Speaker 1: They are so driven by variety of adventure.
Speaker 2: They will be speaking to so many women they probably
Speaker 2: won't even remember what they expect to.
Speaker 1: Some of them even have spread teeth.
Speaker 2: It's so that some of them actually take every woman
Speaker 2: to the same place, so then they remember where they went.
Speaker 2: What has been happening is the paradox of choice, So
Speaker 2: much choice. Let's see who else is out there, what's better?
Speaker 2: And whereas now it's like, oh, are they infected? Because
Speaker 2: really matter, when you're attracted to someone, you really do
Speaker 2: desire the way they smell.
Speaker 1: When you lose.
Speaker 2: Attraction, something happens in the subconscious when you cannot stand
Speaker 2: the smell of someone.
Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Outspoken. Have you
Speaker 3: ever been ghosted?
Speaker 4: Catfished?
Speaker 3: Or now COVID nineteen? Like every other aspect of life
Speaker 3: at the moment, the coronavirus has flipped the world of
Speaker 3: dating upside down and left us in uncharted waters. Today
Speaker 3: we speak to dating experts Samantha Jane from The Husband
Speaker 3: Project to help us navigate dating during a global pandemic. Samantha,
Speaker 3: welcome to Outspoken. I mean, we're obviously living in such
Speaker 3: a crazy moment with all of this coronavirus going on.
Speaker 3: How would you say it's affecting the dating world.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's creating massive, massive changes where people are actually
Speaker 2: resetting and thinking about their priorities. There actually has been
Speaker 2: a huge spike in online dating because people can't get
Speaker 2: out there and simply say, hey, let's go for a drink.
Speaker 2: You can't meet anyone offline, so online is the only option.
Speaker 2: But people are getting really strategic and they're more genuine
Speaker 2: because this scare has just enabled them to think about
Speaker 2: what's really got it and it's family and love that
Speaker 2: really are the main factors and health.
Speaker 3: Now, as a relationship expert, have you been inundated with
Speaker 3: calls from people who are struggling in this time and
Speaker 3: are looking for help on how to actually date in
Speaker 3: this new world we're living in.
Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, Look I've had a mixed reaction to some people,
Speaker 2: you know, struck by fear and they're frozen, whereas most
Speaker 2: of them have said, look, I have a goal of
Speaker 2: meeting someone and I want to make it happen this year.
Speaker 1: What can I do?
Speaker 2: So we're looking at different ways I help with people
Speaker 2: find avenues to connect with people online and so they
Speaker 2: can still achieve their goal of finding someone despite the times.
Speaker 3: So what are some of those avenues Because I know
Speaker 3: we've got a few friends who are looking supposed to
Speaker 3: meet that one person this year and feel a bit
Speaker 3: depressed about it all.
Speaker 4: How can people actually connect now?
Speaker 2: Yes, what's important is don't be depressed. Okay too, it
Speaker 2: will pass. It is, you know, shocking, temporary thing, but
Speaker 2: think of it as an opportunity and get your priorities
Speaker 2: right and get out there. On dating apps, you mean,
Speaker 2: dating apps are really adapting to what's going on. They're
Speaker 2: becoming because of the popularity. They're offering video chats so
Speaker 2: you can go on a viral date. You don't need
Speaker 2: to leave home. Tinder and other apps that are also
Speaker 2: reminding people to keep safe, wash their hands, keep social distances.
Speaker 1: Well, now that's probably coming to an end with the social.
Speaker 2: Distancing, but just being really responsible and getting out there.
Speaker 2: I would always recommend two or three apps, find your
Speaker 2: favorite one or two and stick to them. Just be persistent.
Speaker 3: And do you have any tips on making your profile
Speaker 3: stand out or what sort of photos we should be
Speaker 3: sharing at the moment?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, the profile is everything and that's why it's super
Speaker 2: important to get it right.
Speaker 1: Because there are so many more people on life. It
Speaker 1: opens up.
Speaker 2: More opportunities, but it also creates more competition. So have
Speaker 2: a photo that is your absolute best. Out your friends
Speaker 2: and family, you know, get some real genuine advice, get
Speaker 2: except help. So have a mix of head shots and
Speaker 2: body shots. You could limit it to about one group
Speaker 2: shot as long as everyone's okay with being in your profile.
Speaker 1: What about I love men, though?
Speaker 4: What about for the men?
Speaker 3: Because they're always I always think that when men are
Speaker 3: topless on tindre or what or hinge or whatever, they
Speaker 3: must as be complete. I'll just say it, dickheads, do
Speaker 3: you do you have Do you advise men not to
Speaker 3: put up topless shots?
Speaker 2: The men that see me would never in their wildest dreams.
Speaker 1: They just wouldn't.
Speaker 2: The men that see me, you know, they're genuine, they've
Speaker 2: got family, are ownedo, they've got good intentions. The topless
Speaker 2: shots are really just an alarm bell that women should
Speaker 2: just run from.
Speaker 1: Because those guys arey hair ladys, we're good. I have
Speaker 1: to offer no good.
Speaker 3: I suppose one of the benefits now of having online
Speaker 3: dating or you know, being forced to do it, is
Speaker 3: that you're actually going to start building some genuine connections
Speaker 3: with people. Do you think this is kind of a
Speaker 3: good time, a good thing for millennials at the moment?
Speaker 2: Oh, it really is, because millennials have this hookup culture.
Speaker 2: And that's actually even though it's the culture, it actually
Speaker 2: saddens a lot. It creates a lot of anxiety and
Speaker 2: depression and loneliness. So this hookup culture will have to disappear,
Speaker 2: even if it's temporarily. But when when things go back
Speaker 2: to normal, I think it will change the way they
Speaker 2: date and they will become more real about things.
Speaker 3: And how do you think these you know, so called
Speaker 3: fuck boys and players will have to adapt to these
Speaker 3: kind of uncharted waters at the moment.
Speaker 1: Oh no, they're not going to like it, are they.
Speaker 2: They're really big on like, okay, let's get to it,
Speaker 2: let's meet up, So.
Speaker 1: They're not going to like it at all.
Speaker 2: They're probably going to be the ones that encourage or
Speaker 2: pressure you into that virtual sex, or they'll be willing
Speaker 2: to do it dirty talk fast. They are so driven
Speaker 2: by variety in adventure, they will be speaking to so
Speaker 2: many women they probably won't even remember what they're speaking
Speaker 2: to you fast that some of them even have spreadsheets
Speaker 2: that's so bizarre. Yeah, some of these guys have spreadsheet.
Speaker 2: Some of them actually take every woman to the same place,
Speaker 2: so then they remember where they went.
Speaker 1: Bizar.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't have date one, two, three, for five, six,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, and they'll know, Okay, this restaurant, you know,
Speaker 2: that event, that theater, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: He just can't get so terrible.
Speaker 2: And they're really.
Speaker 3: Guys sitting and watching like the same movie at the
Speaker 3: cinema over and over again.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Yeah, And there's guys have spreadsheets. I've seen it.
Speaker 2: It's bizarre.
Speaker 3: What sort of information is on the spreadsheet?
Speaker 4: Oh, if you can say.
Speaker 2: The names, the age, I think crew, all those things
Speaker 2: are back finding the school that you went to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you think. Oh, he's such a thoughtful guy and
Speaker 1: an actual factor. He's just got to keep in data.
Speaker 3: So what are the signs to spotting that somebody might
Speaker 3: be doing this to you?
Speaker 1: Do? You know? The funny thing is it's it's all
Speaker 1: about intuition.
Speaker 2: Intuition pays a huge role in this, and you just
Speaker 2: have to you just have to trust you that feel
Speaker 2: if something doesn't feel right or he's so smooth and
Speaker 2: he's so good at making you feel so amazing.
Speaker 1: Don't think that you're the only woman who's doing that too.
Speaker 1: I mean, the good guys, they don't really.
Speaker 2: Have much of a clue as to how to spark
Speaker 2: that attraction initially. So if you're feeling too connected with
Speaker 2: the guy because he says the right things, that is
Speaker 2: a massive alarm belt.
Speaker 1: He is very good at what he's doing. He's a
Speaker 1: practice data.
Speaker 3: That's some good tips. That just making me think back
Speaker 3: to a lot of people over the years. I think
Speaker 3: there's some great advice for women. I mean, I suppose
Speaker 3: we're focusing on coronavirus, but I also think a lot
Speaker 3: of people have written into us asking sort.
Speaker 4: Of how do you know that a guy actually likes you?
Speaker 3: And I feel like you're the best person to ask
Speaker 3: that question too.
Speaker 1: Thanks. How do you know if a guy likes him?
Speaker 2: Well, he puts in the effort and he actually you know,
Speaker 2: I have this.
Speaker 1: This is your listeners might be interested. I haven't actually downloaded.
Speaker 2: It's actually the poor Tactic man, and it teaches you
Speaker 2: the different traits to look for in a man and
Speaker 2: how he behaves. So realistically, if a man is interested
Speaker 2: in you, you'll know it. He'll make the time to
Speaker 2: see you. He'll listen to what you're saying what's important
Speaker 2: to you. You might mention something like the art gallery
Speaker 2: next night, you know what, you're going to the art gallery.
Speaker 2: Or he asked you specific questions about your family. He
Speaker 2: asks you questions to really connect with you, and he
Speaker 2: remembers as opposed to a guy who's just talking to
Speaker 2: you about how sexy you are and how beautiful you are.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's he that's all lovely to hear, but
Speaker 2: you know that guy is interested in one thing.
Speaker 1: It's like getting you into the stack.
Speaker 3: That's some very good advice talking about online dating, and
Speaker 3: I'm guessing there's going to be a lot of nudes
Speaker 3: that are being sent around. What would your advice be
Speaker 3: to women that are thinking of doing that. Do you
Speaker 3: say yes, go for it, or maybe rethink?
Speaker 2: Oh, I definitely rethink it, really really rethink it, because
Speaker 2: once it's out there, you can't you don't know where
Speaker 2: it's going to go, you.
Speaker 1: Can't retract it, and it could be used against you.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of scary people online as well that
Speaker 2: could you know, could potentially be black mail.
Speaker 1: It's just don't do things that you're not comfortable doing.
Speaker 2: And realistically wait until you meet the guy before you
Speaker 2: actually show him some skin.
Speaker 4: I think that's awesome.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's such a great opportunity at the moment to
Speaker 3: build more of a meaningful connection with someone through just
Speaker 3: talking and chatting.
Speaker 4: What's also your advice for someone who.
Speaker 3: Might feel a little bit awkward just talking to someone
Speaker 3: on FaceTime or over the phone that they haven't met before.
Speaker 2: Okay, so just be prepared like you would be for
Speaker 2: a job interview. You would practice your question so I
Speaker 2: would have a good sort of half a dozen questions
Speaker 2: under your belt that you can ask that person if
Speaker 2: you're getting stuck for words. And when you are connecting
Speaker 2: and communicating with them, you know you can be flatty.
Speaker 1: By giving compliments.
Speaker 2: You can ask about their favorite places in the world
Speaker 2: or the ideal weekend, which you a lot about their
Speaker 2: values and I'll tell you about their lifestyle and to
Speaker 2: see how aligned you are, and just keep things really positive, lighthearted.
Speaker 2: And the great thing is if you're speaking online like that,
Speaker 2: you can just quickly look to the side and check
Speaker 2: out your questions because they won't know what you're doing.
Speaker 4: That's really good.
Speaker 3: Well, one thing that I have seen popping up a
Speaker 3: little bit is people's exes are getting back in touch
Speaker 3: with them in this sort of crisis at the moment.
Speaker 4: Have you heard about that? And that is there a
Speaker 4: reason behind that?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, humans are creatures of habit, and you have to
Speaker 2: remember your ex as an expert reason.
Speaker 1: In uncertain times, our first human need, our core need,
Speaker 1: is certainty.
Speaker 2: So we look for certainty in times of stress and anxiety,
Speaker 2: and we are looking for that familiarity because that feels safe.
Speaker 2: So it's really natural to go back to your ex
Speaker 2: because you know that person, But we have to remember
Speaker 2: they're not much safer than somebody new. It's just about
Speaker 2: you grounding yourself, being the best version of you, feeling
Speaker 2: really confident, and that's the time you should be getting
Speaker 2: out and exploring your options. So now as an opportunity
Speaker 2: to really work on any insecurities and anxieties that you have.
Speaker 3: And at the moment, as we are still allowed to
Speaker 3: be leaving our houses and I mean still kind of
Speaker 3: meeting people to a certain extent, do you think that
Speaker 3: the topic of exclusivity is going to be coming up
Speaker 3: more and more because there's kind of more fear over
Speaker 3: if someone is seeing new people in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, locking someone in for that long period of time.
Speaker 4: It might be lockdown.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 2: I mean even going down to the shopping mall, it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're not social distancing.
Speaker 1: So you know, with.
Speaker 2: Dating, it's no longer just about condoms and STIs.
Speaker 1: It's more about okay, are we exclusive? Who are you seeing?
Speaker 1: That is definitely going to be a hot topic. Definitely
Speaker 1: you can lock them in quicker.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: You talk a lot about the science of love. Can
Speaker 3: you feel us in a little bit about I spoke
Speaker 3: the science of love and I suppose how is it
Speaker 3: going to change with people not being able to see
Speaker 3: people face to face?
Speaker 2: Well, it's definitely interesting times we people the phases of
Speaker 2: love that love to plays a huge part in this,
Speaker 2: So people tend to get quite physical quickly, and relationships
Speaker 2: often start quickly and end quickly versus Now it's more
Speaker 2: about creating that an emotional connection and actually getting to
Speaker 2: that space of feeling like they're actually potentially going to
Speaker 2: be a part of your life where you can help
Speaker 2: build true connections.
Speaker 1: So it's no longer just this hook up culture.
Speaker 2: It's more more now about genuine love, genuine connections to
Speaker 2: know someone first, instead of using.
Speaker 1: Like right now.
Speaker 2: What is happening in life or what has been happening
Speaker 2: is the paradox of choice, so much choice. Let's see
Speaker 2: who else is out there, what's better? And whereas now
Speaker 2: it's like, oh are they infected?
Speaker 4: There's a new check.
Speaker 1: What's really you know, I might raise my standards a bit.
Speaker 2: I might be, you know, thinking more about what's truly
Speaker 2: important and love will come from this as opposed to blust.
Speaker 3: I'm wondering if this is going to be a good
Speaker 3: time for people that have like the boys that are
Speaker 3: in the friend zone, because they're still kind of there,
Speaker 3: but now girls might be like, well, shit, like, you know,
Speaker 3: I've got some time, so maybe I'll you know, unfriend them.
Speaker 2: It is totally a good time for the friend zone
Speaker 2: guys because they are the ones that feel safe. And
Speaker 2: often the guys in the friend zone are actually really
Speaker 2: good men and they just haven't been given a chance.
Speaker 3: We're talking about onto sort of committed relationships and people
Speaker 3: are going to be spending a lot of time with
Speaker 3: their partners now. And I've seen a few news sites
Speaker 3: say that the divorce rate in China has gone up
Speaker 3: since people spent time with their partners. Do you have
Speaker 3: any tips of people who will be spending a long
Speaker 3: amount of time just with their partner.
Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely, do you know? Statistically March is meant to
Speaker 2: be the month of breakups.
Speaker 4: In divorce.
Speaker 2: Because it's a change of across the globe, is a
Speaker 2: change of seasons. People, you know, they've spent Christmas together,
Speaker 2: they didn't want to break up to Christmas, and they've
Speaker 2: held out for Valentine's Day and then they're finally it
Speaker 2: enough where they don't want.
Speaker 1: To spend winter together or the son together.
Speaker 2: So they're starting things about their optionsus now they're in lockdown.
Speaker 1: I've known people who have broken up and there in lockdown.
Speaker 1: So they can cause some chales, but.
Speaker 2: At the same time, it could actually save a lot
Speaker 2: of marriages because people who have been totally disconnected and
Speaker 2: focused on work, they actually are forced to be together.
Speaker 2: So if you have that tension in your relationship, it's
Speaker 2: quiless continuing to argue. So take a moment and think
Speaker 2: about all the things that you're grateful for. What do
Speaker 2: you appreciate about that person? Be really kind, Think about
Speaker 2: the times when you first fell in love. Think about
Speaker 2: those moments as opposed to all the toxic stuff and
Speaker 2: then once you've had that opportunity to reconnect with them,
Speaker 2: then you can decide, is there something I want to
Speaker 2: work on?
Speaker 1: Was it about me? Was it about the relationship? You know,
Speaker 1: we've got treaty.
Speaker 3: And on the other hand, I suppose a lot of
Speaker 3: people are going through a stressful time with their jobs
Speaker 3: up in the air and places shutting down. What are
Speaker 3: some tips with helping your partner overcome that stress?
Speaker 2: So important to be kind to them, be kind to
Speaker 2: yourself and just be there for them, let them, let
Speaker 2: them talk, let them be a little cranky, let them
Speaker 2: snap a little within reason, just excuse that they may
Speaker 2: not be the best version of themselves. And then once
Speaker 2: they've reset, then you can chat to them about options.
Speaker 2: There were always options in this world. To just make
Speaker 2: the most of every opportunity, no matter what.
Speaker 3: I love I love it, Sophie sitting there nodding. I
Speaker 3: think she's had a few outbursts in front of her partner.
Speaker 3: He's been putting up with a lot, So I have
Speaker 3: to plan your your piece of advice there.
Speaker 4: What's a distressful time for all?
Speaker 2: Oh? It is, but just remember it will pass as well.
Speaker 2: You know, we've got some really great measures in place.
Speaker 2: The governments are blocking us down and giving us restrictions,
Speaker 2: so you know, we're.
Speaker 1: Talking about the long matter of time.
Speaker 3: I know, well, I'm sort of thinking about the lockdown,
Speaker 3: and you know, my boyfriend and I went and bought
Speaker 3: some board games and stuff from Kmart to sort of
Speaker 3: kill some time. But do you have any cute date
Speaker 3: ideas for when people are in lockdown? Obviously we can't
Speaker 3: go out, but are there any fun things that you
Speaker 3: can do at home?
Speaker 2: But we absolutely stock up on some candles, you know,
Speaker 2: light light up the bathroom with candles.
Speaker 3: Now everyone's going to mass panic by candles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, panic by candles. You know, bath bombs, if you
Speaker 2: have a bath music massage.
Speaker 1: Just keep it simple.
Speaker 3: This is a little bit off topic, but I understand
Speaker 3: you did a bit of work with The Bachelor. Are
Speaker 3: you able to tell us a little bit about that
Speaker 3: for people that are sick of hearing about COVID nineteen
Speaker 3: help we.
Speaker 1: All over that? Yeah? Absolutely, What would you like to know?
Speaker 4: Well, what was your role specifically?
Speaker 2: Oh? So I helped them develop some of the compatibility
Speaker 2: between so we do some compatibility.
Speaker 1: Take between Mitchie and the girl.
Speaker 2: And I was just there to help him feel supported and.
Speaker 1: Without telling you what to do.
Speaker 2: It's giving him that giving him the tools to make
Speaker 2: his own decisions based on some science.
Speaker 1: Cool.
Speaker 3: Have you been watching maths because they've been doing a
Speaker 3: lot of the whole science and sniffing shirts and whatnot.
Speaker 3: Is that all a bit of a load of bullshit
Speaker 3: or is there actually some truth behind that?
Speaker 1: That's the truth, There is some truth.
Speaker 2: It's really funny when you're attracted to someone you really
Speaker 2: do desire the way they smell. When you lose attraction,
Speaker 2: something happens in the subconscious where you cannot stand the
Speaker 2: smell of someone even think about the people that are
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe there's someone attracts here and you're thinking a
Speaker 2: constant smell of him.
Speaker 1: I can't figure out why.
Speaker 2: Not that he's stinky, not that he's dirty or she's dirty.
Speaker 2: It's just a pheramone thing. So it is real, very real.
Speaker 3: Is that what you kind of have, like with your
Speaker 3: brothers or cousins. It's like that's the thing that puts
Speaker 3: you up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, yeap, you gotta hope that. Yeah, it's like,
Speaker 2: oh they do, and it's not it's just their smell.
Speaker 2: It's just it's a pheromone.
Speaker 1: It's a hormones. You're just not attracted to them.
Speaker 2: How is such a subconscious saying, oh, don't go there.
Speaker 3: How is that affected by perfumes and that sort of thing, theodorant, deodorant.
Speaker 2: And it's interesting, the more perfume and deodorant that you
Speaker 2: pop all over yourself, it doesn't always have the most
Speaker 2: beneficial effects. So it's just a small amount. Especially if
Speaker 2: you live in really hot climates. It's better because that
Speaker 2: actually allows your natural pheromones to come through, whereas perfumes
Speaker 2: and colognes can actually confuse the senses.
Speaker 4: That's interesting and that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's why when you think about it, when
Speaker 2: you're buy perfume, it may smell amazing on you, but
Speaker 2: same on you, it might not, And that's chemistry in
Speaker 2: your skin.
Speaker 3: So that's what you stink. To their case, I was
Speaker 3: going to just us back to commitment. I suppose you've
Speaker 3: spoken a bit in the past about how to make
Speaker 3: a man commit to you, and I'm assuming there's going
Speaker 3: to be a lot of women, or i suppose men
Speaker 3: for that matter, wanting women to commit to them. What
Speaker 3: would your advice be to someone who's wanting that special
Speaker 3: person in their life to commit.
Speaker 2: First of all, make sure you pick the right person,
Speaker 2: because that is key. Some people are easier to commit
Speaker 2: inspire to commit than others. Some people will have a
Speaker 2: better relationship with So when it comes to getting someone
Speaker 2: to commit, it's all about how they feel around you.
Speaker 2: And inspiring a man to commit or a woman to
Speaker 2: commit is actually putting in them in a position where
Speaker 2: they fear losing you more than they fear losing their freedom.
Speaker 2: So this is about connecting with them positively. When they're
Speaker 2: away from you, they're thinking about you, they're feeling really
Speaker 2: amazing around you, and then they're just thinking, I want
Speaker 2: that person in my life. How do I keep them
Speaker 2: to make sure nobody else gets them?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: I like that. I'm talking about that.
Speaker 3: There's some people that are saying that they're not going
Speaker 3: to date at all during this pandemic.
Speaker 4: Do you think that's the right thing.
Speaker 3: To do or do you think people should be a
Speaker 3: bit more open minded.
Speaker 2: Look, I've heard people say that too. I think it's
Speaker 2: really important to look after your mental health. So some
Speaker 2: people like I'm not going to date during this pandemic,
Speaker 2: you need to consider what is the isolation going to do?
Speaker 2: Is it more beneficial to even chat to people and
Speaker 2: connect just like we are today. It's just a chat
Speaker 2: as opposed to locking yourself down, because when you lock
Speaker 2: yourself down, you're watching the news. You could just be
Speaker 2: overcome and overwhelmed by all that scary stuff out there.
Speaker 3: For anyone who's interest said to hear more of your advice,
Speaker 3: where can they find you online?
Speaker 2: Jump on to Samantha Jane dot com today, I'd love
Speaker 2: to hear from.
Speaker 4: You, beautiful. Thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 3: We've really appreciated hearing of your amazing advice and hopefully
Speaker 3: it can help someone out there who's you know, arming
Speaker 3: and airing about whether they should jump into dating at
Speaker 3: this time.
Speaker 1: My pleasure. Thanks for having me