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Speaker 1: Before we get into today's episode, we wanted to say

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Speaker 1: a massive thank you to this episode sponsor, Last Minerals.

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Speaker 1: Lust Minerals is one of Australia's favorite clean beauty brands.

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Speaker 1: One of my personal favorite products is their pro Finish Foundation.

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Speaker 1: It offers amazing coverage but does not clog your paws,

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Speaker 1: and it contains super food ingredients that help nourish your

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Speaker 1: skin while it's on.

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Speaker 2: Now let's get into the episode.

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Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the

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Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboom

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Speaker 1: Marry people.

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Speaker 2: We pay our.

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Speaker 1: Respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend that

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Speaker 1: respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today

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Speaker 1: I'm your host, Georgie Stephenson, and this is the Rise

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Speaker 1: and Conker Podcast. This is the podcast where we have mindset,

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Speaker 1: self develop and becoming your higher self mix soon with

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Speaker 1: a lot of laughs, plus behind the scenes of my

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Speaker 1: life running two businesses and being among Think of us

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Speaker 1: as the perfect combo of brunch with your besties mixed

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Speaker 1: with self development. No matter where you are in your journey,

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Speaker 1: We're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out

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Speaker 1: and embrace radical self awareness. If you're ready to get

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Speaker 1: into the driver's seat of your own life and stop

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Speaker 1: letting life past you by, then you're in the right place. Hello,

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Speaker 1: my loves, and welcome back to the RNC Potty. In

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Speaker 1: today's episode, we are sharing ten signs that you might

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Speaker 1: be more of a people pleaser than you think, and

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Speaker 1: what you can do about it. Honestly, I have done

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Speaker 1: a lot of work around boundaries, and I consider myself

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Speaker 1: to be someone who's very in her power with boundaries.

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Speaker 1: But then something will happen and I'm like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: need to tighten this up or I need to shift this.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like boundaries is always something you can

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Speaker 1: come back to. And if you're someone who struggles to

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Speaker 1: set boundaries or like just put yourself first and not

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Speaker 1: feel selfish or guilty, you are going to love this episode.

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Speaker 1: But before we get into the show, I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to bring our weekly recommendations. We do have one beauty

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Speaker 1: recommendation for you, and then one of our normal res

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Speaker 1: Titi is gonna go fus.

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Speaker 3: So my beauty recommendation. Thanks to our beautiful episode sponsor,

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Speaker 3: Last Minerals, is their pro finish Foundation. Now I'm someone

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Speaker 3: that gets very nervous about buying makeup online, especially Foundation,

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Speaker 3: because I needed to match and they have the best

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Speaker 3: color matching service. You just literally send them a few

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Speaker 3: photos online and a team member helps you and they

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Speaker 3: got my color match perfect. And so they just made

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Speaker 3: the whole process so easy. And you can also buy

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Speaker 3: little testers as well of your shade before you commit

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Speaker 3: to buying the whole thing, which I am obsessed with

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Speaker 3: because it's so practical.

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Speaker 1: Life saver because especially when you're going in a mid

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Speaker 1: season right now, how we're going from like autumn to

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Speaker 1: winter and you're going from different colors. It's yeah, you

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Speaker 1: gotta get it right. It is, it's perfect.

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Speaker 3: And then my second wreck is season three of Bridgington,

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Speaker 3: which I feel like everyone everybody probably felt like.

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Speaker 2: I actually haven't watched it yet.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's good.

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Speaker 2: Is it really good?

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Speaker 3: It's good. I will be super honest. The first two

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Speaker 3: episodes are I feel like they're a run up to

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Speaker 3: the second two episodes, and there's only four out at

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Speaker 3: the moment, so i'd maybe if you can wait till

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Speaker 3: the whole season's.

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Speaker 2: Out, easy, I'll do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I was thinking the other day. I

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Speaker 1: think it's honestly been since getting back into my reading

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Speaker 1: last November or December. I think I've watched like one

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Speaker 1: thing on Netflix. Wow, rarely watch anything on like Netflix.

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Speaker 1: Or the only thing I do watch is like all

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Speaker 1: ivy shows. Yeah, so I'm like just watching kids I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: That's why I rarely have a wreck like a TV wreck,

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Speaker 1: But I feel like I'll wait till the whole bridge

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Speaker 1: turn is out and that will be like my thing

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Speaker 1: I get into. Yeah, so my beauty wreck. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure if I've shared this with you guys, but

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Speaker 1: I am like a bit of a contour queen right now.

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Speaker 1: And I use last Mineral stick cream foundation in their

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Speaker 1: darkest shade to contour, so I know you guys can't

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Speaker 1: see me, but very it's amazing, thank you. Very simple

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Speaker 1: like lines down the cheek, lines down either side of

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Speaker 1: the nose, along the forehead, and.

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Speaker 2: Then I just buffet out with one of their brushes

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Speaker 2: and it's just so much.

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Speaker 1: And then I will still put like a bronzer and

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Speaker 1: a blush on top a tiny bit. But I find

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Speaker 1: especially like minimal makeup. I know it seems like you're

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Speaker 1: doing more, but it just looks more natural and flawless. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know why, but it does.

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Speaker 2: I agree.

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Speaker 1: I can second that, yes, so that's what I use

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Speaker 1: their cream foundation stick for. And then also I totally

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Speaker 1: agree with the pro finish. It's like it's a lates

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Speaker 1: turn out of ten. And then my other recommendation is

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Speaker 1: to take a holiday. Guys. I honestly kind of don't

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Speaker 1: have another recommendation because I have been prepping and just

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Speaker 1: getting my life organized.

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Speaker 2: Because we're going to Europe.

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Speaker 1: Literally, like as I'm recording, it's a week way. But

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Speaker 1: this my last intro with you guys for a good

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks.

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Speaker 2: We're so excited for you, though I know I.

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Speaker 1: Me and Tim a fight, like the pre COVID Europe

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Speaker 1: trip that we planned is finally like leaving the chat and.

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Speaker 2: We're doing it.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: I know it's only two weeks because that was like

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Speaker 1: absolute most that we could be away from Ivy girl.

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Speaker 1: But we are doing Paris south of France, and Sardinia

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Speaker 1: and Dubai just like a stopover and then we'll be home.

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Speaker 1: But I'm so excited because I feel like I've visualized

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Speaker 1: and like thought about this trip for what like nearly

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Speaker 1: three or four years now, and so I'm so excited

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Speaker 1: it's like happening. But also I'm in complete trust and

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Speaker 1: surrender with this trip. We've obviously booked like accommodation flights,

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Speaker 1: but nothing else is booked, like no restaurants, no tours, nothing,

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Speaker 1: because I, like, I didn't want to go there, and

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Speaker 1: it's already gonna be moving every three days, so it's already,

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Speaker 1: you know, a little bit of a hustle. So I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to go there and like be on this time,

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Speaker 1: like this time limit, and we have to be here

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Speaker 1: at this time.

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Speaker 2: I just wanted to go and enjoy the cities.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. So I can't wait for you to

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Speaker 1: report back. I know, I'm so excited. So, yeah, guys,

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Speaker 1: this will be my last intro for a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you're gonna hear T T Jamie, Georgina Cooper,

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Speaker 1: whoever's guests will have some guests available. We've obviously, you know,

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Speaker 1: prepped for this, so you will have usual episodes and

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Speaker 1: a few bonuses. Actually, oh my gosh, we've got some

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Speaker 1: good bonus apps might do so so mansell. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: love you guys. See after Europe. Shall we get into

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Speaker 1: the episode we shall so. One of the most important

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Speaker 1: aspects of self love, well, what I truly believe is

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Speaker 1: having strong boundaries. And when you have strong boundaries, this

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Speaker 1: comes from a place of loving yourself enough to prioritize

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Speaker 1: yourself over the needs of others, because you know that

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Speaker 1: when you your cup is full, you can give from

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Speaker 1: a place of overflow. And that is like, that's how.

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Speaker 2: It should be.

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Speaker 1: You should be able to feel full and then give

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Speaker 1: from that place, not feel empty and then have to

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Speaker 1: give and suffer burnout and you know, feel like there

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Speaker 1: is no energy left for yourself because we know when

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Speaker 1: we're giving from a place like that, it is not

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Speaker 1: our best self. And so first of all, what we

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Speaker 1: thought we were doing this episode is just go through

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Speaker 1: ten signs that might show that you were a people

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Speaker 1: please Okay, yes, and I know it can seem like

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Speaker 1: super obvious, but there are sums that aren't as obvious,

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Speaker 1: and you could be like, no, I have great strong boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Bit sis. Everybody's got yeah, everyone, so they sneak up

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Speaker 1: on you, even me myself, who I consider myself a

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Speaker 1: boundary coueen. Even I was reading some of these and

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I could tighten up, I could

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Speaker 1: order exactly.

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Speaker 3: And I think even if you're not a complete people pleaser,

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Speaker 3: a lot of people have people pleasing tendencies that are

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Speaker 3: so ingrained in them that they don't even realize what

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Speaker 3: they're doing when they do it. So just starting to

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Speaker 3: at least be aware of that, so you can tighten

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Speaker 3: up on those things, and I guess stop leaking that energy.

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Speaker 1: And that's what it is, it's leaking energy. So one

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Speaker 1: of the signs number one very obvious. You find it

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Speaker 1: difficult to say no, So obviously finding it challenging to

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Speaker 1: decline someone's requests or you know, they're asking you a favor,

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Speaker 1: or they're asking you to go somewhere, and even though

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Speaker 1: you don't want to do that thing, you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'll just do it. The second one is over apologizing.

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Speaker 3: So if you're someone that apologizes excessively, even this is me, yeah,

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Speaker 3: me too, Sorry, I'll bump into someone or actually no,

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Speaker 3: someone will bump into me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah literally, So stuff like that.

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Speaker 3: If you're that person that's just like, oh, sorry, just

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Speaker 3: to maintain a good vibe or like keep the peace,

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Speaker 3: you're probably a bit of a people pleaser.

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Speaker 1: The next one putting others' needs first. So basically you

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Speaker 1: just constantly prioritize everyone else's needs over your own, even

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Speaker 1: if it's to your detriment.

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Speaker 3: The next one is avoiding conflict. So you go out

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Speaker 3: of your way to avoid any confrontation, any disagreement, and

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Speaker 3: it often means sacrificing like your peace of mind for

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Speaker 3: the sake of not having a fight or an uncomfortable conversation.

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Speaker 1: Would you be surprised if I told you I avoid conflict? No,

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Speaker 1: even though I wanted to be a lawyer, I was

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Speaker 1: like so interesting. The next one seeking approval.

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Speaker 2: I honestly think this is everyone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because everyone wants to be accepted and so so

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Speaker 1: we will often like let our boundaries be crossed in

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Speaker 1: regards to we want people's approvals. We want people to like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like us, to love us, to accept us,

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Speaker 1: and so we will constantly seek validation and approval from

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Speaker 1: others rather than like getting that from ourselves. Where Guys,

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Speaker 1: when you get to that point, you are literally unstoppable.

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Speaker 1: But most people, I do not mean to store them.

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Speaker 1: We laugh because it's us, yeah, laughing because I'm like

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Speaker 1: I thought I was, Yeah, Anyway.

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Speaker 3: The next one is feeling guilty. So I think this

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Speaker 3: one is also super common and also one people don't

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Speaker 3: think a lot about. But if you feel guilty when

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Speaker 3: you put your needs in front of others because you're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I've said no to hanging out with them, I feel

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Speaker 3: really bad. They're going to think I hate them all

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Speaker 3: that sort of stuff, and you feel like a really

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Speaker 3: strong guilt when you say no or enforce a boundary,

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Speaker 3: then you're also probably a bit of a people pleaser.

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Speaker 3: You know what that's from too, if you have had

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Speaker 3: a manipulative parent who growing up, would make you feel

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Speaker 3: guilty for like, you know, silly things like oh, like

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Speaker 3: mummies upset, like give her a hug and it's because

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Speaker 3: she's sad, and you're just like, I.

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Speaker 2: Don't want to give you a hug.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's like such a small thing, but it's

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Speaker 1: like you'd have people who would manipulate your feelings in

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Speaker 1: order to feel you guilty over things you shouldn't feel

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Speaker 1: guilty over.

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Speaker 2: That's a very normal thing.

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Speaker 3: Wow, I didn't realize it could come from that, But

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Speaker 3: that makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 1: That's like a huge thing ignoring personal boundaries, So you

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Speaker 1: have difficulty setting and enforcing your boundaries in your relationships,

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Speaker 1: and basically you just allow anyone to overstep or take

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Speaker 1: advantage kind of in the name of it's fine, like

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Speaker 1: I know they love me.

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Speaker 3: The next one is feeling exhausted. So if you feel

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Speaker 3: really drained and just like all the energy has been

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Speaker 3: sucked out of you because you feel like all you're

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Speaker 3: trying to do is like help all these people or

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Speaker 3: do all these things for your friends and family or

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Speaker 3: people around you, then that's also something to think about.

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Speaker 1: The next one difficulty making decisions.

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Speaker 2: This is a sneaky one.

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Speaker 1: This is a very sneaky one because you're like, what's

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Speaker 1: that got to do with boundaries? Yeah, but if you

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Speaker 1: were someone who you were indecisive, it's because you were

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Speaker 1: not strong on your boundaries because you are thinking about

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Speaker 1: everyone else and how they're affected or what could happen

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Speaker 1: or what might happen. You're not like secure in yourself

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Speaker 1: and your boundaries where you're just like, cool, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: choose this, and that's that interesting.

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Speaker 3: One, Yeah, very interesting one. And the last one, which

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Speaker 3: I also think is a bit of a sness, is

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Speaker 3: lacking self identity. So if you're someone again who struggles

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Speaker 3: to like have a strong sense of self, articulate your

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Speaker 3: own values, your preferences, what your goals and dreams are.

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Speaker 3: It's likely because you're so stuck again in your head

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Speaker 3: thinking about, well, if this is my goal, how is

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Speaker 3: it going to affect this, this, and this person in

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Speaker 3: my life. If these are my values, it doesn't align

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Speaker 3: with this, this, this person in my life. So you

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Speaker 3: get stuck in this cycle of trying to find something

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Speaker 3: and create an identity that fits in the identity of

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Speaker 3: everyone around you, and that's just not going to work.

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Speaker 3: I love this one, and this is I'm going to

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Speaker 3: segue straight into like what you need to do in

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Speaker 3: regards to your boundaries. And this is a huge one

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Speaker 3: because if you don't have that self identity and you're

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Speaker 3: not clear on who you are and what you want,

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Speaker 3: what season you're in, and what you're prioritizing, then it's

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Speaker 3: hard to put boundaries in place. Like me and Tim

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Speaker 3: will often and have conversations around our family values, our

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Speaker 3: you know, personal values, and what season we are both

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Speaker 3: currently in, so we both know each other's boundaries. For me,

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Speaker 3: for example, you know if I'm prioritizing when we're launching

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Speaker 3: the Rise App. I had the conversation with Tim of like,

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Speaker 3: you know, I'm entering a season where I am putting

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Speaker 3: a lot of love and energy into this new project

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Speaker 3: because that's what it needs. So he knew, you know,

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Speaker 3: my priorities and boundaries, and so I think it's so underestimated,

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Speaker 3: like people wouldn't identify. Oh, I need to get clear

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Speaker 3: on like my identity and my values to know my boundaries.

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Speaker 1: But that's honestly the first step. But before we get

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Speaker 1: into more, we are just going to take a quick

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Speaker 1: sponsorship break. A big thank you to all our sponsors

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Speaker 1: as guys, they're the reason we get to give you

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Speaker 1: such amazing content for free. This month's theme in the

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Speaker 1: Rise app is all about self love and self care.

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Speaker 1: One of my favorite ways to fill up my cup

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Speaker 1: on a low confidence day is to get super dressed up.

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Speaker 2: And just remember who I am.

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Speaker 1: I love doing my hair and makeup and putting on

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Speaker 1: something that makes me feel confident. And I personally love

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Speaker 1: using Lost Minerals makeup as it's clean beauty with no

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Speaker 1: The last team have been kind enough to give you

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Speaker 1: guys a discount code so you can use the code

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Speaker 1: Rise and Conquer at checkout. That's Rise A and D

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Speaker 1: conquer at Checkout. T's and c's are in the show notes.

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Speaker 1: Now let's get back into the episode.

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Speaker 3: So, G do you you have like a story for

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Speaker 3: us on a really big realization you've had when it

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Speaker 3: comes to boundaries, or like a moment where you've struggled

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Speaker 3: to enforce.

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Speaker 1: One and then you did and it paid off. Yes, well,

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Speaker 1: this is a little bit left field because this is

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Speaker 1: a recent realization. But first of all, I have been

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Speaker 1: someone who has been quite strict with my boundaries for

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Speaker 1: a very long time, and I honestly believe that's the

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Speaker 1: biggest contributing factor to that is that self identity, like

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Speaker 1: knowing what I wanted from the start, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: So when it was my law degree, it's like I

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Speaker 1: know who I wanted to be and what I wanted

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Speaker 1: and who I was, so I could be quite clear

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Speaker 1: in my boundaries when I started Naked Harvest, when I

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Speaker 1: became a mom, those sorts of things, And what I

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Speaker 1: find is refinement is the biggest thing for me. So

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Speaker 1: I am someone like I said, who's who's quite good

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Speaker 1: my boundaries. But there will often be these moments like,

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Speaker 1: for example, I am so prone to burnout because I

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Speaker 1: don't have enough boundaries with work, and because I love

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Speaker 1: what I do so much, I'm like, it's fine, I'll

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Speaker 1: just you know, accept.

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Speaker 2: That speaking gig.

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Speaker 1: I'll just do that extra podcast, I'll.

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Speaker 2: Launch that extra call.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. But I don't take into consideration, you know,

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Speaker 1: my energy feeling exhausted, and then later I pay for that.

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Speaker 1: And so that honestly has been my biggest boundary story.

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Speaker 1: And I think for me, it's not like this one

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Speaker 1: thing that happened that it's like, Okay, well this happened

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Speaker 1: and then my boundaries were sorted. It's consistent refinement and

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Speaker 1: that consistent.

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Speaker 2: What season am I in?

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Speaker 1: What are my priorities? And you know what's happening? So

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Speaker 1: very interesting, a little bit left field. I actually figured

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Speaker 1: this out on the weekend, me and Tim we're just

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Speaker 1: chatting about some things, and I was just kind of

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Speaker 1: saying to him because he went away for a couple

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Speaker 1: of nights on a retreat, and so it was just

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Speaker 1: me and Ivy and she was at DAYCA one of

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Speaker 1: the days, and then the other day we had a

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Speaker 1: babysit up. And I notice such a different energy from

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Speaker 1: me when I first of all, I notice towards the afternoon,

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Speaker 1: like the babysit like I told her I'll be home

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Speaker 1: at four.

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Speaker 2: That's just like she was getting paid till then.

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Speaker 1: And I noticed such a difference in me in feeling guilty.

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Speaker 1: And I noticed that when it's Tim at home with Ivy,

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Speaker 1: I feel quite guilty just in the afternoon in general.

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Speaker 1: And I have this like almost this sense of like,

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Speaker 1: oh I better get home, and you know, Tim's been

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Speaker 1: with Ivy all day and I need to almost go

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Speaker 1: and relieve him from his in job with Ivy. And

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Speaker 1: then so when the babysitter was looking after Ivy, I

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Speaker 1: didn't feel that and I had such a better energy.

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Speaker 1: Like I got home and I was like, Ivy, let's

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Speaker 1: go get some ice cream, and like we rode our

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Speaker 1: bikes and we got some ice cream. And I it's

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Speaker 1: so interesting because I reflected to Tim, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm actually leaking energy because I'm feeling guilty

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Speaker 1: for you being a stay at home dad.

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Speaker 4: Even though I even though I know you love it

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Speaker 4: and this is what you chose and like you absolutely

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Speaker 4: have the best life ever and I have the best

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Speaker 4: life ever.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm leaking energy around my boundaries with like

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Speaker 1: you being a stay at home dad, because I had

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Speaker 1: such a different experience when it was just the babysitter

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Speaker 1: and Ivy.

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Speaker 2: So it's not.

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Speaker 1: Ivy, Wow, it's Tim so and it's not Tim though.

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Speaker 1: It's whenever you think someone else is the problem, you're

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Speaker 1: the problem. And so I noted. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I've got like leaky energy here.

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Speaker 3: That is such a powerful realization, I know, and I'm shocked.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually shocked. Yeah. And I was like, this is

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Speaker 1: what I'm talking about refinement, and this is this is.

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Speaker 2: How boundaries can be sneaky.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I thought, I'm like, I've got no mum,

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Speaker 1: gil you know, living my best life.

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Speaker 2: Everyone's sorted. Tim's happy, Ivy's happy, Mom's happy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And it was like this little moment where I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: if I don't check in with this and if I

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Speaker 1: don't clear up this energy, this is going to be

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Speaker 1: something that is not sustainable and is going to take

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Speaker 1: from me in the long run. So slowly and sneakily.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I guess for.

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Speaker 1: Me, it was just a good realization where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I need to take my power back here. I need

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Speaker 1: to take ownership. In regards to Tim, chose to be

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Speaker 1: a stay at home dad, he loves what he does.

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Speaker 1: I chose to go to work. I love what I do.

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Speaker 1: IV is fine, this is perfect and yeah, it's like

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Speaker 1: an energetic boundary within myself. Wow, that's massive, I know.

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Speaker 1: So that was a really cool relization and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I can actually just let this go.

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Speaker 2: This is actually yeah, like.

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Speaker 1: There's not much work to do.

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Speaker 2: No, But it was.

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Speaker 1: The realization I needed to have because it was taking

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Speaker 1: energy from me.

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Speaker 2: M that's so interesting. Have you got any stories of boundaries?

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Speaker 1: I do. It's not as it's not as refined as yours.

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Speaker 1: Yet mine was honestly a bit wrong, but I love it.

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Speaker 3: Mine is a bit more basic in the sense that

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Speaker 3: I'd say maybe the past year year and a half,

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Speaker 3: I've actually started working on enforcing boundaries because I was

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Speaker 3: a massive people pleaser, to the point that I think,

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Speaker 3: especially growing up and in high school, it was something

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Speaker 3: I prided myself on, was being that person that was

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Speaker 3: available for everyone, able to do anything for anyone, Like

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Speaker 3: if you ask me, I'd do it.

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Speaker 2: I know ill tr no, I tim is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So that was me. And so.

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Speaker 3: I met the very like i'd say, earlier stage of

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Speaker 3: like starting with boundaries, and it was something I worked

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Speaker 3: really hard on last year because the guilt was such

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Speaker 3: a massive one for me, and like little things like

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Speaker 3: redefining what being selfish is and all that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 3: But I'd say my biggest turning point was I'd got

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Speaker 3: to the point where I was decent and enforcing boundaries

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Speaker 3: with people who were maybe in like my outer circle,

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Speaker 3: but I still had like a specific group of people

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Speaker 3: that I'd let boundaries slip for and for me. When

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Speaker 3: I was reflecting on that, I was like, well, then

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Speaker 3: it's actually just not a boundary, because if I'm letting

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Speaker 3: it slip sometimes and not other times, it's not really there.

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Speaker 3: And I had got to a point where I was

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Speaker 3: just so exhausted one week and I had plans with

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Speaker 3: like one of my best best friends and I had

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Speaker 3: to message her an hour being like, I actually just

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Speaker 3: can't it's not going to happen. I'm exhausted. And it

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Speaker 3: was only because I got to the point where I

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Speaker 3: knew I would hate myself more if I went than

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Speaker 3: if I didn't, because I still felt so guilty, Like

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Speaker 3: I felt so shit that entire night, but like the

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Speaker 3: next day she was fine. I was fine, Like the

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Speaker 3: world didn't end. And for me, that was a massive

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Speaker 3: turning point. And even though it felt so uncomfortable, I

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Speaker 3: was like, well, it's not actually that deep.

438
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,639
Speaker 1: I actually respect people so much more when they respect

439
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: their boundaries. Yeah, if someone messages me and goes, hey,

440
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 1: look if I show up, I'm not going to be

441
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 1: my best self, and you know, I this is something

442
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: I've realized I should have said no to blah blah blah.

443
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 1: I'm like respect. Yeah, I'm perfect because I didn't.

444
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:51,119
Speaker 2: Want to do it anyway.

445
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

446
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,959
Speaker 3: Where it's like when you wanted to cancel but then

447
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 3: they cancel on.

448
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 1: You, like manifested it no joke that happened the other

449
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: I had blocked out a day for my best friend,

450
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: and I have not seen her in twenty twenty four.

451
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 1: I haven't seen her yet in twenty twenty four and

452
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 1: we blocked out a date fine and see each other.

453
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 2: And the day before I text.

454
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: Her, I'm like, how off me would you be if

455
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 1: I cancel this foe? Because I just had shit on

456
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,479
Speaker 1: and she was like, I honestly forgot.

457
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,159
Speaker 2: She's like this is perfect. I feel like shit, Like

458
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 2: I think I'm getting sick.

459
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 1: And I was like, thank you Universe, like this is

460
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: I was like, why was it? Because I was a

461
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: little bit oh sha even text her yeah, should I

462
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 1: just do it? And I'm like why did I doubt myself?

463
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: Like this is the vibe?

464
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 3: And I think if you're someone like me who struggles

465
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 3: with boundaries, the best thing is to just sit in

466
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 3: the uncomfort and do it once and then you'll be fine.

467
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like practice. It's literally just practice of like

468
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 1: being uncomfortable. You know who I do struggle to put

469
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: boundaries in place, Like the only people I struggle to

470
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: put boundaries in place like everyone else I'm sortin.

471
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 2: Is my parents.

472
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: Interesting, Yeah, and I think it's because of that approval,

473
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: like that how I still want to be the good

474
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,959
Speaker 1: girl for them? That's really interesting. And then because I

475
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 1: like figured this out in a session the other day

476
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:16,199
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I think I am like

477
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: this like direct, like got my boundaries.

478
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 2: But with mom and dad, I'm like a little bit like, oh,

479
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 2: it's fine, it's fine. Interesting.

480
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 3: And do you feel like you wouldn't have their approval

481
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 3: if you put boundaries in?

482
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: No? I would, Yeah, I know I would. But it's

483
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 1: more they are my parents are the biggest people pleasers,

484
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: and they'll absolutely attest us. They're like, yeah, we are,

485
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 1: So I think it's more I'm like, oh, they would

486
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: do it for me. Yeah, you know, Like I'm like, oh,

487
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: they're so sweet and they would literally do anything for me.

488
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: It's fine, right, And sometimes even like I'll prioritize them

489
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: over like tim or something because I'm like, oh, which

490
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: is interesting because that just goes to show how much

491
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 1: you as a human affect your child.

492
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, they do only really affect me. That's so sweet.

493
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 1: And I hope I hope fucking imy is the same

494
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: for me. He like puts out of boundaries.

495
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 4: I'm like this be.

496
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,959
Speaker 1: Then I know I'm taught a Well, should we go

497
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: through a couple of steps just to help some beginners

498
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: with people pleasing? Yes? Okay, So like I kind of

499
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: said the first step is take some time to just

500
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: really reflect on and you don't have to have it

501
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: all figured out, but where you're currently at in life,

502
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 1: like who you are, what your values are, what's important

503
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: to you, and just have some clarity around that. I

504
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: would be putting that on your vision board or on

505
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: your phone as like a reminder for you of like

506
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: what's my current season?

507
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 2: What am I prioritizing?

508
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: I love that.

509
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 3: The next one is to practice assertive communication. So learn

510
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 3: to express your boundaries clearly and directly, because that is

511
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 3: how they're going to come across the best if you're

512
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 3: not secure in them, and when you say them to others,

513
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 3: they're not going to be secure in it either. So

514
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 3: try and use I statements to assert your needs instead

515
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 3: of being like passive aggressive or anything like that. So

516
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 3: I feel I need I am yeah, not you, yeah yeah,

517
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 3: nothing about the other person.

518
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 2: That's something I always do.

519
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 1: I've been really practicing with Tim is being in this

520
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: assertive communication but still loving because I can be very

521
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: reactive where it's almost like I'm frustrated that he doesn't

522
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 1: know my needs and I can just like explode and

523
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,239
Speaker 1: I'm like I can have a venom, miss tongue and

524
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: just be like straight in for the kill. But I've

525
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: been practicing compassionate assertive communication, and so an example for

526
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: this is I so I'll start off with I love

527
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: and respect you so much, but how you're speaking to

528
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: me right now doesn't sit well with me, and I

529
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 1: just want you to take a moment to.

530
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 2: Think about that. I love that.

531
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 1: So that's kind of like, you know, if he's getting

532
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: quite reactive, like, yeah, I love.

533
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: You, I respect you. I know you're frustrated.

534
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: I know you're going through a lot right now, but

535
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: I'm just letting you know that it's a boundary for

536
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: me the way you're speaking to me.

537
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 2: So can we just take a moment? I love that.

538
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 3: And I think on the asserte of communication, if you

539
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 3: ever hear someone say something or get a text where

540
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 3: someone's enforcing a boundary and you're like that's amazing, take

541
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 3: a screenshot of it and just keep a little bank

542
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 3: so that if you're on a day where you might

543
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 3: be feeling a bit reactive and you just like need

544
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 3: that little prompt to help you write the message to

545
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 3: enforce the boundary, You've got that there.

546
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: So the next one is if you're someone who doesn't

547
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: enforce boundaries and you're just like a total people pleaserreh,

548
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: start small, don't go.

549
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 3: Straight in for the kill, and just like you know,

550
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 3: set like ten boundaries at once.

551
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it will.

552
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 1: Be overwhelming and it's uncomfortable, and like a tear said,

553
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,239
Speaker 1: is you need to be able to sit in that

554
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: uncomfortableness and hold it.

555
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 2: And that's like.

556
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: Truly how you will then build that muscle of enforcing

557
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: your boundaries.

558
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 2: So start small.

559
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: It can just be you know that, a sort of

560
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: communication in a couple of areas of your life, and

561
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: then start practicing that. The next one is to be consistent.

562
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 3: I think with anything, especially boundaries, is like look at

563
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 3: it as forming a habit. So the more consistent you

564
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 3: are with it, the easier it will become. And also

565
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 3: with boundaries, like when you let it slip once, it's

566
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 3: a lot easier to let it slip again, So try

567
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: really hard not to but also give yourself grace because

568
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 3: there's always going to be circumstances where you might not

569
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 3: be able to stick to it. Yeah.

570
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: You know what I think can help with that is

571
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: before you say yes to anything, have a moment I

572
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 1: actually in my human design should not be saying yes

573
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 1: to anything first thing. Yeah, I should always be taking

574
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 1: at least twenty four hours.

575
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and to like let.

576
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: It sit on my body and be like do I

577
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: actually want to do that? Yeah? And so if you

578
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 1: are someone who's quite reactive, like you said to, you're like, oh, yes,

579
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: whatever you need.

580
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 2: Literally, like the first step could.

581
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: Be is just like I'll let you know tomorrow. I'm

582
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 1: just gonna take some time to think about it. Yeah.

583
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: I love that. That's a great response. And then what's

584
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: good is like they're gonna think twice about that, be like,

585
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 1: oh fuck, I actually have to think about it.

586
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,239
Speaker 2: Do I actually need them or you know? It just

587
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 2: it creates that little bit of room.

588
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: In between you to have clarity, so set consequences, so

589
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: clearly communicate the consequences of violating your boundaries and be

590
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: prepared to follow through. I'm just like laughing because I

591
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: do not do this well with Ivy.

592
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 2: I'm like, don't you do that?

593
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: Those you won't get a lolly? She gets a lully,

594
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 1: Yeah she does. And then I'm like, fuck, so I

595
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: don't have the best boundaries with Ivy. I'm having that

596
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: moment right now, it's fine, we've got time, but make

597
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: sure you don't be me and set clear consequences. Do

598
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: you have a good example for this, tt I have

599
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: a good hypothetical. Okay. So for example, say.

600
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 3: You might be like in a relationship and you don't

601
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 3: like the person, you don't like the way the person's

602
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 3: talking to you, ye, and you say to them very clearly,

603
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 3: I am not going to entertain what you're saying if

604
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 3: you speak to me that way, or.

605
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: I will not accept the way that you were speaking

606
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: to me.

607
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 3: And if you don't remove yourself, if they cross that boundary,

608
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 3: then you're just showing them that that's not really a

609
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 3: thing for you, because boundaries aren't said shown, and you

610
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 3: need to remove yourself if you need to be prepared

611
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 3: to follow through on the consequence.

612
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: Otherwise don't give the consequence. I'm laughing so hard because

613
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: this is something Tim does that absolutely triggers the fuck

614
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: out of me. If we're having conversation and he'll go,

615
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: I'm not speaking about this right now and no, and

616
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: he'll walk away, and I'm like, we ask me here.

617
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 4: Right now, and I am so angry because I'm like.

618
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: No, we ask and he's like, I'm not speaking, and

619
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: he holds the boundaries sor right, and nothing makes me

620
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: more angry.

621
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: So that's so interesting.

622
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: I'm just having a moment now I'm like, am I

623
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: the problem? And it's like, I don't know, it feels

624
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: who gets that.

625
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 3: The last one is to sink support. So I think

626
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 3: when you first start enforcing boundaries, it's so important to

627
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 3: have supportive people around you who will understand where you're

628
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 3: coming from and even like let them know, like, hey,

629
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 3: this is something I'm actively working on at the moment,

630
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 3: so please respect Like if I cancel or if I

631
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 3: say no to things, it's just because I'm working out

632
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 3: where my boundaries lie and sit. It's not because I

633
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 3: don't love you anymore and stuff like that. And if

634
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 3: they aren't having a good reaction to that, then you

635
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 3: then need to have like a little bit of a

636
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 3: reflection of like is this someone who I really want

637
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 3: staying around if they're not respecting my boundaries? Because I

638
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 3: think more often than not, as soon as you start

639
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 3: enforcing boundaries, especially if it's for the first time, you

640
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 3: will notice people start to fall away, and usually it's

641
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 3: because they were the people abusing the boundary or lack

642
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:43,959
Speaker 3: of boundaries so.

643
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaker 2: Important, so important? All right, guys.

644
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 1: To finish, we're just gonna give you some prompts, some

645
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 1: things to think about before you say yes anything and everything.

646
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 3: The first question, does this align with my current priorities

647
00:34:58,680 --> 00:34:59,720
Speaker 3: and goals.

648
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: Phill Saying yes to this compromise my well being or

649
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 1: existing commitments. Do I have the necessary resources to commit

650
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,280
Speaker 1: to this? Can I negotiate or adjust the terms.

651
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 2: Of this to suit me better?

652
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 1: How does this make me feel?

653
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 2: We'll doing this? Fill up my cup or drain my car?

654
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,879
Speaker 3: And those are the questions. You'll know the answer by

655
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 3: the end of answering all those. I think totally.

656
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 1: And that's what I mean is like, take a moment,

657
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 1: take a moment to answer those questions, think about it,

658
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: and you will know.

659
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 2: Practice this.

660
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:37,800
Speaker 1: It honestly just takes practice. But we are all boundary queens. Okay,

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Speaker 1: remember that.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And if you need any support, hop into the

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00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 3: Facebook group because it is a great supportive place. And

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Speaker 3: we'll see you guys in the next episode.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Thank you so much for listening

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Speaker 1: to another episode of the Rise and Conquered podcast. If

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00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it and want more, come connect with us

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00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: on Instagram at Riseanconquer dot podcast and join our Facebook

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Speaker 1: discussion group, a Rise and Conquer podcast community.

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Speaker 2: We're an independent.

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Speaker 1: Podcast and we have a small team, so we do

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00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 1: appreciate your time and support. If you have a spare moment,

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00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: a follow or subscribe on whatever platform you listen to

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00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: would be so amazing, And look, if you're feeling extra kind,

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Speaker 1: a review on Apple Podcasts would be great.