1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,400 Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Mattie J. 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 2: And I'm Ash and this is a podcast all about parenting. 3 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 2: Is the good, it is the bad, and they're relatable 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 2: and we do not give advice. 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 3: You're very good at that. You should do the introt 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 3: more often. 7 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 2: Nah, this is the best of because Matt and I 8 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: are currently wear at the. 9 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 4: Moment, we actually de toured. We've been doing warmer countries. 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 4: We decided to jump on a ship. We are circumnavigating Antarctica. 11 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 4: We just wanted to mix it up. Currently looking at 12 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 4: the King penguins? 13 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: Is that what that was? Gotcha? In this episode, we 14 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: talk about Matt's kink. Well is new kink, but I've. 15 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,479 Speaker 4: Always had a King Okay, I've had it from the 16 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 4: young age. I can't remember life without this kink. If 17 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 4: I'm being honest, that's good for you and kinks that 18 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 4: I have pregnant women and feet. 19 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: After Matt's kink, we talk. 20 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 4: About you and an incident that you've held on to. 21 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 4: You haven't been able to overcome it since what were 22 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 4: you like ten? 23 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,919 Speaker 1: No, I was like five when this happened. 24 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 3: We're five, so young. I got the blame. 25 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:09,919 Speaker 1: I really didn't. 26 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 2: I couldn't stand up for myself as the youngest in 27 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,040 Speaker 2: the family, but a little pussy. 28 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 3: So we did get a confession and a little wuss. 29 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 3: We also did get him in. We did stand up 30 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 3: for yourself. 31 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,319 Speaker 1: We did get a confession from my sister and her 32 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 1: side of the story along the way as well. 33 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,040 Speaker 4: Now we talk about parenting lies quite a bit, and 34 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 4: one that blew up. I dare say it was the 35 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 4: most popular lie we have ever told in the entire 36 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 4: two and a half years of doing this podcast. 37 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 3: Was a lie from my mum. 38 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 2: Oh yes, Nana Johnson's surprise package. So you'll have to 39 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 2: tune in and listen to that one. 40 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 4: Matt and we also wanted to flag that in this 41 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 4: episode we talked to a child psychologist, Victoria, who specializes 42 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 4: in body autonomy. We wanted to mention that it is 43 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 4: confronting for some listeners, so just be mindful before you 44 00:01:54,960 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 4: get into this episode. Shall we let's do it. This 45 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 4: might sound weird, but I don't have a kink with 46 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 4: pregnant women. 47 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you don't pick girl. 48 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 4: I find Laura at the moment, she's popping a lot 49 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 4: more than the previous pregnancy is that the wait normally works. 50 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: She also doesn't answer my calls and. 51 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 3: She's been avoiding you. 52 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,839 Speaker 4: Bellies popped like I think with Marley, she didn't pop 53 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:40,800 Speaker 4: right until the final trimester. Whereas now that belly's out 54 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 4: and Laura's like, oh, I just feels so fat. 55 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 3: I hate it, And I'm like. 56 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 4: Damn girl, I'm like, oh, ring that belly, I love it. 57 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,239 Speaker 5: Get the vitamin E cream out and rather it's just like, 58 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 5: you know, it helps the trench marks right. 59 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 1: In there, man, deep in. 60 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,519 Speaker 3: There, you know, like all over it. Just the belly, 61 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 3: just a belly. 62 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:14,400 Speaker 4: Feet, the feet, Nah, that Laura has dry feet. 63 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: I'm not a foot guy, if I'm honest. The hands 64 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: of the legs. 65 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 6: Okay, well, I'm gonna I look forward to lubing Laura 66 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 6: luber ride with a vitamin E cream or some baby oil, 67 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 6: slip and slider, I find horse. 68 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 3: Look, what do you mean. 69 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 5: Gymnastics and there's that thing they get you get all 70 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 5: handsy and they they fling their legs around. 71 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 4: That's a I'm going to ride Laura like a pommeh. Yeah, 72 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 4: you're ready, She's going to be the apparatus. I hope 73 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 4: she's ready. 74 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: She would be ready. 75 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 4: There is no other moment when I find Laura more 76 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 4: attractive than when she's pregnant. 77 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 5: You've got to kink my guy. Let me get my 78 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 5: list of pregnant women up here. I've got a folder. 79 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 5: I just I don't know, it's beautiful. Keep my hands 80 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 5: off that. 81 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 1: I can't wait for my for you page to just 82 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 1: be pregant. 83 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 3: Please. 84 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 5: I hate to always flash back, but I can. 85 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,039 Speaker 4: I just say, don't you dare apologize for hating a 86 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 4: flashback because I love them. 87 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: I love Let's go right back. 88 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 3: How old? 89 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 5: Also about oscars age, I lived in Narrabeen in what 90 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,040 Speaker 5: they call an asbestos house. It's funny because I live 91 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,119 Speaker 5: in asbestos house now, so I've gone full circle. 92 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,720 Speaker 1: They say, close the circle. 93 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 3: Here we are. 94 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:47,039 Speaker 5: And my dad's quite an avid surfer. And when we 95 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 5: were kids, we were all coming back from somewhere. I 96 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 5: think it was like it must have been a weekend, 97 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 5: because no one was working, no one was at school, 98 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 5: we had one family car. 99 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: We went very. 100 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 5: Well off, and I remember we did a surf check 101 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 5: on the way home from wherever we were were, and 102 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 5: I recall Dad being like, it's good, got to get 103 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 5: these kids home. 104 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: So that he can he can go. So we drove home. 105 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 5: It had quite a long driveway out the side of 106 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 5: the house that on the left side was a fence 107 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 5: that was like it just like a timber fence, and 108 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 5: it's it was not the pretty side of the tim offence, 109 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 5: you know, there's an ugly side. It was the younger side. 110 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 5: Because we're poor, someone else payer defense, okay, And. 111 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: I recall us driving up the driveway and getting out. 112 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 4: Of the car and can I will say it is 113 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 4: quite a flex to have a defense, to have defence 114 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:40,799 Speaker 4: on the nice side. 115 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, what's your offense situation? 116 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 3: It's definitely nice. You're a nice guy. Look, it is 117 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 3: the nice side on both. 118 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:51,119 Speaker 7: Sides of the house. 119 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:56,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh wow, I must be very nice. 120 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 3: So I don't know what it feels to relate to 121 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 3: your story, but I just I can't. No, I didn't 122 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 3: get it, and I didn't get it to. 123 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: Me feel poor. 124 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,480 Speaker 3: Anyway, So we've gone up. 125 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 5: I'm on the passenger side behind mum in my chair. Anyway, 126 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 5: so we've all gotten out of the car and I 127 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,840 Speaker 5: was so so so young, So there's like the memory 128 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 5: is not completely clear what happens, but anyway, we've all 129 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 5: gotten out of the car. Dad's put his board in 130 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,160 Speaker 5: the car and gone to reverse back down the driveway. 131 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 5: And I don't know if you recall, on the poor 132 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 5: side of the fence is where the posts are to 133 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 5: keep the structural integrity of said fence, and the back 134 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 5: door on the passenger side, which was my side, had 135 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 5: been slightly left open, and he had reversed down the driveway, 136 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:55,160 Speaker 5: hence ripping the car door off. Oh yeah, expensive exercise. 137 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 5: So think about this. Think a four door car with 138 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 5: three doors and a big hole where the fourth door 139 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 5: is meant and how is the fence fence well built? 140 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 5: The poor side the rich person that I was like, 141 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 5: oh my rich side of the face that was perfectly 142 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 5: fine from what I recall, But it did. It did 143 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 5: rip the car door clean off. However, my as you 144 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 5: can imagine, my dad was ropeable because there's two things 145 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 5: that have happened here. He's missed the serve, which is 146 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 5: probably the thing he was most upset about in the end, 147 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 5: and the car is missing a door, our only car 148 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 5: that we have. That dad's source of getting to work, 149 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 5: and I think at the time he had like three 150 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 5: jobs because he worked in sales. 151 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 3: This time Okay, So I apologize. 152 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: So this was not this is pre sales rep daze. 153 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 3: No need to yell, Okay, I won't. 154 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: I refuse not to. 155 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 5: He had a couple of different jobs in different areas. 156 00:07:55,400 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 5: But anyway, he was really ropeable about and he was 157 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 5: rovable about it for years. 158 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 1: It was the sort of thing where they bring it 159 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: back up all the time. 160 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 4: He can, I just can I just confirm for one second? Yes, 161 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 4: was it your fault? Like, was it were you at 162 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 4: the house. I'm imagining right now that everything's happening really quickly. 163 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 4: Your dad's like, get out of the fucking car, gotta go, 164 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 4: gotta go. Maybe it'll happen too quick. You didn't get 165 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 4: a chance. You're grade two, you're grade too, you're like seven. 166 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, so it was on my side, my door, hence 167 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 5: my fault. Okay, so I've no, no, no, no, let me 168 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 5: finish the story please and we can ask questions. So 169 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 5: it was I caught the blame because that's my door. 170 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 5: That's unfair. 171 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 1: It's not unfair. 172 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,000 Speaker 5: I don't think it's unfair to It's an assumption, that's 173 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 5: what that is, whether it's unfair or not, he assumed. 174 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 3: He assumed they all assumed. Everyone's assumed. If you're the driver, 175 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 3: you check the doors before you drive. 176 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 5: For years, it was brought up, always, always brought up, 177 00:08:55,920 --> 00:09:02,719 Speaker 5: for so long, come on, thank you, let go now. 178 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 5: All the way until teenage years, it was continually brought 179 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 5: up to be It went from being like how pissed 180 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 5: off they were about it and how much it cost 181 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 5: them in the end to it being like an embarrassing 182 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,719 Speaker 5: story like it to people, ruin the family just did 183 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,559 Speaker 5: this somewhere around my sixteenth birthday. 184 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 3: You didn't ruin the family, ashpay You chose to ignore that. 185 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,559 Speaker 5: It's again, oh I missed it around my sixteenth birthday. 186 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,960 Speaker 5: An admission of someone admitted to actually doing it. 187 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: My sister. 188 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 5: So back then, my sister has opened the door, older 189 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 5: got out on that side with me, left the door open. Wow, 190 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 5: it ripped off. She pointed the finger at me. Fifteen 191 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 5: years or something, no, no, no, long I say twelve years 192 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 5: something like that. Ten twelve years had gone by her 193 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 5: keeping her mouth shut, enjoying me being brought up for 194 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 5: years and years. 195 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 3: So she just stood there watching you get beaten, pretty 196 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 3: smacked up early hahood. 197 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: Where she has finally said it was me. 198 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 4: What was the trigger point for her admitting I can't remember. 199 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 3: I just the guilt was too much. 200 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 5: I think that the guilt got to her revenge. Yeah, 201 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 5: and it might have got to the point where. 202 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 3: You would hold onto that to your deathbed. 203 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 4: Really, yeah, like you would expect, like if she was 204 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 4: about to go, she'd be. 205 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: Like, by the way the guard door was met. 206 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, fully what happened? 207 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 4: I was unsure, like what why she wanted to clear 208 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 4: a conscience? 209 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,959 Speaker 5: I'm not sure. I mean, we're still talking. This is 210 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 5: fifteen years ago that she cleared a conscience. And I 211 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,560 Speaker 5: was like, I remember for I remember for so long 212 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 5: it was like I because the car was fucking ruined 213 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 5: pretty much like it was an old car anyway, and 214 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 5: it was like I was always the kid in the 215 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 5: family who ruined the car. 216 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,559 Speaker 1: Sister could never do any wrong. 217 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 5: It shaped the rest of my childhood, I reckon because 218 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,679 Speaker 5: it was like, I remember when you fucked. 219 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 3: The car up, your piece of shit. 220 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,199 Speaker 1: Shit. Not that my parents spoke to me like that. 221 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:11,960 Speaker 1: Mum might have. 222 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 8: Yeah, wow, but yeah, for so long, and my sister 223 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 8: would do the they're like you remember that, and then eventually, 224 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 8: like I said, how's your relationship now with your sister. 225 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: That's great. We're great. We're great friends until I get 226 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: it back eventually. But yeah, I was. 227 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,560 Speaker 5: It's a scarring moment, but I was the precious item 228 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 5: that I had ruined my parents. 229 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry you had to experience that. 230 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 4: It's like those stories of the person who was like 231 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 4: incorrectly charged with murder and they spent the whole life 232 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 4: in prison. 233 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: That's exactly how I felt. 234 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 5: I felt like I was incarcerated an innocent man. 235 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: Yes, I felt like if it was in the move 236 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,079 Speaker 1: The Hurricane. No, okay, it's let me just give you 237 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: the just really quick. 238 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 3: It's quite a long about a car doll that gets broken. 239 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 3: It's about a car door that gets right. 240 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 5: It's about a boxer who it's framed for a murder 241 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 5: a long time ago. And there was a really famous 242 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 5: song called The Hurricane. 243 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 4: To me right now, I'm getting nothing but one word 244 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,680 Speaker 4: screaming into my vision. 245 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:18,439 Speaker 3: What do you mean, Hollywood movie? 246 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 5: Imagine I am making a blockbuster movie out of me 247 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 5: ruining the case. 248 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,679 Speaker 4: This is this has got I mean, I think screenwriters 249 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 4: will be salivating right now. 250 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 3: Years I lived in shame. 251 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 5: I lived, I was suppressed years in my own family home. 252 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:38,559 Speaker 3: You betrayed. 253 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: I was betrayed by your own legend blood. 254 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:50,439 Speaker 5: I have never been able to trust every again, anyone, anyone. Wow, 255 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 5: the side of the car door like it inspiral, sends 256 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 5: me spiraling. 257 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, every time you show a car door flashbacks. 258 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: Yeah. 259 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 8: Now, I'm like, every every time you see a anytime 260 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 8: someone weirs about me slamming their door, I'm. 261 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,959 Speaker 1: Like, well, you've got to be sure. You got to 262 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: be careful, and you got. 263 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 5: To be. 264 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:12,119 Speaker 3: Moving right along. Ash, we're going into parenting lies. 265 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,199 Speaker 1: Dare you move me along? Tell me loud, tell me 266 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:22,959 Speaker 1: little loud? What have you got for me? 267 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,679 Speaker 3: A big go my mom. I don't know where she is, 268 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 3: by the way. 269 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: She lost her in the house again. 270 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 4: She was she can't get that fust She was here 271 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 4: before he was had a recording because I was going 272 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 4: to get her to tell her lie, but then she 273 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:36,559 Speaker 4: fucking disappeared. 274 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 3: I don't know where she is. 275 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 9: L a jinx someone thing we should fucky. She told 276 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 9: me this lie from when we were younger. Okay, it 277 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 9: was a very clever line. 278 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:51,840 Speaker 1: I said. 279 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 4: Firstly, I was offended, I was upset, and then I said, 280 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 4: actually no, that's I should commend you for this great lie. 281 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,560 Speaker 1: She took you how long to figure this out? 282 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 9: Well? 283 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 4: I only realized when she told me went like today, 284 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,719 Speaker 4: it was a few days ago because she heard we're 285 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 4: talking about parenting lies. 286 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 3: And she was like, I got a life for here, 287 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 3: your little piece of shit. And I said, what do 288 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 3: you mean. 289 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 4: When we were younger, we had a PlayStation one Vintage respect. 290 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 3: We loved it. What was it? Grand Charismo? Ah? Why 291 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 3: do I have an direction for those of you who 292 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 3: don't know? 293 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 4: It's a car racing game? Well than just that Domad. Sorry, 294 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 4: you're right, You're right. And what she used to do 295 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 4: because we were quite obsessed with the PlayStation when we 296 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 4: first got it. No, this is genius. She told us 297 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 4: that it was a rental. She said that the PlayStation 298 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 4: it is not It is not our PlayStation. 299 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 3: She's rented it from Video Easy. 300 00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 5: Ah, that is good, that is top shelf oarenting from Elie. 301 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 4: And so we used to get the PlayStation in school holidays. 302 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 4: Only sometimes sometimes Mom would be like on the weekend, 303 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 4: she'd be like, I want to do the shop. 304 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 3: It's going to I'm going to rent out of PlayStations 305 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 3: in the back. 306 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 4: Of the car, so we would get it and then 307 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 4: on the Sunday or the end of the holidays, she'd 308 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 4: be like, I've got to return the PlayStation back to 309 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 4: the shop because on the rental and we were like, oh, 310 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 4: give me over one more week, and she'd be like, no, 311 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 4: I can't, it's got to go back. 312 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 3: It's booked out. 313 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: I underestimated your mother. That is good stuff, very. 314 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 4: Good, and so I only now realized that we in 315 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 4: fact owned outright that PlayStation. 316 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 5: Very owned PlayStation, and you thought it was so I 317 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 5: can picture you at school being like, oh, I'm wait 318 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 5: for school holidays, Mum's going to rent the PlayStation and 319 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 5: all your friends that own the PlayStation, like. 320 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 4: You did a post in the Facebook group. It was 321 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 4: off the back of a twenty six year old childcare worker, 322 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 4: Joshua Dale Brown, who's been charged of sexual abuse of 323 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 4: children whilst in daycare. Absolutely horrific and so let's wanted 324 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 4: to know as parents, what information can we have to 325 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 4: be more mindful of the topic, more proactive. Now it 326 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 4: is confronting and it's really easy to avoid the topic altogether. 327 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 4: But we thought it was a great suggestion from Celeste, 328 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 4: so we thought we will reach out to an expert, so. 329 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,359 Speaker 3: We reached out to Victoria. 330 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 5: She runs this Safe Kids project, which is a handle 331 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 5: on Instagram. She's a registered psychologist based in New Zealand 332 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 5: who specializes working with children and provides sexual abuse and 333 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 5: sexual harm prevention therapy. 334 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 4: Victoria, I do have to say a very big thank you. 335 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 7: You are so welcome. I was so delighted to be 336 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 7: asked to come on. 337 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 10: I'm so passionate about prevention work, so any opportunity to 338 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 10: speak about this, and she in my mession, I'm here. 339 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 4: I feel like the conversations we're about to have, I 340 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 4: feel like they should be prioritized as much as like 341 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 4: a first aid course for parents. But for whatever reason, 342 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 4: I think is one of these things that it's such 343 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 4: a tricky subject that it's easy for parents to completely 344 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 4: avoid it. So I know that so many people are 345 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 4: going to benefit from this chat. Yeah, to start off, 346 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,160 Speaker 4: at what age do you start having conversations with your 347 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 4: children about consent and body autonomy? 348 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 10: Such a great question, and I do believe that a 349 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 10: lot of parents try and put their head in the sand. 350 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,120 Speaker 7: And not talk about it purely. 351 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,440 Speaker 10: Like there's a lot of reasons, but I do believe 352 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 10: one of the main reasons is that growing up, we 353 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 10: never had these conversations. And it's not that it was 354 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 10: the fault of our parents that a lot of the 355 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 10: time they didn't know how to share this education with us. 356 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 10: So it is a really new way of working, and 357 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 10: it's you're right, it's like just as important as first date. 358 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 10: I think it's just as important as we teach our 359 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 10: children to swim or cross the road. Teaching them about 360 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,480 Speaker 10: their body is so so important and how to keep 361 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 10: it safe. So my daughter is for and my son 362 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 10: is coming up to and I've been teaching them about 363 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 10: body safety education since they were born, but more specifically 364 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 10: once they could sort of comprehend what I spoke about 365 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 10: and what I talked about. So for my daughter, from two, 366 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 10: she was able to label her body correctly, She was 367 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 10: able to let me know if she wanted physical content 368 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 10: like a high or not. She was able to say 369 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 10: no to me and know that it will be respected. 370 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 10: So I would say anywhere from like one and a 371 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 10: half to two is a really good age to actually 372 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 10: start introducing to your child that their body belongs to 373 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 10: them and they get to make choices that feel in. 374 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 4: Terms of language and like sorry, This is a really 375 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,959 Speaker 4: dumb question, but you know, I know that people are 376 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,359 Speaker 4: so particular about certain words are good to use and 377 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 4: some are bad to use. 378 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 3: Do you say what they. 379 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 4: Are in terms of vagina penis or do you have 380 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 4: to give other words to kids at that age? 381 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 10: Yes, so at that age I recommend using anatomically correct. 382 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 7: Labels, which are what our body is called. 383 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 10: So I often say to Pearance, if you call a 384 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 10: knee a knee and knows and knows, why do you 385 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 10: call evolver a fanny or a penis a willie? Like 386 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 10: it instantly tells your child that that's not a part 387 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 10: of your body you're allowed to talk about, or that's 388 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 10: not something we're comfortable talking. 389 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 7: About because we instantly give it a nickname. 390 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,439 Speaker 10: And so anatomically correct labels for body parts is like 391 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,719 Speaker 10: number one when it comes to body safety education because 392 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 10: it creates a really open dialogue with your child for 393 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 10: them to know that those parts of their body are normal, 394 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 10: and if there were any concerns, they've got the language 395 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 10: to talk to you about it. And from a prevention standpoint, 396 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 10: there's been some research done with convicted sexual offenders towards children, 397 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,320 Speaker 10: and they have said one of the biggest deterrence to 398 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 10: harming a child is if they have the correct anatomical 399 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 10: language for their body, because it instantly says to them 400 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,120 Speaker 10: that child's having conversations at home, or that child has 401 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 10: parents that are willing to talk about their body. 402 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 7: That's not somebody are going to target. 403 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 10: So it's really really like powerful from a prevention standpoint. 404 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 10: On the other side of something does happen to your child, 405 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 10: it's really important that they have the correct language to 406 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 10: be able to tell you about it. I've worked with 407 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 10: multiple cases where children haven't had the correct terms, and 408 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 10: what that means is from a legal standpoint, it can 409 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 10: actually be really difficult to move things along the legal system. 410 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,439 Speaker 10: So we want to give children the language about their 411 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,640 Speaker 10: body to normalize it and reduce any shame or stigma. 412 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,440 Speaker 10: And also that really helps with prevention. 413 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:31,479 Speaker 4: In terms of consent, it's a tricky one because this morning, 414 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:35,600 Speaker 4: for example, I was trying to brush my daughter's hair 415 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:40,479 Speaker 4: Marley's six Lollos four And what they'll say when they 416 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 4: don't want to have their hair brush is my body, 417 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,639 Speaker 4: my choice, no, And then obviously I want to acknowledge that, 418 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 4: but at the same time I need to brush their hair. 419 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 4: It's a bit of a non negotiable. So how do 420 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 4: you explain when and isn't appropriate to have those boundaries crossed? 421 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 10: Amazing So nice to hear those conversations coming from young 422 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 10: children that they know their body belongs to them. 423 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 7: That's amazing. 424 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 10: So I have some rules around body autonomy and that 425 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,239 Speaker 10: my child. My children get to make choices for their 426 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 10: body all of the time, except in three situations. The 427 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,440 Speaker 10: first is how, second is hygiene, and the third is safety. 428 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,440 Speaker 10: So in those situations it is my role as a 429 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 10: parent to put a limit in and say, actually, this 430 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,040 Speaker 10: is what's happening. So that sounds like the case for 431 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 10: hair brushing, and I feel that one to my coore. 432 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 10: My daughter who's full is here is like these huge 433 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 10: ringlets and she goes to a forest kindy and so 434 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 10: she goes to kindy and she. 435 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,439 Speaker 7: Just comes home. Its like lee sticks in late bar. 436 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 10: So I really I feel this because we have a 437 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 10: role in our house that we have to have her 438 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 10: hair up for kindy. So the way that I recommend 439 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,000 Speaker 10: talking to your child when you get to a body 440 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 10: autonomy limit is to be really clear and the first 441 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 10: thing is telling them what you're doing so I'm brushing 442 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 10: your hair right now. 443 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 7: Why you're doing it? 444 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 10: You need to do it otherwise it's going to get 445 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 10: into a really big tangle and we might have to 446 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 10: cut your hair really short. 447 00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:58,360 Speaker 7: I'm not sure. 448 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,360 Speaker 10: Give black examples, and then you ask for some clarification. 449 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 10: So you might be like, do you have any questions? 450 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 10: See if they want to ask, and then what I 451 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 10: recommend doing. 452 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 7: So being really. 453 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 10: Clear is the first part on what you're doing, and 454 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 10: then the second part is provide opportunities for control. So 455 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,879 Speaker 10: in those situations where they don't have a choice or 456 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,080 Speaker 10: they don't have control over what's happening to their body, 457 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,119 Speaker 10: allow them opportunities like what color hair brush do you 458 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 10: want to use? Do you want to brush your hair first? 459 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 10: And then dad will do it second. Like provide little 460 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 10: moments in there. Is there a favorite toy you want 461 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,679 Speaker 10: to hold? Or is there something that you can be 462 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 10: doing while they do your hair, So moments where they 463 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 10: feel in control of a situation that actually they don't 464 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 10: get a choice over. 465 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 5: For me at home, we might playfully smack mum on 466 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 5: the bottom or you know the key. They think it's hilarious, 467 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 5: but is that something that's inappropriate or. 468 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 7: I wouldn't say it's inappropriate. 469 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 10: I think it's really important for children to see healthy 470 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,159 Speaker 10: relationships between parents. But maybe what you could do in 471 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 10: there is every now and again weave in some modeling 472 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 10: of consent, like to your wife or partner, Hey, like 473 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,920 Speaker 10: I really want to give your smack on the bum? 474 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 10: Is that okay with you? You know, like make it 475 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,639 Speaker 10: like a little bit playful so the children can see 476 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,679 Speaker 10: that aspect of consent. Well, maybe you do it and 477 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 10: then you say, hey, is this something that you find 478 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 10: fun or is this like enjoyable so that the children 479 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,520 Speaker 10: are seeing that as well. But I think if it's 480 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 10: really lighthearted and it brings joy, there's nothing wrong. 481 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 4: One thing that I've noticed is like, you know that 482 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 4: game of like, dude, he's going to smoke in the 483 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 4: bottom and I'll chase the kids around. And then I've 484 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 4: seen Marley interact with her cousins and then they'll play 485 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 4: that same game with other cousins. Obviously, Marley, from her perspective, 486 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,679 Speaker 4: it's completely harmless. But then I'm thinking in my head like, 487 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,679 Speaker 4: oh my gosh, am I am I putting these games 488 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 4: in place which are going to be like inappropriate with 489 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 4: other kids. 490 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 3: Should I be mindful of that? Do you think? Yeah? 491 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,639 Speaker 10: I feel like there's a real fine line, right, Like 492 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 10: we don't want to lose the fun of childhood, but 493 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 10: we do want to just make sure that our children 494 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 10: are respecting body autonomy of others. 495 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 7: So you could say, before you play that game of 496 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 7: like Jess to. 497 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 10: Do you say pat or bar or chase you or 498 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,680 Speaker 10: whatever it might be, you might say, do you want 499 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:06,360 Speaker 10: to play this game? 500 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 7: And let me know if you want to stop at 501 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 7: any time. 502 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,840 Speaker 10: Because you're just then modeling to them what consent looks 503 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,919 Speaker 10: like that actually you can be playing something can be 504 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,360 Speaker 10: really really fun, but you can also say stop when 505 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 10: it feels right for you. And that same question, like 506 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 10: you might be chasing them around the house and you might. 507 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 7: Say, Maley, are you still having fun right now? Like 508 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,359 Speaker 7: it's just a little. 509 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 10: Chicken that gets her to chicken with her body and 510 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 10: then knows that that's a safe place to communicate it, 511 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,360 Speaker 10: and then when it goes into playing it with your cousins. 512 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 10: With her cousins, you might just say, oh, remember to 513 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,639 Speaker 10: ask will you touch somebody's body? Like is this a 514 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 10: game they actually want to play? Like just chicken first? 515 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 10: It doesn't have to be like sit down, like really serious. 516 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 10: Like when I'm teaching young children, my children consent, I 517 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,200 Speaker 10: do it all through modeling. I never explain to them 518 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 10: necessarily like don't touch other people's bodies. It's actually just 519 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 10: through my interactions every day with them that they learn 520 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 10: what consent looks like. 521 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,680 Speaker 5: We have a few listeners reach out about some tools 522 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 5: at parents that you can share with parents who can 523 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 5: help their kids speak up confidently when boundaries are crossed. 524 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,520 Speaker 10: So I believe that this comes from lots of modeling 525 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 10: at home. Like I just said, that children need to 526 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:13,440 Speaker 10: see us as parents advocate for their boundaries as well 527 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,640 Speaker 10: as us putting in boundaries for ourselves. 528 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 7: So how this. 529 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,479 Speaker 10: Might look like If a family member was to come 530 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 10: around to my house, I would say to my daughter, Hey, darling, 531 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,480 Speaker 10: remember your nanny's coming over this afternoon. Remember you get 532 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 10: to choose how you say hello. And then once my 533 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 10: mum arrives, I would say, oh, nanny's here, would you 534 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 10: like to give her a hug, a kiss, a wave. 535 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 10: And in that moment, I'm saying to my daughter, listen 536 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 10: to your body, you share what feels right. But I'm 537 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 10: also putting in a boundary with my mum to remind 538 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 10: her of what kind of interactions we have in our 539 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 10: family and how that looks. So that's modeling how to interact. 540 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 10: And the other one is sometimes I will tell my 541 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,840 Speaker 10: children when they've crossed my personal space. 542 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,640 Speaker 7: So last night I was over it, like it was just. 543 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 10: One of those days, and my husband was on a 544 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 10: night shift and I was like, I'm done, and they 545 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 10: were all over me for story time, and so I 546 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 10: was just like, hey, mom needs some space right now. 547 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,360 Speaker 10: My daughter kicked off and told me how sad I'd 548 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 10: made her feel, and that's fine, that's all part of it. 549 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 10: But it's like, actually, as a parent, I need my 550 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 10: children to see me putting in boundaries for my body, 551 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 10: to give them the permission slip to put in a 552 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 10: boundary for their body. And so when we think about 553 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 10: teaching children to be confident to say no, we need 554 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 10: to really have these foundations of them seeing consent and practice, 555 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 10: because the more that they see it happening, the more 556 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 10: likely they can draw on that experience and say, actually, 557 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:34,960 Speaker 10: I can say no right now and it should be 558 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:35,440 Speaker 10: all right. 559 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,280 Speaker 7: And another thing with that. 560 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 10: Is if we as parents or caregivers really respect a 561 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 10: child's no, they're more likely to say it. So say 562 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,800 Speaker 10: you're playing like a tickling game with the kids and 563 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,720 Speaker 10: they're like no, and you actually stop. In that moment, 564 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 10: you're teaching your child that they're no matters and that 565 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 10: you should listen. So the more we can practice and 566 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 10: give children opportunities to say no, to see us as 567 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 10: parents saying no, they're really good ways to build confidence. 568 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,359 Speaker 4: I always I guess, double guess how my parent when 569 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 4: I know that there's so many little harmless sayings that 570 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,800 Speaker 4: people then spin it and so actually that's quite detrimental. 571 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 4: For example, no one likes to dip a dobba, you know. 572 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 3: And I know that. 573 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 4: There's been times where, you know Maley, for example, any 574 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 4: minute little inconvenience from another kid, whether one of her 575 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 4: family members or her sister, she'll run to me. And 576 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 4: I've said before like come on, Molly, no one makes 577 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 4: a dip a dobba. And then afterwards I'm like, oh 578 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 4: my gosh, that's sending the wrong message, right, So how 579 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 4: do you make sure that you're communicating in a way 580 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,360 Speaker 4: that doesn't discourage them to stand up when something has happened. 581 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 7: Yeah, really good question. 582 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 10: I know We catch ourselves and parenting moments all the time, 583 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,120 Speaker 10: so I think that's only natural. Yeah, when it comes 584 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,639 Speaker 10: to communication, I think there again, it's a really like 585 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,800 Speaker 10: foundational thing that you keep building on when it comes 586 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 10: to sharing stuff that's important to a child. When we 587 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 10: as parents have capacity to try and listen, you know, 588 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 10: in those moments where she's come to you and she 589 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 10: had something like, oh gosh, that sounds really tough, how 590 00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,520 Speaker 10: could you do? Something like what could you do about that? 591 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,320 Speaker 10: It almost is easier for us as parents to just 592 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 10: shut it down and say stop, stop telling, because that's 593 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 10: what feels right for us in that moment, particularly if 594 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 10: we're just regulated ourselves or we've had a really busy day. 595 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,000 Speaker 10: But if we can hold space even for the little things, 596 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 10: that does really help them eventually, is something big does happen, 597 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 10: they know, Oh that's somebody I can go and speak 598 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,480 Speaker 10: to and it feels really safe. 599 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,400 Speaker 7: But another role that we have in. 600 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 10: Our house is we have a no secrets policy, so 601 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,440 Speaker 10: absolutely zero secrets are allowed in our house. 602 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 4: This morning, I gave Lola a piece of pizza for 603 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 4: breakfast and I was like, don't tell mom, And then 604 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 4: I'm like, shit. 605 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,040 Speaker 10: Why so that would be like a bit what we 606 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 10: don't do in our house, and it happened before, and 607 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 10: like we definitely catch ourselves purely because then we're saying. 608 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 7: To the child, that's okay to keep some secret. And 609 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:04,719 Speaker 7: when children are young, they're thinking is so black and white. 610 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 10: And so if you say, oh, that secret's a good 611 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,479 Speaker 10: secret or a safe secret and this one's not, like 612 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 10: they don't understand. That's way too gray. And so with 613 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 10: our family, we just have no secrets full stop. And 614 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,920 Speaker 10: again it's not like something I sit down and talk 615 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 10: to a four year old about. 616 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 7: Allow it to come up really naturally. 617 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 10: She brought her brother a truck and it was super, 618 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 10: super noisy for his birthday. She's like, oh, we'll keep 619 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 10: this a secret, and I was like, no, darling, this 620 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 10: is a surprise. And so then we talk about surprises 621 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 10: like they're really cool. That's something somebody will eventually find 622 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 10: out about. But yeah, steering away from secrets or keeping 623 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 10: this information is really important and it can be yeah, 624 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 10: something as simple as don't say you're a piece of 625 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 10: for breakfast, or don't have an ice cream, don't say 626 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 10: that we got an ice cream when we're out, and yes, 627 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 10: like from an open communication point of view, really good, 628 00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,200 Speaker 10: but also from a grooming perspective, secrets. Keeping secrets is 629 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,800 Speaker 10: one of the steps and the grooming process, and that's 630 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 10: in order to establish trust with the child and also 631 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 10: with the family. And so often they might start with 632 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 10: something really small like, oh, don't tell them we got 633 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 10: an ice cream when we were out watching whether or 634 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,880 Speaker 10: not the parent, whether or not the child will tell 635 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,640 Speaker 10: the parent, and that kind of tells them, Okay, we're 636 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 10: beginning to build trust, and then they build on that 637 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 10: and build on that. So having no secrets yet really 638 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 10: important for communication and also another really important prevention tool. 639 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 5: There was some horrible news to come out of Melbourne 640 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 5: just this past week. 641 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 3: Just to do with daycare. 642 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 5: Is there any signs that parents should look out for 643 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 5: environments to assess their safety? 644 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 10: Yeah? I feel like this one's a really hard, hard 645 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,120 Speaker 10: topic and my heart really goes out to all of 646 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,640 Speaker 10: those people that were affected in Melbourne. Because the children 647 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 10: were so young, it would have been really really hard 648 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 10: to sort of know that something was wrong because at 649 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 10: that age they're really unlikely to have the vocabulary comprehension 650 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 10: to be able to express that to parents. What I 651 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 10: do say though, is that when your child goes into 652 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 10: an early childhood setting, you as a parent have every 653 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 10: right to ask questions and to become really curious. I 654 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 10: find often parents sort of stand back and don't want 655 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 10: to be like overprotective or overbearing or over the top. 656 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,440 Speaker 10: But actually, what if we put our child's safety at 657 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 10: the center, we can feel a lot more comfortable to 658 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,400 Speaker 10: have conversations. And so I suggest, and these are things 659 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 10: that I do with my children, Like what is your 660 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 10: child protection policy? So do you know if something happens? 661 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 10: What are the steps to follow? Do all your staff 662 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,360 Speaker 10: members know the steps to follow? Another one, a big 663 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 10: one for me is supervision, So what are the ratios 664 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,200 Speaker 10: for the children to teach it? And also in the center, 665 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 10: are there spaces where a child might not be seen, 666 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,120 Speaker 10: they might be hidden? So like really mindful of who's 667 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,720 Speaker 10: watching my children, becoming. 668 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 7: Really mindful of. 669 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 10: The environment, so changing or toileting who is supporting the 670 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 10: children through that? Is that leaving one teacher, one adult 671 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,120 Speaker 10: alone with a child, is it in an open space? 672 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 10: So I think it's really hard to look out for 673 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,200 Speaker 10: certain signs at that young age. 674 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 7: That something's gone wrong. 675 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 10: But I would be more trying to look at it 676 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,760 Speaker 10: from can we use what has happened to drive some change? 677 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,400 Speaker 10: And I hope that happens with policy and legal levels 678 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 10: within the early childhood sector. But as parents, we are 679 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 10: allowed to ask the questions, and I would really encourage 680 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 10: your listeners to ask them. 681 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 4: Is there any type of language that you can recommend 682 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,520 Speaker 4: when speaking to your own kids if you think something 683 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 4: may have happened? 684 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 10: Yeah, So in that situation, I always say, become really 685 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,720 Speaker 10: curious with your child and notice what happens within you, 686 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 10: Like if you've noticed maybe something different in their behavior, 687 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,720 Speaker 10: maybe they're really isolated and withdrawn and worried all the 688 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,400 Speaker 10: time and don't want to attend their early childhood center 689 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:02,000 Speaker 10: or for all of a sudden, then become really curious 690 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,959 Speaker 10: with that. Don't go straight in with maybe what you 691 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 10: assume has happened. It's better to be curious. So it 692 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,800 Speaker 10: might be I've noticed that at drop offs you're really 693 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,680 Speaker 10: upset at the moment what's going on there? Or they 694 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 10: might tell you something's happened and you might say, can 695 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,479 Speaker 10: you tell more about that? Or what happened next? And 696 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,959 Speaker 10: you'll notice that am I languaging? I'm not saying, oh 697 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,240 Speaker 10: did this person do that, or did you then do this? 698 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 10: Or did you feel this? No, it's really open, like 699 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,360 Speaker 10: what happened next, what was what was going on around 700 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 10: that time, So really keeping it as open as possible 701 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,040 Speaker 10: and being really curious where you can. 702 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,640 Speaker 5: So I have a six year old boy and he's 703 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 5: at the age where he can't keep his hands off 704 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 5: his penis and looks it's outside of the pans, inside 705 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 5: at home, whatever it might be. 706 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,960 Speaker 1: But I'm really worried about shaming him for her. Is 707 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 1: there any. 708 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,000 Speaker 5: Steps I can take or anything I should be doing 709 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:56,800 Speaker 5: to make sure that I don't. 710 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 3: He's educated, he's educated. 711 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:03,200 Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, I'm so here for these questions. This is 712 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,240 Speaker 10: so nice to be talking to two. 713 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:05,880 Speaker 7: Dads like this. 714 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 10: But I said earlier, often i'm speaking with mum, So 715 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 10: I love this, and how you don't want to cause 716 00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 10: shame like amazing. So a child exploring their body, all 717 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,240 Speaker 10: parts of their body, very very developmentally normal. 718 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:18,760 Speaker 7: So what I would say. 719 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,920 Speaker 10: In this space is I encourage children to recognize the 720 00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,800 Speaker 10: difference between a private place and a public place. 721 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:26,320 Speaker 7: So say he's. 722 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 10: Touching his penis and it's in the lounge room, you 723 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,160 Speaker 10: might say, hey, this is a public place. You're more 724 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 10: than welcome to touch your body, explore your body, but 725 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,800 Speaker 10: that's something we do in a private place. Private place 726 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 10: is room or the bathroom. So give him the context 727 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,120 Speaker 10: that that behavior is appropriate for and that doesn't cause 728 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,600 Speaker 10: any shame. It just is almost like a redirection of 729 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:44,240 Speaker 10: the behavior. 730 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,359 Speaker 4: And then is there any age is a hard one 731 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 4: to answer, But talking about public place and private place. 732 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 4: We were at the park on the weekend and Marley 733 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 4: was like, I need to wet and there was no 734 00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,360 Speaker 4: toilets anywhere, and I was like, let's just do a 735 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 4: bushweed and she was like, people are going to see 736 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 4: me if she's communicating to me in that way, Do 737 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 4: I have to acknowledge that or do you think it's 738 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,960 Speaker 4: best to acknowledge that to not then break the boundaries 739 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 4: by being like, no, it's okay. I'll like, you know, 740 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:14,120 Speaker 4: we're just going to be in public. 741 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,440 Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, real tricky one. Funny my daughter loves the bushway. 742 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 10: She'd like, should ask for that, So yeah, yeah, I think, yeah, 743 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,880 Speaker 10: tricky to answer, because I think every child and family 744 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,799 Speaker 10: is different. You might in that situation say, if I 745 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,960 Speaker 10: was able to make a barrier to make sure nobody 746 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 10: saw would you feel more comfortable then, so you could. 747 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:39,360 Speaker 7: Maybe give an option. 748 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 10: Otherwise you need to hold on and then we'll have 749 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,520 Speaker 10: to like find somewhere. But I think try and explore 750 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 10: that option in a way that makes them feel safe. 751 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:52,560 Speaker 10: And if that's not a possibility, then yeah, probably go 752 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,400 Speaker 10: into the bathroom and you might be able to acknowledge it. 753 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:56,680 Speaker 7: Like, yeah, actually people. 754 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:58,759 Speaker 10: Might see you and that might be uncomfortable. Can can 755 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 10: I make a way for the to be more comfortable 756 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:01,400 Speaker 10: for you? 757 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,640 Speaker 3: Victoria? You are a wealth of knowledge. 758 00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,759 Speaker 4: It's been so great and we could keep asking questions, 759 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,799 Speaker 4: but we know your time is limited, but we want 760 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 4: to say thank you so much, thank you appreciate it. 761 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 10: Well, you're so welcome. Yeah, thank you so much for 762 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 10: having me. And again, like being able to speak to 763 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,200 Speaker 10: Dad's is such a privilege and I hope that this 764 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,120 Speaker 10: also shares out to your audience being dance as well. 765 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,799 Speaker 10: It means a lot and I think as parents we 766 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 10: can we can make a lot of change in the 767 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 10: space for our children. 768 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:36,840 Speaker 4: Lejien ash the penguin feeding start at two o'clock, so 769 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,439 Speaker 4: we need to get a move on, all right, let's 770 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 4: makef we wanted to them. Yeah, we don't want to 771 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 4: miss that. Do you think people are following about our 772 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 4: little around the world. Probably not joke, They're like, what 773 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:46,640 Speaker 4: the fucking Matt Nash talking about? 774 00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 3: We're holidays? 775 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:50,640 Speaker 4: Okay, we're holidays and we're joking that we're traveling around 776 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:51,120 Speaker 4: the world, but. 777 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:51,879 Speaker 3: Really we're at home. 778 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:52,600 Speaker 1: Are you joking? 779 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,800 Speaker 3: Screaming kids? There are no penguins. Sometimes all a gag. 780 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: Sometimes Batman needs to take his cape off. You know, well, 781 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:07,000 Speaker 1: that's thank you. I will if you enjoyed this. If 782 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,920 Speaker 1: you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, send to 783 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,440 Speaker 1: a friend, subscribe. Otherwise, you can join us where. 784 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,160 Speaker 4: Man at Two Doting Dads on Instagram, TikTok. There is 785 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,360 Speaker 4: also a Facebook group and we have full length episodes 786 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,000 Speaker 4: now on YouTube, but if you want to listen to 787 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,879 Speaker 4: us here you can continue just doing that as well. 788 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,400 Speaker 3: That's also allowed back. 789 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,960 Speaker 4: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country 790 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,680 Speaker 4: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community. 791 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 5: We pay our respects to their elders past and present 792 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,520 Speaker 5: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland 793 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:44,400 Speaker 5: the people's today. 794 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,279 Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on gadigle Land.