1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for. 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just answers. Now. 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: They came to me and said, what happens if you've 4 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: got a rock in a microwave. I'm like, I dunn, Oh, 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I want to know, and they're like, 6 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 1: we can we I'm like, just make it thirty. 7 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: Seconds and now here's the scars of our show. 8 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,640 Speaker 1: My mum and dad. We so appreciate you jumping on 9 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: to Apple Podcasts and letting us know what you think 10 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: about the podcast. We've had some reviews come through recently, 11 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: and we haven't talked to that a lot lately, Kylie, 12 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: but people have been really really nice about the stuff 13 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: that we're doing on the Happy Families Podcast. It's making 14 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: a difference. Like Shona who just jumped on the other 15 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,640 Speaker 1: day and said, this podcast is like a safety net. 16 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,520 Speaker 1: When I feel like I'm failing and struggling in motherhood, 17 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: this podcast catches me up and helps me back up. 18 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie are so warm and comforting to listen to, 19 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 1: and I love that they keep it real with their listeners. 20 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: Very grateful I found this podcast, Shona. We're so grateful 21 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: that you found us. Thank you for doing that. Please, 22 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: if you've been enjoying the podcast, we would love to 23 00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: get your reviews. Your reviews help other people to find 24 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: the podcast. All you've got to do is go into 25 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: the app, click on our podcast and give it five stars. 26 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 1: If you can write a sentence or two about it, 27 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 1: that's even better. Thanks for listening, Thanks for giving up 28 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: your time, Like there's so much choice out there. We 29 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 1: really appreciate that you're here and that you're a part 30 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 1: of The Happy Family's podcast. We also got some feedback, Kylie, 31 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: and this was about your last week. Your O'll do 32 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: better Tomorrow came from Janine. Can I read this because 33 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: this was the one that I felt like it was 34 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 1: one of the best things you've ever done on the podcast, 35 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: and it was certainly better than anything I've ever done 36 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,839 Speaker 1: on the podcast. It was so so good, And Janine 37 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 1: just said, well, I love every podcast you share, but 38 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: this one has been hard to listen to, and I 39 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: felt the need to respond. Not that I like starting 40 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: the day with tears. Kylie's incredibly emotional podcast was like 41 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 1: no other. As with every episode, there is so much 42 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 1: to explore, reflect, enjoy, ponder. Despite being very confronting at times. 43 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: The topics discussed give me a yearning for more, and 44 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: then she says, quite simply, you, Kylie, are awesome. Thank 45 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,000 Speaker 1: you just seems so not enough. How nice is that? 46 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: So thank you, Janine, And then there was a ps 47 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: at the end. I've stopped crying. Now. We are so 48 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,200 Speaker 1: glad that you appreciate the podcast, and we love that 49 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 1: you listen. That's why we do it because we want 50 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,639 Speaker 1: to We want to share our insights and our learnings 51 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 1: so that we can help you to make your family happier. 52 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: I had a learning this week, and it's not my experience. 53 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,839 Speaker 1: It's just something that really hit me, really hit me hard. 54 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: And what it was was like, I've been doing this 55 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: for twenty years now. I've been researching, studying, being intentional 56 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,079 Speaker 1: or trying to become a better dad, and sharing ways 57 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: that people can make their families happier for twenty years. 58 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,920 Speaker 1: And I feel like in the last couple of weeks, 59 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,959 Speaker 1: a whole lot of stuff has just suddenly started to 60 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 1: make sense. I feel like I'm seeing things in parenting 61 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 1: now that I've never seen before. I feel like I'm 62 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 1: getting stuff as a parent that I've never gotten before, 63 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 1: and it's just been so magic. I'm so grateful for 64 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,679 Speaker 1: the challenging times that our kids give us because I'm 65 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 1: seeing something in me and something in you as we 66 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 1: have the challenges that we have, that we're getting stuff right, 67 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 1: we're getting stuff better. Does that make sense, Yeah, totally. 68 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: The reason you're feeling like you've had this AHA moment 69 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 2: isn't because you haven't seen it before. It's the fact 70 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,920 Speaker 2: that it's finally starting to click. All of that intentional 71 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 2: practice that you've been doing for the last twenty years, 72 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 2: as you've been reading and learning and growing, is finally 73 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 2: starting to become habitual. It's finally starting to just be 74 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 2: a natural part of what you do, as opposed to 75 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 2: that taking conscious twenty years though painful effort. 76 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: But it's still painful. But like case in point, the 77 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 1: other night, one of the kids was just having the 78 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: worst time. She was tired, she was angry, she was 79 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: being vitriolic to her sisters. It was the house felt hostile. 80 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: It was not what our house is about, and it's 81 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: not what the culture of our family is about. And 82 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: so badly, and I hope I can say this without 83 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: people judging me the wrong way, but I so badly 84 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: kind of just wanted to bang ahead against the wall 85 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: so that she'd go to sleep. I'm not saying that. 86 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: I'm saying that in jest. I would never ever do that, 87 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: but was I was like, just stop it. I don't 88 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: want to deal with this. That's what was happening internally. 89 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: I'll do whatever I can to just stop the pain, 90 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 1: because right now you're being a pain and we need 91 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: to stop it. But I didn't do any of those things. Instead, 92 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: I said, we just need to go for a walk. 93 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: And we went for a walk, and while we were walking, 94 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: I said, you're having a horrible time, but I love 95 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: you no matter what you can do and say whatever 96 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: you need to to me or to Mum or to 97 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 1: your sisters, and it won't stop me loving you. I absolutely, unconditionally, 98 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 1: completely in every way love you, and I won't not 99 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 1: love you just because you're having a bad night. I 100 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: didn't get her in trouble for doing the wrong things. 101 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: She already knew it was wrong, and I had this insight. 102 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: My job where my child is suffering, when my child 103 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: is being challenged, is not to add to her challenge. 104 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: It's not to add to her suffering. My job is 105 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: to relieve that suffering or help her to find a 106 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: way through it, and just going for that walk and 107 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 1: spending that time gently reaffirming the unconditionality of my love 108 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: for her. Oh my goodness said. She came back and 109 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: she sobbed in a room for a few minutes, but 110 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: then she came out and joined the family, and she 111 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: was a different kid. And I'm sure, I'm absolutely convinced 112 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: that that is the answer to all of our parenting problems. 113 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: Being able to do it is super hard, and I'm 114 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: not going to pretend that it's easy in any way, 115 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: shape or form. But that's been that's been a massive 116 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: insight for me, and I'm so grateful for what our 117 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 1: kids teach us about ourselves. But anyway, that's not what 118 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: the purpose of well, I guess it kind of is 119 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: what our old bed it Tomorrow was all about. But 120 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: that's not the story I was going to share. I 121 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:25,919 Speaker 1: want to share mine in a sense. 122 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 2: So you're cheating, You're I want to share two. 123 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: Stories, totally totally cheating, But you're going to go first, 124 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: because ladies before gentlemen, even though I just kind of 125 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:36,039 Speaker 1: went first, but good to I think so. 126 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: Earlier in the week, we had a massive deluge of rain. 127 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 1: Hasn't been way home, and oh my goodness. 128 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 2: Emily found herself outside in her swimmers, jumping in puddles 129 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 2: and just having a. 130 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: Ball, ruining my lawn. 131 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 2: And at one point she found a little lizard and 132 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 2: decided that she was going to be this lizard's mum, 133 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 2: and so literally for the entire afternoon, her and the 134 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 2: next door neighbor were warming up rocks in the microwaves. 135 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: It's so funny. They came to me and said, what 136 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 1: happens if you put a rock in the microwave. I'm like, 137 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not sure if I want to know, 138 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: and they're like, can we can we I'm like, ah, 139 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: I didn't even ask why. I'm like, yeah, right, I 140 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 1: just make it thirty seconds. And they've done it thirty seconds. 141 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,799 Speaker 1: They're like, it's warm. What happens if we do sixty seconds? 142 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, it's a rock, what can really go wrong? 143 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: They're putting water on the rock. Then they're putting the 144 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: rock in the microwave, heating it up, so after sixty 145 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: seconds they pull it and they're like, oh, that's really warm, Dad, 146 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: feel this. I'm like, well, like the microwave actually makes 147 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: rocks hot properly, it made the rock hot. I was like, 148 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 1: what are you doing this for? 149 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 2: And they recognized that lizards are cold blooded, and it 150 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 2: was a really cold day because of all the rain, 151 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,119 Speaker 2: so they decided to make a nice warm space, warm 152 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 2: bed for the lizard. So this is just one of 153 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 2: those tiny, little, you know, a. 154 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: Little skinky sort of lizard. 155 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 2: Yet well, I don't know how she managed to do it, 156 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 2: but she's almost like tamed this lizard. She was holding it. 157 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 2: It didn't run away, It. 158 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 1: Just terrified comatose. 159 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 2: So she built some little homes for it out of lego, 160 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 2: and she literally she looked after this lizard all day 161 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 2: and come bedtime, she wanted to keep it in its 162 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 2: little lego house inside, and I just suggested to her 163 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 2: that it was time that the lizard went back to 164 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 2: its own family. Well, she had actually found the lizard 165 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 2: in the neighbor's yard, so at eight thirty at night, 166 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 2: she wanted to return it to the navy yard, which 167 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 2: I obviously said no to. And it took a little 168 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 2: bit of convincing her that she needed to do it, 169 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 2: but she finally went outside sobbing as she placed this 170 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 2: lizard into the garden, said a goodbye, and she stormed 171 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 2: back into the house. She threw her lego house that 172 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 2: she'd made for it on the ground. It shouted into 173 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 2: a million pieces, and she jumped into and covered herself 174 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 2: up in the covers. And so I went over and 175 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 2: I gave her a big hug, and I said, I said, 176 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 2: what's wrong. I said, you're really really sad, and she 177 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 2: just said, I'm so selfish. Oh, oh my goodness. And 178 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 2: I said, to it, do you want to talk about it? 179 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 2: She said, no, I don't want to talk about it. 180 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 2: She said, I'm just I'm so selfish because. 181 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: She wanted to keep the lizard go back to its 182 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: family and being nature. 183 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 2: I just such a beautiful heart. She has such a 184 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 2: beautiful heart, and she's been begging for a pet for 185 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 2: a long time. 186 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 1: And Lizzie the lizard was going to be the pet. 187 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:38,679 Speaker 1: She was convinced. 188 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 2: And it just reminded me of how innocent and how 189 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 2: pure our children are, and sometimes when we get caught 190 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,319 Speaker 2: up in the messiness of family life, we miss it. 191 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: I think there's another lesson here as well, though, and 192 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: that is that it's really tempting to say to your kids, 193 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: I'll stop it, cut it out, don't be silly. And 194 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: had you done that, you would have been getting her 195 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: in trouble thinking that she was wanting to keep a 196 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: lizard inside the house. What was really going on is 197 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: she's already feeling bad. She's feeling like she's selfish, like 198 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 1: she needs to be a better human because she's putting 199 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,959 Speaker 1: her desires above that of this poor little lizard. Kind 200 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,839 Speaker 1: of goes back to that idea that I mentioned before 201 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 1: when I was sharing the story that I didn't technically 202 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: share because I've got to share a story in a 203 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: second for I'll do better tomorrow. The idea that our 204 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: job is not to add to our children's suffering. Our 205 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 1: job is not to add to the challenge they're feeling. 206 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: And quite often we don't even know what it is 207 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: that they're suffering through, or we think we understand they're suffering, 208 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: but it's a different suffering for something entirely else outside 209 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,199 Speaker 1: of what we were thinking. Does that make sense? I 210 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: have I just made a mess of what I was 211 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,719 Speaker 1: trying to say. Jim made a little bit of a 212 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 1: mess of it, But I think we get the gist. 213 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to share my I'm going to share my story. 214 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: If that's okay with you, Do I have a choice? 215 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: All right, let's dive into this one. So we have 216 00:09:56,640 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: been like every family in Australia. I'd imagine, I know 217 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: that there are people who are struggling more, and I 218 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: know there are people who are struggling less, but I 219 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: think that most of middle Australia right now is saying 220 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: financially economically, we do not like what is happening. Fuel 221 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: prices through the roof, interest rates are skyrocketing, and we 222 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: happened to have bought a house I think the very 223 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,719 Speaker 1: week that the market peaked, like we bought at the very, 224 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,959 Speaker 1: very very top of the market. Within two or three 225 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: weeks the housing market started to plat out and drop off, 226 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 1: and we bought the week that it all just went bonkers. 227 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: And interest rates have been going up, and cost of 228 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: food and everything, everything's really really expensive, and we've been 229 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: kind of going backwards a little bit. So I said 230 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: to the family on Sunday, let's sit down and go 231 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: through the bank statements, the credit card statements. We're going 232 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: to audit our expenses and the kids will more do 233 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 1: we have to? And so we divided up. We've got schooling, 234 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: and we've got food, and we've got fuel, and we've 235 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: got just everything that we have to spend money on 236 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,960 Speaker 1: extracurricular activities blah blah, bah blah blah. And each of 237 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: the kids, because we have so many of them, had 238 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 1: a different category to look after. So I would read 239 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 1: out the credit card statement it was Cole's one hundred 240 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 1: and sixty two dollars, petrol one hundred and twelve dollars, 241 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 1: whatever it was, I would read out every single line. 242 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,839 Speaker 1: We did three months of expenses, and it's so funny. 243 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: At the end of the first week, the kids like, 244 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 1: how much longer have we got to go? And I said, guys, 245 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: this is only the first week. And they almost fell 246 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: off the couch, every one of them. They were like, 247 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: it cost us how much just for a week of living. 248 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, guys, you're expensive to keep feeding this many 249 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: people in our family, guys a lot, And they're like, 250 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: no way. And at the end of it, we had 251 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,559 Speaker 1: this incredible conversation where the kids, because they sat there 252 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: and calculated this is our weekly and our monthly and 253 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: our quarterly expense for food and for fuel and for 254 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: swimming lessons, and for piano and whatever else. The kids 255 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: have gone in their lives and the things that you 256 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 1: and I are also valuing and saying are important, they've 257 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: looked at it and gone cost a lot to live. 258 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,959 Speaker 1: Doesn't it like we didn't have to give them a 259 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: lecture and say, kids turn off the lights, kids turn 260 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,679 Speaker 1: off the water. We didn't have to tell them to 261 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: stop wasting food. They've looked at it and they're like, 262 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: we need to do something about this, don't we, And 263 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: you and I kind of going, yeah, we do, we 264 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 1: really need to do something about it. Then we just 265 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,320 Speaker 1: simply said to them, so what do you reckon we 266 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 1: should do? And they came up with a whole lot 267 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: of solutions. We're going to do this, we're going to 268 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: do that, and we've got to do this better and 269 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: that better. And I felt like, in terms of teaching 270 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: your kids financial literacy, what a powerful, powerful lesson for 271 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: them to actually go through the credit card bills with you, 272 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: go through the bank statements with you, write out every 273 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: single item and then tally it up. 274 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 2: When our kids were younger, especially the older three, we 275 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 2: actually sat down when we started giving them a pocket 276 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 2: money and we went through a budget. We created a 277 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 2: minor budget for them based on their five dollars or 278 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 2: whatever they were getting each week. And I think that 279 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: those lessons were really important for them. And as they 280 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 2: get a job, we then go through that process that 281 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 2: with them again. 282 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,200 Speaker 1: Going to pay board, got to have money to donate 283 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: to a good cause, got to have spending money, got 284 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,640 Speaker 1: to have saving money, yep. 285 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 2: And then as the children are slightly older and they 286 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 2: get the driver's license, petrol needs to be added into 287 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 2: that and servicing and things like that with the car. 288 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 2: And so we've had those kinds of conversations with the 289 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 2: children for a very long time, but to actually have 290 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 2: them sit there and see how much it costs to 291 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,280 Speaker 2: run our family. It's all been, you know, all of 292 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 2: their conversations have been very insul like because it's all 293 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 2: just been about them. But for them to actually participate 294 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 2: and sit down and see how much is required for 295 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 2: our family to function, I think was really eye opening 296 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,480 Speaker 2: for them. And you know, like you said, just those 297 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 2: recognition that there was so many different things that they 298 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 2: actually could do as the little people in the relationship, 299 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 2: but to make a difference. 300 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: What I also loved about it is that our twenty 301 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: year old daughter who's about to move out of home. 302 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 1: As we started to go through this, she wins and 303 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: she's like, well, no, no, I have to pay all my 304 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,959 Speaker 1: own stuff anyway, I'm paying board and this has got 305 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,320 Speaker 1: nothing to do with me. Do I have to do this? 306 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: And we said, we think that there's value in this 307 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: for you, just idun Yeah. 308 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,800 Speaker 2: I acknowledged to her that this was a life skill 309 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 2: and I thought that it would be beneficial for her, 310 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 2: even if she didn't feel like it was, you know, 311 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 2: specifically related to her right now. 312 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: At the end of it, she said, that was actually 313 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,679 Speaker 1: really good. I'm going to go and do my own 314 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: bank accounts right now. So she disappeared into her room 315 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,079 Speaker 1: for a couple of hours, wrote out every single expense, 316 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: divided them up into different categories. She came out and said, Dad, 317 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: you wouldn't believe how much money I'm spending on fast 318 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 1: food every single month. I can't believe how much money 319 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: I'm spending on fuel on this. On that, she said, 320 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 1: I've really got to do something about this. And so 321 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: watching our twenty year old daughter sit through like an 322 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: hour and a half of doing it with us and 323 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: then going to her own room and do it for 324 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 1: her own accounts. I was like, yeah, she's figuring this 325 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 1: out and she's had some insights that are really valuable. 326 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: So the take home message is teaching a kids financial 327 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: literacy has immediate payoffs once they start to understand what's 328 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: going on. We didn't do it with Emily. She's eight 329 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: and she didn't hang around. This was our twelve year 330 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 1: old and up. So I guess it's probably worth putting 331 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: that out there, but we have with young kids and 332 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: you can still have financial conversations. In fact, we've had 333 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: podcasts about that over the last couple of years as well, 334 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 1: so you can do a quick search if you want 335 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: to find out what we recommend about that. But that's 336 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: the that's the big thing that I took out of 337 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: the last week in terms of spending time with the kids, 338 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: having those conversations really makes a difference. We really hope 339 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: that you've enjoyed the Happy Families podcast today, and the 340 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,400 Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge 341 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. We would 342 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: love fear to join us tomorrow Last Chance Happy Families 343 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 1: Hot Mess Summit. All the details at Happy Families dot 344 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: com dot you massive, massive day with world class, internationally 345 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: renowned speakers who can help your family to be less 346 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: of a hot mess. And it's all for less than 347 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: two hundred dollars. Please jump online now happy Families dot 348 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: com dot you, click on the link for the hot 349 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: Mess Summit and we'll see you tomorrow there. If you 350 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: can't join the summit, you can always get a recording later. 351 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 1: Just pay for it now. We'll send you the recordings, 352 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: and if for whatever reason you can't do either of them, 353 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 1: I guess we'll see it next Monday on the podcast. 354 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: Have a great weekend. For more information about making your 355 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: family happier, including that Happy Families hot Mess Summit, visit 356 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: us at happy families dot com dot au.