1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for. 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 1: Now, school holidays they must be just the most fun time. 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: I hope you're enjoying your school holidays. I hope that 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,759 Speaker 1: it is school holidays where you are. If it's not, 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,240 Speaker 1: it will be soon. I'm sure of it. Can I stopped? 7 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 1: Justin Coulson. I'm the founder of Happy Families dot com 8 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 1: dot you and dad to six kids recently had some 9 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: great conversations on the Happy Families podcast. Want to share 10 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 1: some highlights from the podcast with you now. Andrew Fuller 11 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:37,600 Speaker 1: is one of Australia's most loved Australian child and adolescent psychologists. 12 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: He talked with me in episode three hundred and twenty 13 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: nine about his Resolve model. Resolve stands for respond with respect, engage, 14 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 1: seek understanding, observe your child's feelings, lower the tone, value, 15 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: add and empower. It's kind of like a more detailed 16 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: version of emotion coaching or even my three is of 17 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: effective discipline. And I think it's such a great model. 18 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: So I asked him to use that model to show 19 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 1: how we would tackle the challenge of screen time with teenagers. 20 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:11,400 Speaker 2: Well, most of the interventions that parents take to really 21 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 2: try to get kids off screens just don't work. And 22 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,679 Speaker 2: so essentially the first thing I think we've got to 23 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 2: realize is that when a young person is playing a 24 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 2: computer game, they're in a hypnotic trance, and so they're 25 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 2: in changed. I mean, computer games are incredibly brilliantly designed 26 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: to entrance people, and so if you just jump into 27 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 2: a room and say, right, you know, get off your computer, 28 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 2: it's time for bed, all that kind of stuff, basically, 29 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 2: they're going to respond incredibly negatively. So you're far better 30 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 2: to sort of shuffle alongside them. I know you can't 31 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 2: do this all the time, but at the same time 32 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 2: just to ask and well, you know what the game, 33 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 2: what's the game, and how's it going, and you know, 34 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 2: know what's happening in it and so on, which they 35 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 2: won't like to have a conversation with you because they're 36 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 2: absorbed in the game. But at least what you're doing 37 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 2: is gently easing them out of this. Now, particularly for 38 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: kids with tension problems, particularly ADHD, computer grams are incredibly soothing, 39 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: so they're even more if you like, entrancing than they 40 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaker 2: would be for you know, kids was just normal functioning, 41 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 2: and so you're going to realize the power of this. So, 42 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 2: of course, when you're a kid that has ADHD, the 43 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 2: world is boring, really really boring, and so what you're 44 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 2: after is excitement, and guess where you can get that 45 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 2: excitement computer games. And so what we need to do 46 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 2: is to trade on computer games strongly. Computer games aren't bad, 47 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 2: it's just basically there are other things to do in life. 48 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 2: And so essentially what you have to do is earn 49 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 2: your computer game time by doing preceding skills. Now, because 50 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 2: computer games are design so brilliantly to basically get dopamine peaks. 51 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 2: Dopamins the neurochemical that relates to motivation, that once you've 52 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 2: finished a computer game, basically you're lowered in levels of dopamine, 53 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 2: which is why it's almost useless or pointless trying to 54 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 2: get a teenager do anything productive after they've had extensive 55 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 2: screen time. And so what you've got to then go 56 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 2: is okay in order to play computer games by all means, 57 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 2: but before that, you need to get the reading done, 58 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 2: or you need to get the homework done or whatever 59 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 2: whatever it is. So you're doing that trade off all 60 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 2: the time. 61 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: And that's it. 62 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, because because you see, you can't control this world. 63 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 2: I think it's important to realize that. So maybe prior 64 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 2: to twenty twenty you could get away with it a bit. 65 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 2: But now, given that young people have had all of 66 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 2: their schooling, all of their entertainment, and all of their 67 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 2: social linkage through computers, you're never going to win the again. 68 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 2: The world's changed. It's time to get real about this. 69 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 2: So in twenty nineteen, people would say stuff like, well, 70 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 2: what you should do is never meet a friend that 71 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: you never accept a friend online that you've never met 72 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 2: face to face, and basically put the computer in the 73 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 2: dining room. And you know, this is just archaic stuff. 74 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 2: Kids will laugh in your face if you suggest these things. 75 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 2: It's absolutely ridiculous because the world's moved on and so 76 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 2: the world is computer based now, and social interactions are 77 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 2: also computer based. 78 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: That's Andrew Fuller from episode three hundred and twenty nine 79 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: of the Happy Families podcast. If you're like that, you 80 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: might like to go and listen to the entire podcast. 81 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: Neurodiverse children up beautiful, but they also bring unique challenges 82 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: for parents and educators. The world does not always accommodate 83 00:04:55,480 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 1: them easily or well. Communication, affection, behavior, learning, and almost 84 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: every other aspect of life can be challenging for the 85 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,159 Speaker 1: child and their families. The webinar A Parent's Guide to 86 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,799 Speaker 1: Autism by leading autism expert Michelle Garnett can help parents 87 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: and educators strengthen the bond with their autistic children for 88 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,359 Speaker 1: better outcomes for children and families. A Parent's Guide to 89 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 1: Autism is available at Happy Families dot com dot au. Well, 90 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: that just about wraps up the Happy Families podcast for today, 91 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: But just before we finish things off, I need to 92 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,600 Speaker 1: let you know about the books that I've written that 93 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: can make such a difference in your family's life. There's 94 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: twenty one Days to a Happier Family, which is online 95 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 1: wherever you buy your books, or in bookstores as well. 96 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 1: Twenty one Days to a Happier Family is about how 97 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 1: you can create habits to make your family happier. One 98 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: of the best selling books on resilience over the last 99 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,799 Speaker 1: handful of years has been Nine Ways to a Resilient Child. 100 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,839 Speaker 1: Nine Ways to a Resilient Child is a book that 101 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: I wrote that's designed to help you to understand all 102 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: of the things that we might be doing that undermine 103 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: our kids' resilience and find ways that we can boost 104 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: their rezili And it's right back up. The book that 105 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: I think is my parenting bible, the one that I 106 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: recommend to everyone if you've got a young family, is 107 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: Ten Things Every Parent Needs to Know. In that book, 108 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: you will discover what to do about getting on the 109 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: same page as your partner, how you can discipline your 110 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: children effectively, what to do about screen time, how you 111 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 1: can manage sibling rivalry. The list goes on and on 112 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: and on, and the one that I'm most proud of 113 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: of all is Misconnection. Misconnection Way your teenage daughter hate you, 114 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: expects the world and needs to talk. If you've got 115 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 1: tween or teen girls, this is the book that considers 116 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: all of the big issues when it comes to raising 117 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: tween and teen girls. I'd love for you to check 118 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,799 Speaker 1: those books out and more. They're all available at Happy 119 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: Families dot com, dot a U, or wherever you buy 120 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: your books. Twenty one Days to a Happier Family, Nine 121 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: Ways to a Resilient Child, miss Connection, and ten Things 122 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 1: Every Parent Needs to Know. Oh and my seventh book 123 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: is coming out soon. More details in the next few 124 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 1: weeks on that one. It's especially for dads expecting that 125 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: can't wait for you to discover more about that. The 126 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. 127 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if you'd like 128 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: more and fo about making your family happier, check out 129 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: those books Happy families dot com dot you, or just 130 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: visit the website, have a look at the articles, the blogs, 131 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: and keep on listening to the Happy Families Podcast.