WEBVTT - Should I Stay With My Poly Boyfriend? 💑 👩

0:00:01.520 --> 0:00:04.440
<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:11.400
<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch up podcast. It's Flex and Frooms. FLEXI

0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:14.600
<v Speaker 1>do you believe in polyamory? I do cool polyamory when

0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:18.319
<v Speaker 1>you have okay, next topic, more than one partner in

0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:21.880
<v Speaker 1>a romantic way, So there's ethically non monogamous.

0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:25.000
<v Speaker 2>Well not particularly. Polyamory is just this ability to love,

0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:27.400
<v Speaker 2>like share romantic love with multiple people.

0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:28.760
<v Speaker 1>So it doesn't have to be sexual.

0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:30.040
<v Speaker 2>No, it doesn't have to be.

0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:31.160
<v Speaker 1>It's romantic love.

0:00:31.520 --> 0:00:34.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like you have the capacity to love more than

0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.040
<v Speaker 2>one person at a time, then polygamy is the capacity

0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:41.400
<v Speaker 2>to have more than one like relationship like multiple wives.

0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah are rare, if you will. Sure this is from

0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:49.440
<v Speaker 1>somebody whose partner has wanted to go poly and then

0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:53.520
<v Speaker 1>the realization and the reality of poly life has hit different.

0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:56.720
<v Speaker 1>She says, I've been with my partner for three years

0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:58.720
<v Speaker 1>and I can see myself getting married and having kids

0:00:58.760 --> 0:00:59.520
<v Speaker 1>with him in the future.

0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.360
<v Speaker 2>People, that's your first mistake.

0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:09.720
<v Speaker 1>She's destruck. Problem is he's told me that he wants

0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:12.959
<v Speaker 1>to open the relationship up and his Polly, let's open

0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:16.039
<v Speaker 1>this pit. I love him so much, so I said yes.

0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:18.360
<v Speaker 1>But now that he's actually seeing others. I hate it,

0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:20.200
<v Speaker 1>and I feel like I'm a bad person if I

0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.520
<v Speaker 1>say I'm no longer cool with it. Will I just

0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:24.280
<v Speaker 1>have to accept him being Polly? Or do I need

0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:24.800
<v Speaker 1>to end it?

0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:29.880
<v Speaker 2>Wa wa we wah wah. What do you reckon?

0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:34.840
<v Speaker 1>Close the pit? Respect, Let's get some seats in this

0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.160
<v Speaker 1>serena and get everyone to put their asses on them.

0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:40.200
<v Speaker 1>I reckon like you are fully within your right. You

0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:43.319
<v Speaker 1>come first, regardless of whether it's an open relationship or

0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:46.080
<v Speaker 1>it's Polly. You are the base. And the minute that

0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:47.600
<v Speaker 1>it gets out of your control and that you don't

0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:51.320
<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable, you need to don't maybe say sets and boundaries,

0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:53.200
<v Speaker 1>but you need to learn how to ask for what

0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:56.320
<v Speaker 1>you want. And yes, he might be disappointed, but it's

0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.480
<v Speaker 1>your relationship, it's your life, and I'm going to commend

0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:02.200
<v Speaker 1>you for tryal and getting out of your comfort zone.

0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:05.120
<v Speaker 1>And it's okay to not want certain things. I candone, Yeah.

0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:06.320
<v Speaker 2>It's such a big dog move to give it a

0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:09.760
<v Speaker 2>red hot go. I will say. This is also why

0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:12.920
<v Speaker 2>I am pulling back from critical thinking, because everything within

0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:16.360
<v Speaker 2>me understands that relationship should not be exclusionary. Like I

0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:18.160
<v Speaker 2>think that when you decide to join your life with

0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:20.760
<v Speaker 2>someone else's. It should be expansive to give you the

0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:22.639
<v Speaker 2>confidence and the energy and the resource and love to

0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.360
<v Speaker 2>do whatever you want. Right, It's like the love is

0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:26.679
<v Speaker 2>so supportive that I can be here I want and

0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:28.160
<v Speaker 2>go what I want and do what I want, and

0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.000
<v Speaker 2>we can do it as a unit. And so I

0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:33.040
<v Speaker 2>can see how sometimes monogamy can be really like entrapping

0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:34.720
<v Speaker 2>to be like mmm, but you can't because I don't

0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:36.679
<v Speaker 2>want you to. It's okay, what if I want to huh,

0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:39.320
<v Speaker 2>what if I want to do that thing over there? So, yeah,

0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:40.880
<v Speaker 2>commend you for giving it a red hot go. But

0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:43.079
<v Speaker 2>what I will say is that I think the reality

0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:47.480
<v Speaker 2>of polyamory is something that probably more of us should

0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:50.480
<v Speaker 2>have experience before we critique it so heavily as well.

0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:53.120
<v Speaker 2>So I think in that instance you've had the lived

0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.359
<v Speaker 2>experience and you can now say, actually, like I don't

0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:58.200
<v Speaker 2>really love it for me, thank you. And also I

0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.960
<v Speaker 2>think it's a real learning a teachable moment for your

0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:04.200
<v Speaker 2>partner to understand the reality of what's being requested, because

0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:06.680
<v Speaker 2>I could imagine not to say that all relationships can

0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.600
<v Speaker 2>be fifty to fifty, but if you were seeing it

0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:11.840
<v Speaker 2>through the way your partner was. I think maybe he'd

0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.520
<v Speaker 2>also have some different opinions, because right now it's a

0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:17.200
<v Speaker 2>bit imbalanced, you know, like he's out there living and

0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:19.040
<v Speaker 2>you're like waiting at home being like, hey, you come

0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.560
<v Speaker 2>back and let me. I think you have more options

0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:24.839
<v Speaker 2>in like stay open or close as well, and those

0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:26.320
<v Speaker 2>options will only be revealed to you if you have

0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:28.760
<v Speaker 2>a conversation about it. I would also love to know

0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:31.080
<v Speaker 2>what his motivations are for being Polly and going Polly

0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.919
<v Speaker 2>and deciding after three years with you, like not to

0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:35.720
<v Speaker 2>say that like he's trying to run away from yourn escape.

0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:38.840
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't saying that. I might think that, but you know,

0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:41.280
<v Speaker 2>like to understand the motivations might give you more security

0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.080
<v Speaker 2>on what he's seeking elsewhere, because sometimes it's just like

0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:47.040
<v Speaker 2>what you can't provide. And if you understood that what

0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:48.640
<v Speaker 2>he was seeking else it was not something that was

0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:51.560
<v Speaker 2>detracting from what you provide, you might feel better about.

0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:54.040
<v Speaker 1>It, or you can change yourself. Yeah, another option.

0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:57.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm too territorial for that, though. I could be Polly

0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:03.000
<v Speaker 2>and date someone monogamous naturally naturally, but you know, good

0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:04.320
<v Speaker 2>on you. Twenty twenty three.

0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:08.080
<v Speaker 1>Is Wild you've been listening to The flexen Froom's daily podcast.

0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:10.920
<v Speaker 2>For more, tune in to Cater on DAB or stream

0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:11.960
<v Speaker 2>it on iHeartRadio.