Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. Hi,
Speaker 2: guys and all, welcome back to another episode that was
Speaker 2: very your hands.
Speaker 3: On your heart that it was very emotional. Is it
Speaker 3: emotional because it's our second last episode of the year. Well,
Speaker 3: it's not.
Speaker 2: It's the second last week, second last Tuesday.
Speaker 3: Ah. Here sheeses, ladies and gentlemen. It's Brittany Hockley coming
Speaker 3: in from behind. Well I'm Brittany. I'm also Laura. Ah.
Speaker 2: Hi everybody, it's been a hell of a doozy of
Speaker 2: a weekend. What did you do this weekend?
Speaker 3: We do? You know? I want to know why you
Speaker 3: feel like it's a doozy.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've spoken about this on the pond,
Speaker 1: but you've had tons of lightis like you've been very
Speaker 1: unwell and I.
Speaker 3: Think I think we haven't spoken about it. I think
Speaker 3: it's catching up.
Speaker 2: With you, but just keep on plowing through. I just
Speaker 2: keep pretending like I'm not sick. And then the other
Speaker 2: day I went to the doctors and she was like,
Speaker 2: can we run your bloods? Because she's like, you're really
Speaker 2: think you're really sick? And I was like, Noah, I'm fine, man,
Speaker 2: everything is good.
Speaker 1: It's also hard when it's your tonsils and you talk
Speaker 1: for a living like it's not one of those things
Speaker 1: where you can just go and rest, just a little
Speaker 1: salt or to gargle, babe.
Speaker 3: You do You've been gargling a lot at my house? Yeah? Sorry,
Speaker 3: Well what do I do this weekend? Nothing's too exciting?
Speaker 2: You were to be honest, And I want to know,
Speaker 2: how's the guy? How's the dating that's been happening recently?
Speaker 1: I have been dating someone, yes, loosely, you loosely, yeah,
Speaker 1: but like for a little bit now, but not like, well,
Speaker 1: it's not like we're exclusive.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's not overly serious, yap, and maybe
Speaker 2: And then you're like, I can't say that because and
Speaker 2: what if he hears this and then he thinks it's serious,
Speaker 2: And then you've just said it's serious, and oh dear.
Speaker 1: God, it's a fucking mindfield and he listens to an episode,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I have to be careful. Well, can I say,
Speaker 1: I don't know how you would explain it. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the label is right now. It's serious without
Speaker 1: being serious. I think it's going that way, but it's
Speaker 1: not there yet.
Speaker 2: It's so annoying, isn't it when it's just in that
Speaker 2: land of like ambiguity?
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's it called?
Speaker 1: Like? It's no man's land called purgatory, pergos, dating, doning,
Speaker 1: heaven and I'm not now it's dating purgatory, I hope
Speaker 1: on the way out, but but I don't know. No,
Speaker 1: So that's going very well. I will be seeing him
Speaker 1: over the Christmas period.
Speaker 3: What are you doing for Christmas? Brit Well?
Speaker 1: I booked flights last night, Laura, shit, I booked flights overseas.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be handing overseas for the festive season.
Speaker 1: I thought, I am going to lay it all on
Speaker 1: the line here because he actually doesn't live here. As
Speaker 1: you know, we know that that's a common theme for me.
Speaker 1: He doesn't live here, So I am going to go
Speaker 1: and investigate what that looks like and if it's going
Speaker 1: to be something that I want to investigate further.
Speaker 2: We had a conversation about this in the car the
Speaker 2: other day and britt was like, look, Laura, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go down. You said, I'm gonna go overseas and I'm
Speaker 2: going to see him, and the worst thing that's gonna
Speaker 2: happen is that I'm gonna have the best sex of
Speaker 2: my life for like two weeks and then I'll come
Speaker 2: home and it'll be fine. And I was like, no, Brittany,
Speaker 2: the worst thing that's going to happen is you're going
Speaker 2: to fall in love with someone who lives overseas.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I was like, worst case scenario, Worst case scenario.
Speaker 3: But I'm very happy holiday. This fucking sounds great. Oh
Speaker 3: don't take that headline like Britty goes man. I just
Speaker 3: hated to one a plant of these days, don't I.
Speaker 2: Okay, it does sound like you're going to have a
Speaker 2: fucking great Christmas.
Speaker 3: Though, well, I'm at this.
Speaker 1: Point in and I'm and a lot of people out there. No,
Speaker 1: you're at that point where you don't know what something
Speaker 1: is yet. There's only one way to find out, and
Speaker 1: that is to go to Scotland. But as I love
Speaker 1: to say, my favorite quote risk it for the biscuit
Speaker 1: because it doesn't rain, it pause right.
Speaker 3: And for me, it's in a drought. For quite a while.
Speaker 1: I started seeing this person that I'm very interested in,
Speaker 1: and since then someone from my past has come back
Speaker 1: and they're trying to you know, they're showing their interests again.
Speaker 1: And I was very honest, because I always am. I'm like,
Speaker 1: look that ship has sort of sailed. Now you missed
Speaker 1: the boat a little bit.
Speaker 3: There.
Speaker 1: I'm seeing someone. And then it went escalated. I love
Speaker 1: you though, I love you, that's what and I was like,
Speaker 1: you don't. I said, you don't. It's just because I do,
Speaker 1: you know, I want this kind of thing, and what
Speaker 1: do you do with that? I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know what else to tell you. I'm seeing someone. And
Speaker 1: we had this conversation again last couple of weeks. When
Speaker 1: someone thinks they kind have you, they want you ten
Speaker 1: times more, which.
Speaker 2: I think now after three years, three hundred and forty
Speaker 2: episodes of this podcast, I see it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can sniff that out.
Speaker 2: You're like, you're not in love with me, you're in
Speaker 2: love with not being able to have me, so therefore
Speaker 2: you want me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is really unhealthy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am a relationship therapist, unqualified.
Speaker 3: There is still absolutely no paperwork on either of our walls.
Speaker 3: But you know what, We'll keep on trying well. I
Speaker 3: will either come back in the new year.
Speaker 1: It's either going to You're either going to get like
Speaker 1: happy in lust love Brittany, or you're going to get
Speaker 1: heartbroken Brittany.
Speaker 2: So we don't nobody can handle heartbroken Brittany again.
Speaker 3: No one wants. I don't want that for you. I
Speaker 3: think you're thinking about you. You're like, oh, I'm going
Speaker 3: to be dragging around a bed again.
Speaker 2: No, it's not for me. I don't want you to
Speaker 2: be heartbroken again. That's a horrible thing to have to
Speaker 2: go through, and I don't ever want that for you. Okay,
Speaker 2: but I'm very excited that you have, truly, because we're
Speaker 2: taking five weeks off, guys, like this is going to
Speaker 2: be a big Christmas holiday break for us this year.
Speaker 2: We have this week of episodes, we have next week
Speaker 2: of episodes. We have a really great episode next week
Speaker 2: planned which I think will be very relevant for everybody
Speaker 2: heading into the Christmas period, very topical. But then we're
Speaker 2: taking five weeks off and we're not back until kind
Speaker 2: of like the end of jan for some real R
Speaker 2: and R before we come back absolutely steaming into.
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2: And I'm very happy that you're having what is going
Speaker 2: to be a rejuvenating experience.
Speaker 3: For your whole body. It's called holistic health. How are you?
Speaker 3: Was what happened on your weekend? Do anything eventful? Did
Speaker 3: anybums on you? I'm amazing sex?
Speaker 2: Well, thank you? No, I didn't have any sex. I
Speaker 2: went to Okay, this was my weekend. My kids have
Speaker 2: the best social life and I don't have a social life.
Speaker 3: I have a better social life than we do. Literally.
Speaker 2: So Saturday morning, I went to the preschool Christmas party.
Speaker 2: We had sausages in the park and there was face
Speaker 2: painting and Santa came and gave out Christmas presents.
Speaker 3: Wow, it's a really big deal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's where all of our school fees
Speaker 2: go to. Like, daycare is so expensive and now I know, why.
Speaker 1: Do you have to purchase? Is it like a secret standard?
Speaker 1: Does every family have to purchase a present? No?
Speaker 3: For like, no, no, where do they come from?
Speaker 2: I'm expecting I Like on Friday when we picked the
Speaker 2: kids up from daycare, I was like, oh, what do
Speaker 2: you need me to bring to this Christmas party tomorrow?
Speaker 3: And they're like, nothing, just come, and.
Speaker 2: I was like, that's that's where my money goes. I
Speaker 2: was like, what's going to be there? And they're like,
Speaker 2: just come. It's a great day. And my kids have
Speaker 2: only just started this daycare. They've only been going there
Speaker 2: for three months. And prior to that we were at
Speaker 2: a different daycare and they had been there for three years.
Speaker 2: So this is all a new experience to us. And
Speaker 2: we rocked up and there was like face painting and
Speaker 2: Santa came with a big sack of presents for every
Speaker 2: single child, and then there was sausage sizzles with not
Speaker 2: even with minute steaks, with legit steaks.
Speaker 3: I was like, this is an Eastern summer Christmas party.
Speaker 3: It was like a big what's it called a rump steak?
Speaker 2: It was?
Speaker 3: It wasn't.
Speaker 2: Okay, But so we did that on Saturday. Then Saturday afternoon,
Speaker 2: like Morley went and played at the neighbor's house and
Speaker 2: we went and swamm in their pool. Then Sunday it
Speaker 2: was a three year old birthday party and then we
Speaker 2: went home.
Speaker 3: We put the tree up. The whole weekend I was
Speaker 3: like cooked. These children ruled me. Yeah, that's what kids
Speaker 3: do for like thirty years.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So if anyone wants to know what I'm doing next week,
Speaker 3: I'm also going to kids birthday buddies. Ah, I's a
Speaker 3: know from me.
Speaker 2: But we this year, this is the very first year
Speaker 2: in oh God ever that we are hosting Christmas. Everybody
Speaker 2: is coming to day Christmas Day. Literally, our entire family
Speaker 2: are coming to my house.
Speaker 3: Can you just give me a minute. I'm just praying
Speaker 3: for you. Thank you, just a minute. House. Also, this
Speaker 3: is the thing I need to come like.
Speaker 2: I wish it that I told people this more like
Speaker 2: the people in my family, I think they think I
Speaker 2: can cook.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I will tell you direct them to this podcast.
Speaker 1: Laura Burne cannot cook.
Speaker 2: The last time I cooked Christmas lunch for anyone, I
Speaker 2: tried to cook a pork with crackling and I set
Speaker 2: the fucking oven on fire. So I think we're just
Speaker 2: gonna do ham like cold ham. I'm not gonna cook it.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna glaze it.
Speaker 3: You just buy it. You still have to carve it.
Speaker 3: I can cut it. Well, first of all, it's not
Speaker 3: called cutting. You carve it with a car I can
Speaker 3: cut it and people can have hunks of ham for
Speaker 3: lunch and prawns. That's what I'm we do.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be it's gonna be a cold lunch for
Speaker 2: Christmas Day, and I think that's fine.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: So an example, I had this conversation with my sister
Speaker 1: last night. I just tried to cook garlic bread last night.
Speaker 1: That's it for dinner. This is how sad my life is.
Speaker 1: And a burnt to a crisp. But it was these
Speaker 1: two little black balls. I sent it to my sister
Speaker 1: as my sister was simultaneously typing up the menu for
Speaker 1: Christmas Day. Now, my sister is a nutritionis. She's an
Speaker 1: amazing cook. But she's done a menu.
Speaker 3: It's like a full four course for a huge amount
Speaker 3: of people. She froths.
Speaker 2: It is also a lot younger than you.
Speaker 3: Does it make you.
Speaker 2: Feel like, yes, that's how I feel like I have
Speaker 2: a failure, Like I can't Okay. I can do lots
Speaker 2: of things. Cooking isn't one of them. So why are
Speaker 2: we highlighting this?
Speaker 3: Well? Can you not?
Speaker 1: And I mean it's something my family does, says every year,
Speaker 1: but Sherry loves to do it, so she does it.
Speaker 1: But every year, after we're cleaning up for hours, you
Speaker 1: spend the whole day in the kitchen or cleaning up. Right,
Speaker 1: every year we're like, we're gonna cater it next year.
Speaker 1: Why don't you just cater Why don't you go to charlgirl?
Speaker 2: Charlie's you are But it's okay, Yeah, lean into your strengths,
Speaker 2: don't tell anyone, use your.
Speaker 3: Boundaries, say no to things that don't serve you. Yes,
Speaker 3: you just gotta buy some chalks.
Speaker 1: As I'm salling and be like, guys, I've been prepping
Speaker 1: this all morning. Take the child, Charlie's wrapper off it.
Speaker 3: You know what. They'll probably hear this and sponsor you.
Speaker 2: Okay, do you know what? There are a couple of
Speaker 2: things that we wanted to unpack. But before we get
Speaker 2: into all the nitty gritty of this episode, let's tell
Speaker 2: you what this episode's about.
Speaker 3: This is a real nostalgic episode for.
Speaker 2: Us because we don't have any experts on here today
Speaker 2: interviewing anyone. It's just you and me, Brittany.
Speaker 3: We haven't done this for a while. We're going it alone.
Speaker 3: Did you feel nervous? No? I mean I know what
Speaker 3: I've been for sitting across from you now where Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's been four years. Can you believe that three and
Speaker 3: a half million, four years? That's crazy? We can look out.
Speaker 3: We're getting so nostalogic at the end of the year.
Speaker 2: This is also my second longest relationship, also my only one. Okay,
Speaker 2: So today's episode, what we're talking about is a very
Speaker 2: common relationship phenomena. We've spoken about it loads on the podcast,
Speaker 2: but weirdly, in three and a half years, we have
Speaker 2: never done a whole episode on it.
Speaker 3: It's rebounds. Thank you for taking the punch.
Speaker 1: Well, you took a golf there, and so I jumped
Speaker 1: on in and I saw my opportunity.
Speaker 3: Okay, But the reason.
Speaker 2: Why we're talking about rebounds is because we're heading into Christmas,
Speaker 2: and Christmas period, like the summer period, is the highest
Speaker 2: break up period of the entire year. Not to alarm anyone,
Speaker 2: not to frighten anyone, but the most breakups happen in
Speaker 2: the next couple of weeks heading into Christmas, which also
Speaker 2: means that this is like prime rebound time of the
Speaker 2: year where people are having a summer fling or you know,
Speaker 2: having a transient relationship in between their next serious relationship.
Speaker 2: So we wanted to kind of talk more about why
Speaker 2: people have rebound relationships, but not just to kind of
Speaker 2: like poo pooh them, because I think mostly.
Speaker 3: Poo pooh them's. Well, like you, you.
Speaker 2: Know, whenever we talk about rebounds, I feel like mostly
Speaker 2: the general consensus is that they're bad.
Speaker 3: I feel like if you were in doubt that Laura
Speaker 3: spent the whole weekend at children's birthday, Marta, she just
Speaker 3: reiterated it because you poo pooh your relationship. I don't
Speaker 3: want to poo poo your rebound relationship. Okay, it's actually true.
Speaker 1: Now is the time, unfortunately, that we all get those
Speaker 1: dreaded texts that we don't want, not all of us,
Speaker 1: but the old Hey, I think we need to talk.
Speaker 3: You know that we need to talk text. I would
Speaker 3: hope not everyone is receiving them. I mean not everyone,
Speaker 3: but the statistics are high. We saw that science. There's
Speaker 3: a lot of breakups at this time, which leads us
Speaker 3: to a lot of rebounds. Totally.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, just going back to what I was
Speaker 2: saying in terms of like how it's often spoken about
Speaker 2: with a negative lens. I think usually when we talk
Speaker 2: about rebounds, we are usually advising people not to get
Speaker 2: into them, that rebounds are like a recipe of a disaster,
Speaker 2: you're gonna get your heart broken. But we wanted to
Speaker 2: take a bigger, deep dive into this topic and look
Speaker 2: at what are some of the pros of you know,
Speaker 2: if you are and do find yourself in a rebound relationship,
Speaker 2: what are some of the positives? How do you safeguard yourself?
Speaker 2: How can you tell if you're in a rebound relationship?
Speaker 2: And they're all the things that we're going to unpack
Speaker 2: in a little bit.
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously, great sex is a positive from a rebound,
Speaker 3: but not necessarily. You don't always get great sex in
Speaker 3: a rebound relationship.
Speaker 2: And if you're not hurting the other person because they're
Speaker 2: just in it for sex, sometimes it's nice to have
Speaker 2: a human band aid, But is.
Speaker 1: Getting under them away to get over them? Well you'll
Speaker 1: have to find out our opinion a bit later on.
Speaker 3: How was that for a hook?
Speaker 1: But it brings me to this article that I just
Speaker 1: read Laura, and I think this is also so timely
Speaker 1: because we're two weeks away from Christmas.
Speaker 3: There's a new.
Speaker 1: Term that I've seen pop up, and I think it's
Speaker 1: pretty accurate, and this is a warning to all those
Speaker 1: singles out there. There's something called milestoning, which is this
Speaker 1: new dating trend.
Speaker 2: Rebounds and milestoning, this is a dating term.
Speaker 1: It was ooined by Plenty of Fish and there's this
Speaker 1: whole there's all these articles on it, and it goes
Speaker 1: into all these other terms that have come up. We've
Speaker 1: done dating terms before, but there are so many new ones.
Speaker 1: But milestoning is the idea of people going out there
Speaker 1: swiping furiously, wanting to match with people, wanting to date
Speaker 1: people purely because a milestone is coming up and they
Speaker 1: don't want to be alone. In this case, it's the
Speaker 1: Christmas period, Christmas, New Year's, Christmas.
Speaker 3: Parties, all the stuff that comes with it.
Speaker 1: So almost three quarters, so seventy one percent of people
Speaker 1: that were surveyed purposely increase their online dating activity ahead
Speaker 1: of key milestones, including Christmas. This is because they don't
Speaker 1: want to be alone on those days.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's as black and white as though,
Speaker 2: like when I say, I mean there's more to it.
Speaker 3: When I say it, I mean as black and white.
Speaker 2: I feel like people don't sit down and purposely go like, oh,
Speaker 2: I want to have a boyfriend for Christmas, so I
Speaker 2: want to have a girlfriend for Christmas.
Speaker 3: I don't think that.
Speaker 2: They're thinking about it in such an obvious way. But
Speaker 2: what I think happens is that as these milestone's approach,
Speaker 2: as Christmas comes, when you're single and you're wanting to
Speaker 2: be in a relationship, it shines a spotlight on it.
Speaker 2: It's another day where you're like, oh, okay, I'm alone
Speaker 2: again this Christmas. My life isn't where I had hoped
Speaker 2: it would be.
Speaker 3: Now I don't want to get a present.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you get a boyfriend so you can
Speaker 2: just get a present, do you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's so much that it's this conscious
Speaker 2: Oh I need to have a guy to bring home
Speaker 2: to my Christmas lunch where Laura is going to make
Speaker 2: terrible fucking ham. I think it's more a case of
Speaker 2: just it shines a spotlight on something that you wanted
Speaker 2: to have in your life, so therefore you're kind of like,
Speaker 2: without realizing it, furiously swiping away. Well, Laura, funny you
Speaker 2: say that, because I have some statistics on that too.
Speaker 2: So research conducted by plenty of Phish members in the
Speaker 2: UK reveals that the main motivations for increasing dating activity
Speaker 2: during this festive season is to secure someone special.
Speaker 3: For festive dates.
Speaker 1: Literally, so fifty one percent of people said it's just
Speaker 1: to have a festive date. Twenty percent of people said
Speaker 1: is to avoid being quizzed by family, Like they just
Speaker 1: don't want to face that shit, the question, so they're
Speaker 1: just pretending they're with someone.
Speaker 2: So they're like, I've got a boyfriend. His name's Sam
Speaker 2: and we've been dating for two weeks.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, exactly, And fourteen percent said it's gift giving
Speaker 1: and receiving.
Speaker 3: There's fourteen percent of people that were like, I just
Speaker 3: want to present that would be you, that would be me,
Speaker 3: and some physical affection.
Speaker 2: I think that's really interesting, But I do you know what,
Speaker 2: For me, I remember, and as you guys know, I
Speaker 2: did not spend a lot of time being single because
Speaker 2: I was the real monkey brancher from relationship to relationship.
Speaker 3: But I do remember a New Year's where my.
Speaker 2: Boyfriend the time had broken up with me early December,
Speaker 2: so it was like, not only was the breakup super
Speaker 2: super fresh, but it was the first time I had
Speaker 2: been single in a really long time. And then I
Speaker 2: had to head into Christmas single and then Christmas was
Speaker 2: kind of okay, I think, but it was New Year.
Speaker 1: Since I was pretty drunk, I'm blacked it out well,
Speaker 1: I mean, because I'm usually with my family anyway, So
Speaker 1: to me, it wasn't like I had to have a
Speaker 1: boyfriend for Christmas Day.
Speaker 2: But it was New Year's that felt really weird because
Speaker 2: you know, there's so much emphasis that put into like
Speaker 2: who are you going to kiss at midnight when it's
Speaker 2: like the clock struck midnight And I remember being at
Speaker 2: this party that year and thinking like.
Speaker 3: Fuck, like who's the lucky guy? Was like hunting them down.
Speaker 2: Like there has to be someone literally trying to find
Speaker 2: a guy to make out with on midnight.
Speaker 3: So I wasn't alone. It's so weird. You've made what
Speaker 3: a weird tradition?
Speaker 1: Well, you've made me picture not last year, year before
Speaker 1: and when you were just telling your story about me
Speaker 1: and years and like I pictured myself there I was
Speaker 1: at this rooftop party with a bunch of my friends,
Speaker 1: but a bunch of people I didn't know as well.
Speaker 3: Right, you just looked at my back braces.
Speaker 2: Brittany's wearing a back brace at the moment, and she's
Speaker 2: making me feel like a hunchback. So I'm yeah, she's
Speaker 2: wearing a posture brace, and I am the hunchback of
Speaker 2: this relationship, so it's making me feel personally victimized.
Speaker 3: Anyway, I remember it at this.
Speaker 1: Rooftop party and everyone was going crazy, lots of you know, drinking, celebrating.
Speaker 3: The countdown was on.
Speaker 1: We're watching the firewakes from the rooftop and everyone's in
Speaker 1: such good mood, and I was like, whoa jumping around
Speaker 1: and ye, and then it was like three two and
Speaker 1: I was like we were everyone's like and then everyone
Speaker 1: turned to the person kids, and I was you know,
Speaker 1: when you're like trying to play cool, you the awkward
Speaker 1: person dancing in.
Speaker 3: The corner, You're like, whoo. That was like no one
Speaker 3: to kiss me.
Speaker 2: No one was left because you hadn't thought about it
Speaker 2: before the clock struck midnight.
Speaker 3: You know, a fake dance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so you just you didn't think about it,
Speaker 2: you didn't plant it out. You hadn't picked the guy
Speaker 2: or girl or whoever it is that you're going to
Speaker 2: make out with, and then you were left all alone.
Speaker 1: Well, you told me the end of that story that
Speaker 1: you've left out, that you ended up making out with
Speaker 1: someone that you had no attraction to, just so.
Speaker 3: You could make out with someone, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: he was gross.
Speaker 2: I made out with the guy that I would typically
Speaker 2: never make out with, Like I've just I was not
Speaker 2: attracted to him. We'd had nothing in common, nothing at all,
Speaker 2: except that I needed to kiss someone because it was midnight.
Speaker 3: What a fucking stupid tradition, That's all I have to say.
Speaker 2: Very typically Laura, but desperately needy of me that I
Speaker 2: couldn't be alone.
Speaker 3: At the time, I was in my twenties, and I've
Speaker 3: learned a lot since then.
Speaker 1: When I was thinking about like these reasons, you know,
Speaker 1: fifty percent for the dates, twenty excent for the because
Speaker 1: I found I was like, what would my reason be?
Speaker 1: I don't want to be quized by the family. But
Speaker 1: my main reason for one, my main reason for wanting
Speaker 1: to bring someone to like all these special events and
Speaker 1: the holidays is because I'm.
Speaker 3: The only person as single. I always get the shit room.
Speaker 1: I'm on the camper bed in the lounge room because
Speaker 1: there's no rooms left. I'm at the end, I'm on
Speaker 1: the lounge. I'm always a person that's like, oh, she's
Speaker 1: on her own, so we'll put her anywhere. If I
Speaker 1: went with a partner, i'd get a room, I'd get
Speaker 1: a bedroom. But all the partners and couples, you know,
Speaker 1: when you go on a holiday, you know, if you
Speaker 1: go on a vaca, you're on Airbnb or wherever you are,
Speaker 1: everyone gets the main rooms. If you're a couple, and
Speaker 1: they get the rooms with the on suites. I remember
Speaker 1: being put at the base on like a little trundle
Speaker 1: bed of Sheridan and Jay's bed and Who's romantic getaway
Speaker 1: and I had to sleep horizontally at there like I
Speaker 1: was their child.
Speaker 2: Okay, but to be fair, Jay and Sherry didn't want
Speaker 2: you at the base of their bed either, because that's
Speaker 2: really impeded on their.
Speaker 3: Time to have a good time. Look, I'm the victim here.
Speaker 2: This leads us into what we're talking about on next
Speaker 2: week's episode. So if you're single, or you're somebody who
Speaker 2: finds the holiday periods particularly lonely or particularly challenging, you're
Speaker 2: gonna love next Tuesday's episode.
Speaker 3: You are not alone if you have that feeling. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 2: We're interviewing a neuropsychologist, doctor Hannah Corral, and she is
Speaker 2: going to be talking about all of that stuff, So
Speaker 2: I feel like we're gonna unpack that more for next
Speaker 2: week's episode.
Speaker 3: Okay, but also off the back.
Speaker 1: Of this new term milestoning, there are a bunch of
Speaker 1: other terms that they put out, and I thought some
Speaker 1: of them were really funny.
Speaker 2: Do you know that it's almost every six months there's
Speaker 2: new dating terminology, like a new dating lexicon that's brought
Speaker 2: out into the world.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I love it.
Speaker 1: I'm here for it because they're usually really punny, and
Speaker 1: I'm jealous that I didn't think of the pun.
Speaker 3: All right, what is the next one?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, there's one that I quite resonated with, to
Speaker 1: be honest. It was called click baying. So instead of clickbaiting,
Speaker 1: click baying like b ae bay a habitual swiper who
Speaker 1: is always clicking or swiping on dating profiles rather than
Speaker 1: actually engaging in any form of conversation.
Speaker 3: That's me, I've been doing that. I thought that that
Speaker 3: was also just like a time waster.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's cuter when it's Hey, I'm aclickbayer. That's
Speaker 1: what it's way cer to that I'm a time waste.
Speaker 2: So you just go in you like everyone, well, not everyone.
Speaker 2: You like people that you think you could potentially match,
Speaker 2: You get the ego boost of the match, but then
Speaker 2: you never speak to that.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's.
Speaker 1: The ego boost, right, I think what I do when
Speaker 1: I'm online dating, it's quite sporadic. My my highs and lows.
Speaker 1: So when I'm on a high and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: doing it, get back out there.
Speaker 3: Definitely going on a date this weekend.
Speaker 1: I go on, I obviously ferociously swipe match people, and
Speaker 1: then when they come back to me, I'm.
Speaker 2: On the low and I'm like, can't be bothered anymore. No,
Speaker 2: It's like you come to your senses and you're like,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't date.
Speaker 3: Any of these Basically, Sometimes I'm like, how did that happen?
Speaker 3: Was an accident? I was desperate need.
Speaker 2: The other thing as well is and I know so
Speaker 2: many people who are online dating have experienced this. I've
Speaker 2: seen it in the Facebook groups so many times. I
Speaker 2: experienced it myself. There are some people out there who
Speaker 2: when you do that, who when you match with them
Speaker 2: but then don't speak to them, they take it really
Speaker 2: personal and they get really angry, and they think a
Speaker 2: normal thing to do is to school you on why
Speaker 2: you haven't spoken back to them. Also, it's never gonna work,
Speaker 2: Like what person has ever sent you like a passag
Speaker 2: message about how you didn't write back to them and
Speaker 2: then it makes you go, oh, I'm so sorry, Sam,
Speaker 2: I meant to write back to you. Hey, haven't we
Speaker 2: got on a lovely date after you just spoke to
Speaker 2: me like I'm a child.
Speaker 3: We did have that one listener writing once there.
Speaker 1: I remember we read out the thread she put it
Speaker 1: in the life on Cut discussion group. Remember she had
Speaker 1: a full on brawl online with the online data and
Speaker 1: she went back at him and they had a full
Speaker 1: on conversation.
Speaker 3: So sometimes it doesn't happen and they ended up on
Speaker 3: a date and no, oh no it didn't work, but
Speaker 3: he got their eyes.
Speaker 1: And the other one that was like the perfect match
Speaker 1: for this conversation, Like it could not be more perfect
Speaker 1: for what we're talking about today.
Speaker 3: It's called one eighty dating.
Speaker 1: This is rebounding from a recent breakup by starting a
Speaker 1: relationship with a younger, unexpected partner. Think of Olivia Wilde
Speaker 1: and Kim Kardashian. This also, I feel like it's a
Speaker 1: bit me like the younger partner, the unexpected like I.
Speaker 3: Feel I feel a litle bit Okay, I feel very seen.
Speaker 2: Anyway, how young do you think you would go? Like,
Speaker 2: what's your young what's your limit?
Speaker 3: No, I wouldn't go any younger than what I've been.
Speaker 2: Twenty six, twenty five, No, I couldn't do it. Twenty sure,
Speaker 2: the more legal.
Speaker 3: I'm thirty five now, so twenty five ten years a
Speaker 3: young is too young. It's just too young because they're
Speaker 3: in a different life face.
Speaker 2: It depends what it was, I guess, and you don't
Speaker 2: want to go out sing Pokemon go.
Speaker 1: It's way too young for me now. Absolutely, I think
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't have you know what. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to put a number on it because people
Speaker 1: are different. Some people are really mature, some people are
Speaker 1: really good looking, and age doesn't matter, and you can't
Speaker 1: put a number on it because age eventually means nothing
Speaker 1: that I really do believe that would I want to
Speaker 1: date someone ridiculously younger than me. No, purely because I
Speaker 1: feel like you're at different points of your life. Emotional
Speaker 1: maturity is very different that often you're not on the
Speaker 1: same level.
Speaker 2: Also, I think, I mean this might be a stereotype.
Speaker 2: Probably is a stereotype, and I'll probably take it back,
Speaker 2: maybe even edit it out.
Speaker 3: I feel like twenty five.
Speaker 2: Year old women are often more mature than twenty five
Speaker 2: year old men. I think that's true obviously, like you know,
Speaker 2: that's very heteronormative, being gender typed. But I think in
Speaker 2: terms of when we're talking about heterosexual relationships, where I
Speaker 2: was at twenty five, verse where my partners were at
Speaker 2: twenty five, I think was a pretty there was a
Speaker 2: big caveat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we do know, we know that men generally
Speaker 1: grow up a little bit slower. They do want to
Speaker 1: stay Peter Pans for a bit longer.
Speaker 3: Depends on what area they're from.
Speaker 1: Of course, it depends that this is a blanket statement
Speaker 1: of cause, but we know this is actually it's not
Speaker 1: a blanket statement. We do know men do mature later,
Speaker 1: like that isn't a blanket statement, but it's just how
Speaker 1: long it takes them. Usually by twenty five, you'd hope
Speaker 1: they were there, but often they're not.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: On that note, let's get into our favorite part of
Speaker 2: every episode, and that is accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 3: Okay, I am going.
Speaker 2: To kick this off because I thought that this was
Speaker 2: cute and funny and dear God, here we go. Worst
Speaker 2: thing that was said to me during sex. I was
Speaker 2: having sex with this guy and he asked if we
Speaker 2: could do a sixty niner. It was a pretty mediocre sex,
Speaker 2: but I thought, oh well, why not over and let's
Speaker 2: just get on with it. I love the lack of
Speaker 2: enthusiasm here. Actually I don't love it at all, Like
Speaker 2: when you're like, it's pretty mediocre sex, but we thought,
Speaker 2: what the heck, let's just give it this a try. Okay,
Speaker 2: So she rolls over, she does a sixty nine er.
Speaker 2: After the sex, we're sitting on the couch and he
Speaker 2: looks at me like a child and says, I saw
Speaker 2: your butthole lolls like a child. To this day, whenever
Speaker 2: I have sex or even just shave my booty hole,
Speaker 2: all I can think of is this guy's little beady
Speaker 2: eyes sitting there staring at me and looking at my
Speaker 2: secret star. Not to mention, his dogs were both watching
Speaker 2: the entire time we had sex because he refused to
Speaker 2: put them in the other room.
Speaker 3: No how old is this guy. I just love that
Speaker 3: she calls her asshole a secret star and the dog's watching.
Speaker 3: No put them out.
Speaker 1: Especially there's two of them, but I saw your buttthole. Haha,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. We literally just spoke about emotional maturity of men.
Speaker 1: This is a priming guy I saw.
Speaker 3: Imagine that.
Speaker 2: Imagine just like after sex, sitting on the couch, it's
Speaker 2: like your time to like, you know, maybe you're gonna
Speaker 2: about it. Maybe you're going to talk about watching suits.
Speaker 2: I don't know, you're gonna do sexy cardile, whatever you're
Speaker 2: gonna do. Imagine a full grown man turning to you
Speaker 2: and saying, I saw your butthole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so your butthole fuck? All right? Well, speaking of buttholes,
Speaker 3: mine has nothing to do with it. My kaboodle loves
Speaker 3: to get into my.
Speaker 1: Dirty clothes basket and lick the crutch of my undies. Gross,
Speaker 1: I know, But unbeknownst to me, he tipped over the
Speaker 1: entire basket and had scattered my licked crutch undies.
Speaker 3: All through my room.
Speaker 1: I didn't notice until after the male property valuer that
Speaker 1: we had organized to come out and look at the
Speaker 1: property came in took photos of the entire house, including
Speaker 1: my room that was littered with my lick fielled crutch undies.
Speaker 1: I am absolutely dead. I'm happy to note though we
Speaker 1: did get a really good increase in the value, so
Speaker 1: maybe that held.
Speaker 3: But you know what I'm not. I'm just bombity gross
Speaker 3: that your dog licks at I mean.
Speaker 2: No dogs are some sem doo. Yeah, but put a
Speaker 2: lid on it, like put a lid on the basket.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Also, imagine the poor I always think that.
Speaker 1: Imagine the poor property value that's coming around, Like stepping
Speaker 1: over these underpants that are.
Speaker 3: Lit it all over the floor.
Speaker 2: They also probably look like the crushes being chewed out
Speaker 2: of them. Imagine if they don't assume, not yet they
Speaker 2: imagine if you don't assume that it's your dog, and
Speaker 2: they think that a human did that. Even All right,
Speaker 2: let's get into the really insightful chatting around rebounds. So
Speaker 2: we are talking about rebound relationships. And now, I mean
Speaker 2: I've had one, I've been in one, I've done it
Speaker 2: to many other people. But have you ever okay, have
Speaker 2: you ever trying to think if you did it recently
Speaker 2: but you didn't. Have you ever come out of a
Speaker 2: long term relationship and then jump straight back into something
Speaker 2: knowing full well that they're just a buffer.
Speaker 1: Well, look, I haven't had that many long term relationships,
Speaker 1: but I am going to say I.
Speaker 3: Have had two. I really dug deep in my memory
Speaker 3: for this.
Speaker 1: I've had two rebounds okay, where I have gone looking
Speaker 1: for the rebound relationship. I think I've probably been the
Speaker 1: rebound as well. But I have had two that were very,
Speaker 1: very different. Okay, I had one rebound where it was
Speaker 1: off the back of my sociopathic X right, it was
Speaker 1: a wild two years.
Speaker 3: You were like, let's feel this trauma. I was like,
Speaker 3: there is a big gaping holeway you know, I'm not
Speaker 3: talking about the mum Jesus Christ springing. Holy Sorry, I'm
Speaker 3: just trying to make a sick joke.
Speaker 1: No, I was like, there's a big gaping traumatic hole here.
Speaker 1: So I've only really had two that I can think of.
Speaker 3: Now. I have been the person.
Speaker 1: I've been someone else's rebound for sure, like one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: without doubt.
Speaker 3: I know that I have field of space for someone else.
Speaker 1: But there's been two big ones where I have intentionally
Speaker 1: and unintentionally used someone as a rebound.
Speaker 2: Now, the first one intentionally and unintentionally. It's so bad
Speaker 2: when you do it intentionally, but sometimes you can't help it.
Speaker 3: Well, do you know what? It's funny because it's hurt people,
Speaker 3: hurt people.
Speaker 1: I didn't yeah, exactly, I didn't know it was intentional, right.
Speaker 3: That came to me late.
Speaker 1: I didn't go out saying I'm going to find a rebound.
Speaker 1: But what did happen was it was off the back.
Speaker 1: The first one was off the back of my two
Speaker 1: year relationship with my sociopathic ex Episode three.
Speaker 3: Ever, if you're new to the podcast and you don't
Speaker 3: know about it, the audio quality is terrible in that episode,
Speaker 3: but the story is very good. The info's there.
Speaker 1: But it was two years and it was very a
Speaker 1: very very traumatic ending. Not long after that, I reckon
Speaker 1: it must have only been six weeks I met someone else. Okay,
Speaker 1: six weeks of trauma and I met somebody at work.
Speaker 1: It was also, funnily enough, long distance. He was actually
Speaker 1: a doctor that I'd met at work, and he lived elsewhere.
Speaker 1: He lived in Sydney, and I was important quarry fast forward.
Speaker 3: He was moving back to Sydney.
Speaker 1: So this was great for me because I thought we
Speaker 1: had a couple of weeks together to get to know
Speaker 1: each other, kind of hang out.
Speaker 3: Then he was going away.
Speaker 2: And this is only six weeks after a really big breakup,
Speaker 2: after the biggest breakup.
Speaker 1: And you guys, a lot of you that are following
Speaker 1: along at home for a long time, you're going to
Speaker 1: know this story, but you're not going to realize that
Speaker 1: it was the rebound story.
Speaker 3: We were long distance for a.
Speaker 1: Little while, and I completely now look back, I feel
Speaker 1: bad I used him without knowing because it was attention.
Speaker 1: It was taking my mind away from what I had
Speaker 1: just been through and from the hurt and the embarrassment,
Speaker 1: the disbelief. I wanted to be someone else, be somewhere else.
Speaker 1: I wanted someone to give me attention to make me
Speaker 1: feel good. It was so when I look back, it
Speaker 1: was so unwell and I was not in a place
Speaker 1: to do that that we entered into this relationship. He
Speaker 1: told me he'd love me after five weeks, like it
Speaker 1: was a love bombing. And then he and I ended
Speaker 1: up going on this trip overseas together after a couple of.
Speaker 3: Months, and he's that I know, I had this five.
Speaker 1: Week trip planned, I know who this is, yes, and
Speaker 1: he wanted to come along, and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, and I think that's a good idea.
Speaker 1: He absolutely wanted to, so I was like, fine, planned
Speaker 1: a whole five week trip and we got there three
Speaker 1: days in or something in Vegas.
Speaker 3: And that's when I got a multitude of things. I
Speaker 3: got the ick.
Speaker 1: I realized I didn't actually like him that much. I
Speaker 1: realized that he had without me meaning to be he
Speaker 1: was a bit of a filler.
Speaker 3: The rebound.
Speaker 1: I actually left him in Vegas and I didn't see
Speaker 1: him again.
Speaker 3: You didged the rebound. I rebounded.
Speaker 1: I ricocheted off that rebound and I was out of
Speaker 1: there and I saw him again like four years later.
Speaker 3: That was it. I ran into him at work in
Speaker 3: a different city four years later, and I didn't know
Speaker 3: at the time.
Speaker 1: And I feel horrible saying it, but I'm being this
Speaker 1: really good human that's reflecting back and owning my mistakes.
Speaker 3: Why he was my rebound.
Speaker 2: No, but the thing is, and okay, we hold you guys,
Speaker 2: we put it out at the brains.
Speaker 3: Trust.
Speaker 2: The thing is is, sometimes even when you are like
Speaker 2: the person that you're dating, you've come out of a breakup,
Speaker 2: you've come out of like a you know, a shitty breakup, breakdown,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, and you start dating again. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: don't even realize that that person is.
Speaker 3: A rebound for you.
Speaker 2: And sometimes when you are the rebound, you don't know
Speaker 2: that you're the rebound. So the reason why we wanted
Speaker 2: to unpack this is because like, what are the signs,
Speaker 2: How do you know if you're dying IT symptoms?
Speaker 3: How do you know if you are one?
Speaker 2: We thought we could unpack all of that, but by
Speaker 2: large and far, we pld you. And it's so obvious
Speaker 2: that this is something that's so many many people have experienced.
Speaker 2: So we asked the question, have you been in a
Speaker 2: rebound relationship? And sixty three percent of you said yes,
Speaker 2: that you have, and thirty seven percent said no.
Speaker 3: That to me is wild. I feel like everyone's been
Speaker 3: in a rebound relationship at some point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon, they haven't figured it out yet, maybe
Speaker 2: like they need the beauty of hindsight. I've spoken so
Speaker 2: much about my time when I was single and dating
Speaker 2: and how I monkey branch from relationship to relationship. I
Speaker 2: would go so far as to say that I almost
Speaker 2: had a rebound after every big breakup because for me,
Speaker 2: I used being in not necessarily in a relationship, but
Speaker 2: I use dating as a way of getting over my
Speaker 2: feelings and not even getting over them. I used dating
Speaker 2: as a way of not having to deal with my feelings.
Speaker 2: That was kind of I didn't like being in that
Speaker 2: space of being sad and being suffering, so I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: give me attention, you new person, and it usually would
Speaker 2: fizzle out and not work out. And looking back, with
Speaker 2: the beauty of hindsight, I now understand exactly what I
Speaker 2: was doing.
Speaker 1: But do you think, Laura, that there could be a
Speaker 1: level of confusion with what you were doing. Are they
Speaker 1: all rebounds or is there a difference with a rebound
Speaker 1: and just wanting to fill a space within you that's
Speaker 1: not necessarily a rebound, but maybe you were insecure and
Speaker 1: didn't want to be on your own because I think
Speaker 1: it's a different Oh.
Speaker 3: There's loads of things that were a problem loaded. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was problematically loaded. There are many parts of this
Speaker 3: that were like not healthy.
Speaker 2: No, okay, I think for me because a lot of
Speaker 2: them came after really long term relationships like I had
Speaker 2: a six year relationship, I had a three year relationship,
Speaker 2: Like I was a.
Speaker 3: And she's on me eighteen at this point, Well, no,
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: I started dating my first No. I literally went a
Speaker 2: two year relationship, a six year relationship, a three year relationship,
Speaker 2: a one year relationship, like I.
Speaker 3: Went by twelve or thirteen years there.
Speaker 2: I was never single, and when I was single, I
Speaker 2: was always dating somebody. Like looking back, I now I
Speaker 2: can see how problematic that was in my twenties, and
Speaker 2: but like at the time, I couldn't see it, like
Speaker 2: there was no I just thought that that was normal
Speaker 2: to always kind of like have someone be dating someone And.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you were taking when you went
Speaker 1: into these new relationships. Did you feel like you were
Speaker 1: taking the baggage from the relationship you're rebounding off into it,
Speaker 1: or do you feel like you had this really clear
Speaker 1: distinction where you're like, I don't have to take that in.
Speaker 3: I can leave it and move forward. Oh no, no,
Speaker 3: Like to be clear, some of the this is so bad,
Speaker 3: it should be clear.
Speaker 2: Some of the relationships were like I went from one
Speaker 2: long term to another, but some of them I dated
Speaker 2: other people in between. But those other people in between
Speaker 2: were very much the rebounds. Like you know, I got
Speaker 2: back on Tinder almost straight away after a breakup, and
Speaker 2: then I would meet some like lovely, pleasant guy who
Speaker 2: I had absolutely no real strong feelings for, but he
Speaker 2: probably thought I did because that's how I navigated might
Speaker 2: hurt at the time. But you know, okay, so many
Speaker 2: people do it, and we're not here to say that
Speaker 2: it's either good or bad. I think normally the conversation
Speaker 2: surrounding rebounds is that it's inherently a bad thing to do, right,
Speaker 2: And I think that that's very one sided, because I
Speaker 2: do think that there are many reasons why people get
Speaker 2: into rebound relationships. I also think there are many ways
Speaker 2: in which rebounds can be healthy, so long as you're
Speaker 2: not being an absolute effing asshole and like emotionally you
Speaker 2: using somebody just to kind of, you know, make yourself
Speaker 2: feel better. So I think like we can unpack some
Speaker 2: of the reasons why we think rebound relationships can be useful.
Speaker 2: But then I also think we need to talk about like,
Speaker 2: if you are dating and you really like someone and
Speaker 2: they are freshly out of a relationship, how do you
Speaker 2: know if you are simply a rebound or if they
Speaker 2: are truly invested in you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because there's.
Speaker 1: This saying, right, and it's funny and I used to
Speaker 1: love it, but I don't necessarily think it's true. Oh
Speaker 1: you might say, well you under someone, you have to
Speaker 1: get under someone. You know that we always used to
Speaker 1: say that you know when all your friends are when
Speaker 1: you go through a breakup, you're like, oh, well, you know,
Speaker 1: get back on the horse to get over them.
Speaker 3: You got to get under them.
Speaker 1: As I get older, I realize that that's not true.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that can make you feel even worse.
Speaker 2: Okay, but there's always going to be someone. Like, everyone
Speaker 2: who goes through a breakup is going to eventually fuck
Speaker 2: someone new. It doesn't mean that that person is going
Speaker 2: to be a rebound, right Like, it doesn't mean that
Speaker 2: just because somebody comes after a breakup, that's not exclusively
Speaker 2: what makes someone a rebound. The only time that someone
Speaker 2: is a rebound is if the person who is choosing
Speaker 2: to start dating again isn't over their ex.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 2: That's the whole issue, right And I guess it's kind
Speaker 2: of trying to figure out if you are somebody who
Speaker 2: started dating and your new partner is very very freshly
Speaker 2: out of a relationship, what are the telltale signs that
Speaker 2: maybe they're not over the relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And this brings me to my second rebound, which
Speaker 1: was only this year, right off the back of my
Speaker 1: relationship with Jordan. It wasn't a quick rebound. It was
Speaker 1: a couple of months and it wasn't intentional. I started
Speaker 1: to date this person accidentally because I thought I was
Speaker 1: on a business meeting with him.
Speaker 3: But it was a date, So it was a real
Speaker 3: accidental fall in. You thought you were on a business
Speaker 3: meeting and it was a date. Yeah, He asked, did
Speaker 3: you think he tricked you? Were you like at the time?
Speaker 3: Were you like, fuck you? This is a date. I
Speaker 3: thought you were going to sell with you. Well, it's well, yeah,
Speaker 3: it happened very accidentally.
Speaker 1: I think it was a miscommunication and he was asking
Speaker 1: me out, but I thought he was asking me for
Speaker 1: a meeting about work, and our wires were very very cool.
Speaker 3: Did you take your laptop? Yes? Not in the first one.
Speaker 3: Actually we went we were doing a walk and then
Speaker 3: you're like, why are you inside me? This seems very inappropriate?
Speaker 3: What's going on that? Yeah? It was.
Speaker 1: It was an accident, right because I wasn't ready to date.
Speaker 1: I knew that I wasn't online dating. I wasn't actively
Speaker 1: looking for it, so I one hundred percent feel into it.
Speaker 1: But then when we met, we got along, so I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, we'll go on a few dates. He ended
Speaker 1: up being very invested in it, and I wasn't, and
Speaker 1: I ended up being really honest with him. He was like,
Speaker 1: really want to be with you, and I said, I
Speaker 1: enjoy hanging out with you, but I love my ex still, Like,
Speaker 1: I just want you to know that this is where
Speaker 1: I'm at. And I told him that I was really
Speaker 1: honest with him, and I said, I don't think this
Speaker 1: is going to work because I still have feelings for
Speaker 1: my ex and I'm not past it.
Speaker 3: And what was his response to this? Yeah, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: This is the thing though, okay, right.
Speaker 2: The thing with that is you gave him a gift,
Speaker 2: and this is what happens a lot in rebound relationships.
Speaker 2: You gave him the truth, you said. And I think
Speaker 2: that this happens so much, but we want to be
Speaker 2: blind to it.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: You could get into a new relationship and someone might
Speaker 2: say to you point blank, hey, i'm freshly out of
Speaker 2: a relationship. I'm not looking for anything serious, and majority
Speaker 2: of us see that as I will change their mind.
Speaker 2: And that is exactly what this insert name here man
Speaker 2: did to you. You gave him the gift of honesty.
Speaker 2: He didn't have to try and figure out how you felt.
Speaker 2: He was like, oh, she's still in love with her ex.
Speaker 2: So if he was actually going to go, okay, one
Speaker 2: plus one equals I'm a rebound relationship.
Speaker 3: So what are you saying, I don't know. Are you
Speaker 3: trying to say that he was stoked on that?
Speaker 2: No, what I'm saying is is that like he should
Speaker 2: have known in that that he was a rebound and
Speaker 2: therefore if he got hurt as a result of it,
Speaker 2: of him putting in effort and energy when you're saying
Speaker 2: to him, I don't want anything because I'm still in
Speaker 2: love with my ex, It's like we do have to
Speaker 2: take a bit of responsibility for how we feel, because
Speaker 2: I think in that instance, if he was so invested
Speaker 2: in you and really wanted a relationship with you, but
Speaker 2: you're telling him I'm in love with my ex still,
Speaker 2: he should have gone, I'm gonna walk away from this
Speaker 2: because this is not a healthy position.
Speaker 1: This is not something He's only a human, yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: and aren't we all.
Speaker 2: But that's the thing, right, I think, like, sometimes you
Speaker 2: will be dating someone and they will give you all
Speaker 2: the information, they will tell you that you're a rebound
Speaker 2: without telling you that you're a rebound, and other times
Speaker 2: you have to try and figure it out for yourself
Speaker 2: with the signs and you know, whatever other things they're doing.
Speaker 2: So let's say you're dating someone they've just come out
Speaker 2: of a long term relationship, and you're trying to figure out,
Speaker 2: am I a rebound or maybe that relationship had been
Speaker 2: well and truly dead, like maybe they had been you know,
Speaker 2: he'd been wanting to leave it for a year or
Speaker 2: something prior, so in his mind, he's so ready to
Speaker 2: start dating again because he'd already done the breakup while
Speaker 2: he was in the relationship. It can be really hard
Speaker 2: to kind of differentiate what the two is. And I
Speaker 2: think one of the biggest red flags if somebody is
Speaker 2: not over their ex is the fact that they fucking
Speaker 2: talk about their ex all the time.
Speaker 1: But it's like, we talked about this, like in the
Speaker 1: last week or two, we've been speaking about the fact
Speaker 1: that it can be a challenge. And when you do
Speaker 1: say to someone like I'm not really interested, it makes
Speaker 1: the chase harder, right, It makes you want them more
Speaker 1: because you're like, oh, they're saying that, but I know
Speaker 1: that I can wear them down, and I.
Speaker 3: Know I'll be the one that brings them back, And
Speaker 3: I say wear them down, like we should all be
Speaker 3: better by now.
Speaker 2: This is three hundred and forty episodes, I know, but we're.
Speaker 1: Still learning more of our Life's a journey and it's
Speaker 1: not linear, and healing's not linear, and break ups aren't linear,
Speaker 1: and rebounds are definitely not linear.
Speaker 3: Rebounds are not linear. Okay.
Speaker 2: Circling back to this idea that like, they're not always
Speaker 2: a bad thing. The reason why they're not always a
Speaker 2: bad thing is it comes down to your emotional investment
Speaker 2: right from both parties. If you are just after casual sex,
Speaker 2: and when I say this, I mean like the person
Speaker 2: who's not just come out of long term relationship, the
Speaker 2: person who's you know, started dating someone who's come out
Speaker 2: of a long term relationship. If you're just after sex,
Speaker 2: if you're after something casual, if you're just after having fun,
Speaker 2: then it's okay to have that with somebody who's just
Speaker 2: come out of a long term relationship. If anything, you
Speaker 2: were doing God's work. You're making them emotionally feel better
Speaker 2: and you're getting your needs met at the same time.
Speaker 1: There's the idea of we know sex makes us feel good.
Speaker 1: You get your endorphin hit, you get your dopamine hit.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of science behind that. The only way
Speaker 1: that this can be good is if you one hundred
Speaker 1: percent aren't completely obsessed with your ex, because you feel
Speaker 1: good for about ten.
Speaker 3: Minutes if you like two, two to three.
Speaker 1: But if you're lucky, you've got ten minutes of dopamine
Speaker 1: and endorphins, and then you're left. In my experience, you're
Speaker 1: left feeling a bit more lonely and a bit a
Speaker 1: bit more sad than you were beforehand.
Speaker 2: Because you kind of just wish that that person you
Speaker 2: had sex with was your ex.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, and then they go right because you're not
Speaker 1: in a relationship, So are you going to sleep with
Speaker 1: them or you have dinner with them? Because it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to just be sex, right you haven't. You could
Speaker 1: have an emotional connection physical. They could be playing with
Speaker 1: your hair, you could just be getting that hit that
Speaker 1: you're missing from your past relationship. They're going to go home,
Speaker 1: like they're not going to live with you forever. When
Speaker 1: they go, you feel that emptiness again, and sometimes you
Speaker 1: feel tenfold because you're like, Wow, we're our own worst enemies.
Speaker 1: We get inside our head and we start to do
Speaker 1: this negative self talk. It's like, oh, look, someone else's left. No,
Speaker 1: you're not good enough for them. You know, there's this
Speaker 1: idea we really want to bring ourselves down. So I
Speaker 1: think sex is only a positive thing in these situations
Speaker 1: when it's not completely fresh.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think it's a distraction. I think
Speaker 3: it depends on the person.
Speaker 2: I mean, And that's why I guess it comes down
Speaker 2: to this idea that and it's another sign right of
Speaker 2: being a rebound, is when things move so quickly, like
Speaker 2: when that person wants to spend all their time with you,
Speaker 2: when they want to fill all their free time with you,
Speaker 2: And part of it is because they're so fucking lonely
Speaker 2: when they're not with someone that you become the thing,
Speaker 2: like the band aid that makes them feel better. So, yeah,
Speaker 2: they feel great when they're with you. And it's not
Speaker 2: to say that they don't have any feelings for you
Speaker 2: or don't want any connection with you, but it's it
Speaker 2: also means that you're serving a purpose, which is to
Speaker 2: kind of numb their feelings of loneliness. And have you
Speaker 2: ever kind of been in a situation like a rebound
Speaker 2: where things went so quickly past the dating phase? Okay,
Speaker 2: one comes to mind, No, No one comes to mind.
Speaker 2: So this is many years ago. I had a friend
Speaker 2: and he'd just come out of a marriage, right, Like,
Speaker 2: so his marriage had broken down, his wife left him
Speaker 2: and he was heartbroken. And then, weirdly, actually it's quite
Speaker 2: similar to your story, he asked me out for dinner
Speaker 2: this one day and I thought it was a friend
Speaker 2: date and it turned out to be a date date.
Speaker 2: And then we had sex, and like it just all
Speaker 2: fucking happened. It was I mean, like I didn't have
Speaker 2: sex with my accidental date. You just went straight it no,
Speaker 2: not anyway or whatever. It spired out of control, Okay,
Speaker 2: But the thing is, we then skipped the dating part.
Speaker 2: Like he never really took me out on a date.
Speaker 2: He was like, hey, you want to come over and
Speaker 2: watch a movie, You want to go to Kohl's and
Speaker 2: pick up I was like, we skipped dating and we
Speaker 2: started doing the things that I think he would have
Speaker 2: done with his wife.
Speaker 1: Like you went straight to the comfort zone. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: were like straight four months zone.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was like straight into being his replacement person. And
Speaker 2: it was to me it was so obvious that he
Speaker 2: was not over his wife, because he spoke about her.
Speaker 3: All the time.
Speaker 2: I mean, I was not that in to it anyway,
Speaker 2: So it was kind of fine, but like it was
Speaker 2: just so obvious to me that I was the rebound
Speaker 2: in that situation, and I ended up being like, look,
Speaker 2: you've got a few things that you need to work on,
Speaker 2: which is like your emotions.
Speaker 3: Were you happy to sit in that rebound situation for
Speaker 3: a little while? I was trying to figure out whether
Speaker 3: I actually liked the guy or not.
Speaker 2: And then, to be honest, I think because I knew
Speaker 2: that I was so much of a rebound for him
Speaker 2: that I myself couldn't then kind of it didn't progress
Speaker 2: for me either, because I had my walls up too.
Speaker 2: So I mean, let's go back for a bit though,
Speaker 2: For anybody who is freshly in a relationship or freshly
Speaker 2: started dating someone, I should say, and they are fresh
Speaker 2: out of a relationship, how do you know if you're
Speaker 2: the rebound? Let's go through a few other key indicators
Speaker 2: that might suggest apart from just the fact that they
Speaker 2: talk about their ex and also they want to take
Speaker 2: it straight to like comfy dating space.
Speaker 3: Well, when they call you their ex's name in sex,
Speaker 3: got's a sign, big red sign. I've done that one before.
Speaker 2: You called someone Jordan no, the long, long, long, long
Speaker 2: long time ago, Jesus Christ. That would make for great
Speaker 2: content if you had called someone.
Speaker 3: No, this was there. This was the first lot of rebound. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it went down like a lead balloon, like a
Speaker 3: sack of potatoes. I understand why.
Speaker 1: It was not good, but that was again because because
Speaker 1: that was the person I was thinking about, Like I
Speaker 1: was thinking about my ex.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to be with anyone else.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be in that situation, but I
Speaker 1: was forcing myself to to pull myself away from like
Speaker 1: the wave of sadness that I felt. M Well, okay,
Speaker 1: let's talk about some of the other signs. Some of
Speaker 1: the other signs might include that they struggle to open
Speaker 1: up emotionally, like they won't give you or talk about
Speaker 1: like you know, what they want. It may be that
Speaker 1: they say that they're not ready for a relationship or
Speaker 1: anything serious yet. I think that that's a pretty telltale
Speaker 1: sign that someone's not moved beyond their past relationship. It
Speaker 1: could be that the relationship itself doesn't have a lot
Speaker 1: of emotional connection, but it is really sexual and physically connected,
Speaker 1: because yeah, I mean, like it's one thing to have
Speaker 1: a sexual chemistry and sexual connection with someone.
Speaker 2: It's a very different thing to like want to date someone.
Speaker 2: So if you've started dating someone and they are only
Speaker 2: inviting you over for hangs and bangs and they're not
Speaker 2: actually dating you, They're not taking up for dinner, they're
Speaker 2: not going and doing nice things and not introducing you
Speaker 2: to their friends, all of that could indicate that they're
Speaker 2: not actually over their ex yet. And have they committed
Speaker 2: to any long term plans with you? I think is
Speaker 2: another big one as well, because it feel like.
Speaker 1: You're just just describing like every man in Sydney from
Speaker 1: twenty five to forty five.
Speaker 2: But if people won't commit to anything long term, not
Speaker 2: only does that mean that maybe you're just a situational
Speaker 2: relationship for them, it also can indicate that maybe you know,
Speaker 2: they're just using you to fill a hole for that
Speaker 2: period of time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And rebound relationships.
Speaker 1: You could be in a really rebound relationship like in
Speaker 1: my situation, where one person really likes them, they can
Speaker 1: evolve into real relationship. If a relationship starts as a rebound,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to just sit in that space. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to stay in that category.
Speaker 2: Okay, but what has to change, because I think that's
Speaker 2: the big thing, right because most people who do get
Speaker 2: into rebounds.
Speaker 3: For example, the guy that was dating you, that was
Speaker 3: hoping that you would change your mind, Well, it has
Speaker 3: to change. What changes?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it has to change from a reactionary relationship to
Speaker 1: a really healthy, loving relationship. And that's probably only going
Speaker 1: to change with a lot of patience from the other person,
Speaker 1: a lot of honest communication, and a lot of work
Speaker 1: on yourself. And that's what I think is important. I
Speaker 1: could have continued down that track and worked on myself
Speaker 1: a little bit and not gotten too serious too quickly,
Speaker 1: with him constantly being honest saying I'm not ready to
Speaker 1: take my time, this is too much. You need to
Speaker 1: back off. And I did do that for a while,
Speaker 1: but my feelings didn't grow, and that's the reason I
Speaker 1: cut it off. But a lot of people can be
Speaker 1: in these rebounds and time. You know this old saying
Speaker 1: that time heals all wounds. Time definitely helps one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: But so does being in different situations and different relationships
Speaker 1: and meeting new people, because sometimes what it takes to
Speaker 1: move on from an X is to discover that it's
Speaker 1: not the end of the world and there are other
Speaker 1: people out there. And the reason I say that is
Speaker 1: I feel like we've all been in that situation where
Speaker 1: you've gone through a really horrible breakup. Maybe it's someone
Speaker 1: that you thought was your entire world, you saw your
Speaker 1: whole life together. You go through that breakup, and as
Speaker 1: we know, it's very traumatic, and it can be a
Speaker 1: whole level of grief and healing that has to come
Speaker 1: along with it. But then you can get into this
Speaker 1: feeling of well, I'm never gonna find anyone again. No
Speaker 1: one's ever gonna be as good as this person was.
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna get along with someone as well. No
Speaker 1: one's gonna love me for how I am again, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be alone forever. We're getting into these feelings. So
Speaker 1: sometimes when you get into a rebound relationship or you
Speaker 1: start to date again, you realize, oh, hang on a minute,
Speaker 1: I can feel happiness again. Someone is interested in me again.
Speaker 1: I think I am getting these butterflies again. It makes
Speaker 1: you realize that there is light at the end of
Speaker 1: the tunnel and you can move on, so they don't
Speaker 1: always have to be looked at with this really negative outview.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that that's so important britt because
Speaker 2: I know there'll be so many people listening to this
Speaker 2: who maybe are in relationships now and they are fucking awesome,
Speaker 2: great relationships.
Speaker 3: However they were.
Speaker 2: Born out of being a rebound, or maybe their friends
Speaker 2: or their families saw their partners as like, oh, that's
Speaker 2: just a rebound that's never gonna last, and then they
Speaker 2: proved everybody wrong. I definitely think that exists, but I
Speaker 2: do think it goes through a transition. At some point,
Speaker 2: it has to stop being a rebound, obviously, because you're
Speaker 2: no longer like invested in your ex and it becomes
Speaker 2: something that's a.
Speaker 3: Very real and like genuine relationship.
Speaker 2: I think the big defining factor of that, though, is
Speaker 2: it's whether or not if you're the person who's the rebound,
Speaker 2: you know, like the person who's not the heartbroken one,
Speaker 2: how patient you can be, how much you can withstand,
Speaker 2: And that also comes down to how the other person behaves,
Speaker 2: because there are some people who will get into quote
Speaker 2: unquote rebound relationships and then within two or three months
Speaker 2: of seeing somebody, they have a new girlfriend. They've put
Speaker 2: a definition around it. They're actually in a committed relationship
Speaker 2: and it's starting to form into a real relationship that
Speaker 2: has its own future, and then there's other people who
Speaker 2: will be the rebound and it will just stay in
Speaker 2: this like arbitrary nothingness for a really long time, and
Speaker 2: the other person will never ever commit because they don't
Speaker 2: actually see that in that other person. I think we've
Speaker 2: talked about the positives of being in a rebound relationship
Speaker 2: quite a bit, and like, obviously it is not just
Speaker 2: a positive thing, like it's very possible that if you're
Speaker 2: in a rebound that you're going to get hurt. But
Speaker 2: I think some of the other negatives that are less
Speaker 2: talked about than just like, oh, you're going to get
Speaker 2: your heart broken being in a rebound relationship. And I
Speaker 2: think the really important one is for people like me
Speaker 2: who monkey branch into or have in the past, monkey
Speaker 2: branch into new relationships, you really devoid yourself the opportunity
Speaker 2: of personal growth by giving zero time in between relationships.
Speaker 2: You don't have any time to have that sort of
Speaker 2: self reflection or introspective moments where you go, well, why
Speaker 2: didn't that work out, and how do I be a
Speaker 2: better person and how do I be more independent? You
Speaker 2: kind of just move your relationship junk from one relationship.
Speaker 1: To another one, another one to another one, and it's
Speaker 1: more like, what do I really want from life? Where
Speaker 1: do I want to envitally? Do I want a different path?
Speaker 1: Was I on the right trajectory?
Speaker 2: And it also means that you kind of end up
Speaker 2: settling because you haven't really gone out and waited and
Speaker 2: looked for like the best option for you. You've just kind
Speaker 2: of settled for the next option that came along that
Speaker 2: was utable at the time. So I do think that
Speaker 2: sometimes rebounds they can result in you settling for less
Speaker 2: than what you're worth just because you didn't want to
Speaker 2: be alone.
Speaker 3: And that's a pretty shit thing too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And to bring it back full circle again, there
Speaker 1: is no right or wrong, there is no straight path.
Speaker 1: But I do think it's really important for both parties
Speaker 1: to constantly be clear.
Speaker 3: And when we decided to do this chat, I was
Speaker 3: speaking to a friend of mine.
Speaker 2: Was just doing some due diligence, you know, all the
Speaker 2: high level, deep level reasons.
Speaker 3: It's very deep.
Speaker 1: It was a male friend, a guy friend to I
Speaker 1: wanted the male's perspective, and so I said, have you
Speaker 1: ever had a rebound relationship? Have you ever been a
Speaker 1: rebound relationship? And he had been like. He said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I went through a pretty bad breaker and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to think about it anymore, and I just wanted
Speaker 1: to get back out there.
Speaker 3: And I said, how did you do it?
Speaker 1: Then? Did you lead them down the garden path? Do
Speaker 1: they stay the night? Do you hang out and have dinners?
Speaker 3: Is it just sex? How did you feel after it?
Speaker 1: And he said, look, I was always really honest because
Speaker 1: I don't want to lead someone astray.
Speaker 3: He said.
Speaker 1: I always said to them, I'm not long out of
Speaker 1: a relationship. This is what I'm looking for, do without
Speaker 1: what you will like. I just want to be very
Speaker 1: clear that it's not gonna be one of those things
Speaker 1: where you're going to change me like, but I'm not
Speaker 1: going to force you to do anything either. I laid
Speaker 1: all my cards on the table. I'm looking for sex.
Speaker 1: I'm looking just to hang out occasionally. You know, I
Speaker 1: have stressful job. I don't want to bring stress into it.
Speaker 1: If you're cool with that, let me know, give me
Speaker 1: a text. And I said, whether ever any problems with that?
Speaker 1: He's like, no, because I was constantly I.
Speaker 2: Was con to me because I feel like a lot
Speaker 2: of women would still be like and not a lot
Speaker 2: of men. It works both ways. I feel like a
Speaker 2: lot of people, if they felt a strong emotional connection
Speaker 2: to him, would listen to what he's saying, but hope
Speaker 2: otherwise well, he said.
Speaker 1: There were a few times that he sensed the change
Speaker 1: because I said, Look, I'm a female, I've been there.
Speaker 3: I know what it's like.
Speaker 1: We all think that we can be the one that
Speaker 1: is special enough to change you, special enough to get
Speaker 1: you over the line, special enough to get you back
Speaker 1: in the relationship because sometimes we hear what you're saying,
Speaker 1: but we don't believe it.
Speaker 3: And we want to watch your actions.
Speaker 1: Right, So if you're saying you know, on a relationship,
Speaker 1: but we're having dinner, wine, sleeping together and cuddling all night.
Speaker 3: We as women specifically, but humans, we want to take
Speaker 3: we see what we want from a relationship. One d again,
Speaker 3: he was like, it's honesty.
Speaker 1: When I saw that, I felt there was a change
Speaker 1: and they were wanting more, he called it because he's like,
Speaker 1: I could see that you want more. I really do believe,
Speaker 1: and we say it's all the time. It's communication, transparency, honesty.
Speaker 1: I think people deserve the truth in these situations totally.
Speaker 2: And I think you know, we can say that well,
Speaker 2: I mean, we made it very clearly the beginning. We
Speaker 2: were like, it doesn't have to be good, doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be bad, but there is a bad way to
Speaker 2: go about having a rebad relationship, and that's like emotionally
Speaker 2: using someone as a crutch and leading them down the
Speaker 2: garden path when you have absolutely no intention of being
Speaker 2: in a relationship with them just because it makes you
Speaker 2: feel better, just to service yourself totally, like, that's an
Speaker 2: incredibly selfish thing to do. However, we all have to
Speaker 2: be smart enough and better at kind of looking at
Speaker 2: someone's behavior and looking at the things that they say
Speaker 2: and going, Okay, I want better for myself. I'm not
Speaker 2: going to sit around and wait for this person to
Speaker 2: change their mind. And I guess the reason why I've
Speaker 2: kind of changed my feelings about this over the years.
Speaker 2: I remember I've spoken about it in the past my
Speaker 2: one year situationship where for an entire year I dated
Speaker 2: a guy in BONDI and he kept saying to me,
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 3: I'm not ready.
Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, but he you know, like
Speaker 2: we spend every second fucking night together and we cuddle
Speaker 2: and I've met all his friends and we do everything together.
Speaker 2: So obviously at some point he's going to turn around
Speaker 2: and be like, I want.
Speaker 3: To be with you.
Speaker 2: Because we've literally been boyfriend and girlfriend for a year,
Speaker 2: just without the label.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you essentially are. You're doing everything that a relationship does.
Speaker 1: We did everything. But he would say to me point blank,
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to be in a relationship. My work
Speaker 1: is too busy, like you know, this is what I
Speaker 1: want to focus on. But he would still treat me
Speaker 1: like he was, you know, I was his girlfriend. And
Speaker 1: I look back on that now with the beauty of hindsight,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what he did was not right, Like
Speaker 1: he should have known that I was too emotion invested
Speaker 1: and he should have removed himself. But I also need
Speaker 1: to be responsible for my actions, and like him saying
Speaker 1: to me, I don't want to be with you, and
Speaker 1: me going he's gonna change his mind, that's on me.
Speaker 3: I remember I did it for three years.
Speaker 1: That's the guy I flew to New York for that,
Speaker 1: the one that said you always spoke about on Tuesday.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the one yeah, the one that.
Speaker 1: Was like on paper, you're perfect, but yeah, just quite
Speaker 1: not hitting the marg that was that guy.
Speaker 3: I did that for three years and that was at
Speaker 3: the end of the day. I blamed him for a
Speaker 3: long time. But like you just said, you get to a.
Speaker 1: Point where you're a bit older, more maturer with life experience,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I could have and should have walked
Speaker 1: away because she always told me, And man, it's so
Speaker 1: fucking hard, you know what, I think that that's like,
Speaker 1: It's probably one thing we haven't covered on this. It's
Speaker 1: so hard to walk away from someone when you see
Speaker 1: such potential in the relationship and you hope, you have
Speaker 1: so much hope that maybe that rebound could turn into
Speaker 1: something more and.
Speaker 3: That just give it a bit more time, give it
Speaker 3: a bit more.
Speaker 2: Time, and then they will finally see that what you
Speaker 2: have as special as whatever it is that they have
Speaker 2: with their ex. But like, you can't force someone on
Speaker 2: their journey. And also, if it's causing you pain, waiting
Speaker 2: is causing you pain, you can't sit through it because
Speaker 2: all you're doing is rubbing yourself of being in a
Speaker 2: relationship with someone who's actually choosing you.
Speaker 3: But there's a reason to finish this.
Speaker 1: There's a very good scientific reason that you when you
Speaker 1: just said it's so hard to walk away. It actually
Speaker 1: is hard because it's an addiction. Scientists have likened love
Speaker 1: and endorphins and hormones and all of these things that
Speaker 1: comes with this feeling of finding your person and being
Speaker 1: in true lust and love. They've likens to try and
Speaker 1: pull away from that a breakup to a drug withdrawal,
Speaker 1: because it is a type of drug. It's a type
Speaker 1: of addiction that we don't even know we have, so
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, to walk away from that is
Speaker 1: like trying to give up something. Maybe you've been addicted
Speaker 1: to cigarettes for a long time. It's new habits that
Speaker 1: you're trying to create. It's understanding that what you are
Speaker 1: getting your high from every day won't be there anymore
Speaker 1: and you've got to go and find it elsewhere. So
Speaker 1: it really is scientifically bloody hard to walk away from.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I guess I mean this is a broader
Speaker 2: conversation that doesn't just kind of revolve around rebounds. But
Speaker 2: it's like sometimes breaking up with someone who you weren't
Speaker 2: actually in a legitimate relationship with is just as hard.
Speaker 2: But the reason why it can even be harder is
Speaker 2: because you don't get any of the sympathy. People don't understand,
Speaker 2: like because you are breaking up with like the hope
Speaker 2: and the potential of what you saw in that relationship. Right,
Speaker 2: You're walking away from something that you really fucking wanted.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, you feel silly for feeling
Speaker 2: that sad. And I think, like you know, with any
Speaker 2: relationship break down, with any sort of disappointment when it
Speaker 2: comes to dating, like just be and go easy on yourself,
Speaker 2: and you're absolutely allowed to be hurt by a fucking
Speaker 2: rebound breakup.
Speaker 1: I had a friend just the last couple of days
Speaker 1: that got really upset, you know. It was in tears,
Speaker 1: very upset about this relationship. That and it is a
Speaker 1: relationship because you can have a relationship with someone you
Speaker 1: met at the coffee shop. That's the difference with a relationship.
Speaker 1: You can have so many different A relationship can also
Speaker 1: be one sided. That's the thing, right, just the other.
Speaker 3: Person know you're in the relationship.
Speaker 2: I am having a relationship with Jason Momoa who just
Speaker 2: does not know about it yet.
Speaker 1: That's funny because she just said she's like, I just
Speaker 1: feel so stupid. I don't know why I'm upset because
Speaker 1: they've only met once. Or twice, but they've been speaking
Speaker 1: for quite a while online that still developed this connection,
Speaker 1: and she thought it was going in a way that
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It's old that it didn't, And she said,
Speaker 1: I feel so stupid.
Speaker 3: Why am I? She's like, why am I crying? Why
Speaker 3: am I upset?
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I validated, I said, hang
Speaker 1: on a second, like you really felt something, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: There's no timeframe that says you're allowed to feel after
Speaker 1: this period. There's no twenty date rule, ten date rule,
Speaker 1: two week rule. If you feel a connection and you
Speaker 1: see something and then it's taken away, it is a
Speaker 1: feeling of hurt. So I think it's really important to
Speaker 1: acknowledge that relationships coming all different sizes and shapes, and
Speaker 1: it's okay for whatever you choose to do. But if
Speaker 1: it really is going to help you to get over someone,
Speaker 1: if you get under them, go and get under them,
Speaker 1: get under them as much.
Speaker 3: As you want, but be honest with yourself and be
Speaker 3: honest with them.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, you know we never finished an episode without
Speaker 1: our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low
Speaker 1: light of the week, a Laura burn.
Speaker 3: Do you want to bring it home.
Speaker 2: My suck for the week is that my car is
Speaker 2: currently in for a service. I haven't had it serviced
Speaker 2: in two and a half years. I'm not even joking
Speaker 2: that the service light has been on. It's been like
Speaker 2: service me, service me for two and a half years.
Speaker 2: And it's almost like a game of chicken where I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep driving you until you explode.
Speaker 3: What's gonna happen? First tire?
Speaker 2: So dumb, I know, and I schooled you on that,
Speaker 2: but I've been doing the same thing hypocrip. So I
Speaker 2: took it in for a service. Not surprisingly, they called
Speaker 2: me this morning and they said, hey, yeah, we can
Speaker 2: do the service.
Speaker 3: It's a major service.
Speaker 2: And also all these things don't work anymore, so they
Speaker 2: need to be fixed, and that's going to cost you
Speaker 2: your first child.
Speaker 3: And can you just sell it?
Speaker 2: So I'm going out as afternoon to get my liver
Speaker 2: extracted to pay for.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that seems fair.
Speaker 2: And also just annoying, annoyingly this it's a very first problem,
Speaker 2: but like having to like get everywhere without a car
Speaker 2: and having two kids is just it's a very annoying
Speaker 2: couple of days.
Speaker 1: That's some of those things that like you don't want
Speaker 1: to do as an adults life had me and you're like,
Speaker 1: I just want someone else to do it for me,
Speaker 1: but there is no one else that you have to
Speaker 1: do it, and I have to pay.
Speaker 2: For my side mirror, the one that got smashed by
Speaker 2: somebody else who smashed it when they drove past and
Speaker 2: never left a note. So like it's annoying because I'm
Speaker 2: paying for things they shouldn't have to pay for.
Speaker 1: So you know, someone smashed in to produce a Keisha's car.
Speaker 1: A couple of days ago, she showed me the note
Speaker 1: and she's like, well, they left an email.
Speaker 3: Hey contact me.
Speaker 1: Here's an email. And she's like, can you help me
Speaker 1: construct the email? At itt know what to say? And
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you just say, hey, you hit
Speaker 1: my car, pay for it.
Speaker 3: So we eat.
Speaker 1: We did the email and we emailed them and it
Speaker 1: bounced back. It was a fake email.
Speaker 3: They left and not I know, I did hear this
Speaker 3: s ory.
Speaker 2: They left it not purposely so that if anyone saw
Speaker 2: and they looked at it, there was an email there,
Speaker 2: but the email was not a Really that's so fucking diay.
Speaker 3: Someone did that to me as well. I think it's
Speaker 3: a pretty common thing, unfortunately, Dick Enns.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Okay, my suite for the week though, I've got
Speaker 2: two sweets. One is that Matt and I are hosting
Speaker 2: the premiere. It's such an odd one because we don't
Speaker 2: usually host premieres. This is like a very new thing
Speaker 2: for us. But we're hosting the premiere of the Jack
Speaker 2: Ryan season three release and that's tonight, so that's gonna
Speaker 2: be very fun. And we get to interview some Hollywood celebrities.
Speaker 3: That is really random.
Speaker 2: John Krasinski, Yeah, I was supposed to interview him today
Speaker 2: and he's had to cancel.
Speaker 3: I really like his wife.
Speaker 2: Can I say, Hi, it's nice to interview, but I
Speaker 2: really like your wife, Emily Blunt.
Speaker 3: You can, but I wouldn't lead with that, do you think?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I know you're really successful, but I like your wife more.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is random for you too. Well, have you
Speaker 3: have fun? Yes?
Speaker 2: And then my other second, sweet, I know it's a cheap,
Speaker 2: but I'm going to say it anyway. Yesterday we put
Speaker 2: up the Christmas tree with the girls, and our Christmas
Speaker 2: tree is so such a hunk of shit, but they
Speaker 2: loved it so much and they are getting so excited
Speaker 2: for Christmas, and it's so it's really sweet because it's
Speaker 2: the first year that they are old enough to understand
Speaker 2: that Christmas is a thing, that Sanna is coming, that
Speaker 2: if they don't behave that they're not going to get anything.
Speaker 3: You know, it's great. I love that. All right, what's
Speaker 3: your son? My suck? I woke up this morning.
Speaker 1: Now you're gonna know this, Laura, because you used to
Speaker 1: live in this house. I moved into this house when
Speaker 1: you moved out.
Speaker 2: Await, your neighbor from upstairs was just in bed yelling
Speaker 2: at you.
Speaker 3: Okay, no, that's that's every second day. This is a
Speaker 3: different day. I woke up.
Speaker 1: I'm on breakfast radio at the moment, so I woke
Speaker 1: up before I am barely had my eyes open, you know,
Speaker 1: like feeling your way to the bathroom to like freshen up.
Speaker 1: Splashed my face with water. Now I will show you
Speaker 1: a video. I bent down because I was like no
Speaker 1: time shower, I'm late, bent down into the sink and
Speaker 1: was splashing my face with water.
Speaker 3: Looked up and smack bang on.
Speaker 1: The mirror in front of me was a huntsman, like
Speaker 1: the biggest huntsman, and my face was so close to it.
Speaker 3: I nearly I did. I dropped nuggets. This is four
Speaker 3: am my eyes on the huge huntsman.
Speaker 1: Laura had an infestation of huntsmen in his house and
Speaker 1: I told her that this spider was here, and she's like, oh, welcome,
Speaker 1: it's begun. What They're just gonna all start coming out.
Speaker 2: This house is infested with huntsman's. Actually, like, I'm not
Speaker 2: even joking. I might even try and dig up the
Speaker 2: video that I took like two years ago and I
Speaker 2: posted on social media. There was I came home this
Speaker 2: one day and there was thirteen Like I'm talking half
Speaker 2: the size of a dinner plate, like.
Speaker 3: You know, a side plate. No, that's a bit exaggeration. There,
Speaker 3: bloody big jungle all of a sudden, like.
Speaker 2: Fifteen centimeter like they were fucking humongous and they were
Speaker 2: just everywhere.
Speaker 3: How did you sleep that night? Because genuinely, because I know,
Speaker 3: obviously you call like a pest ConTroll lot togeah, but
Speaker 3: they didn't come that day.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. How did you go to bed
Speaker 1: that night? I'm gonna wrap myself and clean rap. It's
Speaker 1: like like a condom.
Speaker 2: I'm not surprisingly not scared of spartas at all. They
Speaker 2: don't scare me, and especially not Huntsmans because they don't
Speaker 2: really bit it.
Speaker 3: So I think, don't really buit.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's they scare me, but the thought
Speaker 1: of one beat in my bed with me while I'm asleep,
Speaker 1: like one's been on my face before in bed I
Speaker 1: sleep on my face.
Speaker 2: Like I wouldn't like that. I don't want them on me,
Speaker 2: I was. I don't want them crawling over my children.
Speaker 2: But I'm not frightened of them, so so no condom.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Well that was my suck that. I
Speaker 1: feel like the I feel like it's a movie like
Speaker 1: Attack of the Killer Huntsmans that's going to come this summer, coming.
Speaker 3: To you this summer cinema knew you soon this summer.
Speaker 3: What's your sweet? I've always seen the plot, didn't really
Speaker 3: have one. I've been the most boring human in existence.
Speaker 3: This week. I've been like eat foop, sleep repeat.
Speaker 2: That's why I feel like, Well, BRIT's been doing breakfast
Speaker 2: radio for the past couple of weeks.
Speaker 3: Now I'm a zombie.
Speaker 2: It's a weird world doing breakfast radio. It means you're
Speaker 2: up at four thirty in the morning, you finish work
Speaker 2: at like eleven your home, and then we still let
Speaker 2: me podcast. Yeah, and then Britt has to go to bed,
Speaker 2: so like she hasn't really been living much.
Speaker 3: Of a life. No, don't, I don't live. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: went to a lovely lunch at Totti's last week? That
Speaker 3: could be a sweet Oh yeah, I went to a Totty's. Great.
Speaker 3: Laura's like trying to find me why she's mine in
Speaker 3: my life? She's like, you've done something good. I went
Speaker 3: with my agent. I took her to Toddy's. That was lovely,
Speaker 3: and I introduced her to the bread and Barada, which
Speaker 3: is to die for.
Speaker 2: Well. I also think that sometimes when and this is
Speaker 2: a good little lesson for everyone, I think sometimes when
Speaker 2: you think you're in and having a bit of a
Speaker 2: bad time, it's easy to think that everything's bad, and
Speaker 2: sometimes you have to break it down and be like,
Speaker 2: what have I actually done for myself this week?
Speaker 3: That was nice?
Speaker 2: And unless you like purposefully try to be mindful of
Speaker 2: those moments, it's so easy to be like, oh everything shit,
Speaker 2: I don't get my life, and well, well that's the
Speaker 2: whole point of doing sucking sweet. Well, you did a
Speaker 2: really good job of it this week, since you came
Speaker 2: with nothing.
Speaker 3: I slipped the ball. I let the ball slip. There's
Speaker 3: some slipper sockers out there. It is anyway. That's it
Speaker 3: from us, guys.
Speaker 1: Please say if you have questions for asking Cut, keep
Speaker 1: them coming into life on Cut podcast Instagram.
Speaker 2: We want your accidentally unfilters as well, Like if you
Speaker 2: guys have any absolutely fucking hilarious things that have happened
Speaker 2: to you, maybe you shot yourself at a Christmas party, whatever,
Speaker 2: Whatever is the story. If it's a I can't believe
Speaker 2: they said that, if it's a confessional something you want
Speaker 2: to get off your chest, send in your wild ass
Speaker 2: stories because we want them.
Speaker 3: We would also love to finish the year on a
Speaker 3: review high.
Speaker 1: If you feel like leaving this review on five stars
Speaker 1: if you've never left this review, but only if it's
Speaker 1: a good one, we don't.
Speaker 3: Want to hear it. If it's a bad one, just
Speaker 3: sit d Amaso's privately.
Speaker 2: Totally anyway, guys, that is it from us, and you
Speaker 2: all know the t tell you mum, you dad, tell you.
Speaker 3: Dog tear friends and share the love because weal a
Speaker 3: cut on the company a they not cut
Speaker 2: The bay, the bay, the ba