WEBVTT - How To Break Up With Your Therapist 💔 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:05.960 The Flex and Rooms Daily podcast, brought to you by Cada, and. 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:08.160 Just like that, we are back. Feels good to be home. 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:11.559 We feel comfortable in the podcast space. It's unbridled time 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:17.320 to at so many listeners were killing it as per usual, 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.799 no surprises here today we're talking about therapy, though, I 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:24.680 feel as though my understanding of it and I appreciation 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:31.280 for ebbs and flows as someone who is very indoctrinated 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.080 and maybe even a bit like radicalized by the self 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:37.800 development space, I think it's a very slippery slope to 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:41.520 convince people that they're forever working progress, because like you're 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:44.360 always going to be assuming that how you are now 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.360 is not good enough, and realistically most of you will 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:51.040 never change. So at the very least you should experience 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.280 some sense of comfort with who you are now in 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:54.600 hopes that maybe you might get better. 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:58.600 But now is also good. Skip the books, scat the 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:00.800 box just is life. 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:03.720 So for me, is gonna tell us how to break 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:05.800 up with the therapists. She's been to quite a few, 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.280 as she reveals, Oh, plot twists. 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.720 It's giving unstable, just joking. 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:16.440 Flex and Fos, I have been four weeks wanting to 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:21.280 read craft and unpack my house. It's been months and like, 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:24.320 of course there's not boxes everywhere, but the finishing touches, 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:27.720 the art on the wall, that's not really happened. So 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:28.720 like I feel like I've been a bit of a 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:33.319 weird mood. But as always, the Internet delivers with interesting facts. 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.720 Have you or have you not heard of the strikesand effect? 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:37.160 I have? 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:40.520 But i'll hear here, get out here here? 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:41.240 What is it? 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:43.039 Then don't I'll do it. 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:46.040 It's a phenomenon that occurs when an attempt to hide, remove, 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:50.320 or sense information has the unintended consequence of increasing awareness 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:54.200 of that information. For example, let's say someone's making a 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:58.120 video online they say, don't look at my pimple. Okay, 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.160 so now I'm looking. Or even a people patch, I'm 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:06.360 paying attention. Maybe you wear shapewear to appear smaller, but 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:08.200 then it's created a weird role in your thigh. 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:09.600 Now I'm staring at it. 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:12.120 It all happens every now and then, but the fact 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.560 that it was created or this term was conceived when 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:18.799 Barbara Streisand was trying to remove an image of her 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:22.160 house off the Internet because she wanted privacy, and by 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.520 speaking about it drew more attention to the house, people 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:26.120 try to find it. You know how it goes. 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:29.920 I feel for it. So what is the moral of 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:30.560 the story. 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:34.040 If you don't want someone to notice what you're doing, 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:36.400 don't mention it. 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:38.640 I read about this or I saw this in the 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:44.440 Reputation Rebuild the Inside program on Binge and a lawyer 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.120 was saying, how so many people do defamation cases, but 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.960 it backfires because all your stuff gets drenched up. So 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.160 if you are worried about your reputation being slandered, just 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:55.720 forget about. 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:57.960 Just leave, don't do the lead. Damage is done. The 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.839 only person that wins are the lawyers. Yeah, and that 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:02.560 fee is high, behigh. 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.200 Flex and Frooms Now, I don't often have a bone 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:05.560 to pick. 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.200 That's a lie, but we'll continue this week. 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:11.280 I've been particularly feisty, like a chihuahua that's going a 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:14.760 little bit psycho okay, okay, jumping around, yapping around the 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:17.639 other day, I get a PayPal notification twelve dollars left 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:20.440 your account. I go, what the hell is that about? Because, 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:22.240 as you know, I don't spend money on men exactly. 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:26.680 It's transactions. There should be no outgoing transactions from Frooms's account. 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:28.080 Twelve dollars. 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:31.920 Ago, what's that click? In New York Times subscription? Now 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:33.760 ard listeners? 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:34.440 Yeah? 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:35.800 Word, I want to say. 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:40.120 June through me expressed a bit of a gripe that 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:43.160 she had trying to cancel her New York Time subscription. 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.360 Let's cut to it now, you trying to unsubscribe from 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:50.480 the New York Times. Nightmare, nightmarish. So you said that 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:52.760 you wanted to click a button and they had advised 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:54.280 you to talk to a bot. 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:58.400 They said, call, Oh, call, They're in the USA. Yes, 0:03:58.520 --> 0:03:59.880 So I get the chatbot. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:00.480 There you go. 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.120 Chatbot has a name, clearly a bot, and saying I 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:05.400 want to cancel. Are you sure I want to cancel? 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.200 We can give you fifty percent off. I want to cancel. 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:09.960 You are making this too difficult for me. 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:10.720 Stop. 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:15.720 So, as you've heard, now through Me aka Karen is upset, 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:20.000 but fortunately was able to cancel her New York Times subscription. 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:24.960 So why in September is she getting a notification for 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:26.360 a transaction. 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.800 Of twelve dollars for a subscription? She does not have. 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:31.600 Riddle meat this. Now, if you cast your mind back, 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:34.400 you know that the process of canceling your New York 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:37.279 Times subscription is not easier, straightforward. 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:42.520 You can't hear mail. I heard it. Oh yeah, it's. 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.720 Difficult as existing in this studio alongside flex. 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:47.880 Sorry May, Sorry. 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.919 So again I have to go to the chatbots. And 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:51.960 I don't want to be mean. I'm over being mean 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.800 in Era. I'm ready to be nice. And I say, hey, 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:58.640 so I canceled my subscription back in May, and yet 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.720 I've been charged for s Timber in August. What's going on? 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:04.440 Please cancel asap. Then I got to wait five minutes 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:06.200 for them child. Then I go back and I say, 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:08.839 they go, let me check the account. Another five minutes gone. 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:10.919 I'm festering in bed. I need to get up, but 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.560 I can't exit the browser. I can't and they say 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:15.520 we need your order number. I can't exit the browser 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.000 to look at the air or order number. I need 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:19.040 you to take my word for it. You've got my account. 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:22.000 We spoke about this last time. The issue is they 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:25.880 didn't send me a transcript for the original conversation. And 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:27.880 I have a theory. I think it's because I was 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:31.200 how do I say an asshole stern? I was stern 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.400 in a way that that person behind the computer, if 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.839 it was a person or a bot, thought ef this be, 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:38.440 I'm going to keep her signed up anyway, This person apologized, 0:05:38.560 --> 0:05:42.040 refunded my money for September in August, and that was that. 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:44.880 But yeah, New York Times, get your right together. 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.360 Police must be part of Like I don't want to 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:50.120 go conspiracy theorists, but if you're someone like me, I'm 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:52.479 not in my bank statement, I'm not seeing the ingoing 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:56.080 outgoing transactions. Stuff just happened and then I see it 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.159 if I see it. When I see it, think of 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:01.640 the hundreds of thousands of people who would have transactions 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.520 come out from a subscription they thought they canceled and 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:05.640 had it literally. 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.160 I don't know if it was clearly something went wrong. 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:08.760 Something's off. 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:12.760 You know how they say that the business model in gyms, 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:15.520 it's they're almost banking on you not going so they 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:18.040 can take your money and not have to provide a 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:20.480 service to you. Maybe that's what the New York Times 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.680 is doing. No defamation, no defamation, no deformation. 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.800 Willing to have a representative become on the show and 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:28.080 apologize personally. 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:31.520 Bring the CEO, bring the CFO. 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.640 Actually, I need to know how many people are being 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.159 charged for a service that they thought they canceled. 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:38.680 Meanwill You're not the only one. 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:40.960 I've got a daily newsletter from the New York Times 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.240 that I've been paying for hitting met box every day. 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.440 I will six to my Cidney Morning Herald subscription. Please 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:47.000 and thanks. Yeah, with regards. 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:50.560 This is flex and frooms on Flexi. 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:54.080 As I have spoken about before. I love the streaming 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:54.920 service Binge. 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.600 Yeah. Look, so it's got HBO. 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.760 But my favorite show is, of course, American Horror Stories. 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.960 It's an anthology horror stories with similar actors Sarah Paulson. 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:09.960 They become different characters as like running through lines. It's fantastic. 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:14.960 But I've got a friend and she loves watching true crime. 0:07:15.040 --> 0:07:17.760 So when she goes to sleep, she'll be listening to 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:21.040 the girl on YouTube saying, so right, this is a 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.920 story about this they sis and she was she died 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:25.760 and she was buried under the. 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.000 House perfectly madered. 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:30.960 Yeah, walking home, and she was slaid, like really intense 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:35.120 graphic things. But she will not watch American Horror Stories 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:38.560 with me because it's scary. Can you understand this logic? 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.120 I don't understand it. I don't like it. 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:44.400 I the true crime thing is very interesting to me 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:46.560 because it's one thing to have a bit of a 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:49.360 generalized more but curiosity like oh, what was that weird 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:51.760 thing that happened? Or you saw a dock over down then? 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:54.440 But the true crimes, especially how they say that, like 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:58.800 it's disproportionately women who like run that genre, Like you 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.200 also had a little bit derayanged with the way that 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:05.840 you're able to just like suppress the the sheer gore 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:10.280 of what's happening. Like I used to watch this YouTube 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:13.480 channel and there was a series like Makeup Murder and 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.120 Mystery where this girl would just apply her makeup and 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:18.440 talk about the most gruesome stories. But I'd followed her 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:19.880 for the makeup to begin with, and I was like, oh, 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.960 it's suck a new thing and will just say the 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:26.840 most like insensitive things without recognizing like the subject matter 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:29.560 of what you're speaking about is real stuff, like real people, 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.000 And they would try and fish for newer stories. 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:33.839 So once I hadn't been rinsed as much. 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.800 Even worse, you know, something's happened in twenty twenty and 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:38.920 you're talking about it as you apply your contour. 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:40.880 I don't know, doesn't sit right with me. It's a 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.920 bit weirdol personally, but I think her whole thing was 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:47.319 she doesn't like being shocked by scary, gory things. She'sn't 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:51.199 like the physical feeling of being shocked. But personally, I 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:52.880 don't really like listening to true crime. 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:54.880 But I think that's the bit, Like, I think it's 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:59.680 the issue is people aren't really considering that, like, listen 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:01.760 to you, true crime should shock you, it should scare you. 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.480 Like it's not meant to be a chill like wind 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:06.240 down to go to sleep type beat. 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:07.920 It's not meant to be like in the. 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.760 Car driving to work someone assothed me before I go 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.200 to my own personal hellhole type beat, Like it's meant 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:14.400 to be scary stuff. 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:17.080 This is flex and Frooms on Kita. 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:19.520 I truly didn't intend for this to be a dating episode, 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.120 but here we are happy to be here, always happy 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:24.760 to wait in on situations we're currently not experiencing. 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:27.120 Listen to this video I found. 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:28.960 Get ready with me for what would have been my 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:34.040 fifth date except I got dumped. Yeah, it is over. 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:36.520 He basically got into an argument this week. 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.120 I didn't reply to him for like two days, which 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:40.720 I know is like not very cool. 0:09:40.840 --> 0:09:43.680 In my defense, I was not feeling well. It wasn't personal. 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:46.040 I wasn't just like ghosting him. I just didn't feel 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.600 like speaking to anyone long story, least long. He really 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:49.280 didn't like that. 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.600 It set off like a whole chain of arguments until 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:53.880 I was like, listen, let's just wrap this up. 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:55.880 It was just too much. I ghosted you for two 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:58.040 days and we've been arguing about it for five Like 0:09:58.040 --> 0:09:58.920 it's not adding up. 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.160 But yeah, that's the st Sorry. That is from a 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:02.880 TikToker called Chisholm. 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:06.760 Do you think that she overreacted or do you think 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.000 that he overreacted? 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:10.840 Oh my god, I reckon. I've been in there. I'm 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:12.400 the kind of person that if you go to me 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.840 for two days, I'm off you completely, like we're not 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:16.760 coming back. So I reckon. I'm in his camp. 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:19.720 I would say after five dates as well, you should. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:21.600 You should be comfortable and to be like, hey, I'm 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:23.640 like I'm gonna be mia for a little bit, Like, 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.199 don't stress out. I'm just having a I'm weighing out, 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.640 you know, having a weird brain moment. If it was 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:31.280 someone you had just had online conversations with, they'd be 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.560 acting out of line. But I think it's really interesting 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:37.199 how like she couldn't fathom why he would be frustrated. 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:38.719 She's like, yeah, I get it, Like I ghosted you, 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:42.559 Yeah you did, and then you came back like there 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.079 was no issue with it. It keeps reminding me about how, 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.800 like we we people society spent a lot of time 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.720 talking about, like how we'd react in situations if everything 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:53.720 worked out in the way that we had intended. This 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:56.360 is a good exercise in like, let's say you have 0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:59.840 to do a thing that warrants an apology. How graceful 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:01.560 you going to be with it? She was like, you know, 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.280 I go to you for two days, never been arguing 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:05.680 for five. It's like yeah, because you like you're clearly 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:09.160 not meeting him halfway or understanding why it's frustrating. So 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:13.040 tricky millennial dating, this is how the world ends. People 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:14.599 just don't know how to date. Therefore they don't have 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.040 babies and then we die out. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:22.000 What a way to go alone? Isolated? Yeah, I saided 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:23.520 lonely exciting. 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:27.520 Had been a fun flex and froods FLEXI. 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.760 We both have been to therapy. We have We've done 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:36.280 the work psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, general therapists. We've tried them all. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.720 It's been a great time. What a privilege and an honor. 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:40.120 And you can tell it's worked. 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:45.240 Yeah, i'd say so on Sundays. Anyway. I was seeing 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:49.520 a therapist very briefly a few years ago, and after 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:53.120 the third session I realized we're not gelling. What occurred 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.880 next was that the next appointment came up in twenty 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:57.880 four hours beforehand. I thought, I've got to pull the plug. 0:11:58.080 --> 0:11:58.600 That's over. 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:01.040 So I message in say, hey, sorry, I can't actually 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:01.240 do this. 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:02.480 Was it a text, an email? 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:06.400 Email? Can't do this appointment? Hopefully we can reschedule. Hits 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:08.439 me back with the I have a forty eight hour 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:12.440 cancelation fee, so I'll be charging you fifty percent. First 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:15.160 time I considered, it's not like I rocked up blade 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.440 or I said I'll gave your twenty four hours. Hit 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:19.920 me with the forty eight hours. Instantly, I'm out of it, 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.000 you never seeing you again. Do you think that was 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:23.199 fair enough for her to do that. 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:25.320 It's tricky because the way that I view therapy and 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.480 the way that I think that most people view it 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.720 is it's a therapeutic process. It's tools that I'm given 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.680 or taught to help me be a better person by feeling, doing, 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.520 thinking better things. The person that is meant to be 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:39.400 the conduit to help you do that, you would assume 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:43.280 they would be the most accommodating, the most agreeable, the 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:46.760 most charming, the most open to ensuring that, however, you 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.160 need to receive this service works in a way that's 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:52.240 best for you. So yeah, like, I think there should 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:55.440 not be a cancelation fee, but unfortunately capitalism says that 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:58.640 everything has a value and a dollar sign attached to it. 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.520 And if you know she has, it's a business it is. 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:03.880 I'm all forward a product. 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:06.640 I think the second time charge with the cancelation, but 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:09.720 when we've wrote together for three sessions, it's leaving a 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.679 bad taste in my mouth. However, I wanted to leave 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:15.200 you with some tips on how to break up with 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:15.840 your therapists. 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:18.199 I'll thank you from all your experience. 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.960 Well, just here are some science. If you're seeing psychologists 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.440 and any of these pop up, just recon see whether 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:26.800 or not it's worth the one hundred and eighty dollars 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.320 in each session one. You're not making progress if it 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.800 just keeps going back to the childhood drama. We're not 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:32.400 getting anywhere. 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:34.319 That's right, I tapped out. Yeah right. 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.760 It's a hard hump to get over. Number two. Your 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:38.960 therapists can't meet your treatment needs, for example, if they 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:43.160 don't specialize in your chosen area of being disordered. Number three, 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.440 you don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. That 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:47.000 can happen. 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:48.679 It's a tricky one because I don't think people are 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.800 comfortably being vulnerable generally. 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:54.680 It's got to cultivate a safe space. You can't schedule 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.840 appointments regularly because they're not available. That means they're trying 0:13:57.840 --> 0:13:59.840 to break up with you. You know what, I'm gonna 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:02.400 care to this session. I would love to speak with 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:05.360 someone who's been broken up with by their therapists. 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.800 There we go, get that one down, Brookie. Yeah, I'm 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:10.920 gonna leave it there. But I've actually got a friend 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.319 I might call him up and see next time. So 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:17.400 by now I think that you've heard my positive story 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:20.120 about therapy, the fact that I went to this psychotherapist 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.360 and he treated me for my nightmares, which I didn't know. 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:25.840 We're an underlying symptom of my anxiety that I wasn't 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:29.760 feeling in the conscious hours because I'd suppressed it. Amazing 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:34.000 stuff love that cannot go into it. I see your 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:35.880 eyes trying to see seek out more exact. 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.120 You don't understand what a psychotherapist is. 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:42.760 Susion like trained in both areas of psychiatry and therapy, 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:46.680 and depending on what you require, they can like assess you. 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:50.120 But for me in particular, a lot of therapists orient 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:52.280 their work in a way that is meant to be 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:56.360 about what you consciously are aware of feeling, experiencing your 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:57.560 in real life experience. 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:57.960 Whatever. 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:02.760 Psychotherapist, from my understanding, he integrated a lot of like 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:08.160 neuro therapy, new linguistic programming, what's happening in your brain, 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:11.560 what are you experiencing subconsciously, what is your language exposing 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:13.520 about the way you feel about the world, et cetera. 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.360 For example, he asked me how I saw myself Like 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.280 I think I was talking about Mike, maybe like the 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.800 contradiction I was feeling with living like a public life 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:27.000 but also feeling like a private person, but not like 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:29.960 a in secrets way in like I get to decide 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:31.240 what I do or don't want to share. And he's like, 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:33.480 that feels contradictory to the life. So you set up 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.400 and I was like, yeah, no, and then he said, 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:40.240 how do you just how visualize yourself? Like you are 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.600 a building? What kind of building are you? And I 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:44.760 was like, oh, for sure, I'm a castle on a 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:49.320 hill with a huge moat around it. And the moat 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:53.040 is also flanked by this beautiful like hedge, maybe like 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.840 even flowers, and from the outside looks that you can't 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:57.400 get in, but if you just go around the back 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.000 to the side, there's a gate entrance. And he was 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.520 that is extremely detailed. He's like, you just like you've 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.400 aired yourself out in so many ways. And I was like, 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:07.040 what do you mean. I thought, it's like a nice 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.640 visualization exercise, and it's like, how do you set yourself 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:10.520 up for consumption? 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:12.680 Big huge castle, so beautiful? 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:15.360 Come look, you put a mote, you put a hedge, 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:18.120 you say to people like this is for it's so beautiful. 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:20.240 I want to watch, and then you make it difficult 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:21.240 for anyone to get in. 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:22.280 So what is that? 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:26.840 I was like, h again, really fun exercise, right, but 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:29.360 like that's the kind of approach we're getting into your brain. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:31.880 What are your words saying about the way you feel, 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:32.360 et cetera. 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.000 That's so cool. That seems like I think you'd have 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:36.600 to be a really good psychotherapist. 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:38.000 Yeah, oh for it to work. 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:40.240 Well, yeah, Like he'd been around for ages, but that 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:42.280 was the thing, Like he was really great at this 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:44.920 very specific thing but had no cultural context for me, 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.920 like white German guy. He was like, oh, I don't 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:50.760 can't talk about race, can't talk about womanhood, can't talk 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.240 to you about your lifestyle, can't talk about your career. 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:55.760 And I'm like, okay, so I can't just like childhood 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.920 trum on my way into understanding how to manage my lifestyle. 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:00.960 So it's not gonna work. But I remember trying to break. 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.240 Up with him was so difficult because he was like, yeah, 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:06.120 like you only do a session a week. You want 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:07.399 to go to a session of Fortnite, It's not going 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.240 to be effective. And I'm like, okay, So I want 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.800 to do therapy for tools to learn, tools I can 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:13.840 use when I want them. 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:15.680 I'm not trying to uproot my life. 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:18.280 I feel fine and I want to feel slightly better, 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:21.920 but not having to like spend five hundred bucks or 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:23.360 two fifty a week to do so. 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.080 Like I'm good, Charlottean. 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:27.840 I don't think you get psychotherapy on the medicare, can you. 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:30.080 I don't think so. Yeah, he just made it really 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:31.760 really difficult, and then I go to him. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:36.160 Yeah damn. I mean I my first psychologist experience, I reckon. 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:36.960 I was like nine. 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:39.760 I think my mom went to the psychologist first and 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.800 then tried to get me to go in. Obviously hated 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:46.239 it just foral OCD vibes. I remember going in and 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:50.280 thinking like fuck this. He was kind of like diagnosing 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:51.880 what it was, and I was like, no, no, no, 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.679 I can't be letting my routines go sir. None of 0:17:55.720 --> 0:18:00.960 this never coming back. Obviously, the OCD continued, became quite 0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:05.280 how do I say, disruptive, but then it went away. 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.360 So yeah, I think it can be. I reckon. I've 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:11.560 saw I've seen like I've seen quite a few, and 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:13.439