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Speaker 1: This is a podcast about failure with me. Lola Berry, author, nutritionist,

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Speaker 1: and yoga teacher join me as we get to know

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Speaker 1: these guests and learn about how their failures have ultimately

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Speaker 1: shaped their dreams. Welcome to Fearlessly Failing with Lola Berry.

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Speaker 1: Get a it's lolls here. This next guest is Rachel Barrett. So,

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Speaker 1: Rach is one of my managers. We've been working together

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Speaker 1: for a few years now, and her history has generally

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Speaker 1: always been within kind of media and talent management, so

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Speaker 1: she's got some cool stories work with Rebel Wilson, Lucky Bugger.

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Speaker 1: She opens up about some personal stuff as well, though,

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Speaker 1: so trigger morning here we do discuss abortions. Rachel, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for coming on this potty and bringing

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Speaker 1: your wonderful, quirky, brave and courageous self. Enjoy Rachel Barrett. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm really pumped to have you in here. This is

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Speaker 1: the beautiful You are very beautiful Rachel Barrett. Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: full disclosure. You are my manager. You and Lauren and

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Speaker 1: we've been working together for about how year and a

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Speaker 1: half year and a half now, and we were literally

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Speaker 1: walking out of Harry m the other day and You're

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Speaker 1: like I've got a cool story, man, And then and

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, man, send it through. You sent

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Speaker 1: me through, like we could do eight podcasts on your

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Speaker 1: life for someone of your age. You've done so much,

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna give a quick little snapshot and then

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Speaker 1: it'll go down whatever rabbit hole it goes down. I feel.

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Speaker 1: So you're a mama bear to the awesome ALB. That's right,

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Speaker 1: you are a manager, talent manager. You also are a

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Speaker 1: mama beer to a beautiful cat called Gordon.

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Speaker 2: Gordon Brown not named after the Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

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Speaker 1: Amazing. You've got a BA in journalism, is that right?

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Speaker 2: Correct?

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Speaker 1: Awesome you And we'll get to unpack some of this.

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Speaker 1: But you've kind of been content producer. You've obviously got

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Speaker 1: a passion for music that started as a teen content

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Speaker 1: producer for Channel nine TV. But then you've really kind

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Speaker 1: of gone into this management space.

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Speaker 2: Yep, theatrical management, love it awesome.

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Speaker 1: Then lived in London. Like, there's so much stuff. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving quite a snapshot right now, aren't I. And

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Speaker 1: I guess because you've done so much and you've to

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Speaker 1: me this is one I'm so pumped to have you

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Speaker 1: on here. I just say I like people that march

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Speaker 1: to be their own drum. And your voice is very

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Speaker 1: authentic and real and I love that.

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Speaker 2: Thanks.

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Speaker 1: So let's have fun.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, rabbit Hole here we come.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I cannot wait. So let's just start off

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Speaker 1: with childhood. Like I love what you wrote to me about,

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Speaker 1: like far out man, You've got moved around all the time.

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Speaker 1: Eight primary schools, so many primary schools, just moving constantly,

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Speaker 1: probably every eighteen months, new school, moving between Queensland and

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Speaker 1: New South Wales due to well I'm a child, so

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Speaker 1: I'm at the but can call of my mother. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And like from what you've mentioned to me, like early on,

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Speaker 1: that would have affected like the way you look at

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Speaker 1: life and how you grow up as an adult. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Completely. That instilled in me so much anxiety and loneliness

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Speaker 2: and probably was the catalyst for my weirdness. Weirdness is good, though,

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Speaker 2: weirdness is fine. I'm all for being weird me too.

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Speaker 2: No one gets you nowhere. Have you heard of that guy? Exactly?

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Speaker 1: So there was something that you wrote to me about,

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Speaker 1: like loneliness was like a human condition that you were

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Speaker 1: just like, yep, this is it, this is it. And

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Speaker 1: darkness is something that exists too, and these are things

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Speaker 1: that just exists, and that was as a result of

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Speaker 1: probably a rough childhood of moving around you have no

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Speaker 1: sense of safety or security exactly.

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Speaker 2: One of the place in the eighties we were living

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Speaker 2: in King's Cross, which is back then was not pleasant

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Speaker 2: in a one bedroom shit hole, and I slept on

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Speaker 2: a bed behind a refrigerator.

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Speaker 1: And it keeps for people listening King's Cross in the

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Speaker 1: eighties that was like drugs, bikey, like really unsafe.

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Speaker 2: Correct correct. So walking to school, I would not want

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Speaker 2: to touch anything, and I was very scared because there'd

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Speaker 2: be like needles lying around everywhere.

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Speaker 1: And that was your childhood pretty much.

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Speaker 2: That was an eighteen month period of my childhood.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so the youngster. The reason why I ant

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Speaker 1: like ask this is because, like I think, and what

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Speaker 1: I've learned through my own therapy is like up to

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Speaker 1: the age of seven or eight, you kind of shape,

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Speaker 1: it shapes her, you become You're very malleable, and so

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Speaker 1: you're a lated with your parents. All that kind of

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Speaker 1: stuff is going to have a huge impact on our

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Speaker 1: insecurities as an adult. Would you agree?

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Speaker 2: I agree completely, which is why I've had this blueprint

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Speaker 2: of what I need to avoid with my own daughter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I.

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Speaker 2: Make every step that I take and everything that I

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Speaker 2: choose has to be for the betterment of her life.

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Speaker 2: And I'm you know, I'm second place, but I want

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Speaker 2: her to have the best there is I love.

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Speaker 1: I'm jumping ahead. You'll know this well. You've listened to

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Speaker 1: the pod. By the way, You're a big reason why

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Speaker 1: this podcast even exists.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he was such a huge parton And I'm jumping

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Speaker 1: around here, but like I read you wrote about like

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Speaker 1: your love you weren't aware that you were, like when

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Speaker 1: you had old that you weren't aware of like how

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Speaker 1: much you could love another human being. And I've heard

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Speaker 1: mothers talk about this before and how you said, like

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Speaker 1: you don't want anything bad, You almost want the Rapunzel story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, lock her up in that tower, keep her safe

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Speaker 2: forever as soon as she was born, or just like

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Speaker 2: through my head, like pedophiles, creepy people, murderers, worse possible

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Speaker 2: straight you're on her life when like worst possible scenarios

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Speaker 2: running constantly. I'm holding her like crying tears of joys

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Speaker 2: but also tears of pedophiles. Stay away. Yeah, totally, and

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Speaker 2: I'm never leaving the house.

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Speaker 1: Do you know my favorite thing about you? You say

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Speaker 1: exactly what you think. You're great.

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Speaker 2: I've been called blunt, but I don't know if that

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Speaker 2: is like blunt to me sounds bad.

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Speaker 1: Blunt is great, I think, just honest.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I tell it how it is.

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Speaker 1: I love so I love that. Okay, So then okay,

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Speaker 1: So there are some things that you that I really

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Speaker 1: want to like catch you and what I don't want

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Speaker 1: to miss kind of like these moments. So teen years

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Speaker 1: you didn't fit in either really because it was like

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Speaker 1: you were at a girls' school. Was that right?

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Speaker 2: I was at it, all girls Catholic school when I wasn't.

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Speaker 2: I'm not Catholic. So I remember one time going up

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Speaker 2: to get the Communie com union. Yeah, I went to

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Speaker 2: it and someone's like, don't do that, You're not. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I got well everyone else is doing it, like I

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 1: No one told me I had that exact experience. I

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Speaker 1: went to all girls Catholic school and I thought, oh,

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Speaker 1: I better go up and take the bread, the circular

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Speaker 1: bread thing, and I had it there like your Anglican

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Speaker 1: why did you just do that? And I was like

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Speaker 1: because everyone else was to because I.

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Speaker 2: Thought, I'm only fourteen, don't judge me.

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Speaker 1: And I saw you mentioned as well, like was there

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Speaker 1: a sense of bodysmorphia because you kind of felt like

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Speaker 1: I don't I'm an alien compared to these people.

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Speaker 2: I got full body dysmorphia when I changed schools because

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Speaker 2: I was kicked out of that Catholic girls school. So

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Speaker 2: it was awesome. And I can I ask how you

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Speaker 2: got kicked out smoking the weed? Yeah, bonging the locker.

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Speaker 2: Apparently that's not a good place for it.

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Speaker 1: Amazing, And so was that expulsion straight away?

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Speaker 2: It was an internal suspension. And then I just left

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Speaker 2: because I was tainted by that point. Fair Yeah, wow,

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Speaker 2: and everyone there was everyone there's a bad girl.

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Speaker 1: So was it just me? Okayo going So that's I'm cutting.

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Speaker 2: So then I moved to a school on the Northern Beaches. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and everyone there was tanned as fuck, and I was, well,

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Speaker 2: the school I was at before was in Glebe and

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Speaker 2: there's no beach around there.

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Speaker 1: That's like the hippie more hippie kind of artsy area, right.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, I was white, translucent as a ghost. I

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Speaker 2: mean I still am.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got the Sydney glow. I guess because I've

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Speaker 1: been in Melbourne.

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Speaker 2: You look tanned, got scha But as I say, fifteen

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Speaker 2: year old, I was always been tall, so tall, and

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Speaker 2: really skinny, like white. And they were all these beautiful blonde,

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Speaker 2: tanned glamazons and I felt really inferior.

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Speaker 1: Really, so, how did that kind of manifest in your life?

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Speaker 2: I just wore really baggy army pants around and giant

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Speaker 2: band T shirts and hid my body from the world.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember was there a point where you kind

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Speaker 1: of thought, I'm like, I suffer from body dysmorphia in

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Speaker 1: a different way. I will see myself as really overweight

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Speaker 1: even though I'm super healthy, Like I have the wrong

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Speaker 1: kind of a weird dysmorphia. But was there a point

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Speaker 1: where You're like, I've passed that or does it ever

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Speaker 1: creep back in? No?

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Speaker 2: Around maybe year twelve, I realized, like, I've got long,

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Speaker 2: hot legs. I'm going to get them out.

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Speaker 1: You do, actually, I will absolutely vouch for that. And

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Speaker 1: you got into music then, too, didn't you. Yep?

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Speaker 2: So October nineteen ninety four, Silverchair released tomorrow and my

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Speaker 2: world changed. Really music can do that. It did it

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Speaker 2: just changed my life. I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: there's all this amazing music out there. I don't have

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Speaker 2: to listen to TLC or whatever Top of the pops that.

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Speaker 1: Was aroundsh Mariahi summer nineteen ninety four, Remember of those CDs.

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Speaker 1: So and I think of the good thing at the

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Speaker 1: incredible think about Silverchair.

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Speaker 2: Like they're accessible, they're my age, like I could marry

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Speaker 2: Daniel John's maybe fangirls.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah. But also like he shit his own, he

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Speaker 1: shared his own like struggles, and I'm sure that that

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Speaker 1: is also communicated through music, which makes you feel connected.

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Speaker 1: And then you've got this thing music for me.

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Speaker 2: Well an album, That Frog Stomp album was incredible. There

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Speaker 2: was so much teenage angst.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you could relate.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, totally relatable. Beautiful people just love them so much

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Speaker 2: to this day if you needed a kidney.

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Speaker 1: Amazing. So at that stage, you were like you had

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Speaker 1: found some mates. A we into the same kind of music.

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Speaker 1: You're going on festivals all the time.

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Speaker 2: Two bestie band mates love those girls. We went to

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Speaker 2: as many Silverchair concerts as possible, and we were like,

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Speaker 2: we hate these teeny boppers who love this band. We're

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Speaker 2: not teeny boppers, but.

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Speaker 1: I was totally in the teeny bopper group because I reckon.

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Speaker 1: I jumped on the bandwagon really really late.

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Speaker 2: So we would see them when we could, but we

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Speaker 2: also saw like Regurgitator, friends are wrong. We'd go to

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Speaker 2: sort of Kangaring manly and like Fugazi played.

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Speaker 1: There, but fucking Regurgitator was amazing, by the way, So

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Speaker 1: Digress like me cutting air like pretty they set there on.

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Speaker 2: Ton Yeah, they agreed, so they would do a lot

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Speaker 2: of Uni gigs and we would. We weren't at Uni,

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Speaker 2: we were in high school, but we'd go to all

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Speaker 2: these Manning bar gigs and whatever that bar is in

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Speaker 2: at Ride Uni.

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Speaker 1: And would you find that was kind of like seeing

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Speaker 1: that expression of art in that film gave you an

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Speaker 1: outlet to go, oh, I've found I do have like

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Speaker 1: fit somewhere.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So with those two girls, Lisa and Bianca, we

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Speaker 2: found our identities and that shaped who we are for

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Speaker 2: the rest of our lives.

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Speaker 1: Well, and seeing a bit of your story from what

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Speaker 1: you've sent me, like you've always been involved in something creative,

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Speaker 1: whether it be like the music side, whether it be

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Speaker 1: like europe content producer for Channel nine and I do

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Speaker 1: TV segments, and I think what you see on like

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Speaker 1: the three minutes that you see when I'm on, is

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Speaker 1: nothing like what goes on in the two hour lead

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Speaker 1: up that you're at the network for. And I think

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Speaker 1: i'd love you to share, Like, I mean, you shared

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Speaker 1: some of the stuff you learned from it, so I

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Speaker 1: go for it. But what did you learn from being?

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Speaker 1: Because I just think it's not so glam TV.

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Speaker 2: No, it's not glamorous at all.

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Speaker 1: No, it's the opposite.

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Speaker 2: It's dirty, it's long days, it's grumpy grips.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, explain what a grip is.

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Speaker 2: He's or he or her are the person who moves

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Speaker 2: the camera equipment around on say a Dolly so they

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Speaker 2: set up the track.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and grumpy.

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Speaker 2: Well, the set is usually full of men, yeah, benad

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Speaker 2: the gaffer's men of the grips.

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Speaker 1: It's a male it's totally a male dominant, dominant world.

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Speaker 2: Totally was And there's a lot of inappropriate woman staring

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Speaker 2: at as when you're a young girl in a set like.

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Speaker 1: That, yeah, totally. Yeah, you had been super young. That

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Speaker 1: was early two thousands, right.

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Speaker 2: Who was the guy who Fatty from the Footy Show?

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Speaker 1: Okay, yes, so yes, he's totally.

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Speaker 2: Proving up my boobs. One day during your shoot and

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Speaker 2: he came up to me and he said, hah, sorry,

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Speaker 2: but you're just so distracting. I can't do my lines properly.

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Speaker 2: Oh off, gross, old man, I don't even watch this show.

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Speaker 1: What did you say to that?

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Speaker 2: I was like, thanks, Oh good girl.

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Speaker 1: So you had a sense of who you were by then,

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Speaker 1: because I'd be like, oh my god, what do I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to do. I don't know what I'd

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Speaker 1: get really insecure and what was the lifestyle that was

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Speaker 1: linked to Channel nine?

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Speaker 2: But no one who started work at Channel nine left

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Speaker 2: and if they were in a relationship left in that relationship. Wow,

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Speaker 2: it was fucked down.

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Speaker 1: Really was everyone hooking out with everyone behind.

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Speaker 2: Everyone's looking up with everyone. I took ecstasy for the

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Speaker 2: first time and then just took it constantly after that. Wow,

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Speaker 2: there were so many great parties. And this is like,

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Speaker 2: I'm not looking back at it saying it's bad. It

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Speaker 2: was awesome.

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Speaker 1: Yea, yeah, it's coming of age for you. It was

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Speaker 1: coming of age.

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Speaker 2: So all these older creative people who also opened my

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Speaker 2: eyes to other bands and music and things I could

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Speaker 2: like and helped shape me as a person again, I'm

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Speaker 2: so grateful for that experience and meeting those people and

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Speaker 2: being in that environment.

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Speaker 1: And even though the work I imagine workload and work

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Speaker 1: hours was crazy and full line where there's still moments

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Speaker 1: to be like, oh this is cool.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I loved it. I loved every minute of it.

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Speaker 1: And the energy of TV there's something you can't get

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Speaker 1: it in other places. I don't think.

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Speaker 2: No, it's really special, and everyone there seems to love

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Speaker 2: their job, Like there's no one really walking set for

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Speaker 2: the grips and walking here on going back at Monday.

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Speaker 1: No, you never I never get that vibe there either.

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Speaker 1: And any TV show I've ever done, it's always like

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Speaker 1: we're creating something and we're getting paid through this thing

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Speaker 1: that we love. You kind of get that feeling of

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Speaker 1: the ethos of TV studios anywhere.

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Speaker 2: And it's like it's a lucky job to get. Like

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Speaker 2: a lot of people want to take that job, and

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Speaker 2: a lot of people want to work there. So you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm in a privileged position now and I've got to

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Speaker 2: love the shit out of every day.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's so true. I want to think that it's

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Speaker 1: such a lucky thing, because sometimes I must say, when

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Speaker 1: I'm buying my ingredients for a segment. I'm at seven am.

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Speaker 2: In the morning.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, here we go, la, But it is

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Speaker 1: so And then at the moment you get there and

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Speaker 1: sit down in that makeup chair, it's so fascinating because

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Speaker 1: you're just so we're all working together to make this

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Speaker 1: cool thing happen, and I'm just one tiny piece of

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Speaker 1: this big puzzle. It's a pretty cool experience.

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Speaker 2: TV's great.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay, so after TV you then went into

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Speaker 1: talent talent management. I had no idea that you've been

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Speaker 1: doing talent and it's probably why you're so good at

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Speaker 1: it for a long time.

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Speaker 2: Probably two thousand and four was when I started with

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Speaker 2: the lovely June Riley.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, that like Patsy.

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Speaker 2: She's like Patsy from Abafab. She's the most wonderful person

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Speaker 2: when I came back, when I moved back from London,

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Speaker 2: she was like the first person I wanted to see. Really,

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Speaker 2: but she'd closed her business down, stole everyone's money and

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Speaker 2: who knows where she is now?

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Speaker 1: So is she who I loved? I noticed? I was like, really,

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Speaker 1: Rebel Wilson, do you want to tell that story?

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Speaker 2: So she June Riley's was her first agent. Nobody cared

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Speaker 2: for Rebel because she was overweight, dark hair, weird, she

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Speaker 2: didn't fit the mold, like the Australian mold. She was

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Speaker 2: on fat Pizza at the time, and another cast member

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Speaker 2: sent her our way and I met her and I

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Speaker 2: just thought she was the most incredible powerhouse of real

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Speaker 2: talent and unappreciated talent. She forwarded her career every step

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Speaker 2: of the weight. She wrote a one woman show. I

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Speaker 2: went to a new town. There were probably fifteen people

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Speaker 2: in the room.

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Speaker 1: Was she a legend? Like nice?

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Speaker 2: Totally? Really, so nice?

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Speaker 1: Because the media have painted a different picture of her

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Speaker 1: from when she sued was at the Daily Mail, and

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Speaker 1: that was because they lied about her her. We should

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Speaker 1: all be suing the Daily totally right, totally, And she

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Speaker 1: was pretty strong about her beliefs. And now that you

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Speaker 1: say how she forged her own way, it makes total

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Speaker 1: sense now.

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Speaker 2: Up against a wall of indifference against her.

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Speaker 1: But all those things now won't make her epic exactly.

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Speaker 2: Love her.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh my god, You've got me so excited.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you I'm so happy that you

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Speaker 1: got to hang with Rebel.

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Speaker 2: Wilson. We're not hanging out, but no, you know the

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Speaker 2: way we work together.

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Speaker 1: Well, we get a few hangs in there.

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Speaker 2: We get a lot of hangs we do.

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Speaker 1: We do get wettle sneak a little dinner last time

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Speaker 1: I was in Sido.

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Speaker 2: Pretty happy about that.

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Speaker 1: We often I'll be like, rage, can you be my date?

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Speaker 1: Goodn event? So okay, So after you work for this

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Speaker 1: awesome Patsy esque car, you then were at a different

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Speaker 1: talent agency and it was brutal.

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Speaker 2: It was brutal for me because we had a personality

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Speaker 2: clash and I did have an emotional breakdown from working there.

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Speaker 1: And were you bleed or were you just treated a

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Speaker 1: bit horribly or we.

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Speaker 2: Just I mean, I'm a super sensitive person anyway, EmPATH. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I'm you know, absorbing the vibes at the place.

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Speaker 2: She had a very micro managing vibe and that undermined

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Speaker 2: my confidence. And to this day, I hate taking phone

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Speaker 2: calls if someone's listening to me because I think there's

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Speaker 2: going to tell me every shit thing I just did

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Speaker 2: and that I'm not good enough at my job. That's

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Speaker 2: still rusual.

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Speaker 1: Then, so she was sad, But was there a moment

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Speaker 1: where you spoke to other staff members and you were

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Speaker 1: like it was just me and her. Really did you lead?

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Speaker 1: You don't know? Just going this is too much. I'm

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Speaker 1: out left? And is that the point where you're like stuff,

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Speaker 1: there's I'm restudying everything in London.

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Speaker 2: Yep, I'm out then.

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Speaker 1: London greatest life ever. I feel like as I was

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Speaker 1: reading guys like, oh man, London is in when I've

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Speaker 1: known that, We've spoken about it a fair bit too.

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Speaker 1: That's London is your heart, it is. Tell me about London.

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Speaker 2: So we moved to London, and I had always been like,

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Speaker 2: we're moving to London, and that's happening. I don't know

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Speaker 2: how it's happening, but we're going to be there. I

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Speaker 2: feel like I belong in that city.

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Speaker 1: Had you ever been before once and it was not great?

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Speaker 2: But I just wanted to be there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's just the most intriguing city and so many creatives,

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Speaker 2: so many creatives. It's just it's a big It's a

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Speaker 2: big place that I could walk around every day in

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Speaker 2: awe of roh was so move there. Moved to Ludbroak Grove,

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Speaker 2: which is the grungy end of notting Hill, but walk

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00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 2: outside and Portobello Roads on my doorstairs that much. So

395
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 2: you just walk around feeling like you're in a dream

396
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Speaker 2: because you're in these places that you've seen in movies

397
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Speaker 2: and you've thought about them, and then you're there living

398
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 2: it and it becomes normalized to you, like fucking cool

399
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Speaker 2: man living in Ledbrook Grove, walking down Portabello Road.

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Speaker 1: Every day totally. And something about the energy of London.

401
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 1: There's a and I don't this might be the wrong

402
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 1: word to describe it, but there's a romance to London.

403
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Speaker 1: It's one of those completely cities that is like you

404
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 1: can fall in love with and I think you either

405
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,639
Speaker 1: fall in love with it or you don't.

406
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 2: So people who talk shit about London, I'm like, yeah,

407
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 2: you don't know what you're talking about.

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Speaker 1: The weather did get me. I got stuck in the winters.

409
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Speaker 1: I would go, I can't believe I'm saying this, but

410
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Speaker 1: I used to go a Solarium back in the day

411
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Speaker 1: because I was like, oh my god, I was getting sad.

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Speaker 2: I got sads in the in the last year.

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00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, that seasonal effective disorder. It's a real thing, and

414
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,959
Speaker 1: it was there for like they were selling it as

415
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Speaker 1: mood enhancement.

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Speaker 2: Selarium mood enhancement. Can't be with you, cuppy rays.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so, okay, you're happiest when you where you were

418
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 1: in you were just like, oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: And like, I think from what you've said, you've kind

420
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 1: of grown up with a fair few struggles and figuring

421
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 1: out your identity, figuring out where you belong. Self described

422
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 1: as weird but kind of just probably creat even quirky,

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00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 1: and needed to find your home. And I feel like

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Speaker 1: London might have been that for you.

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Speaker 2: It was exactly that I'd left behind all the bullshit

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Speaker 2: of Australia, my family, everyone by like, not in a

427
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 2: bad way, but like I should just go be me

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Speaker 2: and do my life now. And it was great.

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Speaker 1: And you got a dream job.

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00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 2: Didn't You got a dream job, so arrived, did some

431
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 2: temping and then applied for a job at a place

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Speaker 2: called Park Village, Okay, which is in Camden, which is

433
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Speaker 2: one of my favorite places in the whole world. It's

434
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 2: where Amy Winehouse was from. Yeah, you could go to

435
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 2: a bar where she poured beers.

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00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,400
Speaker 1: No, did you see her do that?

437
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 2: I didn't see but other people did. Really she was pretty,

438
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 2: I know, she was just always around.

439
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 1: Wow. And that's crazy because I love Amy Winehouse. I

440
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 1: think she's pretty incredible.

441
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 2: There's so much love for her.

442
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 1: Oh there's some good docos on Netflix, and her music

443
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: is neck level.

444
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,439
Speaker 2: I want to see the Amy Winehouse documentary on my

445
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 2: birthday because I love to see sad films and cry

446
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 2: on my birthday. So we saw there alone, and everyone

447
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 2: in that cinema was like bawling their eyes out afterwards.

448
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah that if anyone had I don't know what

449
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 1: it's called, but it is other. Thank you, it's god Aba.

450
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: I'll do a link in the show notes so you

451
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,640
Speaker 1: can watch at least the trailer of it, because it's

452
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: really she was obviously definitely trouble, but so creative and

453
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 1: so talented and so passionate and yeah, very tortured. One

454
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: of those dark souls that have got not dark souls.

455
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: But she's gone through so much darkness and yet she

456
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: creates this magic from that same place.

457
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 2: Magic from darkness. That's the key.

458
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 1: It is, actually, like I feel like it totally is

459
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: now to speak about Park Village wasn't didn't have like

460
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,680
Speaker 1: did Rolling Stone shoot there?

461
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 2: Yep? So it was founded by Peter Webb and Ridley Scott,

462
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 2: literally Ridley Scott, the Ridley Scott, although he went off

463
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 2: and founded RCAs Ridley Scott r Ridley Scott Associates. I

464
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 2: don't know, I'm not the art.

465
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: And that's all the movie and all his incredible stuff.

466
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 2: But it was one of the biggest and most awarded

467
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 2: production companies in London.

468
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

469
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 2: And it was in this amazing building which was a

470
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,359
Speaker 2: part horse stables it was part of it was a

471
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 2: Heritage listed building.

472
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: Oh beautiful.

473
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 2: It was this bizarre I would have loved to take

474
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 2: you there so you could see it. But it was

475
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 2: the most unique and special building. It was right near

476
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,919
Speaker 2: the zoo and in the war they took all the

477
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 2: animals out of the zoo and walked them over into

478
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 2: part village to be safe.

479
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's good energy. That's gotta be good vibes.

480
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: And if it's heritage list it's going to feel haunted. Yeah,

481
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 1: but beautiful.

482
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 2: Just the history. The whole thing about London is the history.

483
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 2: Walking around like this city is blowing my mind all

484
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 2: the time every day.

485
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 1: So what was your role when you were working there?

486
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 1: What were you doing there?

487
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 2: Production? Managing?

488
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:16,680
Speaker 1: Did you love it?

489
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 2: That's appeals to my sense of organization. My virgoesses in

490
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 2: my chart, So you've got Virgo somewhere in your chart,

491
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:30,120
Speaker 2: which is why you.

492
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: Love being organized.

493
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 2: Love those lists.

494
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: I've actually got a list of notes for you here

495
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 1: you could see.

496
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 2: But it was just a great place to work and

497
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: working with cool directors and cool creatives and working with

498
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 2: people who after working at the last place I was at,

499
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 2: sort of gave you my confidence back to like nice

500
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 2: people who got me. You know when you meet people

501
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, they understand me, which is why

502
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 2: I love working where I am now.

503
00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, shout out, shout out to lay You're the best.

504
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: I love you guys. Kidney's all a round amazing. So

505
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: Lauren is going to be coming on this podcast as well,

506
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 1: and she's incredible. So she's been my manager since Nelli ever.

507
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 1: Yeah in credit, So when you're working at part Village,

508
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 1: is there any like project that you did and you

509
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: were like, sounds like they're probably a few like pinch me, like,

510
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: how is this happening right now? With any moments where you.

511
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 2: Just were like I love that any shoot d Just

512
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 2: the vibe of being around geezers like Gizer Grips are

513
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,679
Speaker 2: far more charming than anyone who's a geezer. I just

514
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,119
Speaker 2: love when you hear them talking and the vibe on

515
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 2: the set. Like some shoots were quite large where you

516
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 2: might have, i know, fifty two one hundred people are

517
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 2: on a set, or when you're doing a big set build,

518
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: like with art department building, you know you've got your

519
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 2: empty psyche and then two days later there's a kitchen

520
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 2: that's built and there's scenes of farms behind it that

521
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 2: the art department have painted. Oh wow, just the whole

522
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,479
Speaker 2: you know, the magic of film? How does love it?

523
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? Me too? Was there anything shot there while you

524
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: were there that we would know, like any any little

525
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: because it was all more solendals. Yeah, this is mainly

526
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 1: commercial stuff. How cool though? And did you work with

527
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: any talent that you were like you're a legend and

528
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: that you didn't expect them to be a legend?

529
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: Hm.

530
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: We can come back to that. I'll have a think

531
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 1: even in the talent world, you might go back to like,

532
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: oh fuck, actually you managed so many cool You've obviously

533
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: been doing it for so long. You were saying to

534
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 1: get to work. You you weren't saying this, you said

535
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 1: this to me earlier. Sorry, you'd walk past Amy Winehouse's

536
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: actual home, Chuck on your daily commute.

537
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she was around the corner and back to

538
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 2: Amy Winehouse. This is just the Amy Winehouse Appreciation podcast,

539
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: Yes please, And we were That in itself would also

540
00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 2: instill a sense of awe because I idolized her. And

541
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 2: then the day she died, we walked to her house

542
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,880
Speaker 2: and a bunch of people just ugly cried in the street.

543
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 1: Were there are heaps of people around, and they were

544
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: already putting stuff down in front of.

545
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 2: I mean, she'd already you know, left, but people just

546
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,959
Speaker 2: cried for days in that street.

547
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 1: Did it end up looking like like the Princess Diana memorial? Yeah? Wow.

548
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,159
Speaker 1: She would have been such an incredible human To me.

549
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 2: It's just crazy being also in a street with heaps

550
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 2: of people who are crying at the same time. Yeah,

551
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: like the feeling that's in the air, like we're all

552
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 2: the same and we're all sad and I'm there for you.

553
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 2: I don't even know you person, and we're hugging and like,

554
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 2: oh everything's might.

555
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 1: It was weird, but it awesome at the same time.

556
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,360
Speaker 1: There's I remember on that Amy docco they said, when

557
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: you're with Amy, it's like nobody else exists. She's got

558
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: this way of captivating and that's what I was like

559
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 1: that there's the magic as well. And if only had

560
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 1: met her, damn it, don't worry. You got to meet

561
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:09,679
Speaker 1: Rebel Wilson. Dude, that's pretty cool. Okay, So you were

562
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: living in London, you had met So had you met

563
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 1: Mark at this stage?

564
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 2: We met in two thousand and two. Oh okay, heavily

565
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 2: into taking ecstasy together. Awesome, good times, good time. I

566
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,719
Speaker 2: was like, hey, I'm really high, let's put my microwaves

567
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 2: in my sock in the microwave. I'd be like, yeah,

568
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 2: that's a good idea. So therefore you're like.

569
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 1: I dig this person totally. That's my weird shit. So

570
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: you met him in Australia there and then you went

571
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: to London together.

572
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 2: I nagged him, we have to move to London, get

573
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 2: a job there please, and we can all move.

574
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 1: And then on your thirty second birthday, you were living

575
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: in London at this stage, and what was the kind

576
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: of like realization.

577
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 2: So out with some I've still got the photo of

578
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 2: that night. So friends, my friends and I having a

579
00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 2: great time partying drug taking as you are wont to do.

580
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 2: I just I said to you in that email that

581
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 2: cocaine was always around, Yeah, and I just didn't buy it.

582
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 2: It was just there.

583
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: It's like oxygen and probably a lot of good quality

584
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 1: over there. I would imagine not to overshare, but I

585
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 1: exactly get that part pretty good.

586
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know. I didn't take any, but yeah,

587
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 2: thirty second birthday, having great time, looked around at my

588
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 2: friends and I was like, you know what, I'm sick

589
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 2: of this now. And I'd never wanted kids before and

590
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 2: it just kind of clicked in my head that there

591
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 2: might be something more than just having a good time. Yeah,

592
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 2: and a month later I was pregnant.

593
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: So that's pretty fun impulse by but also like energetically,

594
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: like to talk deep for a second, you had this

595
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: moment where your energy shifted and you were like, actually,

596
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: I think there might be something that I need to explore.

597
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 2: I remember even the moment in the room when it happened.

598
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: Really it just came into my mind and I was like, yeah,

599
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 2: you know what, this is going to happen now, And

600
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 2: so Mark was totally on board, no choice there, Yeah,

601
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 2: I'm going to reap you.

602
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: It's so good, so good, So you're thirty two years old,

603
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. How does that feel? How is the pregnancy?

604
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 2: Pregnancy is fine, it's nice in places, bad in places.

605
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: Morning sickness.

606
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 2: I didn't get much morning sickness, but I would vomit

607
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 2: if I was in a car.

608
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: Ah, gotcha. The motion was not fun.

609
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 2: But I just lived off watermelon and Terry's orange chocolate.

610
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: Oh that's so brutish, isn't it. That makes me think

611
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: of what's her name, Dawn? Is it Dawn French? She

612
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: was the face of that, wasn't she money? Okay, so

613
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 1: you got so the Terry's chocolate, the watermelon, Yeah, you

614
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: got motion signess in the car? Did you have any

615
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: moment drinking pregnancy? We were like, what the fuck am

616
00:30:59,160 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: I doing?

617
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 2: No. As soon as I was pregnant, I was stoked.

618
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: Oh awesome. So I was like, yep, made this choice.

619
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: Love it done, can't wait. So excited, but also didn't

620
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 2: know what I was doing because I didn't really have

621
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 2: anyone to show me what to do. I didn't know

622
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: what a nursing bra was, so I wore a bikini

623
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 2: to the hospital to like breastfeeding. It's like, oh my god,

624
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 2: my tits are huge, they don't fit in. This is inappropriate.

625
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: It's a nursing brother, one of those ones that you

626
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: can flick at. It open so it's easy access basically,

627
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: and you boobs get ginormous, ginormous. What am I gonna

628
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: do when I get pregnant?

629
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: Now it heaps the photos of them. Course they're going

630
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 2: to look great.

631
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: No, but mine a massive already.

632
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 2: Man, it's gonna be great.

633
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: No, they think not planning on anytime. So they guys

634
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: if you people wrote me as I was pregnant when

635
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: they saw a little pudgy photo of me recently, I

636
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, yeah, pretty much. Okay, So you're at

637
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: the hospital, so this is all in London, yep, this

638
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: stage of the game. So I'm guessing you don't have

639
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 1: much support from family? Oh?

640
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 2: No, one, it was just us two. Wow.

641
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: I mean there'd be a magic side to that as well.

642
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 1: But also did you feel scared?

643
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 2: No? Because I wouldn't have wanted anyone there anyway. Yeah.

644
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 2: I would have pushed everyone away who tries to come

645
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 2: near me, And that's what I do generally anyway. I

646
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: have a wall up and I push people away.

647
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: When you're dealing with something that's that either one you

648
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: care about or two you're scared, there's fear, or yeah.

649
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 2: It's like it's good. I mean I haven't done enough

650
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: therapy to know why, but that's a definite thing in

651
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 2: my life.

652
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: But even just like not to psychoanalyze you here, but

653
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 1: like even growing up without a sense of security and

654
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: growing up and at a young age understanding the feeling

655
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: of loneliness and darkness.

656
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can just do it on my own and

657
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 2: I don't need anyone else.

658
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 1: As coping mechanism. Forear is going to be protect, especially

659
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: when there's a baby involved. I imagine you're just like, well, protect,

660
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: protect in the best way that I know how, and

661
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: in the only way that I know how.

662
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, keep everyone else away.

663
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: So you get to hospital. You got your bikini on.

664
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 2: So backtrack. We So I was like really overdue, okay,

665
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 2: two weeks overdue?

666
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

667
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 2: So I was doing the sixth and it was like

668
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 2: the sixteenth Yeah, okay, fox Stakes. So Mark and I

669
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 2: had been eating hot Indian food, having sex, drinking pineapple juice,

670
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 2: raspbee leaf tea, all the things, trying to get this

671
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 2: baby out. I'm like, fuck it, let's just go to

672
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 2: a movie. So we went to see Superman with Henry Cavill,

673
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 2: super hot and shirtless on an oilry. But it was

674
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 2: really loud, Like it was too loud, you know, when

675
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 2: you're at the movies, you're like, why is it doesn't

676
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 2: have to be this loud? Yeah, and then I went

677
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: into labor. Oh so, but it was like labor takes forever.

678
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 2: So we walked home. I was still in labor having contractions.

679
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 2: So your water had broken, not really, I mean stuff

680
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 2: was leaking out. Who knows what that was. Yeah, So

681
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 2: I went into labor. At home, I'd had my like

682
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 2: tens machine, my magical rice balls that you clicked together

683
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 2: to take the pain away. So I went upstairs, made

684
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 2: a nest my cat. Lenny came and just like sat

685
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 2: with me the whole time. He was a dueler. He

686
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 2: knew he knew, yeah completely, he knew what was going

687
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 2: on and wasn't amazing. He completely healed me. I had

688
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 2: a real dueler. But I was like, get downstairs, don't

689
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 2: come anyway any.

690
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: Mean really, so you protected yourself right at that moment.

691
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,479
Speaker 2: Mark put his sneakers on. I'm like, take those fucking

692
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 2: sneakers off. You're freaking me out. Yeah, stress levels are high.

693
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone wearing shoes in this house right now.

694
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, calm it down, so oz.

695
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 2: So what is it Sunday in labor? We went to

696
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 2: the hospital on Monday morning. Yeah, because I was trying

697
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 2: to cope with the pain. Because you are, I say,

698
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 2: brainwashed into like you have to have a natural birth.

699
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 2: I's gonna say gotta have one. Anything less than a

700
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 2: natural birth and you've failed as a mother.

701
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: Oh wow, So really the messaging he reckons out there.

702
00:34:55,520 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 2: That's what I got from my NCT group. So it

703
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 2: then go to hospital. The pain was too much for me.

704
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 2: My magical rice balls weren't doing it anymore, and I

705
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 2: was like, just you know, I want to get in

706
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 2: that bath. I need to be like you know, I

707
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 2: need to be in a birth pool. So I got

708
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 2: in the birth pool. Then I was wet and in pain.

709
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: It's like worst idea ever. I need all the drugs now.

710
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 2: So I had my epidural and I was on that

711
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 2: for like a day.

712
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: They say the actual epidural going in your calm, Like

713
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: that's painful. So it's into your spinal cord.

714
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 2: You're in so much pain anyway, Like, yeah, it was nothing.

715
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard not one woman say they're like, trust me, lower,

716
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: you'll get the epage of it. So that you're on

717
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 1: that for.

718
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 2: Twenty four hours pretty much twenty four hours and just

719
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 2: nothing happening. I mean I got to like nine centimeters okay,

720
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 2: but eventually got to the point where they're like, it's

721
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 2: cesarean time.

722
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 1: Okay, yep.

723
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 2: And I didn't want that because you know, interventions. Can't

724
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 2: have interventions. You got to have a natural birth. Yeah,

725
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 2: so far failed. I failed completely at doing the one

726
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 2: thing my body's supposed to do and I can't even

727
00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 2: do that.

728
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, but dude, you're small, Like have you thought about

729
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: bone structure. I know that we release hormones to stretch,

730
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: and but like even like I look at my hips

731
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't think that that, Like I've

732
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: got small bone structure. I'm like, I don't. I don't.

733
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 1: I'm not attached to a natural birth at all. And

734
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm pretty hippie. Yeah, so you had a cesarean.

735
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 2: I was taken into the cesarean theater and because i'd

736
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 2: been on the epidural for so long, it had worn off,

737
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 2: so I had to have a spinal tap in my

738
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 2: neck up here, and whilst I was laying there, I

739
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 2: was just basically concentrating on not swallowing my own tongue

740
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 2: and choking to death. So the whole beauty of this

741
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 2: birth moment that I've been dreaming about for the past

742
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 2: nine months, I'm gonna, you know, quep my baby out

743
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,399
Speaker 2: and hold her up like the simber in the Lion

744
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: King and put her on my boob. Didn't happen because

745
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 2: I was paralyzed from the neck down, so I couldn't

746
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 2: hold her for many, many hours.

747
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: Did this spinal tap itself hurt No, but it freaked

748
00:36:58,440 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: me out.

749
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like crying tears of utter fear and

750
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:02,439
Speaker 2: shaking with fear.

751
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: How is Mark throughout all this?

752
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: He was just next to me, freaking out in his

753
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 2: own way.

754
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, naturally to be expected.

755
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,919
Speaker 2: But then she well I didn't know what I was having. Yeah,

756
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 2: And they did the cesarean and baby comes out. They

757
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 2: held up They're like it's a girl, and I'm like, oh,

758
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 2: it's Alvi.

759
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: That fast.

760
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

761
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 1: Did you have Alvi as a backup name or like

762
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 1: not a backup like on your list?

763
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 2: I had a list, but I thought I was having

764
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 2: a boy, did you purely too? And I was accepting

765
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 2: that purely because I secretly wanted a girl, so I'd

766
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 2: prepared for the boy, secretly wanted the girl. So Alvi

767
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 2: was top of the boys' names. Yeah, but then she

768
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 2: was born and I was like, that's a great name

769
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 2: for her. It is.

770
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: It's coal man.

771
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 2: It means the leader of the elf army, does it?

772
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 1: Really?

773
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 2: That's why I picked it.

774
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 1: Fuck, I love that man. That's a good name, Sorr.

775
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,320
Speaker 1: I was just taking a moment here because I remember

776
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,919
Speaker 1: when we first hung out and I tried to find

777
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: you on Instagram not to give away your Insta hand,

778
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: And now I think you're private though I am.

779
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 2: I'm public as of today.

780
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: Okay.

781
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 2: What I got to get over the fear of being seen.

782
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: Hey, well there you go. So is your what's instand? Or?

783
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 2: Like Elfie Mama?

784
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 1: I love it, but that's Alfie not alv.

785
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. So it's because elf Yeah, that's because that's what

786
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 2: her name means. And Mama, I'm her mom.

787
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Okay, so we've got

788
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: to follow Elfie mama, now, don't we hear? Moment? Okay,

789
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: So you went through this, but was there a moment

790
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 1: after that, like pretty confronting and horrific and scary and

791
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 1: painful and life threatening. And it's not the picture that

792
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 1: you normally see when you think of birth.

793
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 2: Yep. I was terrified. And I at one point of it,

794
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 2: when I was at home vomiting all over the towel

795
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 2: rack because I was in so much pain. I promise

796
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 2: myself in that moment, I'll never do this again. Yeah,

797
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 2: I will never ever do this again.

798
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I've heard mother say that and then they're like, oh,

799
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: but then you see the baby and you fall in

800
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: love with the baby, and then you forget about it. See.

801
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 1: I relate to that. Not that I've ever been there,

802
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: but I often say to my boyfriend, I'm like, it's

803
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 1: happening once, mate, and not for a while yet, but

804
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 1: it's And when I hear you talk about this, actually,

805
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 1: I know this sounds like a really weird thing to

806
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: say to you, but it brings me relief that it's

807
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: okay to feel that.

808
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: After you give Yeah. Absolutely, and the whole thing's very traumatizing.

809
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:31,760
Speaker 1: Big time.

810
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 2: I mean some women I was in a mum's group.

811
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 2: There's probably ten about I think two had the dream.

812
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,760
Speaker 1: Quick birth, okay, exactly.

813
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 2: Where she just like baby came out, she put it

814
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 2: on her boom, she put it in a sling. I

815
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 2: love this girl. And then she went to Primark in

816
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 2: Marble Arch with her like five hours old baby for.

817
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,720
Speaker 1: People are seeing. Primark is also called Primani Is that correct?

818
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: So Primache exactly. It's almost like for Aussie's having been

819
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 1: kind of like a cheap version of Target. Would you say, Kamar,

820
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah in anything there.

821
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:13,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, anything, but also like great stuffing, Harry Potter, everything

822
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 2: you could ever imagine. I'm not primar so much. If

823
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 2: I was an influencer, I'd influence this shit out Primar.

824
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. Oh my god. I loved it.

825
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 2: Well.

826
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: I did three months living in London, and so I

827
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, got an event. I'm just

828
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: gonna go on and spend ten dollars and get everything

829
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: that I need.

830
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 2: Absolutely so good.

831
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: Okay, so this brings me well. So then so there

832
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 1: was a certain stage where you're like, okay, love love,

833
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,879
Speaker 1: love love London, but it may not be the best

834
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 1: environment to bring up a bambino. Is that right?

835
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,759
Speaker 2: Yeah? But that wasn't until she was four.

836
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: So did you go back to work after.

837
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 2: I didn't go back to my job full time because

838
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 2: I had her. I was on maternity leave and it

839
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 2: was about twelve months. I'm like, I can't do it.

840
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 2: I am so attached to this child in a all in,

841
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 2: comfort seeing way that I refuse to take any time

842
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 2: away from her that I'm not in charge of. So

843
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 2: I didn't go back to my job full time. I

844
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 2: mean I went back eventually, but I said goodbye to that, yeah,

845
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 2: and just went back in a freelance capacity so I

846
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 2: could work my own hours. And you knowing being the

847
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 2: main it's more important to me at the time.

848
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 1: And that's completely understandable. So then what made you want

849
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: to then go, all right, we're going to come back

850
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,919
Speaker 1: to Australia, I guess.

851
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 2: I mean, we're a very tight family. It was just

852
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 2: us three, there was no there was no one else.

853
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 2: I like that and it's lovely, but it does get

854
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 2: a bit. I mean there was a Christmas and it

855
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 2: was just us three and we kind of looked at

856
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 2: Alvi and we're like, oh, I feel sorry for her

857
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 2: not having her grandparents around, yeah, or other people.

858
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a little community, but that but also don't

859
00:41:56,360 --> 00:42:00,839
Speaker 1: let that be that's nothing that you ever did wrong.

860
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: That like, it's almost beautiful that the initial bit was

861
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 1: just like this little gang, this little like three amigos,

862
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: and then it's pretty selfless that you chose to come

863
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 1: back to Australia and go.

864
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 2: She can live her best life now. But she is,

865
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 2: she's loving it sick and.

866
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: And I've spoken to You're like, we're going away with

867
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,359
Speaker 1: doing this. I mean, you've planned a little trip next

868
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: weekend with her, like, and I felt I do follow

869
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 1: you on Insta and she's hilarious and gorgeous and creative

870
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 1: and she's a character. Yeah, very cool. And that's a

871
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 1: testament to you learning from it sounds like your experience

872
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,400
Speaker 1: of what not to do, like what you've been through.

873
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: I be like, well, I'm sure as how I'm not

874
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: going to put make my experience be replicated ever. Yeah,

875
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,800
Speaker 1: and that's a huge testament to you.

876
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,439
Speaker 2: Thank you. I mean, I love my mum. Obviously she's great,

877
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 2: she's her quirkiness is in me as well. I mean,

878
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:57,919
Speaker 2: my favorite movie growing up was a rocky horror picture

879
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 2: show Amazing, and I was six. I don't know that

880
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 2: that's inappropriate, Yeah, totally, totally totally, But and I think

881
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 2: it's important to know that because I think, and that's

882
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 2: one thing I've learned through lots of therapy, Like I

883
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 2: love both of my parents.

884
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 1: They're freaking amazing and I wouldn't be the person I

885
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 1: am without them. But I still had to there was

886
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 1: like this is a thing as a parent, Like you're

887
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 1: just a human doing your best job, and that best

888
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: is going to look different to your best, to my best,

889
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: to someone else's. So like I used to be like, oh, well,

890
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: you know I had an eedy disorder because you know

891
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: my mom made a comment once and Mom's like, I

892
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: don't even remember making that comment once. And I made

893
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: you every healthy meal and as soon as I could

894
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 1: get perspective and go, she actually the best she could do.

895
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: And she's a friggin' legend and she's at every book

896
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: launch with that fails. She buys all my books. Shout

897
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: out to mom, love you too, you know what I mean, Like,

898
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 1: I think you can learn the great stuff. And so

899
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,879
Speaker 1: I got the epic and the quirk like my mom's weak.

900
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 1: I love that and I love that I'm a bit weird,

901
00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 1: Like I think that's why we get all so bad.

902
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 2: But I would say that there was definitely a wound

903
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 2: there with my mum and taking ecstasy and calling my

904
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 2: mum at five o'clock in the morning all the time

905
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 2: healed it. Really, so I can't say enough of that

906
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 2: drug like it should be. It's take A lot of

907
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,439
Speaker 2: drugs are taken in the wrong way. But the reason

908
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 2: why it was made was to help I think PTSD

909
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 2: and soldiers I could deal with trauma. It is a

910
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 2: trauma fixing drug.

911
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it doesn't work on how does that because

912
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: I don't have never taken ecstasy, But how does it

913
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: compare to MDMA? Yeah, same ballgame, Okay, because that I

914
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: know that there's lots of studies down on MDMA and

915
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: how it helps mood, trauma, moving through things like processing.

916
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 2: It's the best drug for processing for sure. And I

917
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 2: would call I mean, I don't know. My mom probably

918
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 2: didn't know I was on drugs at the time, but

919
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 2: just allowed us to have really open and real conversations

920
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 2: and for me to not feel anxious. And I don't

921
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: know this pent up Like often when she would call me,

922
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 2: it'd just be like mm hm, yep, I know we

923
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 2: can all relate, like not saying anything, but I could

924
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 2: talk to her, Yeah, I talk to her now, just

925
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 2: like there was a wound that needed healing and that

926
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:11,360
Speaker 2: fixed it.

927
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: How cools are I also think that not to like,

928
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: you know, put you in a position to talk about

929
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 1: drugs too much. But I think that the times are

930
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 1: a change in like and even like my boyfriend's obsessed

931
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 1: with micro dosing, and you know, you look at the

932
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 1: Steve Jobs of the world and people that attribute most

933
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 1: of their success to having times where they're like some

934
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 1: of the most successfully in the world, their minds are open.

935
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 1: You and I were talking about we both love seth

936
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: Rogen and I mean, if you follow him on Instagram,

937
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: he's he's all about it pretty much all about in fact,

938
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: that's how he acts, that's how he like. He'll I

939
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 1: think he smokes joint then goes on set like. I

940
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: think it's part of his process, and I think that

941
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 1: it's really a really good made of mind. Is in

942
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 1: Portland at the moment, and she was She's like, get a,

943
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 1: I met this marijuana cafe and I'm having a marijuana latte.

944
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, Like this is now how cool? Totally,

945
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: oh my goodness. I totally digress. Which you also know

946
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 1: that my brain.

947
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 2: That was the plan anyway. But yeah, let's micro does

948
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 2: as much as possible.

949
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I think there's something that like you can

950
00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,320
Speaker 1: go down the rabbit hole of googling that. Like I

951
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:27,800
Speaker 1: literally fall asleep. My boyfriend Matt, he's so excited to

952
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 1: meet you.

953
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 2: By the way, wait yeah Christmas party together?

954
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, big time. He he suffers so anxiety and sometimes

955
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 1: insomnia as well. An old fall asleep to him reading

956
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:44,360
Speaker 1: about nootropics or microdocing on Reddit. He's obsessed, like every

957
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 1: single night, and he has got so much knowledge and

958
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:48,840
Speaker 1: is like the times are changing.

959
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so.

960
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: Cool. It's a cool time to be alive.

961
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 2: I mean, I'd rather take a medicinal mushroom than you know,

962
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 2: a pharmaceutical one hundred percent. What's going in my body

963
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 2: one hundred percent.

964
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 1: I'm there with you, one hundred percent. I could talk

965
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 1: to you, abou. I'm aways getting angry at myself as

966
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: I've gone on so many different tangents. But there was

967
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: an essay that you sent me that I didn't expect

968
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 1: to love the way I loved it. So I'm gonna

969
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: ask you to share a bit about about it. But

970
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: you speak the way you write. I literally said to

971
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: Rache before we did this, I'm like, a you're a

972
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 1: writer because you write from this place that is witty,

973
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: very authentic, raw, but in not a way where you're like, oh,

974
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: that's really heavy. You write in a way that's like

975
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,040
Speaker 1: this thing happened, this is how it was real for me.

976
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be really honest with you, and it's okay,

977
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: and it makes the viewer, the audience member. Myself, I

978
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. Like I was like, where's

979
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: the next page? Like, where's that I want? More?

980
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 2: Like the plan is to be a writer.

981
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're meant to be a writer. I can.

982
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 2: I'll be first to say it on this podcas I

983
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 2: had the writer Rachel on my podcast the first one.

984
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: Yes, can you tell me about the essay and what

985
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: it's about?

986
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 2: And so the essay I sent you was called I

987
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 2: think it's called one Bad Sandwich.

988
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, the word the worst, the worst sandwich.

989
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it encapsulates a time in my life when

990
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:25,959
Speaker 2: I thought I would have another baby. Alvi was about three,

991
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,359
Speaker 2: I think at the time, so obviously all the thing

992
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 2: about it, I'll never do this again. I was like,

993
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 2: you know what, fuck it I'll do it again. Yeah,

994
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 2: and I got pregnant, but the fear of everything that

995
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 2: had happened just overtook me and I completely freaked out.

996
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 2: And I wasn't even happy about that pregnancy test. And

997
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 2: then it came back, so I took it on that day.

998
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 2: It was a pregnancy test, but my period the next day,

999
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,240
Speaker 2: so it wasn't obviously a proper pregnancy and you were relieved.

1000
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,239
Speaker 2: I was really. I was like so relieved, like, oh,

1001
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 2: thank God, dodge that bullet.

1002
00:48:58,960 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.

1003
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 2: Then got pregnant again pretty soon after, and I was

1004
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 2: really shitting bricks with that one. I was like, oh

1005
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:11,879
Speaker 2: my god, like not happy, just left the pregnancy test

1006
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 2: out with a post it next to it to Mark

1007
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 2: saying pregnant.

1008
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1009
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 2: There was no like yay. Yeah.

1010
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: So your internal compass was like no, no, no, no, no,

1011
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 1: no no no.

1012
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 2: And just couldn't. I was just couldn't deal with the

1013
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 2: thought of it. I there were so many reasons at

1014
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 2: the time, but it was like, I don't want to

1015
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 2: love my daughter any less. I don't think I've got it.

1016
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 2: I don't have the capacity in myself to love someone

1017
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 2: as much as I love her. And I mean maybe

1018
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 2: I do. Who knows, I will probably I will never

1019
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 2: find out. But I decided, you know what I've got

1020
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 2: to I've gotta I bought this baby. Yeah, I'm a baby.

1021
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 2: It's like, I gotta have bought these cells. So it

1022
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 2: was I think nine weeks, nine weeks and six days

1023
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 2: is the last day you can take the pill. Yes,

1024
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 2: And I had to decide on that day what I

1025
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 2: was going to do. And I was alone in the hospital.

1026
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 2: I was I didn't have anyone to deflect to. I

1027
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 2: mean my whole life, I have no one to deflect to.

1028
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 2: It's just me in my brain, figuring life out.

1029
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,280
Speaker 1: Did Mark know you were there at this stage?

1030
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 2: Mark did, but he was with our daughter, yeah, elsewhere.

1031
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. So you were totally on your own in.

1032
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 2: This, totally on my own in this figuring it out.

1033
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 2: Because they also ask you, like, do you do you

1034
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 2: you don't have to do you want to? I'm like,

1035
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 2: I don't know. You told me I can't make this decision,

1036
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 2: but you have to make that decision in that moment.

1037
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 1: But in the lead up to this, you were kind

1038
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 1: of like falling asleep at night, going let it be,

1039
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 1: let it, let it be a miscarriage. Let it be

1040
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 1: a miscarriage. Let but you were kind of not wishing

1041
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: but hoping that. So there was a pretty there were

1042
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 1: more than one signs that this wasn't for you at

1043
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:48,839
Speaker 1: this right now.

1044
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, And it was a real It was such

1045
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 2: a brain fuck because we had tried previously to get

1046
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 2: pregnant and then it happened and I can and I

1047
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 2: just couldn't deal with it. So I felt like such

1048
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 2: a piece of shit having to go through with that.

1049
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 2: But I knew it was the right thing to do.

1050
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,840
Speaker 1: I think if your internal compass is literally you're waking

1051
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 1: up wishing like that, and it's almost like I get

1052
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: I don't get the guilt because I've never actually been there,

1053
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:25,359
Speaker 1: but I can from an outside perspective understand the guilt.

1054
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like it's guilt, but then it's also

1055
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 2: no guilt because I had to do this for me,

1056
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:34,239
Speaker 2: for my mental health, as my ability as a mum,

1057
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 2: because at the time I was just lying around on

1058
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 2: a couch crying and not moving and doing anything. Yeah,

1059
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,959
Speaker 2: I would have definitely had postpartum depression for sure. Yeah,

1060
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 2: And I did it, and I went home and I

1061
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 2: was with my cat again. Legend love that cat piece

1062
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 2: Lenny and he heard that Lenny Cafe and here does

1063
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:01,759
Speaker 2: He came to me and he slept with me. He knew,

1064
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 2: and I'm like, Mark, can you make me a sandwich?

1065
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 2: I'm a bit hungry, And he bought me the worst

1066
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 2: ham sandwich I've ever had. It was just mustard on

1067
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 2: a on a sandwich and it was disgusting. And I

1068
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 2: kind of started laughing when I was eating it, because

1069
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 2: I'm like, having an abortion is bad, but this sandwich

1070
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 2: sucks and everything will be fine.

1071
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: Yes, that was that middle moment for you? Where can

1072
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,319
Speaker 1: I ask quite This can be a quite personal question

1073
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: just for people, and I'll totally trigger warning this, but

1074
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: I think taking that pill, it's not a quick process,

1075
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: is it? Like you take the pill and then and

1076
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: you wrote in the essay you knew when the sack

1077
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:47,759
Speaker 1: had come out? How long are you bleeding for? Like

1078
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 1: one you take the pill, how long does it take

1079
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: to happen and how long are you bleeding for?

1080
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 2: So I think there might even be two pills. So

1081
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 2: you take one and then you have to go back

1082
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 2: and take the other one. But when I got home,

1083
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:04,399
Speaker 2: you probably start cramping maybe four to six hours later.

1084
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,319
Speaker 1: What's the pain like at a ten, like.

1085
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 2: Very bad period pains. Yeah, okay, And I mean they

1086
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 2: do give you intense painkillers, so I'd had them so

1087
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:20,280
Speaker 2: on intense painkillers. Bad period pains, gotcha. And then it happens,

1088
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 2: and then you just bleed a lot for many days?

1089
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 1: Oh wow? Did that once it had started happening?

1090
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 2: Did you?

1091
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:31,320
Speaker 1: Was there any guilt? They're all you like when you

1092
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 1: had sandwich, you were like, actually.

1093
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 2: I think I knew I'd made the right decision for

1094
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:38,359
Speaker 2: our family unit at that time.

1095
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, brave decision it was.

1096
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 2: It was a it's hard. I didn't take it lightly

1097
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: at all. It might sound like I did, but I

1098
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,239
Speaker 2: really didn't know. And I have never told anyone about

1099
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:51,800
Speaker 2: it because it's a shameful thing. But it shouldn't be.

1100
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 1: No way should it be. And I like, thank you

1101
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 1: for being open and honest about it, but.

1102
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 2: No one knows. You're the first person I've ever told

1103
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 2: you're amazing. You're amazing.

1104
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 1: But also like, that's not shame, my friend, Like, I

1105
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 1: don't I get that it should that it would feel

1106
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,399
Speaker 1: like shame in at the moment. And also the way

1107
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: society looks at this kind of and that's why I

1108
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 1: think it's so important that you did, and it's massive

1109
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 1: that you share it. It's brave and it's courageous. It's

1110
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: actually an unselfish thing to do in some ways as well,

1111
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:23,760
Speaker 1: because you're putting Alvy first. You're making alv and your family,

1112
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,320
Speaker 1: you know, a priority, and knowing, hey, if I go

1113
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 1: through this, I'm going to be not mentally where I

1114
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 1: need to be to be the best mum for Alvy.

1115
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:31,879
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1116
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 1: Absolutely, so that's a brave and courageous thing to do.

1117
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:36,440
Speaker 1: I don't see that as a shameful thing at all.

1118
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 2: I think there's just a lot of no one talks

1119
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 2: about it, and no one says I had this, and

1120
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:44,800
Speaker 2: it's fine. It's more you do something and then you

1121
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 2: just are stewing in the totally in the emotions alone.

1122
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 1: And I think, I'm so glad you spoke about this

1123
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: because I think that society there is a weird expectation.

1124
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,879
Speaker 1: I think it is. You know, like, I'm very aware

1125
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: i'll be a geriatric when I decided to, and that's up,

1126
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 1: like that's scary, but okay, But society doesn't always accept.

1127
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,359
Speaker 2: Society wants you to have the babies when they tell

1128
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:12,280
Speaker 2: you to have the babies.

1129
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, and it should be the two point whatever

1130
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:15,919
Speaker 1: the percentage of kids.

1131
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 2: It is, well, having one kid is weird enough, like

1132
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 2: when you're having another one not happening.

1133
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also because that's right for me, that's right

1134
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: for my daughter, and that's right for my family. Like

1135
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 1: how powerful is that?

1136
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 2: Oh? Man?

1137
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 1: I could thank you so much, Like, honestly, I mean

1138
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 1: from the bottom of my heart, you are a legend

1139
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:37,320
Speaker 1: and you're really really courageous and brave.

1140
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:40,640
Speaker 2: Thanks Laula. I wouldn't have told anyone else this story

1141
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 2: other than you.

1142
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 1: Now, I'm just like, could I hug you were just

1143
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 1: some hugging lady. Yeah. So my next my next thing,

1144
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 1: and it's I guess is to wrap. But it's like,

1145
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,759
Speaker 1: you've done so much for such a young human being.

1146
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 2: I am thirty nine, that's young, dude.

1147
00:55:58,120 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 1: But like, look how much you've done. You've lived oversea,

1148
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 1: you've worked for different companies, You've you're passionate about music,

1149
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 1: You've created music videos, like, you've done so much stuff.

1150
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 1: And other times we've hung out, we've talked about other

1151
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:13,760
Speaker 1: passions of yours, like you know, we've talked about animation,

1152
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 1: we've talked about so much cool stuff, and you're so creative, and.

1153
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I'm talented. I'm like a prolific, untapped source.

1154
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 1: Well I think also we're lucky we get a little,

1155
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 1: a little piece of you, because I believe, like this

1156
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 1: is just the beginning, Like this is just chapter one

1157
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 1: really of the Rachel story. Like I believe, like I

1158
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 1: believe you'll go back to London at some stage too.

1159
00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:44,879
Speaker 2: Definitely go back. I want to take my daughter there. Yeah,

1160
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 2: she'll love it, like she doesn't love it now, hence

1161
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 2: why we moved. He's like Vna who cares Alexander McQueen.

1162
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:53,640
Speaker 2: The Victorian Albert Museum.

1163
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 1: Is that like what's incredible and like one of the

1164
00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 1: most Yeah, I've never been and I have stayed there

1165
00:56:57,960 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 1: for so long.

1166
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,800
Speaker 2: So one like a thing that always stuck with me

1167
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 2: was I took Alvi to see the Alexander McQueen exhibition.

1168
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with Alexander McQueen.

1169
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:09,240
Speaker 2: Have you seen the documentary?

1170
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:09,760
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed.

1171
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:10,399
Speaker 2: It's so good.

1172
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:13,160
Speaker 1: He is another same as the Amy Winehouse energy you're

1173
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: talking about. It's like that dark magic. Yep, he blew

1174
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 1: me anyway, anyway, So I digress. He's Alexander McQueen's incredible.

1175
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 2: We love him. Shout out to Alexander McQueen, Love you forever.

1176
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 2: So I took Alvi to the Alexander McQueen exhibition, which

1177
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 2: is mind blowing. Yeah, and she just screamed the whole time.

1178
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 2: So she was in like the sling. She's hating it

1179
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:34,520
Speaker 2: and it was I know she was in the sling,

1180
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 2: but anyway, it was amazing. She hated it. So I

1181
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 2: probably had to see that exhibition in about ten minutes

1182
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 2: time and you need like two hours.

1183
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.

1184
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 2: So that always stuck with me, like she doesn't want

1185
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 2: to be here to see those things.

1186
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 1: Maybe she needs to grow, like just grow. And how

1187
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 1: old is she now?

1188
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 2: Six? Yeah, she's still too young. We'll go back one

1189
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 2: day and she'll be like, oh my god, I love

1190
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 2: London to Yeah.

1191
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,479
Speaker 1: So because she was born there, does she have jewel?

1192
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: Oh best gear? I'm all about giving a Yeah, giving,

1193
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 1: I think that's a massive gift to give kids. You

1194
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 1: are a legend, and you are, but don't let anyone

1195
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 1: ever tell you otherwise. You've had your brutal, like crappy

1196
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 1: experience growing up, and that had to happen because I

1197
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 1: think you had to feel alone and those things to

1198
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: be resilient and all these amazing things you are. But now,

1199
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 1: like Puck and.

1200
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 2: I don't think, let's just say that, I'm probably destined

1201
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 2: to write a book one day, yeah, man, And I

1202
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 2: don't think it would be the book that it will

1203
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 2: be unless I'd had that darkness in my life beforehand.

1204
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. We were both talking about our mutual

1205
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 1: love for Lily Allen before we came here. And her

1206
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 1: book is incredible and it just makes you to look

1207
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 1: at her and such, and I'll in the show notes,

1208
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 1: I'll put a lit link to it.

1209
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 2: I she is a misunderstood soul as well.

1210
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 1: It's the same dark magic thing we keep talking about.

1211
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 1: I think it's a positive thing.

1212
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 2: I agree.

1213
00:58:57,880 --> 00:58:59,919
Speaker 1: If you want a really really cool made of mind

1214
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 1: taught me and I think you're gonna love it. And

1215
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 1: she's an actress and she goes, Lola, there's something magic

1216
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 1: about people that have been in darkness and found a light,

1217
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:12,480
Speaker 1: and she goes, that's the power. I mean. The issue

1218
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 1: with that is we can always fall back into the darkness.

1219
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 1: And because it feels so deeply, you're super EmPATH so

1220
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:21,080
Speaker 1: you feel which means you can fall into that feeling

1221
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 1: a lot, but there's something that's where that's where your

1222
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 1: magic is, and where the darkness is is also where

1223
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 1: the epic shit.

1224
00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:29,680
Speaker 2: Is exactly, and that's where a sense of crazy dark

1225
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:30,440
Speaker 2: humour comes from.

1226
00:59:30,600 --> 00:59:33,320
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you're the funniest person you are. You

1227
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: are so but that wit and that's why I love

1228
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:38,920
Speaker 1: your writing. Never take that out of yourself for your writing.

1229
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:46,200
Speaker 1: Love you long time, You're one. That's a wrap on

1230
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 1: another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always, thank you to

1231
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 1: our guests, and let's continue the conversation on Instagram. I'm

1232
00:59:56,320 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: at Yamo Lola Berry. This potty my word for podcast

1233
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 1: is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love it if

1234
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:09,520
Speaker 1: you could subscribe, rate and comment and of course spread

1235
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:09,880
Speaker 1: the love