1 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: This is the all new Positivity podcast. Hi, my name 2 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: is doctor Justin Colson. Welcome to the podcast that's designed 3 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: to make your life, your work, and your family happier. 4 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: I'm so excited today I'm going to be sharing something 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 1: that I'm so passionate about. As you know, this podcast 6 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,440 Speaker 1: used to be all about parenting, and I love talking 7 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: about parenting. But as I mentioned in the last podcast, 8 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: I'm shifting the focus of what I talk about with 9 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: you just a little bit starting today, and I think 10 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,280 Speaker 1: that you are going to love it. I'm going to 11 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: be starting each podcast with something to help you to 12 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: be more positive in life and to boost the positivity 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: around you. I'm going to be keeping the us doctor 14 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: Justin's segment in the podcast because parenting is just a 15 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: critical part of what I do what I talk about, 16 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,639 Speaker 1: so it's not going to hurt you if I keep 17 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 1: on chatting about that with you. But after the positivity 18 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: advice and the parenting advice, the parenting hack that I 19 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: I used to wrap up the podcast with is gone. Instead, 20 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to be sharing my favorite positivity quote of 21 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: the day related to the topic wherever I can find one, 22 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: and the idea is I want you to be inspired. 23 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: I want you to have a focus for the week. 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: I want you to just be really really pumped about 25 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: making things as good as you can. So hopefully the 26 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: new format's going to work really really well for you, 27 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: and it's going to make you and your family and 28 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 1: your whole life more positive. In today's podcast, I can't 29 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 1: wait to get into it. I'm talking optimism, not so 30 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 1: much the glass is half full kind of optimism, although 31 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: that is very important and we will touch on that, 32 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: But instead I'm talking about the optimism where we're looking 33 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: for really good things to come, We're hoping for a 34 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: better future, and I'm going to share some strategies to 35 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: help you to be more optimistic and also to help 36 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: you maybe at work with your employees or other staff members, 37 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: to help you in the classroom if you're a school teacher, 38 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: to help your students be more optimistic, or to help 39 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 1: you at home just to help the kids to be 40 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: more optimistic as well. For my Ask Doctor Justin's segment, 41 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: this is a tough one. I'm answering a question from 42 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: a mum who is thinking about leaving her partner and 43 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: she wants to know whether the kids are going to 44 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: be Okay, I've got some ideas that I think will 45 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: be helpful and I think can help any family relationship regardless. 46 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 1: But up next ideas about optimizing optimism. Are you pulling your. 47 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 2: Hair out because your child won't listen, won't do what 48 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 2: your request? Do you find yourself shouting at the children 49 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 2: because you just don't know what else to do. Do 50 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 2: you have a child who is aggressive or hurting you 51 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 2: or his or her siblings? Or are you dealing with 52 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 2: a child that is back chatting or disrespectful? Are you 53 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 2: finding parenting more challenging than you ever thought possible? Doctor 54 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 2: Justin Coulson provides one on one parenting coaching by a 55 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 2: Skype or phone and can help you with parenting coaching. 56 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 2: You receive personalized individual guidance design specifically for your family's 57 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 2: unique circumstances. Find solutions to the parenting problems that are 58 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:06,239 Speaker 2: driving you crazy, effective discipline strategies where you can stop 59 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 2: being the drill sergeant, a better relationship with your children, 60 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 2: and a happier home where everyone looks forward to being together. 61 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 2: For more details and a coaching package that will suit you, 62 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 2: visit Justincolson dot com Forward slash Coaching you've. 63 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: Probably heard the pony joke. The joke concerns twin boys 64 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: aged about five or six. Worried that the boys have 65 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: developed extreme personalities because one of them is a total 66 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: pessimists and the others are complete optimist. The parents say, well, 67 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: we better take them to the psychologist. The psychologist decides 68 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: to treat the pessimists. First tries to brighten up his 69 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: outlook by taking him into a room that's piled to 70 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 1: the ceiling with dozens of gifts. They're all wrapped up, 71 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: but instead of being delighted and thrilled at all the 72 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: good stuff, the little boy, this pessimist, burst into tears. 73 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: And when the psychologist says, well, what's the matter, trying 74 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: to work out what's going on with this kid, the 75 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: little boy says, I want to play with the toys, 76 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: but when I open they're probably not going to be 77 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: what I want, and even if they are, I'm probably 78 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: only going to break them. And the psychologist thinks, wow, 79 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: this kid is really really pessimistic. Let me try the optimist. So, 80 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: trying to bring the optimist back to something a little 81 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: bit more balanced, the psychologist takes into a room that's 82 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of 83 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: going oh, that's gross and wrinkling up his nose and thinking, oh, 84 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: what's this psychologist doing to me, the optimist just yelps 85 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:40,159 Speaker 1: with delight, dashes into the room, climbs to the top 86 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,159 Speaker 1: of the heap, and starts digging with his hands, scoop 87 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: after scoop of manure. The psychologist says, what do you 88 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: think you're doing? And the little boy responds, well, with 89 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: all of this manure, there must be a pony in 90 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 1: here somewhere. So I love that story. Optimism is when 91 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: we think that something wood is coming, and it's a critical, 92 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: critical resilient skill. It's also researchers have found a very 93 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: very powerful way to stave off depression and stress and anxiety, 94 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 1: both in ourselves and in our children. If you've ever 95 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:19,360 Speaker 1: been feeling really depressed, feeling really low, and somebody says, 96 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 1: what are you looking forward to? It's very hard to 97 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: be looking forward to anything. However, if we can constantly 98 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: keep in our minds the good things that are coming, 99 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 1: we seem to be inoculated against depression. And that's a 100 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: powerful thing. Now, obviously, life can pretty well knock the 101 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:39,479 Speaker 1: optimism out of a lot of us, and if we 102 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: feel that life is not a particularly positive experience, we 103 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,680 Speaker 1: can start to feel really hopeless. Hopelessness that's when you 104 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 1: believe that things are bad and they're going to stay bad. Unfortunately, 105 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: leads to helplessness, and helplessness leads to depression. But what 106 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: if we could gain more hope for a better future. 107 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: What if we could our optimism? Would it matter if 108 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 1: we were more optimistic or if our children were more optimistic? Now, 109 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: there are some times, before we get too caught up 110 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: in the whole optimism thing, there are some times where 111 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 1: it pays to be pessimistic. Something could be in our 112 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: future that is potentially dangerous, and studies have shown that 113 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: in risky situations, being a pessimist actually helps. It's probably 114 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 1: one of the reasons that your stereotypical lawyer or accountant 115 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 1: or engineer is a bit pessimistic or even a bit cynical, 116 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,039 Speaker 1: because they're being paid to find the problems, to be 117 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 1: pessimistic and to expect the worst. And because they do that, 118 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: they manage to deal with risks, to mitigate risks quite effectively. 119 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: And you've probably heard the saying as well, if at 120 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: first you don't succeed, then skydiving's probably not for you. Well. 121 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: In the nineteen eighties, researchers began to notice that some 122 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: people hold very strong, fixed, permanent beliefs about personality. They 123 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: might say, let's take teenagers, for example, they might say 124 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: something like I'm a loser and I'm always going to 125 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,599 Speaker 1: be a loser. Or they might say I suck at maths. 126 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,840 Speaker 1: I'm just stupid when it comes to numbers. I can't 127 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: figure out polynomials and calculus. It's dune plus I'm never 128 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: going to use it anyway. If you've got teenagers, or 129 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: if you've been a teenager, you might have felt like that, 130 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: or perhaps something even more heartbreaking. I'm ugly or I'm unattractive, 131 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: my face is full of pimples. I'm going to be 132 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: stuck like this forever. And teenagers are not the only 133 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 1: ones that get pessimistic and hold these really strong permanent 134 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: beliefs about who they are and what they're capable of doing. 135 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: Adults say things like I'm just no good at relationships. 136 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: I never was and I never will be. Adults say 137 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: once a loser, always a loser. And adults, unfortunately, are 138 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: even critical about their bodies from time to time, they 139 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: might say, look at my body, I'll never be in shape. Now, 140 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: listen to the permanence of these words. Always, never, never was, 141 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: never will be, never be in shape, always a loser, 142 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: I'm just stupid, I'm ugly. All these things are so 143 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: permanent and fixed, and they're actually implying that there's something 144 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: intrinsically wrong with us. And when there's something intrinsically wrong 145 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: with us, it's almost like we're a victim. We can't 146 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: do anything about it, and it becomes all encompassing. It 147 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: paralyzes our kids, it paralyzes us, It reduces our faith 148 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: in the future, and it closes us off to the 149 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: possibility of good things happening. These are pessimistic and negative 150 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: things to be concentrating on a negative self talk. It's 151 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: like we've got a bully inside us that's just bashing 152 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,800 Speaker 1: us again and again and again until we accept it. 153 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: And it's such a harmful way for us to be well. 154 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 1: If we don't want to harm hope, if we don't 155 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: want to shut down optimism, we need to be aware 156 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: of what we can do instead. And I'm going to 157 00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 1: share with you five strategies to optimize optimism and I 158 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: want you to know that research shows that if we 159 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 1: can boost optimism, we actually get better outcomes. If we 160 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 1: can convince ourselves or our kids, or our students or 161 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: our employees that the beliefs, the beliefs that come from 162 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,680 Speaker 1: the inner bully, are not fixed, that they can be changed, 163 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: that people can change, that personalities can change. If we 164 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: can create in the people around us and in ourselves 165 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: a belief that we can grow and change and nothing 166 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 1: is permanent or fixed, research shows that we get better 167 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: and so do the people around us. So here are 168 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: five strategies to optimize optimism. Number one, emphasize the word yet, 169 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 1: y E T three little letters. Here's the thing. When 170 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: we tell ourselves I can't, what we need to do 171 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: is stop and maybe give yourself a little smile and 172 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 1: gently add the word yet to the end of your sentence. 173 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 1: If you say I just can't do it anymore, and yet, 174 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 1: I just can't do it yet. If your teenager says 175 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: I hate calculus, it's stupid, I'll never use it, acknowledge 176 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: their feelings, and then you might say it's a real struggle. 177 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: You can't do it yet. And those three little letters 178 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: imply both an expectation that it will be done and 179 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: a belief that it can be done yet yet Okay, 180 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 1: Number two, focus on what can be controlled. One of 181 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: the biggest things about helplessness and hopelessness is we feel 182 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: like everything's out of our control. We feel like we 183 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: can't do anything. We're paralyzed. One of my daughters, my 184 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: four year old, whenever we ask her to do a 185 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: job that she doesn't want to do, she immediately lays 186 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 1: down on the floor and she says, I'm glued, I'm glued. 187 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: I can't do it. I'm glued. And it's wonderfully cute 188 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 1: and just absolutely gorgeous. But we kind of get ourselves glued, 189 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: don't we. We feel like we're glued, we can't control anything, 190 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:08,320 Speaker 1: we're helpless, and we are stuck. But when we change 191 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: the way we're looking at things, when we instead think 192 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 1: about what we can control, something remarkable happens. We feel 193 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: more optimistic. We might ask ourselves, what can I do 194 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: about it right now? And if we can't do anything 195 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,559 Speaker 1: at all, just acknowledge that it's a predicament, that it 196 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 1: really stinks that there's nothing that can be done, and 197 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 1: focus on something that you can do, something about somewhere else. 198 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,079 Speaker 1: If you can do something, focus on options, focus on 199 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: what's easiest first, and build some momentum. As one example, 200 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,960 Speaker 1: when I was building my business, I went through a 201 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,959 Speaker 1: phase where absolutely nothing was working. I was not getting 202 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: any bookings for speaking, I was not selling any books. 203 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: Nothing was working for me, and I was so worried 204 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: about it, and I became paralyzed. I became stuck. I 205 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 1: became hopeless, and I thought this is never going to work. 206 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: I think I might have to start looking for a 207 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,559 Speaker 1: job again. And I didn't want to do that. I 208 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: really wanted to do what I felt like I was 209 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: put on this earth to do, which was to share 210 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: ways that people can make their families happier. What I 211 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 1: began to do as I thought through the situation was 212 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: ask myself, well, what can I do. I don't know 213 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 1: what to do. I'm really stuck. I feel glued. But 214 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: what can I do? And I thought, well, I can 215 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: pick up the phone and ring some people. It's probably 216 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: a low probability activity, but I can try. And something 217 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: remarkable happened as I did it. I started to have 218 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 1: some positive conversations. Some people were interested in having me speak, 219 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 1: and that opened up my mind to more and more possibilities. 220 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: And it took a couple of months, but I went 221 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 1: from zero to business booming in really maybe six weeks 222 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,920 Speaker 1: to eight weeks, maybe two months at the max, because 223 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 1: I focused on what I could control. Okay. The third 224 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,079 Speaker 1: idea focus on the end. This is a great idea 225 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,719 Speaker 1: for us as adults, so particularly for our kids. There 226 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: was a high school teacher who used to do a 227 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: regular talk with her students. She'd write on the board 228 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 1: there is life after high school and it's great, and 229 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: then she'd chat with the kids about some of the 230 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 1: struggles that they're facing, and she would promise that life 231 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 1: gets better. And the students, as a result of that 232 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: talk really looked forward to the future. They knew that 233 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,599 Speaker 1: high school would end, that their dramas and struggles in 234 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: high school would come to a close. The talk had impact. 235 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 1: And actually, I've got another story that I want to 236 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: tell you, but i'll tell you that in just a second. 237 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 1: Let me share the next two as well. So so far, 238 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 1: we've got to teach ourselves and our children to focus 239 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: on the word Yet when we're feeling pessimistic, add yet 240 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 1: to the end of our sentences. Secondly, focus on what 241 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:46,559 Speaker 1: we control. Third, focus on the end. There is life 242 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:51,719 Speaker 1: after this, It will get better. Third, sorry, Fourth, understand mindsets. 243 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: What I recommend here is that you familiarize yourself with 244 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 1: research around the way our brains change. You don't have 245 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: to go into the boring academic stuf. There's some really 246 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:06,680 Speaker 1: terrific popular books like Carol Dwex Mindset or Norman Deutge's 247 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: The Brain That Changes Itself. These are books that will 248 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: literally change the way you talk about ability and possibility 249 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 1: in the future, and they will inspire you to be 250 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 1: more optimistic and believe that things can get better than 251 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: they are right now with a little bit of effort 252 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: from yourself. And the fifth thing is just to avoid 253 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: the superficial. If you're feeling lousy, then being told to 254 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: cheer up it'll get better probably not going to help. 255 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: Kind of feels dismissive, kind of feels patronizing. So acknowledge 256 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: what's hard, be real about it, and then move on 257 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: to the four other steps that I've shared. Ignoring things, 258 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: putting a band aid on it. It won't do anything helpful, 259 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: and it may actually make you feel more pessimistic, more depressed, 260 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: more helpless, more hopeless. So they're the five ideas for 261 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: boosting optimism. Emphasize yet focus on what you can control, 262 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 1: focus on the end, understand mind, and avoid the superficial. 263 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: Let me share with you a bonus. Ask the kids 264 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 1: every single night, and maybe even ask your partner or spouse, 265 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 1: whoever it is that's in your life, what are you 266 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 1: looking forward to? And have a chat each night about 267 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: what you're looking forward to. Good things are coming, the 268 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: future is bright and inoculates us against depression, and it 269 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: boosts resilience. Now I did mention that I was going 270 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: to tell you one more story. This is one of 271 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: my favorite stories. There was a grandmother. This is a 272 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: true story. A grandmother was told that her days were 273 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: numbered and she was doing her funeral preparations with her family, 274 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: knowing that she wouldn't be with them for much longer. 275 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 1: She started to tell them not to spend too much 276 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,400 Speaker 1: money on a variety of things. And one of the 277 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: things that she mentioned was when I'm buried, just bury 278 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: me in my pajamas. I don't want you to spend 279 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: a lot of money on a funeral gown because I'm 280 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: just going into the ground. But she said, I'd like 281 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 1: you to bury me with a fork, and her family 282 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: thought that actually was a joke. They said, why would 283 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: you have us bury you with a fork, And she responded, 284 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: when I was young, when we'd finished our dinner, we 285 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: would take our dishes to the sink to wash them. 286 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 1: But every now and again Dad would call out, kids, 287 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: hold onto your forks. The best is yet to come. 288 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: And she said, when they heard that from their dad, 289 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: they knew that dessert was coming, and they'd get really 290 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: excited because dessert was such a treat. She said, when 291 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 1: I'm buried, I want you to bury me holding a 292 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 1: fork because the best is yet to come. I think 293 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: that optimism, this belief that good things are coming soon, 294 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 1: may be one of our most positive beneficial tools for 295 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: boosting our own and our children's, or our students or 296 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: our employees self belief and reducing the dangers of depression. 297 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 1: Good things are coming, the best is yet to come. 298 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: Believe it. Okay, up next time to help a mum 299 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: who wants to know whether leaving her partner is going 300 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 1: to affect the children, that's ask doctor justin in just 301 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: a second. 302 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 3: Toilet training, it's a milestone, and that parents. 303 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: Look forward to. 304 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,120 Speaker 3: What is the best way to toilet train our children successfully. 305 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 3: Doctor Justin Coulson has written a no mess, no fuss 306 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 3: ebook to help call toilet training Easy as One two Wii. 307 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 3: Written for busy parents, you'll whiz through a clear overview 308 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 3: of toilet training without getting bogged in too much detail. 309 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 3: At just over twenty pages, the ebook can be digested 310 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,679 Speaker 3: in under thirty minutes. You'll find straight shooting answers about 311 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:32,199 Speaker 3: toilet training based on scientific research, like how to know 312 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 3: when your child is ready to toilet train, myths and 313 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 3: conspiracy theories about toilet training, and the most popular toilet 314 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:43,160 Speaker 3: training approaches and what science says about them. Some toilet 315 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 3: training guides take longer to read than it should take 316 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 3: to toilet train a child. This is the fast flowing 317 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 3: alternative to get your kids going at the right time, 318 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 3: in the right ways and the right way. Toilet Training 319 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 3: Easy as One two Wii, available at major online booksellers 320 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 3: now or at Justin Coulson dot com. 321 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: This week, a Dear doctor Justin, that's a bit of 322 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 1: a tough one. The email that was sent to me 323 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 1: was quite long. Let me summarize in just a couple 324 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 1: of sentences. It basically said dear doctor, Justin. I'm thinking 325 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 1: about leaving my partner of six years, but I'm worried 326 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 1: about how it will affect my toddler. I'm pregnant with 327 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: another child to my partner, but staying with him doesn't 328 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: seem like something I want anymore. Does it matter for 329 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:25,160 Speaker 1: my kids or will they get over it? So here's 330 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 1: my response. First up, relationships are tough, and it sounds 331 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 1: like your relationships really getting you down. There's not a 332 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: lot of context in spite of the long email about 333 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,439 Speaker 1: what's going on in the relationship. So I'm just going 334 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: to share some general ideas. First of all, it's never 335 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: easier to leave. The costs are enormous emotionally, physically, financially, 336 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 1: socially in every aspect. You lose friends, you lose money, 337 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,919 Speaker 1: you lose access to your kids, you lose sleep, you 338 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 1: lose your health, you lose peace of mind that may 339 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 1: already be slipping or already gone, depending on what sort 340 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: of circumstances you're in. But leaving affects everything. And I 341 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: mean when I say affects everything, I read something just 342 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: the other day that said when we split up our families, 343 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 1: it even affects the environment, because it means we've got 344 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: to get another house and another car and pay for 345 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 1: all that extra electricity. It's bad in every way usually. 346 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,960 Speaker 1: So my two cents is this, you owe it to 347 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,239 Speaker 1: each other, and you owe it to your child, and 348 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,920 Speaker 1: you're soon to be born child to try and save 349 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 1: it unless unless there's abuse, including emotional abuse. If there 350 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 1: is abuse, then that changes the scenario. But I'm going 351 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 1: to proceed with the last few things that I'm going 352 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: to mention on an assumption that abuse is not present. 353 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,960 Speaker 1: If it is present, then the advice changes significantly and 354 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 1: it should involve psychologists and legal help. And I'm not 355 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,640 Speaker 1: going to touch that. I'm just going to focus on 356 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,719 Speaker 1: assuming that abuse is not occurring in this relationship, what 357 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: do you do well? Research by the world's leading marriage 358 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 1: and divorce academic Paul Amato shows that kids are better 359 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,879 Speaker 1: off in a low conflict but unhappy marriage than in 360 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 1: a divorced home. Now that doesn't tell us everything about 361 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: how they're better off over the long term, but generally, 362 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,199 Speaker 1: whatever measures have been included in Paul Amato's research, it 363 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,199 Speaker 1: suggests that kids are better off if the home is 364 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,159 Speaker 1: unhappy but low conflict. Now I know that's really provocative, 365 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: it's very challenging. But in his work he wrote a 366 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,880 Speaker 1: paper that was called a Generation at Risk, growing Up 367 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: in an Era of family Upheaval. In his work he 368 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 1: makes a very very powerful case to support it. There's 369 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: also research by another leading marriage scholar by the name 370 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,199 Speaker 1: of John Gottman, and he indicates that the vast majority 371 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: of couples actually regret their decision to divorce, but it 372 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 1: usually takes several years, usually about six years. He suggests, Now, again, 373 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,439 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you should not leave. I'm just 374 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 1: letting you know that the research indicates that on the whole, 375 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,440 Speaker 1: if you can work through it, things will be better. 376 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you regret it. I'm not saying 377 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: that the relationship should be done. But if there's no abuse, 378 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 1: I think that it's worth fighting hard to make it work. Now, 379 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,120 Speaker 1: the next point that I'll make is this, I'm really 380 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,199 Speaker 1: curious and I can't get an answer to it, but 381 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: I'm really curious about why you've never married, what stopped 382 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:29,199 Speaker 1: you committing to the marriage. And the reason that I 383 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,120 Speaker 1: ask is this. There's some remarkable research that's been carried 384 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 1: out over the last couple of decades by a fellow 385 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 1: called Scott Stanley, and he calls it the cohabitation effect. 386 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:45,119 Speaker 1: Research into cohabitation shows that there's a significant difference in 387 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:50,400 Speaker 1: relationship quality and life satisfaction, and commitment to the relationship 388 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 1: and commitment to children in couples who are cohabiting prior 389 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 1: to being engaged and married compared with those who wait 390 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 1: to cohabit until they're engaged married, And obviously that's a 391 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 1: diminishing segment of the population as well. Now, the really 392 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: interesting thing about this research is couples are happier and 393 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:12,000 Speaker 1: families are happier. There's higher levels of satisfaction, even sexual satisfaction, 394 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,880 Speaker 1: I mean, you name it whatever. You're looking at higher 395 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 1: levels of fidelity to the relationship. If we wait before 396 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: we live with somebody until we're engaged or married to them. 397 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: It's independent of income, religion, education, a whole lot of 398 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: other variables. So maybe in your relationship, commitment has always 399 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: been an issue. It's not a judgment, it's just a 400 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 1: question and making that commitment, sealing the deal seems to 401 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 1: do a lot for relationship satisfaction, seems to do a 402 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: lot for relationship commitment, seems to make the family happier. 403 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,479 Speaker 1: So let's wrap this up. Should you leave. No one 404 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 1: can ultimately decide this, but you what you're experiencing. If 405 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: you're going through a relationship crisis like this is quite normal, unless, 406 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 1: as I've already mentioned, there's abuse, but that was a 407 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,560 Speaker 1: described in the email. The data tells us really clearly 408 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: that as relationships progress, happiness does decline, particularly when children 409 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: are in the picture. We get more unhappy as kids 410 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 1: get older and as the relationship matures. And I speak 411 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,920 Speaker 1: to couples regularly who wanted to give up, but they 412 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,120 Speaker 1: stuck it out and they're grateful that they did, and 413 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: so are their kids. Okay, that's probably all I can 414 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 1: really answer. If you need more advice than you're in 415 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,360 Speaker 1: that kind of a situation, have a chat with a 416 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: psychologist and get some personal ideas. You might also, if 417 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: you are in a tough spot, I want to make 418 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 1: some legal investigations. But beware of the lawyer whose first 419 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 1: statement of businesses to organize divorce papers. There's a lot 420 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,120 Speaker 1: of self interest involved in that kind of an approach. 421 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,520 Speaker 1: I hope that helps relationships can work, but for them 422 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: to work, we have to work. So it's about talking 423 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: to each other. It's about getting on the same page. 424 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: It's about making a commitment to work at it and 425 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,720 Speaker 1: hopefully things will improve. That's my response for this week 426 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 1: for us, Doctor Justin. Remember you can ask me a 427 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 1: question anytime at justinculson dot com slash questions. You can 428 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 1: let me a voicemail message or you can email me. 429 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 1: All the info you need is at justinculson dot com 430 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,639 Speaker 1: slash questions. 431 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 4: We all love our children that sometimes they can make 432 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 4: live challenging and we're all searching for the right answers. 433 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 4: In the end, all we want is happy children and 434 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:25,360 Speaker 4: happy families. Doctor Justin Coulson is one of Australia's most 435 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 4: respected parenting voices. His seminars have equipped and empowered thousands 436 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 4: of parents to make their families happier. But sometimes getting 437 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 4: to a parenting seminar can be tough. There's work and 438 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 4: other commitments. Then there's the issue of the children and babysitters. 439 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 4: Now you can watch one of doctor Justin's seminars from 440 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 4: the comfort of your own home and at a time 441 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,680 Speaker 4: that works for you. In this seminar video available online. 442 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 4: Now you're invited to sit in on one of doctor 443 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 4: Justin's parenting seminars as he takes you from confusion to clarity. 444 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 4: Combining parenting research with heartfelt stories, you'll discover the three 445 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,200 Speaker 4: essent keys to raising a resilient chance. 446 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: And creating a happy family. 447 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 4: You learn how to build a strong connection with your children, 448 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,680 Speaker 4: have to really understand them, and how to get discipline 449 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 4: rights what your child needs from you. A seminar from 450 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 4: doctor Justinkilson at Justinkilson dot com. Download this ninety minute 451 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 4: seminar now or purchase the DVD at Justinkilson dot com. 452 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,120 Speaker 1: Before I share my awesome optimism quote for this week, 453 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,119 Speaker 1: a couple of announcements that might be useful for you 454 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,919 Speaker 1: to know. First off, I am giving a lot of 455 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: presentations lately at schools, at preschools, at workplaces. I've done 456 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 1: workplaces like real estate agencies, swimming school, a law firm. 457 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: If you're interested in getting me to present at your 458 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:45,720 Speaker 1: workplace about being positive, bringing your best self to work, 459 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:49,720 Speaker 1: motivating employees, or just having happy families, or if you'd 460 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: like me to present at your children's school, high school, preschool, 461 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: I'm offering mate rates until the end of November for 462 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 1: anybody who mentions this podcast, so we're talking about a 463 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,960 Speaker 1: fairly handed discount here. February twenty fifteen is already full. 464 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 1: I think I've only got two days available in February 465 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,880 Speaker 1: next year. March is filling up fast. But if you'd 466 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: like to kick off twenty fifteen on a strong positive note, 467 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,919 Speaker 1: getting quick, particularly at work, but maybe even for your 468 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: schools as well. If I can pat myself on the 469 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,959 Speaker 1: back for just a secon my presentations are getting some 470 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,440 Speaker 1: great reviews. Let me share a couple of very kind 471 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,720 Speaker 1: things that some people have said about me. The first 472 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: one comes from Julie Cochran. She's the deputy principal at 473 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 1: Cedar's Christian College. She says, Justin is an engaging presenter 474 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,920 Speaker 1: and an effective communicator who uses humor and real life 475 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 1: examples to effectively identify and address some of the difficult 476 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: issues faced by parents of teens. Justin's open and honest 477 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: approach to parenting is refreshing. And this presentation comes with 478 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,920 Speaker 1: my highest recommendation. That was a presentation that I gave 479 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 1: at Cedars Christian College about raising Terrific teens. Joe O'Brien, 480 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,200 Speaker 1: who's the owner and director of Platinum Preschool at Randwick 481 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: said this at a presentation that I gave to preschool parents. 482 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,640 Speaker 1: The feedback that we've had about doctor Justin Colson's presentation 483 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: has been astounding. He was engaging, articulate, and best of all, 484 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 1: provided positive and easily applied advice for busy parents. Many 485 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: of our parents have expressed heartfelt gratitude for inviting doctor 486 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: Justin to speak and have told us that his strategies 487 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: are already having positive effects in their families. We look 488 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 1: forward to Justin and returning to speak again as soon 489 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,640 Speaker 1: as possible. And I might just add that Joe and 490 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 1: her team have already booked me again for twenty fifteen 491 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,880 Speaker 1: because it went so well. Two more very quick ones 492 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 1: for you. This one is from a real estate office 493 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 1: in Dapdo at PRD Nationwide DAPDO. Tracy McDonald, who owns 494 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 1: the business there, said, we had the pleasure of Justin 495 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: doing a training session for our team. It was the 496 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 1: second time we wanted to raise the bar of service 497 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,719 Speaker 1: that we provide our clients, but this was not possible 498 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,240 Speaker 1: if the whole team didn't see the benefit of raising 499 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,919 Speaker 1: their own personal bar. Justin's positive psychology talk, will the 500 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,919 Speaker 1: best me please stand up? Inspired both managers and the 501 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: team to increase their performance in simple, easy maintain ways. 502 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: The team was inspired by Justin and we look forward 503 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 1: to having him back a third time. Let me add 504 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: to that PRD nationwide AAPTO. I've actually invited me back 505 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,679 Speaker 1: to run a series of seminars in twenty fifteen because 506 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 1: they're getting such great results as a result of the 507 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,919 Speaker 1: things that I shared. I love what I do, I 508 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,040 Speaker 1: love making a difference, and I would love to come 509 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,399 Speaker 1: and speak at your workplace, or your school, or your 510 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,760 Speaker 1: children's preschool or high school or primary school. I travel 511 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 1: all over the country in twenty fifteen. I think I'm 512 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: booked for philip Island in Victoria, Gippsland in Victoria, a 513 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 1: handful of spots in Queensland. I'm heading to Perth, I'm 514 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,720 Speaker 1: heading to Auckland, and I might be also heading to Adelaide, 515 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: although that's still being being arranged. So if you'd like 516 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:46,400 Speaker 1: me to be involved and to make a difference, get 517 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 1: in touch via my website Justinculson dot com and just 518 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: make your inquiries through the speaking page. I'd love to 519 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: hear from you. Okay, that's all the announcements. Let's wrap 520 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: up the podcast now with an inspirational quote to hang 521 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,760 Speaker 1: on to for the week and to talk in your families, 522 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,680 Speaker 1: or your classrooms or your officers. I couldn't decide between 523 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: two quotes, so I've decided to share both. The first 524 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 1: one is from Winston Churchill. He was a pretty inspiring 525 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 1: speaker and he said this, A pessimist sees the difficulty 526 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 1: in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. 527 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 1: I love that quote. It might be worth sharing with 528 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 1: your family and having a chat about pessimism and optimism 529 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 1: and finding the opportunities in every difficulty. But this one, 530 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 1: this is my favorite from Victor Hugo in Ley miss 531 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 1: Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. Optimism. 532 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: It changes our outlook on life and the sun will rise. 533 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 1: So that's it for this podcast. Thank you for listening. 534 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 1: Remember to hold on to your forks. The best is 535 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 1: yet to come. If you have any questions that you'd 536 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: like answered, go to Justinclson dot com slash questions. I'll 537 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 1: do my best to answer them in an upcoming podcast. 538 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 1: You can leave me a voice message there, or you 539 00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 1: can send me an email and if you've enjoyed this podcast. 540 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: You find the outline. You'll find the resource links in 541 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:08,280 Speaker 1: the show notes at justinculson dot com slash podcast slash seven. 542 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 1: That's with the number seven. Let me also just quickly 543 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 1: encourage you, as I do every week, to share the 544 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,760 Speaker 1: podcast if it's made an impact on you, or if 545 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 1: it's helped you in your professional life or in your parenting. 546 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: I'd be most appreciative if you would just visit justinculson 547 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: dot com slash podcast slash seven. You'll find the Twitter 548 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 1: and Facebook links already prepopulated and ready to go. You 549 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 1: can share them with your friends, your followers, tell everybody 550 00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: about the podcast and help it to make a difference 551 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: an impact in their lives. I'd also be tremendously grateful 552 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,280 Speaker 1: if you would rate the podcast on iTunes, and of course, 553 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,000 Speaker 1: as you know, you can subscribe to the podcast on 554 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 1: iTunes as well. Please do that. That is it for 555 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 1: this week. I'll have another podcast ready to go for 556 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 1: next week. Until then, remember, the greatest weapon against stress 557 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 1: is our ability to choose one thought over another. 558 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 2: Me