1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: Hello, this is the all new Positivity Podcast, Episode number eight. 2 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: My name is doctor Justin Coulson, and welcome to the 3 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: podcast that's dedicated to making your life, your work, and 4 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,960 Speaker 1: your family happier. In two thousand and six, a thirty 5 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: two year old man, he was the Milkman, walked into 6 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: an Amish school in the USA and he shot and 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 1: killed five girls. He injured another five, and then he 8 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: took his own life with his gun. It was just 9 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: one of so many mass shootings in the USA, and 10 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: obviously it garnered worldwide attention. Well, what you might not 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,480 Speaker 1: know about that story is that the gunman's parents wanted 12 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: to leave town when they found out what their son 13 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 1: had done. They were devastated, obviously, and they felt like 14 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: they needed to get out of their start their lives 15 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: somewhere else, just get away away from the fear of 16 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: judgment and reprisal. Well, the Amish people, the victims include 17 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: parents of the dead, visited the parents of the gunman 18 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:08,320 Speaker 1: the very night of the incident. They attended the funeral 19 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: of the man who had taken their daughter's lives, and 20 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: they expressed immediate forgiveness. Terry Roberts was the mother of 21 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: the gunman. In her words, she said, there are not 22 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,199 Speaker 1: words to describe how that made us feel that day, 23 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 1: for the mother and father who had lost not just one, 24 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: but two daughters at the hand of our son to 25 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 1: come up and be the first ones to greet us. 26 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:33,960 Speaker 2: Wow. 27 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,759 Speaker 1: Is there anything in this life that we should not forgive? 28 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: That's the end of the quote. It seems that forgiveness 29 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: has given Terry Roberts a future and helped her to 30 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: find a sense of meaning and maybe even happiness in 31 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: her life as a result. Today, we're going to talk 32 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: about forgiveness and how it makes us happier in our 33 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 1: lives at work and at home. We'll take a look 34 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: at a child who has anxiety about getting in the 35 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: car after a car crash with ask doctor justin forgiveness 36 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: coming up in just a moment. 37 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 3: Are you pulling your hair out because your child won't listen, 38 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 3: won't do what your request? Do you find yourself shouting 39 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 3: at the children because you just don't know what else 40 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 3: to do. Do you have a child who is aggressive 41 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 3: or hurting you or his or her siblings, or are 42 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 3: you dealing with a child that is back chatting or disrespectful. 43 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 3: Are you finding parenting more challenging than you ever thought possible. 44 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 3: Doctor Justin Coulson provides one on one parenting coaching via 45 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,640 Speaker 3: Skype or phone and can help you with parenting coaching. 46 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:43,679 Speaker 3: You receive personalized individual guidance design specifically for your family's 47 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 3: unique circumstances. Find solutions to the parenting problems that are 48 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,799 Speaker 3: driving you crazy, effective discipline strategies where you can stop 49 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 3: being the drill sergeant, a better relationship with your children, 50 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 3: and a happier home where everyone looks forward to being together. 51 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 3: For more detail, and a coaching package that will suit you, 52 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 3: visit Justinculson dot com forward slash coaching. 53 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 1: Forgiveness is a challenge. Somebody does something to you that 54 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,639 Speaker 1: you don't like. Forgiving them is not Let's just say, 55 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: it's not a typical reaction, whether it's as simple as 56 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: having someone cut you off while you're driving, or something 57 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: as dramatic and horrific as being hurt or having a 58 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: loved one taken from you. Now, some people might say 59 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: why should I forgive? Others might say I refuse to forgive. 60 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: Let's get a definition of forgiveness first, and then we'll 61 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: talk about what research tells us about how forgiveness affects 62 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: us and others. At a minimum, forgiveness means that we 63 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 1: let go of a desire to retaliate against somebody. If 64 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: we're going to have an ongoing relationship with the person, 65 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: it's about moving towards positive feelings towards them. I think 66 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: that it's also helpful to look at unforgiveness and what 67 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: that might be. Unforgiveness is when we maintain our opposition 68 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: or our hostility towards someone for what they've done. So 69 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: when we forgive, we basically let go of that opposition, 70 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 1: We let go of that hostility towards them for what 71 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: they've done. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to 72 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 1: forget what they've done, nor does it mean that we're 73 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: going to condone what they've done or even necessarily be 74 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: their friends again. But it is about a conciliation of sorts. 75 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: For an ongoing relationship, it is about a reconciliation. But 76 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: even for a relationship that will not be ongoing, there 77 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 1: needs to be some sort of a conciliation for forgiveness 78 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,359 Speaker 1: to happen. Now, what I'm not going to do in 79 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: this podcast is tell you who to forgive or what 80 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 1: to forgive them for. 81 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 2: That's up to you. 82 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 1: But instead I want to step out the ramifications of 83 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 1: forgiveness and unforgiveness and give you some tips on helping 84 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: to forgive. Let's talk about unforgiveness for just a minute. 85 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: Unforgiveness has been shown in studies around the world to 86 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: take a toll on people physically, mentally, obviously, socially in 87 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,840 Speaker 1: our relationships, and even have an impact on our spiritual health. 88 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 2: If you think about. 89 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 1: People that you know who are consumed with anger and 90 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 1: thoughts of revenge or simply an inability to let go 91 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,479 Speaker 1: of something that happened to them at some point in 92 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,239 Speaker 1: their lives. People who will not forgive, you've probably found 93 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: that they're not necessarily nice to be around. You've probably 94 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: found that they can be quite bitter, that their conversations 95 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,479 Speaker 1: are fairly negative. You may even find that they're quite 96 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: unhealthy because it does have a physical toll as well. 97 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 1: By contrast, new research suggests that forgiveness is of benefit 98 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: to our health and of benefit to our wellbeing. 99 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 2: There was one. 100 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: Study that I read where a psychologist asked people to 101 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: think about someone who had hurt them, or mistreated them, 102 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: or offended them didn't have to be a big thing. 103 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: They just had to have been heard or mistreated or 104 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,919 Speaker 1: offended by somebody. And while they thought about this person 105 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:53,600 Speaker 1: and the offense, the psychologists monitored their blood pressure, their 106 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: heart rate, even monitored the muscle tension in their face, 107 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: and also how much the sweat gland activity was going on. 108 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: What she found was that when people were ruminating over 109 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,720 Speaker 1: an old transgression, in other words, when people were being 110 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: unforgiving and recalling this grudge, their physiological symptoms were soaring. 111 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 1: Their blood pressure, their heart rate at all increased, they 112 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: were sweating more, they became more stressed. They reported that 113 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: they felt unpleasant. In short, it made them feel angry 114 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: and sad and anxious, and it actually made them feel 115 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: like they were not in control of their lives. It 116 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: reduced their self efficacy. The participants were also asked in 117 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 1: this study to think about that incident and think about 118 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,840 Speaker 1: the person who had offended them or hurt them, and 119 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: try to empathize with their offender or try to imagine 120 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: forgiving them, try to see what it was like for 121 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 1: them and what might have caused it, and sort of 122 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 1: walked through that put themselves in that person's shoes. When 123 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: they practiced forgivenessness, that physical arousal, those physiological signs coasted downward. 124 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 1: They showed no more of a stress reaction than just 125 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 1: normal wakefulness, just being awake and alive produces. So why 126 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: might that relationship between unforgiveness and negative health symptoms exist? 127 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: Have a think about this. Hostility is a central part 128 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: of unforgiveness. When we won't forgive somebody, we stay mad 129 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: at them hostile and hostility has also been found a 130 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: bit a part of type A behavior that seems to 131 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: have the most devastating health effects, like increased risk of 132 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: cardiovascular disease as well as just increased levels of stress 133 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: hormones in the body. When we give up a grudge, 134 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,360 Speaker 1: it actually frees us, not necessarily the other person, but 135 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: it frees us from those feelings of hostility and all 136 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: of the unhealthy consequences around that. 137 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 2: So how do we forgive? 138 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: I have a five step plan that will help you 139 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: to forgive others if that's what you choose to do, 140 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: because of the health benefits, because of the psychological benefits, 141 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 1: and because of the social benefits among others. First off, 142 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: Step one, acknowledge what happened. You might not need to 143 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: acknowledge it to anybody but yourself. But it's important that 144 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 1: you acknowledge what happened. Maybe acknowledge it to the offender 145 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: if it's viable to do so, but be honest about it. 146 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 1: Front up and say this is what happened, and it's 147 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: not okay that it happened. 148 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 2: It was wrong. 149 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: You might choose to tell somebody else about it, but 150 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 1: you do it not with a view to venting and 151 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: being angry about it. Instead, you do it with a 152 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,199 Speaker 1: view to understanding it. It's not about steaming up. It's 153 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: about getting a clear picture of what happened and really 154 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: understanding it. 155 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:42,959 Speaker 2: Step two. 156 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: Once you've acknowledged it and you've worked through your own 157 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: feelings of frustration and anger, and you're calm enough to 158 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 1: think beyond that emotional center of the brain, the limbic system, 159 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: the part of the brain that's really fired up about it, 160 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: use your prefrontal cortex to can cosit of the offender's 161 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: point of view, to try and empathize with the offender. 162 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: Now you don't have to agree with them, but you 163 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,199 Speaker 1: do have to try and understand what pain are they in, 164 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: what led them to do something so wrong, What hurt 165 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: in their lives, is causing them to lash out like 166 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: this to hurt others. Once we start to empathize with 167 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 1: the other person and try to understand where they are 168 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 1: in their lives and why they think it's okay to 169 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: do that, we have these powerful shifts in our perception 170 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: and this increased capacity to forgive. The third step is 171 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 1: to get perspective. Is the person's action hurting you anymore? 172 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: If it's not, then what is hurting you is your thoughts, 173 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: the fact that you're ruminating about it and that you 174 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 1: can't stop reflecting on it, that you're. 175 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 2: Not letting it go. 176 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: It may have hurt when it happened, but does it 177 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: have to keep on hurting. The fourth step is this, 178 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,839 Speaker 1: if you can make a conscious decision, let it go. 179 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:03,079 Speaker 1: This is where we cue the Frozen soundtrack and start singing. 180 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 2: Let it go, Let it go. 181 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: If you think you can talk to the other person 182 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: the offender, let them know I forgive you for what 183 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: you've done. Now, sometimes they might not even know that 184 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: they've upset you, and walking into that situation where you 185 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: say I forgive you sounds very self righteous. So think 186 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 1: carefully about the way you want to approach this and 187 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: whether you even need to talk to them about it. 188 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: But letting somebody know I forgive you for what you've done, 189 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: especially if they. 190 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,440 Speaker 2: Are sorry, is powerful. 191 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: If you don't think it's appropriate to actually tell them 192 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 1: that you've forgiven them, maybe you can write a letter 193 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: explaining your perspective and outlining what you guess their perspective 194 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: might be that could help you. May or may not 195 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: choose to deliver it. It's really about going through this 196 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 1: process of acknowledging what happened, working through your own feelings, 197 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: and then considering their point of view, getting some perspective 198 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: on whether or not it's still affecting you or whether 199 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: it still needs to affect you, and then actually letting 200 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: it go. That's step four. Step five the final step. 201 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: When you feel yourself succumbing to your over the issue, 202 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: because it will come up again and again and again, 203 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: remind yourself that you've dealt with it and that you've 204 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: gotten it out of your system. Remind yourself that stewing 205 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: over it isn't going to make it better, but moving 206 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: on will. 207 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 2: Those are the five steps that I. 208 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: Think will help you to forgive and move on in 209 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 1: healthy and productive ways and improve your well being as 210 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 1: a result. I love the analogy I heard this years ago. 211 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: There are two courses of action to follow when one 212 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear, 213 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 1: or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it, or he 214 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: may make full haste to get the venom out of 215 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: his system. If we pursue the latter course, we will 216 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 1: likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former, 217 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: we may not be around long enough to finish it. 218 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: In other words, worry about fixing up yourself, and forgiveness 219 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: is an important part of that. Don't worry about chasing 220 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: down the snake and killing it. 221 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 2: You're only going to hurt your self in the process. 222 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: What does this mean in an applied sense, Well, if 223 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 1: your teenager gives you a whole bunch of attitude, forgive him. 224 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: From his perspective, he feels justified. Doesn't mean he's right, 225 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,319 Speaker 1: but in his mighty is. When we let the anger 226 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: build and grow, it won't make things better. All it 227 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: does is drive a wedge into our relationships. It causes resentment, 228 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: it causes animosity, and it creates more distance. And you 229 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 1: probably know too many families have fallen apart because there's 230 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 1: been an unwillingness to forgive on one part or another. 231 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: If a stranger does something awful, like the son of 232 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: Terry Roberts who killed those five Amish girls, the task 233 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: is greater. But if you scour the internet looking for 234 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,199 Speaker 1: stories of forgiveness, you will find a recurring theme. Those 235 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 1: who forgive experience peace and eventual happiness and deep meaning 236 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,319 Speaker 1: in their lives because of what they're able to do now. 237 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 1: The reality is that forgiveness is probably not a linear process. 238 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: It's a roller coaster of ups and downs and backtracking 239 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: and loop the loops and merry go rounds. You'll hit 240 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 1: wonderful highs and then you'll feel yourself racing down a 241 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 1: crazy steep decline because of some kind of trigger in 242 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: your environment that brings back all of those memories. I 243 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: love the quote from the actress Harriet Nelson. She said, 244 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but 245 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 1: for yourself. You'll feel much needed peace. You'll feel much 246 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: needed freedom as you focus on forgiving and letting go. 247 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: Holding onto the pain allows the negative event to maintain 248 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: an unnecessary hold on your life. You need better, You 249 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: deserve better. And it's a powerful positivity booster. So here's 250 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 1: my question for you. Have you forgiven someone, maybe someone 251 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 1: that you were struggling to forgive, someone that it was 252 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: hard to forgive, and if so, how did it improve 253 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: your life? You don't need to leave all the details, 254 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,559 Speaker 1: but I'd love to know if you leave your answer 255 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: at Justinculson dot com, slash podcast, slash nine, just use 256 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 1: the number nine. 257 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,120 Speaker 2: I'd love to hear about your. 258 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 1: Forgiveness experience and how it's improved your life. Up next, 259 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 1: some advice for a mum whose child was in a 260 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,079 Speaker 1: car accident. 261 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 2: And is now afraid of getting into the car. 262 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 4: Your conference is about to start. It's five minutes to go. 263 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 4: People are inside taking their chairs. I wonder what's going 264 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 4: to happen next. Perhaps you're worried about the guest speakers. 265 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 4: What will they say? Will it be appropriate relevance and 266 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 4: up to dates? Will it be evidence based? Will they 267 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 4: stick to time? Is it going to be boring? You 268 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 4: want to be sure the information at your conference will 269 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 4: tick all your boxes and give everyone the stuff they 270 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 4: want to learn. You want people to come to you 271 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 4: at the end of the day and say, wow, thanks 272 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 4: for organizing today. I took so much away from your conference, 273 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 4: Doctor Justin Coilson can help. He provides keynote speeches from 274 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 4: thirty minutes to an hour and a half, workshops from 275 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 4: ninety minutes to half days, and even day long seminars. 276 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 4: He speaks to school kids, professional educators, principles and teachers 277 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 4: who are working day to day in the classroom, right 278 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 4: through to other vs like lawyers and bankers who are parents. 279 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 4: Because we all want happier families, happier classrooms, and happier workplaces. 280 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 4: So what's your next conference abouts? If you'd like to 281 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 4: learn more about getting a speaker who will help your 282 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 4: audience learn, laugh, and leave with practical tools that will 283 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 4: empower them to be happier, more productive, and better parents, teachers, people, 284 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 4: and if you'd like the credit for having chosen that speaker, 285 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 4: visit Justinkilson dot com for more information about booking doctor 286 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 4: Justin Kilson as a speaker at your next conference. 287 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: Justinkilson dot com for this week's Ask Doctor Justin. A 288 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: mum has been in touch with me. She was involved 289 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 1: in a car accident with her six year old daughter. 290 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: Now her little girl does not want to get back 291 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: into the car she's afraid, she's anxious. What can she do? Well, 292 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 1: here's my response. If your kids are afraid of anything 293 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: after some sort of a trauma, you're really going to 294 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: do best if you put yourself in their shoes and 295 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 1: try to understand things from their perspective. 296 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 2: Just imagine this. 297 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: Imagine you're afraid of catching airplane. You're afraid of flying, 298 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 1: So you climb on board the flight and you feel 299 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: your heart and your chest starting to pound. You can 300 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: feel your heart rate increasing, and your palms start sweating, 301 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 1: and you can hear your heart pounding your ears, and 302 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: the pilot sees this worried look on your face and says, 303 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: don't worry, it'll be okay. So you say, well, I'm 304 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: actually really scared of flying, and I just watched a 305 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: documentary the other day about flights crashing. And he says, look, 306 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,600 Speaker 1: those crashes were accidents. I saw the same show. Sometimes 307 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: accidents happen. Are you feeling safe? And now maybe he 308 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: goes the extra mile and says, I'll tell you what. 309 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: I'll show you all the features of the aircraft. I'll 310 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: help you understand how good our technology is. And then 311 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: he gives you a lengthy lecture pointing out all of 312 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: the various ways that he can ensure your safety. You're 313 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: feeling comfortable, maybe a little, but probably not in all reality. 314 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: And then of course at the end of that he 315 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 1: smiles and says, if we do have an accident, we've 316 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 1: got things in place to keep you safe as well. 317 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: Our hostess will show you every everything that you need 318 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 1: to know, and then he hands you over to one 319 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 1: of those safety brochures to read in the seat pocket 320 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 1: in front of you. The chances are, with all of 321 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,479 Speaker 1: that time and with all that talking, with all that attention, 322 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: you're still going to be pretty much petrified. One of 323 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,640 Speaker 1: the most common parenting mistakes that we make is that 324 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 1: when our children are experiencing these really intense emotions like fear, 325 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: we become really logical with them. Whether they're afraid, or 326 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: whether they're frustrated or feeling really sad, or they're grieving 327 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: or they're angry, we very quickly and very neatly explain 328 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 1: why everything's okay. We tell them to calm down and 329 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 1: everything's fine, and we tell them to just trust me. 330 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 1: Sometimes we tell them what happened and why and what 331 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,960 Speaker 1: the outcome will be, or what the outcome might be. 332 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: And it seems that this mom might be doing this 333 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: a bit with her daughter. She's kind of stepping it 334 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: through and saying, look, it was an accident. These things 335 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 1: only happen every now and again. It's probably not ever 336 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,680 Speaker 1: going to happen again, and you're going to be fine, 337 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,880 Speaker 1: and we've got a safe car and we've got seat belts. 338 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 2: And it'll be fine. Now, we do this with the 339 00:17:59,359 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 2: very best of intense. 340 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: We feel that if we give our children more information 341 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 1: that that's all that they need. But unfortunately, when we 342 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 1: say things like you'll be fine, it was an accident, 343 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,880 Speaker 1: how often has it happened before? Calm down, it doesn't 344 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: really make them feel reassured or safe. 345 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 2: And let me ask you this, what makes. 346 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 1: You feel reassured or safe is a logical explanation from 347 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 1: somebody who knows more than. 348 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 2: You and is more experienced than you. 349 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 1: Maybe sometimes it could be, but i'd venture that more 350 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 1: often than not, it's not going to be enough. 351 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:34,239 Speaker 2: Is it? 352 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,360 Speaker 1: Somebody telling you to calm down? Usually when somebody tells 353 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,440 Speaker 1: me to calm down, it makes me more and more anxious. 354 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 2: Well, there may. 355 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,120 Speaker 1: Be some people for whom this is enough. Many people 356 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: are still not going to feel that good about it, 357 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:50,959 Speaker 1: because understanding at an intellectual or a logical level is 358 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: not what our kids normally need. It's something at an 359 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,360 Speaker 1: emotional level that they need. I think what will help 360 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 1: this little girl most is emotional first aid. When you 361 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: think of the physical first aid we give to a 362 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: child who's hurt, we rush to them, We clean their wounds, 363 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: we cover their wounds, we tend to them until they're 364 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 1: out of danger. Emotional first aid is the same kind 365 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,199 Speaker 1: of thing, but it's focused on the emotions rather than 366 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: the physical body. So if our child is hurting emotionally, 367 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: we focus on soothing their emotions. Researchers from MIT and 368 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,679 Speaker 1: from Yale, among others, have created entire programs that are 369 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 1: built on teaching people how to give emotional first aid 370 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,359 Speaker 1: coaching children through emotions, and the steps are really quite simple. 371 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 1: Here's my simplified version, bringing together a few of these 372 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 1: programs in one. First of all, acknowledge that your child's 373 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 1: experiencing the emotion and see it, secondly as a chance 374 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: to be close to them. Third, label the emotion, give 375 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: it a name. You're feeling really afraid, You're feeling really anxious. Fourth, 376 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: validate the emotion. Sometimes I feel like that too. Lots 377 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 1: of people feel like that. 378 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,640 Speaker 2: When they're in that situation. 379 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: Whatever it is that you need to say to validate 380 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,439 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that they're right, by the way, It 381 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,719 Speaker 1: just means that you're saying, I get how you feel. 382 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 1: Sometimes people feel like and lastly, problem solved together once 383 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,159 Speaker 1: the emotion has subsided. See, children want to know that 384 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: the world is safe and predictable, and a little girl 385 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: who has been involved in a car accident and now 386 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 1: is scared to get in a car is really saying 387 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,119 Speaker 1: I believed in a safe world, and now that belief 388 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,880 Speaker 1: has been interrupted by the accident, and so she needs 389 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: to feel safe again. She doesn't need to be told 390 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 1: she's safe again. She needs to feel safe and the 391 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,399 Speaker 1: best way to help her feel safe is to see 392 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: her emotional pain and respond to it, to be close 393 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: to it, to tell her what you think she's feeling, 394 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: and that everyone feels like that, and then hug her, 395 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,200 Speaker 1: and then when she's ready, say. 396 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,479 Speaker 2: Well, what should we do about it? 397 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,119 Speaker 1: I think that it's really important that if a child's 398 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,440 Speaker 1: hesitant to do something that has caused some trauma, whether 399 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,359 Speaker 1: it's getting into a car or going in the pool 400 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 1: or whatever it might be, we should let them know 401 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: that that's normal as well, and engaging conversation to help 402 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,920 Speaker 1: them decide that they will actually go and do it again. 403 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: Couple of extra points, don't make a big deal about it. 404 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: Just be patient, be compassionate, don't bring it up, don't 405 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: get frustrated. If she goes backwards before going forwards, that's 406 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 1: pretty normal. It's about being patient. And similarly, if she's 407 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: in the car, for example, and she gets mad at 408 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 1: other drivers because they've frightened her, instead of getting mad 409 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: at her, just be understanding and use those steps that 410 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,120 Speaker 1: I've outlined to respond softly and let her know it's 411 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 1: okay to be afraid. So that's my answer for that one. 412 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 1: If you have any questions about your parenting your child rearing, 413 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,359 Speaker 1: you can ask me a question at justinculson dot com 414 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: slash questions. All you've got to do is leave a 415 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 1: voice message there, or you can email me or the 416 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,440 Speaker 1: info you need Justinculson dot com slash questions. Up next, 417 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,159 Speaker 1: I've got an important announcement that I think you'll be 418 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: very interested in and a quote. In fact, I've got 419 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 1: about four quotes about forgiveness that I hope that you'll 420 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,479 Speaker 1: be able to share with your kids and remember for 421 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: a long, long time. 422 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 5: Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do, 423 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 5: so it's important that we get it right. But with 424 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,159 Speaker 5: so much pressure, demands, and advice, it's hard to know 425 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 5: what our children really need. Using the very best scientific 426 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 5: research and then turning it into an easy to read 427 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 5: book and cd What your Child Needs from You helps 428 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 5: you connect with your children in meaningful ways. Doctor John 429 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 5: Irvine reviewed it and said practical, easy to read, well referenced, 430 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 5: and covers so many of the day to day topics 431 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 5: parents agonize over, and Michael Gross claimed this is a 432 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 5: book that deserves a special place by the side of 433 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 5: every parent's band. What your Child Needs from You from 434 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 5: Doctor Justin Coulson is the parenting book that offers the 435 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 5: solutions to make you a better parent and help your 436 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,439 Speaker 5: family to be happier. Available as an ebook and an 437 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 5: audiobook at major online booksellers now and at Justinculson dot com. 438 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,040 Speaker 1: Well, I'm pretty excited to tell you that I'm just 439 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: a short time away from releasing two new ebooks. The 440 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,480 Speaker 1: first one is all about positivity. It's a quirky little 441 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 1: ebook called five Surprising Secrets to Creating a Happier, more 442 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 1: successful You starting now. And in this e book, I'm 443 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 1: going to uncover a bunch of little known scientific facts 444 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 1: of which are remarkably counterintuitive, that can lead us, our 445 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 1: work teams, and our families to greater happiness and success without. 446 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 2: A great deal of effort at all. And I think 447 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:12,800 Speaker 2: you're going to love it. 448 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,440 Speaker 1: As well as that, I've been collaborating with a dietitian 449 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,400 Speaker 1: by the name of Fiona Sutherland on an ebook called 450 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: Getting It Right Without a Fight. It's an ebook for 451 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 1: parents of fussy eaters. I'll be launching that. 452 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 2: In a few weeks. 453 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 1: And if you've ever experienced food battles with you young'uns, 454 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,640 Speaker 1: this is the book for you. 455 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 2: So I'll keep you posted on that one. Okay. 456 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: This week's quote on forgiveness, Oscar Wilde said, always forgive 457 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 1: your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. Well, that's not 458 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,680 Speaker 1: what this podcast about, but I just wanted to share it, 459 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,199 Speaker 1: so I thought that was funny. Here we go with 460 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 1: a more serious one. Gandy said the week can never forgive. 461 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 1: Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. I love that 462 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: and Gordon Hinckley said, the willingness to forgive is a 463 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 1: sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of 464 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,880 Speaker 1: the great virtues to which we all should aspire. Imagine 465 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: a world filled with the individuals willing both to apologize 466 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,320 Speaker 1: and to accept an apology. Is there any problem that 467 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,159 Speaker 1: could not be solved among people who possessed the humility 468 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,679 Speaker 1: and largeness of spirit and soul to do either or 469 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:23,920 Speaker 1: both when needed? Mark Twain, Forgiveness is the fragrance that 470 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,239 Speaker 1: the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. 471 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 1: Beautiful and so important. I hope you've enjoyed the podcast 472 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: this week. That's all I've got for you for this week. 473 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,919 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. If you have any questions that 474 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:39,680 Speaker 1: you'd like answered, go to Justinculson dot com slash questions 475 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 1: and I'll do my best to answer you in an 476 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: upcoming podcast. Just leave a voice message there, or you 477 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: can send me an email as well. And if you've 478 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: enjoyed this podcast, you can find the outline and the 479 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,120 Speaker 1: resource links in the show notes at Justinculson dot com 480 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 1: slash podcast slash nine. As in the number nine, I'd 481 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 1: love to hear about your forgiveness experiences. So at the 482 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,240 Speaker 1: site let me know Justin Coulson dot com slash podcast 483 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: Slash nine. As always, I'd love to encourage you to 484 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,919 Speaker 1: share the podcast as well. If it's made an impact 485 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: on you or it helped you either in your personal 486 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: or professional life or in your parenting, I'd be really 487 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 1: appreciative if you could visit that website Justinculson dot com 488 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 1: slash podcast Slash nine. You'll find a prepopulated Twitter or 489 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 1: Facebook post that you can share with your friends and 490 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 1: followers and help people to find out about the podcast. 491 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: And I'd also be so grateful if you would rate 492 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: the podcast on iTunes. It's your ratings that determine how 493 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 1: likely it is that people will discover the podcast. The 494 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: ratings boost the visibility of the podcast, and it helps 495 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: other people find out that I'm here and that I'm 496 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,239 Speaker 1: trying to have a positive impact in their lives and 497 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,199 Speaker 1: in their families, So that'd be great if you do that. 498 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 1: Of course, you can subscribe to the podcast at iTunes 499 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:48,879 Speaker 1: as well. 500 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 2: That's it for this week. 501 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,280 Speaker 1: I will have another podcast All Sets go next week. 502 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,320 Speaker 1: Until then, remember, the greatest weapon against stress is our 503 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 1: ability to choose one food over an 504 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 3: In