Speaker 1: You were saying that men's rings.
Speaker 2: Are well, men are a hard audience. Yeah, to make
Speaker 2: profitable returns for it.
Speaker 1: But also like we break and we lose shit. We
Speaker 1: don't take care of those sort of things as much
Speaker 1: as the women. Folks.
Speaker 2: Where's your wedding ring?
Speaker 1: I don't often wear it, but I was saying that
Speaker 1: I lost a ring ages years ago.
Speaker 2: Not your wedding ring.
Speaker 1: No, No, it was before that. April got me a
Speaker 1: ring for something. Anyway. How I lost it was I
Speaker 1: was jerking off what and I dribbled a bit down
Speaker 1: my hand. Ah, I've wiped my hand with some toilet
Speaker 1: power and then thrown it in the bit and flushed
Speaker 1: it before I realized that the ring had come off with.
Speaker 2: The that's so disappointing.
Speaker 1: I'm one big piece of disappointment.
Speaker 2: It's so disappointing where something that should bring you joy
Speaker 2: ends up hurting you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. And then I was like, April was like,
Speaker 1: where's the ring going? I was like, can't find it.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to two Dating Dads.
Speaker 1: I am Maddie Jay and I'm Ash.
Speaker 2: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
Speaker 2: it is the bad.
Speaker 1: And the episode relatable and.
Speaker 2: If you have come wanting some advice, Unfortunately, this is
Speaker 2: not I repeat not the podcast for you. You will
Speaker 2: not be as I'm sure you can tell from that intro.
Speaker 2: We don't sit here and dish at any type of
Speaker 2: advice at all. But we are two parents whilst trying
Speaker 2: very hard, making lots of mistakes.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think you got through that entrance really good.
Speaker 1: Then I just listened to the episode coming out this week.
Speaker 2: What we're doing? What have the name of this podcast?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Again, but no, we're back, We're good, good, We're okay,
Speaker 2: We're surviving.
Speaker 1: I'm surviving. I have one of those days. Yesterday I
Speaker 1: was saying.
Speaker 2: I know you got injured.
Speaker 1: Mate.
Speaker 2: Also, when you messaged me and you told me you
Speaker 2: had an injury, I'm sorry for not giving you nothing.
Speaker 2: I didn't. Sorry so rude.
Speaker 1: I was like, I would have been on my deathbed
Speaker 1: and you were like not today.
Speaker 2: I think it's it's a rich to call it a
Speaker 2: deathbed experience.
Speaker 1: You don't know that, Please tell tell the listeners. It's
Speaker 1: just one of those days where like, oh.
Speaker 2: Wait, sorry, sorry, before before we should have a beer.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, yes, very true. So, as we always do,
Speaker 1: we talk about what we're drinking today thanks to our
Speaker 1: partners at Stonewood and today is something very special, something
Speaker 1: very different. Something some would say is limited.
Speaker 2: It's very limited.
Speaker 1: Actually, it's very very limited.
Speaker 2: It's hard to find these.
Speaker 1: I know it's really hard to find it. We're talking
Speaker 1: about the new Mango pale a. Some are saying it's
Speaker 1: Summer in a can.
Speaker 2: What it's made with real manga pure ash. I don't
Speaker 2: want to talk about it too much long as I
Speaker 2: just really want to have a sip.
Speaker 1: There's got that also, it's got those Galaxy hops in
Speaker 1: it as well.
Speaker 2: They love the Galaxy hopton.
Speaker 1: Now we both haven't tried this, so let's crack it
Speaker 1: open and then we'll give you my feedback. At you one, two, three, Oh, cheers.
Speaker 2: Cheers my friends, Thank you. Oh that smell is very fruity.
Speaker 2: Oh that's smooth.
Speaker 1: Yeah mango, that's lovely Funny that you can really taste
Speaker 1: the puree.
Speaker 2: You can, no preservatives, no additives.
Speaker 1: Yes, one six, that's easy drinking. Thank you very much,
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Grab a slice of Summer in
Speaker 1: a Can from Stonewood dot com dot au, or you
Speaker 1: can shop at First Choice Liquor Land nationwide and select
Speaker 1: vintage sellers from Matthew from mid Fab.
Speaker 2: I will also say ash, I'm a big fan of
Speaker 2: the can. It's delicious. Whoever designed that? I just say, well,
Speaker 2: it's nice, it's.
Speaker 1: A beautiful can. And of course what we like to
Speaker 1: do is Thankstone would for them, this wouldn't be possible
Speaker 1: our partners in crime. Thank you very much and thank
Speaker 1: you for providing the beers.
Speaker 2: Where were we talking about?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, sorry, your injury injury. Let's hear well you walk
Speaker 2: and I just say you walked in fine?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah I'm fine. I'm not fine, jury's out and
Speaker 1: whether I'm fine?
Speaker 2: So what happened? We were talking about again the beach.
Speaker 1: So yesterday was just one of those days that parents
Speaker 1: have where everything's a struggle from getting up, getting the
Speaker 1: kids up out. It's going to be a very hot day.
Speaker 1: So let's get in early so we can go somewhere
Speaker 1: and actually get a car park that's not ten k's
Speaker 1: away from the beach, because all of a sudden everyone
Speaker 1: wants to go to the beach.
Speaker 2: I blame nippers are a bloody nightmare.
Speaker 1: Did you have a nippers?
Speaker 2: I did? I lived on the Sunny Coast, for a
Speaker 2: year in grade one. I've been around where I maybe
Speaker 2: I didn't do nippers. I think it was my sister,
Speaker 2: but juries out whether or I get the girls into.
Speaker 1: Oh I got to do it, kid, Yeah, northy.
Speaker 2: When's Oscar going to start nippers? Oh?
Speaker 1: I think next year, maybe next summer. We'll get on
Speaker 1: to nippers later, but I think it's a very good idea.
Speaker 1: One of those days, you're struggling, struggling, struggle get him
Speaker 1: to the beach. Then you get to the beach and
Speaker 1: then they're like winging and complain about and blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Anyway, we're leaving the beach, time to
Speaker 1: go home because maybe still does the midday nap, which
Speaker 1: I love because then I get a midday naight and
Speaker 1: you know how much I love my vida. And you
Speaker 1: know what it's like trying to round up the kids
Speaker 1: like they've covered in sand. It's a fucking nightmare. So
Speaker 1: we're trying to get them back into the car. Right,
Speaker 1: this is the first thing that's really happened. And there's
Speaker 1: nothing worse than wrangling your kids, like being frustrated that
Speaker 1: they're not listening, trying to get him into a hot
Speaker 1: car so you can start the car.
Speaker 2: Do you wash them? Do you get a shower?
Speaker 1: And they hate that.
Speaker 2: It's like washing the acid. One of the hardest things
Speaker 2: about leaving the beach is trying to convince them to
Speaker 2: like get under the water.
Speaker 1: I know, I try and trick them. Now, just be like,
Speaker 1: just use the little tap at bottom. And then I
Speaker 1: turned the big one on the so we've done that.
Speaker 1: I've tricked them anyway. So there's nothing worse than like
Speaker 1: trying to wrangle and get everything to get no one's
Speaker 1: listening to you, and then you accidentally hurt yourself. And
Speaker 1: that's what happened, having a dig at these kids to
Speaker 1: get in your car seat. They want to play in
Speaker 1: the car. They've karen on and I've come around the
Speaker 1: corner at the back of the car, not looking, not
Speaker 1: looking at what I'm walking on because the car next
Speaker 1: to me door is open up against my car, so
Speaker 1: I'm concentrating on that. And you know those little concrete
Speaker 1: things at the back of a car park that you
Speaker 1: can roll your tires up against. It's like a pillar thing. Yes, familiar,
Speaker 1: whushka second toe from the end kicked it without looking
Speaker 1: at it at full agitated pays and I went down, baby,
Speaker 1: laid down to the ground.
Speaker 2: You used to play soccer, so you've got a strong
Speaker 2: kick on you. And I can only image how it
Speaker 2: must have felt, how.
Speaker 1: I felt, the wrath of like I went to kids, Well,
Speaker 1: they their fault, their fault.
Speaker 2: Because like what I mean here, he's like, what would
Speaker 2: the car do? This is on you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you weren't in the car. I was trying
Speaker 1: to get you to sit in your seat. So that's
Speaker 1: the first thing. And I went down like a sack
Speaker 1: of shit. And it's I can't explain the feeling of
Speaker 1: like you've been so frustrated and then that happening. But
Speaker 1: it happened more than once. Yes, so can I see
Speaker 1: the toe? Yeah, give us a little bok.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, can you get that on camera? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 2: hold it up a bit closer. There it is, come
Speaker 2: across this way.
Speaker 1: Okay. I'm not that flexible.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, So.
Speaker 1: That was the first thing that happened. Free foot content.
Speaker 2: It does have a bit of a bruise on there.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, first of all for not paying you any
Speaker 2: attention when you messaged me yesterday.
Speaker 1: I think the end's broken.
Speaker 2: You can't do anything about those broken toes.
Speaker 1: That'd be the second toe. Second toe in like six months,
Speaker 1: I broke I broke the other one.
Speaker 2: How did you break the other one?
Speaker 1: I kicked it the same thing, but on the corner
Speaker 1: of the kitchen because I was chasing after Maisie who
Speaker 1: had a knife. Why did you always find the knives?
Speaker 1: They probably just stop leaving on the ground. So then
Speaker 1: the second thing was later on in the afternoon. Just
Speaker 1: a full day of this garbage. I can't barely walk
Speaker 1: because my foot hurt so much, and I was yelling
Speaker 1: at the kids to get in the bath, Get in
Speaker 1: the bath, Come on. I've made like they're just like
Speaker 1: marking around. And in our hallway. We've got a linen
Speaker 1: cupboard with the door handle that's clearly sticks out like
Speaker 1: door handles do. I went to pick up a toy
Speaker 1: that was on the ground in front of the door,
Speaker 1: picked it up, leant back up and went bang the
Speaker 1: back of my head on a door handle. Instant headache.
Speaker 1: April's doing the concussion test. I'm livered at this point,
Speaker 1: took off, had a tantrum.
Speaker 2: How's that door looking.
Speaker 1: It's just a few indents, no holes, thank god, because
Speaker 1: I've done that once before and it's a rental. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like anyway, so it's just one thing after another.
Speaker 1: And then also what happened yesterday is that Macey like
Speaker 1: she must have been constipated or something. So I'm just
Speaker 1: like trying to get her to do a poosh was
Speaker 1: clearly uncomfortable, right, And eventually, after crying and trying to
Speaker 1: push this poo out. And I've said it before, girls
Speaker 1: pooh heart out, boys.
Speaker 2: Only when they're toddlers, and once they hit the teens,
Speaker 2: they actually stopped pooing.
Speaker 1: And they don't pooh anymore. Rose pearls come out. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: roses really smell like poof.
Speaker 2: That's why they pooh so much when they're toddlers, because
Speaker 2: they have to get all that pooh out when they're
Speaker 2: adults and.
Speaker 1: They don't anymore. Yeah, I told you about that my
Speaker 1: friends whose wife only poohs when he's asleep. It's wild still,
Speaker 1: so Maytie, I no wonder she was so And I
Speaker 1: need you to brace yourself for this.
Speaker 2: You're gonna show me the shop.
Speaker 1: I'm going to show you the ships. It was.
Speaker 2: I've been well since we've spoken about kids, ship I
Speaker 2: feel are you ready to Oh my god, show.
Speaker 1: Me the girth. Oh for those at home, it looks
Speaker 1: like one of those girthy pickles that we've been given
Speaker 1: the NRL boys.
Speaker 2: Is that a bit of capsicle at the end?
Speaker 1: It's Plato?
Speaker 2: Those plate scheet is unbelievable.
Speaker 1: If you swipe to the next photo, you can see
Speaker 1: the person who it came out of, the tiny little girl.
Speaker 1: She's like happy is Larry after that?
Speaker 2: Oh? My days? That must have is sure April didn't
Speaker 2: do that?
Speaker 1: How is it though?
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, I've never seen anything like it?
Speaker 1: What did you do with it? It's still kept it
Speaker 1: in a box, a glass box, and you can't flush
Speaker 1: that went straight out to the big bins. If I
Speaker 1: had to flush that, I had to call the plumber.
Speaker 1: It's ginormous. That's the biggest shit I've ever seen.
Speaker 2: How much did that way?
Speaker 1: It was pretty like lofty?
Speaker 2: I mean, can we show people that ship can put
Speaker 2: that on on socials?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Like that's wow.
Speaker 1: Surely that's got to be a record. How did it
Speaker 1: come out with you?
Speaker 2: There's got to be some kind of record out there.
Speaker 2: When you compare the ratio of like Pooh to the
Speaker 2: person who did it. It's ginamous, like that's like the
Speaker 2: size of her leg.
Speaker 1: Anyway, that was my day yesterday.
Speaker 2: That's my girl.
Speaker 1: I was like, you got to be proud. Yep.
Speaker 2: How long did it take her to get that?
Speaker 1: Out? Of? An hour? So I have dealing with that
Speaker 1: with a headache, a concussion and a fucking broken toe.
Speaker 2: Oh wish I could ship like that, I do.
Speaker 1: You know? How could that it feel coming out of
Speaker 1: your eyes?
Speaker 2: So cathartic. I'd pay good money to have that come
Speaker 2: out of me.
Speaker 1: Anyway, she's not going to ship for a year now,
Speaker 1: Nah you think Jesus. Anyway, that was me yesterday. Mate.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, again, apologies you deserve from me. You didn't
Speaker 2: get it.
Speaker 1: I didn't get it.
Speaker 2: But hey, speaking of shit, we're just gonna talk about
Speaker 2: shit all day. I just want to say, really, really quickly,
Speaker 2: you had a little laugh at my stories. Yesterday. We
Speaker 2: went to a new park on the weekend. We had
Speaker 2: like a little game of tennis with a girl.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: They loved it. There was a park next door. Once
Speaker 2: our booking ran out, I thought we'll go along to
Speaker 2: this park. And it's not one we normally go to
Speaker 2: because it's it's like, you know, a bit of a
Speaker 2: drive from our place. Normally the park for us is
Speaker 2: always walking distance. Yes, you walk back to and and
Speaker 2: Laura had her coffee, a large soy cap in her hand,
Speaker 2: thank you very much.
Speaker 1: Who inducing soy cap?
Speaker 2: And she's looking really worried. She was like looking a
Speaker 2: little bit panicked. And I was like, what's wrong. And
Speaker 2: she's like scanning, scanning, scanning, and I'm like, are you okay,
Speaker 2: and she goes, I'm about to ship myself. And the
Speaker 2: issue was that this particular park in Bondi no public toilets,
Speaker 2: none whatsoever. What happened, well, she started freaking out. So
Speaker 2: she starts like walking across the field like trying to
Speaker 2: there's a church building next door, and she's like, is
Speaker 2: that surely there's public toilets in now, And I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't think there are. So she's like storming across
Speaker 2: the pitch, yawning for a toilet. Couldn't find one. Couldn't
Speaker 2: find one. So kids are having a great time in
Speaker 2: the park, Oh new park, loving it. We're like, we
Speaker 2: have to go home. Only been at the park for
Speaker 2: like fifteen minutes. The Laura was about to shoot herself.
Speaker 1: So did she make it?
Speaker 2: She made it. And I do just want to say
Speaker 2: for anyone who's in a situation where they are about
Speaker 2: to ship themselves and they can't find a toilet, there
Speaker 2: is an app out there. It's called oh.
Speaker 1: There's an app for this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the flush toilet finder app Wow tells you exactly
Speaker 2: where all the public toilets are.
Speaker 1: You only found these after because everyone.
Speaker 2: I got so many messages for people saying, hey, dude,
Speaker 2: there's an Yeah. I shit all the time, like a
Speaker 2: couple of times a day, and I always have to
Speaker 2: like know where I'm going, where the closest toilet is.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, so far, So I get that checked.
Speaker 2: So yeah, just quickly for anyone who does.
Speaker 1: And you know me, I frequently shipped myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah you should, like four times a day.
Speaker 1: Speaking of shooting myself, I have done it again.
Speaker 2: Go on.
Speaker 1: I was going to a mate's house on Friday to
Speaker 1: go through like his wedding prep stuff because I'm the
Speaker 1: MC for his wedding. So and he was like, come up,
Speaker 1: we'll have a barbecue, have a couple of beers, go
Speaker 1: through it, you know, so it's not such a chore.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh easy, so they like it.
Speaker 1: It's like a twelve dollars uber. I was like, i's
Speaker 1: get an uber up there, uber back. Not that I'm poor,
Speaker 1: but twelve dollars to dolls. And I was out the
Speaker 1: front waiting for the uber, and I thought I could
Speaker 1: squeeze out a little fart before getting into the uber.
Speaker 2: I know where this is going.
Speaker 1: It was liquid.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, it was.
Speaker 1: A little bit wet.
Speaker 2: It was too late, speaking of you're so quick to
Speaker 2: say to someone else, get that down for goodness sake,
Speaker 2: if you were doing liquid shits when you're trying to fart.
Speaker 1: It was just a bit wet. It was a bit wet.
Speaker 1: It was just a bit wet, and I it was
Speaker 1: too late to cancel the uber. Don't get that, thankfully.
Speaker 1: It was like a big key carnival. It was like, oh,
Speaker 1: sit in the seventh throw. Thanks And then I got
Speaker 1: there and I text my mate and I was like,
Speaker 1: just so you know, I'm going to have to just
Speaker 1: go straight to the bathroom your house. I think I
Speaker 1: was shipped myself and I'm in the back of this uber.
Speaker 1: Tried not to smell right now or I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm still like I'm sure.
Speaker 2: You like, actually no air con, just wind the windows.
Speaker 1: Down fresh air conditioning and then got there went checked
Speaker 1: little sharp, So I apologize to the Uber driver. I
Speaker 1: wonder why I only got one star, but I just thought,
Speaker 1: actually completely forgot because I was so embarrassed. I buried
Speaker 1: it so deep. But Laura's vulnerability has been able to
Speaker 1: let me tell my story. Thank you, Laura.
Speaker 2: There is nothing more stressful than that feeling of like
Speaker 2: if I was to relax right now, I would shit myself.
Speaker 2: And knowing that you're so far from your own toilet,
Speaker 2: and also not knowing where the nearest toilet is. That's
Speaker 2: an anxiety that I wish upon no one.
Speaker 1: No, I've got anxiety as it is. That would be
Speaker 1: something I just don't need. My asshole was just decided
Speaker 1: to let it happen. Just shit yourself, bro.
Speaker 2: This podcast really didn't talk a lot about shit anyway.
Speaker 1: Just today that's enough about shit.
Speaker 2: Well, this one's not shit related. Two things I want
Speaker 2: to talk about ashes really quickly. The first is just
Speaker 2: a quick update on Lola. Oh yeah, quick little update
Speaker 2: on Lola. I have been talking a lot about the
Speaker 2: fact that she hates me, does not want anything to
Speaker 2: do with me. I made such good progress on the weekend.
Speaker 2: It's making such good progress. A lot of people said
Speaker 2: to me. All you need to do is make sure
Speaker 2: that you guys have little experiences together, just the two
Speaker 2: of you, things that she and enjoys. Just keep doing that,
Speaker 2: keep chipping away, and she'll turn it around and she'll
Speaker 2: come good and she'll start to like you again. So
Speaker 2: all weekend I was putting in so much effort. She
Speaker 2: could have come at me with a knife, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's fine, you can stab me.
Speaker 1: We're all away.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to say no to you at all.
Speaker 2: So we went to the park. We've got Baby Chino's.
Speaker 2: We did painting together, just anything that she wanted to do.
Speaker 2: I was like, this is great. As long as you're happy,
Speaker 2: I don't care. And then on the couch a bit
Speaker 2: a quiet time in the afternoon, she let me cuddle
Speaker 2: her as we're watching TV, and I was like, hall.
Speaker 1: Au halle halleu yah, hall are you what's fun? Halleyll helleluyah, hallelujah.
Speaker 2: This is good.
Speaker 1: At four or five deep, hallelujah.
Speaker 2: There we go. Sorry for everyone playing. Oh I'm having
Speaker 2: a stroke.
Speaker 1: Hall are you yeah.
Speaker 2: So anyway, she's letting me cuddle her nice and afterwards
Speaker 2: she's like, Daddy, can we make a thought together? And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, yeah, absolutely, we can make a
Speaker 2: thought together. I thought you'd never ask, and I did
Speaker 2: something sent me back, Oh what did you do? Damn shame?
Speaker 1: He called her Maley or something.
Speaker 2: As we went into the room downstairs to build a fort.
Speaker 2: And this was this was a silly little mistake. It
Speaker 2: was an accident.
Speaker 1: We all make mistakes.
Speaker 2: And she was in front of me, right and this
Speaker 2: is how stupid the mistake was. She was in front
Speaker 2: of me, she stopped and I didn't realize it. She
Speaker 2: went to turn around because she forgot something. I was
Speaker 2: right behind her with my phone in my front pocket,
Speaker 2: and so she's turned around and gone to walk out
Speaker 2: the door. She's just come in and she's headbutted the
Speaker 2: phone in my pocket.
Speaker 1: Oh straight back down.
Speaker 2: Then, dude, she's on her back screaming, looking at me
Speaker 2: as if like why have you done this to me?
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: They don't understand accidents.
Speaker 2: And Laura's like, what have you done? And I was like,
Speaker 2: I just crash tag try And so.
Speaker 1: They don't understand that it's an accident, Like I was
Speaker 1: wiping oscars but the other day and he was bent over,
Speaker 1: but I wiped a little too hard and got he
Speaker 1: got off balanced access and just head buttoned the ground.
Speaker 1: And it was like it was a clearly accident. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to kill my child, and he just couldn't
Speaker 1: understand it was an act. I'm like, bro, that was
Speaker 1: an accident, you know, like you can't explain it to them,
Speaker 1: And she's turned around into you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm just like, I like, essentially just need
Speaker 2: her in the face.
Speaker 1: Be more careful, bro, Just so keen to building. So
Speaker 1: now what you're back?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she wouldn't let me touch it. Tried to
Speaker 2: feel for you, trying to read her a story at
Speaker 2: night time, just like nah, I don't want to have it,
Speaker 2: or you're the go try to Soon as they come
Speaker 2: to the doorway, she's.
Speaker 1: Like you, how quickly you can become public enemy number
Speaker 1: one in your own house? So what's the plan? What's next? Well?
Speaker 1: Do you have to build back up again?
Speaker 2: Well? So, okay, So the thing is the thing that
Speaker 2: I've realized when she doesn't hate me, it's where she
Speaker 2: knows that Laura is like not an option. So if
Speaker 2: we're like outside of the.
Speaker 1: House, we have to off Laura.
Speaker 2: So I need someone to get rid of Laura.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're taking applicants to do that job for me.
Speaker 2: So there is a cruise coming up, Ash that you're
Speaker 2: going on. I'm thinking about coming potentially to four day cruise,
Speaker 2: and I'm thinking about coming and bringing Laura and Marley
Speaker 2: without Laura, purely with the objective.
Speaker 1: You know what's going to happen. What's love uncle Ad?
Speaker 1: And I'll be like, we want to hang out.
Speaker 2: With So it's not until March, so I've got a
Speaker 2: bit of time.
Speaker 1: I'll come round quick.
Speaker 2: To be honest, I'm nervous. I don't know. I feel
Speaker 2: like it could go either way. It could be a
Speaker 2: night man. My kids could just hate me for four
Speaker 2: nights straight. Marley likes me. Mom is good. Yeah, Lola,
Speaker 2: I just like she cannot go to sleep.
Speaker 1: We can just bitch about her. Heaps make you feel better?
Speaker 1: Who oh when she is asleep, we'll be like, what
Speaker 1: about would you did that? Because that's like, well, should
Speaker 1: be asleep make you feel better?
Speaker 2: I feel like a piece of shit.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, so I think I'll feel good.
Speaker 2: I think the plan would be to just create some
Speaker 2: beautiful memories without Laura.
Speaker 1: Forget who Laura is.
Speaker 2: For the fact, the most important part.
Speaker 1: I think you can probably gauge out it's going to
Speaker 1: go when you break the news to Lola, Like we're
Speaker 1: gonna go on a cruise, but a big boat. Kids
Speaker 1: love boats, but your mum's not coming. Yeah, exactly, and
Speaker 1: you'll know, like, well.
Speaker 2: Then what do I do if she turns around like
Speaker 2: night one, being like because she will not go to sleep,
Speaker 2: I'll make a decision, and the day off, I'll make
Speaker 2: a decision in the coming days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the I think the plans bulletproof.
Speaker 2: Oh actually, also, can I just quickly say before we
Speaker 2: get into meltdowns, we had Laura's birthday. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, gone,
Speaker 2: and I forget like Christmas is great because the kids
Speaker 2: have like equal presence.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah right.
Speaker 2: The hardest thing about a birthday is trying to explain
Speaker 2: to one child why you get nothing and the other one.
Speaker 1: That I understand, gets everything. That's why we just don't
Speaker 1: throw birthdays for Oscar.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a bloody night that we we had, like
Speaker 2: the morning on.
Speaker 1: What do people do there? Like, what did you do?
Speaker 1: Like you obviously just had the experience, but did you
Speaker 1: have like a contingency plan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we had to get Marley some gifts as well.
Speaker 2: So we had this like the kids are obsessed with makeup,
Speaker 2: so we had to get some little like nail polish,
Speaker 2: Like a little packet of nail polished. We gave under Marley,
Speaker 2: same one gave to Lola. Lola got more presence, obviously,
Speaker 2: but we just gave something. So Marley had at least
Speaker 2: one thing to unwrap on the morning of.
Speaker 1: It's a rock.
Speaker 2: But then after a second she was like, well, what
Speaker 2: else do I get? And then Lola had like a
Speaker 2: brand new backpack to take the daycare and had all
Speaker 2: these like you know, all these fancy things that she
Speaker 2: could get like new t shirt, new backpack, some.
Speaker 1: Essential stuff that she needs too, like a backpack is
Speaker 1: like not super fun, but it's essential.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then Marley was like, well this is left up.
Speaker 2: What have you got for me?
Speaker 1: And we're like cake.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, even like that night, Marley was still like
Speaker 2: just couldn't comprehend why Lola was getting all the attention
Speaker 2: and Marley was getting nothing. Sad it's an efnyma. And
Speaker 2: then to make things worse. But at my sister's place,
Speaker 2: just got a little trampoline and the kids were all
Speaker 2: jumping on the trampoline.
Speaker 1: In built one.
Speaker 2: One's lovely.
Speaker 1: That's very good.
Speaker 2: And the kids will being a little bit rough and rowdy.
Speaker 2: Should we step in they fight it out. We're like,
Speaker 2: they'll be fine, and also you kind of need kids
Speaker 2: to just get hurt. No barricade. We look out and
Speaker 2: Lola's like being double bounced. She's like mid air, she's
Speaker 2: coming down. Marley fools down, so she's like laying on
Speaker 2: her back. Lola like stomps on her face. Marley gets
Speaker 2: like foot to the face, starts screaming, she's chipped her tooth. Shit, yeah, dude,
Speaker 2: to make to make things work.
Speaker 1: Not a good day for man.
Speaker 2: That was right before we did the birthday cake as well.
Speaker 2: So now Marley's got this like bottom tooth and I
Speaker 2: was thinking.
Speaker 1: Sorry, which one hates you again? Oh my god. Marley
Speaker 1: was like, birthdays suck unless it's her birthday. Yeah, it's great,
Speaker 1: but yeah, at the same time, the problem is in
Speaker 1: June when it's Marley's birthday, You'll have to explain to
Speaker 1: Lola way she's not getting anything.
Speaker 2: It's going to be an. I'm almost like you need
Speaker 2: to get rid.
Speaker 1: Of it was a bruiser. Here's a bit of a bruiser. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Marley's a bit more like delicate.
Speaker 2: It's worth just doing presents like one on one, don't
Speaker 2: bring the other kids.
Speaker 1: I put the other kid out and wake the other
Speaker 1: one extra early.
Speaker 2: Yepick yeah literally literally so.
Speaker 1: But then like Mary would wake up and the lolls
Speaker 1: a this new stuff and she's like, did I sleep
Speaker 1: for a whole day?
Speaker 2: You don't realize those kind of situations one that should
Speaker 2: be nothing but joyous, they are a bloody nightmare.
Speaker 1: It turns into a meltdown, which leads us perfectly into
Speaker 1: tantrums of the week. It's fun.
Speaker 2: I've got one for you.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: Here, I'm gonna bring out the iPad because this is
Speaker 2: a bit of a long one. That's your cue for
Speaker 2: your your line.
Speaker 1: That's what she says. Yeah, I missed it, missed it.
Speaker 2: This one is a long one, that's what she said.
Speaker 2: This is from Laura, from Laura. Yeah, different Laura. The
Speaker 2: first time we've actually had a melt down from someone
Speaker 2: who's not a parent.
Speaker 1: Oh, I believe if it's about their dog having a
Speaker 1: meltdown or something not the same.
Speaker 2: No, don't worry. Don't worry. It's not a pet parent.
Speaker 2: We have none of those. Listening after a weekly rants,
Speaker 2: I wanted to downloads down. This one is from Laura,
Speaker 2: who is in nanny Okay. She says, years ago, I
Speaker 2: was working as a full time living nanny, and I
Speaker 2: took the two kids to the pool for the day.
Speaker 2: After a swim, I was trying to wrangle the four
Speaker 2: year old into her dry clothes, and then the two
Speaker 2: year old was climbing under the shower stools, so as
Speaker 2: I start dragging her back, she climbs all the way
Speaker 2: under another woman's shower and starts howling. She's in reaching
Speaker 2: under the shower trying to grab the two year old
Speaker 2: and haul her out, when the lady in the stool
Speaker 2: right fully opens the door and clocks me right in
Speaker 2: the head with the door. Meanwhile, the four year old
Speaker 2: drops her dry clothes into a puddle, takes her shirt
Speaker 2: off as well, and starts howling, you're not my real mom.
Speaker 1: Oh that's going to cut deep too, Like you're not
Speaker 1: my real mom. It's kind of like when I was
Speaker 1: telling you that story about the guy trying to put
Speaker 1: his kid into the car seat. She's like, hell, that's good, Laura.
Speaker 1: That's a crackery, especially because they're not your kids.
Speaker 2: Don't go to the pool. Like, if you're a nanny,
Speaker 2: just put on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Just totally. You get paid to make the kids watch YouTube.
Speaker 1: That's a good one, Very good, Matthew. I've got one here.
Speaker 1: I've begin a couple emails, so two D D t
Speaker 1: W A D D at outlook dot com. You flick
Speaker 1: them over if you like. This one comes from Laurie.
Speaker 1: Laurie says, high fellas. Last night, while my son was
Speaker 1: in the bath, I washed his hair. He cried so
Speaker 1: hard and then he vomited.
Speaker 2: I sympathize with that because Marley's often gotten to the
Speaker 2: point where she cries so much, where she's like, is
Speaker 2: she gonna vomit? Never happened. I've always wondered, can happen?
Speaker 2: Can they get to the point where they cry so much?
Speaker 2: That's and also because then you got to fucking go
Speaker 2: empty the bath, fill the bath, wash them again. Ah man.
Speaker 1: It's like the other day I ask a god in
Speaker 1: the bath, did a we straight away? And then I'm like,
Speaker 1: now Macy can't get in mate, what do you mean
Speaker 1: I've had to she can no, you can do no
Speaker 1: under under the bath redo the bars an man.
Speaker 2: If the kids were in the bath that's playing on?
Speaker 1: It was sollo? Oh I did idrained it to you? Boy?
Speaker 1: I have another one? Or do you have another?
Speaker 2: Another one? Here?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: This one is from missus Garbo. Missus Garbo, Gabo Garbo?
Speaker 2: Why is it every week we have a problem with
Speaker 2: the name. I know, I'm so just lexica. I cannot
Speaker 2: read garb. This is Garbo and she says her toddler
Speaker 2: screamed for fifteen minutes because he couldn't join the sweet
Speaker 2: buns in the oven. I'm guessing that's like sweet buns
Speaker 2: are like.
Speaker 1: Hot cross bus.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you also had a meltdown because he couldn't fill
Speaker 2: up the freezer was snowballs, she says. By the way,
Speaker 2: we live in Norway, which maybe explains the snowballs, the
Speaker 2: sweet buns and the snowballs. There you go, lots of love,
Speaker 2: A huge fan from Norway.
Speaker 1: No, that's nice, is Garbo?
Speaker 2: Thank you so much?
Speaker 1: We have one Norwegian listener.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who would have thought spread the word?
Speaker 1: I wonder how far it is to the next person's house.
Speaker 1: In Norway. Is it like far apart city.
Speaker 2: I mean there are cities in Norway. It's not as
Speaker 2: like six houses.
Speaker 1: In Norway in a six house country that I've got
Speaker 1: one last night. This is from Blake, he said, My
Speaker 1: then four year old had an epic meltdown when I
Speaker 1: explained to her that she could neither marry me or
Speaker 1: have a baby with me. I love it. I love
Speaker 1: the short and sharp ones because it's like it just
Speaker 1: shows you how like ridiculous they are sometimes. So if
Speaker 1: you've got one DMS or send us an email or
Speaker 1: two d d at outlook dot com dot a.
Speaker 2: H Hey, before we go into questions, I do want
Speaker 2: to say, remember you talked about catching a mouse in
Speaker 2: your household?
Speaker 1: Did away record it for me?
Speaker 2: And you use a very interesting bit of ingredients marshmallows.
Speaker 2: So Joony has just said, Joan, what do you got?
Speaker 2: I'm happy to share with you Ash that marshmallows do
Speaker 2: in fact work. A haha, thank you, She says, we
Speaker 2: have a rat in our house for weeks now, cheese
Speaker 2: and cake, nothing would work.
Speaker 1: I've got the marshmallow and it worked.
Speaker 2: Marshmallow for the first time, and overnight we caught the rat.
Speaker 1: Nice to do with it, she says, we blungeoned it
Speaker 1: to death.
Speaker 2: She's unfortunately it was not a catch and release type
Speaker 2: of track. A marshmallow one rat.
Speaker 1: Very good, very good. It's good to see that we
Speaker 1: are giving advice. Thank you April for the marshmallow how
Speaker 1: to kill animals. Questions Matt, shall I go first? Or
Speaker 1: would you like to go first?
Speaker 2: Can I go first? Do you mind if I do? Okay,
Speaker 2: this one is a short and sharp one. How would
Speaker 2: you feel if you couldn't have kids?
Speaker 1: Oh, depends on what aide you'd ask me that.
Speaker 2: Which I can't imagine right now, life without kids? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because it's just, you know, we're like five years in.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Is it kind of like if you had the
Speaker 1: option to go back and make the decision.
Speaker 2: Obviously I would. I would not have them. They are
Speaker 2: a nightmare.
Speaker 1: Ah man.
Speaker 2: I remember. It's a weird how certain memories like stick
Speaker 2: out in your mind. But before we had kids, I
Speaker 2: remember having a chat at my sister's place and it
Speaker 2: was off the back of one of her friends. They
Speaker 2: were trying for a kid. They've been trying for like
Speaker 2: a year or two, also trying IVF and it's hard
Speaker 2: because you only find out that you have issues once
Speaker 2: you start trying and you're unsuccessful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or you decide to try and it's like that's it.
Speaker 2: I mean, you don't like date someone and go hey,
Speaker 2: how fertile are you?
Speaker 1: Some people would I reckon, Yeah, you're right, I reckon.
Speaker 2: Can I just get a sperm count? Please?
Speaker 1: You reckon? People are just so it would.
Speaker 2: Be a bit of a flex if you had on
Speaker 2: like your Tinder profile, like by the way, great spam count.
Speaker 1: It'd be like you're uberrating sperm count. Well, I think
Speaker 1: we're onto something there.
Speaker 2: And I remember my sister said, how would you feel
Speaker 2: if you and Laura couldn't have kids? And I was like, yeah, wow,
Speaker 2: I'd never really at that point, you know, we'd only
Speaker 2: been here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you never thought like if it couldn't Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was like, that'd be.
Speaker 2: Really Like I always imagined that I would be a dad,
Speaker 2: Like I always thought that was like, you know, part
Speaker 2: of the.
Speaker 1: Plan, were you practiced enough.
Speaker 2: But then like weirdly, just like timing up events. Laura
Speaker 2: was in Bali at the time, and I picked her
Speaker 2: up three days later and she got into the car
Speaker 2: and she gets, I need to tell you.
Speaker 1: Something, she said with a little balinies. Boy.
Speaker 2: She's like, I've had an affair and I was like,
Speaker 2: his name was Wayan. This is not panning out like
Speaker 2: it works for Bluebird Taxis. They're really popular in Tempessa.
Speaker 2: And she said, I'm pregnant. No, actually no, sorry, I
Speaker 2: am fucking lying. She goes, I need to tell you something,
Speaker 2: and I go, you're pregnant.
Speaker 1: And she's like, oh that's right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, how did you know? It's like, it's just
Speaker 2: think the weird how yeah, circumstances, But yeah, I think
Speaker 2: if I didn't.
Speaker 1: It's such a tough one because there's so many good moments,
Speaker 1: but there's so many I.
Speaker 2: Do look at. As a maide of mine, he's always
Speaker 2: said I never want to have a family with a
Speaker 2: long term partner. He's just one of those people that
Speaker 2: him and his partner have always just said, we have
Speaker 2: no desire whatsoever to have a yeah, doublincumno kids. And
Speaker 2: I look at them and they're traveling, they're doing these
Speaker 2: great holidays.
Speaker 1: Got a beautiful house, is not a.
Speaker 2: Beautiful apartment that's just like always spotless. And they go
Speaker 2: out for dinners midweek and I do at.
Speaker 1: Times you're really selling it to me.
Speaker 2: That must be pretty good. Yeah, at times, especially with
Speaker 2: you just stick with that time obviously depending on this
Speaker 2: if not having it any other way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're asked me that question on a bad day,
Speaker 1: you know what the answer would be. If you ask
Speaker 1: it to me on a good day, you know what
Speaker 1: the answer would be. Right, Can that be my answer?
Speaker 2: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let me ask you a question please.
Speaker 1: It wasn't as hard hitting as that. Oh, it's sort
Speaker 1: of similar. The question is this, but I'll rephrase it
Speaker 1: for you because I'm definitely done because I've had this
Speaker 1: snap snip. How did you know you were done after
Speaker 1: two kids? Maybe this is directed at me, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to ask you the question.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm very indecisive. I'm leaning towards now more and
Speaker 2: more leaning towards the fact that I am done. We
Speaker 2: will not have a third for a period of time.
Speaker 2: I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I remember last year you were like, Laura.
Speaker 2: Is still keen for a third issue? Is Laura's just
Speaker 2: got so much on work. Yeah, she wouldn't even consider
Speaker 2: getting pregnant until end of next year, so two thousand
Speaker 2: and twenty five.
Speaker 1: Right, and then I kind of think, Man, big gap.
Speaker 1: That's a big gap, right, I go to get all
Speaker 1: the way back.
Speaker 2: That's like, you know, it's like a marathon. Everyone's like
Speaker 2: kind of like, you know, past a half way mark home.
Speaker 1: Stress, You've got to go all the way back and go.
Speaker 1: Got to buy nappies again. Now, got to get a pram,
Speaker 1: got to get that tiny capsule to get up every
Speaker 1: two hours.
Speaker 2: Ah. Just like the thought of having some bloody like
Speaker 2: every meal, like feed the kid. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I knew when I was held Macie for the first
Speaker 1: time on the day she was born, because I was
Speaker 1: present after I woke up from fainting mid sea section,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't want to do this again.
Speaker 2: Mate, when you know, like that was it, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I don't want to When I woke up on
Speaker 1: the floor of the delivery room, sweet.
Speaker 2: I dusted myself off, I was like.
Speaker 1: Hard day that one. I was like, noah, noah.
Speaker 2: And I think that's a good thing. You want to
Speaker 2: like when you make that decision, you obviously want to
Speaker 2: be certain. Because someone did ask me a question that
Speaker 2: whilst I'm kind of leaning towards not having another one,
Speaker 2: this question made me go, oh.
Speaker 1: Hang on a second, better be a blood question.
Speaker 2: What is a simple one. They said, wanted to just
Speaker 2: get the snip, get the snip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's two sides to that though, as someone
Speaker 1: who has been snipped. It wasn't that I wanted to
Speaker 1: have another kid that stopped me. It was there's something
Speaker 1: deep inside a man's brain that thinks I'm going to
Speaker 1: lose my superpower whatever. As ridiculous as that is. I
Speaker 1: think we've been over there. Nothing fucking changes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, I just well except for the fact that
Speaker 2: I just fade off to the left.
Speaker 1: Now and I'm just less of a man than I
Speaker 1: was before. But that doesn't matter. There's not it's you're
Speaker 1: probably going out that with like it's the kids, so
Speaker 1: I think, But I guarantee you if you booked it
Speaker 1: and got it done, you'd be like, that was the
Speaker 1: right choice. Look, good question. But also I don't think
Speaker 1: that's the bee all and it I.
Speaker 2: Just want to know that even if I'm ninety nine
Speaker 2: percent sure that I don't want to have kids, if
Speaker 2: that one percent grows into ninety nine percent that I
Speaker 2: do want to have another kid, would I regret it?
Speaker 2: Would I look back at thirty six year old, Matt going,
Speaker 2: you're an idiot for getting the snip.
Speaker 1: Do you want to be forty with like a one
Speaker 1: year old? Really?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: De Niro had a kid and he's eighty, So that's disgusting.
Speaker 1: That's what that is. Don't convey yourself to Robert de Niro.
Speaker 2: All right, that's a good way.
Speaker 1: It ended very good. We'll have to pick back up
Speaker 1: on this when you've made up your decision. You don't
Speaker 1: have to that's the thing as well. You don't have
Speaker 1: to make up your mind now. But also, do you
Speaker 1: really want to deal with liquid shits again?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, yeah, anyway, each their own. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, the only thing is at the moment, our
Speaker 2: method of contraception is the pull out method, and there
Speaker 2: is a part of it goes it would be nice
Speaker 2: to get the snip to be able to like end
Speaker 2: the sex and that way, you know, if you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I just remember, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I want to dine in.
Speaker 1: I want to die. I don't want to You don't
Speaker 1: want to take away.
Speaker 2: I want to dine in. I want to sit down
Speaker 2: and get comfortable and stay there.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't want to drop my food on the
Speaker 1: footpath at the front.
Speaker 2: Yes, I want to drop this disgusting. I want to
Speaker 2: drip the food in the restaurant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 2: I want to make a mess in the restaurant. Yeah,
Speaker 2: don't want to have a food.
Speaker 1: In the restaurant at the front and it's billy beans
Speaker 1: on the floor.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you're picking up what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I am. That's just giving me a little flashback to
Speaker 1: young childhood. Ash. I love getting these last day. I
Speaker 1: remember I used to go to a Catholic school. I'm
Speaker 1: not Catholic. My mom faked me being Catholic to get in.
Speaker 1: She said she would facts over the baptism certificates. Never
Speaker 1: did it. And I remember I was in a religion
Speaker 1: class because they do religion, and they were talking about
Speaker 1: contraception and stuff religion, and the teacher said, do you
Speaker 1: know what the number one form of contraception is? And
Speaker 1: I said, just pull it out.
Speaker 2: How old are you at this point?
Speaker 1: Fifteen? And the teacher will happen to be also the principal,
Speaker 1: and he's pretty much he pretty much looked at me
Speaker 1: to off you go. I knew exactly where to go,
Speaker 1: and it was the answer. The correct answer was abstinence anyway,
Speaker 1: look at me.
Speaker 2: I'm living by your rules fifteen.
Speaker 1: That's the number one method.
Speaker 2: And on that note, if you have enjoyed this episode,
Speaker 2: we would love it if you shared it with any
Speaker 2: other parents out there, anyone who would like laugh. And
Speaker 2: of course if you want to give us a review,
Speaker 2: that would be that would be the old ash. We don't.
Speaker 2: We don't beg not yet, we asked politely, it's February.
Speaker 2: What does that mean?
Speaker 1: Long way to go?
Speaker 2: It was a cheeky review.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why not?
Speaker 2: I dare you.
Speaker 1: You won't.
Speaker 2: You won't give you a review?
Speaker 1: You see what you're doing, then you won't give you
Speaker 1: five stars. Let's try and trick them.
Speaker 2: Let's get out in so like Two Doting Dads. Podcast
Speaker 2: acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the
Speaker 2: connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land