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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: once answers, Now, I have got so many facets to

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Speaker 2: myself because of all of the skills that I learned

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Speaker 2: in those mundane, everyday interactions with my children and my

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Speaker 2: family that have elevated me and allowed me to have

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Speaker 2: opportunities that I would never have had without them. And

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Speaker 2: now here's the stars of our show.

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Speaker 3: My mom and dad. Do you think that you're ready

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Speaker 3: for what's going to happen to our house today?

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Speaker 2: No, that would be one hundred percent not So.

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Speaker 3: For those of you who haven't heard, we moved house

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Speaker 3: at the start of the year, we've moved to the coast.

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Speaker 3: We've moved into this beautifu little street in a suburb

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Speaker 3: that we're excited to live in. And one of the

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Speaker 3: first things that we were told after we bought the house.

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Speaker 2: After let's let's put this into contact.

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Speaker 3: Literally after like we've gone to the auction, We've bought

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Speaker 3: the house at the auction, and within ten minutes of

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Speaker 3: that happening, some of the neighbors have come over to say, hey,

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Speaker 3: welcome to the neighborhood. Great to have you. This is

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Speaker 3: the best street in our suburb, You're going to be

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Speaker 3: so excited to be here, like everyone just loves where

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Speaker 3: we are, right And then they've said, oh, by the way,

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Speaker 3: you should know you have bought the Halloween house. You've

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Speaker 3: bought the Halloween house. And we're like, oh, we don't

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Speaker 3: really do Halloween. And we're like, wow, you.

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Speaker 2: Do now all the holidays that we could have picked.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what about the Thanksgiving house, Well that'd be quiet day.

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Speaker 3: Australia doesn't care about Thanksgiving. Halloween.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're not. I mean we're not against it, we're

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Speaker 2: just not big on it.

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Speaker 3: So I asked one of the neighbors the other day

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Speaker 3: how big is Halloween in our street? And they said, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is like this street goes nuts for Halloween. Not

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Speaker 3: necessarily the residents in the street, although they obviously get involved,

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Speaker 3: but kind of the whole suburb knows that this is

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Speaker 3: the street to go to to do Halloween. Apparently this

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Speaker 3: is well.

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Speaker 2: I want to suggest that we have a lot of

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Speaker 2: grandparents and they know how to spoil the kids. I

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Speaker 2: think that's how we've got the name.

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Speaker 3: The house that we bought was owned by grandparents, was

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Speaker 3: owned just by a regular family before us but everyone,

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Speaker 3: they said, you will get five, six, seven hundred, maybe

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Speaker 3: a thousand people come through your front yard wanting to

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Speaker 3: do Halloween trick or treat. I think I'm going to

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Speaker 3: have to go on by more lollies.

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Speaker 2: I don't have enough. I swear we're going to.

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Speaker 3: Be out before we know it. This is this.

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Speaker 2: I'm a bit nervous.

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Speaker 3: I'm really nervous. Have you worked out what we're going

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Speaker 3: to wear?

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Speaker 2: I have no idea. I've been worried about the decorations.

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Speaker 3: I was thinking for Halloween. I might just wear my

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Speaker 3: budgy smugglers. Oh please, don't trick or treat. That'll scare

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Speaker 3: some people. Maybe not, you don't think so. No, for

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Speaker 3: those who were terrified and staring at their speakers now

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Speaker 3: thinking he said what, I don't actually own budgy smugglers.

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't do that to the community. It's not fair.

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Speaker 3: But that's not what we're talking about today. Although it

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Speaker 3: would be a fascinating conversation to have the whole Halloween thing.

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Speaker 3: Maybe we can do a debrief on Friday for I'll

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Speaker 3: do better tomorrow and talk about what really happened. You though,

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Speaker 3: Kylie had an incident a conversation A conversation is a

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Speaker 3: better word for it with a friend recently that has

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Speaker 3: been insightful, and that's what we're going to talk about

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Speaker 3: in our podcast today. Tell us about it.

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Speaker 2: Well, a few weeks ago, it was actually an online conversation,

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Speaker 2: so we weren't face to face, but one of my

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Speaker 2: friends and I were chatting. I have been, you know again,

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Speaker 2: just kind of revisiting this kind of concept of what

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Speaker 2: I want to be when I grow up.

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Speaker 3: All right, because when you're in your forties, that's the

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Speaker 3: time to start to thinking about that.

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Speaker 2: Well, all of the kids are getting older now, and

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Speaker 2: I definitely have a little bit more time on my

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Speaker 2: hands to do things that interest me. But because I

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Speaker 2: have spent so much time with the kids over the years,

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Speaker 2: while I've got lots of things that I kind of

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Speaker 2: pique my interest, there's nothing that really stands out as

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Speaker 2: being something I want to do for good.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: I've been writing for Kylie's Corner for the last couple

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Speaker 2: of years now, and I really enjoy writing and I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm getting better at it, and I wondered

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Speaker 2: whether or not that's something I might kind of look

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Speaker 2: into a little bit more and So one of our

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Speaker 2: friends is actually an editor for a publishing house, and

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Speaker 2: so I just sent her a little message and I said, look,

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Speaker 2: I'm just playing around with this idea. I've been doing,

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Speaker 2: you know, a little bit of writing, and I'm really

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Speaker 2: enjoying it, but I'd like to know how to be

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Speaker 2: better at it. And we started this conversation going, and

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Speaker 2: finally she just said, she said, I'm so excited for

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Speaker 2: you that you're thinking about doing something new. She said.

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Speaker 2: You know, I was talking to my husband about it,

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Speaker 2: and we realized, you know, before we had the kids,

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Speaker 2: we had all of these little hobbies that we used

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Speaker 2: to do. We were really interesting.

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Speaker 1: Rights but now we're just boring, right, And it just

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Speaker 1: got me thinking about this kind of idea of being

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Speaker 1: interesting and boring.

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Speaker 3: You know, what they need to do have more kids.

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Speaker 3: Nothing boring when you've got six kids.

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Speaker 2: Well, I don't think they're talking about life being boring.

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Speaker 2: I think they're talking about them.

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Speaker 3: And being boring, being boring.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, when you know, I remember back to the

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Speaker 2: times when we had younger kids and all of our

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Speaker 2: conversations revolved around the kids.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was it was sleep, and it was eating,

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Speaker 3: and it was yeah, yeah, and how hard it is

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Speaker 3: all the growth stuff, Yeah yeah, yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 2: And there wasn't a lot of me time. There wasn't

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Speaker 2: a lot of time to kind of develop myself or

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Speaker 2: do things that I really loved to do or lit

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Speaker 2: me up.

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Speaker 3: You're sounding a little bit grandmotherly. I can imagine some

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Speaker 3: of our podcast listeners who are in their late twenties

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Speaker 3: sort of going, what's that like to have kids that

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Speaker 3: are so old that you can say I remember back when?

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Speaker 3: Because it's hard, right, I mean, when you're in there,

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Speaker 3: think of it, it's hard. And I guess I can

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Speaker 3: get why somebody would say, yeah, life feels a little

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Speaker 3: bit boring because it is just so tiring.

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Speaker 2: But you know, it just made me start to think

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Speaker 2: about things, and I think about the person that I

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Speaker 2: am now. It's a direct result of those years that

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Speaker 2: my friend is right in the middle of right now,

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Speaker 2: where she's feeling that she's not interesting, and the recognition

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Speaker 2: that I am only the person I am now because

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Speaker 2: of those years that felt mundane and felt at times

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Speaker 2: just so ho hum and hard and you know, just

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Speaker 2: day to day struggle.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you're not the person because of the struggle. The

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Speaker 3: person you are because of the way you approach the struggle.

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Speaker 3: So the choice that you have when you're a young

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Speaker 3: mum specifically, but even a young dad. I mean I

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Speaker 3: made a pretty big choice around fatherhood as well. The

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Speaker 3: choice that you make, the way you choose to act

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Speaker 3: with intention, that determines what your destiny is. It's the

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Speaker 3: day to day decisions that determine destiny. You can't so

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Speaker 3: I like, you're incredible with birthday parties, You're amazing with events.

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Speaker 3: You're an incredible I mean just fabulous, stunning in the kitchen,

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Speaker 3: you know how to do all this stuff. But it's

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Speaker 3: because when we made the decision, primarily when you made

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Speaker 3: the decision that you're going to stay at home and

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Speaker 3: raise the kids rather than go out to work. You

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Speaker 3: put your heart and soul into it. You put everything

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Speaker 3: into it. And it was mundane and it was hard,

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Speaker 3: and it was banal and it was boring, but you

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Speaker 3: put everything into it and that has led to the

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Speaker 3: growth that's led to you being the phenomenon that Misappy

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Speaker 3: Families is today.

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Speaker 2: It's very much about intention. And for me, when I

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Speaker 2: look back on those years and even now, I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm still developing, I'm still growing. I'm still learning. The

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Speaker 2: thing that I have loved the most is there are

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Speaker 2: some strengths that I have tapped into. And the number

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Speaker 2: one strength would be creativity. Like I love to be creative,

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Speaker 2: and so before we had kids, I was doing craft

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Speaker 2: all the time. And then we had kids, and I

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Speaker 2: tried to keep doing craft and it just got hard.

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Speaker 2: And so you talk about birthday parties, you talk about planning,

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Speaker 2: you talk about, you know, just doing events for the

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Speaker 2: kids and things like that. That's where I was able

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Speaker 2: to utilize my creativity in the kitchen, learning new recipes.

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Speaker 2: That was how I kind of explored my creativity. But

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Speaker 2: it was actually out of necessity.

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Speaker 3: Can we just yeah, I want to paint the picture here.

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Speaker 3: This isn't where you sort of went, well, I used

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Speaker 3: to be creative like this, but now we have children,

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Speaker 3: so I'm going to be creative like that. That's not

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Speaker 3: what happened. I remember you would be sitting in the

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Speaker 3: room on the bed in a heap, going, I don't

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Speaker 3: know how I'm going to do this. I've taken on

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Speaker 3: too much. This was a ridiculous idea. I've got no

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Speaker 3: idea how I'm going to make this event work. And

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Speaker 3: the headaches and the challenge and the trial that you

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Speaker 3: went through to make each of these events what it

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Speaker 3: became like, this was not an easy thing for you.

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Speaker 3: And it's not like you wanted to be doing these things.

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Speaker 3: Quite often, you were doing it because you felt duty

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Speaker 3: bound to do it, but you just wanted to give

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Speaker 3: the kids a good experience. But again, you put your

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Speaker 3: heart and soul into it, and the learning that you've had,

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Speaker 3: the experiences that you've had have shaped who you are now.

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Speaker 3: There's and nothing was boring about it, But it was

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Speaker 3: really really hard, and at the time it felt like

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Speaker 3: it was boring.

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Speaker 2: You know. One of the things that actually was pivotal

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Speaker 2: to shaping me was actually living on a budget. Ah yeah,

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Speaker 2: all of those years while you were a student. I

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Speaker 2: had to find ways to be creative and to give

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Speaker 2: the kids experiences without it hurting us financially.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, with literally. I remember one year we did a

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Speaker 3: homemade Christmas because we had no money for Christmas gifts

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Speaker 3: at all, and so we just made the decision home

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Speaker 3: made Christmas. We have to make stuff for everyone, which.

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Speaker 2: I thought was a great idea at the.

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Speaker 3: Time, wasn't it. I Mean it was a massive drama,

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Speaker 3: But how much did we learn and how much fun

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Speaker 3: was it?

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Speaker 2: Well? I had to make presents for everyone because but

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Speaker 2: then I had to spend one on one time with

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Speaker 2: six children at various ages who had all got one sister.

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Speaker 2: We did secret sisters, one sister to make a present

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Speaker 2: for and work with them without anyone else knowing what

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Speaker 2: was going on. It was so much work and I

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Speaker 2: was exhausted at the end of it. But one of

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Speaker 2: our favorite Christmas memories.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think you started preparing for

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Speaker 3: Christmas in September because it was a homemade Christmas and

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Speaker 3: we had no money. What's this got to do with? Actually,

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Speaker 3: before I asked that question, a quick point creativity is

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Speaker 3: infinite unless you're tired. Creativity is really limited. When you're

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Speaker 3: super tired, you're just like, I have no capacity for creativity.

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Speaker 3: But creativity itself is infinite. You think about how many

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Speaker 3: bajillions of songs have been written, You think about how

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Speaker 3: many stories have been told, You think about how many

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Speaker 3: inventions have been created, and how many there will yet be.

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Speaker 3: Creativity is infinite, and so from a parenting point of view,

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Speaker 3: when we're looking at the mundane everyday ho hum, stuff

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Speaker 3: that we're trapesing through, especially when the kids are young

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Speaker 3: and we are that exhausted. We can come up with

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Speaker 3: an infinite number of ways to play with the kids,

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Speaker 3: an infinite number of ways to host a party for

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Speaker 3: the kids, an infinite number of ways to discipline the

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Speaker 3: kids in positive and efficient, effective, productive ways. I think

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Speaker 3: we just need to illustrate that, and recognizing that creativity

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Speaker 3: is infinite should give every parent who's exhausted and over

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Speaker 3: it's some hope that if they just look at a

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Speaker 3: little bit differently, just try something new, it will change

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Speaker 3: the way their family feels. And in ten, fifteen, twenty

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Speaker 3: years time, I mean we've been parenting now for twenty

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Speaker 3: three plus years. Over time, it changes and shapes who

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Speaker 3: you become. Being creative is really vital to that process.

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Speaker 2: At one of the times in our lives where time

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Speaker 2: was so funds were so low, and we were really

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Speaker 2: really struggling nice today, I needed I needed an outlet.

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Speaker 2: I remember finding joy in mending. People would hand clothes

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Speaker 2: down to us all the time because we had six girls,

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Speaker 2: and so they were constantly hand me downs coming through

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Speaker 2: the door. Left her own center and I would go

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Speaker 2: through the bags and find clothes that were ripped or

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Speaker 2: you know, kind of just stretched out of place, and

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Speaker 2: I would spend a handful of minutes just putting them

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Speaker 2: back into shape. And I found so much joy out

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Speaker 2: of that finding something that was completely ruined, destroyed, couldn't

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Speaker 2: be used again, and I would make it into something

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Speaker 2: that the kids could wear.

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Speaker 3: I haven't seen that sewing machine for a while. I

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Speaker 3: remember one time you pulled apart a few pairs of

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Speaker 3: jeans and turned them into a cushion cover.

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Speaker 2: I mean, well before that, it was actually a baby's

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Speaker 2: activity blanket, and that was my favorite.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you use it, which is the bolt loops for

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Speaker 2: toys to be attached to it, pockets to hide things,

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Speaker 2: and it was so much fun.

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Speaker 3: So when you're having this conversation with our friend and

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Speaker 3: she's saying life's boring, We're boring. Having children has ruined

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Speaker 3: the fun that we have in life, what's the real upshot?

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Speaker 3: What's the real outtake here of this conversation? Because I

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Speaker 3: feel like we've talked a lot about being creative and

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Speaker 3: maximizing resources with even when they're limited, being creative with that,

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Speaker 3: But what's the central thing that you're trying to get

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Speaker 3: up for any mum who's kind of going, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I kind of missed my life before kids.

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Speaker 2: For me, as I look back on those years, I

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Speaker 2: recognize that the person I am today I couldn't be

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Speaker 2: this person, and I feel like I'm quite an interesting

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Speaker 2: person these days. I have got so many facets to

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Speaker 2: myself because of all of the skills that I learned

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Speaker 2: in those mundane, everyday interactions with my children and my family.

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Speaker 2: I didn't see it at the time. It just often

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Speaker 2: felt really hard, and I was frustrated because I wanted

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Speaker 2: more time to be able to do the things that

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Speaker 2: I loved. But it's actually been those hard years in

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Speaker 2: the trenches, working alongside my kids to create experiences for

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Speaker 2: them that they'll remember that have elevated me and allowed

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Speaker 2: me to have opportunities that I would never have had

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Speaker 2: without them, would never have had without them. And now

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Speaker 2: my events aren't little kids' birthday parties. I'm doing big

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Speaker 2: events for big adults, weddings and things like that that

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Speaker 2: I would never have attempted to do if it hadn't

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Speaker 2: have been for the little birthday parties I did in

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Speaker 2: the backyard.

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Speaker 3: I love that. I love that idea, the idea that

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Speaker 3: you've got to start somewhere, So it start small with

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Speaker 3: a two year old, because it doesn't matter what it's like,

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Speaker 3: but the more you do it, the better you get

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Speaker 3: at it. It's another reason to have more kids.

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Speaker 2: Well. The other thing that really stood out to me

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Speaker 2: about it is in those early years, often we spend

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Speaker 2: our time with other mums, and I think about all

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Speaker 2: of the skills that I learned, Like I wasn't always

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Speaker 2: good at doing things, but there were always other people

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Speaker 2: around me who were, and we were able to share

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Speaker 2: ideas with each other. And that's what I absolutely loved.

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Speaker 2: Because now we're all kind of older and our kids

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Speaker 2: are moving on, people are doing different things with their lives,

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Speaker 2: and it's harder to get together than it was when

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Speaker 2: we had little kids at home.

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Speaker 3: Here say that, what I'm really hearing is it can

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Speaker 3: be easy for some people to forget who they were

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Speaker 3: when they become a mum. But that's I think what

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Speaker 3: you're saying is part of the beauty of becoming a mum.

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Speaker 3: You in some ways you don't completely leave that behind.

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Speaker 3: Who you were shapes who you become. But once you're

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Speaker 3: a mum, if you invest in it the right way.

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Speaker 3: It actually shapes you and helps you to grow in

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Speaker 3: a whole lot of new ways that make you better,

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Speaker 3: more capable, and change the trajectory of your life.

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Speaker 2: There is nothing boring about being a mum. And I

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Speaker 2: look at these two friends of ours and I think

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Speaker 2: they've got a fascinating life and they are so creative,

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Speaker 2: and they bring so much joy to their children's lives

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Speaker 2: into that families that associate with them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, let's wrap up with just some really cool research

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Speaker 3: from Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert. He's written a bunch of

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Speaker 3: really really best selling books, really really best selling. Can

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Speaker 3: I say that? He's a really great psychology books And

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Speaker 3: he talks about how when you ask people in their

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Speaker 3: thirties how much they've grown in the last decade, they say, oh, amazingly,

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Speaker 3: so much. But when you ask them, do you think

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Speaker 3: there's much to go, they'll usually say, oh, yeah, a

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Speaker 3: little bit, there's definitely summary for growth. But the last

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Speaker 3: decade was seriously the most growth that I've ever had

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Speaker 3: in my life. And then you ask people when they're

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Speaker 3: forty what happened in the last decade, and they say,

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Speaker 3: I thought my twenties was big. But the thirties holy smokes.

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Speaker 3: And how much to go? Well, yeah, I reckon, there's

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Speaker 3: probably a bit more to go, but this was the

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Speaker 3: big decade. And then you get somebody who's fifty and

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Speaker 3: they say, oh, my forties, Holy cow, I can't believe

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Speaker 3: how much I progress, how much I grew. What the

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Speaker 3: research shows is this pattern continues up until the time

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Speaker 3: we're about eighty. We're in our eighties before we start

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Speaker 3: to say, oh yeah, maybe I'm slowing down a bit now.

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Speaker 3: And what that tells me is there is so much hope.

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Speaker 3: There's so much opportunity for growth and development if we've

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Speaker 3: got our eyes open for it, if we're looking for it,

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Speaker 3: and if we can somehow find the opportunity for a

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Speaker 3: little bit more creativity, a little bit more contribution, a

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Speaker 3: little bit more involvement with the kids, it makes a

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Speaker 3: huge difference. I'm so glad you had that conversation. Thanks

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Speaker 3: for the insights.

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Speaker 2: I am too. It was really good to reflect on

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Speaker 2: it and to see how much I've grown over the years.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you have. The Happy Families podcast is produced

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Speaker 3: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce acting

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Speaker 3: as our executive producer. For more information about making your

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Speaker 3: family happier, please visit us for a whole lot of

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Speaker 3: resources at happy families dot com dot au