Speaker 1: The Flex and Rooms Daily Podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello munchkins, It's Flex and Frooms on the catch Up podcast.
Speaker 2: As you know, this is a daily podcast. I hope
Speaker 2: you've been enjoying it. We've been getting some nice dms
Speaker 2: and the podcast ratings. I want to show you a
Speaker 2: bit what goes within the sausage in the sausage factory.
Speaker 2: They're looking good, so thank you for putting your little
Speaker 2: thumbs behind us and yeating us up towards the top.
Speaker 3: It's totally a sleigh hot and sexy.
Speaker 2: Today we're going to be talking about a story. We're
Speaker 2: wondering if it's the most romantic thing ever or if
Speaker 2: it's the most night marrish thing ever. We talk about romance.
Speaker 2: I think we try to get to the bottom of
Speaker 2: what romance.
Speaker 3: We talk about romance ever, I think we talk about dating. Yeah,
Speaker 3: we did. The whole thing was about rong generally. Oh no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: This segment we're talking about romance flex and I disagree. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'll put it that way, I think.
Speaker 3: But it's good.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, totally, I say, while I'm fighting back tears.
Speaker 3: As I'm pummeling through, I'm like, romance is everything.
Speaker 2: Look, we don't really say, eye to eye, there is
Speaker 2: some conversation around trauma that I don't agree with. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think we're going to have to circle back and
Speaker 2: talk about this later.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's cool because we've never actually talked
Speaker 3: about romance before. You've talked about dating. And I think
Speaker 3: that dating is a destinational tool. Where you want to
Speaker 3: take it is up to you. But I think people
Speaker 3: often forget what they're doing it for. Similar to what
Speaker 3: I was saying that people think that feminism is an
Speaker 3: identity and not a destination, Like, we are looking to
Speaker 3: change the world, and this is the ideology we're using
Speaker 3: as a guideline to get us there, not just so
Speaker 3: you say you're a feminist? Now what is that like?
Speaker 2: For?
Speaker 3: What you know? So similar to dating, there's so much
Speaker 3: discourse on it. The Internet is saturated with it. And
Speaker 3: for what?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: What are you working towards? What is the plan? Why
Speaker 3: would you endure so many of potentially troubling scenarios, dangerous scenarios,
Speaker 3: unsafe scenarios or like joy full scenarios, temporary scenarios? What
Speaker 3: is it for? Personally? For me, it's stories.
Speaker 2: I already have enough, and you have some great stories.
Speaker 2: I do I do, I do, what to do? Okay,
Speaker 2: let's let's get to it. Tell me what you hold on?
Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on before we get to it. I
Speaker 3: think in future we'll have to talk about the differentiation
Speaker 3: between dating, love, romance, intimacy. I would love that. I
Speaker 3: say romance. You said love. This is not the same
Speaker 3: to me. I know. Okay, I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: I'm going to grab a pen right now and put
Speaker 2: this in the diary to talk about next week. Okay,
Speaker 2: just saying it. Sometimes we say, oh my god, I've
Speaker 2: got to talk about forget about it. But we will
Speaker 2: circle back to this.
Speaker 3: Let's get it about it.
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do? Flick and a.
Speaker 3: Couple of shows ago, I asked for me if she
Speaker 3: distinguished between people being nice, kind, or good, and that
Speaker 3: started some really great discourse on the internet. We're still
Speaker 3: inconclusive about what those things mean and if they even matter,
Speaker 3: but objectively speaking, they're all positive things to be called.
Speaker 3: I haven't stopped thinking about it as well, because what
Speaker 3: came out of that conversation is that people think that
Speaker 3: being nice is insincere, and that it is a product
Speaker 3: of social norms and respectability politics, where you are more
Speaker 3: concerned with how you're perceived and manipulating the situation than
Speaker 3: being yourself right, And so I was thinking, if we're
Speaker 3: choosing nice kind of good, we both said that we
Speaker 3: would be perceived as nice and not kind or good.
Speaker 3: But I would say, like, I make it a point
Speaker 3: to be uncomfortably myself to a point where I'm like,
Speaker 3: we're all gonna get with it. Like, if there's an issue,
Speaker 3: I'm addressing it. If there's conflict, we have to have it.
Speaker 3: If I'm upset with you, I'm gonna let you know.
Speaker 3: But I don't think that takes away from me being nice,
Speaker 3: Like it's very sincere approached me to have. But I
Speaker 3: was thinking about in situations where respectability has trumped or
Speaker 3: like politeness has like trumped my ability to just have
Speaker 3: my most honest response. For example, I don't often get
Speaker 3: into like ubers these days because they drive, But when
Speaker 3: I do, I used to do the extra communicator to think, oh, hey,
Speaker 3: how are you going, and like what's going on and
Speaker 3: how's your day been and whatever? And I would get
Speaker 3: stuck in the most cooked conversations with the most cooked people,
Speaker 3: and I didn't feel completely safe to opt out because
Speaker 3: they know where I've come from, they know where I'm
Speaker 3: going and I'm in their car, so then I'm like
Speaker 3: doing the whole like yeah, you know whatever, it's all good.
Speaker 3: And I thought to myself, what would life be like
Speaker 3: or even that situation had I not have felt so
Speaker 3: much pressure to be polite like everything, but my personal
Speaker 3: comfort was prioritized for this random person that I paid
Speaker 3: to take me from A to B. Then I think
Speaker 3: about that broadly, like in any context where you walk
Speaker 3: into a room and the one thing you want to
Speaker 3: do is just leave your headphones on and not talk
Speaker 3: to anyone, And of course you're hey, going, yes, good,
Speaker 3: What would you think the world would be like? What
Speaker 3: would you be like if you do you feel any
Speaker 3: pressure to be polite? Maybe I'll start there. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It waxes and wines. Definitely the past. I didn't because
Speaker 2: I knew if I were polite O it end up
Speaker 2: being meaner, because like, if I had to talk to people,
Speaker 2: I would be terse almost, So it's better for me
Speaker 2: to just completely ignore. Yes, yes, yeah, that's where I
Speaker 2: was at.
Speaker 3: I'm the same.
Speaker 2: I've had some really cooked ubers of people, like doing
Speaker 2: flat earth theory, and I've made the mistake of being
Speaker 2: that really nice at the start. I think they're just
Speaker 2: like sitting in there all day listening to podcasts. It
Speaker 2: cooks the brain, Like this one, How would life change?
Speaker 2: I just think it would be like being on the
Speaker 2: internet all the time. I think politeness can be the
Speaker 2: start of so many conversations that you wouldn't usually have.
Speaker 2: And yes, sometimes they can be bad, like in the Uber,
Speaker 2: but sometimes being polite can be a gateway into having
Speaker 2: really great conversations as well. If we didn't have to
Speaker 2: be polite, if we didn't have to take the headphones off,
Speaker 2: then we would miss some really serendipitous moments that can
Speaker 2: change your life.
Speaker 3: That's lovely, It's true, Like I've had baby, got to
Speaker 3: write that down. Yeah, yeah, book, I will credit me
Speaker 3: this is yeah. You get eighty cents per work. It's
Speaker 3: a tricky thing because I think that I have grown
Speaker 3: to appreciate social norms just because of what it's afforded
Speaker 3: me in a society that does not like people who
Speaker 3: look like me. So I'm like constantly feeling like I
Speaker 3: need to disarm people to be like you know what,
Speaker 3: like I'm not going to do this thing, you know it?
Speaker 3: Please and thank you and whatever. And then I interact
Speaker 3: with people who do not look like me, who don't
Speaker 3: feel the same pressure to, you know, go through life gently,
Speaker 3: who are just reckless beings with no regard for people
Speaker 3: around them, people that they're impacting because there is no
Speaker 3: direct or clear consequence for them that they can see.
Speaker 3: I see that in ways with my dad sometimes in
Speaker 3: what way, Yeah, just talking a lot, not asking people
Speaker 3: that many questions.
Speaker 2: Like not doing things that my mom. My mom would
Speaker 2: be held to a different standard to my dad. So
Speaker 2: I can see that in practice in some aspects, just
Speaker 2: between men and women of that age necessarily. Yeah, very interesting,
Speaker 2: good to consider. But yes, I still would choose nice
Speaker 2: over good or kind because I love to have a nice,
Speaker 2: smiley vibe and a wave and nice and then we
Speaker 2: go away so we don't have to continue talking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm doing nice for now. Think I want to
Speaker 3: do good or kind later on in future? Yeah? Not now?
Speaker 1: It flex and frums.
Speaker 3: I need you to tell me. Is this the sweetest
Speaker 3: story you've ever heard? Or is it a nightmare? It
Speaker 3: can be both, but I'm thinking it's it's leaning more
Speaker 3: towards one. I want to preface this by saying I
Speaker 3: just hate when love stories sound even remotely nightmarish, Like,
Speaker 3: you know, we've had our ups and downs, but you
Speaker 3: know she's always been there for me. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 3: we fight, we fight like foe, but she's the one.
Speaker 3: I don't like that because I feel like it's some
Speaker 3: kind of propaganda to get women in particular, to settle
Speaker 3: into not only traumatizing situations, but unfortunate situations because in
Speaker 3: heterosexual dynamics they always say that marriage is like a
Speaker 3: more positive experience for men that it is women. Of course,
Speaker 3: as we know in a patriarchy. I digress. So this
Speaker 3: story is about Sharia Wade, let's just call her Wade,
Speaker 3: who met this guy Boyce on Hinge. They tried to
Speaker 3: meet up twice. He canceled both times, and on the
Speaker 3: third time, she was like, look, if you're calling to
Speaker 3: cancel again and don't worry about it, don't ever call
Speaker 3: me again. He countered that immediately with an offer to
Speaker 3: meet her in five minutes in the car park of
Speaker 3: a fast food venue in America could pop Eyes, it's
Speaker 3: like KFC. Basically, they said that they talked so long
Speaker 3: that he had a meal that he bought from across
Speaker 3: the street. And they also shared a sunset and first kiss. Already,
Speaker 3: I don't like it. He's canceled two times. The third
Speaker 3: time not a date or anything. He's like, well, fine,
Speaker 3: meet me in the parking lot. And then you meets
Speaker 3: you in the parking lot. You talk for so long
Speaker 3: that you now are eating in the parking lot, looking
Speaker 3: at the sunset, kissing. It's like, these are thirty year olds. Okay.
Speaker 2: They sit in the parking lot together talking and she
Speaker 2: sings room for the first time. It's very romantic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, woll okay. So, after about a month after their
Speaker 3: first date, he asked her to be his girlfriend. She agreed,
Speaker 3: but not before asking him to make it known that
Speaker 3: he was as she put it off the market. So
Speaker 3: soon afterwards, she laid out a plan for their future together.
Speaker 3: She said, I'm going to need you to move in
Speaker 3: after six months, and then he was like, what are
Speaker 3: you talking about? I bell you know you And six
Speaker 3: months later he had moved in. Oh, this is not
Speaker 3: really giving romance. Yeah, it's feeling a bit like entrapment.
Speaker 3: But I don't want to say too many compromises. After compromises,
Speaker 3: she says that they definitely couldn't stop talking to each
Speaker 3: other and that he said that their connection felt really
Speaker 3: awesome and that they'd known each other for a long time.
Speaker 3: On a group friend trip, so they went with a
Speaker 3: couple of their friends. His friend thought it would be
Speaker 3: the perfect time for him to propose to his girlfriend.
Speaker 3: So the friend buys a ring unbeknownst to the friend
Speaker 3: and says he had bought a ring so you can
Speaker 3: propose to your girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Heavy what he just has some drama. It's always nice
Speaker 2: when someone gets engaged in a trip away.
Speaker 3: It's bizarre. Then they get married and this is what
Speaker 3: he captions the photo. Imagine you've waited your whole life,
Speaker 3: You've met who you think is the one They post
Speaker 3: the wedding photo. What would you expect the caption to be?
Speaker 3: I love her period, This is really great. I found
Speaker 3: my person, you know best ever whatever he says, met
Speaker 3: on hinge, the rest is history, haha. No pressure to
Speaker 3: take her on any fancy dates or to expensive restaurants,
Speaker 3: just good old conversations and alignment with our goals. I
Speaker 3: hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Why God,
Speaker 3: romance be romantic? Why? Like I had a bit of
Speaker 3: fairytale juice into it? Like at least be poetic. It
Speaker 3: just spooks me so much, the trials and tribulations people
Speaker 3: go through to find the one.
Speaker 2: Then he says meronie rest is history. Personally, I love
Speaker 2: the caption. I think it's funny and self referential. So
Speaker 2: many people go on Instagram or Facebook and go met
Speaker 2: my person like this is the best day in my life.
Speaker 2: Number one. It seems a bit disingenuous to me. I
Speaker 2: feel like it's something that people expect themselves to do.
Speaker 2: I'm right now forecasting what I would say if I
Speaker 2: was to get engaged and I reckon, I just go
Speaker 2: yay and like heat for emoji's exactly.
Speaker 3: I would much refer an emoji that feels far more
Speaker 3: genuine than this, like self reflective, because what the self
Speaker 3: reflection shows, I mean, even when they're retelling the whole story,
Speaker 3: like the first meeting was flippant. The decision to escalate
Speaker 3: into being more serious was a demand. Getting married was
Speaker 3: instigated by a friend on a trip, like it was
Speaker 3: you were coerced into it, and now you've come to
Speaker 3: the end. And of course there's no flavor to it
Speaker 3: because it wasn't a flavors some experience and I'm always
Speaker 3: thinking how someone chooses to narrate their life is very
Speaker 3: interesting because you can pick any of the words that
Speaker 3: exists in the whole wide world, and you pick the
Speaker 3: ones you pick right. And so generally, when there's something
Speaker 3: that's happy or romantic, you would choose words to suit
Speaker 3: that environment. If something was serious and sad, you would
Speaker 3: choose the appropriate words. These words, whether or not they
Speaker 3: were intentional subconscious, are saying too much to me. I
Speaker 3: don't really mind about the performance of the publishing. I
Speaker 3: just feel like the thought of someone being single is
Speaker 3: far more scary than being in a dynamic that doesn't
Speaker 3: scream excitement. And it's scary to me.
Speaker 2: In the dynamic that doesn't scream excited, I think.
Speaker 3: People fear singled and more than just latching on and
Speaker 3: taking what comes with it. If you had to think,
Speaker 3: or if if you had the tools or the opportunity
Speaker 3: to conjure up the most ideal romantic scenario, like the
Speaker 3: one where you're like, I can ask for whatever I
Speaker 3: want and this genie the bottles is gonna give it
Speaker 3: to me, you would not write we met in a
Speaker 3: parking lot and then we had a kiss, and then
Speaker 3: we ate chicken and found on his car, Like you
Speaker 3: would not write that. And I don't like how in
Speaker 3: telling this story, it's like reverse engineering romance into it
Speaker 3: and even then it was flailing. But what I find
Speaker 3: to be the most interesting thing about it is when
Speaker 3: I saw this on Twitter, the comments were divided, people like,
Speaker 3: you know, marriage and partnership is functional, and so what
Speaker 3: is the issue that how they found each other is functional?
Speaker 3: Not my issue? I say, marriage is a business, marriage
Speaker 3: is a partnership. I get it, But I'm like, I
Speaker 3: feel as though, like people are so embarrassed to want
Speaker 3: romance that they oversimplify what should be really loving and
Speaker 3: beautiful and genuine into this whole Like you have to
Speaker 3: move with an in winning in six months. This has
Speaker 3: to progress, and the friend like, get engaged now it
Speaker 3: looks good. Do that now, I'll buy the ring. Don't
Speaker 3: worry about having me back. Like these things are just
Speaker 3: insane to me. I hate it.
Speaker 2: I quite like chilled. Let's imagine this woman has been
Speaker 2: through a romantic relationship, perhaps a love bombing. Like for me,
Speaker 2: I associate overly romantic gestures as insincere. That's my general Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's trauma. It's not though I haven't had any trauma.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but trauma's not just like what has it been
Speaker 3: what you've experienced, like we take in everybody else's life experience.
Speaker 3: That's the issue with the world we've created.
Speaker 2: It's just like people wanting there's different preferences, Like romance
Speaker 2: isn't for everyone. I don't think it's necessarily about what
Speaker 2: you've seen or what you've been conditioned with. I make
Speaker 2: a personal choice that I don't like it when someone's
Speaker 2: like soppy with me, or.
Speaker 3: But what do you where do you think personal choices
Speaker 3: come from? Do you think you can out the womb
Speaker 3: as a baby placenta still attached being like at it
Speaker 3: like suppiness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I guess my thing is that romance
Speaker 2: isn't always the best.
Speaker 3: You're taking this hyper specific thing that I'm saying about
Speaker 3: my experience and you're internalizing it as a general assessment
Speaker 3: of the world. So you're like, I don't think it's
Speaker 3: the best thing. Like what you go through in romance
Speaker 3: to find your person. I would hate to get to
Speaker 3: the end, like quote unquote the destination or the goal
Speaker 3: and for that to be what it looks like like
Speaker 3: you don't get gas lit and experience like you know,
Speaker 3: weird non consensual things and you know, have your head
Speaker 3: scrambled to get to the destination. Have someone be like,
Speaker 3: you know, my friend bought the ring and we hung
Speaker 3: out in a car park and you know, just like
Speaker 3: old fashioned goal alignment. No, I would rather be single. Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, got a hard disagree with that. I liked when
Speaker 2: he said the last bit, which is we just aligned
Speaker 2: on the same goals and next y because I think
Speaker 2: romance comes from not gestures or not Instagram catchrons. I
Speaker 2: think it comes from things like meeting someone and being like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I really like your values, you like mine. I find
Speaker 2: romance in other ways that aren't any of the ones
Speaker 2: that we just described, like what I haven't decided yet,
Speaker 2: but anything that we just said in that, I'm not thinking,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I would definitely want to be single
Speaker 2: rather than have someone meet me in a parking lot
Speaker 2: and we eat chicken together like my ideal date. I've
Speaker 2: said this over and over again.
Speaker 3: No, so you're oversimplifying it, Like you take what I'm
Speaker 3: saying and then you oversimplify it. How I don't get it.
Speaker 3: I'm saying that like to want and yearn for love,
Speaker 3: there's romance intertwined. Otherwise people wouldn't be like, oh, you know,
Speaker 3: I want to connect with my friends with benefits I
Speaker 3: got like intimacy, romance, connection you need for me, shared value,
Speaker 3: shared goals, Like that is like basic for me. But
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't like how like society has made
Speaker 3: love and romance a very practical affair because of how
Speaker 3: much it intertwined with everything else that I'm like, when
Speaker 3: can it be fantastic cool and like fun and sweet
Speaker 3: and silly in conjunction with all these things it needs
Speaker 3: to be Like when I get to the destination, I
Speaker 3: want to be so moved by what I've experienced, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, I could write poetry like
Speaker 3: I'm seeing shit differently, like I've got rose colored glasses on,
Speaker 3: like I'm smiling because I'm like, Wow, I've unlocked Nirvana.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's amazing that you want that for sure?
Speaker 3: What else is there to want in terms of like anyway,
Speaker 3: we've done too much, We've said too much.
Speaker 1: This is flex and frooms on KEDA.
Speaker 3: The thing about Free Me and I is that, up
Speaker 3: until doing this show, we were Internet acquaintances, right, So
Speaker 3: there's not a lot of pre existing knowledge about each other,
Speaker 3: which is exciting because I learned when you learn, and
Speaker 3: vice versa. The thing about miss Frumina Liscinda Frum's Price,
Speaker 3: real name, not an alias, is that she is a
Speaker 3: LinkedIn influencer. And the thing that gets me is, I
Speaker 3: didn't know anybody in creative industries were using LinkedIn in
Speaker 3: this way, like maybe to have it as a professional CV.
Speaker 3: But Mistermini is making statuses, she's writing articles, ral think pieces,
Speaker 3: she's commenting, liking, engaging. She's got like five hundred followers.
Speaker 2: You said five.
Speaker 3: Thousand followers, which is huge considering that environment, Like it's
Speaker 3: a very niche space to exist in. And I feel
Speaker 3: like if I'm hearing about this for the first time,
Speaker 3: then most people are, So please explain to us what
Speaker 3: is your affiliation with this corporate app.
Speaker 2: I started Linkedinning when I was in the first year
Speaker 2: of UNI. I think I said this a few episodes ago,
Speaker 2: and I gave myself the challenge of wanting five hundred
Speaker 2: connections because the minute you hit five hundred, it goes
Speaker 2: five hundred plus, so there's no more like tally. And
Speaker 2: I'm someone who used to get nervous about ratios, and
Speaker 2: I can't follow more people than follow me and et cetera.
Speaker 2: So hitting the five hundred was my big males. So
Speaker 2: all through UNI, I'd be adding anyone making connections started up,
Speaker 2: and then I'd go on it all the time to
Speaker 2: try and find jobs. Then I got a full time
Speaker 2: job in media, so I didn't really anymore. Then when
Speaker 2: I got made redundant from that job in twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: I was like, my whole thing now is to be
Speaker 2: a corporate boss. So I wanted to completely take the
Speaker 2: piss out of corporations. And of course there's a lot
Speaker 2: of corporate chat on LinkedIn. Some of it I find
Speaker 2: really funny. Other times you do read articles that are
Speaker 2: really helpful. So I started posting everything there, posting about
Speaker 2: corporate jobs that I was doing, brand partnerships I was doing,
Speaker 2: and just fostering a community where I'm getting out of bed,
Speaker 2: I'm saying good night, sweeties and doing a little kiss
Speaker 2: to camera that looks ugly, you know, like I'm bringing
Speaker 2: some flavor to what is usually quite a uptight and it's.
Speaker 3: So necessary because you're making it appealing to me. I'm like, well,
Speaker 3: through mey's there and you're enjoying yourself and having a
Speaker 3: good time. I want to come. Same with be Real.
Speaker 3: I'm like, well for me is that I want to
Speaker 3: come too?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got a join one, and I just find
Speaker 2: LinkedIn to be a great place to I think some
Speaker 2: people are migrating away from putting their what's it called,
Speaker 2: like accomplishments on Instagram. So then if you, if you
Speaker 2: work with brands quite often, it's good to have a
Speaker 2: LinkedIn page to say, look at my LinkedIn didging everything.
Speaker 2: And it's also like the done practice to explain behind
Speaker 2: the partnerships. Yeah, I love that kind of give context.
Speaker 3: I put it on my website though, gotta.
Speaker 2: Get on the LinkedIn. Okay, everybody gets notified and you
Speaker 2: rise to the top. I'm telling you.
Speaker 3: So excited because this feels We've spoken about this briefly before,
Speaker 3: but we'll touch on it in more detail in future.
Speaker 3: There's this new app called be Real. It's all about
Speaker 3: like tackling social media authenticity. I don't like it. I
Speaker 3: think that it's really hard to be authentic on a
Speaker 3: platform that was made to be contrived. Everything about documenting
Speaker 3: your life on a phone is contrived because you control
Speaker 3: how people see it when they see it. What angle
Speaker 3: they see it from the moment they see it. The
Speaker 3: whole thing fake, not in a bad way, just in
Speaker 3: a really like obvious way. I always say to myself,
Speaker 3: if I'm gonna be on the internet, I might as
Speaker 3: well do what I like in the way that I like.
Speaker 3: And I like talking about business stuff on a social
Speaker 3: media platform.
Speaker 2: It's so genius I do all the time because I
Speaker 2: post about what we're doing and I go to tag
Speaker 2: you and I have to just do flex mummy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: if you look through the animals, you'll see there's.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, I'm letting down the team you really have.
Speaker 2: Quietly, I'll give you some tips when you sign up.
Speaker 3: I really do want them, though. This is I'm so excited.
Speaker 3: I'm really stoked anyway. I like that a lot.
Speaker 1: This is Flex and Froomes.
Speaker 3: Hello, it is Flex and Frooms. I am Flex. I
Speaker 3: am obviously a radio presenter of Catera, also an author,
Speaker 3: a CEO, a vampire lover and Apocalypse cure co truser,
Speaker 3: a tinfoil hatter about you free me.
Speaker 2: My name is Frumy. I am vibes chilling. I'm just
Speaker 2: doing my own thing in my own lane, and I
Speaker 2: really like frogs. But one thing that I also like
Speaker 2: is reading books, and I love writing. I'm a writer
Speaker 2: as well. I have a newsletter that I post most.
Speaker 3: Weeks plug it Frooms World on substack. It's free, it's free.
Speaker 2: And what I like to write about is just whatever
Speaker 2: I'm feeling and thinking and trying to make it entertaining
Speaker 2: in my own way.
Speaker 3: And you do it so well.
Speaker 2: Thanks Han. At the moment I am writing a book,
Speaker 2: I'm in the process, say yeah, right, I'm in the process,
Speaker 2: uh huh and.
Speaker 3: Putting pen to paper.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm to key activity tappening. And a big part
Speaker 2: of it is it's not gonna be it's going to
Speaker 2: be a nonfiction book. It's not gonna be a fiction book.
Speaker 2: So therefore I'm gonna have to talk about people that
Speaker 2: I know, something that we do on the radio show.
Speaker 2: But the difference with the radio show versus the book
Speaker 2: is the book is in perpetuity and you're often talking
Speaker 2: about personal things, Whereas on the radio show, I can
Speaker 2: like use aliases, I can fudge some of the details,
Speaker 2: whereas if you're writing a book and it's personal, you
Speaker 2: have to be telling personal stories.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Something that I think about when I've read other people's
Speaker 2: auto This is going to be an autobiography in my book,
Speaker 2: but I've read autobiographies and essay collections by other writers,
Speaker 2: and they talk about people X's friends, family members in
Speaker 2: a way that is so serol and spotlight on them,
Speaker 2: and they're like shitty behaviors. I want to know what
Speaker 2: actually happens when you do that. What is the reaction
Speaker 2: of people that you're around that you talk about. Have
Speaker 2: you ever considered that.
Speaker 3: All the time. That's why I try and make it
Speaker 3: a point not to talk about people that we know
Speaker 3: well unless it's in a favorable light, because I don't
Speaker 3: think people are consenting to be judged in that way.
Speaker 3: It's just not fair. And also I'm taking into consideration
Speaker 3: that memory is so flawed, and also there's so much
Speaker 3: other like residual stuff that affects the way you view
Speaker 3: something happening. Like I always think about miscommunication because it's
Speaker 3: one of my biggest pet peeves is not being understood
Speaker 3: as I intend to be understood, And so I try
Speaker 3: and learn how to find the extra words and be
Speaker 3: really articulate or be candid and communicative, and like, I
Speaker 3: still get misunderstood all the time, and so I wonder,
Speaker 3: or I worry if I would have write about how
Speaker 3: somebody made me feel and attach their name to it
Speaker 3: and make them responsible for that that half of that
Speaker 3: shit was my own issue. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a tricky thing. I ask Becky Lucas about it.
Speaker 2: I asked her about the process of writing a book,
Speaker 2: because hers was quite personal, and I asked her, what
Speaker 2: was that like writing about people? You talk about specific people.
Speaker 2: In one of the instances, she talks about this real
Speaker 2: estate agent falling backwards downstairs, and it was how it's
Speaker 2: the funniest thing she'd ever seen. And she said, well, yes,
Speaker 2: I've definitely had backlash. And it's difficult because I always
Speaker 2: assume that anything I put out there would be mostly
Speaker 2: ignored and barely absorbed. And I think that's because I
Speaker 2: have this weird feeling that I don't exist, or more so,
Speaker 2: that I don't fully engage in life and am mostly observing.
Speaker 2: I think I definitely pissed off a few people with
Speaker 2: the book, mainly a rich woman who hearts to babysit for,
Speaker 2: who would get drunk give me her fur coats and
Speaker 2: diamonds and then insist I return them in the morning.
Speaker 2: I do have some guilt about it, and it's unfortunately
Speaker 2: a side effect of what I do. I don't have
Speaker 2: the answer as to who's in the right. I think
Speaker 2: it's probably a moral to use people's lives as fodders
Speaker 2: for your art. But I think if people were to
Speaker 2: stop doing it, then art would maybe suck. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I guess you have to be comfortable sacrificing your moral
Speaker 2: code and occasionally being disliked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, are you comfortable with that?
Speaker 2: I'm not sure yet.
Speaker 3: That's why I'm wrapping.
Speaker 2: I'm not cut sure. I think i'd get people's consent,
Speaker 2: Like I'm going to talk about my mum and my
Speaker 2: dad and I will take them along the process because
Speaker 2: we're very close. But it's going to be true.
Speaker 3: But you know, when you say you're getting someone's consent,
Speaker 3: how responsible do you feel for if the way you
Speaker 3: presented them, whether true or not, land negatively, Like, for example,
Speaker 3: know how each hold them a Laysia trip with your parents,
Speaker 3: and how you rubbed the sarte skuas on your dad's
Speaker 3: bed so it looks like he pooped himself. And then
Speaker 3: when I posted the TikTok, I thought that the people
Speaker 3: would have known that you were a child when you
Speaker 3: post them when you did that, right, but they assumed
Speaker 3: you were an adult and that you would ruined your parents' marriage,
Speaker 3: and so they were like, oh my goodness, this is
Speaker 3: such a shame, Like why would her dad do that?
Speaker 3: This is so terrible blah blah lah, And everyone's speculating
Speaker 3: about your family dynamic and whether you ruin the relationship.
Speaker 3: You know, why were they fighting? And like do your
Speaker 3: parents always fight?
Speaker 2: I totally didn't even say these comments, but the answer
Speaker 2: is yes, yes, which bit yes they always fight.
Speaker 3: Nah. But in that instance, like are you prepared for
Speaker 3: this idea that you know you might present to them
Speaker 3: in a way that you think is funny and kind
Speaker 3: and hilarious with all the little contexts and quirks of
Speaker 3: how you know them, But when it reaches the world,
Speaker 3: they're like, oh my goodness, this is cooked.
Speaker 2: Anyone that I'm gonna write about is going to be
Speaker 2: around for every part of the process. And I trust them,
Speaker 2: and I know, oh yeah, maybe like.
Speaker 3: Differently, yah, when it gets taken differently and it's like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, Freemi's problematic friend and you're like, oh wait,
Speaker 3: wait what Like that was a very honest story about
Speaker 3: x y Z that we that were sharing to be
Speaker 3: like open and whatever, and everyone's like that's so cooked,
Speaker 3: Like are you prepared for that kind of reality where
Speaker 3: it doesn't land in the way that you intend it to,
Speaker 3: Because that's the tricky thing about things that are honest
Speaker 3: and comedic and just realistic, like people put their own
Speaker 3: stuff on top of it and decide that like, this
Speaker 3: must have been what you meant.
Speaker 2: I guess that would be hard. I think yeah, because
Speaker 2: if you're writing about people that don't have any experience
Speaker 2: sharing their feelings on the Internet or whatnot, they're not
Speaker 2: used to people misinterpreting things. You can't please everyone, and
Speaker 2: there's always going to be someone who is misconsdering what
Speaker 2: you're saying, regardless of if it's personal or not. So
Speaker 2: I would just be with the person that I'm writing
Speaker 2: about and say I don't care, you know what I meant.
Speaker 2: And people always misconstrue things, and I think they would understand.
Speaker 1: That you're listening to Flex and frooms on Cada.
Speaker 2: I have been going on to wiki how. That's not Wikipedia,
Speaker 2: it's a thing called wiki how. Again. It's kind of
Speaker 2: like this site called Cora that flex really like it's
Speaker 2: often frequented by people thirteen and under when they're trying
Speaker 2: to learn about things. It's like going to a forum
Speaker 2: and asking questions and knowing that it's always going to
Speaker 2: be PC. This one is called Wiki how, and you
Speaker 2: can type anything in, like how to bake a cake,
Speaker 2: how to make friends, and it will give you the
Speaker 2: steps alongside pictures of how to do it. Now, these
Speaker 2: pictures aren't just normal stock standard pictures. They're illustrations that
Speaker 2: always look scary, like I'm looking at one right now
Speaker 2: and the fingers don't have fingernails.
Speaker 3: It's very so intentional though, the fact that they've gone
Speaker 3: out of their way with someone to illustrate it, like,
Speaker 3: these are great drawings.
Speaker 2: I love that no fingernails. So what I like to
Speaker 2: do before I come into CATA is do a random
Speaker 2: selection and find something that doesn't relate whatsoever to us
Speaker 2: or we what we need to learn. So this is
Speaker 2: one that is called how to get rid of first
Speaker 2: day school jitters. Everyone's had school jitters? Have you Brookie,
Speaker 2: our producer a little bit?
Speaker 3: Do you remember it?
Speaker 2: I just remember not wanting to go, like to roll
Speaker 2: call first thing in the morning, so i'd intentionally like
Speaker 2: be late.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, RONC call is so lame. It's just all random,
Speaker 3: so that you're not even friends with me. It's about
Speaker 3: I don't even know these people. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's nice.
Speaker 2: That's a d cut. So what it says before preparing
Speaker 2: for school is this, prepare for your first day. So
Speaker 2: you want to get a map and then draw where
Speaker 2: you're going to go on the map, which I think
Speaker 2: is pretty crazy. Number two, check your school's website for
Speaker 2: information about your classes. It's giving type A three. Prepare
Speaker 2: some answers to popular eyesbreaker questions now that I can
Speaker 2: get behind, because when you first enter a class, you
Speaker 2: sat around in a circle and you're going tell us
Speaker 2: one thing about you and your favorite color or whatnot,
Speaker 2: and that puts you on the spot. So I'm glad
Speaker 2: to be doing that. Mine is pink, and I like rollerbating.
Speaker 2: What's yours? FLEXI see you have to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, go home and prepare the night because I feel like,
Speaker 3: Also you say your favorite color, everyone starts like retrospective,
Speaker 3: being like, yeah, I know, I see that in you,
Speaker 3: because you should do this. It's like it's not that deep.
Speaker 3: I can say what my least favorite colors are what
Speaker 3: teal like an Auberginie eggplant maroni? Yeap not a fan? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I say those two. I totally agree.
Speaker 2: I hate till makes you feel sad and frustrated, and
Speaker 2: I think this applies to most places where you go
Speaker 2: somewhere for the first time, when you first meet someone
Speaker 2: and whatnot. And I personally have a few methods that
Speaker 2: I employ, and that includes smiling, talking less, and listening more.
Speaker 2: Oh really yeah, let the other person dig themselves into
Speaker 2: a hole. I don't want to say anything too incriminating.
Speaker 2: I think when you're nervous, you tend to waffle on
Speaker 2: and then you're going to say things. And you know,
Speaker 2: some people I've had this before. You have a first
Speaker 2: meet with someone and you walk away and you're like,
Speaker 2: that wasn't me at all. I don't know what came
Speaker 2: over me, and what is that In retrospect, I think
Speaker 2: it's just trying to feel conversation and agreeing with somebody
Speaker 2: when it's actually completely in opposition.
Speaker 3: To your views.
Speaker 2: That's a doozy. Can you remember any times in your
Speaker 2: life where you've done a first thing like first date
Speaker 2: at school, first date KTA where you felt.
Speaker 3: Nervous yes, but nervous.
Speaker 1: Not.
Speaker 3: When I feel nervous, it's usually because I'm aware there's
Speaker 3: an expectation of who the environment expects me to be
Speaker 3: and I don't want to do that. So like walking
Speaker 3: onto a set is not nerve wracking for me, But
Speaker 3: then having two parrot lines I would never say, or
Speaker 3: like having to be a caricature of myself makes me
Speaker 3: really nervous because I feel like I'm looking up for
Speaker 3: my best interest. But I mean, we'll We're in an
Speaker 3: industry where people don't do the same. I'm always like,
Speaker 3: what's gonna happen? Like, how are you gonna cut this?
Speaker 3: How are you gonna edit this? How are you going
Speaker 3: to protect my likeness? When this goes elsewhere? Makes me nervous,
Speaker 3: And you get it when people I only get really
Speaker 3: nervous based on someone the way someone's interact with me
Speaker 3: Off the bat. Someone meets you for the first time,
Speaker 3: and the first five things that come out their mouse
Speaker 3: is You're fierce, You're like slay, get it, cis get
Speaker 3: it queen. I'm like, oh, okay, I see what's happening here.
Speaker 3: Say no more stereotypes. You're a girl queen, girl boss. Yes,
Speaker 3: sleigh hunty. She's so sassy and I've said three words. Hi,
Speaker 3: I'm flex yes.
Speaker 2: Ma, Ma, He's so bold of you. How do you
Speaker 2: be so authentic?
Speaker 1: Flex and frooms?
Speaker 2: Now? I was on Instagram, that is my little catch
Speaker 2: cry for this flex and Froom show. But I came
Speaker 2: across this fact that I thought would interest you, FLEXI.
Speaker 2: Apparently you don't actually need to drink eight liters of
Speaker 2: water a day. So conventional wisdom and health advice advise
Speaker 2: as humans that you need to eat five vegetables a day,
Speaker 2: three pick two pieces of fruit or whatever, and drink
Speaker 2: as much water as possible. Now, eight liters is.
Speaker 3: A lot of water living two glasses one bottle maybe.
Speaker 2: And sometimes you talk about that and you say, crap,
Speaker 2: I haven't drunk enough water today.
Speaker 3: Guess what.
Speaker 2: You only need to drink as much water as your
Speaker 2: body needs and not.
Speaker 3: My body needs. Don't say these things. Give me a number.
Speaker 2: So the eight glass actually eight glasses of water a day,
Speaker 2: not eight liters. But that came from advice in nineteen
Speaker 2: forty five and actually had no medical bias. You should
Speaker 2: just drink when you're thirsty, because your body is very
Speaker 2: good at judging when it's low on water, so if
Speaker 2: you drink when you're thirsty, it maintains your body's water
Speaker 2: level within about one to two percent of its ideal state,
Speaker 2: and for most people that's absolutely fine. Even for athletes,
Speaker 2: a loss of around one percent is considered to have
Speaker 2: a negligible impact on performance. So only need to drink
Speaker 2: if your thirsty. Everybody, stop taking in this misinformation that's
Speaker 2: making you feel bad about not drinking water.
Speaker 3: I think that's the thing though, Like I'm constantly thirsty
Speaker 3: in and I applied more litbum.
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, I drink, but then it comes with its pitfalls,
Speaker 2: which means going to the toilet constantly during the day.
Speaker 3: That's nightmarish.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast
Speaker 1: for more, Tune its kDa on DAB or stream it
Speaker 1: on iHeartRadio.