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Speaker 1: It's Friday. This is the Happy Families Podcast. We're so

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Speaker 1: glad you're back. Thanks for joining us. Today is homeschooling

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Speaker 1: over for the Colson's a big conversation in our Old

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Speaker 1: Do Better Tomorrow episode, plus more from this week in Parenting.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, we've got a big roadblocks update, massive news,

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Speaker 1: massive news for our eighteen year old daughter, and some feedback.

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Speaker 1: We've been getting more feedback on the pod lately in

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Speaker 1: our episodes than ever before. Some feedback that we must

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Speaker 1: share about ADHD and medication, and a whole lot more.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. Stay with us, Good day,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. Real parenting solutions every

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Speaker 1: single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are

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Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie Coulson. We're the parents of six kids

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Speaker 1: on the author of a bunch of books, and the

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Speaker 1: host of a TV show on Channel Line that hopefully

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Speaker 1: you have seen and loved parental Guidance. And today, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: we're kicking off our Old Do Better Tomorrow with this

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Speaker 1: week inherenting. Thank you Jr. For making me sound so,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, really big, so big, not really that

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Speaker 1: big A couple of things we need to go through.

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Speaker 1: Number one, Kylie, so my old a better tomorrow. I'm

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Speaker 1: just going to do it now. I've been sick. I've

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Speaker 1: had food poisoning all week. I've been in bed. I

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Speaker 1: have not had any interactions that have been worth sharing

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Speaker 1: with anybody, especially on the pod. It's been horrible, and

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Speaker 1: it's been a big week for our eighteen year old.

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Speaker 1: Our first bit of this week in parenting, this is

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Speaker 1: not national news. This is just our news.

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Speaker 2: Graduation done, finished, finale, it's all over.

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Speaker 1: We've just got the formal tomorrow night, which is a

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Speaker 1: bit of an affair, and then we never have to

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Speaker 1: talk about this child in school again. And we are

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Speaker 1: so relieved. So that's this week in paring. You went

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Speaker 1: to the graduation. I stay at home, and.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure that you willed yourself to be sick for that.

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Speaker 1: I've been to so many of these things. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I really wanted to be there for her, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not sorry that I wasn't there for it.

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Speaker 2: How was it everything you expected?

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Speaker 1: Perfect? Perfect?

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Speaker 2: All right?

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Speaker 1: Second thing for this week in parenting, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: how fast the time's gone. But two weeks ago we

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Speaker 1: did an episode that created a lot of feedback emails,

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Speaker 1: podcasts at happy families dot com dot a you, or

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Speaker 1: you can send us a voice note to the same

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Speaker 1: address podcast at happy families dot com dot you. Well

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Speaker 1: you just got a happy failies dot com dot you

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Speaker 1: and push the button and start talking. It's really really easy.

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Speaker 1: First off, an email, This one came through from Liz,

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Speaker 1: who said, I found your recent Halloween episode on ADHD

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Speaker 1: absolutely brilliant. I too, have read Sammy Timmy's book Searching

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Speaker 1: for Normal and Naughty Boys in Pursuit of a Theoretical

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Speaker 1: Spy and to what I feel intuitively about ADHD therapy

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Speaker 1: talking the growing mental health explosion. As a mum of

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Speaker 1: a son that has withstood a barrage of teachers telling

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Speaker 1: me to put my son on medication, I found your

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Speaker 1: insights spoke to my soul. Thank you for being a

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Speaker 1: forever curious learner and being open to other ideas. It's

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Speaker 1: refreshing in a world of false certainty. That was from Liz.

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Speaker 1: We didn't get any negative feedback. We only got positive

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Speaker 1: feedback on that episode, which I was surprised by because

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Speaker 1: it's a really provocative and challenging topic, but a thoughtful

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Speaker 1: question came through today's Not a Doctor's Desk episode. It's

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Speaker 1: not a tricky questions episode, but I think we can

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Speaker 1: answer this one really fast, and it just highlights the

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Speaker 1: complexity and the challenge around that particular topic and why

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Speaker 1: it was one of our most listened to episodes in

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Speaker 1: recent months. Here's the question that came through.

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Speaker 3: I really liked the episode you guys just did on

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Speaker 3: the ADHD medication research, and I understand from what you

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Speaker 3: presented that there can be a lower quality of life

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Speaker 3: for children who do take ADHD medication.

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Speaker 4: And I know that missus Happy Families said that, you know,

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Speaker 4: a lot of the time it feels like children are

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Speaker 4: medicated for the convenience of their parents. But what I

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Speaker 4: would love to hear your thoughts on is what about

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Speaker 4: quality of life for parents? I mean, I think most

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Speaker 4: parents probably wouldn't want to medicate their child just to

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Speaker 4: make their own lives easier. But when the ADHD is

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Speaker 4: at a point where everyone's quality of life is impacted,

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Speaker 4: what are your thoughts on that. So, you know, kids

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Speaker 4: are struggling at school, relationships are being impacted, there's fights

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Speaker 4: all the time at home. Parents are just struggling to cope.

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Speaker 4: Where does that sort of fit in your experience and

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Speaker 4: your thoughts?

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Speaker 3: I'd really really love today.

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Speaker 1: So thoughtful, heartfelt question, really tricky stuff.

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Speaker 2: I think it's really important for parents to know that

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Speaker 2: we're not the experts in everything, and you are the

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Speaker 2: expert in your family. You have to make decisions that

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Speaker 2: feel right for you and your children. Like we've got opinions,

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Speaker 2: we've got experience in so many different areas, and we

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Speaker 2: have experience with our children specifically, but each family has

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Speaker 2: to kind of work through these things and gather the

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Speaker 2: information that feels right to them and make a decision

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Speaker 2: that's going to make a difference in their lives. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So, I mean, on top of experience and opinion, I've

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Speaker 1: got more than twenty years of experience doing this work now,

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Speaker 1: and my response is a little bit different to yours.

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Speaker 1: I'm probably a little bit more I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know polarizing with my response? Am I polarizing person?

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Speaker 2: I remember being a young mum and being lost a

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Speaker 2: lot of the time and trying to make decisions and

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Speaker 2: everyone's got an opinion and it's so loud, and.

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Speaker 1: See the specialist and then yes, and the specialist tells

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Speaker 1: you stuff, but then you listen to the podcast, and

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, well, actually, the research is saying something the

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Speaker 1: specialist clearly, and research shows that specialists aren't reading the research.

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Speaker 2: But the challenge is I stopped listening to my own voice.

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Speaker 2: I stopped listening to what felt intuitively right for me

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Speaker 2: and my child. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I still don't know that intuition is always going to

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Speaker 1: be right either. Sometimes we need to rely on the

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Speaker 1: research and the research. So here's how I'd respond, which

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Speaker 1: is just a little bit counter to you. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying that you're wrong. I'm just I have I

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Speaker 1: have a different response to this, and my response is

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Speaker 1: as follows. If you are struggling.

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Speaker 2: With a child who is medicated and are not medicated,

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Speaker 2: she's asking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so do I put my child on medication because

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Speaker 1: things are crazy? I'm going to say, we've got to

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Speaker 1: stop blaming the child, and we've got to stop diagnosing

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Speaker 1: the child, because this is not a child problem. In

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Speaker 1: most instances, this is an environment problem. And so I'm

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Speaker 1: going to say, as impossible as it sounds, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know how you do it in practical terms, because

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Speaker 1: everyone's got two or three jobs and everyone struggling to

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Speaker 1: pay the mortgage, all the rant and cost of living

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Speaker 1: and the kids and school and whatever. But I would

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Speaker 1: be saying, what can you do to get off the

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Speaker 1: hamster wheel? What can you do to start playing the

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Speaker 1: game by different rules? Everyone says that your kids have

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Speaker 1: to go to school, that they have to sit in

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Speaker 1: this round hole and act like this square peg or

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Speaker 1: whatever it is. And my question is why. So we

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Speaker 1: had similar struggles early on with our daughter and we said, well, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to play that game anymore. And yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: an element of privilege when you can say, well, we've

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Speaker 1: got a parent who was able to stay at home

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Speaker 1: and become a full time homeschool parent.

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to push back. It might feel like

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Speaker 2: privileged to some people, but it's totally turned my life

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Speaker 2: upside down.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, completely, Like it's not I haven't.

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Speaker 2: Made this decision because it makes my life easier in

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Speaker 2: so many ways. It complicates my life beyond belief. It

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Speaker 2: would be so much easier, so much easier for me

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Speaker 2: to send us to school.

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Speaker 1: Not to mention the fact that you've had jobs in

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Speaker 1: the past and you might like to work, and now

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Speaker 1: that's just not an option, like, and our family wouldn't

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Speaker 1: mind if you were doing that. We could do it

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Speaker 1: with an extra dough every now and again, especially with

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Speaker 1: Christmas comes, I don't.

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Speaker 2: Spend time with friends. I have stopped doing all of

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Speaker 2: the things that bring me joy. Yeah, Like, this is

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Speaker 2: not I get a little bit antsy when we're kind

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Speaker 2: of talking about being privileged to make the decision. This

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Speaker 2: has actually been a really hard decision.

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Speaker 1: So what I'm really getting at here, though, is this

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Speaker 1: is a This is an environmental thing more often than not,

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Speaker 1: and if you can change the environment, get rid of screens,

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Speaker 1: make sure the diet's good, is sleep happening, Is there

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Speaker 1: enough physical activity. I'm looking at all of those things

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Speaker 1: first before I'm saying let's medicate.

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Speaker 2: And I agree entirely. I think that too often we

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Speaker 2: just want the quick fix because we feel stretched. We're stretched,

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Speaker 2: our lives take so much from us, and often as

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Speaker 2: parents we've kind of got little to give our kids

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Speaker 2: at the end of the day. Yeah, yep, so we've

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Speaker 2: got We've got the whole mix wrong.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully that's a helpful quick answer. It's it's not a

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Speaker 1: tricky question. Episode. This is a This Week in Parenting housekeeping.

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Speaker 1: Let's let's just do the quick round up. There's one

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Speaker 1: more piece of this week in parenting news that I

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Speaker 1: need to run through that is very important. Roadblocks. Oh

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Speaker 1: my goodness, Roadblocks in the news again. Roadblocks has contacted

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Speaker 1: me directly. I've had some fairly strong things to say

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Speaker 1: about Roadblocks over the years, and they have shared some

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Speaker 1: recent communications about some changes that are happening, and I

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Speaker 1: just think it's important that I pass those on because

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Speaker 1: if you're a parent who's been listening to the podcast

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Speaker 1: for a long time and have taken the same approach

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Speaker 1: that we have that our children are not going to

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Speaker 1: be on roadblocks, you might want to know about it.

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Speaker 1: So basically, what they're doing now as a result of

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Speaker 1: the December ten changes, even though the government is not

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Speaker 1: mandating that Roadblocks do this, Roadblocks is currently not on

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Speaker 1: the list. What they are doing is that they're requiring

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Speaker 1: a facial age check for all users who are accessing

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Speaker 1: chat features. Now, let me say that again. All users

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Speaker 1: who are accessing chat features now require a facial age check.

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Speaker 1: So they're technically the first online gaming or communication platform

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Speaker 1: to do that. It's already kicked off. It started a

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Speaker 1: couple of days ago. Literally this week, users can voluntarily,

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Speaker 1: and let me just emphasize, voluntarily complete an age check

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Speaker 1: to secure chat access ahead of the upcoming requirements. They're

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Speaker 1: doing it here in the Netherlands and New Zealand, which

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Speaker 1: I think is quite interesting, and they're planning on rolling

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Speaker 1: about globally in January. Now what does that mean? Why

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Speaker 1: does that matter? What it means is that they can

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Speaker 1: now implement what they're calling age based chat. So basically,

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Speaker 1: your child uploads an image of themselves, right, and then

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Speaker 1: they will be put into groups according to age groups,

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Speaker 1: So you can only chat with people in your age

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Speaker 1: group under nine, nine to twelve, thirteen to fifteen, sixteen

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Speaker 1: to seventeen, eighteen to twenty or twenty one and over.

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Speaker 1: You can chat with those in your own age group,

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Speaker 1: oh sorry, and similar age groups as appropriate. So this

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. There's one other thing that's worth highlighting here.

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Speaker 1: To keep their youngest users safe, chat in experiences will

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Speaker 1: be turned to default off if you're under nine unless

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Speaker 1: a parent provides consent after an age check. So there's

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Speaker 1: a few other things in there that we don't have

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Speaker 1: time to talk about in today's pod, but roadblocks of

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Speaker 1: each out and they've said we're trying, we're doing something here.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's always nice to know that someone's trying. How

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Speaker 2: do you think this will impact kids' safety moving forward?

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Speaker 1: So whenever I hear the idea of trying, I'm reminded

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Speaker 1: of master Yodoran stars cry not do, I'll do not.

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Speaker 2: There is no try.

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Speaker 1: I think that these are positive changes. The proof is

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Speaker 1: in the pudding. It's not going to change my mind

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Speaker 1: about allowing our daughter on roadblocks. There are still too

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Speaker 1: many other problems in terms of the conversations that happen,

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Speaker 1: the games that are available on the platform, the content

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Speaker 1: that's available. They are saying now that they're going to

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Speaker 1: be putting limits on mature content and external link sharing,

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Speaker 1: that they're going to be increasing parental controls for visibility

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Speaker 1: and customization, proofs in the pudding. I'm not willing to

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Speaker 1: trust them yet. I don't think that they've done anything.

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Speaker 1: I don't think any tech company has done anything that says, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: they've got my child's best interest at heart. I truly

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Speaker 1: don't believe that they. I'm not a screens bad kind

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Speaker 1: of person. I'm a life and childhood is good kind

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Speaker 1: of person, and I don't think that this is the

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Speaker 1: necessary part of a healthier, happy childhood. So I wanted

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Speaker 1: to pass it on because they are making improvements, and

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Speaker 1: I want to give some credit where credit's due. I

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Speaker 1: don't think the credits are nearly big enough or good enough,

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Speaker 1: and I don't believe that they're going to move the

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Speaker 1: needle in a meaningful way, although it is a start

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Speaker 1: and I'm pleased about that. Right, that's it for our

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, our housekeeping. Our fifteen year old got

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Speaker 1: crankapp me the other day. She said, Dad, I don't

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Speaker 1: like older better tomorrow anymore. There's too much housekeeping and

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Speaker 1: enough stories about us. So after the break, is our

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Speaker 1: youngest going to keep on homeschooling? You've had a conversation.

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Speaker 1: It's your old do better Tomorrow's story. We'll find out

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Speaker 1: more next. Stay with us. We're back. This is the

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Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast, Kylie, What is your old do better

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Speaker 1: Tomorrow's story? Since I don't have one?

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Speaker 2: If my conversation with you before the break about how

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Speaker 2: homeschooling actually has completely I don't want to say turned

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Speaker 2: my life to upside down, but it's completely changed the

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Speaker 2: way I get to live my life and I get

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Speaker 2: to the end of the year, and I do feel

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Speaker 2: burnt out, and I do feel really disconnected from the

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Speaker 2: people that I love and care about, and so I

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Speaker 2: get into this mindset where it would be really really

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Speaker 2: nice to kind of hand her back over to the

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Speaker 2: system and get somebody else to do the hard yards.

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Speaker 2: And at the same time I was having those feelings,

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Speaker 2: she got invited to go back to her school with

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Speaker 2: one of her school friends and attend a school event,

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Speaker 2: and imed an out about it, and I thought, you know,

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Speaker 2: is this just gonna kind of create more challenge for

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Speaker 2: her and struggle as she tries to work out what

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Speaker 2: she wants to do moving forward, or is this going

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Speaker 2: to be exactly what I need. She's going to go back,

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Speaker 2: want to be there, and we just hit the button

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Speaker 2: and you know, kind of pay the bills. But I

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Speaker 2: decided that I just I needed to give her opportunities,

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Speaker 2: and so I let I know that her friend had

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Speaker 2: asked if she wanted to go. She actually didn't want

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Speaker 2: to go on the beginning, but she changed her mind

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Speaker 2: and so she went along, and she came home and

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Speaker 2: she was really really excited and she said, Mom, I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking I want to go back to school in year

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Speaker 2: six or maybe year seven. But I you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: really I need you to know. I want to go

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Speaker 2: back to my old school. I don't want to do

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Speaker 2: a new school anyway. I left it for a day

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Speaker 2: or two, and I thought, I'm just going to tap

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Speaker 2: back in with her about this. And so I went

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Speaker 2: in and I said, do you think we could have

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Speaker 2: an exploration conversation. We're just going to explore a couple

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Speaker 2: of thoughts. I said. It doesn't mean that anything's going

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Speaker 2: to change. I said, but I'd really love to understand

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Speaker 2: how you're feeling. She said, sure, Mom. And I said,

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Speaker 2: the other day you told me that you want you

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Speaker 2: wanted to go back to school in year six or

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Speaker 2: year seven. I said, well, do you know that year

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Speaker 2: six means next year, so you're gonna have it. You're

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Speaker 2: gonna have the Christmas break and then you start year

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Speaker 2: six work. And she said, oh, yeah, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to go back to school next year. And I said,

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Speaker 2: can you tell me a bit more about that. I said,

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Speaker 2: if we were to sit down and work out the

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Speaker 2: reasons that you would go back to school, like, what

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Speaker 2: are the pros for you? What stands out the things

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Speaker 2: that you feel like you're missing out on. She did

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Speaker 2: such a great job. She was able to rattle them

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Speaker 2: off really quickly. She just said that she really misses

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Speaker 2: hanging out with her school friends, so for her, that's

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Speaker 2: a pro. She gets to see her friends every day.

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Speaker 2: She loves the fact that at school there's structured learning,

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Speaker 2: which she experiences at home, but she does it with others,

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Speaker 2: so she's got the community at school. She highlighted that

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Speaker 2: at school she gets to plan the playground every day,

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Speaker 2: so she's moving her body, that she's got access to

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Speaker 2: a library every day. This was really important for her,

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Speaker 2: and that her time was always taken up at school.

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Speaker 2: So I said to her, Okay, well that's a great list.

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Speaker 2: I said, why wouldn't you want to go back to school,

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Speaker 2: and she said, they're only might but I could get bullied,

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Speaker 2: Like I might get bullied, and I might be mistreated

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Speaker 2: by people at school. And really I struggle sometimes listening

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Speaker 2: to the teacher, so I might get in trouble. I

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Speaker 2: don't like getting in trouble. I'm like, okay, anything else

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Speaker 2: She didn't have anything else. I'm like, okay, I said,

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Speaker 2: can you tell me what it is that you love

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Speaker 2: about being at home. And this actually blew me away

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Speaker 2: because she had this beautiful list for going back to school,

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Speaker 2: like it sounds.

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Speaker 1: Like, yeah, it's like decision, but the list.

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Speaker 2: About staying home, like rattled off her tongue, is just

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Speaker 2: like so fast. And she just said, I love that

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Speaker 2: Mum's my teacher. I love that I can get most

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Speaker 2: of my learning done in about two hours each day.

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Speaker 2: That it's flexible, and it means that if I want

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Speaker 2: to be able to spend time with my friends in

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Speaker 2: the morning, I can do my school work in the

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Speaker 2: afternoon or vice versa. I love that I get to

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Speaker 2: do it at home in an environment that feels good, safe,

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Speaker 2: and familiar to me. She said that she has great

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Speaker 2: friends in her homeschooling community, and she loves that she

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Speaker 2: can catch up with them pretty much whenever she wants.

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Speaker 2: She's got lots of free time to be creative and

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Speaker 2: do things that really fill her cup, and she's got

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Speaker 2: more available time to do work around the house so

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Speaker 2: she can earn some money. She's pretty entrepreneurial.

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Speaker 1: In that regard, well entrepreneurializing. I want money for mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: So I said to her, well, that's a really big list.

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Speaker 2: I said, what are the cons and she said, screens

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Speaker 2: are a really big issue. She really struggles to self

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Speaker 2: regulate when it comes to the use of screens, which

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Speaker 2: means there's constant tension between her and ies. I try

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Speaker 2: to help her navigate that space. She sometimes gets bort

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Speaker 2: because she's on her own a lot, and then sometimes

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Speaker 2: feels like the lessons that she's working on and not

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Speaker 2: engaging enough for her. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That's that's been a big downside of one of the

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Speaker 1: curricula that we're involved with. Is it just feels like

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Speaker 1: it's school at home. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And so I looked at that list and I said, so,

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Speaker 2: what do you think we should do? And she said,

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Speaker 2: I want to stay home next year And I said okay,

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Speaker 2: I said, and what about starting school in year seven?

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Speaker 2: She said, yeah, I think that that's what I want

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Speaker 2: to do. So at this point, we've got another year.

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Speaker 2: And I want to say I'm ecstatic, right, I want

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Speaker 2: to say that I'm so glad that she's come to

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Speaker 2: this decision for herself. The reality is, I would love

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Speaker 2: her to have the communal learning that she misses. I

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Speaker 2: would love her to have that in an environment that

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Speaker 2: enables her to tap into her strengths and her uniqueness,

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Speaker 2: and it's really hard to find something like that in

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Speaker 2: a system. And so while I would love for her

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Speaker 2: to have those things, I'm so grateful that right now

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Speaker 2: she knows in her heart that what we're doing is

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Speaker 2: actually the very thing that she needs right.

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Speaker 1: Now, really important conversations. To be able to take the time,

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Speaker 1: sit down, and to do the exploration, knowing that there's

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Speaker 1: no expectation at the end of it. It just helps

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Speaker 1: the kids to open up. They feel so heard and

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Speaker 1: seeing the fact that you took notesn't it It means

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Speaker 1: they really pay attention to what they're saying, like they

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Speaker 1: really think about the discussion. Kytie, our time is up.

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Speaker 1: But I've just had a realization for the first time

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Speaker 1: in eighteen years, we're going to only have two kids

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Speaker 1: at school next year. I know we've got a daughter

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Speaker 1: doing year eleven and a daughter doing year six next year.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness. That means in two years,

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Speaker 1: but down to one child at school, not that I'm

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Speaker 1: wishing for years. Oh my goodness. Thanks so much for listening.

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Speaker 1: We hope that you've enjoyed our conversation today about roadblocks ADHD,

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Speaker 1: school stuff and a whole lot more. Have a great weekend.

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Speaker 1: The Happy Family podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 1: Bridge Media, Mim Hammond's provised research had min and all

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Speaker 1: of our other support and if you'd like more info

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Speaker 1: or if you'd like to get in touch, just go

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Speaker 1: to Happy families dot com dot au