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Speaker 1: Also apologies in advance. We had a slight technical issue

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Speaker 1: with the microphone, so there's about five minutes in the

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Speaker 1: middle where it might be coming through the camera audio

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Speaker 1: rather than the microphone audio. Australian water polo player Holly

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Speaker 1: Young formerly Holly Lincoln Smith, grew up on the Northern

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Speaker 1: Beaches and became one of our country's greatest water polo players.

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Speaker 1: She represented Australia in two Olympic Games, in London in

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Speaker 1: twenty twelve, winning a bronze medal, and again in Rio

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Speaker 1: in twenty sixteen.

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Speaker 2: She had a number of years.

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Speaker 1: Off and away from the game and there were some

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Speaker 1: huge moments that changed the.

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Speaker 2: Course of her life.

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Speaker 1: It was in two thousand and nine that her older

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Speaker 1: sister died, and just a couple of years ago that

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Speaker 1: Holly was diagnosed with breast cancer. She talks about the

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Speaker 1: process of dealing with those challenges and what it's been

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Speaker 1: like to recently return to the pool in the Australian Squad.

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Speaker 1: This chat I had. I had a lot of tears

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Speaker 1: in this chats, as did Holly. Some of the most

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Speaker 1: tears I've quite on a podcast, I think since the

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Speaker 1: Anime is episode.

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Speaker 2: A couple of years ago.

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Speaker 1: Holly shows incredible vulnerability, strength, perseverance. This is a really

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Speaker 1: powerful episode and I hope you enjoy it. Holly, Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the Female Athlete Project.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, it's good to be here. I'm nervous. First

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Speaker 2: ever podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm really quite honored about that. Yeah, crazy, it's really

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Speaker 1: it's a very cool option to have you on. Lots

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Speaker 1: of interviews, but never yep, never a podcast. Yeah. I'm

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Speaker 1: usually doing awkward things with my hands in interviews and stuff,

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Speaker 1: so this is nice.

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Speaker 2: I'm sitting her hands a lot.

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Speaker 1: She's like strapped her hands under the stay still don't

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Speaker 1: Maybe you're Northern Beaches local, which is quite nice, not

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Speaker 1: far away from here. Can you tell us about Holly

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Speaker 1: as a young kid? Like growing up on the beaches.

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Speaker 1: So I was the youngest of three girls, which I

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Speaker 1: think kind of sums up a lot.

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Speaker 2: I had to be pretty tough.

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Speaker 1: My two elder sisters bullied me so badly, but also

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Speaker 1: protected me if I was ever being bullied. But they

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Speaker 1: just made me, you know, kind of try to chase.

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Speaker 2: Them all the time. Made me do very dangerous.

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Speaker 1: And naughty things a lot of the time growing up,

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Speaker 1: But it made me very tough yeah, I did nippers.

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Speaker 1: I was a really good swimmer. I could swim without

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Speaker 1: a bubble when I was eighteen months old.

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Speaker 2: I just loved the ocean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just was obsessed with being in the water,

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Speaker 1: being in the ocean. I think our whole family is

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Speaker 1: like that. My dad's a marine bologists, my mum is

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Speaker 1: an incredible swimmer, She's like a mermaid. So we just

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Speaker 1: spent our whole lives in the water. I loved swimming,

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Speaker 1: but I also found it boring swimming up and down

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Speaker 1: that black line twice a day every day. So at thirteen,

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Speaker 1: when I got the opportunity to play my first game

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Speaker 1: of water polo, I did and I fell in love.

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Speaker 2: I fell in love with the sport.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's really cool. I've heard there was a teacher

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Speaker 1: at your school. Did she play water polo for Australia?

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Speaker 1: Was that part of us play.

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Speaker 2: Water play for Australia? So, Debbie Watson, she won a

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Speaker 2: gold medal in two thousands. Yeah, righty Sydney two thousand

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Speaker 2: and ten. Yeah, they are the iconic.

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Speaker 1: Right, actually iconic and kind of what we all, I

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Speaker 1: guess my hands are out all wanted to aspire to

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Speaker 1: and some people that really paved the way for us

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Speaker 1: if it wasn't for them a fighting for us to

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Speaker 1: get into an Olympics. Because I'm not sure if you

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Speaker 1: know this, but before two thousand, women's water polow weren't

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Speaker 1: in the Olympics. Even though water polo men's water polo

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Speaker 1: was one of the first sports. So it happen in

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Speaker 1: the Olympia and I had this really deep rooted history

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Speaker 1: water polo, but women weren't weren't allowed to go.

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Speaker 2: And it took a lot.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's lots of stories about it in terms

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Speaker 1: of people turning up in cozies, people beating down doors

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Speaker 1: at meetings. But it really kind of came to a

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Speaker 1: head when Liz Week's the Olympic goalkeeper, bashed down a

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Speaker 1: door in Sydney and said, we need women's.

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Speaker 2: Water polow and the Olympics.

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Speaker 1: All the water plow girls up at the airport in

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Speaker 1: Sydney in their cozies and caps with signs and those

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Speaker 1: women are the reason why I got to go to

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Speaker 1: two Olympics. Wow, you know, and then you kind of

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Speaker 1: have to think about the history of what that means.

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Speaker 2: There was a lot of people before us.

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Speaker 1: There were women that were then too old to go

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Speaker 1: to an Olympics, and that had played world championships and

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Speaker 1: won gold medals and created this legacy that we then

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Speaker 1: I guess played for the women that could never, never

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Speaker 1: do it and get to play at that level, and

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Speaker 1: I was really lucky. Debbie Watson was one of my

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Speaker 1: teachers and she came out of retirement to actually play

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Speaker 1: in two thousand and She was one of the older

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Speaker 1: athletes in the team, but she came back and made

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Speaker 1: this massive difference, especially in the I think it was

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Speaker 1: a semi final against Russia or quarterfinal against Russia, and

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Speaker 1: she was put in and absolutely killed it. So having

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Speaker 1: her in my corner and kind of as a support

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Speaker 1: and a mentor from when I was really young. Even

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Speaker 1: now she's still a mentor. I still see her talk

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Speaker 1: to her, which.

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Speaker 2: Is really really lucky.

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Speaker 1: My parents meant playing water polo, and I watched my sisters,

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Speaker 1: both my sisters play water polo as well. So when

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Speaker 1: it was finally my chance to do it, when I

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Speaker 1: was in the eight at school and I got to

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Speaker 1: do it, it was the best. I went home and

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Speaker 1: wrote a contract to myself saying I'd make an Olympics,

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Speaker 1: signed down the bottom. You wrote a contract, Yeah, I do.

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Speaker 1: I have a little book and you've still got it.

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Speaker 1: I've still got it. And the front page is things

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Speaker 1: I'm going to achieve in water Polo, and it basically

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Speaker 1: just is like a little paragraph saying I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do whatever at takes I can and I will be

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Speaker 1: an Olympians, Signed Polly Lincoln Smith. That's epic. Yeah, first game.

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Speaker 1: I just I can't explain it. It's just such a

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Speaker 1: special sport for me and it really helped me growing

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Speaker 1: up and going through some tumultuous times in my teenage years.

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Speaker 1: I guess into my adult life and I'm really grateful

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Speaker 1: for the sport to help me in that regard. Yeah. Wow, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: can you break down the sport for people who might

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Speaker 1: not know how it works. It's often cool rugby in

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Speaker 1: the water. Bes likes to call it rugby in the water. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's pretty rough, it's pretty physical, but the thing is

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Speaker 1: we have the water kind of slowing down all the

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Speaker 1: kicks and punches that rugby players have to get.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So seven in a team, one goalkeeper, So there's six

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Speaker 1: build players in the water. There's six different positions depending

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Speaker 1: you basically set up in a semicircle around the goal

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Speaker 1: with one person in the middle.

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Speaker 2: Some of that. There's so many rules.

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Speaker 1: But you can only touch the ball with one hand

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Speaker 1: unless you're a goalkeeper.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I actually didn't know that rule only Yeah, but

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Speaker 2: I can't. Yeah, roll. So if you touch the ball

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Speaker 2: with two hands, it's turnover. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Right. Each player gets three fouls, and if you get

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Speaker 1: three fouls, you're out for the rest of the game.

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Speaker 2: What's the one when you're in your little time.

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Speaker 1: Out in your corner. That's exclusion, So you see for

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Speaker 1: twenty seconds. If you get three of those, you're out

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Speaker 1: for the.

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Speaker 2: Game and you're not allowed to get back in. So

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Speaker 2: you untie your cap strings, you sit on the bench

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Speaker 2: for the rest of the game, and you're out. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Which is.

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Speaker 1: Awful because sometimes it can happen, like in the Olympics

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Speaker 1: quarter final at twenty twelve quarter final, some of our

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Speaker 1: best players were all out on three in the like

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Speaker 1: third quarter, so we went into extra time.

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Speaker 2: Then we went into a penalty shootout, and.

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Speaker 1: Our coach who looked around to see who the five

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Speaker 1: people were who were going to do the penalty shootout,

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Speaker 1: most of the players were on the bench out on

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Speaker 1: threes and they can't take it. So he was like

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Speaker 1: scraping the bottom of the barrel to find people to

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Speaker 1: shoot these. You know, to get into a semi final,

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Speaker 1: you're either going to come first to fourth or you're

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Speaker 1: going to come fifth to seven.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, if you get three of those out for

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Speaker 1: the game and you can't come back even for penalties

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Speaker 1: or anything. So well, let's while we're there, let's talk

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Speaker 1: about that that moment in London. Then, So who then

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Speaker 1: steps up?

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Speaker 2: Who took it? I took one.

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Speaker 1: I took one and it was the scariest it was.

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Speaker 1: So when I look back, like in it, I was like,

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Speaker 1: you have to be fine, right, Yes, it just is

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Speaker 1: what it is. Yeah, but in London, especially the stands,

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Speaker 1: like if you were on the bench, you were probably

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Speaker 1: a couple of meters away from where well spectators started. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it just went up. And when you do a

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Speaker 1: penalty shootout, it's just you and the goalkeeper and.

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Speaker 2: No one else is allowed in the pool. Yeah, everyone.

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Speaker 1: So there's the people on the bench who aren't shooting,

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Speaker 1: and then the other shooters are sitting on the side

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Speaker 1: and you've got the goalkeeper on each end. So you

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Speaker 1: swim in from the side. Yeah, and you go in,

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Speaker 1: you sit on five meters.

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Speaker 2: Worry about this so high.

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Speaker 1: And you literally it's just you the goalkeeper and everyone

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Speaker 1: else just staring at you. No sound like dead quiet,

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Speaker 1: and you just have to wait for that we sort

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Speaker 1: of blow and you have.

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Speaker 2: To do it in one movement.

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Speaker 1: When I think that I actually did that, I wasn't

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Speaker 1: an outside shooter, Like I wasn't an outside shooter, but

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Speaker 1: I got put in that situation where I had to score,

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Speaker 1: and like I was lucky, I scored. We ended up

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Speaker 1: winning that quarterfinal to make it into the semifinal, which

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Speaker 1: unfortunately we lost in overtime again USA, And then we

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Speaker 1: went to the bronze medal match and again went into overtime.

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Speaker 1: So we played our quarter semi and our bronze metal

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Speaker 1: match all in overtime, which was crazy.

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Speaker 2: That's a lot of adrenaline.

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Speaker 1: Well, especially in our bronze medal match. We were all

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Speaker 1: cheering because we were holding the ball for the last

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Speaker 1: few seconds. Everyone was cheering, hugging on the bench and

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Speaker 1: we just hear our coaching. No no, no. One of

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Speaker 1: the Hungarian girls had swum underwater up at our goalkeeper.

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Speaker 1: Another one had stormed in beside her, stole the ball

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Speaker 1: and in the last second it ribbled into the goal,

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Speaker 1: and so we had to come back together, like compose

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Speaker 1: ourselves and go and play extra time. So you so

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Speaker 1: you're celebrating thinking you'd won an Olympic bronze medal. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: while that was happening, and then you had to go

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Speaker 1: into overtime.

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Speaker 2: Yep, no, nah, there's video.

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Speaker 1: It's actually so funny because you look at videos and

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Speaker 1: everyone's on the bench hugging, cheering, and my coach you

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Speaker 1: just seem like he's standing and he's like he could

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Speaker 1: not believe that it was happening because it wasn't like

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Speaker 1: it was a good goal.

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Speaker 2: It literally dribbled over.

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Speaker 1: The line, and we just we all came together and

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Speaker 1: we were like Maca, our goalkeeper who's one of the

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Speaker 1: best goalkeepers. She's just incredible. Loved having her behind me

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Speaker 1: in goals. We couldn't let that be her legacy. We're like,

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Speaker 1: we're winning this view, you know, like that's we would

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Speaker 1: never let us lose after and put that on her.

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Speaker 1: And so yeah, we came out in one of our girls,

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Speaker 1: Jemma Beadsworth, she scored two goals in extra time, and

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Speaker 1: we won pretty convincingly, but when that's your third game,

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Speaker 1: it's pretty pretty brutal.

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Speaker 2: We were all really tired and everyone's like, were you

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Speaker 2: so happy when you want a bronze? And I was like,

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Speaker 2: the first feeling was relief.

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Speaker 1: I remember just like jumping in the water and just

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Speaker 1: like laying on my back and being like, thank goodness,

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Speaker 1: we pulled that off.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't that interesting? That feeling of relief.

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Speaker 1: It's the exact thing that I felt in Rio in

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Speaker 1: twenty sixteen when we went our medal. What was the

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Speaker 1: score twenty four to seventeen against New Zealand, and so

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Speaker 1: we had a pretty convincing lead. I think we were

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Speaker 1: up twenty four to ten and they scored after the siren,

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Speaker 1: so we shouldn't have.

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Speaker 2: Let them spare after siren.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it didn't impact the result at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, and so twenty four to seventeen probably sounds

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Speaker 1: a little bit closer than what it was, and it

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Speaker 1: was just I think it was to me an overall

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Speaker 1: feeling of relief obviously that we'd done it, but it

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Speaker 1: was like my moment was seven years old. Watch Kathy Freeman, right,

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Speaker 1: and like I wrote it, down in the scrapbook.

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Speaker 2: I didn't write a contract. I didn't have a signed

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Speaker 2: contract on need to be better. I'll make sure my

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Speaker 2: future children are better at that. Get them throughout their contract.

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Speaker 2: Sign it, sign it.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, it was that feeling of like, this is

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Speaker 1: what I wanted my whole life and we've done it,

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Speaker 1: and it felt more like relief than joy. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: there was obviously joy that came with it. But it's interesting,

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Speaker 1: right that is it the level of pressure that we

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Speaker 1: put on ourselves to achieve things like that.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's weird because I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think it's weird right because people we want to

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Speaker 1: we want a bronze in in London and that felt

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Speaker 1: like a gold medal because we finished on a win,

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Speaker 1: whereas the next year, in twenty thirteen, we went to

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Speaker 1: a World Championships and we got a silver and no

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Speaker 1: one could understand why.

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Speaker 2: I was actually really upset that we want silver.

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Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, but it's a silver World Championships and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but I finished on a loss. And

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Speaker 1: when you're an athlete, when you get to that level,

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Speaker 1: you have to firstly, I believe that you have to

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Speaker 1: hate losing more than you even like winning, you have

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Speaker 1: to hate losing so much that you just refuse to

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Speaker 1: feel that way. And also, yeah, do whatever it takes

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Speaker 1: to win. But for me, like I hated losing so

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Speaker 1: much that when I got in the water in those situations,

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Speaker 1: like all I haird about was making sure we didn't lose, Like,

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Speaker 1: I just want to win every game I played, and

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Speaker 1: so to get then a silver at World Championships that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it does look better, it's a better color.

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Speaker 2: But I hated. I hated that I had to lose

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Speaker 2: used to win it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, it just didn't feel right to

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Speaker 1: me to finish on that, to finish on that, no way.

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Speaker 1: I would much rather win a bronze medal than lose

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Speaker 1: a gold medal in that game, isn't it? Yes, and athletes,

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Speaker 1: it's just crazy, weird unit. Yeah. Fast forward to Rio

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Speaker 1: and twenty sixteen, we were there together quarterfinal against Hungary.

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Speaker 1: I cannot even it took me a long time to

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Speaker 1: process Rio obviously so much, so much disappointment. I think

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Speaker 1: our biggest problem is all we ever spoke about was

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Speaker 1: a gold medal, and we didn't think about everything that

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Speaker 1: it took to kind of get it.

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Speaker 2: We trained hard.

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Speaker 1: We had like an incredible team, but we needed to

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Speaker 1: be thinking about game for game for game, and I

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Speaker 1: believe in our round games. We beat Russia, then we

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Speaker 1: lost to Italy, and there's eight teams. There's ten now,

301
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Speaker 1: which is good if they've added an extra female team.

302
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Speaker 1: There's twelve men, there's ten women, so still uneven but

303
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Speaker 1: getting there. Yeah, So basically our round games you have

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Speaker 1: to win all of them because the crossover. We know

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Speaker 1: the Olympics, there's lots of good teams, but there's usually

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Speaker 1: kind of one not a strong team on.

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00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,440
Speaker 2: Either side of the four.

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Speaker 1: So to top the poor means you're then playing a

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Speaker 1: weaker team in the quarterfinal. So we ended up because

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Speaker 1: we lost that game against Italy, we ended up second

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Speaker 1: on the table, which meant we played hungry in our quarterfinal,

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Speaker 1: and if we'd out won that Italy game, we would

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Speaker 1: have played China, who were a lot weaker team, like

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Speaker 1: we'd never lost to them. You know, it's still always

315
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,400
Speaker 1: a hard game, but you're not playing one of the

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Speaker 1: best teams in the world to make a semi final.

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Speaker 1: Our last round game against Brazil, one of our best players,

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Speaker 1: our center back, big strong player, she got punched in

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Speaker 1: the eye in the last few seconds of the game,

320
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Speaker 1: even though we were winning by about ten goals, and

321
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Speaker 1: she was ruled.

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Speaker 2: Out to play our quarter final.

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Speaker 1: So whoa, Yeah, it was Rio when you talk about

324
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Speaker 1: it was one of those situations where everything that kind

325
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Speaker 1: of could go wrong was going wrong. Like five days

326
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Speaker 1: before we left, we're playing. We were in Wanting and

327
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Speaker 1: Go playing and I completely tore the tendon off the

328
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:21,000
Speaker 1: bone in my thumb right hand, kind of important, and

329
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,560
Speaker 1: I had to play the whole and picks with the

330
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 1: local aesthetic injected into my thumb just so I couldn't

331
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Speaker 1: feel the pain. And because I was like I needed

332
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Speaker 1: all my hands, I couldn't strap it. But you can't

333
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,400
Speaker 1: strap it to make it better. I couldn't strap it,

334
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,400
Speaker 1: so I just thought, which was the impact getting picked.

335
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:36,640
Speaker 2: Up the ball?

336
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,040
Speaker 1: So every time like I couldn't feel it, but obviously

337
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,040
Speaker 1: it was getting worse and worse, and I got home

338
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,440
Speaker 1: basically and had to have surgery to just like reattach

339
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 1: patch it all back to my bone looked.

340
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Speaker 2: Thumb time.

341
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Speaker 1: Seriously, So like that happened. We had a case of

342
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 1: gastro so we weren't allowed to go into the village.

343
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Speaker 1: Our flight to Rio got canceled in Italy, so we

344
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Speaker 1: didn't and we missed out.

345
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,440
Speaker 2: Our flight got canceled. After waiting at the airport for

346
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Speaker 2: five hours.

347
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,320
Speaker 1: We then had three hours of sleep and had to

348
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,840
Speaker 1: get back to the airport. Everything just kind of our

349
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,680
Speaker 1: first training session. We meant to get to the pool

350
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,640
Speaker 1: with all this time to like visualize and have all

351
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,920
Speaker 1: this mindfulness at the pool.

352
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 2: We ended up running late because our bus got lost.

353
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Speaker 1: It took us three hours to get to the pool,

354
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,080
Speaker 1: and we ended up because there's training blocks, so you

355
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,880
Speaker 1: only get an hour an hour and a half to

356
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,200
Speaker 1: train because then the next team comes in to train.

357
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,760
Speaker 2: So like all these little things kept happening.

358
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Speaker 1: And then Hannah's like our teammates, I got fractioned and

359
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 1: the doctor said, if you get.

360
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 2: Him in the eyelight, you could be blind.

361
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:43,720
Speaker 1: And sport's important, but so being able to see. And

362
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,040
Speaker 1: she's now studying. She's almost a doctor, so like that

363
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 1: would have probably been her whole life and career, being

364
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,440
Speaker 1: a surgeon or a doctor. She lose a site one night,

365
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,560
Speaker 1: so she didn't play, so it basically meant that we

366
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,040
Speaker 1: were playing our whole our quarter final against one of

367
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 1: the best teams in the world with one really important

368
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,879
Speaker 1: player down, but she played a position that is unique.

369
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 1: There's only two in a team, and it meant someone

370
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 1: had to feel that spot. So that became my job

371
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 1: to feel that spot but also do my job, and

372
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:18,639
Speaker 1: all my injuries which I can go through, I'll go through.

373
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,160
Speaker 1: Leading up to it meant I went to the Olympics

374
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,080
Speaker 1: not as fit as I needed today, but I was

375
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,280
Speaker 1: going to be an impact player who played small minutes.

376
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 1: Two other girls who played that position went out on

377
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 1: free got free exclusions in the third quarter, so I

378
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,879
Speaker 1: then had to play basically a full game of water polo.

379
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 1: And I used to, like, I hate even admitting this,

380
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 1: like my husbands to kill me because I'd be like

381
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,120
Speaker 1: that hungry game, that hungry game, but like I would

382
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,879
Speaker 1: wake up in the middle of the night for years

383
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,440
Speaker 1: thinking about it. It was really like, it was so

384
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,520
Speaker 1: horrible to lose on that note. And we went out

385
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,679
Speaker 1: and we were winning, like we were killing it. We

386
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,440
Speaker 1: were so far ahead of them, and slowly, slowly, slowly,

387
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,239
Speaker 1: they just started getting us. And yeah, we ended up

388
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 1: losing in a penalty shoot out and having to play

389
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 1: for fifty eight, which is awful in itself and us

390
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: and I think there's one other sport I can't remember.

391
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,000
Speaker 1: I think only sports that actually have to play for that.

392
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,720
Speaker 1: Every other sport doesn't have to down enough.

393
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:14,200
Speaker 2: You're done.

394
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:18,359
Speaker 1: If you lose, you done having to train, having to

395
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,439
Speaker 1: train and play. It was so like that was really

396
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:23,400
Speaker 1: really challenging.

397
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 2: How do you reckon with something like that? Like you

398
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,240
Speaker 2: talk about the say that there was years afterwards, like

399
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,639
Speaker 2: when's the point that you've like have you come to

400
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,240
Speaker 2: terms with it or something? You never will?

401
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 1: I don't think I ever will, And I think that's

402
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 1: part of it, is like just accepting that that was

403
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 1: actually a part of my journey, Like it wasn't a

404
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 1: nice part, but it's a part of my journey. Yeah,

405
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 1: it still makes me upset thinking about it, which seems

406
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:51,000
Speaker 1: crazy because it's been how long eight years? It's been

407
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 1: eight years, but I still think of that game. And

408
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,399
Speaker 1: I think a big thing for me is I'd.

409
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:56,879
Speaker 2: Never watched the games.

410
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,240
Speaker 1: They were hard to find on YouTube, so I actually

411
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 1: never watched the game from am Rio and plus like

412
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 1: I was upset about them, so I never watched the

413
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:10,439
Speaker 1: full games, and my husband found it online and we

414
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 1: watched it together, and I just like burst into tears

415
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,119
Speaker 1: because in my head, I let a goal that I

416
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 1: never lets let get scored off me. I let a

417
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,000
Speaker 1: goal in and in my head it was like the

418
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,160
Speaker 1: very last attack, that's what made us even that's why

419
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,359
Speaker 1: we had to go into penalty shootout. But it was

420
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 1: actually like really early on in like the first fourth quarter,

421
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 1: and like so much happened after that, But in my head,

422
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,879
Speaker 1: I convinced myself that it was my sole reason why

423
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,959
Speaker 1: we like lost the game, which is crazy what your

424
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 1: head does, right, Yes, I was just so, and you

425
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,679
Speaker 1: would know as an athlete, like it's I never focus

426
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,399
Speaker 1: on the good things I do, I focus on the

427
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 1: bad things. So I guess I then my whole career

428
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 1: was based off that moment, and that was honestly, like

429
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 1: really hard to deal with and stomach. So I think

430
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:04,680
Speaker 1: watching that really helped, and also like training how I've

431
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,760
Speaker 1: just been training in the last few months also really

432
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,199
Speaker 1: helped as well to kind of just like put me

433
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 1: at peace, like I had unfinished business. I lost a

434
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: lot of joy for the sport because of that result,

435
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 1: and it's really sad that I based my whole career

436
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 1: off that moment and that game that we lost, but

437
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:26,120
Speaker 1: it literally erased everything else that I'd ever done, you know,

438
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: And I thought that was sad because I lost sight

439
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 1: of that little girl that wrote that contract, you know,

440
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 1: that loved it the sports so much that it saved

441
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,479
Speaker 1: her and it made her who she was.

442
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 2: But it was all gone.

443
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 1: So I think coming back for me this last few

444
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 1: months kind of helped me find that that passion and

445
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,199
Speaker 1: that joy again and kind of I guess remember the

446
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 1: really amazing times that the sport did bring me because

447
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 1: there were so many. Yeah. Right. It's interesting because while

448
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 1: I was prepping for this podcast, I was actually remembering

449
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 1: I heard you speak on it.

450
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,880
Speaker 2: I think it was on a panel at a rugby fund.

451
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 2: This was years ago.

452
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 1: It was before I remember it. It was before you

453
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,360
Speaker 1: guys even left for twenty sixteen.

454
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 2: It was it pre read. It was about twenty I

455
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 2: reckon I was twenty fourteen.

456
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, So you were speaking on a panel and

457
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: you talked about the fact that you actually hated your

458
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,360
Speaker 1: sport for a period of time there and I remember

459
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 1: sitting there watching you talk and I just felt like

460
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,880
Speaker 1: I could exhale for a moment, because I don't think

461
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: i'd ever heard an athlete talk about their sport like that,

462
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: because you just it's always this feeling of you get

463
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: to represent your country. What a huge honor that must be.

464
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 1: But there's so many parts of sport that are so brutal.

465
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm probably honest to a fault sometimes because

466
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 1: I think that's more there's more beauty in something. If

467
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 1: something's easy all the time and you know you're not

468
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: going through this roller coaster, then the.

469
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 2: Rewards are as good.

470
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 1: Like I say that to my kids now, because Jakie's like,

471
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: I kind't want to go to school, it's not fun,

472
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, but you have to do the

473
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 1: non fun stuff so that the fun stuff is amazing.

474
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: And I'm sure if your journey to win a gold

475
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 1: medal in rio was easy the whole time, it wouldn't

476
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 1: feel as good.

477
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 2: And it's not for the faint hearted.

478
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: And like we were just talking before, a lot of people,

479
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: A lot of people have the skill to go to

480
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: an Olympics. Ye, a lot of people, because once you

481
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 1: get to the Olympics, everyone is skilled, But it takes

482
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 1: so much more than that, and it takes fighting through

483
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 1: those hard times. And you know, I played water polo

484
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: at a high level from when I was fifteen years old.

485
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,159
Speaker 1: So I played with girls and trained with girls that

486
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 1: get to a certain age, you know, I noticed the

487
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: biggest age was kind of eighteen when they just start

488
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 1: union and they finished school and they've got this freedom

489
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 1: and they don't want to say no to parties, to

490
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: going out. They want to be able to do everything.

491
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 1: And you have to realize if you want to be

492
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 1: the best, you have to say no. I missed every eighteenth,

493
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 1: every twenty. First, I've missed people's weddings. I've missed people's

494
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 1: baby showers. Do I regret of it?

495
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 2: No? And then that's the things you're missing out on.

496
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 1: You think about the things like you're constantly saw all

497
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 1: the time, You're constantly have this pressure on you to

498
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: score every shot.

499
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 2: You have people.

500
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: Breathing down your throat, trying to take your position, you know,

501
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,199
Speaker 1: like you have other teams in our sports, especially like

502
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: physically beating us up, literally beating us up broken noses.

503
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: Like it's these mental games and you can't have It's

504
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: not like going to the gym where oh yeah, I'll

505
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 1: have a slack session today. I'm just not going to

506
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,919
Speaker 1: lift as much when you're working to be the best

507
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: every session. You have to try to be better every

508
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: weight session. You don't get to just be like I'm

509
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: just going to do what I did last week. It's

510
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 1: like I need to push an extra kilo. I need

511
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 1: to push an extra half a kilo sometimes. But I

512
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: have to be getting better every single time. And it

513
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 1: comes down to, and I say this I'll go and

514
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 1: speak at schools, is that it's not about motivation, because

515
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 1: if you're waiting for motivation all the time, you will

516
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: never do well if you're waiting to think. If you

517
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 1: think that like you're going to be stoked to wake up.

518
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 1: For me, I had to be a pull deck at

519
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 1: five o'clock. Horrific, horrific, awful. But it wasn't motivation that

520
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 1: got me there. It was like a dedication and a

521
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: goal that I knew I wanted to achieve, and I

522
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: was never done with it. It was never I never settled.

523
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 1: I wanted to get better and better and better. And

524
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,719
Speaker 1: even when I was really good and I was making teams,

525
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 1: I didn't just think about making that team. I thought about,

526
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: all right, if at an Olympics, I'm playing this team

527
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: and this player, I need to be the best.

528
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: I need to be better, and that.

529
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 1: Pressure on yourself, like that you put on yourself that

530
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: other people have on you letting your team down, you know,

531
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: compound it into letting other people down if you're not successful,

532
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: if you don't do well. It's huge and it's not

533
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 1: like the injuries, all of that stuff. It's not fun. Yeah,

534
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,719
Speaker 1: it's worth it one hundred percent, but it's not fun.

535
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: It's not joyful. It's not fun, you know. I remember

536
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 1: like playing a training game and a Hungarian girl just

537
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 1: out of nowhere decided to punch me in the nose

538
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 1: and break my nose. It's not fun like training and

539
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:06,880
Speaker 1: playing with In twenty thirteen, at World Champs, six months earlier,

540
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: I'd ripped my rotator cuff apart, and I had to

541
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: play and train for six months, and I was on

542
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: so many anti inflammatories.

543
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 2: I developed it and all through in my stomach. Whoa.

544
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was ridiculous, know those things. That's not fun,

545
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: but it's crazy, you can. I can look back, and

546
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,879
Speaker 1: I actually did get joy out of that because I

547
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 1: got to push myself and challenge myself every single day.

548
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: But when you're in it, it's the trenches.

549
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 2: It's not fun.

550
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,439
Speaker 1: It was painful, you know, Like that six months, I

551
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 1: was in excruciating pain every time I passed the ball.

552
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 1: And in a water pollo world, you're passing a ball

553
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 1: for hours every single day. And that's what I meant

554
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 1: when I said, you're going to hate it. Sometimes you are,

555
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: but you have to know that it's worth it.

556
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 2: In the end.

557
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: And even though I didn't, you know, win that gold

558
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: medal for me, it was still worth it, like pushing

559
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 1: myself past what I ever thought I was ever capable

560
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 1: of in my whole life, Like it's made me so

561
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 1: strong and it's made me the person I am today.

562
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,239
Speaker 1: And yeah, I have no regrets, but I stand by

563
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: the point like, you hate it sometimes you really do,

564
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 1: really do. How did you come to your decision to

565
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: step away from the game injury? Yeah, so I touched

566
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 1: on it earlier. So two thousand and nine, I had

567
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: my first shoulder reconstruction. It was my left shoulder, and

568
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: that period was probably one of the most important periods

569
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: of my career because it was make or break. So

570
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 1: I made my first World Championships in two thousand and nine.

571
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: I was twenty one years old.

572
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 2: The very last game.

573
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 1: I got my arm pulled behind my back and I

574
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: subluxed my shoulder sometimes with joy. And then I kept

575
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 1: playing and I just kind of got back from World Championships.

576
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 1: I got named Player of Australia. At that World Championships,

577
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 1: I was doing really well. I thought, this is just

578
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,360
Speaker 1: this is it. I'd been involved with the national team

579
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: for a few years earlier just to help. I got

580
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: to be around those two thousand and eight girls. I

581
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: learned so much, and then when it was my time

582
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: to step into World champs I'd stepped up. I'd been

583
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 1: named this the Player of Australia. Like was so proud

584
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: of myself. Kept training. In two thousand and nine, Emma

585
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 1: and I, my sister and older sister passed away and

586
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 1: I was back at training. A few days later. I

587
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:23,160
Speaker 1: needed to train. Tried to just use that to kind

588
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: of cover. I don't think I've trained harder in my life.

589
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: And then two weeks later I found out I actually

590
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: needed a full shoulder reconstruction and I wouldn't be playing

591
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 1: water play for nine months. I wouldn't be able to

592
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,360
Speaker 1: swim for six months, which was the hardest thing because

593
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 1: I'd been swimming whole life. I made a decision. In hospital,

594
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 1: I ordered an exercise bike. At home, I had a

595
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 1: sling on for six weeks. I couldn't drive, but I'd

596
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 1: spoken to everyone I needed to speak to, like when

597
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 1: I was in hospital or right out of hospital. So

598
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: my gym coach would meet me at my local gym.

599
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 1: My mum would drop me at the gym. I'd be

600
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: I remember doing thousands of lunges, just holding with my

601
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 1: right hand, massive dumbell. I just said to myself, if

602
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: I can't play water polo, I'm going to make sure

603
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 1: I have the strongest legs of any player in the world. Yeah,

604
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: and so that became my focus. I really I would

605
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 1: go down to canber and live there for weeks on

606
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 1: end and do intensive rehab. It was a really challenging

607
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: time because Dumper, like our coach at the time, he

608
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: had other players he had to worry about. I was young,

609
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: you know, like there were people trying to take my spot,

610
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: take my spot, take my spot. So he didn't have

611
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 1: He didn't care like he I don't mean that in

612
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: a bad way, but he didn't care that I was

613
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 1: coming back. Like if I didn't come back, he was like, oh, well,

614
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: I'll just find someone else, there'll be someone else. So

615
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: it got to the end of nine months, I played

616
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 1: my first game and I was allowed to play three

617
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 1: minutes a quarter. We then do testing, so at that

618
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: time our coach made us do swim testing just by

619
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: four hundreds. It was horrific, a big test in the

620
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: water swimming is that a thing? That's a swim. No,

621
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: that's a thing, and it's horrible. And strength testing. So

622
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: we had massive strength goals that we had to achieve.

623
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: So we did those three tests and I'd spoken to

624
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: him during the testing and I was like, I want

625
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: to go to this camp on the Gold Coast coming up,

626
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: like it'd be really good, and he was like, yep, yep, yep.

627
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 2: The team came out and.

628
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 1: I wasn't on it, and I called him and he

629
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: was like, well, I don't want you there. You didn't

630
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,719
Speaker 1: do well on your BEEP tests. Why would I want

631
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 1: you there? Anyway, I was so angry, I think I

632
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: ended up hanging up on him. They came back from

633
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 1: camp and at the end of a three hour session

634
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: he was there and he said, Holly, there's another girl, Ziggy.

635
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: You stay in the water, you get ten balls, Holly,

636
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: And he said dez Ziggy beat the shit.

637
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 2: Out of us, don't let us score a goal.

638
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 1: And I scored every goal and I got out and

639
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: I walked straight up to him and he said, all right,

640
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: you can come to this camp, this pre World Cup camp,

641
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 1: and you know, but you can't get picked for the

642
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 1: pre World Cup tournament and you can't get picked for

643
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: World Cup, but you can come to this camp because

644
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: you just did that.

645
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 2: I went to that camp.

646
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: I went there for a week, and I got named

647
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: in the pre World Cup tournament. He's like, picking you

648
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: in the pre World Cup tournament, but in order to

649
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: be picked for World Cup. At the end of that tournament,

650
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: I got picked for World Cup, where we won a

651
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: silver medal. And for me, for myself, I was like, hell, yes,

652
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: Like I've proved to myself, I'm tougher than I ever

653
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: thought I could be because I backed myself one hundred

654
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: percent in what I was doing. I actually knew that

655
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: all my rehab was I'd done everything right, I'd done

656
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: everything one hundred percent.

657
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to let let this guy tell.

658
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: Me that I wasn't going to make it, and I

659
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: made it, and I think for him as well. That's

660
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 1: when our relationship really shifted as well, where he got

661
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 1: a lot of respect for me because he saw my

662
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 1: personality in the type of player and person I was like,

663
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,719
Speaker 1: I was willing to fight for what I believed in.

664
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 2: I was willing to work hard and kind of do

665
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 2: what I have to do.

666
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 1: And so that was probably the pinnacle of my That

667
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: was the start of me really believing in myself as

668
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 1: like a player and what I was capable of. But

669
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: once again, like that was not fun having my shoulder

670
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: ripped to shreds. Fast forward to my injuries and why

671
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: why we're actually talking about this, why I retired?

672
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 2: Where did that come from?

673
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 1: Here? For this why I retired was in twenty thirteen.

674
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: I was going to retire after twenty twelve. I'd won

675
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: a medal, I'd played really well in London, and that

676
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: was going to be it and done for our coach said,

677
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: please just play World Championships our national langue, which is

678
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: our local like our Australian competition. I was playing and

679
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: I took a shot and someone hit my arm and

680
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: I just felt my shoulder go my right shoulder. Anyway,

681
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: I spoke to physios and they were like, we need

682
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: to scan it. But do you want to go to

683
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: World Champs? And I was like, I want to go

684
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 1: to World Champs. Really important for me that I get

685
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 1: to this World Champs in Barcelona. So they were like,

686
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: all right, let's not scan it, let's pretend it didn't happen,

687
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: and let's just go and do it we have to

688
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: do to get you there. So I was modified for everything,

689
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: Like I don't think since that moment, I don't think

690
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 1: I ever did a full session that wasn't modified in

691
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: some regard. But I was really good at None of

692
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: my teammates would know, you know, even my coaches wouldn't

693
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 1: have known that I was modifying. But I was just

694
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: really smart. I became smart after my injuries because I

695
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: had to be. We went to World Champs. We got

696
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: a silver medal. It was amazing. But I got back

697
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 1: saw the surgeon. I'd literally completely torn my shoulder apart.

698
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: I was going to be out for twelve months. My

699
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: surgeon who did my left shoulder said that I'd never

700
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 1: played water polo again. He said that if I was

701
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: a horse, he would have put me down. Oh thank you,

702
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: thanks so much. I appreciate that. But he was like,

703
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: but I'll do this surgery. It was horrible. It was yeah,

704
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: couldn't swim for nine months. I was out for a year,

705
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 1: and I don't think I ever got my confidence back

706
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: because of how, like to put it bluntly, like traumatic

707
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 1: that experience was. I couldn't The pain was so bad

708
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 1: that I couldn't walk. After surgery, I'd vomit from pain.

709
00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 1: Because my pain management wasn't like managed well, it was

710
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: harder to get back. I was older, I was like

711
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 1: a little bit I guess resentful that this had had

712
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: to happen.

713
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 2: I kind of started to lose a bit.

714
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: Of trust in myself and like my body that it

715
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: had done this again. My first tournament back, same kind

716
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: of position my arm was in. It got hit again.

717
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: I got scans again. My surgeon wanted to do surgery

718
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: again because I'd torn my rotator cuff again, but they

719
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 1: said I didn't have enough time because at that time

720
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: it was the end of twenty fourteen or the beginning

721
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: of twenty fifteen, so I only had a year, so

722
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: I didn't kind of get to do to do that.

723
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 1: So it just meant I was playing once again in

724
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: this excruciating pain for eighteen months. I made it to

725
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: that World Champs, and I remember having the kind of

726
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 1: Olympic year and that cycle, I had so many meetings

727
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: with my coach, Dumpin and just saying dropped me, dropped

728
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,479
Speaker 1: me from the team because I was so injured, like

729
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: I was just everything was falling apart, and he just

730
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: said no, like, I have so much trust in you,

731
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: I have so much belief in you. I want you

732
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: in my team, like I really want you there. And

733
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:09,360
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful for him for believing in me so

734
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: much at times when I didn't believe in myself, and

735
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: also my team for believing in me and wanted me

736
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 1: in the team and fighting for me to still be

737
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 1: there and understanding why I couldn't do everything that they

738
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: were doing, you know, like I couldn't swim, I couldn't

739
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 1: do the swim testing, I couldn't do the strength testing.

740
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 2: And a lot of my confidence came from I was

741
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:27,240
Speaker 2: a really hard worker.

742
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I had to really change how I saw

743
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 1: myself and lean on other things instead.

744
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,240
Speaker 2: And then about four months before.

745
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: The Olympics, we land in America for a training camp.

746
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 1: I do a step up on a box with a

747
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 1: bar like twenty kilos. I bulged a disc in my back,

748
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: couldn't walk for two weeks. I couldn't train or play

749
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: that whole time. We get on a plane to China,

750
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: get back to playing and I tore my oblique really badly.

751
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 1: Get back to playing after being out for that, and

752
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,479
Speaker 1: one of my teammates like, water plows are crazy sport.

753
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: I got kicked in the head and got so I

754
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: was out for ten days for concussion. And then I

755
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: go to Rio, go to Montenegro before Rio, and I

756
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 1: tear the muscle off my bone on my thumb. So

757
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:16,839
Speaker 1: my preparation was the worst preparation you could ever imagine

758
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: in your life. And it was mentally really challenging, and

759
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 1: not even so much for me. I didn't feel bad

760
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 1: for myself. I really felt like I was letting everyone

761
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,399
Speaker 1: else around me down, Like I was letting my teammates down,

762
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,800
Speaker 1: because when you're a team of thirteen and you're playing

763
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 1: games and just one person sits out, that then puts

764
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: pressure on everyone else, so everyone else had to pick

765
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: up my slack when.

766
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 2: I couldn't train and I wanted to train.

767
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: You know, that's how I was confident, Like that's how

768
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: I believed in myself, Like that's how I could get

769
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: out there in the water knowing I'd done the work,

770
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 1: But to go to an Olympics knowing I hadn't done

771
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: the work that I needed to do that would make

772
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 1: me confident was really really hard. And so I kind

773
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: of knew I was always going to retire. I knew

774
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:04,879
Speaker 1: I wanted to have kids. My physio was like, if

775
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: you come back, you'll be able to do one water

776
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: polo session a week and the rest will be rehab

777
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: waits swimming, and so I felt, I guess it was

778
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 1: kind of out of my hands anyway, if I was

779
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: going to come back or not. So that's what made

780
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 1: me step away from the sport in twenty sixteen. And

781
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 1: so you've stepped away, You've gone through an incredible journey

782
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: with your two little kids. There's also been a big

783
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: part of your journey in a breast cancer diagnosis as well.

784
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 1: Can you touch on what that has been. So in

785
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two, I played, So I played a season

786
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: in that eight years. In the last eight years, I

787
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 1: played for syne UNI for a season and then Dumper,

788
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,919
Speaker 1: my old coach, was coaching University of New South Wales,

789
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: and he asked me to come back to play and

790
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 1: as I said, like our relationship is really nice that

791
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: we had that real respect, and so I was like, yeah,

792
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: I'll and I'll come and play with you. So I

793
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 1: was playing. We played a really rough game and I

794
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: really hurt my risk. Anyway, I kind of didn't think much.

795
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,760
Speaker 1: I was like, I went and got x Y actually

796
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: because I was like, something's not right, Like I've had

797
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: lots of injuries.

798
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 2: This didn't feel right. Got an x ray.

799
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: They found all these bone fragments had kind of chipped off,

800
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 1: and so they said, go and get an MRI. My

801
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,319
Speaker 1: coach and my old physio was like, go and get

802
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 1: an MRI. So I'm in the doctor. My mum had

803
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: breast cancer at forty nine, quite young. I was thirty

804
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: three at the time. I was going to have to

805
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,879
Speaker 1: start getting regular tests from when I was thirty five.

806
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 1: In this really rough game, I'd been knocked about a

807
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: bit and I had like a lump on my left breast,

808
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 1: like up a bit higher. So just as I was

809
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: leaving the doctor for this referral for my wrist, I said, oh,

810
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 1: by the way, like I've got this little lump, do

811
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 1: you reckon?

812
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:40,359
Speaker 2: I get it checked out and.

813
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: She's just like she just really casually was like, yep,

814
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,399
Speaker 1: go get an ultrasound. You have to start getting regular things.

815
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: It'll be good to see a comparison.

816
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 2: So I book in. I don't have anyone to look

817
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 2: after Isabel.

818
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 1: Almost cancel my appointment, but Emma cancers work that day

819
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 1: so she can look after Isabel, and I go. They

820
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: ultrasound my left breast. I say there's nothing there to

821
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 1: help me, do you right, I say no. She says

822
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, and she does it, and

823
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: she's going over this spot over and over and over again,

824
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: and I ended up getting sent for a biopde. Nothing

825
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: showed up in the mammogram. The mammogram came back clear.

826
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: But then I was meant to have a phone consult

827
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: with the doctor for my results, and they called me

828
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: as I got my eighteen month old daughter out of

829
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 1: her cot from her nap, and they just said you

830
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 1: have to come in.

831
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 2: So I get emotional. You have to come into.

832
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:38,359
Speaker 1: The doctor's office and bring a support person. I went

833
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 1: in straight away, My mom met me, my husband's driving

834
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: home from work, and basically I had my eighteen month

835
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: old daughter all my lab while I was getting told

836
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: I had breast cancer and the next two weeks were

837
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: just like a blur.

838
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:53,919
Speaker 2: And look, I was a lucky one.

839
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 1: I found it by accident so early that it hadn't

840
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: got into my lymph nodes.

841
00:38:58,520 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 2: I didn't need chemotherapy.

842
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: I opted to have a double mistectomy because I just

843
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: couldn't live with the stress and the anxiety of something happening.

844
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 1: So I had two weeks it's a whirlwind, Like I

845
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: had two weeks of an appointment every day trying to

846
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: figure out the best things to do, every specialist, every

847
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 1: new name, it scans to make sure things were working.

848
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: Two weeks later, I got in to get a mistectomy

849
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 1: in reconstruction. Was an over ten hour surgery and I

850
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: was in hospital for a week.

851
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 2: It was the longest I'd ever spent away from the kids.

852
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,280
Speaker 1: And it was just like I kind of an explained

853
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,399
Speaker 1: that period, like it's so hard because I've done really

854
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 1: hard things. That was the hardest thing, and I think

855
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 1: because I had such young kids, and I also know

856
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: like it's like I feel guilty even complaining because there's

857
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: people that go through so much worse, and people that

858
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 1: get diagnosed before they have kids, and then it means

859
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 1: that they can't have kids, Like I was so lucky

860
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: to have two beautiful health the kids, but it meant

861
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: that a blessing in a way in that I didn't

862
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: have time to worry about myself because all I wanted

863
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,320
Speaker 1: was things normal for them. So I couldn't lift Isabelle

864
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: for over six weeks because of the surgery, and anyone

865
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: who's had an eighteen month old knows you picking them

866
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: up constantly, So I had a nanny with me the

867
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 1: whole time, like, and I was lucky that I had

868
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 1: a friend that had some nannies that she said, take them,

869
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: do whatever you need to do.

870
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 2: So I had them basically full time.

871
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't leave the kid's sides, like I had

872
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: to be there with them because I just wanted their

873
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: life to be as normal as possible. But I think

874
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 1: that was in some ways like to a detriment to

875
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: my own health and sanity, Like I didn't worry about myself,

876
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: but I actually needed to, Like it was a time

877
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 1: in my life where I actually should have been selfish,

878
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 1: but when you're a mom, like all I cared about

879
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: was my kids, and even like when I got that diagnosed,

880
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: when I got the diagnosis and the kids went to

881
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,359
Speaker 1: sleep that night, Like I just remember so vividly, like

882
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: wailing on the couch just being like my babies, Like

883
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:02,800
Speaker 1: my babies, that's.

884
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:03,480
Speaker 2: All I cared about.

885
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: And I guess it makes you really face life, you know,

886
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: like makes your face you know, I want to see

887
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 1: my kids grow up, like I want to be at

888
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 1: my kids weddings. I want to see them through school,

889
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 1: like they need their mum.

890
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 2: And so and so. Yeah, like I just I needed

891
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 2: everything fine for them.

892
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: And you know, the medication I was on was really

893
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: full on, you know, like they my cancer was estrogen based,

894
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 1: so I had to get rid of all estrogen and

895
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: it made me go like crazy. I never had depression

896
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: in my life, Like I feel really lucky that I

897
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 1: never had to, because I watched my sister stuff for

898
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: mental health issues.

899
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 2: I never did.

900
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 1: But I would say like for a week, for five

901
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 1: days of every dicle that I was having, I would

902
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 1: have full blown depression where I didn't know if I

903
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 1: could get out of bed, like I never I never

904
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: wanted to, Like I never had suicidal thoughts, but like

905
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: I would wonder how the hell I could get up

906
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 1: the next day. And so that period of my life

907
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,600
Speaker 1: like it probably that that went on for probably a year,

908
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 1: and I just like my kids were my biggest like

909
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: motivation to just like keep going. And then as my

910
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 1: body's kind of adjusted to the hormones, I think getting

911
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: to a year post surgery was like a huge not

912
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: even not ever relief, but it was like I could

913
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 1: close a chapter almost like it was such a horrible

914
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,479
Speaker 1: year that I needed that chapter to close. So once

915
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: I went to like my yearly appointment, I was like,

916
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: all right, I can take a breath now and kind

917
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 1: of just close that chapter a little bit, put it

918
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,760
Speaker 1: back here. It's not going to be in the forefront

919
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 1: of my mind all the time. I'm not going to

920
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: let it kind of like do what it's done to

921
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 1: me this last year.

922
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was.

923
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: It was a horrible period and it's still like as

924
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 1: you can, like I get emotional, I like compartmentalizing, put

925
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 1: things back there where I don't have to think about them.

926
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 1: But when I think about it, like, it was just

927
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 1: such an awful, awful time, but I'm just grateful that

928
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: I found it because it was just like this blessing

929
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,319
Speaker 1: and it was this really really aggressive cancer that six

930
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: months later it would have been a whole different story,

931
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: you know, like I would have had to have chemo.

932
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 2: I would have had to.

933
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: Go through all of that, And after seeing my mum

934
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 1: go through chemo, that's what I was the most I

935
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 1: guess scared of. And so the fact that I got

936
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 1: that appointment and I actually did it, that Emma cancer

937
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 1: would work. That I was playing water polo at that

938
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 1: time when I thought I would never play again, all

939
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 1: these things just lined up that made me catch this,

940
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: catch this cancer. So I used to look at it as,

941
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, why would I get cancer? But it's like,

942
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: all right, well there's something. Maybe you're meant to be alive.

943
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 1: You know, it's not trying to kill you, Like maybe

944
00:43:58,280 --> 00:43:59,959
Speaker 1: you found it because you're actually meant to be alive.

945
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: And now you've got this spotlight on you. Pretty much

946
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,720
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life. I've got this spotlight

947
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: on me to be healthy and to have people I

948
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: can reach out if I'm worried about anything, and a

949
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 1: lot of people in my age don't have that. Yeah,

950
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 1: but it also means, you know, I'm anxious about getting

951
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 1: blood tests and I'm anxious about you know, like when

952
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 1: I was playing water polo, I felt recently, I felt

953
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 1: really guilty and that's something I had conversation with our

954
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:29,760
Speaker 1: wellness manager, I'll call it wellness manager at the AS,

955
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 1: because I felt really guilty putting my body through like

956
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: I want to be nice to my body, right, Like

957
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: I felt guilty that I was putting it through all

958
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 1: this stress and pain, and I was looking at myself

959
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: and I was bruised, and I was beaten up, and

960
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: I was physically stressed and exhausted, and I'm like, I

961
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: shouldn't be doing this to myself. So with cancer, like,

962
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 1: it's not simple. It's not just a diagnosis you get

963
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: on one day and then you finish your treatment. It

964
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 1: is with you forever and it changes you and I

965
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: wish it didn't, but like it does. It changes you

966
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: and you can't help it. It changes every part of

967
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 1: your being and how you look at life. And that

968
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: can be in a positive way, but it can also

969
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 1: be in a negative way in terms of like I say,

970
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 1: like I get a blood test, or my arm was

971
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 1: really hurting when I was playing water pole, so like

972
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: my brain can't help it. It goes automatically, well, I must

973
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:23,320
Speaker 1: have cancer, you know, Like I was bruising, really badly.

974
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my gosh, like maybe I

975
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: have cancer and you have to take it seriously now,

976
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 1: you know, like they send me for scans, they send

977
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 1: me for blood tests because they're scared too. You know

978
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:36,320
Speaker 1: that that could be the reality. How did it feel

979
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: for your body to get You talked about that feeling

980
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: of wanting to look after it, But how did it

981
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 1: feel getting back in the pool, going back to that

982
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: formal life of being an elite athlete after becoming a

983
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 1: mum battling something like cancer. Oh so I never thought

984
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 1: I'd play water polo again. Yeah, I really was adamant

985
00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: about it. I think my husband's heard me say this

986
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 1: is my last game of water pol I'm ever going

987
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 1: to play so many times. But my old teammate, Glencora,

988
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,399
Speaker 1: she she was my teammate from two thousand and five.

989
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: We played junior's Australian We went to two Olympics together.

990
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 1: She plays for a Perth team and she called me

991
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 1: up and asked me to play for her Perth team.

992
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 1: And I'd like, I've always stayed fit, Like I love swimming,

993
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 1: I love going to the gym, like such an important

994
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 1: part of my life, and like my mental health and

995
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 1: everything like that, and.

996
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 2: So I was like, yeah, I'll do that.

997
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:28,879
Speaker 1: Two days later, I was like, oh, maybe I'll call

998
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: back like the new Singer's coach, the Ouzzies Stinger's coach,

999
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:34,959
Speaker 1: and just like see what she says if I said

1000
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: if I asked to be involved. I kind of didn't

1001
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 1: think that much about the fact that it had literally

1002
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 1: been eight years two kids cancer. I'd played probably thirty

1003
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 1: club games in eight years.

1004
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 2: I just was like, why not, because I'd watched the

1005
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 2: girls play.

1006
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,479
Speaker 1: I'd kind of thought about it in that twenty twenty

1007
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: two season when I was diagnosed.

1008
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:56,320
Speaker 2: I'd talked to a few people.

1009
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 1: A few people had talked to me sorry about oh

1010
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,320
Speaker 1: you should go and you know, could I have a conversation,

1011
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: couldn't this that the other? But then I was diagnosed,

1012
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:06,840
Speaker 1: so I just thought it would never happen. I watched

1013
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: the World Champs last year and I was like, oh,

1014
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 1: they could use like a big, strong player, like they're

1015
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 1: kind of missing that size element. So I just I

1016
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 1: reached out to Beck wondering how it would all go.

1017
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: I got invited to a camp in Brisbane as a

1018
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 1: training partner, and I the injuries didn't stop first training

1019
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 1: game we play, I desiccate my finger oh so badly

1020
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: that I tore all the ligaments. It popped out this way.

1021
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 1: I tore the ligaments, but the tendon that runs from

1022
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: the tippy your finger down here got caught in the joint.

1023
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:42,240
Speaker 1: So I had to have surgery to remove that tendon.

1024
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 1: That had to cut it, reattach it. First training session

1025
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: back in the program, first, the first training game, first

1026
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: training game.

1027
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 2: So I see it a second day. So I made

1028
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 2: it through a full day and a half. Great, that's

1029
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 2: the BOT, and so I just I stayed there.

1030
00:47:58,320 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 1: Beck was like, we want you to stay here, like

1031
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 1: we think really good having someone like you around. So

1032
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: I just literally trained by myself. I smashed myself swimming,

1033
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 1: I smashed myself legwork. I just did whatever I had

1034
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 1: to do. Got home, had surgery basically straight away. I

1035
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 1: did a week of only Jim and then I was

1036
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 1: allowed to get back in the water. He wasn't happy

1037
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 1: about it, but I was like, I need to just

1038
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 1: get back in as soon as I can.

1039
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 2: I don't have time.

1040
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 1: If this dream is even close to being possible, I

1041
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: don't have time to waste. I need to get back

1042
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 1: in the water. Like the Olympics was five months away. Wow,

1043
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: So I would buddy strap and I just went back

1044
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 1: to full training and like hurt, like buggery, but it

1045
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 1: was fine. After three weeks, they said I just had

1046
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: to play for a splint with a splint, and that's

1047
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 1: when I played my first games for Fremantle. Freemantle Marlins

1048
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 1: in two years since twenty twenty two, so play.

1049
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 2: I played four games with them, and.

1050
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,319
Speaker 1: Then I had a conversation with the coach and I

1051
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 1: was like, well, what do you think do you think

1052
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,800
Speaker 1: can you see me like the projection, being like maybe

1053
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,399
Speaker 1: I could be involved in this program and she said yes,

1054
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 1: So she named me in the twenty one Olympics word

1055
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,760
Speaker 1: for the EUSSI stingers. It started with a camping camera

1056
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 1: and I remember looking at the program and it was

1057
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:08,719
Speaker 1: like three sessions a day, like in the pool for

1058
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 1: five hours a day plus gym sessions. And I was like,

1059
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like how am I going to do this?

1060
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 1: I haven't trained.

1061
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 2: What am I going to do?

1062
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: Like I trained, but that's a whole other level. And

1063
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: I said to Beck, I said, what if I'm injured

1064
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,399
Speaker 1: or if that? She's like, you have to get through

1065
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 1: the first week that you have to get through.

1066
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 2: The first week. And I got through the first week.

1067
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 2: I don't know. I cried at the end of it

1068
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 2: because I was so tired. I was so exhausted. And

1069
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 2: one of the girls looked at.

1070
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: Me and she said every time I got tired that

1071
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: I just looked at you and I thought, if hul

1072
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 1: can do this, I can do that. And I was like,

1073
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: that's amazing. Like She's like, you should be so proud

1074
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,360
Speaker 1: of yourself that you can do that. And I guess,

1075
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 1: like I'm someone that tries not to like I probably

1076
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: should think more, but I don't think much. So I

1077
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: just would just take it session by session, and then

1078
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,799
Speaker 1: i'd in on the weekend. We'd have to go home

1079
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,280
Speaker 1: and and I'd be in bed at night just like crime,

1080
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: eyes out, being like how am I going to get

1081
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: back in the pool. And I'd have those conversations with

1082
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 1: my husband. With my husband, like I'd be walking to

1083
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: a session, I'm like, how am I going to get

1084
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 1: through a two and a half hour training session?

1085
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 2: How?

1086
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 1: And we'd be playing games with no reserves, and it's

1087
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: a physical game anyway, and I'm so wanted to cooked.

1088
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 2: It's not even funny.

1089
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:22,440
Speaker 1: So there was four weeks of that and then I

1090
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 1: got named in a sixteen sixteen squad to go to

1091
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:32,120
Speaker 1: America for two weeks, which once again I hadn't played

1092
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 1: an official game for Australia in eight years, and I

1093
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 1: every time i'd see the national anthem, I stand up,

1094
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 1: I picked myself in my robe, in my cap, and

1095
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: so after eight years, I got to cap up, put

1096
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: my robe on, singing the national anthem. I had tears

1097
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 1: like streaming down my face. It was such an incredible

1098
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: moment for me, and something I just could not believe

1099
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 1: that I was actually doing. And I think it still

1100
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 1: hasn't hit me what it meant to be doing that again.

1101
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:03,399
Speaker 1: So I did America, played two official games, came back,

1102
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 1: we had a three day selection camp and then I

1103
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: played finals for Fremantle for our Australian competition. We actually

1104
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 1: made it to the Grand Final and we didn't win,

1105
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 1: we got silver, but it was an awesome game. We

1106
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 1: were playing against a Queensland team that had the whole

1107
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 1: starting seven was in the Aussie Stingers team, so to

1108
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 1: only lose by three goals was amazing, like we stuck

1109
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,479
Speaker 1: it to them the whole time. So it was really good.

1110
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:31,759
Speaker 1: My team's incredible, great coach, great group of girls. And

1111
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 1: then unfortunately I found out the following Wednesday that I

1112
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 1: was not selected for the Olympic team for Paris. But

1113
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 1: that sport, you know, like I was super at peace

1114
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 1: with kind of whatever happened. It was a long shot

1115
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 1: to begin with. Of course I want to be there,

1116
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: but I'm really It's probably the first time I've ever

1117
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 1: been really proud of myself as like an athlete and

1118
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: as like just a person in general. To be able

1119
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 1: to back myself once again at thirty six, I would

1120
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: have been one of the oldest people to be I

1121
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: think Brodman Knox who was an Aussy stinger, she was

1122
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 1: thirty six in Tokyo, Alisa Casanova who was a Italian

1123
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 1: she was thirty seven, thirty eight, and then Mario'toour was

1124
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 1: thirty nine in two thousand, so US four. Would you know,

1125
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: I would have been one of the oldest people to

1126
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:25,479
Speaker 1: have ever competed at an Olympics for water polo off

1127
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:27,800
Speaker 1: of eight weeks really of full training.

1128
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 2: So I knew it was a wing and a prayer, but.

1129
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 1: I just backed myself the whole time, and I can

1130
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:35,720
Speaker 1: really look back. No, I did everything I possibly could.

1131
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: I have no regrets, Like I'm you can't. I guess

1132
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: like I can't have regrets. There's no like what if

1133
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 1: I threw everything I could in it? Like I said,

1134
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: would love to be in Paris, but that's just not

1135
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 1: how life worked out.

1136
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:50,759
Speaker 2: At this time, we.

1137
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: Spoke off era and just talked about how brutal sport is,

1138
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 1: like it's a pretty huge journey you've been on to

1139
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 1: put your body back on the line to do that,

1140
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 1: and then to not be selected to get on that

1141
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 1: plane to Paris, that's hard to process. I think in

1142
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 1: the back of my head I probably knew it was

1143
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 1: like forty I will.

1144
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,880
Speaker 2: Go, sixty I won't go. And I was super at peace.

1145
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 1: And I also had a big part of me that

1146
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,479
Speaker 1: leaving my kids, I'd never left them for that long

1147
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: before that something always didn't feel. I felt like, my

1148
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 1: passion is at home with my kids. Yeah, and I'm

1149
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: a real passionate player. That's where my passion, that's where

1150
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:37,839
Speaker 1: my talent came from is passion. And you know, maybe

1151
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: I shouldn't admit that, but I you know, my passion

1152
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 1: now is my kids, like my home and being at

1153
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 1: home with my family like that brings me so much joy.

1154
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 1: And you know, I'd call the kids and every single time,

1155
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 1: like in Canberra, every morning, i'd call them before i'd

1156
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 1: walk to the gym and I'd have to just go

1157
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 1: sit by myself for five minutes and cry because I

1158
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,320
Speaker 1: felt I just wanted to be It wasn't even guilt,

1159
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 1: Like it wasn't this guilt. It was a genuine, like

1160
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 1: genuine yearning of wanting to be at home, feeling like

1161
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:09,280
Speaker 1: I was missing out on such precious years. And maybe

1162
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 1: that has something to do with cancer, right when I

1163
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 1: was faced with that thing of oh my gosh, like

1164
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:16,720
Speaker 1: I want to just be there every second with my kids,

1165
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 1: And maybe that was kind of a bit of baggage

1166
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: that I had with me through the journey of training

1167
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 1: that I kind of couldn't ever let go of. Even

1168
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:28,480
Speaker 1: like one of the last training sessions in America, I

1169
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,400
Speaker 1: spoke to the kids like an hour before the session

1170
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,640
Speaker 1: started and I was still crying. I wore my glasses

1171
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 1: the whole time, and I was still crying in the

1172
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: warm up when I was warming.

1173
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 2: Up to train, like I just couldn't.

1174
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 1: My guts just didn't feel right being away from them,

1175
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,240
Speaker 1: and like I said, like it probably is baggage from

1176
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 1: everything I'd been through in the past. But I really

1177
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: struggled with that. At the same time, it was amazing

1178
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 1: taking that moment to be selfish for myself and realizing

1179
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,960
Speaker 1: that I actually am allowed to do that and that

1180
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,280
Speaker 1: it's super important for me to still have those goals

1181
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: and those challenges and be allowed to have things that

1182
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 1: I still want to dream about. And it was a

1183
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:12,120
Speaker 1: massive dream, but I can. I'm when people are like,

1184
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:14,879
Speaker 1: are you okay? You okay, I'm genuinely okay. I get

1185
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:18,800
Speaker 1: I think I have this perspective being older, having been out,

1186
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 1: I get to go back to a beautiful life. It

1187
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 1: would have been a fairy tale. But something else we

1188
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:26,680
Speaker 1: were talking about, sport isn't a fairy tale. Even if

1189
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: I went and as an athlete at that level, you're

1190
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,359
Speaker 1: so hard on yourself, Like what i'd gone, What if

1191
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 1: we win a gold medal, I'd still be criticizing every

1192
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:37,759
Speaker 1: bad thing I'd done in that game or at the Olympics.

1193
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: Like if I go, we don't win a medal, Have

1194
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,720
Speaker 1: I made the right decision being away from my kids?

1195
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:46,720
Speaker 1: You know? There's so there's so many things that people

1196
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 1: think sport is, you know, this fairy tale ending all

1197
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 1: the time, and I would say, nine times out of ten,

1198
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:55,399
Speaker 1: it's actually not a fairy tale ending. And I think

1199
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 1: having that perspective and having that understanding because of hindsight,

1200
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 1: because age from things I've been through, I'm like, it's okay,

1201
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 1: there was no fairy tale. It doesn't it doesn't exist,

1202
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:09,160
Speaker 1: you know, Like I get to just play a sport

1203
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 1: that I love with all my heart. I got to

1204
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: find that joy in that passion again. I got to

1205
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 1: get pap up sing the national anthem. I got to

1206
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 1: do those things, you know, Like how lucky am I?

1207
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:21,879
Speaker 1: And not many people after eight years out will get

1208
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,840
Speaker 1: that opportunity to ever do that. So I'm just super

1209
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: grateful for that opportunity that I had to at least

1210
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 1: fite for it to wrap us up. I'm conscious of

1211
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,880
Speaker 1: your time. We could chat for hours, but we did

1212
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 1: in touch on the fact that your sister Emma went

1213
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 1: to compete at the Winter Olympics. You guys became the

1214
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: first Aussie siblings. I hate to have made that is

1215
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:45,880
Speaker 1: a cool it is. What has it been like having

1216
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 1: a relationship with your sister who you touched on the

1217
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 1: fact that she took the day off work to come

1218
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 1: and look after your kids, Like she's a big part

1219
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:52,479
Speaker 1: of your life.

1220
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 2: What is that relationship, Like, well, she's with my daughter.

1221
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 1: Now I'm taking on a kidney gym, feeding chips, Lolli's

1222
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:03,279
Speaker 1: and chocolate and I will wrap up out of myn No.

1223
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:06,359
Speaker 2: She so Emma and I's relationship.

1224
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 1: She's she's just like an amazing person just in general,

1225
00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:11,719
Speaker 1: Like I can't say enough good good things about her.

1226
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: But growing up, she would help me train, she would

1227
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 1: motivate me so much. Her getting her first ever New

1228
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 1: South Wales uniform for running was the reason why I

1229
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: wanted to be good at swimming, was because I wanted

1230
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 1: a uniform like that. And through all of my journey,

1231
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: through everything, She's always been someone I could just turn

1232
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: to and I know would give me good advice but

1233
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 1: also understand what I was going through. And we became

1234
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 1: really close when our sister passed away, Like she came

1235
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 1: up to me and just hugged me and said, I'm

1236
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 1: a big sister now, like I'll do whatever I have

1237
00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:50,520
Speaker 1: to to protect you. And she does, like she really

1238
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 1: looks out for me. She looks after me. She has

1239
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 1: my back on everything, and you know, watching her at

1240
00:57:57,560 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: the Olympics, she always wanted to go to the Olympics.

1241
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 1: You know, that was her dream growing up. She was

1242
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:04,680
Speaker 1: the athletic one. I think, like I say to Mum now,

1243
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, did you ever think I'd be an Olympic medalist?

1244
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 1: You know when you saw me at ten years old?

1245
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: And Mom laughs and she's like, no, definitely, not, definitely not.

1246
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 1: Emma was always the Olympic athlete, and I was always

1247
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:20,440
Speaker 1: chasing her and kind of falling behind her dreams, I guess,

1248
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 1: and watching her in twenty ten, how she did it.

1249
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 2: You know, Jess passed away in two.

1250
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 1: Thousand and nine and she had to qualify for the

1251
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:31,840
Speaker 1: Olympics after missing out four years earlier by one spot.

1252
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 1: She had to find a way to leave our family,

1253
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 1: go overseas and compete and try to make an Olympics.

1254
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 1: And she did it, and it coincided really well. I

1255
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:43,640
Speaker 1: was out with my shoulder surgery, so I got to

1256
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,360
Speaker 1: go over for the full time to watch her. Otherwise

1257
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 1: I'd be having to stay back and train for water

1258
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 1: a polo, but I got to go and watch her,

1259
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:55,120
Speaker 1: and just realizing what the Olympic spirit really really is,

1260
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 1: and also that the Olympics once again like it's not

1261
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 1: a fairy tale, Like everyone has these stories and everyone

1262
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:04,240
Speaker 1: has their reason why they do it. And I think

1263
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:07,400
Speaker 1: getting to know athletes and sitting down and having conversations

1264
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 1: with them, you know, a lot of athletes who get

1265
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 1: to that level have a story of hardships, you know,

1266
00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: and how they've used sport, I guess as a coping mechanism,

1267
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 1: as a way to escape.

1268
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 2: And that's what Emma did with her.

1269
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 1: Sport, and that's what I found with my sport. And

1270
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 1: I think that's really bonded us. And we've always said

1271
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: to each other, like, thank thank God for sport, Like

1272
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 1: if it wasn't for sport, who knows kind of what

1273
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,960
Speaker 1: would have happened to both of us, because it really

1274
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 1: has helped us so much in our lives. And I

1275
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 1: think we bond so much after that. And now she

1276
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 1: thought I was crazy doing what I.

1277
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:42,840
Speaker 2: Did the last few months.

1278
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:46,920
Speaker 1: She was like, oh, a little bit impulsive. You got

1279
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:48,720
Speaker 1: to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons,

1280
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 1: you know. But in the end, like it didn't matter.

1281
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: She would have her opinion, she'd have her thoughts. We'd

1282
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: talk them out, but she'd be like, butt hole, whenever

1283
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 1: you want, I'll do you need help with the kids,

1284
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 1: do you let me know. I'll support you however I

1285
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: can support you when it got hard. She was still

1286
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 1: one of the first people I would message just being like,

1287
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 1: what am I doing? I can't do this, this is

1288
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:08,840
Speaker 1: so hard, and she'd always right back saying, You've got this,

1289
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 1: you know how to do it. She just always knows

1290
01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 1: what to say. I guess because she's been there before

1291
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:16,120
Speaker 1: and she knows me so well. I can't imagine not

1292
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,360
Speaker 1: having that support. You know, I've never not had it.

1293
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 1: She's always been like my big sister kind of having

1294
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: my back. So I feel really grateful to have that

1295
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 1: relationship with her.

1296
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 2: That's a really beautiful teammatee. I love that.

1297
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:32,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you so much sharing today and for your vulnerability.

1298
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I cried about four different occasions and yeah,

1299
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:39,800
Speaker 1: you just had immense strength and courage and yeah, I'm

1300
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 1: just I'm so grateful for your time and for your

1301
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Speaker 1: vulnerability today. So listening time and honored to have you

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Speaker 1: on for your first ever pod podcast.

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Speaker 2: Very special, Thank you, very good one to be on.

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Speaker 2: How good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks so much for listening. If you got something

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Speaker 1: out of this episode, I would absolutely love it if

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01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:01,880
Speaker 1: you could send it on to one person who you

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Speaker 1: think might enjoy it. Otherwise, subscribe, give us a review,

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Speaker 1: and make sure you follow us on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Female Athlete Project to stay up to date with podcast episodes,

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Speaker 1: merch drops, and of course, news and stories about epic

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Speaker 1: female athletes