Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode. Welcome back to our very
Speaker 1: first episode of twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2: Who says it like that, it's twenty twenty five?
Speaker 1: Is it twenty twenty five?
Speaker 2: Yeah, twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: We'll survive, drive, ve laugh, love, live, laughs long. I'm Laura,
Speaker 1: I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2: I went back.
Speaker 3: Everybody.
Speaker 1: We missed you all so much.
Speaker 2: It was what did we have? Four weeks? Four weeks holiday?
Speaker 2: But we still drop some EPs in that time.
Speaker 1: I know we did. We had a few little sneakies. Also,
Speaker 1: if anyone heard, by the time this episode comes out,
Speaker 1: Matt will have been in the I'm a celebrity jungle
Speaker 1: well and truly well and truly so. I think last
Speaker 1: night would have been the very very first episode. So
Speaker 1: strap yourselves in and get voting for him tonight because
Speaker 1: I want to see him eat a giraffe or something
Speaker 1: disgusting zebra. E. No, they don't do they don't do
Speaker 1: animal stuff because of Robert Irwin.
Speaker 2: No, they do do animal stuff.
Speaker 3: Trust me, I ate stink bugs and pigs nipples. They
Speaker 3: do animal stuff, but it has to be farm raised animals.
Speaker 3: They don't do any other animals other than like farm animals.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're doing our recordings on different days. We're
Speaker 1: doing our drops on different days. As you would have seen,
Speaker 1: it is a Monday. So if you missed our episodes
Speaker 1: last year, we have completely done a restructure on this
Speaker 1: year's episode.
Speaker 2: Drops.
Speaker 1: Monday is going to be ask on Cut and we
Speaker 1: have some rules around ask on Cut which will tell
Speaker 1: you about shortly Wednesday rules.
Speaker 2: Not for you guys, don't worry, rules for us.
Speaker 1: Wednesday is going to be our life catchups and also
Speaker 1: talking about, you know, just the things that everyone's talking about.
Speaker 1: If there's something crazy happening in the pop culture space
Speaker 1: or in the world in general, or in our personal lives,
Speaker 1: that is that episode. And then Friday is going to
Speaker 1: be interview episodes where we really get into some more
Speaker 1: media topics or we you know, interview all the people
Speaker 1: that we interview.
Speaker 3: As we realize people don't love change, like we have
Speaker 3: been setting our ways here at Life on Cut for
Speaker 3: many many years, we are making this change. But I
Speaker 3: want it to be noted we're making this change because
Speaker 3: we put our survey out to all you guys. We
Speaker 3: asked you to give us all your feedback, and this
Speaker 3: is what we came up with off the back of that.
Speaker 3: So it won't take you long to settling. You're going
Speaker 3: to have more days in between the episodes to listen, to.
Speaker 2: Share it around, to tell your friends if that's what
Speaker 2: you do.
Speaker 1: And tell your dog as well, obviously, and your dad.
Speaker 1: When we talk about people who don't like change, that's me.
Speaker 1: We have made these changes. I am a creature of routine.
Speaker 1: I eat the same thing every day, I cook the
Speaker 1: same meals, I like, wear the same clothes every day.
Speaker 1: If I deviate from, like the certain pair of jeans,
Speaker 1: it's like a really wild day for me. I am
Speaker 1: such a creature of routine because I think everything else
Speaker 1: in my life is quite mental and work normally doesn't
Speaker 1: have any sort of standard plan that I need everything
Speaker 1: else to like just be exactly as so, and I
Speaker 1: put like when we go to the beach, I put
Speaker 1: the pro and exactly the same spot.
Speaker 2: That's weird. Hey, it's not weird, it's normal.
Speaker 1: Matt finds it fucking annoying, is what he finds it.
Speaker 1: He's always like, let's go to the ramp, and I'm like, can't,
Speaker 1: uh must go to the stairs.
Speaker 4: That peasant who walks to bond and you have to
Speaker 4: touch the end where like you know when you go
Speaker 4: on a walk and you have to touch the end
Speaker 4: of the bridge or like the end of the path.
Speaker 1: Nah, they're weird. We're at the age now with Marley
Speaker 1: where Marley's like, don't step on a cracks. You know,
Speaker 1: step on a crack you break your back. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: same girlfriend, I.
Speaker 5: Know, I know, you just get to your thirties and
Speaker 5: you break anyway.
Speaker 2: It's called aging Marley.
Speaker 1: Well, the rules around Ask on Cut, so that you
Speaker 1: know and so that we all abide by them, is
Speaker 1: that ask on Cut will no longer be the life
Speaker 1: catch up episode because this is what we did last year.
Speaker 1: We said we're going to answer your deep, dark and
Speaker 1: burning questions.
Speaker 3: We talked shit for forty minutes before we got to them,
Speaker 3: and we did it on repeat every episode for an
Speaker 3: entire year.
Speaker 1: And this year is not going to be the case.
Speaker 1: So if you are looking, I mean, obviously we have
Speaker 1: so many questions to answer on this episode, but also Wednesday,
Speaker 1: we're going to be good. Wednesday is when we're going
Speaker 1: to unpack the life stuff, the real stuff, and hones stuff.
Speaker 2: Ask gun Cut will be your questions.
Speaker 3: It'll be like a little bit of Hello banter at
Speaker 3: the start, but you're not going to get any juicy
Speaker 3: goss at the start of Ask gun Cut. Asking Cut
Speaker 3: is going to be questions only. Except for today, we're
Speaker 3: going to do We're going to give you a little
Speaker 3: bit of something today because it's the first episode back.
Speaker 3: Can I just say I didn't start twenty twenty five
Speaker 3: off very well? I thought as an adult, this didn't
Speaker 3: really happen to you anymore.
Speaker 1: Don't we just say we're not going to get so
Speaker 1: into it, but we're going now except for today. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, sorry, rules meant to be broken.
Speaker 2: You broken rule revels, I said.
Speaker 4: I said, the rule is no touring us talk about
Speaker 4: broken back when rules that we're abiding by ourselves.
Speaker 2: Kaisha, do you hear what I'm about to tell you?
Speaker 4: Subscribe now, everybody if you think we've lost the plot.
Speaker 3: I started twenty twenty five off with conjunctividis, Oh babes, adult.
Speaker 2: Gets conjunct dividers.
Speaker 3: I thought it was reserved for small children or only
Speaker 3: people that have small children that got conjunct dividers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to get some corsic in that real quick.
Speaker 2: Smart.
Speaker 1: To be fair, Matt also started off twenty twenty five
Speaker 1: with a pink eye.
Speaker 2: Only one though, oh my god, don't take anything from that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we got matching conjunctividers.
Speaker 1: One random pink eye which didn't go around the household,
Speaker 1: which was nice.
Speaker 2: E the pink eyes from Pooh particles.
Speaker 1: I don't think it was actually pink. I think he
Speaker 1: had a stye or conjunctivitis. Who who knows?
Speaker 5: How long did you conjunctivitis last?
Speaker 2: Well? I still took this morning. I have like any
Speaker 2: biotic tablets in my eye.
Speaker 5: Shit like highly contagious Ben.
Speaker 2: Ben had it too. So on the first day we
Speaker 2: woke up, we couldn't.
Speaker 3: Open our eyes together because I was like stuck together
Speaker 3: with conjunct dividers.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm too old for this shit.
Speaker 5: Waited so long to see each other in person, your
Speaker 5: physically car.
Speaker 2: They were like, what does twenty twenty five look like
Speaker 2: for you? I was like, I don't know. I can
Speaker 2: all for my eyes. That's so bad.
Speaker 3: Well, twenty twenty five, You guys, if you've been with
Speaker 3: us for a while, I know that twenty twenty four
Speaker 3: and twenty twenty three, we had some pretty big things
Speaker 3: going on life uncut.
Speaker 2: We had wallgate with my shrine. Shrine Gate.
Speaker 3: You guys gave me stick about the fact that I
Speaker 3: had this like shrine on my wall to Ben.
Speaker 2: We have a new gate that has entered twenty twenty five.
Speaker 3: Here we go, and it's called If you've been following
Speaker 3: along our socials, you'll know it's called plant Gate.
Speaker 1: I'm surprised that I didn't bring plant gate. That's the
Speaker 1: true shock of twenty twenty five. I'm surprised that this
Speaker 1: didn't come from me, since I'm the one who's really
Speaker 1: down for the plant content.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, we love our plants here. So when
Speaker 3: I went away, I was going away for a month. Basically,
Speaker 3: Keisha's always floating around Bondi near my house.
Speaker 2: She's got the key.
Speaker 3: I said, if you ever need to go there for anything,
Speaker 3: go for sure, like whatever, my space is your space.
Speaker 3: If you've got friends that need to come and stay,
Speaker 3: they can use my apartment whatever. Can I also ask you,
Speaker 3: if you don't mind, can you water my plants? Because
Speaker 3: you know that plants can't survive a month without water.
Speaker 1: What about the plastic olive tree in the middle of
Speaker 1: the loungery.
Speaker 2: Fine, okay, how to go? The only one to survive?
Speaker 3: Mind you, this is exactly why I have plastic olive
Speaker 3: plant trees. So I have this one beautiful fiddle, beautiful stretch.
Speaker 3: It's do you know how many people wrote to me
Speaker 3: and said, I have admired your fiddle in your content
Speaker 3: for years.
Speaker 2: It was so tall and it was so lovely. It
Speaker 2: survived a move.
Speaker 3: We know that fiddle leaves are dramatic, we know they
Speaker 3: don't like change. But this fiddle leaf survived.
Speaker 2: But it was top heavy.
Speaker 5: And why is that? Because Delilah once ate the leaves
Speaker 5: around the bottom.
Speaker 2: Four years ago when she was a puppy. We've recovered
Speaker 2: from that.
Speaker 5: The plant didn't.
Speaker 3: So I get this message from Keisha only like a
Speaker 3: couple of days before I came back, and she's like,
Speaker 3: I've been putting this off. I have something I want
Speaker 3: to tell you, but I don't want to ruin your holiday.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, someone's died. I
Speaker 3: was like, what's happened? Is everything alright?
Speaker 2: She's like no, it's just don't worry. Like I'll just
Speaker 2: wait till you get back. And I was like, you
Speaker 2: can't feed this. What has happened? She's like, it's it's
Speaker 2: really serious.
Speaker 3: And I don't know what's going to mean for our friendship.
Speaker 3: She was so dramatic, And I was said to Ben,
Speaker 3: something's going on, Like it was really serious.
Speaker 4: You guys like I have some bad news. Are you
Speaker 4: in the space to receive bad news right now? Or
Speaker 4: like do you need to sit down? Is there a
Speaker 4: better time later.
Speaker 5: In the weeks.
Speaker 1: Kind that's a kind way of broaching the situation of
Speaker 1: like destroying someone's happiness.
Speaker 3: So I said to Bend, something really bad has happened
Speaker 3: at home. So I literally sat down because Keisha's like,
Speaker 3: you're gonna want to sit down, and she sends me
Speaker 3: this picture.
Speaker 2: She goes, don't blame me. She sends me this picture,
Speaker 2: and I have never seen anything so traumatic. Not only
Speaker 2: was the fiddle dead, it wasn't just dead.
Speaker 3: It looked like she had held a lighter to it
Speaker 3: and burnt every inch of.
Speaker 2: It to its life.
Speaker 1: When Keisha said that she had been waiting to tell you,
Speaker 1: what she actually means is that's the first time she
Speaker 1: went to water it, and that plant had not been
Speaker 1: watered in over a month. And had been sitting inside
Speaker 1: a thirty degree apartment that had been baking.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a month, that was a mile and a
Speaker 2: half week.
Speaker 4: Look, I did light to you it had been two weeks.
Speaker 4: But that wasn't true. That was a complete life, wasn't.
Speaker 4: I don't know why you trusted me to be the
Speaker 4: person to look after plants.
Speaker 5: I have a terrible memory. I forget fucking everything.
Speaker 4: I have notifications in my phone for everything that's important,
Speaker 4: and I didn't deem this to be important enough to
Speaker 4: put a notification in. Laura is the plant queen.
Speaker 1: I'm offended. I live around the corner and I love plants,
Speaker 1: and no one asked me where's my key to your house?
Speaker 3: Because I know there is no way in hell you
Speaker 3: would ever come and water my plan.
Speaker 1: No I would. But I do it for the I
Speaker 1: do it for the plant. I do it for the plant.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, you have a deep connection with plants. I
Speaker 5: clearly don't.
Speaker 4: And this particular fiddle is an asshole because it had
Speaker 4: only three weeks.
Speaker 2: It hadn't even been that hot.
Speaker 1: Imagine victim blaming a fiddle fig That's where we've gotten.
Speaker 2: To him's gotten.
Speaker 4: People messaged me that they said, how's you not watering
Speaker 4: it for three weeks and then victim blaming the plant
Speaker 4: for not thriving plans.
Speaker 2: To fuck with. I literally said, stop blaming the plant.
Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with this situation.
Speaker 1: This is very relatable. I think there are so many
Speaker 1: people who have been asked to quote unquote house sit
Speaker 1: and water plants and then have been really the ones
Speaker 1: responsible for killing off the entire greenery in the household.
Speaker 3: So anyway, I definitely did not ask her to. I said,
Speaker 3: just it's actually fine.
Speaker 2: I'm not mad.
Speaker 3: I'm just disappointed. So Keish bought the new plant. She
Speaker 3: put the old plane outside. That is Wait till you
Speaker 3: see it now, Keisha, I'll send you another photo.
Speaker 2: There is nothing left of it. But so many people
Speaker 2: have written to me and said, like it can be saved.
Speaker 1: Drop it down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, even though it's like a little black.
Speaker 1: Stick, just chop the sticks right down and it will reroot.
Speaker 5: I want it to die. I hate this plant.
Speaker 2: No, I'm going to run an experiment and my next
Speaker 2: period I am going to use Yes, I am that's disgusting.
Speaker 1: No, it's not, it's natural.
Speaker 5: I'm not a feminist anymore.
Speaker 4: The funniest thing actually was that I warded it the
Speaker 4: day that I took those photos and sent them to you,
Speaker 4: and I was.
Speaker 5: Like, I have some bad news.
Speaker 1: Deep in my heart.
Speaker 5: I was like, maybe it's just one of those things
Speaker 5: that's gonna bounce.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: It's got some tenacity to it, it's got some resilience.
Speaker 4: And I came back two and a half days later
Speaker 4: expecting for it to be in a slightly better condition.
Speaker 4: Right because I gave it a big drink. You drowned
Speaker 4: a big, big, big drink.
Speaker 2: And I got back.
Speaker 4: And I was like, how do it look worse? And
Speaker 4: then I kind of moved around it.
Speaker 5: At one point my shoulder brushed up against it and
Speaker 5: three leaves fell to the floor and they crunched as
Speaker 5: they hit the ground.
Speaker 1: Like once again, they just think this is a situation
Speaker 1: of too far gone. It's it's like giving someone a
Speaker 1: panadole when they've been hit by a car.
Speaker 2: But this is exactly why I think this is the
Speaker 2: perfect time. I'm not joking.
Speaker 3: I'm genuinely going to because I use a menstrual cup,
Speaker 3: you guys know, I'm going to try it and see
Speaker 3: what happens, Like what is outside instead of emptying my
Speaker 3: cup down the sink or the toilet. I'm going to
Speaker 3: empty it into the plant. If it doesn't work, no
Speaker 3: one knows any difference. But if it does work, this
Speaker 3: is going to be groundbreaking.
Speaker 1: I know because the thing is it will work, and
Speaker 1: you're going to put it down to the menstrual cup.
Speaker 2: Just cut the plant back and it will be fine.
Speaker 4: Also, I would like for it to be known that
Speaker 4: I did repent for my sins and you have a
Speaker 4: beautiful new.
Speaker 5: Plant that I think looks better.
Speaker 4: It's very short, it's very thick though, two seas it's Laura.
Speaker 2: It's about two feet tall and about five feet washs.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter about the lang is important thing, Yes,
Speaker 1: it's what you do with it.
Speaker 2: Thickness is really important.
Speaker 4: That is it? All right?
Speaker 1: Well, look we should get into our vibes and unsubscribes, Keisha,
Speaker 1: what are you vibing?
Speaker 5: My vibe for.
Speaker 4: This week is the new show on Netflix called Jerry
Speaker 4: spring Up Fights Camera Action.
Speaker 2: So it's a two part docu series.
Speaker 4: I guess you call it because there's two episodes that
Speaker 4: I think they're about fifty minutes each and it goes
Speaker 4: and looks at the entire twenty seven seasons from nineteen
Speaker 4: ninety one to twenty eighteen of The Jerry Springer Show.
Speaker 2: So, like, this show was the.
Speaker 4: Original outrage culture, right, It was kind of the ground
Speaker 4: breaker of we're going to put things on TV that
Speaker 4: people don't think should be on TV.
Speaker 1: I used to rush home from school to watch this show,
Speaker 1: like I loved it. Yeah, my mum never sensed anything.
Speaker 1: I watched this in South Park and I was hooked.
Speaker 2: I just remembered Jerry.
Speaker 5: Jerry.
Speaker 2: They used to like chant him onto the stage like
Speaker 2: a cult.
Speaker 4: So quite interestingly, initially when it was a show, it
Speaker 4: was pretty stock standard like every other talk show that existed,
Speaker 4: and the ratings were exactly the same as all of
Speaker 4: the others that existed. And this guy came in. His
Speaker 4: name was Richard Dominic and he was the executive producer
Speaker 4: of the show for fourteen years, and he was kind
Speaker 4: of the I mean, you could call it a mastermind,
Speaker 4: or you could call it the conductor of completely revamping
Speaker 4: the show and making it into what it became. Of
Speaker 4: this just like insanely outrageous, no rules applied, no morals applied,
Speaker 4: situation where they got more and more ratings and it
Speaker 4: ended up beating Oprah.
Speaker 1: It was the very first thing of its time where
Speaker 1: like I mean, you know, I think most people would
Speaker 1: have shied away from that type of content originally because
Speaker 1: it was like too smutty, too dirty, almost unrelatable. But
Speaker 1: it was the unrelatable aspects and the outrageous aspects of
Speaker 1: that which is what made it so insatiable to people.
Speaker 2: This was before we.
Speaker 4: Had any of the kind of understandings of duty of
Speaker 4: care of what should happen to people who go on
Speaker 4: this show, and the whole docu series really exposed some
Speaker 4: of the incredibly dark sides of what happened behind the
Speaker 4: scenes of the Jerry Springer Show. So it's got a
Speaker 4: lot of the old producers who worked on the show
Speaker 4: for a really long time. It also follows this awful,
Speaker 4: tragic story of a woman named Nancy Pinitz, and she
Speaker 4: was involved in what they labeled a love triangle, so
Speaker 4: her ex partner had a new partner, the three of
Speaker 4: them were on the show, and she kind of didn't
Speaker 4: give the producers what they wanted out of that situation.
Speaker 5: She ended up leaving and not coming.
Speaker 1: Back to the show.
Speaker 4: Which there were also really interesting rules about the way
Speaker 4: that they used to incentivize participants of the show. For example,
Speaker 4: they would say, we're not going to get you a
Speaker 4: return flight unless you go back onto the stage. And
Speaker 4: a lot of these people were from underprivileged background, so
Speaker 4: they couldn't.
Speaker 5: Afford flights back. So that it was just such.
Speaker 4: A different time where the well being of the people
Speaker 4: on the show was not considered whatsoever. And that woman
Speaker 4: Nancy Pinitt, the day that the episode of Jerry Springer aired,
Speaker 4: she was murdered by her former partner, and the Jerry
Speaker 4: Springer Show completely washed their hands clean.
Speaker 5: They said, we had nothing to do with this.
Speaker 4: It was utterly fascinating to see how much things have changed,
Speaker 4: and for the right reasons that they have changed, because it.
Speaker 2: Was just the wild West.
Speaker 4: It was an absolute jungle and there were just no rules.
Speaker 4: There were no rules about, you know, what you should
Speaker 4: or shouldn't do on TV, because the thing was is
Speaker 4: that they were climbing the ratings and so they were like, well,
Speaker 4: people want to see it.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting, isn't It was almost that like the
Speaker 1: very start of reality TV. It was a merger between
Speaker 1: reality TV and a talk show, and nothing like that
Speaker 1: had existed prior that sounds like such an interesting watch,
Speaker 1: And I also think it kind of touches on some
Speaker 1: of the stuff that we talked about last year around
Speaker 1: like making money off other people's trauma and who should
Speaker 1: be the one to in that situation.
Speaker 4: And I think I've been particularly critical of, like I know,
Speaker 4: I've openly criticized people like Ryan Murphy on this podcast.
Speaker 4: He is the guy who created the Jeffrey Dharma and
Speaker 4: the Monster series and a whole lot of other true
Speaker 4: crime stuff as well. But watching this documentary, I was like, actually,
Speaker 4: maybe I've been putting blame on the wrong people. We
Speaker 4: all watched this, you know, Like where do we start
Speaker 4: to take some personal accountability and be like, the only
Speaker 4: reason that this was ever made is because people wanted
Speaker 4: to see it. So maybe that's somewhere that we need
Speaker 4: to look a little bit inwards as well. And that
Speaker 4: applies to today's standards, you know. I know that outrage
Speaker 4: culture is it's pretty much all that grows an algorithm
Speaker 4: now on social media. The reason that that works is
Speaker 4: because of the exact same thing. I think we're just
Speaker 4: seeing it in a different format anyway, completely fascinating Netflix,
Speaker 4: Jerry spring Up fights, camera action, I can't wait to
Speaker 4: watch that one. Well, I have a recommendation of a
Speaker 4: movie that I watched during the break and now it's
Speaker 4: not a new movie. It actually came out in twenty seventeen,
Speaker 4: but I would be curious to know as to how
Speaker 4: popular it was. Neither of you had seen it or
Speaker 4: knew of it, so I thought it could be a
Speaker 4: good one to recommend. It's called mud Bound, so it's
Speaker 4: quite a dark watch, and it's quite a heavy watch.
Speaker 4: But it was one of those movies that left me
Speaker 4: after it finished thinking about it for the next few
Speaker 4: days and thinking about the story and the characters and
Speaker 4: the character development. And I think that they're the types
Speaker 4: of movies that I really really enjoy, even if they
Speaker 4: do feel dark and leave you feeling uncomfortable. To give
Speaker 4: you a very quick synopsis of it, it's based around
Speaker 4: World War Two. It's based in Mississippi, and it's mostly
Speaker 4: surrounding this one family who live on a cotton farm.
Speaker 4: But it's from two different walks of life. It's a
Speaker 4: black American family who one of their sons goes away
Speaker 4: to fight in the war, and it is the white
Speaker 4: family from the cotton farm whose son goes to fight
Speaker 4: in the war, and when they come back and they're
Speaker 4: both essentially war heroes, how differently they're treated and what
Speaker 4: happens to both of them and their families as a byproduct.
Speaker 4: And it was really it's incredibly sad because the the
Speaker 4: black American character, who is a courageously heroic fighter in
Speaker 4: the war comes back and has none of the same
Speaker 4: standards or has none of the same privileges that the
Speaker 4: white family has. He still has to use sit at
Speaker 4: the back of the bus, even though he was good
Speaker 4: enough to fight for the country, he has to use
Speaker 4: the back exit of the shop. And so it's this
Speaker 4: very interesting conversation around racism and just how prolific it
Speaker 4: was in America in that time. But I loved it,
Speaker 4: and I you know, like I said, very dark watch,
Speaker 4: very very sad in some parts too, So I'd say,
Speaker 4: unless you're ready to like really get stuck into.
Speaker 1: The nitty gritty of a movie. But it did leave
Speaker 1: me really questioning for a couple of days, like just
Speaker 1: how it would have been to live during that time
Speaker 1: and what an incredibly hard time it would have been
Speaker 1: for so many people.
Speaker 4: I think that that happened all different versions of that
Speaker 4: happened like within Australia as well.
Speaker 5: I mean you think about the fuzzy wuzzy Angels.
Speaker 4: I know there are a lot of Aboriginal soldiers who
Speaker 4: went and fought in I think World War One and
Speaker 4: World War Two. Yeah, who were not recognized and not
Speaker 4: appreciated for anything that did well this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And the interesting thing is I didn't realize, but
Speaker 1: during this time in Mississippi, like black people couldn't even
Speaker 1: ride in the front of a car. They couldn't ride
Speaker 1: as a passenger in the front of the car. And
Speaker 1: there were just so many like there's such such a
Speaker 1: huge disparity in the racism that was experienced. It's called
Speaker 1: Mudbound and it's also available on Netflix. Awesome, very good
Speaker 1: ratings on Rotten Tomato ninety seven percent.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well we're all a bit grim and glum today.
Speaker 3: My ViBe's also a bit more serious. It's a podcast
Speaker 3: I listened to in the break I did listen to
Speaker 3: a bunch.
Speaker 2: But it's not true chrime. That's shocking. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2: It's called I'm Not a Monster, The Shamima Begham Story. Now.
Speaker 2: It's a BBC produced.
Speaker 3: Podcast by an investigative journalist named Josh Baker, so he
Speaker 3: hosts this podcast. Some of you might have remembered because
Speaker 3: back at the time it was really big news. This
Speaker 3: is back in England, Like in London in twenty fifteen,
Speaker 3: these three fifteen year old school girls disappeared. They sort
Speaker 3: of found out that they had gone to Syria to
Speaker 3: join ISIS.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I did remember this.
Speaker 2: It's the story of one of these girls.
Speaker 3: So this three is girl at school literally fifteen years old.
Speaker 3: Think back to where you were at fifteen and so they.
Speaker 1: Married into the Taliban and then they wanted to come
Speaker 1: back into the UK.
Speaker 2: Yep, that's it.
Speaker 3: So basically they disappeared for four years. No one like,
Speaker 3: there was no contact, no one heard, no one knew
Speaker 3: how they went or why they went, like for a
Speaker 3: fifteen year old to have found their way across the
Speaker 3: border all the way to Syria from the wonderfully safe
Speaker 3: and privileged home that they have in London. So four
Speaker 3: years later everyone just presumes that they're dead or that
Speaker 3: they had been kidnapped and taken their coerced whatever. Four
Speaker 3: years later they pop up, Well they don't sorry, one
Speaker 3: does Shmima.
Speaker 2: The other two I don't want to spoil it. One
Speaker 2: pops up. The story is.
Speaker 3: This is Josh the investigative journalist. He does so much
Speaker 3: research talking to the families. He ends up going and
Speaker 3: speaking to her and she tells her story about what
Speaker 3: happened from fifteen, how she got there, how she ended
Speaker 3: up there, what life was like there, and how different,
Speaker 3: Like I have goosebumps now.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you can see. I have never
Speaker 2: had such a visceral insight into.
Speaker 3: What that life was like. I feel like we read
Speaker 3: a lot of news, like we see a lot of
Speaker 3: the news, and there's a lot of propaganda and whatever
Speaker 3: else goes on. But to hear her tell her story
Speaker 3: about how she got there, and I don't want to
Speaker 3: say too much, why she was there and how different it.
Speaker 2: Was was so fascinating.
Speaker 3: I was hooked to the whole story. And it's very tragic.
Speaker 3: She tried to come back to England. She tried to say, hey,
Speaker 3: I made a mistake, let me back in, and they
Speaker 3: said no, because she's now deemed as a terrorist. But
Speaker 3: it's a super fascinating story and it has some sad aspects,
Speaker 3: but it's you will not listen to it and cry
Speaker 3: and feel sad. The whole time, so I don't want
Speaker 3: people to feel like you're going to be really really
Speaker 3: depressed listening. It's more fascinating. I found it fascinating. So
Speaker 3: you can get it anywhere you get your podcasts. I
Speaker 3: know I said it's BBC, but I just listened to
Speaker 3: on Apple podcasts.
Speaker 1: Is she back in the UK now? No, she's never
Speaker 1: allowed to re enter.
Speaker 2: She's deemed as a terrorist. Yeah, So where does she
Speaker 2: live now?
Speaker 3: I think she's in a She's either in Syria or
Speaker 3: maybe Turkey, like like a camp.
Speaker 2: There the end where he goes to talk.
Speaker 3: I don't want to give it away, but it's very tragic, devastated,
Speaker 3: but please.
Speaker 2: Go and have a listen.
Speaker 3: I learnt so much as well, which I think is
Speaker 3: always really great when you're listening to these podcasts.
Speaker 1: Wow, Jerry John mud bound to look at us. We
Speaker 1: have a little ray of positive sunshines up. Let's get
Speaker 1: into your question, all right, Question number one. I have
Speaker 1: been seeing a guy for the past eight months. One
Speaker 1: of his previous one night stands reach out to him
Speaker 1: a few months into dating and said that she was pregnant.
Speaker 1: We decided to continue seeing each other and it was
Speaker 1: going fairly. Well, the baby was born a few weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and I am struggling to be positive and supportive. Do
Speaker 1: you think that it would be best to just let
Speaker 1: the new father sort out his relationship with his baby
Speaker 1: and the baby's mum before we focus on our relationship
Speaker 1: or could it happen simultaneously.
Speaker 2: You're a better woman.
Speaker 3: Than I am.
Speaker 2: I would struggle. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I almost want to say I would let him sort
Speaker 3: it out for a while. I'd let him see and
Speaker 3: then i'd come maybe circle back like a shark, coming
Speaker 3: back towards pray At a little while later. But I
Speaker 3: would have jumped out ages ago, like this is not happening. Well,
Speaker 3: you said that, like you were seen him for about
Speaker 3: eight months when you found I would have probably jumped
Speaker 3: ship then. But I do understand that you can develop
Speaker 3: a lot in eight months, like you can get very
Speaker 3: close to someone and have really solid feelings in that time.
Speaker 1: Yead.
Speaker 3: So you've obviously felt that and haven't wanted to jump
Speaker 3: ship yet.
Speaker 2: You can for sure do it simultaneously.
Speaker 3: But there's gonna be a lot of give and a
Speaker 3: lot of leeway that you're going to have to give him,
Speaker 3: and you are not going to be a priority right now.
Speaker 2: That's something you have to accept.
Speaker 3: He's got a baby, and the baby's the priority, and
Speaker 3: he is going to have to prioritize his ex.
Speaker 2: A lot as well.
Speaker 3: Like if he's a good man and a good dad,
Speaker 3: he will want to do the right thing by the
Speaker 3: entire family. That is just something you have to accept.
Speaker 3: It doesn't mean he's going to put her before you
Speaker 3: or give her more than you, but it is his
Speaker 3: child's mother and it's a very new situation for her.
Speaker 3: She looks like she's probably a single mom unless she's
Speaker 3: moved on as well, so she's going to need a
Speaker 3: lot of help, and he's the person she's going to
Speaker 3: turn to.
Speaker 1: The thing that's interesting about this, though, is that she's
Speaker 1: not an ex. She's a one night stand, so they
Speaker 1: didn't have a relationship. He doesn't have an obligation to
Speaker 1: her necessarily, but he does I think have an obligation
Speaker 1: to the baby. I mean, like I said, you are
Speaker 1: a better woman than I am. I don't think I
Speaker 1: personally could take on this load of parenting. Because the
Speaker 1: thing is is you're not just now his girlfriend. You
Speaker 1: are also going to play a role as the partner
Speaker 1: of someone who has a small child. So like, if
Speaker 1: you guys continue on and your relationship gets more serious
Speaker 1: and he is like a good upstanding dude and wants
Speaker 1: to be a part of this kid's life, some point
Speaker 1: down the track, you will play role of stepmom. So
Speaker 1: I think that there's lots of conversations that you guys
Speaker 1: need to have together. But I would be pumping the
Speaker 1: brakes a little bit because I don't think that you
Speaker 1: are ever going to simultaneously get the same amount of attention, affection, priority,
Speaker 1: all of those things that you probably did have while
Speaker 1: the baby wasn't actually physically here. I think it's actually
Speaker 1: an attribute that he's a really good guy. If he
Speaker 1: is playing a big and important role in this child's
Speaker 1: life after a one night stand, I think that that
Speaker 1: shows that he's a good person. But I think that
Speaker 1: you have to be okay with not being a priority
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 3: Also, just for safety purposes, I would be getting him
Speaker 3: to do a DNA test just because it was a
Speaker 3: one night stand, Like not saying I don't believe her,
Speaker 3: the girl that's had the baby, but there's nothing to say.
Speaker 3: There couldn't have been a lot of different people that
Speaker 3: she was seeing dating hooking up with whatever, like to
Speaker 3: pinpoint an exact day of a one night stand.
Speaker 2: And say it was you.
Speaker 3: Like, we all know how strange ovulation is, and ovulation
Speaker 3: happens not when we think it does, and that's something
Speaker 3: I've recently learned with my ovulation sticks.
Speaker 2: That's another story.
Speaker 3: But I would be asking him to say, hey, have
Speaker 3: you thought about like just doubling down and checking that
Speaker 3: it's yours before we commit to a lifetime of being
Speaker 3: a father to a baby. We're not one hundred percent short.
Speaker 1: Is our I mean, maybe they've on that who knows,
Speaker 1: Like she seems pretty certain that he's the father and
Speaker 1: that they're you know. I feel like if you're newly
Speaker 1: dating someone and they came out and said, hey, out
Speaker 1: to a one night stand and this is my baby,
Speaker 1: probably would have had those questions at some point, maybe
Speaker 1: be surprised.
Speaker 2: I just.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever liked a guy enough to
Speaker 1: like want to withstand this type of situation. I think
Speaker 1: even at the eight month mark, I would have been like,
Speaker 1: this is too much, This is not my circus, these
Speaker 1: are not my clowns. You've got to go and sort
Speaker 1: your life out and come back to me when you know,
Speaker 1: when we know that we're going to do this, you
Speaker 1: are giving a lot of leeway to him and how
Speaker 1: this is going to change his life and the impact
Speaker 1: that's going to have on him. I also think it's
Speaker 1: okay to step back, not because of him and what
Speaker 1: he's figuring out with the baby, but for yourself because
Speaker 1: you also are taking on a lot. It is a
Speaker 1: huge place of acceptance that you're expected to get to
Speaker 1: to be totally cool with this situation. And I think
Speaker 1: it's very very normal that you have these feelings. I
Speaker 1: think it's very normal that now there's moments of insecurity,
Speaker 1: there's moments of feeling as though you're not the priority.
Speaker 1: Like I would think that it was a crazy wonderful
Speaker 1: situation if that baby had been born and you were
Speaker 1: able to step into this role and go, comele, I'm fine,
Speaker 1: everything's chill, not a problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah whoo. And I get both sides.
Speaker 3: The old, younger Brittany would have said, oh yeah, I
Speaker 3: would have been out the door. But now that I'm
Speaker 3: thinking about it, if I was eight months deep dating
Speaker 3: Ben and then he said, oh my god, like I
Speaker 3: just found out he's having my baby, there's a big
Speaker 3: part of me that probably would have just stayed and
Speaker 3: worked it out because I think of where I was
Speaker 3: mentally with him emotionally eight months deep, and I was like,
Speaker 3: so in it, you know already, so I understand what
Speaker 3: you're saying. The other thing is it's hard to know.
Speaker 3: You said, I'm struggling to be positive and supportive. This
Speaker 3: is like a double edged sword because completely normal to
Speaker 3: be struggling and trying to be supportive when this whole
Speaker 3: life changes happened and there's this new, little, tiny human
Speaker 3: being that's going to be in your life forever. That
Speaker 3: is so normal to feel that this early on. But
Speaker 3: on the other hand, you have to ask yourself, do
Speaker 3: you think that that feeling will ever go or do
Speaker 3: you think you're always going to struggle in that role?
Speaker 3: Because if you think it's something that you will always
Speaker 3: be playing second fiddle to and almost holding a bit
Speaker 3: of animosity, like, because there's a big part of you
Speaker 3: that I imagine is going to think, imagine how different
Speaker 3: our life would have been if that didn't happen.
Speaker 2: Imagine how different our dating would be. Would you know,
Speaker 2: are you always going.
Speaker 3: To hold that resentment towards this other life that he
Speaker 3: now has, and that's only a question that you can answer.
Speaker 1: In saying that as well, he has a pretty big
Speaker 1: responsibility to reassure you, Like it's not just all up
Speaker 1: to you to feel okay and be fine with this,
Speaker 1: Like he's not in a relationship with the other woman. Yes,
Speaker 1: he has a relationship with the child, and he has
Speaker 1: to have like a healthy, amicable co parenting relationship with
Speaker 1: the other woman. He should also be doing the reassurance
Speaker 1: and the repair work with you. And I'm also guessing
Speaker 1: that this is a very little newborn baby, which means
Speaker 1: the baby's not having sleepovers with dad. The baby's with mum.
Speaker 1: He's probably having visitations with the baby. They might be
Speaker 1: spending some time together. But in that case, like it
Speaker 1: should be okay for you to also meet the baby,
Speaker 1: for you to also come and be included in this
Speaker 1: world to whatever capacity all three of you are comfortable with.
Speaker 1: I don't think that their relationship happens in silo, and
Speaker 1: I say that because they're not in a relationship together,
Speaker 1: and so I really think that, like there's a lot
Speaker 1: of conversations that need to happen mutually between the two
Speaker 1: of you and also three way between all of you
Speaker 1: for this to get to a place where everyone feels comfortable.
Speaker 2: And I would think it's not even about the reassurance.
Speaker 2: I think it's about the life changed.
Speaker 3: Do you want the rest of your life to look
Speaker 3: like you've been a stepmom to this child. There's nothing
Speaker 3: wrong with that. It's just down to what you want
Speaker 3: and what you think you're capable of that stuff, all right,
Speaker 3: Next question question two. I have match with someone on hinge,
Speaker 3: and in my of course pre stalking, I have realized
Speaker 3: I actually have slept with his younger brother about eight
Speaker 3: years ago.
Speaker 1: Fine, so fine?
Speaker 3: Do you think it's a big deal? They are close families,
Speaker 3: so I don't know whether to just stop talking to
Speaker 3: him now or keep pursuing in home. He doesn't care
Speaker 3: when it comes up eventually.
Speaker 1: Nah, this is totally It's so fine. Eight years ago
Speaker 1: you forgot. I forgot people I slept with eight years ago.
Speaker 1: I could walk passing the street. I wouldn't know their names.
Speaker 2: People that I had slept eight years ago have not
Speaker 2: forgotten me.
Speaker 1: To be fair, I've been with my husband for eight years,
Speaker 1: so that's a lie. But like, there would definitely be
Speaker 1: people who I've slept who have been inside me and
Speaker 1: I don't remember.
Speaker 2: I can't remember. Yeah, we've established this. You're wild.
Speaker 1: Well I wasn't that wild. I just have a terrible memory.
Speaker 1: I don't remember any of their names.
Speaker 5: I don't, you know.
Speaker 3: I don't think you need to remember names, but you
Speaker 3: need to remember something about them, like policemen or Brazil or.
Speaker 1: Whatever it was that you have both of those on
Speaker 1: my list. Wonderful it was the same policeman. Look, I
Speaker 1: think eight years ago. It also depends did you just
Speaker 1: sleep together. Did you have a relationship together? Nah, I
Speaker 1: just I think I just slept with Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's fine. What I would do is I would keep
Speaker 1: dating him. I would, you know, wait, go and suss
Speaker 1: it out. You might even like this guy, like you
Speaker 1: might just be chatting to him and he might be
Speaker 1: in nothing, a blip on your radar. Go and have
Speaker 1: a date. Go and see if you like him, And
Speaker 1: if you actually like him and things are going somewhere,
Speaker 1: then at some point in the future, be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I have just realized I think I fucked
Speaker 1: you me. I think I think I might have hooked
Speaker 1: up with your brother a while ago. I know this
Speaker 1: is horribly awkward. It was so long ago. I actually
Speaker 1: don't even remember if we did all we didn't, but
Speaker 1: I think I did.
Speaker 4: What's the timeframe, though, When does she no like, when
Speaker 4: does she have to tell the person that she's now dating.
Speaker 1: I think that she goes on a few dates with
Speaker 1: him first, and if it's getting to a point where
Speaker 1: she actually has feelings, room likes him and it seems
Speaker 1: as though it's going in that direction, before you're too committed, before.
Speaker 5: I invites you to the family dinner, not Tuesday night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Rose, Sunday Rose, I disagree.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't ever bring it up until it has to
Speaker 3: be brought up, because all that shows is how I
Speaker 3: stalked you and I saw that I brother. Then I
Speaker 3: decided to keep it from you until the Sunday Roast.
Speaker 3: I think what I would do, I would just date him.
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It
Speaker 3: was eight years ago and you hooked up with him,
Speaker 3: big deal. They'll probably high five each other. The brother's
Speaker 3: got to sleep with the same girl, knowing them.
Speaker 2: Flack, I do.
Speaker 3: I would just date him. You may never want to
Speaker 3: see him again, and then who cares. You don't know
Speaker 3: if you like him? Yeah, if you are actually it's
Speaker 3: going really well, and you think it's going to turn
Speaker 3: into something until it actually, I think, is presented to you.
Speaker 3: So whether like you're looking at Instagrams or you're showing
Speaker 3: a photo, or he's talking about something where it's so
Speaker 3: obvious that you have to say it, like something about
Speaker 3: the family, that's when you bring it up. But I
Speaker 3: think it's really weird after a couple of dates, be like, look,
Speaker 3: I've got a confession and fucked Bobby.
Speaker 1: That's weird to me. It really depends. It depends on
Speaker 1: what the relationship was. If it was a one night stand,
Speaker 1: I don't think you ever need to tell him because
Speaker 1: you don't need to have.
Speaker 3: Known, or because at dinner at the roast, the brother's
Speaker 3: gonna be like, hey, Shelley, I think we've met.
Speaker 2: We fucked eight years ago.
Speaker 4: Wouldn't it be worse if she acted like she didn't remember,
Speaker 4: but the brother did remember, And then the brother told
Speaker 4: the brother.
Speaker 2: That's what would happen, and he was like.
Speaker 5: I don't think she remembers.
Speaker 2: Though, that's fine.
Speaker 1: Let's feel like you were so insignificant to me, but
Speaker 1: your brother I will never forget the brother as in
Speaker 1: like the guy that she's dating. I don't know. Look,
Speaker 1: I agree, I don't think that there is an easy
Speaker 1: way around this. I think it's very precarious and you
Speaker 1: need to be careful. But the one thing you don't
Speaker 1: want is to like, really have feelings with this guy,
Speaker 1: for him to really have feelings of you, and.
Speaker 2: For the old little brother to waltz.
Speaker 1: On in and be like, hey, got there first, have
Speaker 1: my sloppy seconds. That's an awful thing to say, but
Speaker 1: you know siblings can suck, so he might.
Speaker 3: The thing is, even if it's not a big issue,
Speaker 3: this is something else you have to think, right, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
Speaker 2: This is what we do. It goes well, you're dating,
Speaker 2: you're in the family. It's all accepted. You get married one.
Speaker 5: Day in the family or the family in you.
Speaker 2: The family's in you, and you're in the family. Family
Speaker 2: has been inside you. It's a cyprocal relationship.
Speaker 3: It's always going to be there and every family dinner,
Speaker 3: everyone's gonna know that you fucked them both.
Speaker 2: Everything from there on in. It will always be in
Speaker 2: the back of your head.
Speaker 3: Now, we have had people in the past, and I'm
Speaker 3: sure more people will write in, and I encourage you
Speaker 3: to write in and tell your stories. We have had
Speaker 3: people in the past that have done this. There's been
Speaker 3: people that have been in full on marriages and ended
Speaker 3: up leaving and being with the brother.
Speaker 2: Like it's not I don't want to say it's not
Speaker 2: the worst thing. That's pretty bad.
Speaker 3: I think if you've been married for thirty years and
Speaker 3: you live with the brother, but it's it's okay if
Speaker 3: it works.
Speaker 1: It's not unfathomable, and it doesn't mean that it's insurmountable,
Speaker 1: but it does mean that there is a mountain to
Speaker 1: get over.
Speaker 2: Like I'm let's not play this down. This is a problem.
Speaker 1: If someone I liked, who I'd been on several dates
Speaker 1: with came to me and said, hey, wow, I just
Speaker 1: realized I had sex with your sister, I would get
Speaker 1: instant ick vibes. So I would find it difficult. And
Speaker 1: it's not because I guess for me, I wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to be second to my sister, like I would find
Speaker 1: that a challenging thing to mentally get over. I would
Speaker 1: hope that some people are on my side. Maybe they're not,
Speaker 1: and maybe everyone is more open minded than I am.
Speaker 3: I would too if Sherry was fucking someone. I wouldn't
Speaker 3: date that person ever, because.
Speaker 2: That I want to vote me in my mouth.
Speaker 1: What if Ben came to you eight months after you've
Speaker 1: been dating I said I'm having a baby.
Speaker 3: With That is not even on That is not even
Speaker 3: remotely close to this situation.
Speaker 1: If Ben came to you seven months you've seen baby
Speaker 1: Maya looks a lot.
Speaker 2: Like Ben long face, and not a lot like her husband. Jay.
Speaker 1: I mean it, What would you have done? If I
Speaker 1: mean it too, I wouldn't dame him. I don't, yes,
Speaker 1: and I don't mean having a baby obviously. I mean
Speaker 1: if you'd come to you a couple of months after
Speaker 1: you'd met, You've gone over there to Letty, Sweden, wherever
Speaker 1: you went to and saw him, You went over the
Speaker 1: mean Scotland.
Speaker 3: Is he?
Speaker 2: What is he?
Speaker 1: He went over to Scotland, hung out with him for
Speaker 1: that Christmas, came home, was like, I'm so obsessed with him,
Speaker 1: and then he said, hey, I've just realized I think
Speaker 1: I slept with your sister a few months back.
Speaker 3: That's actually feasible because Cherry was living in Scotland, down
Speaker 3: the road from where he was. Yes, So then what
Speaker 3: would you have I would not date him. I couldn't,
Speaker 3: But I do think there's an answer. No, I do
Speaker 3: think there's a difference, and I hate to say it,
Speaker 3: but it's true. I think there's a difference with men
Speaker 3: and women. I think more men would be okay with
Speaker 3: dating someone that their brother had hooked up with in
Speaker 3: the past than women.
Speaker 1: I truly do. I don't know if I agree with that.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 3: I think it's different. Guys don't look at it the same,
Speaker 3: and the science behind is right, Guys don't.
Speaker 2: Where is it? We've spoken about it a hundred times.
Speaker 1: I like article when Brittany's trying to make a point,
Speaker 1: she just goes, there's research behind this. We don't have
Speaker 1: ans to it right now, but there is.
Speaker 3: Dolly Magazine, women have sex and form connections, and field
Speaker 3: sex means more to women on a high percentage than
Speaker 3: it means to men.
Speaker 2: We know that.
Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is I don't believe that brothers
Speaker 3: would have as big of an issue as sisters.
Speaker 1: If you're listening to this, which you obviously are, please
Speaker 1: go and ask your boyfriends or your brothers, or the
Speaker 1: partners in your life. I need to know how the
Speaker 1: men in your life feel about this because I strongly
Speaker 1: don't necessarily agree, but I'm happy to be wrong about this.
Speaker 1: I think everyone would feel I think everyone would feel
Speaker 1: weird about the person they like sleeping with their sibling.
Speaker 1: I think everyone would feel a bit like, Oh, John O,
Speaker 1: how would you feel? JOHNO says it would be so
Speaker 1: too weird? Hey, the brother's always there.
Speaker 4: But would you rather know at the start or when
Speaker 4: it was late, when you were deep in the fields.
Speaker 1: You'd rather know at the start or in your marriage vows?
Speaker 2: Which one I do promise to fuck you and your
Speaker 2: brother's threats I will.
Speaker 1: There is great genes in this family.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, next question.
Speaker 1: Question three. I think I hate my partner's cat, and
Speaker 1: I feel like this is a question that my husband
Speaker 1: has written it in.
Speaker 2: I it's so dumb.
Speaker 1: It's a real problem. What if you hate the thing
Speaker 1: that's most important?
Speaker 2: It is, No, it is I just wasn't expecting that
Speaker 2: to be the next question. It's very important. Please continue. Okay.
Speaker 1: I've been with my partner for two years now, committed deep,
Speaker 1: we love each other, we live together, and I know
Speaker 1: that he is my penguin. However, there is just one problem,
Speaker 1: and it is his cat. Don't get me wrong, I
Speaker 1: am the biggest animal lover, and I would love to
Speaker 1: think of myself as quite a patient person. But I
Speaker 1: have tried for our entire relationship to bond with this cat,
Speaker 1: and while there has been some moments, the majority of
Speaker 1: it has just felt transactional and filled with a lack
Speaker 1: of unconditional love that you would get from a dog.
Speaker 2: That's because it's a.
Speaker 1: Cat, which I've grown up with. He also constantly meows,
Speaker 1: and often when I try to show him love, he scratches.
Speaker 2: And bites me.
Speaker 1: It's actually at a point now where I become anxious
Speaker 1: from the constant meowing. The cat's eating well, so that's
Speaker 1: not the issue, and the cat is three years old
Speaker 1: and well trained. My partner absolutely adores this cat, and
Speaker 1: it's recently become apparent to him that well, I don't
Speaker 1: exactly feel the same. However, I am at the point
Speaker 1: where I actually cannot stand it. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Please help. There's nothing you can do fair.
Speaker 1: That cat's going to live for twenty four years.
Speaker 2: I reckon this is fair.
Speaker 3: This is actually quite a serious question, and I think
Speaker 3: that this is quite a frequent issue with a lot
Speaker 3: of people. There are kinds of animals that I wouldn't
Speaker 3: date someone if they had because people treat their animals
Speaker 3: like family. And if I put myself in that situation,
Speaker 3: if my animal really didn't like, like if Delilah really
Speaker 3: didn't like who I was dating, it's genuinely a problem
Speaker 3: in your household. Like I know families that had to
Speaker 3: go and get like proper experts in therapy because of
Speaker 3: the issues they have.
Speaker 2: With the animals and the couple. The couple's being ripped apart.
Speaker 3: I personally don't get cats. I don't get them. I
Speaker 3: don't get what they think. I don't get why. I
Speaker 3: don't get the use of them. They're always like little
Speaker 3: well like dogs, I get because you go running their companion,
Speaker 3: you go swimming or whatever it is, right, But for cats,
Speaker 3: maybe I haven't been around the right cat.
Speaker 2: Every cat I've seen just scratches and shits.
Speaker 3: And rips about your furniture and like, it doesn't what
Speaker 3: the fuck are you giving me?
Speaker 5: I was like, I.
Speaker 3: Don't understand its purpose because if a cat chooses not
Speaker 3: to like you, which they do, right, they either like
Speaker 3: you as a human or they don't.
Speaker 2: If it doesn't like you, why is it there? It
Speaker 2: just ruins your furniture. You don't even get to pat it.
Speaker 2: It's great. It hurt physically hurts you, so I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not a catty person.
Speaker 1: If you didn't, Yeah, we can read between the lines.
Speaker 1: I think that cats just know they know who is
Speaker 1: superior in a household. She knows that she loves him.
Speaker 1: She doesn't need you, and you're getting between the two
Speaker 1: of them from having their exclusive relationship, and she.
Speaker 2: Doesn't like it. I do anything.
Speaker 1: You gotta suck it up. And you also have to
Speaker 1: pretend like you like that cat because your husband or
Speaker 1: your partner's gonna hate it. It's interesting because we have
Speaker 1: a kind of similar dynamic in our household. I really
Speaker 1: wanted a cat. As you guys know, I love cats.
Speaker 1: I do understand them. I think they are beautiful creatures.
Speaker 1: But I equally love dogs, and I think that you
Speaker 1: get very different things from a cat and a dog.
Speaker 1: Like I quite like that. Cats are very autonomous and
Speaker 1: they will only love you if they think you're worthy,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's cool, whereas a dog will
Speaker 1: love anyone like a dog's not going to distribt Delilah
Speaker 1: would leave you in a second. She would leave you
Speaker 1: in the park for someone else if they had a treat.
Speaker 3: So I can't only offensive because it's true.
Speaker 1: I love the loyalty of a cat, right, I love that.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is is that every time a person
Speaker 1: describes their cat when they have a great one, they're like,
Speaker 1: they're kind of like a dog, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: you just you actually just like dogs then, because your cat,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, People are like, my cat's different.
Speaker 1: She's kind of a bit like a dog, And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you like dogs, you like dogs. Rasby, for example, like
Speaker 1: curls up on Lala's out of a night time now
Speaker 1: and she's getting sweeter and more lovely, Whereas when we
Speaker 1: brought her home she was a real bus stop cat.
Speaker 1: Like she she was like, I'm from the streets, and
Speaker 1: she would scratch you if she walked past, like if
Speaker 1: you walkedst Yeah, she hangs over the kitchen stool like this,
Speaker 1: and if you walk past too close to her stool,
Speaker 1: she goes ah at you. And so there was a
Speaker 1: while there where mad that's awful. Yeah, oh look, it
Speaker 1: keeps you on your toes.
Speaker 4: When I was at your house, like a week ago,
Speaker 4: Laura kind of wore me because she was getting stuff
Speaker 4: out of the car and I walked ahead and she
Speaker 4: was like, oh, you know, just be careful with Raspberry,
Speaker 4: like you know, and I was.
Speaker 5: Kind of bracing myself, but then I walked down.
Speaker 1: You were putting her, won't.
Speaker 5: I gave her all the cheek scratchies and she's doing
Speaker 5: the like one of nights.
Speaker 1: What's the call when they do?
Speaker 4: They like rub up against you with each of their
Speaker 4: cheeks and they switch sides, rub their faces.
Speaker 1: It's not a name for it.
Speaker 5: She was doing that for Asias and I thought you
Speaker 5: were just I was like, is this the cat you're talking?
Speaker 1: The thing with Cat? So is that they can do
Speaker 1: that for ages and then all of a sudden something
Speaker 1: changes and they just go and you don't know if
Speaker 1: it's coming. It's like you get really tricked into thinking
Speaker 1: that they love you and then they will fuck you up.
Speaker 2: That's why you like it. It's every relationship you've ever had.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Cat, that's my toxic relationship.
Speaker 2: You're like, I don't know she's gonna love it today.
Speaker 1: So I relate to this question very much because I
Speaker 1: think that we definitely like Matt definitely has a love
Speaker 1: hate relationship with Raspberry. But I love Raspberry, and he
Speaker 1: made the sacrifice to have her. He you know, he
Speaker 1: was like, whatever, if you want a cat, you can
Speaker 1: take care of the cat and we can have one.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean that he has to love her
Speaker 1: as much as I do. Like it doesn't affect our relationship,
Speaker 1: and it shouldn't affect yours, Like I think he can
Speaker 1: have a really strong and close bond with the cat,
Speaker 1: and as so long as you're like kind to it,
Speaker 1: you still feed it and pat it and you treat
Speaker 1: it with respect and kindness, you don't have to love
Speaker 1: it like that's not a mandatory of having a good
Speaker 1: relationship loving their pet as much as they love their pet.
Speaker 2: Well, there's also.
Speaker 3: Other things here on a serious note, Like you have
Speaker 3: developed anxiety over here in its meals, there are other
Speaker 3: things that you need to go and investigate here, because
Speaker 3: something like that shouldn't give you that high level of anxiety.
Speaker 1: If it's mewing that much, it's probably bored. To be honest,
Speaker 1: it might be fed and healthy and everything else, but
Speaker 1: cats don't just I mean, you can get shatty cats,
Speaker 1: but they don't mew all through the day. It's like
Speaker 1: dogs that bark all through the day. It's usually because
Speaker 1: they're also bored, anxious, there's something else going on. So
Speaker 1: that could be a conversation that you have with your partner.
Speaker 1: I understand why that would get annoying, like that is
Speaker 1: definitely something to have a conversation about. But overarchingly, you
Speaker 1: moved into the house with someone who has a cat,
Speaker 1: and it just sounds like you actually don't really like
Speaker 1: cats that much.
Speaker 3: I think if you ever go to Hum and say
Speaker 3: it's the cat or me, he'll probably choose the cat.
Speaker 2: To do that.
Speaker 1: And Matt knows it, so he'd never do that to me.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't choose the cat now over Matt. Yeah, no,
Speaker 3: you wouldn't do You're so fool of it. I would
Speaker 3: like the cat would never make me choose, But.
Speaker 2: I feel like Brittany, here's a cat.
Speaker 5: The cat.
Speaker 1: The cat would never give me an ultimatum. Raspberry wouldn't
Speaker 1: do that. Although Raspberry still thinks she's a gutter cat.
Speaker 1: She like she struts around that house like I don't
Speaker 1: need this bondopad. You fucking plush pitches she's got back
Speaker 1: in the bush shelter where I belong.
Speaker 2: And see how quickly she runs. She's a street cat
Speaker 2: at heart.
Speaker 3: Last question, My best friend of five years has just
Speaker 3: told me that ever since we've been friends, she has
Speaker 3: been lying and that her younger brother is actually not
Speaker 3: her brother at all. She told me he was her
Speaker 3: biological brother, that he has the same mom, but he
Speaker 3: didn't speak with their mom and lives with his dad
Speaker 3: and stepmom. The whole time, she's referred to him as
Speaker 3: her brother, and even when I have asked about their mom,
Speaker 3: she would say something along the lines of, oh, he
Speaker 3: just prefers to be with his stepmom.
Speaker 2: She said.
Speaker 3: She told me when she was drunk and just kept
Speaker 3: the light going, but it went too far, so she
Speaker 3: thought she could never say anything directify the problem. He
Speaker 3: is now apparently just like a brother, so it was
Speaker 3: like he's a family friend. The truths come out, he's
Speaker 3: a family friend that she says, oh, he's like a brother,
Speaker 3: but he's actually got no relation whatsoever. She said, now
Speaker 3: that she's about to get mad, she doesn't want me
Speaker 3: to question it at the wedding when she sees him,
Speaker 3: so she thought it was time to fess us.
Speaker 1: So she was gonna get sprung for her lie, so
Speaker 1: she had to be honest about the fact that she
Speaker 1: doesn't have a brother.
Speaker 3: Yep, she goes, I don't know how this feels to me.
Speaker 3: It doesn't feel that deep. But at the same time,
Speaker 3: I've been lied to you by my best friend for
Speaker 3: five years, so it feels quite icky and a little
Speaker 3: bit too weird. My question is should I be mad
Speaker 3: and upset or is it not that big of an
Speaker 3: issue in the past. I feel like she does tend
Speaker 3: to lie a little bit, as I have caught her
Speaker 3: out before about a few things.
Speaker 2: Keen to hear what you think.
Speaker 3: It's so funny, but more a random thing to lie about,
Speaker 3: like a brother who has this elaborate lie that lives
Speaker 3: with another family.
Speaker 1: It's so stupid. It is so stupid. Would you, like,
Speaker 1: should you still be friends with her? I don't think
Speaker 1: that was the question. My answer to that is, yeah,
Speaker 1: like still be friends with her. But Britt, if I
Speaker 1: found out now this far into our friendship that Sherry
Speaker 1: actually wasn't your sister and she was just a friend
Speaker 1: and she was like a sister to you, and you
Speaker 1: had lied about the intricacies of it, would make me
Speaker 1: question not what kind of person you are, but it
Speaker 1: would make me think you're a lot more bat shit
Speaker 1: crazy than I think you already think you are, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'd be like, wow, you're you're actually super
Speaker 1: weird and that's not a normal thing to do. So cool,
Speaker 1: I'll be your best friend, but just know that I've
Speaker 1: clocked it that you're a weirdo.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: Families are complicated, even fake families even more complicated.
Speaker 2: That's hard.
Speaker 3: If this was role reversal, and I found out now
Speaker 3: that Alisha, your sister wasn't in fact your sister.
Speaker 1: Maybe go with my brother because that could be more
Speaker 1: believable because no one's ever seen him. He lives overseas.
Speaker 2: It doesn't exist. He does exist.
Speaker 1: I do have a brother. He lives in Boston. He's married.
Speaker 1: He came on a family cruise recently with us, and
Speaker 1: everyone met him. Yeah I know, but everyone was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you have a brother, and I was like, Kay,
Speaker 1: that's my brother. Imagine if I was like, actually, he's
Speaker 1: just his family friend and uncle that comes on trips.
Speaker 2: I genuinely wouldn't care that much.
Speaker 3: And I don't know if I'm an outlier, I would
Speaker 3: be like cool, weird thing to lie about, But I
Speaker 3: don't think i'd lose sleep about it. Maybe that's me,
Speaker 3: but I just think there's big things to lie about.
Speaker 3: The lie hasn't been to manipulate you in any way.
Speaker 3: It hasn't been to get anything from you, hasn't been
Speaker 3: detriment to you. God knows why she did it, because
Speaker 3: it's it seems like it's a lie that didn't have
Speaker 3: to be told. It has nothing to do with anything.
Speaker 3: I just think you're weird, but I wouldn't Yeah, I
Speaker 3: wouldn't break up the friendship.
Speaker 1: I guess. My question is, if you find out your
Speaker 1: friend has lied to you about something that seems insignificant,
Speaker 1: maybe go back to when the lie was first told
Speaker 1: and try and remember, like, what was the conversation surrounding it,
Speaker 1: and did that lie make them sound a little bit
Speaker 1: cooler or a little bit more like they had something
Speaker 1: in common with you, or like did the lie come
Speaker 1: from something because they were trying to make themselves more
Speaker 1: appealing or likable or whatever else to you? Who knows.
Speaker 1: Maybe she was like, oh, yeah, I have a brother
Speaker 1: too who is x y Z or my parents are
Speaker 1: divorced and he lives with my stepmom, Like maybe she
Speaker 1: was trying to relate to you on some level. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm trying to unpack this from a I'm not.
Speaker 3: Qualified, but I don't know what would make you cooler
Speaker 3: to be like, yeah, my brother lives with this stepmom.
Speaker 1: But I think there are people who who lie without
Speaker 1: When I say without consequence, what I mean is is
Speaker 1: that they lie so frequently that it's second nature to
Speaker 1: them to fabricate stories, and they don't even realize that
Speaker 1: they're necessarily doing it until they're in a situation where
Speaker 1: they're totally caught out on their lives, Like some people
Speaker 1: do have that behavioral trait. And I would go, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: you can totally be friends with people who tell lots
Speaker 1: of white lies, but definitely be careful with how much
Speaker 1: of a friend you let them in. And if you said, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: she does lie quite a bit, I've caught her out
Speaker 1: in quite a few things. I wouldn't break up the
Speaker 1: friendship or anything like that. I definitely wouldn't lose sleep
Speaker 1: over it, but I would clock it, and I would
Speaker 1: keep her at a comfortable distance from things that really
Speaker 1: affect me. I think, And I say this because I
Speaker 1: do have a friend in my life who tells lots
Speaker 1: of white lies, and I love her. We have a
Speaker 1: really great time and we have good friendship.
Speaker 2: I was like, you've only got three friends.
Speaker 3: They're all.
Speaker 2: You fucking I don't trust the bitch plan.
Speaker 1: I know two weeks she wanted it every day and
Speaker 1: it just died.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I mean this though, like, I do have a friend
Speaker 1: in my life that comes to mind instantly when we
Speaker 1: talk about this, who has told lots of white lies
Speaker 1: over the years, and it doesn't affect me. It doesn't
Speaker 1: upset me, it doesn't bother me. But I definitely notice
Speaker 1: it sometimes when I'm like, that's not entirely true, and
Speaker 1: it just kind of makes me be a little bit
Speaker 1: more cautious with things that I share with them, that's all.
Speaker 1: And I reckon that that's probably what this is going
Speaker 1: to do to your relationship. The only reason why this
Speaker 1: has come out now after five years is because you're
Speaker 1: going to her wedding and you're going to talk to
Speaker 1: her brother. And that would be weird as fuck if
Speaker 1: you were like, oh my gosh, I've been so looking
Speaker 1: forward to meeting you know, your girlfriend's brother, and there
Speaker 1: he is and he's like, we're not related.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just the only reason why she told you was
Speaker 1: because she was gonna get caught out.
Speaker 3: I'd also just ask her why, like, hey, why'd you
Speaker 3: tell me your brother when it's not like I don't
Speaker 3: think this isn't a relationship that you found out your
Speaker 3: partner's cheating or whatever. It's just like your friend said
Speaker 3: she had a brother, and she doesn't just say like,
Speaker 3: where did that come from? Because she said he's like
Speaker 3: a brother. And I think how many times in the
Speaker 3: past I have said that. I remember there was like sometimes.
Speaker 2: When you're telling that's me.
Speaker 3: Sometimes when you're telling a story about someone that's so
Speaker 3: involved in your life to people, it's easier not to
Speaker 3: get into the specifics or something like we used to
Speaker 3: have a family friend that is not related to us.
Speaker 3: It was my mum's best friend, and we used to
Speaker 3: refer to her within us as like an auntie.
Speaker 1: Oh, she's an auntie.
Speaker 3: So when you're telling the story to people, I used
Speaker 3: to say, oh, my one of my aunties used to
Speaker 3: do that, or one of my auntie has this or whatever.
Speaker 3: But then you I'd never used to specify to that
Speaker 3: person like she's not actually an auntie, she's a because
Speaker 3: when they met this you got to remember they're best
Speaker 3: friends now when they met I imagine that's how the
Speaker 3: story was told. It's like, oh, my brother.
Speaker 1: That slightly different because everybody, I mean, we are raised
Speaker 1: to call our parents. I mean not everyone, but you know,
Speaker 1: I do it with my own kids. A lot of
Speaker 1: people are raised to call their parents best friends Auntie, Matt, Wow.
Speaker 2: Auntie, Laura, uncle Matt.
Speaker 1: You know, like that's a normal thing. We call my
Speaker 1: best friend Kaya Aunti, Kaya, You're Annie, Keisha, You're Annie, Brittany.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Marley and Lola currently don't know the difference between their
Speaker 1: real aunties and all their friend aunties, but I got
Speaker 1: like fifty. But I think that that's a little bit
Speaker 1: different because I don't think many people grow up referring
Speaker 1: to another person as their brother or their sister, unless
Speaker 1: that person is like a step brother or they're like
Speaker 1: kind of an adopted sibling.
Speaker 4: I have two boys in my life that we grew
Speaker 4: up across the road, so our moms kind of took
Speaker 4: turns in driving us to school, and she was very
Speaker 4: much a second mum to me, and I refer to
Speaker 4: those boys as like my brothers, you have very sibling
Speaker 4: like relationships.
Speaker 5: The reason I don't think that this is the same
Speaker 5: is because she made.
Speaker 2: Up the weird backstory.
Speaker 5: Yeah about living with the step mom. Do you know
Speaker 5: what I mean?
Speaker 4: Like, I can see how if I was saying, oh, like,
Speaker 4: you know my brother blah blah blah, and I just
Speaker 4: forgot to tell you that it wasn't actually a biological relationship.
Speaker 4: If that just continued and I never clarified, I can
Speaker 4: get that you'd be like, oh, you know, she just
Speaker 4: might have slipped up and not really giving you the backstory.
Speaker 5: But she actually faked a backstory.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong, I think we're all agree it's
Speaker 1: it's weird. The whole thing is weird. But I definitely
Speaker 1: think that there are people out there who don't have
Speaker 1: any qualms with telling white lies. It's almost like a
Speaker 1: little bit of a fantasy that sometimes they make up
Speaker 1: stories that genuinely haven't happened, or are an inflated version
Speaker 1: of what's happened because it makes them more interesting, or
Speaker 1: it's just how they've managed to get through socializing. I
Speaker 1: don't even know how to describe it. Maybe she wants
Speaker 1: a brother desperately so, or like people who will say
Speaker 1: I've been there, and it's like, but you've never been
Speaker 1: to the Philippines, But then they're telling you a story
Speaker 1: about how they've been to.
Speaker 2: The Philippines before. So it happened, la have you ever?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, just me, I haven't been disted liars people.
Speaker 4: Who lie, but like, I know that liars exist, but
Speaker 4: I just don't know why you'd do it for literally
Speaker 4: no gain.
Speaker 1: I genuinely think a lot of people do it because
Speaker 1: it makes them more interesting. I think that that's the motivation,
Speaker 1: or they think it makes them more interesting, and then
Speaker 1: it's like it's become a bit of a habit to
Speaker 1: them that they just get carried away with a story
Speaker 1: and then one thing leads to another, and then that's
Speaker 1: married to four people, Like do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I'm not condoning it by any means, and I definitely
Speaker 1: think it's weird, but I have seen it in people before.
Speaker 1: I would struggle with them being my best friends, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I could definitely have them in my close
Speaker 1: network and be close friends with them, but this idea
Speaker 1: of them, you know, I think of like a best
Speaker 1: friend as the person you can go to with anything
Speaker 1: about your life. And if I didn't quite trust that
Speaker 1: they were always honest with me, then I would really
Speaker 1: struggle with that. So I think that without realizing it,
Speaker 1: it would affect my even though it's insignificant, even though
Speaker 1: it's just a weird lie, it still would affect the
Speaker 1: way that I view that person in some ways interesting. Anyway,
Speaker 1: my loves that. That is it from us. We are
Speaker 1: back and we are all ready and wearing for this
Speaker 1: new schedule and programming. Would we back on Wednesday? Your
Speaker 1: a reminder, we will be in your podcast library at
Speaker 1: six am on Wednesday.
Speaker 2: For the Big Juicy catch Up.
Speaker 3: We're gonna have a little discussion on how our breaks were.
Speaker 2: We all did very different things.
Speaker 1: We did very different things, and we'll be back on Wednesday.
Speaker 3: You know the trill to mumte donte dog toy friends
Speaker 3: and share the love because we love love.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's so nice to be back.