WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - I was today years old.... 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:05.280 Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:09.120 Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:11.920 pay our respect to their elders past and present and 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:15.360 extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:16.120 peoples today. 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.599 This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation. 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:42.000 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:45.279 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is our Thursday episode, 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.760 Our ask Guncut episode where we answer all your deep, 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:50.480 dark and dirty questions. 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.760 Is sickos, They're not cicicos. Don't make them feel bad 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:55.360 for being cicicos. Now you are. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:55.640 No. 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:58.160 We love our Thursday. We love you guys. Sliding to 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.400 the DMS with the questions. We do have a couple 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:02.520 of bangers for you today, but we've got some other 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:04.800 stuff to get through first. Don't you question my word 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:06.080 of banger? Oh I wasn't. 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:08.280 I did listen back to Tuesday's episode and you said 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.399 frothing twice and every time I heard it, I was. 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:13.600 Like, Yeah, it's like when you used batter all day. 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:15.360 That's true. I did. I haven't made that noise in 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:19.520 a while. Frothing, to me is a great word, froth it. Yeah, 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:22.720 it just means you really vibe it. I've just retained 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:24.720 the word. I'm trying to bring it back. I don't 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:27.320 know how everyone feels. I don't know how everyone feels 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.440 about it. Actual it's very emotive. Like if you frothed something, 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:33.080 think of how much you just love it. 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:35.280 I do you not remember going back when we very 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.680 first started this podcast and you said frothing and I 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:39.600 was like, is that like frothing at the slit? And 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:41.160 it made you want to vomit in your mouth? 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:44.039 That was like the first episode, wasn't it. Let's try 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:45.959 and find that audio and replay for you guys. You'll 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:47.280 be bye. We probably shouldn't. 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:49.560 But also I want to say this for everybody who 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:53.400 writes in questions, there is zero judgment. This is a 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:56.080 safe place. This is the place where you know what. 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:58.440 Britt and I come to this with a lot of experience. 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:01.760 We have done some really stupid shit in our past relationships, 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:04.200 and that is where the advice comes from. It comes 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:07.600 from lived and learned experience. But something I wanted to 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:10.639 talk to you guys about every well, actually it's very sporatic. 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:12.079 I would hope that one day we get to a 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:13.520 point where we have a day for it, Like it 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:15.960 could be a Thursday where producer Keisha drops all the 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:17.919 memes or a Wednesday. But every so often it's just 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:21.360 whenever she's got like a good stock pile and then 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.920 she goes on Instagram and dumps all the memes there for. 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:25.639 We love a dump. We love a dump, not a 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:27.040 relationship dump, a meme dump. 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:29.359 I mean sometimes we love a relationship dump too, depends 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.919 on what's been happening. But this is one that has 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:33.720 been causing a little bit of a stir. And I 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:35.240 have to tell you, I was this. 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:38.919 How did say I was this many? I was old? 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:41.440 Was this? I was this? What's the thing? I was just? 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:42.079 I was this? 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:42.639 Yeah? 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.840 I was years oldkay? I was like, what is the quote? Okay, 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:50.040 okay boom, Yeah, I know right. What's the thing that 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:52.320 kids are saying? What do kids say about the thing? 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:57.840 How is this many? I was this many decades old? 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:03.440 When I was at this year's this is old? 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:04.760 So dumb? 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:08.960 Is it this years old? 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:10.320 You are fired? 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:14.079 Whatever it was fucking today? It was today today when 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.480 I found out, I was today years old, I was 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.200 today years old. Let's say that that you know the 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:21.079 Michelin tires, Yeah, in a Michelin tires, the Michelin Man, 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:23.200 the little roly poly Michelin Thaire Man. Yeah, he was 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:24.760 on the ads growing up in our youth. We're in 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:25.560 pretty old. 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:29.320 And you know the Michelin star ratings for restaurants. Yes, 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:32.480 do you know who started that? The reason that it's 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.160 called the Michelin tires and the Michelin Man is because 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:39.200 the Michelin brothers who created the tires started the Michelin 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:42.760 restaurant rating because they used to like put different restaurants 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:44.760 out and say that is a restaurant worth driving? 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:48.320 To mind fucking blown? Is that real? It's true? 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:50.800 Look, come on Google right now. The first Michelin Star 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:53.880 rating was given in nineteen twenty six. The restaurants, all 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.200 of which were in France, and were awarded a single 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:59.119 star if they were deemed a fine dining establishment. Two 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:02.000 stars and your reststaurant is excellent. Three stars and your 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:05.040 restaurant is worth traveling too. And it's actually for that 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:08.960 reason traveling that the Michelin brothers Andre and Edwards started 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:12.120 the Michelin Guide back in the nineteen hundred line bowing. 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:13.040 I thought that was a joke. 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.120 No, it's true. There you go a little bit of 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:17.800 historical facts. We don't learn anything on an ask gun 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:18.880 Cut episode. 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:23.760 Or lifehun Cut in general. Was that on what's that source? Google? 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:28.120 The Internet? How the Michelin Guide made a time just 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.600 talk about self educating and self regulating? 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:35.400 Last episode Business Insider. Look, I've got some real reliable Wikipedia. 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:38.240 You can say that one could be semi reliable. Wikipedia 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:40.880 is fake, No, it's not entirely fake. 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:45.120 Anyone can add anything on Wikipedia. Wikipedia. I pretty much 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:48.000 finished my university degree because of Wikipedia explained a lot. 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:51.400 I never used my university degree. 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:54.240 And here I am with the podcast anyway, Britt, But 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.600 you have an update for us, So if you listen 0:04:56.680 --> 0:05:00.000 to the Tinder Swindler episode, we actually got another little 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:04.240 update from Cecilia and Panilla. When we interviewed Cecilia and Panilla, 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:06.320 it was pretty interesting for us because they were just 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:09.360 off the back of the Netflix series. But there were 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:11.160 some parts of their story that hadn't come to an 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:13.400 end point and that we didn't have the answers to. 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:15.520 But we do have an update on some of the 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:17.520 things that we asked them, but we weren't able to 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:18.600 get answers to at the time. 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:20.840 Yeah, there was if you did listen at the end 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:23.680 of the episode, the girls, we spoke to them for 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:26.159 as long as we possibly could because we had so 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.360 many questions, and it got to the point where they 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:30.960 were late for the next interview, so we're like, fine. 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:32.560 We'll let you go, Like, do not leave, we are 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:34.520 not finished here. We could have done, honestly, that too, 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:36.679 pass home. It could have been a two part episode. 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.640 There were so many things that I was interested in 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:39.880 finding out about their story. 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.200 Yeah, but you know, we only had access to what 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:45.080 we had access to. But I did speak to Cecilia afterwards, 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:47.400 and I just asked her. I ate for curiosity because 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.400 we wanted an update ourselves, but we wanted to give 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.479 you an update as well. I did ask her just 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.440 what had happened to the money? Had she had help 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.640 from the creditors or the banks, or had she had 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.080 any support had she recovered the money she had spent? 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:02.360 She said a voice message back and this is what 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:03.040 she had to say. 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:06.680 No, never got the money back that I order lost, 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.400 have never been any support from the banks or fine 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:13.200 as companies. I was even dragged to court by four banks, 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:15.920 so that's another traumatic experience. 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:19.240 So I feel very very strongly about how you're actually 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:23.520 handling fraud victims afterwards as well. It shouldn't be another 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:28.520 traumatic incident being called a criminal at your trial when 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:31.440 your fraud story is still out there. And what will 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:32.920 happen with the go fund money money. 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.280 I hope that I will be able to go into 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:39.920 conversations with my creditors regarding the money that got in. 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:43.760 So yeah, now on top of that, I thought that 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:46.880 this was coming full circle, I've got another update. So 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:50.159 these news articles are only really dropping in the last 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:52.960 twenty four hours. Some of these are only twelve hours young. 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:57.320 But Simon Leviev aka the Tinder swin line, even though 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:01.120 he's saying he's not he one, he actually now been 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:06.320 sued by his own in quotations family. So the actual 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:11.320 real original le'viv family that are these billionaire diamond business owners, 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.400 the people who own Led Diamonds, the real family that 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:19.160 he was impersonating. They are now suing Simon the Tinder swindler, 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:23.280 and they are also suing anyone that was associated with him. 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:26.200 They also put a statement out that I think, and 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.720 I'm going to say allegedly, I think it's Cameo. But 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:31.800 in a statement by the Leviv's family lawyer, his name 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:34.600 is Guy Offer, he has come out and said in 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:37.440 a series of legal proceedings that the Leviv family has 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.760 instructed me to take against this crook and his accomplices 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.880 in the coming days. A monetary claim will also be 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.000 filed against the crook and anyone who has been involved 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:51.000 in his past and present actions. Similarly, a law suit 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.640 will be filed against the sites that chose to join 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:56.600 the crook and allow him to sell paid greetings while 0:07:56.600 --> 0:08:00.040 exploiting his victims. The Leaviv family intends to do you 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:05.679 need the money it obtains to its other victims, so huge, huge, huge, huge, 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:07.240 So they're suing Simon. 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.280 One can also only assume that they're suing Cameo. And 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.680 this was the conversation that we had when we did 0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:16.360 the episode, like, how can a social media platform allow 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:20.160 for someone to make money and to capitalize on what 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.280 they have already done, on the criminal actions that they've 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:23.840 made and how they've defrauded someone. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.760 It's just so inconscionable. Well, at the end of the day. 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.000 Think of the attention, and it's I mean, it's attention, 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.160 but it's negative attention that he has brought to this family, 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.280 an innocent family that had nothing to do with it, 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:37.559 or they're billionaires but they had nothing to do with it. 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:41.920 Their name and business has been spoken about, dragged negatively 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:43.800 all over the world, and there will be people that 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:45.880 don't follow the updates. So we people that hear snippets 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:48.360 here and there, and they hear that it's derogatory towards 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:50.480 their company. I think it's amazing that they're doing it, 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.160 and I think it's amazing that they're saying, we don't 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:53.960 want the money, We're going to give it back to everybody. 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.800 Hopefully everyone that lost something can recoup. 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.559 Especially knowing that the women who were affected are still 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.160 going through these legal batters and are still in so 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:02.760 much debt. 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:04.680 One more thing that I think is really interesting that 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:06.720 I do want to do some research on or if 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:08.640 anyone's a lawyer out there and wants to slide into 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.959 my DMS, what happens in this instance. Okay, it's fair 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:13.760 enough for them to say I'm going to sue you 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:17.280 and repay people with the money, but if Simon doesn't 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:19.600 have any money, or that person doesn't have any money, 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:23.680 what happens. What happens if they claim bankruptcy, they don't 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.200 get anything, so he would have to claim bankruptcy right 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:28.120 So at the end of the day, these people probably 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:31.280 won't get their money back unless this billionaire company decides 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:34.160 to throw them a bone. Pretty much. Anyway, that's your update. 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.160 Let's now get into ask on Cut. Laura, have you 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:37.920 got a question for me? 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:40.920 I do I really like this week's questions? We have 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.959 a good mix. Can you be friends with the male 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:46.679 that you've just met while you're in a relationship. I 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:49.079 have been with my partner for two years and only 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:52.520 just recently met someone spontaneously for a brief moment one 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:55.600 afternoon out with friends. I said I have a partner 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:57.960 and that I don't want a relationship, and he has 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.920 said he is happy to be friends. There is another layer. 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:03.880 My partner and I have been rocky but completely honest 0:10:03.920 --> 0:10:06.440 with each other. I don't know what I feel towards 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:08.880 my partner at the moment, which is mutual as we 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.240 have a few things to work out. But I also 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:13.640 want to be friends with someone who I enjoy talking to. 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.400 And have indicated I don't want anything from other than 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:19.000 a friendship. Do you think you can become friends with 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:22.920 someone of the opposite sex while still in our relationship. 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:25.600 This is like an arm dum dum. 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.480 This bad boy has some serious layers. We need to 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:31.920 pull back. It's certainly does. I never want to be 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:35.080 the person that says you cannot be friends with someone 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.040 or you can't be friends with the male. But at 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:39.240 the end of the day, it's like you always end 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:43.320 up sucking them. You will, you gotta, there's gonna be 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:46.800 whether you are lying to yourself, there is an attraction there. 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.920 You've met someone that you're like, we just click. I 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:51.640 definitely don't want anything, but I want to spend time 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.760 with him. Also, my relationships rocky. With my partner, you're 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.880 gonna fuck him or you're gonna kiss him. He's develop 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.559 an emotional connection at a minimum, because that's what happens 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:02.720 in any friendship, female or male. 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.760 I think that we Okay, let's be real here. I 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.320 am women and men can absolutely be friends, and you 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.000 can meet new people when you're in a relationship. I've 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.760 met loads of guys like that. Matt and I am 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:18.280 mutually friends with you know, mutually totally. And the other 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:20.640 thing in this as well is that there can't be 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:25.080 any sexual attraction or chemistry or energy or whatever that is, 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:27.920 And especially if you're in a bad place with your partner. 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.880 I think like you are absolutely playing with danger the 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.040 fact that you kind of already had the fact that 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.200 you had to have a conversation with this person and 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.120 be like, oh, I'm you know, I'm not looking for 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.160 a relationship and they've agreed to just be friends and. 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:42.240 They've said, oh, I'll be happy with that. Yeah, it's 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:43.120 alarm bells for me. 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:45.640 Like, I think that all you're doing is creating a 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.840 situation that could be really really problematic. And do you 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:50.960 need more friends in your life? Like do you are 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:52.959 you so desperate that you need a new guy friend 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.000 that you could potentially put yourself in a situation where 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.040 temptation may be too great. Like I really want to 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:00.679 drive home the fact that you do think guys and 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.880 girls can be friends, but in specific situations and there 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:05.040 can't be emotion involved. 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:06.839 Of course, I'm joking when I say you're a hundred 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:08.800 percent going to sleep with him, Like that's a face, 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:12.040 that's a joke. But there's obviously something there. You obviously 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:13.920 have some sort of feeling there, even if it's just 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:17.560 something that you're drawn to his personality, especially if he's funny, 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.320 that is very dangerous territory. Anyone that is funny that 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:24.360 you have chemistry with is dangerous territory. If your relationship 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:29.520 really is rocky, I don't think throwing another new, unknown 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:32.040 male into the mix is going to help your situation, 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.800 Like it is a recipe for absolute disaster. So I 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:39.080 think at a minimum, if you want this person to 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:40.960 be friends, maybe all of you go out as a 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.600 group and your partner comes. If you start saying I'm 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.160 going to hang out with some friends to your partner 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:47.480 and then it turns out, oh, you're going to hang 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:49.320 out one on one with this guy. Could you imagine 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:51.160 if that was in reverse? And that's what I always do. 0:12:51.240 --> 0:12:53.720 I always put myself in a situation if my partner 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.240 was going to hang out with a female. I mean, 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:59.440 you ask yourself that, what if your boyfriend said to you, 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.079 I'm just going out hang out with a friend for 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:03.600 a little while and you found out it was a hot, 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:07.480 pretty female that he had just met that he was 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.160 going out. But he's like I just we just get 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:13.280 along with relaxed. Yeah, so you would be like cool, Okay, 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.800 I just don't know why you would do that. I 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:18.079 just think you need to focus on your own relationship 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.200 or you all hang out in a huge group. Maybe 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.080 this new person does just want friends and he can 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.520 be brought into your group as a collective. Totally. 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:26.920 I agree with that completely. I think that it needs 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.040 to be if you're truly a friend, then it's someone 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.480 who you can introduce to your partner and there's not 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:33.319 going to be any sort of weird like, well, why 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.120 are you friends with this guy? The other thing that's 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.560 really important, I think when you become friends with someone 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:41.720 who's of the opposite sex, when you are wanting to 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:45.200 be a legitimate friend, not keeping someone there as like 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:48.280 a potential person to monkey branch too. If your relationship 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.240 doesn't work out, is you can't speak to them in 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:54.080 a way that undermines your current relationship. You can't be 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.319 telling him that, like you guys are going through a 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.400 rocky patch, or telling him that, like, things in your 0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:02.120 relationship are hard because there is sexual chemistry there. All 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:04.640 that does is reinforce to him that maybe he's in 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:07.080 with the chance and that maybe the friendship isn't so 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.520 much a friendship, but it's like waiting in the wings 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:10.480 of something else. 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:12.920 And you guys all know, anyone that follows me, you 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:14.640 know that I have male friends. I always have. I 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.360 was being the biggest tomboy in my entire life. I've 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.200 always had more male friends than females. But when I 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:22.360 was with Jordan, for example, he knew I would hang 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:24.440 out with my male friends, but he knew them as well. 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:26.480 They were part of the group. He met them immediately 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:28.200 when he was here, when we got together, he knew 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.520 all about them. And these friends have been really long 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.240 term life friends. They're not people where I would never 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:35.200 say to Jordan, hey, I just met this guy. He's 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.520 so great, just going to catch up with him for 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:38.920 a hot second while you're on the other side of 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:39.160 the world. 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:41.120 And he's the exact sort of guy that I would 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:42.640 date if we weren't to But I won't. 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:44.640 But I won't. I won't be tempted because I have 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:46.840 so much self control, so I think, do what you want. 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:48.320 But at the end of the day, ask yourself the 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:50.240 questions and just think about what we just spoke about, 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.040 and think about if your partner was saying that to you, 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:53.080 how you would feel and. 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:55.520 Be honest with yourself like you attracted to like if 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.200 you know the temptations there? Are you playing with danger 0:14:58.240 --> 0:14:59.760 and are you just wanting someone to tell you that 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.440 it's okay and that like, oh my god, no girl friend. 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.000 Guys and girls can be friends, Yes, they absolutely can be, 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:05.520 but there is a. 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:06.280 Caveat there. 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:08.920 All right. 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.920 Next question, I've been going through a breakup with my 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:15.080 partner after five years together, four years living happily in 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:17.840 our home we bought together. There's a lot to unpack. 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.640 We were happier than ever in twenty nineteen, literally on 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:21.560 the path to the future. 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:22.080 We dreamed. 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:25.440 He was one hundred percent of my penguin. Unfortunately, my 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:29.240 partner's father passed away in September of twenty nineteen, and 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:32.200 this is when things started to turn pretty crappy for us. 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.480 My partner turned to gambling and drinking as a coping mechanism. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.840 I tried everything under the sun to support him, get 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:39.920 him the help that he needs, even tried to help 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:43.000 him financially. Things escalated and I ended up finding out 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:46.000 twenty thousand dollars was drained from our redraw and our mortgage. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:49.280 I approached him with kindness and support. He agreed to 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:52.280 get help midway through twenty twenty, and then from twenty 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.120 twenty to January of twenty twenty two, I just continued 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.520 to be lied to. I'm stuck now, riding the ways 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:00.440 of emotion, feeling like I lost the love of my 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:02.880 life and my penguin because he didn't want to get 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:05.840 the help he needed, but also hating and questioning myself 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:07.840 because what else could I have done? 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.240 How I made a mistake breaking up with him? Should 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:14.120 I have stayed longer to help? So? How long overall 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:18.200 did she stay trying to help? Almost two years? Okay, 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:22.400 this actually almost an identical situation happened to somebody that 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:24.840 I know. This is not them. This was a long 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.880 time ago now, but exactly the same thing that had 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:29.280 lost a parent. It sent them into a spiral and 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:31.640 they went into gambling big time. They were dropping a 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:35.240 lot of money, it was drinking. It wasn't great. She 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.560 stuck by him, and she really really helped him for 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:40.200 a long time. It was up and down for a 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:42.360 little while, but I say a little while, like maybe 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:46.600 six months, and then he decided I don't want this. 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:48.640 I want to make sure that I have you and 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.240 you know everything works out, which you know, she was 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:53.120 getting to the point where she's like, I can't do this. 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:55.280 So he made the decision to say, let's get help 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:59.120 and let's move on. And they are the most incredible relationship. 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:01.720 Now they're marrying. They've been together. This was years ago, 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:04.800 so they really worked through that. But that's because he 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.760 wanted to make the difference. He yeah, he came to 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.520 the table. And this is such a gambling and addictions 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.960 in any form, there's such tricky conversations. And Laura and 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:17.040 I we are not professionals. We cannot comment from any 0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:19.280 sort of experience. We are not trained in that. But 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:21.639 all we can comment on is if we're in that 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:26.399 situation or our opinion on the situation. For me, I 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.840 think it's normal to feel a sense of guilt, especially 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:30.920 when you know that someone you've loved when something didn't 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:33.600 work out. Firstly, you're always going to feel guilty, even 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.320 like my relationship with Jordan, it's just something that doesn't 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.480 work out. You're always like, could I have done something more? 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:41.320 Could we have done something differently? Did we try hard enough? 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:44.760 It's such a normal question in any relationship. But I 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.760 think at the end of the day, you stuck around 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:50.560 and you've tried for two years. That is a really 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:52.639 long time to be offering your support with someone that 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:56.959 obviously doesn't want it. They are still draining your money 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:58.680 on top of that, so it's not even that they're 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:00.840 trying to get help, but they're still taking from you. 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:03.720 I think if I was in your situation, I would 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:05.280