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Speaker 1: What if the key to unlocking your full potential lies

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Speaker 1: not in doing more, but in saying no more often.

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Speaker 1: Several years ago, world renowned coach and best selling author

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Speaker 1: Kemy neck Foropel received a game changing piece of advice

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Speaker 1: from her coach that revolutionized her decision making. So how

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Speaker 1: does Kemy decide what to say yes to and what

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Speaker 1: to say no to? And how has she become infinitely

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Speaker 1: better at setting boundaries? Welcome to How I Work, a

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Speaker 1: show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day.

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Speaker 1: I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. On today's quick Win episode,

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Speaker 1: we go back to an interview from the past and

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Speaker 1: I pick out a quick win that you can apply today.

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Speaker 1: In today's show, I speak with Kemmy Neckvopel. From the outside,

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Speaker 1: Kemy comes across as so calm and present, so I

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Speaker 1: wanted to know how she achieves this with everything she

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Speaker 1: is juggling in her life.

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Speaker 2: I don't have a busy mind. I can't do the

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Speaker 2: work that I do and have a busy mind. Everything

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Speaker 2: else I'm happy to let go. I will make sure

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Speaker 2: that I don't have podcasts back to back to back

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Speaker 2: to back to back. I get quite a few podcast requests.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a yes to every single one of them.

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Speaker 2: I'm a no to most of them, so that I

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Speaker 2: don't have this sense of I'm running ahead of myself.

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Speaker 2: Occasionally I'll get seduced, as my old coach us to

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Speaker 2: say to me, don't get seduced, And I will get

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Speaker 2: seduced by certain issues around people of color or women

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Speaker 2: of color in the leadership space.

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Speaker 1: Your coach said around, don't get seduced. Yes, can you

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Speaker 1: tell me about that?

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Speaker 2: Yes. So a woman approached me to be a part

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Speaker 2: of a book that she was doing, and just the

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Speaker 2: way that she communicated with me, I was like, Nah,

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Speaker 2: I don't think this is going to go well. I

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Speaker 2: just energetically felt there was something about the way that

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Speaker 2: she shared it, and there was a little bit of

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Speaker 2: kind of people let me down all the time, but

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Speaker 2: I can kind of try. Now. For me, that's a

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Speaker 2: red flag. So I said no. She then sent me

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Speaker 2: an email and in the email she said, I know

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Speaker 2: that you said no, and I asked you in person,

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Speaker 2: but you will be the only person of color in

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Speaker 2: this book, and I think it's really important within this

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Speaker 2: particular industry, It'll be really important within this particular industry

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Speaker 2: to have someone of color in this book. And there

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Speaker 2: was one other family that were working within the food

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Speaker 2: space that were of color, and I was very attracted

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Speaker 2: to their work because they were the only family of

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Speaker 2: color within this particular sort of whole food food space.

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Speaker 2: So I felt it for myself. I thought, well, I

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Speaker 2: saw them, and I was attracted to you. I thought, oh,

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Speaker 2: it's not just me. So then I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: and I completely overrided my initial energetic reaction to how

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Speaker 2: she communicated with me and my no, and I said yes.

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Speaker 2: It was a nightmare for four years because actually the

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Speaker 2: book never materialized. But maybe six months later I get

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Speaker 2: a request from her that was more than what had

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Speaker 2: originally been the case, and then I responded, already feeling

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Speaker 2: I shouldn't have said yesterday, but I said yes, and

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Speaker 2: now I'm going to show up and you know, commit

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Speaker 2: to what I've committed to. The next email was maybe

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Speaker 2: eight months later from her telling me about all the

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Speaker 2: lawyers that had come on board and she was suing

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Speaker 2: another person that was going to contribute, like it just

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Speaker 2: it just And I had started working with my coach

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Speaker 2: around about this time, so it was great. The reflection post.

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Speaker 2: So you knew that you were a no what happened

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Speaker 2: along the way that had you override your intuition? So

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Speaker 2: that wisdom center of your intuition? What had you override?

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Speaker 2: Felt like I should like, I know what it's like

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Speaker 2: to be in an industry or to see books or

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Speaker 2: to see movies or see films and not see a

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Speaker 2: representation of you. And I felt I am in a

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Speaker 2: position of privilege and it is kind of my duty

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Speaker 2: to show up for people that look like me. So

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Speaker 2: then she said, okay, so we now know that you

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Speaker 2: will get seduced if it's around minorities. And I was like, yes,

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Speaker 2: so and it was great. You know, that was one

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Speaker 2: of the biggest things for me because even now as

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Speaker 2: an executive coach, as a speaker in Australia, that is

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Speaker 2: still the case. And I now have an arm of

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Speaker 2: my business where I can give in that way where

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Speaker 2: I am contributing, but it's not from a place of

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Speaker 2: being seduced.

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Speaker 1: Wow, what a powerful lesson to learn.

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Speaker 2: Very much so very much. So.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what have been one or two other of the

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Speaker 1: most powerful things you've learned from your coach over the

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Speaker 1: last couple of years?

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Speaker 2: I'm so glad that you asked me this question because

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Speaker 2: I want to share this with everyone in the world.

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Speaker 2: And she's no longer my coach, but I will share.

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Speaker 2: Her name is Belinda mcinness. She's an International Coach Federation

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Speaker 2: credentialed like myself, but she's a master master coach. She

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Speaker 2: said to me, don't go to the butcher for bread.

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Speaker 2: And it was in regard to a relationship where I

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Speaker 2: was wanting or hoping for something that had never materialized

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Speaker 2: in that relationship. I was a working relationship, intimate relationship.

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Speaker 2: It was something like, let us go back to punctuality.

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Speaker 2: It was something like, this person is always late. They're

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Speaker 2: always late. I don't know why they're not always late.

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Speaker 2: And she was like, have they ever been on time? No?

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Speaker 2: She goes, okay, so you're expecting them to be on

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Speaker 2: time and yet from the moment you've met them, they've

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Speaker 2: never been on time. So just this idea of we'll

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Speaker 2: have expectations of people. And I was working with a

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Speaker 2: client just last year in her mid fifties CEO role,

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Speaker 2: and she was wanting this recognition from her mom, who

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Speaker 2: comes from the generation of being at home, didn't understand

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Speaker 2: the working mom. This did not understand that at all.

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Speaker 2: And my client wanted her mom to say to her,

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Speaker 2: I am proud of you for juggling everything you're juggling

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Speaker 2: and the model that you're being for your children. And

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Speaker 2: I said to my client, don't go to the butcher

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Speaker 2: for bread. And she said, what do you mean. I said,

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Speaker 2: has your mum ever ever giving you a sense that

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Speaker 2: she appreciates or of knowledges or understands what it is

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Speaker 2: that you are managing in your life right now? And

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Speaker 2: she said no. And I said, but the thing is

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Speaker 2: is that there are people in your life that give

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Speaker 2: you that all that you can ask. But to keep

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Speaker 2: going back to the same person asking them for something

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Speaker 2: that they have never given you does not serve It

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Speaker 2: doesn't serve us. It actually will generally have our sense

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Speaker 2: of self lowered as opposed to enhanced. And I think

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Speaker 2: we all have circumstances in our lives where we're expecting

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Speaker 2: things from other people that they have never promised us,

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Speaker 2: that they have never shown us, and yet somehow we

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Speaker 2: keep going back hoping.

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Speaker 1: Ah, I love that don't go to the butcher for bread.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because they're bakers everywhere. But if you keep going

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Speaker 2: back to the butcher. You don't even know where the

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Speaker 2: baker is now. The baker's got lots of bread.

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Speaker 1: I guess if you want steak, then go to the butcher.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed today's Quick Win episode. If you

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Speaker 1: would like to hear the full chat with Kemmy, you

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Speaker 1: can find a link to that in the show notes.

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Speaker 1: If you're looking for more tips to improve the way

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Speaker 1: you work, can Live. I write a short weekly newsletter

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Speaker 1: that contains tactics I've just covered that have helped me personally.

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Speaker 1: You can sign up for that at Amantha dot com.

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Speaker 1: That's Amantha dot com. If you like today's show, make

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Speaker 1: sure you hit follow on your podcast app to be

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Speaker 1: alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded

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Speaker 1: on the traditional land of the Warrangery People, part of

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Speaker 1: the Kulan Nation. A big thank you to my editor

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Speaker 1: Rowena Murray and Martinimber for doing the sound mix.