1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: Way back in the day, John Gray released a book 2 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Now, 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: I can't remember the exact stats, but I'm pretty sure 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 1: he said something along these lines. Men say about two 5 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: thousand words a day. Women say about ten thousand words 6 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: a day. We are absolutely different species when it comes 7 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 1: to how much we communicate. Is it true? Is it 8 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: not true? Is there real research? Because what he said 9 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: was pretty flawed. Today we answer that question in a 10 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 1: slightly fun and unusual doctor's desk episode. Gooday, and thanks 11 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 1: so much for being here on the Happy Families podcast 12 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions. Every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, 13 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 1: we are Justin and Kylie Coulson. If you had to 14 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: guess who talks more each day out. 15 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 2: Of you and I, Kylie, I was just thinking that 16 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 2: I think you came from Venus. 17 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: As well, which is kind of funny. 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 2: Competition in our hours. 19 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,039 Speaker 1: I think because just the other day we were talking 20 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: about my masculine energy and now you're saying maybe not. 21 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,759 Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on here, Okay, So there's 22 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: this common assumption that women are more talkative than men. 23 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: I want to talk today about some research that's just 24 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: been published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 25 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: This is a high fluten really well regarded journal has 26 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,840 Speaker 1: been for a long time. But to talk about this, 27 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: I have to go back to two thousand and seven. 28 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: So if we go back to two thousand and seven, 29 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 1: some researchers found that men and women say about the 30 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: same number of words every single day. They came in 31 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: at sixteen thousand words, which I reckon is a lot 32 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: of talking. You worked that out across. Let's say you're 33 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 1: awake for sixteen hours a day eight hours of sleep. 34 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: That's a thousand words an hour. That thousand words an hour. 35 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: If I do some quick maths, a thousand divide by 36 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 1: sixty minutes means that we're speaking on average around about 37 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: seventeen words a minute, all day, every day. Seventeen words 38 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: a minute isn't heaps, but that's every single minute you're 39 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: saying something, and there are long periods of our days 40 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: where we don't say anything at all. Right, So anyway, 41 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: the two thousand and seven study basically said men and 42 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 1: women same amount of words sixteen thousand a day or 43 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: seventeen per minute. But these findings have been called into question. 44 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: There are all sorts of methodological limitations. It was UNI 45 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 1: students and as a small sample, and they were not 46 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 1: representative of the general population. Shaky study changed the conversation, 47 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: but shaky study. So here's where we are. A guy 48 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: called Colin Tidwell. He's at the University of Arizona. He 49 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: and his colleagues have replicated this study, but on five 50 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 1: times as many participants. We've got twenty two hundred participants 51 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: in this study, varying ages from childhood right up to 52 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: the age of sixty five. And they found that, oh 53 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,920 Speaker 1: and from forty diferent countries as well, and they found 54 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: that there are actually some gender differences, but only for 55 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: certain age groups. 56 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 2: So I want to preface this with I'm wondering whether 57 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 2: in John Gray's time, we didn't have the Internet, we 58 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 2: didn't have any other form of connection outside of slow 59 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 2: mail and our. 60 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: Slow mail's snail. 61 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 2: Male. 62 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know what you mean, Okay, yeah, but you 63 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 1: still talk to people at work, you still talk to 64 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: your family, Like, I don't think that the Internet has 65 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: been a game changer in how many words we're saying, 66 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: And certainly I don't have any really, yeah, I don't. 67 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,639 Speaker 2: Have any you really don't think that, No, okay. 68 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: Because our face to face interactions with the people who 69 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: are around us. 70 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, but we're having less and less of those well 71 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: as a result. 72 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: Maybe even so sixteen thousand words, I mean John Gray's 73 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: daughter was two thousand for men and ten thousand for women, 74 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: So it's. 75 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 2: That low for men. 76 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: I used to teach this stuff years ago and argue 77 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: against it really strongly. Anyway, let me let me tell 78 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: you how they did this, because how do you count 79 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: the number of words a person saying in a day? 80 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: They did this protocol that was called the EAR protocol. 81 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: Ear AR stands for electronically activated recording, So essentially, the 82 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: person who's wearing the monitor does not know when the 83 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: recorder is recording and when it's not. It just randomly 84 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: records short bursts of ambient sound intimately throughout the day, 85 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 1: and then the recordings are transcribed. The team essentially uses 86 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,040 Speaker 1: software to count the number of the words that are 87 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 1: uttered in each recording. Then they extrapolate from this figure 88 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: to arrive at a daily estimate for each person. 89 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,119 Speaker 2: Do they count arms? 90 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 1: Ime is not a word? Is not? I mean, it's 91 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,160 Speaker 1: a vocalization, but it's not technically a word big limitation 92 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:38,799 Speaker 1: with this study. I mean, they're looking at adults here, 93 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,919 Speaker 1: but they could not get ethical approval to have it 94 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 1: record while the people were at work, So we don't 95 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: have any sense of how much people are speaking at work. Okay, 96 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 1: so I think that's a really big problem anyway, With 97 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: that caveat acknowledged, after the break, I'll tell you what 98 00:04:52,960 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: they found and what it means for us as parents. 99 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,799 Speaker 1: All Right, your vocalizations are being recorded in short bursts 100 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,720 Speaker 1: throughout the day, then extrapolated so that we can work 101 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: out how many words a day you're speaking. Here's what 102 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: our doctor's desk experiment found in terms of who speaks 103 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: more males or females, Kylie. The results showed that people 104 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 1: in our age group that is, early adulthood and middle adulthood. 105 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: Just in case you thought that I was taking a 106 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: few years off us, that is, if your age between 107 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: twenty four and sixty five, men spoke an average of 108 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: just under twelve thousand words a day eleven thousand, nine 109 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty for the average bloke age twenty four 110 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: to sixty five, twelve thousand words, the average woman thirteen 111 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 1: and a half thousand, words thirteen thousand, three hundred and 112 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: forty nine. So you look like there's something on the 113 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 1: tip of your tongue, and being a female, you do 114 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: need to get some words out, So off you go. 115 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 2: I just look at the evolution of relationships in general, 116 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 2: and I think that screens do play a huge part 117 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 2: of it. But I remember an acronym that was really 118 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 2: building traction when I was younger, the snag the sensitive 119 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 2: new age guy. 120 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 1: In touch with this feeling. 121 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 2: He's in touch with this feelings and he's a great communicator. Yes, 122 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 2: previous to that, men didn't in general have those kinds 123 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 2: of conversations. 124 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 1: The strong, silent type, the stoic man. Is that what 125 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,360 Speaker 1: you're getting out? Yeah, I think that's a stereotype. I mean, 126 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: I think about my dad and he was so relational. 127 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: He was wonderful to talk to. We would sit in 128 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: the car or sit in the truck he drove trucks 129 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,559 Speaker 1: for a living, and we would talk for hour after 130 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: hour after our play games, engaging conversation. His masculinity was relational. 131 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: It was not the stoic, strong silent type. I know 132 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: that we call the silent generation, that is grandparents and 133 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: great grandparents. We call them that, but it's not because 134 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:01,280 Speaker 1: they didn't speak. I think about Kevin Arnold's father in 135 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,720 Speaker 1: the Wonder Years, and he was that dad that you're 136 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: referring to. He'd sit there at the dining table with 137 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 1: a frown on his face and eat his meat and 138 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 1: three vege and not say a word. I mean, I 139 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: don't have any evidence for it, but certainly, anecdotally my 140 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: experience and the experience that I had with all of 141 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: the dads of my mates growing up, they were communicative. 142 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 1: They loved an opportunity to get in and mix it 143 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: up with the young bucks and play around. 144 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 2: But age again, like I look at my grandparents and they. 145 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: Your parents, Your grandparents didn't talk, and they were they 146 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: were the silent generation. I'm talking about boomers. So maybe 147 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: there's something with a silent generation. Even so, today we've 148 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: got thirty and a half thousand words being udded by women, 149 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 1: twelve thousand by men. Here's where it gets interesting. Among 150 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: adolescents ten to seventeen, almost exactly the same girls spoke 151 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: about five hundred words per day more than boys. I mean, 152 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: that's that's nothing, nothing, yeah, absolutely not. And for young adults, well, 153 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,679 Speaker 1: that's an essay that Hage grew a very very short essay, 154 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: but maybe for young adults eighteen to twenty four, So 155 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: we're talking about university students here. The results telling pretty 156 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: well with the findings from the students in the original 157 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: two thousand and seven study. The girls were a bit 158 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: higher eight eight hundred and fifty words more per day. Again, 159 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: not much in it. Here's one thing that I find 160 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: interesting over sixty fives. Over sixty fives, the gender difference 161 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 1: is reversed. The women speak less than the men by 162 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,079 Speaker 1: about one thousand words a day. 163 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 2: And I would believe that. I feel like as I'm 164 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 2: getting older, I have less energy for it. 165 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: Right, But then again, you caught up with a girlfriend 166 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: that you haven't seen for a while about a month ago, 167 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: and I think that you said that you spoke for 168 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: five hours NonStop. Didn't even realize that. So you've got 169 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: it in you. The words are there. 170 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 2: I can't believe you brought that up. 171 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: Happy to have a Maybe we should call you that 172 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: have a chat. That's what they used to call me 173 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 1: when I worked in radio all those years ago. That 174 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 1: was my nickname Hachat. So essentially what we've got here 175 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,559 Speaker 1: is that there is a reasonable conclusion that can be 176 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,679 Speaker 1: drawn that in general, women do speak a bit more 177 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: than men, but probably not that much. There's a couple 178 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,839 Speaker 1: of hypotheses around it. I'm just not buying it. I mean, 179 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: about a month month and a half ago, we had 180 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: a new fence, a new boundary fence put along our 181 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: property with our neighbors next door. And the three blokes, 182 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 1: four blokes that were in charge of looking after that fence, 183 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,600 Speaker 1: My goodness, they spoke more than the stereotypical old women 184 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 1: that used to stand and the fence. And I'm cautious 185 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: using that phrase, but the stereotype exists for a reason. Right. 186 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 1: Those guys natted away all day and they were talking 187 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: completely rubbish. They weren't talking about anything important. They had 188 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: a couple of arguments about Donald Trumpy. But it was 189 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: just fascinating to hear these guys, these men, if they 190 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: had this ear transpond to working on their heads, they 191 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 1: would have just talked. Well, they talked to each other's 192 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: is off? What does it mean in terms of our parenting? 193 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 1: I mean, we're talking about real parenting solutions every day 194 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: on our podcast. I've only got one take home message 195 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: and that is communication to be human is to communicate. 196 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: To be human is to communicate. And it's good for 197 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 1: our children to see us being relational, to see us 198 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: being communicative. It's what we do, it's how we relate. 199 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: It's important and I think that we can. We can 200 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: dump the men from Mars, women are from Venus trope 201 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 1: from the way we talk. Let's just make sure that 202 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: we're talking. 203 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,439 Speaker 2: So, just to put a spanner in the works, there 204 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,719 Speaker 2: are plenty of parents who are dealing with the teenage 205 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 2: boy specifically who grunts. 206 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: Well, we've got a we've got a teenage girl who 207 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: does that affair, but as well, I honestly, can can 208 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: you just acknowledge that I said something to you? Please? 209 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 2: So for the parent who's dealing with the teenage grunter 210 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 2: in their living room lound room. 211 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: We have like table right now, male or female? 212 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 2: How do we encourage positive communication with a child like that? 213 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 1: So there are two things here related to the study. 214 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: One of them is that your child is speaking. It's 215 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: just that they're not really speaking at home, not really 216 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 1: speaking to you. Which brings me to the practical element 217 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: that is, we've got to teach our children consideration, empathy, kindness. 218 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: That means that we might sit down with our child 219 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: and say, we consistently are trying to talk with you, 220 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 1: and we're getting grants, so we're getting non responses. That 221 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: is not considerate. That's not how we do things in 222 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 1: our family. We'd like to work with you on finding 223 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: a way that if you don't have anything to say, 224 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 1: that you can communicate that really simply, or if you 225 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 1: if you are going to ignore us, let us know 226 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: that you just want to have a bit of space 227 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: just now. So we want to improve the quality of 228 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: the communication through being considerate of the people who are 229 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: around us. That's pretty much the conversation that I'd be 230 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,560 Speaker 1: having with a teenager if they're not communicating with you. 231 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 1: The second thing I'd be doing, practically is I'd be 232 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: finding ways to invite them back into my world or 233 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: trying to fight a way to inject myself into theirs. 234 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,560 Speaker 1: And so it might mean that we go for a 235 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: bike ride, or we go down to the park and 236 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: we buy some gelato and sit there and have some 237 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 1: ice cream. We don't even have to chat, there's no agenda. 238 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: We're just spending time together. Or we invite them to 239 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: play a board game at the table with the rest 240 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 1: of the family. It's about having zero agenda conversations with 241 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 1: the kids that help them feel inclined to share their 242 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: lives when it feels good for them. Anyway, I've used 243 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: up all of my words. I have nothing left to say. 244 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 2: I believe you. 245 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rouland from 246 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: Bridge Media. We will link to the study in the 247 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: show notes. Hope you enjoyed that one. If you'd like 248 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 1: more information and more resources about helping your kids to communicate, 249 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: please let us know by visiting us at happyfamilies dot 250 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,199 Speaker 1: com dot a u