1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:14,320 Speaker 2: Now, teenagers who have stronger social networks are far less 4 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:18,000 Speaker 2: likely to experienced anxiety and depression. The quality of friendships, 5 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:22,760 Speaker 2: the quality of relationships is absolutely essential. It's just critical. 6 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 3: It doesn't it really does. 7 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, My Mum 8 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: and Dad. 9 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 2: Now the most requested episode that we ever get from 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 2: one person on the Happy Families podcast. This is the 11 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 2: one that everyone looks forward to every month. 12 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 3: I thought it was book club. 13 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 2: It's the doctor's Desk. Today we're going to dive into 14 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 2: some parenting science. Now have a look at what we 15 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,480 Speaker 2: can do to help your family be happier. I'm doctor 16 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 2: Justin Colson here with Kylie, my wife, among our six kids, 17 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 2: and we have got three studies that primarily focus on 18 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 2: little kids. Today we're talking about preschoolers. We're going to 19 00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: have a conversation as well about helping babies to sleep more. 20 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 2: And there's a conversation to be had some new science 21 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 2: around how mothers calm their distressed infants with soothing signals 22 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 2: and how postpartum depression disrupts the process so, Kylie, which 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,559 Speaker 2: one would you like to start with today? Where should 24 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 2: we go? 25 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 3: You ask me this every week. 26 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 2: I've just started the top. Well, i've lost the top. 27 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 2: Where's the top? 28 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 3: Preschool play with friends? 29 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 2: Okay, this is a really fun one. So essentially, at 30 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 2: the University of Cambridge, some researcher has got a whole 31 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:31,919 Speaker 2: lot of data from almost seventeen hundred children at ages 32 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 2: three and seven. So we've got a nice longitudinal study, 33 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 2: really great design, heaps and heaps of kids in there. 34 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,360 Speaker 2: And what we've got here is the first clear evidence 35 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 2: that the ability to play with peers has a protective 36 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 2: effect on mental health. We're talking specifically about the play process, 37 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 2: not just having friends, but the ability to play. Connection 38 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 2: is at the heart of our well being. But this 39 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 2: research shows that it starts even in those preschool years 40 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 2: and extends into childhood. So basically, those with better peer 41 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 2: playability at the age of three consistently showed fewer signs 42 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,080 Speaker 2: of poor mental health four years later, And the research 43 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 2: says significantly this protective link between peer play and mental 44 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 2: health held true even for subgroups of children who were 45 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 2: particularly at risk of mental health problems. So, in essence, 46 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 2: what the findings seem to suggest is that when we 47 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,639 Speaker 2: give young kids who might be vulnerable to mental health 48 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 2: issues access to well supporter opportunities to play with their peers, 49 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 2: like at playgroups or down at the park, or with 50 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 2: the neighbors or the preschool, whatever it could be, it 51 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 2: can be a really, really empirically valid way to help 52 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 2: them to have longer term better mental health. 53 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 3: It's interesting we're talking about a longeritudinal study of three 54 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 3: and seven year olds. It breaks my heart to think 55 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 3: that we're having conversations about mental health challenges in our 56 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 3: seven year olds. 57 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. 58 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, it really brings at home how serious this stuff is. 59 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,919 Speaker 2: I mentioned that it was the University of Cambridge study, 60 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 2: but it's actually based on Australian data, the Growing Up 61 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 2: in Australia Study. It looks at these kids born between 62 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 2: March two thousand and three and February two thousand and four, so, 63 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 2: like I said, just under seventeen hundred Australian kids, and 64 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 2: looking at the different types of peer plays, simple games, 65 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 2: imagine if pretend play gold directed activities like building a 66 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 2: tower from blocks, collaborative games like hide and seek, all 67 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. And basically the more they were play, 68 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 2: for the better they did, the less likely it was 69 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 2: that they would experience mental health problems like hyperactivity, conduct disorder, 70 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 2: emotional problems, peer problems. At age seven, they just did better. 71 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 2: Even the ones that were highly reactive when they were young, 72 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 2: they did better when they were seven because they were 73 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 2: able to have that high quality play with their peers. 74 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 3: The research just keeps coming back so strong that play 75 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 3: is such an important part about children's progression and development, 76 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 3: and yet we still haven't got the message, have we. 77 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 2: What I think is really curious here as well, though, 78 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 2: is the standard instruction to parents who have got young 79 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 2: kids that are structing is, well, we've got to get 80 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 2: parents into a parenting course. And there's certainly value in 81 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 2: helping parents to upskill themselves and become better parents. But 82 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 2: what's curious to me is if we can help the 83 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 2: kids to get access to having their needs met through 84 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 2: peer play and through physical activity and through things that 85 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 2: we know burst well being, that we might actually move 86 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 2: the needle further and faster. We might do more to help. 87 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: Because there are so many risk factors that jeopardized children's 88 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 2: mental health, and so many of those are beyond parental control. 89 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 2: But when the kids have got strong social networks and 90 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 2: strong play opportunities, it makes an enormous difference for their 91 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 2: well being. 92 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:44,039 Speaker 3: For a split second there, I had a mental memory 93 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 3: of one of our children, and as a three year old, 94 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 3: I used to take her and a best friend to 95 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 3: the shops, and without fail, I would have these old 96 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 3: ladies who would follow me around the supermarket as I 97 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:58,159 Speaker 3: did the groceries, and they would inevitably end up stopping 98 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,040 Speaker 3: me and said, we've been following you now for the 99 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,719 Speaker 3: last five minutes. And those two three year olds have 100 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,679 Speaker 3: not stopped talking. They're worse than two old ladies nittering. 101 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 3: And I just even today, we don't have little ones 102 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 3: around us anymore. But whenever I see young children engaged 103 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 3: in play, I just have to stop. I love it. 104 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 3: I love seeing the way their faces are animated and 105 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 3: they light up, and the little conversations they have. 106 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 2: This research, while it's looking at these kids from age 107 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 2: three through seven, it's applicable at every age. Teenagers who 108 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 2: have stronger social networks are far less likely to experience 109 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 2: anxiety and depression, Adults who have strong social networks far 110 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 2: less likely to experience anxiety and depression, and any other 111 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 2: range of mental health challenges. The quality of friendships, the 112 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 2: quality of relationships is absolutely essential. It's just critical. 113 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 3: It really matters, doesn't it. 114 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 2: It really does. 115 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 3: So Number two, we're talking about how mothers calm their 116 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 3: children with soothing signals, and postpartum depression actually interrupts or 117 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 3: severs those signals. 118 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, so most parents know it, even if they can't 119 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 2: prove it. When a baby becomes distressed, mum seems to 120 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 2: have this magical, unique power to soothe and calm that 121 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,599 Speaker 2: little baby with gentle, tough and you. 122 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 3: Often mums don't even need to say anything in the room. 123 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 3: That's it, and your child instantly calms down. Just that 124 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,119 Speaker 3: visual of mum is often enough. 125 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 2: But that doesn't seem to happen so much with new 126 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 2: mums who are experiencing postpartum depression. It seems to affect well. Statistically, 127 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 2: about twenty percent of mums who give birth will then 128 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 2: experience PPD and their ability to engage with and suit 129 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 2: their baby is significantly diminished. So a handful of researchers 130 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 2: got together and at York University in the UK, they 131 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 2: did a really interesting study with parents who are dealing 132 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 2: with distressed infants trying to help them to soothe, to 133 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 2: help their babies to soothe. And essentially what they did 134 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 2: was they monitored mum and then monitored bub during a 135 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 2: distress scenario. So minor distress, nothing that's going to cause 136 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 2: any long term damage to the baby. But essentially mums 137 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 2: and babies went through three different phases of interaction. In 138 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 2: the play phase, mums played with their infants like they 139 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 2: normally would. They sang and they talked and they touched. 140 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 2: Then there was what they called the still face phase, 141 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 2: where mums were told, you don't touch the baby, you 142 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 2: don't speak to the baby. You maintain eye contact, but 143 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 2: you have an expressionless poker face. So the infant becomes 144 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: distressed and agitated because they're making a bid for connection 145 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 2: and mums not really responding. There's eye contact, but there's 146 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 2: no other indication of response. And then the final reunion 147 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 2: phase is this is the folkus of the study. Mums 148 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 2: are now permitted to re engage with the distressed infant 149 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 2: just like they did in phase one, soothing and touching 150 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 2: and singing and talking and that kind of thing. And 151 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 2: the mums and the babies were monitored. Their heart rates 152 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 2: will monitor looking at how their emotional state is. And essentially, 153 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 2: when mums were able to be nice and calm, the 154 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,559 Speaker 2: baby calmed down really quickly and soothed really quickly, Whereas 155 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 2: when mums stayed distressed, when her heart rate remained elevated, 156 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 2: when she was still kind of agitated about her baby's distress, 157 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 2: it took a lot longer for the baby to calm down. 158 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 2: Just highlights how important it is for parents to and 159 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 2: it's so hard, so hard, especially if they're experiencing depression 160 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 2: or if they're experiencing a lack of support, but the 161 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 2: importance of them being in an environment where they can 162 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,679 Speaker 2: be calm, where they can feel like they've got some 163 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 2: self efficacy, they can feel like they're in control. Because 164 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 2: when parents have got that, when mums have got that 165 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 2: sense of I've got this, their heart rate stays low, 166 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 2: the baby seems to feed off that there's reciprocal loop 167 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 2: going and they do better. So I thought that was 168 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 2: a fascinating study. I'm on worth sharing having actually. 169 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 3: Gone through this process with one of our children in 170 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 3: quite a significant way. You know, as you were talking, 171 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 3: the thought occurred to me that regardless of what people 172 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,839 Speaker 3: are seeing on the outside, when you're struggling in that 173 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:11,599 Speaker 3: deep dark place. There is such an internal turmoil going on. Yeah, 174 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 3: and you can't calm anyone when you're not calm. 175 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because emotion is contagious. And then you become 176 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 2: aware that you're not calm, and you start to get 177 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 2: even more anxious that you're not calm, which only exacerbates 178 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 2: the wall. 179 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 3: And then the guilt sets in because you should be 180 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 3: able to calm your baby, but you can't even you 181 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 3: just can't. 182 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 2: So important to have the support that's necessary and so 183 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,679 Speaker 2: important to be able to just breathe, relax and pull 184 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 2: it together. Hard research to hear about, but important if 185 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 2: we want to be able to help mums, particularly during 186 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 2: that postpartum period. 187 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 3: So after the break, let's talk about the last study 188 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 3: in relation to baby sleep. 189 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: And I can't help myself. I'm going to check forth 190 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 2: one in because I just love talking about this stuff. 191 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 2: We're going to throw it because this has all been 192 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,559 Speaker 2: about little kids. We're going to throw on in for 193 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 2: the parents of big kids as well. This one is 194 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 2: about mother and father connectedness and involvement during early adolescence. 195 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,439 Speaker 2: The twenty first century is a tricky time to be 196 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 2: a teen. Girl, alcohol, drugs, mental health concerns, body image issues, technology, sex. 197 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 2: Our daughters face all these and more. The Happy Families 198 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 2: Misconnection Summit brings together the best modern day experts on 199 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 2: teen girls to show you how to stay connected with 200 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 2: your daughter and help her face these challenges head on, 201 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 2: available online via video at the Happy Families webshop. 202 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time 203 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now and you've done 204 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 3: it now, there's two more studies, so. 205 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,680 Speaker 2: We got to go fast because I just love talking 206 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 2: about the science. 207 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 3: All right, So the next study is on baby sleep. 208 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 2: Yep comes out. 209 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 3: What have they found? 210 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 2: Comes out of Penn State. Researchers have basically trained new 211 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 2: mums in skills that help newborns to sleep more during 212 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 2: the night, and the research shows that second kids and 213 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 2: those families also slept longer. Every parent wants to know 214 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 2: how in the world do we do this? And what 215 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: the basic findings have been is that if parents can 216 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 2: do a handful of things, the kids do a whole 217 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 2: lot better. So we will link to the details of 218 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 2: this in the show notes, but here's what the research 219 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,559 Speaker 2: has found. So basically, the study trained mothers to at 220 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 2: bedtime be responsive to their kids. Responsiveness that's the key 221 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 2: word here, being involved, being responsive, being aware. They asked 222 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 2: them to establish healthy routines to respond to their children 223 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 2: according to their development and their needs. Did I get 224 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 2: my pronunciation of development a little bit strange there? I 225 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 2: meant to say development and needs and teaching children to 226 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 2: soothe themselves as much as possible. Now, this isn't sleep training, 227 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 2: This isn't leaving the child to quote unquote soothe themselves 228 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 2: while they screen themselves to sleep. Instead, it's this really beautiful, 229 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 2: responsive way of helping children. So basically, what the research 230 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:51,079 Speaker 2: showed was that once a regular bedtimes established, consistent bedtime 231 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 2: routines are going to promote longer sleep. The routine should 232 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 2: be soothing, include things like a bath and reading, avoiding 233 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 2: overly stimulating activities like round play. 234 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 3: Oh like kicked out off the bed? 235 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and help kids to prepare for sleep. 236 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 3: Where was that fifteen years ago? 237 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 2: To help children soothe themselves to sleep, the researchers said, 238 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 2: parents are encouraged to put their children to bed while 239 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 2: they're drowsy but still awake. Self soothing is a valuable skill, 240 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,599 Speaker 2: and the sooner children learn it, the better they and 241 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 2: their parents will sleep. So that self soothing meaning I've 242 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 2: been popped into the bed and now I'm going to 243 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 2: go to sleep, and everything's calm and soothing and safe. 244 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 2: It's not saying the child's screaming their head off and 245 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 2: they've got to learn how to soothe themselves. That's not 246 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,719 Speaker 2: what they're saying. And what they're also highlighted is that 247 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 2: because night waking is inevitable, especially with little kids, newborns, infants, 248 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 2: they're hungry, they're wet, whatever it might be. Parents, rather 249 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,319 Speaker 2: than expecting that the child has to be fed every 250 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 2: single time, might just use a light of touch soothing 251 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 2: method like holding or rocking and feeding, but only when 252 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 2: there's proper distress. Sometimes they're just disturbed and they need 253 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 2: a little pat they need a little song, and they 254 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 2: go back off. So it's really just a gentle response 255 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 2: to kids who are waking up. It's all kind of 256 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,200 Speaker 2: common sense, and yet there are so many books out 257 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 2: there from so many so called experts who teach exactly 258 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 2: the opposite, and there are so many myths out there 259 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 2: about what kids need at that time of night. So 260 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 2: I just thought it was a really nice study that 261 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 2: reinforced all the stuff that we know that seems to 262 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 2: work best. 263 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 3: One of the things that I recognized pretty early on 264 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,319 Speaker 3: was when I would get up in the middle of 265 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 3: the night, I just left all the lights off, kept 266 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 3: everything low and quiet, and that definitely helped in most 267 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 3: cases to resettle the kids before I was able to 268 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 3: go back to sleep. 269 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, So the last study that I want to talk about, 270 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:40,959 Speaker 2: just for only one minute because our time is up, 271 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,559 Speaker 2: is the importance of connectedness and involvement during early adolescents. 272 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 2: We've talked about little kids all the way through this podcast, 273 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 2: but this is one for the parents of the bigger kids. 274 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,920 Speaker 2: So this particular study looked at how mother's and father's 275 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 2: connectedness and involvement, both at an individual level and a 276 00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 2: collective level, influenced the lives of their kids. So the 277 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: researchers asked mums and dads about their connectedness and the 278 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 2: degree to which they're involved in their kids, and how 279 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,719 Speaker 2: to look at the children's problem behaviors. So we're talking 280 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 2: about externalizing acting out, and we're talking about internalizing that's 281 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,319 Speaker 2: anxiety and depression sort of things, and also the positive outcomes, 282 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 2: like how pro social the kids were and how hopeful 283 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 2: they were. We spoke about hope just recently on the podcast. 284 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 2: Looking at early adolescents, so we've got the average age 285 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 2: of the child being around about eleven twelve years of age, 286 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 2: And what the research showed, even after controlling for the 287 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 2: child's age and gender and their ability to self regulate, 288 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 2: is that mums and dads actually make different contributions, primarily 289 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 2: as a function of the child's outcomes. So dad, but 290 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 2: not mum, connectedness and involvement were negatively related to adolescents 291 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 2: internalizing and externalizing behavior. In other words, the more that 292 00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 2: dad is connected and involved, the less likely it is 293 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 2: that early adolescents are going to experience anxiety and depression 294 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 2: or that they're going to act out in rebellious kinds 295 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 2: of ways. For mum, what the research showed was that 296 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 2: the more connected and involved she was, the more the 297 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,800 Speaker 2: kids were pro social and the more hope they exhibited. 298 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 2: So really really curious to me that mums and dads 299 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 2: have different roles in terms of the psychological well being 300 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 2: of their kids. But when they work in a complementary way, 301 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 2: the kids thrive. They're less likely to have problem behavior, 302 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 2: they're less likely to have psychological difficulty, they're more likely 303 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 2: to behave in positive, pro social ways, and they're more 304 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 2: likely to be hopeful about the future. So that's everything 305 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 2: that we've got for today's podcast. You can see why 306 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 2: this is people's favorite, right, all this great research, all 307 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 2: this great stuff to talk about when it comes to parenting, 308 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 2: so great. All right, tomorrow, it's all to do better. 309 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 2: Tomorrow we'll talk about how we're doing as a family, 310 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 2: what we can do better, or what we've really been 311 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 2: winning with this week they have found these podcast is 312 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 2: produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is 313 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 2: our executive producer. For more info, you can find all 314 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 2: of these studies in our show notes, and if you'd 315 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 2: like to know more about making your family happier, please 316 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 2: visit us at happy families dot com dot au.