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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now, I think

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I seem to have to

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Speaker 1: keep relearning time and time again is just the need

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Speaker 1: to be kind to ourselves. And now here's the stars

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Speaker 1: of our show.

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Speaker 2: My mum and dad.

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Speaker 3: Friday is here and so we Justin Coulson here with Kylie,

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Speaker 3: my wife and mum to our six kids, Kylie. Every

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Speaker 3: Friday we get to talk about the things that we've

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Speaker 3: learned from parenting this week and how we can do

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Speaker 3: better tomorrow. It's called I'll do Better Tomorrow. Just before

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Speaker 3: we do that though tomorrow literally tomorrow. In order to

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Speaker 3: help people do better, we have a very special masterclass.

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Speaker 2: It's happening.

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Speaker 3: You can get all the details at happy families dot

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Speaker 3: com dot au or on our Facebook page. There's only

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Speaker 3: about ten, maybe five tickets left now. It's an emotion

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Speaker 3: coaching masterclass. You know, when you have the big emotions,

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Speaker 3: all the kids have the big emotions, and you attempted

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Speaker 3: to say cut it out, stop it, what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Why are you doing it? Like that?

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Speaker 3: Emotion coaching is a bit where we see the emotion

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Speaker 3: in our child we name it. We see it as

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Speaker 3: a chance to connect and we make the relationship better

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Speaker 3: to help them to navigate the big challenges that they

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Speaker 3: face in their lives more effectively. An emotion coaching masterclass tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: It would be amazing if we can have a full house.

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Speaker 3: Spots are strictly limited, like I said, definitely less than

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Speaker 3: ten places left. But if it sounds good, jump onto

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Speaker 3: our Facebook page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families or you

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Speaker 3: can visit happyfamilies dot com dot au.

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Speaker 2: For the details.

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Speaker 3: So, Kylie, when we reflect on the week that was,

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Speaker 3: which is always nice, especially at the end of the

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Speaker 3: week knowing that the weekend's around the corner, is there

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Speaker 3: anything that made you think, gee, I can do that

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Speaker 3: more and be a better mum? Or is this week

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Speaker 3: one of those weeks where you look at what happened

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Speaker 3: and think, oh my goodness, I need to do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm just thinking about after the week I've had,

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Speaker 1: I need a front row seat to your webinar this weekend.

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Speaker 3: You know what, You've got some special privileges being married

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Speaker 3: to me. I think we can organize that. Are you

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Speaker 3: gonna do with the kids for the two hours that

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Speaker 3: the master class is on.

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Speaker 2: There's been a rough one.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's been a rough one. It's been a really

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Speaker 1: really hard weekend obviously, as everybody's been following along, being

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Speaker 1: separated from each other for five days out of seven

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Speaker 1: and us living in a little I guess, halfway house

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Speaker 1: while we prepare our house for sale and wait for

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Speaker 1: our new home to miraculously appear. Emotions are just a

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Speaker 1: little bit a frayed at the moment in the Coolson house,

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Speaker 1: and it all kind of seemed to come to a

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Speaker 1: head on the weekend. You know, we talk about little people,

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Speaker 1: big emotions all the time, and we had a little

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Speaker 1: person in our house who just had such big emotions

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Speaker 1: this weekend, and it felt like it was all my fault.

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Speaker 1: And it was so hard to not cature a emotions

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Speaker 1: because I was feeling everything she was feeling, just in

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Speaker 1: a different way. And when they're little, they don't know

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Speaker 1: how to articulate it the same. I don't think it

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Speaker 1: actually matters. I don't know how to articulate it sometimes

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Speaker 1: and don't do a really good job of it myself.

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Speaker 1: But you know, after saying goodbye to you and having

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Speaker 1: a massive emotional outpour at having to do this for

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Speaker 1: yet another week. I decided that I would take the

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Speaker 1: kids down to the beach and we would just have

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Speaker 1: a walk along the beach and just you know, end

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Speaker 1: the night on a nice, soothing, calming moment in time,

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Speaker 1: which turned into another emotional outburst from miss Emily, who

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Speaker 1: literally at one point was standing facing the ocean and

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Speaker 1: just screaming with everything she had because it was just

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Speaker 1: all too much. There was just so much going on

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Speaker 1: in that little head of hers, and it just left

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Speaker 1: me feeling like an absolute failure because there was nothing

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Speaker 1: that I could do to make it better, and she

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Speaker 1: just did didn't even want me to be near her

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Speaker 1: at that point, and so we kind of played cat

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Speaker 1: and mouse all the way home because she didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be near me, but she obviously didn't want to

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Speaker 1: be too far away from me as we watched to

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Speaker 1: and FRO and I got home and I just had

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Speaker 1: got to kind of breaking point and I sat on

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Speaker 1: the couch and I just let it flow and I

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Speaker 1: cried and I cried, and she finally walked over to

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Speaker 1: me and she just looked at me and held my

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Speaker 1: hand and she said, Mommy, I'm so sorry. That I've

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Speaker 1: been so mad at you this weekend. She said, I

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Speaker 1: just feel really sad right now, and she held my

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Speaker 1: hand and I kind of looked at it, and I said,

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes when you get like that, and I said,

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Speaker 1: and you say really mean things to mommy, it hurts

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Speaker 1: my heart. And she looked at me and she knew

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Speaker 1: because her heart was hurting too, And we were able

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Speaker 1: to just have this moment where we were able to,

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Speaker 1: I guess, recalibrate together and have a good cry. And

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Speaker 1: in spite of all of the wonderful things that our

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Speaker 1: family's experiencing at the moment, the reality is life is

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Speaker 1: a little bit tricky because it's just not what we're

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Speaker 1: used to. We're in this little bit of limbo space

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Speaker 1: at the moment and life is not as we know

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Speaker 1: it and as we want it, and for all of us,

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Speaker 1: it's hard to navigate.

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Speaker 3: So I wasn't aware that everything that happened happened. We

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Speaker 3: are so every Friday we talk about what's gone great

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Speaker 3: and every now and again some of the tough things,

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Speaker 3: but not that we're having a pity party here, but

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Speaker 3: it's worth highlighting it really is hard when you're not

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Speaker 3: with the people, the person or the people that you love.

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Speaker 3: It really is hard when there's this separation, even if

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Speaker 3: it's chosen, even if it's forced, and even if you're

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Speaker 3: in a really, really nice place. It's been a really

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Speaker 3: tough I mean, it's starting to drag on and with

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Speaker 3: the horrendous weather that we've had in Southeast Queensland, it's

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Speaker 3: only made things worse in terms of getting the house

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Speaker 3: ready and trades people not being able to show up.

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Speaker 3: It's like this never ending saga that just well, obviously

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Speaker 3: I was going to say, keeps going. That's kind of

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Speaker 3: what never ending sagas do. What's the take home message,

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Speaker 3: Kylie when you reflect on how this can help you

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Speaker 3: to be better tomorrow? Because that's the purpose of this story, right,

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Speaker 3: that's the purpose of this podcast. How do we be

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Speaker 3: better tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: I think one of the things that I seem to

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Speaker 1: have to keep relearning time and time again is just

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Speaker 1: the need to be kind to ourselves when our little

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Speaker 1: people are having these really big emotions. More times than not,

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Speaker 1: it's not actually our fault. It's just them trying to

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Speaker 1: understand the world around them. But it's so easy as

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Speaker 1: a parent to want to make it right or to

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Speaker 1: take it so personally, and the reality is Emily was

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Speaker 1: having a hard weekend and so was I and it

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Speaker 1: was no one's fault, it just is. And learning to

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Speaker 1: be able to sit down and share together in a

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Speaker 1: really safe, safe space and a safe way of doing

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Speaker 1: things it's not attacking either person was really important for

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Speaker 1: Emily and I to be able to reconnect and to

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Speaker 1: recognize that we could actually support each other instead of

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Speaker 1: being at each other.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm going to add a couple of other things, Kylie.

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Speaker 3: When I hear a story like that, I think of

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Speaker 3: those things that I say all the time, like force

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Speaker 3: creates resistance. You can't make the conversation happen. You can't

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Speaker 3: settle someone down just because you're uncomfortable with what's going

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Speaker 3: on or because you want to change things. And I

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Speaker 3: think high emotion is low intelligence. It's not possible to

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Speaker 3: have a useful and productive conversation until everybody's feeling settled again.

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Speaker 3: It's kind of like that, you know, you get a

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Speaker 3: snow globe and shake it up, and all of the

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Speaker 3: glitter is buzzing around inside that globe. You can't see

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Speaker 3: things clearly until all the glitter settles and that's that's

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Speaker 3: what I feel happened in your story.

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Speaker 2: There's some great reminders there. I'm so glad you shared it.

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Speaker 3: After the break Why being a parenting expert sucks sometimes?

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a Home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The dos and don'ts

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Speaker 4: of Disciplined as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 4: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happy

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Speaker 4: families dot com, dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast The Time Poor

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Speaker 1: parent who just wants answers now? And I'm wondering, justin

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Speaker 1: why does it suck to be a parenting expert? Because

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Speaker 1: I can tell you being a parenting expert's wife sucks too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So this is one of the things I love my job.

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Speaker 3: It's so meaningful, it's so purposeful, it's so fabulous. But

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Speaker 3: you highlighted that last weekend, I'm with the family two days,

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Speaker 3: maybe three days if I'm lucky, each week. And on

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Speaker 3: the weekend last weekend, I was so excited to be

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Speaker 3: with the family and when I arrived, contrary to the

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Speaker 3: week before, the kids were excited to see me. They

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Speaker 3: talked my ear off, we swam in the ocean. We

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Speaker 3: had such a great time. I mean, the reconnection, the

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Speaker 3: reunion this time was amazing and I just thought, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is perfect. But across the weekend, particularly dealing with

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Speaker 3: that one child that you mentioned earlier as you were

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Speaker 3: sharing your feedback about your old do bet it Tomorrow, painful, awful, excruciating.

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Speaker 3: And while for the most part, I think that I

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Speaker 3: navigated and managed the situations that she presented us with

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Speaker 3: pretty darn well, there were a few times where I really, really,

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Speaker 3: really really struggled and publicly. We were down to the

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Speaker 3: beach on Saturday afternoon, a few families came and joined us,

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Speaker 3: and I actually had somebody watching me as I tried

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Speaker 3: my very best to contain my emotions and get it

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Speaker 3: all right.

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Speaker 2: And I'm pretty sure I didn't get it exactly right.

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Speaker 3: I might have sound a little bit too stern, and

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Speaker 3: the look of frustration in my eyes might have been

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Speaker 3: a little.

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Speaker 2: Bit too strong.

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Speaker 3: And I guess what I'm really trying to say is,

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Speaker 3: sometimes when you're the guy that's written the books, and

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Speaker 3: you've got the guy that's been on the TV and

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Speaker 3: the guy that's in all the media talking about parenting.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes people are watching you, and it adds that extra

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Speaker 3: layer of pressure. So what I'm really inclined to say

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Speaker 3: is my take home message is don't become a parenting

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Speaker 3: expert because that's really hard.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know how relevant that's going to be

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Speaker 2: for everyone. What do you think?

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Speaker 1: You know? I do remember distinctly saying something very similar

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Speaker 1: all those years back when you decided that Happy Families.

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Speaker 2: Was your go to, Like, people are going to be watching,

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Speaker 2: and I think I think the challenge.

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Speaker 1: That we're right now is obviously we're meeting all these

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Speaker 1: new people. And while you know, we have always always

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Speaker 1: been I hope you know, down to earth and completely relatable,

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Speaker 1: because we are. We're just like everybody else. When you're

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Speaker 1: meeting new people for the first time and you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of trying to develop relationships and they're aware of

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Speaker 1: who you are and what you do, you just you do,

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Speaker 1: you feel like you're being You're kind of on show,

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Speaker 1: and you're being watched a lot more closely than your

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Speaker 1: close friends watch you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels like there's an expectation like this guy's

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Speaker 3: got to do it. I've never made any claims to

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Speaker 3: be a perfect parent, but it feels like there's that expectation.

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Speaker 2: It's tricky. I'm just saying it's tricky.

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Speaker 1: I think, honey, regardless of whether you're a parenting expert

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Speaker 1: or not, I think that every parent goes through those

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Speaker 1: emotions and those feelings of being harshly judged in moments

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Speaker 1: of you know, weakness or even just children's bad behavior.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it really matters. I think every parent

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Speaker 1: experience is that at some point.

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Speaker 3: Well, I just want to I just want to highlight that.

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Speaker 3: On Saturday night, if you're near the park at the

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Speaker 3: Milula Ba spit somewhere around fish On parkin and you

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Speaker 3: saw a dad chasing after and grabbing by the shoulders

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Speaker 3: a seven year old that was sprinting away at full

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Speaker 3: speed because even at eight point fifteen, after five hours

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Speaker 3: being at the beach and park, it still wasn't enough

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Speaker 3: and she had to get away from that dad. Don't

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Speaker 3: judge him too harshly, because sometimes you just got to

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Speaker 3: tackle your kids to the ground. Actually, shouldn't I shouldn't

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Speaker 3: say that because I didn't tackle her to the ground.

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Speaker 3: I didn't even tackle her, but I did have to

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Speaker 3: chase her and then carry her, kicking and screaming I

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Speaker 3: hate you at the top of her lungs out of

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Speaker 3: the park. I mean, it was kind of a it

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Speaker 3: was a pretty intense moment, Kylie.

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Speaker 1: Emotion regulation is something that we're all still working on.

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Speaker 3: So the takeout message really is sometimes as a parent,

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Speaker 3: you actually do have to do what you've got to do,

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Speaker 3: even if there's a crow, and even if they have expectations,

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Speaker 3: and even if you can't do it the perfect way.

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Speaker 3: But perhaps perhaps next time we work a little more

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Speaker 3: on the transitions. Perhaps next time we make sure that

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Speaker 3: she has a belly full of food, because that was

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Speaker 3: a bit of a tricky thing for us on Saturday night.

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Speaker 3: And perhaps you look after her when it's started to

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Speaker 3: leave the park rather than me.

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Speaker 1: You passing the buck.

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Speaker 3: Now, Hey, thanks so much for sharing in this conversation

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Speaker 3: with us. Normally our older better tomorrow, so perhaps a

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Speaker 3: little bit more uplifting. But this is real, this is

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Speaker 3: what we're going through, and we wanted to share it

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Speaker 3: with you because every family has to navigate it one

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Speaker 3: way or another. The Happy Family's podcast, as always, comes

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Speaker 3: together because of the great work of our producer Justin

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Speaker 3: roll On and our executive producer, Craig Bruce. If you

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Speaker 3: like more info about making your family happier and helping

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Speaker 3: it to function better, particularly around big emotions, Tomorrow we've

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Speaker 3: got the Emotion Coaching Masterclass.

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Speaker 2: Like I said at the start of the podcast, places.

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Speaker 3: Are strictly limited and we're down to our fire a handful,

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Speaker 3: so please jump online happy families dot com, dot you

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Speaker 3: or our Facebook page for more info. And as always,

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Speaker 3: if you're looking for more general parenting advice, you can

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Speaker 3: find it all at happyfamilies dot com, dot you,