Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Froomes catch.
Speaker 2: Up podcast, Happy Monday, Little Freaks and Gremlin's running through
Speaker 2: the Forest. It's me Lucinda Frume's Price. Today we're chatting
Speaker 2: about how to stop obsessing over your crush, which I
Speaker 2: don't recommend, live life full of whimsy and fantasy, and
Speaker 2: also figuring out what happens when you and your siblings
Speaker 2: were raised in the same household by the same parents,
Speaker 2: but you have wildly different views. Turns out it's a
Speaker 2: real thing and you should be validated for your experience.
Speaker 3: Flex and Frooms on kedas.
Speaker 1: The question of the day, do you reckon?
Speaker 2: People are allowed to be disappointed that the travel TikTok
Speaker 2: they see doesn't match the reality of the situation because
Speaker 2: the Internet is essentially calling people immature and unresearch for
Speaker 2: being quite disillusioned with what their experience has been like
Speaker 2: predominantly in Euro's summer. In euro Summer, I saw this
Speaker 2: article on Vox recently. It was headline and stop trying
Speaker 2: to have the perfect vacation because you're ruining everybody else's
Speaker 2: And it talks about how traditionally vacation is meant to
Speaker 2: be this explorative activity. You're not meant to know exactly
Speaker 2: what you're going to see, exactly where you're going to go.
Speaker 2: You're not really meant to have this very clear cut
Speaker 2: idea of what's to come. That is why you go,
Speaker 2: so you can discover something new. And now people have
Speaker 2: tried to whittle it down into an Excel spreadsheet, or
Speaker 2: they try to whittle it down into a favorites folder
Speaker 2: on TikTok. When they get there, they're comparing their experience
Speaker 2: to someone's contrived edited experience, which seems like a almost
Speaker 2: like an overcorrection from the Instagram versus reality era. But
Speaker 2: I want to reference two distinct situations that have gone
Speaker 2: viral in the last couple of weeks. Right, So it's
Speaker 2: mostly American tourists, I will say that, but I don't
Speaker 2: think Australian tourists are less.
Speaker 1: It's giving cuticle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I think Australian tourists come with their own issues.
Speaker 2: But in this particular instance, and there was this video
Speaker 2: of this American tourist complaining about Europe. This one traveler
Speaker 2: says that Paris smells like we cheese an armpit and
Speaker 2: that its food looks grimy as hell. In another video,
Speaker 2: a woman argues that any influencer who's posted pretty photos
Speaker 2: of the Mouthee Coast deserves jail time because they neglected
Speaker 2: to mention the logistics of actually getting there, and that
Speaker 2: going to the Moufee Coast is literal manual labor.
Speaker 1: Not vacation.
Speaker 2: Now, when I initially saw these videos, because they did
Speaker 2: see it before this article, I laughed because I'm one
Speaker 2: of those people where I don't like doing explorative vacations
Speaker 2: because I don't like the work involved.
Speaker 1: I don't want to know you have to get.
Speaker 2: To the Trevi Fountain at five am otherwise people will
Speaker 2: be there. Because when I went, it was packed and
Speaker 2: it was terrible, right, But that's just the nature of it.
Speaker 2: I feel as though people, like you said earlier, people
Speaker 2: were like, oh, it's racist to not enjoy your experience
Speaker 2: in these countries, yes, saying it's pears, cheese and armpit.
Speaker 1: Like that is cooked.
Speaker 2: But also people do have a very inflated idea of
Speaker 2: what Paris would be like. Isn't it that thing called
Speaker 2: Paris syndrome, This idea that Japanese tourists go to Paris
Speaker 2: and develop this extreme sense of disillusionment and discomfort and
Speaker 2: unhappiness because they're expectations of Paris pale in comparison to
Speaker 2: the reality. Come on now, anyway, good question to ask
Speaker 2: your friends and family because we need to get down
Speaker 2: to the bottom of it.
Speaker 1: Are you a traveler? Are you a holiday or are
Speaker 1: you a vacationer?
Speaker 2: Me? I want to feel like I'm in a spa
Speaker 2: every day. I want to eat heaps, I want to
Speaker 2: be horizontal, and I want to giggle with the girls.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 3: I must say my last holiday to Bali, my mom,
Speaker 3: my sister and my dad did it almost around.
Speaker 1: As we said earlier on the show.
Speaker 3: Almost I lay down, drink alcohol, eat sasae ye say
Speaker 3: less saturay. Believe it or not, despite our young age
Speaker 3: and a playful disposition, we are quite interested in babies
Speaker 3: and children and the multitude of attitudes that they have.
Speaker 1: I mean, I want to be one. I see. It's
Speaker 1: definitely like an aspirational thing for me, which can be done.
Speaker 3: I mean, we've already lived at so we've been there.
Speaker 3: I came across this article and thought of your flexi
Speaker 3: because it involves babies being art hose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is an art hoe w A article say,
Speaker 2: or would you like to give me a definition.
Speaker 3: That was a bit of flavored by me. An art
Speaker 3: hoe is a woman with or it could be a guy,
Speaker 3: but usually it's a woman with a short fringe.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Not the aesthetics if they like have.
Speaker 3: A sing and poke tattoo. They really like art, but
Speaker 3: also they are art. Okay, you know what art hoe
Speaker 3: is a hot girl that likes art and fine things.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so babies are art hose. And I realized this
Speaker 3: in a Guardian article. I've really been rinsing the Guardian lately.
Speaker 3: Turns out the babies guys have a pension for van
Speaker 3: go Over Monet not. You're thinking, what does this mean?
Speaker 3: It's very interesting because I I think we often talk
Speaker 3: about the appreciation of beauty and art. Is there like
Speaker 3: a formula like da Vinci style, like circle? Do we
Speaker 3: like certain faces? And it turns out that babies actually
Speaker 3: mirror how much adults like Vango. So, for example, they
Speaker 3: did this, they did this test where they put like
Speaker 3: an adult in front of Vango and a baby in
Speaker 3: front of Ango. They like flashed images like forty images
Speaker 3: of artworks, and they decide whether or not the humans
Speaker 3: like them. Or not based on how much they're looking.
Speaker 2: At how the babies point point, which tell Mommy which
Speaker 2: one you like and use.
Speaker 1: Your words, you little newborn.
Speaker 3: But it suggests that like early sensory biases and aesthetics
Speaker 3: can then like what you like as a baby can
Speaker 3: then actually shape what your like as an adults. So, for example,
Speaker 3: like the babies are very attractive to clashing colors and
Speaker 3: like certain lots of lines and stuff.
Speaker 1: So babies would like Jackson Pollock.
Speaker 3: I don't know about that.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna ask the baby thank you. Okay, Okay.
Speaker 2: What I'm hearing is, if you want to create art
Speaker 2: that stands the test of time, show your drafts to
Speaker 2: a baby.
Speaker 1: Oh is that what you're saying? Yeah, it is, it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: bring the baby to the studio. Well you take the
Speaker 1: art to the baby, bear ray.
Speaker 3: On the baby place and a little cigarette out of
Speaker 3: its mouth.
Speaker 1: Just interesting.
Speaker 3: Beauty is in the either beholder and turns out the
Speaker 3: babies have it. I said at the end of this
Speaker 3: same fan.
Speaker 1: You're listening to flex and Rooms on kata.
Speaker 2: How is it possible that siblings can grow up in
Speaker 2: the same household but have wildly different views on what
Speaker 2: that experience was, how they were raised, if it was good,
Speaker 2: if it was bad, if it was traumatic. Here's what
Speaker 2: the science says.
Speaker 4: My sister and I were raising the house, the same house,
Speaker 4: by the.
Speaker 1: Same parents, and we reacted very.
Speaker 4: Differently to that. Well, first of all, you're not brought
Speaker 4: up in the same both the same parents. That's interesting.
Speaker 4: Why do you say that, because the parent that the
Speaker 4: experiences is the parent the way they show up for
Speaker 4: that particular child. Your parents did not show up the
Speaker 4: same way for a female child as for a male child,
Speaker 4: even if they tried to, they could not because their
Speaker 4: program culturally not too. Secondly, you were different ages. You
Speaker 4: came along at different stages of their parents relationship to
Speaker 4: one another or their self, and or their relationship to themselves.
Speaker 4: They did not have the same parents, they did not
Speaker 4: grow up in the same house.
Speaker 2: So we don't know where that actual podcast is coming from,
Speaker 2: but I do recognize that voice. That is my king,
Speaker 2: doctor Gubble, Mark Teit Gubble, and he talks a lot
Speaker 2: about how so much just the life that we're living
Speaker 2: makes it impossible to heal, and how it's making us
Speaker 2: sick and all of these things that we are discussing.
Speaker 2: Now that's the difference between being raised in the same
Speaker 2: household having different experience.
Speaker 1: All of that.
Speaker 2: Erodes at our actual health, not just our perception. I
Speaker 2: will say though, like, I can totally fathom the idea
Speaker 2: that you could be raised in the same household because
Speaker 2: of all these reasons mentioned, you're not having the same experience.
Speaker 2: But then I ask myself, this, what is more important,
Speaker 2: improving your current reality based on this information that you
Speaker 2: have about how you were raised, or being validated about
Speaker 2: your past, because I feel like both.
Speaker 1: Can't happen at once.
Speaker 2: Like part of you needs to be like, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: like maybe I wasn't the favorite forty five years ago,
Speaker 2: twenty years ago, but now how many years later I
Speaker 2: can reconcile with that fact and my relationship now is better,
Speaker 2: or I can build on that, or you can say, wait,
Speaker 2: but nobody validated the fact that I was treated poorly
Speaker 2: back then, or that I wasn't respected or that nobody
Speaker 2: looked out for me.
Speaker 1: That is more important.
Speaker 2: I feel like if you start from that angle, then
Speaker 2: you're not having this weird interpersonal beef with your siblings
Speaker 2: as well. When you don't meet either eye.
Speaker 3: You think they're not validating what you went through.
Speaker 2: Not personally, but I think that is like that is
Speaker 2: the issue. And people discussed between their siblings like I
Speaker 2: had a good time, you had a bad time, So
Speaker 2: what's like get over it? And it's like no, I
Speaker 2: think that is the point, Like you can that can
Speaker 2: be the fact. It's not like were we raised differently?
Speaker 2: How are we raised differently? How can we feel vindicated
Speaker 2: for the way that we were raised differently? It's what's
Speaker 2: your priority? Now?
Speaker 1: Do you want to be told yeah, that was cooked?
Speaker 3: And correct me if you're wrong.
Speaker 1: If you're wrong, correct me because you are wrong.
Speaker 3: You believe that parents definitely have favorites hundred.
Speaker 1: Percent you honestly, how can they not have favorites.
Speaker 2: I think it might be difficult to rank like first favorite,
Speaker 2: second favorite, third favorite, but you definitely have qualities that
Speaker 2: are more appealing to one parent than the other, or
Speaker 2: one seiling than the other. Absolutely similar with your friends,
Speaker 2: Like you're not here ranking your friends being like okay,
Speaker 2: top eight. Not all of us are here ranking our friends.
Speaker 2: But you can definitely say I'm gonna love that quality
Speaker 2: of friend a that quality of friend be not my favorite,
Speaker 2: but overall.
Speaker 3: Them as a person, it's sacrilegious. Yeah, but I all
Speaker 3: my parents on the line.
Speaker 1: I also feel like, and I'm not a parent, I'm
Speaker 1: a mother to all. I'm a mother to all.
Speaker 2: But I think that like what I observe in parents
Speaker 2: that makes their parenting style confusing is that there's performance
Speaker 2: art involved. Sometimes they're like doing what parents would do
Speaker 2: and then being themselves. And that is the confusion, because
Speaker 2: then you can't hold someone accountable when you know they're
Speaker 2: doing performance art.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying, So you're saying.
Speaker 3: My parents performed and they actually prefer my.
Speaker 2: Sister absolutely, and you know it too.
Speaker 3: If there's one thing to know about Flex and Frooms
Speaker 3: on Cadien ninety six point one and also on the
Speaker 3: podcast whereviate your podcasts, it is that we are here
Speaker 3: for the community, community workers. We are here to make your.
Speaker 1: Life menitarians, Oh sorry, yes, that's right.
Speaker 3: Humanists also, someone say, amongst other things, and so when
Speaker 3: when listeners send us dilemmas, we do not take this lightly, guys.
Speaker 1: We sit down, we have a.
Speaker 3: Think, we have a brainstorm, and we consider what is
Speaker 3: the best recourse for your life, Because it really is
Speaker 3: that deep.
Speaker 2: Don't confuse our ability to make everything funny as not
Speaker 2: taking anything seriously.
Speaker 1: I just quite take everything seriously as.
Speaker 3: Do I as do I.
Speaker 4: Hello, love Fine.
Speaker 3: So this is from a listener who is undisclosed name wise.
Speaker 3: Let's get into it. Hi frough me and Flex Mammy bows.
Speaker 3: I see what they did there first. Just want to
Speaker 3: say love you guys. I have been a long time
Speaker 3: follower of you both, and tell Flex I have all
Speaker 3: her refix conversation comes. I was wondering if you guys
Speaker 3: could help me. How do you deal with getting obsessed
Speaker 3: with crushes? Every time I like a guy, it takes
Speaker 3: over my whole brain and feel like I can't think
Speaker 3: about anything else, Like all I think about it is
Speaker 3: so distracting. It happens even when I don't even like
Speaker 3: them that much. Ooh, I know it is unhealthy and
Speaker 3: I want to stop, but I have no idea how
Speaker 3: to please help. What do I do?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 2: I don't want to go immediate science bro on you,
Speaker 2: because that's just not my thing. I'm definitely spiritual bro capitalists,
Speaker 2: bro very rarely science bro. But I will say that
Speaker 2: this is limerens. It's a state of infatuation or obsession
Speaker 2: with another person that involves an all consuming passion and
Speaker 2: intrusive thoughts and so, like most people would say, this
Speaker 2: has a lot to do about like childhood development issues
Speaker 2: when it comes to attachment and how you were torch
Speaker 2: or shown to give or receive love and affection, and
Speaker 2: how we can sometimes like your brain just doesn't know
Speaker 2: how to categorize this experience that you're having.
Speaker 1: It's very odd.
Speaker 2: So I was reading this article and I was talking
Speaker 2: about these the differences between limereates and love, so like,
Speaker 2: when is it just a messy crush that's going to
Speaker 2: fade as opposed to when you're developing strong feelings for
Speaker 2: someone and they say, actually looks like strikingly similar. It's
Speaker 2: really hard to discern in those early stages, especially what
Speaker 2: is limerents and what is love because there's the dopamine going,
Speaker 2: the oxytocin's going, you're getting excited, the serotonin's peaking. But
Speaker 2: they've said being drawn to someone is very equal to
Speaker 2: love and limerens. Falling that feeling of being like I
Speaker 2: didn't know it would be me. That's very love and limerence.
Speaker 2: But the key differences are when you are in a
Speaker 2: limerent state, you feel like this person is going to
Speaker 2: complete you, like they've somehow made you hyper aware of
Speaker 2: this void, a social void, a romantic void, a connection
Speaker 2: void that you're like, you feel perfectly like I've waited
Speaker 2: my whole life for this for you. You want them,
Speaker 2: whether they want you or not, or whether they're good
Speaker 2: for you or not, Like, despite that fact, is not
Speaker 2: feeding into whether you think they're an appropriate partner. Also,
Speaker 2: you ignore their flaws, so to them, you don't see
Speaker 2: any red flags. They don't have any red flags. They've
Speaker 2: always been amazing, they will continue to be amazing when
Speaker 2: you love someone, And we can even look at your friendships,
Speaker 2: like you'd be able to look at a lot of
Speaker 2: your friends and be like, gosh, these flaws are out
Speaker 2: the worst.
Speaker 1: But I love you anyway, babe, I really do.
Speaker 2: Another characteristic of limerens is neglecting your own needs for them,
Speaker 2: so feeling as though what you need is secondary to
Speaker 2: what you can offer them or makes them happy, what
Speaker 2: makes them feel safe. And also you're scared of real
Speaker 2: connection in the sense that you find a lot of
Speaker 2: satisfaction from the fantasy of it, and you're scared that
Speaker 2: if you like participate in the reality of the dynamic.
Speaker 1: It's going to ruin it for you. Wow, that is limerens.
Speaker 2: So in this instance, the question this listener has asked
Speaker 2: us is why does it happen?
Speaker 1: Babes?
Speaker 2: Why does anything happen? Humans are inherently random and contradictory.
Speaker 2: But I think the first step is recognizing what it
Speaker 2: is and in the best way possible. It's not a
Speaker 2: unique situation. You are but one of many deranged people, delusional,
Speaker 2: who are struggling with how characterizing something.
Speaker 1: That looks so legit.
Speaker 3: You put that perfectly FLEXI.
Speaker 2: I would say the antidote to limeerate is going through
Speaker 2: that list and debunking it for yourself. So, for example,
Speaker 2: when you're in a limeerates state, you can't see someone's
Speaker 2: red flags, write that list, babe, right, don't be brutal,
Speaker 2: But let's say, like, you know, you know, do they
Speaker 2: know how to use chopsticks?
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't. So if you've fallen for me, just know
Speaker 1: I can't use chopsticks. Can they whistle? Red flag? If
Speaker 1: they can't whistle?
Speaker 3: I agree?
Speaker 1: Do all your friends hate them?
Speaker 3: It's a big one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pink flag. No, that's a base like listening to
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