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Speaker 1: Matt Ashton. Our next guest is someone that you are familiar.

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Speaker 2: With, good friend of mine.

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Speaker 1: Do you recall the first time you met Tara?

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Speaker 2: Yes, it was a long time ago. Going back, I

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Speaker 2: can't remember if it was seven maybe it was eight years,

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Speaker 2: I think actually, I think it is eight years this

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Speaker 2: year that I was standing at the end of a

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Speaker 2: red carpet on a TV show called The Bachelor as

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Speaker 2: Tara Pavlovich walked towards me, and I thought, I can't

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Speaker 2: wait to start a podcast and have her back on.

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Speaker 3: She did go home crying that day, but anyway, we

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Speaker 3: have her here and I do want to ask her

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Speaker 3: about this little thing called lightning crotch.

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Speaker 2: Lightning crotch. I mean, some people may know what it is.

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Speaker 2: We have no idea, but she has a very interesting

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Speaker 2: parenting journey that takes a lot of twists and turns,

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Speaker 2: including the lightning crotch.

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Speaker 1: Broncolitis.

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Speaker 2: Broncolitis sounds like a dinosaur. It sounds like we made

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Speaker 2: that up, but it's a lot more serious than that.

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Speaker 1: We also talk about a mental health, Matthew, because we

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Speaker 1: all know how hard of the to be a new parent.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, how she's overcome those struggles and what role drumming

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Speaker 2: has had and helping her through her struggles.

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Speaker 1: Yes, she tears up the drum kid.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.

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Speaker 2: I'm Maddie Jay, I'm Ash.

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Speaker 4: And i am Tara Pavlovic Shepherdson.

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Speaker 5: Oh.

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Speaker 4: I don't know how else he introduced myself except my name.

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Speaker 2: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,

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Speaker 2: it is the bad and the relatable. And today all

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Speaker 2: the advice will be given from none other than Tara.

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Speaker 1: No pressure anything.

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Speaker 4: Oh God, good luck with my advice.

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Speaker 2: We'll take it.

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Speaker 1: We'll take it.

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Speaker 2: How was the morning scheduled today, Tars? How are the

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Speaker 2: kids heading off to daycare?

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Speaker 4: Daycare?

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Speaker 5: Drop off was pretty crap today. Edie Ray cried she's

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Speaker 5: been off all last week and then taking her.

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Speaker 4: Back today was just so sad. It breaks me.

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Speaker 3: When they do have a long stint off there kind

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Speaker 3: of like, this is my new life.

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Speaker 1: I don't go to Kindy anymore.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And I'm like, no, this is not your new life.

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Speaker 5: You go to Kindy. I'm like, go, she has the

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Speaker 5: best time. I don't know why she'd want to be

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Speaker 5: here with me, Like they do so much stuff there,

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Speaker 5: like just go and have a good time, don't cry please.

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Speaker 2: Normally, with our guess, we'd like to go back to

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Speaker 2: the early days of your life, and we can only

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Speaker 2: assume that a young Tara was someone who was very

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Speaker 2: well behaved, very disciplined, just a pleasant young lady to

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Speaker 2: be around. Would that be correct?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, absolutely correct.

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Speaker 4: You know what?

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Speaker 5: That was correct up until maybe like maybe year nine,

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Speaker 5: and then it just turned and everything went south. From

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Speaker 5: their teenage, Tara was pretty loose, like pretty loose. Ended

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Speaker 5: up moving to Sydney with my dad who had an

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Speaker 5: apartment in Pimont, So King's Cross became like my second

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Speaker 5: home and it was like every weekend it was just

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Speaker 5: the best time ever. Really loved a party, like really

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Speaker 5: loved a party, do you know.

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Speaker 2: I think it's a good thing when you get it

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Speaker 2: out of your system at an early age. I think

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Speaker 2: it's those people that never got to experience it. They

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Speaker 2: get to like their twenties after like school, and that's

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Speaker 2: where they go a little bit crazy. So the earlier,

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Speaker 2: I think the better.

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Speaker 1: Unless you never come out of it.

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Speaker 5: We know some people who are stuck in it. I'm like, nah,

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Speaker 5: you got to get out of that. It's it's not

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Speaker 5: suiting you when you like forty plus. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 5: it was good to get it out of the system.

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Speaker 5: Definitely past the stage I was at prior to having kids,

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Speaker 5: Like how do you even survive?

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Speaker 4: I would die?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, hungover with a couple of kids. It's not fun.

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Speaker 4: Oh shoot me in the face, honestly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So when do you reckon that phase of your

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Speaker 2: life when you're living in Pimont and King's Cross was

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Speaker 2: your playground. When did you start to come out of that?

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Speaker 2: Do you think?

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Speaker 5: I think when I went on Bachelor Actually, so when

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Speaker 5: was that twenty seventeen. I didn't even have a house

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Speaker 5: at that point because I packed up my Sydney house

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Speaker 5: and moved here. And I feel like that started the

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Speaker 5: wildness again because it was like Gold Coast party fun.

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Speaker 5: You know, it was like pavilion, like bar holfing around Burley,

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Speaker 5: like just living the lives, eating out every weekend and

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Speaker 5: then you know that lunch would turn into a party.

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Speaker 5: And it wasn't until I had kids that I really

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Speaker 5: settled down. I reckon well obviously pregnancy. Pregnancy made me

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Speaker 5: settle down, hope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

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Speaker 2: Did you always want to have kids. Was that something

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Speaker 2: in the back of your mind then? Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I always worked in childcare and as a nanny, so

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Speaker 5: I was always with kids and always looking after kids,

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Speaker 5: and I always knew it was something that I really

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Speaker 5: wanted to do. I'm like, I nail this, Like how

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Speaker 5: good am I? I'd be the best mum. Then I

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Speaker 5: became and I was like, what the fuck, I'm not

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Speaker 5: that good.

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Speaker 1: It's very different when they're yours.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's very different when you get like a full

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Speaker 5: night's sleep and like a weekend to yourself and like

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Speaker 5: downtime and you don't have to like make your own decisions.

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Speaker 5: I always think about that with my kids. People like okay,

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Speaker 5: Like if I get a babysa, They're like, okay, well

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Speaker 5: what about what do we do with her day nap?

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Speaker 5: But I'm like, I don't know. Can someone just tell

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Speaker 5: me please? Because someone used to tell me. Now I

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Speaker 5: have to make the decisions and I don't know what

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Speaker 5: to do.

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Speaker 2: Being a nanny or working in childcare like it could

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Speaker 2: be a double edged sword. On the one hand, you

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Speaker 2: could be like, my god, kids are amazing, but then

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Speaker 2: at the same time, you can get a taste of

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Speaker 2: just how absolutely fucking awful children can be, cause you

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Speaker 2: don't have that, like that loving connection like you did

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Speaker 2: with your own kids.

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Speaker 5: Yeah see, I found the parents a little bit harder

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Speaker 5: to deal with than the kids.

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Speaker 4: The parents were usually the issue. There were just.

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Speaker 5: Some like absolute lunatics and you're just like, oh my god,

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Speaker 5: So you kind of get why the kids are a

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Speaker 5: little bit unhinged.

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Speaker 4: But the kids never scared me too much because.

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Speaker 5: I feel like they still have such an innocence about them,

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Speaker 5: and like there are some naughty ones. Yeah, but you

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Speaker 5: kind of always put it back down to their parents

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Speaker 5: because generally, you know something's just a little bit off

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Speaker 5: in their life and they're just playing up and you

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Speaker 5: kind of feel so for them a little bit, so

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Speaker 5: you never think you never think your kid's going to

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Speaker 5: be that kid.

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Speaker 4: Like, before you have kids.

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Speaker 2: What makes a bad parent? Because sometimes we have a

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Speaker 2: nanny and I'm like the back of my mind, I'm thinking,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be one of those nightmare parents.

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Speaker 2: Like do you prefer parents who are like, Okay, this

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Speaker 2: is a schedule for every half an hour of the

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Speaker 2: evening to follow, or do you prefer when someone just says, hey,

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Speaker 2: look there's the kids, there's the.

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Speaker 1: Fridge, just throws you the keys of the car.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll see you in a couple hours.

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Speaker 5: I think there were like, yeah, definitely parents that were

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Speaker 5: so controlling. You put them in childcare and you expect

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Speaker 5: the childcare workers to do exactly what you do, or

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Speaker 5: you get a nanny in and you expect the nanny

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Speaker 5: to be exactly how you would be, and it's like,

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Speaker 5: that's not how it works, as we're not you, so like,

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Speaker 5: just look after them yourselves. If you're that controlling, that

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Speaker 5: was definitely definitely a thing. And then there were some

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Speaker 5: parents who would just like yell and scream, like yell

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Speaker 5: and scream, and then the minute you would, I don't know,

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Speaker 5: do something they didn't like, they they just have a

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Speaker 5: goal at you and be like, the kids don't like you.

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Speaker 5: The kids don't like you. But I'm like, you're yelling

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Speaker 5: and screaming, you know what I mean. They will kind

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Speaker 5: of just attack you because you're in their house, and

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Speaker 5: I think they feel like they feel I don't know,

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Speaker 5: I feel like some parents felt feel a bit threatened

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Speaker 5: almost when when there's someone there playing with their kids

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Speaker 5: and that their kids like and they're not there and

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Speaker 5: it can bring out the worst in them.

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Speaker 2: I've found a Tar's one bit of I don't know

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Speaker 2: if it's like the official medical term, but Ash and

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Speaker 2: I were doing some reading and we're a little bit

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Speaker 2: stumped by something that we read about you. God, And

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Speaker 2: it's not the fact that you have three nipples. Apparently

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Speaker 2: you had lightning crutch.

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Speaker 1: What is that?

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah, it's like when you're pregnant and you just

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Speaker 5: get this like jolt up your vagina, like I'm pretty

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Speaker 5: sure Laura had it. Hey, this jolt and it like

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Speaker 5: shoots this. It feels like lightning going up your vagina like.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard of it. Really didn't that how you

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Speaker 1: get pregnant.

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Speaker 4: You guys are so lucky that you don't have to

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Speaker 4: go through pregnancy.

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Speaker 5: I swear to God, those eighteen months worst worst eighteen

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Speaker 5: months ever. Like grateful, so grateful. But the shit you

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Speaker 5: go through is wild.

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Speaker 1: So what causes lightning crutch?

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Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I actually don't know. You have to get a doctor

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Speaker 5: on to explain.

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Speaker 3: It now, because I'll give us like the boring version

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Speaker 3: I want, we want the Tara version.

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Speaker 5: It's something to do with maybe like your pelvis opening

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Speaker 5: squish nerve.

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Speaker 4: I don't think it's a nerve thing.

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Speaker 5: I think it's to do with like the baby getting

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Speaker 5: its head right down ready to you.

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Speaker 4: Know, like it.

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Speaker 1: So there's lightning crutch? Is there? Thundercrutch?

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Speaker 5: Just thunder ass? No, no, thunder crutch.

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Speaker 2: Don't make a laugh.

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Speaker 4: Sorry about my cough. I've got whatever the kids?

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Speaker 1: Have?

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Speaker 2: You just been smashing Siki's before the record?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I had a whole pack of dorries.

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Speaker 1: Witty reds.

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Speaker 4: Do you find people who smoke dorries now? So weird?

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Speaker 5: Like I'm like, who the fuck smokes dorries? Like, is

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Speaker 5: that even still a thing?

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Speaker 1: It's so strange. Do you know what?

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Speaker 3: They're not even smoking sections anymore, they're just vake sections.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so weird.

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Speaker 5: I saw someone like I pulled up next to someone

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Speaker 5: in this piece of a car and they had a

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Speaker 5: v and were smoking a dorry and it was like

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Speaker 5: eight in the morning, and I was like, that is rash, right,

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Speaker 5: that is?

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Speaker 2: It wasn't.

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Speaker 1: That's a very that's a very gold coasting an energy

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Speaker 1: drink and a CIGGI. That's a classic.

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Speaker 4: Yeah it is.

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Speaker 5: It's actually very it's very central coast where I went

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Speaker 5: to school too.

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Speaker 4: I feel like Gold Coasts and Central Coasts are very intowined.

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Speaker 1: It's very similar.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we have the opening ceremony in Brisbane for

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Speaker 2: the Olympics. There needs to be a part in the

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Speaker 2: parade where people just come out with speak with this cigy.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god.

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Speaker 5: I was in the opening ceremony when I was ten

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Speaker 5: at the Sydney Olympics, doing a dance yeah, with Nicky Webs.

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Speaker 5: I don't know how I got in because I was

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Speaker 5: the worst dancer, but they must have just been short

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Speaker 5: on kids, so I got the part.

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Speaker 4: She like dropped in and flew around.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, I wonder if Patty will make it into

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Speaker 5: the Brisbane ones and we can carry on the tradition

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Speaker 5: in the family, then maybe he's kidlebe the whatever.

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Speaker 2: One Gold Coast is Paddy. He's the golfer, isn't.

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Speaker 4: He He's the golfer. Yeah, he's kind of.

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Speaker 5: He's I'm not as interested in that career now he's

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Speaker 5: three and a half.

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Speaker 2: Well, hang on a second, hang on a seconds, three.

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Speaker 1: And a half.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. You should have seen it was like

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Speaker 2: Tari did a video and it went pretty viral. Didn't it.

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Speaker 2: He was just playing with his little plastic kind of

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Speaker 2: golf set in the backyard, and he was amazing.

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Speaker 1: I have to see this video because I was like,

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Speaker 1: you're just saying he's a golfriend. Is he like three?

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Speaker 4: He's three?

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Speaker 5: He was just so like every day he would just

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Speaker 5: go out and try and hit his balls in the

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Speaker 5: yard and I'm like, oh my god, he can actually

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Speaker 5: do it so well. He can still do it so well,

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Speaker 5: but now he's got like a bit more testosterone, so

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Speaker 5: he might he almost is too strong for it and

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Speaker 5: tries to swing so hard that the club just goes

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Speaker 5: it's smashed the window.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, nah, from then, nah, nah, no

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Speaker 4: more of that.

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Speaker 2: But also, Tara golfers, what's that's a cash cow?

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Speaker 5: I know, I know it's my only chance at ever

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Speaker 5: like making it in his life.

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Speaker 4: But please just keep it? Yeah, do it? Please, Paddy?

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Speaker 4: Imagine just traveling.

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Speaker 5: I just want to like sip on my wine while

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Speaker 5: I watch him, Like in the America Tours, you know

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Speaker 5: on the sideline.

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Speaker 2: My son, are you going to say sip on my vs? Boy?

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Speaker 4: There was some loose golfer that would smoke singers John.

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Speaker 1: Daily that could be Patty Paddy daily.

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Speaker 2: For anyone, because we get a lot of a lot

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Speaker 2: of people who were just about to have kids. They're

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Speaker 2: embarking on their pregnancy journey. If they're thinking, Holy ship,

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Speaker 2: if I get lightning crotch, what do I do? How

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Speaker 2: did you deal with your lightning crotch?

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Speaker 5: It goes away instantly, It just goes and you just

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Speaker 5: kind of hold your vagina and you're like ah, and

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Speaker 5: then it.

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Speaker 4: Just goes There's there's nothing you can do about it.

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Speaker 4: Just let it out.

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Speaker 1: That's the treatment. Just hold your vagina again, just hold you.

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Speaker 5: Tell your husband, God, I've got lighting I need to

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Speaker 5: sit down. I just need to sit down for a minute.

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Speaker 3: So, Patty is your eldest. Did you have lightning crutch

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Speaker 3: during that pregnancy or both pregnancy?

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Speaker 5: I feel like it was worse with Edie Ray. I

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Speaker 5: had so many more physical issues with Edie Ray. He

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Speaker 5: was my second child and my final. But yeah, so

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Speaker 5: it was both pregnancies were pretty shit, But I think Patty's.

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Speaker 5: Edie Ray's physically was worse. My mental health with her

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Speaker 5: was like worse too. Everything. I think, like the fact

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Speaker 5: that I already had a toddler, Patty was only sixteen

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Speaker 5: months when Edie was born, so it was like very

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Speaker 5: close gap and there was just no downtime at all

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Speaker 5: obviously dealing with a toddler and being pregnant. So also

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Speaker 5: you're stripped from like all your nutrients. So I reckon

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Speaker 5: I was lacking in so many like vitamins and stuff

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Speaker 5: that I needed when I fell pregnant with Edie Ray,

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Speaker 5: So I was just completely depleted and my whole world

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Speaker 5: turned to absolute shit. Pretty much during that pregnancy.

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Speaker 2: We often joke about the fact that like parenting's so

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Speaker 2: fucking hard and it's an absolute nightmare and it's a

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Speaker 2: rollercoaster that is like being stuck upside down and you

308
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Speaker 2: can't get off. But yeah, even though we joke about it,

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Speaker 2: but for you, when did you go, Hey, this isn't

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Speaker 2: something I can just laugh off, and this is something

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Speaker 2: that like I really need some help with.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there was a point I had. I was really

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Speaker 5: bad for a while. Then Nick and I were like

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Speaker 5: so close to like splitting up because we just weren't

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Speaker 5: getting along and I was blaming him for.

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Speaker 4: Like everything, like everything that I was feeling.

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Speaker 5: Pretty much, there was a point I was driving along

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Speaker 5: and like I couldn't escape my mind. I was there

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Speaker 5: was so many voices. I didn't know what was my

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Speaker 5: reality anymore. I didn't know what was real anymore. And

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Speaker 5: the anxiety was like it was it's like it was

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Speaker 5: like all of like imagine like books of information being

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Speaker 5: thrown at you and just your thoughts, your thoughts, your thoughts,

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Speaker 5: and I just couldn't escape my head. And there was

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Speaker 5: this one time I was like driving along and I

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Speaker 5: saw this truck and I was like, Oh, how good

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Speaker 5: would it be if that truck could just knock me

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Speaker 5: off the road, get me into a coma. I could

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Speaker 5: go in to hospital and like just be in a

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Speaker 5: coma for like weeks and just not think about anything.

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Speaker 4: And I was like.

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Speaker 5: Rest, yeah, and just like not die, but like come

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Speaker 5: awake and everything will be okay, you know, like everything

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Speaker 5: will be fine. And I was like in my head,

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Speaker 5: I'm like that's not okay. Like I've got my kid

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Speaker 5: in the car, like I can't think like this. And

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Speaker 5: then Nick and I had this really big fight. The

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Speaker 5: family heard about it, and then the next day I

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Speaker 5: had like pretty much like an intervention, and everyone came

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Speaker 5: in to see me at the house and they were like,

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Speaker 5: you need help. You need help, And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I need help. And I went to the doctor and

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Speaker 5: I explained what was going on. She's like, you've got

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Speaker 5: like perinatal anxiety and depression.

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Speaker 2: Did you even know what that was?

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Speaker 5: You only really hear about post natal, post natal post natal.

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Speaker 5: So I'm like, I was adamant that it wasn't that

348
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,120
Speaker 5: I was an issue here and that it was life

349
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Speaker 5: around me that was causing me all of this, like

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Speaker 5: that it wasn't me. I ended up getting on any depressants,

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Speaker 5: which I reckon absolutely saved, like saved me because.

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Speaker 4: They gave me the opposite.

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Speaker 5: They absolutely numbed me to the point where like nothing

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Speaker 5: bothered me.

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Speaker 4: And that's exactly what I needed, because.

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Speaker 5: I was feeling like everything was like ten times worse

357
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Speaker 5: than what it should be, like every like imagine like

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Speaker 5: me seeing a cup not putt in the dish washer.

359
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Speaker 5: I was like, fuck you, Like, are you fucking serious?

360
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Speaker 5: I'm pregnant. The one thing you can do is for

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Speaker 5: the fucking cup in the dishwasher, you know, I'm like,

362
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Speaker 5: you're a dickhead. And then in hindsight, I'm like, nothing

363
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 5: was actually that bad. He definitely could have been better.

364
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Speaker 5: There was definitely like, there was definitely sometimes there where

365
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Speaker 5: I was like, because he is not one to know

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Speaker 5: his own emotions, so me being emotional scared him off,

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Speaker 5: so he didn't know how to deal with me with

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Speaker 5: how I was like, it wasn't something that for someone

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Speaker 5: who doesn't even deal with his own emotions, how is

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Speaker 5: he going to deal with his wife's do you know

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Speaker 5: what I mean? So I scared him off, and my

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00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:16,919
Speaker 5: emotions also like pissed him off. Like he's an avoidant attachment.

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Speaker 5: I'm an insecure attachment. So it was just like clashing.

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Speaker 5: But once I didn't feel as much, we started sorting

375
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,159
Speaker 5: our stuff out. We went to couples counseling and we

376
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,680
Speaker 5: really worked through it, and he learned a little bit

377
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:35,960
Speaker 5: more about where we were going wrong and how and

378
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,320
Speaker 5: ways that we could support each other because we couldn't

379
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,959
Speaker 5: support each other at all. And I was actually able

380
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Speaker 5: to do that with the psychologists, and I was able

381
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Speaker 5: to have those conversations while on the antidepressants. Then after

382
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Speaker 5: Edie Ray was born, I thought I was okay enough

383
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Speaker 5: to come off, and I came off and I did

384
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Speaker 5: all of this work, like insane work with my psychologists,

385
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Speaker 5: like weekly appointment, and from there I did a lot

386
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Speaker 5: of trauma therapy, like childhood trauma therapy, where it's called

387
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Speaker 5: timeline therapy. It's where I where you go through your

388
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 5: timeline and pretty much every trigger you have is something

389
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Speaker 5: that you've learned from like when you're a child.

390
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Speaker 4: Or through life.

391
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Speaker 5: So there were things that I kind of had learned

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Speaker 5: that were making my life really hard.

393
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Speaker 2: So was it things that happened when you were a

394
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:27,959
Speaker 2: child that trauma that wasn't dealt with, that was bubbling

395
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Speaker 2: back up to the service whilst you were pregnant? Was

396
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Speaker 2: that a scenario?

397
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Speaker 4: Yeah, yep, yep, yep. Definitely. Definitely.

398
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,919
Speaker 5: It was just a lot of unhealthy attachment issues that

399
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 5: I had. That rejection, that fear of rejection, and that

400
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 5: fear of abandonment was a huge one, and that's definitely

401
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,000
Speaker 5: stemmed from my childhood.

402
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 2: You mentioned before you and your husband were able to

403
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,119
Speaker 2: support each other and work on supporting each other. What

404
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,760
Speaker 2: does that look like? I think there's like, you know,

405
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,240
Speaker 2: some men listen in and they're like, well, I don't

406
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 2: know what to do, Like what you know, how can

407
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 2: I help for you and your relationship? What were those

408
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,440
Speaker 2: things we needed?

409
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 5: Our third party to be able to have these conversations

410
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 5: to start with. I think a lot of men are

411
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 5: that do love to avoid things, and a lot of

412
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 5: men get angered when it comes.

413
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 4: To hard emotions too.

414
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,159
Speaker 5: So Nick is zero to one hundred when you're talking

415
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 5: about any kind of emotion, and he also feels threatened

416
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 5: if there is something that I'm not happy with because

417
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 5: it's like he takes it personally. And so having that

418
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:37,600
Speaker 5: third person helped us both to have these conversations and

419
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 5: really understand each other a little bit more, but without

420
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 5: feeling personally attacked. It was more so explaining what's going on,

421
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 5: like psychologically in both of our heads.

422
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 4: So I would suggest if.

423
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Speaker 5: You are having any trouble and you're unable to have

424
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 5: conversations with your partner, to go and get couples counseling.

425
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Speaker 5: Because that third party was so helpful, and there were

426
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 5: light bulb moments where we were like, oh my god.

427
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:09,160
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, wow, that makes so much sense.

428
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 2: Do you remember what they were so.

429
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 5: Not trying to fix thing, So he would always try

430
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 5: and fix my problems and then I would be left

431
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 5: feeling unheard.

432
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Speaker 4: So men are fixers, that's what they do.

433
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 5: Just hearing and listening and asking how they can support

434
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,160
Speaker 5: That's a big one. That's a big one. The other

435
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 5: one is giving time. So if he was like I

436
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,200
Speaker 5: need moment, I'd be like on the phone going.

437
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 4: No, come back, come back, come back.

438
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,119
Speaker 5: I can't give you time, come back because I was

439
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,560
Speaker 5: so panicked that he would leave me. But assuring assuring

440
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 5: me that everything was going to be okay and he

441
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 5: just needed half an hour by himself to take a

442
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,399
Speaker 5: deep breath and come back, that was a big one.

443
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,679
Speaker 5: It goes on both ends, like there are things on

444
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 5: both ends that people can do to support each other.

445
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 5: So it's about learning what they are for your partner.

446
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 5: So I guess asking like how can I support you?

447
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 5: And I would ask him and he's like I just

448
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 5: need space. I just need space, And I'm like, but

449
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 5: are you going to divorce me?

450
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: Im?

451
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 3: A lot of the time, you don't really realize the

452
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 3: behavior that you're the behaviors that you're doing until yeah,

453
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 3: that third party or someone points it out.

454
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 1: I mean, for my wife and I a similar.

455
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 3: Thing, like we we went through a real similar phase

456
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 3: a long time ago when we had our first and

457
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 3: just the little things that you do in your day

458
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 3: to day when they're pointed out by someone who actually

459
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 3: doesn't even live with you, you're.

460
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,479
Speaker 1: Like, holy shit.

461
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 3: So I think it's really strong advice from you to say, hey, look,

462
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 3: get someone get you know, get a third party.

463
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: Involved, just just to help you just realize those little

464
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: things that you might be doing that might make a

465
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,960
Speaker 1: big impact if you know that you're doing them.

466
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so important because it's so hard to pick

467
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,359
Speaker 5: them up yourself when you're actually living it.

468
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 4: It's so much.

469
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 5: Easier to point the blame at everyone else around you

470
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 5: rather that then take that responsibility too.

471
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 3: It's so much easier to be like, I don't do that,

472
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:08,439
Speaker 3: and this one says, yeah, bro, you do. And if

473
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 3: it triggers you and I don't even live with you

474
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 3: and I know you're doing that, then what does that say? Like,

475
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 3: there's other things, because I recall my wife saying to

476
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,399
Speaker 3: me when she went through the same thing, and after

477
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 3: even her first session with a psychologist or a therapist,

478
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 3: she was like, it's crazy, just the little things they

479
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 3: say that they point out little behaviors that you might

480
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 3: do around the house, even or even your thought process.

481
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: For me, it was avoidance. For my wife was avoidance

482
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: as well.

483
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,239
Speaker 3: So for someone to be like, Okay, well do you

484
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 3: just avoid this tiny little thing in your day that

485
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,959
Speaker 3: might actually be a significant impact in your relationship.

486
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 5: So even if you're getting along, it can be beneficial

487
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 5: because when you're living with something with someone every single

488
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,919
Speaker 5: day and you're parenting with them, you're gonna have issues

489
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 5: come up all the time all the time, Like what

490
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 5: we had an issue? God every day, we are not

491
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 5: every day, but like a lot of the time were

492
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 5: about little things. But now we're at a point where

493
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,439
Speaker 5: we can where we can talk about it and like

494
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 5: discuss it like normal people, not like screaming people.

495
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of expecting parents as well,

496
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 3: they just seem to think like, I'm meant to be

497
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 3: the best at this job parenting that is immediately when

498
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 3: it's so hard, and it is kind of like any

499
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 3: job that you go into. Okay, you've got zero experience

500
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 3: until you actually step foot in in that world. So

501
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 3: the pressure that you know, new moms and new dads

502
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,239
Speaker 3: have immediately, I think a lot of people ignore the

503
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 3: fact that you've actually got to build your experience to

504
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 3: be good at this.

505
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 1: You can't just be the best at it.

506
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 3: And then people wonder why they have so many mental

507
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 3: problems is because they're continuing telling themselves that I'm meant

508
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 3: to be so good at this.

509
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, give yourself a break, you know, I think.

510
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 5: And also, like with things like Instagram always sees a

511
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 5: good side of parenting. We just see happy photos of

512
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 5: kids and they're fine, and you there going, what the

513
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 5: fuck's wrong with my family?

514
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 4: Why my kids crying at me all the time?

515
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 5: Because we just like just we've got people's like five

516
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 5: percent of the best moments of their life like in

517
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 5: our face. So it kind of sets you up to

518
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 5: fail a little bit because you're like, well, why doesn't

519
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 5: my life look like that? Because I can tell you

520
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 5: right now, I've nannied in so many houses, and I

521
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 5: can tell you no, no family I've ever nannyed for

522
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 5: has a picture perfect life with no with no ups

523
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 5: and downs, and I've worked for so many families.

524
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 2: So how was it for you then having that experience

525
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 2: as a nanny, growing up, always knowing that you wanted

526
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 2: to be a mom, then finally being a mom, and

527
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 2: then realizing, shit, this is something that I really need

528
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 2: help with. How hard did that hit?

529
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 5: It took me a long time to really accept that

530
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 5: I had perinatal depression and anxiety because there was guilt

531
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 5: that came with it, because.

532
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm not supposed to feel like this.

533
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 5: There are so many people that can't fall pregnant, and

534
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 5: I've just fallen pregnant so easily, and I've got like,

535
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 5: maya baby is healthy, and I'm feeling like this, Like

536
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 5: I felt really really bad about it, and it took

537
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 5: me ages to kind of get past that and accept

538
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 5: it because I was, yeah, you just feel guilty.

539
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 2: The parent girl hits so hard when you're like the

540
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 2: narrative I guess partly from what gets put on social media,

541
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 2: but you're like, this is meant to be the most

542
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 2: beautiful part of my life raising my children, and this

543
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 2: is something that I've always wanted and it's fucking hell.

544
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's so hard.

545
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 5: It's so hard, and it's just something that no one

546
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 5: ever spoke about, Like our parents' generation never would have

547
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 5: spoken about about it, like publicly, because they were all

548
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 5: about pretending like everything's like perfect. You know, we're living

549
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 5: this life where we have to pretend everything's perfect and

550
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 5: everyone's perfect. I feel like there is this one thing

551
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 5: that pisses me off in this day and age is.

552
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 4: That no one. It's like we're not allowed to make mistakes.

553
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 5: I feel like the moment you make a mistake, you're

554
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 5: just crucified.

555
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 4: And so it's like mistakes aren't normalized.

556
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 5: But we're people and we make mistakes, like sometimes we

557
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 5: yell at our kids and it's fucked, but like we

558
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 5: do you know what I mean, because we're humans.

559
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 3: And the reality is like with early on parenting, majority

560
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 3: of the day is you making mistakes.

561
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: One hundred majority of the early days is you are

562
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,399
Speaker 1: making nothing but mistakes. You've got to hide it. You

563
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: get told that you, oh you shouldn't suppress this stuff.

564
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 1: Yeah you don't. That's a mistake as well.

565
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 5: It's so hard, Like I recently did therapy with my

566
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 5: psychologist about it because I think because I had all

567
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 5: the therapy of my childhood trauma, Like when I had kids,

568
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 5: I stressed so much about like fucking them up, and

569
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 5: I was like, am I going to like mess them up?

570
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 5: By like and so I'm like I better do everything

571
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 5: like perfect, and then I would just overthink everything and

572
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 5: I'm like, can't do this, can't do that because that's recommended,

573
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 5: And then that's recommended. There's just literally so much stuff

574
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,880
Speaker 5: that's recommended that you do, and you can't do it all.

575
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,679
Speaker 5: You can't be a perfect parent. You just have to

576
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 5: do the best you can.

577
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, solid advice to just do the best you can,

578
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,400
Speaker 3: because there's no perfect there's no one size fits all.

579
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,199
Speaker 3: Do you see with your eldest and your youngest the

580
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 3: difference in personality?

581
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 5: Oh, they are so different, like so different. My eldest

582
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 5: is so much like my husband. He's just such a

583
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 5: different kind of kid. Like he's so like he's more

584
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 5: timid and like shy and like quiet.

585
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 4: He's got like a really like kind, gentle soul.

586
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 5: Whereas my second is just like a little firecracker and

587
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 5: she's just so outrageous and like you know, just like

588
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 5: real out there and you star of the show type thing.

589
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 5: So she's real, Yeah, just different and like not as gentle.

590
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 4: She's not like a gentle soul.

591
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 5: She's a nice kid, but she doesn't have that that

592
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 5: gentleness that my son has.

593
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 4: Yes, they're completely different.

594
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 5: Also, she's she sleeps, she sleeps, she's wild.

595
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 3: Makes a big difference, makes a big differen friends, doesn't it.

596
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 5: I thought I took her to the pediatrician when she

597
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 5: was a baby, because I was like, she's just sitting

598
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:06,159
Speaker 5: there and not crying.

599
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 4: She's there's something wrong with her. I think she's having seizures.

600
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 5: And they were like, oh God, okay, and then they're like,

601
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 5: she seems she seems normal to me. But I've just

602
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 5: gone from like a kid that cries all the time,

603
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 5: like every second, my son who needs so much, to

604
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:21,880
Speaker 5: someone who's like.

605
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 4: She was like self sufficient from birth.

606
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 5: She didn't even need me, really, she just needed a

607
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,680
Speaker 5: bottle in her mouth and she was all good.

608
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 3: And it's funny that we talk about a lot here

609
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 3: that you get you get one or the other, and

610
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 3: then when you have two, you get one of each

611
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 3: most of the time.

612
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 1: Like same with me.

613
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 3: My first one didn't sleep and he's very similar like

614
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 3: to your eldest, where he's really timid. He is really

615
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 3: like kind heart. And then I've got Macie who's just

616
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 3: like a bit like doesn't really give a shit.

617
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

618
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 2: I saw recently you posted a video of your drumming,

619
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: which is exceptional.

620
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 4: By the way, Thank you, thank you, You're very welcome.

621
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 2: Was the drumming at all something to help with your

622
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 2: mental health?

623
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 4: One hundred percent?

624
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 5: It's that is the only hour of my week I

625
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 5: completely zone out from the mental load of parenting. Even

626
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 5: when I'm training or walking, I'm still thinking about what

627
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 5: I have to do next. I'm so focused on what

628
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 5: I'm doing there and concentrating on trying to fucking learn

629
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 5: whatever the crazy thing is I'm learning that day, which

630
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 5: is so hard to do for me.

631
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 4: So it's like a break.

632
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 5: It's it's that rest from thinking about being a parent

633
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 5: and you get.

634
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 3: To like bash the shit out of some drums. It

635
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 3: must be real helpful.

636
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 4: One hundred percent. It's so good. It feels so good.

637
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:39,719
Speaker 4: I love it.

638
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 5: And then working towards something like I'm playing in the

639
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 5: end of year school concert, Like that's a drum school

640
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 5: I'm playing in that.

641
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: Oh, that's awesome.

642
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 2: Can we ask what song you've got to perform?

643
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 5: I think I'm going to do the begging begging again.

644
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 5: I've started to learn a new song, but I definitely

645
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,479
Speaker 5: won't be finished that one before the end of year.

646
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 5: So oh to do the main story, like come to

647
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 5: my concert, kids, Is.

648
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 2: There any plans maybe to join a band? Could that

649
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 2: be on the cards?

650
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 5: Well, we've got a local pub up here called the

651
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 5: Wallaby and they are fully about the live music.

652
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 4: It's the best pub.

653
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I'm wondering if i could get like

654
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 5: a mudgery bar band together.

655
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 4: I'm not good enough yet.

656
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: What would your band name be? Do you think off

657
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: the top of your head?

658
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 5: Oh god, it'd be like mums, I reckon, like.

659
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 1: Heavy metal mums.

660
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know.

661
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 5: Crotch, yes, lightning crotch so good.

662
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 2: Did you ever imagine that when you were going to

663
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 2: have kids that your outlet would be playing the drums?

664
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 4: You know what? I wanted to do this way before kids.

665
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 5: It's always something that's yeah, it's always something that's been

666
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 5: on my list, and I just never did. And I

667
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 5: think the fact that I just didn't have an outlet

668
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 5: anymore and I was just trying to find, you know,

669
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 5: get to my roots a little bit forced me into it,

670
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 5: like after having kids, so I'm not surprised and.

671
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: Be uncontactable for an hour is the best.

672
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're at daycare when I do it.

673
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 5: But the other night we ran out of milk and

674
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 5: I had to go to the servo like in like

675
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 5: it was like after dinner and bathtime. I'd like got

676
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 5: in the car by myself, and it felt so good

677
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 5: to have five minutes to go to the servo, like

678
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 5: just escape it for a second. You really appreciate that quietness,

679
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 5: don't you.

680
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, those five minute trips tands like thirty minute trips.

681
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 4: In my car with my durries.

682
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: And v Yeah, you're just out of the front going.

683
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 2: One of the scariest things I think is a parent

684
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 2: is knowing the right time to go to hospital. You know,

685
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 2: you don't want to be one of those parents who's

686
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,479
Speaker 2: just getting worked up over something small.

687
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 4: Eatie Ray.

688
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 5: So at eight weeks old, so Patty went into hospital

689
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 5: and got grommets in so we had this surgery, and

690
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 5: he came back and he was really sick. So I

691
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 5: think he picked up RSV from the hospital, but he

692
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 5: must have had other viruses from KINDI before that, and

693
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 5: so he came and then he must have given given

694
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 5: them to Edie Ray. But she was such a silent

695
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 5: little girl, and she she didn't really cry a lot

696
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 5: or anything, so it was so hard to tell that

697
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 5: she was sick. But I noticed her breathing one day

698
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 5: and I took her to the hospital and they were like, okay,

699
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 5: let's swab her and just see and they were like, look,

700
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 5: I think she's okay to go home, but she could decline.

701
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 5: And so then the next day it got worse and

702
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 5: I was like, I have to go to hospital again.

703
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 5: Took her to hospital and they got her swabs back

704
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 5: and they were like, yeah, okay, so they're like, you're

705
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 5: not going to be going home for like quite a while.

706
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 4: You're going to be here for quite a while. So

707
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 4: just let everyone know.

708
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 5: It's come back that she's positive for RSV, rhinovirus, and adn'tovirus,

709
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 5: So three viruses. This is she was eight weeks old,

710
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 5: so still newborn.

711
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

712
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 2: Is rhinovirus just like a it's your common cold.

713
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 5: Rhinovirus is your common cold. Atn't novirus is like another

714
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 5: common cold, like you know, your typical KINDI cold. Irs

715
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 5: V is a scary one, which is really scary for babies.

716
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: Rest for trees.

717
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

718
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 5: Her breathing, you could just see her stomach pumping in

719
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 5: and out, and she she couldn't drink, drink anymore because

720
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 5: she couldn't like suck or anything.

721
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: She couldn't breathe.

722
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 5: I sent a video to my friend who's a nurse,

723
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 5: and I was like, is this okay, She's like, take

724
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 5: her to the hospital now.

725
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 4: Her head was bobbing up and down. That's like a

726
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 4: massive thing.

727
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 2: Eight weeks as well.

728
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 4: We went there.

729
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 5: They're like this, she's going to get a lot worse

730
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 5: before she gets better. And the decline of her because

731
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 5: it leads to something called bronchiolitis. So she it leaded

732
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 5: to bronchiolitis and then a partial collapsed left lung. She

733
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 5: was on oxygen and then she needed like the high

734
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 5: flow and then they were like, we're going to move

735
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 5: her to ICU because she needs like.

736
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 4: Full to be watched.

737
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 5: But I remember, like, I remember being so worried, and

738
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 5: I remember, you know, you can vibe off like people

739
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 5: like I'm pretty good at sensing what people are feeling.

740
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 5: And I could just see the nurses before we got

741
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 5: moved into ICU. They were stressed like they were they

742
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 5: were yeah, and I was like, is she going to

743
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 5: be okay? And I was like, tell me she's going

744
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 5: to be okay, because they're like we rarely see the

745
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 5: three viruses, like maybe one or two, but three is

746
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 5: like yeah, it's not good. And I was like, like,

747
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 5: she's going to be fine, though, isn't she And one

748
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,720
Speaker 5: of them was just like, look, she's in the best place,

749
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,759
Speaker 5: and I was like, fucking what, don't say that she's

750
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 5: in the best place.

751
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 4: I tell me she's going to be Okay, she's in

752
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 4: the best place. You're kidding me.

753
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 5: So that was horrific seeing the nursing staff so stressed

754
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:48,280
Speaker 5: because they're not mentioned.

755
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

756
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 5: That's another thing I had to do therapy for, like recently,

757
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:56,439
Speaker 5: because I got the full health anxiety after that. It's

758
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 5: not the fact that she got sick, it's the fact

759
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 5: that I didn't know that if she going to survive

760
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 5: for a minute there, like.

761
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 2: What does that feel like? Then after you're leaving hospital,

762
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 2: when you get to take her back.

763
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:14,399
Speaker 5: Home, I was so heightened. I remember just being like this,

764
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 5: like like.

765
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 4: So heightened it.

766
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,239
Speaker 5: Once I got home, I felt like I could breathe again.

767
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 5: And it's just like you don't even like fathom what

768
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 5: you went through. You just you don't even you don't

769
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 5: even like it's like a blur, a whirlwind, and you

770
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 5: get home and you're like.

771
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,280
Speaker 4: Holy crap, that was hectic.

772
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 5: But I think it hit me a lot further down,

773
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 5: like a lot further down, and I didn't.

774
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 4: Realize the impact it had or me until.

775
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:48,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, until later on when it started when I started

776
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 5: getting the anxiety whenever she would get sick and everything

777
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 5: like that.

778
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 2: Well yeah, even recently, like last week.

779
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 4: Then how was that I did my therapy?

780
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: Did?

781
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 5: I did kind of did like my childhood trauma therapy again,

782
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,839
Speaker 5: but I did it with the sicknesses again. And so

783
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 5: I've been really good lately because I said goodbye to

784
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 5: all of that stuff that was.

785
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 4: In my unconscious mind.

786
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 5: So you know, I was getting triggered if they would

787
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 5: have injuries or if they would because she started getting

788
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 5: viral intuice asthma after that, So it was in our

789
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 5: last hospital visit. It happened again a few times after

790
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 5: that where she just can't breathe and she needs the

791
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,399
Speaker 5: oxygen help. So once I did that trauma work, it's

792
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 5: been a lot easier. But before that, before I did

793
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 5: the work, I was feeling physically ill. If they would

794
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 5: fall over or anything, either of them, I was in

795
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 5: complete tears. I'd have to give them to Nick. I'm like,

796
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 5: I can't, I can't help them. I can't help them,

797
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 5: and I'd have to just bore my eyes out and cry.

798
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 5: I'm talking if they've knocked their head on the wall,

799
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 5: if they're crying a lot, and you know, yeah, something's

800
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 5: happened to them. If her breathing was scary or if

801
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 5: they were like coughing and stuff, I'd feel physically ill.

802
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,439
Speaker 5: So that's when I knew I had to do something

803
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 5: about it, because I was like, I'm not in it.

804
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 5: I couldn't even support them. I had to get nicked

805
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 5: to do everything. I was like, I can't, I can't.

806
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 5: I'm not strong enough to do this.

807
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, because as new parents, there's like a lot of

808
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 3: anxiety around whether you should be taking a kid directly

809
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 3: to hospital or whether you shouldn't, or whether you feel

810
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 3: bad that you do. Do you think that now you're like,

811
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 3: just just do it, Just just go and do it,

812
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 3: because yeah, do it because.

813
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:30,760
Speaker 4: I was unsure.

814
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 5: I was unsure, and I still was unsure because she

815
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 5: she wasn't like crying like you imagine your kid to

816
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 5: be like fully broken, but like there's stuff that can happen,

817
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 5: Like she could have passed out in the car if

818
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 5: I was any later, Like, you just got to go.

819
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 5: If there's anything you're worried about, you just go.

820
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 4: Don't worry if there's nothing wrong.

821
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 5: I've been there so many times when there's been nothing

822
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 5: wrong and they're like, not all good, that's all good.

823
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 5: Just go like there's no they don't care. You just

824
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 5: take them in. I tell you when they would care

825
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 5: if you didn't take them in, why didn't you.

826
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: Bring you exactly right?

827
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 2: Tar have you ever had to bring the kids in

828
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 2: for a sunburnt balma?

829
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 4: Never? Never, because they wear sunscreen and a hat. Because

830
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 4: of the book I wrote.

831
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 2: I got to say, my kids absolutely love it. They

832
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 2: are obsessed with Willy. If you haven't read the book,

833
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 2: Willy in the sunburn Bum, it's a cracker.

834
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,439
Speaker 1: It's such a great name, Willy in the Sunburn Bum.

835
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, my kids love it too. Edie Ray loves it.

836
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 4: You know.

837
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 5: My kids actually loving your book at the moment. They

838
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 5: love the little pictures and it. Yeah, we have to

839
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 5: cover up the one where the keys are going in

840
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 5: the toilet because they're so intrigued to see what's going on.

841
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 4: No, I'm like, that's nothing, that's nothing.

842
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: Don't do it.

843
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 4: Don't look at that.

844
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 2: Are you going to write a follower?

845
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 4: I want to do it one. I do want to

846
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:56,439
Speaker 4: do another one.

847
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 5: It's on my list of I've got like a board

848
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,840
Speaker 5: of like goal for twenty twenty four and writing my

849
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 5: second books on there.

850
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 4: But you know, you know, you know what it's like.

851
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 2: What's really going to get up to next? My kids

852
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: are chomping for it.

853
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 4: Willie's going to brush his teeth without being a dickhead.

854
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 2: When you have the kids who were grown up and

855
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 2: they've left the nest, they're no longer living with you, guys,

856
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 2: what is the one thing that you would want them

857
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 2: to remember about the house I grew up in.

858
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 5: I just want them to remember the fun times and

859
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 5: those moments where we were all together laughing, and just

860
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,919
Speaker 5: those moments of connection. Really, I don't care if they

861
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:32,919
Speaker 5: think I'm a pig in the house is a mess

862
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 5: or whatever. Like, I want them to remember the family

863
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 5: dinners and the wrestles, and the movie nights and the cuddles.

864
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 2: I love that. I think it's been an absolute rollercoaster

865
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 2: hearing your story. But I think you're doing such an

866
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 2: amazing job. Say well done, Thank you so.

867
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 1: Much for spending some time with us.

868
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 4: Thanks for having me.

869
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 2: Your bloody legend. Thanks so much, Thanks Tars bye.

870
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 1: I can't wait for Lightning crush to tour.

871
00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know. I've Tara has seen the recent

872
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 2: video of you singing poop playing.

873
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to be the lead singer of Lightning Crutch.

874
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:05,439
Speaker 2: What can I play?

875
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: Confusing because April already calls me Lightning Crutch.

876
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 2: She calls us Chlamydia.

877
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 3: She calls me Chlamydia Crutch. If you've enjoyed this episode

878
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:21,320
Speaker 3: as much as I have, please like and subscribe, Tara

879
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 3: did say.

880
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 2: She did.

881
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 3: I want everyone to like and subscribe, leave fast does

882
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 3: a little review.

883
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 2: It would be great, she said. If they don't leave reviews,

884
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: she will find them, hunt.

885
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: Them down, drum them down.

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00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 2: Also, the Facebook group is a great place where you

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00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:38,319
Speaker 2: can hang out with other parents who are just as

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00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 2: tired as you are.

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00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 3: Search Two Doting Dads on the Facebook or you can

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00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 3: join us on Instagram.

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00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 2: And if there's any other guests that you would like

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00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,439
Speaker 2: us to interview, please throw your suggestions away. Ash Let's

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00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 2: get out of here BA. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges

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00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 2: the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections

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00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 2: to land, to see and community.

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00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,

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00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,280
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

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00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 3: peoples today.

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Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.