WEBVTT - MINI: Amanda Keller 0:00:01.120 --> 0:00:02.040 Got anything good. 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:06.840 Hey, this is the Christian O'Connell show podcast. 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.399 Hey this is Christian. This is a podcast special. It's 0:00:13.440 --> 0:00:16.800 our long form unedited chat with the one and only 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:20.120 Amanda Kenna. I adore Amanda. I think she's brilliant. I've 0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:22.759 been a fan for years. Earlier in my radio career, 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:25.239 I had a crazy Australian boss and he used to 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:27.040 give me tapes of an old breakfast show used to 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:30.440 do with a brilliant man called Andrew Denton. So when 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:32.520 I moved here seven years ago, it's a great joy 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:35.280 to get to no Amanda. And if you've ever heard 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:38.199 my podcast that I did two seasons off the Stuff 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:42.559 of Legends, Amanda's episode is the one that gets the 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.120 most reaction. So it's a deep joy to share this 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.400 with you. This is the unentered version of my chat 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:49.960 with Amanda Keller, and we're talking about being parents. She's 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:52.120 involved in this brilliant new TV show called The Role 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:55.080 of a Lifetime, which you can enjoy every Tuesday night 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:57.960 on ABC and you can watch it whenever you want 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.400 on iView as well. It's called the Role of a Lifetime. 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:04.400 And as you listen to this, you've got any questions 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:07.160 about being parents or anything, send me an email. I 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:08.959 love talking about this stuff. It's a deep joy of 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:11.479 mine being a dad, and it's a lot to try 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:12.920 and work out how to do it the best you 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.360 can for your kids. So if you've got any questions, 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.880 email me Christian at christiano'connell dot com. Do AU. But 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.120 right now, let's go to the great, the one and 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:24.000 only Amanda Keller on the show right now. One of 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.880 my favorite people to talk to. I love her. I 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:29.720 think she's brilliant. The last time we spoke, she made 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:33.440 me cry. It was about Perrington. I think there'll be 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:36.959 tears again. But welcome back to the show, Amanda Keller. 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:41.399 Christian O'Connell. I've got my waterproof Misscara, and I'm ready 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:41.720 to go. 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:44.840 Great because the last time we spoke on the subject 0:01:45.000 --> 0:01:48.760 of kids, I was getting ready to drop off my 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:52.040 eldest daughter at university. So get a load of this 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:55.000 this Sunday, a couple of days time youngest daughter two 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:57.960 years on will be dropped off at university. Then my 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:00.560 wife and I will have no kids up home. So 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.760 for a conversation about role of a lifetime can You 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:07.800 show on ABC, which started this week. Yeah, I'm my 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.040 wife and I at that big moment where it's of 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:14.640 course it's exciting. But you know when we drive away Sunday, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.239 round about just after lunchtime, I know that we'll be 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:22.519 pulling up around the corner going bo, what's gone so quick? 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:26.280 Walking back into the house, that will be hard. Let 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.040 me ask you this, how long unto you're getting a 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:28.560 new dog? 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:30.560 Six months? I think towards the. 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:33.080 End of the day, I reckon make it six hours? 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:35.919 What I reckon get a dog because it doesn't matter 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:39.359 what you're feeling. This is something that everyone can love. 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:42.680 There's noise in the house, there's I am. 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:45.400 Fair in the silence, no genuinely no fear in the silence. 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:48.080 I remember, even for a year after the Ruby, our 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.519 first daughter to leave home, I kept getting out four 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:52.880 plates because there's always been four plates, and my youngest 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:56.959 daughter going, there's this three now dad, and so now 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:00.000 just to go back twenty years later, just two plates. 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:02.040 You'll be eating with your hands. You won't even bother 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:02.520 with plate. 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:05.800 What I found, though, with my sons who both left 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:10.000 home to study, is the dread of it was harder. 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:11.120 Yeah than the reality. 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:11.920 Yeah, I think you're right. 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:13.000 I'd felt it. 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:16.040 For years leading up, and actually when it happened, I'd 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.000 felt like I'd done so much grieving that the fact 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.080 I survived it was almost quite liberating. 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:23.000 Yeah, I know what you mean. I think I've been 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:24.960 grieving for two years, right, because my wife and I, 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:26.679 even like a year ago, are like, why are you 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.760 getting upset now? It's not for another year, And I 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:32.440 couldn't work like that, and so I actually think it's 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.080 like letting out the pressure from a balloon, and so 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.440 I think I've let some of mine out already. I 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:40.440 think my wife's going to have the big explosion on Sunday. 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:43.960 Because of my hours and doing breakfast radio for twenty 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.040 seven years, I've never been there in the morning. So 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:48.200 my wife runs the house and has to do that 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.080 really tough part of the day, which is getting kids 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:54.360 ready for school. So suddenly removing that really from Sunday 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:56.480 is going to be I think she's going to really 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:57.600 feel it in the morning. 0:03:58.240 --> 0:03:58.600 Yeah. 0:03:58.640 --> 0:03:59.360 That's hard, isn't it. 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:01.440 My son was the other day and he wanted to 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.240 stay the night, which he doesn't normally, but he's going 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:04.800 to a party down the road and he said, can 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:06.240 I stay here? For the night, and I said, this 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:09.320 is your home. You don't have to ask permission to 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:11.520 stay here. Having said that, he then went and stole 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:13.680 about ten cans of tuna and made his way through 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:17.000 the fridge and did all that, lift clothes everywhere. But 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:18.960 even I was thrilled to see it. 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:23.120 Now, tell me this when so my kids, I'll always 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:24.960 call them kids. But they're eighteen and twenty year old 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.080 daughters now, and obviously you're Jack and Liam there what 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:30.119 are they midt? Early twenties now older your boys? 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:32.760 Well, this year Liam will be twenty four and Jack 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:33.520 will be twenty two. 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.760 Yeah, so we are, we're a different part of it. 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:39.240 It never stops. If anything, he gets a bit more complicated. 0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:41.640 I think as they get older. But when you look 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.039 about we look back at your time as a parent, 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.120 especially in the teenagers, because I think there's two phases 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:49.600 to it. There's the up in two teens when it's 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.480 more just exhausting and I think a lot of admin 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:54.880 and are you dropping off? Then I've got to go 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.560 over then. And then when they become teenagers, it gets 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:01.320 into a ward of emotions and it's a completely different 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:05.080 kind of parent that you need to be. Yeah, what 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.039 do you think when you look back at your style 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:08.520 of parents and what have you learned, What were your 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:10.520 big sort of learnings, and what were your big mistakes 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:10.960 as well? 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:12.320 Interesting, isn't it? 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:15.080 Because this show is all about parenting and a lot 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:17.640 of parents are comparing themselves to other people on the 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:20.400 internet and seeing you know parents who are going who 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:24.560 are far more intentional. I don't remember being intentional. I 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:27.960 feel that these children of mine were almost like our 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.679 border collie. They kind of trained themselves. And that can't 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.000 be true because they've been shaped into very nice human 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.760 beings who are responsible and sensible and funny and all of. 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:37.360 That and loving. 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.800 But I don't remember setting out to be a certain 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:45.400 kind of parent. But the hard thing about parenting tweens 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:47.520 and teens now is that you have to parent in 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.520 two dimensions, in the real world and also in the 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.760 digital world. And my kids were kind of just at 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:56.640 the beginning of that, but children by and larger now 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.800 fully in the drop zone. And if you went out 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.800 for the day in our day, your parents knew what 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:05.160 kind of people you were hanging around with. Generically, they 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.799 kind of knew where you were and what you were doing. Now, 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:10.240 all of that is hidden on a screen and you 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.480 have no idea of the kind of influences that are 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:14.040 coming to hear. 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:16.200 And it's really hard to deal with that, right because 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:18.240 I had really hard Both my daughters over the years 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:20.760 were you know, bullied online and on their phones, and 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:23.480 we didn't really have any idea. It's only now they're 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:25.720 sort of ready telling us about it. And actually they 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:27.640 both sort of said, well, this is just the way 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:29.839 it is. You know, at least when we were kids, 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:31.520 if you had a bad day at school, when you 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:34.200 went home, that was just save space. You closed the 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.680 front door and at least you have that night. You 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:39.279 didn't know if your friends were doing something without you 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:41.960 or if you being excluded, and you had a night 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:44.279 just to regroup, and then you go back to school 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:46.880 on a brand new day. But now actually it's twenty 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.800 four to seven and hard to deal with that. 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:52.360 How can kids be robust enough to know that all 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:54.880 their friends are together and you're not. It would drive 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.000 me even now, I don't want to know any of that. 0:06:57.279 --> 0:06:59.720 It would have driven me crazy as a teen. And 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.720 we didn't get our smartphones, our age group until we're 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:04.680 in our thirties or our forties. When they are invented, 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:07.839 but for kids who are now getting them younger and younger. 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:09.560 And that's one of the big things the show looks 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:12.559 at is what age is age appropriate for a child 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:15.440 to get a smartphone? And how can you help them 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.800 navigate what they see? I thought, Maggie Dan, who's a 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:21.119 parenting gurup, she's goad advised, she's so good, and she said, 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:23.840 make sure if your child comes to you because they've 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.360 seen something dreadful, something that's really upset them on their phone, 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:29.560 don't threaten to take their phone away. 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.760 Sit down with them, love them, discuss it. 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:35.200 Because if you're going to say I'm taking your phone away, 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:39.480 they will not come to you. So through all of this, 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:41.760 she also said the basic tenets of what a child 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:46.120 needs love, support, a loving home, open arms. She said 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.680 that is still exactly the same as it's always been. 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:52.040 The world is different, but those basics are still there. 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.080 So as parents we need to educate ourselves. As I said, 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:57.920 I was fully non intentional, whereas now I don't think 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:01.800 you can afford to be, but don't despair. The basics 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:02.760 are still the basics. 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:05.560 Yeah, that's so true. I found that to be true. 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:07.880 The more that you always try to make sure that 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:12.320 you were leading with connection before going to sort of 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:15.600 correction or direction, because I still my wife, and I 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:18.160 still get this wrong. Like a twenty year old will 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.600 call and you get into that admin. Have you done this? 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:22.520 I thought you needed to do that, And you can 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:26.440 tell they're just going to stop calling you because it's 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:28.280 an end of stream. If you haven't done this, Why 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:29.720 didn't you do that? I thought we told you to 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:33.040 do that, And you just disempower them. And it's really 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.800 hard sometimes a parent to actually realize you don't have, 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:39.439 especially when it come teenagers. Your influence and control is 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:42.560 dwindling really really quickly, and so the biggest thing you 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:43.840 can have is connection with them. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.120 I remember too that my mother and we didn't have 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.000 mobile phones. But you know, if I was going to 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.480 cop a lecture or just a nag, why would I 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.640 talk to them? Why would I phone them for that? 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:55.880 And I saw I was doing that with my younger son, 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:58.800 who was stuffing up his university admin and when he 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:01.640 first moved out, so well, those things are so hard, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.400 and I kept thinking that surely by now I'll take 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:06.360 my foot off the accelerator with him, and I just 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.960 kept going and going, and every conversation was have you 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:09.360 done this? 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:10.280 Have you done that? 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:13.320 And once I stopped that, he now calls me every 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.840 day and even if I want to say have you 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:17.800 done such and such, I bite down on it and 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:19.920 I might text him later and say just a quick reminder, 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.000 but I don't make it part of our conversation. 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:24.920 And that's so much better way of doing it. Otherwise 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.040 it's just disempowering. The thing, my god, what I'm going 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.920 to get is a stream of you haven't you should? 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:32.040 You know? And so they feel less and less like 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:33.959 that they can have just a decent connection with you. 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:35.720 And one thing I would say to parents who've got 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:40.240 teenagers is, you know, I always try to. Even when 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.480 we were getting into areas of conflict, I would always 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:46.319 try to, and I'm emphasizing try to, because many times 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:48.880 I didn't, But I always would try and steer myself 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:52.440 back to speaking to them as I'd want to be 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:56.200 spoken to. And I thought that way, I'm going to 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:59.960 hopefully create some climate of I don't know, in power 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:02.200 them to try and figure out their own answers rather 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.720 than rather than me trying to tell them what I 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.640 think they should do. Was trying to help them figure 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.480 out their own answers and support that. Yeah, but that 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:13.760 was the holy grail. I got it roll more than wrong. 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:15.160 That is the holy grail. 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:19.520 And often parents are fully stressed, parents are burnt out, 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:22.800 parents are tired, parents are on their phone completely naked. 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:25.960 I saw some footage of parents who decided that they 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:27.680 didn't want their kids to see them on the phone 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.320 all the time, but they wanted to be on the phone. 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:31.440 The adults did and had work to do, so they 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:33.480 put it inside it children's books. Every time the kids 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:36.839 looked up, they thought their parents were reading. And that's 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:39.040 the image they'll have of their childhood, how well read 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:39.880 their parents were. 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:44.040 It's all fakery, And so what do you think are 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:46.640 the lessons that really stayed with you? So pe people 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:49.520 will listen to this right now, and it is a 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:51.920 privilege to be a parent, right it is. It'll always 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:53.920 be the biggest thing in my life, will be as 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:57.160 my journey as a dad. But I think, what do 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:00.000 you think is the biggest thing that it means to you? 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.640 I feel my life began when my children were born, 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.800 and I find it really hard that when I left home, 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:09.800 I didn't look over my shoulder that I left time 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:11.560 to study and that was it. That's when I feel 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:14.440 my life began when I left home. And the fact 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:16.360 that my kids are now at that stage, I think, 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.600 how can all the richness of the time we've had 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:23.559 together not be the important thing for them? So I 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:27.040 try to remember for me how it felt to find 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:31.520 my freedoms and to not be that needy parent. I 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.679 don't want to be needy, and I find that really 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:39.560 hard not to be needy, because really I just delight 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:42.760 in my children. I went overseas with them as adults 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:45.480 over Christmas, and just to hang out with them as 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:46.319 adults was. 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:47.800 Just such as you were the best. 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.000 The conversations out that we took our twenty year old 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:55.200 and her boyfriend with us overseas over Christmas, and this 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.280 is like a whole new area now for us, right, 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.760 and it was brilliant. It was just a different conversation. 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:03.160 You meet up a happy hour, you have a couple 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:06.800 of drinks, you play cards, you talk about life, and 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.480 they laugh for all these kind of like rigid opinions 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:11.720 you have about it all, and they roast you and 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.040 you laugh at yourself. And I was like having one 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.280 those moments you get the sometimes when you're in the experience, 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:18.240 but you're also above it and you think it this 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.440 doesn't get any better right now, there's nothing I need 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:21.400 or want in the world. 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.040 I had a wonderful moment. We're in Tokyo and we 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:27.000 went to karaoke bar and actually I told Robbie Williams 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:28.839 about this. We're in a tiny karaoke bar with the 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.600 only Wessners there. It was this tiny place and we 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:35.360 sang angels and we were all holding each other, my 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:37.679 two sons and I and my eldest son Lindover and 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:40.040 said I love you, mum. And I thought, you know, 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:43.080 those bubbles of bliss, that's all you're entitled to. Really, Yeah, 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.640 that's what happiness is. Are those moments that pass you 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:47.920 by and you need to acknowledge them when you see them. 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:50.960 And I thought, this is that moment, because it can't 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:52.520 be wall to all that, and it won't be the 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.720 natures of my sons, mean, it won't be that. But 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.880 that's not what happiness is. That's not the human condition. 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.960 These bubbles that float by, and I was luck. I felt, 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:03.120 I'm so lucky to be consciously enjoying the bubble as 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:05.079 it passes through me. It was just wonderful. 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.840 Oh, that's beauty, beautiful, and you know what, you know, 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:10.240 I know we're saying like it's tricky. It is and 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:12.680 all of that's true. Right, It is overwhelming being a parent. 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:14.440 At times, it's just enough to get through the day, 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.680 and then you're trying to sort of figure out areas 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.240 that we don't fully understand. And often my wife and 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.560 I would meet in private by the washing machine and go, 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.760 what do we actually think about? What do we actually 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:27.240 think about that. I don't have a ready made opinion. 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:29.040 I haven't got time to listen to all the podcasts, 0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:31.599 read all the flipping books, watch all the ted talks. 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:32.760 And it's intimidating. 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.200 All that's feel like you've been told off being a 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:37.480 crappy parent. I think the most important thing is actually 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:39.319 to remember the number one thing is the job is 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:42.800 about enjoying them, and then when you approach it from that, 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:45.080 even when there are moments of conflict where you've got 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.720 to sit down with them and have awkward conversations, like, 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:51.440 the job is to enjoy this. It's a ride. My 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:52.960 daughter told me that she goes, she goes. Oh, by 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:54.840 the way, I just read on TikTok the other day 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:58.240 that ninety five percent of my time with you is over, 0:13:58.679 --> 0:13:59.360 and I was like. 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:02.800 It's the doomsday class. 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.760 She was like, oh, look you're starting to cry. Went yeah, yeah, 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:10.800 ninety five percent done. What. I couldn't go to sleep 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:12.760 that night. My wife went, and there's something on your 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:14.920 mind And I told her. She went, I can't go 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.720 to sleep right now. Five percent the time is done? 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:20.240 Oh my, And it is. 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:23.960 It is, and you have to let it go. Graciously. 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:28.360 We oa of that, im I know, I know, But 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:31.560 we are the generation that wants to stay connected. Our 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.120 parents let us go, whether they wanted it or not. 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.440 Because they I moved the other. 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:38.000 Side of the work. If I moved the other side 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:39.600 of the world, I left home twice. They must have 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.200 really hate that second trip to Australia. It wasn't enough 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:45.400 just to move three hours away. You now want to 0:14:45.400 --> 0:14:48.640 move a hemisphere as well away. But yeah, I think 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:51.360 it's it's important to mind with all the information about 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:53.360 what it's a mind field at times. Actually the job 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:56.960 is to enjoy, enjoy raising these these people. You know, 0:14:57.080 --> 0:15:00.440 you're launching rockets really that leave you and they were 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:02.920 never really yours. You know, and it goes. At the time, 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.520 it feels galatial the progress. You're like, oh my god, 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.360 I can't believe it's going so slowly today, And then 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.800 suddenly you look back and it's gone really quickly, you know. 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:12.800 And your kids are the ages there are. I've got 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.960 daughters now are eighteen and twenty. But I still love 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.360 deeply the journey of being a parent and trying to 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:21.000 figure out how best to support them. 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:22.560 Yeah. Absolutely. 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:24.240 I was just talking to some girlfriends the other day 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.440 who was saying, who are now sort of moving into 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:30.280 grandparent region, and it makes us all feel that we 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:33.280 weren't intentional enough or present enough when they were little, 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:35.680 but we're just busy raising them and keeping them alive. 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:40.840 Grandparents can treasure every single moment as a parent. That's 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.680 a luxury, but it doesn't mean you weren't a great parent. 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:47.480 None of us were awake enough to treasure every moment, 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.840 but those moments that you had, you know, all you do. 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:52.360 You need to do, as you say, is a rocket. 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:54.600 Set up a rocket that's leaving from a loving base. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.800 Love your children, praise their achievements, and you're three quarters 0:15:57.760 --> 0:15:58.320 of the way there. 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:02.040 Yeah. Even when I was having awkward conversations with the kids, which, 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:03.920 to be honest, if you ask my wife, she'd go, 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:07.760 has been pretty rare because I always love the word yes. 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:10.960 Is that I would always make sure that the new 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:13.480 they felt safe and loved, even if I was saying no, 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:15.360 or I was given them the news they didn't want 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:17.720 to hear. I didn't want them thinking I was withholding 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.880 love in any way. I'd always go no, and I 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:23.360 love you, And so I always wanted them to know 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:25.160 underneath all of that there was just a place of 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:29.120 unconditional love. Even though in the rare circumstances I ever 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.480 was going no, I don't want you doing that, and 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:34.640 normally let my wife have those more awkward conversations. I 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.960 always wanted them to know that they was always held 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.960 in love, no matter what they've done and what choices 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:40.640 they'd made. 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:42.920 Yeah, and we had a toy shop up the road 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:44.240 and I'd go in there once a week to buy 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:46.800 lego and she'd say, had a busy, weaker manner. I'd say, yep, 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:49.680 give me that one on the top shelf. 0:16:49.680 --> 0:16:52.920 We can't love them enough, bribe them enough, And. 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:55.000 Do you think you and I would have done anything 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.880 differently if we watched a TV show like this, Role 0:16:57.920 --> 0:16:59.280 of a Lifetime. I think this is a show with 0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.840 the show is a great idea. There's a lack of 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.960 information and making it in easy, bite sized chunks. It's 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:06.800 just what mumms and dads need right now. 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:07.800 I think so. 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:11.480 But I think that the age our kids are, particularly mine, 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:14.879 they didn't grow up with an iPhone in their hand, 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:19.639 so my ignorance isn't as pronounced as it is for 0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:23.000 parents today. They really need to be across this stuff, 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:25.679 and particularly you know, I've got two boys, the stuff 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:28.880 of toxic masculinity or the imagery or the Andrew Tait 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:32.320 stuff or the Jim Junkie kind of stuff. Young boys 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:38.840 are open to some really strange and dangerous influences, which 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.840 also affects young ladies because of the way men are 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:44.479 reading this stuff. So be aware of what your boys 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:46.439