Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, Anna, welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: Uncut and it is a very very very special little episode.
Speaker 1: Why is that, Brittany, Have you introduced yourself? Yea, Nah.
Speaker 2: People know I'm Laura, I'm not Holidays.
Speaker 1: Maybe after my life they know what I'm Brittany. Now
Speaker 1: this is our This isn't ask Uncut after math. This
Speaker 1: is a very special edition. We are in the middle
Speaker 1: of our mid year break. We're both in Bali, but
Speaker 1: we're not together. But right now we're not in Bali,
Speaker 1: We're in Bali in spirit.
Speaker 2: We have recorded this before we went on break purely
Speaker 2: because we want to break well, I mean we wanted one,
Speaker 2: but also we love dropping little bonus episodes for you guys,
Speaker 2: and we didn't want to leave you hanging for an
Speaker 2: entire month, so we thought we would punctuate the silence
Speaker 2: with an ask gun cut after math.
Speaker 1: So, if you are new to the podcast, welcome. This
Speaker 1: is a random episode to start on, but we welcome you.
Speaker 1: None the left.
Speaker 2: Never start on an episode that says bonus, unless that's
Speaker 2: an accidentally unfiltered bonus and you're just here for the lols.
Speaker 3: That's probably a good one. No, But asking cut you guys.
Speaker 1: Every single week for three over three years now, which
Speaker 1: is absolutely insane to us. You're right in your questions,
Speaker 1: your deepest, darkest, burning, sexiest, sometimes not so sexy questions,
Speaker 1: and Laura and I have an absolute field day trying
Speaker 1: to answer them and give you our best advice. Now,
Speaker 1: we're very spirited, we're very experienced with a lot of
Speaker 1: these things. We're not professional, we don't have a degree
Speaker 1: in it, but oh we have.
Speaker 2: We have never pretended like we are professionals in this,
Speaker 2: nor have we ever pretended that our advice is necessarily
Speaker 2: the advice that you should take. But it's the advice
Speaker 2: that we would give our best friends, or our sisters.
Speaker 3: Or each other.
Speaker 2: It may not actually be the things that we would do,
Speaker 2: but it's the advice that we give Jack.
Speaker 1: We should have been putting disclaimers on Pilus three years. Disclaimer,
Speaker 1: This may or may not work if we cannot be
Speaker 1: held accountable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, also please go and see a recommended professional as well.
Speaker 2: But the whole purpose of this is that for so
Speaker 2: many of us, and you guys write into us and
Speaker 2: tell us the same thing. Like we answer these questions,
Speaker 2: we hear fifty percent of the story, and then all
Speaker 2: of us are left thinking, well, you ghost us.
Speaker 3: What happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're ghosted. We don't get the follow up, We don't.
Speaker 3: Get the answer, And that is what this episode is.
Speaker 1: And Laura and I do always say to each other
Speaker 1: sometimes we put bets on with each other and it's
Speaker 1: not a bet because we never know the answer. But
Speaker 1: sometimes we're like, what do you reckon to happen to
Speaker 1: that person? Or what are you gonna happen in that situation?
Speaker 1: Do reckon? They told us directly asked it and they
Speaker 1: broke up. We always wonder and you guys writing two
Speaker 1: saying you know, we want to know what the answers
Speaker 1: are to these. So if we have ever answered one
Speaker 1: of your ask gun Cuts, please send the answer into
Speaker 1: Instagram to Life on Cut podcast. Please write to us
Speaker 1: tell us what your question was and then tell us
Speaker 1: the outcome. Just just put a title at the top,
Speaker 1: ask gun Cut Aftermath or ask gun Cut follow Up,
Speaker 1: because we want to be doing more of these bonus episodes,
Speaker 1: because you guys want the answers as much as we do,
Speaker 1: so please send them in well.
Speaker 2: Getting into today's episode, I'm going to read it. I
Speaker 2: think the best way for us to attack this is
Speaker 2: how we did it the last time we did this.
Speaker 2: We're going to read out the original question and then
Speaker 2: hopefully if you guys, if you're a die hard Life
Speaker 2: on Cut fans, you will know and you may have
Speaker 2: heard the question in the past. But if not and
Speaker 2: you don't know the question, it's there, and then I'll
Speaker 2: also give you the answer.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go first.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend of five years came home today and told
Speaker 2: me that he has fallen out of love with me.
Speaker 2: I knew our sex life was a bit rocky, but
Speaker 2: everything else has been the same and amazing. So I'm
Speaker 2: completely blindsided by this. I'm heartbroken and I just need
Speaker 2: some advice on how the fuck I am supposed to
Speaker 2: be okay, let alone move on when I am still
Speaker 2: in love with him. There were no signs at all.
Speaker 2: We were fine yesterday and then he came home and
Speaker 2: said he just doesn't want to do this anymore, and
Speaker 2: he has fallen out of love with me.
Speaker 3: Do you remember this one?
Speaker 1: I do? And I just feel in this position because
Speaker 1: when there is nothing, like no sign that something is
Speaker 1: a miss, and within yourself you're like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: a beautiful, perfect relationship. We're so in love. When the
Speaker 1: other person comes and they're like, surprise, don't love you,
Speaker 1: it's so hard to comprehend because you're like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? Yesterday? We were getting married, yesterday we were fine. Like,
Speaker 1: it just hits you like a ton of bricks.
Speaker 2: Well, it's the most intense emotional whiplash, right, Like I
Speaker 2: feel like in this situation, so many people feel robbed,
Speaker 2: like you didn't tell me that something was wrong, and
Speaker 2: here I was none the wiser. I could have tried
Speaker 2: to fix it before it became a problem, but instead
Speaker 2: you didn't communicate with me. Now, I remember the conversation
Speaker 2: we had around this question, and the conversation was often,
Speaker 2: when it feels like it's come out of nowhere, if
Speaker 2: you look back and you kind of bread crumb throughout
Speaker 2: your relationship, you can usually find telltale signs that may
Speaker 2: indicate where things were starting to derail. Now luckily this
Speaker 2: solution for this one. The resolution is a really positive one,
Speaker 2: and the listeners written in it's very good news for me.
Speaker 2: We ended up having a big discussion about our love languages,
Speaker 2: as he had previously been feeling that his needs were
Speaker 2: not being met. He is a very sexually driven person
Speaker 2: and also needs physical touch, and for me, i'm more
Speaker 2: quality time. Once we really got into things, it was
Speaker 2: easy to understand where he was coming from and how
Speaker 2: he reached this point. And then I also brought up
Speaker 2: that I needed to really work on our communication in
Speaker 2: order to not get here again. A year later, our
Speaker 2: sex life is so much better and we communicate everything
Speaker 2: really well, so we now know exactly where we both stand.
Speaker 2: I'm extremely happy that we worked through things and we
Speaker 2: were about to celebrate seven years together.
Speaker 1: Da da dah. It's a love story that is that
Speaker 1: is such a great aftermath. This is the resolution we want.
Speaker 1: This is a oh, this isn't working. Wait, let's use
Speaker 1: that thing we always say communicationnication is kid. We've done
Speaker 1: a whole episode on love languages. We cannot stress the
Speaker 1: importance of talking about your love language, what drives you,
Speaker 1: what drives your partner, figuring that out, because if you
Speaker 1: don't know and you're butting heads, that's what happens. People
Speaker 1: break up.
Speaker 2: But look, you don't have to.
Speaker 1: You can fall in love again.
Speaker 2: But isn't this just like the nicest reminder as well
Speaker 2: that sometimes when things feel completely futile in a relationship,
Speaker 2: or when one person thinks because like this happens, often
Speaker 2: they think this can't be resolved, so I might as
Speaker 2: well just leave. Like I'm not happy, so I might
Speaker 2: as well walk away. But there are so many other
Speaker 2: things that you can do in a relationship by communicating,
Speaker 2: by trying to better understand your partner, by actually working
Speaker 2: through things, and that you can from a really shitty
Speaker 2: period going from your partner saying I don't love you anymore,
Speaker 2: to then get to a place where you can be
Speaker 2: incredibly happy a year later. For anybody who has been
Speaker 2: in that situation where you feel like we're never going
Speaker 2: to be able to get back from a point where
Speaker 2: my partner doesn't love me, it is a testament to
Speaker 2: the fact that you can. Everything gets better in time,
Speaker 2: all right. Aftermath number two Okay.
Speaker 1: Now, I think you'll remember this one. This was a
Speaker 1: very specific one. So my partner and I have been
Speaker 1: together for about two years now. He has an ex
Speaker 1: that he's still in communication with because his salary sacrificed
Speaker 1: a car for her when they were together.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he was still paying off the car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she had just been paying back this car
Speaker 1: in installments. I know that I really talk much like
Speaker 1: maybe once every couple of months, and it's always only
Speaker 1: ever about the car. I know this because I confronted
Speaker 1: him about it before and he showed me everything. However,
Speaker 1: my issue is whenever they do speak, it's always very flirty,
Speaker 1: even though it's not often it's flirty. Should I just
Speaker 1: not even worry about it because they talk so infrequently?
Speaker 1: Or is it a red flag? When he showed me
Speaker 1: the message, I did ask why they were talking like that,
Speaker 1: and he said it was to make sure he stayed
Speaker 1: on her good side, just to get his money back.
Speaker 1: Do you remember this one?
Speaker 2: I remember this, and I remember that we were like, no,
Speaker 2: it's not an excuse. You don't need to be like,
Speaker 2: oh hey baby, how are you pooch? I don't make money,
Speaker 2: I've just made the transfer in order to keep someone
Speaker 2: on the good side. We were like, sometimes it can
Speaker 2: be easy to slip into language or slip into talking
Speaker 2: to your ex in the way that you might have
Speaker 2: talked to them when you were together, because you had
Speaker 2: that familiarity with each other. But that doesn't make it normal,
Speaker 2: and it certainly doesn't make it okay when you're in
Speaker 2: another relationship.
Speaker 1: Also, I think at the end of the day, we
Speaker 1: like to feel special, like we like it to feel wanted,
Speaker 1: We like the attention. So even if he had no
Speaker 1: feelings there, he's probably like, Oh, it feels nice to
Speaker 1: have someone give me this flattery. I think that that's
Speaker 1: what it is. But there is a very fine line.
Speaker 1: Like our advice at this point was like, that's not cool.
Speaker 1: You need to talk to him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it also like it's a reflection
Speaker 2: of that person's boundaries. Like I remember when I was
Speaker 2: in my twin and then I had an X, which
Speaker 2: was like a very long stemming X and X that
Speaker 2: came in and out of my life throughout my whole twenties.
Speaker 2: Like we had a big relationship. It was one of
Speaker 2: my big formative relationships. But he would still and I
Speaker 2: guess I would to him as well. He would still
Speaker 2: use like our relationship nickname for each other even when
Speaker 2: we weren't in a relationship, like he would message, he
Speaker 2: would call me pooch, but he would still message and
Speaker 2: be like, hey, pooch, like and that's how we kept
Speaker 2: in contact looking back. Not okay, absolutely not fucking okay.
Speaker 2: And I never did it when I was in relationships
Speaker 2: with other people. But at the same time, it just
Speaker 2: it was almost like he always still had his claws
Speaker 2: in a little bit, you know, in that way.
Speaker 1: I have done the same a game, the same thing
Speaker 1: probably recently.
Speaker 3: Yes, oh wow, Okay, we may or may not be
Speaker 3: speaking about Jordan and everyone goes weird.
Speaker 1: Nope, it's like when you have names for each other,
Speaker 1: it's easy for when we were in I mean, like
Speaker 1: we don't really communicate that much anymore. We'll always be friends,
Speaker 1: but like we've tried to move on, but there was
Speaker 1: a long time there over this year that we were
Speaker 1: still talking and with the nicknames abuse and it you can't,
Speaker 1: you just can't because it elicits this feeling inside this
Speaker 1: it's attached to a memory, and those names are attached
Speaker 1: to a feeling, and you can't do it. You just
Speaker 1: have to go back to the name, the whole name.
Speaker 1: No shortcuts, nothing. Muse the middle name if you had
Speaker 1: to use, missed you, sir.
Speaker 2: They are in a lot of fucking trouble. Jordan Thompson,
Speaker 2: You were in trouble.
Speaker 3: That's what this is.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to read you what happened girls following up. Yes,
Speaker 1: the girl was horrible with money and it was over
Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars that she was behind in repayment. So
Speaker 1: this is a This is a large amount of money
Speaker 1: that she had to pay him back, and this is
Speaker 1: why he was still in communications with her. He wanted
Speaker 1: his ten thousand dollars back. I had a conversation with
Speaker 1: him and he actually opened up a lot about how
Speaker 1: mad he was at her for leaving him in so
Speaker 1: much debt, and how he'd even gone and gotten a
Speaker 1: solicitor recently involved. He hadn't told me any of this previously,
Speaker 1: as he knew talking about her didn't make me feel good,
Speaker 1: so he kept it all to himself last far to
Speaker 1: just last Friday, where she made one lump sum payment
Speaker 1: and it has been paid off completely. She paid the
Speaker 1: whole lot in one go. This is because he got
Speaker 1: a solicitor involved. She is now blocked and deleted from
Speaker 1: his contacts, and I feel better than ever about it.
Speaker 1: I actually love that he acknowledged how it made me feel,
Speaker 1: whereas previously I had seen him not wanting to talk
Speaker 1: about it, as if he was hiding something. If we'd
Speaker 1: only been open with communication at the start, we both
Speaker 1: would have known this. This is a really great outcome
Speaker 1: for everyone except the girl that had to pay ten
Speaker 1: thousand dollars in now he's blocked and deleted. For everybody
Speaker 1: else involved in this situation, this is great. So he
Speaker 1: was trying to do the right thing by his partner
Speaker 1: by like just trying to get the money back, not
Speaker 1: talk about it. But the flirtiness is obviously a thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And don't you also think though, like so often
Speaker 2: in relationships, we assume that we know the answer, like
Speaker 2: something might make us feel a certain way, and in
Speaker 2: this instance, him being secretive made her feel insecure. So therefore,
Speaker 2: when you feel insecure, you make assumptions around someone's behalf.
Speaker 2: And just because you feel something, and just because you
Speaker 2: assume something doesn't make it a fact. And we can
Speaker 2: all be guilty at times in our relationships of thinking
Speaker 2: that we know something as an absolute when actually, when
Speaker 2: you sit down you have a conversation about it, the
Speaker 2: circumstances around it have just been interpreted incorrectly. Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: going to go on to number three, and now this
Speaker 2: one I'm going to reduce down because the actual question
Speaker 2: was really really long.
Speaker 3: But this is kind of the summation of the question.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 2: We actually answered this one quite a long time ago.
Speaker 2: So I wrote in a question asking if I should
Speaker 2: leave my partner of nine years. The short version of
Speaker 2: that question is he didn't want kids, he didn't want
Speaker 2: to get married, and I was struggling to forgive him
Speaker 2: for infidelity that happened early in our relationship. I listened
Speaker 2: to that episode and Your Advice on repeat for months
Speaker 2: on end. Now I remember, because I looked back through
Speaker 2: our messages. I remember this question and our advice. Our
Speaker 2: advice is very rarely, very rarely that you should just
Speaker 2: throw in the towel, say.
Speaker 1: It's really wrong. Sometimes that's wrong.
Speaker 2: We just don't read those ones out there, you know.
Speaker 2: Our advice is very rarely to just break up. But
Speaker 2: I think when we actually unpacked this relationship, we were
Speaker 2: like it's.
Speaker 3: Been nine years.
Speaker 2: You are not aligned in the things that you want.
Speaker 2: You haven't been able to overcome infidelity that happened years prior, Like,
Speaker 2: there's so much trauma in this relationship, and there's so
Speaker 2: many layers and obstacles that mean that you're never going
Speaker 2: to get to a place where you both see eye
Speaker 2: to eye and for every year. Because this is the
Speaker 2: big thing, right for people who have been in long
Speaker 2: term relationships but.
Speaker 3: They can't quite make it work.
Speaker 2: We often think, but I need to stay in this
Speaker 2: relationship because I've invested so much time and I'm not
Speaker 2: going to find somebody else who I have this with,
Speaker 2: because you know, nine years of my life has been
Speaker 2: invested in this relationship.
Speaker 3: So then you stay longer.
Speaker 2: Nine years turns into ten years because you hope that
Speaker 2: things are going to change, because you're too scared to
Speaker 2: jump ship and start again. And I think that that
Speaker 2: is why the outcome for this is such a special
Speaker 2: one and one that I really wanted to read out.
Speaker 2: But basically, she said, long story short, it took me
Speaker 2: six whole months to build up the courage to leave
Speaker 2: my ex, but I did it, and I left him. Now,
Speaker 2: my intention was that I was going to be single
Speaker 2: and live my best life and run away on holidays
Speaker 2: and have a wonderful time as a single person. However,
Speaker 2: just when you're not looking for it, and specifically it
Speaker 2: was eight days later after I broke up with my ex,
Speaker 2: I met the love of my life. We are now engaged.
Speaker 2: I have never been happier, more looked after, adored, or
Speaker 2: have had the confidence that I have now. We want
Speaker 2: all the same things. We want kids, marriage, a house,
Speaker 2: and dogs together. Everything is exactly as I've always wanted
Speaker 2: in my relationships. Like you guys always say, if he
Speaker 2: wanted to, he would, and also the other one when
Speaker 2: you know, you know, and I certainly know. Ah no, No,
Speaker 2: there are all so many feels a hang on.
Speaker 1: How long after the breakup was it?
Speaker 2: She met the guy eight days? Which I look, she
Speaker 2: made him eight days after a little bit of.
Speaker 1: This a little bit fast, you know what? No? Is
Speaker 1: it fast? Because okay, look, I'm so excited about this
Speaker 1: they were. Yes, it's only eight days later. But this relationship, internally,
Speaker 1: within the relationship, I think was over for a long time,
Speaker 1: and I think the listener had checked out.
Speaker 3: You can still.
Speaker 1: Physically be there, but internally you're like I, the feelings
Speaker 1: of deteriorated. I know we don't want the same things,
Speaker 1: and it's just hard to leave because you've been in
Speaker 1: it so long. It's what you know, it's habit, it's
Speaker 1: what's safe, it's what's comfortable, totally, but she checked out.
Speaker 1: So eight days later, whilst it is very very close,
Speaker 1: that's what it takes. And this is like a I
Speaker 1: get so excited by this. I'm really big believer that
Speaker 1: the next door can't open until the one behind you
Speaker 1: was closed. So this who knows how long this the
Speaker 1: soulmate was floating around waiting, but they were never going
Speaker 1: to be available to you when you weren't available for it.
Speaker 1: So I think that that's a really beautiful way to
Speaker 1: sum up this question and this situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I totally agree with what you just said, Britt,
Speaker 2: Like it's so true. I think, like from the outset,
Speaker 2: eight days is an incredibly short amount of time, and
Speaker 2: normally my rational brain would be like, girlfriend, you should
Speaker 2: have waited, you should have worked for the breakup, you
Speaker 2: should have like had some independent time, gotten to a
Speaker 2: place where you felt really confident. But like, we know
Speaker 2: that life is messy, and when great opportunities present themselves,
Speaker 2: or you meet someone who you have these like intense
Speaker 2: connection with and they are the person that you want
Speaker 2: to be with, then there's not a time limit on
Speaker 2: recovery for some people. Some breakups take years years, Some
Speaker 2: short relationships take years, Some long relationships take a really
Speaker 2: small amount of time. And it does come down to
Speaker 2: how much disassociation happened whilst you in that relationship, how
Speaker 2: much actual like repair recovery, how much did you make
Speaker 2: peace with that when you were still in the relationship
Speaker 2: versu what happened after the breakup.
Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend, This is very recent. She was
Speaker 1: in a three year relationship. She was holding on because
Speaker 1: she loved him. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: he was a little bit older. He was past the
Speaker 1: things that she wanted to do. She wanted to be
Speaker 1: young and traveled.
Speaker 3: He was past his use by day.
Speaker 1: She wanted to go live in different countries. Yeah, past
Speaker 1: the use by day. Like it was not like past
Speaker 1: these us by day for that relationship, but the relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So she had a very very hard time in accepting
Speaker 1: it was over, and she ended up making the decision,
Speaker 1: but it was very very hard. She was very very heartbroken.
Speaker 1: She went online dating. She hadn't been online dating in years,
Speaker 1: and she thought, I'm just gonna do it. She's like,
Speaker 1: there's no part of me that wants to date anyone.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this to like try and forget him,
Speaker 1: get over him, just you know, like I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: go and use and abuse this dating site.
Speaker 3: You know what they say, you got to get over it.
Speaker 2: You got to get under it to get over it.
Speaker 1: Almost Laura, you gotta get somewhere to get something.
Speaker 3: You got to get under it, get over She went
Speaker 3: on this.
Speaker 1: She met someone online. She's like, you you are cute.
Speaker 1: You're going to be my person that I'm going to
Speaker 1: go out and get back into the dating world. Anyway,
Speaker 1: first person she dated, and I'm talking like a week
Speaker 1: later she hit it off. Fast forward three months. They
Speaker 1: lived together, they're traveling together, they're completely sold. They talk
Speaker 1: about marriage, and that was she said the same thing.
Speaker 1: She goes, it's crazy because I didn't want it, but
Speaker 1: I didn't know if this was out there because I'd
Speaker 1: been holding onto something that was so wrong for so long.
Speaker 1: First person straight away and I was like, girl, how
Speaker 1: did you do that? I was like, look, at me.
Speaker 1: I've been I've been on the most tumultuous Durney the
Speaker 1: last ten years, and you just like waltz from one
Speaker 1: to the other and find your penguin.
Speaker 2: But it's so it's so true though, Like I mean,
Speaker 2: for so many people, and I think that anybody who's
Speaker 2: been through a fucking terrible breakup but then has found
Speaker 2: love after a breakup, when you're going through it, when
Speaker 2: you're in the throes of that hurt and that pain
Speaker 2: that everyone feels in a bad breakup, you think I'm
Speaker 2: never ever going to meet someone who I love as
Speaker 2: much as this person, Like we've all had those feelings before,
Speaker 2: and then lo and behold, there's something that happens. Time
Speaker 2: heals all and you end up meeting someone again. Like
Speaker 2: I know, it can seem unfathomable, but it just truly happens,
Speaker 2: you know, And it's just as the world is round,
Speaker 2: people manage to fall in love again.
Speaker 1: All right, next aftermath, This was a really really cute one.
Speaker 1: This is short and sweet. How do I say I
Speaker 1: love you? Okay, girls, I've been with my partner for
Speaker 1: over a year now and we've never said I love you,
Speaker 1: And trust me, I love him, I think, but I
Speaker 1: can't be sure, but I think he's whispered it during
Speaker 1: sex before me with really poor hearing questioned it and
Speaker 1: I was like, what did you say to really killed
Speaker 1: the moment? Does I love you during sex? Count? If
Speaker 1: that's what it was, I feel like we've waited so
Speaker 1: long to say it, and now it's almost too long
Speaker 1: and it's too awkward. I'm pretty introverted, so I can't
Speaker 1: just blurt it out. Do you remember this girl the
Speaker 1: whole year they were together, and she's like, I love
Speaker 1: him so much, but I don't know how to tell him, Mamber.
Speaker 2: But I was like, you've made it such a big
Speaker 2: deal now that you But when sometimes when you leave
Speaker 2: something for so long, then the pressure becomes even more
Speaker 2: because you're like, well, now it has to be a
Speaker 2: really special experience.
Speaker 3: It has to be the right time, the right place.
Speaker 2: The more you put something off, the bigger it festers
Speaker 2: and grows, which is not how you want.
Speaker 1: That to be. Okay, well this is the follow up. Okay, girls,
Speaker 1: it was nearly six months ago that I wrote this
Speaker 1: in and you answered my question. But I have news.
Speaker 1: I finally did it last night, So that means there's
Speaker 1: been eighteen months. I love you, Yes, let's have chicken
Speaker 1: chicken carry me.
Speaker 2: You just say it as you're running out the door, like, also,
Speaker 2: how do you do it? Does she say how she
Speaker 2: did it?
Speaker 3: Did she like? Did she gaze deeply into his eyes?
Speaker 1: What happened? She just said, so now it's been eighteen months.
Speaker 1: They waited eighteen months, even though she loved him the
Speaker 1: whole time. Bless us all turns out he definitely did
Speaker 1: say it during sex that time when I couldn't hear
Speaker 1: him properly, and he said he has said it on
Speaker 1: at least two other occasions, which means he's whispering it too.
Speaker 1: He's like, can you passing the glovey? Like he's whispering
Speaker 1: it too. You girls were absolutely right. There was nothing
Speaker 1: at all to worry about. He basically reassured me of
Speaker 1: everything you both said. My one piece of advice for
Speaker 1: anyone in a similar situation is just do it. Love
Speaker 1: is the best? Isn't that the cutest? That's her, that's
Speaker 1: the sign the sign off. She goes to love is
Speaker 1: the best, But.
Speaker 2: Also like, what's the worst thing that's gonna happen? They
Speaker 2: just don't say it back you're not gonna die. Someone
Speaker 2: told me they love me this year. That wasn't Jordan,
Speaker 2: and we all know the Brittany been on a couple
Speaker 2: of days, so she got real real.
Speaker 1: I mean, could have been someone from the past. It
Speaker 1: goes from the past. But they said they loved me,
Speaker 1: and I laughed because I was so taken about I
Speaker 1: know it was my No, I know, I can't laugh, Laura.
Speaker 3: I was there.
Speaker 1: I was so taken aback and it was so unexpected
Speaker 1: that I started to awkward laugh and then I just said,
Speaker 1: I said, no, you don't. My answer was no, you don't,
Speaker 1: and they said, yes I do, and I said, no,
Speaker 1: you don't. And that was the extent of that conversation.
Speaker 1: Rip me.
Speaker 2: Do you know what, I have a deep I have
Speaker 2: a deep understanding for the awkward laugh, A deep, deep
Speaker 2: understanding I will never forget. I can't even say it
Speaker 2: because like I always end up laughing, which is so
Speaker 2: fucked because it's not funny.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 2: I was devastated when my cat died. I remember trying
Speaker 2: to tell my boss. I remember trying to tell my
Speaker 2: boss and I was fucking devastated. But there was something
Speaker 2: really that just sounded so silly about me being like
Speaker 2: I think because I was so upset that I was
Speaker 2: trying to explain to my boss how I was so upset.
Speaker 2: And then I started laughing, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: am the person who's laughing at a funeral. Mind you,
Speaker 2: it's a cat funeral. But I was later, there's something
Speaker 2: wrong with me, There's something wrong with how my body works.
Speaker 2: Why am I laughing at something that actually I feel
Speaker 2: really sad about I But I laughter for me is
Speaker 2: a nervous reaction, but it's how I deal with literally everything.
Speaker 1: I could be, oh, yeah, you're like, this is a
Speaker 1: deep trauma, but I'm gonna laugh about embarrassment, laugh, heartbreak, laugh,
Speaker 1: someone offends me, laugh like someone tells me I love me,
Speaker 1: Laugh like I laugh at everything. It's because it's a
Speaker 1: it's a coping mechanism to like to turn things around.
Speaker 1: Even though it could be a cry laugh. I could
Speaker 1: be you've seen me, Laura, I could be bulling my
Speaker 1: eyes out of sadness, but then it turns into a
Speaker 1: laugh cry and then I don't know what's happening, and.
Speaker 3: No one does, no one very confusing.
Speaker 2: But this is also okay, going back to this whole
Speaker 2: like telling someone that you love them and them not
Speaker 2: being able to say it back. It's just literally like
Speaker 2: my life on The Bachelor. Every time I said to Matt,
Speaker 2: like me, too bad, I'm falling in love with you,
Speaker 2: he just looked at me and smiled, and I was like,
Speaker 2: this is fucking awkward.
Speaker 1: I was like, Nick, I think I'm falling for you,
Speaker 1: and he was like, oh, I'm just sitting for the money.
Speaker 2: He did have a pretty good paycheck, so I get it.
Speaker 2: All right, let me do one more of these aftermaths. Say, Hey,
Speaker 2: I've been with my partner for over six months now
Speaker 2: and we were very much in love and have a
Speaker 2: super healthy relationship. However, my partner has just finished his
Speaker 2: university degree and has been offered a full time role
Speaker 2: in Tasmania. We're both from Melbourne. He's made it pretty
Speaker 2: clear to me that he will have to get a
Speaker 2: job into state. He seems very sure about this idea
Speaker 2: and he's thinking of potentially moving there in a couple
Speaker 2: of months to a year's time.
Speaker 3: Now there's a problem. He literally has never asked me
Speaker 3: to come with him or.
Speaker 2: What I've thought about the whole thing, which gives me
Speaker 2: the impression that he is not factoring me into his
Speaker 2: decision making. I know I can't go there. I still
Speaker 2: have another few years left of my degree, and I
Speaker 2: am not particularly wanting to move to Tasmania either. I'm
Speaker 2: hurt because I would like him to at least have
Speaker 2: thought about it, and I would like to know what
Speaker 2: this means for us.
Speaker 3: I feel like I have invested a.
Speaker 2: Lot into this relationship and don't want to just go
Speaker 2: through another heartbreak.
Speaker 3: What do I do now? Of course our response.
Speaker 2: To this was to communicate, but also I think we said, like,
Speaker 2: it's a pretty clear indicator, like if your partner is
Speaker 2: making big plans outside the relationship without including you, if
Speaker 2: they're saying like, hey, this is what I want to
Speaker 2: do and then this crickets.
Speaker 1: Hey, so I'm moving to America. So see you in
Speaker 1: two years.
Speaker 2: This has been fun, We can like chattel WhatsApp. I
Speaker 2: think that that's a pretty clear indication of the level
Speaker 2: of investment that the two of you are making in
Speaker 2: the relationship. Okay, now the outcome of this aftermath is
Speaker 2: not a happy story, but do you know what heartbreak happens?
Speaker 1: And we keep it real here at Life on cart
Speaker 1: And some people are hurt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is a shitty one.
Speaker 2: Okay, Hi, ladies, I really appreciate the advice on this question.
Speaker 2: So I decided that even if my partner was moving away,
Speaker 2: maybe we could still be together and although we could
Speaker 2: do things differently and separately, we could experience different things.
Speaker 3: Still stay together.
Speaker 2: However, a couple of days ago, my partner broke up
Speaker 2: with me because he saw that we were really different
Speaker 2: and it just wasn't going to work for him if
Speaker 2: he was in Tasmania. I'm devastated because it caught me
Speaker 2: by surprise. I did think we were going to work
Speaker 2: this out. However, I know that he wasn't the one
Speaker 2: and I'm onto bigger and better things now. It's sad
Speaker 2: because sometimes people are telling us exactly what they want,
Speaker 2: you know, without necessarily saying words, but like their actions
Speaker 2: can often tell us exactly where our relationship stands, and
Speaker 2: we hope for a better outcome. But you're never going
Speaker 2: to know that outcome unless you have really fucking hard
Speaker 2: conversations sometimes, and I think that sometimes we skirt around
Speaker 2: those hard conversations because we're scared of what the answer
Speaker 2: is going to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and at the end of the day. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's always really important to try and take
Speaker 1: a positive from a situation when you can, or look
Speaker 1: on the bright side, cup paf full when possible. In
Speaker 1: this situation, it's so much better for this to have
Speaker 1: if it's inevitable and it's going to happen anyway, it's
Speaker 1: so much better happened now. Then you do a year
Speaker 1: or two long distance, putting the time in thinking that
Speaker 1: you're both moving in the same direction, and then two
Speaker 1: years later it's like, ah, you know what, like not
Speaker 1: really into it totally. Two years you've just spent like waiting.
Speaker 1: And I mean we've all I shouldn't say we've all
Speaker 1: been there, but a lot of people have been there.
Speaker 1: I've definitely done that in the past and put myself
Speaker 1: on hold for something. This is much better if it's
Speaker 1: gonna happen anyway, you can deal with it now and
Speaker 1: you can get on and live your life. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And also I.
Speaker 2: Think on this like not I'm not gonna be like
Speaker 2: kudos to him or anything, but I do think that
Speaker 2: it is like the better and more admirable thing. I
Speaker 2: think a lot of people could be like, oh, we'll
Speaker 2: just try a long distance and then they don't really
Speaker 2: put their effort in when they move because it's easier
Speaker 2: to do the slow fade when you're actually in different states,
Speaker 2: you know, like, but really the intention always was that
Speaker 2: they didn't think it was going to work out anyway.
Speaker 2: At least he was honest enough to tell you exactly
Speaker 2: where he stood, and the fact that he didn't think
Speaker 2: it was going to work out when he moved, and
Speaker 2: he had no intention to string you along longer than
Speaker 2: needed or to make you feel like that this could
Speaker 2: be something that it's just simply not. And heartbreak always, always,
Speaker 2: always fucking hurts, but it just means that you can
Speaker 2: have the opportunity now to move on with your life
Speaker 2: and to start living it and doing things that make
Speaker 2: you happy and for yourself.
Speaker 3: And with that.
Speaker 2: All done and dusted, that is us. That is a
Speaker 2: rap on our little sexy bonus. It's not really sexy.
Speaker 2: It wasn't sexy at all. It's a wrap on our
Speaker 2: bonus episode. We love kind of dipping back into these
Speaker 2: stories and being able to give you.
Speaker 3: The full stop at the end of the sentence, I.
Speaker 1: Can only assume that it is time for us to
Speaker 1: go and have a margarita in Bali.
Speaker 2: Well not me, because I am doing drag dollab Baby.
Speaker 1: You have the mocktail and I'll have you all mind.
Speaker 2: Do you know that trying to do dry July, I
Speaker 2: really timed this quite poorly in terms of going away
Speaker 2: on holidays and doing drigely at the same time. This
Speaker 2: was a really ambitious I mean, obviously this is a
Speaker 2: pre record, so Drijil hasn't technically started yet. But I
Speaker 2: am acutely aware of how ambitious it is that I
Speaker 2: think I'm going to go to.
Speaker 3: Bali and not have a single sip.
Speaker 1: But what a great month it is, and what a
Speaker 1: great place to be to be on like a healthcare
Speaker 1: like Barley's, so great for the fitness and the healthy
Speaker 1: foods and the.
Speaker 2: Strange juices orange juices and there for the fruit platter's.
Speaker 1: Baby, it's like a pre pre pre wedding prep. It's
Speaker 1: like it's pre the prep for.
Speaker 3: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: I have signed up for a gym while I'm there,
Speaker 2: and I plan on going to the gym.
Speaker 3: It's called Hammerhead. I'm planning on going like every.
Speaker 2: Other day because that is that'll be the first time
Speaker 2: I've exercised in a year where shred is coming, babe.
Speaker 3: I have a very small dress I need to fit into.
Speaker 1: Guys, please keep the skun cut aftermasks coming in. We
Speaker 1: really like, we really, really really genuinely love hearing the responses.
Speaker 1: So if we've ever answered your question, or you know
Speaker 1: we've answered your friend's question, please send them in. Give
Speaker 1: us the updates so we can keep bringing these extra
Speaker 1: bonus episodes. And on that note, we are out. We
Speaker 1: will be back on the second of August resuming normal programming.
Speaker 1: We'll have a great episode for you.
Speaker 2: Then, well it's kind of semi normal programming. You'll be
Speaker 2: in and out in that month, but we'll tell you
Speaker 2: all about that next month.
Speaker 1: I might have some news, That's what I will do.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, I'm actually bound to not talk about
Speaker 1: it yet, but I might have some juice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, those pesky fucking n d as, how dare they?
Speaker 3: But anyway, guys, that is it from us.
Speaker 2: We hope that you loved this little storytelling episode.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell your mum to tell you doubt
Speaker 1: your friends.
Speaker 2: And that's really got a lot of myself there.
Speaker 1: This is the worst ending.
Speaker 2: We are.
Speaker 1: We are out, We're on holidays,