1 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: I'm always always. 2 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 2: Be careful. 3 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,479 Speaker 3: Love those U books. 4 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: Let well use your head, they will tear you up. 5 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 1: Lack a purple talk. 6 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: Oh no no, no, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, oh no 7 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 2: no no. Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby. 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 3: Welcome to It's lay It. 9 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 2: We're in a long distance friendship that started over twenty 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 2: years ago when we were in high school. 11 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,200 Speaker 1: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything 12 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 1: and everything else under the sun. 13 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 2: Delve deeper with us because in life, you know. 14 00:00:59,040 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 3: My layers. 15 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 16 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 2: No no, Hello everybody, and welcome to a brand new 17 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 2: episode of It's Layered. We're in season five, y'all, Season five, 18 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 2: can you believe? Yeah, it's crazy to imagine. And we're 19 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,320 Speaker 2: so so excited because today we have a very special 20 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:26,279 Speaker 2: guest in the Heeza. We've got doctor what's a nine 21 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 2: Montcy Muela. I don't know if I said that right. 22 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 2: He's just sorry, sorry, sorry. 23 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: To let me just be chopping names now. 24 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 3: Please correct me. 25 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 2: She's, as I mentioned, a doctor. She's currently studying general medicine. 26 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 2: She's based out of Austria and Vienna, and she also 27 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 2: has an incredible show called Dating Around the world, which 28 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:51,280 Speaker 2: is why we brought her on here and I welcome 29 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 2: to its laired. 30 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 3: Hey, thank you so much for having me, And don't 31 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 3: worry about like saying my name wrong. I say it 32 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 3: wrong all the time, so yeah, no, honestly, because you're 33 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 3: like here, like the mulla is like pronounced like with 34 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 3: the mulla or whatever. Anyway, Okay, okay, thank you so 35 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:11,080 Speaker 3: much for having me. 36 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 2: We're so excited. We go way back with what's and 37 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 2: I from high school. Actually we're just laughing at how yo, 38 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 2: how far back that was? We won't many years ago. 39 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 2: And she's just an incredible person. You'll hear a bit 40 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,079 Speaker 2: more about. 41 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 3: What she's doing. 42 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 2: So yeah, let's get right into it once. 43 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: We love to have you on and we love your 44 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: show obviously, but can you describe the inspiration behind your 45 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: YouTube series Dating around the World. 46 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 3: Yes, so, thank you so much for loving it and 47 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 3: for watching it. I would say generally, whatever you do 48 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 3: in your life, you also have to look based on 49 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 3: your personality and how you are as a person. And 50 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 3: I think I was always interested in relationships and love, 51 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 3: and I feel that I had a very liberal mother 52 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 3: who sort of like encourage that, you know what, I mean, 53 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 3: so she wasn't like a name's scans wow whatever. She 54 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:07,519 Speaker 3: was like, you know, she's interested in finding out different cultures, 55 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 3: different ways of dating in different countries. And I think 56 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 3: I did the same thing in my life. So I 57 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 3: lived in different countries, and in every country I was in, 58 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 3: I did date a person from that country or maybe 59 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 3: someone from another country in that country. And it was 60 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 3: very fascinating to find out how much I learned about 61 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 3: a different culture just through love, through relationships, the love language. 62 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 3: It was just for me something that is maybe more 63 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 3: fascinating than it should be, you know, but it was 64 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 3: definitely something that was interesting. And then I think when 65 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 3: I moved to Austria, and I moved to Austria because 66 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 3: I met my husband at an airport, so it's very 67 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 3: much sort of like it's. 68 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 2: On brand exactly. 69 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 3: I moved Touse, I met my husband at the airport. 70 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 3: You know, it was a really fun romance story. And 71 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 3: then it was kind of like a shock when I 72 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 3: moved here. And I think, maybe perhaps we'll get into 73 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 3: that a bit later, but I was shocked at how 74 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:17,039 Speaker 3: little people knew in general about Africa or even just 75 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 3: about I suppose other countries that were not European countries. 76 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 3: So let's say, for example, one day, I was sitting 77 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 3: with some women. There were actually black women, but they're 78 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 3: growing up in the UK and they've grown up here 79 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 3: in Vienna as well, and we were talking about you know, TLC, 80 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 3: you know, the ninety day Fiance TLC, and they were like, 81 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 3: oh my god, you know ANGELI and I don't know 82 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 3: if a Nigerian boyfriend, I don't know what his name is. 83 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 3: You know, it was basically like they were talking about 84 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 3: how ratchet that whole situation was, and you know, ninety 85 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 3: day Fiance basically portrays people in the most heeoytypical way possible, 86 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 3: especially people from developing countries. And I remember that suddenly, 87 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 3: I don't know when they realized, I suppose that I'm African. 88 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 3: The conversation just got a little bit weird because they 89 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 3: looked at me and I was agreeing that, oh my god, 90 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 3: that's so crazy, and then I think for a second 91 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 3: they were like, oh my god, she's African as well, 92 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 3: and it was just sort of like an awkwardness. It 93 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 3: was like an awkwardness that just came and then it 94 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 3: just immediately left. But then it made me realize that 95 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,239 Speaker 3: they also had like seroitized probably about me, probably about 96 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 3: my own relationship with my husband and so. And then 97 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 3: I thought, probably they think like that because they're also 98 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 3: living in their own like sort of like propaganda and 99 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,360 Speaker 3: everything that's going on here. You know, propaganda's like rife 100 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 3: and it's like really really like a life here in 101 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 3: Western Europe as well. And so I was like, let 102 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 3: me show them. I'm going to show them that, you know, 103 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,159 Speaker 3: the different cultures that we come from, especially within the 104 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 3: you know, African society, are so much deeper than whatever's 105 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 3: portrayed out there. And yeah, that's where the inspiration came. 106 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 3: Just I love traveling. It's fun and also at the 107 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 3: same time, I just wanted to, you know, just bother 108 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 3: the stereotypes. 109 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,039 Speaker 2: That's great because I think you've already touched on my 110 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 2: next question, which is how you even came to think 111 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 2: of incorporating your love for travel and I guess for 112 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 2: dating and understanding the world of dating. How did you 113 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,359 Speaker 2: conceptually decide were you like, Okay, next time I go 114 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 2: on holiday, I'm just going to do a little bit 115 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 2: of investigation. Because your show is more than just chatting 116 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 2: to people on the streets. You also talk to different 117 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 2: professionals where the psychologists or you know what I mean. So, 118 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 2: how did how do you think of like, Okay, I 119 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 2: want to debunk these myths. 120 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 3: How do I do it? 121 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 2: How did you come to? 122 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 3: Yeah? Well, first of all, I feel like dating and 123 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 3: traveling are like two of some of the greatest pleasures 124 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 3: in life in general. So I feel like when you 125 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 3: combine that, it's just so much fun. And I'm when 126 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 3: I'm whenever I'm on a holiday, I want to talk 127 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,840 Speaker 3: to people because when you and I know you both 128 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 3: know this, if you've lived somewhere, or even if you 129 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,720 Speaker 3: have and I don't know, if you're cure is then 130 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 3: you sort of like understand the culture from different cultures 131 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 3: from a different perspective. And so when you travel somewhere, 132 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 3: you're only somewhere for like five days or three days, 133 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 3: it almost feels so superficial. Your impressions almost feel so 134 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 3: superficial on the surface that I was craving just getting 135 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 3: to know more about those cultures. So it's like, Okay, 136 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 3: you know what, I need to go out there and 137 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 3: ask questions because I'm just I like to be, you know, 138 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 3: just curious like me. People in the buildiness anyway, but 139 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 3: not like that. But but I wanted to just yeah, 140 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 3: not to pry, but I wanted to find out more 141 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 3: but from the people themselves, you know. And so and 142 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 3: I also thought, like, my opinion is just my opinion, 143 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 3: and whatever people say on the street is just what 144 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 3: they say on the street. But let's talk to maybe 145 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 3: different people who like professionals, who actually get to talk 146 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 3: to these people who understand the different layers they are 147 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 3: in the society in which they're in, so that we 148 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 3: can actually get like a full picture of what it's like. 149 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 3: That's why. That's that's really cool. 150 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so. It's such a lid thing. And I 151 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: think that's the thing people just think dating ah Romy 152 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: and Juliet or like two people just meet and fall 153 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: in love, And yes, of course that can happen, but 154 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 1: there's so many things that come into it, like culture, politics, 155 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: economic psychology. As you say on your show, how do 156 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: you personally think all those things? How much of those 157 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: things affect dating, especially in different countries? 158 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I feel like we're Zimbabwean, so we 159 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 3: already understand that. Anyway. I feel like we don't even 160 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 3: have to get into it so much, like it's just 161 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 3: being Zimbabwean, knowing the political situation which you come from, 162 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 3: knowing the economic situation which we come from, and then 163 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 3: putting all the economic pressure as well. I mean, when 164 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 3: I was in Zimbabwe and I was talking to people, 165 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 3: what they were just saying is I can't get married 166 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 3: because I can't afford it, or I can't find someone 167 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 3: who wants to marry me because there's lobala. Is they 168 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 3: have possibility? Is it possible? Maybe they just convince the 169 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,319 Speaker 3: parents to not need lobola so I can just get 170 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 3: married married, Yes, exactly. So when you look at that, 171 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 3: you look at how politics affects economy, which then affects dating. 172 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 3: You don't even have to get into politics to understand 173 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 3: that the situation in the country is not okay. You 174 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 3: just have to ask people how your love life and 175 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 3: you'll find it out. Even in Portugal, they'll be like, oh, well, 176 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 3: you know, it's difficult because that kind of bored life, 177 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,320 Speaker 3: you know, And then you find out, okay, fine, the 178 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 3: economy is not so good. Then you look at the politics, 179 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,559 Speaker 3: and so you can touch on so many different topics 180 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 3: without necessarily getting so deep into the politics. So someemople 181 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 3: don't want to do that. So many people don't want 182 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 3: to talk about economics. It's boring for them. But maybe 183 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 3: you can pay attention to it. If you look at 184 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 3: it in this way, maybe you can understand it a 185 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 3: bit better. This is what I was thinking. And you know, 186 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: even if you look at Japan, and if you look 187 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 3: at China, and China they had the one child policy. 188 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,960 Speaker 3: And I remember I had friends who this one child 189 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 3: policy cause people to be so strict and so obsessive 190 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 3: with the children that they had. So basically, if he 191 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,559 Speaker 3: had a daughter, you'd be like, you know what, my 192 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,560 Speaker 3: daughter's not gonna get married to anybody who doesn't have 193 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 3: enough money for a house or for an apartment. And 194 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 3: so I had friends who would fall in love with men, 195 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 3: but the minute he couldn't afford to buy an apartment 196 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,559 Speaker 3: or a house, they'd be like, yeah, I love him, 197 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 3: but like he doesn't have a car, and he kind 198 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 3: of and I'm like, okay, this is really deep because 199 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,439 Speaker 3: it's just like that, just like that, you just it's okay, 200 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 3: you don't really need to have anything to do with him, 201 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,439 Speaker 3: just because he can't afford it. And that was because 202 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 3: also of the politics that this one child's policy, and 203 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,439 Speaker 3: so it really it's all interconnected at the end of 204 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 3: the day. And even if you gut Sweden, it's a 205 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 3: liberal society, very very very liberal society. And then so 206 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 3: they have this like hyper feminism going on. And I'm 207 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,440 Speaker 3: a feminist all the way, but Sweden has like is 208 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 3: like a high for a femininist society. So it's like, 209 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 3: don't open the door for me, what are you trying 210 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 3: to do? Get angry? Yeah, Like are you saying I 211 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 3: couldn't have opened it for myself? Yeah? 212 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 2: And also where marriage, marriage is not a big deal anymore, 213 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,559 Speaker 2: Like it's not even a it's not a consideration. I 214 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 2: think even here in the Czech Republic it's not a 215 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 2: big getting married don't mean nothing really at the end 216 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 2: of the day. 217 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it even bleeds into it, I mean, coming 218 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: from a parent point of view, parental leave and stuff. 219 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: You find the more liberal like on Sweden will have 220 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: like more parental leave because they believe maternal or paternal 221 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: you should both influence rasas like zoom, they will be 222 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: like maternity what like. 223 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 2: You know, like yeah, exactly imagine op paternity. 224 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're leaving your job, you come back 225 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 1: the job if you'll be replaced my guy exactly. 226 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 3: Yeah, or just like what you do in the household, right, 227 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 3: like how you operate in the household, what you know 228 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 3: people have And also in Japan, they're just not having 229 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 3: sex because of the fact that they don't have time. Oh, 230 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 3: they don't have time to have sex, and so this 231 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,679 Speaker 3: is why the population has gone down. So people are 232 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 3: coming home at ten pm, they don't have time to 233 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 3: have sex. The relationship fractures. Then they open all these different. 234 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: Yeah your boyfriend, yeah, yeah, yeah, or even specific I 235 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: mean it's very very interesting the things that they opened there. 236 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 3: Even their different specific little fetish cafes. You know, it's 237 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 3: it's very fascinating, Yeah, very fascinating. 238 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 2: It's a great segue. Is there anything that has, what 239 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,559 Speaker 2: would you say, surprised you the most through the series 240 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 2: and filming and talking to people around the world, because 241 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 2: you've been to You've been to Tanzania, you've been to Japan, 242 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 2: as you've said, you've been to Portugal, you've been to Sweden, 243 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,560 Speaker 2: you've been to Malta, you've been to Paris. I don't 244 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 2: know which other countries I'm missing out, but like you've 245 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:59,080 Speaker 2: been to a fair number of Ghana Ghana as well. 246 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 2: What surprise the most during the series or over the 247 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 2: course of your time. 248 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 3: I think I was surprised in general personally by myself 249 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 3: and how I especially when I went to other African countries, 250 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 3: how it was such a decolonial process for me. Wow. 251 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 3: So I feel that was probably the biggest shock, because 252 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 3: I didn't know that I was looking at African cultures 253 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 3: through the European lens as well. I thought I was 254 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 3: above that, but actually I still was. So I feel 255 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,199 Speaker 3: like that was very shocking for me. And then it 256 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,079 Speaker 3: was a whole process actually on its own. So then 257 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 3: it was like feelings of like shock and then sort 258 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 3: of like almost anger that I didn't know all this 259 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 3: stuff about these places, and then all because I was like, 260 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 3: my God, like these cultures like this, the African cultures, 261 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 3: and I don't want to be like over the topic. 262 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 3: It's beautiful African cultures, but literally actually are so fascinating 263 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 3: and so amazing, and I'm just shocked how much we 264 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 3: don't know. And so I think I was surprised about 265 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 3: how it is an act of revolution generally, if. 266 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 2: You are. 267 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 3: A black person and you're going to tell your own 268 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 3: story or you're actually going to fish stories out from 269 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 3: the people in those countries in maybe perhaps a more 270 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 3: authentic way. That that is already an act of revolution, 271 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 3: because whatever is going on is usually like stereotypes and propaganda, 272 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 3: and it is really at the moment right now, like 273 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 3: it's a revolution, and I love it because everybody's doing 274 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 3: it an act revolution to tell your story. I was 275 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 3: surprised by how much that impacted me and how everybody 276 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 3: was just sort of open to it as well. 277 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 1: Isn't it funny we'll know so much about Western culture 278 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: and not know much about our next door neighbors. 279 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 2: It's embarrassing, like. 280 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: It's actually quite bad, Like you know, I think so 281 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: being in Australia, there's obviously a lot of big Asian 282 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: community here and sometimes like Westerners would just brush them 283 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: with the same Asians, you know, but within the Asian 284 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 1: community they all know each other, like the Filipinos like this, 285 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: ah Thai people like this. But like to another level 286 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: that Africans we don't have, like we're very we're almost 287 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 1: very colonial mind very segregated still and it's like I 288 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: won't even know what's happening in Malawi. But when you 289 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: look on the map, Malawi is not that far from zoom, 290 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But it's like people people 291 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: will be like, what's what happens in Malawi? And then 292 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: some people will get offended. First of all, I'm not 293 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: from Alawi, like you know, and it's like, okay, apart 294 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: from that, do you even know? But you know everything 295 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: about Sweden and Finland? 296 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, you look at that map, but. 297 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 2: You're like I was like, had this conversation with the 298 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 2: colleague of mine American and they were like, oh, how 299 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 2: come you know so much? You know, you think after 300 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 2: you colonize you'd learn more about African African cultures in 301 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 2: Babwan culture, like you wouldn't watch so much Western media. 302 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 2: And then I said, but you need to understand that imperialism, 303 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 2: neo colonialism, all these things, the traits of what colonizations 304 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 2: stood for were never erased. Like it's still heavily ingrained, 305 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 2: and you own media for the large majority. And in 306 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 2: terms of you think of quality, you were sold as 307 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 2: the quality. Do you understand? So there's so much even 308 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 2: though we say we are free, the systems were put 309 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 2: in place so that it's not easy to just be like, Okay, 310 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 2: I'm flipping to know everything about you know, my home 311 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 2: or everything around my home. You know, it's not that simple. 312 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 2: But I guess the challenge is to do better like 313 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 2: what wass he is doing, or. 314 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,240 Speaker 3: To challenge it. 315 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeahs wrong with some of don't. 316 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 3: Thank you as well? All Yeah, I feel like I 317 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 3: think at least it's great that like I think everybody's 318 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 3: sort of just trying to tell their own stories, and 319 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 3: I think it's so important and to know that, Okay, fine, 320 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 3: you know, they're like, you know, intensanity speak. You have 321 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 3: one hundred and twenty six languages. There are hundreds and 322 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 3: when they six languages, and they're so diverse, and they're 323 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 3: so like they're just living in like harmony and they're fine. 324 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 3: And so I felt like that was something to be admired. 325 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,399 Speaker 3: And yet, you know, whenever I see Tanzan, I just 326 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 3: see the animals. I see people going there, but I 327 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 3: don't people are not interested in the people. It's almost 328 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 3: like it's a taboo topic, especially here in Europe, like 329 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 3: oh okay, oh, okay, all let's talk. Oh Africa. Oh 330 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 3: it's always like Africa. 331 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,400 Speaker 1: Oh yes, oh, And so I always feel I don't 332 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: feel sorry for me. 333 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,159 Speaker 3: You know where I come from. I'm like, yeah, or. 334 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 1: I love that animals and I'm like, okay, apart from 335 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: the animals. 336 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 2: Ruh. 337 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 1: Obviously, obviously you've traveled lots and you've now interviewed people 338 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 1: from different walks of life. Wait, any common themes or 339 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,120 Speaker 1: ideas around dating that you've noticed. 340 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:03,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess like there are some common themes. I 341 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 3: think sex was like a very huge topic, but it's 342 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 3: not something I touched on so much because it's always 343 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,640 Speaker 3: like when you interview people and then they talk about sex, 344 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 3: they don't want to be shown on camera, but things 345 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,719 Speaker 3: like that. So I think there were common themes, like 346 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:23,639 Speaker 3: with economic stress and pressures and how they affect you know, 347 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,360 Speaker 3: people's family life. And also people talk about how finances 348 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 3: are a huge reason and people get divorced. But then 349 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 3: when you talk about finances, we have to dig deeper 350 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 3: into what kind of situation that can create in the home, 351 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 3: and in a lot of situations, maybe perhaps heres for women, 352 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 3: they don't want to have sex with their husbands because 353 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 3: they feel like, oh my god, you know you this 354 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 3: is stressful. I don't know, But then for men, director 355 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:51,400 Speaker 3: dysfunction was actually like a huge topic that was already 356 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 3: you know, but it's always like how they're communicated. It was, Yeah, 357 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 3: then I don't feel like I want to have sex 358 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 3: because I'm stressed out because of this financial situation. But 359 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 3: actually how that presents itself as a rectil dysfunction, and 360 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 3: that was more common than I thought it did actually be. 361 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,680 Speaker 3: So I would say, like the stresses of financial finances 362 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 3: were always everywhere, no matter where you work, those were 363 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 3: common things. And then sex obviously being like a common thing. 364 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,399 Speaker 3: And then yeah, I would say that was like the 365 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 3: most common. 366 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 2: So many ads in Zimpo like let me fix your 367 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 2: you know, those random like paper in the entire when 368 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 2: you see them, they just stick it everywhere and have 369 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 2: a place everywhere, clearly, Yeah, but they don't really deal 370 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 2: with it in a medical or healthy way. 371 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 3: But yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, and if you would 372 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 3: also touch about about women as well, it's always like 373 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 3: about men and they have a rectil dysfunction. But what 374 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 3: that does, but the whole cycle is that is the 375 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,400 Speaker 3: whole thing, right, So. 376 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 2: Oh wow, which country do you think or so far 377 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 2: have you related to the most when it comes to 378 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 2: dating as a black Zimbabwean woman and the least or 379 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 2: the least or both. 380 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, So I would say like I related to Tanzania 381 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 3: the most because I think it's the most similar to 382 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 3: Zimbabwe because they well, it's the most simar to Zimbabwe 383 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,880 Speaker 3: how Zimbabwe used to be. I feel like Zimbabwe used 384 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 3: to be a little bit more of a place of 385 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 3: you know that umun too. You know, we're together, we 386 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 3: want to be peaceful. And then like because of the 387 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 3: economic situation, everybody just like is to their own, you know, 388 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 3: one of my friend. So I'm God for us all 389 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 3: and so I feel like Tanzania really I related to 390 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 3: it in a way in was a nostalgia way. It 391 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 3: was very nice to see how everybody was just sort 392 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,160 Speaker 3: of like okay, you could you can walk on the street. 393 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,240 Speaker 3: You didn't think anybody who's going to do anything to you. 394 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 3: Never get that feeling, right, And I feel like I 395 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,439 Speaker 3: related to the most how and I also was like 396 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 3: a little bit like, oh my god, we used to 397 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 3: be like this and the least. I don't think I 398 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 3: related to any country like the least in any kind 399 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,439 Speaker 3: of way, because I feel like when you're Zimbabwean, I 400 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 3: am Zimbabwe one hundred percent. But because I've lived in 401 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 3: so many different places. I feel like I kind of 402 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 3: get what everybody's saying. I understand it. I understand also 403 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 3: like the Swedish, I get it because I also one 404 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 3: a partner. I al wasn't want to exercise my feminism 405 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 3: to the extent that I want, you know, I understand. 406 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 3: So there's no the least not yet anyway, I probably 407 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 3: will go somewhere else, but I'm going to say to me, 408 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 3: I'm like the plane. Yeah, i'd be like this one, 409 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 3: this one I tried. But I think when I was 410 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 3: in Tanzania, there are two different parts. Right of the Zanzibar, 411 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,400 Speaker 3: I would say I related the least to the idea 412 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 3: that like, I mean the I understand like how religion 413 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 3: plays a role in relationships, I get it, But for 414 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 3: me personally as a person, it didn't. I did not 415 00:21:55,200 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 3: really relate to its completely controlling my whole relationship. You 416 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 3: get my point. So that was maybe the least good idea. 417 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, religion is a big one and lots of different 418 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 1: cultures when it comes to love as well. Do you 419 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: see a difference in how black women are perceived when 420 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 1: you're when they're dating from country to country or when 421 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: you go do you just like blanket look at women 422 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,400 Speaker 1: or do you specifically look to see how black women 423 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: could be perceived. 424 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 3: I do both, so like I actively try my best 425 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 3: to do both, but also be conscious of the fact 426 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,679 Speaker 3: that I don't also want to box other Black women 427 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,399 Speaker 3: in a specific group, even though they might just belong 428 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 3: to everybody's just trying to fight not to belong in 429 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 3: some sort of stereotype and some sort of trauma and 430 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,679 Speaker 3: et cetera. This is what I always find. So I 431 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 3: do both things. So I try my best to find 432 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 3: black women who I can ask questions too and find 433 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 3: out how they feel and if they feel that they're 434 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 3: treated in any kind of way in the societies. And 435 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 3: sometimes you find people will tell you yes, I am 436 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,639 Speaker 3: treated differently, and then sometimes you think people say no, 437 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 3: I'm treated completely the same. So it all depends on 438 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 3: how far that person is in understanding the trauma that 439 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 3: they went through, that they're going through, how far they 440 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 3: want to accept it. It's so layered that conversation for 441 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,680 Speaker 3: black women, it's not just a simple question for them. 442 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 3: Sometimes it's because sometimes even if you think you're finding 443 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 3: familiarity in talking about it, you say, like, oh, so, 444 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,639 Speaker 3: how is it dating as a black woman here. I 445 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 3: want to understand some people can be very defensive, like 446 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,880 Speaker 3: it's fine and I don't even think about it, no difference, 447 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 3: and don't you know like almost like don't put me 448 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 3: in the group of like your trauma or the trauma 449 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 3: that everybody else is going through or that stress. Right, 450 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,679 Speaker 3: And then you'll find some that are maybe okay with 451 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 3: it and working with it and that's how and they 452 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 3: process it out loud and they'll tell you how it is. 453 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 3: So I would say there is a difference one hundred percent. 454 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 3: They can't not be a difference, right either you're boxed 455 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,879 Speaker 3: into your stereotype as a black woman, and there's a 456 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 3: difference between black African women and Black American woman. Stand 457 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 3: it British, Yeah, Black British is like a completely and 458 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 3: even within African women, it's like a spectrum, right, it's 459 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,679 Speaker 3: like difference, But I feel like there's a difference. So 460 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 3: if you're African American, even if you're just a black woman, 461 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 3: you're boxed in. Sometimes if you're in the dask War, 462 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 3: in this box of African American women that you should 463 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,000 Speaker 3: speak sort of like in their own venecular and you're like, oh, 464 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,359 Speaker 3: what are you doing like you're gonna be dramatic, like 465 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 3: you're going to be the person who's in the center 466 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 3: of everything and the men expecting you to shake your booty. 467 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 3: You're going to be so good at it, you know, 468 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,159 Speaker 3: things like that, and that you're going to be just 469 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 3: the one to help them, you're going to be so strong, 470 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 3: or you're boxed into the negative stereotype. You're not attractive enough, 471 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,919 Speaker 3: you're too dark, especially if you're in Asia, you're just 472 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 3: too dark, You're just not good looking enough, You're or 473 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,760 Speaker 3: you're even in India the lower caste as well. Oh, 474 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 3: I think there's definitely a difference of that, but I 475 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:09,360 Speaker 3: try my best to not to not try to focus 476 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 3: on that when I talk to the black women because 477 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,719 Speaker 3: I know that they don't want that as well. They 478 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 3: try to run away from it. 479 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:21,440 Speaker 2: But it's a reality. And I think what's interesting is 480 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,880 Speaker 2: you talk about when people see I've had it here 481 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:27,080 Speaker 2: where people when they hear me speak, they assume that 482 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,360 Speaker 2: I'm from America or the UK or something like that. 483 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 2: People struggle to conceive in their mind that I can 484 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 2: hold a conversation and not be from those western parts 485 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 2: of the world. So there's also that, and then if 486 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,720 Speaker 2: you're African, it's like there's a whole perception of that 487 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,679 Speaker 2: and you should be so grateful. Oh, you must be 488 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,119 Speaker 2: so grateful to be here, or and you spoke a 489 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 2: little bit about your own experience when dating, like with 490 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,919 Speaker 2: your husband, it's like people's perceptions of you being an 491 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:59,160 Speaker 2: African woman with a non African man, and it's so layered. 492 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:03,080 Speaker 2: As you've said, there's so many different levels to it. 493 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 2: And I can completely personally because I live in a 494 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 2: predominantly white country and environment. So I have a question 495 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,879 Speaker 2: for you because it would be remiss for us to 496 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 2: have you on here and not kind of delve into 497 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,120 Speaker 2: you know, where you think or what you've seen as 498 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,159 Speaker 2: being a country that you feel our black sisters, And 499 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,199 Speaker 2: I know we keep hopping on about our black sisters, 500 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,440 Speaker 2: but I feel like if you look at the pyramid 501 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,719 Speaker 2: of dating, black women are typically at the bottom, and 502 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 2: you know, so we got to look out for each other. 503 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 2: So ladies, I'm looking out for you. Where do you 504 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 2: think they would feel most appreciated and scene without the fetishes, 505 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 2: no fetishes fetishes aside with yeah, without the fetish, or 506 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,680 Speaker 2: maybe they can wade through the fetishes. 507 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 3: And like like both. 508 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 2: With that with whichever, like where should where should sisters 509 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:02,880 Speaker 2: be going? 510 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,520 Speaker 3: Because we all are looking for love? Do you want 511 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:06,160 Speaker 3: to be loved? 512 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 2: Do you want to be loved? Well? 513 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 3: I think definitely without fetishes. Then you're just you know Africa, right, 514 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 3: any I think African countries you're gonna be appreciated there. 515 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 3: No one's going to fetishize you. It was going to 516 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 3: be like because Barbims I knew it. No, I mean maybe, 517 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,719 Speaker 3: but I feel like you're gonna in a general there 518 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 3: anyway you know, you're gonna you're gonna feel like someone 519 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 3: is maybe you're talking maybe on a specific level with somebody, right, 520 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 3: and you don't have to completely try to break it 521 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,120 Speaker 3: down for them that you're a person, you have these 522 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 3: different layers, and you don't have to remove all the 523 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,240 Speaker 3: stereotypes from their eyes, you know. So I think it'd 524 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,199 Speaker 3: be something easy. It could be easier, I don't know. 525 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 3: And then I think in Europe, I would like to 526 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,119 Speaker 3: say Sweden. The reason I'd like to say Sweden because 527 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,080 Speaker 3: I get the feeling that in Sweden they have their 528 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,639 Speaker 3: own way of thinking, the sense that they think that 529 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:05,119 Speaker 3: they are above are the general things happening around the world. 530 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,920 Speaker 3: They think they are above this, theods happening. They think 531 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 3: they are above racism, and they think they are above 532 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 3: key do they think what they think exactly? What they 533 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:22,359 Speaker 3: think that they to Sweden good looking. Those guys are 534 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:23,080 Speaker 3: good looking. 535 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:24,680 Speaker 2: People. 536 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 3: Some vikings they're good looking and uh and they just 537 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 3: like and it's like shocking, It's actually very shocking how 538 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,239 Speaker 3: many good looking people in Sweden. I was like, what 539 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,359 Speaker 3: is this water? I need this? 540 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: So you you you your perception is like the they 541 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,600 Speaker 1: quite to use this word woke. So because of that, 542 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: they like really try to like not be the person 543 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: to be. 544 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 3: Exactly exactly themselves is looking out for you exactly. And 545 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,840 Speaker 3: also maybe I would also go for like a country 546 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 3: like probably Germany, even though people are like Germany, why 547 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 3: would you say that, oh my god, you know, post 548 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,760 Speaker 3: Nazi country, which is true, it's all true. 549 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:12,200 Speaker 1: But the pain. 550 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 3: For the rest of their lives exactly. And Germany is 551 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,600 Speaker 3: literally right now being the only country that I think 552 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 3: has actually kind of said, oh sorry for the hero massacres. 553 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 3: This is and most duringeople that I've met personally are 554 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,800 Speaker 3: willing to sort of educate themselves already educated about what's 555 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 3: going on. So I think you could have a conversation, 556 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 3: you could be on a you could be on a level, 557 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 3: but fetishi is to some extent. Yeah, you're like. 558 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah the time, remember the first thing my husband said, 559 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 1: because you know when you go out to thinking, okay, whatever, 560 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 1: we've done this, like I'm just going to go for 561 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 1: a few drinks, and then he's like, no, I literally 562 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 1: saw you across the room and you're the most beautiful 563 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 1: girl there, so I thought, let me try and ask 564 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 1: you for a drink, but thinking at the time, you've 565 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: got lyrics. But I think it's also because as black women, 566 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 1: there's a totem pole and I just thought there were 567 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 1: other white women there there, why would you like it 568 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,120 Speaker 1: was so far removed from my mind for him to 569 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 1: think he looks around and he still thought a black 570 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: girl was that. So it shows me that he just 571 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,280 Speaker 1: looks at people, doesn't look at like whereas you know, 572 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: sometimes maybe you are the prettiest black girl there, but 573 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 1: then the black are too hard or too you know, 574 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:28,560 Speaker 1: they won't go there. 575 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. 576 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 1: So yeah, Germans, Wow. 577 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 3: Africa, Germany. 578 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, I know why I'm asking, I think because well, 579 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 2: I'm finding through conversation with other black women. I think 580 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 2: there's also a layer of exhaustion sometimes with how we 581 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 2: are perceived, even within our environments. Because as much as 582 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,960 Speaker 2: you will be accepted because you don't have to have 583 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,440 Speaker 2: a conversation about what's aurora or you know what I mean, 584 00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 2: but there's another layer which you spoke about, which is 585 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,320 Speaker 2: you're wanting to live out your feminist desires or living 586 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,960 Speaker 2: in your true feminine energy or being accepted. Do you understand, 587 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 2: So there's that other dynamic that isn't always accepted when 588 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,640 Speaker 2: you are back home, you know what I mean. So 589 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,000 Speaker 2: it's like this weird dance you're doing. You want to 590 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 2: just be seen as you, but you also want to 591 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 2: be able. It's very complex. 592 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: You're not able to live? 593 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, It's extremely complex. And I would like to 594 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 3: also challenge this, this hierarchy or this total pole. We're 595 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 3: black women at the bottom, you know, because I genuinely 596 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 3: feel that a lot of the statistics that are done 597 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 3: are done predominantly. Also sometimes looking at the African American 598 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 3: situation and in America, as a black woman, you are 599 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 3: probably at the bottom because there's this historical thing that's 600 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,400 Speaker 3: going on. But I think and maybe perhaps it's a 601 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 3: colonial thing, who knows, But I really one hundred percent 602 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 3: think that we are far from the bottom. 603 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 1: I mean, this is what the bottom well, so I 604 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 1: mean we're not We're not. 605 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 3: And so if you like when you know, when your 606 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 3: husband saw you and you was like I saw you, 607 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 3: I was like, you're so gorgeous, of course, what I 608 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 3: mean you you have beautiful skin, You're glowing, and it's like, 609 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 3: you know, if people have their own perceived things based 610 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 3: so I think as we have to separate that sometimes. 611 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 3: And I think not separating the African diaspora not to 612 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,840 Speaker 3: do that, but I think different African diasporas have got 613 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 3: different stories that pertain to racism, and it's benefits to 614 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 3: sulf differently everywhere that we are, if you know what 615 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 3: I mean. And but I think, of course in the 616 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 3: African American whatever experience perspective, it's definitely like black women 617 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 3: are at the bottom of the barrel. But I think 618 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 3: if you were to maybe look yai yaib it's international 619 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 3: tool like you could be because of Indian. 620 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 4: Well, you know, I know a lot of I do 621 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 4: know a lot of African American women love going to 622 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 4: uh like Ghana now at the moment, and because they 623 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 4: do feel seen and are preciated, so it's not Yeah, 624 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,960 Speaker 4: I think sometimes as black people, our story is told 625 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 4: through an African American lens because again, as Roomby said earlier, 626 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 4: you know, there's certain countries America does control a lot 627 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 4: of the media. 628 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: So when it comes to black people, even we hear 629 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,920 Speaker 1: a lot of the African American experience, like we all 630 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,640 Speaker 1: love hip hop, right because it's like, oh yeah, it's like, no, 631 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 1: maybe I don't. Maybe I like my local music. I'm 632 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 1: fine with my soungura. I don't need hip hop. But 633 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 1: you know, it's like people just think, oh, because you're black, 634 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 1: you like Tupac, you know. So it's just one of 635 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 1: those things. 636 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:33,320 Speaker 3: It's true. 637 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 2: And I just asked, sorry, Iman, I mentioned Ghana, what 638 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 2: is that like in Ghana? Because I know a lot 639 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 2: of women be like and men be hat as a 640 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 2: mother and like this I saw in the in your 641 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 2: in your episode. 642 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 3: The I'm just saying, fine, they are so freaking fine. 643 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 3: That is true. And I feel like people from Ghana 644 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 3: in general, like especially with the men, I feel like 645 00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 3: there's like a there's like a confidence, but it's not 646 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:12,480 Speaker 3: like a like a huge, like exuberated confidence that should 647 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 3: get probably from like a Nigerian man per se. It's 648 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,799 Speaker 3: sort of like a toned down confidence that is there, 649 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,280 Speaker 3: and I think that's very attractive for all the quiet 650 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,240 Speaker 3: the quiet confidence. Yeah, so I feel like Ghana is amazing. 651 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 3: And also Ghana had like some sort of like a 652 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 3: matriarchal society, at least in other tribes. So I think 653 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:33,520 Speaker 3: that was very fascinating to tap into. And so how 654 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,640 Speaker 3: they look at women in some parts of ghan is 655 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:39,120 Speaker 3: completely different. And I think that's always the narrative you get. 656 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 3: You always get, oh, you know, you always still have 657 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,600 Speaker 3: the feeling that feminism started in Europe, that feminism is 658 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:51,279 Speaker 3: somehow a byproduct of European development and industrialization and you know, 659 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,640 Speaker 3: you know, fighting for human rights and et cetera. And 660 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 3: it's actually been in Africa and African society is for 661 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,320 Speaker 3: so long. Actually we got it ages ago, and I 662 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:07,879 Speaker 3: think it's very nice to show that. Yeah, yeah, it 663 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,359 Speaker 3: was very passive. It was great. I loved it as. 664 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,880 Speaker 1: The beginning to wind down for episode. How do you 665 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: feel the feedback has been from the viewers of your series? 666 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 3: So, I think it's the thing like when I said, like, 667 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,880 Speaker 3: when you're telling this like an African story, sometimes people 668 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,600 Speaker 3: feel really seen by that. So I think from the Africans, 669 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 3: the feedback has always been like, oh, thank you for 670 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:33,080 Speaker 3: actually like during an episode about my country in a 671 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 3: different way, because you can see that there are people 672 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 3: living here, right, People are living there in that country. 673 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,279 Speaker 3: Not everybody is on the streets starving, people are having 674 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,600 Speaker 3: a life, people are doing their thing, They're going around 675 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,240 Speaker 3: about their life. So I think that there's a genuine 676 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 3: appreciation for just showing like the normalcy of it all 677 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,760 Speaker 3: and how fascinating it is. So I think that's been positive. 678 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,680 Speaker 3: From the European side, it's also been I felt like 679 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,479 Speaker 3: in the beginning it was like I almost got the feeling. 680 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,560 Speaker 3: It was like, okay, you're telling the story. Troe for Sweden, 681 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 3: the swediship are just generally nice, friendly, like okay, great, 682 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 3: you're telling it. And then there's also sometimes if you're 683 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,239 Speaker 3: telling a story like Portugal, where you're showing like the 684 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 3: tougher side of Portugal and then you're an African person 685 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 3: telling the story, it's almost sometimes how dare you? Yeah? 686 00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:23,920 Speaker 3: You you you to tell you so. But in general 687 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 3: I've also gotten like thousands of messages asking me how 688 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 3: I can help someone meet someone, which is just like, Okay, 689 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 3: that's interesting. 690 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:39,920 Speaker 1: So a match maker, Yeah, exactly exactly. 691 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,480 Speaker 2: My question then, is any dating advice you can give 692 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,839 Speaker 2: that you've gone it from the series that you can 693 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,080 Speaker 2: share with our listeners, like what what would you what 694 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 2: would you share. 695 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:51,520 Speaker 1: To those the thousand d ms? 696 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:56,279 Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, those thous thousands, they are well. Generally, I'll 697 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 3: say generally in the context of dating around the world 698 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,960 Speaker 3: and the at different cultures, I would say that there 699 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,800 Speaker 3: are lots of positive and negative things about one's culture 700 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,640 Speaker 3: when it comes to dating. Even when I look at 701 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 3: the Shana culture and sometimes I look at Lomola, when 702 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,480 Speaker 3: I look at what's going on in Japan with their 703 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 3: issues or I look at it. I just think it's 704 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 3: important to criticize, of course your dating culture, but I 705 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 3: think it's also so important to also appreciate it as well. 706 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,520 Speaker 3: So this is sometimes like the adviself get because people 707 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:32,760 Speaker 3: always I get the feeling whenever I'm talking to different people, 708 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 3: even if it's Japan, and you know, in Japan they 709 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,680 Speaker 3: don't say I love you to each other, you know, 710 00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 3: they just it's an odd thing to say that, and 711 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,720 Speaker 3: they feel that it's something that should be stopped because 712 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,360 Speaker 3: in the Western culture they say I love you a lot, 713 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,800 Speaker 3: and so it must mean something, whereas the acts of service, 714 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:52,320 Speaker 3: acts of showing love are more important. So I think 715 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,520 Speaker 3: it's okay that the Japanese are like that. It's okay 716 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,759 Speaker 3: that that is who they are, because they still show 717 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,360 Speaker 3: they love in different ways. So I would just like 718 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 3: to say people can should be okay with their cultures 719 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 3: as well. They can try to evolve them, and they 720 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 3: should evolve. But it's okay to appreciate your culture, keep it. 721 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,640 Speaker 3: You don't have to westernize it more or et cetera. 722 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:16,759 Speaker 3: And as an individual, especially coming from the from being 723 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,279 Speaker 3: just a woman, I would say it's important for you 724 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:24,480 Speaker 3: to date in a way that is representative of your personality, 725 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,880 Speaker 3: a way that suits you. So you find some people 726 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 3: okay with being like like, I'm going to be with 727 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,919 Speaker 3: one person and I'm going to see how this relationship goes, 728 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,399 Speaker 3: and let's see what happens, and then after two years 729 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 3: things don't work, that move on to the next one. 730 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 3: I was never really like that kind of person, maybe 731 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,440 Speaker 3: because my mother was always like, don't put all your 732 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,719 Speaker 3: eggs in one basket until the basket until you should 733 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,560 Speaker 3: this basket is okay, and you're okay, and you better 734 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,680 Speaker 3: be checking out the other freaking eggs and so. But 735 00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,919 Speaker 3: then I also thought that she knew me as well, 736 00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:00,840 Speaker 3: so she knew my personality as was then I I 737 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,799 Speaker 3: felt like I needed to see what was out there. 738 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,160 Speaker 3: I needed to compare because for me, that's the only 739 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,120 Speaker 3: way I could then choose and say this is what 740 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,399 Speaker 3: I want. So I think straight true to yourself when 741 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,520 Speaker 3: your date, you know what I mean, And. 742 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 2: That's really great to hear, because I don't think we're 743 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 2: ever told that way. Like if I think of the 744 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 2: dating advice I received, it was it's just like one person, 745 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,760 Speaker 2: like you know what I mean, Like it doesn't mean 746 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,480 Speaker 2: anything when you just you're just getting to know people. 747 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,000 Speaker 2: It's like you don't say I'm gonna have one friend 748 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 2: and we're going to do things all together. Like you 749 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,040 Speaker 2: meet different people and then you see, Okay, who can 750 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 2: be the best friend, who can be the home you 751 00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,759 Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like, Yeah, it's okay, you're just 752 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,080 Speaker 2: getting to know someone. It's not the end of the world. 753 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And women should definitely, I think one hundred 754 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 3: and ten percent approach men because you can imagine if 755 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 3: you only have three men or four men approaching and 756 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:55,759 Speaker 3: you're like, ah, I don't even know who I really want, 757 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,359 Speaker 3: and then you choose the monkst the ones you don't 758 00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:00,280 Speaker 3: even really want because they're the ones who came to you. 759 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 3: You're limiting yourself, you know. So I feel like if 760 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,120 Speaker 3: you like someone and you think this person could be 761 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,239 Speaker 3: for me, I feel like you should one hundred and 762 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,720 Speaker 3: ten percent do it. So I think women should approach 763 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,839 Speaker 3: men should take more initiative to do it, and men 764 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:16,160 Speaker 3: when they approach, especially I mean European and are fine 765 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:17,960 Speaker 3: with it. I think they like it, but afink like 766 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:22,359 Speaker 3: a bit forward. This one forward exactly, it's forward, but 767 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,759 Speaker 3: I think they should embrace it. So yeah, thank you, 768 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:26,440 Speaker 3: Yeah why not? 769 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:31,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, any episodes or future projects we should look out for. 770 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:37,080 Speaker 3: I'm definitely going to go to Greenland. Oh and maybe 771 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:41,160 Speaker 3: Greenland is. I think like there are like fifty thousand 772 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:46,719 Speaker 3: people in Greenland even less, and it's a very interesting 773 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:52,040 Speaker 3: dating scenario going on in Greenland. People you can imagine 774 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:52,920 Speaker 3: or someone. 775 00:40:52,800 --> 00:41:05,520 Speaker 1: Something instuous, recycle every day, everybody. 776 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:08,080 Speaker 3: Everybody dating, everybody, even in. I think they're nice on everybody. 777 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,600 Speaker 3: They even had something right to try to take. Okay, am, 778 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,040 Speaker 3: I relates to you though, you can double check that. 779 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,719 Speaker 3: So I think it's interesting to check that out. And 780 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 3: I think I want to focus a lot on African countries. 781 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 3: I think I'm going to dig deep and just dive 782 00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:27,400 Speaker 3: into it because I think it's necessary to do that. 783 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 3: I think it's necessary to find out what's going on, 784 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,160 Speaker 3: you know, what's going on with you know, odd, what's 785 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,319 Speaker 3: going on in odd like nobody even knows, you know. 786 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:40,160 Speaker 2: So for sure forward to if you ever do Zimbabwe, 787 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 2: because maybe some of us have, you know. 788 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,439 Speaker 3: I did Zimbabwe? You did? 789 00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:49,440 Speaker 1: I did? I? 790 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:51,959 Speaker 3: No? No, no, no, I did just like a part 791 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,080 Speaker 3: of Zimbabwe. And then I'm like, oh no, I need 792 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,560 Speaker 3: to wait until things stableize to reach this. 793 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:04,520 Speaker 2: The full money because I'm like, yo, yeah, yeah, because 794 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 2: I'd be hearing stories. 795 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:10,840 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. But the pandemic, yeah, there's some Jolo pandemic. 796 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,640 Speaker 3: The economy pandemic is basically people are just sleeping with 797 00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,280 Speaker 3: everybody because people just don't want to commit. 798 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:24,560 Speaker 1: You know, comm commitment requires finances, so exactly don't have finances, 799 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,960 Speaker 1: then you can't commit, like how do you. 800 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, and the blessers. 801 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,080 Speaker 3: The blessers are just insane, and I think going back 802 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,120 Speaker 3: to them, maybe it would be nice to to really 803 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,319 Speaker 3: dig deep and look at because I found it very 804 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,560 Speaker 3: fascinating when I had to explain it to somebody else, 805 00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,839 Speaker 3: the cultures and Baku and am Guru and Natano, all 806 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,080 Speaker 3: these different things, and I feel like even though people 807 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:51,680 Speaker 3: like to simplify African culture, I realized, like we're actually 808 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:52,759 Speaker 3: really complicated. 809 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:53,920 Speaker 2: Like, yeah, it's not simple. 810 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so layered. And it was such a system. 811 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:03,239 Speaker 3: It was such a sting that kept people together, kept 812 00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:05,160 Speaker 3: people kind of like in check. And I think it's 813 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:11,440 Speaker 3: fascinating to break that down as well. So that's the project. 814 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,600 Speaker 3: Let's see how that goes. Well, thank you. 815 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,880 Speaker 2: This is so good and like it's so great to 816 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,279 Speaker 2: see you kind of living out, you know, marrying two 817 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:25,239 Speaker 2: of your passions together and like educating us as we go, 818 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:29,640 Speaker 2: which is just wonderful. Before you we go, could you 819 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 2: share your socials about dating around the world and where 820 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,759 Speaker 2: everyone can see it please let us know. 821 00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:41,200 Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Well you can find me on Dating 822 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:47,319 Speaker 3: around the World WIM on Instagram Dating around the World WM, 823 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,640 Speaker 3: and you can also go on my YouTube channel, Dating 824 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,759 Speaker 3: around the World. You can find me there and yeah, 825 00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,000 Speaker 3: and I'll be putting up a website soon and hopefully 826 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,200 Speaker 3: helping people meet each other somehow. 827 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,680 Speaker 2: To be a match, make a match maker, make me 828 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:05,680 Speaker 2: a match. 829 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:06,760 Speaker 3: Sail around the world. 830 00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,319 Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, exactly. Thank you so much for being a 831 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,799 Speaker 2: part of this, and to our you as always, thank 832 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,520 Speaker 2: you so much for listening. Thank you so much, and 833 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:18,680 Speaker 2: we'll see you on our very next episode. 834 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:20,680 Speaker 3: Bye bye, guys. 835 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,839 Speaker 2: Bye oh no no 836 00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,760 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,