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Speaker 1: Well, the Easter holidays are over, school is back and

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Speaker 1: life has resumed its regular routine. Today I'm a Happy

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Speaker 1: Families podcast. We review our three big holiday take home messages.

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Speaker 1: Things that we learned across the last couple of weeks

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Speaker 1: of holidays that have changed our outlook and can also

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Speaker 1: change yours. I'll do better tomorrow. Welcome to the Happy

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Speaker 1: Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's most

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Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcasts. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie,

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Speaker 1: we've had well, I guess three weeks, three weeks of downtime,

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Speaker 1: three weeks of holidays.

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Speaker 2: You're feeling refreshed, except for the jet lag part. I

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Speaker 2: actually am. Everybody who's seen me since we've been home

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Speaker 2: has acknowledged that I'm looking really good. My body's just

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Speaker 2: got to catch up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny, only a couple of hours difference.

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Speaker 1: We didn't go very far, but it really sort of

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Speaker 1: knocked us around. Okay, three take home messages. There are

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Speaker 1: three things to discuss. The first one is we went

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Speaker 1: to the Easter Show in Sydney with the kids and

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Speaker 1: for the first time ever, we actually really enjoyed it.

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Speaker 2: It was a really good experience.

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Speaker 1: To me, The central message of it is this, we

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Speaker 1: went to the Easter Show maybe five, six, seven years

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Speaker 1: ago something like that. Felt like we spent an absolute fortune,

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Speaker 1: had a miserable time, big crowds, big lines, lots of

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Speaker 1: money on total junk, everything felt expensive, just hated it. Well,

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Speaker 1: everything was overpriced the Easter Show. That's how it works. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this time we went to the Easter Show knowing that

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Speaker 1: there would be big lines, big crowds, everything would be overpriced,

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Speaker 1: it would be junk, and we kind of went with

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Speaker 1: the attitude, oh well, it is what it is, and

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Speaker 1: we're doing it for the experience. Ended up spending pretty

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Speaker 1: much exactly the same amount of money as we spent

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Speaker 1: the last time we went, adjusted for inflation. Obviously there's

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Speaker 1: been a cost of living shift, but pretty much spent

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Speaker 1: exactly the same amount of money. This time we loved it, like,

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Speaker 1: had the best time, and so did the kids. It

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Speaker 1: was such a great day out at the show.

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Speaker 2: And so my take home from all of that is

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Speaker 2: just this idea that when we have a shift in mindset,

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Speaker 2: we can experience the same thing but have a completely

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Speaker 2: different outcome.

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Speaker 1: So my mindset the first time, And let's face it,

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Speaker 1: the reason that the show was horrible half a dozen

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Speaker 1: years ago when we went was because I had a

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Speaker 1: terrible attitude. Every time I was asked for money for food,

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Speaker 1: or for a showbag, or for a ride, or for

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Speaker 1: anything at all, my response to it was something like, Oh.

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Speaker 2: This is just so ridiculous. It's so expensive.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that. I believe much. What do they do?

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Speaker 1: What do they want?

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Speaker 2: Nine dollars for lemonade? Yeah, that's pretty bad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So I had heart failure every time I had

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Speaker 1: to fork out for anything at all, and I was

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Speaker 1: miserable spending every cent Whereas this time, I knew that

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Speaker 1: it was going to be what it was, and I

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Speaker 1: was kind of excited for the experience.

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Speaker 2: I think one of the other things that really really

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Speaker 2: helped was the last time we went, we might I've

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Speaker 2: taken six kids.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so it's time. We only took two kids,

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Speaker 1: and we spent the same amount. And yet for me,

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Speaker 1: it's a mindset thing. Okay, so whether you're going to

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Speaker 1: watch the kids play sport on the weekend or going

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Speaker 1: to a school assembly, I'm known to have a bad

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Speaker 1: attitude when I've got to go to one of those,

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Speaker 1: or whether you go to the show, whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: the way you set it up in your head has

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Speaker 1: a huge impact on whether or not allly positive experience

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Speaker 1: or not. So when your experience and your expectations meet,

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Speaker 1: you usually have a good experience. When your experience is

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Speaker 1: different to your expectations, that's when it doesn't typically work

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Speaker 1: out so well. You've got high expectations, the experience is

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Speaker 1: not substanti and so it's horrible. I knew that it

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Speaker 1: was going to be expensive. I knew that we were

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Speaker 1: going to be buying a whole lot of junk. I

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Speaker 1: knew that the kids would be hassling and pestering for

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Speaker 1: all this stuff, and I kind of had it in

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Speaker 1: my head, well, it's probably going to cost us this much,

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Speaker 1: and it's just what it is, and we don't really

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Speaker 1: have the money, and it's going on the card, and

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Speaker 1: it's this and it's that. But whatever, we're going so

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Speaker 1: that we can do the show, so that we can

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Speaker 1: have fund so that we can have the experience, so

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Speaker 1: that our youngest kids who haven't really been to the

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Speaker 1: show and done it, can do it. And we had

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Speaker 1: so much fun.

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Speaker 2: And I would say that number one. The lines were

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Speaker 2: nowhere near as long as the credits back huge.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't believe how many people were there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but the experiences that we had were so tailored

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Speaker 2: to our specific needs.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we planned the day a bit better we did.

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Speaker 2: We planned the day and we'd learned from previous experience,

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Speaker 2: and as a result, we were actually quite sheltered. I mean,

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Speaker 2: there were lots of people, but it wasn't like we

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Speaker 2: were having to push through crowds to enjoy.

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Speaker 1: We played it well.

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Speaker 2: So I think the only other thing that I would

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Speaker 2: add other than mindset was knowledge. We actually know how

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Speaker 2: the Easter show works. We'd had conversations with a few

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Speaker 2: other friends who have done it before to work out

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Speaker 2: parking and what was going to be the best way

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Speaker 2: to navigate our day, And because of that, it just

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Speaker 2: made for a really, really enjoyable day.

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Speaker 1: Okay. Our second take home message from the recent holidays

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Speaker 1: is a two parter.

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Speaker 2: This was no fun.

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Speaker 1: No, this was a really tough one. And yet I

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Speaker 1: don't take back a single word that I've ever said

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Speaker 1: so on this podcast, I have repeatedly said your children

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Speaker 1: should do at least one thing per week that could

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Speaker 1: land them in hospital.

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Speaker 2: And I am sure that every mother who is listening

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Speaker 2: to this has gasped yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I want to acknowledge the glib nature of what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Right, So, if your child ends up in

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Speaker 1: hospital or something worse happens to them, then it sounds

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Speaker 1: like I'm being uncaring. But what I'm really getting at

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Speaker 1: is that our children need to be involved in risky play.

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Speaker 1: It's good for them. That reduces their anxiety. They live

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Speaker 1: a more full life when they do things that are

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Speaker 1: challenging and that are generally outdoors and that have them

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Speaker 1: finding the boundaries and the edges and learning from experience

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Speaker 1: when they overstep those boundaries and edges. I'm not encouraging

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Speaker 1: explicit danger. I'm not encouraging full heartiness.

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Speaker 2: And no, the reality is climbing a tree, there is

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Speaker 2: the potential that your child will fall out of the

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Speaker 2: tree and end up with a broken lemp.

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Speaker 1: They're not going to bounce when they land.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, even being on the trampoline.

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Speaker 1: So when I say your child should do something every

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Speaker 1: week that could land them in hospital, I don't want

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Speaker 1: them in hospital, but I do want them having the experiences. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: in the second week of the school holidays when you

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Speaker 1: and I we organized to have a short getaway just

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Speaker 1: the two of us. We were on an airplane. We

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Speaker 1: had Wi Fi on the plane. I get a text

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Speaker 1: message and our daughter, Lily, age fifteen, has fallen off

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Speaker 1: a horse and the horse.

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Speaker 2: Has rearranged her face a little walked.

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Speaker 1: On her face. Yeah, run across her face. So she's

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Speaker 1: fractured her eye socket. She's got two breaks around her eye.

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Speaker 1: She's in hospital, and we're kind of going and now

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Speaker 1: it is the start. I hate to think at the

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Speaker 1: end of it's going to and so I'm like that

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Speaker 1: that's the whole story. She got off the horse to

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Speaker 1: open a she went to get back on the horse.

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Speaker 1: The horse sort of bolted before she was on the horse.

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Speaker 1: She fell under the horse, and the horse literally ran

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Speaker 1: across her face and broke her face. Literally broke the

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Speaker 1: bones around her eye socket in a couple of places.

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Speaker 1: And it's pretty nasty. May end up needing reconstructive surgery

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Speaker 1: if things don't heal right. We're still going through that

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Speaker 1: process at the moment. Take her message your children should

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Speaker 1: do something every week that could land them in hospital.

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Speaker 1: I stand by it. In fact, I'm just as strong

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Speaker 1: on it, and we are fortunate. I mean, this could

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Speaker 1: have been tragic, this could have ended up awfully, but

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Speaker 1: the reality is, and I say this with gratitude in

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Speaker 1: my heart and the prayer towards Heaven for what happened,

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Speaker 1: but she was okay, even though she's technically not really okay,

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Speaker 1: she was okay. She didn't have a tragic end here.

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Speaker 1: And we have the resources and the facilities and the

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Speaker 1: medical infrastructure in place that she is going to be okay.

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Speaker 1: And the overwhelming, massive, incredibly huge majority of our children,

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Speaker 1: even when they do have accidents like this, they are

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Speaker 1: still okay. And that's my point.

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Speaker 2: And the learning that she gets out of this experience.

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Speaker 1: She'll be a better horse rider now.

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Speaker 2: One hundred percent, but she'll be better in lots of

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Speaker 2: other areas of life because she will have recognized and

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Speaker 2: learned to a certain extent, her limitations. She learns to

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Speaker 2: take calculated risks. She's not just going I want to

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Speaker 2: jump off that.

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Speaker 1: Cliff or I want to ride that horse now that

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Speaker 1: I've ridden this horse.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, there is an assessment process, an internal assessment

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Speaker 2: process that she's going to take and go. Actually, that's

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Speaker 2: probably not what I want to do, but I could

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Speaker 2: do this.

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Speaker 1: Similarly, one of our daughters got to spend some time

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Speaker 1: with some friends on a property that they have, and

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Speaker 1: she wrote a motorbike for the first time. Now that

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Speaker 1: terrifies me even more than riding a horse. But she

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Speaker 1: didn't fall off, and she didn't break anything, and she

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Speaker 1: came home and she had a ball. And I've told

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Speaker 1: her that when she turns thirty, she's welcome to get

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Speaker 1: her motorcycle licenses. She wants to. But again, this lesson

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Speaker 1: that I keep on emphasizing. And our daughter whose face

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Speaker 1: has been broken by this horse, she doesn't resent it,

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Speaker 1: she's not regretful. She loves riding horses.

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Speaker 2: And can't wait to get back to it.

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Speaker 1: Literally can't wait to get back on the horse. So

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Speaker 1: I guess the thing that I want to emphasize here

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Speaker 1: is even when it doesn't end well, it still ends well,

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Speaker 1: except in the most tragic cases. And I have obviously

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Speaker 1: a painful heart for anyone who's gone through something worse.

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Speaker 1: But our children should be taking risks and it's good

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Speaker 1: for them. And now she's got an incredible story to

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Speaker 1: tell about how her face got stomped on by a horse.

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Speaker 1: For the rest of her life.

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Speaker 2: A little while ago, we were in a restaurant and

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Speaker 2: I saw a young boy come up to his parents

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Speaker 2: with a cast on his arm. Once upon a time,

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Speaker 2: You've said this before on the podcast, but once upon

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Speaker 2: a time you would see cast all over the place.

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Speaker 2: It's actually quite rare to see a child in any

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Speaker 2: kind of cast these days. And I actually had the

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Speaker 2: feeling and thought I want to high five of his parents.

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Speaker 2: I looked at that kid, I just thought, you are

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Speaker 2: living life like you're actually living life. You're not cotton woolves,

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Speaker 2: You're not bubbled up. You are literally living life and

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Speaker 2: doing it great.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, after the break, I'm going to share a bit

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Speaker 1: more about living life and your final take home message

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Speaker 1: from the Easter break. Okay, so living life fully means

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Speaker 1: that sometimes we do things that could put ourselves in

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Speaker 1: risky situations. That includes you, that includes me. I went

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Speaker 1: on a surfing trip. You came with me. The waves

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Speaker 1: were solid, and at one point I caught a wave

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Speaker 1: and it didn't end up particularly well for me. And

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Speaker 1: because of where we were, I was only wearing a

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Speaker 1: rash shirt and boardies. I didn't have a wetsuit on

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Speaker 1: the wave threw me into the water and I got

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Speaker 1: dragged along my back across the top of a reef.

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Speaker 2: You did a really good job of not telling me

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Speaker 2: for a little.

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Speaker 1: While several hours. Yeah, you found out because somebody else

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Speaker 1: was inquiring about my back, because everyone else at the

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Speaker 1: camp knew about my back except for you. Yes, but

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Speaker 1: it's amazing what some Betta Deine and some Alevira and

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Speaker 1: I mean, I just went surfing again a couple of

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Speaker 1: hours after I did it. But again, having the experience

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Speaker 1: living fully doing things that are potentially dangerous certainly that

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Speaker 1: can contain an element of risk, allow you to live

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Speaker 1: life better. And I've got scarring on my back now

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Speaker 1: that maybe lifelong. I've got scars on my back that

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Speaker 1: look like I have been tortured and whipped. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of nasty, and I don't regret it for a second

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Speaker 1: because the waves were incredible and I had a fantastic time,

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Speaker 1: and it was something that I was actively choosing to

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Speaker 1: do because I love it. So that's my take home

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Speaker 1: message is your children and even you as adults, should

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Speaker 1: do things that can land you in hospital. Why because

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Speaker 1: so long as you're not being silly, foolish and dangerous

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Speaker 1: taking risk is a necessary part of living a full

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Speaker 1: and active way. What's your final take home message from

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Speaker 1: the Easter break?

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Speaker 2: So my take home message, while you were busy surfing,

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Speaker 2: I actually had.

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Speaker 1: I have to interrupt you. I have to interrupt you.

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Speaker 1: You on day one you told me go surfing as

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Speaker 1: much as you want, you just do you do you,

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Speaker 1: And it's just occurred to me that you did that

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Speaker 1: for you, not for me. Possibly possibly I took that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I was happy to serve seven hours a day.

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Speaker 2: You definitely did. I might have felt a bit neglected.

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Speaker 1: By the end of it, all right, So what's the

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Speaker 1: take home message. I'm sorry I interrupted you.

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Speaker 2: What I loved was the absolute disconnect we got to

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Speaker 2: have from the outside world, very limited WiFi where we were,

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Speaker 2: and unfortunately, because of Lily's accident, we actually tapped in

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Speaker 2: with the family a lot more than we probably would

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Speaker 2: have had that not have occurred.

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Speaker 1: I need to highlight we were explicitly told by grandparents' siblings, everyone,

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Speaker 1: don't come home, You'll be fine. We've got this. So

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Speaker 1: that's why. Because we were going to come home.

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Speaker 2: However, outside of communicating with the family, I had no WiFi.

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Speaker 2: I had nothing to do.

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Speaker 1: We didn't touch our screens.

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Speaker 2: It was amazing and it really was, It really was,

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Speaker 2: And it gave me lots of time to just check

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Speaker 2: in on my internal dialogue and where I'm sitting in

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Speaker 2: my space at the moment, where the kids are up to,

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Speaker 2: and what they specifically are missing out on from me personally.

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Speaker 2: And what was so curious to me was it literally

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Speaker 2: comes down to one word. And I think that in

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Speaker 2: most cases it would be the same word for everybody.

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Speaker 2: I think these fast paced lives and we cram in

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Speaker 2: every minute with meaningful and purposeful stuff most of the time,

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Speaker 2: and yet what our kids actually want and need is

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Speaker 2: just time.

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Speaker 1: That's the word.

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Speaker 2: That's the word. It's time.

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Speaker 1: But it's not just the kids, it's us as well.

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Speaker 1: So you've had a week where you had time, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you didn't have to think about meals? Did like that part? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, And you didn't really have to You just

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Speaker 1: had time, t Im. That's it.

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Speaker 2: And for a lot of us, because we live these

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Speaker 2: fast paced, over scheduled lives, when we get time, we

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Speaker 2: actually don't know what to do with it, Like it

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Speaker 2: feels so uncomfortable to just be given time to do nothing.

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Speaker 2: It's really really disconcerting, and so we might pick up

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Speaker 2: a book, or you know, we'll pick up our phones,

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Speaker 2: generally speaking, when we've got connectivity. I literally just kept

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Speaker 2: having conversations with myself out loud. Sometimes you've had.

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Speaker 1: To do something so important here. I'm writing about this

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Speaker 1: in my book about teen Boys and how screens have

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Speaker 1: changed to way our brains work. So there's part of

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Speaker 1: our brain it's called the default mode network, like where

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Speaker 1: our brain goes when there's nothing going on, So it

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Speaker 1: can go into default mode, and that's when it starts

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Speaker 1: to think about all the stuff that you highlighted, whether

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Speaker 1: it's relationships or who am I? What's my identity? What's

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Speaker 1: going on? What do I value? All the you know,

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Speaker 1: the inner conversation that you get to have with yourself

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Speaker 1: when there's nothing else to do. That's what builds us

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Speaker 1: into who we are. And our kids don't get that,

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Speaker 1: and neither to we because we don't have time getting

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Speaker 1: away to a place where there's no Wi Fi, there's

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Speaker 1: no connectivity. Therefore there's no point having a screen, and

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Speaker 1: where there's very little to do other than enjoy nature.

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Speaker 1: That gives the default mode network time to kick in

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Speaker 1: and a week of that is refreshing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because the internal dialogue that we have usually in

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Speaker 2: our fast paced lives is whoever the loudest voice is.

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Speaker 1: Right right, which is usually something coming at us from

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Speaker 1: a screen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And so as I sat there and I thought

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Speaker 2: about each of the kids, I was actually really blown

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Speaker 2: away at how specific the ideas were that came to

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Speaker 2: me about what each child needed in that space.

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Speaker 1: With time, Yeah, how our family can be happier.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And I came home and I've sat with each

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Speaker 2: of them and I've said, look, I've been really kind

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Speaker 2: of intentional in my thinking over the last week. I've

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Speaker 2: wanted to know how I could best serve you, Like,

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Speaker 2: how do I best connect with you? How do I Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And I said, and this is what's come to me.

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Speaker 2: How do you feel about that? And one of them

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Speaker 2: literally said, I was in class today, Mum, and they

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Speaker 2: asked me to write a letter to myself about the

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Speaker 2: things that I wanted to change in my life are

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Speaker 2: the things that I needed in my life? And she said,

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Speaker 2: I literally wrote that thing down on my paper, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, I was just so grateful. And so

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Speaker 2: my take home message is whether it's going down to

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Speaker 2: the local campsite or whatever, or even not even being

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Speaker 2: able to go away for it overnight, giving yourself a

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Speaker 2: day to just go out somewhere where you don't have

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Speaker 2: your phone and you're able to sit in that space

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Speaker 2: and just think about your world and your life and

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Speaker 2: the people that are most important to you and ponder,

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Speaker 2: like literally ponder about what they need and what you

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Speaker 2: need from those relationships.

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Speaker 1: We don't get enough of that, and we need more

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Speaker 1: of it. We really hope that our Easter musings and

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Speaker 1: insights can help your family to be happier. Make sure

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Speaker 1: that those kids are doing one thing every week that

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Speaker 1: could genuinely land them in hospital. Not seeking danger, but

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Speaker 1: encouraging risk. Take time, take time to think, and.

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Speaker 2: If you like my wording about it, just let them

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Speaker 2: have some risky play.

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Speaker 1: Yeah okay, and your mindset around the different activities. It

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Speaker 1: can shape the quality of the experience that you have.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening. We appreciate that you choose

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Speaker 1: to spend your time with us. We hope that this

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Speaker 1: has been a useful podcast for you. If you would

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Speaker 1: like to leave us at five star rating and review,

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Speaker 1: we'd love that you get a warm, fuzzy feeling we

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Speaker 1: get to reach more people when you do it. Please

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Speaker 1: do that and take a few seconds on whatever aptly

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00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 1: listening to us on so that people can know that

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Speaker 1: you love the podcast. The Happy Family's podcast is produced

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Speaker 1: by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. For more information and

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Speaker 1: resources about making your family happier, please visit us at

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Speaker 1: happy families dot com, dot a