaker 2: former Kombala student named Shantell Contos because she was sick
Speaker 2: of constantly hearing about her friend's experiences of sexual abuse
Speaker 2: within schools. So this conversation calls for a bigger focus
Speaker 2: on consent and sexual education and also focuses on single
Speaker 2: sex in private schools. So the petition that was started
Speaker 2: has now had over thirty eight thousand signatures by people
Speaker 2: who have been affected by sexual assault or sexual harassment
Speaker 2: in schools, and it has over three thousand counts of
Speaker 2: stories where students have actually shared what has happened to them.
Speaker 2: And some of the stories on this ABC News article
Speaker 2: are so freaking harrowing that we're not going to repeat
Speaker 2: them on the podcast. We can put this article in
Speaker 2: the show notes as well, if you guys want to
Speaker 2: go and have a deep diataven a read. But to
Speaker 2: think that this is what's been experienced by school students
Speaker 2: is just absolutely despicable. And there's this real conversation around
Speaker 2: we think that it's expected that people understand what consent
Speaker 2: is and that it should just be human knowledge, but
Speaker 2: there is such a gray area and the fact that
Speaker 2: like it's been missing from our education and that we
Speaker 2: do have sex ed but sex said, I mean, like
Speaker 2: my experience of sex said at school, and Britt, tell
Speaker 2: me what yours was, But that's a healthy herald totally.
Speaker 2: The sex said that we experienced was don't get pregnant,
Speaker 2: pregnancy is bad, use a condom, put it on a banana. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And it was the functionality about how to actually have
Speaker 2: sex and like what the mechanics of it are. But
Speaker 2: there's no conversation around how to keep yourself safe. There's
Speaker 2: talk about STDs and like you'll get a crazy STD
Speaker 2: and lots of stigma around STDs, but nothing around like
Speaker 2: how two people should interact, how two people should respect
Speaker 2: each other, and also what entails consent? And I think
Speaker 2: that is the bigger and broader conversation that needs to
Speaker 2: be brought to the table, and that's the changes that
Speaker 2: the Victorian government is starting to instill.
Speaker 1: I was absolutely disgusted when I was reading the stories
Speaker 1: that all these young women wrote in and their experiences
Speaker 1: that they were having in their schools, And like Laura said,
Speaker 1: it's actually worth all of you going just even pull
Speaker 1: up the ABC article and just how to look for
Speaker 1: yourself and have a read for yourself. But one thing
Speaker 1: I did find really interesting when I started to research
Speaker 1: this a bit more. I didn't actually know this, but
Speaker 1: the schools do have a course that they do teach
Speaker 1: that's called Respectful Relationships, So they have been on the
Speaker 1: right path for a little while, but that sort of
Speaker 1: touches more on sexuality and safety and respect I guess
Speaker 1: to a certain extent in a relationship, but they never
Speaker 1: covered things like consent. So what they're doing with the consent.
Speaker 1: The consent is going into the respect for a relationship's part.
Speaker 1: But this is still only happening in Victoria. When you
Speaker 1: hear of the statistics in Sydney are alone, it is astounding.
Speaker 1: And the fact that a school girl started this petition
Speaker 1: and got all these signatures and she's put this movement
Speaker 1: forward because of something that has happened to her. I mean,
Speaker 1: she's wise beyond her years, and good on her.
Speaker 2: But I think the thing that's scary though, is like,
Speaker 2: why is it that a child who has experienced this
Speaker 2: should be the one advocating for the change within schools Now.
Speaker 2: I just want to make the point as well, which
Speaker 2: I think is really important, and that is that you know,
Speaker 2: this is not the sole responsibility of the school, or
Speaker 2: of teachers, or of the curriculum. This is something that
Speaker 2: should be happening at home with parents, and this is
Speaker 2: a conversation that parents should take main responsibility for. But
Speaker 2: I just don't think you can have an educational conversation
Speaker 2: around sex without having consent as an integral part of
Speaker 2: that conversation. We're talking about how to have sex, how
Speaker 2: to stay safe when having sex, the functionality of sex.
Speaker 2: Then consent needs to be a very big part of
Speaker 2: that conversation. So that way nobody can ever say I
Speaker 2: didn't know, I wasn't sure. I thought that it was okay.
Speaker 2: I thought she wanted it.
Speaker 1: There's no ambiguity because we're all taught the same thing
Speaker 1: and we're all on the same page. One quote that
Speaker 1: summed this up perfectly, and it was written by a
Speaker 1: seventeen year old student from Newcastle Grammar School about the
Speaker 1: incidences that she faced in twenty nineteen, and she wrote,
Speaker 1: he didn't understand that my inability to say no did
Speaker 1: not mean yes, and that I didn't want it. I
Speaker 1: just thought this was so powerful and it's so important.
Speaker 1: You know that we're teaching students that consent isn't just verbal,
Speaker 1: that consent is also non verbal cues, and that's something
Speaker 1: that's so important. I e.
Speaker 2: If someone's passed out, that is giving no consent. If
Speaker 2: someone is crying but hasn't actually said no, that's saying
Speaker 2: no consent.
Speaker 1: But this is the thing, isn't it? And it's this
Speaker 1: saying is so true. Ignorance is bliss. If people aren't
Speaker 1: talking about it, if your kids aren't coming home and
Speaker 1: saying to you that this has happened to me and
Speaker 1: I was violated or I felt uncomfortable. How are people
Speaker 1: supposed to know? And conversely to that, what kid is
Speaker 1: going to come home and be like, hey, mom and dad,
Speaker 1: I had sex with a girl when she was passed down.
Speaker 1: The conversations just weren't happening. So I don't think anyone
Speaker 1: was aware. I definitely wasn't. I knew that it was prevalent,
Speaker 1: for sure, but I was gobsmacked at the level and
Speaker 1: how many school aged females have come forward and said
Speaker 1: that they have experienced this. So the ball is finally
Speaker 1: rolling because people feel that they are in an environment
Speaker 1: now that's safe enough to talk about their experiences.
Speaker 2: But like, let's move this past school for a second
Speaker 2: and just like consent as a general conversation. I do
Speaker 2: not know, and this is pretty bold statement, but I
Speaker 2: do not have one friend who wouldn't say that they
Speaker 2: have experienced sexual harassment. Like every single female I know
Speaker 2: that I have spoken to about sexual harassment. I'm sure
Speaker 2: there are some who haven't, but every single female that
Speaker 2: I have had these conversations with who I'm close enough
Speaker 2: to have these conversations with, have experienced sexual harassment of
Speaker 2: some form in their lifetime. So if we can all
Speaker 2: sit here and say, yeah, a majority of people I
Speaker 2: know have in some way experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault,
Speaker 2: there is a huge problem here. That problem has been
Speaker 2: glaringly obvious. And the fact that it had to take
Speaker 2: a young student to actually start this petition is like,
Speaker 2: I mean, that in itself is just so traumatic. But
Speaker 2: I'm glad that there is some change of this happening,
Speaker 2: and the change needs to happen a hell of a
Speaker 2: lot faster, and it needs to be implemented not just
Speaker 2: in public schools, but in private schools and in all states.
Speaker 1: The last thing that I just did want to touch
Speaker 1: on could because this really hit home with me, was
Speaker 1: there was a student from Manly and she said, I'm
Speaker 1: still furious that I was consistently told that I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have gone to an isolated location with a guy. He
Speaker 1: had been my best friend. If I'm not meant to
Speaker 1: spend time with just my best friend, what am I
Speaker 1: meant to do now? The fact that this is happening
Speaker 1: is one thing, but the fact that when this happens,
Speaker 1: the blame is bypassing the person that has done it,
Speaker 1: the bypassing this boy, bypassing the perpetrator, and being put
Speaker 1: on the female because she should not have gone to
Speaker 1: that location with a male. This is a whole another
Speaker 1: core issue. You that a yes is happening. We need
Speaker 1: to deal with that, but we need to also deal
Speaker 1: with the fact that we're blaming the victim constantly. It's
Speaker 1: just my blood is boiling and you guys like, I'm
Speaker 1: literally lost for words, and I've never lost for words.
Speaker 1: So this was a really important conversation and we could
Speaker 1: talk about it, and we will continue to talk about
Speaker 1: it because this conversation about consent is so important. And
Speaker 1: I think if there's one thing that you take away
Speaker 1: from this conversation, maybe you've heard about this and read
Speaker 1: about it before, maybe you haven't. Either way, the conversation
Speaker 1: about consent and about this sexual harassment in schools, the
Speaker 1: education system. It needs to start happening. So go away
Speaker 1: and talk to your friends about it. Now, have the conversations,
Speaker 1: Talk to your parents and talk to your kids. Just
Speaker 1: make it so that this is what everyone is talking about.
Speaker 2: We'll link some of these articles as well in the
Speaker 2: show notes, and we'll also try and link the petition
Speaker 2: which you can sign to if you want to. The
Speaker 2: one quote that I wanted to leave you guys with,
Speaker 2: so Shintel Kontos was actually a former student at Kambala
Speaker 2: and now one of the quotes that she left when
Speaker 2: she actually started this petition was I have lived in
Speaker 2: three different countries and I have never spoken to anyone
Speaker 2: who's experienced rape culture the way me and my friends
Speaker 2: had growing up in Sydney amongst private schools, And that
Speaker 2: literally leaves chills. It's so heavy to think that this
Speaker 2: conversation is not being had widely enough. And just like
Speaker 2: brit said, like conversations around consent need to be had
Speaker 2: at home, they need to be had with your friendship groups,
Speaker 2: and we will keep having them on this podcast because
Speaker 2: we think consent is such a hugely important topic. So
Speaker 2: if this has upset anyone or touched on something very
Speaker 2: sensitive to anybody, will also put some information in the
Speaker 2: show notes for help that you know you can reach
Speaker 2: out to if this is something that's triggered you. And yeah,
Speaker 2: we just will keep having these conversations as well.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, it is time for our favorite segment and
Speaker 1: that is accidentally unfiltered. Essentially, we get you to write
Speaker 1: in your most embarrassing stories and we read them out.
Speaker 1: We have a good laugh at your expense, and everyone
Speaker 1: feels that a little bit less alone.
Speaker 2: Look, we just laugh at you together as the supportive
Speaker 2: community that we are here at Life Uncut. But you
Speaker 2: always stay anonymous as well, so we will never shame you.
Speaker 1: To go first, I have an awkward one. I actually had.
Speaker 1: I swopped last minute. I had mine that was a
Speaker 1: bit gross, but I was like, I don't think we're
Speaker 1: ready for that.
Speaker 2: Okay, we have received I'm just going to say this
Speaker 2: before Brick gets into her received one that we have
Speaker 2: received so many condom stories about people who have accidentally
Speaker 2: lost a condom up inside them and then found it
Speaker 2: days later.
Speaker 1: So gross, just so so. Actually, one girl wrote in
Speaker 1: on Easter. She was like, Hey, just so you know,
Speaker 1: I'm at the hospital now. My condom's fitting me for
Speaker 1: two hours. And I was like, I love that you're
Speaker 1: at the hospital getting condom fished out on Easter. She's like,
Speaker 1: I had a sneaky Easter bang. That sounds like a
Speaker 1: great Easter you had, girlfriend, I just had chocolate. You win. Okay.
Speaker 1: We also had someone message us and say that they
Speaker 1: didn't realize that they had a condom get lost inside
Speaker 1: them and several days later they sneezed and it fell out.
Speaker 1: That was my favorite. I think she was doing. She
Speaker 1: was like washing raumatized people. I am absolutely traumatized. No,
Speaker 1: but we have in the last couple of weeks. I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on. You guys have really stepped
Speaker 1: up the game. We have received so many embarrassing stories,
Speaker 1: but stories that are so wildly gross, like just so
Speaker 1: gross and too gross to tell on the podcast thinks
Speaker 1: that some of you should take to the grave. Guys,
Speaker 1: some of them and like, surely you know when you're
Speaker 1: right there, Like we don't get me wrong, we still
Speaker 1: appreciate them. Don't ever not write them to us. But
Speaker 1: we were like, wow, like I would never.
Speaker 2: Tell us all but that we live for this, and
Speaker 2: you know what we just I just want to say
Speaker 2: how greatful I am that you trust us with your
Speaker 2: Diva's darkest, most embarrassing stories. We will Some of them
Speaker 2: are so embarrassing that we would never share them, but
Speaker 2: we appreciate that you want to share them with us,
Speaker 2: because when you send it to us, you are not anonymous.
Speaker 2: Even though we don't tell anyone else. So maybe we
Speaker 2: can put all wild.
Speaker 1: We can put all the crazy ones in one extra
Speaker 1: bonus episode and they can come with their own trick warning. Actually,
Speaker 1: that's such a good idea that you don't have to
Speaker 1: tune into if you don't want.
Speaker 2: You guys are wild. I'm here for this. Thank you
Speaker 2: for making me feel more normal in all the shit
Speaker 2: that I have gone up to my life. Anyway, all right,
Speaker 2: hit me with number one.
Speaker 1: Hey, this is something that I would do because I'm
Speaker 1: technologically challenged, So I feel whose girl. A few years back,
Speaker 1: I got an Apple Watch for Christmas, and when work
Speaker 1: returned for the year, my supervisor, Heidi, had also received one.
Speaker 1: We would constantly compare and chat about all the features
Speaker 1: that it could do. Anyhow, a week or two later,
Speaker 1: I was having a terrible day at work. I literally
Speaker 1: hated life. So I took myself to the bathroom and
Speaker 1: did what anyone would do. I sat on the toilet
Speaker 1: and used the Apple Watch to text my best friend. Now,
Speaker 1: to text on an Apple Watch, you must use your
Speaker 1: finger to draw every single letter that you want to
Speaker 1: textpay time consuming. So well, that's what she said. I
Speaker 1: sat there for twenty minutes spelling out the text that read,
Speaker 1: I fucking hate my job. It is so soul sucking.
Speaker 1: I am literally hiding in the toilet for the last
Speaker 1: twenty minutes avoiding work, texting you from my Apple Watch
Speaker 1: right now, just to avoid the drama. I hit send
Speaker 1: and realized that it had gone to Heidi, my boss
Speaker 1: that was sitting out in the office. I immediately got
Speaker 1: a response from Heidi that said, um okay, question mark.
Speaker 1: I went straight into damage control. I got off Alou
Speaker 1: I sprinted under her office and I laughed it off
Speaker 1: by saying, ha ha, how gross is that text? I
Speaker 1: just forwarded you. My friend just sent it to me,
Speaker 1: and I thought you might find it funny. She didn't.
Speaker 1: Oh why but also like also the cover up of
Speaker 1: like I forwarded you that text from my friend, Like,
Speaker 1: I understand that you've tried to go into damage control,
Speaker 1: but Hi, I do know it's exactly what you've done,
Speaker 1: But what else would you do?
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, that's just like you've got nowhere else
Speaker 2: to go either, you say, I just wasted twenty minutes
Speaker 2: of work company time pretending I was doing a pool
Speaker 2: telling job. I was just telling my friends how much
Speaker 2: you suck, Like where can you go with that?
Speaker 1: You can't? You don't you go to Alaska? Okay.
Speaker 2: I also have a work related one, which is not
Speaker 2: that one. I was worried that we were going to
Speaker 2: choose the same one again today, but here we go.
Speaker 1: I work in.
Speaker 2: Development and I was just on a zoom call. I
Speaker 2: like that this also just happened, and so she sent
Speaker 2: it through to us. I was just on a zoom
Speaker 2: call for a meeting to debate traffic numbers with the
Speaker 2: Department of Transport. I offered to share my screen to
Speaker 2: show the report that our traffic engineer was discussing with
Speaker 2: the state engineer. As the conversation got a bit heated
Speaker 2: and things got a bit more boring and time passed on,
Speaker 2: I gradually lost interest in this zoom conference call. I
Speaker 2: decided I wanted to check out and see what the
Speaker 2: state engineer look like, because he sounded young, and he
Speaker 2: also sounded a bit hot, and he didn't have his
Speaker 2: video on. So I commenced googling him, looking at images,
Speaker 2: trying to figure out what he looked like. When my
Speaker 2: client interrupts me and says, excuse me, who is googling?
Speaker 1: She's giggling. I had just.
Speaker 2: Stalked the state engineer with my screen share on in
Speaker 2: the State engineer, my engineer, the boss, and the client
Speaker 2: and at least three other state officers could see it.
Speaker 1: And now I need to die. Do you know what's
Speaker 1: so funny? Actually we had his writing about over zoom
Speaker 1: calls that they forget that they share their screen and
Speaker 1: they just start like looking down their searcher history like
Speaker 1: porn hum and stuff comes up and everyone can see
Speaker 1: that what was doing. I love that, But also imagine
Speaker 1: if he is hot and she's hot, and then that's
Speaker 1: such a great way to hook up and flirt. If
Speaker 1: he sees it, she's googling him. So what if he's
Speaker 1: like a sixty seven year old man that she says
Speaker 1: young and I middle aged spread She said, he sounds
Speaker 1: young and hot. Yeah, but just because someone sounds young
Speaker 1: and hot doesn't mean they necessarily are. Yeah, we probably
Speaker 1: found holy covered that up as well.
Speaker 2: You could be like, oh sorry, I like to put
Speaker 2: a face to the name of who I'm talking to.
Speaker 1: Makes me feel more connected to the conversation. She's like
Speaker 1: Bobby Onto topless in Abitha. She's like in twenty seventeen
Speaker 1: on his Instagram just scrolling back through. At least she
Speaker 1: googled him and didn't go onto Graham. Imagine if she
Speaker 1: went to the Grammar started like, imagine if she went
Speaker 1: into him and then you know what you would do?
Speaker 1: You look at the exs and stuff. Imagine if she
Speaker 1: was like in his ex's profile on Instagram and he
Speaker 1: was watching. This is a level of so deep that
Speaker 1: it really gets into the psyche of what Britney Hockley does.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that yesterday. This has happened
Speaker 1: in my last two weeks. But like, sometimes I'm so deep,
Speaker 1: you're like, uh, sorry, Jordan, I was talking your ex girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I accidentally liked to photo. I'm not twenty seventeen. I
Speaker 1: often get so deep. This happened yesterday that I forgot
Speaker 1: how I got there. I was like, how did I
Speaker 1: get to this person? I was like, because I went
Speaker 1: into another page, into another page, internet page, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't understand my trail. I should have
Speaker 1: left bread crumbs.
Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, you're on like your boyfriend's trainers, sisters,
Speaker 2: mum's instrat I was like, tag, I don't even know
Speaker 2: where I'm going here.
Speaker 1: I'm lost Okay, I have one more and.
Speaker 2: Then I reckon, that's it for us and we can
Speaker 2: get into our very lighthearted episode for you all today.
Speaker 2: So I was back in my hometown swiping through Tinder
Speaker 2: just to suss out who I knew was on there.
Speaker 2: Really nothing serious, not even really looking to match anyone.
Speaker 2: I saw a guy I know, and he came up.
Speaker 2: But then I also know his wife, so I read
Speaker 2: his bio and it said that they were both looking
Speaker 2: for something casual, a third person to have in the bedroom. Now,
Speaker 2: this is the couple that owns the local gym and
Speaker 2: they are personal trainers there. I know them both quite well.
Speaker 2: I was shocked and I turned to tell my sister
Speaker 2: and in my shop, I accidentally swiped right.
Speaker 1: But not only did I accidentally swipe right, I also
Speaker 1: super liked them. Why don't you just send them a nude?
Speaker 1: Could you fucking imagine that?
Speaker 2: Okay, Like we've all seen the couples on Tinder that
Speaker 2: are like, hey, this is me and my partner and
Speaker 2: we're looking for a thropple, like, no, nothing against it, great,
Speaker 2: per love that for them.
Speaker 1: You do, you, but not when you have to go
Speaker 1: and sweat it out and work out with him at
Speaker 1: the gym every day.
Speaker 2: I imagine, yeah, Like, I mean, it's one thing to
Speaker 2: run into like someone you know on Tinder, other thing
Speaker 2: to run into someone who is looking for a threason.
Speaker 1: I would if they matched the probably did? I mean
Speaker 1: she's fit. She goes to the video don't live your
Speaker 1: best life, Live you true? Okay, so Laura's back from
Speaker 1: breastfeeding Lola. We decided to have a quick little break.
Speaker 2: We took a metaphorical break with the break music, but
Speaker 2: then we also took a literal break whilst I went
Speaker 2: in breastbed Lola.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting because the studio is in Laura's bedroom. As
Speaker 1: you know, Laura got up from the studio desk and
Speaker 1: shuffled down, calling at a studio like this professional. So
Speaker 1: she gets she shuffles the one foot from the studio
Speaker 1: desk to the bed, starts a breastfeed Lola, who I
Speaker 1: fumbly call Lola Debbie, and and she's on one boob
Speaker 1: the other boom. Because I've never really just sat there
Speaker 1: and I don't like when my friend's breastfeit. I don't
Speaker 1: stare at them, but I was staring at Laura's nipple
Speaker 1: for some reason, and I was quite fascinated by it
Speaker 1: because we're very very close guys, that is why. And
Speaker 1: then we just started the other Niwporter side spurting out
Speaker 1: milk and I was like, whoa, you're floating out the
Speaker 1: other one, and She's like, man, that happens.
Speaker 2: So if anyone who doesn't have children, you wouldn't know this.
Speaker 2: But when you feed from one side, the other side
Speaker 2: has what's called let down and it basically for.
Speaker 1: Ten years in a different way.
Speaker 2: It just lets down milk and the milk just squirts
Speaker 2: out of the other side, and some people catch it
Speaker 2: and put it in the freezer and keep it for
Speaker 2: a rainy day. I just like to black tat all
Speaker 2: over my shirt in my bedroom and be free. Anyway,
Speaker 2: we managed to get through the whole first half of
Speaker 2: this episode with Paul Lola making a real racket outside
Speaker 2: the bedroom door and Matt was doing outside the bed door.
Speaker 1: Matt has her out. We don't park her outside the
Speaker 1: bedroom door on the ground, No, we don't. Then Matt
Speaker 1: was trying to console her, and then at the very
Speaker 1: end of that, I was like, Okay, I think we've
Speaker 1: stretched it long enough. I really need to go give
Speaker 1: her a feed. Look, we're just we're doing what we can.
Speaker 1: Hear people, We'll really make it a work, just trying
Speaker 1: to in two ends together to make a whole. But
Speaker 1: speaking of letdown, that's actually a great segue. That is
Speaker 1: a good name for something that we don't know that
Speaker 1: it's a name for. Yeah, well I mean it should
Speaker 1: we let's start that name. Yeah, men are a letdown.
Speaker 1: But that brings us into what the chat is about,
Speaker 1: and that is literally, dating in twenty twenty at the
Speaker 1: best of times is pretty bloody hard. It's not easy,
Speaker 1: and I feel like as time goes on it's getting
Speaker 1: more complicated. There's more apps, there's more terminology, there's more
Speaker 1: things that are right and wrong, there's more choice, and
Speaker 1: like we talked about in the main, no, there's more
Speaker 1: choice in terms of how you find the men, but
Speaker 1: the choice of men, I feel like starts to get
Speaker 1: really warned down. As someone that's been dating, I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell you in terms of the pool. Before I
Speaker 1: met Jordan, I was at the age a really awkward
Speaker 1: dating age, and anyone that's in this realm of I
Speaker 1: would say I'd probably put it thirty one to thirty five.
Speaker 1: You're in a really awkward time because you're at the
Speaker 1: point where everyone's already married, but they're figuring out that
Speaker 1: that's not the person for them. So you've got just
Speaker 1: a few more years to wait until they all divorce.
Speaker 1: So people are in their first marriage and the best
Speaker 1: part's going to come in a couple of years when
Speaker 1: I figure out they're in the wrong relationship. So you're
Speaker 1: in a limbo. You're in what I used to call
Speaker 1: dating limbo, where you're waiting for the first marriage to end.
Speaker 1: And that sounds horrible, but it's so true. You hit
Speaker 1: thirty five and everyone's free again. You're dating purgatory. So
Speaker 1: I just went ten years younger, well.
Speaker 2: Like increases age, and now I'm dating a guy who's
Speaker 2: currently in the UK twenty five.
Speaker 1: It's his birthday in two weeks it's twenty seven, Like okay,
Speaker 1: but Black Britt said this. I mean, like, we did
Speaker 1: talk about how this is going to be a really
Speaker 1: lighthearted episode and then we just got doom and gloom
Speaker 1: and you all, but we are talking about dating terminologies
Speaker 1: and now we know that you guys already are so
Speaker 1: aware of things like gas lading and love bombing and
Speaker 1: maybe even bread crumbing. You've heard of that ghosting ghosting
Speaker 1: and not bread crumbing like making a snitzl yeah, like
Speaker 1: Hansel of Gretel, like leaving bread crumbs.
Speaker 2: But so like, there are so many different types of
Speaker 2: terminologies for things that happen in the dating world. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go out and say that, like, some of
Speaker 2: these different types of experiences are new, and they've kind
Speaker 2: of brought on because of dating apps, and they're brought
Speaker 2: on because of the digital age, but there are so
Speaker 2: many of these things that are not new. Things like
Speaker 2: gas lighting. That is not a new thing that we experience.
Speaker 2: It's been around for a very long time. But the
Speaker 2: terminology and giving it a label means that when somebody
Speaker 2: else that you are friends with or somebody else that
Speaker 2: you know has experienced gas lighting, the fact that we
Speaker 2: have a name for it and we have a label
Speaker 2: for it means that we have a collective experience that
Speaker 2: we're able to actually identify and share because it's really
Speaker 2: hard to kind of explain, oh, this guy did this
Speaker 2: to me, and then he also did this, and then
Speaker 2: he was kind of manipulating me in this way, and
Speaker 2: then he made my feelings feel invalidated. You could talk
Speaker 2: about all these different things, but if you were like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I was dead in this guy and he was gaslighting me,
Speaker 2: we instantly know what that means. And then we're like
Speaker 2: ass wy, yeah, We're like, yeah, you need to just
Speaker 2: drop that guy or drop that girl. So basically, this
Speaker 2: is us giving you, guys a rundown on all the
Speaker 2: most common terms of all the new weird dating lingo
Speaker 2: that's out there. And this came off the back of
Speaker 2: Brittany reading an article which had to do with I
Speaker 2: wrote an article at hit home, guys, I mean, like
Speaker 2: many articles do, but this hit home hard.
Speaker 1: It's an article that was titled foster girlfriend. Now. I
Speaker 1: have experienced this for a long time, but I'd never
Speaker 1: heard it called a foster girlfriend, and I called it
Speaker 1: something different. So I'm just gonna quickly tell you. Urban
Speaker 1: Dictionary says that a foster girlfriend can be defined as
Speaker 1: a girl who dates a guy until they find their
Speaker 1: forever home. The man finds it very forever home. Now.
Speaker 1: I love that I can call it a foster girlfriend now,
Speaker 1: but I had a different name for it, which personally
Speaker 1: I like more. I called myself the one before the one,
Speaker 1: and it's quite catchy. I think I might make a
Speaker 1: movie into it. The one before the one, there was
Speaker 1: a pierid there for like us solid five years. And
Speaker 1: I'm not exaggerating. Every single person that I would date,
Speaker 1: the next person that they dated was the one. The
Speaker 1: literal next person was like, oh happy ever after, got
Speaker 1: a dog and a pick of fence and we're getting married.
Speaker 1: And I was exasperated. I was like, I created you,
Speaker 1: like I nurtured you to your marriage to I fixed
Speaker 1: your problems. I put your band aids on, and I
Speaker 1: set you free. For the next person, I didn't set
Speaker 1: them free. They left, usually of their own Screw you,
Speaker 1: foster puppy. You can go into this in so much depth.
Speaker 1: There are so many reasons, and most of the reasons
Speaker 1: come back to like reflecting on you as a person.
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily a problem with the men, and it's
Speaker 1: not that you have an issue either, but there's usually
Speaker 1: some deep seated issues where you're probably not actually ready
Speaker 1: for the relationship and you're going out and finding these
Speaker 1: injured birds that you want to nurture back to health
Speaker 1: because you don't actually want to deal with a real relationship.
Speaker 1: In hindsight, that was me, but I was dating these people,
Speaker 1: and at the time, I thought that I wanted to
Speaker 1: be with them. I thought I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're my penguin, They're a soulmate, like there's something in this.
Speaker 1: And then they would just leave and get married to
Speaker 1: someone else. And this happened to even people I dated
Speaker 1: for like a month, people that weren't even serious. They
Speaker 1: went and found them that the next person was it,
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is a sick joke. The
Speaker 1: universe is is like, why am I getting all their
Speaker 1: emotional baggage and damage and fixing them and teaching them
Speaker 1: how a relationship should be. That's what I thought I
Speaker 1: was doing. I felt like I was teaching them how
Speaker 1: to treat a woman and what was okay and what
Speaker 1: wasn't okay, because I was always quite strict in that sense.
Speaker 1: Then they would go out and then some other woman
Speaker 1: got this perfect specimen that I helped create.
Speaker 2: But I think, like you when you said that, you know,
Speaker 2: it's people who are not necessarily looking for a relationship
Speaker 2: or there's some junk there to kind of deal with.
Speaker 2: I don't always agree with that. I also think that
Speaker 2: someone who finds themself being a foster girlfriend it's because
Speaker 2: they're very caring and very nurturing. And I do think
Speaker 2: that that's the case for you Brett as well. Like you,
Speaker 2: but you want to help people, like you see the
Speaker 2: best in people, and so like literally finding someone who
Speaker 2: you're like, ah, I can fix you.
Speaker 1: It comes with so many good intentions. Right, do you
Speaker 1: worry about those police charges. We'll get past that.
Speaker 2: We'll say with this together until they're being wiped and
Speaker 2: then you can go on and have a happy relationship
Speaker 2: in a family.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: No, I think that there are some really great attributes
Speaker 2: to somebody who does this as well. You know, maybe
Speaker 2: if you are really wanting to be in a relationtionship
Speaker 2: and you are wanting to have a long term partner
Speaker 2: and you do find yourself being this foster girlfriend, like
Speaker 2: being aware that when you meet somebody who has so
Speaker 2: much junk to deal with and your role in the
Speaker 2: relationship is helping them overcome their junk to become a
Speaker 2: better person, or you can see the potential in who
Speaker 2: that person could be, but they're not actually being that person.
Speaker 1: In real life.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's when you should be aware that there are
Speaker 2: some red flags going on here, and you may be
Speaker 2: repeating that same behavior of like fixing and then setting free.
Speaker 2: Like I said, there's some good attributes to that, but
Speaker 2: also it can be very damaging to yourself long term.
Speaker 1: There were a number of reasons and indications that you
Speaker 1: why you're a foster girlfriend or that you could be
Speaker 1: a foster girlfriend, and when I read them, I was like, I,
Speaker 1: in hindsight, I was all of these things. And that's
Speaker 1: probably why things like you spend too much energy focusing
Speaker 1: on your career and things in your life and ticking
Speaker 1: off bucket lists and making sure you're dealing with every
Speaker 1: single thing in your life and achieving everything you want,
Speaker 1: and without you even knowing that, you're not ever put
Speaker 1: in the relationship first. While you think that you're nurturing
Speaker 1: these people, if your main priority is like ticking off
Speaker 1: for your bucket lists and doing all the things that
Speaker 1: you want to do without even knowing subconsciously, you're probably
Speaker 1: neglecting the relationship a bit. And when I look back,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, that was when I was
Speaker 1: like traveling the world for years and starting businesses and
Speaker 1: doing all these things on my own. And I think
Speaker 1: maybe I look back and I'm like, I was probably
Speaker 1: fostering them because dip down. I wanted the company, and
Speaker 1: I wanted the affection, and I wanted to love, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready to give them my all. And I
Speaker 1: think that that is like the main reason women get
Speaker 1: stuck in this foster cycle one before the one relationships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also think it ties into this idea
Speaker 2: that like you can constantly be seeing someone. I think
Speaker 2: foster girlfriends and foster relationships they very rarely tick over
Speaker 2: into being something serious, right. They're always like a little
Speaker 2: bit superficial. Maybe the guy kind of keeping you at
Speaker 2: arm's length, he's benched you in case something better comes along.
Speaker 2: But when you are the person that's constantly fixing someone
Speaker 2: else and constantly making someone aware of how they can
Speaker 2: be better or self improvement or all this sort of
Speaker 2: like time and energy that goes into who bettering a person,
Speaker 2: which sounds crazy because like you can't force someone to change,
Speaker 2: you can't force someone to be anything that they don't
Speaker 2: want to be. But it's an exhausting role in a relationship.
Speaker 2: And I think that often you'll find that that the
Speaker 2: relationship that you have where you're the one that's constantly
Speaker 2: trying to prop that other person up, it has an
Speaker 2: expiration date because that is a fucking exhausting relationship. And
Speaker 2: then they have been propped up, they've worked through their issues,
Speaker 2: and then they go on to be great partners to
Speaker 2: their next person, and that's where that repetitive cycle kind
Speaker 2: of starts.
Speaker 1: The thing that happens with foster relationships too is the women.
Speaker 1: If you are the person that feels like you are
Speaker 1: the foster girlfriend, you often feel like it's your fault
Speaker 1: and you get a bit heavy and hard on yourself.
Speaker 1: It's not your fault. You just haven't met the one yet,
Speaker 1: and it's easy to get down on yourself and be like,
Speaker 1: no one loves me, but they do. You just haven't
Speaker 1: met you one. Keep doing your thing, it will happen
Speaker 1: and totally.
Speaker 2: And I think like whether you're looking for a husband,
Speaker 2: someone long term, or you're just looking for a casual fling,
Speaker 2: the way to kind of prevent yourself from becoming a
Speaker 2: foster girlfriend or a foster boyfriend. I think it's more
Speaker 2: foster girlfriends. I don't think I know too many guys
Speaker 2: who have like dated perpetually until it's like the one
Speaker 2: before the one.
Speaker 1: I have a good friend that I spoke to him
Speaker 1: last week. He's the epitome of foster boyfriend. He literally
Speaker 1: he just got out of a marriage and he had
Speaker 1: a girlfriend a week later and I said to him, like,
Speaker 1: I have a relationships podcast, and I think I know
Speaker 1: what you're doing, your monkey branching. You just get to
Speaker 1: be alone. And he was like, you're like, we'll carry
Speaker 1: that in a second. He was like, bro, you're right.
Speaker 1: Like he's like, you're fucking right. He's like, I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. I've haven't been alone in ten years.
Speaker 1: So there are men that do it, but I think
Speaker 1: historically beeing we probably women are probably more prone to it. Well,
Speaker 1: I think the way to kind of if you find
Speaker 1: yourself or you have listened to this last little bit
Speaker 1: of the chat and gone, yeah, that's exactly what I am.
Speaker 1: Every single guy I date ends up in a long
Speaker 1: term relationship after me and leaves me for the one,
Speaker 1: then I think I'm trying to fix them.
Speaker 2: Well, yes, stop trying to fix them, but also like
Speaker 2: make yourself the priority in the relationship. You know, I
Speaker 2: know that things have to be like even handed and
Speaker 2: you have to like make sacrifices and compromises in a relationship,
Speaker 2: but whether you're looking for a husband or whether you're
Speaker 2: looking for a casual fleeing. Put yourself first and make
Speaker 2: your intentions clear from the beginning, like tell them what
Speaker 2: you're after.
Speaker 1: If you're after a.
Speaker 2: Relationship, then mate that known so that you're not being
Speaker 2: walked all over and you're not compromising the things that
Speaker 2: you want to try and fit somebody else's mold.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't be fixing someone from the start anyway. The
Speaker 1: fixing comes maybe when they break down halfway. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: get in to some of these. You can go the
Speaker 1: next one. It's a good one, and I know you've
Speaker 1: done it. Terminologies Okay, straight off the bat, Have I
Speaker 1: done it? What is the time? Fun? Okay? Hey being digmatized?
Speaker 1: I love this one. Such a great pun.
Speaker 2: Now digmatize came up in a conversation the other day.
Speaker 2: This is like the foster girlfriend chat happened, and then
Speaker 2: digmatize happened. We were having lunch the other day with Keisha,
Speaker 2: who is our new editor of the podcast. You'll probably
Speaker 2: hear us talk about her very so often, and she
Speaker 2: used the word digmatize. Now, Britt and I are I
Speaker 2: would say, like we are pretty well versed in everything
Speaker 2: that happens across the relationship spectrum, and.
Speaker 1: Both of us were like, what the fuck is that?
Speaker 1: It's because we've never heard a name, But when you
Speaker 1: explain what it is, we've both been there.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and I'm gonna say that you've been there too, girlfriend.
Speaker 2: So digmatized is when you stay in a shitty relationship,
Speaker 2: or you put up with a shitty guy or a
Speaker 2: situationship or a situationship well long past its expiration date
Speaker 2: just because his dick is so good and the sex
Speaker 2: is so great.
Speaker 1: So if you have found it, you all stay.
Speaker 2: If you have stayed, then maybe you've been digmatized.
Speaker 1: And guys, that's a put hypnotized with the dick lack
Speaker 1: a wand like expelling armis is dickie armis Okay, So
Speaker 1: I have definitely been digmatized. You guys know a lot
Speaker 1: about my really bad relationship that I stayed in with
Speaker 1: somebody who had displayed many traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
Speaker 1: We had amazing, amazing, amazing sex and that is why
Speaker 1: I stayed.
Speaker 2: Without realizing at the time, I thought we had a deep,
Speaker 2: deep connection and really it.
Speaker 1: Was a connection with dick that's a deep connection. That's
Speaker 1: about as deep as your connection with Yes. Anyway, there
Speaker 1: wasn't much else there.
Speaker 2: Once I really broke it down, I actually sat down
Speaker 2: and unpacked my relationship, and I was like, why do
Speaker 2: I love this man so much? What is it about
Speaker 2: him that's so special? I was like, Oh, he's cheated
Speaker 2: on me. Oh he gaslights me, Oh oh he manipulates me,
Speaker 2: he's penis. He doesn't even put any time in with
Speaker 2: my family and friends.
Speaker 1: I've never stayed in a relationship because of that. Like
Speaker 1: I can tell that you're like, because you're an idiot, Laura,
Speaker 1: but also like I stayed in a relationship with the
Speaker 1: social about this worse. But I have kept I guess
Speaker 1: I've had situationships. I guess that's a really good term
Speaker 1: for it. I have stayed like seeing people casually. There
Speaker 1: has been nothing. It is the most surface level thing
Speaker 1: you can imagine, purely because when we got together, it
Speaker 1: was fantastic. The sex was great. That was it. I
Speaker 1: don't think we even would talk.
Speaker 2: So you're like, the sex is so good that maybe
Speaker 2: something could come with this relationship, maybe we could fall
Speaker 2: in love.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like obviously they're you're penguin.
Speaker 2: You're like, we just are so well connected when we
Speaker 2: don't have any clothes on. But when the clothes are
Speaker 2: on and we have to sit at a cafe and
Speaker 2: have a conversation, we're like, what are we gonna talk about?
Speaker 1: We have all every single one of you, I can
Speaker 1: guarantee in your friend group you've gone out to learn
Speaker 1: you've talked about. So tell me about this guy. You're like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't actually really like him, but the sex is
Speaker 1: so good. Like how many times do you just say
Speaker 1: that you've been digmatized? Girls, you've been digmatized?
Speaker 2: Okay, So this kind of leads us into our second terminology,
Speaker 2: which is called white clawing. Now I did not know
Speaker 2: the name of this one. I was like, cool, never
Speaker 2: heard of that in my entire life, theodoran or something.
Speaker 2: White clawing, However, I've definitely done it now. White clawing
Speaker 2: is when you date someone who is boring as batshit just.
Speaker 1: Because they're good looking. I've been so.
Speaker 2: Guilty this, so I have never caught it white clawing,
Speaker 2: but I used to call it white bread.
Speaker 1: You know, when you meet a man who has absolutely
Speaker 1: no personality.
Speaker 2: They're not funny, but they are so beautiful that you
Speaker 2: convince yourself that maybe maybe we could have a connection,
Speaker 2: and maybe I just need to give it a bit
Speaker 2: more of a shot for that relationship to really develop
Speaker 2: and bloom.
Speaker 1: But had they been less.
Speaker 2: Attractive, you never ever, ever would have given it a
Speaker 2: second chance or a second date. I once gave it
Speaker 2: a six month worth of dates.
Speaker 1: I have been I'm like, straight up guilty of white chlorine.
Speaker 1: I always see this guy, like, obviously, this was a
Speaker 1: very very long time ago. He was quite a prominent
Speaker 1: person in the media, and he was a model. He's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I can't explain how boring and dumb he was, like
Speaker 1: there was nothing. The point that I would at dinner
Speaker 1: with him and I was just blank. I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't even believe we are having this conversation. It
Speaker 1: was a dumber stuff was. He was constantly looking at
Speaker 1: his own Instagram when we're out at dinner, like just
Speaker 1: peruising his own page of shit he's posted. There was
Speaker 1: nothing there. I couldn't talk to him about one thing,
Speaker 1: but I was like you, You're like, ah, you are beautiful
Speaker 1: to look at, and I'm just gonna keep going because
Speaker 1: I can't not like it would be rude not to
Speaker 1: have gone there.
Speaker 2: I remember so one of my really good girlfriends. She
Speaker 2: is incredibly intelligent, like sunny.
Speaker 1: Smart. She it's yes, it's it's pretty.
Speaker 2: But I didn't want to add her for that, so
Speaker 2: you know, you'll keep on keeping her anonymous. No, so
Speaker 2: this girl is like just bananas smart. Anyway, she hooked
Speaker 2: up with this guy. This is so many years ago,
Speaker 2: it's not funny that she hooked up with this guy.
Speaker 2: He was very, very good looking, and it was at
Speaker 2: a party. So yeah, she was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'll go out a date with you. We'll see what happens.
Speaker 2: This guy spent the entire dinner talking about his gym
Speaker 2: workouts and how he eats cans of tuna because he
Speaker 2: needs to have lots of protein. And now he said,
Speaker 2: but don't worry, I don't have AIDS. And she was
Speaker 2: like what what what.
Speaker 1: Do you mean? And he was like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't have a's and she was like I okay.
Speaker 1: She's like I'm glad that you don't. I don't understand
Speaker 1: how eating cans of tuna would have helped that. And
Speaker 1: he was like, you know, from the mercury poisoning and
Speaker 1: she was like, I am so sorry. I need to
Speaker 1: go because I don't even think you have any idea
Speaker 1: what's up and down or left or rock.
Speaker 2: I feel I have lots of brain cells at this
Speaker 2: sitting here having this conversation. He meant mercury poisoning. He
Speaker 2: didn't mean he got things very confused.
Speaker 1: That's his soul. His intentions were there. Book looked very
Speaker 1: very confused.
Speaker 2: She yeah, she kind of went on this day because
Speaker 2: she was like, this guy's super hot, maybe there could
Speaker 2: be something there.
Speaker 1: It's not enough and we've always said that, like we're
Speaker 1: always going to do it, but it is not enough
Speaker 1: for me. Like looks you want someone to be hot,
Speaker 1: but human personality or everything. But if you do Whiteclaw,
Speaker 1: you're not alone. In twenty nineteen, plenty of Fish survey
Speaker 1: of about a thousand yearsers revealed that over a quarter
Speaker 1: of singles have done this and forty two percent of
Speaker 1: them know someone who have done this. And according to
Speaker 1: this clinical social worker called fran Green, she is the
Speaker 1: author of the Secret Rules of Flirting. It's so common
Speaker 1: because apparently, if you're with someone that's really hot, you
Speaker 1: feel hotter. And I found that really interesting because if
Speaker 1: it's always like it elevates you, Like if you think
Speaker 1: they're that hot, you're like, oh, for them to be
Speaker 1: with me, like I must feel hot, And even if
Speaker 1: you're a tatting secure, it makes you feel better about yourself.
Speaker 1: And I must admit when I was like seeing this
Speaker 1: really he was like the hottest guy. When I was
Speaker 1: seeing this hot model guy, I was like, damn, like
Speaker 1: I knew here date in the past. I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe I've got some snazz, you know, maybe I've still
Speaker 1: got something. I give you some snaz. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a nerd, especially when you use words like that, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm a nerd bagger, I'm nerd. I get that. No,
Speaker 1: I love it. But I definitely had a feeling of like, well,
Speaker 1: if he's dating me the people that he's dated in
Speaker 1: the past, there's got to be something about me. And
Speaker 1: it made me, for a hot second, feel better. But
Speaker 1: I also have a lot of friends that refuse to
Speaker 1: date really good looking people because it makes them feel worse.
Speaker 1: So I don't know about this survey, what do you think.
Speaker 2: I think most people have been in a situation where
Speaker 2: they've dated someone and tried to convince themselves not necessarily
Speaker 2: convince themselves. But they've wanted to give it a shot
Speaker 2: because they've thought this guy's really attractive. But when you're
Speaker 2: sitting down and having those conversations and you're really trying
Speaker 2: to build a connection going, there is literally nothing here.
Speaker 1: And I mean I did it for a long time
Speaker 1: this guy.
Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy. I
Speaker 2: have nothing against him, and to somebody else he would
Speaker 2: be a total package and a total catch. We just
Speaker 2: had nothing in common. We were really into different things
Speaker 2: and therefore, to me, the conversation that he brought to
Speaker 2: the table was really boring. I'm sure the conversation I
Speaker 2: brought to the table for him was really boring because
Speaker 2: we were like two ships in the night, were not
Speaker 2: on the same page whatsoever.
Speaker 1: You just wanted to look and touch his face and body.
Speaker 2: Just wanted to touch everything. Yeah, yes, anyway, let's not
Speaker 2: go into that into too much detail. But yeah, he
Speaker 2: was a beautiful man, and I think that, you know,
Speaker 2: had he not been as aesthetically pleasing, I wouldn't have
Speaker 2: let it go on for so long. But I kept
Speaker 2: on willing myself, being like, oh, you know, maybe he really.
Speaker 1: Does like me.
Speaker 2: Maybe this could be something. And if I was to
Speaker 2: think now that I could have spent like forty years
Speaker 2: of my life having conversations about journaling, now you would
Speaker 2: have bailed. I would need to spoon my own eyeballs out.
Speaker 1: I think it changes with age too. The older, we
Speaker 1: get for sure, like we want to hook up with
Speaker 1: these people like once off because you just want to
Speaker 1: experience a night of pure magic. But I think the
Speaker 1: older you get your priority shift and you don't care
Speaker 1: for it anymore.
Speaker 2: Like oh, one hundred per I will take a funny
Speaker 2: guy over a hot guy any day.
Speaker 1: It make me laugh and my undies are off. Okay,
Speaker 1: The next one I want to talk about is something
Speaker 1: that I haven't heard about, and that is called flash panning. Now,
Speaker 1: I found this one quite interesting. It's that excitement when
Speaker 1: you get sort of I mean, this is a funny term,
Speaker 1: when you get steady when you start dating someone. But
Speaker 1: the first couple of weeks, you know when it's like
Speaker 1: really exciting and really special and really passionate. It's really steamy,
Speaker 1: it's really intimate. But then you can't handle the commitment
Speaker 1: after so it's like everything's great and you're so excited
Speaker 1: about it. But you're like, ah, still don't really want
Speaker 1: to go here. I looked up the reason it was
Speaker 1: called flash panning, and it makes more sense. I'm going
Speaker 1: to explain it to you because I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I said to Laura, I was like, where do they
Speaker 1: pull these terms from. It's actually a term from the
Speaker 1: gold mining days. So when the gold miners went down
Speaker 1: to look for their gold, they would see a flash
Speaker 1: that they're in the water, and that's the indication that
Speaker 1: there might be something there. So they would run and
Speaker 1: you'd get so excited to the gold in the water,
Speaker 1: being like I have struck gold. This is epic. Then
Speaker 1: they'd put it in their pan and they'd find out
Speaker 1: that it was just a rock that had a shimmer
Speaker 1: from the sun, so a little bit of quartz. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So that's where the name flash panning came from, which
Speaker 1: I think is really great because it's that excitement that
Speaker 1: it but you don't get anything from it.
Speaker 2: I'm really digging the level of research that you've done
Speaker 2: for this. That was really impressive. I'm all here for this.
Speaker 1: So more sense does it make now? I guess flash.
Speaker 2: Panning just really relates to people who are commitment phobic,
Speaker 2: who like jump in, all guns blazing, maybe a little
Speaker 2: bit of love bombing in there as well at the start,
Speaker 2: really making you feel special and wanted, like this relationship
Speaker 2: is heading somewhere, and then all of a sudden it
Speaker 2: starts to go real cold, real quick.
Speaker 1: And it's a funny thing too, because often you don't
Speaker 1: know why. Often you're like, why don't I want it?
Speaker 1: Why don't I want this? Like why do I still
Speaker 1: want to be with other people? Why don't I want
Speaker 1: to commit to them when everything else is good? It's
Speaker 1: almost unexplainable, but you know what, some things can't be explained.
Speaker 2: I love that you were describing this as in like
Speaker 2: why don't I want this? Because I feel like you're the.
Speaker 1: Flash Pana gold Mine, are guilty, Like and I know
Speaker 1: this from like our like years of friendship now, Like
Speaker 1: you would run in full guns blazing, and I'd be like, hey,
Speaker 1: what happened to that frendchie And You're like, yeah, nah,
Speaker 1: so done now. Yeah, It's like, but you were in
Speaker 1: love with him last week and you're like, yeah, this
Speaker 1: shit wasn't real. It was actually a rock. It was
Speaker 1: a nugget. But whereas I was the opposite, I was
Speaker 1: like I was like, I'm the shiny goal. Why the
Speaker 1: fuck have you disappeared? Because I have attachment issues. We
Speaker 1: all know that from past episodes.
Speaker 2: I was like the monkey brancher who wanted to be
Speaker 2: straight into the next relationship. And I was like, so
Speaker 2: we're gonna get married on Tuesday. Loved commitment. I'm all
Speaker 2: about commitment. Really want to just have two kids and
Speaker 2: punch out a third totally, you would have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were a bit crazy there for a little while.
Speaker 2: Wait you make out that like it's changed, Like I'm
Speaker 2: not crazy now. Anyway, We're fine. Well, we just kind
Speaker 2: of touched a monkey branching. We've talked about monkey branching
Speaker 2: loads on this podcast.
Speaker 1: I was guilty of it, and that's what.
Speaker 2: Britt was talking about earlier with her friend doing. It's
Speaker 2: when you kind of moved from one relationship to another relationship.
Speaker 2: So the issue with monkey branching is like you never
Speaker 2: really sever a relationship and then have time to heal
Speaker 2: and learn the lessons that you know you have been
Speaker 2: bestowed from that relationship. All you're doing is filling the
Speaker 2: pain of one breakup with the excitement and the joy
Speaker 2: of a new hobby of a new person.
Speaker 1: Of a new relationship, see just to be on your own.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And so you monkey branch from one relationship
Speaker 2: to the other relationship. And I think that you know,
Speaker 2: if you're guilty of doing this, you would know exactly
Speaker 2: who you are. Sometimes it takes a little bit of
Speaker 2: self awareness and self reflection, but I definitely monkey branched
Speaker 2: a lot in my past relationships, and prior to being
Speaker 2: with Matt, I had like some real time out and
Speaker 2: had some serious self reflection because I think the reason
Speaker 2: why you need to have that time out between relationships
Speaker 2: is because the lessons that you will learn and the
Speaker 2: things that you will gain from going through true heartbreak
Speaker 2: can only be learnt if you actually sit in that
Speaker 2: junken process why it happened and what you want differently
Speaker 2: for your next relationship. So this is one that I
Speaker 2: now feel super passionate about. If you are somebody who's
Speaker 2: monkey branching, if you are somebody who feels the pain
Speaker 2: of a breakup with a new person, stop it, like,
Speaker 2: stop doing it, because you're only robbing yourself of that
Speaker 2: self development, and you're robbing yourself of being happy on
Speaker 2: your own.
Speaker 1: Being on your own epic I reckon subconsciously. That's why
Speaker 1: I picked Jordan to date, because I knew who was
Speaker 1: going away here.
Speaker 2: I was like, like, I'm going to pick a guy
Speaker 2: that requires zero commitment. Honey, I love you so much.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see you in eight months, see
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: But another like, I guess this is a sub segment
Speaker 1: to monkey branching, which I really like because I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people that do this. It's called cushioning,
Speaker 1: and I think that this it sort of goes into
Speaker 1: monkey branching. Cushioning a lot of people sort of classified
Speaker 1: as micro cheating. Cushioning is not cushioning the blow for
Speaker 1: someone else, it's cushioning the blow for yourself. It is
Speaker 1: a backup for when you know as a person you
Speaker 1: never want to be alone, and when you know you
Speaker 1: want to end a relationship, you don't actually end it
Speaker 1: until you have someone on the go. Extreme cushionists, as
Speaker 1: I've just made up that term extreme cushionists, they will
Speaker 1: not it's a severe reflictionbetical treatment for this, take any biotics.
Speaker 1: Severe cushionists will actually not wait until they know their
Speaker 1: relationship is over to find someone else. But they will
Speaker 1: constantly have someone on the back burner, whether that is
Speaker 1: someone in the past that periodically they'll send a flirty
Speaker 1: text with, or they'll like their Instagram. It's all this
Speaker 1: really low key, like technically you're not doing anything wrong,
Speaker 1: and this is why people call it micro cheating, but
Speaker 1: it's literally I guess it goes into bread crumbing and
Speaker 1: these all these ideas of just keeping someone that little
Speaker 1: tiny bit interested so that when the time comes, you
Speaker 1: don't have to put the work in. You've got someone
Speaker 1: to literally jump to. So it's what sort of flows
Speaker 1: into monkey branching.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think a lot of people listening to this,
Speaker 2: like this is probably something that's really relatable when you've
Speaker 2: dated someone and they've had a friend or they've had
Speaker 2: an ex, so they've had someone who they keep in
Speaker 2: their orbit, in their sphere, and you know that there's
Speaker 2: something about that relationship that's a bit off, that makes
Speaker 2: you feel a bit uncomfortable, but it's always like no, no, no,
Speaker 2: we're just friends, like you're being crazy, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, after you break up, they're fucking dating,
Speaker 2: like they're dating, or they're seeing each other or something's
Speaker 2: going on. There and you're like, oh, in case they're
Speaker 2: getting married, yeahs elfrid.
Speaker 1: Am I crazy? No? I wasn't crazy. Of course there
Speaker 1: was something there.
Speaker 2: I think if you know that there's messages that are
Speaker 2: happening that make you uncomfortable, if there is a level
Speaker 2: of connection between your partner and someone else that makes
Speaker 2: you feel really irked, and it's something that you can't shake,
Speaker 2: and you're not normally a suspicious person in past relationships,
Speaker 2: I think that's a big one. If you know that
Speaker 2: you're someone who's super suspicious all the time, then maybe
Speaker 2: that that's on you. But if you feel like there's
Speaker 2: something about this that makes me uncomfortable about that friendship
Speaker 2: or that relationship, be wary of that because you maybe
Speaker 2: getting cushioned.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your gut, Like I believe you are a fantastic furniture.
Speaker 1: You are being cushioned, your friend, You're getting cushioned. All right?
Speaker 1: What is another one? We've made a whole list of these.
Speaker 1: There's so many of them, guys. Another one is dating
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty two? Is fucking wild? Twenty one? Twenty two?
Speaker 1: Twenty one? Why do you keep forgetting the year? We're
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one?
Speaker 2: Okay, it's concerning to me that you don't know what
Speaker 2: you were in.
Speaker 1: I don't know what day we're in. All I know
Speaker 1: is that I get four hours sleep and it's twenty
Speaker 1: twenty four, and I'm pretty sure it's April. Yeah, that's right, Yeah, perfect, Okay,
Speaker 1: Happy birthday mom. It's my mum's birthday. And she listens
Speaker 1: to the podcasty Birthday Missus Hockley gone, don't that Nikki.
Speaker 1: So another one is stashing. So it's also known as pocketing,
Speaker 1: and this is something that I have experienced to the extreme.
Speaker 1: It's like, think when you have contraband, you stash it away.
Speaker 1: It's hidden from you. You don't want anyone to know
Speaker 1: about it. You literally stash it out of sight. That's
Speaker 1: where stashing has come from. So it's when someone doesn't
Speaker 1: want you in their life. You might be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with them, but for some reason, you can't meet
Speaker 1: their friends. For some reason, they don't want to put
Speaker 1: you on their social media. They're stashing you. Now, I
Speaker 1: was stashed, guys, I was stashed, and I was stashed
Speaker 1: pretty extremely. You were stashed from the guy's wife. I
Speaker 1: was in a cupboard for a year. No, I yeah.
Speaker 1: Literally two years of my relationship with my sociopathic X
Speaker 1: I was a secret and he is so good at
Speaker 1: brainwashing and digmatizing that I was okay with that. I
Speaker 1: thought he was His lies and manipulation was so good
Speaker 1: that I was like, yeah, like it would be the
Speaker 1: best thing for I. I want to know about me.
Speaker 1: First of all, he didn't have social media, which I
Speaker 1: mean he told me he didn't, but he did. But
Speaker 1: that was his out for like why he doesn't post
Speaker 1: me because he didn't have it. So I was like, cool,
Speaker 1: couldn't care less. They're not meeting the friends or anything
Speaker 1: like that. I mean, and this is also manipulative behavior
Speaker 1: where they take you away from friends and family, so
Speaker 1: there's no other safety in net. But he just made
Speaker 1: me believe that our love was so special that he
Speaker 1: didn't want to share me in our limited time that
Speaker 1: we had together. Like he's like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: be out with my friends when I only get to
Speaker 1: see you every second weekend. You know, it was good.
Speaker 1: He was so fucked. He's dashed hard. He did a
Speaker 1: lot of things hard actually.
Speaker 2: But if you guys don't know what BRIT's referring to
Speaker 2: episode number three so I dated a sociopath. We always
Speaker 2: recommend go back listen to that. If you're new to
Speaker 2: lafe On Cut you haven't listened to it from the beginning.
Speaker 1: You'll realize why I was so messed up for so long.
Speaker 2: And every time we refer back to Britney's Psychopathic X,
Speaker 2: like that is where this comes from. So to give
Speaker 2: you guys contexts, go listen to that episode. It's such
Speaker 2: a good eat. Actually I can't say it's a good
Speaker 2: e because it's really traumatizing.
Speaker 1: No it's not.
Speaker 2: Now, it's super traumatizing, but it's very interesting to listen
Speaker 2: to it.
Speaker 1: It explains a lot about who I am. And it's
Speaker 1: like when I met Jordan, I let him listen to
Speaker 1: one episode. He doesn't listen to the podcast. I've banned him.
Speaker 1: He also doesn't want to know half this stuff we
Speaker 1: talk about. But I just want to know that you
Speaker 1: were digmatized by your ex. I said to him, Hey,
Speaker 1: look like when we met, I was like, listen to
Speaker 1: one episode so I dated Social Bath because like I was,
Speaker 1: so I didn't want to tell you my whole story again,
Speaker 1: I was like, you listen to it. If you've got questions,
Speaker 1: you can ask me otherwise, like, we never need to
Speaker 1: talk about it, but I feel like it explains a
Speaker 1: lot about me. And I left it at that and
Speaker 1: it was great. He had a few questions and he's like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back to your past, but
Speaker 1: anyway go back to that. But yeah, So stashing just
Speaker 1: this like keeping you out of you perpetually.
Speaker 2: So stashing or pocketing for anybody who's experienced this, if
Speaker 2: you're dating someone who doesn't want to share you on
Speaker 2: social media, is really anti being in a relationship with
Speaker 2: you on Facebook, you've never met their family and friends,
Speaker 2: or when you do, they don't like outwardly introduce you
Speaker 2: as their girlfriend or their boyfriend. They're like, Wela, this
Speaker 2: is my friend Sarah. We're just hanging out. Or if
Speaker 2: when you do meet their friends it seems like they
Speaker 2: don't really know who you are, or that the relationship's
Speaker 2: been downplayed to some extent.
Speaker 1: Something's not right. You have been stashed, my friend. You
Speaker 1: have been kept in the cupboard, and it's time to
Speaker 1: burst out and believe and be your true self. But honestly, like,
Speaker 1: if that's happening, it's not right. There's a reason someone
Speaker 1: is keeping you a secret. There's absolutely no reason that
Speaker 1: someone cannot introduce you to anyone in their life or
Speaker 1: put you on any social media platform or as is not.
Speaker 2: That's a big thing of it, is right. It means
Speaker 2: that they don't have to take responsibility for you. So
Speaker 2: when they do or if the relationship does break down,
Speaker 2: they just get to go back to their normal life
Speaker 2: and back to their life and back to their wife
Speaker 2: and back to exactly how things were beforehand, and they
Speaker 2: don't have to go through any of the breakup or
Speaker 2: the separation of or the talking about you to their friends.
Speaker 2: It's literally like you don't exist anymore. They slip back
Speaker 2: into their normal life. So, yeah, if you feel like
Speaker 2: you're being stashed or you feel like you're being pocketed,
Speaker 2: that is a big conversation that you need to have
Speaker 2: with your partner because there does come a time where
Speaker 2: you should feel fully integrated and fully a part of
Speaker 2: your partner's life, and it's a real reflection that they want.
Speaker 1: To be with you. And you know what, when I'm
Speaker 1: at Jordan and he was like, I don't I've never
Speaker 1: put anyone on my social media like a female. He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not big on that whatever, and I said to him,
Speaker 1: and I said, look cool, but I am no, I'm
Speaker 1: not even I'm not huge on it. Well, I've never
Speaker 1: had the experience. But I also said to him, look,
Speaker 1: heads up, I dated someone that kept me a secret
Speaker 1: for two years and like, and it did it gave me.
Speaker 1: When he's like, I probably won't post anything purely because like,
Speaker 1: I feel like we can keep this relationship between ourselves
Speaker 1: and not relationship. But he's like, he doesn't feel the
Speaker 1: need to be very public. He's not a public person.
Speaker 1: It was like, and it has never happened to me before.
Speaker 1: You're like public, podcast a buddy, social media friends. But
Speaker 1: it was wrong choice, buddy. It literally triggered me. It
Speaker 1: took me back to someone that kept me a secret
Speaker 1: for two years. And I said that and I would
Speaker 1: never make him do anything. I started to get this anxiety,
Speaker 1: which I've never had. I've never suffered from that, and
Speaker 1: I was like, that makes me feel like you want
Speaker 1: to keep me a secret, and that's all I said,
Speaker 1: and without saying anything else, he knew that if he
Speaker 1: went and put a photo up, it would make me
Speaker 1: feel better. So he just went and did it on
Speaker 1: his own, and I felt really good. About that so well.
Speaker 2: I think that there's a couple of things to consider
Speaker 2: with this idea, and like this kind of goes into
Speaker 2: a greater conversation around stashing, and that is, if your
Speaker 2: partner never posts on Instagram, they literally don't, they're not
Speaker 2: a social media person. They don't use Facebook, they don't
Speaker 2: use Instagram. That is a much lesser offense if they're
Speaker 2: not sharing you publicly on those social media platforms than
Speaker 2: somebody who's super active, who does stories, who does posting,
Speaker 2: and who is making a conscious and concerted effort every
Speaker 2: time they're on social media to not put you on there.
Speaker 2: Because that is where I think you really need to
Speaker 2: be like red Flag, Red Flag met me one hundred percent,
Speaker 2: feel that whatever is happening in your loins and go
Speaker 2: with that feeling.
Speaker 1: Because they're trying to maintain a status of being single totally.
Speaker 2: And why would someone need to do that unless it's
Speaker 2: because they want to keep other people on the burn too, because.
Speaker 1: They're pushing there. You go, all right, I reckon, We've
Speaker 1: got time for two more of these. Now.
Speaker 2: This is one that I really like because it's something
Speaker 2: that I've done and I think it's something that we
Speaker 2: can be really guilty of when we have a low
Speaker 2: sense of self worth, and that is something called eclipsing. Now,
Speaker 2: eclipsing is when you start dating someone and you instantly
Speaker 2: absorb their hobbies, their interests, and you are almost mirroring
Speaker 2: what they like and they want to do because you
Speaker 2: want them to like you, so you mold yourself like
Speaker 2: a little chameleon. There's so many terms they could have
Speaker 2: called this es separate eclipsing, that you mold yourself like
Speaker 2: a little chameleon, and you be the person that they
Speaker 2: want you to be in order for them to forward
Speaker 2: madly in law that.
Speaker 1: You think they want you to be. It's like when
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, I love horse riding too,
Speaker 1: but you've got a horse allergy.
Speaker 2: Well, climbing is my favorite thing ever, except I'm fucking
Speaker 2: petrified of heights.
Speaker 1: It's exactly that, it's just changing who you are because
Speaker 1: you think that you're going to be more attractive and
Speaker 1: likable to a person.
Speaker 2: We've all kind of like the time that I jumped
Speaker 2: out of an aeroplane with a parachute on on National TV,
Speaker 2: even though I'm petrified of heights, because maybe aggregate.
Speaker 1: That was I mean, you were forced out of that plane.
Speaker 2: I like hideous. I would say that that's eclipsing, right.
Speaker 2: So when I was on The Bachelor, one of the
Speaker 2: group dates was that we had to jump out of
Speaker 2: the plane with a parachuteon Do I want to go skydiving?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I actually have no interest in skydiving. Like I'll put
Speaker 2: my hand up and say that that is not thing
Speaker 2: that I want to do. I wanted to do when
Speaker 2: I was in my twenties.
Speaker 1: Now not too much. Can runge yeah too.
Speaker 2: I really love my life now. I don't need to
Speaker 2: prove anything to anyone. I did not want to do
Speaker 2: that at all. And I found out after we did
Speaker 2: that that somebody had broken their legs the week prior.
Speaker 2: Like that, shit scares the absolute hell out of me.
Speaker 2: And I realized this. So like when Matt and I
Speaker 2: after we'd been dating for quite a while, so we
Speaker 2: went to New Zealand and Matt wanted to go bungee jumping,
Speaker 2: And Matt had it in his head that I was
Speaker 2: someone who really likes doing skydiving and I really liked
Speaker 2: doing these eventure activities because I had said that I
Speaker 2: liked doing them when I was on the show, which
Speaker 2: I kind of lied about guys.
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 2: I think I fake. I don't even think I intentionally lied.
Speaker 2: I think I thought I wanted to do them like
Speaker 2: I do genuinely think I wanted to go skydiving. And
Speaker 2: then after I did it, I was like, that scared
Speaker 2: the absolute hell out of me. I'm never going to
Speaker 2: do something like that again.
Speaker 1: So same thing.
Speaker 2: We went to New Zealand and I was like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 2: I love bungee jumping, can't wait to get that a try.
Speaker 2: I got to the top of the bungee jump. I
Speaker 2: was the only person who didn't jump that day. I
Speaker 2: had a full blown pan attack. I bawled my eyes out.
Speaker 1: There was like seventeen year old girls just flinging themselves off,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm not doing this. I can't.
Speaker 2: I tried twice, so I fully got harnessed, would you
Speaker 2: make yourself, went to the edge, got unharnessed, got reharnessed up,
Speaker 2: went to the edge.
Speaker 1: Still couldn't do it. Okay, So I went to that
Speaker 1: exact bungee jump and I'm scared of heights as well.
Speaker 1: And you did it all right, I'm brittany, but I
Speaker 1: did it. No, I'm such a psycho that I nearly
Speaker 1: made myself sick to do it. My sister we went together.
Speaker 1: She just literally went well threw herself off. She loves it.
Speaker 1: I had this full panic to work myself up to it.
Speaker 1: I finally just did it. I was like, fuck, I
Speaker 1: just threw myself off, which I actually melted off the side.
Speaker 1: I did not throw myself off, but I did it
Speaker 1: seven times because the feeling I was petrified, but the
Speaker 1: adrenaline feeling, I was like, that is the best feeling.
Speaker 1: But every time I got to the top, I nearly
Speaker 1: had a milkdown again. But I still forced myself to
Speaker 1: do it. It's like this really weird adrenaline love. I
Speaker 1: couldn't do it, and I realized we realized you had him.
Speaker 1: Then you don't have to fake it exactly right. But
Speaker 1: I even said this to Matt. I was like, if
Speaker 1: we had just started dating, I know I would have
Speaker 1: done that bungee jump because you wanted me to do it,
Speaker 1: so I would have done it for you to, like,
Speaker 1: I guess, impress you, which I like that sounds crazy,
Speaker 1: throwing yourself off a cliff to impress a guy who
Speaker 1: would do that. But because we were fully dating, and
Speaker 1: because I knew that we loved each other and like
Speaker 1: him being into me wasn't based on me doing adventure sports.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't want to do this
Speaker 1: because I don't feel like I have anything to prove now.
Speaker 1: So eclipsing is a big one. If you feel like
Speaker 1: your interest in your hobbies shift and you're very chameleon
Speaker 1: like whenever you get into a new relationship, you're not
Speaker 1: really being authentic to yourself. You're not being authentic to
Speaker 1: who you are, and at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: maybe that person isn't as perfectly matched to you as
Speaker 1: what you think because you're not really being you. But
Speaker 1: also we're not saying don't go If you're dating a
Speaker 1: guy that's like I love to play golf, for sure,
Speaker 1: go play golf with him. Be like, oh, come play
Speaker 1: with you sometimes, but don't like I love golf, I
Speaker 1: played for ages. Then go buy some clubs and google
Speaker 1: how to play golf and get golf lessons. That's what
Speaker 1: we're saying. Like, we're saying, go and do those things,
Speaker 1: but be honest, be like, well, I'm not good at this,
Speaker 1: this is not my thing, but I'll do it with
Speaker 1: you for sure. So we have a shared experience, but
Speaker 1: like don't fake it totally trying new things like put
Speaker 1: yourself out there, have experience, but like know where that
Speaker 1: boundary lies between like trying to absorb that person's personality
Speaker 1: versus just like putting yourself outside your comfort zone being's
Speaker 1: a human. Yeah, okay, I want to talk about one
Speaker 1: that is called kitten fishing, and I love this. I
Speaker 1: just love the name. It's it's sort of like catfishing,
Speaker 1: but a step down. It's like catfishing with online dating.
Speaker 1: So essentially it is you're not being malicious, it's nothing
Speaker 1: because catfishing is ill intended. It is you are being malicious.
Speaker 1: It is premeditated. You're going out to completely lie to
Speaker 1: someone and ruin their life.
Speaker 2: Well, catfishing is like you are pretending to be somebody
Speaker 2: who you're not, completely different name, different person, different photos,
Speaker 2: Like it's Sally's seventy.
Speaker 1: Years old pretending to be Bob. That's hot, it's absent.
Speaker 1: But kitten fishing is like when you maybe curate your
Speaker 1: dating profile to be the best of the best. We've
Speaker 1: all done it. I was guilty of it for a
Speaker 1: long time. I put only the most immaculate photos on
Speaker 1: that were all perfect that I've probably taken five of
Speaker 1: each one to get the best one, because I thought
Speaker 1: that's what I meant five thousand. Sorry did I say five?
Speaker 1: I trailed off. Sorry I meant five thumb We've all
Speaker 1: been there. Don't worry. I did that because I thought
Speaker 1: that that's what people want to do. I'm like, cool,
Speaker 1: it's a dating profile. I want people to date me.
Speaker 1: I'll put my hot photos up. I can't tell you,
Speaker 1: like this was in the beginning. I've really let it
Speaker 1: all out at the end. I can't tell you how
Speaker 1: many dates at the start I canceled and how much
Speaker 1: anxiety I had about going to meet people when I
Speaker 1: started online dating, because I was like, I know, in
Speaker 1: real life, I'm just a normal average person. My profile was, oh,
Speaker 1: i'll call it, my profile was a ten. You am
Speaker 1: not a normal average person. You are an absolute smoking gun.
Speaker 1: You know what I will not have. I will not
Speaker 1: sit here and hear you talk ill of yourself. Ever. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking. I'm not talking ill about it.
Speaker 2: But you were like a Victoria's Secret model on your yeah,
Speaker 2: on my five thousand photos. No, I guess the thing
Speaker 2: is is like if you're going on a date and
Speaker 2: you're worried that you don't look like your photos, you're
Speaker 2: worried that you've put an inflated version of yourself, then
Speaker 2: you're probably kitten fishing. I think that, you know, if
Speaker 2: you're concerned about showing up and someone going oh wow,
Speaker 2: she looks hotter in a photos, then maybe that's not
Speaker 2: the most authentic profile you could put together.
Speaker 1: And there has been actually a lot of research, and
Speaker 1: I ended up changing my profile after a while to
Speaker 1: just very like normal photos. And I say normal by
Speaker 1: I mean like more down to earth, more laid back,
Speaker 1: less perfectly curated photos. And the research says that men
Speaker 1: are actually more attracted to that. They're more attracted to
Speaker 1: things that are more real, and they feel like they
Speaker 1: can relate more to that. So and I think the
Speaker 1: same thing. When I was looking at men's profiles, the
Speaker 1: ones that were all perfect and topless and curated, I
Speaker 1: was like, ill left and the post people that were
Speaker 1: like you could there were half laughing faces that were
Speaker 1: throwing themselves around in the ocean with their friends. They
Speaker 1: were the ones I was like, that guy looks awesome,
Speaker 1: So why wouldn't that being reversed and the men were
Speaker 1: the same thing. And when you put forward like really
Speaker 1: modely photos and you look so perfect on like your
Speaker 1: dating profiles, it's intimidating, Like that is intimidate I used
Speaker 1: to And when you say about men like I remember
Speaker 1: when I was on land dating. If I saw a
Speaker 1: guy who was like a full hunk like abs out
Speaker 1: looking absolutely ridiculously good looking, I felt super intimidated by that,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, I don't think that they
Speaker 1: would like me in real life anyway, Like I'm not
Speaker 1: pretty enough or funny enough, or great enough or whatever
Speaker 1: it is where I'm like, shut your pie hole.
Speaker 2: It instantly led into fed into my insecurities, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I'd much rather a guy who had a
Speaker 2: funny profile, who seemed down to dadboard with a bit
Speaker 2: of a dam. I'm here for a dad board even
Speaker 2: though matd has anything but a duty.
Speaker 1: It's ribbed. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Actually, he's so ripped now after Dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 2: He's been training every day. He's got minus five percent
Speaker 2: body fat. It's like I've just had a child and
Speaker 2: I'm like the most unfit version of myself and he's
Speaker 2: just gone like fucking ten times.
Speaker 1: The opposite direction. It's he is weirly fit at the moment.
Speaker 1: I remember coming Actually, I remember this conversation. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you were Laura. I showed you and Matt
Speaker 1: my dating profile one day. Because they were always living
Speaker 1: vicariously through me. I would come up to hear to
Speaker 1: hang out and I'd be like, show is he talking
Speaker 1: to blah blah blah blah. They both looked at my
Speaker 1: profile in the early days and they were like, you've
Speaker 1: got to change your profile. I remember Matt being like, girl,
Speaker 1: no one's going to swipe you. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I put so much effort into making this perfect. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's too polished. He's like people, I can tell you now,
Speaker 1: men will be intimidated by the fact that you look
Speaker 1: it's too polished and too put together. And Matt was like,
Speaker 1: you're not like that, and you were like, yeah, just
Speaker 1: go and fucking put one of you at the beach
Speaker 1: having fun. That was candid and I was really shocked
Speaker 1: by that. Girl. I was like, wow, I thought that
Speaker 1: that's what people wanted. So I changed that and I
Speaker 1: had way more success by like zero point zero five
Speaker 1: percent more success at least zero points zerifye like, but
Speaker 1: it was interesting. So you guys just think about that.
Speaker 1: Think about your profiles. If you're single and your dating,
Speaker 1: think about what you're putting up. Don't go to so
Speaker 1: much effort to make it perfectly curated, because it's not
Speaker 1: actually what people are looking for anyway, Stop getting fishing.
Speaker 1: I don't even like cats anyway, I'm related.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna do one more, which I always had tube,
Speaker 2: but now we're doing three because it's fun without a
Speaker 2: cause over here. The last one, and it's because we
Speaker 2: just kind of got onto like profiles and talking about
Speaker 2: tinders and whatever else. The last one is sanitizing. Now
Speaker 2: sanitizing figure tiz into COVID. It is how you should
Speaker 2: everyone's social distance, take care of yourself. Were gloves sanitize No,
Speaker 2: So sanitizing has nothing to do with COVID, But it
Speaker 2: has everything to do with sanitizing your social media of
Speaker 2: your ex. So, for example, if you've had a long
Speaker 2: term relationship or you've dated someone and you have photos
Speaker 2: of your ex on your Instagram and then you go
Speaker 2: back and delete every trace of their existence, you have
Speaker 2: just sanitized your Insta. And I think you know sometimes
Speaker 2: we sanitize because we've gone through really shitty breakups and
Speaker 2: really bad relationships and we don't want to remember them
Speaker 2: and we want to completely wipe that person from our hemisphere.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we just sanitize our Instagram because we're worried about
Speaker 2: what future or potential partners might think. They might think
Speaker 2: maybe we're still in a relationship because the relationship only
Speaker 2: recently ended. Sanitizing is a questionable thing to do.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's very related. It's an individual totally,
Speaker 1: and it's totally relative to the situation. Like we said,
Speaker 1: if a relationship ended badly, then that kind of lends
Speaker 1: itself more to sanitizing your social media. But if you
Speaker 1: had a good relationship, why would you delete all those photos?
Speaker 1: Their memories and you've lived that experience. It's contributed to
Speaker 1: who you are as a person, and somebody who comes
Speaker 1: in your future shouldn't be threatened by the fact that
Speaker 1: you have photos of your X on your Instagram. But again,
Speaker 1: maybe you want to sanitize to an extent, like to
Speaker 1: sanitize like one hand, maybe you want to get rid
Speaker 1: of the photos that are too lovey and dovey ll
Speaker 1: remind you of something too much and maybe you just
Speaker 1: delete a few photos that like hit a saw point.
Speaker 1: I have a friend. I have these friends that are
Speaker 1: in the most toxic relationship I have ever seen. It
Speaker 1: is disgraceful. I'm like, I don't know, and beyond anything,
Speaker 1: I don't know why they're constantly on and off and together.
Speaker 1: I'm like, just both of you leave. You know, it's horrific,
Speaker 1: But they sanitize. It's actually funny. I keep up with
Speaker 1: them by their Instagram. They sanitize on a weekly basis.
Speaker 1: You're like, I know when they've broken up because they've
Speaker 1: just deleted their last week of photos and then they're
Speaker 1: back together again. Yeah, they sanitize it, but they obviously
Speaker 1: just archive it because when they're good again, they put
Speaker 1: the photos back on the profile. And I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: actually ridiculous, Like delete them and break up or keep
Speaker 1: them on and say together, or break up and keep
Speaker 1: them on. I don't care, but they're on and off
Speaker 1: every week. I'm like, you're not clean.
Speaker 2: This is called and beautiful. I'm sick of this sitcom.
Speaker 2: I want to change the channel. Like, guys, we all
Speaker 2: know what you're doing and we don't care. We're not
Speaker 2: as investing in your relationship as what you are photos.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, guys, that is it from us on
Speaker 2: this topic. We have if you, I mean, if you
Speaker 2: have some other ones for us that we haven't covered.
Speaker 2: If you have heard of a great dating terminology that
Speaker 2: you want us to throw around with, chuck in the
Speaker 2: Facebook group, glide into our dms. These are all very
Speaker 2: controversial terms, but you know what, there's things that we've
Speaker 2: all done in relationships. They're all experiences that we've had
Speaker 2: and now we have labels for them if you ever
Speaker 2: experience it again.
Speaker 1: Also just a bit of fun, and I think it's
Speaker 1: going to continue to evolve with evolving technology. As all
Speaker 1: these new ways of dating come up, there's gonna be
Speaker 1: new terminology, there's gonna be new things to talk about.
Speaker 2: So yeah, as we can come up with more fucked
Speaker 2: up ways to treat each other, we'll definitely come up
Speaker 2: with more terms for it.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you about it, all right, guys.
Speaker 2: You know that we never finish an episode without our
Speaker 2: suck and our suite, our highlight and our low light
Speaker 2: of each and every week.
Speaker 1: And Brittany, you can go first. What is your suck, baby,
Speaker 1: My suck that you haven't left the bedroom. Yeah and
Speaker 1: a half, guys, the same suck as last week. Sorry,
Speaker 1: it'll be a different suck next week. I still have
Speaker 1: been in my isolation. I haven't liked my house. It's
Speaker 1: like a cesspit. It's like a sick cess pit. I
Speaker 1: feel like I need someone just come in and sanitize
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Actually I probably will do that, but
Speaker 1: that's been my suck. I've I've just really been knocked
Speaker 1: like I've never been knocked before. My sweet, I'm going
Speaker 1: to give to my sister Sherry this week. She lives
Speaker 1: up the road from me. In bonding like you're just
Speaker 1: giving out prizes this week, my prize goes to Sherry.
Speaker 1: My prize goes to Sherry. Sherry has undoubtedly been amazing.
Speaker 1: She looked after me so much this week. She was
Speaker 1: constantly bringing me soups to try and eat because I
Speaker 1: couldn't eat for a week, and she was forcing them in.
Speaker 1: She was going and getting my scripts filled and prescriptions.
Speaker 1: She was bringing me anything I needed. She was like,
Speaker 1: she was incredible. So my sweet goes to Sherry for sure.
Speaker 1: And she is moving away. She's moving to Queensland, so
Speaker 1: that will be my suck soon. She hasn't got a
Speaker 1: set date. She's looking for a house. So a lot
Speaker 1: of you on our stories have seen that. Sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: posting like I'm gonna miss you kind of thing, and
Speaker 1: a lot of you ask about it. Her plan is
Speaker 1: to be moving up north to start fresh up there
Speaker 1: for no reason other than you know, there's time for
Speaker 1: a sea change. So my suck for probably the rest
Speaker 1: of the year will be like me crime myself sleep
Speaker 1: because Jordan and Sheridan and everyone, I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 1: If you do, go with you, yeah, like we can't leave. Like,
Speaker 1: don't worry, I'll follow you. So my suck for the week,
Speaker 1: my week's been really good. I fucking love that. It's like, also,
Speaker 1: weren't allowed to do this. My only suck is that
Speaker 1: you have been sick and you have been really really
Speaker 1: out for the count and I have felt very very
Speaker 1: bad for you. Thank you, which is the worst.
Speaker 2: Also, when you told me that your bed is just
Speaker 2: strewn with vomit bags, I was like, that is next the.
Speaker 1: Guys, they're clean vomit bags there on hand. Also, my suck,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you my suck is.
Speaker 2: My suck is that Brits sent a photo of her
Speaker 2: throat to me. She sent me a photo of her
Speaker 2: throat when her throat was infected, and it still makes
Speaker 2: me feel like I'm going to vomit. I'm not good
Speaker 2: with like body stuff, like if someone's sick or like
Speaker 2: like bloody or there's like weeds, I can't handle it,
Speaker 2: whereas brit lives for this because she's like so hospitalized.
Speaker 1: But you know, when normally you have a sore throat,
Speaker 1: it's like it's like, oh, I've got a sore throat,
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, that sucks. But when you can
Speaker 1: physically see the necrosis at the back of your throat
Speaker 1: that he's like causing a blockage, that it's black. But yeah, guys,
Speaker 1: it was disgusting.
Speaker 2: It's like visceral for me, Like I actually, like every
Speaker 2: single time she talks about it, I am reminded by
Speaker 2: the image that I'll never get out of my head.
Speaker 2: I'm traumatized. I thought I didn't have a suck. I
Speaker 2: have a suck.
Speaker 1: That was it? Well, you know what it is. The
Speaker 1: doctor said to me, you know what's bad when we
Speaker 1: want to keep talking about just this one thing. He
Speaker 1: knows bad when you go to the doctor and he's
Speaker 1: like whoa. He's like, oh, my actual god, and he
Speaker 1: reiterated to the point that when I got home, he
Speaker 1: messaged me and he was like, please, don't hesitate to
Speaker 1: go to emergency, Like he was worried my throat was
Speaker 1: going to close over and I was gonna die. He
Speaker 1: was like, this is extreme. She had dead, rotting flesh
Speaker 1: in the back of her Anyway, Okay, move on. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm glad we cock you sweet.
Speaker 2: My sweet for the week is just Easter with the family,
Speaker 2: Like my life has changed so much and it's so
Speaker 2: strange to me that now I do Easter egg hunts
Speaker 2: with babies.
Speaker 1: And I had a really I don't know.
Speaker 2: I like it was my birthday the other week and
Speaker 2: I didn't mention this, but like when I was thirty,
Speaker 2: I was miserable and then turning and I had a
Speaker 2: massive party. We went to Bali and I was just
Speaker 2: having this like last week and a half, I've been
Speaker 2: having this kind of like reminisce about the fact that
Speaker 2: now that I'm thirty five, my life is so vastly different,
Speaker 2: but I'm so much happier, and how much can change
Speaker 2: in such a short period of time. Like I've had
Speaker 2: this real like self reflection over the last couple of weeks,
Speaker 2: just how quickly things that are shitty can change to
Speaker 2: being really great. And I'm really grateful for my family,
Speaker 2: and I love that we do weird little Easter egg
Speaker 2: hunts with babies now and.
Speaker 1: I'm just so wholesome. So it's something uffy. Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 2: It's weird because I am the one who thought she
Speaker 2: would never have kids and now I have two kids
Speaker 2: and I'm talking about a third.
Speaker 1: If you ever want to hide and chocolate for me,
Speaker 1: I'm down for that.
Speaker 2: There's someone to the table anyway. Guys, that is it
Speaker 2: from us today. We hope you love the episode. We
Speaker 2: know that it was mostly a much more lighthearted episode
Speaker 2: than what we do, except for the first half of it.
Speaker 2: Like you know, we did have that very important conversation
Speaker 2: around consent. But guys, if you have listened to every
Speaker 2: single one of our episodes or even just a few
Speaker 2: of them and love them, and you are that cheeky
Speaker 2: scallywag who hasn't gotten onto Apple and left a review yet,
Speaker 2: please jump on Apple and give us a review. Let
Speaker 2: us know what you think, because it is so important
Speaker 2: for us, for helping us grow, for helping other people
Speaker 2: find the podcast, and also just for giving us some
Speaker 2: great feedback for what you love and what you don't.
Speaker 1: So believe it or not. As an independent podcast, the
Speaker 1: reviews and the subscribing and the five stars, they are
Speaker 1: actually the things that help us stay here and help
Speaker 1: us grow. So maybe you didn't know that you do
Speaker 1: not now, so you've got no excuse, kay, Thanks bye?
Speaker 2: And also, if you haven't joined the Facebook group, it
Speaker 2: is Life on Cut podcast. We also have an Instagram page.
Speaker 2: Please join Life on Cut Podcasts on Instagram. You can
Speaker 2: slide into our dms. There you can ask us questions
Speaker 2: for Ask gun Cut. We love answering your questions and
Speaker 2: we're going to get a few of them ready.
Speaker 1: For this week.
Speaker 2: Also, this week's Ask gun Cut is going to be
Speaker 2: a very very special one because we have Maddie Jay
Speaker 2: joining us for a male's perspective. So if you have
Speaker 2: any questions that you want to ask for a guy,
Speaker 2: make sure you tune into this this episode of Asphalt.
Speaker 1: And this will Actually we've had many day on a
Speaker 1: few times, but usually filter in when one of us
Speaker 1: is sick or away for an ask on card. This
Speaker 1: will be our first one where it's going to be
Speaker 1: the three of us. It's a menajatur and is a
Speaker 1: Pi bangerous theorem, is it. It's such a nerve burger.
Speaker 1: Let's just finish this.
Speaker 2: Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your friends, tell
Speaker 2: your cat, to your dog, and tell everyone and shed
Speaker 2: the love because we love that