1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: Now. It's doctor Justin Colson here with my wife, Kylie Modo, 4 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: our six kids. This is the Happy Families Podcast. We're 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: so grateful that you're joining us this early in the 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: year as we do our best to make our families 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: happier this year. Kylie, you're aware that our kids have 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: set a fitness goal. 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 2: Well, they actually set it at the end of last year. 10 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: That's right. They've set the goal so that we can 11 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: fire up the year. Yeah, you get it going really well, 12 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,599 Speaker 1: but are you aware of what the goal is? Two 13 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 1: of our kids have set a goal and it's specific. 14 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 1: They know exactly what they're trying to achieve. 15 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 2: Are trying to run five k's? 16 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,479 Speaker 1: They're trying to run five k's. Yeah. So we've got 17 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: a couple of daughters who have acknowledged that their fitness 18 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: and health are not quite where they need to be. 19 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: And I've sort of dropped the bombshell on myself. I've 20 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: eased right back on my fitness, my cycling, my big 21 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: kilometers and writing. 22 00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 2: It's not a surprise when you sign up to write 23 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 2: four books. 24 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,319 Speaker 1: But that's not why I've stopped the writing. I've really 25 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,480 Speaker 1: stopped the writing because I want to support the girls 26 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,839 Speaker 1: in their fitness habits and their improvements to their health. 27 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: They want to run five k's and they want to 28 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,479 Speaker 1: get it under thirty minutes, so they want to run 29 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: six minutes per k or less, and they want to 30 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,320 Speaker 1: do it by the end of the school holidays. So 31 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: for the last couple of weeks, between three and four 32 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: times every single week we've been getting up, we've been 33 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: going for a run, and they're doing it. 34 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 2: I've been really proud of them because it's hard for them. 35 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,759 Speaker 1: And in fact, at the dinner table the other night, 36 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: one of the girls said to me, Dad, oh, we 37 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 1: were doing grateful things. What are you grateful for? And 38 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 1: she said, Dad, I know that I winged and wined 39 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: and cried and complained and said I can't, but I'm 40 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: really grateful that you pushed me, because today I ran 41 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,119 Speaker 1: faster and further than I had before. It was really cool. 42 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: They're doing hard things. So today in our Happy Families podcast, 43 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 1: we just want to take maybe three or four minutes. 44 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: We want to do this fairly briefly and talk about 45 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: family goal setting what can you do as a family 46 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: to set better goals? Handful of things that we want 47 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: to talk about, Kytie, I might get started depending on 48 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 1: the age of your children. My sense and certainly looking 49 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: at what research tells us is that any goal for 50 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: a group, any goal for an organization, any goal for 51 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: a team, and we can bring that into the family, 52 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 1: although I've not seen research specifically on family contexts. 53 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,080 Speaker 2: Do you know you have gray whiskers? 54 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 1: Stop it, we're doing a podcast. I can't believe you're 55 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: saying that I'll shave tomorrow. We can't let anybody know 56 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: family goals are going to be best and stop looking 57 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 1: at me like that. This is I'm not trying to 58 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,639 Speaker 1: I'm having a serious conversation here. Well, you don't usually 59 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: have whiskers, and I'm on holidays, i haven't. 60 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 2: Shaved whiskers, and I've just noticed. 61 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm setting a goal to shave every day for the 62 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,919 Speaker 1: rest of the all a lot. I can't believe you're 63 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 1: doing this whiskers. Well, my hair is not great. My 64 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 1: hair is not great, So let's just focus on the 65 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: hair and stop looking at the whiskers, which I'll be shaving. 66 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: I'm now trying to do a podcast with my hand 67 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: over my mouth. We've got to get buy in. 68 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,239 Speaker 2: In fact, by the way, I didn't say there was 69 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 2: anything wrong with their bottom up. 70 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: You're trying to recover. No, no, no, I just noticed. 71 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: Can we just reminy Gray? Can we just record the podcast. 72 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: I know it's summer, but we still got to get 73 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: a message across here. Family goals are going to be 74 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: best if they're developed from the bottom up, not the 75 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: top down. That is, when the kids have a really 76 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: big voice in what the family goals are, it has. 77 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,959 Speaker 2: To be buying. And the only way there's buy in 78 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 2: if they actually create it. 79 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: Right, unless we come up with an absolute cracker of 80 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: a goal that they are totally hooked on, like let's 81 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: save up and go to Disneyland or something like that. 82 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: Let's eat in a teller for Bra, that's not a goal, 83 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: that's a habit we've got to get out of. So 84 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: Number one, family goals start best bottom up. And I 85 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: think the best way to get a bottom up conversation 86 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: going about goals is to sit down with the kids 87 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: and have one of those family meetings. We've talked about 88 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: it so many times on the podcast. We ask three 89 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,160 Speaker 1: questions what's going great, what's not going so well? What 90 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: should we focus on? And just by asking those three questions, 91 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: you basically saying to the kids, all right, we're doing 92 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: a whole lot of stuff really well, handful of things 93 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: that we can improve on. If we were to improve 94 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: on one or two of those things, what would they be. 95 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 1: And that's essentially where we've come to with our kids' 96 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 1: fitness goals. They've decided that health and fitness needs to 97 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: be a higher priority. I asked them what they wanted 98 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: in terms of their goals. They want to be able 99 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: to run five k's in less than thirty minutes, and 100 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 1: so now we're creating a system around that to get 101 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: to that goal. And that's pretty much it. Kylie, what 102 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,919 Speaker 1: else would you add to a conversation about how to 103 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: set family goals other than saying, hey, kids, what do 104 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 1: you think? And then how do we set up a 105 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: system around that? 106 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,279 Speaker 2: I think one of the most important things when it 107 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 2: comes to goal setting is there needs to be accountability. 108 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 2: There needs to be check in points, or else we're 109 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,479 Speaker 2: just having a conversation about something that we'd like to 110 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 2: see happen, but there isn't any intention set on how 111 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 2: we can record progress, how we can actually acknowledge progress. 112 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 2: And without the recognition of progress, it's really hard for 113 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 2: motivation to stay high and for our desires to continue 114 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:05,159 Speaker 2: to improve. 115 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,599 Speaker 1: Yeah, and one of the challenges that you have is 116 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 1: when the kids set a goal, or when you create 117 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: a family goal, the parents actually become the police. They 118 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: end up rousing on the kids if they're not doing 119 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: what they said they were going to do, because this 120 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,039 Speaker 1: was the goal and we were committed and now you're 121 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: not doing it, and we feel like we have to 122 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: push the kids and make it happen. The sense of 123 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:27,039 Speaker 1: autonomy and the encouragement of I guess creating the structure 124 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: which gives the kids the scaffolding, the support that they 125 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: need to be the instigators, the ones that are making 126 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 1: it happen themselves, really really essential. 127 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 2: And when it comes to some big goals. For our girls, 128 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 2: running is has not actually been in their vocabulary. 129 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 1: They don't run, they just but they do now. 130 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 2: But if we had have just said, Okay, that's a 131 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 2: great goal, you need to get up and go and 132 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 2: do it on your own, chances are it wouldn't have happened. 133 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: I've had to give up my goal of being a 134 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: professional athlete, I've had to give up my cycling to 135 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: be involved. And this is I think the critical thing. 136 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: Your kids have got aspirations, and as a family, you've 137 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: got aspirations. Maybe it's saving up for a holiday or 138 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: going and doing a big hike. But the best way 139 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: to keep things moving, the best way for motivation to 140 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,599 Speaker 1: be high, is for number one, kids to feel like 141 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 1: they can reach it, like they've got the capability, the competence, 142 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 1: the capacity to do it even if they need a 143 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 1: leg up, even if they need support. And number two 144 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: for them to be freely choosing it. But there's a 145 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: third thing that's even more important. This is the one 146 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: that you cannot do it without, and that is involvement. 147 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 1: I think the only reason that our girls are now 148 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,159 Speaker 1: running around about three k's three and a half k's 149 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: without stopping and at a reasonable pace is because for 150 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,039 Speaker 1: the last four weeks, whatever it's been, I've been getting 151 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: up with them and going for the run with them 152 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: and dragging them out of bed, and because they've told 153 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: me to do it, but I'm doing that. There's that 154 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: level of involvement. It's the involvement that seems to create 155 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: the level of support that's necessary for them to get there, 156 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: and then what happens is they start to make progress. 157 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: They start to see that it's happening, and those little 158 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: pieces of progress give them more inspiration to get up 159 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,679 Speaker 1: again tomorrow and run again. 160 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 2: Well, each day you've done it, you've been able to 161 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 2: sit down with them and they've been able to look 162 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 2: at the stats on their Strava Strava and stuff and 163 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 2: recognize and see that there's ebbs and flows. Some days 164 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 2: they actually are doing really well, and then there are 165 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 2: other days where they're just really flat, thethargic, lacking and energy, 166 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 2: and it's hard work, but they can see when they 167 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 2: improve and that gives them such a boost to want 168 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 2: to keep trying. 169 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: If you've got younger kids, setting goals is probably as 170 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: a family not a huge deal other than to say, hey, kids, 171 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 1: here's what we'd like to do. What do you think 172 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: And it might be having a goal to go on 173 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: a holiday, or it could be to do something every 174 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: Monday or every Saturday or whatever it is. You just 175 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: get the kids to say yes, and then you make 176 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: it happen and they'll go along with you because they're little. 177 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: As they get older, though, once they're sort of north 178 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: of about eight nine ten years of age. That's when 179 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: these principles become really important. Obviously a lot more that 180 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: we could talk about, but this is meant to be 181 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: a kickstarter. Hopefully your goals are going well for the 182 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: new year. Hopefully your family is feeling inspired to achieve 183 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: something great this year. We might have a podcast down 184 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: the track and talk to you about what our family 185 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: goals are in a few days time, but for now, 186 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 1: we hope that this has been a little bit of 187 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:33,439 Speaker 1: inspo for your parenting better for twenty twenty three. The 188 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from Bridge Media. 189 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Tomorrow, we're going to 190 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: have a conversation about the power of habit on The 191 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: Happy Family's Podcast