WEBVTT - Babies 👼 Are 🎨 Art 🧸️ Hoes

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Froomes catch.

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<v Speaker 2>Up podcast, Happy Monday, Little Freaks and Gremlin's running through

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<v Speaker 2>the Forest. It's me Lucinda Frume's Price. Today we're chatting

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<v Speaker 2>about how to stop obsessing over your crush, which I

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<v Speaker 2>don't recommend, live life full of whimsy and fantasy, and

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<v Speaker 2>also figuring out what happens when you and your siblings

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<v Speaker 2>were raised in the same household by the same parents,

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<v Speaker 2>but you have wildly different views. Turns out it's a

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<v Speaker 2>real thing and you should be validated for your experience.

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<v Speaker 3>Flex and Frooms on kedas.

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<v Speaker 1>The question of the day, do you reckon?

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<v Speaker 2>People are allowed to be disappointed that the travel TikTok

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<v Speaker 2>they see doesn't match the reality of the situation because

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<v Speaker 2>the Internet is essentially calling people immature and unresearch for

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<v Speaker 2>being quite disillusioned with what their experience has been like

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<v Speaker 2>predominantly in Euro's summer. In euro Summer, I saw this

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<v Speaker 2>article on Vox recently. It was headline and stop trying

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<v Speaker 2>to have the perfect vacation because you're ruining everybody else's

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<v Speaker 2>And it talks about how traditionally vacation is meant to

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<v Speaker 2>be this explorative activity. You're not meant to know exactly

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<v Speaker 2>what you're going to see, exactly where you're going to go.

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<v Speaker 2>You're not really meant to have this very clear cut

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<v Speaker 2>idea of what's to come. That is why you go,

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<v Speaker 2>so you can discover something new. And now people have

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<v Speaker 2>tried to whittle it down into an Excel spreadsheet, or

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<v Speaker 2>they try to whittle it down into a favorites folder

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<v Speaker 2>on TikTok. When they get there, they're comparing their experience

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<v Speaker 2>to someone's contrived edited experience, which seems like a almost

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<v Speaker 2>like an overcorrection from the Instagram versus reality era. But

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<v Speaker 2>I want to reference two distinct situations that have gone

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<v Speaker 2>viral in the last couple of weeks. Right, So it's

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<v Speaker 2>mostly American tourists, I will say that, but I don't

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<v Speaker 2>think Australian tourists are less.

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<v Speaker 1>It's giving cuticle.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like I think Australian tourists come with their own issues.

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<v Speaker 2>But in this particular instance, and there was this video

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<v Speaker 2>of this American tourist complaining about Europe. This one traveler

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<v Speaker 2>says that Paris smells like we cheese an armpit and

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<v Speaker 2>that its food looks grimy as hell. In another video,

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<v Speaker 2>a woman argues that any influencer who's posted pretty photos

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<v Speaker 2>of the Mouthee Coast deserves jail time because they neglected

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<v Speaker 2>to mention the logistics of actually getting there, and that

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<v Speaker 2>going to the Moufee Coast is literal manual labor.

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<v Speaker 1>Not vacation.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, when I initially saw these videos, because they did

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<v Speaker 2>see it before this article, I laughed because I'm one

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<v Speaker 2>of those people where I don't like doing explorative vacations

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<v Speaker 2>because I don't like the work involved.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want to know you have to get.

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<v Speaker 2>To the Trevi Fountain at five am otherwise people will

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<v Speaker 2>be there. Because when I went, it was packed and

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<v Speaker 2>it was terrible, right, But that's just the nature of it.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel as though people, like you said earlier, people

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<v Speaker 2>were like, oh, it's racist to not enjoy your experience

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<v Speaker 2>in these countries, yes, saying it's pears, cheese and armpit.

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<v Speaker 1>Like that is cooked.

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<v Speaker 2>But also people do have a very inflated idea of

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<v Speaker 2>what Paris would be like. Isn't it that thing called

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<v Speaker 2>Paris syndrome, This idea that Japanese tourists go to Paris

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<v Speaker 2>and develop this extreme sense of disillusionment and discomfort and

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<v Speaker 2>unhappiness because they're expectations of Paris pale in comparison to

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<v Speaker 2>the reality. Come on now, anyway, good question to ask

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<v Speaker 2>your friends and family because we need to get down

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<v Speaker 2>to the bottom of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you a traveler? Are you a holiday or are

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<v Speaker 1>you a vacationer?

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<v Speaker 2>Me? I want to feel like I'm in a spa

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<v Speaker 2>every day. I want to eat heaps, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>be horizontal, and I want to giggle with the girls.

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<v Speaker 1>That's it.

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<v Speaker 3>I must say my last holiday to Bali, my mom,

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<v Speaker 3>my sister and my dad did it almost around.

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<v Speaker 1>As we said earlier on the show.

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<v Speaker 3>Almost I lay down, drink alcohol, eat sasae ye say

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<v Speaker 3>less saturay. Believe it or not, despite our young age

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<v Speaker 3>and a playful disposition, we are quite interested in babies

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<v Speaker 3>and children and the multitude of attitudes that they have.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I want to be one. I see. It's

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<v Speaker 1>definitely like an aspirational thing for me, which can be done.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, we've already lived at so we've been there.

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<v Speaker 3>I came across this article and thought of your flexi

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<v Speaker 3>because it involves babies being art hose.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what is an art hoe w A article say,

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<v Speaker 2>or would you like to give me a definition.

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<v Speaker 3>That was a bit of flavored by me. An art

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<v Speaker 3>hoe is a woman with or it could be a guy,

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<v Speaker 3>but usually it's a woman with a short fringe.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness. Not the aesthetics if they like have.

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<v Speaker 3>A sing and poke tattoo. They really like art, but

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<v Speaker 3>also they are art. Okay, you know what art hoe

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<v Speaker 3>is a hot girl that likes art and fine things.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so babies are art hose. And I realized this

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<v Speaker 3>in a Guardian article. I've really been rinsing the Guardian lately.

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<v Speaker 3>Turns out the babies guys have a pension for van

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<v Speaker 3>go Over Monet not. You're thinking, what does this mean?

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<v Speaker 3>It's very interesting because I I think we often talk

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<v Speaker 3>about the appreciation of beauty and art. Is there like

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<v Speaker 3>a formula like da Vinci style, like circle? Do we

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<v Speaker 3>like certain faces? And it turns out that babies actually

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<v Speaker 3>mirror how much adults like Vango. So, for example, they

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<v Speaker 3>did this, they did this test where they put like

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<v Speaker 3>an adult in front of Vango and a baby in

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<v Speaker 3>front of Ango. They like flashed images like forty images

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<v Speaker 3>of artworks, and they decide whether or not the humans

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<v Speaker 3>like them. Or not based on how much they're looking.

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<v Speaker 2>At how the babies point point, which tell Mommy which

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<v Speaker 2>one you like and use.

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<v Speaker 1>Your words, you little newborn.

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<v Speaker 3>But it suggests that like early sensory biases and aesthetics

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<v Speaker 3>can then like what you like as a baby can

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<v Speaker 3>then actually shape what your like as an adults. So, for example,

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<v Speaker 3>like the babies are very attractive to clashing colors and

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<v Speaker 3>like certain lots of lines and stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>So babies would like Jackson Pollock.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know about that.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm gonna ask the baby thank you. Okay, Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>What I'm hearing is, if you want to create art

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<v Speaker 2>that stands the test of time, show your drafts to

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<v Speaker 2>a baby.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh is that what you're saying? Yeah, it is, it is. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>bring the baby to the studio. Well you take the

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<v Speaker 1>art to the baby, bear ray.

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<v Speaker 3>On the baby place and a little cigarette out of

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<v Speaker 3>its mouth.

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<v Speaker 1>Just interesting.

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<v Speaker 3>Beauty is in the either beholder and turns out the

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<v Speaker 3>babies have it. I said at the end of this

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<v Speaker 3>same fan.

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to flex and Rooms on kata.

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<v Speaker 2>How is it possible that siblings can grow up in

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<v Speaker 2>the same household but have wildly different views on what

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<v Speaker 2>that experience was, how they were raised, if it was good,

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<v Speaker 2>if it was bad, if it was traumatic. Here's what

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<v Speaker 2>the science says.

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<v Speaker 4>My sister and I were raising the house, the same house,

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<v Speaker 4>by the.

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<v Speaker 1>Same parents, and we reacted very.

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<v Speaker 4>Differently to that. Well, first of all, you're not brought

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<v Speaker 4>up in the same both the same parents. That's interesting.

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<v Speaker 4>Why do you say that, because the parent that the

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<v Speaker 4>experiences is the parent the way they show up for

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<v Speaker 4>that particular child. Your parents did not show up the

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<v Speaker 4>same way for a female child as for a male child,

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<v Speaker 4>even if they tried to, they could not because their

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<v Speaker 4>program culturally not too. Secondly, you were different ages. You

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<v Speaker 4>came along at different stages of their parents relationship to

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<v Speaker 4>one another or their self, and or their relationship to themselves.

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<v Speaker 4>They did not have the same parents, they did not

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<v Speaker 4>grow up in the same house.

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<v Speaker 2>So we don't know where that actual podcast is coming from,

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<v Speaker 2>but I do recognize that voice. That is my king,

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<v Speaker 2>doctor Gubble, Mark Teit Gubble, and he talks a lot

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<v Speaker 2>about how so much just the life that we're living

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<v Speaker 2>makes it impossible to heal, and how it's making us

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<v Speaker 2>sick and all of these things that we are discussing.

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<v Speaker 2>Now that's the difference between being raised in the same

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<v Speaker 2>household having different experience.

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<v Speaker 1>All of that.

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<v Speaker 2>Erodes at our actual health, not just our perception. I

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<v Speaker 2>will say though, like, I can totally fathom the idea

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<v Speaker 2>that you could be raised in the same household because

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<v Speaker 2>of all these reasons mentioned, you're not having the same experience.

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<v Speaker 2>But then I ask myself, this, what is more important,

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<v Speaker 2>improving your current reality based on this information that you

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<v Speaker 2>have about how you were raised, or being validated about

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<v Speaker 2>your past, because I feel like both.

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<v Speaker 1>Can't happen at once.

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<v Speaker 2>Like part of you needs to be like, Okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>like maybe I wasn't the favorite forty five years ago,

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<v Speaker 2>twenty years ago, but now how many years later I

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<v Speaker 2>can reconcile with that fact and my relationship now is better,

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<v Speaker 2>or I can build on that, or you can say, wait,

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<v Speaker 2>but nobody validated the fact that I was treated poorly

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<v Speaker 2>back then, or that I wasn't respected or that nobody

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<v Speaker 2>looked out for me.

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<v Speaker 1>That is more important.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like if you start from that angle, then

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<v Speaker 2>you're not having this weird interpersonal beef with your siblings

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<v Speaker 2>as well. When you don't meet either eye.

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<v Speaker 3>You think they're not validating what you went through.

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<v Speaker 2>Not personally, but I think that is like that is

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<v Speaker 2>the issue. And people discussed between their siblings like I

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<v Speaker 2>had a good time, you had a bad time, So

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<v Speaker 2>what's like get over it? And it's like no, I

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<v Speaker 2>think that is the point, Like you can that can

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<v Speaker 2>be the fact. It's not like were we raised differently?

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<v Speaker 2>How are we raised differently? How can we feel vindicated

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<v Speaker 2>for the way that we were raised differently? It's what's

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<v Speaker 2>your priority? Now?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want to be told yeah, that was cooked?

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<v Speaker 3>And correct me if you're wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're wrong, correct me because you are wrong.

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<v Speaker 3>You believe that parents definitely have favorites hundred.

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<v Speaker 1>Percent you honestly, how can they not have favorites.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it might be difficult to rank like first favorite,

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<v Speaker 2>second favorite, third favorite, but you definitely have qualities that

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<v Speaker 2>are more appealing to one parent than the other, or

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<v Speaker 2>one seiling than the other. Absolutely similar with your friends,

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<v Speaker 2>Like you're not here ranking your friends being like okay,

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<v Speaker 2>top eight. Not all of us are here ranking our friends.

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<v Speaker 2>But you can definitely say I'm gonna love that quality

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<v Speaker 2>of friend a that quality of friend be not my favorite,

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<v Speaker 2>but overall.

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<v Speaker 3>Them as a person, it's sacrilegious. Yeah, but I all

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<v Speaker 3>my parents on the line.

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<v Speaker 1>I also feel like, and I'm not a parent, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a mother to all. I'm a mother to all.

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<v Speaker 2>But I think that like what I observe in parents

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<v Speaker 2>that makes their parenting style confusing is that there's performance

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<v Speaker 2>art involved. Sometimes they're like doing what parents would do

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<v Speaker 2>and then being themselves. And that is the confusion, because

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<v Speaker 2>then you can't hold someone accountable when you know they're

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<v Speaker 2>doing performance art.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know what I'm saying, So you're saying.

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<v Speaker 3>My parents performed and they actually prefer my.

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<v Speaker 2>Sister absolutely, and you know it too.

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<v Speaker 3>If there's one thing to know about Flex and Frooms

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<v Speaker 3>on Cadien ninety six point one and also on the

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<v Speaker 3>podcast whereviate your podcasts, it is that we are here

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<v Speaker 3>for the community, community workers. We are here to make your.

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<v Speaker 1>Life menitarians, Oh sorry, yes, that's right.

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<v Speaker 3>Humanists also, someone say, amongst other things, and so when

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<v Speaker 3>when listeners send us dilemmas, we do not take this lightly, guys.

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<v Speaker 1>We sit down, we have a.

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<v Speaker 3>Think, we have a brainstorm, and we consider what is

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<v Speaker 3>the best recourse for your life, Because it really is

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<v Speaker 3>that deep.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't confuse our ability to make everything funny as not

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<v Speaker 2>taking anything seriously.

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<v Speaker 1>I just quite take everything seriously as.

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<v Speaker 3>Do I as do I.

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<v Speaker 4>Hello, love Fine.

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<v Speaker 3>So this is from a listener who is undisclosed name wise.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's get into it. Hi frough me and Flex Mammy bows.

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<v Speaker 3>I see what they did there first. Just want to

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<v Speaker 3>say love you guys. I have been a long time

0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.480
<v Speaker 3>follower of you both, and tell Flex I have all

0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:40.120
<v Speaker 3>her refix conversation comes. I was wondering if you guys

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<v Speaker 3>could help me. How do you deal with getting obsessed

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<v Speaker 3>with crushes? Every time I like a guy, it takes

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<v Speaker 3>over my whole brain and feel like I can't think

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<v Speaker 3>about anything else, Like all I think about it is

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<v Speaker 3>so distracting. It happens even when I don't even like

0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:56.360
<v Speaker 3>them that much. Ooh, I know it is unhealthy and

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<v Speaker 3>I want to stop, but I have no idea how

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<v Speaker 3>to please help. What do I do?

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<v Speaker 1>Wow?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to go immediate science bro on you,

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<v Speaker 2>because that's just not my thing. I'm definitely spiritual bro capitalists,

0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.480
<v Speaker 2>bro very rarely science bro. But I will say that

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<v Speaker 2>this is limerens. It's a state of infatuation or obsession

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<v Speaker 2>with another person that involves an all consuming passion and

0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:25.559
<v Speaker 2>intrusive thoughts and so, like most people would say, this

0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.560
<v Speaker 2>has a lot to do about like childhood development issues

0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:31.600
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to attachment and how you were torch

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<v Speaker 2>or shown to give or receive love and affection, and

0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:38.760
<v Speaker 2>how we can sometimes like your brain just doesn't know

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<v Speaker 2>how to categorize this experience that you're having.

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<v Speaker 1>It's very odd.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was reading this article and I was talking

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<v Speaker 2>about these the differences between limereates and love, so like,

0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.040
<v Speaker 2>when is it just a messy crush that's going to

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<v Speaker 2>fade as opposed to when you're developing strong feelings for

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<v Speaker 2>someone and they say, actually looks like strikingly similar. It's

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<v Speaker 2>really hard to discern in those early stages, especially what

0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:04.040
<v Speaker 2>is limerents and what is love because there's the dopamine going,

0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:08.520
<v Speaker 2>the oxytocin's going, you're getting excited, the serotonin's peaking. But

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<v Speaker 2>they've said being drawn to someone is very equal to

0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:16.040
<v Speaker 2>love and limerens. Falling that feeling of being like I

0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.920
<v Speaker 2>didn't know it would be me. That's very love and limerence.

0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:22.480
<v Speaker 2>But the key differences are when you are in a

0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:25.319
<v Speaker 2>limerent state, you feel like this person is going to

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<v Speaker 2>complete you, like they've somehow made you hyper aware of

0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:33.160
<v Speaker 2>this void, a social void, a romantic void, a connection

0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.319
<v Speaker 2>void that you're like, you feel perfectly like I've waited

0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.880
<v Speaker 2>my whole life for this for you. You want them,

0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.800
<v Speaker 2>whether they want you or not, or whether they're good

0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:46.319
<v Speaker 2>for you or not, Like, despite that fact, is not

0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.360
<v Speaker 2>feeding into whether you think they're an appropriate partner. Also,

0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.280
<v Speaker 2>you ignore their flaws, so to them, you don't see

0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 2>any red flags. They don't have any red flags. They've

0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:59.559
<v Speaker 2>always been amazing, they will continue to be amazing when

0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.439
<v Speaker 2>you love someone, And we can even look at your friendships,

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<v Speaker 2>like you'd be able to look at a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>your friends and be like, gosh, these flaws are out

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<v Speaker 2>the worst.

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<v Speaker 1>But I love you anyway, babe, I really do.

0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:14.320
<v Speaker 2>Another characteristic of limerens is neglecting your own needs for them,

0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:16.719
<v Speaker 2>so feeling as though what you need is secondary to

0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.360
<v Speaker 2>what you can offer them or makes them happy, what

0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:23.360
<v Speaker 2>makes them feel safe. And also you're scared of real

0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.960
<v Speaker 2>connection in the sense that you find a lot of

0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:29.400
<v Speaker 2>satisfaction from the fantasy of it, and you're scared that

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<v Speaker 2>if you like participate in the reality of the dynamic.

0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.640
<v Speaker 1>It's going to ruin it for you. Wow, that is limerens.

0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.200
<v Speaker 2>So in this instance, the question this listener has asked

0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:41.600
<v Speaker 2>us is why does it happen?

0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:42.560
<v Speaker 1>Babes?

0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:47.120
<v Speaker 2>Why does anything happen? Humans are inherently random and contradictory.

0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:49.920
<v Speaker 2>But I think the first step is recognizing what it

0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.200
<v Speaker 2>is and in the best way possible. It's not a

0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:58.200
<v Speaker 2>unique situation. You are but one of many deranged people, delusional,

0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 2>who are struggling with how characterizing something.

0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:02.400
<v Speaker 1>That looks so legit.

0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:06.600
<v Speaker 3>You put that perfectly FLEXI.

0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:09.680
<v Speaker 2>I would say the antidote to limeerate is going through

0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 2>that list and debunking it for yourself. So, for example,

0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:15.160
<v Speaker 2>when you're in a limeerates state, you can't see someone's

0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:19.000
<v Speaker 2>red flags, write that list, babe, right, don't be brutal,

0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:22.560
<v Speaker 2>But let's say, like, you know, you know, do they

0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:23.840
<v Speaker 2>know how to use chopsticks?

0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:24.200
<v Speaker 4>I don't.

0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:28.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't. So if you've fallen for me, just know

0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.080
<v Speaker 1>I can't use chopsticks. Can they whistle? Red flag? If

0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:33.680
<v Speaker 1>they can't whistle?

0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:34.440
<v Speaker 3>I agree?

0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:35.920
<v Speaker 1>Do all your friends hate them?

0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:37.040
<v Speaker 3>It's a big one.

0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, pink flag. No, that's a base like listening to

0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:44.960
<v Speaker 1>the Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune Indicator

0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.280
<v Speaker 1>on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.