Speaker 1: He comes to the dog to ruin the record.
Speaker 2: Why what the dog is that?
Speaker 1: That is a cat?
Speaker 2: Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Mattie J.
Speaker 1: And I'm Ash and this is a.
Speaker 2: Podcast that would you believe it? It's all about parenting Ash.
Speaker 2: It's the good, the bad, and the relatable because there
Speaker 2: is lots of it.
Speaker 1: There is a lot to relate to.
Speaker 2: I feel no advice, no advice, no one thing we
Speaker 2: have nothing of. It's advice. Yes, the relatability container very full.
Speaker 2: It's overflowing advice.
Speaker 1: Every now and then I think we accidentally give some advice,
Speaker 1: like this morning. I was checking the DMS once.
Speaker 2: This week, but I don't believe it.
Speaker 1: And someone said, I'm about to travel to France with
Speaker 1: my kids and they just did a quick trip to
Speaker 1: the Gold Coast is like a test a trip and
Speaker 1: now were apparently the kids were fucking mental. She's like,
Speaker 1: should I postpone? And my advice was don't postpone because
Speaker 1: then they win.
Speaker 2: Don't give up.
Speaker 1: Don't give up because you can't let them beat you.
Speaker 1: That's my advice.
Speaker 2: Do you think do you think? When she as she
Speaker 2: when she asked that question, do you honestly think that
Speaker 2: she would have postponed the trip if you were like, look,
Speaker 2: whatever her name was, I think you should not go
Speaker 2: cancel at all.
Speaker 1: Let's test it. I'll I'll just go scrap that postpone
Speaker 1: until they're in their teenage years and they can carry
Speaker 1: your bags.
Speaker 2: Yeah. She goes to a husband. She's like, actually, I've
Speaker 2: got some sound advice from someone.
Speaker 1: Yep, someone with no credibility and whatsoever.
Speaker 2: Our European trip is no more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so or they haven't been back to Parafrance. You've
Speaker 1: read the whole thing I did, But she was probably
Speaker 1: hoping that you read it, not me, because she probably
Speaker 1: got some actual solid advice. I've said, just give them
Speaker 1: a heap of male atone and strap yourself in.
Speaker 2: From ash, we've gone back to the Og where it
Speaker 2: all began.
Speaker 1: They sold ten million liters of this beer in one year.
Speaker 2: That is absolutely bloody crazy. We are, of course talking
Speaker 2: about better beer, of course, very good friend of the podcast, Yes,
Speaker 2: and the Og the better beer. I don't know how
Speaker 2: many people know this, but it is zero carb, zero
Speaker 2: sugar and also locales.
Speaker 1: How many cows have you guess?
Speaker 2: Have you guess? Twe game between between seventy and ninety
Speaker 2: What do you reckon?
Speaker 1: Eighty seven? Bang on?
Speaker 2: You are? You are good? I'm good not just a
Speaker 2: pretty face. So I guess in terms of beer, it's
Speaker 2: one of the healthiest and also one of the most delicious.
Speaker 1: You know what, next week, let's jump on the MIDI compare,
Speaker 1: compare the pair as they say.
Speaker 2: Well, I've got no Harbor ales left, and Laura's taken
Speaker 2: all my zero OUs has she?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: She drank them?
Speaker 1: Are what?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well I had a few left after dridg July
Speaker 2: and then and I looked at the fridge and I
Speaker 2: was like, they've all gone.
Speaker 1: So we've got midies for next week.
Speaker 2: Next week?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, But for now, let's enjoy the original little crack.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, day for it. Mm cheers. Have you ever
Speaker 1: had a content violation? You're a very crisp, squeaky clean man.
Speaker 2: I have only on Facebook.
Speaker 1: What about a comment violation?
Speaker 2: Oh? The only thing I've done. I told you this
Speaker 2: story before when Laura was live streaming on TikTok and
Speaker 2: it was before the live show for Life on Cut
Speaker 2: And as we were back.
Speaker 1: Cheeky plug of Life Uncut then.
Speaker 2: We Love Love, I was backstage and I said, there
Speaker 2: maybe one hundred people on the live stream, and I said,
Speaker 2: if we get another hundred people, I'll take my pants
Speaker 2: off as a joke. I wasn't actually going to take
Speaker 2: my pants off.
Speaker 1: TikTok doesn't joke around.
Speaker 2: They were on I'd say, fifteen seconds later, stream shut down.
Speaker 1: Wow, really you were in the dog house after that.
Speaker 2: It was not good because then we couldn't livestream for
Speaker 2: the live show.
Speaker 1: You sat it to her.
Speaker 2: I guess I didn't think they'd be able to pick
Speaker 2: up on words that quick, real quick. The only thing
Speaker 2: I think I've done in the comment section would have
Speaker 2: you done Ashton.
Speaker 1: Same thing TikTok in the comment section. So I'll paint
Speaker 1: you the picture. I think it's a bit harsh because
Speaker 1: I was trying to make the content funnier because it
Speaker 1: wasn't that funny. It was a girl who bought a
Speaker 1: dress from Sheen or Sheen, that monstrosity of.
Speaker 2: A company sh Ei n I guess, so I don't.
Speaker 1: Know anyway, So she bought a dress from there that
Speaker 1: was obviously not what it looked like in the picture.
Speaker 1: It was like really silver and it was kind of
Speaker 1: like alfoyl. So she looked like she was dressed in alfhu.
Speaker 1: So I went to the comment section and I said,
Speaker 1: you look like a jacket potato.
Speaker 2: Not bad, right, well, because if you're being referred to
Speaker 2: as a like a jacket potato wrapped in our foil,
Speaker 2: absolutely ticks the box. I can see the resemblance.
Speaker 1: But if you reported it ever to.
Speaker 2: Say to someone you look like a potato, like a potatoes,
Speaker 2: you know, it's quite a round vegetable.
Speaker 1: Look, it's not that bad. I said, you look like
Speaker 1: I didn't say you are a jacket potato. So do
Speaker 1: you look like a jack of potato? Anyway?
Speaker 2: Why didn't you say like corn on the cob, wrapped
Speaker 2: it out like na? Why do you see like a carrot?
Speaker 1: You look like I thought it was being clever. I
Speaker 1: thought this is a clever comment. Ha ha ha ha. I
Speaker 1: laughed at myself about it.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Get well, sometimes on TikTok you get a viral comment.
Speaker 2: Yet you know, the more like you get you move
Speaker 2: to the top.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was hoping for that. I was having
Speaker 1: for stardom. Anyways, I get there, I get the violation overnight.
Speaker 1: I was like, I get a violation for it. I
Speaker 1: checked it but she's reported it obviously because she's like,
Speaker 1: this is fat shame.
Speaker 2: And does it say to be fair for this comment?
Speaker 2: Is you know what it's for or is it? Is
Speaker 2: it a mystery?
Speaker 1: It was just a mystery. Must have been like what
Speaker 1: else would be. I didn't shame food like she must
Speaker 1: have thought I've fat shaped or I've poked fauna. Not
Speaker 1: the intention because it's not one of those words is offensive.
Speaker 1: She split them up, jacket potato different. They're physical things anyway.
Speaker 1: So I went back to the video, Oh god, oh god,
Speaker 1: and I recommented.
Speaker 2: Were you angry at this point? Nay, okay, No.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to right the wrong. So
Speaker 1: I wrote, it looks like what a jacket potato would wear.
Speaker 2: Much better reported.
Speaker 1: Anyway. That was this week, and I was like, so
Speaker 1: I'm just going back and forth.
Speaker 2: Did you go again for a third bite?
Speaker 1: Not yet?
Speaker 2: Will you?
Speaker 1: I will, and I'll try to be more specific about
Speaker 1: the jacket potato, and I'll be like, if you were
Speaker 1: a jacket potato, this is what you would look like.
Speaker 1: Or if a jacket potato was wearing this, that's what
Speaker 1: it would look like. It's not I'll keep you updated.
Speaker 2: Just stop. TikTok hates me. My videos get a thousand
Speaker 2: views now, But one thing that I have had a
Speaker 2: few times is a comment go kind of viral and
Speaker 2: it feels good. So it's the only win that I'm
Speaker 2: getting on TikTok. It's like when.
Speaker 1: Someone what's viral to you?
Speaker 2: Though? I mean, I think it was someone doing a
Speaker 2: big jump on a BMX bike and I wrote, oh,
Speaker 2: that's got to hurt or like he'll feel that in
Speaker 2: the morning, and got like a thousand likes.
Speaker 1: That's great, and that's gotta such a general dad comment too,
Speaker 1: and it was.
Speaker 2: Just straight to the top.
Speaker 1: I got, well, I had one right, and it was
Speaker 1: a video of a guy CCTV footage of a guy
Speaker 1: stealing meat at a grocery shop, but he was all
Speaker 1: in Camo and I said, what do you mean there's
Speaker 1: no one in this video? Hey, I think the last
Speaker 1: time I checked is like ten or fifteen thousand lie,
Speaker 1: which is better than any video I've ever done.
Speaker 2: I'll be honest. It's slightly better than the Jack of
Speaker 2: Potato comment.
Speaker 1: I thought I was trying to make her content better.
Speaker 2: Still full of confidence after the Camo.
Speaker 1: Comment, I know, I was like this is going to
Speaker 1: be funny. You look like a jacket potato. Such a
Speaker 1: weird reference.
Speaker 2: I just get the comment section on TikTok, I get it.
Speaker 2: The kids were like, the.
Speaker 1: Kids will love this, but she obviously didn't like it.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I'll keep you updated because I know you
Speaker 1: want to know what's the next on your list?
Speaker 2: What do you get?
Speaker 1: Next? On my list? Is I was dad shamed, parent shame.
Speaker 2: That comes as no surprise, but let.
Speaker 1: Me explain myself. We went for a walk on Saturday
Speaker 1: to the park, the cafe, which you know is in
Speaker 1: between that and the park, stop for a coffee, a
Speaker 1: couple of baby chinos for the kids. And usually with
Speaker 1: baby chinos, what do you get on top of that?
Speaker 1: A marshmallow thing like that? So I know them quite well.
Speaker 1: So I went in, well, quite deep in the line.
Speaker 1: I got the kids marshmallows before to keep them happy
Speaker 1: because there was just they were like, where is it?
Speaker 2: Where is it? So I've have no patience.
Speaker 1: I don't understand.
Speaker 2: So you've gone to the till you're going to reach around.
Speaker 1: Reached around on the barista first.
Speaker 2: Did you go tongues or did you go your grub grubby?
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm a local. No, there's a spoon spin. I
Speaker 1: didn't spend anyway.
Speaker 2: It's fine because you're not touching every single marshmallow. You're
Speaker 2: just touching the ones you're going to grab.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, the kids are happy. You're not little, you know.
Speaker 1: And I've give them to the kids anyway. Then I'm
Speaker 1: talking to the barista as he's making coffees and he
Speaker 1: puts the baby chinos there and he puts a marsh
Speaker 1: mellow on top of each of them, and I went,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to give the kids more
Speaker 1: than one because they'll be fucking mental for the rest
Speaker 1: of the day. So I've snaked the two marshmallows and
Speaker 1: put him in my mouth. And someone, a lady didn't
Speaker 1: see me actually give them the marshmallows in the first instance,
Speaker 1: saw me take my kids marshmallows, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe you took your kid's marshmallows. I don't
Speaker 1: know if she's joking at this point, and I'm like.
Speaker 2: Is this on par with like the Jack of Potato comment.
Speaker 2: She's like, this is hilarious, and you're like, I'm reporting this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could have reported her. I would She said
Speaker 1: you're the worst parent.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't know.
Speaker 2: If she was joking sleeping. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I didn't know if she was joking, but she said
Speaker 1: it so many times and I couldn't explain myself, and
Speaker 1: then she just took off. So there I am standing
Speaker 1: being absolutely parent, shame for not giving my kids too
Speaker 1: much sugar's trying to do the right thing. I also
Speaker 1: wanted to eat the marshmallow, but she flat out said
Speaker 1: you're a bad dad.
Speaker 2: Maybe she's seen you do others.
Speaker 1: She's not wrong, but I can't believe she's figured it out.
Speaker 2: Maybe she listens to the podcast.
Speaker 1: It was a misunderstanding. It was a misunderstanding.
Speaker 2: I can appreciate how frustrating that would be.
Speaker 1: She wouldn't even let me get a word in to
Speaker 1: explain myself. She was badgering me. But I don't know
Speaker 1: if she was joking. She must she must have been joking.
Speaker 1: Oh like maybe your age forty?
Speaker 2: No, I feel like, was that whole story just to
Speaker 2: set up to Yeah, like if she was joking. If
Speaker 2: she was joking, she would have been like, hah, tap
Speaker 2: on the shoulder, you're doing a great job. She would
Speaker 2: have turned It would have taken a U turn at
Speaker 2: some point.
Speaker 1: I don't know if she thought she knew me. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it happened so quickly that I just felt nothing but shame.
Speaker 2: Hm, well this is this is a real mystery. Ash.
Speaker 1: Look, if you're listening, I didn't appreciate it. You ruined
Speaker 1: my weekend.
Speaker 2: I don't believe that.
Speaker 1: I don't really care. I was kind of like, but
Speaker 1: the irony, I am a bad the irony.
Speaker 2: And that the one thing you get shamed for is
Speaker 2: when you're actually trying to be a good guy in
Speaker 2: your life, all the things that you could get in
Speaker 2: trouble for, and you're trying to limit your kids sugar intake,
Speaker 2: and that's what brings a member of the public over
Speaker 2: to point at you and go, you're fucking terrible.
Speaker 1: I know. And it was like I was really trying
Speaker 1: to be like on your a game. That's what I
Speaker 1: get for trying to be a good parent. I'm just
Speaker 1: not going to try anymore.
Speaker 2: Don't try.
Speaker 1: I try. I'm not going to pick my kids up
Speaker 1: from kind can walk on. I've got one more please. Uh.
Speaker 1: I just like, so much has happened, I feel like
Speaker 1: might just happen in one week since I've seen you,
Speaker 1: since you ditched me for Laura for the Logis.
Speaker 2: Anyone wondering right now? We sometimes record these episodes a
Speaker 2: little bit in advance, so we are recording this one.
Speaker 2: I know it'll come out a little while after the logies,
Speaker 2: but this is the first time Ash and I have
Speaker 2: spoken post logis and he's a little bit hurt tender.
Speaker 1: Yes, very much. So it's been You couldn't watch I
Speaker 1: couldn't watch it play out, Okay.
Speaker 2: The awkward thing is. The awkward thing is Ash and
Speaker 2: I had the option to maybe go to the logis.
Speaker 2: A different brand that was working at the Logis are
Speaker 2: a sponsor. They didn't go with us. In the end,
Speaker 2: they ditched us, and at the same time Channel seven
Speaker 2: asked Laura and then I also got asked to attend. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: Ash wasn't requested to join us.
Speaker 1: Wonder why freeze the crowd?
Speaker 2: Apparently, and even though it's my wife, Ash was not happy.
Speaker 1: No excuse, no excuse. There's a video on our socials
Speaker 1: if you want to go. That's how hurd I was.
Speaker 1: I made a video about it.
Speaker 2: You can't even look at me in the record.
Speaker 1: I'm just upset.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm not angry. I'm disappointed.
Speaker 2: I've never seen you so sensitive. I didn't realize you
Speaker 2: had these type of emotions. I thought you were just
Speaker 2: this hard shelled, cold hearted son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: I am what happened?
Speaker 2: Who are you ash? I love you?
Speaker 1: I was dad shamed on when I say that. Okay,
Speaker 1: I believe you.
Speaker 2: You're special to me.
Speaker 1: So anyway, something else has happened that I wanted to
Speaker 1: talk to you about and actually maybe asked the least.
Speaker 2: I want to love you.
Speaker 1: I need time. Your third thing, my third thing that
Speaker 1: I wanted to just bring up. I have a fourth,
Speaker 1: but I won't. We had pajama week this week. This
Speaker 1: will be really quick before my third think this is
Speaker 1: like a two point five pajama week. Great love the concept. Disagree,
Speaker 1: look out of bed, off to KINDI not my problem.
Speaker 1: You need to buy your kids more pajamas because I
Speaker 1: know what you're going to say. And the pajamas are
Speaker 1: all dirty, so.
Speaker 2: You would you'd obviously take them in the same pajamas
Speaker 2: that they were. Yeah it's fine, Yeah, that's fine. And
Speaker 2: then would you would you get them changed or you
Speaker 2: would you go straight back into bed in the same pajamas.
Speaker 1: No bath, new pajamas, wash the other ones or whatever
Speaker 1: I've gotten. They've got enough pajamas. Do you know what?
Speaker 1: They wouldn't have pajama week as adults because I stick naked.
Speaker 1: What about sleeping naked? Also is such a generational thing.
Speaker 1: My dad's generation, big naked sleeper. I reckon that whole generation.
Speaker 1: We're just like fuck it.
Speaker 2: They get home from work, hands down, hair out in
Speaker 2: the nude.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Anyway, so pajama Week big fan. But my third
Speaker 1: thing that I want to talk about.
Speaker 2: Can I just really quickly if we can just go
Speaker 2: back to pajama week for just a second.
Speaker 1: I didn't think you wanted to talk about it anymore,
Speaker 1: is it?
Speaker 2: I mean you're just steamrolling through this is Can I
Speaker 2: talk on this podcast?
Speaker 1: This is my time?
Speaker 2: Okay, fuck pajama Week, We'll continue.
Speaker 1: Okay. This could also be a question for the listeners too,
Speaker 1: because I want to know. So, I was at a party.
Speaker 1: Was at a kid's birthday party? As you do, it
Speaker 1: seems as though our lives are just consumed with kids'
Speaker 1: birthdays pies, and we're looking around the presence there some
Speaker 1: ship presence everyone in life gets. I was junk, you
Speaker 1: get dealt a ship present here and there and will mate,
Speaker 1: we're standing around the presence, look and see what we
Speaker 1: could steal. Well like that. I was also telling Oscar
Speaker 1: it was his birthday too, so I was like.
Speaker 2: You guys are used to running with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going to run with until he realizes told
Speaker 1: you this. Seeing that the meme with the guys forty.
Speaker 2: I posted it on two dotting Dads and I don't
Speaker 2: know if people got it. I don't know if people
Speaker 2: understood that because Ash is a bad parent and he
Speaker 2: doesn't give doesn't give his kids birthday parties.
Speaker 1: May get one because it's my favorite.
Speaker 2: So yeah, look at the look at the presence, looking at.
Speaker 1: The presence, and we were talking about ship presence that
Speaker 1: we've got. So the questions to the listener is, can
Speaker 1: you please DMUs what ship presence your kids have been given?
Speaker 1: Not what you've given them, but another member, a family
Speaker 1: member has given them.
Speaker 2: And whilst we don't want it to be awkward where
Speaker 2: we oused these presents publicly, but I would really like
Speaker 2: a photo of what the president is. I mean trying
Speaker 2: to take it in a way which if we were
Speaker 2: to publish it on two doting dads. It's not going
Speaker 2: to be like Ernie Carroll going, how's this ship present?
Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, that's.
Speaker 1: The monopoly game that Billy's won. You can't play. It's
Speaker 1: the present that your kid has been given. And you're like,
Speaker 1: why the fuck did someone buy that or give them that?
Speaker 1: Or it's like there's always that one weird family member
Speaker 1: who tries to give your kids something that they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, this is sentimental, and the kid's like, fuck off.
Speaker 2: I wanted to Barbie.
Speaker 1: So we were looking around and then the guy I
Speaker 1: was was telling me a story about his dad's not
Speaker 1: very good with kids. He said, this Christmas just gone.
Speaker 1: My dad, trying to be a good grandfather, has brought
Speaker 1: his daughter a nice jacket right for Christmas.
Speaker 2: Lovely.
Speaker 1: It's summer starters, so you make wrong season.
Speaker 2: Could have got it on sale maybe, but continued.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, so they got this jacket and he was like,
Speaker 1: in theory, great, it's like great dad, good job, like
Speaker 1: you know, gave him a little pepper. Got home. They
Speaker 1: thought they'd try the jacket on. Granddad has bought her
Speaker 1: a dog jacket, and he said, we really realized when
Speaker 1: we put the hood over and then there was that
Speaker 1: strap across the middle.
Speaker 2: How do you incorrectly buy a jacket for a dog
Speaker 2: intending it to be for a child.
Speaker 1: He was telling me this story, and I was in
Speaker 1: fucking stitches. I was just like, that is fucking great,
Speaker 1: Like that is perfect, top level grandparent trying to be
Speaker 1: involved and just completely screwing the poop.
Speaker 2: He's like cooking her dinner and it's just a big
Speaker 2: old like lambone on.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is they didn't have the heart zellium.
Speaker 1: So he still thinks that he bought his granddaughter a jacket,
Speaker 1: and he keeps asking did she love it?
Speaker 2: She wear it? And they're like yeah all the time.
Speaker 2: What a shame, what an idiot? Why are men so stupid?
Speaker 1: We're just dumb, man.
Speaker 2: I do feel though, that you talk about generational divide,
Speaker 2: and I feel like the majority of granddads, like our parents,
Speaker 2: are dads. No fucking idea whatsoever how to interact to
Speaker 2: look after a young child.
Speaker 1: No idea because in their day they would have gone
Speaker 1: to work, get home, done the bath, thing, help whatever
Speaker 1: I reckon.
Speaker 2: They would just come home and the kid's already in bed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was just and it was like in the
Speaker 1: car out the front, scrolling on my phone.
Speaker 2: For the people this right now, you are a very
Speaker 2: hands on parent, I am, yeah, that's not true. We're joking.
Speaker 1: I'm so hands on that I eat their mushmallows. Yeah,
Speaker 1: look at it is a very big generational thing. Like
Speaker 1: my dad is getting better, but you can tell, like
Speaker 1: he's the sort of grand dad that like he just
Speaker 1: makes the funny faces now or he puts his foot
Speaker 1: in it all the time. Like Oscar had a massive meltdown.
Speaker 1: Four year olds don't understand things. So he was like,
Speaker 1: we got you a new car toy cut My kid
Speaker 1: loves cars, and the kid was like, where is it.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, it's at our house.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I'm like, why would you do that?
Speaker 1: Anyway, he's had a meltdown, and I'm like he thought
Speaker 1: he was trying to do the right things.
Speaker 2: I have at times. I need to always remind myself
Speaker 2: and I do it. I've done it more than once.
Speaker 2: Kids have no perception of time, and you should never
Speaker 2: tease something really exciting unless it's within five minutes of
Speaker 2: being in front of the child. Yeah, Like if there's
Speaker 2: I remember the first time saying to Marley, we've got
Speaker 2: a holiday coming up. She's like, fuck yeah, when and
Speaker 2: I'm like, in two weeks.
Speaker 1: Just got one of those neck pillows on our reading.
Speaker 1: When are we going?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: It's right now, right here, right now. We've managed to
Speaker 1: with Oscar be the album.
Speaker 2: To break out into that song.
Speaker 1: What song is that?
Speaker 2: Right here? Right now? We're the world wicked?
Speaker 1: I thought it was a fat boy right here, right now.
Speaker 2: Is going down? Well? Yes? Is that your list done?
Speaker 2: You've got more?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I don't. I don't have more. I
Speaker 1: had more to add to that, and I've forgotten. Should
Speaker 1: we go into our favorite segment, Matthew and why.
Speaker 2: Don't I just go fuck myself? Then show me?
Speaker 1: Okay, why what have you got?
Speaker 2: I've just been, well, have been. I've been here entertaining.
Speaker 1: I've been told that people just want me to talk
Speaker 1: and you listen said that Linda.
Speaker 2: Actually I've got a misser.
Speaker 1: I get a beer, go on, get.
Speaker 2: One pick quick. Well, speaking of Linda, do you remember
Speaker 2: I think it was two weeks ago we had a
Speaker 2: great lie from Linda. She was a parent that wrote.
Speaker 1: In did I make fun of her name?
Speaker 2: We did, yeah, because she says here, thanks for the
Speaker 2: call out, and I'm very young.
Speaker 1: Thank you Ash to find young Linda. There's a toddler.
Speaker 2: Her lie was that her kids would ask for a
Speaker 2: hot water bottle because it's winter, had great hitting in
Speaker 2: the house, so she would say, I'll be one second.
Speaker 2: She would just give them a water bottle filled with.
Speaker 1: Water, a hot water bottle when they were asleep.
Speaker 2: And she said it's great because you know, I'm being
Speaker 2: water wires. And we were like, we shut on her
Speaker 2: a bit and we're like, what do you mean you're
Speaker 2: being water wires.
Speaker 1: Because first of all, no, I'm not sorry.
Speaker 2: She said she wanted to clarify, okay, and she goes,
Speaker 2: perhaps I wrote this in a way that was hard
Speaker 2: to understand.
Speaker 1: You called me stupid because you'd been right.
Speaker 2: She just wanted to clarify that she never empties the
Speaker 2: hot water bottle.
Speaker 1: Oh see, because you even thought doesn't evaporate.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, what are you talking about, Linda?
Speaker 1: Jesus, so we don't have this vandetta against.
Speaker 2: We are we are Linda, we love you, we are sorry,
Speaker 2: and we.
Speaker 1: Are very matt sorry me not so much.
Speaker 2: So she never empties the water bottles.
Speaker 1: Right, actually that is water wise, Linda, good job, Good
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: I have another message here, oh no, from Christy.
Speaker 1: I love how you just call on us out for
Speaker 1: shit we don't know.
Speaker 2: Actually this one is. We talked about the fact that
Speaker 2: I like to check my heart rate very frequently, and
Speaker 2: I've become.
Speaker 1: What's it at right now? Am I getting your going?
Speaker 1: It's getting that? Does engine reven?
Speaker 2: I can't track it. I reckon it to be low,
Speaker 2: to be like sixty right now.
Speaker 1: Because you have such an athlete.
Speaker 2: Do you ask questions to just shit on the You
Speaker 2: should know this, But I think my heart rate it
Speaker 2: got up to I think it was like eighty five
Speaker 2: eighty seven one I.
Speaker 1: Got written down when I'm trying to beat it. How'd
Speaker 1: you go easy? Wait a moment? As you get higher
Speaker 1: or lower? How does that work?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I guess, well, it depends how fit you are.
Speaker 1: It'd be lower the fitter you are, right, correct, Well,
Speaker 1: mine's through the roof. Mine's fucking double that.
Speaker 2: You're like four two pump sessions. You last any longer
Speaker 2: than twenty minutes, you're having a heart attack.
Speaker 1: Actually, there's heart indition in my family to that.
Speaker 2: So I asked the listeners if there was anyone out
Speaker 2: there who had a partner who did the same thing,
Speaker 2: and if they could beat the heart rate of ages, just.
Speaker 1: Turning all of our listeners and followers into these sex pests,
Speaker 1: track their sexual activity, also diarize it. Let's get a
Speaker 1: little thing going here. I like it. Send a photo.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I got a lovely message from Christy. Yes, okay,
Speaker 2: she goes. I don't know if you need to know
Speaker 2: this information. I absolutely do.
Speaker 1: Need to know basis.
Speaker 2: But my partner can get his heart rate up to
Speaker 2: have a guess, Have a guess, one guess again, one
Speaker 2: twenty one way higher, one.
Speaker 1: Fifty higher, shut up higher. He needs to see a
Speaker 1: GP try last two hundred.
Speaker 2: One hundred and seventy to one hundred and eighty bpm.
Speaker 1: Fuck, the guy must be like a rabbit.
Speaker 2: Christ how is she still?
Speaker 1: She'd have some bruises with those gibs?
Speaker 2: Doesn't She didn't mention if she's happy about it or sad?
Speaker 2: I mean, Jesus, she must. They must have a lot
Speaker 2: of lube.
Speaker 1: They must have a vibrant sex life.
Speaker 2: I mean to put that into perspective. The highest I've
Speaker 2: ever gotten, and this is, you know, running like sprinting,
Speaker 2: I've got to one eighty. That's me.
Speaker 4: You stack can't be right, This can't be right. Well, okay, Christy,
Speaker 4: we want video evidence. Ash wants a video of I
Speaker 4: don't know if.
Speaker 1: It's a flex or. It's like he needs to see GP.
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, I would.
Speaker 1: Again, I'm not a doctor, but I'm concerned.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Then she says, ps, I just listened to your
Speaker 2: episode talking about that. Just don't really think that I'm
Speaker 2: being weird.
Speaker 1: Here content you're weird.
Speaker 2: And then one last one last comment as well as
Speaker 2: it is a bit of a weird episode, whatever will
Speaker 2: they all be like this? Probably not.
Speaker 1: Look if this is the first time you're listening, this
Speaker 1: is a bit of a weird.
Speaker 2: One, weird one.
Speaker 1: If you don't like it, fuck off.
Speaker 2: I just want to call us up on something.
Speaker 1: You call us out or up, call us up, both,
Speaker 1: call us up.
Speaker 2: Calls up like a heart right, we told a lie
Speaker 2: previously a few episodes ago that we laughed about that
Speaker 2: actually is one that could be quite detrimental. Well, I'm
Speaker 2: sure majority of them can be detrimental. This one more
Speaker 2: so than others. We've had a few people message us
Speaker 2: and say, guys, I don't think you should be encouraging
Speaker 2: this particular lie. And normally when we get that type
Speaker 2: of feedback and we've been called out, I delete and
Speaker 2: ignore them. But this one, I thought, you know what,
Speaker 2: I will reference it because they do have a very
Speaker 2: good point. It's the lie about using police. It's like
Speaker 2: to fearmonger your children into behaving, saying like if you
Speaker 2: don't go into bed, the police will come by and
Speaker 2: they'll take you away, and the kids petrified that they
Speaker 2: then behaving.
Speaker 1: What's the problem with that.
Speaker 2: It's a bad, bad lie because it puts the fear
Speaker 2: into children about police oppices. Excuse me as I have
Speaker 2: a stroke. So you don't want kids to be scared
Speaker 2: of the police so something goes wrong.
Speaker 1: Don't want to be able to trust the police exactly.
Speaker 2: We want to treat the police.
Speaker 1: What should we be saying. Should we be saying like
Speaker 1: putting them more in fear of gang members? No, I
Speaker 1: think I mean like like that the cartel will come
Speaker 1: and get you. What about I'm really going to scare
Speaker 1: the ship out of my kid with the cartel?
Speaker 2: Now, well, I guess you could just use like firemen though,
Speaker 2: as like they're scary. He's them.
Speaker 1: No, they're like, how often do you look up to
Speaker 1: the fireman?
Speaker 2: Yeah, fireman and the higher kid's got.
Speaker 1: The fireman calendar, the shirtless one.
Speaker 2: Firemen. They come out pretty good, done it. They're on
Speaker 2: top of the food chain in terms of services totally.
Speaker 1: The sees will come and get here. The State Emergency Service,
Speaker 1: they're all volunteers anyway, cares about out to the SS. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what you're saying is we shouldn't make them afraid
Speaker 1: of the police. Well, how am I going to get
Speaker 1: my kids to do anything? I'm out of options.
Speaker 2: You'll have to go back to beating them unfortunately.
Speaker 1: Okay, that was my favorite.
Speaker 2: That is the best option.
Speaker 1: That is the best option. Let's go into a family
Speaker 1: Let's go to your family segment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, cute music, Tell me Lie, tell me so as
Speaker 3: a regularly so as a regular list to shut the
Speaker 3: f as our regular listeners would know.
Speaker 2: Every single week, we go through dms on two Doting
Speaker 2: Dads on Instagram. We trawled through the list of all
Speaker 2: the lies submitted from parents and even non parents, people
Speaker 2: who have been told fed lies from their parents that
Speaker 2: going back into the time when.
Speaker 1: They were a chi circle of life. As I like
Speaker 1: to call.
Speaker 2: It is a gorgeous, beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: Lying is the best.
Speaker 2: We only have time for two.
Speaker 1: Every single week. It's a big surprise, and Ash, would
Speaker 1: you like to go first? I would like to go first,
Speaker 1: because I did see a d M. But it reminded me.
Speaker 1: I just didn't like the way it was written. So
Speaker 1: I'm just going to do the lie how I do it,
Speaker 1: which is how I get Oscar out of the bath.
Speaker 1: And this is really common and it's been happening for
Speaker 1: generations because I remember being told this by my parents.
Speaker 1: If it's like, get out of the bath.
Speaker 2: Well, the hard thing is can I just jump in
Speaker 2: for one second? The hard thing is kids are evil
Speaker 2: in that getting them into the bath hard nightmare. Getting
Speaker 2: them undressed, it's just the worst. But then getting them
Speaker 2: out of the bath is equally as hard. It's just
Speaker 2: what do you What do you want from us?
Speaker 1: I just don't know what They don't know what they want.
Speaker 1: But anyway, that's why we dos where we have.
Speaker 2: These lives to make life easier for us, not for them.
Speaker 2: So yeah, you're lying, so help them get out of
Speaker 2: the bath.
Speaker 1: What is it is? Oh, PAULA plug? And essentially you'll
Speaker 1: go down the drain. Yes, that's a great solid lie,
Speaker 1: I think, and everyone would know that and everyone was
Speaker 1: using it. But the other day I was Oscar was
Speaker 1: still in the bath, Macy was getting dressed to codabed
Speaker 1: and I think I went out to get his towel
Speaker 1: from his bedroom and I heard him be like freak out.
Speaker 1: He was like flipping out and I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: like put the hell's ran back in there, and like
Speaker 1: what's wrong? And he knocked the plug out himself and
Speaker 1: he was like scar like it was in the movies
Speaker 1: and a whirlpool was happening, and he was just.
Speaker 2: Like hanging on for deal life. Yeah. Yeah, the hard
Speaker 2: thing about the bath is that there's nothing to grip
Speaker 2: on that.
Speaker 1: He was like.
Speaker 2: It was like going down and slippery and you're like,
Speaker 2: you're getting the tower going. What is he?
Speaker 1: When I walked in and saw him there completely fine,
Speaker 1: like thinking he's going down the drain, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I worked right now he gets out of the bath
Speaker 1: real quick. Now.
Speaker 2: Kids hate that noise, don't they?
Speaker 1: I hate that noise. I love it.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: He things like when he's watching the bar the water
Speaker 1: go down and there's like a toy left in there,
Speaker 1: he's like, no man like in the Titanic. She's on
Speaker 1: the door and he's just like Leo's just like so dramatic.
Speaker 1: What do you got for me, Matthew?
Speaker 2: Okay, Ash, this one. I think it's quite clever. Someone's
Speaker 2: written in and said they absolutely hated silver Side, didn't
Speaker 2: like corned beef. For those who aren't familiar, Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a very cost effective cut of meat.
Speaker 1: I miss it. Actually, I completely forgot about silver Side.
Speaker 2: I saw it at the shops of the day and
Speaker 2: I was like, mam.
Speaker 1: Maries, what do you put your tomato sauce over it?
Speaker 2: No, that's Devin Devin or meat loaf, meat loaf, it's
Speaker 2: mito sauce. But this girl she must have not like
Speaker 2: red meat. But her dad.
Speaker 1: That's like the reddest meat. Even if you cook it,
Speaker 1: it's still rare.
Speaker 2: Her dad, you know, he's he must be like Selfash.
Speaker 2: He loved it, so he's serving it up. I'm guessing
Speaker 2: quite frequently. And he said to her, no, it's not beef.
Speaker 2: It's actually a deep ocean fish, those swimming cows. And
Speaker 2: he ran for it with his lie for years how
Speaker 2: many years? Talking about she just said years exclamation and
Speaker 2: in capital's y E A R S.
Speaker 1: Wow. Years that's clever. It kind of gives a little
Speaker 1: tune of vibe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, yeah, I get that, but like just
Speaker 4: goes how much did he love it so much?
Speaker 5: Then he like lie to his kid two years he
Speaker 5: was like, just get him some ham or just give
Speaker 5: her a fish, many other cuts of meat.
Speaker 2: Barry Mundy's fucking expensive, I mean suicide. It's cheap, dude,
Speaker 2: get a kilo on that for like four bucks.
Speaker 1: I might get some. Can you guys write in and
Speaker 1: tell me what it's good with?
Speaker 2: Thanks veggies, but a mash Yeah delicious.
Speaker 1: I want them understand, But I'm going to get some devn.
Speaker 1: It's just lips and assholes rolled.
Speaker 2: Up as before we go, Hey, I thought we'd mix
Speaker 2: it up and end on to listener.
Speaker 1: Questions, really mix it up.
Speaker 2: I've got a question here that has come through from
Speaker 2: one of our great listeners. Obviously, it goes without saying
Speaker 2: that if you are listening to this podcast, maybe you
Speaker 2: have a question that, for some unknown reason, you want
Speaker 2: to have answered by two men who don't really know
Speaker 2: what they're doing, no expertise whatsoever. We're here at your
Speaker 2: beck and call this question is how do you navigate
Speaker 2: your siblings fighting? Do you just let them sort of
Speaker 2: it out themselves or do you intervene?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I suppose Like Oscar and Macy's so young, it's
Speaker 1: like you can't You're just going to try and break
Speaker 1: him up. I guess.
Speaker 2: I feel like Macey is such a non confrontational child.
Speaker 2: She's always happy.
Speaker 1: Is the devil go on? She just does like it's classic.
Speaker 1: So Oscar had his legs up on the chair over
Speaker 1: there the other day and she come over and she
Speaker 1: just like wiggled the check and he was like, don't
Speaker 1: like obviously didn't like it, and she knew that and
Speaker 1: was like wiggled a bit more and stop it. And
Speaker 1: she's like like really like giving him a good yankin
Speaker 1: there is some evil and like when they're fighting, there's
Speaker 1: not much I can really do.
Speaker 2: What do you mean you're the parent.
Speaker 1: I'm just like putting it. I'm just like I will
Speaker 1: take twenty bucks on makes it knock out in the.
Speaker 2: Rolling pin coming for Oscar and you're like, what am
Speaker 2: I meant to do?
Speaker 1: Well? Like in the last episode Majure Take its Course,
Speaker 1: she somehow finds the knives so I'm worried for Oscar.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude, So I don't.
Speaker 1: Fight that much, thankful.
Speaker 2: It's hard because I was middle child, what a fire ash,
Speaker 2: And I remember how bloody annoying it was my little brother.
Speaker 2: If I lay a finger on him, if I had
Speaker 2: touched him, if my Yeah, if I came in contact
Speaker 2: for just the split second, he'd be.
Speaker 1: Like, Mom, it's coming for me.
Speaker 2: A mom would flip out and like would always come
Speaker 2: for me. Yeah, he could come at me with a chainsaw,
Speaker 2: I'd be in trouble.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of similar like with Macy. If Oscar
Speaker 1: goes anywhere near her, like in any violent capacity, I'm like,
Speaker 1: he's in big fucking trouble. But like when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, I'm the youngest of two, not quite such
Speaker 1: a big family, and my sister was bigger than me, right,
Speaker 1: so she just just sit on me, and you liked
Speaker 1: it just to stop me, just because she was bigger.
Speaker 1: She'd just be like all of weight, Mom said, Like,
Speaker 1: she would just put all of her weight on me,
Speaker 1: and it would diffuse the situation.
Speaker 2: Just like immobilize.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but now I'm much taller than her and she's
Speaker 1: in big.
Speaker 2: Ship obviously we would intervene. We have to intervene.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not. I'm not put bets on him, and
Speaker 1: that's chanting.
Speaker 2: There's times in the shower because we don't have a bath.
Speaker 1: A bath at home, so oh, that's right.
Speaker 2: The kids have a little like a little basket of
Speaker 2: toys that they play within the shower and whatever.
Speaker 1: Marley has kids no bath at home.
Speaker 2: I know, mate, I know what a shame, but they
Speaker 2: would just lowly just she's so much stronger than she
Speaker 2: She's a nugget and we're always like, come on, Marley
Speaker 2: playing ice and Molly's there like in a headlock, getting
Speaker 2: like chicken wing by Lola because she's got a little
Speaker 2: bluey toy.
Speaker 1: And I think, like Marley lag I said, she's quite intelligent.
Speaker 1: I think eventually she'll start to manipulate he. Sheould get hers,
Speaker 1: she'll get it back on it. But Lola is like
Speaker 1: a bit of a reckon. Yeah yeah. Oscar's a small boy,
Speaker 1: to be honest, doesn't need anything. It's like seeing more
Speaker 1: body fat on the skeleton. Honestly, he's so small, so
Speaker 1: I think like when makes he gets a bit bigger,
Speaker 1: she's going to punch the shit out of him. Shame, shame, shame.
Speaker 2: Question what you got for me?
Speaker 1: My question is we had a listener reach out who
Speaker 1: is a single parent. She's a single parent raising a
Speaker 1: young male, and she said, do we have any tips? So,
Speaker 1: do you have any tips Matthew as a young male yourself, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know what advice I've got one? What have you got?
Speaker 1: I've got one? So tip from me is, get two
Speaker 1: sets of towels, a good set of towels and a
Speaker 1: ship set of towels, so that when he starts dizzing
Speaker 1: the towel, he does it in the ship tower.
Speaker 2: Hang on, you don't.
Speaker 1: Want to suck up the good towel.
Speaker 2: Are you dizzing in towers? Is that where you were gizz.
Speaker 1: You clean it up with it with a towel. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't want him doing it in the good share
Speaker 1: its you're doing the shitty kmart towers. Get him his
Speaker 1: own towels, that's my tip. Or heaps of tissues.
Speaker 2: I've just got some great visuals of you jacking off
Speaker 2: into towels.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll show you.
Speaker 2: I thought you'd be more of a sock kind of guy.
Speaker 1: Nah, I don't want that.
Speaker 2: Tissues.
Speaker 1: Tissues, stank sock around it.
Speaker 2: It's just a lot of fabric for just minimal liquid.
Speaker 2: I don't know how much your animal.
Speaker 1: Actually, he's something I want to talk about. Since having
Speaker 1: a vasectomy, I've noticed I'm a squirter.
Speaker 2: I don't want to.
Speaker 1: There's way more of it. I don't know why. I
Speaker 1: just think it's more liquidy now because there's no actual
Speaker 1: swimmers in there anymore. I'm just like a fire hose.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, towel is necessary. Yeah, so okay. My
Speaker 1: advice is get a separate set of towels as he
Speaker 1: grows up.
Speaker 2: And I also think I must have been about fifteen.
Speaker 2: I think personal hygiene is something that it's very easy
Speaker 2: for a young man to neglect MSH. I remember. I
Speaker 2: remember I was like, have a shower. Yeah, no time
Speaker 2: for that. I used to have because also because I'm
Speaker 2: again one of five MM gave up on some of us.
Speaker 2: And I shouldn't say we fell through the gaps. And
Speaker 2: I remember there was one time I had this like
Speaker 2: light blue bed sheet that was.
Speaker 1: Like covered ins it was almost brown.
Speaker 2: I didn't, oh my god, I didn't change my bed
Speaker 2: sheets because I was like, I thought next week, I
Speaker 2: got next week and then before I know it, it's
Speaker 2: been twelve months.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I don't know that reminds me.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, just wait a second, doesn't remind you.
Speaker 2: Talk about the fact that you're ejaculating everywhere to the
Speaker 2: point where it's like a five. I talk about missing
Speaker 2: a couple of shower changing the sheets, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's disgusting.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to bring you down to my level. So
Speaker 1: your advice to this particular listener is just give up.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no no. You're interpreting this entirely wrong.
Speaker 2: I would say, keep a close eye the personal hygiene
Speaker 2: from the ages of like twelve to sixteen. That's where
Speaker 2: it can really like veer off track.
Speaker 1: If he's uncircumcised. Make sure he's cleaning behind the skin.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1: Your future daughter in law, oh so in law, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 2: It was quite a clean episode until the end.
Speaker 1: Oh we got that. That's all We've got time.
Speaker 2: For talk, Its time for Hey, if you enjoyed this episode,
Speaker 2: or any episode of Two Diting Dads, we would bloody
Speaker 2: love it if you would give us a review. All
Speaker 2: you have to do a few clicks of a button,
Speaker 2: will give us five stars if you want. I'm not
Speaker 2: saying I'm not trying to force you to give us
Speaker 2: five stars. Make it as honest as you as you like.
Speaker 1: Oh Matt woo, she's on your sheet.
Speaker 2: And aso just a few comments. Or if there's any
Speaker 2: other parents out there who you think, hey, maybe they
Speaker 2: need just a little bit of comic relief, send them
Speaker 2: an episode, not just this one, any episode. Maybe what
Speaker 2: was a funny one? Ash? They're all funny? How am
Speaker 2: I kidding?
Speaker 1: I can't think of what whatevers like.
Speaker 2: Nineteen Wow, they're all funny.
Speaker 1: Send them anyone, send them anyone.
Speaker 2: And if you're joining us for the very first time,
Speaker 2: go back to episode one because I don't want to
Speaker 2: sound bias. They're all great. And also give us a follow.
Speaker 1: Yes kind of on Instagram. That's really easy because there's
Speaker 1: a big button that says follow, so we know how
Speaker 1: to do that. But yeah, thank you, it's all We'll
Speaker 1: good time for bigger.
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 1: And extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 1: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal Land.